June 5, 2025 • 53 mins
It's Therapy Thursday
Authenticity begins in the mirror, but what happens when the reflection others see doesn't match your self-image? In this deeply reflective conversation, I'm joined by my mother to untangle the complex web of perception, identity, and the courage to be truly seen.
We start by examining those uncomfortable moments when we hide parts of ourselves that feel too vulnerable, only to discover these very traits are plainly visible to everyone around us. My mother shares wisdom about doing our best each day, whatever that means in the moment, while I confess my tendency to overthink how I'm perceived by others.
The discussion shifts to social media's role in creating artificial hierarchies based on follower counts and polished presentations. We talk candidly about how easy it is to look at someone's professional website or content and assume their life is perfectly together – and how we've both been guilty of making these assumptions about others while knowing the complexities behind our own public personas.
One of the most powerful segments explores our community service work, specifically community baby showers we've organized. We discuss the importance of maintaining people's dignity through meaningful giving rather than performative charity. My mother shares heart-wrenching observations from her years working with vulnerable populations, highlighting how even well-intentioned help can feel humiliating when not approached with genuine respect.
What emerges is a powerful conversation about staying rooted in purpose over popularity, focusing on meaningful connection rather than validation, and the courage to show up authentically despite the risk of judgment. We explore how family relationships shape our self-perception, with touching reflections on intergenerational wisdom from my great-grandmother to my own daughter.
If you've ever felt the tension between your authentic self and how others perceive you, this conversation offers compassionate insight and practical wisdom for bridging that gap. Listen now to discover how aligning your internal compass with your external presentation might be the most powerful form of healing available.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Candace Patrice (00:06):
Hello and welcome to another episode of
Essential Mental Healing, whereI am your host, Candice Patrice,
and joining me today is mylovely mother with the fro.
Hey, Janie L hey.
Janet Hale (00:23):
Thank you for giving her good morning.
Good morning, good morning, andthank you for giving respect to
the Afro.
Okay.
Candace Patrice (00:29):
You know, Tabitha Brown named her hair.
Janet Hale (00:32):
She did.
What is it?
I know it Because it got herout of sleep or something.
Yeah, yeah, I saw that I wasloving that she's like where are
you taking me, yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw that that she's like
where you taking me, yeah, yeah.
So you know this whole uh.
Well, you know I've been on theafro kick for a while, right,
yes, or my natural hair for awhile, and then every now and
then I put some heat in it.
But I did um on Facebook theyhave this thing on there will
(00:56):
say then and now, and so then isKamari, when she was a baby at
16 months.
Now is her with those two Afropuffs and I'm like, yes, let's
hold on to the culture.
That's so funny Because I loveit.
And that ties into the topic.
(01:18):
Do you see yourself the wayothers see you, way others see
you?
And for me, sometimes,sometimes, oh, I need to go this
deep, this quick.
But sometimes no, becausesometimes what I see I'm afraid
for others to see, so I'll gointo hiding or concealment, and
(01:42):
then that becomes souncomfortable that I'm in a
struggle with things.
So, do people see me?
I think a lot of times they do,and when it becomes extremely
uncomfortable for me, I have tolook at the parts of me that I'm
trying to hide.
That's glaring to everybodyelse in the world.
(02:03):
So yeah, so sometimes yes, moretimes yes, and sometimes not.
Candace Patrice (02:13):
You know, I find that I don't know how
people look at me.
That's good, but how I look atme and I was talking to my
sister last night and we weretalking about how she views me
and how I view me and you knowshe feels that I'm a pretty
(02:33):
humble person because I don'tfeel like I'm better than anyone
, like we're all at the samelevel, same level, and so we
kind of had the conversationabout Jesus and how his value
worth was so high but the waywhere he put himself was amongst
(02:57):
all of the people.
And I feel the same way, not tocompare to Jesus Christ, first
of all, but just the idea ofwe're all on the same level,
know, just the idea of we're allon the same level.
We just do things a littledifferent sometimes and when it
comes to, like social media orhaving a business, people will
think you have, will put youhigher on a pedestal just
(03:21):
because you have certain thingstogether, like oh, she got a
website, she must be doing good.
She got a podcast, she must bedoing great.
Site, she must be doing good.
She got a podcast, she must bedoing great.
She's doing such great things.
And the way we presentourselves.
I guess it's like it's branding, it's marketing, not even on
purpose.
Sometimes it's just.
For me it's more about justdoing what I want to do the
(03:42):
greatest way I can do it, solike it takes me a minute to
even get something started,simply because I feel like I
spend a lot of time trying tolearn what it is that I want to
produce, but I also want toproduce it at a high quality and
I also want to do it at a lowercost.
You know so, but I've also donethe same thing with others
(04:07):
looked at them and their brandand what they have going on and
be like wow, they really outhere.
One of the people who we talkedabout was my best friend Q, and
I've always thought that he wassuch a great person, like in
school.
He's the 4.0 student, he's theone who has the answers, he's
(04:29):
the one that you know.
You kind of want to sit next tohim and be like what are we
doing?
Because you know he's going toknow what to do, and then
watching him matriculate throughlife and getting an acting
degree, then getting, I think,his second degree I know it's
from CalArts was in producing,and now he has his law degree
and is being inducted this week.
(04:51):
So you know it's really, and Ilook at him and see his music
videos and I'm like man, my bestfriend, dope.
But I also know him on apersonal level, and not that
he's not dope, but I get to seewhere we are on level playing
grounds when it comes to justbeing human.
(05:12):
And anyone who really has thispersona or how people look at
them, is only that way becauseof the belief system that people
have agreed on.
Like everyone I don't know howto say it They've gotten someone
to believe in what they've saidand validate them at a higher,
(05:37):
at a level where more people aretalking about it.
So the more people you havetalking about you, the more
people you have that like you,then technically it's the higher
you up art and status.
But and oh my God, this is sogood.
I know I'm just talking, but I'mnot just talking.
So I went to an event onThursday, creating with creators
(05:59):
through Just Create, and wewere talking about content
creation, how people view you.
But one of the questions Iasked is how do you stay rooted
in your purpose and not yourmonetary gain?
And so we were talking aboutthat and I think when you follow
(06:22):
your, when you try to followyour purpose and follow your
mission, the reward a lot oftimes is going to be status and
money, but it shouldn't be theobjective and the goal.
So how was your weekend?
Janet Hale (06:41):
Thank you for that you made me think of.
I just finished reading thefour agreements and I shared
that with you.
So I had read it like 30 yearsago and then I picked it back up
for I don't know what reason,and then it was as if I'd never
read it before.
It was all new to me.
But you made me think ofsomething when you were talking
about I'm paraphrasing but beingdoing our best, whatever that
(07:03):
is for the individual and in thefour agreements he talks about.
You know what, if we just getup and just do our best,
whatever that means for that day, and Then, like you said, I
don't think we really care whatother people, how they see us,
because I'm doing my best,whatever that looks like for me.
(07:25):
It might be me just taking ashower today, but for me that is
my best.
So how was my weekend?
I had a really good weekend.
I got a last minute notice togo to an award ceremony for my
granddaughter and it was funnybecause my daughter texted me at
one o'clock in the morning andsaid ah, in the morning, a, b
(07:48):
and C is oh, it's no pressure,okay, no pressure, um, but it
said 8.15.
Oh, it's one o'clock in themorning.
But if you can't come, that'sokay.
But I know you like to be atthings.
Yeah, I'll be there.
I will be there and I, you knowI enjoy being able to continue
(08:09):
to show up because I know that Ihave more years behind me than
in front of me and at some pointthere are places there.
There will be an empty seat withmy name on it, but I want my
presence to still be in the roomand so when I'm able to do
(08:32):
these things, I'm like, oh, okay, oh, I got to do this, I got to
make a memory.
I think about this podcast too,and I was sharing with somebody
that we do this, and someonesaid are you guys still doing
that?
I said, mm-hmm, I said so forme it is something that I can
leave to my daughter and mygranddaughter, because when I'm
(08:54):
gone, you got what?
Three years of it so far?
No, we'll have 10, 20.
Okay, yeah, but let's thinkabout it in that way.
So to be able to still be ableto leave not just a memory, but
with technology we can leavevoice, we can leave videos and
(09:15):
just those things, so, anyway.
So how was my weekend?
So my weekend was good, it wasrelaxing, and it's still the
weekend.
Today is Saturday.
I'm trying to think of allthese things.
Don't say okay, but anyway, sofar my weekend is good.
I'm about to go out to afunction, a community baby
(09:36):
shower, and it's my first timeattending.
I understand it's really bigand great.
Candace Patrice (09:41):
First time attending this organization's
community baby shower.
Janet Hale (09:47):
Yes, no, no, no, no, no.
Candace Patrice (09:50):
Uh-uh, I don't know what you're asking me when
you say first time it soundslike you're saying first time
attending a community babyshower With this group yes,
because I did one with out.
Janet Hale (10:02):
Is it Westland Wayne Wayne?
Yes, because I did one with out.
Candace Patrice (10:05):
Is it Wesleyan Wayne.
Janet Hale (10:07):
Wayne and that was the best and I had shared that
with someone.
They said, oh, they have one,so I'm going to that one and to
see how that is.
But it's good to be out andjust experience, you know,
people being able to be loved on.
You know just that doesn'tmatter, just come, we're going
(10:32):
to love on you, type of thing.
Candace Patrice (10:34):
You know one of the things because I was a part
of the organization of thecommunity baby shower that you
went to in Wayne, because I'mthe vice president of that
nonprofit.
But one of the things that Ilove about being able to do like
the community baby shower or ina couple of weeks we're doing a
(10:57):
summer blast is doing it at alevel of quality, as if it was
of quality, as if it was as ifthey paid their top dollar for
it, even though it's a freeevent.
You know, I feel like everyonedeserves to have quality and
(11:19):
just because we're giving to thecommunity for free doesn't mean
it should feel that way.
