July 7, 2021 • 31 mins
Growing up in Essex as a child to immigrant Indian parents Rohit Raval's early life was filled with many different and difficult experiences that included deep seated inequality and racism.
This is a deeply personal conversation where I am joined by my husband and life partner, Rohit who reflects on his passion for art, forgiveness and his connection to the feminine and masculine energy.
Rohit speaks about nature in art, creativity, meditative mind and human spirituality.
This is a snap shot of some of the conversations that me and Rohit have almost on a regular basis as we share our lives together.
Please note: This episode contains expletives.
Guest: Rohit Raval
Host: Urmi Raval
Sound Editor: Maja Pronko
Final Thoughts & How to Get Involved
If this episode resonated, I’d love to hear from you. These stories are a reminder that deep transformation is possible, even from the most difficult places.
If you're ready to explore therapeutic coaching or want to understand how it could support your journey, get in touch. This work can be truly life-changing. Get in touch with me for a Discovery Call
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Welcome to Eternal Paradigm.
Together, we're uncovering humanexperience by exploring
physical, mental, emotional, andspiritual stories.
With me, your host, Ermi Ravel.
Hello, welcome to this editionof Eternal Paradigm.
I hope you're enjoying yourjourney to find you.
(00:23):
So the last couple of weeks havebeen...
busy and interesting.
Things in the UK are nowchanging slowly.
And as things change, a lot ofthings are going to have to be
factored in as we return tonormality.
But what I don't want to do isdwell too much on what those
(00:44):
changes would mean for people.
But what I would like to sharewith you is what we've got
coming up.
in terms of episodes for EternalParadigm and also some new kind
of exciting developments really.
Before I go into this week'sepisode, I have to do the usual
stuff guys.
(01:04):
Just a quick reminder that youcan find Eternal Paradigm on
Instagram.
It's a growing community onInstagram and I'll update there
on what's happening with newepisodes, when they're
releasing.
Generally, we have an episodeout every Wednesday.
So did you manage to catch upwith last week's episode with
(01:25):
Camilla?
Or wasn't she just absolutelybrilliant?
I mean, every single guest whohas joined me on Eternal
Paradigm, and I say this all thetime, has been absolutely
incredible.
What's even more interesting isthe feedback that I get from you
guys as you've listened to eachepisode.
Thank you so much.
(02:01):
And that's incredible.
The fact that you feel that way,Mandy, the fact that listening
to these people share theirstories while you've been in a
place of searching has helpedyou to understand that it's okay
for everybody to go throughdifferent challenges in life.
But ultimately, by connectingwith the tribe in ways that
(02:24):
helps nourish your soul, hasallowed you to understand and
open up different possibilitiesfor you.
So Maddy, thank you so much forsharing that email and for
taking the time to send that tome.
So a call out to you guys, ifyou have any feedback, please
keep it coming.
It's always, always incredibleto hear what you think of the
(02:45):
episodes.
And also I've had some greatpeople, great people have been
recommending new guests to me aswell.
So I've had former guests whohave introduced me to new guests
who are going to be coming up.
And I've also had listeners putme in touch with some guests who
are going to be coming up.
So I'm really excited to shareall of those things with you.
We have got a few more episodesto go before I do kind of roll
(03:09):
things down in preparation forthe next round of Eternal
Paradigm.
I'm really looking forward tothat.
So there have been lots ofcelebrations.
You know well over 3,000downloads.
We have an active community oflisteners and I am so eternally
grateful to you.
It's just absolutely phenomenalto think that I started the
(03:31):
podcast off thinking that itwould go absolutely nowhere and
yet every single one of you whochooses to listen to every
episode and every single guestwho has who has showed up,
showed up for themselves andshowed up for the listeners and
showed up for everything thatthey believe in has totally
proved me wrong.
And it's actually helped me seethe value of doing this.
(03:54):
So in addition to the value thatpodcast offers there are lots of
things that are going to bechanging now I do absolutely
love putting together theepisodes every week it does get
quite challenging having apodcast is definitely not for
the faint-hearted we've got someincredible guests coming up over
(04:14):
the next few episodes as well Imean seriously I could honestly
talk to so many of these peopleforever you because they're just
so incredible in terms of whatthey do and in terms of what
they offer, in terms of who theyare.
But I digress for the timebeing.
So just a quick heads up,Eternal Paradigm Facebook group,
we're at 30 members now.
(04:35):
So I don't know if that was thesame as last week, possibly.
Come and join the group.
It's a place where you can shareyour ideas.
You know, if you have an eventcoming up, you're more than
welcome to share that in theactual group because the group
is quite receptive.
What else have we got happeningguys?
Just to round up, not muchreally.
This episode is actually veryclose to my heart and it's a
(04:59):
very personal episode.
If you have been listening toall of the episodes and for
those of you who know me, youknow that there have been
challenges that have kind ofsprung up in life.
And for those of you who don'tknow me, I'm just like you.
Things have happened, thingshaven't potentially have gone to
plan, but actually I'm in adifferent place now.
(05:21):
What this different place hasallowed me to really, really do
and see is to understand howincredibly amazing it is and how
powerful we are as individualsonce we uncover and unlearn and
actually work on connecting withwhat really makes our own hearts
(05:42):
sing.
Everything else...
does fall into place.
It hasn't been an easy ride andit's still not.
There are still very difficultdays, very difficult moments,
but I understand that the darkand the light now serves a
purpose.
One of the people that I amabsolutely grateful to and for
in this life of contrast andthis life of seeking fulfilment
(06:06):
is my husband.
So we've been together for quitea few years now and he has been
an absolute rock.
He's truly incredible.
He has been my teacher in somany ways and I have probably
been, I don't want to say I'vebeen a nagging wife because I
(06:26):
don't think I have been, butthere we go.
But yeah, he's been an absolutesuperhero for me.
Because he's shown me howincredible it is to be able to
look at a person and toconsistently and constantly and
even in the darkness, even inthe light, just to see their
(06:47):
potential.
And that is what has been trulyphenomenal about kind of our
relationship, because ultimatelywe are friends and we are
companions before anything else.
And, you know, above all ofthat, we're humans and we
believe in connecting with thesoul.
This episode is a snapshot,really, of a conversation that I
(07:08):
had with my husband, RohitRavel.
And it came about because Ireally wanted to understand more
about him.
And it's really importantbecause we go into all different
types of relationships and wedon't honestly and truly spend
enough time really getting toknow this person and what makes
(07:30):
them, what's made them who theyare today.
