April 26, 2025 • 62 mins
Have you ever noticed how life seems to move in cycles? That's because there truly is nothing new under the sun.
In this soul-nourishing conversation, Janet and Candace explore how ancient patterns repeat throughout our lives while revealing that our unique power lies in how we respond to these timeless challenges. Janet shares her journey back to veganism and how physical nourishment connects to spiritual growth, remembering that "what I put in this body determines how this body is going to be." Meanwhile, Candace reflects on how our trauma responses often perpetuate familiar cycles that feel safe but might be holding us back from authentic healing.
The mother-daughter duo discusses how the parent-child relationship naturally transforms over time – from parents caring for children, to a period of independence, to adult children eventually helping aging parents navigate new challenges like technology. Janet humorously compares teaching parents technology to "changing diapers," illustrating how role reversals are simply part of life's natural progression. Their conversation explores how observation and presence, rather than performance, creates the deepest connections with loved ones.
Most powerfully, they remind us that finding goodness in difficult situations can dramatically change our trajectory. While circumstances may follow predictable patterns, our response to them doesn't have to. As Candace suggests, "magnify what is good and continue to search for those things and you will draw those things to you more often."
Ready to break old patterns? Listen now to discover how ancient wisdom can transform your modern life. Then share your own story of transformation with us – we'd love to feature different perspectives on healing family relationships in future episodes.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Candace Patrice (00:06):
Hello and welcome back to another episode
of Essential Mental Healing,where we hope that you guys are
enjoying our podcast.
Joining me today is the mostlovely human in the world, my
mother, janet Hale, whocontinues to grow and feed and
(00:29):
nurture me in a way that is veryhealthy, and I am super
grateful, as we shoot thispodcast on Easter weekend.
So, yes, how are you doingtoday, mother?
And so, yes, how are you doingtoday?
Janet Hale (00:45):
Mother, I'm doing good.
That was real touching.
Thank you so much for sayingthose wonderful, kind words, and
with all the sincerity in yourheart, I really do appreciate
that.
Candace Patrice (01:01):
I just appreciate God, the universe,
for having you as my daughter.
Thank you, you're going tostart off emotional, huh.
Janet Hale (01:08):
Well, you kind of set the stage.
Candace Patrice (01:15):
You know how your mom is, oh my goodness.
Well, I am very grateful to beable to share this space with
you today.
It's you and I.
We are giving you guys the bestof the podcast.
We need to just give you guysus and our perspectives and what
(01:47):
we have going on, and we have atreat for you all.
Today, at least it's a.
You know, okay, every topic isa treat.
So when I say we have a treatfor you all, it may not be a
treat for you, it may just beanother topic, but it feels like
a treat to me, it feels like atreat.
So, how are you?
(02:09):
How was your week, your lasttwo weeks, how's it been?
Janet Hale (02:13):
My last two weeks have been good.
It's been a time of growth, andyou and I've talked about that,
about growth and comfort cannotlive in the same space, and
that is, oh God.
I find that to be such a truestatement.
Candace Patrice (02:32):
Michael gave us that the last podcast.
Janet Hale (02:34):
Yes, he did, and so it helped me to kind of realign
myself in different areas andnot run away from things,
instead run towards them so thatI can continue to grow.
So my last couple of weeks havebeen pretty good.
They've been good.
I've been doing some thingsaround the house that needed
(02:56):
doing.
I won't share all that with thepodcast, but, trust me, we
needed help and so I've beenable to do that, and doing that
helped me.
And I'm going to say this Idon't know where everybody
stands with this, but in thecleaning up and I'm continuing
to do that is while I wascleaning it was also a soulful
(03:17):
experience because there werecertain things I was throwing
away that reminded me ofsomething, certain things I was
throwing away that reminded meof something.
So the things that we have,there is an attachment, but
sometimes there's a time, youknow, sometimes we got to let it
go, you know, and being able tolet that go and figure out what
(03:38):
am I holding on to this aboutjust all the things and I know
I'm talking about cleaning thehouse but it was a spiritual
experience for me and itcontinues to be so.
Changing my eating, as you know,going back to being a vegan,
has been awesome for me.
It's just a period in my lifeand I know I'm not religious and
(04:00):
this is Good Friday oryesterday was Good Friday.
You brought that up and youmentioned the resurrection and I
was like I think that happensevery day.
But then I'm thinking about itnow and how, for me, right now,
this is a part of theresurrection.
Say the word ResurrectionResurrection for me, spiritually
(04:22):
, emotionally, in myrelationships and all the things
that are happening for me rightnow.
I see the beauty in it and oneof the things that I'm saying
that I've heard a lot eitherthings come to your life as a
lesson or a blessing.
Candace Patrice (04:40):
And I say A reason, a season or a lifetime.
Janet Hale (04:42):
And I say it's all a blessing, you know, because the
lesson part.
You know, whether you like themor not, that's how I take that
Like oh, you like them.
Maybe they was for less.
No, it's all a blessing, and sothat's the thing that I got out
of that.
That was a long way of tellingyou how I'm doing.
Yeah.
Candace Patrice (05:03):
You know it was .
It's good how I'm doing.
Yeah, no, it's good.
It's good, though, especiallyas we are coming off of Easter
Sunday when this podcast airs.
So I think you, speaking of theresurrection and just to
clarify everybody, thatconversation we had yesterday,
(05:23):
we were talking about thecelebration from Good Friday to
Easter Sunday and how wecelebrate his resurrection, but
mom was saying that theresurrection happens every day,
and I think I went ahead andsaid I don't even know that
there's a resurrection every day, because he's already risen,
(05:45):
like every it's.
There's no need to resurrectevery day.
But that is something I thinkthat we have to do in our own
souls every day, because we arenot God, we are not Jesus, so it
takes a renewing every day, adecision.
We talk about our mental andhow that aligns with us moving
(06:08):
forward.
So, yeah, that long way was agreat way of saying how you are
doing.
I've been well as well.
I've been good as well, lotsgoing on, and I think we've
mentioned Liberated Grounds hereon the podcast before Community
of Liberation, and if youfollow the podcast or follow me,
(06:34):
you've seen that before, so gocheck it out liberatedgroundscom
.
But we have the Common UnityConference coming up and
continuing to dig deeper intowhat liberation looks like and I
know we've had a podcast aboutliberation before.
So practicing those habits,practicing eating, well like.
(06:58):
For me it's a slower transition, but I am making more steps
towards it.
So one of the meals I had I hadto put it on repeat because it
was good.
It was the peppers.
I had red and orange pepperswith onions, oyster mushrooms
and had it over white rice.
(07:18):
The second time, when I put iton repeat, I added some string
beans into it.
So the string bean juice addedto the rice and voila, it was
delicious.
So you know having more mealsthat are nourishing to my body,
because then I had pizza lastnight.
I absolutely had pizza.
So you know there's noperfection to this's, just
(07:45):
incorporations, and I actuallygot some more.
We had dragon fruit.
So incorporating differentfruits, which guys, let me tell
you.
Janet Hale (07:54):
Give you a quick warning tmi, if you're doing
dragon fruit, be prepared torelease your insides at the
bathroom at some soon pointbecause it gets you going I
wanted to say something aboutthat and I think, when we talk,
when we start looking atdifferent ways to heal our
(08:15):
bodies, to cure our bodies, ifwe go and you know, I'm not all
the way there, I'm workingtowards it but I think if we
nature, um, that provides allthe source that we need.
Candace Patrice (08:27):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (08:28):
I think we'll go to the doctor.
You know, not at all, but verylittle.
Candace Patrice (08:33):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (08:33):
Um, because and this is Janice thing, so, and that
you know don't want it's such amotivation to get sued.
So I just think that, well, oneof the things for me, cause you
know, I'm, I'm, I'm a chunkylady, chunky sexy thing, you
know that's me.
And I had a high blood pressureand whatever.
(08:57):
And I started this journey andI shared with Candace.
I was like, well, I gotta tellher and I no longer have to take
the medication, and Candace hasbeen through many health
journeys and one was the oxygenand I was on oxygen and I weaned
myself off.
(09:17):
I went to the doctor two yearslater or something, and they
were like oh, that oxygen isreally working well for you with
my numbers.
And I said I'm going to use thatthing in two years.
And Candace said something onetime it was on the podcast.
She's like Ma, did you getyourself off that oxygen or did
the doctors do it?
I said no, I did.
She's like I knew it.
But it's really about payingattention to our body and this
(09:40):
is, for me, paying attention tomy body.
I'll put it that way Everybodyhas their own journey and I'm
not going to get into that.
I'm just going to share myjourney and understanding that
what I put in this bodydetermines how this body is
going to be.
I remember one time going tothe doctor and he was like, oh,
you're a diabetic.
I said no, I'm not.
He said yes, you are, and Isaid no, I am not.
(10:02):
I said listen, I know how muchjunk is garbage I've been
feeding my body.
When I come back, you will notbe saying that, okay, so I go
back.
Oh, janet, you were right,because I understand.
You know, I understand what I'mdoing to my body.
I drink too much.
I understood what I was doingto it.
I eat the wrong things.
I understood what I was doingto it when I eat the wrong
(10:25):
things.
I know what I'm doing to it.
So when I used to smokecigarettes, I knew what I was
doing to it.
So why not take that sameknowing and do the right thing
for this body that has been longto me, for however long it's
dear?
I'm here, but let me take careof it and let me cherish it,
even though I wait until I'm 60.
That's okay.
(10:50):
That's not true, actually.
That's not true at all.
Candace Patrice (10:51):
That's true, You're right.
You're right, you know.
But saying that actually tiesinto.
I want to give them the topic,which is nothing new under the
sun.
There is nothing new under thesun.
So when you say new under thesun, there is nothing new under
the sun.
So when you say I've been, Iwaited till I was 60, that is so
not true.
You did veganism before.
(11:12):
Well, did you do veganism?
Janet Hale (11:13):
before.
Okay, let me say this.
So I go into the health foodstore and I'm like whoa, things
have really changed.
You know, since I've been inthese streets and I had them
cracking up, I said when I was avegan 30 years ago, this wasn't
happening.
So I agree with you.
Yeah, this is not my.
Yeah, you're right, because Iwas a vegan before.
I was a vegetarian before I wasan alcoholic, I was a
(11:37):
practicing alcoholic, I was anactive smoker.
Candace Patrice (11:42):
So, yeah, you're right, I actually as we
talk about this subject.
Not only is it something thatyou notice, but it is written in
the Bible.
One nine.
History merely repeats itself.
(12:04):
It has all been done before.
Nothing under the sun is trulynew.
Janet Hale (12:12):
Okay, audience, I'm the one that came up with that
and almost the same exact wordscame out of my mouth.
I cannot believe.
Oh, because, oh man, I thoughtabout it and her and I are
watching the Good Doctor Okay,it's reruns because it's not on
TV and I'm watching it and I'mreally into it, and so I love
(12:34):
Grey's Anatomy House and thenthe Good Doctor you did House,
oh, yes, oh, okay, yeah, Iearned my MD when it came to me,
but anyway.
So I was watching and I saidthe premise is the same on all
these shows.
You look pretty.
Thank you, baby.
They start off with a crisis.
(12:55):
It's a crash cart, cold blue,the same thing, right.
And I'm like what is it aboutthese stories that draw me in?
And I realized, like Candacejust said, nothing new is under
the sun.
These shows are pretty much thesame, but what makes them
uniquely different are therelationships that are built
while I'm watching them.
What brings me in and in life?
(13:15):
What brings me in is myconnection to other people.
Who do I connect with?
Who loves me?
Who do I love?
It could be a stranger.
Candice grew real good with thestrangers.
She loved all the strangers andI love the two, I just don't
see as many.
And the animals Say it again.
And the animals, oh, she'sreally got a thing with these
animals.
I think they're talking backand forth, but it's really about
(13:37):
relationships and differentthings of that nature.
And so, because nothing new isunder the sun and and and that,
um, being in bad relationshipsis that new?
No, I remember being in a oneof my marriages, cause I've had
two and um, and I remember like,oh, I'm having the kind of
relationship my mother had,except my TV is colored.
