November 21, 2024 • 55 mins
It's Therapy Thursday!!
Discover the transformative journey of Denise Schonwald, a former critical care nurse turned licensed mental health counselor, as she integrates the worlds of mental and physical health. Her inspiring narrative, alongside insights from her children's book "Getting Back to Happy," reveals the profound connection between emotional and physical well-being. We explore how anxiety manifests physically and discuss the importance of addressing root causes for holistic healing. With a focus on gut health and the consequences of unresolved emotional issues, Denise shares her unique approach to wellness, offering listeners a fresh perspective on achieving balance.
Our dialogue extends into the realm of addiction, presenting a holistic view that intertwines mental, physical, and spiritual health. Drawing from my book "Healing Your Body by Mastering Your Mind," we examine the body's way of signaling distress and the role of addictions in providing temporary relief. We emphasize the necessity of addressing underlying issues to truly break free from addictive cycles, likening the process to peeling away the layers of an onion. This layered healing journey encourages listeners to view addictive patterns from a new angle, understanding the intricate interplay of emotions and behaviors.
Navigating the complexities of trauma, spirituality, and domestic violence in therapy, we stress the importance of a safe, supportive environment. Whether it's learning to trust one's body, finding the right therapist, or understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships, our conversation offers practical insights and personal anecdotes. We discuss the spiritual dimension of healing and decision-making, providing valuable tools for listeners seeking alternative health practices. As the episode concludes, listeners are reminded of the power of community engagement and are encouraged to explore diverse approaches to personal and professional growth.
Links:
Website: https://deniseschonwald.com/
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/deniseschonwaldllc/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@deniseschonwald/videos
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/denise-schonwald/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deniseschonwald/
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Candace Patrice (00:05):
Hello and welcome back to another episode
of Essential Mental Healingwhere I am your host, candice
Fleming, joining me.
Today we have my wonderful,lovely co-host, janet Hale my
lovely mother.
And we also have a wonderfulguest joining us today, who's
(00:28):
all about the holistic healing,and you all know how I feel
about that, so let's welcomeDenise.
Hi, welcome Denise.
How are you?
How are you?
Denise Schonwald (00:49):
Doing well, thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Candace Patrice (00:52):
Absolutely, absolutely.
Could you tell our listeners alittle bit about you, how you
got started, what you do rightnow, and then we're going to
jump on in this thing.
Denise Schonwald (01:02):
Hello everyone , I'm Denise Schonwald.
I started my career as acritical care nurse more than 30
years ago and about 10 yearsago I decided to bridge over and
I'm now a licensed mentalhealth counselor practicing here
in Sarasota, Florida, butnationally licensed also, so I
see clients all over the UnitedStates, which is really great.
(01:24):
Licensed also, so I see clientsall over the United States,
which is really great.
And I've authored about fourbooks now talking about how our
mental health affects ourphysical health, so combining
both of my licenses to helppeople obtain optimal wellness.
Candace Patrice (01:38):
Nice.
I actually had the pleasure ofreading one of your books.
I didn't get to the other,which I'm so looking forward to
because I saw it had the chakrasand things in it and I'm really
big on that opening our chakras, and I can tell when my chakras
are open because my heart ismore open.
Yes, but I know I'm jumping inreally early, really early.
(02:02):
But there is this book calledgetting back to happy, which is
a children's book, and would youhold that back up?
Yeah, getting back to happy andthis book I read with me and my
daughter were playing a Barbiesand or not Barbies dolls.
She has some dolls that werehanded down to her the ceramic,
(02:22):
beautiful dolls and we wereplaying and it was one of the
ways to get the dolls back ontrack.
So in the middle of play, wedecided to read the book.
When I tell you, my daughterthought this book was written
for her and was about her.
She loved it so much and we arefrom Michigan, so when her
(02:43):
parents were, her grandparentswere from Michigan, she was like
, oh my goodness, and each timewe would turn the page she would
go that's me, that's me.
And then she's in therapy aswell, so she would go.
That's her therapist, that'sher therapist, that's my
therapist and she just thetherapy that she was getting,
(03:05):
it's emotional support.
She went know that it was basedoff of a little girl's story.
Yes, could you tell us a littlebit about that journey, how you
(03:32):
got to this book, and thenwe'll get back to all of the
other things.
Denise Schonwald (03:37):
This little girl in the book came to me
about a year ago.
Her mother had taken her to allkinds of doctors for stomach
issues, so she had been to anutritionist and a chiropractor
and finally she hired her a lifecoach and the coach said you
know, I really think she couldbenefit from some mental health
(03:57):
counseling.
And it turned out that a lot ofher stomach issues were just
because she had a lot of anxiety.
Somebody was making fun of herat school, and so she would wake
up in the morning very sick onher stomach, couldn't eat, had
trouble leaving her mom when shegot to school and not realizing
that a lot of this was moremental than physical, even
(04:21):
though they had eliminated a lotof foods in her diet which made
it hard when she went toparties and birthday parties and
so forth.
And so she doesn't live near me,so we would meet on Zoom and at
the end of every session shewould want to read me one of her
books.
So she was a big reader and soI said you know it might be
really helpful if you couldwrite a book about your story.
(04:43):
And so you know she was.
She was great.
She had a lot of really goodinput and we wrote it together
and and a lot of the childrenthat read it think I've written
it for them, which is fantastic.
Candace Patrice (04:57):
Yes, that is.
That is extremely beautiful.
I actually have gut issues aswell.
I have ulcerative colitisbeautiful, I actually have gut
issues as well.
I have ulcerative colitis.
And seeing how it doesn'treally manifest in my gut it
manifests in my eyes so I haveto take steroids for it but
seeing how the gut it affects somuch of us but I didn't realize
(05:19):
that the mental affects the gut, which then in turn affects
everything.
It's like a reciprocal thing.
So getting that help in allareas so you combining physical
and mental is amazing.
Janet Hale (05:33):
Did you have?
Candace Patrice (05:34):
something to say, mom.
Janet Hale (05:35):
Yes, I did.
Thank you, and I hope that ourmillions of listeners hear you,
because a lot of times peopleare not getting to the root of
(05:56):
the issue and it sounds to methat you are one that will go
right to the root of the issueand not put a Band-Aid on it.
And I'm going to speak to justa real laid-back situation here.
(06:18):
But I'm going to speak toCandace's situation, which she
just mentioned mentioned to thepublic on her own.
So I'm not disclosing anything,as she has not.
I want to make that clear, makethat disclaimer.
Oftentimes I would ask were youaffected by me and your dad's
(06:38):
divorce?
Were you affected by my traumathat I had not dealt with, that
I allowed to parent during thattime, before I knew better?
The answer is always no.
(07:10):
I ask that question oftenbecause I'm a recovering
alcoholic.
I heard her dad, you know, gotdivorced and he died on I don't
know, I feel like that was ajoke he did on me, but that's
okay, because it was a yearafter and then, boom, I'm out.
But that's okay, but cause itwas a year after and then boom,
I'm out.
But but to hear that, I findthat to be extremely important.
It's even in this situation, inthis circle, in hearing that,
(07:36):
because my question willcontinue to be that for my
daughter, because she livedthrough some trauma and, as the
mother who sits with her adultdaughter can say, I know that
(08:03):
you suffered through myuntreated trauma, through my
parenting, from my traumareactions.
So I will continue to ask thatquestion until someone like you
come around to help.
Denise Schonwald (08:24):
So thank you, you're welcome.
Candace Patrice (08:27):
I have a question for you.
I know I jumped into thechildren's book, but you have
four books.
Is your passion in children oradults, or does it not matter?
Denise Schonwald (08:42):
Certainly I work with both, but three of my
other books are all more adults.
One's on relationships, one'show our mental health affects
our physical health and theother one is just called
Insightful Self-Therapy.
I took a lot of topics thatpeople often ask me about and
just wrote like a dailydevotional for people to read
about all kinds of issues thatare many times sort of the topic
(09:07):
of conversation.
Candace Patrice (09:09):
Yeah, which one is your favorite book and why?
Denise Schonwald (09:13):
My favorite is Healing your Body by Mastering
your Mind, and so how I sort ofthat came to me is one of the
things I loved about nursing andI loved about the body is the
body is very sophisticated andthe body will let you know
what's happening, what's goingon with it, through pain or some
(09:33):
sort of symptom, and we'reusually pretty good about
noticing that and going to thedoctor.
When I bridged over to mentalhealth, I was a little bit
concerned because I felt likemental health issues were a
little blurry, like why do somepeople have anxiety?
Why do some people overeat?
Why do all these things happen?
And then I realized a lot ofthings.
(09:55):
I sort of a lot of patternsabout how and so certain
emotions affect certain parts ofthe body, and so now I really
understand the science behindmental health and why we're
doing what we're doing and howthe body's being impacted.
So when I wrote that book, Itried to sort of bring it all
(10:17):
together so that it was sort ofeasy to read, digestible and
helped people sort of bridge andcombine mental, spiritual and
physical health.
Candace Patrice (10:30):
So, would you say, the need to feel is what is
kind of?
How do I phrase this?
So people have addictionsbecause they usually are dealing
with something else, whetherit's anger, whether it's trauma,
all of the things.
So the addiction creates thisfeeling, but I'm assuming it
(10:55):
creates this happy feelingthat's unable to be attained
mentally.
So is it safe to say thataddictions or the?
I'm so lost for how to say this.
I can help you with that,please, please, someone jump in.
Janet Hale (11:18):
I'm thinking of adaptive behaviors, but go ahead
Go ahead.
Denise Schonwald (11:37):
Well, what happens is when we need to learn
something or when we need togrow or manifest whatever.
Emotions that we experience areusually pretty uncomfortable or
we would never pay attention tothem.
And most of, or many of thethings that we experience we
experience, we learn from, andthen they leave the body.
Certain emotions we don'treally struggle with, but there
are certain ones that sit in thebody and they're very hard for
(11:57):
the body to hold.
They cause the body to stressquite a bit.
After a while, the mind getsvery active and we start to
think and overthink and worryand have guilt and so forth.
And then what happens is, aftera while, the body doesn't know
that a lot of it we make upbecause we do make up a lot of
things we imagine a lot ofthings.
We imagine what people arethinking and saying and doing
(12:20):
and where we're going to be intwo years or what's going to
happen to us.
After a while the body getstired.
The body says, listen, I can'tdo this anymore.
So then the mind comes in andsays, well, I've got a good idea
.
