The inner healing journey is one that is often challenging and difficult because it means you have to face yourself.
In this episode motivational speaker and podcaster Madiha Sosan talks about the power of inner healing and speaks about the experience she has had of physically purging out her emotions after a difficult life and events that left her with crippling anxiety.
Madiha, a passionate advocate of personal growth and spirituality, shares her story in this funny yet wise episode of her truth.
Find out more about Madiha here.
Guest: Madiha Sosan
Host: Urmi Raval
Sound Editor: Maja Pronko
Final Thoughts & How to Get Involved
If this episode resonated, I’d love to hear from you. These stories are a reminder that deep transformation is possible, even from the most difficult places.
If you're ready to explore therapeutic coaching or want to understand how it could support your journey, get in touch. This work can be truly life-changing. Get in touch with me for a Discovery Call
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:01):
Welcome to Eternal Paradigm.
Together we're uncovering humanexperience by exploring
physical, mental, emotional andspiritual stories.
With me, your host, Ermi Ravel.
Hello, I hope you're enjoyingyour journey to find you.
Welcome to this episode ofEternal Paradigm.
(00:24):
And so as we head into thisepisode, I just wanted to give
you a little bit of a heads upas to what's happening, what
could be happening, what's inthe pipeline, and just really to
catch up with you.
It's been a week, obviously,since we last spoke, unless you
(00:46):
have been one of those newlisteners or a listener who is
listening to episodes back toback while you're out on these
tremendous walks in nature.
which I wholeheartedly recommendI mean there is such an
incredible value in doing thatwhich we all know because the
science tells us about it butyou know when I'm actually
(01:07):
talking to clients and when I'malso in a state of meditation
the connection to nature and theconnection to understanding how
much we represent aspects andenergies of the universe is
actually so profound that I'mpretty much high at the end of
any meditative practice so Ijust wanted to share that with
(01:28):
you because if you're not thereyet, that's absolutely cool.
You're exactly where you need tobe.
But if you do want to talk alittle bit more about entering
this kind of flow state orgetting to this Zen zone or
getting high naturally, justfrom being in absolute
(01:48):
connection to nature and toreally, really accept that you
are the universe.
Get in touch.
I'm pretty sure we could have aconversation and maybe even a
meditation.
This episode, so I've realizedwhen I'm actually doing this,
when I'm actually talking, Ihave this horrible habit of
(02:09):
clicking my tongue.
And I was listening to episodesback.
So when guests and people comeback to me, they're like, oh, I
really didn't like listening tomyself.
I understand where they'recoming from.
I understand where you're comingfrom.
Because listening to yourselfback into one of these recording
things is actually reallyawesome.
(02:30):
And then when you actually see avideo of yourself or a picture
of yourself and then it justgets even more weird and there's
a whole process you know becausewe are our own worst judge and
jury and critic and it can getvery loud when you're so down on
yourself so I am actuallylistening back to podcast
(02:51):
episodes just to refine myselfAnd I've realized that I have
really irritating voicetechniques.
So I'm sorry, I'm inflictingthem on you.
Thank you for listening to mylevels of irritation.
So I also say so a lot, but I'mhoping that a lot of this is
(03:12):
tidied up.
On a totally unrelated note, Iordered these amazing, amazing
vegan candles.
It's like a grounding kit, andit's from the Vegan Bunny, and I
would really check them outonline if I was you.
It's like a family company.
They're based in the UK, andthey do these, well, vegan
(03:32):
candles, really.
And I got the grounding kit andI got a blanket.
And right now in the UK, yes,it's getting pretty warm.
But I am one of those peoplethat in the morning, when it
gets to about 15, 16, 17degrees, that's when I'm like,
okay, it's getting a little bitwarmer.
Sometimes even up until 20degrees, I will still have a
(03:53):
blanket, my woolly home slipperson.
And right now, as I'm recordingthis with you, the temperature
outside is 22 degrees and I havemy hot water bottle.
But you know what?
It's okay.
Yesterday was an important daybecause it was the lunar
eclipse.
(04:14):
Anyone who's into moon cycleshas picked up that I do tend to
drop in and out of talking aboutmoon cycles in my episodes and
generally tend to do things inthe cycle of the moon because
it's so valuable.
And as I keep saying, I've saidit before and I'll say it again,
we are cyclical beings.
We are so connected to thecycles.
(04:36):
Some of us are aware of it.
Some of us are moving towardsthis awareness and others still
haven't fully understood that.
And that's okay.
Hey, that's where you need tobe.
I don't know if I've gone off ona tangent and I think I have.
So I'm going to take it back towhere it needs to be.
Before I go into this episode, Ihave to do plugging the socials,
(04:58):
guys.
And I have to put my hands uphere.
I've been a bit slack.
actually getting around to plugon socials and to just generally
give you guys updates on what'sgoing on.
So Instagram has been prettyflat.
Facebook, I am still gettingaround to it.
But the reason for that, guys,is because It is just me.
And I actually have 12 otherjobs that I do in addition to
(05:22):
the podcast, which I love.
And I want to keep doing itbecause it really, really is
absolutely amazing.
So stick with me.
If there's something on thesocials that isn't there, just
let me know.
Get in touch.
If you see something, and I'vehad some amazing people reach
out to kind of see how we canmove things forward.
(05:44):
So I posted on Instagram justthe other day that a rebrand of
Eternal Paradigm is in thepipeline.
Yes, I'm actually kind of doinga little bit of a dance right
now.
And I hope you're joining metoo.
So pipelines, we've got arebrand coming.
The website is still an ongoingproject.
Still there on Facebook, stillthere on Instagram.
(06:07):
And obviously we have the group.
We now have 27 people in theEternal Paradigm Facebook group.
Come and join us.
I am a little bit more active onthat group just because I can
be.
The socials are all going to beoverhauled, checked, well,
overhauled, reviewed, I shouldsay.
Just really, really to show thegrowth of the podcast and also
(06:29):
to show this incredible energythat the guests and the
listeners, that you guys allbring to it because it is
absolutely profound.
And so while I have finished onthe stuff that I have to do, I
also wanted to kind of give youa heads up on this topic.
episode because it is really,really important.
(06:50):
My guest in this episode is afellow podcaster.
(07:20):
And when you start to connectwith different people and you
start to listen to openly, andwhen I mean listen to, guys,
this is really, reallyimportant.
I don't mean just listening withyour ears.
I mean listening with yourbeing, listening with your
heart, listening with all thatyou are.
They are very different skills.
(07:40):
And when you start doing that,you really begin to see others
shine.
And it's absolutely phenomenal.
I mean, I'm on this kind ofthing where I really, really,
apart from the fact that whenI'm talking to my guests, I am
in this incredible state becauseit's so phenomenal because these
people, these beings are justincredible.
(08:02):
And so are you for listening.
When I was talking to Madiha,she has this amazing story,
which is her life.
And so much of her life, shewasn't in control.
And if you go back, a fewepisodes.
Quite early on, I spoke to anamazing psychologist or the
gritty therapist that she callsherself on socials.
(08:24):
I spoke to Prachi S.
Vaish and we spoke about trauma.
And it's really important,actually, if you listen to that
episode with Prachi abouttrauma, it's a great precursor
into Madia's story because itreally sets out so many things
that we take for granted aspeople.
(08:45):
I don't want to venture too muchinto Medea's story, but in terms
of what I was really interestedin, in really understanding from
her was this concept of thejourney, the inner healing
journey, which is something shetalks about, but also how much
we ourselves as humans care.
have trapped emotions because wehave become so disconnected from
(09:10):
understanding the importancethat emotions play in our lives.
And we're conditioned to believethat emotions are these wayward,
wild, kind of feral childrenthat we shouldn't be paying
attention to.
The problem is we do need to payattention to them because when
you suppress them and you hidethem, they show up and your
(09:31):
logical mind does not know howto deal with them This is why we
are seeing this incredibleincrease globally of mental
health unwellness.
Medea's story is just, you'llunderstand why she's
inspirational.
She's so incredibly humble andis such an incredible energy to
(09:51):
be around.
And I am so grateful to haveconnected with her.
As you go on, you will hear hertalking.
But my main thing that I wasreally, really interested in is
in this concept of purging thatMedea experiences and she speaks
about.
And she asks the most powerfulquestion.
And generally speaking, I cantell you that back in another
(10:12):
world that I used to I genuinelycan tell you, I don't think I
ever asked myself this question.
I would urge you to reallylisten to what she has to say.
Her story is her experience.
And just a reminder that thewhole point of this podcast and
the whole point of theseincredible guests who share
their stories is to ask you, areyou listening to you?
(10:34):
Have you asked yourself thesequestions?
And are you where you want tobe?
Because questions, are the mostpowerful thing.
The downside is, is many of usare actually scared of the
answers or we've preempted whatthe answers are going to be.
And then we go into a state ofshock.
Well, I'm going to say this toyou, flip it around.
(10:54):
Because when you put the rightquestions out there, you're open
to the immensity and theamazingness of the answers.
Now I'm going to head on over,leave you with my incredible
guest for this week.
And remember, get in touch, DMme, leave comments on socials.
I would absolutely love to hearfrom you.
Take care.
SPEAKER_02 (11:15):
Thank you so much for having me.
I am Dias Lawson and I am amotivational speaker.
SPEAKER_01 (11:22):
Motivational speaker.
This is really important.
Okay, this is quite a pivotalpoint.
And when you say motivationalspeaker, your kind of
motivational speaking comes froma culmination of your life
experiences and unraveling themand understanding them.
What I also want to put outthere is a lot of your
experiences are available forpeople to listen to either on
(11:45):
your podcast or through catchingup with you and seeing what
other podcasts you've been on.
But if you would just round upwhat life has been like for you,
up until this point.
SPEAKER_02 (11:58):
It's a long story.
SPEAKER_01 (12:04):
I carefully said, can you round up?
It's like, how are you supposedto do that?
There's
SPEAKER_00 (12:12):
so much.
SPEAKER_02 (12:12):
Maybe we can take it in clusters.
SPEAKER_00 (12:15):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_02 (12:15):
exactly.
So basically, I'll start offwith where I'm originally from.
I was born in Pakistan and Lifein Pakistan was extremely
difficult.
We didn't have any money and myparents were struggling.
My mom had hepatitis C and Battacks.
My dad kind of moved to the UKwhen I was around three to
(12:38):
create a better life for usbecause obviously you know in
Pakistan if you don't have moneyyou are going to struggle in
that part of the world.
