It's Therapy Thursday
Sipping our morning coffee, we invited the enchanting Misty Bell Stiers, an artist, storyteller, and advocate for diversity, equity, and inclusion, to share her inspiring journey. As a creative director and author, Misty sprinkles a touch of magic into her mission to create systemic change. Our conversation dances through the joys and challenges of parenting in small living spaces and the nostalgia of having kids at home, all while celebrating the beautiful connections between family, creativity, and personal growth.
Our chat with Misty delved deep into her personal experiences with embracing diversity and inclusion. From her privileged upbringing to a life-changing accident that opened her eyes to accessibility issues, Misty's journey is both heartfelt and transformative. Her work in digital design became a powerful platform for advocating representation and inclusivity, driving her to make a difference for future generations while honoring those who fought for equality before her.
Misty opened up about her spiritual evolution from a Catholic upbringing to embracing modern paganism, a journey filled with introspection and soul-searching. We explored the intersection of spirituality, friendship, and motherhood, finding magic in everyday moments and the powerful practice of gratitude. Misty's insights into love and understanding across diverse perspectives left us feeling inspired to open our hearts and minds, appreciating the rich tapestry of experiences that make life meaningful. Join us for an episode filled with love, laughter, and a touch of magic as Misty shares her wisdom and warmth.
Misty Bell Stiers is an artist, storyteller and boss witch who has spent her career focused on leveraging her passion for diversity, equity and inclusion—and a little bit of magic—to create systemic change at every level. As a creative director, podcast guest, speaker and author, Misty has mastered using her unique perspective to help people find ways to truly connect to the world around them and the people in it.
@mistybellstiers (all social)
https://apollopublishers.com/index.php/witch-please/
https://apollopublishers.com/index.php/light-fire-abundance/
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Candace Patrice (00:04):
Hello and welcome back to another episode
of Essential Mental Healing,where I am your host, Candice
Patrice, and joining me today,as always, is my lovely, lovely,
most lovely mother and co-host,Janet.
Janet Hale (00:22):
Hill.
Hello everybody, Hello, hello,hello and co-host, janet Hill.
Candace Patrice (00:25):
Hello everybody , hello, hello, hello.
We have had some fun timesstarting getting this podcast up
this morning.
Lots of laughter, lots ofcoffee and lots of energy.
(00:50):
So we are maneuvering, but wehave a special guest with us
today.
We have Misty joining us.
Hi, misty, hello, welcome.
Thank you so much, misty, misty, misty, misty is an artist.
Janet Hale (01:03):
She is a storyteller and a boss witch, that's true.
Candace Patrice (01:05):
What so true.
I've been waiting on you,leveraging her passion for
diversity, equality andinclusion and a little bit of
magic, sprinkle it in Wait.
But what is she doing it for?
To create systematic change atevery level.
As a creative director, podcastguest speaker and author, misty
(01:31):
has mastered using her uniqueperspective to help people find
ways to truly connect to theworld around them and the people
in it.
I just want to say, guys, I hadthe pleasure of meeting with
Misty a little bit prior to thispodcast and she is a true
delight.
(01:52):
She's my Wiccan sister, she'smy love sister.
She's my heart sister.
Misty Bell Stiers (01:59):
We've had a great time, every time.
Candace Patrice (02:01):
Yeah, we've had a great time.
And you guys may have heardsome things in the introduction
that made you go.
We'll get into it.
But how are you today, misty?
How are you?
Misty Bell Stiers (02:16):
You know I'm great.
It's Saturday morning, the week, the work week is over.
I'm getting to start having awonderful conversation with you
on my weekend.
Things are good.
I've threatened my children tobe quiet in my tiny New York
City apartment so that I cantalk to you without an
interruption.
All the things Check, check,check.
It's been great.
I'm doing wonderful.
That's awesome.
Candace Patrice (02:38):
How many kids do you have?
What's their?
Misty Bell Stiers (02:39):
ages too.
I have a 16-year-old girl and a13-year-old boy.
So there's also been a lot oftalk about streaming things as
well.
Candace Patrice (02:51):
I was going to say they probably have found an
electronic and something thatthey can get into to stay quiet
for a little while.
Janet Hale (02:57):
Yeah, let's hope.
You're just a little concerned,misty.
I saw your face.
You're like I'm just kind ofhoping that's how that's going
out there.
Misty Bell Stiers (03:06):
It's a very small part.
Candace Patrice (03:10):
Well, maybe they'll make an appearance on
the podcast somehow, maybe it'llbe a Mom shut up.
Misty Bell Stiers (03:17):
No, it's like we were saying earlier life,
life.
Janet Hale (03:20):
Life is life.
That's it, that's it.
Candace Patrice (03:23):
Yeah, I have my little tiny human in.
I'm in my office and she's inthe kitchen with her electronics
and games and food, so we'rehoping that that sustains her
long enough.
But she's also been told if shehas to come through the door to
do it silently, I'm going tohit mute, so no one knows.
Misty Bell Stiers (03:43):
I'm glad we're all prepared.
Candace Patrice (03:47):
We're all prepared, and Janet mom has the
beauty of having no animals orkids in her house, so she's all
right, but then she has tobeware of her own self in the
coffee.
Janet Hale (03:59):
This is true, but let me also say this, because I
hear you guys talking about thechildren and everything, and all
these measures that you musttake in order to be here, and in
(04:28):
listening to you just made meremind me of how great it was to
have children in the home andto be able to sit down or come
here or wait.
I was famous for this one, youguys.
Well, candace knows this, butmisty, I would be like go get my
purse.
The kids would want whicheverone go get it and couldn't find
it, come in the room and go mom,it's right next to you, so I do
, I don't remember that well,and so because I was, you know
anyway, so I do miss that.
(04:48):
You know what I mean.
And, um, it's a good fondmemory because something that
her dad used to say um, thesetimes don't come back and to
hear us to be in here.
You guys, cherishing themoments of being a parent to the
children in your home at thispresent time and creating space
(05:10):
for them so that we can do thisin this space, I think is
awesome.
How about that?
Candace Patrice (05:17):
I ran from my mother as a kid, as a teen.
As a teen, my room was upstairsand every time I would come
downstairs there was alwayssomething as if she was waiting
to hear the door open.
Candace, can you do this?
Candace, can you take the dogout?
I'd be like, if I stay up herelong enough, maybe all of the
(05:39):
things she asks for or needswill be done.
It never worked.
I would wait on that door.
Janet Hale (05:45):
I'm like she's got to go to the bathroom.
Candace Patrice (05:48):
And that's what it was.
I know, I know what I was.
Janet Hale (05:52):
You were up there timing things, and so was I.
Misty Bell Stiers (05:57):
Our apartment is so small our kids can't even
hide they can't hide.
I can't even lean forward andlook down the hallway and I can
see their room.
Like there's nowhere for themto go oh my god, they're just
they're trapped.
They're trapped, the babies aretrapped, like they can't get
out unless they physically leavethe apartment.
(06:18):
And it's five bucks.
So, like it's a commitment likeyou gotta like, really want to
get it.
Janet Hale (06:23):
Oh, I have compassion for the babies.
Candace Patrice (06:25):
Is there at least an elevator?
Oh no.
Janet Hale (06:29):
Oh, you're in New York, you're living New York
style.
Misty Bell Stiers (06:33):
Yeah, that's some New.
Janet Hale (06:34):
York style living yeah.
Misty Bell Stiers (06:36):
But I have to admit that, like when we go
places where we're like if wehad an Airbnb or we have a house
in up in Vermont and we'll goand I'll miss them because I
won't be able to like here I seeand hear them all the time,
which is great for me, not sogreat for them, probably, um,
but I do like.
There's definitely like themoment I have where I'm like oh,
(06:58):
like they're in their rooms,like they're in the rooms we go
and they like go in and they gettheir time and their space and
there's a special kind ofsilence that happens that I'm
particularly aware of that hitsme in a way that I imagine is
probably preparing me for theinevitable day that they find
don't even know the topic.
Janet Hale (07:21):
I'm sorry for cutting you off, misty, I don't
know what the topic of this is.
But I can remember when Candaceleft, she went to college and
blah, blah, blah she came home.
I was cool with that, you know,we had the rules and she was
like OK, y'all get overyourselves.
We thought they were prettycool, but apparently not cool
enough for her.
And so she goes apartmenthunting All right, that's cool.
(07:44):
And so she goes apartmenthunting All right, that's cool,
I can deal with that part right.
Until she did this one day.
She went mom, I found anapartment and I want you to come
see it, heartbroken, trying tohold it together as a mother.
(08:06):
So we go to the apartment NowI'm holding it together, at
least I think I pretended prettygood.
So we get to the apartment andthe woman's showing her around
the kids.
She's like Mama look, mama look.
And I'm looking around and Iwent, look, I found everything
wrong, even if it was a nick Iwas like.
And then I said to the lady shedoesn't have to move.
(08:27):
I mean she could stay home.
I'm like just the biggest baby,like you know, like I don't
know I want you to stay.
Candace Patrice (08:36):
She doesn't need this.
Janet Hale (08:37):
Wait a minute, listen I want you to stay home
and break some of those rules.
You know you trying to beindependent and get your own
love, so I can relate to that.
Getting ready for that Becauseit's coming, you guys, it's
coming and I hope you guys aremore mature about it than me.
Candace Patrice (09:02):
I can't imagine me being more mature about it.
I can see me falling out,acting out, moving in, making
sure I would be like my dad usedto tell me when I got a home he
wanted me to build a loft ontop of the garage so that he can
live where I live.
He can have his own space,though, but he wanted to live
with me.
Janet Hale (09:21):
You know what's funny he was still married to me
.
That just hit me with me.
You know what's funny he wasstill married to me.
That just hit me, you know whatthat never hit me, it just hit
me.
You know how things getdifferent moments that just hit
me.
Wow, that never.
Did you go give me a, becauseit was always him, never me.
And Janet, how did I thinkabout it?
(09:43):
Oh, he was planning his escape,okay, yeah, and he's like
wanting you to build him a place.
So I'm going to come stay withyou.
Misty Bell Stiers (09:52):
You know what I'm going to have a
conversation with his, you knowhe's deceased right now and I
was supposed to get him up, I'mstarting to say he's deceased.
Janet Hale (10:06):
Right now, I don't know that that's going to change
.
I'm sorry.
Okay, listen, life.
If we cannot laugh about thislife that we're in, it's a
(10:28):
problem in my opinion.
So, guess what?
This is Janet yes, janetMcCaffey, and I'm enjoying this
podcast, as I always do.
And, misty, I'm glad you'rehere to experience this with us,
as am I.
Candace Patrice (10:49):
I am super glad I'm here and, as the daughter,
I'm going to wrangle her back in.
Alright, hello.
So, misty, I want to have aconversation with you.
We are going to have aconversation with you, but one
(11:09):
of those things, as I wasreading and we've had
conversations and you have apassion for diversity I do and
inclusion and equality.
What does that mean to you andhow did you land in that passion
?
Misty Bell Stiers (11:27):
Oh.
First, it means to me this ideaof creating, building a world
where everyone can feel seen andheard and valued and feel like
they can safely and fullyparticipate in the world around
(11:50):
them and their communities andtheir workplaces and all the
places that they want to be.
How did I get here?
You know, I want to tell youthat.
I want to tell you that I'vealways felt this way, but I
don't think I actually I don'tthink it ever occurred to me
that I needed to feel this waywhen I was growing up.
(12:11):
You know, I'm a white woman.
I grew up in the middle of thecountry.
I had all of the privilege thatI could possibly want my family
was middle class, privilegethat I could possibly want.
Like, my family wasmiddle-class.
(12:32):
Like I, um, I lived a veryprotected life, and it wasn't
until I got to be older and Isort of my world got bigger that
I was able to realize that theway that I experienced the world
wasn't the way everyone elsedid.
And even then it took me awhile to get to the point where
I decided that, like, I thinkthere was a lot of like oh, that
(12:52):
really is awful Right.
Like oh, that's too bad.
And um, and I was in the thingsthat I cared about mostly when
it came to like diversity andequity and inclusion were things
that affected me.
You know, like I was a creativedirector in the ad agency there
were only three percent ofcreative directors that were
women at the time globally, andso you know I was very involved
(13:17):
in like mentorship for women andum, trying to like find that
place and really fight for thatand a lot of the the sort of
like issues and challenges thatI initially started to pay
attention to were, all you know,selfishly, like within, like
that affected me and I think ittook me a while to really fully
(13:38):
realize that that wasn't goingto help the sort of challenges I
saw in front of me.
That, like, it can't just beabout my experience, it can't
just be about the things Iunderstand, it can't just be
about the things that are closeto me, because that doesn't make
the progress that needs tohappen.
(14:00):
And you know it, there were acouple like key moments in my
life that really put me on thatpath.
I had an accident 11 years agothat put me in a wheelchair for
quite some time, and I rememberI was in Montana at the time it
was hard to get around.
When I was able to get out ofthe hospital and I was so
(14:22):
excited to come back to New YorkCity hospital and I was so
excited to come back to New Yorkcity.
And I got back to New York cityand I realized that the world
just wasn't designed to like letme get around Like I would get.
I would get stuck in the likecurbs, like the water, the
places where the water drains atthe curves like the.