The mind's going to remembersomething that maybe will give
it some relief.
And this is where shoppingcomes in food, alcohol, all
(12:43):
kinds of things, smoking,marijuana and then the mind gets
very connected to or attachedto whatever it's come up with,
and this is where addiction sortof starts to creep in.
Janet Hale (12:58):
May I?
Oh, okay, may I when you weretalking first of all, I don't
know if I just said this, butthe body keeps the score.
Yes, love the book.
Yeah, because it's almost that.
For me, it is a way of numbing.
(13:19):
Whatever that hurt is, it's away to comfort.
Whatever that hurt is, it's away to comfort.
Denise Schonwald (13:24):
Yes.
Janet Hale (13:25):
Whatever that hurt is, and so it's, in my opinion,
it's actually, I know, for me itwas a thank you to the
addiction and a goodbye to theaddiction, and I think you get
(13:51):
what.
I'm saying so thank you forbeing there for me in the way,
although it was a crazy way, butfor helping me get through
whatever it was that I had notdealt with.
Yes, that I thought I was soafraid of.
Whatever that may be.
Yes, now I must say goodbye toyou.
However, before I say mygoodbye, let me thank you,
(14:16):
because it also serves a purpose.
Denise Schonwald (14:18):
Absolutely Now , I no longer need you.
Janet Hale (14:22):
I no longer need you , right, yes, so now I'm saying
goodbye like a relationshipwe're about to break up.
Denise Schonwald (14:33):
And sometimes if we don't heal sort of what
caused that, we will just go toanother addiction.
So we have to be a little bitcareful that if there's no true
healing then the mind goes okay,I'll pick something else, since
I'm going to, or now we'regoing to smoke, or now we're
(14:55):
going to get whatever that is.
So it's very important andwe're so afraid to go down to
where that pain is to release itthat we'll do almost anything
to not feel it.
Janet Hale (15:11):
Oh, you're good.
Okay, all right.
Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am, yes,ma'am, yes, ma'am.
And also I thought about whenyou were talking in the healing
process, because it doesn'thappen overnight, you know that.
Denise Schonwald (15:24):
Correct.
Janet Hale (15:31):
Been in out when you were talking in the healing
process, because it doesn'thappen overnight.
You know that, correct, been inthis business, um, and
sometimes it's like an onion.
It's a layer, right, I don'tknow.
You tell me if I'm right orwrong.
Okay, yes, um, it's a layer.
So there's this part that, okay, discovered blah, blah, blah,
dealt with that.
The ooh, there's something else.
Oh, I didn't know that wasthere.
Now I have to look at that, ornot?
Hopefully you do.
(15:52):
Let's take this deep dive again.
Denise Schonwald (15:57):
I say we pack it in like snow.
Pack it in like snow.
Janet Hale (16:02):
And so when you said that, I thought that was cool
Because, yeah, if we're notcareful and open, we will
transfer our addiction.
Denise Schonwald (16:12):
Yes.
Janet Hale (16:12):
However, for me, when that transfer is happening,
I start identifying.
In other words, we'll be realtransparent on this show because
we are for me.
Sometimes I'll pick up theeating and I'll say this all out
(16:33):
this is what's interesting,I'll do this.
So I'm eating away at myfeelings, I'm talking it out.
It's still happening, but I'mtalking it out, it's still
happening, but I'm identifyingit Right, and so it's like the
(16:54):
whole thing of okay, the workneeds to be done.
I need to get started, orwhatever that is for me Also,
I'm so.
Oh man, I understand.
You do holistic work, which Ithink is very important, which
(17:17):
is something that is oftenmissed and how sometimes I want
to say this not make people, not, no, I'm going to say it.
Sometimes therapy doesn't workbecause it depends on and I
always say this the therapist Isthat, you know, is this
therapist?
Does it know it?
Does this therapist knowanything about trauma?
(17:38):
Is this a traditional way thatpeople do things?
Are they open to new ways ofdoing things, because times are
changing and you appear to besomeone who is staying on top of
the next thing, like, yeah, weused to do it this way.
(18:02):
Okay, now we're learning thatwe need to do it this way.
Denise Schonwald (18:06):
Well, certainly the body is very good
about letting us know what itneeds.
As I said before, we're verygood with physical problems,
emotional problems we're notquite as good with.
We live with our anxiety, wepush through our guilt, and so a
lot of times we're notrealizing that the body, these
(18:28):
are symptoms that our nervoussystem is out of balance.
Candace Patrice (18:34):
I have a question, Of course I have many
questions.
So would you say that fixingthe mind can fix the addiction?
Denise Schonwald (18:43):
Yes, learning, noticing, why the body?
Why do I need to do this?
What is it that I'm looking forthat I'm not getting?
Because, again, when thenervous system is stressed, the
body can't hold it for longperiods of time without getting
(19:04):
sick, and so then the mind comesin and will connect to
something outside in theenvironment to feel better.
Depending upon which addictionyou're going to tells me what
emotions you're struggling with.
Candace Patrice (19:21):
This is a two-parter.
Hmm, this is a two-parter.
So I heard you say the bodycan't.
It can't hold on to thediscomfort for too long.
But how long can the body holdon to some discomfort or stress
in the body or mind before itbecomes uncomfortable and starts
(19:41):
to reach out for some otherform of healing?
Denise Schonwald (19:45):
Well, a lot of times people live with their
discomfort for years and yearsand years, uncomfortable, and
starts to reach out for someother form of healing.
Well, a lot of times peoplelive with their discomfort for
years and years and years andthat comes out in physical
problems such as autoimmune,like fibromyalgia MS, I mean
(20:10):
these are, and so what thattells me is that discomfort has
been in the body a long longtime?
Candace Patrice (20:13):
Wow.
So I know that alcohol is, orat least I've been told.
I didn't really do the research, but I trust the source it came
from, that alcohol is one ofthe only addictions that you
can't go cold turkey with.
Denise Schonwald (20:34):
It's certainly one of the most it's very
dangerous to withdraw from.
So a lot of times you need somemedical help with that.
I mean, that's one that thebody gets very dependent.
When people would come in tohave surgery and go into
critical care, they'd often saythat they didn't drink as much
as they did.
But day two or three, when theystarted to get you know the DTs
and and started to be at havingthis psychosis, we realized
(20:56):
they were drinking a little bitmore than they had admitted to.
But but alcohol there's certain, there's energies in the body
and alcohol is the solar plexus.
So that's the stomach, that'sour energy around the stomach
(21:16):
and that says that ourrelationship with ourselves is
not healthy.
Fear is there, sensitivity andcriticism is there.
Not feeling that we can standup and speak for ourselves is
there.
So when that gets trust, isthere.
When that gets blocked, weeither overeat, don't eat or
(21:37):
drink alcohol.
So we have to understand whythe body, why the alcohol as
opposed to something else.
Janet Hale (21:43):
You made me think of something, and and that is this
going into a therapist officewith a hangover, pretty much
with the shakes on the way to a,and say my name is Janet and
(22:15):
I've been in recovery for somany years and I've had a
relapse.
Now I'm actively drinking.
I know I'm sitting in thistherapy chair, but I'm sitting
here because I need help.
I tell you about the act ofdrinking because I'm real glad
(22:36):
you have coffee right here,because I need it.
Also, to say I'm bringing mywhole self to this process
Because, in order to get better,I got to let you know who I am
and I must expose those piecesof me.
(22:57):
You know I can't come in hereand say you know, I have a glass
of wine every now and then,nope, that's not what's
happening.
The line every now and then,nope, that's not what's
happening.
So I appreciate that.
When you said, people will sayyou know, I've only, I only have
a beer once a week until theyget somewhere, and then they
have the dt's and differentthings of that nature.
So, um, yeah, so thank you forthat.
Denise Schonwald (23:19):
as you know, it's very painful because it's,
and so it's hard, and Iunderstand that.
And so in therapy it'simportant to honor the person
sitting in front of you.
If they're not ready to talkabout their trauma, it's
certainly not appropriate topull it out of them for the sake
(23:39):
of you know.
So you have to allow this spacethat a person's comfortable
with to process it, and ifthey're not ready, you also have
to allow this space that aperson's comfortable with to
process it.
And if they're not ready, youalso have to honor that, because
some people are just not ready.
Candace Patrice (23:56):
How would you suggest so someone going into
therapy who's not ready to dealwith their traumas, but they're
just, they know they need it andso they're seeking assistance?
How would you suggest to aperson to advocate for
themselves when they're beingpushed in places that are too
uncomfortable or too raw forthem at that time?
Denise Schonwald (24:18):
One of the first questions that I ask when
I meet someone is is there, doyou have any trauma that you
feel is important to share?
And they may say no, and it'spretty apparent to me there's
probably something there, butthey're not ready.
Okay, I have to honor that, sowe'll talk about other things
(24:38):
and eventually, hopefully, youhave a good enough relationship
where they start to let it outand when they do let it out, you
let it come out at the pacethat they're comfortable.
Sort of ripping the bandaidopen is not going to do anything
.
This is something that they'veheld sometimes since childhood.
This has been in the body formany, many years and they have
(25:01):
to feel safe and they have tofeel comfortable to start to let
it out because it's become apart of them, even though they
don't like it too much.
Candace Patrice (25:13):
So what should the client do when they're in
that position?
What advice would you give tothem if they're sitting in a
room and the therapist or thecounselor is saying, hey, tell
me, let's dig deep into thattrauma?
I think you know we need toreally touch on that, but maybe
this is a person who's neverstood up for themselves and
(25:34):
they're uncomfortable.
What is a way that they can, orwhat should they do?
Should they let the therapistknow?
Do they need to seek anothertherapist?
What?
What would be your suggestionto someone in this uncomfortable
situation?
Denise Schonwald (25:47):
I would say to the therapist I know there's a
lot of things that I need totalk about.
I'm just not at that point yet.
People ask me all the time howdo I find a good therapist and
it's one that you feelcomfortable with?
If you walk out of that sessionand it just doesn't sit right
not in the mind but in the bodythen you've got to go.
(26:10):
You know, maybe I should try tofind someone else that I feel
more comfortable with.
So you know, it's an art aswell as a skill.
Candace Patrice (26:20):
Nice, and I know that you are also a
spiritual teacher.
Yes, what does spiritualteacher mean to you, and what
does that look like?
Denise Schonwald (26:29):
One of the other questions that I ask when
I first meet someone is are youreligious?
And they might say no, no, Ihave no faith, and so forth, but
at some point I have to.