Candace Patrice (14:00):
Oh, I remember.
Janet Hale (14:03):
I get that.
That's deep, and so those arethe things, those are the
moments where I go.
What I'm going through is notunique.
It's happened to many waybefore me.
What do I do with my story?
What do I do with this giftthat's been given to me?
And one of the things I thinkabout is how people come into
(14:23):
our lives and differentsituations come to teach us a
lesson.
What is my lesson?
And actually I'm going to saythis to your audience Sometimes
my best lessons come from themost chaotic, painful situations
, where I get it like oh, I wassupposed to get that lesson 30
(14:45):
years ago.
Mm-hmm, oh, this is what youwere trying to get me at.
Oh, dang, I sure went the longway around that one.
I'm glad to have arrived.
So, yes, so that's my take onthe TV show our lives, nothing
being new.
It's all in how we react to it.
(15:06):
It's all even with I mentionedthe relationships and my parents
looking, even looking at thatlike, what can I do different?
My story doesn't have to be thesame and I say the only
difference is the color TV.
My story can be.
No, I'm not going to play thisout the way mama did, because
(15:26):
there are other ways to do it,and when we know better, we do
better.
Candace Patrice (15:32):
Yep.
Ecclesiastes 3.15.
Every time I open my mouth, yougot to ask against me.
One more, one more I just wantto go back to, for you know,
everybody knows where I amspiritually, and so I like to
back it up a little bit.
You know, you know, pastor MikeTodd is my pastor.
Right Transformation.
Janet Hale (15:52):
Nation.
Candace Patrice (15:53):
And he always tells us stories and gives
examples and just give us alittle backing with the word you
know.
So I just feel like I should goahead and give a little backing
with the word which says whatis happening now has happened
before and what will happen inthe future has happened before,
because God makes the samethings happen over and over
(16:14):
again, which is why I think thelessons, that the lessons that
we learn and how we're able toprogress and move forward, is
because we're able to build uponwhat has happened and say, ah,
course, correction, ah, changeit up a little bit.
And, of course, what you changeit up to is something that will
(16:36):
happen in the future, becauseit will be done.
You would have and you can Ibelieve, now that I'm saying
this, actually you can createsomething new that has to be
redone.
Janet Hale (16:49):
I agree.
Candace Patrice (16:50):
So your new will then become the status quo,
for it's been done before, eventhough you've built off of
something that has been donebefore.
So it's going through somethingthat has been done before is a
blessing, actually, because itgives you an opportunity to
transform yourself, to transformthe generations, to come to
(17:13):
rewrite history, because ifyou're rewriting it, you have to
know what it was before.
Right.
And I think that being mentallyaware that the outcomes can be
different because we takedifferent paths and we talked
about I don't know if we talkedabout this on the podcast or not
(17:36):
but gut health is your guthealthy and what that looks like
?
And with a healthy gut and whenI say healthy gut, guys, I'm
not just literally talking aboutyour intestines yes, physically
, what that looks like Are youputting in the right things in
(17:56):
your food?
But, trusting your intuition andtrusting your gut, are you
feeding your mental positivethings or things that are
healthy?
Because everything doesn't haveto be positive, because some
negativity you can take to learnfrom, to transform it into
something bigger, greater.
(18:18):
So when I say, what are youfeeding your gut?
Are you feeding your gutsomething for the greater good?
Because even a utilitarian can.
Who is the.
What's the definition of autilitarian?
They want the greater good.
Janet Hale (18:35):
I think they do Tony Chicken or something.
Candace Patrice (18:39):
No, no, no, no no.
Janet Hale (18:41):
Oh, okay.
Candace Patrice (18:46):
It's an ethical theory, theory that suggests
the morally right action is theone that produces the greatest
overall happiness or well-beingfor the greatest number of
people.
It's a consequentialistapproach, meaning it judges
actions based on their outcomesrather than on inherent rules or
(19:11):
duties.
So a utilitarian may break therules because they know that the
for the greater good of thepeople or the outcome you gotta,
you gotta shake some things up.
Actually, I think a lot ofgreat leaders are utilitarians,
cause, if we think about Martinmake doing some things that the
(19:34):
law didn't like because it wasagainst what they had put the
foundation of, however, thegreater good was for all people
to be equal.
So he had to make somedecisions based on what the
greater good would look like.
I think politics have to do thata lot.
Politicians have to do that alot because they have to choose
(19:57):
what the greater well.
They're supposed to choose whatthe greatest good would be for
the sector that they're servingin, whether it's the city, the
state sector that they'reserving in, whether it's the
(20:19):
city, the state, the country,whatever it is that they are
over, the outcome is supposed tobe for the greater good of the
most people that they can findthe greater good, for that
doesn't always happen, but it iswhat I believe is supposed to
happen.
I can't wait till the world canget to that place, because
(20:40):
right now, we still havemindsets in office that think
one way and may not be as opento what's going on.
So what is your take?
I saw you writing some thingsdown and looks like your mind
was jogging.
Janet Hale (20:57):
Go ahead and give me what you got the gut health,
and I remember being a part of aconversation with you and
someone else talking about.
We're talking about followingour gut and the question was
asked but is it a healthy gut?
And so when I listened to youtalk about trusting our gut, I
(21:18):
thought about this.
Some of us act out of a traumaresponse, so what may be
something in our gut, I get that.
However, we may amplifysomething that's not as big, but
because there's trauma behindit that we have not resolved,
then the way we respond may notbe equivalent to what's going on
(21:42):
.
It may not equal out the otherthing.
When you were talking about,you know, politicians and people
having to shake things up nothis name, but it was a
politician.
He made this and I keep thisone to be in good trouble.
When you talked about MartinLuther King and we talked about
some of the politicians or someof those who move, some move the
(22:03):
needle.
Yeah, malcolm X moved theneedle because just because
something like yeah, justbecause something's legal,
doesn't mean it's right, and sosometimes we have to go again,
like you know what, and Iremember being on certain jobs I
was like, okay, that policy,because I'm not comfortable in
(22:25):
my soul with this particular act, that we're told that's okay.
And I'm not feeling that it isokay because I'm part of a
certain community and there is acertain way that we communicate
and it may be offensive to somepeople and they may not
(22:46):
understand it, and then we'repunished for it.
Well, listen, this is who weare, or this is who I am.
I can't speak for everybody.
This is who I am.
I come up from a particularspace, a community, and we
learned how to love each other,and the way we love each other
may not look like the way you do.
It may not.
(23:07):
So when you were talking, I waslike trauma response, trauma
response, trauma response.
Because I know for me, I havelived out of that trauma
response.
So for me that means that thegut wasn't healthy.
And I'll say this it's notalways healthy.
Now I have to do a self-check.
Or even if I watch something, Ican have a trauma response off
(23:33):
of a sentence.
I'm saying something, I look up, I'm caught up.
Whoa, why am I caught up?
And I learned to sit in it andnot run from it anymore.
And what does that mean for me?
I even look at me as it relatesto relationships, okay, tmi,
(23:56):
and I'm like, oh, they keepending up.
You kept saying I wasfriend-zoning everybody.
That's true, but I thoughtabout this.
I said, you know, when I'mlooking at this, the common
denominator is Janet.
And so let's start looking atthat piece, because it's kind of
(24:18):
easy to go into everybody,everybody, everybody.
Well, guess what?
What did I do to attract that?
What was it about me thatthought that that was okay?
You know why did I allow A, band C the first time?
Because healthy people be likeoh, I'm cutting you off right
now.
I'm not waiting five years toget into this.
Yeah, I'm done, I'm done.
Candace Patrice (24:39):
Oh, no, that goes back to our Red Flags
podcast, which I think is one ofthe most impactful
conversations that we had.
That changed my mindset onrelationships and personal
boundaries and making decisionsand seeing things for what they
(25:02):
are, and that because that alsoplayed into a people-pleasing
sector fact for me when I thinkabout that sector fact for me,
when I think about that episodethat we talked about, but it
made me make some majordecisions in my life.
So I think, as we continue tohave the conversations, we
continue to expose and that'salso one of the things I love
(25:25):
about doing the podcast with youis that we get to have these
conversations to grow, and I wassharing with someone that I
feel like I'm very fortunate tohave a mother who wants to
continue to mother, to parent me, to grow with me and say, okay,
well, she's in her thirties,what was I doing in my thirties?
(25:46):
What did I need in my thirties?
What does she need in herthirties?
Because I'm still here,therefore, I'm never not her
mother, no matter how old shegets, and there is nothing new
under the sun on what's going onso, even to be able to help me
navigate certain things and youwere talking about trauma,
(26:07):
trauma responses, and we'retalking about gut health and as
we continue to work on our guthealth and we continue to work
on our trauma responses, we findways to transform for our
children.
You and I were talking about.
Kamari was over yesterday andyou're like, she's growing and
(26:31):
every human grows.
Every human's life needs tochange at some point for their
needs and we're watching thathappen.
I'm watching what you'vewatched several times with two
children and now a grandchildand, of course, any younger
generations that you'vewitnessed, but hands on watching
(26:53):
and even probably being able toself-reflect and go, ah, when
my son was this age, ah, whenCandace was this age, ah,
looking at Kamari, and each timethat you've done it, you were
in a different position in yourlife, you know, and even saying
being able to relate to how yourmom got to look at us because
(27:16):
we were her grandchildren, youknow, and watching us to define
my relationship with mygranddaughter.
How do I not feel guilty aboutcertain things?
(27:37):
How do I accept what is andwhat will the story look like
moving forward?
It's nothing new under the sun,but how we respond to what has
happened could be new.
I like that y'all A littlebetter.
Janet Hale (27:56):
Up the fingers.
Yes, so you mentioned Kamariand her being here yesterday, so
she was with me for most of theday, and then her mom, candace
and my grandniece came by and itwas a beautiful.
I was just like okay, candace,now I get excited anytime they
come over.
Oh it's like Christmas day, butI had Kamari was here with me
(28:21):
and she's nine now.
You guys, I think when westarted she was what five.
Candace Patrice (28:26):
I think so yeah .
Janet Hale (28:26):
Yeah.
And so she's nine and there'sso much, so many changes that
have taken place in those fiveyears with her and with me and
with Candace.
And so she's here yesterday andI'm like, well, I feel like we
need to do something.
You know, we need to have apurpose, we need intention.
You know, I'm going through allthose things.
(28:48):
That girl over there, nine yearsold, like look, she didn't say
these words, but I'm over hereliving my nine-year-old life,
mother, mama, you go and do yourmother life because I'm here.
And so, understanding thatsometimes just to be present and
they know we're present isenough, being in the space is
(29:12):
enough.
We don't need time forperformance.
Yeah, for what do I need to do?
So I'm not feeling guilty,because it's not about me in the
moment, it's about thisnine-year-old beautiful being
that is my granddaughter.
And so at first I was kind oflike, oh, what do I need to?
I didn't do it out loud, but inmy head I went through some
things.
And then, when I finally justlet go, wait a minute, I haven't
(29:38):
fallen asleep in that chair, ina minute Kamari came over.
I guess it's our routine, Idon't know.
But I looked up, I had fallenasleep and I woke up, you know,
because she used to watch me go.
So good, mama, do you thinkit's time for us to go to bed?
Well, yes, well, I guess she'stired of me playing that game.
(29:59):
You're watching it, like okayand so.
But watching her and seeing hergrow and understanding and I
said this to Candace about herage that that nine-year-old is
the nine-year-old for this timemy nine-year-old was a
nine-year-old for my time andallow people the space to be who
(30:21):
they are in their time and berespectful of it and to honor it
.
And the reason why I say honorit, because I'm able to be a
part of it.
Candace Patrice (30:32):
So why?
Janet Hale (30:33):
not respect and honor it.
Candace Patrice (30:35):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (30:36):
You know.
So it's just you know.
I know Life is a beautifulthing, even in the struggles of
things.
It's so beautiful, Even whenI'm not feeling okay.
I know I'm going to be okay,even in the times that we're
living in right now.
You guys because I know some ofus are like, well, what's going
to happen?