(14:44):
The like space between the barswas the exact width of my wheels
on my wheelchair.
And I would have to wait for astranger to come help like push
me up over.
I remember I went groceryshopping for the first time.
Um, I like got myself out ofthe apartment.
My kids were at school, myhusband was at work.
I was like I'm going to makethem dinner, cause it's cooking
is really important to me and Igot myself like out and going
(15:09):
and we had been subletting anapartment so we had an elevator
I could get out and I went tothe grocery store.
And then I got to the grocerystore and the space between the
registers wasn't wide enough formy wheelchair chair and I had
to sit and wait for 20 minuteswhile a manager went and had to
do something special to get theautomatic doors that you came
(15:31):
into to open from the inside ofthe grocery store.
And so I had all these likesmall things happen that
suddenly I was like, wow, ifthis is the physical world you
know I was a digital designerI'm designing experiences.
If this is the physical world,you know I was a digital
designer I'm designingexperiences.
I was we're not evenconsidering this Like this isn't
even on our radar.
Like we're doing the bareminimum if a client asks us, but
(15:52):
like we're not doing you knowwe're not, I'm not teaching,
like at the time I was a leaderin my design team and I'm not
teaching them how to do this andI don't know how to do this,
and it's not okay.
And so I started sort of comingto work and learning more about
, you know, accessibility in thedigital spaces and that sort of
grew into.
Suddenly it was.
It was about inclusion Likewhat are the photos we're
(16:13):
choosing?
Like what are the stories we'rechoosing to tell?
How are we representing people?
Like where this whole worldsort of like kind of cracked
open for me and I was just likewe're not, we're just not doing
good enough and I am in aposition where I can influence
what we're doing and how we'redoing it.
And you know, once you kind ofstart on that path and once you
(16:33):
take the time to really listento the people around you and
what their experiences are like,suddenly you you can't unsee it
and I think you have a choiceto make you either ignore it and
decide that you're not going todo anything about it, or you're
going to do what you can, whenyou can, or you're going to try
to create change.
And I think I looked at my kidsand thought about how privileged
(16:56):
they are and I was like I wantto do better.
I want to do better by them, Iwant to do better by the people
who interact with the thingsthat I write and I design and I
create.
And mostly I just want to dobetter because, you know, part
of my belief system is that Iowe so much to the people who
(17:16):
came before me and that myresponsibility is to like clear
space for the people to comeafter.
And I want to make sure thatthe space I'm clearing isn't
just for me, that it really isall encompassing and that it's
done out of love and it's doneout of kindness.
And I want that to be like apillar of, like the legacy I
(17:38):
leave, I guess, which soundssort of ridiculous and big, but
like it just, I think it justtook a lot of small things
adding up for me to realize thatlike I wasn't doing what I
should be doing.
Candace Patrice (17:52):
And did?
Did that all start when theaccident happened or did you
begin this prior to?
Misty Bell Stiers (17:58):
I think it began a little bit prior to, I
think, when I I think my firstsort of real introduction to the
fact that not everyone lived inthe same world I did think when
I I think my first sort of realintroduction to the fact that
not everyone lived in the sameworld I did was when I left the
religion I was raised in andtried to find a new belief
system and I was exposed.
I sought out you know all ofthe stories of all the places
(18:20):
and I was the person that waslike, the annoying person that
talked about all the things ofthe parties you're not supposed
to talk about.
Like I was like, what do youbelieve in?
Why do you believe in it?
And not with, like theintention of wanting to like
change someone's mind, but like,really genuinely, with the
intention of curiosity, likedoes it bring you peace?
Does it bring you joy?
How do you celebrate?
Like what's important to you?
And I suddenly found myself inthis place where I was learning
(18:42):
about all these things and allof these people in ways that,
like, I might not have otherwiselearned about them, and I think
that started that started it.
And you know, then I, you know Iwent away to college and I went
far away and I was meetingpeople who grew up in different
places around the world andaround the country and and it
was all.
I think it was all a slowopening, but I think when I had
(19:07):
my accident, there was anurgency that started to come
with that, and I think there wassome guilt as well, because I
think it suddenly was veryapparent that I was upset that
people weren't consideringthings that I myself wasn't
considering.
And you know I saw how itaffected not just me.
(19:34):
I saw how it affected my kidsand, like the fact that I
couldn't get them to school andI couldn't go certain places,
and you know they were having topick up a lot of things to,
like you know, around the houseto help me and, like you know, I
I think I had a, a moment ortwo where I was like why isn't
this different?
Like it's not hard right, likethis is so hard, I'm not asking
(19:56):
for a lot.
And then I had the moment oflike well, because people like
me help design the world, andI'm not thinking about this Like
, why should I expect otherpeople to?
Candace Patrice (20:10):
It wasn't until you began to experience it that
it became a thought process.
Misty Bell Stiers (20:14):
Right, which is shaming.
Quite honestly, Like I wishthat it was a different story,
but it's not.
Candace Patrice (20:20):
But you know, I think that that's kind of how
we are as humans period we can'tempathize with people until
we've gone through it, andthat's what makes, I think,
people who've gone throughreally difficult times and have
been able to come out of it somuch more empathetic to people,
(20:42):
because they know what is whatit's like to have nothing or to
be in a space where they're notincluded or where it's not easy.
So it's like, okay, I now haveto think of these things because
I've been a part of it, so letme expose it to more people so
that even those who haven't gonethrough it can hear my story
(21:03):
and begin to resonate with itand make a difference in the
world, you know.
So one of my, one of myquestions to you is how has your
mental health been affected?
From growing up in privilege tohaving an accident, to making
it making the change.
So that's a trajectory ofmental health status.
(21:25):
What's that been like?
Misty Bell Stiers (21:26):
um, I think it's been a struggle.
To be honest, like I'm anincredibly emotional person I am
, I try to be a reallyempathetic person.
I think it's sort of a defaultsetting for me.
And I think that it has beenhard, and when I say that I
(21:54):
caveat it in all of the things,like in all of the privilege,
but it has been difficult for meto to hear the stories and to
recognize the inequity and torecognize the exclusion and to
recognize my part in it and alsolike my responsibility to it
(22:18):
and to like I'm honestly, likeit's, it's heartbreaking, and I
have to remind myself sometimesto observe and not absorb, um,
but I don't, I often don't wantto do that, and so I think, like
anything, it's with my mentalhealth, it's it's like exercise,
(22:43):
it's like building that muscle,like understanding that two
things can be true at once, likethe world can be on fire and I
can be angry and disappointedand sad, and I can also be
joyful and happy and recognizethe magic that's still happening
in the world around me and thelove and the kindnesses, the
(23:05):
small kindnesses, that areeverywhere.
And I think that when I am inthat place, when I allow myself
to be in that place and when Iallow myself to be like really
present.
Um, my mental health is is waybetter than it was, but it's
still something I think I'mworking really hard on, like I,
I, um, I think it's like thestages of grief almost, where
(23:28):
you get like really mad, likefirst you pretend it's not
happening and then you getreally mad and you get really
heartbroken and then you makeamends.
Um, like I think that I thinkthat it it's sort of just
recognizing, like the way thosethings wash through and that,
like the only way out is through, and that you know, if I can
(23:52):
end my day knowing that I foundsome joy and knowing that I made
some difference, then I cansleep better yeah, uh, mom you I
saw you a while ago I did acartwheel.
Janet Hale (24:11):
I did all the things when I was reeled in I had to
like for the audience.
I had to say listen, you guys.
I can't be reeled in, butanyone who listens to this
podcast knows that's only goingto last one minute, but I
already know, right, okay.
But what I wanted to say when Iwas listening to you, Melissa,
(24:34):
I really appreciate your.
Candace Patrice (24:36):
Misty, I'm sorry.
Janet Hale (24:38):
I said what?
Okay, misty, I'm sorry, we'rejust mad, I know Not really, but
not really so.
But and I say that from aspiritual place and when I was
listening to you, you said somekey things that I think a lot of
people don't look at.
(25:00):
Or, like you said some thingsI'm ashamed to say, but this is
my journey.
And when you talk because whenyou started talking, I wrote a
word down and you hit it and itwas privilege, because when
we're looking at differentthings, certain people have
(25:21):
certain privileges.
Even when they're in the I wantto help you business, sometimes
they don't recognize theirprivilege, which can counter,
sometimes, the assistance thatthey're wanting to provide,
because they haven't taken adeep dive within to figure out
(25:46):
what's really going on.
Because is this the ego basedthing running there or is this a
soulful move?
Right, you follow me?
I know you do.
Yeah, no, absolutely Go ahead.
Misty Bell Stiers (25:59):
No, no, I please go ahead oh no, okay.
Janet Hale (26:03):
So when you were talking, I heard that.
I heard that and appreciatedthat so much.
And then when you talked aboutyour lived experience of being a
minority in a situation withthat wheelchair being
marginalized, being able not tomaneuver in spaces that you
(26:25):
wanted to maneuver in the waythat you needed to, so I think
that is such a beautiful analogyor a way of explaining your
journey and the honesty I mustsay I really appreciate, and
(26:46):
your ability to be so vulnerableabout the subject is very much
appreciated as well.
So for that I thank you.
Misty Bell Stiers (26:57):
Thank you.
I mean, listen, I think itmeans a lot to me when you point
out is this a soul-filledjourney or is this ego?
A lot to me, when you point out, like, is this a soul-filled
journey or is this ego?
And like, I will be the firstto admit that that's something,
that's a regular check-in,because sometimes it is,
sometimes it isn't like I, thereis some there.
(27:17):
Sometimes there is a momentwhere I have to, like, stop
myself and be like where am I onthat scale?
Because I don't think it'salways one or I don't think it's
it's always just one, rightLike.
I think that, like, work likethis feels good and having
(27:38):
people listen to you feels good,and I think that you can get
caught up in that.
And I think I have to regularlyto regularly like sort of check
in with myself.
I've stopped myself and I havepeople around me who know and
love me enough to stop me too,um, to remind me that, like,
this is not about the space Ioccupy, this is about me
(28:01):
creating space for their peopleand, um, I get caught up in it
as much as anyone else and Ithink that, regardless of what
any of us do, when you dosomething that you want to have
a positive impact.
I think there's always thattension there and I think the
(28:21):
more you can stay present in themoment and the more you can be
honest with yourself about whereyou are and why you're doing
things, and the more you canhave people around you who will
check you when you need to bechecked um, the more often you
can get done what you want toget done with the intentions
that it needs to have Um and theimpact it needs to have,
because I can have the goodintentions all day and still not
(28:45):
have a good impact.
Janet Hale (28:49):
I was at a training out in Lansing and so, and we
were talking, privilege was oneof the things that was brought
up, and so we're talking andeverything, and the personality
that you and I, misty andcandace, have is probably one
that people gravitate towards.
I mean, we just it.
(29:10):
Just, it is what it is right.
So this lady from another placeum, she wasn't with my group
but anyway so she gravitatedtowards me and that was cool,
we're talking everything.
And she's like oh, janet, Ilike you so much.
And I was like, oh, and she wasa white woman and I, okay.
(29:31):
And so she said this.
She said you know, I don't seecolor.
You, you felt that too.
Okay, hold on, okay, you feltthat, didn't you?
Okay.
Misty Bell Stiers (29:43):
So when she did, I made a face, but hold on,
here's the thing because youtalked about self-checking.
Janet Hale (29:50):
So I had to self-check janet, because I I
must respond in a way of loveand wanting to her to understand
, and that cannot come from myego space, because my ego space
(30:10):
will not allow her to open up towhatever it is I have to offer
her.
You follow me.
So when she did that, yes, thatfeeling, all that was there, oh
, my, I was like.
So I said you don't see color.
She said no, and then she threwin the Bible.
(30:31):
She did whatever she does,that's okay.
And I just looked at.
I said okay.
I looked at and I said, wow, butI want you to see my color.
I want you to see this brownskin.
I see your color.
I see a beautiful white womanbefore me.
(30:54):
I'm a beautiful black woman.
I said so to see my color.
It's nothing wrong with seeingcolor.
Colors are beautiful.
Man.
When I got through with her ohwait, listen, the next day she
found me.
She found me, she grabbed me,she put her head on me.
She was short, like me, I'mshort.
She put her head on my shoulderand she said Janet, thank you
(31:16):
so much.
I enjoy seeing color.
She see the rainbow now, so it'sall about when you're talking
about intention, it is a pulland a push, and a pull Because
when she said that, a button shedid hit a nerve.
Now, please know that I'mthinking well, hold on, because
(31:36):
for me to say to me you don'tsee, color says you don't see me
, right, right, so guess what?
So that I knew, but I had toapproach it in a way where I saw
her.
Yeah, see, so I'm going toacknowledge you and your
whiteness and your beauty andthe spirit in which she meant to
(32:02):
come from, because it's aboutthe intention.
Oh, the other thing she talkedabout because she said something
.
She said, oh, to come from.
Yeah, see, because it's aboutthe intention.
Oh, the other thing she talkedabout because she said something
.
She said, oh, because I serviceAfrican-American people and I
(32:22):
didn't realize that they use adifferent shampoo.
You follow me.
So she's figuring it out like,oh, because I thought they just
should be grateful.
