It's Therapy Thursday!!
Facing life's storms with unwavering courage, my sister Amanda and I, Candace Fleming, come together in a raw exchange on the trials and triumphs of Essential Mental Healing. Amanda, a beacon of resilience, unfolds her narrative from teen motherhood to the hallways of nursing, painting a picture of the grit and grace it takes to juggle family, career, and self-reliance. Our conversation meanders through the valleys and peaks of her life, revealing the unbreakable bonds of sisterhood and the steadfast faith that has been both her anchor and her compass.
The power of positivity and an unshakeable faith take center stage as we hear from a single mother whose journey through nursing school is marred by financial woes and personal battles, yet illuminated by her belief in the divine. Her saga echoes the strength found in the simplicity of spaghetti dinners and the refuge of gospel hymns, reminding us that serenity can be found in the midst of chaos. Through laughter and tears, we explore how the alchemy of optimism transforms the lead of hardship into the gold of personal growth and achievement.
In the concluding chapters of our heart-to-heart, we traverse a landscape of adversity that ranges from the seismic shift of a family's cross-country relocation to the subtle art of effective communication. I share the profound impacts of personal transformation on our bonds with others, underscoring the significance of reaching out for support in times of despair. Our heartfelt episode draws to a close, with an invitation to our listeners to join the conversation and a reminder of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline — a beacon for those navigating through life's tumultuous waters.
Host Candace Fleming
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of
Essential Mental Healing, whereI am your host, candice Fleming,
and unfortunately, today mylovely co-host, janet Hill, is
not going to be joining us.
She actually is going to be ona medical leave.
(00:28):
Yes, she's fine, everyone.
I'm sure when she comes backshe'll share all of her deeds
with you, but I promise you I'vegot the next best thing.
No, like literally the nextbest thing.
Like you hear about her all thetime, but okay, and like if you
(00:50):
can't have Janet, you want herbecause she is her.
Anyways, nila says she is mysister.
Hello, amanda, hey sister, howare you?
I'm actually feeling great, I'mgood, I'm happy to be here and
(01:16):
honored.
I'm so happy, I'm so happy tohave you, I'm excited.
I don't know what's going tohappen, where we're going to end
up.
You know we can go anywhere andeverywhere, as we do all the
time, whether it's here, by land, by sea, by air that's my ride
(01:40):
or that.
Like you know how they say yougot yin and yang.
Well, you got can and man.
Like you got candy and Mandy.
Like you got okay.
Period, all of it, all of it,all of it and more.
There's like this unspoken,intertwined, invisible line to
(02:06):
speculine.
I don't know All of it,everything, all of it.
They don't understand.
That is all of it.
Oh, my goodness, I am so happyto have you.
I have actually known Amandaall of my life.
She is my blood sister, withoutblood, which sounds weird, but
(02:33):
it's true.
She is my sister.
Like you know how they say Godmay Adam, god may Eve.
And then, like God may Eve, outof Adam's rim.
Well, I think God was like oh,look at this heart.
I'm just going to split it inhalf.
Here's Amanda, here's Candace.
(02:54):
I don't know, somehow we sharein something the best of sisters
that there ever was in life.
I'm going to stop going on.
You guys don't understand.
I mean, maybe you think youunderstand, but you all just
don't understand.
To be tour is to be able to doother scenes From a very, very
(03:24):
young believer.
We lived next door to each other, grew up, couldn't be any
closer, stay next door to we'reabout eight and then moved away.
But that didn't change anythingbecause we just stayed more
nights.
We cried for each other andthey had to bring us back
together house when we wereseven, I think.
I stayed at a minimum of fournights maybe, went home for one
(03:45):
and came back, yep, or I wascoming to your house, yeah,
exactly, exactly so.
But, my well, tell people whoyou are, what you a little bit
about what you do, and then, ofcourse, I'm just going to tell
(04:07):
them a little bit more about you, because nobody can talk you up
like you.
Well, like you said, my name isAmanda.
I am a nurse.
I've been a nurse for about sixyears now, graduated in 2017.
(04:27):
I was a CNA prior to that, forabout 13 years.
Let's see, I'm married.
Have four boys been married for10 years?
Well, actually, we just passedour 10 year anniversary.
Yes, and I don't know that.
(04:49):
That's about.
Oh, I'm living in Vegas, lovingit, been living here for about
going on five years now.
I still love Detroit, but I gotto be here.
Listen, guys.
So she gave you like theseheadlines of who she is and
(05:09):
things that she's done, but youguys have to hear the through
line to this stuff.
I mean, girl is super woman,wonder Woman, woman of the Year,
woman of the Decade, woman ofthe Millennium.
Has overcome all kinds ofthings, which is the topic of
(05:30):
today's episode of the show,anyway overcoming adversity,
which is something that I'vebeen able to see you do with
grace to me, grace and faith forsure, and that's something I
know you'll be able to talk toabout when it comes to how you
(05:51):
deal with things.
But I want to start withadversity.
It's not adversity number one,but one of the major adversities
that you went through at ayoung age, which was having my
lovely nephew at a younger ageand what that changed for you,
(06:15):
what that looked like and how itstarted your journey.
Okay, so yes, I became a motherat a young age.
I was 20,.
I got pregnant at 19.
All right, so I had just movedout of my house and shortly
(06:36):
after that I became pregnant.
So everyone around me, they wasjust like telling me you can't
have this baby.
You got to get abortion.
And I was like, yeah, you'reright, yes, I'm not going to
have this, I'm going to getabortion.
But it was just like, not evenlike 24 hours.
I was just like I can't.
(06:57):
I felt connected to this babyand they was just saying that I
was going to have to move backhome with my mom and I just kept
faith.
I just kept my faith and wasjust like I'm going to make it.
I was working as a nursingassistant already.
So I was working in a hospitalor so and I had him and it's
(07:20):
been a blessing ever since.
I don't regret it.
I think about it all the time,like if I wouldn't have had my
baby.
So were you in nursing schoolwhen you had him or did you
start nursing school after youhad him?
No, so that was okay.
So you know, I have four boys,so I got a lot of journeys.
(07:43):
I'm up to the first one.
I was a young mom so I had toget over that, everyone feeling
like I couldn't make it.
I ended up making it, never hadto move back home.
Then my with my second son iswhen things started getting
really hard at 24 because mynursing assistant income was not
enough.
So I went and applied fornursing school and when I was a
(08:08):
nursing school, at my physical,that's when I found out that I
was pregnant with baby numberthree.
And again everyone's like youcan't go through nursing school
pregnant.
Nursing school is hard, you'renot going to be able to do it.
You already have two kids.
And then you got to go throughthis.
I made it.
Okay, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.
(08:29):
I got a question.
So, as you're, you have babynumber two and then you enroll
in nursing school.
Yes, yes, so you're doingnursing school while you have
two and then you get pregnantagain.
Yes, while you're still innursing school.
(08:50):
Yes, yes.
Okay, now how much time haspassed, um, from from Daniel the
time you enrolled?
No, from the time you enrolledto nursing school to pregnancy
number three?
Oh, the it immediately before Istarted nursing school.
So, as soon as I like, yeah,like I was getting into an into
(09:14):
nursing school.
That's why I was taking thephysical um to go into nursing
school and I found out that Iwas pregnant.
So I found that I was pregnantbefore I had class number one.
So I went into nursing schooltelling people I was pregnant,
got it, got it, got it and Imade it.
I made it, I had the baby.
(09:35):
It didn't work out so perfectlybecause I ended up having him
while I was going to thehospital.
I was on break so I didn't haveto take off any time for school
.
So, um, right at my six weekmark, school was starting back
up, so I was able to go toschool.
I did have to.
It was a lot of early mornings,it was a lot of five am, um,
(09:56):
dropping my babies off to thebaby centers, going to nursing
school, going to clinicals, thentrying to work on top of that
because I still had to work, orso, um, and yeah, it was, it was
, it was hard, they, they, a lotof people doubted me, but I
keep my faith and I just keepkeep on going.
(10:17):
Okay, so there's during thatthird pregnancy, though near the
end, it got really roughphysically, right, yes, what
happened to you physicallyduring that time?
Um, wait, at the end, with umyou talking about, with Andrew,
(10:43):
with baby, with baby numberthree, towards the end, it was
just the.
I was breastfeeding him, or so,no, during the pregnancy,
during the pregnancy With thelow you, then you have low iron.
During that time, well, I hadlow iron with all, all four of
them.
The all four of them was all mypregnancies.
I always pass out.
(11:04):
That's what my mind wanted meto stop having babies.
I keep, I always have low iron.
I always have to get infusionsor so, while I'm pregnant.
Um, and, yeah, it just gets melightheaded but I don't have any
more than sickness or anything.
But you're doing this whileyou're in nursing.
Yes, yes, I was studying, um,and breastfeeding and doing
(11:28):
homework with the oldest andstill trying to hang around with
the toilet Like, yeah, yes,okay.
So take me here, take me here.
How do you mentally get throughall of this adversity that's
coming your way?
So, like you said you, youdecide okay, I have two children
(11:48):
.
This income isn't enough.
I got to go to nursing school.
You get to nursing school tomake an income for to support
two children, only to find outit's got to now support three
children while in nursing school, trying to make sure you keep
your grades up because you needto have uh, be at it.
(12:09):
It had to be a 79%.
Yes, you had to have a 79% inorder to pass.
Yeah, yeah.
Not only that, you also arehaving your low iron, which is
normal for you, but not normalwhile you're in nursing school.
(12:30):
You know, like, where is yourmental?
My mental is always positive.
I just have never been negative.
I thank God every day that Idon't have a sense of fear, or
so I just always like to try.
But in nursing school, well,that iron was low because I told
you I used to pass out.
(12:51):
So my professors and myclassmates definitely see me on
the floor a few times and it wasfreaking them out, but I told
them that I was gonna be okay.
It just never discouraged me,it never made me afraid to have
the baby or continue to havebabies.
(13:15):
I had forgot to say even with mysecond son or so some
adversities, or a real adversitythat I had to face, was the
father of my son that hadactually went to jail or so, and
so I felt like so alone,because when I went into labor I
was by myself and they got yourushed up there to the house
(13:38):
bill, where I wasn't.