I don't know what's going tohappen, but one of the things
I'm going to say is and I'm notreligious and everybody know
(30:56):
that, but I'm going to say this,that whatever's going on right
now is preparing us for thegreatness that's going to come
after, and that's my take.
Candace Patrice (31:06):
And that is written too.
Janet Hale (31:07):
Oh, and that is written too.
Candace Patrice (31:09):
Oh, okay, it is , and when I find it I will tell
you exactly where it's written.
Janet Hale (31:19):
I know.
And so that is the thing.
And you know, I just look at it, I'm like, okay, you know, I
don't get caught up in the panicof it all and sometimes I think
, when am I supposed to bepanicking?
I'm watching everybody runningaround fire, fire, fire and I'm
like my mortgage is paid, mylight gas is paid.
(31:44):
No, I can't do a bunch of extrastuff right now.
Right now, right now, becauseI'm being prepared for greatness
.
We are all being prepared, inmy opinion.
But the other side of this, Iwas Patient and faithful.
Go ahead.
Candace Patrice (32:01):
I was thinking when you were talking about
sitting there in I think yousaid silence with Kamari.
It is an observation period withKamari, it is an observation
period, because during that timethat you sit in silence, you
(32:22):
get to observe what it is thatshe likes, what she's doing.
That brings you back to aperiod where you can get back to
the activeness, because nowyou'll know how to engage,
because you have to take theintel to say, okay, things are
different, what is she doing,what is she like?
One of the things that I'mdoing to incorporate growing
with her is listening to hermusic Watch.
She likes to draw, watching herdraw.
(32:43):
Trusting the process is whatshe always tells me.
Just trust the process, causesometimes when she starts, I'll
be like what is going on, but Ican't say anything because it's
what she does, so as I watch it,and then in the end it always
turns out so beautiful.
Or watching the shows that shewants to watch, with no judgment
, because sometimes I'll be likewhat is this?
Janet Hale (33:05):
Well, you watch Bluey.
Candace Patrice (33:08):
Bluey is bomb.
Janet Hale (33:09):
I know, but I'm saying we're talking about
content.
Candace Patrice (33:09):
Bluey is bomb, but I'm saying we're talking
about content oh guys, did wetell you she got engaged with
Bluey?
I don't know if we told you shecame over you you watched Bluey
, oh, you know what else.
I've been wanting to share thiswith the audience for a while.
I'm switching gears just giveme a second, guys.
(33:30):
We'll get right back toobservation and what I'm doing
but I had shared with theaudience.
We talked about Revelations andit being one of my favorite
books in the Bible.
You had asked me some questionsand I didn't have the answers.
It was a humbling experienceand actually it's something my
(33:50):
sister said she listened to andit was one of her favorite parts
for me to say I don't know theanswer.
I am not calling myself a masterinterpreter or understanding,
understander of the Bible.
I am learning the Bible too,guys, and I study it and there
(34:13):
are things that I read and Iforget or I have to go back.
So I don't know why I felt theneed to make that disclaimer,
but I am always learning and I'mglad to learn and I'm glad to
be able to share the things onthis podcast that I'm learning,
but there are things that I maymess up.
I just found out I think Idon't know if I shared this with
(34:38):
you I've been sayinginformation about like yeah,
because Saul was then Paul.
About like yeah, cause Saul wasthen Paul.
Y'all, I thought that Saul wasthe Saul from Samuel book of
Samuels, who was the first Kingof Israel, who was then an
(34:58):
apostle.
I started doing a timeline andI was like, but how was Saul a
disciple, an apostle, if he washere before Jesus and then found
out that the Saul they talkingabout was a Christian?
Well, he was an anti-Christian,he was preaching it and then
became a follower of Jesusbecause of an encounter Two
(35:20):
different Saul's and I'm surethat I told you guys that I
thought that that Saul was kingof Israel.
So I am learning.
I thought that was so funny.
When I figured that out, I wasreading book of Samuel and I was
like, hold on, if Saul diedbefore he was Paul, how'd that
happen?
I went and did some research,y'all.
So just know that if I havesaid something incorrectly, it's
(35:40):
because I'm still learning.
So thank you all for being onthis spiritual journey with me
as I learn and grow and continueto get closer.
So I just wanted to share thatwith you guys because I don't
know it's good.
I want to encourage others tocontinue to learn and know that
nothing is perfect, no one isperfect, and we're all on this
(36:03):
journey together.
It's our mental, physical,spiritual journey of growth, of
growth, and I'm so excited to beable to share my growth with
you all.
So don't I'm not saying this asa means of me feeling bad in
any way.
It is a means of me being ableto share the goodness and glory
of growing and learning.
So thanks, I just had to putthat in there and then I can go
(36:26):
back.
Janet Hale (36:27):
Okay, I have a question about that.
So you said, your sister saidwhat about the podcast?
When you said you didn't know,what did she say?
Candace Patrice (36:37):
She said, when she got to that part and I had
said, oh, I got to look it up,or some information, something
you had asked me about and I wassharing, I was trying to go and
find it, but I didn't know theanswer.
And she was like you know, it'sso good to hear you not to, for
you to say out loud that youdon't know, because I guess,
because a lot of times I do knowa lot of things and you I don't
(36:59):
know if maybe there's been atime or two in life where maybe
I've tried to show perfectionismor anything like that but for
her to hear me say I don't know,she just loved it.
Janet Hale (37:12):
I think it shows vulnerability, and but that's
something I think you do possess, I do.
Candace Patrice (37:19):
And you said the what?
Thing?
Janet Hale (37:21):
Vulnerability.
Oh OK, you possess that andit's okay.
I think that for you.
I would love to see you breathemore.
I would.
You are such a go-getter andyou do so much and your plate is
(37:45):
so full and sometimes when I'mwatching and I even made a
mention of it yesterday- haveyou stopped to breathe?
I did and I meant that you know.
Candace Patrice (37:55):
I went to Dom's house, which is one of my
really good friends and one ofKamari's got mothers and I sat
in her bed.
We watched this show.
It's called Dying for Sex.
It's interesting, oh yeah onNetflix.
Janet Hale (38:09):
Right, it's on Hulu.
Hulu because she has cancer orsomething.
Candace Patrice (38:12):
Yeah it's real steamy.
Janet Hale (38:14):
She gets really into it.
But wait, I got to get past thegood doctor, go ahead.
Candace Patrice (38:19):
Oh, you see, Anyway.
So Kamari went over to hercousin's house for a few hours
so that we can and the babywould sleep, so that we can have
some adult time.
And I got in her bed cause herhusband was downstairs watching
TV.
And I got in her bed and I saidit feels so good to be still.
I just had, cause she was.
I got a pillow.
(38:39):
She was like you could have gotmore pillows.
I was like I just want to sithere because I haven't sat today
and this feels so good sittingnext to my friend and doing
nothing, so I'm going to breathe.
I said all of that, so I just,you know, I want you to know, I
did take a moment yesterday tobreathe and sit still and enjoy
(39:04):
myself, so yes, it was at theend of the day, but it did
happen.
We spent about two hourstogether, yeah.
Janet Hale (39:10):
That's great.
Candace Patrice (39:12):
Um, we were okay, I cut you off, I believe,
but we were also talking aboutobservation time and knowing
what to do, knowing how to bethere, for well, at the time,
we're talking about Kamari andyou seeing, and I'm so grateful
that she has her time with you.
(39:34):
I'm grateful that she enjoysher time with you, even if you
say it's boring and all of that.
It's one of less than fiveplaces that she wants to be at
and doesn't mind being leftthere alone without me, because
one of my.
I have a great community.
However, my daughter is onlycomfortable in certain spaces
(40:00):
and places with certain peopleto be left alone, for someone to
care for her.
So she's very selective and I'mjust very grateful that you are
one of those selective peoplewho she enjoys to be with and
wants to be with.
Janet Hale (40:18):
I feel fortunate and blessed and all those good
things that she wants to andthat you want to.
Yeah, because there are manyrelationships with parents and
their children and they, youknow they're strained, and I
think a lot of times thatparents don't learn how to pivot
(40:42):
, how to change, how to go withthe flow, how to be a part of
the child's life and be a silentpartner.
Be a silent partner Sometimesall they want and I'm speaking
to you, but anyway, well, withmy mom, okay, sometimes it's
just knowing that they're there.
Well, my mother was alive andmy mother was something else,
(41:03):
you guys, but I used to call herevery single day.
My mother was like I was grownmarried, took care, all the
things, and I remember one timecalling her and I said, mama,
I'm just calling.
I called her more than one time.
She said, janet, can I eat?
I was like, yeah, but call meback.
Well, you know, I wasn't evenoffended saying that, like, okay
(41:30):
, you know you got to squeeze mein now.
You know what I mean.
Right, right, right, breakingthat up.
Now you go ahead and eat, I'llgive you that.
And so, for me, those are thethings that I remember, and I'm
going to say this too, becauseyou mentioned grandma Connie
with you and Brandon, and thething about here's a lesson.
Because one thing about mymother she was perfectly
(41:55):
imperfect, perfectly imperfect,and so she was genuine about who
she was.
Either you accepted her or youdidn't.
A lot of times they did withall her stuff, and so that's a
lesson for me.
We talk about nothing new underthe sun.
I have to get comfortable inthat, because I reacted with the
(42:16):
trauma response Okay, well,things that work out with mom
and them.
So I need to go to college, Ineed to do this, I need to do
that, I need to da da, da, da,da da.
Those things are good.
But what I sometimes forgot todo was take Janet along on that
trip.
I had to go back and get herbecause it was a do, do, do, do,
(42:38):
do type of situation and not abe, be, be, be, be, a being.
And that's the lesson that I'velearned when it comes to
parenting and the relationshipswith our children as they grow,
all those things that come withit.
And my mother was man.
I wish y'all could have met her.
She could have been nice onthis podcast.
(42:59):
She was, so think about thingsYou'd be like well, dog, mama,
she would say it and keep itmoving.
One thing I'm going to say is Iknow we have to go.
One of the things mama did wasthis I had a friend and things
got a little weird and then Itold her about it and then I
made up with him.
So my mother said, oh, you madeup with her.
I said yeah, she's okay.
She said, no, my mother died,still mad at her.
(43:25):
And guess what?
She was correct, because mymother was blunt, she was, she
didn't give a.
She now see, I care a littlebit about what you think she
didn't.
She stayed and be gone abouther business, and you know what?
I'm grateful for that, becausea lot of things she said prior
to leaving this world came trueafter she died.
Candace Patrice (43:52):
It seemed like in the first year all this stuff
she said prior to leaving thisworld came true.
After she died, it seemed likein the first year all this stuff
she said came true.
You said that about um dad too,and someone you worked with
prior and after he died.
Janet Hale (43:57):
It came, it came out to be what he said it would be
yes, yeah, recently, after hedied, with who?
Uh, daddy or the?
Candace Patrice (44:03):
the situation happened.
Janet Hale (44:05):
Oh, yeah, yeah, after he died oh okay, so I'm
gonna tell it, so I you know Iwould come home for it.
That was me right then.
Candace Patrice (44:11):
This was with her dad and it was years, years
ago and guys just I'm gonna giveyou a disclaimer that mom is
not drinking coffee, butchanging her eating habits oh, I
have more, have more energy.
More energy.
So you know there's no reelingin at this point, just so you
know.
But we're still on topic.
Janet Hale (44:28):
So we're good, Okay, okay, okay.
So when Charles was alive, myhusband, second husband,
Candace's dad, I would come upto work and I'm like so-and-so
getting, oh my God.
He said oh, Janice, don't worry, he's going to get here.
I said, no, never, he's nevergoing to happen.
I don't know I'm just goinglosing it right.
And it went on for years and wegot divorced and then he passed
(44:52):
Guess what.
What he said came so true insuch a way that I wish I could
wake him up and say you wereright, you were so right.
So, yeah, it's just interestingto be.
You talked about being anobserver, just observe and watch
and take it all in, like I'mlooking at the window and
(45:15):
everybody's grass is sobeautiful and green and guess
what?
it doesn't even matter that it'scut or not, isn't that
interesting?