This was honesty.
Honesty is not always prettyright, right, and sometimes,
like you said, we need to talkto people that's going to help
us, navigate or self-check us,and that was an experience that
(32:43):
was, you know, yeah, okay, shesaid that, but the outcome of it
was so beautiful that you knowI can share this story and not
sit here and say, well, you know, I'm still.
No.
I mean, she still contacts me,she doesn't even live in this
city.
But the connection was madeRight and she has a new
(33:05):
perspective and it's all good.
Candace Patrice (33:10):
So anyway, that's my story.
You know, as you talk aboutperspective, misty has gone on
an incredible spiritual journeyand as I was introducing her,
you may have heard me call her aboss witch.
Call her a boss witch, but partof that was a journey in
(33:31):
looking for love and pureinclusion from an experience
that happened in her life.
And so, misty, can you kind ofexplain what boss witch means
and how you got to be a bosswitch?
This is so weird to say becauseit's like I kind of want to say
boss bitch you know, but I meanI'll take that too.
(33:52):
I'll take it too.
I do it on purpose, yeah, andit's um it I.
I think people will find somuch knowledge and wisdom and
understanding and your journeyto where you are and your
spiritual belief system and whatit truly means, because you
(34:12):
have an opportunity to breakdown the walls of that word
witch right in this moment.
So can you take us through thatjourney a little bit, yeah?
Misty Bell Stiers (34:21):
absolutely.
I think I love the term bosswitch.
It came from one of my bestfriends when I wrote my first
book and I loved how it soundedbecause it's well, thank you so
much.
It's called Witch, please,finding Magic in Modern Times,
and it's about this.
It's about this story.
(34:42):
It's really about how I grew upin Kansas.
I was raised Catholic, happilyso, and how I went from that
place to living in New York City, raising my kids to believe in
magic.
And when I was younger, I livedin a small town in Kansas.
I was Catholic.
I was like camp counselor inthe summertime, like in the
(35:06):
youth group, like I.
I found community there and Ifound peace and joy there and,
um, it was a very big part of mylife and, and spirituality is a
big part of my life.
It's something that, um, Idon't think everyone needs to
have as an anchor, but I do.
Um, and got older I was mysenior year of high school a
(35:31):
dear friend of mine committedsuicide and it turned my world
inside out and it opened up alot of uncertainty and
questioning and fear that reallyhad just never occurred to me,
(35:52):
and I remember spending a fewdays.
We were a very close-knit groupof friends and we just didn't
leave each other's side.
We just went from home to hometo home.
The first night all of thegirls stayed at my house, all
the boys stayed in another house, and the boys came over at like
seven in the morning and we allwent to breakfast and spent the
(36:13):
day together and like Iremember, like wanting my world
to be so much, so small andwanting just to know everyone
was okay, like desperately, andnone of us were, and we finally
got to the point where they toldus we had to go back to school.
And the morning I was supposedto go back to school.
(36:34):
I went to church.
I went to my church and Iprayed for a really long time
and could not, for the life ofme, grab the calm and the peace
that I had been looking forthere, that had always been
there for me.
And so I went um next door towhere, um, the priests live, and
(36:56):
I knocked on the door and, uh,one of the priests answered the
door and I like just collapsed,like I just emotionally
collapsed and was like I don'tknow what to do.
Like this thing happened.
You know it was.
He knew what was going on.
It was a very small town and Idon't know what to do, like,
(37:17):
please tell me what to do.
And he told me, um, to pray formy friend's soul because, um,
what he had done was a sin.
And I think in that moment, thefoundation I thought that I had
(37:37):
just sort of crumbled, and theanswers I thought that I had
also crumbled and the door shutand I think I was standing on
the other side suddenly not sosure how to move forward, and it
(37:59):
took me a while to like reallythink about the things I had
been taught and the things Ibelieved and really examine if
they were true in my heart.
And I think we should all dothat every once in a while.
Right, what have I been taught?
What do I believe?
Is it still true to me?
(38:21):
And when I sort of landed on theother side of that, I realized
that maybe this wasn't the placefor me, and I knew I wanted a
place.
So I started reading all thebooks and asking all the
questions and talking to all thepeople, just going to different
(38:44):
churches and reading differentbooks and just seeking out a
spiritual home in a lot of ways.
And I had a friend in collegewhen I was in the midst of this
and you know it wasn't a secretthat I was really interested in
what everyone believed in andlike trying to figure out where
I wanted to be and she said Ihave this book you should read.
(39:06):
It's called Dried Down the Moon.
It's all about like paganism inAmerica.
And immediately like no, thankyou.
And I was like I have nointerest in that.
And she was like, well, butlike you're learning about
everything else, like why notlearn about that?
And I was like listen, I do notwear enough black eyeliner and
own enough black clothes for meto join the pagan community as a
(39:28):
witch.
It's not going to happen,hilarious.
And I believed it.
It was like not even.
And what's funny is I had doneall this work to really learn
about all these other beliefsystems and for some reason I
was willing to be reallydismissive of this one area.
(39:49):
And eventually I met a coupleother people who recommended the
book.
I eventually read the book.
I read it twice.
It's not a small book and Irealized that as I was reading
it there's just something aboutit that made me feel like I was
coming home and you know it tooka while to really decide that
(40:15):
was the path that was right forme.
But the more I started to sortof really follow that path
forward and really sort of pullthe threads and be like, well,
what about this and how do Ifeel about this?
And I kept coming up withpositive places and positive
answers.
And what's more is I kept sortof reclaiming this like peace
(40:35):
and calm and certainty that Ihad sort of left behind like
years before, and I think thatyou know, it took a while for me
to feel confident in it.
It was sort of like all right,I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm
going to try this out.
I'm going to read some books,you know, and I'm going to like
(40:55):
quietly myself and like figurestuff out and not really tell
anyone because it's kind ofweird.
And then, and then, like slowly, it became something that was
such an indelible part of methat I couldn't, I didn't want
to not talk about it, and not inthe sense of like I think
everyone should be a witch Cause.
I don't.
I think that the beauty of thisuniverse and this world is that
(41:17):
whatever spins it has given usso many paths to peace.
But more like when you weretalking about, like when she
said I don't see your.
You know I don't see color.
Well, that's an, it's anindelible part of who you are
and what your experience is.
And I, I felt like that about mybelief system.
Like me, living my life andmaking the choices I make is
(41:38):
part of me being a witch and Iwant people to know that part of
me and I want them to, to wantto understand that part of me.
And, um, so I, I got to a pointwhere I was confident in that
and I felt at home in it.
And you know, when my I rememberwhen one of my friends was like
(41:59):
boss, which, like I, was likehell, yes, and it's almost like
it's a moment of empowerment andreally being like, yeah, like
I've got, I've got this, like Iknow who I am, I know what I
believe, I know the mark I wantto make on this world, and those
(42:20):
words really encompass all ofthat for me.
Words really encompass all ofthat for me.
And you know, my spell orprayer or wish is that, like
every woman, every person whowalks through this world like,
has that like steel in theirsoul where there's something
that they can come back to as atouchdown and say, hell yes,
(42:40):
this is who I am.
This is how you know what Ibelieve in.
This is who I want to be andI'm going to walk through the
world being able to be that andand if I can do just a little
bit to help bring that about,then done what I need to do.
Candace Patrice (42:58):
Wow, so your spiritual belief would be
classified as Wiccan correct?
That's correct, yeah.
What is as Wiccan correct?
That's correct, yeah, what isthe Wiccan belief system.
Misty Bell Stiers (43:12):
So it's actually really interesting when
it all comes down to a phrasecalled do no harm.
So it's about live the life youwant to live.
Do so without harming someoneelse.
The idea that the power of theuniverse is in our bones, that
(43:40):
it's not something that isnecessarily outside of us, but
that we are part, intricatelyconnected to everything in the
world, whether it's, you know,it's very earth-based.
So, whether it's, you know, thetree outside my window and the
bugs that are, unfortunately, inmy kitchen, probably, or
whatever.
That is that, like we are allconnected and that I have to,
(44:03):
like I honor that.
I honor the fact that I'm notat the top of the food chain,
I'm just in a web ofconnectedness and that the
actions I take and the decisionsI make have an impact on all of
that.
And it's my responsibility tounderstand that and my
responsibility to honor it.
Honor it and the idea that youknow, recognizing that there is
(44:35):
magic in all of that, like beingable to revel in the things I
don't have answers to andcelebrate them and enjoy being
part of them.
Candace Patrice (44:48):
Yeah, I have a question.
Yeah, as a Wiccan, do youbelieve in love?
Misty Bell Stiers (44:55):
Oh, absolutely.
Candace Patrice (44:56):
Absolutely.
How about joy?
Misty Bell Stiers (44:58):
Always.
Candace Patrice (44:59):
Peace, striving Kindness, foundational Goodness
, always Foundational Goodness,always.
Faithfulness yes, gentlenessyes.
Misty Bell Stiers (45:12):
Self-control.
I mean I believe in it andstrive for it.
We won't say that I canpractice it on a regular basis.
Candace Patrice (45:23):
I ask you those things because you say Wiccan,
I say Christian, but in theBible the fruit of the spirit is
love, joy, peace, forbearance,kindness, goodness, faithfulness
, gentleness and self-control.
Misty Bell Stiers (45:37):
Yeah.
So we practice the same thingswe do we do, things we do we do.
It's so what I love about thestudying that I did of, like all
the different belief systems,is that they really come down.
It really all comes down tolove.
Yes, and we're all, we're allbelieving and practicing and
(45:58):
celebrating a lot of the verysimilar things.
Yes, and and it fills me up toknow that, and while having to
leave behind my sort of myoriginal spiritual home was
heartbreaking, it led me to anunderstanding of that that I
don't know if I would havegotten to otherwise, and it's
(46:22):
something that I find to be oneof the most beautiful things in
the world.
Like my very best friend isCatholic.
She's like a sister to me andlike I am who I am in large part
because of her, and I love that, as my wheel of the year turns,
that she and I are celebratingthe same things, Like we're
coming up on spring right nowand she's getting ready to, like
(46:45):
you know, join in Lent and beconscious of what it means to
like not have abundance and tobe aware of, you know, her own
privilege and you know sufferingthat happens and you know
really thinking and meditatingthrough that, really thinking
and meditating through that,whereas the end of winter is
that for me, right Like thedarkness and like welcoming it
(47:08):
in and understanding it and myown experience in it, and then
both of us will be celebratingthe return of light to the world
and the hope that comes withlight after darkness.
And you know, and I love that,as she and I and our families
move through the year, we areoften celebrating very similar
(47:29):
things.
Candace Patrice (47:30):
Yeah.
Misty Bell Stiers (47:32):
And I love being able to like witness that
on such a close level.
Candace Patrice (47:38):
You talk about magic and spells.
What does that mean to you andhow is that practiced for you?
Misty Bell Stiers (47:46):
I like to say that spells or prayers just
pointed in a different direction, right, neither get answered or
happen without a little bit ofwork.
You have to open yourself up tothe possibility of something
happening, you have to worktowards it happening and have
faith that the world willprovide for you in some way.
(48:09):
Or you know God will providefor you in some way.
Like a prayer is pointed up orout, right Um to your chosen.
You know higher power and myspell is the same.
It's just a way for me to focusmy intention and really sort of
(48:29):
almost hold myself accountableby sending it out into the world
.
Yes, and so that's, I mean, Ithink that's what it means to me
.
Magic to me is sort of the artof being present and intentional
and being able to like,recognize and celebrate all
those things that fly by in therush of days and and
(48:52):
understanding that, like they'regifts, like our life is a gift,
and if we don't stop torecognize the beauty around us,
even when it's hard, like tolike, celebrate and recognize
the light when it feels like weare trapped in the darkest of
rooms, like the act of that isthe magic, like it doesn't even
(49:15):
have to be the thing.
Yeah, it's that moment of howfantastic is it that, like, I
got to like I was admittedlythreatening a little bit my
children earlier to be quietwhile I was on this podcast and,
as I like, as I literally wentto go hit the mute button, you
(49:37):
were like I'll be right back.
I have to talk to my daughterreally quick to let her know and
and and and.
In my heart I was like, well,how beautiful is that that we're
like thousands of miles awayand we're just mothers, yeah,
trying to like figure out how tomake this work, like little
kids on the other side of thedoor.
Yes, like there's magic in that, right, yes, yes.
(49:57):
And so I think that the act ofbeing able to like take a moment
and be like how wonderful isthat Right Like moment and be
like oh, how wonderful is thatRight.
Like, I am not alone.
Yes, and when we were talking,you know, the three of us were
talking about what it meant tobe a mom and like those moments
of being motherhood, like, weare connected by that.
Yes, like, and we have thepower and love and strength of
(50:23):
the bazillions of mothers whohave come before us, who are
just waiting in the wings togive us what they have, so that
we can be the mothers that maybethey weren't able to be, and we
are raising daughters to gofurther and do more and the same
right.
(50:44):
That's what magic is to me, likethose the recognize the
recognition of those things.
Candace Patrice (50:52):
You know, I wrote down one thing that I
think is magical, and that'sgratitude.
Gratitude is a very magicalpractice, and what comes from
that is peace and joy.