I've been to events where it'sfor the community or and it
looks like a hand-me-down, likeyou got all the tables with all
the brochures.
That's like, hey, you know, andI get resources are great and
there should be a space forresources.
But sometimes it just begins tofeel like, oh, they're just
(11:42):
looking at me like being low.
I don't know.
I just they're certain becausewhen you have your friends
playing you a baby shower,they're not sitting there with
all the free resources that youcould get laid out on display in
the lobby for everybody who'swalking up.
You may have that information,get that information, but it's
(12:04):
about you.
It's about what you'rereceiving and people showing up
for you.
And at our community babyshower, I feel like the mothers
and guests who attended showedup for each other, showed up for
each other and got to celebratetogether and received really
(12:27):
nice things Like and that wasour second time doing the
community baby shower but beingable to get them brand new car
seats and you know, strollers,cribs, mattresses I think it's a
blessing and I mattresses.
(12:48):
I think it's a blessing and II'm really grateful to be able
to be a part of something thatdoes that, and I think it should
always be done at a high level,as if it was being done Matter
of fact, as if it were beingdone for God.
Yep, that's the way I see it.
Janet Hale (13:03):
So I was yeah, you're right, I attended it and
um, it was wonderful, it wasbeautiful, and it wasn't um, as
if you know, here we're givingyou this free stuff.
There was nothing like that.
I agree with you about when wedo something for the community
or you know people who can'tafford it, however goes, and
then you have all these tablesand you know let's do this, you
(13:25):
know we got this for you, andthen I think that can be quite
humiliating for the person who'sreceiving them.
And you made me think aboutsomething else, because I've
done it all worked with thehomeless population, foster care
, all you name it.
I've been there and I rememberwhen Christmas time came and
(13:48):
folks from very affluent placeswould come out to feed the
homeless.
I had the hardest time withthat.
And everybody's like why are youso?
I said because it's humiliating.
I mean, why you have these kidsfeeding these grown folks, you
know, because they get.
Oh man, I don't want to offendanybody, but they get caught up
and we're going to show themwhat it's like how poor people
(14:09):
live.
So I'm going to take them to ashow.
What, no, no.
And so I would always have ahard time with it and I was like
girl.
I said I don't, I'm not gettingthe pleasure out of it, I don't
understand that.
The other thing it was aroundalso around Christmas, when they
would bring the toys.
Now they would bring bikes, allkind of things, but these folks
(14:35):
didn't have a house to put itin.
And so in my mind I would say,if we want to help them, let's
put the security down in thefirst month.
Rent for them a place to stay,opposed to the bike that they
can't even ride because you haveto put it up in storage.
It's just different things likethat.
That's always seemed like itwas exploiting the person who
(14:55):
was receiving on the other end.
Now, this community show thatI'm going to because I did
mention going to the one you'reinvolved with, and the feedback
was the same as what you justsaid, that we're not doing news.
We're doing new things.
We want them to feel special,so I'm excited to see how this
turns out.
(15:17):
And also Because I've been towhat I consider the best.
You follow me and, as I wasexpressing that, the person was
like whoa, we have one.
That's really great, so I'mexcited to see how that works
out.
Candace Patrice (15:29):
I'm excited to hear how it goes and I wanted to
say, because you said somethingabout new items and used items
and it's not that we won't dogently used, but because of the
way that it's structured, wejust allow people the
opportunity to say if they wantto receive, because there's
people who are like I don't care, if it looked good and it feel
good, I will take it.
Then you have people who's likeI would prefer something new.
(15:54):
And of course, there arecertain items that you just need
to get new, like car seats, butwe try to make it so that
people who don't mind and theydon't have to take it at all
it's what is it that you need?
Because the way we structurethe giving of the gifts and
everything we do like thisraffle and people can put their
(16:15):
tickets in what it is that theywant.
So it's not like you're goingto get something you don't need
or get something you don'tdesire.
You literally are like I got myeye on that car seat and um, or
I got my eye on that, on thatbed or on the diaper bag,
because that's what you need.
Like what, if you haveeverything else, I'm like I just
need a diaper bag and I wantthat so you can put it for what
(16:37):
it is that you want and need.
Now at some point and I can'twait for this point we're going
to have Oprah money and it'sgoing to be you get a car seat,
you get a bed, you geteverything you need or a gift
card or whatever.
But we do also do gently useditems.
Janet Hale (16:58):
That's not for the community shower, though, is it
we?
Candace Patrice (17:00):
have.
Okay, I don't think this yearor last year we had anything
that was used.
The year before, though, or twoyears before we did it, because
we do it every other year.
We did have some items, like Iremember a toddler bed that was
there someone brought, but itwas in really good condition.
(17:22):
So it was like, okay, ifsomeone wants this, then it's
available, but if they don't,then get one of the items,
because there was still aplethora of new items, but it
was just an overflow to havesome gently used items as well.
Janet Hale (17:37):
But it was just an overflow to have some gently
used items as well.
Yeah, but I also think withthat is, what kind of
environment are you setting up?
Because from what I witnessed,the environment was so welcoming
and so warm and so loving.
So you know, I know I mentionednew and all that, but even I
(18:01):
wasn't there when you guys weredoing that.
But I see you guys have evolvedwith it, but I'm sure that the
environment was great.
The other thing that waswonderful was having the fathers
in attendance.
I thought that was so.
I was sitting back saying, okay, you guys, let's do this, and
so it wasn't.
Sometimes folks feel a littleembarrassed, like the man might
(18:24):
feel like you know, I'm supposedto be the man and I came in,
but it wasn't that way.
It was like come on, you guys,we're here to support you.
Come on in, bring the babydaddy, bring the husband, bring
the boy.
Come on, bring your uncle.
Some folks stay with thehusband.
Bring the boy, come on, bringyour uncle.
Yeah, with the uncles and thegranddaddies, just come, come
and let us love on you let usand that's the thing, loving on
(18:46):
someone, love is the greatestthing.
Candace Patrice (18:48):
and when you can look at someone's heart,
opposed to their status, I thinkthat's because there are a lot
of people with and I use airquotes high statuses whose heart
is not right, ooh.
And there are also people in Iuse air quotes higher statuses
(19:16):
who don't feel good.
They're just going through themotions every day.
They don't get to, they justdon't feel good.
And you have people who are inthe hood feeling great because,
they got love, they got support,they have everything they need.
(19:37):
Now, do they have everythingthey need Now?
Do they have everything theywant?
Maybe not.
I went to a conference inKansas City last week, which was
so good and being on liberatedgrounds, land and having a
(19:59):
Freedom Fest and being able tospeak with leaders of the
community about how we're goingto make a difference in the
community, in our culture,moving forward, not just talking
about it.
But what are the action itemstowards getting these things
done?
(20:20):
And as we were planning forthis conference, my perspective
began to change on leadership,on just who's in the room and
who I'm having conversationswith.
I think a lot of times we getcaught up in celebrities and
believing that these are thepeople who we have to, who we
(20:41):
should be following and I mean Ihope I know people know my
heart and what I'm saying when Isay that.
But we also have our and, okay,we also have our Congress, we
have our.
We have a lot of people on theground doing the work to make
(21:01):
the world a better place that wedon't look at or talk to or try
to help make the changes.
It's like is Drake doing it?
Is Beyonce doing it.
If they doing it, then maybeI'll jump or I'll support what
they're doing.
I'll yell out loud the thingsthat they're doing, but we're
saying we want changes in ourcommunity.
We're saying we want action,but we won't take that action to
(21:25):
start making the change.
Like here in my unit, we do acommunity kickback and the
neighbors just get together andbuilding community is just about
being together, accepting eachother and having a place to land
(21:46):
.
Janet Hale (21:48):
Yes, and it's very apparent when I come by.
You know, the hippie part of meit just pops out when I come
over there Because you knowthey're feeding the animals.
I'm talking to my daughter.
She's like, oh, mom, that's thedove they were talking about.
(22:08):
I'm like, what dove?
Okay, oh, mom, so we put seedsdown each week or whatever we
got to water it.
The dogs she talks to the dogs.
You guys, I mean, the humansare just access to the dog and
they speak my language.
To get to the animals, oh, thisis the Mama, this is someone.
She calls them by the name andeverything.
Oh, and this is oh, that's myfavorite over there.
(22:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's mybaby, that's the one.
Then she actually they bringthe dog out and I'm like, yeah,
that is the one, because I'mpicking up on the energy.
I'm like, whoa, this is sopowerful and so it's really good
to see that and I know youdon't proclaim to be a hippie,
(23:18):
no-transcript.
Also, about our culture andwho's doing what.
Okay, is Beyonce doing it?
And one of the things that Isay, even in what I do today, is
we have enough resources to doit ourselves.
Stop looking for somebody elseto save up.
They're not coming.
Candace Patrice (23:44):
They are not coming.
That's a whole nother topic.
Janet Hale (23:46):
I'm just saying so.
When I listen to LiberatedGrounds and have been a part of
some of the things, it is soliberating to be amongst people
who are thinking about how to bethe change, not waiting on the
change.
But what can we do right now tobe the change?
And one of the persons man,she's so awesome.
(24:06):
You're having a conversationwith her and you look up and you
are committed to something.
You're like whoa, I said I'lldo that piece.
She's like no, you're biggerthan that, You're going to do
that piece and that piece.
So it is really good to see howwe, as a community, we're making
(24:27):
subtle changes, because itstarts with the person in the
mirror, as Michael Jackson wouldsay, and we do our part and do
what we can.
But I think the main part isbeing kind to one another.
You know, because some peopleget into the status and I'm this
and I'm that and I can justtreat you any kind of way.
Well, I don't know if that'sreally cool, Just to be kind and
(24:52):
be thoughtful of that.
And I have to practice thatmyself.
You know, Candice knows that Ihave to process.
I'll sit down and I'll process.
I'll hear something Then thenext day.
I'm like you know, I had timeto process that.