What matters is that it's sogreen.
Those old-fashioned things, youknow.
Candace Patrice (45:28):
I remember watching I don't know if we must
have both watched the movie atseparate times, but something
happened and in that movie thelady was like my grass isn't
green, I want green grass, Iwant green grass.
And you know the symbolism ofthat, and it was about her
marriage being dead.
(45:49):
But really her grass wasn'tgreen in front of her yard as
well, and it was just the wholesymbolism of it all.
But I wanted to say one morething, as we talk about nothing
new under the sun.
Technology is evolving and itfeels like it's new under the
(46:10):
sun.
But I wanted to say this thateven though technology may seem
new under the sun, it's thegrowth that's not new.
But y'all, okay, we'll givey'all a little.
Do we gotta go?
Uh, I was helping mom withtechnology yesterday.
Um, we were learning how tonavigate through chat, gpt.
(46:34):
We were learning how tonavigate through honor, ai.
Uh, we are.
We still have some things tocontinue to go over.
But, man, it is interesting.
Take care of your parents, guys.
They don't know.
They don't know things.
They need help.
And you know not that I'msaying they need help.
(46:57):
I'm imagining how.
Oh, wow, okay, thank you, HolySpirit.
Okay, so our parents take careof us and they raise us and then
we become independent and thenthere's a time period where
parent and child are independentindividually.
(47:18):
And then parents get older inage but grow down some kind of
way where they need more help.
And a lot of times when wethink about that taking care of
our parents we think about themgetting old and needing to care
for their health, making surethat what they need they're
(47:39):
moving slower and things likethat, what they need they're
moving slower, and things likethat.
But when it comes to technology, y'all, it's the same thing as
if I had to change my mother'sdiaper.
I ain't got to the point, guys.
I said at your last job, didyou use pen and paper?
(48:01):
She was like yep, because I'mtrying to figure out how she's
been making it in this world.
Okay, she has been navigatingsomehow, just getting by.
Janet Hale (48:12):
I'm going to say this the gig is up for me.
Candace Patrice (48:15):
What you mean.
Janet Hale (48:16):
Just getting by.
Oh, I know, that's why we'regoing it is because I went to
White Castle for my grandbaby,they had an AI taking the drug
on order.
I was like, hold up, oh, wait aminute, and I'm talking to it
and then it goes.
Do you want anything else?
I'm like, okay, yes.
Then I said it Okay, will thatcomplete your yes?
(48:37):
I'm like, oh man, ai ishappening.
Everyone, and especially thosethat are listening in my age
group listen, we have to get onboard because- what age group is
this?
60, 60 and up 55, 50.
I don't care, but it depends onyour life.
But I know for me, because I'mgoing to say this.
I remember in 2000, when theyhad brought the computers on the
(48:59):
job or somewhere around thattime, and I remember being so
upset I said, oh my God, youwant us to use this.
This is awful.
We were going to Wayne State andthey had us learning computers
and me and my remember Dana Okay.
So Dana and I are like what isthis?
They're like computers, you cantouch the screen.
And we were like, oh my God,you know, we're like tripping.
(49:21):
And now I'm like, oh, you know,we're like tripping.
And now I'm like, okay, now I'mat another thing with this.
Now it has evolved to the pointthat I'm I'm going to say this,
and this is for Janet I mustlearn it.
If I want to grow Like there'sno choice for me, I have to
(49:42):
learn it.
And so I'm fortunate to have adaughter who saw the need, like,
okay, mama's struggling, she'sover there, like she's trying to
tell me things over the phone.
And then one day she said Ithink it would work out better
in person.
I was like I'm glad you finallygot it because we're not going
to work out like this.
But it's good that, candace,that you're open enough to
(50:04):
understand that as we get olderwe will need assistance.
And it's not always changingour diaper when we move in the
bedpan and we can use thatmetaphorically and say you are
changing the diaper, but it's adifferent kind of diaper.
Candace Patrice (50:21):
Oh yeah, I meant that.
I meant that, okay, you knowwhat?
Listen, yeah, I'm changingthese diapers, okay.
Yeah, you are Okay, wait shewas multitasking all over the
place.
Janet Hale (50:31):
Okay, mom, she went out, pull up this and then see
if you can do that, and I'm like, okay, she got me out in these
streets all alone, okay, andthen I was able to navigate to
the page or whatever.
Candace Patrice (50:41):
but um, so it feels and she got more outer ai
minutes than me.
I only have 300 she got 1200.
Janet Hale (50:48):
Yeah, I'm upset about that.
I've been running out.
Candace Patrice (50:51):
She got these unlimited minutes.
Janet Hale (50:53):
It feel like I gotta figure out what she even did to
upgrade my minutes, yeah, butit's good to be able, candice,
for you to allow me in yourspace Because you don't have to.
You know what I mean, butyou're like, oh, okay, mom.
Candace Patrice (51:08):
Wait, I don't have to.
No, I'm just kidding.
There you go.
Janet Hale (51:11):
But she's not behind .
Okay, mama needs help in thisarea, I, but she's not behind.
Okay, mama needs help in thisarea.
I see what she's, you know,kind of having a hard time and
also to be able to ask for help,like when you just said to the
audience sometimes I don't know,sometimes I don't have the
answer, and it's okay.
So I had to come to you and belike I don't know, I need help
(51:33):
with this.
You know what I mean.
But here's the thing about thatthe comfort level in me asking
you was so awesome.
I didn't feel embarrassed orashamed.
I was like, look, I need helphere.
Okay, tell me what this?
And so nothing new under the sun.
And that goes intorelationships with our adult
(51:54):
children.
Children, as we get older, theneed changes and it actually
flips, like Candace just said,the parent took care of the
child and we're equal.
Then it turns, it reverses,where the child, the adult child
, will need to do more for theparent.
So the roles do change.
And for those in my age group60 and plus or 55, understanding
(52:18):
that that's part of the processand we need not feel
embarrassed or ashamed of it butto surrender to it, because
then that surrender becomes, youget the greatest gifts.
Candace Patrice (52:29):
You know, I really want to get a guest on
here who can talk about theunhealthy relationship between
parent and child and hopefullyget someone who has resolved
their relationship problems sothat we can hear from a
(52:50):
different perspective, because Ithink our relationship can be
intimidating to those who arelike well, what do I do if I
don't have this relationshipwith my parent?
They're not as open.
You guys have a relationshipthat is healthy, but not
everybody has healthyrelationships with their.
You know the parent-childdynamic, so I would love if
(53:12):
anybody is listening and wantsto share their story.
We would love to hear from youso that we can just kind of have
a little, a little insightthere, because I know that's an
important sector as we navigatethrough this journey together
and share it with the world.
I did go and find that, thatscripture, though.
Janet Hale (53:33):
Romans 28.
Candace Patrice (53:36):
And it says and we know that God causes
everything to work together forthe good of those who love God
and are called according to hispurpose for them.
I was hesitant in sharing it,simply because it says of those
who love God and are calledaccording to his purpose for
them.
And you know, not knowing whatothers spiritual journey is and
(54:00):
you know they may not as wellabout if we don't love God.
I mean, this is the scripturethat I have, that is written in
the Bible that I read and in mybelief system, so I want to
share those with those who canrelate in that way.
But either way, we can seethings working together for our
good.
(54:20):
If you've ever been in asituation, in a relationship,
and in the beginning you're like, how do I get out of this
relationship?
Or what will my life look likewithout it?
Even though everything seems tobe going not the way you
intended it to go, you get outof that relationship and now you
find that you're flourishing indifferent ways.
It may not not the way youintended it to go.
You get out of thatrelationship and now you find
that you're flourishing indifferent ways.
It may not be the way youthought it would, but things
(54:43):
tend to work out for our good.
We just have to know that thefuture is bringing something
better and that thorns are thereto protect roses and the flower
is what blooms and what isbeautiful.
But we have protective thornsand sometimes we're going to
(55:03):
feel those thorns.
But what's the?
The product of the floweritself is so beautiful.
Janet Hale (55:15):
I wanted to say something, because you talked,
you read that scripture andwould you read it again real
quick, real quick.
Candace Patrice (55:21):
I sure can, and we know that Romans 8, 28.
Janet Hale (55:26):
Of course.
Candace Patrice (55:29):
And we know that God causes everything to
work together for the good ofthose who love God and are
called according to his purposefor them.
I also, you know, I know you'reabout to talk, but I also know
that in my journey of listeningto different people and their
belief systems, it seems as if,more than not, everyone is
(55:55):
believing in the same God, notnecessarily the entities that
fall below God, but the onebeing that is bigger, the one
universe that is greater.
So when I do say God is causing, I would like to challenge you
to just reflect to who or whatyou call God Go ahead, you to
(56:16):
just reflect to who or what youcall God.
Janet Hale (56:17):
Go ahead, oh, you really took it out, took it, you
went there.
That's why I was going to go.
Everyone knows I'm recoveringand one of the things that they
say God is to our best, ourunderstanding.
And so you just said it becauseit is what God is for you.
It doesn't have to be what Godis for me, but wherever it is
that you get your spiritualgrowth, whatever it is that you
(56:39):
feel feeds you spiritually, it'sokay.
And so me and Candice are heretogether and we have different
ideologies as it relates to,well, religion, spiritual.
I don't think we're differenton the spirituality, I know,
right, I don't think so withthat, but I'm just, yeah,
(57:01):
because, so, anyway, right, so,and it's okay to be different.
It really is Because we have abeautiful relationship.
I mean, brandon was alive, hewas on a whole nother religion,
he died in war, right, yes, okay, and he changed them up at
least four times, I think.
(57:23):
But, anyway, but it was okayand, ooh, okay, anyway.
So it's such a beautiful thingfor me to be able to sit where I
sit and to be able to watch mytwo children figure out their
own path.
I didn't force anything on them.
How did they end up the waythey ended up, with me as their
mother?
I don't know, but it's okaybecause it's their journey.
So to the audience whateveryour journey is, we respect it.
Candace Patrice (57:49):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (57:49):
Whatever that is.
Candace Patrice (57:51):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (57:52):
You know, so I wanted to say that to that
candidate.
Candace Patrice (57:54):
Thank you for that.
Of course we talked about a lotof things and there are going
to be, there's going to be a lotthat you go through.
Listeners that don't alwaysfeel good.
Go back to that.
(58:19):
There is nothing new under thesun and you are not the only one
experiencing what you areexperiencing.
It may be someone you justdon't know, but know that
everyone is going throughsomething and how we choose to
respond to what we're goingthrough can change the outcome,
the trajectory of how your lifepresents itself in the future.
So just believing mentally thateverything is working together
(58:41):
for your good and when you findthat little spark of good
sometimes it's not as big as itis for others, it can be very
minute Take it and show itgratitude, be grateful for what
that is, that you've been ableto find that goodness in, and
magnify it, because a lot oftimes it's easy to magnify what
(59:03):
is not good.
So magnify what is good andcontinue to search for those
things and you will draw thosethings to you more often than
not and you will notice themcoming, even if they're small,
more frequently, until they growbigger.
It will not eliminate thedifficulties that you have to
(59:24):
navigate, but you will increaseyour happy pleasure, your
serotonin, your dopamines, andthat can change the way you live
your life.
Of course, if you or anyone youknow is struggling, you can
call or text 988, the SuicidePrevention Lifeline, which is
(59:45):
available 24 hours, seven days aweek, 365 days a year in the US
and Canada.
Check your area, because we arean international podcast
streaming in all continents.
So thank you, listeners, forthat.
Of course you can email us orsend a text.
(01:00:07):
Leave us your feedback, likeand subscribe.
Leave a review where you'relistening.
Leave a review where you'relistening.
You can go toessentialmotivationcom and check
out what we have going on.
We are both coaches, so ifyou're looking for someone to
talk to and want to get on ourschedules, you can send an email
(01:00:30):
and we can send you ourCalendly links to get you
scheduled.
To start that, we are cash only, so if you guys are looking for
that, you can find my rates onthe website and you can email j
her website athellempowermentllccom.
