September 23, 2024 • 39 mins
Today EWT speaks with 19-time triathlon competitor and Austin fitness guru, David Garza. A year ago, David and the love of his life broke up, but a friendship remained.
Listen in as David shares his personal story of loss and gives insight into how exercise can help you move through grief, and that there are also gifts in grief.
This episode is brought to you by Roger Brooks and his team at Strategic Investment Management. As an Austin-based fiduciary financial advisory firm, Roger and his team bring decades of experience and empathy to help people regain financial control through life's ups and downs so you can move forward with confidence. www.strategicim.com. 512-341-9898
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This is every widow thing. Hey guys, welcome back.
I am so excited about our guest today.
I'd like to introduce and welcome him my friend and
fitness instructor, David Garza.Hello.
Yay, yay. David or if you live in Austin,
you probably know him as DG. He's the father of two amazing
(00:22):
kids. He's been sober for over 7
years, a DJ and crazy a 19 time Iron Man finisher that's.
Crazy. That is crazy.
You're insane. Very much so insane I would not
suggest. Don't make us do that, yeah.
He's been in fitness for 20 years, teaching rhythm based
cycling, boxing and personal training in and around Austin.
(00:45):
He's always understood the powerof music through movement for
mental health, but when he recently lost the love of his
life, he got up close and personal with grief and how
exercise can help the healing process.
He's here to share his personal story of loss and teach others,
quite literally, how to move through their grief.
(01:06):
Welcome. Thank you.
Thank you for having me. So let's get started all.
Right. I'd like to.
I want you to tell us about yourrelationship with Jen.
So my relationship with Jen started years ago.
She, she was a client of mine. She would come to one of the
places I was teaching at back inthe day and she came in and of
(01:29):
course she was riding. And of course I noticed her with
her ponytail popping around. Nobody like you, you know, Jen,
you know, that ponytail is popping around.
And so then I was like, hey, youknow, really, really good.
Come right up front. That kind of started our
friendship. It was an amazing friendship.
It was like, you know, we would just send memes to each other
non-stop and, you know, just check on each other.
And it was it was a great friendship which turned into a
(01:52):
really great relationship. And it came flowed right into a
deep love for one another. You know, we became steady and
just kind of kind of lived life.You went steady?
Yeah, we went steady. I asked her.
I was like, hey, old school. Will.
You wear my pen, Will you Will you wear my sweatshirt?
Yes. And so after that was fun.
And of course, like any relationship, we had a, you
(02:13):
know, ups and downs throughout the entire time.
And about a year, a year ago, webroke up after that breakup.
We were still close. You can't just turn off that
friendship just instantaneously.So it was a challenge to kind of
move that back into a friendship.
(02:33):
And she really wanted to stay connected as as close as she she
could. And it was nice.
And so we kind of, I mean, we talked non-stop after that
anyway. I still remember talking to her
just, you know, a couple of daysbefore her, before her accident.
So we were pretty much in communication like the entire
(02:54):
time. Yeah.
Yeah, never really. The relationship didn't end.
The caring for each other didn'tend it just just the friendship.
It was better for you guys with whatever journey you both were
on. Yeah, And it was.
And once that happened and, you know, there were some challenges
to kind of go through those rough waters, but then it kind
of started settling down. You know, she was on another
(03:15):
relationship. And I kind of turned into more
of like her counselor of, you know, like she had questions
about this and that and, you know, she would call me and ask
me about it. And it was, it was good.
It was good to kind of help her out on this new stage of her her
life as well. Yeah.
And so take us to the, you know,the moments when you found out
(03:35):
that there was a problem, that something had happened to Jen.
I taught, and I remember that that Saturday, I actually took
the class right afterwards so I can get another workout in.
I'm going to get back to my phone.
And Shelly had called, and she left a voice message.
She was like, hey, can you call me?