And who is it that they are sodesperately or wanting to be,
that they are yearning to be?
And that's what really promptedme to have this conversation
with him.
Last week, the episode withCamilla was also really, really
significant because her work iswith parents who have been
(07:51):
conditioned to create animbalance in their parenting
relationship with their child.
And when we then grow up andenter into relationships, We
carry this imbalance on.
Last week, I was at anincredible event for the RTT.
So for those of you, again, whodon't know, I am now officially
(08:13):
a licensed RTT therapist andhypnotherapist.
And last week when I was at thisevent at this Anxiety Forum,
Marisa Peer, who is the founderand the teacher of RTT, in her
thing, she was saying that whenparents don't love their
children, The child doesn't stoploving their parents.
They actually stop lovingthemselves.
(08:34):
That really kind of got methinking about Camilla's
episode.
But also what came up from thatis when a child is growing up,
every parent has good intentionsfor their child.
But it's the outside world thatoften causes incredible anxiety
for the child growing up.
But because they don't know anydifferent.
or they haven't really beentaught another way, they carry a
(08:57):
lot of that baggage into theirlife afterwards.
And so for my husband'sunlearning experience, equality
and inequality has been such abig part of that.
And the balance of like male andfemale energies has also been
quite significant in hisjourney.
So here, I'm really, reallyhappy to bring to you a snapshot
of our conversation today.
(09:18):
And just to add that EternalParadigm is now going to be
available on various differentother platforms.
So I don't know if you've heardof Audea, but it's great.
It's like YouTube for audio.
Because I haven't reallyventured into having video for
the podcast, the audio has beenso well received and the video
(09:38):
is going to be happening.
But if you have a look andGoogle Audea, you will get
access to another platform.
So by the end of August, youwill be able to hear more
content from Eternal Paradigm.
And it will actually bedigestible episodes, which will
become available to you.
And the reason I say that thisis a snapshot of our
(10:00):
conversation is because thereare snapshots of many
conversations that are going tobecome available on different
platforms.
However, for the time being, I'mreally, really pleased and
excited to bring to you the loveof my life, Rahit Ravel.
When you say that inequality andfeeling singled out based on the
(10:21):
bullying, is that what made yourealise that there's no such
thing as a kind of a push andpull or a, not so much of a push
and pull, but made you realisethat it's not, whether it's a
female or a male or anything,it's just purely the fact that
when people make you feelsingled out, that level of
(10:41):
inequality that you feel is,it's unforgiving.
SPEAKER_00 (10:45):
Totally.
Because some people aren't as, Idon't think I would say I was
strong.
I genuinely have Three-inchskin.
I don't know how I put up withit, but some people can't and
some people haven't.
And so much talent, so muchpotential has been lost because
people have been singled out.
(11:05):
I mean, just take our neighbourTony.
Tony, he was our old neighbourin Croydon.
Really nice guy.
And he was bullied because hewas gay in the 80s.
He was a newly qualified lawyerin the city and got bullied
into...
mental depression, whichultimately stopped his life.
So potential lost, you know, hecould argue a good case.
(11:29):
He does still do really goodwork, but he's taken a long time
to get through that.
SPEAKER_01 (11:34):
If we kind of bring it back to you again, in terms
of inequality and feelingsingled out, what else happened
apart from being singled outbecause of your disability?
skin colour, your background,the aspect of you that there is
no choice about.
What other things happened toyou where you felt singled out
(11:57):
or bullied or less equal?
SPEAKER_00 (12:00):
There are hundreds, if not thousands of examples.
So if I just give you a few,loving trampolining when I was
young and I was actually quitegood at it, but bullied out of
there because I was brown, notbeing able to join the local
football club.
Because I was brown.
My mum took me for the trialsand the manager gave her a false
(12:22):
phone number.
And, you know, just silly thingslike that.
It's 2021 now.
You look back, you know, thiswas 86, 88, whatever it was.
And you just laugh, you know,you just see the silliness of
it.
You know, getting a job, somehowgetting a job on the market.
Because I was a hard worker whenI was young.
I started working on the milkplants when I was 11, you know,
(12:44):
waiting.
to 4 o'clock in the morning atthe milk yard to try and get a
job for the day.
A lot of the other kids weregetting picked up.
They were getting£10 a day,which was a lot back then.
And I was just getting used.
If I did get a milk round,they'd use me for the entire
day, 12-hour day, and I'd get£5if I was lucky, sometimes£3.
(13:04):
It was a bit of a shock, but Ijust wanted to go out and earn.
I wasn't too aware that theywere taking full advantage.
Obviously they were.
And then after a while, nobodywanted to take me on.
And it wasn't for the lack ofnot being there on time, not
working hard, working on themarket, which I loved.
But it seemed like every otherkid that was my age on the
(13:28):
market wanted to trip me up.
And they would do things likerack up bills on the calf, in
the market calf, and say it wasme.
And at the end of the week...
I can't remember the guy's namewho I used to work for, but it
was like a dried fruit stall.
He said I racked up 12 quid'sworth of hot cross buns and tea
(13:50):
on the calf and just sat there.
I didn't have enough chance toargue my case.
And at the time I thought, oh,you know, they just did it
because it must have been amistake.
But you go back, you think back,not too much, but you go back
and you think, oh, gosh, that'swhat it was.
Some of the examples that weregoing
SPEAKER_01 (14:08):
through.
You said that you haven't, spenttoo much time exploring and
going back or spending timelooking for those signs that
were always there but when youdo now look back you said you
laugh which seems to be the mostlogical thing to do right just
to laugh but what other feelingsare there
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
I laugh because I probably would truth be told
cry, but I'm not going to wastemy energy on that.
I laugh at the silliness of it.
How can you hate a person?
It is hate.
How can you hate a person thatmuch that you would want to, you
know, just use and abuse?
(14:51):
It's probably a strong word, Idon't know if that can be used
or not, but it was...
how it's just totally alien thatyou can hate another person that
much.
And they've done nothing, youknow, as far as I was concerned.
I joined in.
I was never trying.
I was stuck out like a sorethumb.
I did what everybody else did.
(15:12):
Not because that's what I'mdoing.
I was a regular kid, you know,just in brown skin.
SPEAKER_01 (15:17):
You said use and abuse, and then you followed up
with, it's probably too strongto say that, but did it feel
like abuse or...
Does it feel like abuse now asyou look back?
SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
No, it's definitely abuse now.
You look at it back then, youknow.
I remember working a full day,12 hour day, four o'clock in the
morning, four o'clock in theafternoon and getting three
quid.