But I take the time to do that,to process, because I don't
want to be disrespectful, Idon't want my anger to meet
(25:16):
someone else's pain.
I don't want to do that, and soI have to practice.
Well, it's becoming more andmore natural to me, but I keep
it in my mind.
I don't know what subject we'reon right now?
Candace Patrice (25:27):
I can't I know we're still there.
Well, you said something about,I want to say, being together
and having each other.
We can't depend on other people.
And it brings.
When I hear that, I think aboutfamily, and when I think about
(25:47):
family, I think about Jesus andwhat he said in the Bible, Mark
3, 33 through 35.
He says who are my mother andmy brothers?
He asked.
Then he looked at those seatedin a circle around him and said
here are my mother and mybrothers.
Whoever does God's will is mybrother and my sister and mother
.
And really, if we look at thepeople as humans around us, if
(26:15):
we're all God's children, thenwe're all brothers and sisters
and we all need to treat eachother as such.
So, no, you may not have comeout of the womb of my mother,
but you're, like my, one of myreally good friends.
Mother will always say you'remy daughter from another womb
and she mean that, she mean allof that.
Janet Hale (26:35):
What mother is this Dom's mother?
Candace Patrice (26:36):
Okay, I knew you was going to mean that she
mean all of that?
Janet Hale (26:38):
What mother is this Dom's mother?
Candace Patrice (26:39):
Okay, I knew you was going to do that.
Then I have, I mean, but I havea plethora of mothers of
community mothers who arecommunity mothers Like you, all
are my mothers.
You all are my brothers and mysisters.
As I've been growing up, I'vealways just adopted a new
(27:03):
brother, a new sister.
You're my mother, so you'veseen it.
People got to know my heart.
You're the Mary to Jesus in mylife.
That's powerful.
Janet Hale (27:17):
That, that's powerful.
Candace Patrice (27:18):
That was a little powerful, I felt that I'm
accepting that Wow.
But I get to go through thisworld and experience love on
every level from whoever wantsto give it honestly human or
animals, animals, you know.
(27:39):
So my cat is on the wayactually.
Yeah, no, really, there's a catin this story.
Janet Hale (27:46):
This cat supposed to live somewhere else, but
candace calls for the cat tocome over all the time.
Candace Patrice (27:54):
It's just a whole thing I have the whole
setup y'all for this cat.
I have scratch pads, litterfood.
I have.
The cat is on my kooka is on aspecial diet and I have the
special food here so that theydon't have to send it.
Bring me the cat if you don'teven have a cage.
If you can hold the cat andbring the cat as is, I will take
(28:15):
.
Take Kuka as is, that's it.
I just need you to get her tome or I'll come get her.
But yeah, I love my cat.
I had a dream recently aboutcats and there were seven of
them in the dream and they couldall be mine if I wanted.
Janet Hale (28:32):
That's your favorite number, isn't it?
Candace Patrice (28:33):
Uh-huh, and it's the number of completion.
Janet Hale (28:35):
Yeah, and your line number right, absolutely.
Seven's a good number, seven'sa good number um.
Candace Patrice (28:45):
So yeah, there's how we look at people
and how?
Janet Hale (28:51):
wow, yeah, look because it's turning into that,
yeah.
Candace Patrice (28:54):
No, I mean, that's what it is how the
comparison of people and I'mjust really grateful to be able
to see people from their heart,which was part of the
conversation with my sister andhow not changing who you are is
(29:17):
such a good place to be in orit's not always a good place
because people don't alwaysunderstand, but consistency in
who you are and leading with whoyou are allows people to either
adjust or not, either get onboard or don't, but right, and
(29:38):
sometimes it happens in thebeginning.
Sometimes it comes, goes andcomes back around.
And sometimes it happens at alater stage in life and we have
to be okay with people'sexperiences with us.
Janet Hale (29:54):
Yes, wow, that's impactful.
Well, thank you no no, thankyou and I hope it is listening
and so thank you, because evenwith this podcast, if it gets
really big, cool.
Candace Patrice (30:09):
But if there is one listener every week who is
being impacted, because if wewere doing this for the numbers,
if we were doing this for money.
Janet Hale (30:18):
Don't make me laugh, because I got a feeling.
Candace Patrice (30:20):
I'm just saying I don't know that we still be
doing this.
So I will say that I'm gratefulfor this podcast and that we do
it for purpose over popularity.
Janet Hale (30:32):
I totally agree.
Candace Patrice (30:33):
For us, for yeah, you know.
Janet Hale (30:37):
And that's why I look forward to it.
And Candace knows I'll be likewell, I don't know how us.
That's why I look forward to it.
Candice knows I'll be like Idon't know how to do this.
Can you help me?
Candace Patrice (30:45):
Five minutes before it comes on, every single
time.
Janet Hale (30:47):
Yes, I actually prepare for it.
I get up, I get dressed, I meanas if because we're going to go
where you can see us one day,I'm believing.
I'm just prepared for it.
Do we need to Say it again?
Candace Patrice (31:01):
Do we really need to?
Janet Hale (31:03):
Okay, and so it is good because it is about purpose
and it's about being authentic.
It's about us sharing who wereally are, for us to be able to
touch those that are listeningthat may be dealing with some of
the same things.
We don't portray that we have aperfect life.
We talk about real things.
(31:24):
We're very vulnerable to ourlisteners and I think part of
that is because we're notlooking at whoa the dollar,
we're looking at how do we reachsomebody.
You know I would appreciate morefeedback, Um, and not unless
you're getting it.
You know when people arelistening to.
(31:46):
Kind of give us some feedbackon what's going on.
But, yeah, I like the fact thatit's all about purpose.
It's not about the dollar.
The dollar would be nice now.
The dollar would be nice.
Candace Patrice (31:57):
Absolutely, absolutely, that from the
feedback that we have receivedover the course of the podcast,
that people view the podcastwell.
So we talk about how peopleview us, how we view ourselves,
(32:18):
and just bringing that wholething back that the podcast is
viewed very well and the livesthat it has touched has made an
impact in many different ways,which I think is why we have so
many guests reach out to us tobe a part of the show, because
(32:39):
of the work that we're doing.
I think that we do great workand it's going to be great work
no matter what level theplatform is at.
Just as long as we continue toshow up and do the work and
spread the message and be honestand be authentic and follow the
purpose and the mission and notget sidetracked, we'll do a
(33:04):
good job.
And you know, I will even say Ihad a slight moment where, as
the guests were reaching out andI was I began to look at
numbers of the guests, liketheir Instagram followers and
one I will say I think at thatmoment I was looking for some
(33:27):
validation in the podcast andsaying like, oh well, if they
have a large platform, then thatmeans that they think we're
doing a good job because they'redoing a good job, you know and
that brings us right back to thewhole how people view us, and I
remember I think I did it liketwice, two or three times and I
(33:48):
remember going why are you doingthis again?
Because season one was supportedby my friends and family who I
believed had great things to say, or who we believed had great
things to say, you know, um, andtheir story was just as
impactful as someone who had200,000 followers on Instagram.
And I remember saying to myselfI don't ever want to get away
(34:13):
from the mission, I don't everwant to look at the guest for
their status.
So I was actually reallygrateful to be able to reflect
that and be able to come out ofthat quick, very, very quick,
very, very quick.
I'm very grateful because thatchanges things and it is the
(34:39):
quickest way to get away fromyour mission and to begin doing
things that don't align withyour belief system.
You know how people begin tosay.
They say they sold their soulsto the devil because of what
they're doing.
I think that being able to stayrooted and grounded in the
morals and values, missionpurpose and always reminding
(35:03):
ourselves of that, is going tobe beneficial to just our growth
as a human, as an individual.
Now, how the world decides tocelebrate us in that, whether
it's financially, whether it's aplatform larger than our own,
then so be it, but on thoseplatforms we have to be able to
remain, candace and Janet, youknow, no matter what, and I
(35:28):
think I see us doing a good jobat that, and if ever it feels
off, we know how to look in themirror and reflect.
Janet Hale (35:36):
And we've done that Well, I have.
Candace Patrice (35:38):
We do.
I just shared how I did.
Yeah, yeah, I have we do it.
Janet Hale (35:43):
You remember, when we talked about my voice, I was
like that's something that's notmy voice.
That is not my voice.
I need to put myself in check.
And that's another thing I loveabout this podcast too we're
not afraid to look in the mirrorand the audience.
They're witness to us in ourprogress, in our growth.
(36:05):
That is really cool.
But when you talked aboutlooking at the numbers and all
those things and how had youcarried on with that, then your
whole, this whole thing wouldn'tbe.
We wouldn't be doing it thisway, right?
And the thing that came to mindis, when we start doing things
like that based on numbers orlikes and all those things,
(36:26):
start doing things like thatbased on numbers or likes and
all those things, those arethings that are foreign to the
soul.
You follow me Like that's notjiving with my soul, like what
am I doing?
Because I can tell when I'm notin alignment with my soul.
It's a distraction to the soul,it's tense.
Candace Patrice (36:43):
It's a headache .
Janet Hale (36:45):
Oh, and I'm tired.
I can always tell when I slip,because I'm human, I'll slip
into some people pleasing crapand I'm like, oh, my goodness,
what was that about?
Because here's the thing, aboutthat too, and this is also
about how people see you.
Make sure I stay on track, butthe thing is I'll have to reel
(37:06):
you back in.
People will see you the way theysee you, and when we get in the
practice of trying to make themsee us different, that's a
vicious cycle because I feel,man, I'm getting into this,
because I feel like this, I amwho I am and even if I'm not
fully who I am going to be, I amwhere I am in this phase of my
(37:30):
development.
So you know, and then I have toalso offer that same grace to
others, because some peoplemight be like no, you just, and
I shared with you about arelative that I had not been
talking to and I got a call andand I don't know what happened,
(37:56):
but when I heard the voice and Isaid I need to love on this
person, it was so refreshing andso good for my soul.