(01:00:51):
You can go to my website atessentialmotivationcom.
You can email me at CandiceFleming at
essentialmotivationcom To be aguest on the podcast.
(01:01:13):
Send an email with the subjectline saying EMH podcast guest
and we will do that.
We are full for the season,season four but we will be
booking out for season five andgiving you guys some fresh
(01:01:34):
material, some new faces andeverything.
Also, we both do accept creditcards as well.
So whatever it is, whateveryou're looking for, whatever
you're trying to get out ofanything, we want to be here to
support you, we want to knowwhat you're thinking and all
that jazz.
Always remember to love hard,forgive often and laugh frequent
(01:01:56):
.
Bye, guys.
Hello and welcome back to another episode
of Essential Mental Healing,where we hope that you guys are
enjoying our podcast.
Joining me today is the mostlovely human in the world, my
mother, janet Hale, whocontinues to grow and feed and
(00:29):
nurture me in a way that is veryhealthy, and I am super
grateful, as we shoot thispodcast on Easter weekend.
So, yes, how are you doingtoday, mother?
And so, yes, how are you doingtoday?
Janet Hale (00:45):
Mother, I'm doing good.
That was real touching.
Thank you so much for sayingthose wonderful, kind words, and
with all the sincerity in yourheart, I really do appreciate
that.
Candace Patrice (01:01):
I just appreciate God, the universe,
for having you as my daughter.
Thank you, you're going tostart off emotional, huh.
Janet Hale (01:08):
Well, you kind of set the stage.
Candace Patrice (01:15):
You know how your mom is, oh my goodness.
Well, I am very grateful to beable to share this space with
you today.
It's you and I.
We are giving you guys the bestof the podcast.
We need to just give you guysus and our perspectives and what
(01:47):
we have going on, and we have atreat for you all.
Today, at least it's a.
You know, okay, every topic isa treat.
So when I say we have a treatfor you all, it may not be a
treat for you, it may just beanother topic, but it feels like
a treat to me, it feels like atreat.
So, how are you?
(02:09):
How was your week, your lasttwo weeks, how's it been?
Janet Hale (02:13):
My last two weeks have been good.
It's been a time of growth, andyou and I've talked about that,
about growth and comfort cannotlive in the same space, and
that is, oh God.
I find that to be such a truestatement.
Candace Patrice (02:32):
Michael gave us that the last podcast.
Janet Hale (02:34):
Yes, he did, and so it helped me to kind of realign
myself in different areas andnot run away from things,
instead run towards them so thatI can continue to grow.
So my last couple of weeks havebeen pretty good.
They've been good.
I've been doing some thingsaround the house that needed
(02:56):
doing.
I won't share all that with thepodcast, but, trust me, we
needed help and so I've beenable to do that, and doing that
helped me.
And I'm going to say this Idon't know where everybody
stands with this, but in thecleaning up and I'm continuing
to do that is while I wascleaning it was also a soulful
(03:17):
experience because there werecertain things I was throwing
away that reminded me ofsomething, certain things I was
throwing away that reminded meof something.
So the things that we have,there is an attachment, but
sometimes there's a time, youknow, sometimes we got to let it
go, you know, and being able tolet that go and figure out what
(03:38):
am I holding on to this aboutjust all the things and I know
I'm talking about cleaning thehouse but it was a spiritual
experience for me and itcontinues to be so.
Changing my eating, as you know,going back to being a vegan,
has been awesome for me.
It's just a period in my lifeand I know I'm not religious and
(04:00):
this is Good Friday oryesterday was Good Friday.
You brought that up and youmentioned the resurrection and I
was like I think that happensevery day.
But then I'm thinking about itnow and how, for me, right now,
this is a part of theresurrection.
Say the word ResurrectionResurrection for me, spiritually
(04:22):
, emotionally, in myrelationships and all the things
that are happening for me rightnow.
I see the beauty in it and oneof the things that I'm saying
that I've heard a lot eitherthings come to your life as a
lesson or a blessing.
Candace Patrice (04:40):
And I say A reason, a season or a lifetime.
Janet Hale (04:42):
And I say it's all a blessing, you know, because the
lesson part.
You know, whether you like themor not, that's how I take that
Like oh, you like them.
Maybe they was for less.
No, it's all a blessing, and sothat's the thing that I got out
of that.
That was a long way of tellingyou how I'm doing.
Yeah.
Candace Patrice (05:03):
You know it was .
It's good how I'm doing.
Yeah, no, it's good.
It's good, though, especiallyas we are coming off of Easter
Sunday when this podcast airs.
So I think you, speaking of theresurrection and just to
clarify everybody, thatconversation we had yesterday,
(05:23):
we were talking about thecelebration from Good Friday to
Easter Sunday and how wecelebrate his resurrection, but
mom was saying that theresurrection happens every day,
and I think I went ahead andsaid I don't even know that
there's a resurrection every day, because he's already risen,
(05:45):
like every it's.
There's no need to resurrectevery day.
But that is something I thinkthat we have to do in our own
souls every day, because we arenot God, we are not Jesus, so it
takes a renewing every day, adecision.
We talk about our mental andhow that aligns with us moving
(06:08):
forward.
So, yeah, that long way was agreat way of saying how you are
doing.
I've been well as well.
I've been good as well, lotsgoing on, and I think we've
mentioned Liberated Grounds hereon the podcast before Community
of Liberation, and if youfollow the podcast or follow me,
(06:34):
you've seen that before, so gocheck it out liberatedgroundscom
.
But we have the Common UnityConference coming up and
continuing to dig deeper intowhat liberation looks like and I
know we've had a podcast aboutliberation before.
So practicing those habits,practicing eating, well like.
(06:58):
For me it's a slower transition, but I am making more steps
towards it.
So one of the meals I had I hadto put it on repeat because it
was good.
It was the peppers.
I had red and orange pepperswith onions, oyster mushrooms
and had it over white rice.
(07:18):
The second time, when I put iton repeat, I added some string
beans into it.
So the string bean juice addedto the rice and voila, it was
delicious.
So you know having more mealsthat are nourishing to my body,
because then I had pizza lastnight.
I absolutely had pizza.
So you know there's noperfection to this's, just
(07:45):
incorporations, and I actuallygot some more.
We had dragon fruit.
So incorporating differentfruits, which guys, let me tell
you.
Janet Hale (07:54):
Give you a quick warning tmi, if you're doing
dragon fruit, be prepared torelease your insides at the
bathroom at some soon pointbecause it gets you going I
wanted to say something aboutthat and I think, when we talk,
when we start looking atdifferent ways to heal our
(08:15):
bodies, to cure our bodies, ifwe go and you know, I'm not all
the way there, I'm workingtowards it but I think if we
nature, um, that provides allthe source that we need.
Candace Patrice (08:27):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (08:28):
I think we'll go to the doctor.
You know, not at all, but verylittle.
Candace Patrice (08:33):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (08:33):
Um, because and this is Janice thing, so, and that
you know don't want it's such amotivation to get sued.
So I just think that, well, oneof the things for me, cause you
know, I'm, I'm, I'm a chunkylady, chunky sexy thing, you
know that's me.
And I had a high blood pressureand whatever.
(08:57):
And I started this journey andI shared with Candace.
I was like, well, I gotta tellher and I no longer have to take
the medication, and Candace hasbeen through many health
journeys and one was the oxygenand I was on oxygen and I weaned
myself off.
(09:17):
I went to the doctor two yearslater or something, and they
were like oh, that oxygen isreally working well for you with
my numbers.
And I said I'm going to use thatthing in two years.
And Candace said something onetime it was on the podcast.
She's like Ma, did you getyourself off that oxygen or did
the doctors do it?
I said no, I did.
She's like I knew it.
But it's really about payingattention to our body and this
(09:40):
is, for me, paying attention tomy body.
I'll put it that way Everybodyhas their own journey and I'm
not going to get into that.
I'm just going to share myjourney and understanding that
what I put in this bodydetermines how this body is
going to be.
I remember one time going tothe doctor and he was like, oh,
you're a diabetic.
I said no, I'm not.
He said yes, you are, and Isaid no, I am not.
(10:02):
I said listen, I know how muchjunk is garbage I've been
feeding my body.
When I come back, you will notbe saying that, okay, so I go
back.
Oh, janet, you were right,because I understand.
You know, I understand what I'mdoing to my body.
I drink too much.
I understood what I was doingto it.
I eat the wrong things.
I understood what I was doingto it when I eat the wrong
(10:25):
things.
I know what I'm doing to it.
So when I used to smokecigarettes, I knew what I was
doing to it.
So why not take that sameknowing and do the right thing
for this body that has been longto me, for however long it's
dear?
I'm here, but let me take careof it and let me cherish it,
even though I wait until I'm 60.
That's okay.
(10:50):
That's not true, actually.
That's not true at all.
Candace Patrice (10:51):
That's true, You're right.
You're right, you know.
But saying that actually tiesinto.
I want to give them the topic,which is nothing new under the
sun.
There is nothing new under thesun.
So when you say new under thesun, there is nothing new under
the sun.
So when you say I've been, Iwaited till I was 60, that is so
not true.
You did veganism before.
(11:12):
Well, did you do veganism?
Janet Hale (11:13):
before.
Okay, let me say this.
So I go into the health foodstore and I'm like whoa, things
have really changed.
You know, since I've been inthese streets and I had them
cracking up, I said when I was avegan 30 years ago, this wasn't
happening.
So I agree with you.
Yeah, this is not my.
Yeah, you're right, because Iwas a vegan before.
I was a vegetarian before I wasan alcoholic, I was a
(11:37):
practicing alcoholic, I was anactive smoker.
Candace Patrice (11:42):
So, yeah, you're right, I actually as we
talk about this subject.
Not only is it something thatyou notice, but it is written in
the Bible.
One nine.
History merely repeats itself.
(12:04):
It has all been done before.
Nothing under the sun is trulynew.
Janet Hale (12:12):
Okay, audience, I'm the one that came up with that
and almost the same exact wordscame out of my mouth.
I cannot believe.
Oh, because, oh man, I thoughtabout it and her and I are
watching the Good Doctor Okay,it's reruns because it's not on
TV and I'm watching it and I'mreally into it, and so I love
(12:34):
Grey's Anatomy House and thenthe Good Doctor you did House,
oh, yes, oh, okay, yeah, Iearned my MD when it came to me,
but anyway.
So I was watching and I saidthe premise is the same on all
these shows.
You look pretty.
Thank you, baby.
They start off with a crisis.
(12:55):
It's a crash cart, cold blue,the same thing, right.
And I'm like what is it aboutthese stories that draw me in?
And I realized, like Candacejust said, nothing new is under
the sun.
These shows are pretty much thesame, but what makes them
uniquely different are therelationships that are built
while I'm watching them.
What brings me in and in life?
(13:15):
What brings me in is myconnection to other people.
Who do I connect with?
Who loves me?
Who do I love?
It could be a stranger.
Candice grew real good with thestrangers.
She loved all the strangers andI love the two, I just don't
see as many.
And the animals Say it again.
And the animals, oh, she'sreally got a thing with these
animals.
I think they're talking backand forth, but it's really about
(13:37):
relationships and differentthings of that nature.
And so, because nothing new isunder the sun and and and that,
um, being in bad relationshipsis that new?
No, I remember being in a oneof my marriages, cause I've had
two and um, and I remember like,oh, I'm having the kind of
relationship my mother had,except my TV is colored.
Candace Patrice (14:00):
Oh, I remember.
Janet Hale (14:03):
I get that.
That's deep, and so those arethe things, those are the
moments where I go.
What I'm going through is notunique.
It's happened to many waybefore me.
What do I do with my story?
What do I do with this giftthat's been given to me?
And one of the things I thinkabout is how people come into
(14:23):
our lives and differentsituations come to teach us a
lesson.
What is my lesson?
And actually I'm going to saythis to your audience Sometimes
my best lessons come from themost chaotic, painful situations
, where I get it like oh, I wassupposed to get that lesson 30
(14:45):
years ago.
Mm-hmm, oh, this is what youwere trying to get me at.