And I was like, yeah, So I called her and she said there
(03:55):
was an accident and that she washeaded to the hospital, and she
had gone into a coma on the way to the hospital.
And I was just floored. I was just stunned.
Nobody really knew how close me and Jen still were.
And so I didn't get a lot of other information than that.
(04:17):
And you didn't really know how serious.
No, no. I was just told it was serious,
but that's coming through the Grapevine, so I I didn't know.
And it was serious. Never really resonates as they
are going to die. Like, even when it's, you know,
(04:38):
yeah, I mean, you just, that's not where your brain goes to.
No, I in my mind and I'm still, that's the one I'm still
struggling with that, that I wanted her to wake up like I, I
knew she would wake up and so she could tell me the whole
story like that's, that's what Iwas waiting for.
When was the last time you had spoken with her before that?
Two days before you're in our relationship with It was so
(05:00):
challenging with everything around us.
And I think ultimately that's what happened.
There was a lot of outside circumstances that really
influenced the internal relationship, which hindsight
but shouldn't have, but it did. You were together such a long
time in terms of friendship and dating, and like you said
though, you'd broken up, so a lot of people consider that like
(05:22):
you just cut it off. But and I, that's where it got
really complicated because I didn't know where it stood.
This is where a lot of the outside circumstances were
influencing our relationship quite a bit.
So. Family and friends who had
picked a side. I would say, yeah.
(05:43):
And once again now this will be my side of the story where it's
like, yeah, I, I felt the role of ex scapegoat.
I I can't control the narrative on somebody else's side.
I know what happened. I know what was going on and I
do believe there was a lot of other influencing factors on
(06:07):
that. And so the only way that I knew
how to manage that was just the kind of step back.
I said our relationship was so complicated that we had to so
many dynamics that I really wanted to like build up.
Jen is in a coma. You're not getting a lot of
information. It's Christmas, so you're trying
to be present for your own children and family.
(06:29):
What were those days like those Was it a week that she two
weeks? She was in a coma for two weeks.
Oh, that's excruciating to. Visit and all of.
That I I was lucky enough to visit.
It was either two or three times.
Oh, that's great. What?
What were those two weeks like for you?
What? What did?
It look like for you it was horrible.
I, it was just, it was like, it was, it was like living in the
(06:57):
pandemic. There was just so much
uncertainty. And I kept hoping that there
would be a good outcome of this and everything that they were
saying. And with the small information I
got, it wasn't looking good. But I got to see her and how?
Did that. How did that get facilitated?
I had a dear friend, I had an Angel of mine who she's been an
(07:21):
Angel in my life for quite a bitand she's helped me out for a
lot of different things. And she kind of pushed one of
Jen's friends like, like David needs to, David needs to be
there. She needs to hear David's voice
is what was told, basically. And so I think that kind of
lowered the walls to allow me tocome in.
And what was stated over and over again about me being there
(07:45):
is how complicated it was for meto be there, which was an
understanding because at that time me and Jen were kind of
quiet friends. Jen was in a relationship with
another guy and then we had her ex and then the kids, right?
And then the family who didn't really.
(08:08):
That's a lot. Didn't really moving.
Parts. So your first meeting with Jen,
you get to go into the hospital room alone, be alone with.
Her No, no, there was, there's there is no way of that.
I looking back, I don't know why, but there would be somebody
(08:29):
in the room and they would put on headphones so they wouldn't
hear what I was saying. And I was like, look, I'm going
to take whatever I can get and try to talk to her about getting
better and just do whatever I can to bring her back.
Did you ever have a feeling? Because I think we've all talked
(08:50):
about this and like in my situation, I knew he was not
going to make it. Did you ever have that moment
where you're like, it's over, It's they're not going to make
it? That moment finally came when I
saw her being put in the Hearst at the funeral.
Oh wow. So.
(09:12):
So you had that I. Hope the entire time, yeah.
So you were able to go back several times to spend some time
with her? A couple of times, a couple of
times and it was, it was a little bit out of time, yeah.