It's important for me to bringin spirituality, because
spirituality is outside the mind, and so what I'll do is I'll
(26:50):
use language like the way theuniverse teaches us.
If they're religious, I saythis is how God teaches us.
So I tend to tailorspirituality into the language
that they're more comfortablewith.
But it's very important becauseit's the spirit, or the energy
(27:13):
is really how we learn.
If the mind doesn't fight it,which the mind usually comes in
to fight, what is comes in tofight.
Candace Patrice (27:32):
What is so?
I, like I said, I noticed thatyour book, the hold on I want to
say it right Healing the bodyby mastering your mind is
classified in chapter or brokendown in chapters by chakras.
So what is your correlationwith energy and chakras and God
and spiritual universe?
What is that for you?
Denise Schonwald (27:51):
It's interesting.
I grew up in a very religioushome.
I went to Christian school andprayer meeting and so forth.
So certainly talking aboutchakras and all of that was
frowned upon and maybe evenconsidered sacrilegious.
And as I started to understandwhat they, as I really started
(28:14):
to study them, I realized thatthe chakras are how God speaks
to us.
We sense things in the bodybecause God is trying to get us
to notice things, and so Idecided it's like let me study
this, because what is thistrying to teach?
Certainly, like the Hindu anddifferent religions are going
(28:38):
back to the chakras.
There's got to be somethingthere and the chakras are sort
of will give us the emotionalanatomy, because certain
emotions will.
Sort of chakras are a wheel ora disc and different emotions
are processed through thedifferent chakras, which is very
important as a therapist that Iunderstand where these emotions
(29:01):
are being processed in the bodyand how they're manifesting
physically if they're notaddressed.
Janet Hale (29:09):
I have a question about that, because I truly
agree with that.
So when you're talking tosomeone in layman's terms and
they come to you and they sayyou know, I'm learning to trust
my body, I'm learning to trustwhat I feel, yes.
I'm learning to you know,understand when I'm
(29:31):
uncomfortable.
I'm learning to just all thosekind of things.
How do you deal with that?
Because I hear I agree totallywith you.
I believe in that.
I really do Like the universeall that.
I call myself the hippie becauseof that, because I'm open to
(29:53):
whatever it is that you're into,without judgment.
No, no, I'm saying withoutjudgment, but if a client comes
to you and they're learningtheir body, learning how to
listen to the body, because youknow part of the trauma is
learning how to turn that offRight.
Denise Schonwald (30:17):
Or learning to make peace with it.
Janet Hale (30:19):
Or learning to make peace with it.
And so, or okay, and so when aperson starts to feel and
understand that and learn totrust the body and what it's
saying, and they come to you,how do you handle that in
layman's terms?
Because they're not going toknow the verbiage, they're not
(30:39):
going to know all of thatCorrect, we do, but they're not
going to know that.
So in which way?
How would you?
Denise Schonwald (30:48):
handle that and certainly what I try to, I
explain, is that certainemotions are processed in
different parts of the body.
So if they say something likethis person in my life, I don't
trust them and I feel it in mystomach, or or I get a gut
feeling.
I say, okay, well, that's oneof the places when, when it's
(31:10):
sort of our I call them ourSpidey senses you know, it's
below the thinking mind, becausewe actually feel it in the body
and so what I say to them isand they say, but I don't want
to leave him or I don't want toleave her, but I have this
feeling and I say, ok, well thengive it some space, because
certainly we don't want to jumpin and make a rash decision, or
(31:33):
they don't, but yet they havethis sensation in the body and I
say, ok, let's give it somespace, because one thing with
energy is it will always playout one way or another.
Janet Hale (31:46):
Oh, I have a question and you just tell me so
when, when, if you have aclient who is dealing with
domestic violence, who is livingwith her abuser, who you know,
he's the financial provider he'syou know all the things, all
the things and they, they cometo you and I heard you say give
(32:09):
it space, but in theirenvironment, you know it's
constricted or you knowsuffocating, or they're not even
allowed to go to the bathroom.
Denise Schonwald (32:21):
I don't know how.
Janet Hale (32:23):
in what way would you assist that person?
Denise Schonwald (32:27):
You'd be a perfect person for the book that
I've written called Elephants.
Don't Marry Giraffes.
Oh, it's not me, no, no.
But since you're interested inrelationships, it would be a
wonderful book.
Oh, I am, yeah, okay, theinteresting thing about
relationships, particularly whenwe're talking about domestic
violence, is one of the thingsthat I have to understand as a
therapist is this is theirdynamic.
(32:48):
Even though it's completelydysfunctional and toxic, and
although it seems like a veryeasy thing to fix or to
recommend, it's not so easybecause they've come together
for a reason.
Somebody who's controlling andabusive will prey upon somebody
(33:10):
who will allow them to do that,and so I'm honest with them, to
tell them that this person willlikely not change.
But for them to push throughthe fear of moving out can be
very dangerous.
It's one of the most dangerouscalls that the police get called
(33:31):
out for is domestic violence.
Janet Hale (33:35):
So, in speaking on that, how I know we're just
going all over the place withthis, but how do you deal with a
domestic violence victim, onewho is?
They have cultural differencesyou know backgrounds, you know
different backgrounds and somecome from a privileged
(33:58):
background, yes, and havedifferent resources, you know
and then someone who does nothave all those resources.
How, in what way, do youbalance that or how do you work
that out?
Denise Schonwald (34:17):
Fortunately, regardless of your economic
status, there are many placesthat will help.
Unfortunately, it's a littlebit more complicated than that,
because of the relationship iscompletely toxic and it's been
like that.
I call them dysfunctionallyfunctional and even though you
(34:39):
may recommend that one of themleave a lot of times, they'll go
right back into thatenvironment even though it's
dangerous for whatever reason.
No heat, no judgment, but we dothe best we can.
Janet Hale (34:55):
So the question still for me is when we're
dealing with privileged andnon-privileged, because there is
a difference, true, and so thecircumstance is what the
circumstance is, and they'reboth dealing with the same type
of abuse, living in the sametype of situation.
(35:17):
And I hear you saying there areresources, um, however, for
some folks, not really yeah andthat's just me being.
You know we're having anauthentic, honest conversation
yeah so my question to you ishow do you handle that when
you're dealing with the clientor does that ever come up?
Denise Schonwald (35:41):
Well, a lot of the ones that I see and believe
it or not, the two mosthorrific cases that I've had
were both doctors, if you canbelieve that.
One was a friend of mine that Imentioned in the book.
At the end he killed her.
At the end she finally left himand he killed her.
The other one was the mosthorrific abuse I've ever heard.
(36:02):
They were both doctors.
So we think that we sort ofhave a vision of who gets into
these situations and I guess wenever know.
Janet Hale (36:15):
No, no, that's not my question.
I know.
Denise Schonwald (36:17):
But yeah, with with people who don't have the
means, it can be very, it can bevery complicated because
there's a lot to it and are arethey at the point where they
need they need help or they'rewilling to have help.
A lot of them come to me thatin my experience where they'll
(36:39):
say I just want you to help melearn to tolerate it and you
know it's, it's something that Ican't help them.
Do they want to learn how totolerate their abusive husband
or or it's?
I guess I'm going around thebush, because you're asking me
(37:00):
something very, very complicatedand complex and no two cases
look alike and there's so manyvariables that it can be hard to
give you sort of astraightforward answer.
Janet Hale (37:15):
I can respect that and thank you.
Candace Patrice (37:19):
You have your books.
Yes, books and your books aretools.
They have information, theyhave guidance.
For someone who is hearingabout your name for the first
time and going, I want to know alittle more about her.
Which book would you suggestpeople start at?
Or is there an area and it'slike, well, if you're dealing
(37:40):
with this, you should start here?
If you're dealing with this,you should start here.
Where would you suggest thelisteners or anyone hearing your
name for the first time tostart with you with your written
work?
Denise Schonwald (37:51):
What I ask people to do is to go to my
website and read about all ofthem, because I used to always
start with healing your body bymastering your mind.
But then I would start to getemail back and say I was really
interested in elephants, don'tmarry giraffes.
So you know, it really dependsupon what sort of people connect
to, and normally if peopleemail me, I'm happy to mail them
(38:17):
a free copy of one of the books.
But I've learned now to getthem to read about so they don't
get disappointed when theydon't get the book that they
were hoping to get.
Candace Patrice (38:27):
Yeah, you know getting back to happy because
apparently that's my book.
Janet Hale (38:31):
Now that's the top of my list, the top of my list.
Candace Patrice (38:35):
I would personally like to.
If there are any motherslistening, I would like to
personally recommend that bookto all mothers, whether you're a
mother of a daughter or amother of a son.
It's really helpful inunderstanding the journey of a
child and their need for a safeplace to be able to figure out
(38:59):
and work through things.
So I do, I just.
It's called Getting Back toHappy everyone and it's
beautifully illustrated and it'snot a hard read.
It has just enough informationthat the kids at almost any age
can understand what is going on.
So I just wanted to throw thatout there.
(39:21):
Secondly, I wanted to ask if,knowing that you have your
spiritual background, do youfeel like you're doing God's
work?
And if you do, when did youknow that you were doing the
work that you were supposed todo, especially transitioning
from nursing to counseling, andthat changes you?
(39:43):
You're into very importantfields.
You're helping in both fields,so how is it that you were able
to make that change and knowthat that change was needed for
you, and doing that in God'swill and God's word, and doing
that in God's will and God's?
Denise Schonwald (39:56):
word.
It's interesting because therecomes a time nursing is for the
young, particularly criticalcare, and when I figured I was
no longer going to be physicallyable to do that, going back to
become a therapist was anotherfive years and many people
didn't understand why I would dothat at my age and I didn't
(40:18):
need to do that, and why wouldyou want to do that?
I got a lot of that, but I feltlike I had learned so much as a
critical care nurse that I hadreally good critical thinking
skills and I really wanted to dothat.
I really wanted to fulfill mydharma, my purpose, here.
I really wanted to do that.
I really wanted to fulfill mydharma, my purpose here.
(40:41):
And so, as you know, if you workwith counseling others, it can
be really tough.
I mean, you're going into asacred space and certainly my
intention is never to harm or tomake it worse.
So every day, before I evenstart, I pray for guidance and I
pray for God to channel throughme, because I feel like I can
be the voice of the divine.
Sometimes I say things that Ihave no memory of.
(41:04):
Sometimes, in a very stickysituation, I'll say to myself
help, help, help.