Oh, dang, I sure went the longway around that one.
I'm glad to have arrived.
So, yes, so that's my take onthe TV show our lives, nothing
being new.
It's all in how we react to it.
(15:06):
It's all even with I mentionedthe relationships and my parents
looking, even looking at thatlike, what can I do different?
My story doesn't have to be thesame and I say the only
difference is the color TV.
My story can be.
No, I'm not going to play thisout the way mama did, because
(15:26):
there are other ways to do it,and when we know better, we do
better.
Candace Patrice (15:32):
Yep.
Ecclesiastes 3.15.
Every time I open my mouth, yougot to ask against me.
One more, one more I just wantto go back to, for you know,
everybody knows where I amspiritually, and so I like to
back it up a little bit.
You know, you know, pastor MikeTodd is my pastor.
Right Transformation.
Janet Hale (15:52):
Nation.
Candace Patrice (15:53):
And he always tells us stories and gives
examples and just give us alittle backing with the word you
know.
So I just feel like I should goahead and give a little backing
with the word which says whatis happening now has happened
before and what will happen inthe future has happened before,
because God makes the samethings happen over and over
(16:14):
again, which is why I think thelessons, that the lessons that
we learn and how we're able toprogress and move forward, is
because we're able to build uponwhat has happened and say, ah,
course, correction, ah, changeit up a little bit.
And, of course, what you changeit up to is something that will
(16:36):
happen in the future, becauseit will be done.
You would have and you can Ibelieve, now that I'm saying
this, actually you can createsomething new that has to be
redone.
Janet Hale (16:49):
I agree.
Candace Patrice (16:50):
So your new will then become the status quo,
for it's been done before, eventhough you've built off of
something that has been donebefore.
So it's going through somethingthat has been done before is a
blessing, actually, because itgives you an opportunity to
transform yourself, to transformthe generations, to come to
(17:13):
rewrite history, because ifyou're rewriting it, you have to
know what it was before.
Right.
And I think that being mentallyaware that the outcomes can be
different because we takedifferent paths and we talked
about I don't know if we talkedabout this on the podcast or not
(17:36):
but gut health is your guthealthy and what that looks like
?
And with a healthy gut and whenI say healthy gut, guys, I'm
not just literally talking aboutyour intestines yes, physically
, what that looks like Are youputting in the right things in
(17:56):
your food?
But, trusting your intuition andtrusting your gut, are you
feeding your mental positivethings or things that are
healthy?
Because everything doesn't haveto be positive, because some
negativity you can take to learnfrom, to transform it into
something bigger, greater.
(18:18):
So when I say, what are youfeeding your gut?
Are you feeding your gutsomething for the greater good?
Because even a utilitarian can.
Who is the.
What's the definition of autilitarian?
They want the greater good.
Janet Hale (18:35):
I think they do Tony Chicken or something.
Candace Patrice (18:39):
No, no, no, no no.
Janet Hale (18:41):
Oh, okay.
Candace Patrice (18:46):
It's an ethical theory, theory that suggests
the morally right action is theone that produces the greatest
overall happiness or well-beingfor the greatest number of
people.
It's a consequentialistapproach, meaning it judges
actions based on their outcomesrather than on inherent rules or
(19:11):
duties.
So a utilitarian may break therules because they know that the
for the greater good of thepeople or the outcome you gotta,
you gotta shake some things up.
Actually, I think a lot ofgreat leaders are utilitarians,
cause, if we think about Martinmake doing some things that the
(19:34):
law didn't like because it wasagainst what they had put the
foundation of, however, thegreater good was for all people
to be equal.
So he had to make somedecisions based on what the
greater good would look like.
I think politics have to do thata lot.
Politicians have to do that alot because they have to choose
(19:57):
what the greater well.
They're supposed to choose whatthe greatest good would be for
the sector that they're servingin, whether it's the city, the
state sector that they'reserving in, whether it's the
(20:19):
city, the state, the country,whatever it is that they are
over, the outcome is supposed tobe for the greater good of the
most people that they can findthe greater good, for that
doesn't always happen, but it iswhat I believe is supposed to
happen.
I can't wait till the world canget to that place, because
(20:40):
right now, we still havemindsets in office that think
one way and may not be as opento what's going on.
So what is your take?
I saw you writing some thingsdown and looks like your mind
was jogging.
Janet Hale (20:57):
Go ahead and give me what you got the gut health,
and I remember being a part of aconversation with you and
someone else talking about.
We're talking about followingour gut and the question was
asked but is it a healthy gut?
And so when I listened to youtalk about trusting our gut, I
(21:18):
thought about this.
Some of us act out of a traumaresponse, so what may be
something in our gut, I get that.
However, we may amplifysomething that's not as big, but
because there's trauma behindit that we have not resolved,
then the way we respond may notbe equivalent to what's going on
(21:42):
.
It may not equal out the otherthing.
When you were talking about,you know, politicians and people
having to shake things up nothis name, but it was a
politician.
He made this and I keep thisone to be in good trouble.
When you talked about MartinLuther King and we talked about
some of the politicians or someof those who move, some move the
(22:03):
needle.
Yeah, malcolm X moved theneedle because just because
something like yeah, justbecause something's legal,
doesn't mean it's right, and sosometimes we have to go again,
like you know what, and Iremember being on certain jobs I
was like, okay, that policy,because I'm not comfortable in
(22:25):
my soul with this particular act, that we're told that's okay.
And I'm not feeling that it isokay because I'm part of a
certain community and there is acertain way that we communicate
and it may be offensive to somepeople and they may not
(22:46):
understand it, and then we'repunished for it.
Well, listen, this is who weare, or this is who I am.
I can't speak for everybody.
This is who I am.
I come up from a particularspace, a community, and we
learned how to love each other,and the way we love each other
may not look like the way you do.
It may not.
(23:07):
So when you were talking, I waslike trauma response, trauma
response, trauma response.
Because I know for me, I havelived out of that trauma
response.
So for me that means that thegut wasn't healthy.
And I'll say this it's notalways healthy.
Now I have to do a self-check.
Or even if I watch something, Ican have a trauma response off
(23:33):
of a sentence.
I'm saying something, I look up, I'm caught up.
Whoa, why am I caught up?
And I learned to sit in it andnot run from it anymore.
And what does that mean for me?
I even look at me as it relatesto relationships, okay, tmi,
(23:56):
and I'm like, oh, they keepending up.
You kept saying I wasfriend-zoning everybody.
That's true, but I thoughtabout this.
I said, you know, when I'mlooking at this, the common
denominator is Janet.
And so let's start looking atthat piece, because it's kind of
(24:18):
easy to go into everybody,everybody, everybody.
Well, guess what?
What did I do to attract that?
What was it about me thatthought that that was okay?
You know why did I allow A, band C the first time?
Because healthy people be likeoh, I'm cutting you off right
now.
I'm not waiting five years toget into this.
Yeah, I'm done, I'm done.
Candace Patrice (24:39):
Oh, no, that goes back to our Red Flags
podcast, which I think is one ofthe most impactful
conversations that we had.
That changed my mindset onrelationships and personal
boundaries and making decisionsand seeing things for what they
(25:02):
are, and that because that alsoplayed into a people-pleasing
sector fact for me when I thinkabout that sector fact for me,
when I think about that episodethat we talked about, but it
made me make some majordecisions in my life.
So I think, as we continue tohave the conversations, we
continue to expose and that'salso one of the things I love
(25:25):
about doing the podcast with youis that we get to have these
conversations to grow, and I wassharing with someone that I
feel like I'm very fortunate tohave a mother who wants to
continue to mother, to parent me, to grow with me and say, okay,
well, she's in her thirties,what was I doing in my thirties?
(25:46):
What did I need in my thirties?
What does she need in herthirties?
Because I'm still here,therefore, I'm never not her
mother, no matter how old shegets, and there is nothing new
under the sun on what's going onso, even to be able to help me
navigate certain things and youwere talking about trauma,
(26:07):
trauma responses, and we'retalking about gut health and as
we continue to work on our guthealth and we continue to work
on our trauma responses, we findways to transform for our
children.
You and I were talking about.
Kamari was over yesterday andyou're like, she's growing and
(26:31):
every human grows.
Every human's life needs tochange at some point for their
needs and we're watching thathappen.
I'm watching what you'vewatched several times with two
children and now a grandchildand, of course, any younger
generations that you'vewitnessed, but hands on watching
(26:53):
and even probably being able toself-reflect and go, ah, when
my son was this age, ah, whenCandace was this age, ah,
looking at Kamari, and each timethat you've done it, you were
in a different position in yourlife, you know, and even saying
being able to relate to how yourmom got to look at us because
(27:16):
we were her grandchildren, youknow, and watching us to define
my relationship with mygranddaughter.
How do I not feel guilty aboutcertain things?
(27:37):
How do I accept what is andwhat will the story look like
moving forward?
It's nothing new under the sun,but how we respond to what has
happened could be new.
I like that y'all A littlebetter.
Janet Hale (27:56):
Up the fingers.
Yes, so you mentioned Kamariand her being here yesterday, so
she was with me for most of theday, and then her mom, candace
and my grandniece came by and itwas a beautiful.
I was just like okay, candace,now I get excited anytime they
come over.
Oh it's like Christmas day, butI had Kamari was here with me
(28:21):
and she's nine now.
You guys, I think when westarted she was what five.
Candace Patrice (28:26):
I think so yeah .
Janet Hale (28:26):
Yeah.
And so she's nine and there'sso much, so many changes that
have taken place in those fiveyears with her and with me and
with Candace.
And so she's here yesterday andI'm like, well, I feel like we
need to do something.
You know, we need to have apurpose, we need intention.
You know, I'm going through allthose things.
(28:48):
That girl over there, nine yearsold, like look, she didn't say
these words, but I'm over hereliving my nine-year-old life,
mother, mama, you go and do yourmother life because I'm here.
And so, understanding thatsometimes just to be present and
they know we're present isenough, being in the space is
(29:12):
enough.
We don't need time forperformance.
Yeah, for what do I need to do?
So I'm not feeling guilty,because it's not about me in the
moment, it's about thisnine-year-old beautiful being
that is my granddaughter.
And so at first I was kind oflike, oh, what do I need to?
I didn't do it out loud, but inmy head I went through some
things.
And then, when I finally justlet go, wait a minute, I haven't
(29:38):
fallen asleep in that chair, ina minute Kamari came over.
I guess it's our routine, Idon't know.
But I looked up, I had fallenasleep and I woke up, you know,
because she used to watch me go.
So good, mama, do you thinkit's time for us to go to bed?
Well, yes, well, I guess she'stired of me playing that game.
(29:59):
You're watching it, like okayand so.
But watching her and seeing hergrow and understanding and I
said this to Candace about herage that that nine-year-old is
the nine-year-old for this timemy nine-year-old was a
nine-year-old for my time andallow people the space to be who
(30:21):
they are in their time and berespectful of it and to honor it
.
And the reason why I say honorit, because I'm able to be a
part of it.
Candace Patrice (30:32):
So why?
Janet Hale (30:33):
not respect and honor it.
Candace Patrice (30:35):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (30:36):
You know.
So it's just you know.
I know Life is a beautifulthing, even in the struggles of
things.
It's so beautiful, Even whenI'm not feeling okay.
I know I'm going to be okay,even in the times that we're
living in right now.
You guys because I know some ofus are like, well, what's going
to happen?
I don't know what's going tohappen, but one of the things
I'm going to say is and I'm notreligious and everybody know
(30:56):
that, but I'm going to say this,that whatever's going on right
now is preparing us for thegreatness that's going to come
after, and that's my take.
Candace Patrice (31:06):
And that is written too.
Janet Hale (31:07):
Oh, and that is written too.
Candace Patrice (31:09):
Oh, okay, it is , and when I find it I will tell
you exactly where it's written.
Janet Hale (31:19):
I know.
And so that is the thing.
And you know, I just look at it, I'm like, okay, you know, I
don't get caught up in the panicof it all and sometimes I think
, when am I supposed to bepanicking?