I can't remember his name now,but I remember the short, fat
bloke with glasses and a flatcap.
I did nothing wrong, you know.
I'd done all the running.
I'd deliver every single bottleof milk that morning for three
(15:51):
quid.
Even if it was night, you know,when all the other boys in the
street were getting a tenner,how does that even compute?
SPEAKER_01 (15:58):
And what was it like for you in a wider context?
What was school like for you?
Because everything you've talkedabout is kind of work related.
You want it, you know, you'rehaving a work ethic, you wanting
to get out there to work.
And also how, you know, you saidyour mum was given the wrong
phone number.
by the local football coachintentionally.
(16:19):
What was school like and whatdid you then discover that
changed or helped you focus onsomething?
SPEAKER_00 (16:28):
This is not on your list of questions, by the way.
SPEAKER_01 (16:32):
I'm allowed to add in extra questions.
SPEAKER_00 (16:36):
Yeah, when we went for the football trials, I was
so excited because one of thefriends in my school said, you
know, We all play for friends,community boys.
Why don't you come up?
And it was great.
I went up there.
I was so excited that I wasgetting into a team, possibly.
(16:56):
But looking back at thatspecific example, I remember the
coach just wasn't paying anyattention.
I remember my mum being quiteangry.
anxious and a bit annoyed butnot trying to look annoyed at
the time because he wasn'tpaying any attention to her I
was trying to show my skills butI was just excited to be there
you know and um he just reeledoff some stupid phone number
(17:20):
although mum didn't remember itI remembered it and it didn't
work I asked can I ring thenumber and she I think she knew
what was going on But probablydidn't want me to dial the
number, but I did dial thenumber quite a few times.
I was like, you know, it's notworking.
And the next day, went intoschool, you know, what happens?
You know, how come, you know,still blind and oblivious.
(17:43):
And it was just fobbed off,like, you know, oh, you know,
you're not good enough.
I was like, this is just...
I thought it was a club so wecould train and become better,
but it was all fobbed off afterthat.
So like I said, that was aknockback of hundreds of
knockbacks.
That just didn't knock me down.
(18:03):
It didn't knock me down.
I don't know why it didn't knockme down.
I don't know why it didn't determe.
I don't know why it didn't breakme.
If you go back to all of theexamples of things like that, I
just don't know why it hasn'tknocked me back, but it didn't.
So on to your next question, howwas it at school?
I can't really swear, can I?
It was fucking awful.
(18:24):
It was fucking awful.
I hated it.
I didn't mind primary school somuch.
We called it the infant school.
Infants, yeah, infants was cool.
I had a black teacher, MissCarol.
I still remember to this dayMiss Carol.
She told me I was brown.
It's making me a bit emotionalnow, but it was in a sea of
white.
(18:45):
Miss Carol told me I was brown,and I was like, what the fuck?
I couldn't understand.
I was like, because I onlythought I was pink.
Because you draw your faces.
Everybody's drawing their faces.
And suddenly you're a littlebit.
I don't know why it was a shame.
I suppose you pushed intofeeling that you're not.
So you just draw your picture.
You're pink.
And I was being naughty one day.
(19:05):
And she was, I still remembertoday.
She commented on my T-shirt, hownice it was.
And I thought, fuck thiskindness.
Because every other teacher wasa C-U-N-T.
They were all bastards.
But this woman was really nice.
And she didn't last that longbecause I'm sure she felt like,
the fuck am I doing now?
(19:27):
She disappeared.
You know, it was exciting timeswhen she was around.
Yeah, Infants was okay.
Primary was okay.
Secondary was just a fuckingabysmal, full of...
I mean, the first year was quitecool.
Everybody was OK, you know, withfriends and stuff.
And second year, third year,fourth year, fifth year, forget
(19:49):
it.
It was just a joke.
I was hardly ever there.
Just because of the physicalbullying, it was just...
He was just relentlesssometimes.
What the hell?
And it was because, and I wasn'tthe only brown kid in the
school.
There was another brown kid, andwe were the only two, really.
He never got bullied because Iconsidered him to be a bit of a
coconut.
I know that's a bit of a shitword, but it is what he was.
(20:13):
He really used to toe the linewhen it came to acting up.
I wasn't that.
I was just myself.
And I think that's partlyprobably the case.
I was always myself.
I didn't really give a shit whatother people think that much so
he didn't get bullied so maybebecause I did give back verbally
I ended up having to take thephysical punishment accordingly
(20:35):
and after a while you one or twofights you can handle like if
it's just one on one or one ontwo but these fuckers they were
like you know they were alwaysfive six seven eight nine ten
and it wouldn't stop just at theschool it would carry on on the
way home from school so you'dend up trying to find all sorts
of genius ways to walk home Soyeah, didn't learn much, but
(20:56):
enjoyed the art.
SPEAKER_01 (20:57):
In terms of the other person, the other brown
coconut who was at school, Iguess everyone's experiences of
bullying and being singled outare different.
And you said that you felt thatyours was quite severe partly
because you were yourselfbullied.
(21:18):
And that's a very, at that age,at that stage, to be clear that
that is who you were, just beingyourself, is quite a big thing.
From here, definitely I'minterested in looking at the art
aspect more.
And I love the fact that you hada teacher who, you've mentioned
(21:39):
her before several times whenwe've spoken, so I know how much
this lady shifted somethingquite big, quite deep for you.
There's a lot of stuffhappening, and you know that we
both talk about this as well,around epigenetics and about
holding on to ancestral trauma.
And for you and me to be, oranybody to be, holding on to
(22:03):
these lived experiences in ourlives, compounded with
everything that's happenedbefore us to our nearest
families and our ancestrallines, is big.
You know, it's deep.
We live with it.
It's in our cells, right?
It's in our cell memory.
So in terms of everything thatyou've been through and your
(22:25):
realizations and yourreflections in your experience,
how are you at when it comes tonow?
Are you feeling any compassion?
Are you feeling forgiveness?
Are you feeling...
able to to take these thingshead on and go to those dark
places and deal with themreflect on them and really let
(22:48):
them go to overcome that cycle
SPEAKER_00 (22:52):
it's um i'm still digging yes there is there's a
lot of forgiveness there becauseone of the biggest bullies that
i had was a half jamaican kidhis dad was jamaican his mom was
white divorced but this boythought he was not a person of
colour, quite frankly, and gaveme the hardest time.
(23:13):
Yeah, that was crazy.
But he obviously had a lot ofhurt or something was going on
in his life that made him actthe way he did.