We are so grateful in England wehave NHS that you know our care
is free no matter what peoplesay about NHS we still have a
free service right but inPakistan you have to pay for it
even if it's the most chronicand life-threatening condition
(13:01):
you have to pay and people whodon't have money they struggle
quite bad.
So we were living with mygrandma.
My mom couldn't look after me ormy grandma.
So, you know, my grandma waselderly.
So me and my mom moved to myauntie and her husband's place
while my dad was in the UK andmy grandma moved to my other
uncle's place.
(13:21):
That was basically life.
And I didn't see my dad for fouryears.
You know, I did move to the UKat the age of seven, but in
between was quite difficultbecause my mom was in and out of
hospitals.
I've always seen my mom ill.
School in Pakistan was quitedifficult.
quite difficult as well becausethere was one teacher she was
quite abusive every single dayshe would get me in front of the
(13:42):
class and she would ask me toread something and if I made a
mistake then she would punch mein front of all the children in
the class and she would slap meshe was quite abusive she used
to hit me with rulers and everytime she would you know come
over to me I remember gettingreally scared of this
authoritative sort of figure andshe would read what I've written
(14:03):
now I was what like probablyfive, six, you know, like if
I've written a really, if mytext was really bad, I mean, it
would be for a five or six yearold, right?
If it was really bad, she wouldget my hand out and she would
hit me with rulers.
She would just insult me.
It's like, what the hell haveyou written?
That is junk.
That is crap.
And she would hit me and shewould send me out of the class.
(14:25):
So I used to be so afraid ofgoing to school.
And I remember, like, whenever Iused to wake up in the morning,
my heart used to be racing sofast.
I used to probably have anxiety.
You know, I was like, I don'twant to go.
And my family didn't understandwhy I was doing that.
They said, I don't want to go.
I don't want to go.
This teacher, I don't like thisteacher.
I don't like this teacher.
teacher in the morning I used tohide under the bed and they used
(14:49):
to run after me with clothes Iused to like just run everywhere
so I don't want to go to schooland they thought I was just a
naughty child but I was actuallyafraid to go to school that was
my life in Pakistan really itwas quite intense
SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
yeah no of course and there's so much going on
because your immediate family isalready in a difficult place.
And there are so many factors.
There's poverty, there's health.
And, you know, we're seeing thisnow nationally with the pandemic
in countries where healthcareisn't so available.
And we are so fortunate to behere that the pain is horrific.
(15:25):
And then on top of it, you'regoing to school and you're being
treated, you're being pushed outthere to be made like a
spectacle of in front of theclass.
So your anxiety and yourpressured environment is from
the get-go.
SPEAKER_02 (15:38):
From the day I was born.
SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Yeah, yeah, from the day you're born.
You're born into this.
So when you came to the UK, whatwas school like?
Because that in itself must havebeen on top of everything else,
coming to the UK.
You're not seeing your dad forthat period of time.
And then obviously with your mumbeing unwell, what was school
like for you here?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:02):
I moved to the UK when I was seven.
We still obviously struggledwith money, right?
So school like here, it wasreally difficult at first
because I didn't speak anyEnglish, which meant I didn't
have any friends.
The teachers were nice here, butfor me, I was afraid of them,
really terrified of them.
(16:22):
So for months and months andmonths, I used to cry in school
and the teacher didn'tunderstand what was going on.
My parents didn't understandwhat was going on.
I didn't understand what wasgoing on.
You know, I wasn't even thatconsciously aware of the whole,
why I was crying, why I wasafraid of this authoritative
figure.
I remember like, After cryingall day in school, my principal
(16:46):
had a meeting with my parentsand they brought me into the
meeting.
And so my principal was justbasically saying, if she doesn't
stop crying, then we're going tohave to put her into special
needs school because it's notnormal for a child to just cry
all day in school.
They were just worried aboutwhat was going on.
(17:06):
Did I have any mental healthconditions or what was going on?
But it was just the trauma ofthe teacher in Pakistan.
Now I understand it.
You know, at that time, theydidn't understand it.
It was difficult at first, butthen I quickly adjusted quickly.
I even became a captain of mycricket team and I was the only
girl in boys team.
Became a captain and yeah, I wasquickly adjusted to the teachers
(17:30):
here.
It was just, I recognised theteachers were nice and gentle
SPEAKER_01 (17:34):
here.
I like the fact that you're justlike captain of the cricket
team.
It's like staying true toPakistani roots and going no I'm
ruling this that is the only wayto do things right yeah yeah and
so tell us more because we havespoken before and one of the
(17:54):
things that really stood out forme in your journey is the whole
physical release of letting goof the trauma and the process of
really piecing it together,unraveling it, and putting it in
a place where it makes sense.
Now, all of this is actuallykind of underpinned by, let's
(18:15):
call it your spiritualawakening, or this pivotal
moment where everything madesense, that you stepped into,
you found, you found yourselfsurrounded by the ultimate
light.
Tell us more about that.
Should I talk about my journeyto it first?
UNKNOWN (18:33):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (18:33):
Yes, that would make logical sense, obviously.
I'm just running ahead of myselfbecause I'm like, I want to hear
all of it.
SPEAKER_02 (18:40):
Right, yeah, perfect.
So basically, you know, when Imoved to the school, life was
adjusted, but then we were stillstruggling with money.
My dad was working multiplejobs, trying to create a better
life for us.
And my mom was in and out ofhospital still.
You know, our living conditionsweren't very good.
We rented a private, it was aprivate rented house.
(19:01):
We only had one bed and oneheater in the living room so my
mom and dad gave me the bedwhile they slept on the floor
and that was our life for twoyears that period of my life it
was really blissful because eventhough we did not have money
even though we were strugglingin life it was blissful because
we were with each other Youknow, I was reunited with my
(19:25):
dad.
We used to play cricket in thepark together.
And, you know, we sit around theheater, play board games, Ludo
or like the carrom boards, youcall them Pakistan.
And yeah, it was just nice.
I realized like you don't needto have a lot of wealth or money
to live a happy life, right?
We moved to Lemon's Room here inManchester because I got
(19:47):
admission in girls' high school.
Again, the living conditionswere really worse off because we
were desperate to get a placeand we ended up in a place where
it was half complete.
There was rats everywhere and itwas just not perfect living
conditions.
And my dad, back end of leavingBury, because we were living in
Bury before, back end of leavingBury, he was diagnosed with
(20:11):
cancer in his bladder.
That period of my life aroundthe age of 12, 13 was just
really difficult.
I was getting bullied in schoolthroughout the year.
And at home, I would see my dadlike literally roll on the floor
in pain of cancer.
And, you know, it was just, itwas just really horrific to see.
(20:34):
And, you know, they did anoperation on him after like a
couple of months because theyremoved his blood and he had his
bag removed.
And then they said, well, thecancer's gone from your bladder.
It's okay.
He came back again three monthslater and he came back with a
bang in his bowel and then hespread everywhere.
He just literally died within ayear.
You know, throughout all ofthis, whatever was happening, my
(20:57):
parents, because they wanted toprotect me, they did not tell me
the full extent of hiscondition.
They said, yeah, it's a cancer.
It will get better.
It's a mild one.
Doctor said.
he will get better.
But the doctors were telling myparents that he only has a year
or two to live.
But my parents were telling methat he's going to be completely
(21:19):
okay.
So I was basically walkingaround thinking my dad was going
to be okay.
I was only, what, 13, 12, 13and, you know, didn't realize
the impact of cancer.
It was only until when one daymy dad was really ill and he was
admitted in hospital.
This was a month before hepassed away and it was only a
(21:39):
couple of days before he passedaway my mom came and it's like
everyone was rushing around inthe house my cousins were at her
house as well no one told meanything they were just like oh
he's fine he's fine now i had afear of going to hospital i used
to have an anxiety so my dadsaid not to come to the hospital
i will speak to you on the phoneso i spoke to him every day on
(22:00):
the phone thinking he's gonnaget treated and i was just in my
own little world it's like yeahdad's getting better i'm just
gonna focus i'm gonna do thisthat here there Yeah, so a
couple of days before he passedaway, my mom just, everyone was
rushing around and my mom lookedstressed.
Everyone was looking stressed.
And I was like, okay, what isgoing on?
And that was the moment when mymom actually sat me down and she
(22:23):
said, your dad's only got acouple of days to live.
He stopped breathing.
I was like, what?
I just spoke to him on the phonea couple of days ago and he was
completely fine.
And you're telling me he's goingto be dying in the next like
couple of days?
It was like a complete shock.
I probably just felt like I leftmy body at that point because it
was, I was in a complete stateof shock.
(22:45):
I eventually did go to thehospital to see him.
And I remember walking into theroom and the state of him was
horrible.
His bones was showing, it wasthe cancer was eating him up and
bones were showing.
He had long beard growing.
It's like his face was reallythin.
It's like, I couldn't evenrecognize who my dad was, you
(23:07):
know?
That was the moment where, Idon't know, I just felt like I
was guided, something in meguided me to just say it, that
dad, if I've ever hurt you inany way, please forgive me.
He just smiled and he justbasically said, you're my child.
That was the last conversation Ihad with my dad and I didn't I
(23:29):
remember just running out of thehospital as fast as I can.
I just went and sat at the park.
And at that time, we had theirMacmillan nurses.
So they're basically a charitythat help people going through
cancer and their families.
And we had a volunteer there,and he came running after me.
And he just sat with me.
And I just, in that moment, Ijust, you know, when you're in a
(23:51):
really shocked state, you justgo completely numb.
He just sat with me for ages andages and ages.
And It was like I was unable toexpress anything that was
happening around me.
It was all way too quick, likeeverything was happening quick.
And then my dad passed away acouple of days later.
When he passed away, I was justcompletely okay, you know.
(24:14):
Everyone came to pay respects.
I was just bubbly, laughing.
It was like my brain wasn'tprocessing it at all.
it was slowly coming in but it'snot coming in at all and then
when they left a couple of daysafter I just completely and then
I realized oh wait hold on mydad did actually pass away.
SPEAKER_01 (24:35):
I'm really really sorry to hear that and one thing
that tends to happen in lifeexperiences like this where we
lose a loved one in the way thatyou've experienced there were
generally lots of Almost like,you know, lots of people will
say things like, oh, time willhelp and all of these different
(24:56):
things happen and people sharetheir well-meaning wisdom and
help with you.
Just going back to where yousaid your parents didn't
actually tell you the full storyof what was going on.
So on a conscious level, you'reoperating on a level of trust
because your parents are tellingyou everything's fine.
(25:18):
And they're the people youtrust, so obviously that's how
it's going to be.