Otherwise I would have beenpushing my baby out by myself in
that room all along, and youcame as soon as I started
pushing him out.
He came out real fast.
From the time you gave thatcall to the time he got here.
He was like I'm coming with itwithout y'all, I'm just letting
(13:59):
y'all know that he was coming,okay, but okay.
So what is going through yourmind during this time?
Because you, how long does thisgo on?
For?
How long is your now husband?
Yes, and it was 90 days or so.
(14:24):
So it was hard on him and hardon me, because now I'm a new
mother of two, by myself, livingby myself.
It was pretty hard, but I justkept my faith.
The three months went byactually pretty fast or so and
(14:46):
we just picked up where we leftoff and continued, and that's
when I had started my journey tonursing school, and then we had
Andrew.
It just seems like every time Ifeel like I'm trying to do
something positive.
To catch up is just alwayssomething else, but I never,
(15:07):
ever, had that fear of me beingset back because I was having
more kids, so I just alwaysthought I was gonna make it.
One other thing, one of theadversities of your husband
going to jail.
Not only is this the father ofyour child, but you're lucky
(15:28):
that he also enjoys cooking.
Yes, so you lost the householdchef?
Yes, I did, cause I do not cook.
It got real interesting in thekitchen.
Okay, I did learn how to cooksome pancakes, you know I was
just like.
So what kind of meals did youhave to prepare for the kids?
(15:49):
Now that things was shaken up alittle bit, how'd you have to
maneuver this?
I'm just glad my babies wasyoung enough not to really judge
my cooking.
So it wasn't that Daniel wasjust for he couldn't really get
on me, but I was.
I got good with breakfast.
I could cook some breakfast,but other than that it was
spaghetti, goulash, anythingwith a pasta.
(16:11):
And then I had cooked somechicken breast which I that was
interesting, but I made it.
I was happy when he got backhome.
I know that's right, I knowthat's right.
The kids, the good meals coming.
What was your, what was yourgo-to dish?
Spaghetti and goulash.
(16:33):
What's goulash?
That's that pasta with the withis made with chili and then
like with the vegetables.
It's like pasta's the tomatosauce and chili with vegetables.
I don't think I actually everhad goulash.
(16:54):
Really, everybody make it alittle different, but that's how
I make mine.
I don't think I've ever had nogoulash.
I think when I hear goulash, Ithink John Belaya, oh, okay, but
okay, okay, let's go back.
Let's go back.
So you, you mentioned your faith.
(17:14):
I heard you say something youknow you.
You said that's how youmentioned it a couple of times.
That's how I keep my faith.
That's how I keep my faith.
What does faith look like toyou and how is that incorporated
in your life?
Or how do you incorporate thatwith?
You have adversity?
Well, I just faith to me isbelieving what you cannot see.
(17:42):
So in my, in my situation, eventhough I'm looking at my, at my
monthly income and I'm lookingat my bills, I'm like, oh, it's
fine, it's everything is.
Everything is gonna get paid,everything is gonna get worth,
is gonna work itself out,because God is not gonna leave
me, god is not gonna let me down.
Basically, he has always shownup for me and I just I just keep
(18:07):
.
That's how I make all of mydecisions.
Like I that's what I sayearlier.
Like I said earlier, I justdon't have that sense of fear,
like it's just, I just be moving, which, and it just always
works.
Obviously I don't be movingcrazy and doing like, thinking I
can't get hit or hurt oranything like that, but I just
(18:27):
feel like everything will workitself out with patience and
with time.
And yeah, everything justalways works itself out.
But that's what it is.
It's believing in somethingthat you cannot see.
So we cannot physically see God, but we can feel God and so I
always feel his presence.
He always give me signs, youknow, wearing to our angel,
numbers and everything, and Ijust take everything as a sign
(18:51):
and just believe that are thebest possible outcome, and nine
times out of 10, it's always thebest possible outcome.
Like thinking about where I amnow and where I was 10 years ago
and I'm still so humbledbecause I didn't realize the
amount of growth that I haveovercome.
(19:15):
It's just humbling, it'sbeautiful and I just want to
continue to live on this path.
You know, I want to sit down onthe couch for a second.
If that's a thing, let's makeus a little red white couch and
(19:41):
talk a little bit about anexperience where your faith was
truly tested.
But I didn't ask so, would you?
Are we okay with that Girl?
You know, we don't have noboundaries.
Come on, that's why I'm theangel.
(20:02):
Yo, yo, that's what we do.
That's what we do, okay, so youtook a trip and during this
trip, you were having a time ofyour life emerging yourself in
Mexico.
Yeah, we went to Cabo, cabo, andduring this time, you had an
(20:29):
experience, a true, trueexperience, and it took you away
and brought you back.
Could you share?
Yes, I can.
So y'all like can't swim.
Yeah, I can swim, so I couldnot swim.
So we was on a couple's tripback in 2021.
(20:55):
And we was all in the pool withall the other couples and then
Gary was trying to be romanticand he wanted us to walk off to
the beach.
All right, so I was like, okay,so we walked off to the beach.
Well, I got a little bit tooclose to the shore and the
currents were very large, theywere huge.
All right so, but I turnedaround to the ocean.
(21:18):
I turned my back to the ocean,as they say you should never do,
and the trying to take apicture and the current pulled
me in.
Now Gary is chasing after me,he trying to catch me.
I didn't drop my phone.
I'm in like disbelief, likecan't really focus, and so I'm
trying to get up.
I try to get up.
It pulls us back in.
Now, me and Gary is in the.
It didn't pull both of us intothe ocean.
(21:42):
He's trying to hold on to meand stay afloat.
We, we cannot like get to shorefor nothing.
It was this last final wave thatlike hit me in the face and
like give me.
I was like, oh, my goodness,this is it.
I'm not gonna go back home tomy kids, and I just closed my
eyes and just accepted it, or so.
(22:03):
And I know to a lot of peoplethat just feel like it sounds
suicidal, or so Like I was givenup or so, but I didn't feel
that way at all For something.
I just felt like at peace.
And then, like, when I woke up,I was like who saved me?
And then somebody Came up andit was like Jesus and I was like
(22:26):
, and all this stuff like praisethe God and everything, so
happy.
And then I was asking about myhusband and all that, gary and
the being a shock.
He couldn't talk for about twohours so everybody was scared.
They rushed us to the hospital.
They had to see PR on me.
I forgot about that major part,so they did Do CPR.
(22:46):
It was just a miracle thatsomebody just said that they was
, which resulted in six brokeribs.
Yes, yeah, yeah, I had six, sixbroke ribs because of the CPR.
But the person who saved me, hewas a, he was a diver who just
was coming down because he wasmad at his wife or so, and so
he's seen us.
And then they said it was aboat like Prior out, because,
(23:09):
you, mind you, it was darkoutside.
I didn't mention that part soit was Like nighttime, so it was
hard for people to see.
No, no, no, this was, this waslike a nighttime.
So a diver came out and thenSpiritual here, healer, is the
one that pulled me out of thewater or so and help Gary.
(23:31):
And it was just amazing when Iseen him Me and Gary was having
Breakfast the next day and hewalked up and I was like that
was him.
I never even saw his face or so,but his presence, I just felt
it was him and we all juststarted crying, or so we took a
picture with the guy, or so Iasked him.
I said what did you do?
He was.
I was like I was like what doyou do?
(23:51):
Where you from?
And he was like I'm a healer orso, and it's just like miracles
like that, like that's what.
I just leave it, I just give itall up to God, like I just do,
and it just always where I justput my faith in them, even with
leaving my kids, I just keep.
I just keep my faith in God.
I just keep my faith in God.
Have you ever experienced ahealer before that?
No, did you know what a healerwas before that?
(24:15):
No, do you know what a healeris now?
Well, a little bit.
No, let me.
Maybe we should do somegoogling.
How did we not google that asyou're talking, I'm like I'm
starting to think like man, whatkind of healer is this?
(24:37):
Do I know what a healer reallyis?
Then I, you know, I'm all intothe book of Clarence right now.
I'm thinking about how he justhad his hands healed.
I'm like, is he a physicalhealer?
Like I'm going into Disney andstuff.
(24:57):
Like does a teardrop make yourise from the dead?
Like I girl, I got a lot ofthoughts over here.
When I hear a healer right now,I'm just saying I, I have been
elevated.
I just feel like they're chosenum people, um, from God and he,
(25:19):
they, they do God's work.
I really think that they justdo God's, god's work.
Like God puts his powers in Inthe healers, like not that
they're, you know, like they,like they physically have powers
, but I just felt like Hispresence is felt through his
healers.
You know, I wonder sometimes ifwe can heal ourselves from
(25:44):
within.
Mm-hmm, because you know theysay we have God within us anyway
.
Um, so if we could take ourinner God and then Release that
into our cells.
There's actually a book that Iread.
I think it's silver mindcontrol.
(26:06):
Anyway, they talked about howsomeone who actually wield or
thought or mind control theircells out of wearing glasses.
Like, what is that?
To have that much mental powerover yourself to say this is
(26:27):
what I'm going to do?
It's almost like when they sayif you have faith as small as a
mustard seed, you can move amountain.
It's one of those things, likejust to believe something.
Um, one of the through lines inbook of clearance is, rather,
belief is stronger thanknowledge, or knowledge is
(26:48):
stronger than belief, hmm, and Iwas thinking about that because
the whole time Through themovie he kept saying I know that
God isn't real, I know he's notreal.
He's not real, um, because hewas saying that he didn't know,
he knows it's not.
He's not real because he has noExistence of it.
(27:10):
He hasn't seen it.
Until we get to the end wherehe knows, like, so is Knowledge
stronger than belief.
Because once you know something, you can, like he said in the
movie as well, one personBelieves they're gonna win, the
other person knows they're gonnawin.
Who's actually gonna win inthat fight?
The one who believes it or theone who knows?
(27:32):
Well, you know my stand.
And now that, tell me.
Tell them it's belief, it'sbelieve, it's belief.
I didn't know a lot of things,um, wow, even Like I didn't know
a lot of things do life or so,but that's why I was just saying
Um earlier.