Yeah, allowing us to experienceand be grateful for all things
(51:13):
that happen.
Something so small, you know,like you said, just the fact
that we were similarly doing thesame things at the same time.
It's like good thing I'm notalone, like I'm grateful to have
someone in this life doing thesame things at the same time.
It's like good thing I'm notalone, like I'm grateful to have
someone in this life doing thesame thing as me in this moment,
because it's wild over here,right right.
Misty Bell Stiers (51:36):
And gratitude has such power.
Like I read something that I'man incredibly anxious person.
Anxiety off the roof.
I take medication, it's fine.
Janet Hale (51:47):
I have a great person.
Candace Patrice (51:48):
Anxiety Off the roof.
I take medication.
It's fine.
I have a great therapist,everything is good.
Misty Bell Stiers (51:51):
I don't know, I read something that was like
your brain has a hard time beinganxious and grateful at the
same time.
Really, if you're able andlisten, I'm not always able to
do this.
Anxiety is my way of preparingso like it's fine, but uh, it's
(52:13):
a superpower.
But when things get really,really like, when I find myself
sort of being overwhelmed andyou sort of, I can find myself
sinking into that like dark holewhere I don't know if I can get
myself out, if I can find thatthat one thing to like
concentrate on and be like I'mso glad that this is in my life,
(52:36):
or I'm so grateful that I'mable to, or just to like hold a
picture of my kids, likesomething that we've gotten on a
trip or whatever it is, andlike pour my energy and my
intention and my presence intothat gratitude.
It helps.
Candace Patrice (52:55):
Yeah, I have one more question on my end.
And then it looks like Janet,well, I'll do mine in a second.
Go ahead, mom.
On my end, and then it lookslike janet, well, I'll do mine
second.
Janet Hale (53:09):
Go ahead, mom.
I so appreciate, um, that tohave you here.
Candace mentioned that you werecoming.
She knew that I was going to beexcited about you coming.
I was like I can't wait tillshe come, um, and and because
the the when people hear theword wicked or witch, get caught
up, just like.
You kind of rejected it at first, like what the hell is that?
I had talked to her and I said,candace, I've been knowing
(53:30):
about it, but I don't talk aboutit.
So, one of the things that Isay a lot on the show, I'm not
religious and so, and it justsimply means that I am not in an
organized religion, right, yeah?
And basically, when you madethe comment about the suicide
(53:52):
and going to the church andsaying, hey, you know I'm
hurting, you know somebody, youknow they took their lives,
opposed to saying, well, we'regoing to pray for them because
they committed the sin.
Opposed to saying my, what wasit that was on their mind that
(54:13):
they felt that they couldn'tdeal with?
Like, what kind of pain werethey in, like you know, so,
coming from that space, and thenthat sounds like led you into
well, I don't know if I want to.
No, that's not where I'm at withthat no-transcript and that is
(54:59):
that they believe in the earth,taking care of the earth and
those kinds of things.
It was just really good to hearyou speak on that, um, and to
help others understand that wecan be different in our
religions or not religious orhowever it is, but as long as
we're coming from a place oflove and candace, did those
(55:21):
lists, that list of those thingson that list, that?
in my mind, you're okay.
You know what I mean whensomeone may say, well, because
you're this, I don't like youbecause you're that.
I'm like man, I like youbecause you're that.
Okay, tell me a little bitabout that.
Okay, one of the things andI've shared this on the podcast
(55:44):
if I was not but the JehovahWitnesses right, I used to let
them, you know, listen, theywere not going to do it.
I'd be like, hey, you know,tell them my name.
Look, I'm not coming to thehall, I'm not going to be a
Jehovah Witness, but I'm open tolearning.
Come on in.
I got coffee.
I got coffee creamer.
I said, well, I said I'm aproclaimed hippie.
I said you know, so justunderstand all that.
Wait a minute.
So they would come and stay forhours.
(56:04):
This is so funny.
Then they started coming everyweek and she kept bringing a
different person.
I'm like, oh, so y'all went inthe hippie act and pulled the
name to say who's going to meetthe hippie?
I said that's cool.
So they would come over andthey're like but one woman said
something.
Oh, a few of them said a fewthings, because I would tell
them you know I'm not religious,but you know, I want to hear
what you're saying.
And then they would saysomething and I said well,
(56:25):
here's my interpretation of that, you know, because I believe
grown folks we should be able todo that Talk about our
differences and be okay.
That's my thinking and that'show I approach the world.
I'm a little different and Ilove it, but anyway, so one of
the women she brought somebodyto meet, debbie, and so she was
(56:45):
leaving out and she saidsomething.
She said excuse me.
She said I've been in manyhomes that are religious, but
I've never felt as comfortablein those homes as I do in this
one.
See, those are the things thatI'm talking about.
The connection.
You said something earlier.
You said but we just met, and Isaid, no, we didn't.
Do you remember that?
(57:08):
Yeah, because we're alwaysconnected and we noticed how,
when we got together, it wasalmost as if we'd been knowing
each other for 20 years.
They don't know that, on theother end, beautifully said, we
were just like into it.
So I appreciate you bringingthat perspective, because do you
hear the word witch?
Misty Bell Stiers (57:29):
Oh hold on.
Janet Hale (57:30):
No, come on.
Come on, let's open our heartsand our minds, Okay, and let's
think and here's the thingpeople do the best that they can
do.
So if we think in that thoughtprocess, then we can be open to
hear different things.
It may not be my thing, Right?
(57:53):
You follow me Like my daughtersare Christians.
You know I'm not.
And guess what?
We have conversations.
You know.
Nobody's walking around herehuffing and puffing, you know.
Candace Patrice (58:05):
Because we still walk through life.
We do and I'm like, how did?
Janet Hale (58:07):
I have two kids.
I'm not religious right, butboth my children picked up a
religion and did that thing.
Candace Patrice (58:15):
Guess what my brother, my brother died.
He died of more.
Janet Hale (58:18):
I mean like they came out of my body, okay.
And then one of my kids saidmom, you're the first one you
took us to the first church.
I said no, I didn't.
He said, yes, you did.
I said no, I didn't.
Well, I used to go to a church.
It was my hippie church.
Anyway, it was called theChurch of the Day.
Now it's called I don't knowwhat it is, because they've
changed it but in this church,let me share this with you.
(58:40):
You because, okay, candace,please don't kick me off the
thing.
I know she is In this churchthey had Buddhism, the one with
the H, they had the Quran.
I took somebody, mydaughter-in-law, and she was so
(59:01):
mad oh my, don't you ever bringme back in here?
And I'm thinking, why not?
Because it's an open space tobe whoever you are.
If it's in love, come in.
Candace Patrice (59:14):
The door is open the bookstore was kind of
dope you like.
I bet it was.
It was man and it did have allof that.
I don't know why I rememberthat, but it did have everything
in it, as well as powdereddonuts.
Misty Bell Stiers (59:27):
Okay, I feel like it's a universal church
thing.
Powdered donuts.
Janet Hale (59:31):
Yeah, right, yeah, but the other parts they don't
have all those other things.
You follow me.
I bet they had a Wicked book inthere, I just didn't see it.
You know what I mean.
So but it was just it was thatkind of and that's where I want
to live, that's where I want tobe, because, see, that's the
magic for me.
You follow me, like when wewere talking earlier.
(59:52):
Life is life and I want to beon this trip.
I want to do this thing, I'mall into it.
I got my coffee, so I'm aboutto hug.
Candace Patrice (01:00:03):
Thank you very much.
I just want to ask one morequestion because we are going to
close up.
I don't know how it's been anhour and we spent the first 20
minutes outside of recording.
But you were talking aboutafter you went through your
accident and not having placesand spaces that were for you,
(01:00:26):
and it opened your mind to bemore inclusive.
What is one change that you'vemade in the world that you are
really proud of?
Misty Bell Stiers (01:00:40):
That's such a good question.
I mean I could.
I could talk about my job likeyou know, like something I've
done in my work that has hasmade a difference, or like
personally.
I think I'm going to give youtwo answers.
Personally, I think I'vestarted questioning why I think
(01:01:04):
things like.
I start to feel a way, and I'veit's become a habit to be like
do I feel this way because ofwhat I've been taught?
Or do I feel this way becauseit's real?
Um, everything from like thatfirst initial impression of
someone, or when someone'swalking towards me on the street
, or, um, when I'm readingsomething, when I'm reading
(01:01:25):
something, I feel like that haschanged the way I walk through
the world and that has been abig change.
But honestly, the most beautifulmoment I've ever had and it's
so small was I go to some paganpride festivals and I went to
the one in New York right afterI'd written my first book and
(01:01:47):
there was a woman there who wassort of at the festival all day
and I saw her a couple of timesand she would walk by the booth
and look at stuff and then, youknow, keep going.
She went to one of my workshopsand at the end.
Toward the end of the day, Ilooked up and she was 20 yards
away and she was crying and Iwalked over to her and I was
(01:02:08):
like, are you okay?
Can I get someone for you?
Like, you know, is theresomething you need?
And she said I've been workingup the courage all day to talk
to you because I don't know howto thank you for giving me a
chance to feel less alone andgiving me a chance to feel less
alone.
I wrote that book just because Iwas worried that my kids, like
(01:02:30):
something would happen to me andno one would be able to explain
to my kids why I believed whatI did.
And it was the only thing I hadin my mind, right Like I want
them to know, I want them toknow, I want them to know.
And I remember standing therewith this young woman who was
(01:02:52):
like excited to meet me, whichwas bizarre.
(01:03:13):
I broke something in me where,like, all I wanted to do was
keep making people feel that way.
Candace Patrice (01:03:21):
Yeah, yeah and maybe if it's just her, yeah, it
the one, yeah.
So all you need is one.
If you can change one life,then you've done a great job,
right?
So congratulations already,because you know you've done at
least one well you know you'vedone at least two maybe three,
(01:03:43):
because I like to include myself.
I'm saying you and I.
Well, that makes us three.
Two and three.
You're two and I'm three.
Okay.
Janet Hale (01:03:55):
I know it's math, too much math one plus one plus
one, that's a lot.
I was just saying that she'smade a difference in two other
people's lives and I was saying,saying that she's made a
difference in two other people'slives and I was saying you and
I Right, and you're saying who'sthe third one?
Candace Patrice (01:04:12):
Well, we're number two and three.
Janet Hale (01:04:15):
She just told us about number one.
No, I said two more people,that one person that's her.
I'm not excluding thatexperience.
Candace Patrice (01:04:23):
I know you said one more and I was just saying
two more.
Janet Hale (01:04:26):
I thought I said two .
Whatever you said one, Iappreciate it.
All the logistics of math, no,no, no, we need to stop talking
math.
No because math is not my thing,no, no, it's not my thing.
But yes, and you are, in myopinion, a light.
You are truly a light, and somany lights are just appearing
(01:04:54):
and I think, and I say this andI hear this, but your tribe will
find you, your people will findyou.
We are aligned to meet.
This whole thing is not bymistake, this meeting that we're
having right now, thisconversation that we're having.
Oh, and Missy, when I wrote inthe chat, I feel you, because
(01:05:18):
some of the things you weretalking, I could feel your
emotions, I could feel it.
So she's writing something.
She told me to be quiet.
Okay, never know, never know.
So it's just a delight and I,you know, okay.
That's all I want to say is Iappreciate you showing up for us
(01:05:51):
and for all the listeners, andplease, listeners who have heard
her and it's changed your mindabout a Wiccan or a witch,
please share that with us,because it's important for us to
be able to learn differentthings, to be able to look at
life through different lenses.
So I appreciate you for that.
Misty Bell Stiers (01:06:09):
Thank you so much.
I really can't express mygratitude for being able to
speak to both of you today andfor your amazingly warm welcome,
and it felt like I was.
It feels like I'm just hangingout with friends, and so I hope
that this is just the first of alot of conversations that we
(01:06:30):
have in the next years of ourlives Absolutely Well.
Candace Patrice (01:06:34):
Thank you, misty, and for those of you
listening, continue to look atwhat it is that you have.
Continue to search for what itis that you're searching for.
Don't stop until just don'tstop, because even when you
think you found it, there'sstill more to learn.
(01:06:54):
So continue to learn throughoutlife all of the things.
Continue to take in what it isthat other people are
experiencing.
Hear their challenges and seewhere you can help in the world.
See where you can make theworld a better place, and just
starting with one person.
There are people looking to beinfluencers and want to reach
(01:07:14):
the masses, but their goal isthe masses.
Start with one.
If you start with one, you'llreach everyone you need to reach
, so keep that in mind.
And, of course, everyone.
Misty, will you give us yoursocial media where the people
can get your book from all ofthat beautiful stuff?
Misty Bell Stiers (01:07:34):
Absolutely.
You can find me mostly onInstagram because I'm old at
Misty Bell Stiers,M-I-S-T-Y-B-E-L-L-S-T-I much
anywhere by that handle andthere's a URL.
(01:07:56):
You can find my website thereand you can buy my books really
just about anywhere.
You look Barnes, Noble, AmazonTarget really just about
anywhere.
You look Barnes and NobleAmazon Target.
If you type in my name, you'llget those.
But the first one is calledwhich, Please, and the second
one is Light, Fire and Abundance.