I'm watching everybody runningaround fire, fire, fire and I'm
like my mortgage is paid, mylight gas is paid.
(31:44):
No, I can't do a bunch of extrastuff right now.
Right now, right now, becauseI'm being prepared for greatness
.
We are all being prepared, inmy opinion.
But the other side of this, Iwas Patient and faithful.
Go ahead.
Candace Patrice (32:01):
I was thinking when you were talking about
sitting there in I think yousaid silence with Kamari.
It is an observation period withKamari, it is an observation
period, because during that timethat you sit in silence, you
(32:22):
get to observe what it is thatshe likes, what she's doing.
That brings you back to aperiod where you can get back to
the activeness, because nowyou'll know how to engage,
because you have to take theintel to say, okay, things are
different, what is she doing,what is she like?
One of the things that I'mdoing to incorporate growing
with her is listening to hermusic Watch.
She likes to draw, watching herdraw.
(32:43):
Trusting the process is whatshe always tells me.
Just trust the process, causesometimes when she starts, I'll
be like what is going on, but Ican't say anything because it's
what she does, so as I watch it,and then in the end it always
turns out so beautiful.
Or watching the shows that shewants to watch, with no judgment
, because sometimes I'll be likewhat is this?
Janet Hale (33:05):
Well, you watch Bluey.
Candace Patrice (33:08):
Bluey is bomb.
Janet Hale (33:09):
I know, but I'm saying we're talking about
content.
Candace Patrice (33:09):
Bluey is bomb, but I'm saying we're talking
about content oh guys, did wetell you she got engaged with
Bluey?
I don't know if we told you shecame over you you watched Bluey
, oh, you know what else.
I've been wanting to share thiswith the audience for a while.
I'm switching gears just giveme a second, guys.
(33:30):
We'll get right back toobservation and what I'm doing
but I had shared with theaudience.
We talked about Revelations andit being one of my favorite
books in the Bible.
You had asked me some questionsand I didn't have the answers.
It was a humbling experienceand actually it's something my
(33:50):
sister said she listened to andit was one of her favorite parts
for me to say I don't know theanswer.
I am not calling myself a masterinterpreter or understanding,
understander of the Bible.
I am learning the Bible too,guys, and I study it and there
(34:13):
are things that I read and Iforget or I have to go back.
So I don't know why I felt theneed to make that disclaimer,
but I am always learning and I'mglad to learn and I'm glad to
be able to share the things onthis podcast that I'm learning,
but there are things that I maymess up.
I just found out I think Idon't know if I shared this with
(34:38):
you I've been sayinginformation about like yeah,
because Saul was then Paul.
About like yeah, cause Saul wasthen Paul.
Y'all, I thought that Saul wasthe Saul from Samuel book of
Samuels, who was the first Kingof Israel, who was then an
(34:58):
apostle.
I started doing a timeline andI was like, but how was Saul a
disciple, an apostle, if he washere before Jesus and then found
out that the Saul they talkingabout was a Christian?
Well, he was an anti-Christian,he was preaching it and then
became a follower of Jesusbecause of an encounter Two
(35:20):
different Saul's and I'm surethat I told you guys that I
thought that that Saul was kingof Israel.
So I am learning.
I thought that was so funny.
When I figured that out, I wasreading book of Samuel and I was
like, hold on, if Saul diedbefore he was Paul, how'd that
happen?
I went and did some research,y'all.
So just know that if I havesaid something incorrectly, it's
(35:40):
because I'm still learning.
So thank you all for being onthis spiritual journey with me
as I learn and grow and continueto get closer.
So I just wanted to share thatwith you guys because I don't
know it's good.
I want to encourage others tocontinue to learn and know that
nothing is perfect, no one isperfect, and we're all on this
(36:03):
journey together.
It's our mental, physical,spiritual journey of growth, of
growth, and I'm so excited to beable to share my growth with
you all.
So don't I'm not saying this asa means of me feeling bad in
any way.
It is a means of me being ableto share the goodness and glory
of growing and learning.
So thanks, I just had to putthat in there and then I can go
(36:26):
back.
Janet Hale (36:27):
Okay, I have a question about that.
So you said, your sister saidwhat about the podcast?
When you said you didn't know,what did she say?
Candace Patrice (36:37):
She said, when she got to that part and I had
said, oh, I got to look it up,or some information, something
you had asked me about and I wassharing, I was trying to go and
find it, but I didn't know theanswer.
And she was like you know, it'sso good to hear you not to, for
you to say out loud that youdon't know, because I guess,
because a lot of times I do knowa lot of things and you I don't
(36:59):
know if maybe there's been atime or two in life where maybe
I've tried to show perfectionismor anything like that but for
her to hear me say I don't know,she just loved it.
Janet Hale (37:12):
I think it shows vulnerability, and but that's
something I think you do possess, I do.
Candace Patrice (37:19):
And you said the what?
Thing?
Janet Hale (37:21):
Vulnerability.
Oh OK, you possess that andit's okay.
I think that for you.
I would love to see you breathemore.
I would.
You are such a go-getter andyou do so much and your plate is
(37:45):
so full and sometimes when I'mwatching and I even made a
mention of it yesterday- haveyou stopped to breathe?
I did and I meant that you know.
Candace Patrice (37:55):
I went to Dom's house, which is one of my
really good friends and one ofKamari's got mothers and I sat
in her bed.
We watched this show.
It's called Dying for Sex.
It's interesting, oh yeah onNetflix.
Janet Hale (38:09):
Right, it's on Hulu.
Hulu because she has cancer orsomething.
Candace Patrice (38:12):
Yeah it's real steamy.
Janet Hale (38:14):
She gets really into it.
But wait, I got to get past thegood doctor, go ahead.
Candace Patrice (38:19):
Oh, you see, Anyway.
So Kamari went over to hercousin's house for a few hours
so that we can and the babywould sleep, so that we can have
some adult time.
And I got in her bed cause herhusband was downstairs watching
TV.
And I got in her bed and I saidit feels so good to be still.
I just had, cause she was.
I got a pillow.
(38:39):
She was like you could have gotmore pillows.
I was like I just want to sithere because I haven't sat today
and this feels so good sittingnext to my friend and doing
nothing, so I'm going to breathe.
I said all of that, so I just,you know, I want you to know, I
did take a moment yesterday tobreathe and sit still and enjoy
(39:04):
myself, so yes, it was at theend of the day, but it did
happen.
We spent about two hourstogether, yeah.
Janet Hale (39:10):
That's great.
Candace Patrice (39:12):
Um, we were okay, I cut you off, I believe,
but we were also talking aboutobservation time and knowing
what to do, knowing how to bethere, for well, at the time,
we're talking about Kamari andyou seeing, and I'm so grateful
that she has her time with you.
(39:34):
I'm grateful that she enjoysher time with you, even if you
say it's boring and all of that.
It's one of less than fiveplaces that she wants to be at
and doesn't mind being leftthere alone without me, because
one of my.
I have a great community.
However, my daughter is onlycomfortable in certain spaces
(40:00):
and places with certain peopleto be left alone, for someone to
care for her.
So she's very selective and I'mjust very grateful that you are
one of those selective peoplewho she enjoys to be with and
wants to be with.
Janet Hale (40:18):
I feel fortunate and blessed and all those good
things that she wants to andthat you want to.
Yeah, because there are manyrelationships with parents and
their children and they, youknow they're strained, and I
think a lot of times thatparents don't learn how to pivot
(40:42):
, how to change, how to go withthe flow, how to be a part of
the child's life and be a silentpartner.
Be a silent partner Sometimesall they want and I'm speaking
to you, but anyway, well, withmy mom, okay, sometimes it's
just knowing that they're there.
Well, my mother was alive andmy mother was something else,
(41:03):
you guys, but I used to call herevery single day.
My mother was like I was grownmarried, took care, all the
things, and I remember one timecalling her and I said, mama,
I'm just calling.
I called her more than one time.
She said, janet, can I eat?
I was like, yeah, but call meback.
Well, you know, I wasn't evenoffended saying that, like, okay
(41:30):
, you know you got to squeeze mein now.
You know what I mean.
Right, right, right, breakingthat up.
Now you go ahead and eat, I'llgive you that.
And so, for me, those are thethings that I remember, and I'm
going to say this too, becauseyou mentioned grandma Connie
with you and Brandon, and thething about here's a lesson.
Because one thing about mymother she was perfectly
(41:55):
imperfect, perfectly imperfect,and so she was genuine about who
she was.
Either you accepted her or youdidn't.
A lot of times they did withall her stuff, and so that's a
lesson for me.
We talk about nothing new underthe sun.
I have to get comfortable inthat, because I reacted with the
(42:16):
trauma response Okay, well,things that work out with mom
and them.
So I need to go to college, Ineed to do this, I need to do
that, I need to da da, da, da,da da.
Those things are good.
But what I sometimes forgot todo was take Janet along on that
trip.
I had to go back and get herbecause it was a do, do, do, do,
(42:38):
do type of situation and not abe, be, be, be, be, a being.
And that's the lesson that I'velearned when it comes to
parenting and the relationshipswith our children as they grow,
all those things that come withit.
And my mother was man.
I wish y'all could have met her.
She could have been nice onthis podcast.
(42:59):
She was, so think about thingsYou'd be like well, dog, mama,
she would say it and keep itmoving.
One thing I'm going to say is Iknow we have to go.
One of the things mama did wasthis I had a friend and things
got a little weird and then Itold her about it and then I
made up with him.
So my mother said, oh, you madeup with her.
I said yeah, she's okay.
She said, no, my mother died,still mad at her.
(43:25):
And guess what?
She was correct, because mymother was blunt, she was, she
didn't give a.
She now see, I care a littlebit about what you think she
didn't.
She stayed and be gone abouther business, and you know what?
I'm grateful for that, becausea lot of things she said prior
to leaving this world came trueafter she died.
Candace Patrice (43:52):
It seemed like in the first year all this stuff
she said prior to leaving thisworld came true.
After she died, it seemed likein the first year all this stuff
she said came true.
You said that about um dad too,and someone you worked with
prior and after he died.
Janet Hale (43:57):
It came, it came out to be what he said it would be
yes, yeah, recently, after hedied, with who?
Uh, daddy or the?
Candace Patrice (44:03):
the situation happened.
Janet Hale (44:05):
Oh, yeah, yeah, after he died oh okay, so I'm
gonna tell it, so I you know Iwould come home for it.
That was me right then.
Candace Patrice (44:11):
This was with her dad and it was years, years
ago and guys just I'm gonna giveyou a disclaimer that mom is
not drinking coffee, butchanging her eating habits oh, I
have more, have more energy.
More energy.
So you know there's no reelingin at this point, just so you
know.
But we're still on topic.
Janet Hale (44:28):
So we're good, Okay, okay, okay.
So when Charles was alive, myhusband, second husband,
Candace's dad, I would come upto work and I'm like so-and-so
getting, oh my God.
He said oh, Janice, don't worry, he's going to get here.
I said, no, never, he's nevergoing to happen.
I don't know I'm just goinglosing it right.
And it went on for years and wegot divorced and then he passed
(44:52):
Guess what.
What he said came so true insuch a way that I wish I could
wake him up and say you wereright, you were so right.
So, yeah, it's just interestingto be.
You talked about being anobserver, just observe and watch
and take it all in, like I'mlooking at the window and
(45:15):
everybody's grass is sobeautiful and green and guess
what?
it doesn't even matter that it'scut or not, isn't that
interesting?
What matters is that it's sogreen.
Those old-fashioned things, youknow.
Candace Patrice (45:28):
I remember watching I don't know if we must
have both watched the movie atseparate times, but something
happened and in that movie thelady was like my grass isn't
green, I want green grass, Iwant green grass.
And you know the symbolism ofthat, and it was about her
marriage being dead.
(45:49):
But really her grass wasn'tgreen in front of her yard as
well, and it was just the wholesymbolism of it all.
But I wanted to say one morething, as we talk about nothing
new under the sun.
Technology is evolving and itfeels like it's new under the
(46:10):
sun.