You just have to believe thatif it's meant for you that it
(27:53):
would be, if it's meant for youto win, you're, you're gonna win
, like you just have to believeit.
You know, like that's, that'swhat faith is is all about.
He had no faith.
All right, so you can be.
It was a lot of people who I wasin, who I was in college with
nursing school, with, who I wasintimidated by because I felt
like they were so knowledgeableand I was like I used to get
(28:16):
intimidated by some of thethings that they already knew
and I was still kind of learning, but none of them graduated.
Like, none of them Graduatedthe ones that I was intimidated
by, the ones that was ahead ofme, and I ended up Um, because I
had been retained for a classor so and they had moved on and
(28:37):
then, and then I picked myselfback up and I and and they ended
up Um dropping out and I wasjust so shocked like wow, they
were so, you know, knowledgeable, but I believe that I was gonna
graduate nursing school and andI did so I gotta go with belief
.
That is that's something that Iwant to.
(28:59):
I wrote those four.
I wrote these four words downtoday when I went to go watch
movie cleaners for the thirdtime um, faith, belief, wisdom,
knowledge, because all four ofthose are somehow intertwined
with each other and so where dothey fall in line of Importance
(29:21):
or relevance or what's right orwhat I know?
It's more of a philosophicalthing, probably more so than
anything, but I think I want tolook those up and just compare
them, because when I, when Ihear it Apparently this is
becoming a movie review of thebook of clarence, um, the book
of clarence was amazing.
Okay, I don't think I go see itthree times, but it was.
(29:41):
It was amazing.
I am a big fan, so I had to gosee it.
Um, this week, because this isthe last week of some theaters
here I don't know if that's everbecause I was trying to figure
out why there was only showingthree theaters when I I needed
to know, and then on Thursdaywas only showing it with my wife
.
I needed to know, and then onThursday was only showing it one
theater within like 50 miles ofme.
(30:03):
I was like this is wild.
I even had to go and look uphow long do they do movies stay
in theaters and they say it'sactually on average about 30
days.
Crazy.
And if they don't do well, likeearly on, they can get pulled
within like two weeks of wow.
I feel like movies used to stayin the for months, like yeah,
(30:28):
yeah, yeah.
But that's why I was like thatis wow, yeah, I feel like it was
months.
Like are you gonna say that?
Oh movie, it's like, it's likeit's still in theaters, exactly.
So what am I supposed to do now?
I'm going to get theblockbuster Listen.
So that's why I went and I tookmyself after work to go to the
movies and it's almost 10o'clock at night showing Because
(30:55):
I needed to.
I won't be able to do thatagain this week.
I won't be able to make anyother showings, especially with
the ending Thursday.
Who does that?
I'm so sad.
Sure you will find a way towatch it at home, I'm sure, but
you know I kind of enjoywatching it on a big screen.
No, because I get a differentexperience every time I watch it
(31:16):
.
Like I feel like I'm overcomingsome form of adversity when I
watch it?
Oh, it probably is, because you, yeah, yeah, I believe that,
whether it's in the story line,and if you watch the interview
of the writer before you watchthe movie again, you get to
(31:38):
watch it from a differentperspective.
That part, yes, that's why Ican't understand where you at.
You get to watch it.
Yes, you get to watch it forthe storyline, you get to watch
it for the characters, you getto watch it for the
cinematography, you get to watchit for the music Just say this
a lot.
You get to just enjoy it.
You get to immerse yourself, tobecome one within it.
(32:00):
I mean, I was a character inJerusalem one of the times.
I'm just saying, you know, Igot to experience different
things every time I watch it.
I got you and, because it's sofresh, it is a lot of my faith.
Examples in today's episode ofEssential Mental Healing yes,
(32:23):
yes, yes, so, yes.
So that's how we ended upgetting there.
Can you tell me a little bit?
I feel like I don't know you atall.
I'm like, can you give me someanswers about you?
Because I don't know theseanswers.
I really need you to share themwith people, please.
(32:44):
I know, right, I'm really bigin, of course, mental health and
different forms of healing.
You listen to a lot of gospelmusic, especially like in your
(33:10):
car, on your walks.
What is that experience likefor you on a very taxing mental
health day?
It's like my own sanctuary,like I just feel like it just
(33:32):
speaks to my, it soothes my mind, like it just makes everything
okay, like it just replenish myfaith.
Like sometimes, you know, somedays you'd be like why is this
happening to me?
And then you just turn on likeI just turned on my gospel music
and it just it's always a songthat's a message Like keep your
(33:53):
faith, even though it's hard,growth, is pain, you know all
those things.
It just makes me feel amazing.
I start crying, I startworshiping and all this stuff in
the car.
By the end of it I just comeback in the house and I just be
like hey, I'm better now, like Idon't like dwell on my
(34:16):
shortcomings or failures for toolong.
It's like a couple of hours andit's like onto the next, but I
just get through it with mygospel music and you know that
actually, that's something thatI noticed with you the mental
shift like how you say I don'tstay on something long and I
(34:40):
don't know a lot of that.
What I've noticed, I should say,is you took a move from Detroit
to Vegas and there seemed to bea lot of mental stress or
mental taxing when you were inDetroit.
Now your environment changedand a lot of, I guess, mental
(35:03):
stress kind of changed and yourlife changed and you were
shifted.
But now you have more of thispositive not that you were a
negative person before not atall but it's this ability to
(35:24):
look at things and change them,to say, okay, you know what this
could be.
This way, or like the other day, you called and had a situation
like, yes, I'm a pro atdifferent amounts, yeah, yeah,
well, I took the move because itwas a lot of negative energy.
I just felt a lot of negativeenergy around me back home.
(35:47):
I love home, or so, but evenwhen I come back sometime, I
still feel that negative energyand I feel like it was affecting
my mindset towards people ortowards people's situations.
I wasn't so open-minded, so whenI moved out here, it was like I
just knew I had to get out ofthat space, or so when I moved
out here, it was like a breathof fresh air, or so like I could
(36:11):
be, you know, likeunapologetically, find people.
That was like me and likeeveryone around me now is like
positive and I'm able to look atthings from a different
perspective.
I used to be like, oh, I needto just prove I'm right, and now
I'm not.
Like I need to prove my right.
(36:32):
I'm right all the time.
I'm more so as I'm trying tounderstand you.
I'm trying to understand yourside, because I don't agree with
this side, but I want tounderstand where you're coming
from, type of deal and I don'tcare, like you know, like I just
accept people for who they areand where they are, and I just
want people to do the same forme, which has been happening
(36:52):
like ever since I moved out here.
It feels like everyone who Imeet is accepting me, for me, so
it's just yeah, go ahead.
Would you say that mindsetaffects energy or energy affects
mindset?
That's good.
I think I would have to sayenergy.
(37:20):
I think that that's what washappening with me.
I think energy affects mindset.
Or I think that energy won'tallow you to focus on your
mindset.
I think that that's it.
Like you can't, yeah, I thinkthat that's it, Because once
(37:43):
that yeah, once you like peoplerelease negative energy and
they're like you know, I'mfocusing more on myself, I'm
trying to be more grounded.
That is a lot of times becauseof the energy that's around them
, yeah, because.
Or people who are actually inthat mindset don't even attract
that kind of energy.
Ah, yes, there you go.
(38:06):
So it's definitely.
But then that comes with oh somuch how you've been raised, how
you know what energy has beenpumped into you in order for you
to have a certain kind ofmindset and certain kind of
energy that you attract and thatyou give out.
Whoa, that could be a longrabbit hole of transferring of
(38:28):
energies and mindset changing.
Yes, I want to apologize to theguest.
I am a little sick today.
My nose is a bit stuffy, so Iknow I'm a little nasally, so
forgive me for that.
I should have given you guysthat early on, but I'm just
sorry, sorry.
So, yeah, a lot of transferringof energy and mindset, I will
(38:53):
say I noticed for myself.
I've always had a prettypositive mindset as well, but
after the depression of theseparation, yeah, and finding my
(39:15):
way closer to faith andbuilding there, I began to be
able to.
I don't know as I guess, as Iwas working on my relationship
with God.
I was building my relationshipwith myself because I stopped
sharing so much with otherpeople, which I found to allow
me to find out what my ownmindset was, because I noticed I
(39:39):
was easily influenced by otherthoughts or what they're
thinking of was of me was, whichwould change my mindset a
little bit or at least make mefeel like, or try to convince
someone that I was thinking theway that they were thinking,
because I wanted to not be theoutcast of the thoughts.
Yeah, no, you really.
(40:05):
You really helped me withunderstand, with patience or so,
because you would call peopleout like on it, you just called
me out a few times I was justthinking about what you just
said, or so, because it was like, okay, I feel I used to push my
(40:25):
opinion on to you and want youto feel the same way.
I felt there be as angry as meand you're like but this is how
I feel and I didn't ask for youropinion.
This is my situation.
Like you don't get to have thatstrong of an opinion on my life
.
But you know what?
(40:45):
I thank you for respecting that.
Yes, you know it was hardbecause you even said it.
I didn't like that.
I didn't like it at all.
I didn't like it at all.
Actually, I was in a wholeattitude.
I had a phone Okay, I'm prettysure I called my best friend and
talked about you.
Oh, I know you did.
You were so respectful to letme know.
(41:07):
You did that too.
You created that boundarybecause it was like, okay,
either I fall in line or fallout, like that's where it was,
and I was like, well, I guessI'm going to fall in line.
But it taught me patience.
It taught me acceptance ofpeople's situations.
Yeah, you actually might be thereason why I'm like this.
(41:32):
You made me put in a lot ofwork.
I think you're a great person.
So if you say that, I say that,yeah, I think you got to do
with it.
Well, I think we have a lot todo with a lot of each other's
greatness, because being able tohave a safe place to be able to
(41:55):
say, hey, I'm going throughthis or hey, this is making me
uncomfortable, or when you saidthat, that hurt my feelings.
If you tell me I should bring afifth of a pint to a party,
that's hurtful, because Ithought this was good enough.
You know so, you know certainthings.
Oh, my goodness.
(42:19):
So we learned how to workthrough.
You were sensitive.
I was just saying sensitive.