The second one's a cookbook, ifyou're interested in such
(01:08:17):
things, but I would love toshare that with whoever would be
interested.
Candace Patrice (01:08:23):
Thank you so much and, of course, you can
find Essential Motivation atEssentialMotivationcom On
Instagram.
It's CandicePatrice, underscoreEM.
There is an EssentialMotivation Instagram page too,
but I do not use it because Ihave found that I am my own
brand.
I am Essential Motivation, so Iam, I am, I am the I brand.
(01:08:45):
I am essential motivation, so Iam, I am, I am the I am, I am
Candace.
You can find Janet's website athellempowermentllccom and you
can sign up for coachingprograms and everything.
So much to do, share thispodcast with someone else and
(01:09:07):
send us a respond through texton the platform that you are
listening on.
There should be a link to beable to do so.
So we thank you all so much.
Remember to always love hard,forgive often and laugh frequent
.
Bye, guys, bye.
Hello and welcome back to another episode
of Essential Mental Healing,where I am your host, Candice
Patrice, and joining me today,as always, is my lovely, lovely,
most lovely mother and co-host,Janet.
Janet Hale (00:22):
Hill.
Hello everybody, Hello, hello,hello and co-host, janet Hill.
Candace Patrice (00:25):
Hello everybody , hello, hello, hello.
We have had some fun timesstarting getting this podcast up
this morning.
Lots of laughter, lots ofcoffee and lots of energy.
(00:50):
So we are maneuvering, but wehave a special guest with us
today.
We have Misty joining us.
Hi, misty, hello, welcome.
Thank you so much, misty, misty, misty, misty is an artist.
Janet Hale (01:03):
She is a storyteller and a boss witch, that's true.
Candace Patrice (01:05):
What so true.
I've been waiting on you,leveraging her passion for
diversity, equality andinclusion and a little bit of
magic, sprinkle it in Wait.
But what is she doing it for?
To create systematic change atevery level.
As a creative director, podcastguest speaker and author, misty
(01:31):
has mastered using her uniqueperspective to help people find
ways to truly connect to theworld around them and the people
in it.
I just want to say, guys, I hadthe pleasure of meeting with
Misty a little bit prior to thispodcast and she is a true
delight.
(01:52):
She's my Wiccan sister, she'smy love sister.
She's my heart sister.
Misty Bell Stiers (01:59):
We've had a great time, every time.
Candace Patrice (02:01):
Yeah, we've had a great time.
And you guys may have heardsome things in the introduction
that made you go.
We'll get into it.
But how are you today, misty?
How are you?
Misty Bell Stiers (02:16):
You know I'm great.
It's Saturday morning, the week, the work week is over.
I'm getting to start having awonderful conversation with you
on my weekend.
Things are good.
I've threatened my children tobe quiet in my tiny New York
City apartment so that I cantalk to you without an
interruption.
All the things Check, check,check.
It's been great.
I'm doing wonderful.
That's awesome.
Candace Patrice (02:38):
How many kids do you have?
What's their?
Misty Bell Stiers (02:39):
ages too.
I have a 16-year-old girl and a13-year-old boy.
So there's also been a lot oftalk about streaming things as
well.
Candace Patrice (02:51):
I was going to say they probably have found an
electronic and something thatthey can get into to stay quiet
for a little while.
Janet Hale (02:57):
Yeah, let's hope.
You're just a little concerned,misty.
I saw your face.
You're like I'm just kind ofhoping that's how that's going
out there.
Misty Bell Stiers (03:06):
It's a very small part.
Candace Patrice (03:10):
Well, maybe they'll make an appearance on
the podcast somehow, maybe it'llbe a Mom shut up.
Misty Bell Stiers (03:17):
No, it's like we were saying earlier life,
life.
Janet Hale (03:20):
Life is life.
That's it, that's it.
Candace Patrice (03:23):
Yeah, I have my little tiny human in.
I'm in my office and she's inthe kitchen with her electronics
and games and food, so we'rehoping that that sustains her
long enough.
But she's also been told if shehas to come through the door to
do it silently, I'm going tohit mute, so no one knows.
Misty Bell Stiers (03:43):
I'm glad we're all prepared.
Candace Patrice (03:47):
We're all prepared, and Janet mom has the
beauty of having no animals orkids in her house, so she's all
right, but then she has tobeware of her own self in the
coffee.
Janet Hale (03:59):
This is true, but let me also say this, because I
hear you guys talking about thechildren and everything, and all
these measures that you musttake in order to be here, and in
(04:28):
listening to you just made meremind me of how great it was to
have children in the home andto be able to sit down or come
here or wait.
I was famous for this one, youguys.
Well, candace knows this, butmisty, I would be like go get my
purse.
The kids would want whicheverone go get it and couldn't find
it, come in the room and go mom,it's right next to you, so I do
, I don't remember that well,and so because I was, you know
anyway, so I do miss that.
(04:48):
You know what I mean.
And, um, it's a good fondmemory because something that
her dad used to say um, thesetimes don't come back and to
hear us to be in here.
You guys, cherishing themoments of being a parent to the
children in your home at thispresent time and creating space
(05:10):
for them so that we can do thisin this space, I think is
awesome.
How about that?
Candace Patrice (05:17):
I ran from my mother as a kid, as a teen.
As a teen, my room was upstairsand every time I would come
downstairs there was alwayssomething as if she was waiting
to hear the door open.
Candace, can you do this?
Candace, can you take the dogout?
I'd be like, if I stay up herelong enough, maybe all of the
(05:39):
things she asks for or needswill be done.
It never worked.
I would wait on that door.
Janet Hale (05:45):
I'm like she's got to go to the bathroom.
Candace Patrice (05:48):
And that's what it was.
I know, I know what I was.
Janet Hale (05:52):
You were up there timing things, and so was I.
Misty Bell Stiers (05:57):
Our apartment is so small our kids can't even
hide they can't hide.
I can't even lean forward andlook down the hallway and I can
see their room.
Like there's nowhere for themto go oh my god, they're just
they're trapped.
They're trapped, the babies aretrapped, like they can't get
out unless they physically leavethe apartment.
(06:18):
And it's five bucks.
So, like it's a commitment likeyou gotta like, really want to
get it.
Janet Hale (06:23):
Oh, I have compassion for the babies.
Candace Patrice (06:25):
Is there at least an elevator?
Oh no.
Janet Hale (06:29):
Oh, you're in New York, you're living New York
style.
Misty Bell Stiers (06:33):
Yeah, that's some New.
Janet Hale (06:34):
York style living yeah.
Misty Bell Stiers (06:36):
But I have to admit that, like when we go
places where we're like if wehad an Airbnb or we have a house
in up in Vermont and we'll goand I'll miss them because I
won't be able to like here I seeand hear them all the time,
which is great for me, not sogreat for them, probably, um,
but I do like.
There's definitely like themoment I have where I'm like oh,
(06:58):
like they're in their rooms,like they're in the rooms we go
and they like go in and they gettheir time and their space and
there's a special kind ofsilence that happens that I'm
particularly aware of that hitsme in a way that I imagine is
probably preparing me for theinevitable day that they find
don't even know the topic.
Janet Hale (07:21):
I'm sorry for cutting you off, misty, I don't
know what the topic of this is.
But I can remember when Candaceleft, she went to college and
blah, blah, blah she came home.
I was cool with that, you know,we had the rules and she was
like OK, y'all get overyourselves.
We thought they were prettycool, but apparently not cool
enough for her.
And so she goes apartmenthunting All right, that's cool.
(07:44):
And so she goes apartmenthunting All right, that's cool,
I can deal with that part right.
Until she did this one day.
She went mom, I found anapartment and I want you to come
see it, heartbroken, trying tohold it together as a mother.
(08:06):
So we go to the apartment NowI'm holding it together, at
least I think I pretended prettygood.
So we get to the apartment andthe woman's showing her around
the kids.
She's like Mama look, mama look.
And I'm looking around and Iwent, look, I found everything
wrong, even if it was a nick Iwas like.
And then I said to the lady shedoesn't have to move.
(08:27):
I mean she could stay home.
I'm like just the biggest baby,like you know, like I don't
know I want you to stay.
Candace Patrice (08:36):
She doesn't need this.
Janet Hale (08:37):
Wait a minute, listen I want you to stay home
and break some of those rules.
You know you trying to beindependent and get your own
love, so I can relate to that.
Getting ready for that Becauseit's coming, you guys, it's
coming and I hope you guys aremore mature about it than me.
Candace Patrice (09:02):
I can't imagine me being more mature about it.
I can see me falling out,acting out, moving in, making
sure I would be like my dad usedto tell me when I got a home he
wanted me to build a loft ontop of the garage so that he can
live where I live.
He can have his own space,though, but he wanted to live
with me.
Janet Hale (09:21):
You know what's funny he was still married to me
.
That just hit me with me.
You know what's funny he wasstill married to me.
That just hit me, you know whatthat never hit me, it just hit
me.
You know how things getdifferent moments that just hit
me.
Wow, that never.
Did you go give me a, becauseit was always him, never me.
And Janet, how did I thinkabout it?
(09:43):
Oh, he was planning his escape,okay, yeah, and he's like
wanting you to build him a place.
So I'm going to come stay withyou.
Misty Bell Stiers (09:52):
You know what I'm going to have a
conversation with his, you knowhe's deceased right now and I
was supposed to get him up, I'mstarting to say he's deceased.
Janet Hale (10:06):
Right now, I don't know that that's going to change
.
I'm sorry.
Okay, listen, life.
If we cannot laugh about thislife that we're in, it's a
(10:28):
problem in my opinion.
So, guess what?
This is Janet yes, janetMcCaffey, and I'm enjoying this
podcast, as I always do.
And, misty, I'm glad you'rehere to experience this with us,
as am I.
Candace Patrice (10:49):
I am super glad I'm here and, as the daughter,
I'm going to wrangle her back in.
Alright, hello.
So, misty, I want to have aconversation with you.
We are going to have aconversation with you, but one
(11:09):
of those things, as I wasreading and we've had
conversations and you have apassion for diversity I do and
inclusion and equality.
What does that mean to you andhow did you land in that passion
?
Misty Bell Stiers (11:27):
Oh.
First, it means to me this ideaof creating, building a world
where everyone can feel seen andheard and valued and feel like
they can safely and fullyparticipate in the world around
(11:50):
them and their communities andtheir workplaces and all the
places that they want to be.
How did I get here?
You know, I want to tell youthat.
I want to tell you that I'vealways felt this way, but I
don't think I actually I don'tthink it ever occurred to me
that I needed to feel this waywhen I was growing up.
(12:11):
You know, I'm a white woman.
I grew up in the middle of thecountry.
I had all of the privilege thatI could possibly want my family
was middle class, privilegethat I could possibly want.
Like, my family wasmiddle-class.
(12:32):
Like I, um, I lived a veryprotected life, and it wasn't
until I got to be older and Isort of my world got bigger that
I was able to realize that theway that I experienced the world
wasn't the way everyone elsedid.
And even then it took me awhile to get to the point where
I decided that, like, I thinkthere was a lot of like oh, that
(12:52):
really is awful Right.
Like oh, that's too bad.
And um, and I was in the thingsthat I cared about mostly when
it came to like diversity andequity and inclusion were things
that affected me.
You know, like I was a creativedirector in the ad agency there
were only three percent ofcreative directors that were
women at the time globally, andso you know I was very involved
(13:17):
in like mentorship for women andum, trying to like find that
place and really fight for thatand a lot of the the sort of
like issues and challenges thatI initially started to pay
attention to were, all you know,selfishly, like within, like
that affected me and I think ittook me a while to really fully
(13:38):
realize that that wasn't goingto help the sort of challenges I
saw in front of me.
That, like, it can't just beabout my experience, it can't
just be about the things Iunderstand, it can't just be
about the things that are closeto me, because that doesn't make
the progress that needs tohappen.
(14:00):
And you know it, there were acouple like key moments in my
life that really put me on thatpath.
I had an accident 11 years agothat put me in a wheelchair for
quite some time, and I rememberI was in Montana at the time it
was hard to get around.
When I was able to get out ofthe hospital and I was so
(14:22):
excited to come back to New YorkCity hospital and I was so
excited to come back to New Yorkcity.
And I got back to New York cityand I realized that the world
just wasn't designed to like letme get around Like I would get.
I would get stuck in the likecurbs, like the water, the
places where the water drains atthe curves like the.
(14:44):
The like space between the barswas the exact width of my wheels
on my wheelchair.
And I would have to wait for astranger to come help like push
me up over.
I remember I went groceryshopping for the first time.
Um, I like got myself out ofthe apartment.
My kids were at school, myhusband was at work.
I was like I'm going to makethem dinner, cause it's cooking
is really important to me and Igot myself like out and going
(15:09):
and we had been subletting anapartment so we had an elevator
I could get out and I went tothe grocery store.
And then I got to the grocerystore and the space between the
registers wasn't wide enough formy wheelchair chair and I had
to sit and wait for 20 minuteswhile a manager went and had to
do something special to get theautomatic doors that you came
(15:31):
into to open from the inside ofthe grocery store.
And so I had all these likesmall things happen that
suddenly I was like, wow, ifthis is the physical world you
know I was a digital designerI'm designing experiences.