Kids aren't born by being nastyor vicious.
He learnt that from somewhere,but I don't know.
Forgiveness is quite easy.
It's just the effects of thatdigging down.
(23:35):
You think...
I think we all need to, toactually address the problem.
But that's really, that's thehard part because a lot of that,
I've just blocked it out.
I've blocked it out becausenobody really wants to dig it
up.
It's like, remember, I think itwas about four or five years
ago, they had a reunion atschool, and I was like, what the
fuck, serious?
And Jamie, the kid that calledyou, the guy, well, he's a man,
(23:58):
obviously, who called you, hewas actually a really nice guy.
He was one of the, don't get mewrong, I had a few friends at
that school, and Jamie was areally nice guy.
I just didn't have the, Icouldn't bring myself to call
him because of just what itwould unearth.
because there's still somepeople there that if I met
today, words would be said, eventhough we were blokes in our
(24:24):
mid-40s with kids andeverything.
It would kick off becausethey're just mongrels.
They were absolute mongrels.
I'm sure they're not now.
I'm sure they're alloverprotective of their kids and
all the rest of it, watch PeppaPig, whatnot.
But yeah, it needs to be dug outand it needs to be addressed.
Obviously, I'm working on that,but that's a toughie.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
You mentioned art at school.
Tell us more about that.
SPEAKER_00 (24:48):
Art.
Always loved art from early age.
It was brilliant.
Just loved doing art.
First year, second year, Chineseteacher, Mr.
Duncan.
Brilliant.
Really inspiring.
Just a cool dude.
I mean, he was strict andeverything, but he was just a
cool dude.
He didn't have...
A lot of these teachers do nothave to do after-school
(25:10):
activity.
They do not get paid extra.
He did it for the love, andpeople wanted to be in that
class.
It was amazing.
Pottery, charcoal, all thesethings that you just wouldn't do
in a normal art lesson.
That sounds pretty standard now,but back then that wasn't the
case.
And there was other art teacherscoming in and talking about arty
things.
(25:30):
And it was like another world,and I really wanted to be part
of that world.
But that's how the fuck I leftin year two, and I was a bit
perplexed.
stuff about that but he fell inlove with miss partridge the
english teacher who was alsovery cool because everybody
fancied her but um yeah theyleft went somewhere east london
to do good so yeah that left avacuum and mr plumbridge turned
(25:52):
up and mr plumbridge was a bitof a prick because he was i mean
the name mr plumbridge youcouldn't make it up he was like
a little drill sergeant and thatdoesn't work well with art so he
was old school english artteacher and And he didn't kill
my passion for art becausethat's impossible.
But, you know, it went a bitdead because it was just, we
(26:15):
didn't see eye to eye.
I didn't like him.
And although he was trying toset me up for A-level art, I did
not want to do A-level artbecause I thought that was very
towing the line, you know, forwhat it's to be in art is
anything.
So why should I just have to sitthere and draw an apple?
You know, it's boring.
But yeah, he killed it.
Well, numbed it until I got tocollege, obviously.
SPEAKER_01 (26:35):
So how important after that experience has art
and creating with differentmaterials, how important has
that been for you?
And what have all of yourexperiences when it comes to art
and creating taught you?
SPEAKER_00 (26:51):
We'll start with the last question.
What has it taught me?
It has taught me, I didn't knowthis until we started thinking
about it, but it's taught mewhen I'm alone, it's cool.
When I'm sketching, when I'mdrawing.
When I was practicing art designor something, it's just, it's
like a meditation in a way.
(27:12):
You get zoned into whateveryou're doing and it's just
bliss.
I didn't realize how much of abliss it was when I think back,
especially to my college days,when you were just art all day,
every day, five days a week.
It was amazing.
Big smiles on faces, on my face.
Working with all sorts ofmaterials, wood, was working
(27:32):
with wood, you know, furniture,obviously, one of my degrees,
it's too hard to put into words.
If anybody knows GeorgeNakashima, I look him up.
He's one of my inspirations, Isuppose, when I did furniture.
He's very much connected to thewood, to the trees.
So, again, the circle of lifeand humans being in harmony with
(27:55):
nature and respecting it.
Yeah, it's taught me a lot.
that creativity can be appliedto anything.
It's not just art.
It can be applied to anybusiness.
Life, family, it can be appliedto anything.
You've got a little bit of artand creativity in you, then it
goes a long way.
SPEAKER_01 (28:13):
Now I am coming back to two things.
Firstly, going back to that lineof questions I started with,
which was how do you connectwith your female energy?
Now, creativity...
is considered to be part of thefemale force when it comes to
that.
I'm just putting that out there.
(28:35):
So creative energy is asignificant part for you, how
you express in life.
You also mentioned the wholeconnection with George
Nakashima, wood and connectingto nature, which is how we
really kind of should be living.
It's human spirituality.
Yeah.
(28:56):
What is your take on a lot ofthe stuff that I keep going on
about?
You know, I'd be interested toknow what your take is on human
spirituality being ultimatelyconnected to the earth and to a
collective soul.
Has that been something that'salways been there, or is it
(29:19):
something that's become moreprominent recently?
SPEAKER_00 (29:22):
It's definitely always been there, but in the
background.
It's more and more prevalentnow, and you just begin to
question more in life.
You know, what are we here for?
How come we're here?
How come there's no end to theworld?
How is this even real?
How is this, me and you, youwere just sitting here.
How is any of this real?
know absolutely real it's almosta part of me thinks it's a dream
(29:45):
this is all a dream nice dream avery good dream but um yeah it's
just you know how we'reconnecting to our bodies now
through meditation andvibrations is it's incredible
and sometimes i know don't idon't obviously meditate as much
as you do but uh there's timeswhere i have done And it's been
(30:07):
like a mad high where thatvibration's touched.
And it's just like, whoa.
And it's only been, you know,for a few seconds, but it's sent
me off.
And a part of me is actuallyquite, I know it sounds really,
I'm actually quite hesitant,scared with a small s.
Yeah, hesitant.
It's just that I don't want toend up like a monk.
(30:29):
Because as much as that's cool,you know, you want to be a monk,
it's cool.
It just looks a bit boring tome.
So, you know, I do want to dineout in fine restaurants,
holiday, play on my motorbike.
I'm sure monks can do that aswell.
But I just, you know, we'vebeen...
I have been fed and, you know,I'm a very busy, you know, I'm a
(30:49):
very visual person.
I just feel like I'm going toenjoy meditation so much that
I'm just going to be like, no,I'm meditating now for the rest
of my life.