Yeah, I am probably one of themost emotional people there are,
and it does not have to be sad.
I'm emotional because I loveyou, I care about you, and I am
(42:44):
emotional if I hurt you, likeyour feelings being hurt will
make me cry, because I didn'twant you to be hurt, but somehow
my actions have hurt you.
And, yeah, and it used to driveme nuts because I was some of
those people I didn't feeldeserve that grace.
(43:04):
But again, like, that's who youare, you have to stay true to
who you were.
You know, and that wasimportant, yeah, but that I also
had to learn that you werealways coming from a place of
love, not a place of judgment,and it was just a way of how to
(43:25):
communicate that love.
And we I think we've learnedhow to do that very effectively
over the years, knowing that andI guess this is just in general
when we talk about healing andmental health when you speak to
someone in love, you get, youlearn that person better.
(43:46):
They're more willing to open upto you and say, hey, this is
who I truly am this, these arethings that hurt me.
These are things that I havedone that have hurt you, that I
apologize for.
That wasn't my intention,because, at the end of the day,
I love you.
(44:07):
Yes, and I think because we putthat much work into each other,
we expect the whole world to dothe same why we just can't
understand each other, stilldisagree.
You know what I mean.
They'll have different opinionsand so now when people Like it,
(44:29):
caught up on things, I just belike why can't they?
Just that was like 10 minutesago what we talking about.
Oh, interesting, because I willsay I really do think that we
have really a mastery level inthe art of communication, at
(44:51):
least to each other, if we care.
Everybody may not say that weare Great communicators, but I
can say that you and I are veryeffective communicators amongst
each other and a great exampleof how to do it for others.
I would say so myself, and youknow what.
(45:13):
And that that is because and Iknow this all ties into the
overcoming Adversity, because atthe end of the day, on the
other end of adversity, you dowant to get to these tools of
being happier or learning how tocommunicate better, because
before we Tangent into where wewere just going, what does today
(45:38):
look like?
Do you feel like you Learnedhow to have a more fruitful
space, even with challenges?
What?
What does that look like Likenow compared to how adversities
were before?
I know you've always had faith,but Anger is still a thing.
Defeat, fear, these are stillthings that come along with the
(46:03):
journey.
And what does that look like inyour 20s compared to today?
In my 20s, like you said, Ialways had my faith or so, but I
feel like the growth was veryslow because I was very stubborn
(46:24):
In my 20s, or so I did.
I wasn't really coachable, Ishould say In my 20s.
So now I feel like, even thoughI still have this, I still have
the same level of faith, butI'm able to execute it more or
so by when I Come up to achallenge, or when I come across
(46:50):
a challenge, it's like, okay,this is all gonna work.
I don't.
I don't really get upset forweeks Like I used to before,
even though I knew, and thencome to the terms where, okay,
it's all gonna work out.
It's like that moment, like Ineed like a couple of hours to
kind of dwell on it or so, andthen I'm thinking of a new plan
or so, without being able to seeit, and I'm just like it's just
(47:12):
gonna work out.
I'm just gonna say this andmanifest that into my life, or
so.
So I just think that I'm more.
I think that I'm more coachable, I'm listening to other
people's opinions or so and notfeel like it's forced on me, but
I'm finding myself in theiropinions and just making their
opinion work for me, type ofthing.
Well, I've always think I'vealways seen you get through
(47:37):
adversity with grace and and andso many different capacities,
like I said, from your firstpregnancy to your second
pregnancy and delivery, thirdpregnancy and Fourth, in a
different state.
With the fourth one, the moveyou you actually did a move from
(48:01):
Detroit to Vegas, driving withthree kids and the husband and
two vehicles.
To know, twice we went.
We drove the first.
Yeah, we drove At first oneweek and then two weeks later we
drove the other car down.
(48:22):
We drove Gary's car down firstand Then we can't be like who we
caught a flight back two weekslater.
We did that drive again withthe kids, or so Hello was there?
Well, with the kids, they actlike they were saints, like they
were Portia was in a car, sothey they got.
Mama was in the car, so theythere was no arguing, there was
(48:47):
nothing.
They were like the best kidsever for that 36 hour drive, for
that Hours 36.
Like.
How do you even think?
Like, oh, you know, I thinkthis is gonna be a great idea to
put three kids in the car andtake them 36 hours.
(49:07):
I love it.
And then they actually comethrough and be like we gonna be
chill on this ride for 36 hours.
Listen to our new home.
And what happened?
It worked out.
You know it's yeah.
I don't think I can't explain inthis amount of time the amount
(49:29):
of faith you literally put intoeverything, because when you
actually moved out there, youwere still in the process of
finding schools and holes andlike Everything's within a
30-day time frame.
You had to get all of thistogether and we did and and I
(49:53):
mean there were things that wasnot going right.
Okay, like we didn't have a lotof people.
What I tell you I got faith.
I'm having faith.
People be looking at me crazy.
Okay, we did not have a lot ofmoney saved, or so we went out
there.
We didn't have a job.
(50:14):
Let me tell you, like we wasstaying with his aunt for three
weeks, just three weeks or so.
We moved down there.
Gary found his job first, thenI Found my my first job, which
I'm still working at today, andthen a week after that I had a
job at the hospital and Then,like a week after that, then we
(50:36):
found the kids school and we wasmoving into our house.
It was so insane, I mean.
I sometimes I'm like I'll tellher I just don't see it.
I will never say it's notpossible.
I just literally say I Justdon't see it, I don't understand
(50:58):
, and I understand that it's notfor me to understand and I have
to let her go.
Yes, like yes, yes, and that'sthe part I had to learn.
I appreciate, and I learnedthat from you, because you
always Used to say that it's notfor me to understand, but I
support you, and so I was likecool, you gotta just believe.
(51:23):
I'm telling you I know none ofthat and and it's crazy because
I I say how crazy it is.
But then I'll turn around anduse it in my own life and be
like just happy, yay, rainbowsand unicorns and lollipops and
ladybugs.
Oh, you are a unicorn, becausethings that happen to you don't
(51:43):
happen to nobody else.
Okay, I don't get that type ofgrace.
What do you mean?
Yes, you do.
It just presents itselfdifferently.
You have four children, I haveone, so your grace has to be
(52:05):
Extended in different ways.
Sometimes Listen, sometimesyour grace means finding
everybody clothes in one store.
That's great, that might be youright, I gotta take it.
I gotta take it.
Okay, because the type of gracethat you have is like, okay,
y'all, we gonna go to DisneyWorld, I'm gonna get all eight
of us in for free.
And I be like can't you bequiet?
(52:31):
I be like, only can this, onlycan pull this off, but let's go
roll with it, cuz, hey, I don'tsee it like you say.
I'll be saying it, but Isupport you.
Sometimes you just have to putyourself in the position for
someone to tell you yes, yes,that also means you're putting
(52:54):
yourself in a position forsomeone to tell you no.
But Do you believe or do youknow they're gonna say, yes, I'm
gonna take an opportunity.
That's what I'm going to do.
(53:15):
You have to take an opportunitybecause out of every Ten knows
I'm a get, you are oh yeah, butI don't understand.
Like I, you gotta put it outthere, you have to.
That used to always say throwthe ball out there, let it
bounce around and see whocatches it.
(53:56):
I mean, I'm throwing balls, ohmy goodness, I am.
I'm enjoying you so much andWe've been on for almost an hour
and We've had I feel like thisshould be called sipping, with
sis Pending right.
(54:27):
Oh my, of course, of course IAlways want to make sure that
Everyone has the nationalsuicide prevention lifeline
number, 988.
You can call or text it, becausethat is very important.
Even though we laugh and weshare Great messages, someone
(54:48):
clicked on this topic, on thisepisode, because they wanted to
know ways to overcome adversity,ways that they could get
through their troubles andHearing our stories and ways
that we get through it.
There is laughter, music, faith, children, spouses, whatever
(55:14):
and whoever that is.
It's always going to be yourjourney and Through that journey
you'll have ups and you'll havedowns, but you really just have
to Make a decision for yourselfand Follow that for yourself.
Again, that number was 988.
(55:34):
You can text it or call it 24 7in the United States and 365
days a year.
Thank you, thank you, sissy.
Is there anything?
Any last words?
You wanted to give Anything.
You wanted to say.
We didn't even get to talkabout businesses.
Okay, that's coming.
(55:57):
Actually, we're gonna have youon again so that we can talk
about businesses, okay, and wecan Put some names and some
shout outs and yes, with that,yes, yes, yes.
So no, I just um, you reallyclosed it.
I Well, I just want to say, like, just pay attention to your
(56:22):
energy, like the peak, theenergy that's around you.
If you feel it uncomfortable,people around you is giving you
anxiety, change the peoplearound you, get rid of those
people, or so there is.
It's gonna be hard, it's gonnahurt, it's gonna, but I had to
do it and it just it's light atthe end of the tunnel.
Just take the journey.
The journey is worth it, stayon the journey, don't give up
(56:45):
and all.
And also, where you Were, whereyou are today, is not where you
were before.
Even if it looks similar,there's a difference.
It's not the same.
There's still growth.
You've got to acknowledge yourgrowth, even if that means
something like and I Just wantto acknowledge this.
(57:09):
So, even if that looks like I'mAn addict, but I'm five days
clean and I relapsed, let'sacknowledge those five days.
And when you have anotherstretch, acknowledge that until
it becomes permanent.
I mean, that's just the goal.
(57:29):
You fall down and you get backup.
You don't stay as long asyou're trying.
Yeah, that's all you got to do.
All you got to do is try, justkeep picking yourself back up.
Don't give up that.
That that's just like on whenwe talk about in previous
episodes and domestic violencesituations.
A, a woman leaves six timesbefore she leaves.
(57:54):
Yes, that is a lot for someoneto say you're going back again.
But guess what, on time numberseven, maybe it's time number
nine for that person.
Yeah, don't give up.
And whatever is, whatever it isever To look for you.
If that mind says, if you sayI'm going to get out of it one
(58:17):
day, I'm going to be so one day,I'm going to not have this
addiction one day, then guesswhat you go Coming.
This is, this is how ourconversations go, at least twice
(58:42):
a day, at least minimum, and wehave a lot of but.