And so, while I'm talking aboutwhat I can do for the other
person, that person did for me10 times what I think I did for
them.
And it's all about being open,just being open, and I never
(38:19):
thought that that moment wouldeven come.
I don't even know how that evencame up.
Candace Patrice (38:24):
But it did.
Janet Hale (38:26):
But it did, and when it did, I embraced it, like I'm
not finna, fight, whatever thisis, because it feels good, yeah
, so let me follow my heart andmy soul and do what it's telling
me to do, where it's guiding me.
Let me do that and I was thebetter for it.
I will say that, you know so,when we get into that, those are
things that are foreign to thesoul, and I can always tell when
(38:50):
there's a foreign object in mysoul.
Candace Patrice (39:06):
And you know you talk about foreign to the
soul and it makes me think ofwhat God created us to do the
mission of humans.
And you know it was aboutsharing.
It's about community.
It's about love, Especiallywhen we look at the New
Testament and how Jesus came tobe the model of love.
She's showing me a picture ofmy great grandmother and herself
(39:29):
.
I'm going to ask about that in asecond on the why, but I think
that a lot of times I try to goback to the model.
You know how we always talkabout going back to the roots.
For me the root goes back toJesus and it can go further than
(39:50):
that.
But when we look at the waythings should be done now
because Jesus came to shake somestuff up and show us a new way
and what is most important andhow to live our lives, and I
feel like when I go back to theroots of Jesus and what we're
(40:11):
supposed to do, that I get toroot myself in the person I want
to be and anytime I get offtrack I go back and ask what
would Jesus do?
We had those little yellowwristbands a long time ago, the
WWJD, and it was a saying backthen it was just a saying Well,
(40:35):
it probably wasn't.
For people who understood, Letme say that I just said it.
I was like what would Jesus do?
But that's because I didn'thave the knowledge, I didn't
have the understanding, I justsaw the words.
But now it's.
You know, wow, it's in mysubconscious.
So now, as I am learning moreand growing spiritually and
(40:56):
reading the Bible, it's a staple.
What would Jesus do?
Am I living the life that hemodeled?
No, I'm not a perfect person.
I won't be a perfect person.
I don't aim to be a perfectperson, but I aim to do a good
job.
I aim to do my best, as yousaid in the beginning, and I
(41:18):
remember my dad always askingthat like, well, did you do your
best?
Did you do your best?
Did you do your best?
And as long as my best was done, it was always good enough.
And, like you said, that day,the best might be a shower.
And so, learning to lean intothat and to share that with
(41:41):
others, and I think, as coaches,it's important for us to look
at our own lives, to look atwhat we've been through in order
to be the best coaches that wecan do, and I think we're doing
a great job.
We're doing a great job, mom,Thank you.
Thank you for being a model inmy life.
Janet Hale (41:59):
I accept that.
Candace Patrice (42:01):
It's so good and I talk about my parents a
lot and I think that you and dadmodeled the best way that you
could and I think it was a goodmodel, and I'm able to go back
and look at that model and takewhat you guys gave me and
(42:24):
regurgitate it out differently,but at the best level that I can
, and not because there weretimes when okay, you're going to
love me after this comment,still so I'm going to say it.
But when it comes to parentingand being active and present,
(42:46):
that I would compare myself todad.
Now, my mom had to work morey'all.
My dad just had a more flexibleschedule.
So I'm not saying she wasn'tpresent, she was very present.
But when it came toextracurricular activities and
being able to do things at adrop of a dime, I find myself
wanting to do that for Kamaribecause I remember how it felt.
(43:07):
I remember how it made me feel,and even at the time I didn't
realize how I was feeling, Ididn't even realize the impact
that it had.
But I find myself wanting tomake sure that I can show up to
all of Kamari's events, but thenI also want to be able to
(43:28):
discipline her and give herstructure in the way that you
gave me, because you guys playedyour roles Like you were great
parents.
I don't know how to say thatany more plain than that.
And I'm going, when I talkabout you guys, I'm going to
talk about you in differentlevels and areas, because you
(43:48):
did different things and you didthe different things
excellently.
I deal with girl things PMS,pmdd, whatever and I get to come
and have a conversation withyou about what it looked like
for you, how you handle yourhormones, about what it looked
(44:09):
like for you how you handle yourhormones, and you know, when it
comes to certain things likeanxiety, I get to share my
journey with you and you give meinformation back on how to
handle things, or you know, I'mI'm so grateful as a matter of
fact.
Ha, okay, holy spirit, um, wow,I feel like you still gonna
(44:30):
love me after this too.
I feel like dad was such a core, foundational builder when it
comes to Hmm, I don't know howto say this the heart, maybe I
don't know how to say this theheart, maybe I don't know and
that I needed him at those earlyyears.
(44:54):
I'm not going to cry, but Ineed you now, so him not being
here is OK, because he did a job.
I would say job well done.
Job well done, don't you cry.
Janet Hale (45:12):
That's okay, they used to do that.
But here's the thing that youare not going to believe what I
wrote down.
Candace Patrice (45:18):
I believe it.
I said thank you in the spirit.
Janet Hale (45:21):
He was there for you in your early years, and I'm
here for the rest, yep, wow.
You know I'm telling the truthbecause I don't have a pencil in
my hand.
Candace Patrice (45:32):
Yeah, yeah.
Janet Hale (45:33):
But I was as you were talking and you're like mom
, you're going to still love me.
I was like it is what it is.
I mean, you know, and also Ifeel like with um, you're your
dad.
He was getting you ready forhow to accept a man, dad.
He was getting you ready forhow to accept a man.
He was now look, now we hadwhatever we had right.
But when it came to you mercy,he got you.
(45:56):
I mean, like I don't know, canyou find a man to live up to
that?
I don't know.
I hope so.
Candace Patrice (46:03):
I mean, maybe I do, I hope so.
Janet Hale (46:05):
And so for that, I feel like he was.
You know, like you said, weboth have our roles and he did
his part.
And like you said excellently,now my turn is for your woman.
I'm here for your woman saying,yeah, like he, he did his part.
He passed the baton, is itcalled?
(46:27):
He passed that baton.
Now, Janet, here, you take itfrom here.
You take it from here.
Now you teach her how to be awoman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, teach her howto do that thing.
And so, yeah, I wrote that downfor your womanhood.
Candace Patrice (46:47):
That's interesting how we were both on
the same.
But you know what else I think?
Okay, it's okay.
All right, audience, y'allready for this?
We're getting the ball to go.
Well, I think dad prepared mefor God.
I see that Because I knew whatit was like to have a great
earthly father and I hadn't madeit to my God journey yet.
(47:08):
I mean, I, you know, at thebase level, you know, I had a
basic understanding of God andJesus, very basic, like I think
I've shared with the audience.
I needed the music to teach meGod because I didn't understand
the Bible.
I was like, what are theysaying?
Like why are they talking thisforeign language?
(47:32):
But when I have conversationsnow and even I make the
distinction, like my earthlyfather, my heavenly father, and
you know, being able to knowwhat it's like to lean into a
father, like to be able to cometo a father and be like to a
father, like to be able to cometo a father and be like so this
is what I need.
And as I got older, I was stillable to share a lot with my dad
(47:57):
, like with problems withmarriage, and I remember
actually a point when I was likeI can talk to my daddy about
this and it'd be okay.
Like that's wild, like it gotwild to me in my own
(48:17):
understanding, but anyways, anywho people view us in different
ways.
People put us on pedestals.
I want to go back to thepicture that you were sharing.
What was that?
You?
Janet Hale (48:35):
showed a picture of great-grandmother yourself.
I have a picture, oh man, Iwant to say 45-ish years ago,
and in this picture is mygrandmother and myself.
And whenever I think about myroots, she's the beginning of it
(49:06):
.
And the story about mygrandmother is we've never met a
soul in her family a brother, asister, a cousin, anybody.
She was it.
She was the beginning of theend.
You talk about playing yourrole.
She played that role so welland she held things together for
us and she was the beginning ofme feeling or recognizing when
(49:31):
I was truly loved by grandma.
I didn't care, it didn't matterwhat kind of crap I was in.
I could go to grandma and talkto her.
So you know, and how people seeus.
How did grandma see me?
Grandma saw me as a precioussoul, as a connection to her,
(49:53):
and that was enough.
I didn't have to have a collegedegree, I didn't have to have
anything.
All I had to do was show up.
And if I take this memory andhold on to this, then this keeps
me in alignment with myauthentic self.
And guess what?
It doesn't matter how otherpeople see me, because I had a
(50:14):
woman that see me as wonderful,and I didn't care how she saw me
.
Candace Patrice (50:22):
Yeah so.
Janet Hale (50:23):
I wanted to share that.
Candace Patrice (50:24):
Well, thank you , thank you for that.
I'm grateful to have had anopportunity with my great
grandmother, my grandmother, mymother, myself, now my daughter.
So, everybody, we are going towrap.
Janet Hale (50:47):
Okay.
Candace Patrice (50:49):
And I pray that you got something meaningful
from this episode, that you canview yourself as high enough, as
good enough, and not worryabout what others think about
you, but just being the bestversion of yourself and your
(51:15):
tools that you use to identifymeaning, like your morals, your
values, your spiritualrelationship, the people around
you who are teachers.
Just continue to build yourself, to be proud of yourself.
(51:35):
When you look in the mirror,who do you see and what do you
say?
And if you can authenticallysay those good things about
yourself, you're doing a goodjob.
You're doing a good job.
National Suicide PreventionLifeline is 988.
(51:56):
Call or text anytime, 24 hours,seven days a week, for any
emergencies that you may have.
Mom, did you want to give anylast words?
Janet Hale (52:08):
I don't know.
I'm so excited about theexperience that we've
experienced here together againand what we got out of it yeah,
that's how that goes.
Candace Patrice (52:29):
That's how that goes.
Well, you guys can follow us,follow the podcast, follow
myself.