But on a subconscious level andon an energetic level, you're
still absorbing and fully, fullyconnecting with the undertones
of the truth, of the reality, ofthe absolute essence of that
situation.
So when you're then faced inthis situation and you're
(25:39):
feeling numb, and then your nextprocess is acceptance of that
realisation, Was that almostlike a form of going into
autopilot for you?
SPEAKER_02 (25:50):
Yeah, it was like my body was in a survival mode,
just like, hold on, you know,not to don't do anything, you
know.
So it was autopilot.
So I was just operating inreleasing a more happy emotions
at that moment rather thanactually feeling
SPEAKER_01 (26:10):
into it.
Do you feel from your experiencethat that was...
going to happen regardless or doyou think that happened because
throughout the course of yourlife your parents had said to
you it's okay everything's fineeverything's secure and actually
when it came to that point wherethings weren't okay your
immediate reaction is to go intoeverything's fine mode I'm in
(26:32):
autopilot I'm happy or not happybut at least in a place where
I'm not grieving.
or allowing that to happen?
SPEAKER_02 (26:40):
Yeah, I mean, it's always been the case with my
parents.
It's like anything bad'shappening, let's just not talk
about it.
Let's not express our feelings,emotions about it.
So what happens is, obviously,when you suppress your feelings
and emotions, you put a guardup.
So when this whole thing washappening in our household, even
(27:02):
though they were saying thesethings, energetically,
internally my soul was feelingthat something was up but i was
not consciously looking into ityou can feel the dense energy
you can feel that dark energy inthe household because it's what
it's real no matter how happyyou look normally if you're an
(27:27):
empath because like normallyempaths are sponge for people's
emotions you can walk into aroom and you can feel their
emotions and feelings, as ifit's your own.
So when our household wascompletely putting a cover on
the negative emotions and thesadness and everything, I was
(27:49):
feeling it densely, which is whyI was starting to suffer from
anxiety, because I was pickingit up on
SPEAKER_01 (27:55):
an energetic level.
I totally resonate with that.
I guess I'm an empath in thefact that I'm fully
clairsentient, so I can fully...
connect with people's thoughtsin those moments as well as
their emotions.
So when you talk about theanxiety, that was a huge factor
(28:15):
in your life that was there fromso early on.
And how did that change yourlife?
How did that stop you fromreally allowing your soul to
shine through?
SPEAKER_02 (28:25):
Basically, you know, after my dad passed away, my mum
was already ill six months afterhe passed away.
she had a severe rheumatoidarthritis attacks.
Though now she has hepatitis B,C and severe rheumatoid
arthritis.
So from the age of 14, I becameher young carer because I'm the
only child.
(28:46):
Now, I've been caring for my momfor 15 years.
That was my caringresponsibility because she had
no body.
You know, she was when Iremember early days of her
illness, her fingers and toeswere swelling up really bad.
And like, you know, her fingerswere like bending really, really
fast and doctors were quiet.
What is like is a severe form ofrheumatoid arthritis, but it's
like rapidly progressing inwithin months.
(29:09):
So she was completely bed boundfor months and months and
months.
And I was just shocked.
At the age of 14, you know, itwas like seven months, six,
seven months ago, my dad passedaway and I'm like looking after
my mom now.
So I would feed her.
I would change her clothes.
I would just do everything.
And she had depression.
And it was almost like I had tocarry all that baggage on my
(29:33):
shoulders.
And that's when my anxietiesdied off.
That's when I really, reallystarted suffering from anxiety
to a point I could not even stepoutside the house without having
a panic attack.
Looking back, I feel like I washolding back all these emotions
and feelings, so I wassuppressing them.
That was quite a lot of theme inmy life and to, oh, you have
(29:55):
this issue, not to look at it.
You have this issue, not to lookat it.
So the more and more I was doingthat, the more and more I was
suppressing my feelings andemotions.
The anxiety, what I call it, isjust alarm bell.
Basically, alarm bells is likeringing, ringing, ringing,
ringing, ringing.
You need to look at this.
You need to look at this.
but I'm not looking at this.
So, okay, I'm going to beseverely impacting your life
(30:18):
because you're not looking atthis.
So it got to a point where, likeI said, I couldn't even leave
the house without having panicattacks.
And I used to have likecommunity befrienders who used
to come and take me to thegarden first.
I used to have severe panicattacks in the garden.
Two, three times a day, I wouldhave severe panic attacks.
That was my life for 10 years.
(30:40):
You know, I was constantlysuppressing, suppressing,
suppressing, but the anxiety wasgetting worse and worse and
worse.
And it was coming out in myeating as well.
I may have had eating disordersand binge eating.
And there were days where Iwould go weeks without even
eating and throwing up.
So it was like I was living inmy own hell.
It's quite funny because I wascaring for my mom and these
(31:02):
community bee frienders wouldcome and take me to the garden
first and they'd come out andthey'd take me to the park.
they were looking after me so itwas like I was caring for
someone and they were caring forme yeah so that's how it
impacted my life and my schoollife as well.
SPEAKER_01 (31:20):
What you said is so so powerful because anxiety
being in this bell sayingsomething needs to be looked at
and anxiety for everybody nowit's there because we're so
conditioned into suppressing sowhat I'd like to do if it's okay
with you is can you tell us whathappened in that moment that
(31:41):
life opened for you and yoursoul shone through
SPEAKER_02 (31:45):
so this was around the age of 27 now I was an
atheist I didn't believe inanything you know I wasn't very
aware of anything spiritual andso you know when I was going
through my darkest time I usedto question everything like, oh,
if God or whatever is real, thenwhy would he or she or whatever
(32:06):
make us suffer, make me suffer?
And, you know, I was an angrychild, basically.
Around the age of 27, so I hadan experience, what they call an
out-of-body experience,basically.
Now, at that time, I didn'trealize what it was.
I thought I was going crazy, butI'll tell you about the
experience itself.
Basically, I was just laying onmy bed, And all of a sudden, I
(32:28):
felt like a vibration within mybody.
It wasn't like shaking.
It was almost like that's thebest way I can describe it when
your body's kind of vibrating.
So all of a sudden, I ended upin this place where everything
was just completely white.
The white light was so brightthat it wouldn't even hurt my
eyes, you know.
(32:49):
And when I was in that stage orplace, beings, whatever you want
to call it, it just felt like Iwas home.
This is where I am originallyfrom.
I felt the unconditional love ofsomething that was bigger than
myself.
It's just so hard to describe iton a human level.
(33:09):
When you're in that state, youjust don't want to leave it
because it was just so blissful.
While I was in that state, therewas like beams of light within
the white light.
There was beams of light juststanding there without any
physical appearance.
Now, when I was in that state, Ithought it was so standing there
without any physical appearance.
And as I went up to one light,you don't even walk there, you
(33:33):
kind of float there.
It's almost like And you don'teven talk by mouth, you talk by
mind.
It's really intense.
So as I went up to one light, itturned around, it turned into
the face of my dad.
And he just smiled and he said,everything is okay.
Don't worry.
As soon as he said that, Iremember coming back in and I
(33:56):
remember from my right leg totop of my head, my body was like
slightly vibrating.
And then all of a sudden, all ofmy body was vibrating.
It's such a weird experiencewhere I just felt like while it
was vibrating, it was almostlike the soul was just coming
into the physical body.
And when you're leaving thebody, that vibration is like
(34:18):
your soul is like leaving andit's like vibrating out.
SPEAKER_01 (34:24):
That This is the only way I can explain this.
So this is the technicalterminology.
Basically, I've been trying tofigure out how to explain it.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I understand.
How do you?
There are no words.
There are no words.
SPEAKER_02 (34:42):
There's absolutely no words.
I feel like the experienceitself is just beyond anything
that you could ever imagine orfeel or think or...
do or be.
It's just really hard to talkabout.
Yeah.
So when I came to back into thephysical reality of it all.
(35:06):
I freaked out at first becauseobviously I had no spiritual
knowledge, no idea what wasgoing on.
Never heard of anybody talkabout out-of-body experiences or
even though our household wasMuslim, but I did not even pay
attention to us.
Like it was almost like they'respeaking an Arabic language that
I will never understand, youknow, reading the Quran or
(35:26):
something.
And yeah, so I just didn'trecognize it.
So I didn't even tell anyonebecause I thought, I was going
crazy.
For a week, I was just in abliss and scared at the same
time.
It was almost like I was livingtwo realities.
For a week, I was just thinkingaround what the hell's going on,
what the hell's going on.
And then a week later, samething happened.
(35:47):
But this time, it's middle ofthe night.
This time, I was actuallyasleep.
So I ended up in this placeagain with everything white and
Again, the same feeling like theunconditional love of something
that was bigger than myself.
And I just saw like a bubble ofenergy wrapped around me.
In that moment, I just felt somuch love, peace and all the
(36:13):
happiness and joy around me.
There was like no fear.
There was no sadness.
There was nothing, no painwhatsoever.
And I just wanted to be in thatstate of being.
for the rest of my life.
Because ever since I was little,all I was seeing was pain and
suffering.
The day you're born into thisplanet, suffer, suffer, suffer,
(36:33):
pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.
And then all of a sudden I hadthis amazing experience.
I was like, why would you wantto go back to this body of
yours?
Why would you want to go back tothis body of yours?
That experience was actuallyquite brief.
And then I came back.
I remember opening my eyes And,you know, I've just been started
(36:54):
mumbling out of nowhere.
Oh, thank you God foreverything.
And I meant it.
I just knew it was somethingbigger than myself.
And all of a sudden I had theloudest voice in my right ear
that said, stay positive andkeep going.
I was like, what you know it wasit was almost like an explain
(37:16):
it's like blissful state andthen and then it's going into oh
my god freaking out you know myego was like freak out and my
soul was like chill out
SPEAKER_01 (37:32):
those moments that is so brilliantly explained and
then what happened then
SPEAKER_02 (37:38):
So basically, after the freak out moment and the
blissful moment when I had thechance to just sort of calm
down, I was just sitting therestill and I just started to cry,
you know, like not in a cry ofpain, but crying in a sense
where I'm held.
I'm loved.
I know I'm loved.
It was in that moment where...
(37:59):
All that fear inside of me thatI was holding for so many years,
it was like being released outof my body and it was being
replaced by peace, love andinner knowing that everything,
that moment I actuallyunderstood because when I was in
that state, I connected witheveryone and everything.
(38:20):
In that moment, I understoodthat everything that I've been
through, everything that I'mgoing through or everything that
I will go through is alwaysgoing to be preparing me for
something bigger, always goingto be preparing me.