Thank you so much for coming onthe show, thank you for sharing,
thank you for being open andand we're gonna do another,
(59:03):
thinking what we said sippingsis, thank you.
Another thing we do again,that's for another episode of
sipping with sis.
(59:23):
So thank you so much.
We love you guys.
Leave any comments, any emailsto Candice Fleming at essential
motivation that com.
Facebook is essentialmotivation.
Instagram is such a motivation.
If there are episodes that youwant to hear, definitely email
me.
Let me know.
(59:43):
You can email us if you want tobe a guest on the show at
Candice Fleming at essentialmotivation.
Thank you, toodles, andremember to always love hard,
forgive often and laugh.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of
Essential Mental Healing, whereI am your host, candice Fleming,
and unfortunately, today mylovely co-host, janet Hill, is
not going to be joining us.
She actually is going to be ona medical leave.
(00:28):
Yes, she's fine, everyone.
I'm sure when she comes backshe'll share all of her deeds
with you, but I promise you I'vegot the next best thing.
No, like literally the nextbest thing.
Like you hear about her all thetime, but okay, and like if you
(00:50):
can't have Janet, you want herbecause she is her.
Anyways, nila says she is mysister.
Hello, amanda, hey sister, howare you?
I'm actually feeling great, I'mgood, I'm happy to be here and
(01:16):
honored.
I'm so happy, I'm so happy tohave you, I'm excited.
I don't know what's going tohappen, where we're going to end
up.
You know we can go anywhere andeverywhere, as we do all the
time, whether it's here, by land, by sea, by air that's my ride
(01:40):
or that.
Like you know how they say yougot yin and yang.
Well, you got can and man.
Like you got candy and Mandy.
Like you got okay.
Period, all of it, all of it,all of it and more.
There's like this unspoken,intertwined, invisible line to
(02:06):
speculine.
I don't know All of it,everything, all of it.
They don't understand.
That is all of it.
Oh, my goodness, I am so happyto have you.
I have actually known Amandaall of my life.
She is my blood sister, withoutblood, which sounds weird, but
(02:33):
it's true.
She is my sister.
Like you know how they say Godmay Adam, god may Eve.
And then, like God may Eve, outof Adam's rim.
Well, I think God was like oh,look at this heart.
I'm just going to split it inhalf.
Here's Amanda, here's Candace.
(02:54):
I don't know, somehow we sharein something the best of sisters
that there ever was in life.
I'm going to stop going on.
You guys don't understand.
I mean, maybe you think youunderstand, but you all just
don't understand.
To be tour is to be able to doother scenes From a very, very
(03:24):
young believer.
We lived next door to each other, grew up, couldn't be any
closer, stay next door to we'reabout eight and then moved away.
But that didn't change anythingbecause we just stayed more
nights.
We cried for each other andthey had to bring us back
together house when we wereseven, I think.
I stayed at a minimum of fournights maybe, went home for one
(03:45):
and came back, yep, or I wascoming to your house, yeah,
exactly, exactly so.
But, my well, tell people whoyou are, what you a little bit
about what you do, and then, ofcourse, I'm just going to tell
(04:07):
them a little bit more about you, because nobody can talk you up
like you.
Well, like you said, my name isAmanda.
I am a nurse.
I've been a nurse for about sixyears now, graduated in 2017.
(04:27):
I was a CNA prior to that, forabout 13 years.
Let's see, I'm married.
Have four boys been married for10 years?
Well, actually, we just passedour 10 year anniversary.
Yes, and I don't know that.
(04:49):
That's about.
Oh, I'm living in Vegas, lovingit, been living here for about
going on five years now.
I still love Detroit, but I gotto be here.
Listen, guys.
So she gave you like theseheadlines of who she is and
(05:09):
things that she's done, but youguys have to hear the through
line to this stuff.
I mean, girl is super woman,wonder Woman, woman of the Year,
woman of the Decade, woman ofthe Millennium.
Has overcome all kinds ofthings, which is the topic of
(05:30):
today's episode of the show,anyway overcoming adversity,
which is something that I'vebeen able to see you do with
grace to me, grace and faith forsure, and that's something I
know you'll be able to talk toabout when it comes to how you
(05:51):
deal with things.
But I want to start withadversity.
It's not adversity number one,but one of the major adversities
that you went through at ayoung age, which was having my
lovely nephew at a younger ageand what that changed for you,
(06:15):
what that looked like and how itstarted your journey.
Okay, so yes, I became a motherat a young age.
I was 20,.
I got pregnant at 19.
All right, so I had just movedout of my house and shortly
(06:36):
after that I became pregnant.
So everyone around me, they wasjust like telling me you can't
have this baby.
You got to get abortion.
And I was like, yeah, you'reright, yes, I'm not going to
have this, I'm going to getabortion.
But it was just like, not evenlike 24 hours.
I was just like I can't.
(06:57):
I felt connected to this babyand they was just saying that I
was going to have to move backhome with my mom and I just kept
faith.
I just kept my faith and wasjust like I'm going to make it.
I was working as a nursingassistant already.
So I was working in a hospitalor so and I had him and it's
(07:20):
been a blessing ever since.
I don't regret it.
I think about it all the time,like if I wouldn't have had my
baby.
So were you in nursing schoolwhen you had him or did you
start nursing school after youhad him?
No, so that was okay.
So you know, I have four boys,so I got a lot of journeys.
(07:43):
I'm up to the first one.
I was a young mom so I had toget over that, everyone feeling
like I couldn't make it.
I ended up making it, never hadto move back home.
Then my with my second son iswhen things started getting
really hard at 24 because mynursing assistant income was not
enough.
So I went and applied fornursing school and when I was a
(08:08):
nursing school, at my physical,that's when I found out that I
was pregnant with baby numberthree.
And again everyone's like youcan't go through nursing school
pregnant.
Nursing school is hard, you'renot going to be able to do it.
You already have two kids.
And then you got to go throughthis.
I made it.
Okay, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.
(08:29):
I got a question.
So, as you're, you have babynumber two and then you enroll
in nursing school.
Yes, yes, so you're doingnursing school while you have
two and then you get pregnantagain.
Yes, while you're still innursing school.
(08:50):
Yes, yes.
Okay, now how much time haspassed, um, from from Daniel the
time you enrolled?
No, from the time you enrolledto nursing school to pregnancy
number three?
Oh, the it immediately before Istarted nursing school.
So, as soon as I like, yeah,like I was getting into an into
(09:14):
nursing school.
That's why I was taking thephysical um to go into nursing
school and I found out that Iwas pregnant.
So I found that I was pregnantbefore I had class number one.
So I went into nursing schooltelling people I was pregnant,
got it, got it, got it and Imade it.
I made it, I had the baby.
(09:35):
It didn't work out so perfectlybecause I ended up having him
while I was going to thehospital.
I was on break so I didn't haveto take off any time for school
.
So, um, right at my six weekmark, school was starting back
up, so I was able to go toschool.
I did have to.
It was a lot of early mornings,it was a lot of five am, um,
(09:56):
dropping my babies off to thebaby centers, going to nursing
school, going to clinicals, thentrying to work on top of that
because I still had to work, orso, um, and yeah, it was, it was
, it was hard, they, they, a lotof people doubted me, but I
keep my faith and I just keepkeep on going.
(10:17):
Okay, so there's during thatthird pregnancy, though near the
end, it got really roughphysically, right, yes, what
happened to you physicallyduring that time?
Um, wait, at the end, with umyou talking about, with Andrew,
(10:43):
with baby, with baby numberthree, towards the end, it was
just the.
I was breastfeeding him, or so,no, during the pregnancy,
during the pregnancy With thelow you, then you have low iron.
During that time, well, I hadlow iron with all, all four of
them.
The all four of them was all mypregnancies.
I always pass out.
(11:04):
That's what my mind wanted meto stop having babies.
I keep, I always have low iron.
I always have to get infusionsor so, while I'm pregnant.
Um, and, yeah, it just gets melightheaded but I don't have any
more than sickness or anything.
But you're doing this whileyou're in nursing.
Yes, yes, I was studying, um,and breastfeeding and doing
(11:28):
homework with the oldest andstill trying to hang around with
the toilet Like, yeah, yes,okay.
So take me here, take me here.
How do you mentally get throughall of this adversity that's
coming your way?
So, like you said you, youdecide okay, I have two children
(11:48):
.
This income isn't enough.
I got to go to nursing school.
You get to nursing school tomake an income for to support
two children, only to find outit's got to now support three
children while in nursing school, trying to make sure you keep
your grades up because you needto have uh, be at it.
(12:09):
It had to be a 79%.
Yes, you had to have a 79% inorder to pass.
Yeah, yeah.
Not only that, you also arehaving your low iron, which is
normal for you, but not normalwhile you're in nursing school.
(12:30):
You know, like, where is yourmental?
My mental is always positive.
I just have never been negative.
I thank God every day that Idon't have a sense of fear, or
so I just always like to try.
But in nursing school, well,that iron was low because I told
you I used to pass out.
(12:51):
So my professors and myclassmates definitely see me on
the floor a few times and it wasfreaking them out, but I told
them that I was gonna be okay.
It just never discouraged me,it never made me afraid to have
the baby or continue to havebabies.
(13:15):
I had forgot to say even with mysecond son or so some
adversities, or a real adversitythat I had to face, was the
father of my son that hadactually went to jail or so, and
so I felt like so alone,because when I went into labor I
was by myself and they got yourushed up there to the house
(13:38):
bill, where I wasn't.
Otherwise I would have beenpushing my baby out by myself in
that room all along, and youcame as soon as I started
pushing him out.
He came out real fast.
From the time you gave thatcall to the time he got here.
He was like I'm coming with itwithout y'all, I'm just letting
(13:59):
y'all know that he was coming,okay, but okay.
So what is going through yourmind during this time?
Because you, how long does thisgo on?
For?
How long is your now husband?
Yes, and it was 90 days or so.
(14:24):
So it was hard on him and hardon me, because now I'm a new
mother of two, by myself, livingby myself.
It was pretty hard, but I justkept my faith.