And part of that scares mebecause I think, well, I don't
want to do that.
I want to do other things aswell.
So it's maybe, I'm just workingon it, you know, trying to not
convince myself, but just saylike, hey, Just stop being an
(31:09):
idiot.
Just get on with it.
Because you know it's good.
Just stop fucking dreaming andmeditate.
SPEAKER_01 (31:17):
I hope you enjoyed that.
Thank you for joining me forthis episode of Eternal
Paradigm.
Join me next time.
Welcome to Eternal Paradigm.
Together, we're uncovering humanexperience by exploring
physical, mental, emotional, andspiritual stories.
With me, your host, Ermi Ravel.
Hello, welcome to this editionof Eternal Paradigm.
I hope you're enjoying yourjourney to find you.
(00:23):
So the last couple of weeks havebeen...
busy and interesting.
Things in the UK are nowchanging slowly.
And as things change, a lot ofthings are going to have to be
factored in as we return tonormality.
But what I don't want to do isdwell too much on what those
(00:44):
changes would mean for people.
But what I would like to sharewith you is what we've got
coming up.
in terms of episodes for EternalParadigm and also some new kind
of exciting developments really.
Before I go into this week'sepisode, I have to do the usual
stuff guys.
(01:04):
Just a quick reminder that youcan find Eternal Paradigm on
Instagram.
It's a growing community onInstagram and I'll update there
on what's happening with newepisodes, when they're
releasing.
Generally, we have an episodeout every Wednesday.
So did you manage to catch upwith last week's episode with
(01:25):
Camilla?
Or wasn't she just absolutelybrilliant?
I mean, every single guest whohas joined me on Eternal
Paradigm, and I say this all thetime, has been absolutely
incredible.
What's even more interesting isthe feedback that I get from you
guys as you've listened to eachepisode.
Thank you so much.
(02:01):
And that's incredible.
The fact that you feel that way,Mandy, the fact that listening
to these people share theirstories while you've been in a
place of searching has helpedyou to understand that it's okay
for everybody to go throughdifferent challenges in life.
But ultimately, by connectingwith the tribe in ways that
(02:24):
helps nourish your soul, hasallowed you to understand and
open up different possibilitiesfor you.
So Maddy, thank you so much forsharing that email and for
taking the time to send that tome.
So a call out to you guys, ifyou have any feedback, please
keep it coming.
It's always, always incredibleto hear what you think of the
(02:45):
episodes.
And also I've had some greatpeople, great people have been
recommending new guests to me aswell.
So I've had former guests whohave introduced me to new guests
who are going to be coming up.
And I've also had listeners putme in touch with some guests who
are going to be coming up.
So I'm really excited to shareall of those things with you.
We have got a few more episodesto go before I do kind of roll
(03:09):
things down in preparation forthe next round of Eternal
Paradigm.
I'm really looking forward tothat.
So there have been lots ofcelebrations.
You know well over 3,000downloads.
We have an active community oflisteners and I am so eternally
grateful to you.
It's just absolutely phenomenalto think that I started the
(03:31):
podcast off thinking that itwould go absolutely nowhere and
yet every single one of you whochooses to listen to every
episode and every single guestwho has who has showed up,
showed up for themselves andshowed up for the listeners and
showed up for everything thatthey believe in has totally
proved me wrong.
And it's actually helped me seethe value of doing this.
(03:54):
So in addition to the value thatpodcast offers there are lots of
things that are going to bechanging now I do absolutely
love putting together theepisodes every week it does get
quite challenging having apodcast is definitely not for
the faint-hearted we've got someincredible guests coming up over
(04:14):
the next few episodes as well Imean seriously I could honestly
talk to so many of these peopleforever you because they're just
so incredible in terms of whatthey do and in terms of what
they offer, in terms of who theyare.
But I digress for the timebeing.
So just a quick heads up,Eternal Paradigm Facebook group,
we're at 30 members now.
(04:35):
So I don't know if that was thesame as last week, possibly.
Come and join the group.
It's a place where you can shareyour ideas.
You know, if you have an eventcoming up, you're more than
welcome to share that in theactual group because the group
is quite receptive.
What else have we got happeningguys?
Just to round up, not muchreally.
This episode is actually veryclose to my heart and it's a
(04:59):
very personal episode.
If you have been listening toall of the episodes and for
those of you who know me, youknow that there have been
challenges that have kind ofsprung up in life.
And for those of you who don'tknow me, I'm just like you.
Things have happened, thingshaven't potentially have gone to
plan, but actually I'm in adifferent place now.
(05:21):
What this different place hasallowed me to really, really do
and see is to understand howincredibly amazing it is and how
powerful we are as individualsonce we uncover and unlearn and
actually work on connecting withwhat really makes our own hearts
(05:42):
sing.
Everything else...
does fall into place.
It hasn't been an easy ride andit's still not.
There are still very difficultdays, very difficult moments,
but I understand that the darkand the light now serves a
purpose.
One of the people that I amabsolutely grateful to and for
in this life of contrast andthis life of seeking fulfilment
(06:06):
is my husband.
So we've been together for quitea few years now and he has been
an absolute rock.
He's truly incredible.
He has been my teacher in somany ways and I have probably
been, I don't want to say I'vebeen a nagging wife because I
(06:26):
don't think I have been, butthere we go.
But yeah, he's been an absolutesuperhero for me.
Because he's shown me howincredible it is to be able to
look at a person and toconsistently and constantly and
even in the darkness, even inthe light, just to see their
(06:47):
potential.
And that is what has been trulyphenomenal about kind of our
relationship, because ultimatelywe are friends and we are
companions before anything else.
And, you know, above all ofthat, we're humans and we
believe in connecting with thesoul.
This episode is a snapshot,really, of a conversation that I
(07:08):
had with my husband, RohitRavel.
And it came about because Ireally wanted to understand more
about him.
And it's really importantbecause we go into all different
types of relationships and wedon't honestly and truly spend
enough time really getting toknow this person and what makes
(07:30):
them, what's made them who theyare today.
And who is it that they are sodesperately or wanting to be,
that they are yearning to be?
And that's what really promptedme to have this conversation
with him.
Last week, the episode withCamilla was also really, really
significant because her work iswith parents who have been
(07:51):
conditioned to create animbalance in their parenting
relationship with their child.
And when we then grow up andenter into relationships, We
carry this imbalance on.
Last week, I was at anincredible event for the RTT.
So for those of you, again, whodon't know, I am now officially
(08:13):
a licensed RTT therapist andhypnotherapist.