Candice Patrice Motivates.
I think that's where we'relanding, guys, that's the final
tag.
Candice Patrice Motivates.
You go to the websitericeMotivates.
You go to the websiteEssentialMotivationcom.
(52:50):
Apparently, I've been told toget a link tree, but even if I
get a link tree, I'm still goingto have to say this.
So it is what it is.
Janet Hale (52:57):
You can email me at Candice.
Candace Patrice (53:02):
You can email at CandiceFleming at
EssentialMotivationcom.
You can find Janet and herconsulting at
HaleEmpowermentLLCcom.
And we are doing things.
We're doing things, we'removing, so follow us if you want
to see what we have going on.
(53:23):
Without further ado, I want tosay thank you to the audience.
Remember to love hard, forgiveoften and laugh frequent.
Bye, guys.
Hello and welcome to another episode of
Essential Mental Healing, whereI am your host, Candice Patrice,
and joining me today is mylovely mother with the fro.
Hey, Janie L hey.
Janet Hale (00:23):
Thank you for giving her good morning.
Good morning, good morning, andthank you for giving respect to
the Afro.
Okay.
Candace Patrice (00:29):
You know, Tabitha Brown named her hair.
Janet Hale (00:32):
She did.
What is it?
I know it Because it got herout of sleep or something.
Yeah, yeah, I saw that I wasloving that she's like where are
you taking me, yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw that that she's like
where you taking me, yeah, yeah.
So you know this whole uh.
Well, you know I've been on theafro kick for a while, right,
yes, or my natural hair for awhile, and then every now and
then I put some heat in it.
But I did um on Facebook theyhave this thing on there will
(00:56):
say then and now, and so then isKamari, when she was a baby at
16 months.
Now is her with those two Afropuffs and I'm like, yes, let's
hold on to the culture.
That's so funny Because I loveit.
And that ties into the topic.
(01:18):
Do you see yourself the wayothers see you, way others see
you?
And for me, sometimes,sometimes, oh, I need to go this
deep, this quick.
But sometimes no, becausesometimes what I see I'm afraid
for others to see, so I'll gointo hiding or concealment, and
(01:42):
then that becomes souncomfortable that I'm in a
struggle with things.
So, do people see me?
I think a lot of times they do,and when it becomes extremely
uncomfortable for me, I have tolook at the parts of me that I'm
trying to hide.
That's glaring to everybodyelse in the world.
(02:03):
So yeah, so sometimes yes, moretimes yes, and sometimes not.
Candace Patrice (02:13):
You know, I find that I don't know how
people look at me.
That's good, but how I look atme and I was talking to my
sister last night and we weretalking about how she views me
and how I view me and you knowshe feels that I'm a pretty
(02:33):
humble person because I don'tfeel like I'm better than anyone
, like we're all at the samelevel, same level, and so we
kind of had the conversationabout Jesus and how his value
worth was so high but the waywhere he put himself was amongst
(02:57):
all of the people.
And I feel the same way, not tocompare to Jesus Christ, first
of all, but just the idea ofwe're all on the same level,
know, just the idea of we're allon the same level.
We just do things a littledifferent sometimes and when it
comes to, like social media orhaving a business, people will
think you have, will put youhigher on a pedestal just
(03:21):
because you have certain thingstogether, like oh, she got a
website, she must be doing good.
She got a podcast, she must bedoing great.
Site, she must be doing good.
She got a podcast, she must bedoing great.
She's doing such great things.
And the way we presentourselves.
I guess it's like it's branding, it's marketing, not even on
purpose.
Sometimes it's just.
For me it's more about justdoing what I want to do the
(03:42):
greatest way I can do it, solike it takes me a minute to
even get something started,simply because I feel like I
spend a lot of time trying tolearn what it is that I want to
produce, but I also want toproduce it at a high quality and
I also want to do it at a lowercost.
You know so, but I've also donethe same thing with others
(04:07):
looked at them and their brandand what they have going on and
be like wow, they really outhere.
One of the people who we talkedabout was my best friend Q, and
I've always thought that he wassuch a great person, like in
school.
He's the 4.0 student, he's theone who has the answers, he's
(04:29):
the one that you know.
You kind of want to sit next tohim and be like what are we
doing?
Because you know he's going toknow what to do, and then
watching him matriculate throughlife and getting an acting
degree, then getting, I think,his second degree I know it's
from CalArts was in producing,and now he has his law degree
and is being inducted this week.
(04:51):
So you know it's really, and Ilook at him and see his music
videos and I'm like man, my bestfriend, dope.
But I also know him on apersonal level, and not that
he's not dope, but I get to seewhere we are on level playing
grounds when it comes to justbeing human.
(05:12):
And anyone who really has thispersona or how people look at
them, is only that way becauseof the belief system that people
have agreed on.
Like everyone I don't know howto say it They've gotten someone
to believe in what they've saidand validate them at a higher,
(05:37):
at a level where more people aretalking about it.
So the more people you havetalking about you, the more
people you have that like you,then technically it's the higher
you up art and status.
But and oh my God, this is sogood.
I know I'm just talking, but I'mnot just talking.
So I went to an event onThursday, creating with creators
(05:59):
through Just Create, and wewere talking about content
creation, how people view you.
But one of the questions Iasked is how do you stay rooted
in your purpose and not yourmonetary gain?
And so we were talking aboutthat and I think when you follow
(06:22):
your, when you try to followyour purpose and follow your
mission, the reward a lot oftimes is going to be status and
money, but it shouldn't be theobjective and the goal.
So how was your weekend?
Janet Hale (06:41):
Thank you for that you made me think of.
I just finished reading thefour agreements and I shared
that with you.
So I had read it like 30 yearsago and then I picked it back up
for I don't know what reason,and then it was as if I'd never
read it before.
It was all new to me.
But you made me think ofsomething when you were talking
about I'm paraphrasing but beingdoing our best, whatever that
(07:03):
is for the individual and in thefour agreements he talks about.
You know what, if we just getup and just do our best,
whatever that means for that day, and Then, like you said, I
don't think we really care whatother people, how they see us,
because I'm doing my best,whatever that looks like for me.
(07:25):
It might be me just taking ashower today, but for me that is
my best.
So how was my weekend?
I had a really good weekend.
I got a last minute notice togo to an award ceremony for my
granddaughter and it was funnybecause my daughter texted me at
one o'clock in the morning andsaid ah, in the morning, a, b
(07:48):
and C is oh, it's no pressure,okay, no pressure, um, but it
said 8.15.
Oh, it's one o'clock in themorning.
But if you can't come, that'sokay.
But I know you like to be atthings.
Yeah, I'll be there.
I will be there and I, you knowI enjoy being able to continue
(08:09):
to show up because I know that Ihave more years behind me than
in front of me and at some pointthere are places there.
There will be an empty seat withmy name on it, but I want my
presence to still be in the roomand so when I'm able to do
(08:32):
these things, I'm like, oh, okay, oh, I got to do this, I got to
make a memory.
I think about this podcast too,and I was sharing with somebody
that we do this, and someonesaid are you guys still doing
that?
I said, mm-hmm, I said so forme it is something that I can
leave to my daughter and mygranddaughter, because when I'm
(08:54):
gone, you got what?
Three years of it so far?
No, we'll have 10, 20.
Okay, yeah, but let's thinkabout it in that way.
So to be able to still be ableto leave not just a memory, but
with technology we can leavevoice, we can leave videos and
(09:15):
just those things, so, anyway.
So how was my weekend?
So my weekend was good, it wasrelaxing, and it's still the
weekend.
Today is Saturday.
I'm trying to think of allthese things.
Don't say okay, but anyway, sofar my weekend is good.
I'm about to go out to afunction, a community baby
(09:36):
shower, and it's my first timeattending.
I understand it's really bigand great.
Candace Patrice (09:41):
First time attending this organization's
community baby shower.
Janet Hale (09:47):
Yes, no, no, no, no, no.
Candace Patrice (09:50):
Uh-uh, I don't know what you're asking me when
you say first time it soundslike you're saying first time
attending a community babyshower With this group yes,
because I did one with out.
Janet Hale (10:02):
Is it Westland Wayne Wayne?
Yes, because I did one with out.
Candace Patrice (10:05):
Is it Wesleyan Wayne.
Janet Hale (10:07):
Wayne and that was the best and I had shared that
with someone.
They said, oh, they have one,so I'm going to that one and to
see how that is.
But it's good to be out andjust experience, you know,
people being able to be loved on.
You know just that doesn'tmatter, just come, we're going
(10:32):
to love on you, type of thing.
Candace Patrice (10:34):
You know one of the things because I was a part
of the organization of thecommunity baby shower that you
went to in Wayne, because I'mthe vice president of that
nonprofit.
But one of the things that Ilove about being able to do like
the community baby shower or ina couple of weeks we're doing a
(10:57):
summer blast is doing it at alevel of quality, as if it was
of quality, as if it was as ifthey paid their top dollar for
it, even though it's a freeevent.
You know, I feel like everyonedeserves to have quality and
(11:19):
just because we're giving to thecommunity for free doesn't mean
it should feel that way.
I've been to events where it'sfor the community or and it
looks like a hand-me-down, likeyou got all the tables with all
the brochures.
That's like, hey, you know, andI get resources are great and
there should be a space forresources.
But sometimes it just begins tofeel like, oh, they're just
(11:42):
looking at me like being low.
I don't know.
I just they're certain becausewhen you have your friends
playing you a baby shower,they're not sitting there with
all the free resources that youcould get laid out on display in
the lobby for everybody who'swalking up.
You may have that information,get that information, but it's
(12:04):
about you.
It's about what you'rereceiving and people showing up
for you.
And at our community babyshower, I feel like the mothers
and guests who attended showedup for each other, showed up for
each other and got to celebratetogether and received really
(12:27):
nice things Like and that wasour second time doing the
community baby shower but beingable to get them brand new car
seats and you know, strollers,cribs, mattresses I think it's a
blessing and I mattresses.