And then, all of a sudden,something comes out of me and
I'm like I mean, I'm gratefulfor that.
I'm like thank you very much,whoever was responsible for that
, because I really needed it.
Candace Patrice (41:24):
I had someone share with me recently.
They were.
They said I know it was theHoly Spirit speaking because I'm
not that smart.
Denise Schonwald (41:34):
And if they asked me to repeat it, I could
never repeat it, never repeat it.
I'm thinking, I have no idea,but and and they'll say you know
, I was thinking the same thingor something.
And I think, well, I don't,don't even remember what I was
thinking, but and I know thatthat's the divine, and as long
as I can continue to do that, Iwill continue practicing.
Candace Patrice (41:54):
I want to go backwards just a little bit.
Denise Schonwald (42:14):
We talked about food and the gut and
mental, and obviously food playsa part in our mental.
How does food play a part inour mental and how does food
play a part in our healing?
It's interesting with food whenthe mind is very active.
So we're struggling withwhatever we're struggling with.
The first thing that we go to Idon't know why, because it's
not our best resource is themind, and the mind will start
thinking and overthinking andthinking ahead and going behind
(42:36):
Mind's very busy thinking andthinking ahead and going behind
Mine's very busy thinking,thinking, thinking.
We don't realize how muchenergy that takes for the body
to handle.
So the body's excretingcortisol and it's I mean it's
working because it thinks thateverything that we're thinking
in our mind is true, and soafter a while the body will say
listen, if you're gonna keepdoing this, I need some energy
(42:59):
because you're killing me downhere.
So the first thing that we go towithout even thinking is to the
refrigerator.
We're not getting carrots and asalad, we're getting sugar and
carbs.
We need something that willquickly convert to energy
because the mind is using it upas quickly as it possibly can.
(43:19):
I notice it with myself.
I'll be stressed aboutsomething.
First I noticed that I'm pacingback and forth and then all of
a sudden I think, oh, I'm hungry.
And then I think just ate.
And I go no, I'm hungry becauseI'm stressed and I'm thinking,
and my body needs the sugar orthe carbs or whatever I'm going
(43:43):
for.
Wow, can I add to?
Janet Hale (43:45):
that what I heard, what I got to say that way, I'm
still hungry because I haven'tfed whatever it was that was
bothering me.
So, yeah, when I heard youtalking I was like, yeah, you
still hungry.
You hungry Because you have notfed that thing that needs to be
fed.
Candace Patrice (44:05):
Yes, so how much time should we pause before
trying to fix that momentaryproblem?
So if it's stress in our bodies, stress in our minds, and we go
you know what?
I'm hungry how much time shouldwe just wait and say this isn't
that?
Well, it's usually so.
Denise Schonwald (44:24):
They say about 20 minutes, but what I tell
people to do is notice what isthe body trying to say, Like if
I'm irritable or I'moverthinking.
This is again a symptom.
It's like if we're physical,it's like chest pain.
We need to stop and get intoour what they call your higher
(44:45):
self, your smarter self, and sayokay, what's going on?
What do I need?
Well, if somebody hurt myfeelings or I've had a stressful
day, take a minute and decidewhat else you can do other than
go for something quick.
That's probably not going to dothe trick.
It will for a little bit.
That's why we do it, but it'snot going to fix it.
(45:06):
So what do you need?
With me?
I can usually track it back toI don't know, I'm working too
much, I didn't get much sleep,I'm overwhelmed, and then I go
okay, that's fine, let's makesome adjustments so that we
don't get to the point wherewe're looking in the
refrigerator every 15 minutes.
Candace Patrice (45:26):
So what questions should we be asking
ourselves in these moments ofstress?
What would be good questions?
What?
Denise Schonwald (45:32):
do I need.
What's going on?
What do I need right now?
How am I feeling?
And I give people language I'moverwhelmed, I'm frustrated, I'm
disappointed.
Okay, that's why we need to goto the refrigerator, because
these emotions are uncomfortableand the mind doesn't like to be
(45:53):
uncomfortable.
Candace Patrice (45:57):
And would you say, asking yourself these
questions and giving yourselvesan answer helps comfort the mind
.
Denise Schonwald (46:05):
It certainly can get the mind to calm down
because we get into what youcall your higher self, your
godly self, and it's decidingwhat you need.
If we get to the point wherewe're so angry that we're let
somebody have it, it's too late.
By the time we get the wholecake out, it's probably too late
(46:25):
.
You know that we get to thatsort of that tipping or we get
the whole bottle of alcohol out,it's probably too late.
The mind has taken back over.
It's just the more that wepractice going into what we call
your higher self and doing alot of self-care.
It's not usually as difficult.
Candace Patrice (46:49):
Yeah, you know, Denise, you've been amazing and
full of so much knowledge, andfull of so much knowledge I want
to.
I know we're going to have towrap up, but I want to ask if
there is anything that you wantto let the listeners know
regarding mental health,physical health, spiritual
(47:11):
health, any areas that you wedidn't touch on that you really
need the listeners to hear.
I want to open the space foryou to do that, if there is
anything.
Denise Schonwald (47:22):
Yes, one of the things that I would like to
encourage everybody listeningtoday is do the self-care.
It's so easy to get wrapped upin the stress of life and bills
and family and everything else.
Particularly we as women have alot on our plates.
Do the self-care.
Take time if you need to take anap or you need to get to bed
(47:44):
early.
Be careful not to use too muchscreen time Very hard on the
mind.
Take some time in either prayeror meditation.
Create the space, make the timefor yourself, and all of these
mental health issues will becomea little bit more manageable.
Get help if you need it.
Janet Hale (48:05):
I myself have a therapist, so my mom is very big
on that, right, she's right.
I was about to say my therapist.
I said, do you have a therapist?
And she said, oh, you know, doyou have a therapist?
And she said, you know, yeah, Ihave.
I said, well, because I wasabout to fire you and because
(48:25):
that's important, it isimportant and that is something
you know.
Like Candice said, mom was intothat, but I just find it
important for others to havethat knowledge and understand
(48:50):
that a therapist is a personthat has to carry a lot and they
also need a relief.
Yes, and I need a therapistthat gets her relief, because
when she gets through with oneof my senses I'm joking, are you
A little bit?
But I like the fact that youknow to hear that you have your
own therapist.
(49:12):
And I think it's okay, for Idon't know if it's okay, but I
think it's okay for the clientto be able to ask that question
and that that can be arequirement for some people.
Denise Schonwald (49:28):
And healing your body by mastering your mind
.
At the end of each chapter, Iwrote my own story.
It's a lot of people's favoritepart of the book.
Not that they wanted to knowthat I was struggling with
things, but they wanted to knowthat just because I have the
knowledge and the expertisedoesn't mean that I don't
struggle.
And it was a little bit toughto write something that
(49:51):
thousands and thousands ofpeople were going to read, but I
felt like it was important tolet people know that everybody
struggles.
That's how we connect to eachother.
Candace Patrice (50:02):
Can you just say the name of all your books
again and also where people canfind you?
Are you private pay orinsurance?
Denise Schonwald (50:14):
I have both, so I accept most insurances,
which is very nice.
Candace Patrice (50:19):
Yes, yes, so can you give us that so that the
listeners and then spell yourname for those who are?
Just listening and maybe notlooking, sure, so.
Denise Schonwald (50:29):
Denise D-E-N-I-S-E Schoenwald,
s-c-h-o-n-w-a-l-d, which is com,which is my website.
Okay, so my first book isHealing your Body by Mastering
your Mind.
These are all on Amazon, but ifthe listener would like to pick
(50:51):
one, I will mail one for free,but they are available on Amazon
.
Elephants, Don't Marry Giraffes, which is my book on
relationships.
I like that, janet.
You would like this justbecause this is an interesting
topic for you, so that you mightenjoy that one Insightful
Self-Therapy.
It's a really good one andCandice's favorite.
(51:16):
Getting Back to Happy.
Janet Hale (51:20):
Yeah, that's a good one.
She told me about that, yeah,oh, and I also wanted to say
it's a high compliment that mygranddaughter, her daughter, was
so pleased with your book.
So for us, or for me, that's areal high compliment, because
she's a very brutally honest kid.
(51:46):
She's the type that's not inthe middle.
I don't want to read thisanymore.
Candace Patrice (51:51):
So, yeah, I wanted to say that, and where
are your social media handles?
Denise Schonwald (51:55):
Where are your social media handles?
Oh, I'm at Denise Schoenwald.
I'm on Facebook, instagram,just, fortunately, my name is
mine and only mine, because it'scomplicated.
You can find me.
My cell phone number is on mywebsite.
Candace Patrice (52:16):
Be happy to hear from anybody that would
like to call me.
Oh, that's so awesome.
We talked about a lot of things.
We talked about a lot of traumathat could happen, how to heal
our bodies and minds and things,and everyone, like you said,
they're not always ready.
But if you are ready and maybeyou don't have a therapist, you
can definitely call or text theNational Suicide Prevention Line
(52:37):
at 988.
They're available 24 hours aday, seven days a week.
It's at least a start to getgoing if that's where you are.
But we also have our beautifulresource, denise, who is
nationally licensed Like whoa.
She's amazing.
So, give her a call.
Are you accepting new clientsright now and so give her a call
(52:57):
.
I was accepting new clientsright now, and so give her a
call.
Denise Schonwald (52:59):
I was going to say on my website is my
calendar.
So if people want to schedulean appointment, it's easy to do.
Candace Patrice (53:06):
Are they able to put their insurance
information in during that time?
Denise Schonwald (53:09):
They request an appointment and then my
assistant gets all theirinsurance information and gets
make sure everything is takencare of.
So when they come in we'reready to get started.
Candace Patrice (53:18):
Is Nicole your assistant still no.
Denise Schonwald (53:21):
Nicole was helping me with a lot of social
media, but I've had Cindy for 15years.
Candace Patrice (53:28):
Okay, cause I read at the back of the book how
she did the illustrations forthe book.
Janet Hale (53:44):
Nicole Rodriguez, so that was pretty awesome.
Did you have any last words youwanted to give mom?
Oh, it's been a pleasure, andthank you so much, denise, for
being a part of this andproviding the information to our
listeners so that they can knowthat there are different ways
of doing things, and that's whatwe're about.
Yes, alternative ways ofgetting things done, so thank
you.
Candace Patrice (54:03):
And, of course, I hope you all learned and
gained something very valuable.
This was very, very greatinformation, as our podcast aims
to give our listeners greatinformation and valuable
information.