If this is the physical world,you know I was a digital
designer I'm designingexperiences.
I was we're not evenconsidering this Like this isn't
even on our radar.
Like we're doing the bareminimum if a client asks us, but
(15:52):
like we're not doing you knowwe're not, I'm not teaching,
like at the time I was a leaderin my design team and I'm not
teaching them how to do this andI don't know how to do this,
and it's not okay.
And so I started sort of comingto work and learning more about
, you know, accessibility in thedigital spaces and that sort of
grew into.
Suddenly it was.
It was about inclusion Likewhat are the photos we're
(16:13):
choosing?
Like what are the stories we'rechoosing to tell?
How are we representing people?
Like where this whole worldsort of like kind of cracked
open for me and I was just likewe're not, we're just not doing
good enough and I am in aposition where I can influence
what we're doing and how we'redoing it.
And you know, once you kind ofstart on that path and once you
(16:33):
take the time to really listento the people around you and
what their experiences are like,suddenly you you can't unsee it
and I think you have a choiceto make you either ignore it and
decide that you're not going todo anything about it, or you're
going to do what you can, whenyou can, or you're going to try
to create change.
And I think I looked at my kidsand thought about how privileged
(16:56):
they are and I was like I wantto do better.
I want to do better by them, Iwant to do better by the people
who interact with the thingsthat I write and I design and I
create.
And mostly I just want to dobetter because, you know, part
of my belief system is that Iowe so much to the people who
(17:16):
came before me and that myresponsibility is to like clear
space for the people to comeafter.
And I want to make sure thatthe space I'm clearing isn't
just for me, that it really isall encompassing and that it's
done out of love and it's doneout of kindness.
And I want that to be like apillar of, like the legacy I
(17:38):
leave, I guess, which soundssort of ridiculous and big, but
like it just, I think it justtook a lot of small things
adding up for me to realize thatlike I wasn't doing what I
should be doing.
Candace Patrice (17:52):
And did?
Did that all start when theaccident happened or did you
begin this prior to?
Misty Bell Stiers (17:58):
I think it began a little bit prior to, I
think, when I I think my firstsort of real introduction to the
fact that not everyone lived inthe same world I did think when
I I think my first sort of realintroduction to the fact that
not everyone lived in the sameworld I did was when I left the
religion I was raised in andtried to find a new belief
system and I was exposed.
I sought out you know all ofthe stories of all the places
(18:20):
and I was the person that waslike, the annoying person that
talked about all the things ofthe parties you're not supposed
to talk about.
Like I was like, what do youbelieve in?
Why do you believe in it?
And not with, like theintention of wanting to like
change someone's mind, but like,really genuinely, with the
intention of curiosity, likedoes it bring you peace?
Does it bring you joy?
How do you celebrate?
Like what's important to you?
And I suddenly found myself inthis place where I was learning
(18:42):
about all these things and allof these people in ways that,
like, I might not have otherwiselearned about them, and I think
that started that started it.
And you know, then I, you know Iwent away to college and I went
far away and I was meetingpeople who grew up in different
places around the world andaround the country and and it
was all.
I think it was all a slowopening, but I think when I had
(19:07):
my accident, there was anurgency that started to come
with that, and I think there wassome guilt as well, because I
think it suddenly was veryapparent that I was upset that
people weren't consideringthings that I myself wasn't
considering.
And you know I saw how itaffected not just me.
(19:34):
I saw how it affected my kidsand, like the fact that I
couldn't get them to school andI couldn't go certain places,
and you know they were having topick up a lot of things to,
like you know, around the houseto help me and, like you know, I
I think I had a, a moment ortwo where I was like why isn't
this different?
Like it's not hard right, likethis is so hard, I'm not asking
(19:56):
for a lot.
And then I had the moment oflike well, because people like
me help design the world, andI'm not thinking about this Like
, why should I expect otherpeople to?
Candace Patrice (20:10):
It wasn't until you began to experience it that
it became a thought process.
Misty Bell Stiers (20:14):
Right, which is shaming.
Quite honestly, Like I wishthat it was a different story,
but it's not.
Candace Patrice (20:20):
But you know, I think that that's kind of how
we are as humans period we can'tempathize with people until
we've gone through it, andthat's what makes, I think,
people who've gone throughreally difficult times and have
been able to come out of it somuch more empathetic to people,
(20:42):
because they know what is whatit's like to have nothing or to
be in a space where they're notincluded or where it's not easy.
So it's like, okay, I now haveto think of these things because
I've been a part of it, so letme expose it to more people so
that even those who haven't gonethrough it can hear my story
(21:03):
and begin to resonate with itand make a difference in the
world, you know.
So one of my, one of myquestions to you is how has your
mental health been affected?
From growing up in privilege tohaving an accident, to making
it making the change.
So that's a trajectory ofmental health status.
(21:25):
What's that been like?
Misty Bell Stiers (21:26):
um, I think it's been a struggle.
To be honest, like I'm anincredibly emotional person I am
, I try to be a reallyempathetic person.
I think it's sort of a defaultsetting for me.
And I think that it has beenhard, and when I say that I
(21:54):
caveat it in all of the things,like in all of the privilege,
but it has been difficult for meto to hear the stories and to
recognize the inequity and torecognize the exclusion and to
recognize my part in it and alsolike my responsibility to it
(22:18):
and to like I'm honestly, likeit's, it's heartbreaking, and I
have to remind myself sometimesto observe and not absorb, um,
but I don't, I often don't wantto do that, and so I think, like
anything, it's with my mentalhealth, it's it's like exercise,
(22:43):
it's like building that muscle,like understanding that two
things can be true at once, likethe world can be on fire and I
can be angry and disappointedand sad, and I can also be
joyful and happy and recognizethe magic that's still happening
in the world around me and thelove and the kindnesses, the
(23:05):
small kindnesses, that areeverywhere.
And I think that when I am inthat place, when I allow myself
to be in that place and when Iallow myself to be like really
present.
Um, my mental health is is waybetter than it was, but it's
still something I think I'mworking really hard on, like I,
I, um, I think it's like thestages of grief almost, where
(23:28):
you get like really mad, likefirst you pretend it's not
happening and then you getreally mad and you get really
heartbroken and then you makeamends.
Um, like I think that I thinkthat it it's sort of just
recognizing, like the way thosethings wash through and that,
like the only way out is through, and that you know, if I can
(23:52):
end my day knowing that I foundsome joy and knowing that I made
some difference, then I cansleep better yeah, uh, mom you I
saw you a while ago I did acartwheel.
Janet Hale (24:11):
I did all the things when I was reeled in I had to
like for the audience.
I had to say listen, you guys.
I can't be reeled in, butanyone who listens to this
podcast knows that's only goingto last one minute, but I
already know, right, okay.
But what I wanted to say when Iwas listening to you, Melissa,
(24:34):
I really appreciate your.
Candace Patrice (24:36):
Misty, I'm sorry.
Janet Hale (24:38):
I said what?
Okay, misty, I'm sorry, we'rejust mad, I know Not really, but
not really so.
But and I say that from aspiritual place and when I was
listening to you, you said somekey things that I think a lot of
people don't look at.
(25:00):
Or, like you said some thingsI'm ashamed to say, but this is
my journey.
And when you talk because whenyou started talking, I wrote a
word down and you hit it and itwas privilege, because when
we're looking at differentthings, certain people have
(25:21):
certain privileges.
Even when they're in the I wantto help you business, sometimes
they don't recognize theirprivilege, which can counter,
sometimes, the assistance thatthey're wanting to provide,
because they haven't taken adeep dive within to figure out
(25:46):
what's really going on.
Because is this the ego basedthing running there or is this a
soulful move?
Right, you follow me?
I know you do.
Yeah, no, absolutely Go ahead.
Misty Bell Stiers (25:59):
No, no, I please go ahead oh no, okay.
Janet Hale (26:03):
So when you were talking, I heard that.
I heard that and appreciatedthat so much.
And then when you talked aboutyour lived experience of being a
minority in a situation withthat wheelchair being
marginalized, being able not tomaneuver in spaces that you
(26:25):
wanted to maneuver in the waythat you needed to, so I think
that is such a beautiful analogyor a way of explaining your
journey and the honesty I mustsay I really appreciate, and
(26:46):
your ability to be so vulnerableabout the subject is very much
appreciated as well.
So for that I thank you.
Misty Bell Stiers (26:57):
Thank you.
I mean, listen, I think itmeans a lot to me when you point
out is this a soul-filledjourney or is this ego?
A lot to me, when you point out, like, is this a soul-filled
journey or is this ego?
And like, I will be the firstto admit that that's something,
that's a regular check-in,because sometimes it is,
sometimes it isn't like I, thereis some there.
(27:17):
Sometimes there is a momentwhere I have to, like, stop
myself and be like where am I onthat scale?
Because I don't think it'salways one or I don't think it's
it's always just one, rightLike.
I think that, like, work likethis feels good and having
(27:38):
people listen to you feels good,and I think that you can get
caught up in that.
And I think I have to regularlyto regularly like sort of check
in with myself.
I've stopped myself and I havepeople around me who know and
love me enough to stop me too,um, to remind me that, like,
this is not about the space Ioccupy, this is about me
(28:01):
creating space for their peopleand, um, I get caught up in it
as much as anyone else and Ithink that, regardless of what
any of us do, when you dosomething that you want to have
a positive impact.
I think there's always thattension there and I think the
(28:21):
more you can stay present in themoment and the more you can be
honest with yourself about whereyou are and why you're doing
things, and the more you canhave people around you who will
check you when you need to bechecked um, the more often you
can get done what you want toget done with the intentions
that it needs to have Um and theimpact it needs to have,
because I can have the goodintentions all day and still not
(28:45):
have a good impact.
Janet Hale (28:49):
I was at a training out in Lansing and so, and we
were talking, privilege was oneof the things that was brought
up, and so we're talking andeverything, and the personality
that you and I, misty andcandace, have is probably one
that people gravitate towards.
I mean, we just it.
(29:10):
Just, it is what it is right.
So this lady from another placeum, she wasn't with my group
but anyway so she gravitatedtowards me and that was cool,
we're talking everything.
And she's like oh, janet, Ilike you so much.
And I was like, oh, and she wasa white woman and I, okay.
(29:31):
And so she said this.
She said you know, I don't seecolor.
You, you felt that too.
Okay, hold on, okay, you feltthat, didn't you?
Okay.
Misty Bell Stiers (29:43):
So when she did, I made a face, but hold on,
here's the thing because youtalked about self-checking.
Janet Hale (29:50):
So I had to self-check janet, because I I
must respond in a way of loveand wanting to her to understand
, and that cannot come from myego space, because my ego space
(30:10):
will not allow her to open up towhatever it is I have to offer
her.
You follow me.
So when she did that, yes, thatfeeling, all that was there, oh
, my, I was like.
So I said you don't see color.
She said no, and then she threwin the Bible.
(30:31):
She did whatever she does,that's okay.
And I just looked at.
I said okay.
I looked at and I said, wow, butI want you to see my color.
I want you to see this brownskin.
I see your color.
I see a beautiful white womanbefore me.
(30:54):
I'm a beautiful black woman.
I said so to see my color.
It's nothing wrong with seeingcolor.
Colors are beautiful.
Man.
When I got through with her ohwait, listen, the next day she
found me.
She found me, she grabbed me,she put her head on me.
She was short, like me, I'mshort.
She put her head on my shoulderand she said Janet, thank you
(31:16):
so much.
I enjoy seeing color.
She see the rainbow now, so it'sall about when you're talking
about intention, it is a pulland a push, and a pull Because
when she said that, a button shedid hit a nerve.
Now, please know that I'mthinking well, hold on, because
(31:36):
for me to say to me you don'tsee, color says you don't see me
, right, right, so guess what?
So that I knew, but I had toapproach it in a way where I saw
her.
Yeah, see, so I'm going toacknowledge you and your
whiteness and your beauty andthe spirit in which she meant to
(32:02):
come from, because it's aboutthe intention.
Oh, the other thing she talkedabout because she said something
.
She said, oh, to come from.
Yeah, see, because it's aboutthe intention.
Oh, the other thing she talkedabout because she said something
.
She said, oh, because I serviceAfrican-American people and I
(32:22):
didn't realize that they use adifferent shampoo.
You follow me.
So she's figuring it out like,oh, because I thought they just
should be grateful.
This was honesty.
Honesty is not always prettyright, right, and sometimes,
like you said, we need to talkto people that's going to help
us, navigate or self-check us,and that was an experience that
(32:43):
was, you know, yeah, okay, shesaid that, but the outcome of it
was so beautiful that you knowI can share this story and not
sit here and say, well, you know, I'm still.
No.
I mean, she still contacts me,she doesn't even live in this
city.
But the connection was madeRight and she has a new
(33:05):
perspective and it's all good.
Candace Patrice (33:10):
So anyway, that's my story.
You know, as you talk aboutperspective, misty has gone on
an incredible spiritual journeyand as I was introducing her,
you may have heard me call her aboss witch.
Call her a boss witch, but partof that was a journey in
(33:31):
looking for love and pureinclusion from an experience
that happened in her life.
And so, misty, can you kind ofexplain what boss witch means
and how you got to be a bosswitch?