The three months went byactually pretty fast or so and
(14:46):
we just picked up where we leftoff and continued, and that's
when I had started my journey tonursing school, and then we had
Andrew.
It just seems like every time Ifeel like I'm trying to do
something positive.
To catch up is just alwayssomething else, but I never,
(15:07):
ever, had that fear of me beingset back because I was having
more kids, so I just alwaysthought I was gonna make it.
One other thing, one of theadversities of your husband
going to jail.
Not only is this the father ofyour child, but you're lucky
(15:28):
that he also enjoys cooking.
Yes, so you lost the householdchef?
Yes, I did, cause I do not cook.
It got real interesting in thekitchen.
Okay, I did learn how to cooksome pancakes, you know I was
just like.
So what kind of meals did youhave to prepare for the kids?
(15:49):
Now that things was shaken up alittle bit, how'd you have to
maneuver this?
I'm just glad my babies wasyoung enough not to really judge
my cooking.
So it wasn't that Daniel wasjust for he couldn't really get
on me, but I was.
I got good with breakfast.
I could cook some breakfast,but other than that it was
spaghetti, goulash, anythingwith a pasta.
(16:11):
And then I had cooked somechicken breast which I that was
interesting, but I made it.
I was happy when he got backhome.
I know that's right, I knowthat's right.
The kids, the good meals coming.
What was your, what was yourgo-to dish?
Spaghetti and goulash.
(16:33):
What's goulash?
That's that pasta with the withis made with chili and then
like with the vegetables.
It's like pasta's the tomatosauce and chili with vegetables.
I don't think I actually everhad goulash.
(16:54):
Really, everybody make it alittle different, but that's how
I make mine.
I don't think I've ever had nogoulash.
I think when I hear goulash, Ithink John Belaya, oh, okay, but
okay, okay, let's go back.
Let's go back.
So you, you mentioned your faith.
(17:14):
I heard you say something youknow you.
You said that's how youmentioned it a couple of times.
That's how I keep my faith.
That's how I keep my faith.
What does faith look like toyou and how is that incorporated
in your life?
Or how do you incorporate thatwith?
You have adversity?
Well, I just faith to me isbelieving what you cannot see.
(17:42):
So in my, in my situation, eventhough I'm looking at my, at my
monthly income and I'm lookingat my bills, I'm like, oh, it's
fine, it's everything is.
Everything is gonna get paid,everything is gonna get worth,
is gonna work itself out,because God is not gonna leave
me, god is not gonna let me down.
Basically, he has always shownup for me and I just I just keep
(18:07):
.
That's how I make all of mydecisions.
Like I that's what I sayearlier.
Like I said earlier, I justdon't have that sense of fear,
like it's just, I just be moving, which, and it just always
works.
Obviously I don't be movingcrazy and doing like, thinking I
can't get hit or hurt oranything like that, but I just
(18:27):
feel like everything will workitself out with patience and
with time.
And yeah, everything justalways works itself out.
But that's what it is.
It's believing in somethingthat you cannot see.
So we cannot physically see God, but we can feel God and so I
always feel his presence.
He always give me signs, youknow, wearing to our angel,
numbers and everything, and Ijust take everything as a sign
(18:51):
and just believe that are thebest possible outcome, and nine
times out of 10, it's always thebest possible outcome.
Like thinking about where I amnow and where I was 10 years ago
and I'm still so humbledbecause I didn't realize the
amount of growth that I haveovercome.
(19:15):
It's just humbling, it'sbeautiful and I just want to
continue to live on this path.
You know, I want to sit down onthe couch for a second.
If that's a thing, let's makeus a little red white couch and
(19:41):
talk a little bit about anexperience where your faith was
truly tested.
But I didn't ask so, would you?
Are we okay with that Girl?
You know, we don't have noboundaries.
Come on, that's why I'm theangel.
(20:02):
Yo, yo, that's what we do.
That's what we do, okay, so youtook a trip and during this
trip, you were having a time ofyour life emerging yourself in
Mexico.
Yeah, we went to Cabo, cabo, andduring this time, you had an
(20:29):
experience, a true, trueexperience, and it took you away
and brought you back.
Could you share?
Yes, I can.
So y'all like can't swim.
Yeah, I can swim, so I couldnot swim.
So we was on a couple's tripback in 2021.
(20:55):
And we was all in the pool withall the other couples and then
Gary was trying to be romanticand he wanted us to walk off to
the beach.
All right, so I was like, okay,so we walked off to the beach.
Well, I got a little bit tooclose to the shore and the
currents were very large, theywere huge.
All right so, but I turnedaround to the ocean.
(21:18):
I turned my back to the ocean,as they say you should never do,
and the trying to take apicture and the current pulled
me in.
Now Gary is chasing after me,he trying to catch me.
I didn't drop my phone.
I'm in like disbelief, likecan't really focus, and so I'm
trying to get up.
I try to get up.
It pulls us back in.
Now, me and Gary is in the.
It didn't pull both of us intothe ocean.
(21:42):
He's trying to hold on to meand stay afloat.
We, we cannot like get to shorefor nothing.
It was this last final wave thatlike hit me in the face and
like give me.
I was like, oh, my goodness,this is it.
I'm not gonna go back home tomy kids, and I just closed my
eyes and just accepted it, or so.
(22:03):
And I know to a lot of peoplethat just feel like it sounds
suicidal, or so Like I was givenup or so, but I didn't feel
that way at all For something.
I just felt like at peace.
And then, like, when I woke up,I was like who saved me?
And then somebody Came up andit was like Jesus and I was like
(22:26):
, and all this stuff like praisethe God and everything, so
happy.
And then I was asking about myhusband and all that, gary and
the being a shock.
He couldn't talk for about twohours so everybody was scared.
They rushed us to the hospital.
They had to see PR on me.
I forgot about that major part,so they did Do CPR.
(22:46):
It was just a miracle thatsomebody just said that they was
, which resulted in six brokeribs.
Yes, yeah, yeah, I had six, sixbroke ribs because of the CPR.
But the person who saved me, hewas a, he was a diver who just
was coming down because he wasmad at his wife or so, and so
he's seen us.
And then they said it was aboat like Prior out, because,
(23:09):
you, mind you, it was darkoutside.
I didn't mention that part soit was Like nighttime, so it was
hard for people to see.
No, no, no, this was, this waslike a nighttime.
So a diver came out and thenSpiritual here, healer, is the
one that pulled me out of thewater or so and help Gary.
(23:31):
And it was just amazing when Iseen him Me and Gary was having
Breakfast the next day and hewalked up and I was like that
was him.
I never even saw his face or so,but his presence, I just felt
it was him and we all juststarted crying, or so we took a
picture with the guy, or so Iasked him.
I said what did you do?
He was.
I was like I was like what doyou do?
(23:51):
Where you from?
And he was like I'm a healer orso, and it's just like miracles
like that, like that's what.
I just leave it, I just give itall up to God, like I just do,
and it just always where I justput my faith in them, even with
leaving my kids, I just keep.
I just keep my faith in God.
I just keep my faith in God.
Have you ever experienced ahealer before that?
No, did you know what a healerwas before that?
(24:15):
No, do you know what a healeris now?
Well, a little bit.
No, let me.
Maybe we should do somegoogling.
How did we not google that asyou're talking, I'm like I'm
starting to think like man, whatkind of healer is this?
(24:37):
Do I know what a healer reallyis?
Then I, you know, I'm all intothe book of Clarence right now.
I'm thinking about how he justhad his hands healed.
I'm like, is he a physicalhealer?
Like I'm going into Disney andstuff.
(24:57):
Like does a teardrop make yourise from the dead?
Like I girl, I got a lot ofthoughts over here.
When I hear a healer right now,I'm just saying I, I have been
elevated.
I just feel like they're chosenum people, um, from God and he,
(25:19):
they, they do God's work.
I really think that they justdo God's, god's work.
Like God puts his powers in Inthe healers, like not that
they're, you know, like they,like they physically have powers
, but I just felt like Hispresence is felt through his
healers.
You know, I wonder sometimes ifwe can heal ourselves from
(25:44):
within.
Mm-hmm, because you know theysay we have God within us anyway
.
Um, so if we could take ourinner God and then Release that
into our cells.
There's actually a book that Iread.
I think it's silver mindcontrol.
(26:06):
Anyway, they talked about howsomeone who actually wield or
thought or mind control theircells out of wearing glasses.
Like, what is that?
To have that much mental powerover yourself to say this is
(26:27):
what I'm going to do?
It's almost like when they sayif you have faith as small as a
mustard seed, you can move amountain.
It's one of those things, likejust to believe something.
Um, one of the through lines inbook of clearance is, rather,
belief is stronger thanknowledge, or knowledge is
(26:48):
stronger than belief, hmm, and Iwas thinking about that because
the whole time Through themovie he kept saying I know that
God isn't real, I know he's notreal.
He's not real, um, because hewas saying that he didn't know,
he knows it's not.
He's not real because he has noExistence of it.
(27:10):
He hasn't seen it.
Until we get to the end wherehe knows, like, so is Knowledge
stronger than belief.
Because once you know something, you can, like he said in the
movie as well, one personBelieves they're gonna win, the
other person knows they're gonnawin.
Who's actually gonna win inthat fight?
The one who believes it or theone who knows?
(27:32):
Well, you know my stand.
And now that, tell me.
Tell them it's belief, it'sbelieve, it's belief.
I didn't know a lot of things,um, wow, even Like I didn't know
a lot of things do life or so,but that's why I was just saying
Um earlier.
You just have to believe thatif it's meant for you that it
(27:53):
would be, if it's meant for youto win, you're, you're gonna win
, like you just have to believeit.
You know, like that's, that'swhat faith is is all about.
He had no faith.
All right, so you can be.
It was a lot of people who I wasin, who I was in college with
nursing school, with, who I wasintimidated by because I felt
like they were so knowledgeableand I was like I used to get
(28:16):
intimidated by some of thethings that they already knew
and I was still kind of learning, but none of them graduated.
Like, none of them Graduatedthe ones that I was intimidated
by, the ones that was ahead ofme, and I ended up Um, because I
had been retained for a classor so and they had moved on and
(28:37):
then, and then I picked myselfback up and I and and they ended
up Um dropping out and I wasjust so shocked like wow, they
were so, you know, knowledgeable, but I believe that I was gonna
graduate nursing school and andI did so I gotta go with belief
.