So I did not look at my issuesor problems in the past as in a
(38:41):
victim mentality anymore.
It's like, why me?
Why is it always happening tome?
I went from thinking that to Ineeded to go through that.
This teacher needed to hit me.
My dad needed to go throughthat.
He needed to die from cancer andmy mom falling ill and me
becoming a carer because theywere crucial point in my journey
(39:04):
to evolve past, evolve to a nextlevel of existence or life, you
know, to make a difference inthis world.
So that moment I realized that.
And, you know, like I said, allthe fear went out of my body and
I just started doing things likefrom a person who couldn't leave
the house to to socializing andhelicopter rides and studying
(39:29):
and I was doing all of thisexternal work.
It was just like no fear,
SPEAKER_01 (39:34):
no fear at all.
Wow.
I love this because there's somuch.
of all of it that I fully, fullyconnect with on so many
different levels.
But like I said at thebeginning, is in that process of
this release, you've had thesemoments, almost like little
glimmers to say, this is what'spossible.
(39:57):
And yet physically, there wasstill a process for you to go
to, this whole kind of purgingwhere you had to really connect
with your physical experienceand allowed that release to
happen.
So if you could explain that alittle bit more, that would be
really good.
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (40:16):
Okay.
So basically what I was doing,it wasn't all just Rosie and
going on helicopter rides anddoing all these things, becoming
a motivational speaker.
I had to go within myself.
It's just somehow felt I wasguided to go within and look at
the trash I call it a trash notin a bad way but trash that I
(40:37):
was storing inside of my bodyall of these years what I would
do is every single day I did nottell anyone what I was doing
like I said it was like I let mysoul guide me and my ego was so
quiet at that time my soul waslike okay what you're gonna do
is you're gonna sit in acomfortable place in a corner
and And what you're going to dois you're going to ask yourself
(40:59):
questions.
I was like, okay.
So I just randomly startedasking myself just two
questions.
How are you feeling today?
Are you okay?
And I would ask those questionsin the most loving and
compassionate way.
Because being an empath, youlook after other people.
You don't look after yourself.
So me caring for my mom for 15years, I was looking after her
(41:21):
and not myself.
When I started asking thosequestions, It was like almost
all of the trauma that I wasstoring inside of my body was
just starting to come out.
So everything, every singlething about my dad, my mom, my
rough childhood, and all of theexperiences were just coming.
(41:43):
And I was purging it, purgingit, purging it.
And it wasn't just like, oh,it's done in a week.
It took me two years.
Two years of being disciplinedand sitting with myself and
going through it.
At that time, it was almost likethe universe was taking
everything out of my life.
Now, I was living with my mom,but I was so detached.
(42:04):
Some of the days, I didn't evenrealize my mom was there, but I
was caring for her.
It was like I went off socialmedia, every possible situation,
everything went out of my life.
Whatever I was doing, I used toescape from feeling the pain.
I used to play games or bingewatch TV so I won't feel that
pain.
All of a sudden, I just didn'tdo that anymore.
(42:27):
And I was left with my trauma.
And I was like, okay, this is inyour face and you have to look
at it now.
So like I said, every day Iwould ask myself this question
and it was purge, purge, purge.
And then it almost became like ahabit.
All right, today I'm going tosit down and I'm going to look
at, let's see what's coming up.
(42:48):
Okay, a trauma about my dad.
I'm going to look into it.
I'm going to dig deep into itand I'm going to peel all the
layers on it so I release it outmy body.
Because what happens with traumais most people don't realize
that anything that happens inyour life, it gets stored in
(43:08):
your body.
It gets stored in yourself-memory.
You know, most people thinktrauma is like, oh my God,
something horrible is happening.
No, it could be you're at aTesco supermarket shopping and
someone's really annoyed you andyou come home and it's like
little traumas, like emotionaltrauma stuck in your body.
(43:28):
And what happens is every day welive our lives in a way where we
brush it off, we suppress it,and it gets stored in, I call
it, in a junk pile, in a bininside of your house.
Your body, your internal body,you know?
So what do you do?
It's going to rot away, right?
What do you do?
Like if you have a normal binand you don't clean it out, what
(43:50):
happens to it?
It rots and smells and it plays.
You don't like it.
It plays out everywhere.
You know, it's junk.
So this is really important.
This is what I did for like twoyears on, you know, and it got
to a point where when I wassitting down and one day I was
like, okay, what trauma am Igoing to bring up?
And nothing was coming up and Ifelt peace, calm, just joy and
(44:16):
happiness inside of me.
And in that moment, I thought tomyself, have I really, really
healed past these traumatic lifeexperiences?
Have I really?
And I just realized, yeah, Idid.
All of the two-year work thatI've been doing on myself, by
myself, I just healed it.
Just like that, without havingany knowledge of what, like how
(44:39):
people do it, you know?
Yeah, like I said, it's just,it's the most intense feeling,
but like I cleared all that outof my body and I felt amazing.
You feel amazing.
And when you look back at yourtraumatic life experiences, you
are grateful for them that youhad them because you kind of
just evolved past that victimmentality.
SPEAKER_01 (45:01):
That is so, it's intense, yeah.
because you said you managed toheal yourself and get past that
point, but you listened to likea higher guidance.
You allowed that to come in.
And that all became possiblebecause of the fact that you had
these out-of-body experiences.
Now, for people who don't havethose experiences like we do or
(45:26):
don't have those moments wherethey're able to really push past
or feel that they're ready to goinside, This is why you're a
motivational speaker.
And this is why I'm a coach.
It's to get to that point is toshare our learning in the
context of being just able to dothat for yourself and connecting
(45:51):
with a higher guidance andtrusting a process.
What have you learned and whatdo you want to share with others
today?
SPEAKER_02 (45:59):
Oh God, I got so much to share.
What I learned is that lookinginto your emotional system is so
important.
It's so much easier to, whensomething happens, we go
straight into that physicalworld, focusing on a career or
partying or things like that,you know, we bypass the healing
(46:21):
process.
So what even in personaldevelopment, what we do is like
we go from negative low statefeeling to complete positive and
we bypass that healing.
Healing doesn't have to besomething major.
It can be something little youcan do to heal yourself on the
(46:42):
bad day you're having.
So it could be that you'rehaving a low negative feeling.
What you're going to do isyou're going to sit with
yourself and make your ownquestions.
How are you feeling today?
Are you okay?
And for example, if someonereally treated you like bad in
supermarket, so what you'regoing to do is you feel angry,
(47:03):
you're going to allow yourselfto feel that feeling and
emotion.
You're going to allow yourselfto release it.
What often happens is we kind ofresist it.
So try not to resist what istrying to come up because it's a
release of your system.
And it's not like you're goingto sit for one hour and that's
it.
Sometimes you have to peel allthe layers, but sometimes it's
done in an hour.
It depends on what you'refeeling.
(47:24):
But the most important thing isto feel And then you get out
into the world, you do all thesethings.
So that's how you do things fromnegative love feelings to
feeling your emotions, labelingit, accepting it.
feeling it to the core and thenyou go out into the physical
(47:45):
world so internally everythinghappens from inside out not
outside in
SPEAKER_01 (47:50):
love love love have no other words apart from spot
on hey ditto amen yeah so tellus where can people find out
more about you because obviouslyyou're on this episode which is
great And obviously I'm going tobe hassling you because there
(48:10):
are things that I want to talkto you about outside of this.
Tell us where people can findout more about you, how they can
connect with you and, you know,what's in store, what's next,
what's coming up.
SPEAKER_02 (48:24):
So basically, can I tell you how I came about being
a motivational speaker?
So basically, when I was doingall this internal work, I put it
out in the universe and said,universe, I've done all this
internal work.
How do you want me to helppeople?
What do you want me to do?
Because I have all thesenegative life experiences.
How can I make it into somethingpositive that would help people?
(48:46):
So I kind of just had a thoughtand let it go.
And a couple of weeks later, myfriend who we were at a law of
attraction meeting, actually,and we were standing outside the
building and she was talkingabout how she's an actress and
she wants to do public speakingbecause she gets stage fright.
I was like, what is publicspeaking?
Is this something like businessconferencing?
I didn't have any knowledge ofit.
She goes, no, no, you can go onstage and share your story.
(49:08):
It's like, oh, okay.
So while we were talking aboutpublic speaking, these two guys
popped out the building talkingabout public speaking at the
same time and they teach publicspeaking now I was like okay
maybe that's a sign I'll take itnow my friend didn't take it it
was her right I took it yeah soI just ended up just researching
(49:29):
about public speaking and takingup courses and and then all of a
sudden like I ended up on astage in front of 100 people
sharing my story and And thenthree months later, I ended up
on stage again in front of 150people sharing what I did after
the story, the inner healingthat I was just telling you
about.
A couple of months later, again,I was like nominated for the
(49:51):
Best Female Inspiration PersonAward, which I went on to win.
I'm nominated for it again.
Then I spoke to over 200 people.
It's just incredible howeverything came about.
Now, back end of that, likeduring the pandemic, obviously I
couldn't go on stages.
I was like, how do I help peoplenow?
How can I be of service to otherpeople?
(50:11):
So the podcasting just cameabout and I just ended up,
again, researching how to dopodcasts.
So I have a podcast SoulAwakenings with Madhya Sosan
(50:42):
Other people going through theirown spiritual awakening, they
have a platform to come to.
So you can look up SoulAwakenings with Madhya Sosan.
It's on Spotify.
It's on Apple.
And I have my Instagram isMadhyaSosan1 and also Facebook
MadhyaSosan.
And you can even follow me onInstagram for my Soul Awakening
(51:04):
podcast as well, which is calledSoul Awakens with Madhya Sosan.
SPEAKER_01 (51:07):
Thank you so much.
And all of the details will beincluded in the show notes and
on the website for The EternalParadigm as well.
Thank you.
Before we go, we know where wecan be found.
We know how you become amotivational speaker.
We know how the podcast started.
What's in store for you?
What's next?
SPEAKER_02 (51:29):
Now, here's a tricky question.
Not a tricky question, but...
For most people, it's different.
For me, it is living in thepresent moment and experiencing
what life is going to bring me.
Motivational speaking, I didn'teven think about it.
I didn't even think aboutbecoming a motivational speaker
and everything, and it just cameto me.
So I live life in the presentmoment all the time and
(51:51):
opportunities open up.
What's my biggest goal is?
to inspire people all over theworld.
And I know universe is going tomake it happen.
You know, you have that innerknowing to inspire people, help
people, motivate people.