So. This is complicated grief
because we all had relationships, our families were
fine and our our relationships with our husbands were fine.
(09:34):
This is super. Complicated, which adds.
A whole level of. Grief.
Y'all had closure, yes? I.
Yeah, it's hard because it's like you're just, you've lost
her, but you just like lost thatwhole part of your life.
Yeah, yeah. Almost like it didn't happen.
Very much so, very much as I've heard before.
Swept underneath the carpet. But it is difficult.
(09:57):
It sounds like I mean you. You didn't get to say I mean
you. You, you did get to say goodbye.
But there were limitations around it.
This is hard, like I never gone through this.
I don't know what to do. I am scared out of my mind.
I'm lost and now I still have toshow up for everybody and be
(10:17):
that person. I have to be the been that.
Person for me, I mean well the three of us, not the redheaded
1, bonded overspend like in seven years ago and we were like
spin addicts and we would cry onthe bike.
With him before my accident and after my accident.
(10:40):
I remember, I remember. I got back on the bike with you
and I. Remember that?
Yeah, it was huge. Yeah, it was huge.
Yeah. So they told me I wasn't going
to walk again, right? Yeah.
But it's interesting because some of the instructors I've had
along the way, including you, like didn't realize how much
you're helping me. And you didn't even know I was a
(11:01):
widow and in the beginning and but I'm just there and I'm like
feel so good when I leave. And so you're inspiring so many
people and you don't even know like.
And I think you talking today does too, particularly kind of
like Don Cash said that day whena male will step up and say they
can talk about their grief, theycan talk about their feelings
(11:21):
and express that it it opens thedoor for other men to do the
same thing, even though it's noteasy for us for either.
This is very hard to speak publicly about, you know,
personal things. But if you're helping people, it
kind of gives you some sort of way of at least giving back to
something that was so painful. Absolutely.
And I guys don't talk about that.
(11:43):
We don't have groups that sit down and just open up because we
don't want to be seen as weak orvulnerable or not brave or
whatever it is. But I do think slowly that's
slowly kind of dwindling down aswell.
There is a good movement to being able to talk about it and
(12:03):
just to be a certain way, and that's OK too.
So I think there is a good movement towards that, which is
why I try to just be as vulnerable by cans and not only
on social media, but to my kids as well.
I mean, like, I've been in my bed just crying my eyes out and
they're like, you OK. And I'm like, yeah, I just need
this right now. And they're like, OK, And
(12:23):
they'll come back and they'll check on me and, you know, which
is great. And I feel that going through
this grief my kids have really, you know, we, we, I'm not going
through it. We are.
And I, there are times I didn't realize how much it affected my
kids and how I should be talkingto them and what we should be
(12:48):
doing now and to help us with the future.
And so there's, there's, there'sbeen a great gift of grief, but
there's also a lot of pain associated with it.
And the balance of that's been the challenge.
So. I'd be curious because I mean,
you've done 19 Iron Man's, you know, pain, you know, physical
pain, you know, mental anguish. How has that helped you with
(13:15):
your grief journey? Or has it or I would think,
yeah, you doesn't matter what I think.
You tell me what you think. I think it's great.
I love. No Iron Man's ever here.
I'm challenging myself. I love she came.
To one class good enough? Yeah, I got it.
I got it. Don't.
Even come back to boxing. I know she hasn't come back.
I'm just. Saying I'm still recovering.
That was three months ago. Still.
(13:39):
Recovering I I have a very interesting way of training so I
I love paint. I love paint.
Paint lets me know I'm alive. I've tried to always do what's
next. That was kind of always my motto
when I was doing my first Iron Man.
I start off doing a smaller racelike a 5K and then worked my way
up. So I was like, what's next?
What else can I do? What else can I do?
(14:01):
And then I got up to an Iron Manrace and I did that and it was
very scary. I, there was that point in times
I was like, I don't know if I'm going to like survive this.