But I wanted to say this thateven though technology may seem
new under the sun, it's thegrowth that's not new.
But y'all, okay, we'll givey'all a little.
Do we gotta go?
Uh, I was helping mom withtechnology yesterday.
Um, we were learning how tonavigate through chat, gpt.
(46:34):
We were learning how tonavigate through honor, ai.
Uh, we are.
We still have some things tocontinue to go over.
But, man, it is interesting.
Take care of your parents, guys.
They don't know.
They don't know things.
They need help.
And you know not that I'msaying they need help.
(46:57):
I'm imagining how.
Oh, wow, okay, thank you, HolySpirit.
Okay, so our parents take careof us and they raise us and then
we become independent and thenthere's a time period where
parent and child are independentindividually.
(47:18):
And then parents get older inage but grow down some kind of
way where they need more help.
And a lot of times when wethink about that taking care of
our parents we think about themgetting old and needing to care
for their health, making surethat what they need they're
(47:39):
moving slower and things likethat, what they need they're
moving slower, and things likethat.
But when it comes to technology, y'all, it's the same thing as
if I had to change my mother'sdiaper.
I ain't got to the point, guys.
I said at your last job, didyou use pen and paper?
(48:01):
She was like yep, because I'mtrying to figure out how she's
been making it in this world.
Okay, she has been navigatingsomehow, just getting by.
Janet Hale (48:12):
I'm going to say this the gig is up for me.
Candace Patrice (48:15):
What you mean.
Janet Hale (48:16):
Just getting by.
Oh, I know, that's why we'regoing it is because I went to
White Castle for my grandbaby,they had an AI taking the drug
on order.
I was like, hold up, oh, wait aminute, and I'm talking to it
and then it goes.
Do you want anything else?
I'm like, okay, yes.
Then I said it Okay, will thatcomplete your yes?
(48:37):
I'm like, oh man, ai ishappening.
Everyone, and especially thosethat are listening in my age
group listen, we have to get onboard because- what age group is
this?
60, 60 and up 55, 50.
I don't care, but it depends onyour life.
But I know for me, because I'mgoing to say this.
I remember in 2000, when theyhad brought the computers on the
(48:59):
job or somewhere around thattime, and I remember being so
upset I said, oh my God, youwant us to use this.
This is awful.
We were going to Wayne State andthey had us learning computers
and me and my remember Dana Okay.
So Dana and I are like what isthis?
They're like computers, you cantouch the screen.
And we were like, oh my God,you know, we're like tripping.
(49:21):
And now I'm like, oh, you know,we're like tripping.
And now I'm like, okay, now I'mat another thing with this.
Now it has evolved to the pointthat I'm I'm going to say this,
and this is for Janet I mustlearn it.
If I want to grow Like there'sno choice for me, I have to
(49:42):
learn it.
And so I'm fortunate to have adaughter who saw the need, like,
okay, mama's struggling, she'sover there, like she's trying to
tell me things over the phone.
And then one day she said Ithink it would work out better
in person.
I was like I'm glad you finallygot it because we're not going
to work out like this.
But it's good that, candace,that you're open enough to
(50:04):
understand that as we get olderwe will need assistance.
And it's not always changingour diaper when we move in the
bedpan and we can use thatmetaphorically and say you are
changing the diaper, but it's adifferent kind of diaper.
Candace Patrice (50:21):
Oh yeah, I meant that.
I meant that, okay, you knowwhat?
Listen, yeah, I'm changingthese diapers, okay.
Yeah, you are Okay, wait shewas multitasking all over the
place.
Janet Hale (50:31):
Okay, mom, she went out, pull up this and then see
if you can do that, and I'm like, okay, she got me out in these
streets all alone, okay, andthen I was able to navigate to
the page or whatever.
Candace Patrice (50:41):
but um, so it feels and she got more outer ai
minutes than me.
I only have 300 she got 1200.
Janet Hale (50:48):
Yeah, I'm upset about that.
I've been running out.
Candace Patrice (50:51):
She got these unlimited minutes.
Janet Hale (50:53):
It feel like I gotta figure out what she even did to
upgrade my minutes, yeah, butit's good to be able, candice,
for you to allow me in yourspace Because you don't have to.
You know what I mean, butyou're like, oh, okay, mom.
Candace Patrice (51:08):
Wait, I don't have to.
No, I'm just kidding.
There you go.
Janet Hale (51:11):
But she's not behind .
Okay, mama needs help in thisarea, I, but she's not behind.
Okay, mama needs help in thisarea.
I see what she's, you know,kind of having a hard time and
also to be able to ask for help,like when you just said to the
audience sometimes I don't know,sometimes I don't have the
answer, and it's okay.
So I had to come to you and belike I don't know, I need help
(51:33):
with this.
You know what I mean.
But here's the thing about thatthe comfort level in me asking
you was so awesome.
I didn't feel embarrassed orashamed.
I was like, look, I need helphere.
Okay, tell me what this?
And so nothing new under the sun.
And that goes intorelationships with our adult
(51:54):
children.
Children, as we get older, theneed changes and it actually
flips, like Candace just said,the parent took care of the
child and we're equal.
Then it turns, it reverses,where the child, the adult child
, will need to do more for theparent.
So the roles do change.
And for those in my age group60 and plus or 55, understanding
(52:18):
that that's part of the processand we need not feel
embarrassed or ashamed of it butto surrender to it, because
then that surrender becomes, youget the greatest gifts.
Candace Patrice (52:29):
You know, I really want to get a guest on
here who can talk about theunhealthy relationship between
parent and child and hopefullyget someone who has resolved
their relationship problems sothat we can hear from a
(52:50):
different perspective, because Ithink our relationship can be
intimidating to those who arelike well, what do I do if I
don't have this relationshipwith my parent?
They're not as open.
You guys have a relationshipthat is healthy, but not
everybody has healthyrelationships with their.
You know the parent-childdynamic, so I would love if
(53:12):
anybody is listening and wantsto share their story.
We would love to hear from youso that we can just kind of have
a little, a little insightthere, because I know that's an
important sector as we navigatethrough this journey together
and share it with the world.
I did go and find that, thatscripture, though.
Janet Hale (53:33):
Romans 28.
Candace Patrice (53:36):
And it says and we know that God causes
everything to work together forthe good of those who love God
and are called according to hispurpose for them.
I was hesitant in sharing it,simply because it says of those
who love God and are calledaccording to his purpose for
them.
And you know, not knowing whatothers spiritual journey is and
(54:00):
you know they may not as wellabout if we don't love God.
I mean, this is the scripturethat I have, that is written in
the Bible that I read and in mybelief system, so I want to
share those with those who canrelate in that way.
But either way, we can seethings working together for our
good.
(54:20):
If you've ever been in asituation, in a relationship,
and in the beginning you're like, how do I get out of this
relationship?
Or what will my life look likewithout it?
Even though everything seems tobe going not the way you
intended it to go, you get outof that relationship and now you
find that you're flourishing indifferent ways.
It may not not the way youintended it to go.
You get out of thatrelationship and now you find
that you're flourishing indifferent ways.
It may not be the way youthought it would, but things
(54:43):
tend to work out for our good.
We just have to know that thefuture is bringing something
better and that thorns are thereto protect roses and the flower
is what blooms and what isbeautiful.
But we have protective thornsand sometimes we're going to
(55:03):
feel those thorns.
But what's the?
The product of the floweritself is so beautiful.
Janet Hale (55:15):
I wanted to say something, because you talked,
you read that scripture andwould you read it again real
quick, real quick.
Candace Patrice (55:21):
I sure can, and we know that Romans 8, 28.
Janet Hale (55:26):
Of course.
Candace Patrice (55:29):
And we know that God causes everything to
work together for the good ofthose who love God and are
called according to his purposefor them.
I also, you know, I know you'reabout to talk, but I also know
that in my journey of listeningto different people and their
belief systems, it seems as if,more than not, everyone is
(55:55):
believing in the same God, notnecessarily the entities that
fall below God, but the onebeing that is bigger, the one
universe that is greater.
So when I do say God is causing, I would like to challenge you
to just reflect to who or whatyou call God Go ahead, you to
(56:16):
just reflect to who or what youcall God.
Janet Hale (56:17):
Go ahead, oh, you really took it out, took it, you
went there.
That's why I was going to go.
Everyone knows I'm recoveringand one of the things that they
say God is to our best, ourunderstanding.
And so you just said it becauseit is what God is for you.
It doesn't have to be what Godis for me, but wherever it is
that you get your spiritualgrowth, whatever it is that you
(56:39):
feel feeds you spiritually, it'sokay.
And so me and Candice are heretogether and we have different
ideologies as it relates to,well, religion, spiritual.
I don't think we're differenton the spirituality, I know,
right, I don't think so withthat, but I'm just, yeah,
(57:01):
because, so, anyway, right, so,and it's okay to be different.
It really is Because we have abeautiful relationship.
I mean, brandon was alive, hewas on a whole nother religion,
he died in war, right, yes, okay, and he changed them up at
least four times, I think.
(57:23):
But, anyway, but it was okayand, ooh, okay, anyway.
So it's such a beautiful thingfor me to be able to sit where I
sit and to be able to watch mytwo children figure out their
own path.
I didn't force anything on them.
How did they end up the waythey ended up, with me as their
mother?
I don't know, but it's okaybecause it's their journey.
So to the audience whateveryour journey is, we respect it.
Candace Patrice (57:49):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (57:49):
Whatever that is.
Candace Patrice (57:51):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (57:52):
You know, so I wanted to say that to that
candidate.
Candace Patrice (57:54):
Thank you for that.
Of course we talked about a lotof things and there are going
to be, there's going to be a lotthat you go through.
Listeners that don't alwaysfeel good.
Go back to that.
(58:19):
There is nothing new under thesun and you are not the only one
experiencing what you areexperiencing.
It may be someone you justdon't know, but know that
everyone is going throughsomething and how we choose to
respond to what we're goingthrough can change the outcome,
the trajectory of how your lifepresents itself in the future.
So just believing mentally thateverything is working together
(58:41):
for your good and when you findthat little spark of good
sometimes it's not as big as itis for others, it can be very
minute Take it and show itgratitude, be grateful for what
that is, that you've been ableto find that goodness in, and
magnify it, because a lot oftimes it's easy to magnify what
(59:03):
is not good.
So magnify what is good andcontinue to search for those
things and you will draw thosethings to you more often than
not and you will notice themcoming, even if they're small,
more frequently, until they growbigger.
It will not eliminate thedifficulties that you have to
(59:24):
navigate, but you will increaseyour happy pleasure, your
serotonin, your dopamines, andthat can change the way you live
your life.
Of course, if you or anyone youknow is struggling, you can
call or text 988, the SuicidePrevention Lifeline, which is
(59:45):
available 24 hours, seven days aweek, 365 days a year in the US
and Canada.
Check your area, because we arean international podcast
streaming in all continents.
So thank you, listeners, forthat.
Of course you can email us orsend a text.
(01:00:07):
Leave us your feedback, likeand subscribe.
Leave a review where you'relistening.
Leave a review where you'relistening.
You can go toessentialmotivationcom and check
out what we have going on.
We are both coaches, so ifyou're looking for someone to
talk to and want to get on ourschedules, you can send an email
(01:00:30):
and we can send you ourCalendly links to get you
scheduled.
To start that, we are cash only, so if you guys are looking for
that, you can find my rates onthe website and you can email j
her website athellempowermentllccom.
(01:00:51):
You can go to my website atessentialmotivationcom.
You can email me at CandiceFleming at
essentialmotivationcom To be aguest on the podcast.
(01:01:13):
Send an email with the subjectline saying EMH podcast guest
and we will do that.
We are full for the season,season four but we will be
booking out for season five andgiving you guys some fresh
(01:01:34):
material, some new faces andeverything.
Also, we both do accept creditcards as well.
So whatever it is, whateveryou're looking for, whatever
you're trying to get out ofanything, we want to be here to
support you, we want to knowwhat you're thinking and all
that jazz.
Always remember to love hard,forgive often and laugh frequent
(01:01:56):
.
Bye, guys.
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