(12:48):
I think it's a blessing and II'm really grateful to be able
to be a part of something thatdoes that, and I think it should
always be done at a high level,as if it was being done Matter
of fact, as if it were beingdone for God.
Yep, that's the way I see it.
Janet Hale (13:03):
So I was yeah, you're right, I attended it and
um, it was wonderful, it wasbeautiful, and it wasn't um, as
if you know, here we're givingyou this free stuff.
There was nothing like that.
I agree with you about when wedo something for the community
or you know people who can'tafford it, however goes, and
then you have all these tablesand you know let's do this, you
(13:25):
know we got this for you, andthen I think that can be quite
humiliating for the person who'sreceiving them.
And you made me think aboutsomething else, because I've
done it all worked with thehomeless population, foster care
, all you name it.
I've been there and I rememberwhen Christmas time came and
(13:48):
folks from very affluent placeswould come out to feed the
homeless.
I had the hardest time withthat.
And everybody's like why are youso?
I said because it's humiliating.
I mean, why you have these kidsfeeding these grown folks, you
know, because they get.
Oh man, I don't want to offendanybody, but they get caught up
and we're going to show themwhat it's like how poor people
(14:09):
live.
So I'm going to take them to ashow.
What, no, no.
And so I would always have ahard time with it and I was like
girl.
I said I don't, I'm not gettingthe pleasure out of it, I don't
understand that.
The other thing it was aroundalso around Christmas, when they
would bring the toys.
Now they would bring bikes, allkind of things, but these folks
(14:35):
didn't have a house to put itin.
And so in my mind I would say,if we want to help them, let's
put the security down in thefirst month.
Rent for them a place to stay,opposed to the bike that they
can't even ride because you haveto put it up in storage.
It's just different things likethat.
That's always seemed like itwas exploiting the person who
(14:55):
was receiving on the other end.
Now, this community show thatI'm going to because I did
mention going to the one you'reinvolved with, and the feedback
was the same as what you justsaid, that we're not doing news.
We're doing new things.
We want them to feel special,so I'm excited to see how this
turns out.
(15:17):
And also Because I've been towhat I consider the best.
You follow me and, as I wasexpressing that, the person was
like whoa, we have one.
That's really great, so I'mexcited to see how that works
out.
Candace Patrice (15:29):
I'm excited to hear how it goes and I wanted to
say, because you said somethingabout new items and used items
and it's not that we won't dogently used, but because of the
way that it's structured, wejust allow people the
opportunity to say if they wantto receive, because there's
people who are like I don't care, if it looked good and it feel
good, I will take it.
Then you have people who's likeI would prefer something new.
(15:54):
And of course, there arecertain items that you just need
to get new, like car seats, butwe try to make it so that
people who don't mind and theydon't have to take it at all
it's what is it that you need?
Because the way we structurethe giving of the gifts and
everything we do like thisraffle and people can put their
(16:15):
tickets in what it is that theywant.
So it's not like you're goingto get something you don't need
or get something you don'tdesire.
You literally are like I got myeye on that car seat and um, or
I got my eye on that, on thatbed or on the diaper bag,
because that's what you need.
Like what, if you haveeverything else, I'm like I just
need a diaper bag and I wantthat so you can put it for what
(16:37):
it is that you want and need.
Now at some point and I can'twait for this point we're going
to have Oprah money and it'sgoing to be you get a car seat,
you get a bed, you geteverything you need or a gift
card or whatever.
But we do also do gently useditems.
Janet Hale (16:58):
That's not for the community shower, though, is it
we?
Candace Patrice (17:00):
have.
Okay, I don't think this yearor last year we had anything
that was used.
The year before, though, or twoyears before we did it, because
we do it every other year.
We did have some items, like Iremember a toddler bed that was
there someone brought, but itwas in really good condition.
(17:22):
So it was like, okay, ifsomeone wants this, then it's
available, but if they don't,then get one of the items,
because there was still aplethora of new items, but it
was just an overflow to havesome gently used items as well.
Janet Hale (17:37):
But it was just an overflow to have some gently
used items as well.
Yeah, but I also think withthat is, what kind of
environment are you setting up?
Because from what I witnessed,the environment was so welcoming
and so warm and so loving.
So you know, I know I mentionednew and all that, but even I
(18:01):
wasn't there when you guys weredoing that.
But I see you guys have evolvedwith it, but I'm sure that the
environment was great.
The other thing that waswonderful was having the fathers
in attendance.
I thought that was so.
I was sitting back saying, okay, you guys, let's do this, and
so it wasn't.
Sometimes folks feel a littleembarrassed, like the man might
(18:24):
feel like you know, I'm supposedto be the man and I came in,
but it wasn't that way.
It was like come on, you guys,we're here to support you.
Come on in, bring the babydaddy, bring the husband, bring
the boy.
Come on, bring your uncle.
Some folks stay with thehusband.
Bring the boy, come on, bringyour uncle.
Yeah, with the uncles and thegranddaddies, just come, come
and let us love on you let usand that's the thing, loving on
(18:46):
someone, love is the greatestthing.
Candace Patrice (18:48):
and when you can look at someone's heart,
opposed to their status, I thinkthat's because there are a lot
of people with and I use airquotes high statuses whose heart
is not right, ooh.
And there are also people in Iuse air quotes higher statuses
(19:16):
who don't feel good.
They're just going through themotions every day.
They don't get to, they justdon't feel good.
And you have people who are inthe hood feeling great because,
they got love, they got support,they have everything they need.
(19:37):
Now, do they have everythingthey need Now?
Do they have everything theywant?
Maybe not.
I went to a conference inKansas City last week, which was
so good and being on liberatedgrounds, land and having a
(19:59):
Freedom Fest and being able tospeak with leaders of the
community about how we're goingto make a difference in the
community, in our culture,moving forward, not just talking
about it.
But what are the action itemstowards getting these things
done?
(20:20):
And as we were planning forthis conference, my perspective
began to change on leadership,on just who's in the room and
who I'm having conversationswith.
I think a lot of times we getcaught up in celebrities and
believing that these are thepeople who we have to, who we
(20:41):
should be following and I mean Ihope I know people know my
heart and what I'm saying when Isay that.
But we also have our and, okay,we also have our Congress, we
have our.
We have a lot of people on theground doing the work to make
(21:01):
the world a better place that wedon't look at or talk to or try
to help make the changes.
It's like is Drake doing it?
Is Beyonce doing it.
If they doing it, then maybeI'll jump or I'll support what
they're doing.
I'll yell out loud the thingsthat they're doing, but we're
saying we want changes in ourcommunity.
We're saying we want action,but we won't take that action to
(21:25):
start making the change.
Like here in my unit, we do acommunity kickback and the
neighbors just get together andbuilding community is just about
being together, accepting eachother and having a place to land
(21:46):
.
Janet Hale (21:48):
Yes, and it's very apparent when I come by.
You know, the hippie part of meit just pops out when I come
over there Because you knowthey're feeding the animals.
I'm talking to my daughter.
She's like, oh, mom, that's thedove they were talking about.
(22:08):
I'm like, what dove?
Okay, oh, mom, so we put seedsdown each week or whatever we
got to water it.
The dogs she talks to the dogs.
You guys, I mean, the humansare just access to the dog and
they speak my language.
To get to the animals, oh, thisis the Mama, this is someone.
She calls them by the name andeverything.
Oh, and this is oh, that's myfavorite over there.
(22:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's mybaby, that's the one.
Then she actually they bringthe dog out and I'm like, yeah,
that is the one, because I'mpicking up on the energy.
I'm like, whoa, this is sopowerful and so it's really good
to see that and I know youdon't proclaim to be a hippie,
(23:18):
no-transcript.
Also, about our culture andwho's doing what.
Okay, is Beyonce doing it?
And one of the things that Isay, even in what I do today, is
we have enough resources to doit ourselves.
Stop looking for somebody elseto save up.
They're not coming.
Candace Patrice (23:44):
They are not coming.
That's a whole nother topic.
Janet Hale (23:46):
I'm just saying so.
When I listen to LiberatedGrounds and have been a part of
some of the things, it is soliberating to be amongst people
who are thinking about how to bethe change, not waiting on the
change.
But what can we do right now tobe the change?
And one of the persons man,she's so awesome.
(24:06):
You're having a conversationwith her and you look up and you
are committed to something.
You're like whoa, I said I'lldo that piece.
She's like no, you're biggerthan that, You're going to do
that piece and that piece.
So it is really good to see howwe, as a community, we're making
(24:27):
subtle changes, because itstarts with the person in the
mirror, as Michael Jackson wouldsay, and we do our part and do
what we can.
But I think the main part isbeing kind to one another.
You know, because some peopleget into the status and I'm this
and I'm that and I can justtreat you any kind of way.
Well, I don't know if that'sreally cool, Just to be kind and
(24:52):
be thoughtful of that.
And I have to practice thatmyself.
You know, Candice knows that Ihave to process.
I'll sit down and I'll process.
I'll hear something Then thenext day.
I'm like you know, I had timeto process that.
But I take the time to do that,to process, because I don't
want to be disrespectful, Idon't want my anger to meet
(25:16):
someone else's pain.
I don't want to do that, and soI have to practice.
Well, it's becoming more andmore natural to me, but I keep
it in my mind.
I don't know what subject we'reon right now?
Candace Patrice (25:27):
I can't I know we're still there.
Well, you said something about,I want to say, being together
and having each other.
We can't depend on other people.
And it brings.
When I hear that, I think aboutfamily, and when I think about
(25:47):
family, I think about Jesus andwhat he said in the Bible, Mark
3, 33 through 35.
He says who are my mother andmy brothers?
He asked.
Then he looked at those seatedin a circle around him and said
here are my mother and mybrothers.
Whoever does God's will is mybrother and my sister and mother
.