That is my big goal.
And I'm just going to let it goto the universe and let it
happen.
However, it's going to come byeven on my YouTube channel, my
(52:12):
podcast, or being on stages infront of hundreds of people.
That's my biggest goal.
SPEAKER_01 (52:19):
I hope you enjoyed that.
Thank you for joining me forthis episode of Eternal
Paradigm.
Join me next time.
Welcome to Eternal Paradigm.
Together we're uncovering humanexperience by exploring
physical, mental, emotional andspiritual stories.
With me, your host, Ermi Ravel.
Hello, I hope you're enjoyingyour journey to find you.
Welcome to this episode ofEternal Paradigm.
(00:24):
And so as we head into thisepisode, I just wanted to give
you a little bit of a heads upas to what's happening, what
could be happening, what's inthe pipeline, and just really to
catch up with you.
It's been a week, obviously,since we last spoke, unless you
(00:46):
have been one of those newlisteners or a listener who is
listening to episodes back toback while you're out on these
tremendous walks in nature.
which I wholeheartedly recommendI mean there is such an
incredible value in doing thatwhich we all know because the
science tells us about it butyou know when I'm actually
(01:07):
talking to clients and when I'malso in a state of meditation
the connection to nature and theconnection to understanding how
much we represent aspects andenergies of the universe is
actually so profound that I'mpretty much high at the end of
any meditative practice so Ijust wanted to share that with
(01:28):
you because if you're not thereyet, that's absolutely cool.
You're exactly where you need tobe.
But if you do want to talk alittle bit more about entering
this kind of flow state orgetting to this Zen zone or
getting high naturally, justfrom being in absolute
(01:48):
connection to nature and toreally, really accept that you
are the universe.
Get in touch.
I'm pretty sure we could have aconversation and maybe even a
meditation.
This episode, so I've realizedwhen I'm actually doing this,
when I'm actually talking, Ihave this horrible habit of
(02:09):
clicking my tongue.
And I was listening to episodesback.
So when guests and people comeback to me, they're like, oh, I
really didn't like listening tomyself.
I understand where they'recoming from.
I understand where you're comingfrom.
Because listening to yourselfback into one of these recording
things is actually reallyawesome.
(02:30):
And then when you actually see avideo of yourself or a picture
of yourself and then it justgets even more weird and there's
a whole process you know becausewe are our own worst judge and
jury and critic and it can getvery loud when you're so down on
yourself so I am actuallylistening back to podcast
(02:51):
episodes just to refine myselfAnd I've realized that I have
really irritating voicetechniques.
So I'm sorry, I'm inflictingthem on you.
Thank you for listening to mylevels of irritation.
So I also say so a lot, but I'mhoping that a lot of this is
(03:12):
tidied up.
On a totally unrelated note, Iordered these amazing, amazing
vegan candles.
It's like a grounding kit, andit's from the Vegan Bunny, and I
would really check them outonline if I was you.
It's like a family company.
They're based in the UK, andthey do these, well, vegan
(03:32):
candles, really.
And I got the grounding kit andI got a blanket.
And right now in the UK, yes,it's getting pretty warm.
But I am one of those peoplethat in the morning, when it
gets to about 15, 16, 17degrees, that's when I'm like,
okay, it's getting a little bitwarmer.
Sometimes even up until 20degrees, I will still have a
(03:53):
blanket, my woolly home slipperson.
And right now, as I'm recordingthis with you, the temperature
outside is 22 degrees and I havemy hot water bottle.
But you know what?
It's okay.
Yesterday was an important daybecause it was the lunar
eclipse.
(04:14):
Anyone who's into moon cycleshas picked up that I do tend to
drop in and out of talking aboutmoon cycles in my episodes and
generally tend to do things inthe cycle of the moon because
it's so valuable.
And as I keep saying, I've saidit before and I'll say it again,
we are cyclical beings.
We are so connected to thecycles.
(04:36):
Some of us are aware of it.
Some of us are moving towardsthis awareness and others still
haven't fully understood that.
And that's okay.
Hey, that's where you need tobe.
I don't know if I've gone off ona tangent and I think I have.
So I'm going to take it back towhere it needs to be.
Before I go into this episode, Ihave to do plugging the socials,
(04:58):
guys.
And I have to put my hands uphere.
I've been a bit slack.
actually getting around to plugon socials and to just generally
give you guys updates on what'sgoing on.
So Instagram has been prettyflat.
Facebook, I am still gettingaround to it.
But the reason for that, guys,is because It is just me.
And I actually have 12 otherjobs that I do in addition to
(05:22):
the podcast, which I love.
And I want to keep doing itbecause it really, really is
absolutely amazing.
So stick with me.
If there's something on thesocials that isn't there, just
let me know.
Get in touch.
If you see something, and I'vehad some amazing people reach
out to kind of see how we canmove things forward.
(05:44):
So I posted on Instagram justthe other day that a rebrand of
Eternal Paradigm is in thepipeline.
Yes, I'm actually kind of doinga little bit of a dance right
now.
And I hope you're joining metoo.
So pipelines, we've got arebrand coming.
The website is still an ongoingproject.
Still there on Facebook, stillthere on Instagram.
(06:07):
And obviously we have the group.
We now have 27 people in theEternal Paradigm Facebook group.
Come and join us.
I am a little bit more active onthat group just because I can
be.
The socials are all going to beoverhauled, checked, well,
overhauled, reviewed, I shouldsay.
Just really, really to show thegrowth of the podcast and also
(06:29):
to show this incredible energythat the guests and the
listeners, that you guys allbring to it because it is
absolutely profound.
And so while I have finished onthe stuff that I have to do, I
also wanted to kind of give youa heads up on this topic.
episode because it is really,really important.
(06:50):
My guest in this episode is afellow podcaster.
(07:20):
And when you start to connectwith different people and you
start to listen to openly, andwhen I mean listen to, guys,
this is really, reallyimportant.
I don't mean just listening withyour ears.
I mean listening with yourbeing, listening with your
heart, listening with all thatyou are.
They are very different skills.
(07:40):
And when you start doing that,you really begin to see others
shine.
And it's absolutely phenomenal.
I mean, I'm on this kind ofthing where I really, really,
apart from the fact that whenI'm talking to my guests, I am
in this incredible state becauseit's so phenomenal because these
people, these beings are justincredible.
(08:02):
And so are you for listening.
When I was talking to Madiha,she has this amazing story,
which is her life.
And so much of her life, shewasn't in control.
And if you go back, a fewepisodes.
Quite early on, I spoke to anamazing psychologist or the
gritty therapist that she callsherself on socials.
(08:24):
I spoke to Prachi S.
Vaish and we spoke about trauma.
And it's really important,actually, if you listen to that
episode with Prachi abouttrauma, it's a great precursor
into Madia's story because itreally sets out so many things
that we take for granted aspeople.
(08:45):
I don't want to venture too muchinto Medea's story, but in terms
of what I was really interestedin, in really understanding from
her was this concept of thejourney, the inner healing
journey, which is something shetalks about, but also how much
we ourselves as humans care.
have trapped emotions because wehave become so disconnected from
(09:10):
understanding the importancethat emotions play in our lives.
And we're conditioned to believethat emotions are these wayward,
wild, kind of feral childrenthat we shouldn't be paying
attention to.
The problem is we do need to payattention to them because when
you suppress them and you hidethem, they show up and your
(09:31):
logical mind does not know howto deal with them This is why we
are seeing this incredibleincrease globally of mental
health unwellness.
Medea's story is just, you'llunderstand why she's
inspirational.
She's so incredibly humble andis such an incredible energy to
(09:51):
be around.
And I am so grateful to haveconnected with her.
As you go on, you will hear hertalking.
But my main thing that I wasreally, really interested in is
in this concept of purging thatMedea experiences and she speaks
about.
And she asks the most powerfulquestion.
And generally speaking, I cantell you that back in another
(10:12):
world that I used to I genuinelycan tell you, I don't think I
ever asked myself this question.
I would urge you to reallylisten to what she has to say.
Her story is her experience.
And just a reminder that thewhole point of this podcast and
the whole point of theseincredible guests who share
their stories is to ask you, areyou listening to you?
(10:34):
Have you asked yourself thesequestions?
And are you where you want tobe?
Because questions, are the mostpowerful thing.
The downside is, is many of usare actually scared of the
answers or we've preempted whatthe answers are going to be.
And then we go into a state ofshock.
Well, I'm going to say this toyou, flip it around.
(10:54):
Because when you put the rightquestions out there, you're open
to the immensity and theamazingness of the answers.
Now I'm going to head on over,leave you with my incredible
guest for this week.
And remember, get in touch, DMme, leave comments on socials.
I would absolutely love to hearfrom you.
Take care.
SPEAKER_02 (11:15):
Thank you so much for having me.
I am Dias Lawson and I am amotivational speaker.
SPEAKER_01 (11:22):
Motivational speaker.
This is really important.
Okay, this is quite a pivotalpoint.
And when you say motivationalspeaker, your kind of
motivational speaking comes froma culmination of your life
experiences and unraveling themand understanding them.
What I also want to put outthere is a lot of your
experiences are available forpeople to listen to either on
(11:45):
your podcast or through catchingup with you and seeing what
other podcasts you've been on.
But if you would just round upwhat life has been like for you,
up until this point.
SPEAKER_02 (11:58):
It's a long story.
SPEAKER_01 (12:04):
I carefully said, can you round up?
It's like, how are you supposedto do that?
There's
SPEAKER_00 (12:12):
so much.
SPEAKER_02 (12:12):
Maybe we can take it in clusters.
SPEAKER_00 (12:15):
Yeah,
SPEAKER_02 (12:15):
exactly.
So basically, I'll start offwith where I'm originally from.
I was born in Pakistan and Lifein Pakistan was extremely
difficult.
We didn't have any money and myparents were struggling.
My mom had hepatitis C and Battacks.
My dad kind of moved to the UKwhen I was around three to
(12:38):
create a better life for usbecause obviously you know in
Pakistan if you don't have moneyyou are going to struggle in
that part of the world.
We are so grateful in England wehave NHS that you know our care
is free no matter what peoplesay about NHS we still have a
free service right but inPakistan you have to pay for it
even if it's the most chronicand life-threatening condition
(13:01):
you have to pay and people whodon't have money they struggle
quite bad.
So we were living with mygrandma.
My mom couldn't look after me ormy grandma.
So, you know, my grandma waselderly.
So me and my mom moved to myauntie and her husband's place
while my dad was in the UK andmy grandma moved to my other
uncle's place.