That is that's something that Iwant to.
(28:59):
I wrote those four.
I wrote these four words downtoday when I went to go watch
movie cleaners for the thirdtime um, faith, belief, wisdom,
knowledge, because all four ofthose are somehow intertwined
with each other and so where dothey fall in line of Importance
(29:21):
or relevance or what's right orwhat I know?
It's more of a philosophicalthing, probably more so than
anything, but I think I want tolook those up and just compare
them, because when I, when Ihear it Apparently this is
becoming a movie review of thebook of clarence, um, the book
of clarence was amazing.
Okay, I don't think I go see itthree times, but it was.
(29:41):
It was amazing.
I am a big fan, so I had to gosee it.
Um, this week, because this isthe last week of some theaters
here I don't know if that's everbecause I was trying to figure
out why there was only showingthree theaters when I I needed
to know, and then on Thursdaywas only showing it with my wife
.
I needed to know, and then onThursday was only showing it one
theater within like 50 miles ofme.
(30:03):
I was like this is wild.
I even had to go and look uphow long do they do movies stay
in theaters and they say it'sactually on average about 30
days.
Crazy.
And if they don't do well, likeearly on, they can get pulled
within like two weeks of wow.
I feel like movies used to stayin the for months, like yeah,
(30:28):
yeah, yeah.
But that's why I was like thatis wow, yeah, I feel like it was
months.
Like are you gonna say that?
Oh movie, it's like, it's likeit's still in theaters, exactly.
So what am I supposed to do now?
I'm going to get theblockbuster Listen.
So that's why I went and I tookmyself after work to go to the
movies and it's almost 10o'clock at night showing Because
(30:55):
I needed to.
I won't be able to do thatagain this week.
I won't be able to make anyother showings, especially with
the ending Thursday.
Who does that?
I'm so sad.
Sure you will find a way towatch it at home, I'm sure, but
you know I kind of enjoywatching it on a big screen.
No, because I get a differentexperience every time I watch it
(31:16):
.
Like I feel like I'm overcomingsome form of adversity when I
watch it?
Oh, it probably is, because you, yeah, yeah, I believe that,
whether it's in the story line,and if you watch the interview
of the writer before you watchthe movie again, you get to
(31:38):
watch it from a differentperspective.
That part, yes, that's why Ican't understand where you at.
You get to watch it.
Yes, you get to watch it forthe storyline, you get to watch
it for the characters, you getto watch it for the
cinematography, you get to watchit for the music Just say this
a lot.
You get to just enjoy it.
You get to immerse yourself, tobecome one within it.
(32:00):
I mean, I was a character inJerusalem one of the times.
I'm just saying, you know, Igot to experience different
things every time I watch it.
I got you and, because it's sofresh, it is a lot of my faith.
Examples in today's episode ofEssential Mental Healing yes,
(32:23):
yes, yes, so, yes.
So that's how we ended upgetting there.
Can you tell me a little bit?
I feel like I don't know you atall.
I'm like, can you give me someanswers about you?
Because I don't know theseanswers.
I really need you to share themwith people, please.
(32:44):
I know, right, I'm really bigin, of course, mental health and
different forms of healing.
You listen to a lot of gospelmusic, especially like in your
(33:10):
car, on your walks.
What is that experience likefor you on a very taxing mental
health day?
It's like my own sanctuary,like I just feel like it just
(33:32):
speaks to my, it soothes my mind, like it just makes everything
okay, like it just replenish myfaith.
Like sometimes, you know, somedays you'd be like why is this
happening to me?
And then you just turn on likeI just turned on my gospel music
and it just it's always a songthat's a message Like keep your
(33:53):
faith, even though it's hard,growth, is pain, you know all
those things.
It just makes me feel amazing.
I start crying, I startworshiping and all this stuff in
the car.
By the end of it I just comeback in the house and I just be
like hey, I'm better now, like Idon't like dwell on my
(34:16):
shortcomings or failures for toolong.
It's like a couple of hours andit's like onto the next, but I
just get through it with mygospel music and you know that
actually, that's something thatI noticed with you the mental
shift like how you say I don'tstay on something long and I
(34:40):
don't know a lot of that.
What I've noticed, I should say,is you took a move from Detroit
to Vegas and there seemed to bea lot of mental stress or
mental taxing when you were inDetroit.
Now your environment changedand a lot of, I guess, mental
(35:03):
stress kind of changed and yourlife changed and you were
shifted.
But now you have more of thispositive not that you were a
negative person before not atall but it's this ability to
(35:24):
look at things and change them,to say, okay, you know what this
could be.
This way, or like the other day, you called and had a situation
like, yes, I'm a pro atdifferent amounts, yeah, yeah,
well, I took the move because itwas a lot of negative energy.
I just felt a lot of negativeenergy around me back home.
(35:47):
I love home, or so, but evenwhen I come back sometime, I
still feel that negative energyand I feel like it was affecting
my mindset towards people ortowards people's situations.
I wasn't so open-minded, so whenI moved out here, it was like I
just knew I had to get out ofthat space, or so when I moved
out here, it was like a breathof fresh air, or so like I could
(36:11):
be, you know, likeunapologetically, find people.
That was like me and likeeveryone around me now is like
positive and I'm able to look atthings from a different
perspective.
I used to be like, oh, I needto just prove I'm right, and now
I'm not.
Like I need to prove my right.
(36:32):
I'm right all the time.
I'm more so as I'm trying tounderstand you.
I'm trying to understand yourside, because I don't agree with
this side, but I want tounderstand where you're coming
from, type of deal and I don'tcare, like you know, like I just
accept people for who they areand where they are, and I just
want people to do the same forme, which has been happening
(36:52):
like ever since I moved out here.
It feels like everyone who Imeet is accepting me, for me, so
it's just yeah, go ahead.
Would you say that mindsetaffects energy or energy affects
mindset?
That's good.
I think I would have to sayenergy.
(37:20):
I think that that's what washappening with me.
I think energy affects mindset.
Or I think that energy won'tallow you to focus on your
mindset.
I think that that's it.
Like you can't, yeah, I thinkthat that's it, Because once
(37:43):
that yeah, once you like peoplerelease negative energy and
they're like you know, I'mfocusing more on myself, I'm
trying to be more grounded.
That is a lot of times becauseof the energy that's around them
, yeah, because.
Or people who are actually inthat mindset don't even attract
that kind of energy.
Ah, yes, there you go.
(38:06):
So it's definitely.
But then that comes with oh somuch how you've been raised, how
you know what energy has beenpumped into you in order for you
to have a certain kind ofmindset and certain kind of
energy that you attract and thatyou give out.
Whoa, that could be a longrabbit hole of transferring of
(38:28):
energies and mindset changing.
Yes, I want to apologize to theguest.
I am a little sick today.
My nose is a bit stuffy, so Iknow I'm a little nasally, so
forgive me for that.
I should have given you guysthat early on, but I'm just
sorry, sorry.
So, yeah, a lot of transferringof energy and mindset, I will
(38:53):
say I noticed for myself.
I've always had a prettypositive mindset as well, but
after the depression of theseparation, yeah, and finding my
(39:15):
way closer to faith andbuilding there, I began to be
able to.
I don't know as I guess, as Iwas working on my relationship
with God.
I was building my relationshipwith myself because I stopped
sharing so much with otherpeople, which I found to allow
me to find out what my ownmindset was, because I noticed I
(39:39):
was easily influenced by otherthoughts or what they're
thinking of was of me was, whichwould change my mindset a
little bit or at least make mefeel like, or try to convince
someone that I was thinking theway that they were thinking,
because I wanted to not be theoutcast of the thoughts.
Yeah, no, you really.
(40:05):
You really helped me withunderstand, with patience or so,
because you would call peopleout like on it, you just called
me out a few times I was justthinking about what you just
said, or so, because it was like, okay, I feel I used to push my
(40:25):
opinion on to you and want youto feel the same way.
I felt there be as angry as meand you're like but this is how
I feel and I didn't ask for youropinion.
This is my situation.
Like you don't get to have thatstrong of an opinion on my life
.
But you know what?
(40:45):
I thank you for respecting that.
Yes, you know it was hardbecause you even said it.
I didn't like that.
I didn't like it at all.
I didn't like it at all.
Actually, I was in a wholeattitude.
I had a phone Okay, I'm prettysure I called my best friend and
talked about you.
Oh, I know you did.
You were so respectful to letme know.
(41:07):
You did that too.
You created that boundarybecause it was like, okay,
either I fall in line or fallout, like that's where it was,
and I was like, well, I guessI'm going to fall in line.
But it taught me patience.
It taught me acceptance ofpeople's situations.
Yeah, you actually might be thereason why I'm like this.
(41:32):
You made me put in a lot ofwork.
I think you're a great person.
So if you say that, I say that,yeah, I think you got to do
with it.
Well, I think we have a lot todo with a lot of each other's
greatness, because being able tohave a safe place to be able to
(41:55):
say, hey, I'm going throughthis or hey, this is making me
uncomfortable, or when you saidthat, that hurt my feelings.
If you tell me I should bring afifth of a pint to a party,
that's hurtful, because Ithought this was good enough.
You know so, you know certainthings.
Oh, my goodness.
(42:19):
So we learned how to workthrough.
You were sensitive.
I was just saying sensitive.
Yeah, I am probably one of themost emotional people there are,
and it does not have to be sad.
I'm emotional because I loveyou, I care about you, and I am
(42:44):
emotional if I hurt you, likeyour feelings being hurt will
make me cry, because I didn'twant you to be hurt, but somehow
my actions have hurt you.
And, yeah, and it used to driveme nuts because I was some of
those people I didn't feeldeserve that grace.
(43:04):
But again, like, that's who youare, you have to stay true to
who you were.
You know, and that wasimportant, yeah, but that I also
had to learn that you werealways coming from a place of
love, not a place of judgment,and it was just a way of how to
(43:25):
communicate that love.