This is so weird to say becauseit's like I kind of want to say
boss bitch you know, but I meanI'll take that too.
(33:52):
I'll take it too.
I do it on purpose, yeah, andit's um it I.
I think people will find somuch knowledge and wisdom and
understanding and your journeyto where you are and your
spiritual belief system and whatit truly means, because you
(34:12):
have an opportunity to breakdown the walls of that word
witch right in this moment.
So can you take us through thatjourney a little bit, yeah?
Misty Bell Stiers (34:21):
absolutely.
I think I love the term bosswitch.
It came from one of my bestfriends when I wrote my first
book and I loved how it soundedbecause it's well, thank you so
much.
It's called Witch, please,finding Magic in Modern Times,
and it's about this.
It's about this story.
(34:42):
It's really about how I grew upin Kansas.
I was raised Catholic, happilyso, and how I went from that
place to living in New York City, raising my kids to believe in
magic.
And when I was younger, I livedin a small town in Kansas.
I was Catholic.
I was like camp counselor inthe summertime, like in the
(35:06):
youth group, like I.
I found community there and Ifound peace and joy there and,
um, it was a very big part of mylife and, and spirituality is a
big part of my life.
It's something that, um, Idon't think everyone needs to
have as an anchor, but I do.
Um, and got older I was mysenior year of high school a
(35:31):
dear friend of mine committedsuicide and it turned my world
inside out and it opened up alot of uncertainty and
questioning and fear that reallyhad just never occurred to me,
(35:52):
and I remember spending a fewdays.
We were a very close-knit groupof friends and we just didn't
leave each other's side.
We just went from home to hometo home.
The first night all of thegirls stayed at my house, all
the boys stayed in another house, and the boys came over at like
seven in the morning and we allwent to breakfast and spent the
(36:13):
day together and like Iremember, like wanting my world
to be so much, so small andwanting just to know everyone
was okay, like desperately, andnone of us were, and we finally
got to the point where they toldus we had to go back to school.
And the morning I was supposedto go back to school.
(36:34):
I went to church.
I went to my church and Iprayed for a really long time
and could not, for the life ofme, grab the calm and the peace
that I had been looking forthere, that had always been
there for me.
And so I went um next door towhere, um, the priests live, and
(36:56):
I knocked on the door and, uh,one of the priests answered the
door and I like just collapsed,like I just emotionally
collapsed and was like I don'tknow what to do.
Like this thing happened.
You know it was.
He knew what was going on.
It was a very small town and Idon't know what to do, like,
(37:17):
please tell me what to do.
And he told me, um, to pray formy friend's soul because, um,
what he had done was a sin.
And I think in that moment, thefoundation I thought that I had
(37:37):
just sort of crumbled, and theanswers I thought that I had
also crumbled and the door shutand I think I was standing on
the other side suddenly not sosure how to move forward, and it
(37:59):
took me a while to like reallythink about the things I had
been taught and the things Ibelieved and really examine if
they were true in my heart.
And I think we should all dothat every once in a while.
Right, what have I been taught?
What do I believe?
Is it still true to me?
(38:21):
And when I sort of landed on theother side of that, I realized
that maybe this wasn't the placefor me, and I knew I wanted a
place.
So I started reading all thebooks and asking all the
questions and talking to all thepeople, just going to different
(38:44):
churches and reading differentbooks and just seeking out a
spiritual home in a lot of ways.
And I had a friend in collegewhen I was in the midst of this
and you know it wasn't a secretthat I was really interested in
what everyone believed in andlike trying to figure out where
I wanted to be and she said Ihave this book you should read.
(39:06):
It's called Dried Down the Moon.
It's all about like paganism inAmerica.
And immediately like no, thankyou.
And I was like I have nointerest in that.
And she was like, well, butlike you're learning about
everything else, like why notlearn about that?
And I was like listen, I do notwear enough black eyeliner and
own enough black clothes for meto join the pagan community as a
(39:28):
witch.
It's not going to happen,hilarious.
And I believed it.
It was like not even.
And what's funny is I had doneall this work to really learn
about all these other beliefsystems and for some reason I
was willing to be reallydismissive of this one area.
(39:49):
And eventually I met a coupleother people who recommended the
book.
I eventually read the book.
I read it twice.
It's not a small book and Irealized that as I was reading
it there's just something aboutit that made me feel like I was
coming home and you know it tooka while to really decide that
(40:15):
was the path that was right forme.
But the more I started to sortof really follow that path
forward and really sort of pullthe threads and be like, well,
what about this and how do Ifeel about this?
And I kept coming up withpositive places and positive
answers.
And what's more is I kept sortof reclaiming this like peace
(40:35):
and calm and certainty that Ihad sort of left behind like
years before, and I think thatyou know, it took a while for me
to feel confident in it.
It was sort of like all right,I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm
going to try this out.
I'm going to read some books,you know, and I'm going to like
(40:55):
quietly myself and like figurestuff out and not really tell
anyone because it's kind ofweird.
And then, and then, like slowly, it became something that was
such an indelible part of methat I couldn't, I didn't want
to not talk about it, and not inthe sense of like I think
everyone should be a witch Cause.
I don't.
I think that the beauty of thisuniverse and this world is that
(41:17):
whatever spins it has given usso many paths to peace.
But more like when you weretalking about, like when she
said I don't see your.
You know I don't see color.
Well, that's an, it's anindelible part of who you are
and what your experience is.
And I, I felt like that about mybelief system.
Like me, living my life andmaking the choices I make is
(41:38):
part of me being a witch and Iwant people to know that part of
me and I want them to, to wantto understand that part of me.
And, um, so I, I got to a pointwhere I was confident in that
and I felt at home in it.
And you know, when my I rememberwhen one of my friends was like
(41:59):
boss, which, like I, was likehell, yes, and it's almost like
it's a moment of empowerment andreally being like, yeah, like
I've got, I've got this, like Iknow who I am, I know what I
believe, I know the mark I wantto make on this world, and those
(42:20):
words really encompass all ofthat for me.
Words really encompass all ofthat for me.
And you know, my spell orprayer or wish is that, like
every woman, every person whowalks through this world like,
has that like steel in theirsoul where there's something
that they can come back to as atouchdown and say, hell yes,
(42:40):
this is who I am.
This is how you know what Ibelieve in.
This is who I want to be andI'm going to walk through the
world being able to be that andand if I can do just a little
bit to help bring that about,then done what I need to do.
Candace Patrice (42:58):
Wow, so your spiritual belief would be
classified as Wiccan correct?
That's correct, yeah.
What is as Wiccan correct?
That's correct, yeah, what isthe Wiccan belief system.
Misty Bell Stiers (43:12):
So it's actually really interesting when
it all comes down to a phrasecalled do no harm.
So it's about live the life youwant to live.
Do so without harming someoneelse.
The idea that the power of theuniverse is in our bones, that
(43:40):
it's not something that isnecessarily outside of us, but
that we are part, intricatelyconnected to everything in the
world, whether it's, you know,it's very earth-based.
So, whether it's, you know, thetree outside my window and the
bugs that are, unfortunately, inmy kitchen, probably, or
whatever.
That is that, like we are allconnected and that I have to,
(44:03):
like I honor that.
I honor the fact that I'm notat the top of the food chain,
I'm just in a web ofconnectedness and that the
actions I take and the decisionsI make have an impact on all of
that.
And it's my responsibility tounderstand that and my
responsibility to honor it.
Honor it and the idea that youknow, recognizing that there is
(44:35):
magic in all of that, like beingable to revel in the things I
don't have answers to andcelebrate them and enjoy being
part of them.
Candace Patrice (44:48):
Yeah, I have a question.
Yeah, as a Wiccan, do youbelieve in love?
Misty Bell Stiers (44:55):
Oh, absolutely.
Candace Patrice (44:56):
Absolutely.
How about joy?
Misty Bell Stiers (44:58):
Always.
Candace Patrice (44:59):
Peace, striving Kindness, foundational Goodness
, always Foundational Goodness,always.
Faithfulness yes, gentlenessyes.
Misty Bell Stiers (45:12):
Self-control.
I mean I believe in it andstrive for it.
We won't say that I canpractice it on a regular basis.
Candace Patrice (45:23):
I ask you those things because you say Wiccan,
I say Christian, but in theBible the fruit of the spirit is
love, joy, peace, forbearance,kindness, goodness, faithfulness
, gentleness and self-control.
Misty Bell Stiers (45:37):
Yeah.
So we practice the same thingswe do we do, things we do we do.
It's so what I love about thestudying that I did of, like all
the different belief systems,is that they really come down.
It really all comes down tolove.
Yes, and we're all, we're allbelieving and practicing and
(45:58):
celebrating a lot of the verysimilar things.
Yes, and and it fills me up toknow that, and while having to
leave behind my sort of myoriginal spiritual home was
heartbreaking, it led me to anunderstanding of that that I
don't know if I would havegotten to otherwise, and it's
(46:22):
something that I find to be oneof the most beautiful things in
the world.
Like my very best friend isCatholic.
She's like a sister to me andlike I am who I am in large part
because of her, and I love that, as my wheel of the year turns,
that she and I are celebratingthe same things, Like we're
coming up on spring right nowand she's getting ready to, like
(46:45):
you know, join in Lent and beconscious of what it means to
like not have abundance and tobe aware of, you know, her own
privilege and you know sufferingthat happens and you know
really thinking and meditatingthrough that, really thinking
and meditating through that,whereas the end of winter is
that for me, right Like thedarkness and like welcoming it
(47:08):
in and understanding it and myown experience in it, and then
both of us will be celebratingthe return of light to the world
and the hope that comes withlight after darkness.
And you know, and I love that,as she and I and our families
move through the year, we areoften celebrating very similar
(47:29):
things.
Candace Patrice (47:30):
Yeah.
Misty Bell Stiers (47:32):
And I love being able to like witness that
on such a close level.
Candace Patrice (47:38):
You talk about magic and spells.
What does that mean to you andhow is that practiced for you?
Misty Bell Stiers (47:46):
I like to say that spells or prayers just
pointed in a different direction, right, neither get answered or
happen without a little bit ofwork.
You have to open yourself up tothe possibility of something
happening, you have to worktowards it happening and have
faith that the world willprovide for you in some way.
(48:09):
Or you know God will providefor you in some way.
Like a prayer is pointed up orout, right Um to your chosen.
You know higher power and myspell is the same.
It's just a way for me to focusmy intention and really sort of
(48:29):
almost hold myself accountableby sending it out into the world
.
Yes, and so that's, I mean, Ithink that's what it means to me
.
Magic to me is sort of the artof being present and intentional
and being able to like,recognize and celebrate all
those things that fly by in therush of days and and
(48:52):
understanding that, like they'regifts, like our life is a gift,
and if we don't stop torecognize the beauty around us,
even when it's hard, like tolike, celebrate and recognize
the light when it feels like weare trapped in the darkest of
rooms, like the act of that isthe magic, like it doesn't even
(49:15):
have to be the thing.
Yeah, it's that moment of howfantastic is it that, like, I
got to like I was admittedlythreatening a little bit my
children earlier to be quietwhile I was on this podcast and,
as I like, as I literally wentto go hit the mute button, you
(49:37):
were like I'll be right back.
I have to talk to my daughterreally quick to let her know and
and and and.
In my heart I was like, well,how beautiful is that that we're
like thousands of miles awayand we're just mothers, yeah,
trying to like figure out how tomake this work, like little
kids on the other side of thedoor.
Yes, like there's magic in that, right, yes, yes.
(49:57):
And so I think that the act ofbeing able to like take a moment
and be like how wonderful isthat Right Like moment and be
like oh, how wonderful is thatRight.
Like, I am not alone.
Yes, and when we were talking,you know, the three of us were
talking about what it meant tobe a mom and like those moments
of being motherhood, like, weare connected by that.
Yes, like, and we have thepower and love and strength of
(50:23):
the bazillions of mothers whohave come before us, who are
just waiting in the wings togive us what they have, so that
we can be the mothers that maybethey weren't able to be, and we
are raising daughters to gofurther and do more and the same
right.
(50:44):
That's what magic is to me, likethose the recognize the
recognition of those things.
Candace Patrice (50:52):
You know, I wrote down one thing that I
think is magical, and that'sgratitude.
Gratitude is a very magicalpractice, and what comes from
that is peace and joy.
Yeah, allowing us to experienceand be grateful for all things
(51:13):
that happen.
Something so small, you know,like you said, just the fact
that we were similarly doing thesame things at the same time.
It's like good thing I'm notalone, like I'm grateful to have
someone in this life doing thesame things at the same time.
It's like good thing I'm notalone, like I'm grateful to have
someone in this life doing thesame thing as me in this moment,
because it's wild over here,right right.
Misty Bell Stiers (51:36):
And gratitude has such power.
Like I read something that I'man incredibly anxious person.
Anxiety off the roof.
I take medication, it's fine.
Janet Hale (51:47):
I have a great person.
Candace Patrice (51:48):
Anxiety Off the roof.
I take medication.
It's fine.
I have a great therapist,everything is good.
Misty Bell Stiers (51:51):
I don't know, I read something that was like
your brain has a hard time beinganxious and grateful at the
same time.
Really, if you're able andlisten, I'm not always able to
do this.
