Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
An entire life that should have been mine.
That was my birthright. I don't know how this happened
to me and I'm just so angry. I was so sad.
I just don't know how this happened.
Like a virus or something. It just like.
Infected me and it happened so quickly.
(00:21):
It was like I was right there, like agreeing to every single
thing and I don't know how that happened then.
Now I can sit here and like lookback and be like, why did I do
that? It.
Doesn't make any sense. None of it makes any sense.
If I just would have waited. If I just would have waited.
(00:43):
If I was just. Sort of waited and let myself
heal. I can't have kids.
I'll never lose my virginity like I feel like I'm left to.
Just like accept the scraps of the life that.
I. Could have had I had this full
life. That I'm now having.
To mourn while also living in the present moment.
With the life that like, feels just like.
(01:04):
The scraps of what could have. Been.
I don't know how to be happy at that, you know, I don't know how
to be OK with that. I hate when people are like,
everything happens for a reason.Like, no, this didn't happen for
a reason, you know? It's just a tragedy.
It is. Just call it what it is.
I don't want to use the word indoctrinated, but I was young
and I was sad and I was impressionable and I thought
(01:27):
this would fix everything. I don't know what to do with
like. Any of it.
I think I just feel a lot different also though from most
D trans girls because or D transwomen, D trans girls and women
because I've had bottom surgery.Like every girl I know has it.
(01:52):
You know, they still have this, this part of them.
And I don't have that. Like, I don't have anything
anymore. It's just so sad.
Like it just sucks so bad. This is just something they
don't have to live with, you know?
There's like no fixing it. There's no making it better.
I have to live like this for therest of my life and figure out a
(02:13):
way to be OK with it. I'm not making this video for
like sympathy or anything. It's just I'm wanting to express
what's honestly going on in my reality right now as AD trans
woman, as a woman who thought she was trans and transitioned,
lived as trans for eight years, had top surgery, a full
(02:37):
hysterectomy, bottom surgery, went all the way as far as one
can go. And then woke up and realized
that I made the biggest fucking mistake of my life.
I was so sure. You know this is crazy.
An entire life that should have been mine.
That was my birthright. I don't know how this happened
to me and I'm just so angry. I was so sad.
I just don't know how this happened.
Like a virus or something. It just like.
Infected me and it happened so quickly.
(00:21):
It was like I was right there, like agreeing to every single
thing and I don't know how that happened then.
Now I can sit here and like lookback and be like, why did I do
that? It.
Doesn't make any sense. None of it makes any sense.
If I just would have waited. If I just would have waited.
(00:43):
If I was just. Sort of waited and let myself
heal. I can't have kids.
I'll never lose my virginity like I feel like I'm left to.
Just like accept the scraps of the life that.
I. Could have had I had this full
life. That I'm now having.
To mourn while also living in the present moment.
With the life that like, feels just like.
(01:04):
The scraps of what could have. Been.
I don't know how to be happy at that, you know, I don't know how
to be OK with that. I hate when people are like,
everything happens for a reason.Like, no, this didn't happen for
a reason, you know? It's just a tragedy.
It is. Just call it what it is.
I don't want to use the word indoctrinated, but I was young
and I was sad and I was impressionable and I thought
(01:27):
this would fix everything. I don't know what to do with
like. Any of it.
I think I just feel a lot different also though from most
D trans girls because or D transwomen, D trans girls and women
because I've had bottom surgery.Like every girl I know has it.
(01:52):
You know, they still have this, this part of them.
And I don't have that. Like, I don't have anything
anymore. It's just so sad.
Like it just sucks so bad. This is just something they
don't have to live with, you know?
There's like no fixing it. There's no making it better.
I have to live like this for therest of my life and figure out a
(02:13):
way to be OK with it. I'm not making this video for
like sympathy or anything. It's just I'm wanting to express
what's honestly going on in my reality right now as AD trans
woman, as a woman who thought she was trans and transitioned,
lived as trans for eight years, had top surgery, a full
(02:37):
hysterectomy, bottom surgery, went all the way as far as one
can go. And then woke up and realized
that I made the biggest fucking mistake of my life.
I was so sure. You know this is crazy.
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