And I, I still have a lot of challenges throughout each race
and I just completed the 19th one in April.
And that challenge was training through grief.
(14:22):
And I appreciated grief at that point in time because it helped
push me to go and do something. And that's where I felt a lot of
pain where I could really channel my, my anger, my
frustration. I mean, it's the fact that I was
just fucking pissed. And I could put that towards my,
my energy. I could run, I could push myself
(14:44):
on the bike when I felt like I was hurting or I needed to do
another two hours on the bike, you know, in there, Yeah.
So hard. Yeah, and I would, I would, I
would tap into those feelings. She's like.
Yeah. Yeah, did you understand?
Sent me that text and she was like how is your 5 hour back
right now? The one that doesn't hardly
(15:06):
ever, no. But.
I It was a gift for me that. Yes, I love.
Because that's how I was able towork through that.
That's how I was able to lose myself in my workouts, but also
then find myself. The things that helped get me
going on was the fact that Jen loved to work out.
(15:32):
And she would, Oh my God, she would find every single way to
work out. And she would even push me to
work out. And so I knew that she would,
she'd want to do it again. And.
It's OK. It was, yeah, she was, she was a
driver. And you know, she was out there
(15:56):
with me in those runs and I wouldn't.
And she always ran on my right side, so I would always leave a
little space for her room. Yeah, Did you find?
Did you feel her out there? Were there ever?
I don't know if y'all have noticed, but this light keeps
flickering. I know.
And I'm like hey Jen, you know? Do you feel that when you're
working out that she's with you or you get any signs?
(16:18):
Yes, the first, the first week or so, it was crazy.
In my classes, the even the fuller ones, the bike in front
of me was never, was never full.There was nobody on it.
And so we have this, whenever somebody's like the class, you,
you lay the towel over and it's a recognition that you know
(16:40):
they're they're going to be there.
And so I'd always go over and I'd leave that towel open.
Oh man, I just got chills. I think it's my God-given talent
to be fitness instructor, to be in front of people to help them
work through whatever situations.
And I keep thinking that I, I amlucky to go through this so that
(17:02):
I can feel this experience and help others through it as well
with everything in my life that I've gone through already with,
you know, sobriety, with rehab, with divorce, you know, with
kids and now grief. How has your grief changed from
the beginning till now? And it hasn't even been.
How long has it been? Five months.
(17:24):
So it's still very new and mighteven still be in the shock stage
of things, but how have you beenworking through it?
What do you do that you could share with other people that are
dealing with grief and how's it changed?
I've, I'm allowed to be open about it and all, all my
(17:49):
feelings about grief. At first I was very silent,
which made it kind of challenging because my job is,
you know, kind of being on social media a lot.
I didn't have anything to say and I didn't know what to feel.
And so I was at a loss for words.
(18:10):
Which never happens in class, yeah.
Right. So, yeah, so, you know, I was
trying to find out how to go through this.
I was still in shock. I was so angry.
I'm still angry. And I was able to get through my
sharing of it. I was able to get some really
good golden Nuggets of what people have gone through and
(18:34):
that they've shared with me. And so my very first nugget was
how grief is like an ocean, and it will come in waves and it'll
be super high and super low and it's never ending, which is back
to the Iron Man's. Those had goals.
They had finish lines. So I knew the pain would stop
(18:55):
when I crossed that line. Hopefully.
I don't know when this is going to stop.
I don't think it's ever going tostop hurting.
You need to keep living because you want them to be happy for
you up in heaven and they shouldn't be worried about you.
(19:15):
They, they want you to be happy.They want you to be happy.
The reason why you're going through grief so deeply is
because the love was so deep. And that one, I was like, yeah,
I can feel that. And right now I hear it.
It's good, awesome. I appreciate it.
Not sure I'm feeling a lot of that, but I hear it.
(19:38):
You're so newly in it. Yeah, it's so early still, I
mean. But the pain does.