As you all know, I may havementioned in the last episode, I
am doing one-on-one spirituallife coaching, christian life
(54:26):
coaching and mindset developmentcoaching.
So if you're interested, youcan go to the website and book a
consultation atessentialmotivationcom.
I can be reached via email atCandice Fleming at
essentialmotivationcom.
Facebook is EssentialMotivation and Instagram is
(54:47):
being converted from EssentialMotivation LLC to Candice
Patrice underscore EM, which isme blending my personal page
with my professional page.
So, everybody, thank you somuch.
We look forward to hearing fromyou.
If there's a topic that youwant us to share, definitely go
ahead and email that.
(55:08):
If there are any comments thatyou want to leave, email that.
We'd love to put your voice onthe podcast.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Always remember to love hard,forgive often and laugh frequent
.
Bye, guys, bye-bye.
Hello and welcome back to another episode
of Essential Mental Healingwhere I am your host, candice
Fleming, joining me.
Today we have my wonderful,lovely co-host, janet Hale my
lovely mother.
And we also have a wonderfulguest joining us today, who's
(00:28):
all about the holistic healing,and you all know how I feel
about that, so let's welcomeDenise.
Hi, welcome Denise.
How are you?
How are you?
Denise Schonwald (00:49):
Doing well, thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Candace Patrice (00:52):
Absolutely, absolutely.
Could you tell our listeners alittle bit about you, how you
got started, what you do rightnow, and then we're going to
jump on in this thing.
Denise Schonwald (01:02):
Hello everyone , I'm Denise Schonwald.
I started my career as acritical care nurse more than 30
years ago and about 10 yearsago I decided to bridge over and
I'm now a licensed mentalhealth counselor practicing here
in Sarasota, Florida, butnationally licensed also, so I
see clients all over the UnitedStates, which is really great.
(01:24):
Licensed also, so I see clientsall over the United States,
which is really great.
And I've authored about fourbooks now talking about how our
mental health affects ourphysical health, so combining
both of my licenses to helppeople obtain optimal wellness.
Candace Patrice (01:38):
Nice.
I actually had the pleasure ofreading one of your books.
I didn't get to the other,which I'm so looking forward to
because I saw it had the chakrasand things in it and I'm really
big on that opening our chakras, and I can tell when my chakras
are open because my heart ismore open.
Yes, but I know I'm jumping inreally early, really early.
(02:02):
But there is this book calledgetting back to happy, which is
a children's book, and would youhold that back up?
Yeah, getting back to happy andthis book I read with me and my
daughter were playing a Barbiesand or not Barbies dolls.
She has some dolls that werehanded down to her the ceramic,
(02:22):
beautiful dolls and we wereplaying and it was one of the
ways to get the dolls back ontrack.
So in the middle of play, wedecided to read the book.
When I tell you, my daughterthought this book was written
for her and was about her.
She loved it so much and we arefrom Michigan, so when her
(02:43):
parents were, her grandparentswere from Michigan, she was like
, oh my goodness, and each timewe would turn the page she would
go that's me, that's me.
And then she's in therapy aswell, so she would go.
That's her therapist, that'sher therapist, that's my
therapist and she just thetherapy that she was getting,
(03:05):
it's emotional support.
She went know that it was basedoff of a little girl's story.
Yes, could you tell us a littlebit about that journey, how you
(03:32):
got to this book, and thenwe'll get back to all of the
other things.
Denise Schonwald (03:37):
This little girl in the book came to me
about a year ago.
Her mother had taken her to allkinds of doctors for stomach
issues, so she had been to anutritionist and a chiropractor
and finally she hired her a lifecoach and the coach said you
know, I really think she couldbenefit from some mental health
(03:57):
counseling.
And it turned out that a lot ofher stomach issues were just
because she had a lot of anxiety.
Somebody was making fun of herat school, and so she would wake
up in the morning very sick onher stomach, couldn't eat, had
trouble leaving her mom when shegot to school and not realizing
that a lot of this was moremental than physical, even
(04:21):
though they had eliminated a lotof foods in her diet which made
it hard when she went toparties and birthday parties and
so forth.
And so she doesn't live near me,so we would meet on Zoom and at
the end of every session shewould want to read me one of her
books.
So she was a big reader and soI said you know it might be
really helpful if you couldwrite a book about your story.
(04:43):
And so you know she was.
She was great.
She had a lot of really goodinput and we wrote it together
and and a lot of the childrenthat read it think I've written
it for them, which is fantastic.
Candace Patrice (04:57):
Yes, that is.
That is extremely beautiful.
I actually have gut issues aswell.
I have ulcerative colitisbeautiful, I actually have gut
issues as well.
I have ulcerative colitis.
And seeing how it doesn'treally manifest in my gut it
manifests in my eyes so I haveto take steroids for it but
seeing how the gut it affects somuch of us but I didn't realize
(05:19):
that the mental affects the gut, which then in turn affects
everything.
It's like a reciprocal thing.
So getting that help in allareas so you combining physical
and mental is amazing.
Janet Hale (05:33):
Did you have?
Candace Patrice (05:34):
something to say, mom.
Janet Hale (05:35):
Yes, I did.
Thank you, and I hope that ourmillions of listeners hear you,
because a lot of times peopleare not getting to the root of
(05:56):
the issue and it sounds to methat you are one that will go
right to the root of the issueand not put a Band-Aid on it.
And I'm going to speak to justa real laid-back situation here.
(06:18):
But I'm going to speak toCandace's situation, which she
just mentioned mentioned to thepublic on her own.
So I'm not disclosing anything,as she has not.
I want to make that clear, makethat disclaimer.
Oftentimes I would ask were youaffected by me and your dad's
(06:38):
divorce?
Were you affected by my traumathat I had not dealt with, that
I allowed to parent during thattime, before I knew better?
The answer is always no.
(07:10):
I ask that question oftenbecause I'm a recovering
alcoholic.
I heard her dad, you know, gotdivorced and he died on I don't
know, I feel like that was ajoke he did on me, but that's
okay, because it was a yearafter and then, boom, I'm out.
But that's okay, but cause itwas a year after and then boom,
I'm out.
But but to hear that, I findthat to be extremely important.
It's even in this situation, inthis circle, in hearing that,
(07:36):
because my question willcontinue to be that for my
daughter, because she livedthrough some trauma and, as the
mother who sits with her adultdaughter can say, I know that
(08:03):
you suffered through myuntreated trauma, through my
parenting, from my traumareactions.
So I will continue to ask thatquestion until someone like you
come around to help.
Denise Schonwald (08:24):
So thank you, you're welcome.
Candace Patrice (08:27):
I have a question for you.
I know I jumped into thechildren's book, but you have
four books.
Is your passion in children oradults, or does it not matter?
Denise Schonwald (08:42):
Certainly I work with both, but three of my
other books are all more adults.
One's on relationships, one'show our mental health affects
our physical health and theother one is just called
Insightful Self-Therapy.
I took a lot of topics thatpeople often ask me about and
just wrote like a dailydevotional for people to read
about all kinds of issues thatare many times sort of the topic
(09:07):
of conversation.
Candace Patrice (09:09):
Yeah, which one is your favorite book and why?
Denise Schonwald (09:13):
My favorite is Healing your Body by Mastering
your Mind, and so how I sort ofthat came to me is one of the
things I loved about nursing andI loved about the body is the
body is very sophisticated andthe body will let you know
what's happening, what's goingon with it, through pain or some
(09:33):
sort of symptom, and we'reusually pretty good about
noticing that and going to thedoctor.
When I bridged over to mentalhealth, I was a little bit
concerned because I felt likemental health issues were a
little blurry, like why do somepeople have anxiety?
Why do some people overeat?
Why do all these things happen?
And then I realized a lot ofthings.
(09:55):
I sort of a lot of patternsabout how and so certain
emotions affect certain parts ofthe body, and so now I really
understand the science behindmental health and why we're
doing what we're doing and howthe body's being impacted.
So when I wrote that book, Itried to sort of bring it all
(10:17):
together so that it was sort ofeasy to read, digestible and
helped people sort of bridge andcombine mental, spiritual and
physical health.
Candace Patrice (10:30):
So, would you say, the need to feel is what is
kind of?
How do I phrase this?
So people have addictionsbecause they usually are dealing
with something else, whetherit's anger, whether it's trauma,
all of the things.
So the addiction creates thisfeeling, but I'm assuming it
(10:55):
creates this happy feelingthat's unable to be attained
mentally.
So is it safe to say thataddictions or the?
I'm so lost for how to say this.
I can help you with that,please, please, someone jump in.
Janet Hale (11:18):
I'm thinking of adaptive behaviors, but go ahead
Go ahead.
Denise Schonwald (11:37):
Well, what happens is when we need to learn
something or when we need togrow or manifest whatever.
Emotions that we experience areusually pretty uncomfortable or
we would never pay attention tothem.
And most of, or many of thethings that we experience we
experience, we learn from, andthen they leave the body.
Certain emotions we don'treally struggle with, but there
are certain ones that sit in thebody and they're very hard for
(11:57):
the body to hold.
They cause the body to stressquite a bit.
After a while, the mind getsvery active and we start to
think and overthink and worryand have guilt and so forth.
And then what happens is, aftera while, the body doesn't know
that a lot of it we make upbecause we do make up a lot of
things we imagine a lot ofthings.
We imagine what people arethinking and saying and doing
(12:20):
and where we're going to be intwo years or what's going to
happen to us.
After a while the body getstired.
The body says, listen, I can'tdo this anymore.
So then the mind comes in andsays, well, I've got a good idea
.
The mind's going to remembersomething that maybe will give
it some relief.
And this is where shoppingcomes in food, alcohol, all
(12:43):
kinds of things, smoking,marijuana and then the mind gets
very connected to or attachedto whatever it's come up with,
and this is where addiction sortof starts to creep in.
Janet Hale (12:58):
May I?
Oh, okay, may I when you weretalking first of all, I don't
know if I just said this, butthe body keeps the score.
Yes, love the book.
Yeah, because it's almost that.
For me, it is a way of numbing.
(13:19):
Whatever that hurt is, it's away to comfort.
Whatever that hurt is, it's away to comfort.
Denise Schonwald (13:24):
Yes.
Janet Hale (13:25):
Whatever that hurt is, and so it's, in my opinion,
it's actually, I know, for me itwas a thank you to the
addiction and a goodbye to theaddiction, and I think you get
(13:51):
what.