And we I think we've learnedhow to do that very effectively
over the years, knowing that andI guess this is just in general
when we talk about healing andmental health when you speak to
someone in love, you get, youlearn that person better.
(43:46):
They're more willing to open upto you and say, hey, this is
who I truly am this, these arethings that hurt me.
These are things that I havedone that have hurt you, that I
apologize for.
That wasn't my intention,because, at the end of the day,
I love you.
(44:07):
Yes, and I think because we putthat much work into each other,
we expect the whole world to dothe same why we just can't
understand each other, stilldisagree.
You know what I mean.
They'll have different opinionsand so now when people Like it,
(44:29):
caught up on things, I just belike why can't they?
Just that was like 10 minutesago what we talking about.
Oh, interesting, because I willsay I really do think that we
have really a mastery level inthe art of communication, at
(44:51):
least to each other, if we care.
Everybody may not say that weare Great communicators, but I
can say that you and I are veryeffective communicators amongst
each other and a great exampleof how to do it for others.
I would say so myself, and youknow what.
(45:13):
And that that is because and Iknow this all ties into the
overcoming Adversity, because atthe end of the day, on the
other end of adversity, you dowant to get to these tools of
being happier or learning how tocommunicate better, because
before we Tangent into where wewere just going, what does today
(45:38):
look like?
Do you feel like you Learnedhow to have a more fruitful
space, even with challenges?
What?
What does that look like Likenow compared to how adversities
were before?
I know you've always had faith,but Anger is still a thing.
Defeat, fear, these are stillthings that come along with the
(46:03):
journey.
And what does that look like inyour 20s compared to today?
In my 20s, like you said, Ialways had my faith or so, but I
feel like the growth was veryslow because I was very stubborn
(46:24):
In my 20s, or so I did.
I wasn't really coachable, Ishould say In my 20s.
So now I feel like, even thoughI still have this, I still have
the same level of faith, butI'm able to execute it more or
so by when I Come up to achallenge, or when I come across
(46:50):
a challenge, it's like, okay,this is all gonna work.
I don't.
I don't really get upset forweeks Like I used to before,
even though I knew, and thencome to the terms where, okay,
it's all gonna work out.
It's like that moment, like Ineed like a couple of hours to
kind of dwell on it or so, andthen I'm thinking of a new plan
or so, without being able to seeit, and I'm just like it's just
(47:12):
gonna work out.
I'm just gonna say this andmanifest that into my life, or
so.
So I just think that I'm more.
I think that I'm more coachable, I'm listening to other
people's opinions or so and notfeel like it's forced on me, but
I'm finding myself in theiropinions and just making their
opinion work for me, type ofthing.
Well, I've always think I'vealways seen you get through
(47:37):
adversity with grace and and andso many different capacities,
like I said, from your firstpregnancy to your second
pregnancy and delivery, thirdpregnancy and Fourth, in a
different state.
With the fourth one, the moveyou you actually did a move from
(48:01):
Detroit to Vegas, driving withthree kids and the husband and
two vehicles.
To know, twice we went.
We drove the first.
Yeah, we drove At first oneweek and then two weeks later we
drove the other car down.
(48:22):
We drove Gary's car down firstand Then we can't be like who we
caught a flight back two weekslater.
We did that drive again withthe kids, or so Hello was there?
Well, with the kids, they actlike they were saints, like they
were Portia was in a car, sothey they got.
Mama was in the car, so theythere was no arguing, there was
(48:47):
nothing.
They were like the best kidsever for that 36 hour drive, for
that Hours 36.
Like.
How do you even think?
Like, oh, you know, I thinkthis is gonna be a great idea to
put three kids in the car andtake them 36 hours.
(49:07):
I love it.
And then they actually comethrough and be like we gonna be
chill on this ride for 36 hours.
Listen to our new home.
And what happened?
It worked out.
You know it's yeah.
I don't think I can't explain inthis amount of time the amount
(49:29):
of faith you literally put intoeverything, because when you
actually moved out there, youwere still in the process of
finding schools and holes andlike Everything's within a
30-day time frame.
You had to get all of thistogether and we did and and I
(49:53):
mean there were things that wasnot going right.
Okay, like we didn't have a lotof people.
What I tell you I got faith.
I'm having faith.
People be looking at me crazy.
Okay, we did not have a lot ofmoney saved, or so we went out
there.
We didn't have a job.
(50:14):
Let me tell you, like we wasstaying with his aunt for three
weeks, just three weeks or so.
We moved down there.
Gary found his job first, thenI Found my my first job, which
I'm still working at today, andthen a week after that I had a
job at the hospital and Then,like a week after that, then we
(50:36):
found the kids school and we wasmoving into our house.
It was so insane, I mean.
I sometimes I'm like I'll tellher I just don't see it.
I will never say it's notpossible.
I just literally say I Justdon't see it, I don't understand
(50:58):
, and I understand that it's notfor me to understand and I have
to let her go.
Yes, like yes, yes, and that'sthe part I had to learn.
I appreciate, and I learnedthat from you, because you
always Used to say that it's notfor me to understand, but I
support you, and so I was likecool, you gotta just believe.
(51:23):
I'm telling you I know none ofthat and and it's crazy because
I I say how crazy it is.
But then I'll turn around anduse it in my own life and be
like just happy, yay, rainbowsand unicorns and lollipops and
ladybugs.
Oh, you are a unicorn, becausethings that happen to you don't
(51:43):
happen to nobody else.
Okay, I don't get that type ofgrace.
What do you mean?
Yes, you do.
It just presents itselfdifferently.
You have four children, I haveone, so your grace has to be
(52:05):
Extended in different ways.
Sometimes Listen, sometimesyour grace means finding
everybody clothes in one store.
That's great, that might be youright, I gotta take it.
I gotta take it.
Okay, because the type of gracethat you have is like, okay,
y'all, we gonna go to DisneyWorld, I'm gonna get all eight
of us in for free.
And I be like can't you bequiet?
(52:31):
I be like, only can this, onlycan pull this off, but let's go
roll with it, cuz, hey, I don'tsee it like you say.
I'll be saying it, but Isupport you.
Sometimes you just have to putyourself in the position for
someone to tell you yes, yes,that also means you're putting
(52:54):
yourself in a position forsomeone to tell you no.
But Do you believe or do youknow they're gonna say, yes, I'm
gonna take an opportunity.
That's what I'm going to do.
(53:15):
You have to take an opportunitybecause out of every Ten knows
I'm a get, you are oh yeah, butI don't understand.
Like I, you gotta put it outthere, you have to.
That used to always say throwthe ball out there, let it
bounce around and see whocatches it.
(53:56):
I mean, I'm throwing balls, ohmy goodness, I am.
I'm enjoying you so much andWe've been on for almost an hour
and We've had I feel like thisshould be called sipping, with
sis Pending right.
(54:27):
Oh my, of course, of course IAlways want to make sure that
Everyone has the nationalsuicide prevention lifeline
number, 988.
You can call or text it, becausethat is very important.
Even though we laugh and weshare Great messages, someone
(54:48):
clicked on this topic, on thisepisode, because they wanted to
know ways to overcome adversity,ways that they could get
through their troubles andHearing our stories and ways
that we get through it.
There is laughter, music, faith, children, spouses, whatever
(55:14):
and whoever that is.
It's always going to be yourjourney and Through that journey
you'll have ups and you'll havedowns, but you really just have
to Make a decision for yourselfand Follow that for yourself.
Again, that number was 988.
(55:34):
You can text it or call it 24 7in the United States and 365
days a year.
Thank you, thank you, sissy.
Is there anything?
Any last words?
You wanted to give Anything.
You wanted to say.
We didn't even get to talkabout businesses.
Okay, that's coming.
(55:57):
Actually, we're gonna have youon again so that we can talk
about businesses, okay, and wecan Put some names and some
shout outs and yes, with that,yes, yes, yes.
So no, I just um, you reallyclosed it.
I Well, I just want to say, like, just pay attention to your
(56:22):
energy, like the peak, theenergy that's around you.
If you feel it uncomfortable,people around you is giving you
anxiety, change the peoplearound you, get rid of those
people, or so there is.
It's gonna be hard, it's gonnahurt, it's gonna, but I had to
do it and it just it's light atthe end of the tunnel.
Just take the journey.
The journey is worth it, stayon the journey, don't give up
(56:45):
and all.
And also, where you Were, whereyou are today, is not where you
were before.
Even if it looks similar,there's a difference.
It's not the same.
There's still growth.
You've got to acknowledge yourgrowth, even if that means
something like and I Just wantto acknowledge this.
(57:09):
So, even if that looks like I'mAn addict, but I'm five days
clean and I relapsed, let'sacknowledge those five days.
And when you have anotherstretch, acknowledge that until
it becomes permanent.
I mean, that's just the goal.
(57:29):
You fall down and you get backup.
You don't stay as long asyou're trying.
Yeah, that's all you got to do.
All you got to do is try, justkeep picking yourself back up.
Don't give up that.
That that's just like on whenwe talk about in previous
episodes and domestic violencesituations.
A, a woman leaves six timesbefore she leaves.
(57:54):
Yes, that is a lot for someoneto say you're going back again.
But guess what, on time numberseven, maybe it's time number
nine for that person.
Yeah, don't give up.
And whatever is, whatever it isever To look for you.
If that mind says, if you sayI'm going to get out of it one
(58:17):
day, I'm going to be so one day,I'm going to not have this
addiction one day, then guesswhat you go Coming.
This is, this is how ourconversations go, at least twice
(58:42):
a day, at least minimum, and wehave a lot of but.
Thank you so much for coming onthe show, thank you for sharing,
thank you for being open andand we're gonna do another,
(59:03):
thinking what we said sippingsis, thank you.
Another thing we do again,that's for another episode of
sipping with sis.
(59:23):
So thank you so much.
We love you guys.
Leave any comments, any emailsto Candice Fleming at essential
motivation that com.
Facebook is essentialmotivation.
Instagram is such a motivation.
If there are episodes that youwant to hear, definitely email
me.
Let me know.
(59:43):
You can email us if you want tobe a guest on the show at
Candice Fleming at essentialmotivation.
Thank you, toodles, andremember to always love hard,
forgive often and laugh.
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