(13:21):
That was basically life.
And I didn't see my dad for fouryears.
You know, I did move to the UKat the age of seven, but in
between was quite difficultbecause my mom was in and out of
hospitals.
I've always seen my mom ill.
School in Pakistan was quitedifficult.
quite difficult as well becausethere was one teacher she was
quite abusive every single dayshe would get me in front of the
(13:42):
class and she would ask me toread something and if I made a
mistake then she would punch mein front of all the children in
the class and she would slap meshe was quite abusive she used
to hit me with rulers and everytime she would you know come
over to me I remember gettingreally scared of this
authoritative sort of figure andshe would read what I've written
(14:03):
now I was what like probablyfive, six, you know, like if
I've written a really, if mytext was really bad, I mean, it
would be for a five or six yearold, right?
If it was really bad, she wouldget my hand out and she would
hit me with rulers.
She would just insult me.
It's like, what the hell haveyou written?
That is junk.
That is crap.
And she would hit me and shewould send me out of the class.
(14:25):
So I used to be so afraid ofgoing to school.
And I remember, like, whenever Iused to wake up in the morning,
my heart used to be racing sofast.
I used to probably have anxiety.
You know, I was like, I don'twant to go.
And my family didn't understandwhy I was doing that.
They said, I don't want to go.
I don't want to go.
This teacher, I don't like thisteacher.
I don't like this teacher.
teacher in the morning I used tohide under the bed and they used
(14:49):
to run after me with clothes Iused to like just run everywhere
so I don't want to go to schooland they thought I was just a
naughty child but I was actuallyafraid to go to school that was
my life in Pakistan really itwas quite intense
SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
yeah no of course and there's so much going on
because your immediate family isalready in a difficult place.
And there are so many factors.
There's poverty, there's health.
And, you know, we're seeing thisnow nationally with the pandemic
in countries where healthcareisn't so available.
And we are so fortunate to behere that the pain is horrific.
(15:25):
And then on top of it, you'regoing to school and you're being
treated, you're being pushed outthere to be made like a
spectacle of in front of theclass.
So your anxiety and yourpressured environment is from
the get-go.
SPEAKER_02 (15:38):
From the day I was born.
SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Yeah, yeah, from the day you're born.
You're born into this.
So when you came to the UK, whatwas school like?
Because that in itself must havebeen on top of everything else,
coming to the UK.
You're not seeing your dad forthat period of time.
And then obviously with your mumbeing unwell, what was school
like for you here?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:02):
I moved to the UK when I was seven.
We still obviously struggledwith money, right?
So school like here, it wasreally difficult at first
because I didn't speak anyEnglish, which meant I didn't
have any friends.
The teachers were nice here, butfor me, I was afraid of them,
really terrified of them.
(16:22):
So for months and months andmonths, I used to cry in school
and the teacher didn'tunderstand what was going on.
My parents didn't understandwhat was going on.
I didn't understand what wasgoing on.
You know, I wasn't even thatconsciously aware of the whole,
why I was crying, why I wasafraid of this authoritative
figure.
I remember like, After cryingall day in school, my principal
(16:46):
had a meeting with my parentsand they brought me into the
meeting.
And so my principal was justbasically saying, if she doesn't
stop crying, then we're going tohave to put her into special
needs school because it's notnormal for a child to just cry
all day in school.
They were just worried aboutwhat was going on.
(17:06):
Did I have any mental healthconditions or what was going on?
But it was just the trauma ofthe teacher in Pakistan.
Now I understand it.
You know, at that time, theydidn't understand it.
It was difficult at first, butthen I quickly adjusted quickly.
I even became a captain of mycricket team and I was the only
girl in boys team.
Became a captain and yeah, I wasquickly adjusted to the teachers
(17:30):
here.
It was just, I recognised theteachers were nice and gentle
SPEAKER_01 (17:34):
here.
I like the fact that you're justlike captain of the cricket
team.
It's like staying true toPakistani roots and going no I'm
ruling this that is the only wayto do things right yeah yeah and
so tell us more because we havespoken before and one of the
(17:54):
things that really stood out forme in your journey is the whole
physical release of letting goof the trauma and the process of
really piecing it together,unraveling it, and putting it in
a place where it makes sense.
Now, all of this is actuallykind of underpinned by, let's
(18:15):
call it your spiritualawakening, or this pivotal
moment where everything madesense, that you stepped into,
you found, you found yourselfsurrounded by the ultimate
light.
Tell us more about that.
Should I talk about my journeyto it first?
UNKNOWN (18:33):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (18:33):
Yes, that would make logical sense, obviously.
I'm just running ahead of myselfbecause I'm like, I want to hear
all of it.
SPEAKER_02 (18:40):
Right, yeah, perfect.
So basically, you know, when Imoved to the school, life was
adjusted, but then we were stillstruggling with money.
My dad was working multiplejobs, trying to create a better
life for us.
And my mom was in and out ofhospital still.
You know, our living conditionsweren't very good.
We rented a private, it was aprivate rented house.
(19:01):
We only had one bed and oneheater in the living room so my
mom and dad gave me the bedwhile they slept on the floor
and that was our life for twoyears that period of my life it
was really blissful because eventhough we did not have money
even though we were strugglingin life it was blissful because
we were with each other Youknow, I was reunited with my
(19:25):
dad.
We used to play cricket in thepark together.
And, you know, we sit around theheater, play board games, Ludo
or like the carrom boards, youcall them Pakistan.
And yeah, it was just nice.
I realized like you don't needto have a lot of wealth or money
to live a happy life, right?
We moved to Lemon's Room here inManchester because I got
(19:47):
admission in girls' high school.
Again, the living conditionswere really worse off because we
were desperate to get a placeand we ended up in a place where
it was half complete.
There was rats everywhere and itwas just not perfect living
conditions.
And my dad, back end of leavingBury, because we were living in
Bury before, back end of leavingBury, he was diagnosed with
(20:11):
cancer in his bladder.
That period of my life aroundthe age of 12, 13 was just
really difficult.
I was getting bullied in schoolthroughout the year.
And at home, I would see my dadlike literally roll on the floor
in pain of cancer.
And, you know, it was just, itwas just really horrific to see.
(20:34):
And, you know, they did anoperation on him after like a
couple of months because theyremoved his blood and he had his
bag removed.
And then they said, well, thecancer's gone from your bladder.
It's okay.
He came back again three monthslater and he came back with a
bang in his bowel and then hespread everywhere.
He just literally died within ayear.
You know, throughout all ofthis, whatever was happening, my
(20:57):
parents, because they wanted toprotect me, they did not tell me
the full extent of hiscondition.
They said, yeah, it's a cancer.
It will get better.
It's a mild one.
Doctor said.
he will get better.
But the doctors were telling myparents that he only has a year
or two to live.
But my parents were telling methat he's going to be completely
(21:19):
okay.
So I was basically walkingaround thinking my dad was going
to be okay.
I was only, what, 13, 12, 13and, you know, didn't realize
the impact of cancer.
It was only until when one daymy dad was really ill and he was
admitted in hospital.
This was a month before hepassed away and it was only a
(21:39):
couple of days before he passedaway my mom came and it's like
everyone was rushing around inthe house my cousins were at her
house as well no one told meanything they were just like oh
he's fine he's fine now i had afear of going to hospital i used
to have an anxiety so my dadsaid not to come to the hospital
i will speak to you on the phoneso i spoke to him every day on
(22:00):
the phone thinking he's gonnaget treated and i was just in my
own little world it's like yeahdad's getting better i'm just
gonna focus i'm gonna do thisthat here there Yeah, so a
couple of days before he passedaway, my mom just, everyone was
rushing around and my mom lookedstressed.
Everyone was looking stressed.
And I was like, okay, what isgoing on?
And that was the moment when mymom actually sat me down and she
(22:23):
said, your dad's only got acouple of days to live.
He stopped breathing.
I was like, what?
I just spoke to him on the phonea couple of days ago and he was
completely fine.
And you're telling me he's goingto be dying in the next like
couple of days?
It was like a complete shock.
I probably just felt like I leftmy body at that point because it
was, I was in a complete stateof shock.
(22:45):
I eventually did go to thehospital to see him.
And I remember walking into theroom and the state of him was
horrible.
His bones was showing, it wasthe cancer was eating him up and
bones were showing.
He had long beard growing.
It's like his face was reallythin.
It's like, I couldn't evenrecognize who my dad was, you
(23:07):
know?
That was the moment where, Idon't know, I just felt like I
was guided, something in meguided me to just say it, that
dad, if I've ever hurt you inany way, please forgive me.
He just smiled and he justbasically said, you're my child.
That was the last conversation Ihad with my dad and I didn't I
(23:29):
remember just running out of thehospital as fast as I can.
I just went and sat at the park.
And at that time, we had theirMacmillan nurses.
So they're basically a charitythat help people going through
cancer and their families.
And we had a volunteer there,and he came running after me.
And he just sat with me.
And I just, in that moment, Ijust, you know, when you're in a
(23:51):
really shocked state, you justgo completely numb.
He just sat with me for ages andages and ages.
And It was like I was unable toexpress anything that was
happening around me.
It was all way too quick, likeeverything was happening quick.
And then my dad passed away acouple of days later.
When he passed away, I was justcompletely okay, you know.
(24:14):
Everyone came to pay respects.
I was just bubbly, laughing.
It was like my brain wasn'tprocessing it at all.
it was slowly coming in but it'snot coming in at all and then
when they left a couple of daysafter I just completely and then
I realized oh wait hold on mydad did actually pass away.
SPEAKER_01 (24:35):
I'm really really sorry to hear that and one thing
that tends to happen in lifeexperiences like this where we
lose a loved one in the way thatyou've experienced there were
generally lots of Almost like,you know, lots of people will
say things like, oh, time willhelp and all of these different
(24:56):
things happen and people sharetheir well-meaning wisdom and
help with you.
Just going back to where yousaid your parents didn't
actually tell you the full storyof what was going on.
So on a conscious level, you'reoperating on a level of trust
because your parents are tellingyou everything's fine.
(25:18):
And they're the people youtrust, so obviously that's how
it's going to be.
But on a subconscious level andon an energetic level, you're
still absorbing and fully, fullyconnecting with the undertones
of the truth, of the reality, ofthe absolute essence of that
situation.
So when you're then faced inthis situation and you're
(25:39):
feeling numb, and then your nextprocess is acceptance of that
realisation, Was that almostlike a form of going into
autopilot for you?