I'm saying so thank you forbeing there for me in the way,
although it was a crazy way, butfor helping me get through
whatever it was that I had notdealt with.
Yes, that I thought I was soafraid of.
Whatever that may be.
Yes, now I must say goodbye toyou.
However, before I say mygoodbye, let me thank you,
(14:16):
because it also serves a purpose.
Denise Schonwald (14:18):
Absolutely Now , I no longer need you.
Janet Hale (14:22):
I no longer need you , right, yes, so now I'm saying
goodbye like a relationshipwe're about to break up.
Denise Schonwald (14:33):
And sometimes if we don't heal sort of what
caused that, we will just go toanother addiction.
So we have to be a little bitcareful that if there's no true
healing then the mind goes okay,I'll pick something else, since
I'm going to, or now we'regoing to smoke, or now we're
(14:55):
going to get whatever that is.
So it's very important andwe're so afraid to go down to
where that pain is to release itthat we'll do almost anything
to not feel it.
Janet Hale (15:11):
Oh, you're good.
Okay, all right.
Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am, yes,ma'am, yes, ma'am.
And also I thought about whenyou were talking in the healing
process, because it doesn'thappen overnight, you know that.
Denise Schonwald (15:24):
Correct.
Janet Hale (15:31):
Been in out when you were talking in the healing
process, because it doesn'thappen overnight.
You know that, correct, been inthis business, um, and
sometimes it's like an onion.
It's a layer, right, I don'tknow.
You tell me if I'm right orwrong.
Okay, yes, um, it's a layer.
So there's this part that, okay, discovered blah, blah, blah,
dealt with that.
The ooh, there's something else.
Oh, I didn't know that wasthere.
Now I have to look at that, ornot?
Hopefully you do.
(15:52):
Let's take this deep dive again.
Denise Schonwald (15:57):
I say we pack it in like snow.
Pack it in like snow.
Janet Hale (16:02):
And so when you said that, I thought that was cool
Because, yeah, if we're notcareful and open, we will
transfer our addiction.
Denise Schonwald (16:12):
Yes.
Janet Hale (16:12):
However, for me, when that transfer is happening,
I start identifying.
In other words, we'll be realtransparent on this show because
we are for me.
Sometimes I'll pick up theeating and I'll say this all out
(16:33):
this is what's interesting,I'll do this.
So I'm eating away at myfeelings, I'm talking it out.
It's still happening, but I'mtalking it out, it's still
happening, but I'm identifyingit Right, and so it's like the
(16:54):
whole thing of okay, the workneeds to be done.
I need to get started, orwhatever that is for me Also,
I'm so.
Oh man, I understand.
You do holistic work, which Ithink is very important, which
(17:17):
is something that is oftenmissed and how sometimes I want
to say this not make people, not, no, I'm going to say it.
Sometimes therapy doesn't workbecause it depends on and I
always say this the therapist Isthat, you know, is this
therapist?
Does it know it?
Does this therapist knowanything about trauma?
(17:38):
Is this a traditional way thatpeople do things?
Are they open to new ways ofdoing things, because times are
changing and you appear to besomeone who is staying on top of
the next thing, like, yeah, weused to do it this way.
(18:02):
Okay, now we're learning thatwe need to do it this way.
Denise Schonwald (18:06):
Well, certainly the body is very good
about letting us know what itneeds.
As I said before, we're verygood with physical problems,
emotional problems we're notquite as good with.
We live with our anxiety, wepush through our guilt, and so a
lot of times we're notrealizing that the body, these
(18:28):
are symptoms that our nervoussystem is out of balance.
Candace Patrice (18:34):
I have a question, Of course I have many
questions.
So would you say that fixingthe mind can fix the addiction?
Denise Schonwald (18:43):
Yes, learning, noticing, why the body?
Why do I need to do this?
What is it that I'm looking forthat I'm not getting?
Because, again, when thenervous system is stressed, the
body can't hold it for longperiods of time without getting
(19:04):
sick, and so then the mind comesin and will connect to
something outside in theenvironment to feel better.
Depending upon which addictionyou're going to tells me what
emotions you're struggling with.
Candace Patrice (19:21):
This is a two-parter.
Hmm, this is a two-parter.
So I heard you say the bodycan't.
It can't hold on to thediscomfort for too long.
But how long can the body holdon to some discomfort or stress
in the body or mind before itbecomes uncomfortable and starts
(19:41):
to reach out for some otherform of healing?
Denise Schonwald (19:45):
Well, a lot of times people live with their
discomfort for years and yearsand years, uncomfortable, and
starts to reach out for someother form of healing.
Well, a lot of times peoplelive with their discomfort for
years and years and years andthat comes out in physical
problems such as autoimmune,like fibromyalgia MS, I mean
(20:10):
these are, and so what thattells me is that discomfort has
been in the body a long longtime?
Candace Patrice (20:13):
Wow.
So I know that alcohol is, orat least I've been told.
I didn't really do the research, but I trust the source it came
from, that alcohol is one ofthe only addictions that you
can't go cold turkey with.
Denise Schonwald (20:34):
It's certainly one of the most it's very
dangerous to withdraw from.
So a lot of times you need somemedical help with that.
I mean, that's one that thebody gets very dependent.
When people would come in tohave surgery and go into
critical care, they'd often saythat they didn't drink as much
as they did.
But day two or three, when theystarted to get you know the DTs
and and started to be at havingthis psychosis, we realized
(20:56):
they were drinking a little bitmore than they had admitted to.
But but alcohol there's certain, there's energies in the body
and alcohol is the solar plexus.
So that's the stomach, that'sour energy around the stomach
(21:16):
and that says that ourrelationship with ourselves is
not healthy.
Fear is there, sensitivity andcriticism is there.
Not feeling that we can standup and speak for ourselves is
there.
So when that gets trust, isthere.
When that gets blocked, weeither overeat, don't eat or
(21:37):
drink alcohol.
So we have to understand whythe body, why the alcohol as
opposed to something else.
Janet Hale (21:43):
You made me think of something, and and that is this
going into a therapist officewith a hangover, pretty much
with the shakes on the way to a,and say my name is Janet and
(22:15):
I've been in recovery for somany years and I've had a
relapse.
Now I'm actively drinking.
I know I'm sitting in thistherapy chair, but I'm sitting
here because I need help.
I tell you about the act ofdrinking because I'm real glad
(22:36):
you have coffee right here,because I need it.
Also, to say I'm bringing mywhole self to this process
Because, in order to get better,I got to let you know who I am
and I must expose those piecesof me.
(22:57):
You know I can't come in hereand say you know, I have a glass
of wine every now and then,nope, that's not what's
happening.
The line every now and then,nope, that's not what's
happening.
So I appreciate that.
When you said, people will sayyou know, I've only, I only have
a beer once a week until theyget somewhere, and then they
have the dt's and differentthings of that nature.
So, um, yeah, so thank you forthat.
Denise Schonwald (23:19):
as you know, it's very painful because it's,
and so it's hard, and Iunderstand that.
And so in therapy it'simportant to honor the person
sitting in front of you.
If they're not ready to talkabout their trauma, it's
certainly not appropriate topull it out of them for the sake
(23:39):
of you know.
So you have to allow this spacethat a person's comfortable
with to process it, and ifthey're not ready, you also have
to allow this space that aperson's comfortable with to
process it.
And if they're not ready, youalso have to honor that, because
some people are just not ready.
Candace Patrice (23:56):
How would you suggest so someone going into
therapy who's not ready to dealwith their traumas, but they're
just, they know they need it andso they're seeking assistance?
How would you suggest to aperson to advocate for
themselves when they're beingpushed in places that are too
uncomfortable or too raw forthem at that time?
Denise Schonwald (24:18):
One of the first questions that I ask when
I meet someone is is there, doyou have any trauma that you
feel is important to share?
And they may say no, and it'spretty apparent to me there's
probably something there, butthey're not ready.
Okay, I have to honor that, sowe'll talk about other things
(24:38):
and eventually, hopefully, youhave a good enough relationship
where they start to let it outand when they do let it out, you
let it come out at the pacethat they're comfortable.
Sort of ripping the bandaidopen is not going to do anything
.
This is something that they'veheld sometimes since childhood.
This has been in the body formany, many years and they have
(25:01):
to feel safe and they have tofeel comfortable to start to let
it out because it's become apart of them, even though they
don't like it too much.
Candace Patrice (25:13):
So what should the client do when they're in
that position?
What advice would you give tothem if they're sitting in a
room and the therapist or thecounselor is saying, hey, tell
me, let's dig deep into thattrauma?
I think you know we need toreally touch on that, but maybe
this is a person who's neverstood up for themselves and
(25:34):
they're uncomfortable.
What is a way that they can, orwhat should they do?
Should they let the therapistknow?
Do they need to seek anothertherapist?
What?
What would be your suggestionto someone in this uncomfortable
situation?
Denise Schonwald (25:47):
I would say to the therapist I know there's a
lot of things that I need totalk about.
I'm just not at that point yet.
People ask me all the time howdo I find a good therapist and
it's one that you feelcomfortable with?
If you walk out of that sessionand it just doesn't sit right
not in the mind but in the bodythen you've got to go.
(26:10):
You know, maybe I should try tofind someone else that I feel
more comfortable with.
So you know, it's an art aswell as a skill.
Candace Patrice (26:20):
Nice, and I know that you are also a
spiritual teacher.
Yes, what does spiritualteacher mean to you, and what
does that look like?
Denise Schonwald (26:29):
One of the other questions that I ask when
I first meet someone is are youreligious?
And they might say no, no, Ihave no faith, and so forth, but
at some point I have to.
It's important for me to bringin spirituality, because
spirituality is outside the mind, and so what I'll do is I'll
(26:50):
use language like the way theuniverse teaches us.
If they're religious, I saythis is how God teaches us.
So I tend to tailorspirituality into the language
that they're more comfortablewith.
But it's very important becauseit's the spirit, or the energy
(27:13):
is really how we learn.
If the mind doesn't fight it,which the mind usually comes in
to fight, what is comes in tofight.
Candace Patrice (27:32):
What is so?
I, like I said, I noticed thatyour book, the hold on I want to
say it right Healing the bodyby mastering your mind is
classified in chapter or brokendown in chapters by chakras.
So what is your correlationwith energy and chakras and God
and spiritual universe?
What is that for you?
Denise Schonwald (27:51):
It's interesting.
I grew up in a very religioushome.
I went to Christian school andprayer meeting and so forth.