And really, if we look at thepeople as humans around us, if
(26:15):
we're all God's children, thenwe're all brothers and sisters
and we all need to treat eachother as such.
So, no, you may not have comeout of the womb of my mother,
but you're, like my, one of myreally good friends.
Mother will always say you'remy daughter from another womb
and she mean that, she mean allof that.
Janet Hale (26:35):
What mother is this Dom's mother?
Candace Patrice (26:36):
Okay, I knew you was going to mean that she
mean all of that?
Janet Hale (26:38):
What mother is this Dom's mother?
Candace Patrice (26:39):
Okay, I knew you was going to do that.
Then I have, I mean, but I havea plethora of mothers of
community mothers who arecommunity mothers Like you, all
are my mothers.
You all are my brothers and mysisters.
As I've been growing up, I'vealways just adopted a new
(27:03):
brother, a new sister.
You're my mother, so you'veseen it.
People got to know my heart.
You're the Mary to Jesus in mylife.
That's powerful.
Janet Hale (27:17):
That, that's powerful.
Candace Patrice (27:18):
That was a little powerful, I felt that I'm
accepting that Wow.
But I get to go through thisworld and experience love on
every level from whoever wantsto give it honestly human or
animals, animals, you know.
(27:39):
So my cat is on the wayactually.
Yeah, no, really, there's a catin this story.
Janet Hale (27:46):
This cat supposed to live somewhere else, but
candace calls for the cat tocome over all the time.
Candace Patrice (27:54):
It's just a whole thing I have the whole
setup y'all for this cat.
I have scratch pads, litterfood.
I have.
The cat is on my kooka is on aspecial diet and I have the
special food here so that theydon't have to send it.
Bring me the cat if you don'teven have a cage.
If you can hold the cat andbring the cat as is, I will take
(28:15):
.
Take Kuka as is, that's it.
I just need you to get her tome or I'll come get her.
But yeah, I love my cat.
I had a dream recently aboutcats and there were seven of
them in the dream and they couldall be mine if I wanted.
Janet Hale (28:32):
That's your favorite number, isn't it?
Candace Patrice (28:33):
Uh-huh, and it's the number of completion.
Janet Hale (28:35):
Yeah, and your line number right, absolutely.
Seven's a good number, seven'sa good number um.
Candace Patrice (28:45):
So yeah, there's how we look at people
and how?
Janet Hale (28:51):
wow, yeah, look because it's turning into that,
yeah.
Candace Patrice (28:54):
No, I mean, that's what it is how the
comparison of people and I'mjust really grateful to be able
to see people from their heart,which was part of the
conversation with my sister andhow not changing who you are is
(29:17):
such a good place to be in orit's not always a good place
because people don't alwaysunderstand, but consistency in
who you are and leading with whoyou are allows people to either
adjust or not, either get onboard or don't, but right, and
(29:38):
sometimes it happens in thebeginning.
Sometimes it comes, goes andcomes back around.
And sometimes it happens at alater stage in life and we have
to be okay with people'sexperiences with us.
Janet Hale (29:54):
Yes, wow, that's impactful.
Well, thank you no no, thankyou and I hope it is listening
and so thank you, because evenwith this podcast, if it gets
really big, cool.
Candace Patrice (30:09):
But if there is one listener every week who is
being impacted, because if wewere doing this for the numbers,
if we were doing this for money.
Janet Hale (30:18):
Don't make me laugh, because I got a feeling.
Candace Patrice (30:20):
I'm just saying I don't know that we still be
doing this.
So I will say that I'm gratefulfor this podcast and that we do
it for purpose over popularity.
Janet Hale (30:32):
I totally agree.
Candace Patrice (30:33):
For us, for yeah, you know.
Janet Hale (30:37):
And that's why I look forward to it.
And Candace knows I'll be likewell, I don't know how us.
That's why I look forward to it.
Candice knows I'll be like Idon't know how to do this.
Can you help me?
Candace Patrice (30:45):
Five minutes before it comes on, every single
time.
Janet Hale (30:47):
Yes, I actually prepare for it.
I get up, I get dressed, I meanas if because we're going to go
where you can see us one day,I'm believing.
I'm just prepared for it.
Do we need to Say it again?
Candace Patrice (31:01):
Do we really need to?
Janet Hale (31:03):
Okay, and so it is good because it is about purpose
and it's about being authentic.
It's about us sharing who wereally are, for us to be able to
touch those that are listeningthat may be dealing with some of
the same things.
We don't portray that we have aperfect life.
We talk about real things.
(31:24):
We're very vulnerable to ourlisteners and I think part of
that is because we're notlooking at whoa the dollar,
we're looking at how do we reachsomebody.
You know I would appreciate morefeedback, Um, and not unless
you're getting it.
You know when people arelistening to.
(31:46):
Kind of give us some feedbackon what's going on.
But, yeah, I like the fact thatit's all about purpose.
It's not about the dollar.
The dollar would be nice now.
The dollar would be nice.
Candace Patrice (31:57):
Absolutely, absolutely, that from the
feedback that we have receivedover the course of the podcast,
that people view the podcastwell.
So we talk about how peopleview us, how we view ourselves,
(32:18):
and just bringing that wholething back that the podcast is
viewed very well and the livesthat it has touched has made an
impact in many different ways,which I think is why we have so
many guests reach out to us tobe a part of the show, because
(32:39):
of the work that we're doing.
I think that we do great workand it's going to be great work
no matter what level theplatform is at.
Just as long as we continue toshow up and do the work and
spread the message and be honestand be authentic and follow the
purpose and the mission and notget sidetracked, we'll do a
(33:04):
good job.
And you know, I will even say Ihad a slight moment where, as
the guests were reaching out andI was I began to look at
numbers of the guests, liketheir Instagram followers and
one I will say I think at thatmoment I was looking for some
(33:27):
validation in the podcast andsaying like, oh well, if they
have a large platform, then thatmeans that they think we're
doing a good job because they'redoing a good job, you know and
that brings us right back to thewhole how people view us, and I
remember I think I did it liketwice, two or three times and I
(33:48):
remember going why are you doingthis again?
Because season one was supportedby my friends and family who I
believed had great things to say, or who we believed had great
things to say, you know, um, andtheir story was just as
impactful as someone who had200,000 followers on Instagram.
And I remember saying to myselfI don't ever want to get away
(34:13):
from the mission, I don't everwant to look at the guest for
their status.
So I was actually reallygrateful to be able to reflect
that and be able to come out ofthat quick, very, very quick,
very, very quick.
I'm very grateful because thatchanges things and it is the
(34:39):
quickest way to get away fromyour mission and to begin doing
things that don't align withyour belief system.
You know how people begin tosay.
They say they sold their soulsto the devil because of what
they're doing.
I think that being able to stayrooted and grounded in the
morals and values, missionpurpose and always reminding
(35:03):
ourselves of that, is going tobe beneficial to just our growth
as a human, as an individual.
Now, how the world decides tocelebrate us in that, whether
it's financially, whether it's aplatform larger than our own,
then so be it, but on thoseplatforms we have to be able to
remain, candace and Janet, youknow, no matter what, and I
(35:28):
think I see us doing a good jobat that, and if ever it feels
off, we know how to look in themirror and reflect.
Janet Hale (35:36):
And we've done that Well, I have.
Candace Patrice (35:38):
We do.
I just shared how I did.
Yeah, yeah, I have we do it.
Janet Hale (35:43):
You remember, when we talked about my voice, I was
like that's something that's notmy voice.
That is not my voice.
I need to put myself in check.
And that's another thing I loveabout this podcast too we're
not afraid to look in the mirrorand the audience.
They're witness to us in ourprogress, in our growth.
(36:05):
That is really cool.
But when you talked aboutlooking at the numbers and all
those things and how had youcarried on with that, then your
whole, this whole thing wouldn'tbe.
We wouldn't be doing it thisway, right?
And the thing that came to mindis, when we start doing things
like that based on numbers orlikes and all those things,
(36:26):
start doing things like thatbased on numbers or likes and
all those things, those arethings that are foreign to the
soul.
You follow me Like that's notjiving with my soul, like what
am I doing?
Because I can tell when I'm notin alignment with my soul.
It's a distraction to the soul,it's tense.
Candace Patrice (36:43):
It's a headache .
Janet Hale (36:45):
Oh, and I'm tired.
I can always tell when I slip,because I'm human, I'll slip
into some people pleasing crapand I'm like, oh, my goodness,
what was that about?
Because here's the thing, aboutthat too, and this is also
about how people see you.
Make sure I stay on track, butthe thing is I'll have to reel
(37:06):
you back in.
People will see you the way theysee you, and when we get in the
practice of trying to make themsee us different, that's a
vicious cycle because I feel,man, I'm getting into this,
because I feel like this, I amwho I am and even if I'm not
fully who I am going to be, I amwhere I am in this phase of my
(37:30):
development.
So you know, and then I have toalso offer that same grace to
others, because some peoplemight be like no, you just, and
I shared with you about arelative that I had not been
talking to and I got a call andand I don't know what happened,
(37:56):
but when I heard the voice and Isaid I need to love on this
person, it was so refreshing andso good for my soul.
And so, while I'm talking aboutwhat I can do for the other
person, that person did for me10 times what I think I did for
them.
And it's all about being open,just being open, and I never
(38:19):
thought that that moment wouldeven come.
I don't even know how that evencame up.
Candace Patrice (38:24):
But it did.
Janet Hale (38:26):
But it did, and when it did, I embraced it, like I'm
not finna, fight, whatever thisis, because it feels good, yeah
, so let me follow my heart andmy soul and do what it's telling
me to do, where it's guiding me.
Let me do that and I was thebetter for it.
I will say that, you know so,when we get into that, those are
things that are foreign to thesoul, and I can always tell when
(38:50):
there's a foreign object in mysoul.
Candace Patrice (39:06):
And you know you talk about foreign to the
soul and it makes me think ofwhat God created us to do the
mission of humans.