SPEAKER_02 (25:50):
Yeah, it was like my body was in a survival mode,
just like, hold on, you know,not to don't do anything, you
know.
So it was autopilot.
So I was just operating inreleasing a more happy emotions
at that moment rather thanactually feeling
SPEAKER_01 (26:10):
into it.
Do you feel from your experiencethat that was...
going to happen regardless or doyou think that happened because
throughout the course of yourlife your parents had said to
you it's okay everything's fineeverything's secure and actually
when it came to that point wherethings weren't okay your
immediate reaction is to go intoeverything's fine mode I'm in
(26:32):
autopilot I'm happy or not happybut at least in a place where
I'm not grieving.
or allowing that to happen?
SPEAKER_02 (26:40):
Yeah, I mean, it's always been the case with my
parents.
It's like anything bad'shappening, let's just not talk
about it.
Let's not express our feelings,emotions about it.
So what happens is, obviously,when you suppress your feelings
and emotions, you put a guardup.
So when this whole thing washappening in our household, even
(27:02):
though they were saying thesethings, energetically,
internally my soul was feelingthat something was up but i was
not consciously looking into ityou can feel the dense energy
you can feel that dark energy inthe household because it's what
it's real no matter how happyyou look normally if you're an
(27:27):
empath because like normallyempaths are sponge for people's
emotions you can walk into aroom and you can feel their
emotions and feelings, as ifit's your own.
So when our household wascompletely putting a cover on
the negative emotions and thesadness and everything, I was
(27:49):
feeling it densely, which is whyI was starting to suffer from
anxiety, because I was pickingit up on
SPEAKER_01 (27:55):
an energetic level.
I totally resonate with that.
I guess I'm an empath in thefact that I'm fully
clairsentient, so I can fully...
connect with people's thoughtsin those moments as well as
their emotions.
So when you talk about theanxiety, that was a huge factor
(28:15):
in your life that was there fromso early on.
And how did that change yourlife?
How did that stop you fromreally allowing your soul to
shine through?
SPEAKER_02 (28:25):
Basically, you know, after my dad passed away, my mum
was already ill six months afterhe passed away.
she had a severe rheumatoidarthritis attacks.
Though now she has hepatitis B,C and severe rheumatoid
arthritis.
So from the age of 14, I becameher young carer because I'm the
only child.
(28:46):
Now, I've been caring for my momfor 15 years.
That was my caringresponsibility because she had
no body.
You know, she was when Iremember early days of her
illness, her fingers and toeswere swelling up really bad.
And like, you know, her fingerswere like bending really, really
fast and doctors were quiet.
What is like is a severe form ofrheumatoid arthritis, but it's
like rapidly progressing inwithin months.
(29:09):
So she was completely bed boundfor months and months and
months.
And I was just shocked.
At the age of 14, you know, itwas like seven months, six,
seven months ago, my dad passedaway and I'm like looking after
my mom now.
So I would feed her.
I would change her clothes.
I would just do everything.
And she had depression.
And it was almost like I had tocarry all that baggage on my
(29:33):
shoulders.
And that's when my anxietiesdied off.
That's when I really, reallystarted suffering from anxiety
to a point I could not even stepoutside the house without having
a panic attack.
Looking back, I feel like I washolding back all these emotions
and feelings, so I wassuppressing them.
That was quite a lot of theme inmy life and to, oh, you have
(29:55):
this issue, not to look at it.
You have this issue, not to lookat it.
So the more and more I was doingthat, the more and more I was
suppressing my feelings andemotions.
The anxiety, what I call it, isjust alarm bell.
Basically, alarm bells is likeringing, ringing, ringing,
ringing, ringing.
You need to look at this.
You need to look at this.
but I'm not looking at this.
So, okay, I'm going to beseverely impacting your life
(30:18):
because you're not looking atthis.
So it got to a point where, likeI said, I couldn't even leave
the house without having panicattacks.
And I used to have likecommunity befrienders who used
to come and take me to thegarden first.
I used to have severe panicattacks in the garden.
Two, three times a day, I wouldhave severe panic attacks.
That was my life for 10 years.
(30:40):
You know, I was constantlysuppressing, suppressing,
suppressing, but the anxiety wasgetting worse and worse and
worse.
And it was coming out in myeating as well.
I may have had eating disordersand binge eating.
And there were days where Iwould go weeks without even
eating and throwing up.
So it was like I was living inmy own hell.
It's quite funny because I wascaring for my mom and these
(31:02):
community bee frienders wouldcome and take me to the garden
first and they'd come out andthey'd take me to the park.
they were looking after me so itwas like I was caring for
someone and they were caring forme yeah so that's how it
impacted my life and my schoollife as well.
SPEAKER_01 (31:20):
What you said is so so powerful because anxiety
being in this bell sayingsomething needs to be looked at
and anxiety for everybody nowit's there because we're so
conditioned into suppressing sowhat I'd like to do if it's okay
with you is can you tell us whathappened in that moment that
(31:41):
life opened for you and yoursoul shone through
SPEAKER_02 (31:45):
so this was around the age of 27 now I was an
atheist I didn't believe inanything you know I wasn't very
aware of anything spiritual andso you know when I was going
through my darkest time I usedto question everything like, oh,
if God or whatever is real, thenwhy would he or she or whatever
(32:06):
make us suffer, make me suffer?
And, you know, I was an angrychild, basically.
Around the age of 27, so I hadan experience, what they call an
out-of-body experience,basically.
Now, at that time, I didn'trealize what it was.
I thought I was going crazy, butI'll tell you about the
experience itself.
Basically, I was just laying onmy bed, And all of a sudden, I
(32:28):
felt like a vibration within mybody.
It wasn't like shaking.
It was almost like that's thebest way I can describe it when
your body's kind of vibrating.
So all of a sudden, I ended upin this place where everything
was just completely white.
The white light was so brightthat it wouldn't even hurt my
eyes, you know.
(32:49):
And when I was in that stage orplace, beings, whatever you want
to call it, it just felt like Iwas home.
This is where I am originallyfrom.
I felt the unconditional love ofsomething that was bigger than
myself.
It's just so hard to describe iton a human level.
(33:09):
When you're in that state, youjust don't want to leave it
because it was just so blissful.
While I was in that state, therewas like beams of light within
the white light.
There was beams of light juststanding there without any
physical appearance.
Now, when I was in that state, Ithought it was so standing there
without any physical appearance.
And as I went up to one light,you don't even walk there, you
(33:33):
kind of float there.
It's almost like And you don'teven talk by mouth, you talk by
mind.
It's really intense.
So as I went up to one light, itturned around, it turned into
the face of my dad.
And he just smiled and he said,everything is okay.
Don't worry.
As soon as he said that, Iremember coming back in and I
(33:56):
remember from my right leg totop of my head, my body was like
slightly vibrating.
And then all of a sudden, all ofmy body was vibrating.
It's such a weird experiencewhere I just felt like while it
was vibrating, it was almostlike the soul was just coming
into the physical body.
And when you're leaving thebody, that vibration is like
(34:18):
your soul is like leaving andit's like vibrating out.
SPEAKER_01 (34:24):
That This is the only way I can explain this.
So this is the technicalterminology.
Basically, I've been trying tofigure out how to explain it.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I understand.
How do you?
There are no words.
There are no words.
SPEAKER_02 (34:42):
There's absolutely no words.
I feel like the experienceitself is just beyond anything
that you could ever imagine orfeel or think or...
do or be.
It's just really hard to talkabout.
Yeah.
So when I came to back into thephysical reality of it all.
(35:06):
I freaked out at first becauseobviously I had no spiritual
knowledge, no idea what wasgoing on.
Never heard of anybody talkabout out-of-body experiences or
even though our household wasMuslim, but I did not even pay
attention to us.
Like it was almost like they'respeaking an Arabic language that
I will never understand, youknow, reading the Quran or
(35:26):
something.
And yeah, so I just didn'trecognize it.
So I didn't even tell anyonebecause I thought, I was going
crazy.
For a week, I was just in abliss and scared at the same
time.
It was almost like I was livingtwo realities.
For a week, I was just thinkingaround what the hell's going on,
what the hell's going on.
And then a week later, samething happened.
(35:47):
But this time, it's middle ofthe night.
This time, I was actuallyasleep.
So I ended up in this placeagain with everything white and
Again, the same feeling like theunconditional love of something
that was bigger than myself.
And I just saw like a bubble ofenergy wrapped around me.
In that moment, I just felt somuch love, peace and all the
(36:13):
happiness and joy around me.
There was like no fear.
There was no sadness.
There was nothing, no painwhatsoever.
And I just wanted to be in thatstate of being.
for the rest of my life.
Because ever since I was little,all I was seeing was pain and
suffering.
The day you're born into thisplanet, suffer, suffer, suffer,
(36:33):
pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.
And then all of a sudden I hadthis amazing experience.
I was like, why would you wantto go back to this body of
yours?
Why would you want to go back tothis body of yours?
That experience was actuallyquite brief.
And then I came back.
I remember opening my eyes And,you know, I've just been started
(36:54):
mumbling out of nowhere.
Oh, thank you God foreverything.
And I meant it.
I just knew it was somethingbigger than myself.
And all of a sudden I had theloudest voice in my right ear
that said, stay positive andkeep going.
I was like, what you know it wasit was almost like an explain
(37:16):
it's like blissful state andthen and then it's going into oh
my god freaking out you know myego was like freak out and my
soul was like chill out
SPEAKER_01 (37:32):
those moments that is so brilliantly explained and
then what happened then
SPEAKER_02 (37:38):
So basically, after the freak out moment and the
blissful moment when I had thechance to just sort of calm
down, I was just sitting therestill and I just started to cry,
you know, like not in a cry ofpain, but crying in a sense
where I'm held.
I'm loved.
I know I'm loved.
It was in that moment where...
(37:59):
All that fear inside of me thatI was holding for so many years,
it was like being released outof my body and it was being
replaced by peace, love andinner knowing that everything,
that moment I actuallyunderstood because when I was in
that state, I connected witheveryone and everything.
(38:20):
In that moment, I understoodthat everything that I've been
through, everything that I'mgoing through or everything that
I will go through is alwaysgoing to be preparing me for
something bigger, always goingto be preparing me.
So I did not look at my issuesor problems in the past as in a
(38:41):
victim mentality anymore.
It's like, why me?
Why is it always happening tome?
I went from thinking that to Ineeded to go through that.
This teacher needed to hit me.
My dad needed to go throughthat.