So certainly talking aboutchakras and all of that was
frowned upon and maybe evenconsidered sacrilegious.
And as I started to understandwhat they, as I really started
(28:14):
to study them, I realized thatthe chakras are how God speaks
to us.
We sense things in the bodybecause God is trying to get us
to notice things, and so Idecided it's like let me study
this, because what is thistrying to teach?
Certainly, like the Hindu anddifferent religions are going
(28:38):
back to the chakras.
There's got to be somethingthere and the chakras are sort
of will give us the emotionalanatomy, because certain
emotions will.
Sort of chakras are a wheel ora disc and different emotions
are processed through thedifferent chakras, which is very
important as a therapist that Iunderstand where these emotions
(29:01):
are being processed in the bodyand how they're manifesting
physically if they're notaddressed.
Janet Hale (29:09):
I have a question about that, because I truly
agree with that.
So when you're talking tosomeone in layman's terms and
they come to you and they sayyou know, I'm learning to trust
my body, I'm learning to trustwhat I feel, yes.
I'm learning to you know,understand when I'm
(29:31):
uncomfortable.
I'm learning to just all thosekind of things.
How do you deal with that?
Because I hear I agree totallywith you.
I believe in that.
I really do Like the universeall that.
I call myself the hippie becauseof that, because I'm open to
(29:53):
whatever it is that you're into,without judgment.
No, no, I'm saying withoutjudgment, but if a client comes
to you and they're learningtheir body, learning how to
listen to the body, because youknow part of the trauma is
learning how to turn that offRight.
Denise Schonwald (30:17):
Or learning to make peace with it.
Janet Hale (30:19):
Or learning to make peace with it.
And so, or okay, and so when aperson starts to feel and
understand that and learn totrust the body and what it's
saying, and they come to you,how do you handle that in
layman's terms?
Because they're not going toknow the verbiage, they're not
(30:39):
going to know all of thatCorrect, we do, but they're not
going to know that.
So in which way?
How would you?
Denise Schonwald (30:48):
handle that and certainly what I try to, I
explain, is that certainemotions are processed in
different parts of the body.
So if they say something likethis person in my life, I don't
trust them and I feel it in mystomach, or or I get a gut
feeling.
I say, okay, well, that's oneof the places when, when it's
(31:10):
sort of our I call them ourSpidey senses you know, it's
below the thinking mind, becausewe actually feel it in the body
and so what I say to them isand they say, but I don't want
to leave him or I don't want toleave her, but I have this
feeling and I say, ok, well thengive it some space, because
certainly we don't want to jumpin and make a rash decision, or
(31:33):
they don't, but yet they havethis sensation in the body and I
say, ok, let's give it somespace, because one thing with
energy is it will always playout one way or another.
Janet Hale (31:46):
Oh, I have a question and you just tell me so
when, when, if you have aclient who is dealing with
domestic violence, who is livingwith her abuser, who you know,
he's the financial provider he'syou know all the things, all
the things and they, they cometo you and I heard you say give
(32:09):
it space, but in theirenvironment, you know it's
constricted or you knowsuffocating, or they're not even
allowed to go to the bathroom.
Denise Schonwald (32:21):
I don't know how.
Janet Hale (32:23):
in what way would you assist that person?
Denise Schonwald (32:27):
You'd be a perfect person for the book that
I've written called Elephants.
Don't Marry Giraffes.
Oh, it's not me, no, no.
But since you're interested inrelationships, it would be a
wonderful book.
Oh, I am, yeah, okay, theinteresting thing about
relationships, particularly whenwe're talking about domestic
violence, is one of the thingsthat I have to understand as a
therapist is this is theirdynamic.
(32:48):
Even though it's completelydysfunctional and toxic, and
although it seems like a veryeasy thing to fix or to
recommend, it's not so easybecause they've come together
for a reason.
Somebody who's controlling andabusive will prey upon somebody
(33:10):
who will allow them to do that,and so I'm honest with them, to
tell them that this person willlikely not change.
But for them to push throughthe fear of moving out can be
very dangerous.
It's one of the most dangerouscalls that the police get called
(33:31):
out for is domestic violence.
Janet Hale (33:35):
So, in speaking on that, how I know we're just
going all over the place withthis, but how do you deal with a
domestic violence victim, onewho is?
They have cultural differencesyou know backgrounds, you know
different backgrounds and somecome from a privileged
(33:58):
background, yes, and havedifferent resources, you know
and then someone who does nothave all those resources.
How, in what way, do youbalance that or how do you work
that out?
Denise Schonwald (34:17):
Fortunately, regardless of your economic
status, there are many placesthat will help.
Unfortunately, it's a littlebit more complicated than that,
because of the relationship iscompletely toxic and it's been
like that.
I call them dysfunctionallyfunctional and even though you
(34:39):
may recommend that one of themleave a lot of times, they'll go
right back into thatenvironment even though it's
dangerous for whatever reason.
No heat, no judgment, but we dothe best we can.
Janet Hale (34:55):
So the question still for me is when we're
dealing with privileged andnon-privileged, because there is
a difference, true, and so thecircumstance is what the
circumstance is, and they'reboth dealing with the same type
of abuse, living in the sametype of situation.
(35:17):
And I hear you saying there areresources, um, however, for
some folks, not really yeah andthat's just me being.
You know we're having anauthentic, honest conversation
yeah so my question to you ishow do you handle that when
you're dealing with the clientor does that ever come up?
Denise Schonwald (35:41):
Well, a lot of the ones that I see and believe
it or not, the two mosthorrific cases that I've had
were both doctors, if you canbelieve that.
One was a friend of mine that Imentioned in the book.
At the end he killed her.
At the end she finally left himand he killed her.
The other one was the mosthorrific abuse I've ever heard.
(36:02):
They were both doctors.
So we think that we sort ofhave a vision of who gets into
these situations and I guess wenever know.
Janet Hale (36:15):
No, no, that's not my question.
I know.
Denise Schonwald (36:17):
But yeah, with with people who don't have the
means, it can be very, it can bevery complicated because
there's a lot to it and are arethey at the point where they
need they need help or they'rewilling to have help.
A lot of them come to me thatin my experience where they'll
(36:39):
say I just want you to help melearn to tolerate it and you
know it's, it's something that Ican't help them.
Do they want to learn how totolerate their abusive husband
or or it's?
I guess I'm going around thebush, because you're asking me
(37:00):
something very, very complicatedand complex and no two cases
look alike and there's so manyvariables that it can be hard to
give you sort of astraightforward answer.
Janet Hale (37:15):
I can respect that and thank you.
Candace Patrice (37:19):
You have your books.
Yes, books and your books aretools.
They have information, theyhave guidance.
For someone who is hearingabout your name for the first
time and going, I want to know alittle more about her.
Which book would you suggestpeople start at?
Or is there an area and it'slike, well, if you're dealing
(37:40):
with this, you should start here?
If you're dealing with this,you should start here.
Where would you suggest thelisteners or anyone hearing your
name for the first time tostart with you with your written
work?
Denise Schonwald (37:51):
What I ask people to do is to go to my
website and read about all ofthem, because I used to always
start with healing your body bymastering your mind.
But then I would start to getemail back and say I was really
interested in elephants, don'tmarry giraffes.
So you know, it really dependsupon what sort of people connect
to, and normally if peopleemail me, I'm happy to mail them
(38:17):
a free copy of one of the books.
But I've learned now to getthem to read about so they don't
get disappointed when theydon't get the book that they
were hoping to get.
Candace Patrice (38:27):
Yeah, you know getting back to happy because
apparently that's my book.
Janet Hale (38:31):
Now that's the top of my list, the top of my list.
Candace Patrice (38:35):
I would personally like to.
If there are any motherslistening, I would like to
personally recommend that bookto all mothers, whether you're a
mother of a daughter or amother of a son.
It's really helpful inunderstanding the journey of a
child and their need for a safeplace to be able to figure out
(38:59):
and work through things.
So I do, I just.
It's called Getting Back toHappy everyone and it's
beautifully illustrated and it'snot a hard read.
It has just enough informationthat the kids at almost any age
can understand what is going on.
So I just wanted to throw thatout there.
(39:21):
Secondly, I wanted to ask if,knowing that you have your
spiritual background, do youfeel like you're doing God's
work?
And if you do, when did youknow that you were doing the
work that you were supposed todo, especially transitioning
from nursing to counseling, andthat changes you?
(39:43):
You're into very importantfields.
You're helping in both fields,so how is it that you were able
to make that change and knowthat that change was needed for
you, and doing that in God'swill and God's word, and doing
that in God's will and God's?
Denise Schonwald (39:56):
word.
It's interesting because therecomes a time nursing is for the
young, particularly criticalcare, and when I figured I was
no longer going to be physicallyable to do that, going back to
become a therapist was anotherfive years and many people
didn't understand why I would dothat at my age and I didn't
(40:18):
need to do that, and why wouldyou want to do that?
I got a lot of that, but I feltlike I had learned so much as a
critical care nurse that I hadreally good critical thinking
skills and I really wanted to dothat.
I really wanted to fulfill mydharma, my purpose, here.
I really wanted to do that.
I really wanted to fulfill mydharma, my purpose here.
(40:41):
And so, as you know, if you workwith counseling others, it can
be really tough.
I mean, you're going into asacred space and certainly my
intention is never to harm or tomake it worse.
So every day, before I evenstart, I pray for guidance and I
pray for God to channel throughme, because I feel like I can
be the voice of the divine.
Sometimes I say things that Ihave no memory of.
(41:04):
Sometimes, in a very stickysituation, I'll say to myself
help, help, help.
And then, all of a sudden,something comes out of me and
I'm like I mean, I'm gratefulfor that.
I'm like thank you very much,whoever was responsible for that
, because I really needed it.
Candace Patrice (41:24):
I had someone share with me recently.
They were.
They said I know it was theHoly Spirit speaking because I'm
not that smart.
Denise Schonwald (41:34):
And if they asked me to repeat it, I could
never repeat it, never repeat it.
I'm thinking, I have no idea,but and and they'll say you know
, I was thinking the same thingor something.
And I think, well, I don't,don't even remember what I was
thinking, but and I know thatthat's the divine, and as long
as I can continue to do that, Iwill continue practicing.
Candace Patrice (41:54):
I want to go backwards just a little bit.
Denise Schonwald (42:14):
We talked about food and the gut and
mental, and obviously food playsa part in our mental.
How does food play a part inour mental and how does food
play a part in our healing?