And you know it was aboutsharing.
It's about community.
It's about love, Especiallywhen we look at the New
Testament and how Jesus came tobe the model of love.
She's showing me a picture ofmy great grandmother and herself
(39:29):
.
I'm going to ask about that in asecond on the why, but I think
that a lot of times I try to goback to the model.
You know how we always talkabout going back to the roots.
For me the root goes back toJesus and it can go further than
(39:50):
that.
But when we look at the waythings should be done now
because Jesus came to shake somestuff up and show us a new way
and what is most important andhow to live our lives, and I
feel like when I go back to theroots of Jesus and what we're
(40:11):
supposed to do, that I get toroot myself in the person I want
to be and anytime I get offtrack I go back and ask what
would Jesus do?
We had those little yellowwristbands a long time ago, the
WWJD, and it was a saying backthen it was just a saying Well,
(40:35):
it probably wasn't.
For people who understood, Letme say that I just said it.
I was like what would Jesus do?
But that's because I didn'thave the knowledge, I didn't
have the understanding, I justsaw the words.
But now it's.
You know, wow, it's in mysubconscious.
So now, as I am learning moreand growing spiritually and
(40:56):
reading the Bible, it's a staple.
What would Jesus do?
Am I living the life that hemodeled?
No, I'm not a perfect person.
I won't be a perfect person.
I don't aim to be a perfectperson, but I aim to do a good
job.
I aim to do my best, as yousaid in the beginning, and I
(41:18):
remember my dad always askingthat like, well, did you do your
best?
Did you do your best?
Did you do your best?
And as long as my best was done, it was always good enough.
And, like you said, that day,the best might be a shower.
And so, learning to lean intothat and to share that with
(41:41):
others, and I think, as coaches,it's important for us to look
at our own lives, to look atwhat we've been through in order
to be the best coaches that wecan do, and I think we're doing
a great job.
We're doing a great job, mom,Thank you.
Thank you for being a model inmy life.
Janet Hale (41:59):
I accept that.
Candace Patrice (42:01):
It's so good and I talk about my parents a
lot and I think that you and dadmodeled the best way that you
could and I think it was a goodmodel, and I'm able to go back
and look at that model and takewhat you guys gave me and
(42:24):
regurgitate it out differently,but at the best level that I can
, and not because there weretimes when okay, you're going to
love me after this comment,still so I'm going to say it.
But when it comes to parentingand being active and present,
(42:46):
that I would compare myself todad.
Now, my mom had to work morey'all.
My dad just had a more flexibleschedule.
So I'm not saying she wasn'tpresent, she was very present.
But when it came toextracurricular activities and
being able to do things at adrop of a dime, I find myself
wanting to do that for Kamaribecause I remember how it felt.
(43:07):
I remember how it made me feel,and even at the time I didn't
realize how I was feeling, Ididn't even realize the impact
that it had.
But I find myself wanting tomake sure that I can show up to
all of Kamari's events, but thenI also want to be able to
(43:28):
discipline her and give herstructure in the way that you
gave me, because you guys playedyour roles Like you were great
parents.
I don't know how to say thatany more plain than that.
And I'm going, when I talkabout you guys, I'm going to
talk about you in differentlevels and areas, because you
(43:48):
did different things and you didthe different things
excellently.
I deal with girl things PMS,pmdd, whatever and I get to come
and have a conversation withyou about what it looked like
for you, how you handle yourhormones, about what it looked
(44:09):
like for you how you handle yourhormones, and you know, when it
comes to certain things likeanxiety, I get to share my
journey with you and you give meinformation back on how to
handle things, or you know, I'mI'm so grateful as a matter of
fact.
Ha, okay, holy spirit, um, wow,I feel like you still gonna
(44:30):
love me after this too.
I feel like dad was such a core, foundational builder when it
comes to Hmm, I don't know howto say this the heart, maybe I
don't know how to say this theheart, maybe I don't know and
that I needed him at those earlyyears.
(44:54):
I'm not going to cry, but Ineed you now, so him not being
here is OK, because he did a job.
I would say job well done.
Job well done, don't you cry.
Janet Hale (45:12):
That's okay, they used to do that.
But here's the thing that youare not going to believe what I
wrote down.
Candace Patrice (45:18):
I believe it.
I said thank you in the spirit.
Janet Hale (45:21):
He was there for you in your early years, and I'm
here for the rest, yep, wow.
You know I'm telling the truthbecause I don't have a pencil in
my hand.
Candace Patrice (45:32):
Yeah, yeah.
Janet Hale (45:33):
But I was as you were talking and you're like mom
, you're going to still love me.
I was like it is what it is.
I mean, you know, and also Ifeel like with um, you're your
dad.
He was getting you ready forhow to accept a man, dad.
He was getting you ready forhow to accept a man.
He was now look, now we hadwhatever we had right.
But when it came to you mercy,he got you.
(45:56):
I mean, like I don't know, canyou find a man to live up to
that?
I don't know.
I hope so.
Candace Patrice (46:03):
I mean, maybe I do, I hope so.
Janet Hale (46:05):
And so for that, I feel like he was.
You know, like you said, weboth have our roles and he did
his part.
And like you said excellently,now my turn is for your woman.
I'm here for your woman saying,yeah, like he, he did his part.
He passed the baton, is itcalled?
(46:27):
He passed that baton.
Now, Janet, here, you take itfrom here.
You take it from here.
Now you teach her how to be awoman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, teach her howto do that thing.
And so, yeah, I wrote that downfor your womanhood.
Candace Patrice (46:47):
That's interesting how we were both on
the same.
But you know what else I think?
Okay, it's okay.
All right, audience, y'allready for this?
We're getting the ball to go.
Well, I think dad prepared mefor God.
I see that Because I knew whatit was like to have a great
earthly father and I hadn't madeit to my God journey yet.
(47:08):
I mean, I, you know, at thebase level, you know, I had a
basic understanding of God andJesus, very basic, like I think
I've shared with the audience.
I needed the music to teach meGod because I didn't understand
the Bible.
I was like, what are theysaying?
Like why are they talking thisforeign language?
(47:32):
But when I have conversationsnow and even I make the
distinction, like my earthlyfather, my heavenly father, and
you know, being able to knowwhat it's like to lean into a
father, like to be able to cometo a father and be like to a
father, like to be able to cometo a father and be like so this
is what I need.
And as I got older, I was stillable to share a lot with my dad
(47:57):
, like with problems withmarriage, and I remember
actually a point when I was likeI can talk to my daddy about
this and it'd be okay.
Like that's wild, like it gotwild to me in my own
(48:17):
understanding, but anyways, anywho people view us in different
ways.
People put us on pedestals.
I want to go back to thepicture that you were sharing.
What was that?
You?
Janet Hale (48:35):
showed a picture of great-grandmother yourself.
I have a picture, oh man, Iwant to say 45-ish years ago,
and in this picture is mygrandmother and myself.
And whenever I think about myroots, she's the beginning of it
(49:06):
.
And the story about mygrandmother is we've never met a
soul in her family a brother, asister, a cousin, anybody.
She was it.
She was the beginning of theend.
You talk about playing yourrole.
She played that role so welland she held things together for
us and she was the beginning ofme feeling or recognizing when
(49:31):
I was truly loved by grandma.
I didn't care, it didn't matterwhat kind of crap I was in.
I could go to grandma and talkto her.
So you know, and how people seeus.
How did grandma see me?
Grandma saw me as a precioussoul, as a connection to her,
(49:53):
and that was enough.
I didn't have to have a collegedegree, I didn't have to have
anything.
All I had to do was show up.
And if I take this memory andhold on to this, then this keeps
me in alignment with myauthentic self.
And guess what?
It doesn't matter how otherpeople see me, because I had a
(50:14):
woman that see me as wonderful,and I didn't care how she saw me
.
Candace Patrice (50:22):
Yeah so.
Janet Hale (50:23):
I wanted to share that.
Candace Patrice (50:24):
Well, thank you , thank you for that.
I'm grateful to have had anopportunity with my great
grandmother, my grandmother, mymother, myself, now my daughter.
So, everybody, we are going towrap.
Janet Hale (50:47):
Okay.
Candace Patrice (50:49):
And I pray that you got something meaningful
from this episode, that you canview yourself as high enough, as
good enough, and not worryabout what others think about
you, but just being the bestversion of yourself and your
(51:15):
tools that you use to identifymeaning, like your morals, your
values, your spiritualrelationship, the people around
you who are teachers.
Just continue to build yourself, to be proud of yourself.
(51:35):
When you look in the mirror,who do you see and what do you
say?
And if you can authenticallysay those good things about
yourself, you're doing a goodjob.
You're doing a good job.
National Suicide PreventionLifeline is 988.
(51:56):
Call or text anytime, 24 hours,seven days a week, for any
emergencies that you may have.
Mom, did you want to give anylast words?
Janet Hale (52:08):
I don't know.
I'm so excited about theexperience that we've
experienced here together againand what we got out of it yeah,
that's how that goes.
Candace Patrice (52:29):
That's how that goes.
Well, you guys can follow us,follow the podcast, follow
myself.
Candice Patrice Motivates.
I think that's where we'relanding, guys, that's the final
tag.
Candice Patrice Motivates.
You go to the websitericeMotivates.
You go to the websiteEssentialMotivationcom.
(52:50):
Apparently, I've been told toget a link tree, but even if I
get a link tree, I'm still goingto have to say this.
So it is what it is.
Janet Hale (52:57):
You can email me at Candice.
Candace Patrice (53:02):
You can email at CandiceFleming at
EssentialMotivationcom.
You can find Janet and herconsulting at
HaleEmpowermentLLCcom.
And we are doing things.
We're doing things, we'removing, so follow us if you want
to see what we have going on.
(53:23):
Without further ado, I want tosay thank you to the audience.
Remember to love hard, forgiveoften and laugh frequent.
Bye, guys.
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