He needed to die from cancer andmy mom falling ill and me
becoming a carer because theywere crucial point in my journey
(39:04):
to evolve past, evolve to a nextlevel of existence or life, you
know, to make a difference inthis world.
So that moment I realized that.
And, you know, like I said, allthe fear went out of my body and
I just started doing things likefrom a person who couldn't leave
the house to to socializing andhelicopter rides and studying
(39:29):
and I was doing all of thisexternal work.
It was just like no fear,
SPEAKER_01 (39:34):
no fear at all.
Wow.
I love this because there's somuch.
of all of it that I fully, fullyconnect with on so many
different levels.
But like I said at thebeginning, is in that process of
this release, you've had thesemoments, almost like little
glimmers to say, this is what'spossible.
(39:57):
And yet physically, there wasstill a process for you to go
to, this whole kind of purgingwhere you had to really connect
with your physical experienceand allowed that release to
happen.
So if you could explain that alittle bit more, that would be
really good.
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (40:16):
Okay.
So basically what I was doing,it wasn't all just Rosie and
going on helicopter rides anddoing all these things, becoming
a motivational speaker.
I had to go within myself.
It's just somehow felt I wasguided to go within and look at
the trash I call it a trash notin a bad way but trash that I
(40:37):
was storing inside of my bodyall of these years what I would
do is every single day I did nottell anyone what I was doing
like I said it was like I let mysoul guide me and my ego was so
quiet at that time my soul waslike okay what you're gonna do
is you're gonna sit in acomfortable place in a corner
and And what you're going to dois you're going to ask yourself
(40:59):
questions.
I was like, okay.
So I just randomly startedasking myself just two
questions.
How are you feeling today?
Are you okay?
And I would ask those questionsin the most loving and
compassionate way.
Because being an empath, youlook after other people.
You don't look after yourself.
So me caring for my mom for 15years, I was looking after her
(41:21):
and not myself.
When I started asking thosequestions, It was like almost
all of the trauma that I wasstoring inside of my body was
just starting to come out.
So everything, every singlething about my dad, my mom, my
rough childhood, and all of theexperiences were just coming.
(41:43):
And I was purging it, purgingit, purging it.
And it wasn't just like, oh,it's done in a week.
It took me two years.
Two years of being disciplinedand sitting with myself and
going through it.
At that time, it was almost likethe universe was taking
everything out of my life.
Now, I was living with my mom,but I was so detached.
(42:04):
Some of the days, I didn't evenrealize my mom was there, but I
was caring for her.
It was like I went off socialmedia, every possible situation,
everything went out of my life.
Whatever I was doing, I used toescape from feeling the pain.
I used to play games or bingewatch TV so I won't feel that
pain.
All of a sudden, I just didn'tdo that anymore.
(42:27):
And I was left with my trauma.
And I was like, okay, this is inyour face and you have to look
at it now.
So like I said, every day Iwould ask myself this question
and it was purge, purge, purge.
And then it almost became like ahabit.
All right, today I'm going tosit down and I'm going to look
at, let's see what's coming up.
(42:48):
Okay, a trauma about my dad.
I'm going to look into it.
I'm going to dig deep into itand I'm going to peel all the
layers on it so I release it outmy body.
Because what happens with traumais most people don't realize
that anything that happens inyour life, it gets stored in
(43:08):
your body.
It gets stored in yourself-memory.
You know, most people thinktrauma is like, oh my God,
something horrible is happening.
No, it could be you're at aTesco supermarket shopping and
someone's really annoyed you andyou come home and it's like
little traumas, like emotionaltrauma stuck in your body.
(43:28):
And what happens is every day welive our lives in a way where we
brush it off, we suppress it,and it gets stored in, I call
it, in a junk pile, in a bininside of your house.
Your body, your internal body,you know?
So what do you do?
It's going to rot away, right?
What do you do?
Like if you have a normal binand you don't clean it out, what
(43:50):
happens to it?
It rots and smells and it plays.
You don't like it.
It plays out everywhere.
You know, it's junk.
So this is really important.
This is what I did for like twoyears on, you know, and it got
to a point where when I wassitting down and one day I was
like, okay, what trauma am Igoing to bring up?
And nothing was coming up and Ifelt peace, calm, just joy and
(44:16):
happiness inside of me.
And in that moment, I thought tomyself, have I really, really
healed past these traumatic lifeexperiences?
Have I really?
And I just realized, yeah, Idid.
All of the two-year work thatI've been doing on myself, by
myself, I just healed it.
Just like that, without havingany knowledge of what, like how
(44:39):
people do it, you know?
Yeah, like I said, it's just,it's the most intense feeling,
but like I cleared all that outof my body and I felt amazing.
You feel amazing.
And when you look back at yourtraumatic life experiences, you
are grateful for them that youhad them because you kind of
just evolved past that victimmentality.
SPEAKER_01 (45:01):
That is so, it's intense, yeah.
because you said you managed toheal yourself and get past that
point, but you listened to likea higher guidance.
You allowed that to come in.
And that all became possiblebecause of the fact that you had
these out-of-body experiences.
Now, for people who don't havethose experiences like we do or
(45:26):
don't have those moments wherethey're able to really push past
or feel that they're ready to goinside, This is why you're a
motivational speaker.
And this is why I'm a coach.
It's to get to that point is toshare our learning in the
context of being just able to dothat for yourself and connecting
(45:51):
with a higher guidance andtrusting a process.
What have you learned and whatdo you want to share with others
today?
SPEAKER_02 (45:59):
Oh God, I got so much to share.
What I learned is that lookinginto your emotional system is so
important.
It's so much easier to, whensomething happens, we go
straight into that physicalworld, focusing on a career or
partying or things like that,you know, we bypass the healing
(46:21):
process.
So what even in personaldevelopment, what we do is like
we go from negative low statefeeling to complete positive and
we bypass that healing.
Healing doesn't have to besomething major.
It can be something little youcan do to heal yourself on the
(46:42):
bad day you're having.
So it could be that you'rehaving a low negative feeling.
What you're going to do isyou're going to sit with
yourself and make your ownquestions.
How are you feeling today?
Are you okay?
And for example, if someonereally treated you like bad in
supermarket, so what you'regoing to do is you feel angry,
(47:03):
you're going to allow yourselfto feel that feeling and
emotion.
You're going to allow yourselfto release it.
What often happens is we kind ofresist it.
So try not to resist what istrying to come up because it's a
release of your system.
And it's not like you're goingto sit for one hour and that's
it.
Sometimes you have to peel allthe layers, but sometimes it's
done in an hour.
It depends on what you'refeeling.
(47:24):
But the most important thing isto feel And then you get out
into the world, you do all thesethings.
So that's how you do things fromnegative love feelings to
feeling your emotions, labelingit, accepting it.
feeling it to the core and thenyou go out into the physical
(47:45):
world so internally everythinghappens from inside out not
outside in
SPEAKER_01 (47:50):
love love love have no other words apart from spot
on hey ditto amen yeah so tellus where can people find out
more about you because obviouslyyou're on this episode which is
great And obviously I'm going tobe hassling you because there
(48:10):
are things that I want to talkto you about outside of this.
Tell us where people can findout more about you, how they can
connect with you and, you know,what's in store, what's next,
what's coming up.
SPEAKER_02 (48:24):
So basically, can I tell you how I came about being
a motivational speaker?
So basically, when I was doingall this internal work, I put it
out in the universe and said,universe, I've done all this
internal work.
How do you want me to helppeople?
What do you want me to do?
Because I have all thesenegative life experiences.
How can I make it into somethingpositive that would help people?
(48:46):
So I kind of just had a thoughtand let it go.
And a couple of weeks later, myfriend who we were at a law of
attraction meeting, actually,and we were standing outside the
building and she was talkingabout how she's an actress and
she wants to do public speakingbecause she gets stage fright.
I was like, what is publicspeaking?
Is this something like businessconferencing?
I didn't have any knowledge ofit.
She goes, no, no, you can go onstage and share your story.
(49:08):
It's like, oh, okay.
So while we were talking aboutpublic speaking, these two guys
popped out the building talkingabout public speaking at the
same time and they teach publicspeaking now I was like okay
maybe that's a sign I'll take itnow my friend didn't take it it
was her right I took it yeah soI just ended up just researching
(49:29):
about public speaking and takingup courses and and then all of a
sudden like I ended up on astage in front of 100 people
sharing my story and And thenthree months later, I ended up
on stage again in front of 150people sharing what I did after
the story, the inner healingthat I was just telling you
about.
A couple of months later, again,I was like nominated for the
(49:51):
Best Female Inspiration PersonAward, which I went on to win.
I'm nominated for it again.
Then I spoke to over 200 people.
It's just incredible howeverything came about.
Now, back end of that, likeduring the pandemic, obviously I
couldn't go on stages.
I was like, how do I help peoplenow?
How can I be of service to otherpeople?
(50:11):
So the podcasting just cameabout and I just ended up,
again, researching how to dopodcasts.
So I have a podcast SoulAwakenings with Madhya Sosan
(50:42):
Other people going through theirown spiritual awakening, they
have a platform to come to.
So you can look up SoulAwakenings with Madhya Sosan.
It's on Spotify.
It's on Apple.
And I have my Instagram isMadhyaSosan1 and also Facebook
MadhyaSosan.
And you can even follow me onInstagram for my Soul Awakening
(51:04):
podcast as well, which is calledSoul Awakens with Madhya Sosan.
SPEAKER_01 (51:07):
Thank you so much.
And all of the details will beincluded in the show notes and
on the website for The EternalParadigm as well.
Thank you.
Before we go, we know where wecan be found.
We know how you become amotivational speaker.
We know how the podcast started.
What's in store for you?
What's next?
SPEAKER_02 (51:29):
Now, here's a tricky question.
Not a tricky question, but...
For most people, it's different.
For me, it is living in thepresent moment and experiencing
what life is going to bring me.
Motivational speaking, I didn'teven think about it.
I didn't even think aboutbecoming a motivational speaker
and everything, and it just cameto me.
So I live life in the presentmoment all the time and
(51:51):
opportunities open up.
What's my biggest goal is?
to inspire people all over theworld.
And I know universe is going tomake it happen.
You know, you have that innerknowing to inspire people, help
people, motivate people.
That is my big goal.
And I'm just going to let it goto the universe and let it
happen.
However, it's going to come byeven on my YouTube channel, my
(52:12):
podcast, or being on stages infront of hundreds of people.
That's my biggest goal.
SPEAKER_01 (52:19):
I hope you enjoyed that.
Thank you for joining me forthis episode of Eternal
Paradigm.
Join me next time.
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