And last week when I was at thisevent at this Anxiety Forum,
Marisa Peer, who is the founderand the teacher of RTT, in her
thing, she was saying that whenparents don't love their
children, The child doesn't stoploving their parents.
They actually stop lovingthemselves.
(08:34):
That really kind of got methinking about Camilla's
episode.
But also what came up from thatis when a child is growing up,
every parent has good intentionsfor their child.
But it's the outside world thatoften causes incredible anxiety
for the child growing up.
But because they don't know anydifferent.
or they haven't really beentaught another way, they carry a
(08:57):
lot of that baggage into theirlife afterwards.
And so for my husband'sunlearning experience, equality
and inequality has been such abig part of that.
And the balance of like male andfemale energies has also been
quite significant in hisjourney.
So here, I'm really, reallyhappy to bring to you a snapshot
of our conversation today.
(09:18):
And just to add that EternalParadigm is now going to be
available on various differentother platforms.
So I don't know if you've heardof Audea, but it's great.
It's like YouTube for audio.
Because I haven't reallyventured into having video for
the podcast, the audio has beenso well received and the video
(09:38):
is going to be happening.
But if you have a look andGoogle Audea, you will get
access to another platform.
So by the end of August, youwill be able to hear more
content from Eternal Paradigm.
And it will actually bedigestible episodes, which will
become available to you.
And the reason I say that thisis a snapshot of our
(10:00):
conversation is because thereare snapshots of many
conversations that are going tobecome available on different
platforms.
However, for the time being, I'mreally, really pleased and
excited to bring to you the loveof my life, Rahit Ravel.
When you say that inequality andfeeling singled out based on the
(10:21):
bullying, is that what made yourealise that there's no such
thing as a kind of a push andpull or a, not so much of a push
and pull, but made you realisethat it's not, whether it's a
female or a male or anything,it's just purely the fact that
when people make you feelsingled out, that level of
(10:41):
inequality that you feel is,it's unforgiving.
SPEAKER_00 (10:45):
Totally.
Because some people aren't as, Idon't think I would say I was
strong.
I genuinely have Three-inchskin.
I don't know how I put up withit, but some people can't and
some people haven't.
And so much talent, so muchpotential has been lost because
people have been singled out.
(11:05):
I mean, just take our neighbourTony.
Tony, he was our old neighbourin Croydon.
Really nice guy.
And he was bullied because hewas gay in the 80s.
He was a newly qualified lawyerin the city and got bullied
into...
mental depression, whichultimately stopped his life.
So potential lost, you know, hecould argue a good case.
(11:29):
He does still do really goodwork, but he's taken a long time
to get through that.
SPEAKER_01 (11:34):
If we kind of bring it back to you again, in terms
of inequality and feelingsingled out, what else happened
apart from being singled outbecause of your disability?
skin colour, your background,the aspect of you that there is
no choice about.
What other things happened toyou where you felt singled out
(11:57):
or bullied or less equal?
SPEAKER_00 (12:00):
There are hundreds, if not thousands of examples.
So if I just give you a few,loving trampolining when I was
young and I was actually quitegood at it, but bullied out of
there because I was brown, notbeing able to join the local
football club.
Because I was brown.
My mum took me for the trialsand the manager gave her a false
(12:22):
phone number.
And, you know, just silly thingslike that.
It's 2021 now.
You look back, you know, thiswas 86, 88, whatever it was.
And you just laugh, you know,you just see the silliness of
it.
You know, getting a job, somehowgetting a job on the market.
Because I was a hard worker whenI was young.
I started working on the milkplants when I was 11, you know,
(12:44):
waiting.
to 4 o'clock in the morning atthe milk yard to try and get a
job for the day.
A lot of the other kids weregetting picked up.
They were getting£10 a day,which was a lot back then.
And I was just getting used.
If I did get a milk round,they'd use me for the entire
day, 12-hour day, and I'd get£5if I was lucky, sometimes£3.
(13:04):
It was a bit of a shock, but Ijust wanted to go out and earn.
I wasn't too aware that theywere taking full advantage.
Obviously they were.
And then after a while, nobodywanted to take me on.
And it wasn't for the lack ofnot being there on time, not
working hard, working on themarket, which I loved.
But it seemed like every otherkid that was my age on the
(13:28):
market wanted to trip me up.
And they would do things likerack up bills on the calf, in
the market calf, and say it wasme.
And at the end of the week...
I can't remember the guy's namewho I used to work for, but it
was like a dried fruit stall.
He said I racked up 12 quid'sworth of hot cross buns and tea
(13:50):
on the calf and just sat there.
I didn't have enough chance toargue my case.
And at the time I thought, oh,you know, they just did it
because it must have been amistake.
But you go back, you think back,not too much, but you go back
and you think, oh, gosh, that'swhat it was.
Some of the examples that weregoing
SPEAKER_01 (14:08):
through.
You said that you haven't, spenttoo much time exploring and
going back or spending timelooking for those signs that
were always there but when youdo now look back you said you
laugh which seems to be the mostlogical thing to do right just
to laugh but what other feelingsare there
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
I laugh because I probably would truth be told
cry, but I'm not going to wastemy energy on that.
I laugh at the silliness of it.
How can you hate a person?
It is hate.
How can you hate a person thatmuch that you would want to, you
know, just use and abuse?
(14:51):
It's probably a strong word, Idon't know if that can be used
or not, but it was...
how it's just totally alien thatyou can hate another person that
much.
And they've done nothing, youknow, as far as I was concerned.
I joined in.
I was never trying.
I was stuck out like a sorethumb.
I did what everybody else did.
(15:12):
Not because that's what I'mdoing.
I was a regular kid, you know,just in brown skin.
SPEAKER_01 (15:17):
You said use and abuse, and then you followed up
with, it's probably too strongto say that, but did it feel
like abuse or...
Does it feel like abuse now asyou look back?
SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
No, it's definitely abuse now.
You look at it back then, youknow.
I remember working a full day,12 hour day, four o'clock in the
morning, four o'clock in theafternoon and getting three
quid.
I can't remember his name now,but I remember the short, fat
bloke with glasses and a flatcap.
I did nothing wrong, you know.
I'd done all the running.
I'd deliver every single bottleof milk that morning for three
(15:51):
quid.
Even if it was night, you know,when all the other boys in the
street were getting a tenner,how does that even compute?
SPEAKER_01 (15:58):
And what was it like for you in a wider context?
What was school like for you?
Because everything you've talkedabout is kind of work related.