It's interesting with food whenthe mind is very active.
So we're struggling withwhatever we're struggling with.
The first thing that we go to Idon't know why, because it's
not our best resource is themind, and the mind will start
thinking and overthinking andthinking ahead and going behind
(42:36):
Mind's very busy thinking andthinking ahead and going behind
Mine's very busy thinking,thinking, thinking.
We don't realize how muchenergy that takes for the body
to handle.
So the body's excretingcortisol and it's I mean it's
working because it thinks thateverything that we're thinking
in our mind is true, and soafter a while the body will say
listen, if you're gonna keepdoing this, I need some energy
(42:59):
because you're killing me downhere.
So the first thing that we go towithout even thinking is to the
refrigerator.
We're not getting carrots and asalad, we're getting sugar and
carbs.
We need something that willquickly convert to energy
because the mind is using it upas quickly as it possibly can.
(43:19):
I notice it with myself.
I'll be stressed aboutsomething.
First I noticed that I'm pacingback and forth and then all of
a sudden I think, oh, I'm hungry.
And then I think just ate.
And I go no, I'm hungry becauseI'm stressed and I'm thinking,
and my body needs the sugar orthe carbs or whatever I'm going
(43:43):
for.
Wow, can I add to?
Janet Hale (43:45):
that what I heard, what I got to say that way, I'm
still hungry because I haven'tfed whatever it was that was
bothering me.
So, yeah, when I heard youtalking I was like, yeah, you
still hungry.
You hungry Because you have notfed that thing that needs to be
fed.
Candace Patrice (44:05):
Yes, so how much time should we pause before
trying to fix that momentaryproblem?
So if it's stress in our bodies, stress in our minds, and we go
you know what?
I'm hungry how much time shouldwe just wait and say this isn't
that?
Well, it's usually so.
Denise Schonwald (44:24):
They say about 20 minutes, but what I tell
people to do is notice what isthe body trying to say, Like if
I'm irritable or I'moverthinking.
This is again a symptom.
It's like if we're physical,it's like chest pain.
We need to stop and get intoour what they call your higher
(44:45):
self, your smarter self, and sayokay, what's going on?
What do I need?
Well, if somebody hurt myfeelings or I've had a stressful
day, take a minute and decidewhat else you can do other than
go for something quick.
That's probably not going to dothe trick.
It will for a little bit.
That's why we do it, but it'snot going to fix it.
(45:06):
So what do you need?
With me?
I can usually track it back toI don't know, I'm working too
much, I didn't get much sleep,I'm overwhelmed, and then I go
okay, that's fine, let's makesome adjustments so that we
don't get to the point wherewe're looking in the
refrigerator every 15 minutes.
Candace Patrice (45:26):
So what questions should we be asking
ourselves in these moments ofstress?
What would be good questions?
What?
Denise Schonwald (45:32):
do I need.
What's going on?
What do I need right now?
How am I feeling?
And I give people language I'moverwhelmed, I'm frustrated, I'm
disappointed.
Okay, that's why we need to goto the refrigerator, because
these emotions are uncomfortableand the mind doesn't like to be
(45:53):
uncomfortable.
Candace Patrice (45:57):
And would you say, asking yourself these
questions and giving yourselvesan answer helps comfort the mind
.
Denise Schonwald (46:05):
It certainly can get the mind to calm down
because we get into what youcall your higher self, your
godly self, and it's decidingwhat you need.
If we get to the point wherewe're so angry that we're let
somebody have it, it's too late.
By the time we get the wholecake out, it's probably too late
(46:25):
.
You know that we get to thatsort of that tipping or we get
the whole bottle of alcohol out,it's probably too late.
The mind has taken back over.
It's just the more that wepractice going into what we call
your higher self and doing alot of self-care.
It's not usually as difficult.
Candace Patrice (46:49):
Yeah, you know, Denise, you've been amazing and
full of so much knowledge, andfull of so much knowledge I want
to.
I know we're going to have towrap up, but I want to ask if
there is anything that you wantto let the listeners know
regarding mental health,physical health, spiritual
(47:11):
health, any areas that you wedidn't touch on that you really
need the listeners to hear.
I want to open the space foryou to do that, if there is
anything.
Denise Schonwald (47:22):
Yes, one of the things that I would like to
encourage everybody listeningtoday is do the self-care.
It's so easy to get wrapped upin the stress of life and bills
and family and everything else.
Particularly we as women have alot on our plates.
Do the self-care.
Take time if you need to take anap or you need to get to bed
(47:44):
early.
Be careful not to use too muchscreen time Very hard on the
mind.
Take some time in either prayeror meditation.
Create the space, make the timefor yourself, and all of these
mental health issues will becomea little bit more manageable.
Get help if you need it.
Janet Hale (48:05):
I myself have a therapist, so my mom is very big
on that, right, she's right.
I was about to say my therapist.
I said, do you have a therapist?
And she said, oh, you know, doyou have a therapist?
And she said, you know, yeah, Ihave.
I said, well, because I wasabout to fire you and because
(48:25):
that's important, it isimportant and that is something
you know.
Like Candice said, mom was intothat, but I just find it
important for others to havethat knowledge and understand
(48:50):
that a therapist is a personthat has to carry a lot and they
also need a relief.
Yes, and I need a therapistthat gets her relief, because
when she gets through with oneof my senses I'm joking, are you
A little bit?
But I like the fact that youknow to hear that you have your
own therapist.
(49:12):
And I think it's okay, for Idon't know if it's okay, but I
think it's okay for the clientto be able to ask that question
and that that can be arequirement for some people.
Denise Schonwald (49:28):
And healing your body by mastering your mind
.
At the end of each chapter, Iwrote my own story.
It's a lot of people's favoritepart of the book.
Not that they wanted to knowthat I was struggling with
things, but they wanted to knowthat just because I have the
knowledge and the expertisedoesn't mean that I don't
struggle.
And it was a little bit toughto write something that
(49:51):
thousands and thousands ofpeople were going to read, but I
felt like it was important tolet people know that everybody
struggles.
That's how we connect to eachother.
Candace Patrice (50:02):
Can you just say the name of all your books
again and also where people canfind you?
Are you private pay orinsurance?
Denise Schonwald (50:14):
I have both, so I accept most insurances,
which is very nice.
Candace Patrice (50:19):
Yes, yes, so can you give us that so that the
listeners and then spell yourname for those who are?
Just listening and maybe notlooking, sure, so.
Denise Schonwald (50:29):
Denise D-E-N-I-S-E Schoenwald,
s-c-h-o-n-w-a-l-d, which is com,which is my website.
Okay, so my first book isHealing your Body by Mastering
your Mind.
These are all on Amazon, but ifthe listener would like to pick
(50:51):
one, I will mail one for free,but they are available on Amazon
.
Elephants, Don't Marry Giraffes, which is my book on
relationships.
I like that, janet.
You would like this justbecause this is an interesting
topic for you, so that you mightenjoy that one Insightful
Self-Therapy.
It's a really good one andCandice's favorite.
(51:16):
Getting Back to Happy.
Janet Hale (51:20):
Yeah, that's a good one.
She told me about that, yeah,oh, and I also wanted to say
it's a high compliment that mygranddaughter, her daughter, was
so pleased with your book.
So for us, or for me, that's areal high compliment, because
she's a very brutally honest kid.
(51:46):
She's the type that's not inthe middle.
I don't want to read thisanymore.
Candace Patrice (51:51):
So, yeah, I wanted to say that, and where
are your social media handles?
Denise Schonwald (51:55):
Where are your social media handles?
Oh, I'm at Denise Schoenwald.
I'm on Facebook, instagram,just, fortunately, my name is
mine and only mine, because it'scomplicated.
You can find me.
My cell phone number is on mywebsite.
Candace Patrice (52:16):
Be happy to hear from anybody that would
like to call me.
Oh, that's so awesome.
We talked about a lot of things.
We talked about a lot of traumathat could happen, how to heal
our bodies and minds and things,and everyone, like you said,
they're not always ready.
But if you are ready and maybeyou don't have a therapist, you
can definitely call or text theNational Suicide Prevention Line
(52:37):
at 988.
They're available 24 hours aday, seven days a week.
It's at least a start to getgoing if that's where you are.
But we also have our beautifulresource, denise, who is
nationally licensed Like whoa.
She's amazing.
So, give her a call.
Are you accepting new clientsright now and so give her a call
(52:57):
.
I was accepting new clientsright now, and so give her a
call.
Denise Schonwald (52:59):
I was going to say on my website is my
calendar.
So if people want to schedulean appointment, it's easy to do.
Candace Patrice (53:06):
Are they able to put their insurance
information in during that time?
Denise Schonwald (53:09):
They request an appointment and then my
assistant gets all theirinsurance information and gets
make sure everything is takencare of.
So when they come in we'reready to get started.
Candace Patrice (53:18):
Is Nicole your assistant still no.
Denise Schonwald (53:21):
Nicole was helping me with a lot of social
media, but I've had Cindy for 15years.
Candace Patrice (53:28):
Okay, cause I read at the back of the book how
she did the illustrations forthe book.
Janet Hale (53:44):
Nicole Rodriguez, so that was pretty awesome.
Did you have any last words youwanted to give mom?
Oh, it's been a pleasure, andthank you so much, denise, for
being a part of this andproviding the information to our
listeners so that they can knowthat there are different ways
of doing things, and that's whatwe're about.
Yes, alternative ways ofgetting things done, so thank
you.
Candace Patrice (54:03):
And, of course, I hope you all learned and
gained something very valuable.
This was very, very greatinformation, as our podcast aims
to give our listeners greatinformation and valuable
information.
As you all know, I may havementioned in the last episode, I
am doing one-on-one spirituallife coaching, christian life
(54:26):
coaching and mindset developmentcoaching.
So if you're interested, youcan go to the website and book a
consultation atessentialmotivationcom.
I can be reached via email atCandice Fleming at
essentialmotivationcom.
Facebook is EssentialMotivation and Instagram is
(54:47):
being converted from EssentialMotivation LLC to Candice
Patrice underscore EM, which isme blending my personal page
with my professional page.
So, everybody, thank you somuch.
We look forward to hearing fromyou.
If there's a topic that youwant us to share, definitely go
ahead and email that.
(55:08):
If there are any comments thatyou want to leave, email that.
We'd love to put your voice onthe podcast.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Always remember to love hard,forgive often and laugh frequent
.
Bye, guys, bye-bye.
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