Anxiety is my way of preparingso like it's fine, but uh, it's
(52:13):
a superpower.
But when things get really,really like, when I find myself
sort of being overwhelmed andyou sort of, I can find myself
sinking into that like dark holewhere I don't know if I can get
myself out, if I can find thatthat one thing to like
concentrate on and be like I'mso glad that this is in my life,
(52:36):
or I'm so grateful that I'mable to, or just to like hold a
picture of my kids, likesomething that we've gotten on a
trip or whatever it is, andlike pour my energy and my
intention and my presence intothat gratitude.
It helps.
Candace Patrice (52:55):
Yeah, I have one more question on my end.
And then it looks like Janet,well, I'll do mine in a second.
Go ahead, mom.
On my end, and then it lookslike janet, well, I'll do mine
second.
Janet Hale (53:09):
Go ahead, mom.
I so appreciate, um, that tohave you here.
Candace mentioned that you werecoming.
She knew that I was going to beexcited about you coming.
I was like I can't wait tillshe come, um, and and because
the the when people hear theword wicked or witch, get caught
up, just like.
You kind of rejected it at first, like what the hell is that?
I had talked to her and I said,candace, I've been knowing
(53:30):
about it, but I don't talk aboutit.
So, one of the things that Isay a lot on the show, I'm not
religious and so, and it justsimply means that I am not in an
organized religion, right, yeah?
And basically, when you madethe comment about the suicide
(53:52):
and going to the church andsaying, hey, you know I'm
hurting, you know somebody, youknow they took their lives,
opposed to saying, well, we'regoing to pray for them because
they committed the sin.
Opposed to saying my, what wasit that was on their mind that
(54:13):
they felt that they couldn'tdeal with?
Like, what kind of pain werethey in, like you know, so,
coming from that space, and thenthat sounds like led you into
well, I don't know if I want to.
No, that's not where I'm at withthat no-transcript and that is
(54:59):
that they believe in the earth,taking care of the earth and
those kinds of things.
It was just really good to hearyou speak on that, um, and to
help others understand that wecan be different in our
religions or not religious orhowever it is, but as long as
we're coming from a place oflove and candace, did those
(55:21):
lists, that list of those thingson that list, that?
in my mind, you're okay.
You know what I mean whensomeone may say, well, because
you're this, I don't like youbecause you're that.
I'm like man, I like youbecause you're that.
Okay, tell me a little bitabout that.
Okay, one of the things andI've shared this on the podcast
(55:44):
if I was not but the JehovahWitnesses right, I used to let
them, you know, listen, theywere not going to do it.
I'd be like, hey, you know,tell them my name.
Look, I'm not coming to thehall, I'm not going to be a
Jehovah Witness, but I'm open tolearning.
Come on in.
I got coffee.
I got coffee creamer.
I said, well, I said I'm aproclaimed hippie.
I said you know, so justunderstand all that.
Wait a minute.
So they would come and stay forhours.
(56:04):
This is so funny.
Then they started coming everyweek and she kept bringing a
different person.
I'm like, oh, so y'all went inthe hippie act and pulled the
name to say who's going to meetthe hippie?
I said that's cool.
So they would come over andthey're like but one woman said
something.
Oh, a few of them said a fewthings, because I would tell
them you know I'm not religious,but you know, I want to hear
what you're saying.
And then they would saysomething and I said well,
(56:25):
here's my interpretation of that, you know, because I believe
grown folks we should be able todo that Talk about our
differences and be okay.
That's my thinking and that'show I approach the world.
I'm a little different and Ilove it, but anyway, so one of
the women she brought somebodyto meet, debbie, and so she was
(56:45):
leaving out and she saidsomething.
She said excuse me.
She said I've been in manyhomes that are religious, but
I've never felt as comfortablein those homes as I do in this
one.
See, those are the things thatI'm talking about.
The connection.
You said something earlier.
You said but we just met, and Isaid, no, we didn't.
Do you remember that?
(57:08):
Yeah, because we're alwaysconnected and we noticed how,
when we got together, it wasalmost as if we'd been knowing
each other for 20 years.
They don't know that, on theother end, beautifully said, we
were just like into it.
So I appreciate you bringingthat perspective, because do you
hear the word witch?
Misty Bell Stiers (57:29):
Oh hold on.
Janet Hale (57:30):
No, come on.
Come on, let's open our heartsand our minds, Okay, and let's
think and here's the thingpeople do the best that they can
do.
So if we think in that thoughtprocess, then we can be open to
hear different things.
It may not be my thing, Right?
(57:53):
You follow me Like my daughtersare Christians.
You know I'm not.
And guess what?
We have conversations.
You know.
Nobody's walking around herehuffing and puffing, you know.
Candace Patrice (58:05):
Because we still walk through life.
We do and I'm like, how did?
Janet Hale (58:07):
I have two kids.
I'm not religious right, butboth my children picked up a
religion and did that thing.
Candace Patrice (58:15):
Guess what my brother, my brother died.
He died of more.
Janet Hale (58:18):
I mean like they came out of my body, okay.
And then one of my kids saidmom, you're the first one you
took us to the first church.
I said no, I didn't.
He said, yes, you did.
I said no, I didn't.
Well, I used to go to a church.
It was my hippie church.
Anyway, it was called theChurch of the Day.
Now it's called I don't knowwhat it is, because they've
changed it but in this church,let me share this with you.
(58:40):
You because, okay, candace,please don't kick me off the
thing.
I know she is In this churchthey had Buddhism, the one with
the H, they had the Quran.
I took somebody, mydaughter-in-law, and she was so
(59:01):
mad oh my, don't you ever bringme back in here?
And I'm thinking, why not?
Because it's an open space tobe whoever you are.
If it's in love, come in.
Candace Patrice (59:14):
The door is open the bookstore was kind of
dope you like.
I bet it was.
It was man and it did have allof that.
I don't know why I rememberthat, but it did have everything
in it, as well as powdereddonuts.
Misty Bell Stiers (59:27):
Okay, I feel like it's a universal church
thing.
Powdered donuts.
Janet Hale (59:31):
Yeah, right, yeah, but the other parts they don't
have all those other things.
You follow me.
I bet they had a Wicked book inthere, I just didn't see it.
You know what I mean.
So but it was just it was thatkind of and that's where I want
to live, that's where I want tobe, because, see, that's the
magic for me.
You follow me, like when wewere talking earlier.
(59:52):
Life is life and I want to beon this trip.
I want to do this thing, I'mall into it.
I got my coffee, so I'm aboutto hug.
Candace Patrice (01:00:03):
Thank you very much.
I just want to ask one morequestion because we are going to
close up.
I don't know how it's been anhour and we spent the first 20
minutes outside of recording.
But you were talking aboutafter you went through your
accident and not having placesand spaces that were for you,
(01:00:26):
and it opened your mind to bemore inclusive.
What is one change that you'vemade in the world that you are
really proud of?
Misty Bell Stiers (01:00:40):
That's such a good question.
I mean I could.
I could talk about my job likeyou know, like something I've
done in my work that has hasmade a difference, or like
personally.
I think I'm going to give youtwo answers.
Personally, I think I'vestarted questioning why I think
(01:01:04):
things like.
I start to feel a way, and I'veit's become a habit to be like
do I feel this way because ofwhat I've been taught?
Or do I feel this way becauseit's real?
Um, everything from like thatfirst initial impression of
someone, or when someone'swalking towards me on the street
, or, um, when I'm readingsomething, when I'm reading
(01:01:25):
something, I feel like that haschanged the way I walk through
the world and that has been abig change.
But honestly, the most beautifulmoment I've ever had and it's
so small was I go to some paganpride festivals and I went to
the one in New York right afterI'd written my first book and
(01:01:47):
there was a woman there who wassort of at the festival all day
and I saw her a couple of timesand she would walk by the booth
and look at stuff and then, youknow, keep going.
She went to one of my workshopsand at the end.
Toward the end of the day, Ilooked up and she was 20 yards
away and she was crying and Iwalked over to her and I was
(01:02:08):
like, are you okay?
Can I get someone for you?
Like, you know, is theresomething you need?
And she said I've been workingup the courage all day to talk
to you because I don't know howto thank you for giving me a
chance to feel less alone andgiving me a chance to feel less
alone.
I wrote that book just because Iwas worried that my kids, like
(01:02:30):
something would happen to me andno one would be able to explain
to my kids why I believed whatI did.
And it was the only thing I hadin my mind, right Like I want
them to know, I want them toknow, I want them to know.
And I remember standing therewith this young woman who was
(01:02:52):
like excited to meet me, whichwas bizarre.
(01:03:13):
I broke something in me where,like, all I wanted to do was
keep making people feel that way.
Candace Patrice (01:03:21):
Yeah, yeah and maybe if it's just her, yeah, it
the one, yeah.
So all you need is one.
If you can change one life,then you've done a great job,
right?
So congratulations already,because you know you've done at
least one well you know you'vedone at least two maybe three,
(01:03:43):
because I like to include myself.
I'm saying you and I.
Well, that makes us three.
Two and three.
You're two and I'm three.
Okay.
Janet Hale (01:03:55):
I know it's math, too much math one plus one plus
one, that's a lot.
I was just saying that she'smade a difference in two other
people's lives and I was saying,saying that she's made a
difference in two other people'slives and I was saying you and
I Right, and you're saying who'sthe third one?
Candace Patrice (01:04:12):
Well, we're number two and three.
Janet Hale (01:04:15):
She just told us about number one.
No, I said two more people,that one person that's her.
I'm not excluding thatexperience.
Candace Patrice (01:04:23):
I know you said one more and I was just saying
two more.
Janet Hale (01:04:26):
I thought I said two .
Whatever you said one, Iappreciate it.
All the logistics of math, no,no, no, we need to stop talking
math.
No because math is not my thing,no, no, it's not my thing.
But yes, and you are, in myopinion, a light.
You are truly a light, and somany lights are just appearing
(01:04:54):
and I think, and I say this andI hear this, but your tribe will
find you, your people will findyou.
We are aligned to meet.
This whole thing is not bymistake, this meeting that we're
having right now, thisconversation that we're having.
Oh, and Missy, when I wrote inthe chat, I feel you, because
(01:05:18):
some of the things you weretalking, I could feel your
emotions, I could feel it.
So she's writing something.
She told me to be quiet.
Okay, never know, never know.
So it's just a delight and I,you know, okay.
That's all I want to say is Iappreciate you showing up for us
(01:05:51):
and for all the listeners, andplease, listeners who have heard
her and it's changed your mindabout a Wiccan or a witch,
please share that with us,because it's important for us to
be able to learn differentthings, to be able to look at
life through different lenses.
So I appreciate you for that.
Misty Bell Stiers (01:06:09):
Thank you so much.
I really can't express mygratitude for being able to
speak to both of you today andfor your amazingly warm welcome,
and it felt like I was.
It feels like I'm just hangingout with friends, and so I hope
that this is just the first of alot of conversations that we
(01:06:30):
have in the next years of ourlives Absolutely Well.
Candace Patrice (01:06:34):
Thank you, misty, and for those of you
listening, continue to look atwhat it is that you have.
Continue to search for what itis that you're searching for.
Don't stop until just don'tstop, because even when you
think you found it, there'sstill more to learn.
(01:06:54):
So continue to learn throughoutlife all of the things.
Continue to take in what it isthat other people are
experiencing.
Hear their challenges and seewhere you can help in the world.
See where you can make theworld a better place, and just
starting with one person.
There are people looking to beinfluencers and want to reach
(01:07:14):
the masses, but their goal isthe masses.
Start with one.
If you start with one, you'llreach everyone you need to reach
, so keep that in mind.
And, of course, everyone.
Misty, will you give us yoursocial media where the people
can get your book from all ofthat beautiful stuff?
Misty Bell Stiers (01:07:34):
Absolutely.
You can find me mostly onInstagram because I'm old at
Misty Bell Stiers,M-I-S-T-Y-B-E-L-L-S-T-I much
anywhere by that handle andthere's a URL.
(01:07:56):
You can find my website thereand you can buy my books really
just about anywhere.
You look Barnes, Noble, AmazonTarget really just about
anywhere.
You look Barnes and NobleAmazon Target.
If you type in my name, you'llget those.
But the first one is calledwhich, Please, and the second
one is Light, Fire and Abundance.
The second one's a cookbook, ifyou're interested in such
(01:08:17):
things, but I would love toshare that with whoever would be
interested.
Candace Patrice (01:08:23):
Thank you so much and, of course, you can
find Essential Motivation atEssentialMotivationcom On
Instagram.
It's CandicePatrice, underscoreEM.
There is an EssentialMotivation Instagram page too,
but I do not use it because Ihave found that I am my own
brand.
I am Essential Motivation, so Iam, I am, I am the I brand.
(01:08:45):
I am essential motivation, so Iam, I am, I am the I am, I am
Candace.
You can find Janet's website athellempowermentllccom and you
can sign up for coachingprograms and everything.
So much to do, share thispodcast with someone else and
(01:09:07):
send us a respond through texton the platform that you are
listening on.
There should be a link to beable to do so.
So we thank you all so much.
Remember to always love hard,forgive often and laugh frequent
.
Bye, guys, bye.
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