You want it, you know, you'rehaving a work ethic, you wanting
to get out there to work.
And also how, you know, you saidyour mum was given the wrong
phone number.
by the local football coachintentionally.
(16:19):
What was school like and whatdid you then discover that
changed or helped you focus onsomething?
SPEAKER_00 (16:28):
This is not on your list of questions, by the way.
SPEAKER_01 (16:32):
I'm allowed to add in extra questions.
SPEAKER_00 (16:36):
Yeah, when we went for the football trials, I was
so excited because one of thefriends in my school said, you
know, We all play for friends,community boys.
Why don't you come up?
And it was great.
I went up there.
I was so excited that I wasgetting into a team, possibly.
(16:56):
But looking back at thatspecific example, I remember the
coach just wasn't paying anyattention.
I remember my mum being quiteangry.
anxious and a bit annoyed butnot trying to look annoyed at
the time because he wasn'tpaying any attention to her I
was trying to show my skills butI was just excited to be there
you know and um he just reeledoff some stupid phone number
(17:20):
although mum didn't remember itI remembered it and it didn't
work I asked can I ring thenumber and she I think she knew
what was going on But probablydidn't want me to dial the
number, but I did dial thenumber quite a few times.
I was like, you know, it's notworking.
And the next day, went intoschool, you know, what happens?
You know, how come, you know,still blind and oblivious.
(17:43):
And it was just fobbed off,like, you know, oh, you know,
you're not good enough.
I was like, this is just...
I thought it was a club so wecould train and become better,
but it was all fobbed off afterthat.
So like I said, that was aknockback of hundreds of
knockbacks.
That just didn't knock me down.
(18:03):
It didn't knock me down.
I don't know why it didn't knockme down.
I don't know why it didn't determe.
I don't know why it didn't breakme.
If you go back to all of theexamples of things like that, I
just don't know why it hasn'tknocked me back, but it didn't.
So on to your next question, howwas it at school?
I can't really swear, can I?
It was fucking awful.
(18:24):
It was fucking awful.
I hated it.
I didn't mind primary school somuch.
We called it the infant school.
Infants, yeah, infants was cool.
I had a black teacher, MissCarol.
I still remember to this dayMiss Carol.
She told me I was brown.
It's making me a bit emotionalnow, but it was in a sea of
white.
(18:45):
Miss Carol told me I was brown,and I was like, what the fuck?
I couldn't understand.
I was like, because I onlythought I was pink.
Because you draw your faces.
Everybody's drawing their faces.
And suddenly you're a littlebit.
I don't know why it was a shame.
I suppose you pushed intofeeling that you're not.
So you just draw your picture.
You're pink.
And I was being naughty one day.
(19:05):
And she was, I still remembertoday.
She commented on my T-shirt, hownice it was.
And I thought, fuck thiskindness.
Because every other teacher wasa C-U-N-T.
They were all bastards.
But this woman was really nice.
And she didn't last that longbecause I'm sure she felt like,
the fuck am I doing now?
(19:27):
She disappeared.
You know, it was exciting timeswhen she was around.
Yeah, Infants was okay.
Primary was okay.
Secondary was just a fuckingabysmal, full of...
I mean, the first year was quitecool.
Everybody was OK, you know, withfriends and stuff.
And second year, third year,fourth year, fifth year, forget
(19:49):
it.
It was just a joke.
I was hardly ever there.
Just because of the physicalbullying, it was just...
He was just relentlesssometimes.
What the hell?
And it was because, and I wasn'tthe only brown kid in the
school.
There was another brown kid, andwe were the only two, really.
He never got bullied because Iconsidered him to be a bit of a
coconut.
I know that's a bit of a shitword, but it is what he was.
(20:13):
He really used to toe the linewhen it came to acting up.
I wasn't that.
I was just myself.
And I think that's partlyprobably the case.
I was always myself.
I didn't really give a shit whatother people think that much so
he didn't get bullied so maybebecause I did give back verbally
I ended up having to take thephysical punishment accordingly
(20:35):
and after a while you one or twofights you can handle like if
it's just one on one or one ontwo but these fuckers they were
like you know they were alwaysfive six seven eight nine ten
and it wouldn't stop just at theschool it would carry on on the
way home from school so you'dend up trying to find all sorts
of genius ways to walk home Soyeah, didn't learn much, but
(20:56):
enjoyed the art.
SPEAKER_01 (20:57):
In terms of the other person, the other brown
coconut who was at school, Iguess everyone's experiences of
bullying and being singled outare different.
And you said that you felt thatyours was quite severe partly
because you were yourselfbullied.
(21:18):
And that's a very, at that age,at that stage, to be clear that
that is who you were, just beingyourself, is quite a big thing.
From here, definitely I'minterested in looking at the art
aspect more.
And I love the fact that you hada teacher who, you've mentioned
(21:39):
her before several times whenwe've spoken, so I know how much
this lady shifted somethingquite big, quite deep for you.
There's a lot of stuffhappening, and you know that we
both talk about this as well,around epigenetics and about
holding on to ancestral trauma.
And for you and me to be, oranybody to be, holding on to
(22:03):
these lived experiences in ourlives, compounded with
everything that's happenedbefore us to our nearest
families and our ancestrallines, is big.
You know, it's deep.
We live with it.
It's in our cells, right?
It's in our cell memory.
So in terms of everything thatyou've been through and your
(22:25):
realizations and yourreflections in your experience,
how are you at when it comes tonow?
Are you feeling any compassion?
Are you feeling forgiveness?
Are you feeling...
able to to take these thingshead on and go to those dark
places and deal with themreflect on them and really let
(22:48):
them go to overcome that cycle
SPEAKER_00 (22:52):
it's um i'm still digging yes there is there's a
lot of forgiveness there becauseone of the biggest bullies that
i had was a half jamaican kidhis dad was jamaican his mom was
white divorced but this boythought he was not a person of
colour, quite frankly, and gaveme the hardest time.
(23:13):
Yeah, that was crazy.
But he obviously had a lot ofhurt or something was going on
in his life that made him actthe way he did.
Kids aren't born by being nastyor vicious.
He learnt that from somewhere,but I don't know.
Forgiveness is quite easy.
It's just the effects of thatdigging down.
(23:35):
You think...
I think we all need to, toactually address the problem.
But that's really, that's thehard part because a lot of that,
I've just blocked it out.
I've blocked it out becausenobody really wants to dig it
up.
It's like, remember, I think itwas about four or five years
ago, they had a reunion atschool, and I was like, what the
fuck, serious?
And Jamie, the kid that calledyou, the guy, well, he's a man,
(23:58):
obviously, who called you, hewas actually a really nice guy.
He was one of the, don't get mewrong, I had a few friends at
that school, and Jamie was areally nice guy.
I just didn't have the, Icouldn't bring myself to call
him because of just what itwould unearth.
because there's still somepeople there that if I met
today, words would be said, eventhough we were blokes in our
(24:24):
mid-40s with kids andeverything.
It would kick off becausethey're just mongrels.
They were absolute mongrels.
I'm sure they're not now.
I'm sure they're alloverprotective of their kids and
all the rest of it, watch PeppaPig, whatnot.
But yeah, it needs to be dug outand it needs to be addressed.
Obviously, I'm working on that,but that's a toughie.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
You mentioned art at school.
Tell us more about that.
SPEAKER_00 (24:48):
Art.
Always loved art from early age.
It was brilliant.
Just loved doing art.
First year, second year, Chineseteacher, Mr.
Duncan.
Brilliant.
Really inspiring.
Just a cool dude.
I mean, he was strict andeverything, but he was just a
cool dude.
He didn't have...
A lot of these teachers do nothave to do after-school
(25:10):
activity.
They do not get paid extra.
He did it for the love, andpeople wanted to be in that
class.
It was amazing.
Pottery, charcoal, all thesethings that you just wouldn't do
in a normal art lesson.
That sounds pretty standard now,but back then that wasn't the
case.
And there was other art teacherscoming in and talking about arty
things.
(25:30):
And it was like another world,and I really wanted to be part
of that world.
But that's how the fuck I leftin year two, and I was a bit
perplexed.
stuff about that but he fell inlove with miss partridge the
english teacher who was alsovery cool because everybody
fancied her but um yeah theyleft went somewhere east london
to do good so yeah that left avacuum and mr plumbridge turned
(25:52):
up and mr plumbridge was a bitof a prick because he was i mean
the name mr plumbridge youcouldn't make it up he was like
a little drill sergeant and thatdoesn't work well with art so he
was old school english artteacher and And he didn't kill
my passion for art becausethat's impossible.
But, you know, it went a bitdead because it was just, we
(26:15):
didn't see eye to eye.
I didn't like him.
And although he was trying toset me up for A-level art, I did
not want to do A-level artbecause I thought that was very
towing the line, you know, forwhat it's to be in art is
anything.
So why should I just have to sitthere and draw an apple?
You know, it's boring.
But yeah, he killed it.
Well, numbed it until I got tocollege, obviously.
SPEAKER_01 (26:35):
So how important after that experience has art
and creating with differentmaterials, how important has
that been for you?
And what have all of yourexperiences when it comes to art
and creating taught you?
SPEAKER_00 (26:51):
We'll start with the last question.
What has it taught me?
It has taught me, I didn't knowthis until we started thinking
about it, but it's taught mewhen I'm alone, it's cool.
When I'm sketching, when I'mdrawing.
When I was practicing art designor something, it's just, it's
like a meditation in a way.
(27:12):
You get zoned into whateveryou're doing and it's just
bliss.
I didn't realize how much of abliss it was when I think back,
especially to my college days,when you were just art all day,
every day, five days a week.
It was amazing.
Big smiles on faces, on my face.
Working with all sorts ofmaterials, wood, was working
(27:32):
with wood, you know, furniture,obviously, one of my degrees,
it's too hard to put into words.
If anybody knows GeorgeNakashima, I look him up.
He's one of my inspirations, Isuppose, when I did furniture.
He's very much connected to thewood, to the trees.
So, again, the circle of lifeand humans being in harmony with
(27:55):
nature and respecting it.
Yeah, it's taught me a lot.
that creativity can be appliedto anything.
It's not just art.
It can be applied to anybusiness.
Life, family, it can be appliedto anything.
You've got a little bit of artand creativity in you, then it
goes a long way.
SPEAKER_01 (28:13):
Now I am coming back to two things.
Firstly, going back to that lineof questions I started with,
which was how do you connectwith your female energy?
Now, creativity...
is considered to be part of thefemale force when it comes to
that.
I'm just putting that out there.
(28:35):
So creative energy is asignificant part for you, how
you express in life.
You also mentioned the wholeconnection with George
Nakashima, wood and connectingto nature, which is how we
really kind of should be living.
It's human spirituality.
Yeah.
(28:56):
What is your take on a lot ofthe stuff that I keep going on
about?
You know, I'd be interested toknow what your take is on human
spirituality being ultimatelyconnected to the earth and to a
collective soul.
Has that been something that'salways been there, or is it
(29:19):
something that's become moreprominent recently?
SPEAKER_00 (29:22):
It's definitely always been there, but in the
background.
It's more and more prevalentnow, and you just begin to
question more in life.
You know, what are we here for?
How come we're here?
How come there's no end to theworld?
How is this even real?
How is this, me and you, youwere just sitting here.
How is any of this real?
know absolutely real it's almosta part of me thinks it's a dream
(29:45):
this is all a dream nice dream avery good dream but um yeah it's
just you know how we'reconnecting to our bodies now
through meditation andvibrations is it's incredible
and sometimes i know don't idon't obviously meditate as much
as you do but uh there's timeswhere i have done And it's been
(30:07):
like a mad high where thatvibration's touched.
And it's just like, whoa.
And it's only been, you know,for a few seconds, but it's sent
me off.
And a part of me is actuallyquite, I know it sounds really,
I'm actually quite hesitant,scared with a small s.
Yeah, hesitant.
It's just that I don't want toend up like a monk.
(30:29):
Because as much as that's cool,you know, you want to be a monk,
it's cool.
It just looks a bit boring tome.
So, you know, I do want to dineout in fine restaurants,
holiday, play on my motorbike.
I'm sure monks can do that aswell.
But I just, you know, we'vebeen...
I have been fed and, you know,I'm a very busy, you know, I'm a
(30:49):
very visual person.
I just feel like I'm going toenjoy meditation so much that
I'm just going to be like, no,I'm meditating now for the rest
of my life.
And part of that scares mebecause I think, well, I don't
want to do that.
I want to do other things aswell.
So it's maybe, I'm just workingon it, you know, trying to not
convince myself, but just saylike, hey, Just stop being an
(31:09):
idiot.
Just get on with it.
Because you know it's good.
Just stop fucking dreaming andmeditate.
SPEAKER_01 (31:17):
I hope you enjoyed that.
Thank you for joining me forthis episode of Eternal
Paradigm.
Join me next time.
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