There are moments when it's justas painful, you know, five years
and as it is for you, 5 months. But it doesn't hit you as hard
every single day. It does get easier.
It becomes more of maybe like, Idon't know, cuz I don't really
(20:00):
hurt myself by training or anything, but maybe an old
injury. And then you, it just kind of
gets it. It's reminding you every once in
a while. Oh you, you know, you did this,
you did this to me. Don't forget this is painful or
this hurts or whatever. But I would say, well, you have
your whole phrase. Oh, less deep, less dark, less.
(20:21):
That came up because I'm 12 1/2 years, almost 13 in all these
years later, those relationshipsdon't change.
You're still living with it, butit is less deep.
It does get less dark, like the darkness doesn't go.
So where you feel like, I don't think I'm going to come out of
this, you know you will. And you know it's going to be
OK. And then less often it just kind
(20:44):
of kind of like the ocean, like you said, which is a lot of our
happy places. I love it.
It just a little bit like this. And then in the beginning, it
just would take me underneath thought, Oh my God, I'm never
going to see the light again. And then you do.
And so, you know, if in those six months where you are now, if
you can, then you know you will a year 234 because the Iron Man
(21:06):
stuff, I've obviously never doneone, but I was an athlete in
college. And so I do know that you'd live
with some pain with that after the fact too, a little bit.
So it can be like Iron Man. There's no way I would have ever
been able to do that. So I can't imagine there's bound
to be some hip, legs, knees, whatever.
And I kind of think that's kind of like grief, don't you think,
(21:28):
when you're doing sports. So we know, we know you're going
to be better one day. You will and I love what you
said. You know, I read something
recently and I wrote it down, but of course I can't remember
the exact wording, but it it's what you were saying.
But we suffer so that we can have empathy for other people
(21:48):
that are suffering, so we can offer guidance and support for
those people. So there's meaning in it.
It fucking sucks. And we wish I would just be, I
would be dumb for the rest of mylife.
Like I don't care. Just bring him, let him, let me
have him. But you know, you're already
five months in recognizing that there's meaning that you can
(22:11):
take from it and that. Is I didn't have that.
I didn't have the psych. Still fucking pissed.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't think I had any of
those either that early on either.
I felt there was, there's, therewas one situation when I was in
rehab and I was having a very hard day, a very hard day.
Like I knew like all the relationships that we're going
to have were just failing. My buddy who was there, his
(22:34):
girlfriend worked at a cupcake place and some days the the
family would come in and so she came in and brought cupcakes.
And it was that day I was reallydown because I didn't have
anybody visit me. And he was like, man, David was
like, you, I can see you're going down.
He's like, why don't you come and help me?
(22:55):
Just, like, pass out these cupcakes.
Yeah, like four dozen cupcakes, man.
Just like, it's like contraband and rehab.
Come on. And so, yeah.
So I was like, you know what? Let's do that.
And it immediately, just like when I started to serve, it took
away a lot of the things that I was feeling.
(23:16):
And I remember that vividly because that's how my life has
kind of been throughout all my struggles.
Like I've, I've haven't had an easy life and, you know, it's
been a struggle and it's still astruggle.
Like I, I felt that my classes were actually, one of my
therapies is that I could show up for other people, whether
it's just get away from their life or, you know, help them get
(23:38):
their goal or just beat the shitout of the bag or, you know,
ride the bike or whatever it is.That's been one of my saving
graces, knowing that that's whatJen would want me to do.
And so it's really helping me and my therapy to get through
all the craziness that this grief has brought.
I was going to ask about your sober journey in terms of the
(24:01):
grief and if that created any struggles for you around, you
know, wanting to drink again or whatever it may be.
It was how did, how did that, how did you get through all of
that with the loss of Jen? Yeah, it was very upfront.
Yeah, I I could have easily justgone and gotten a drink and
(24:25):
drink myself numb. But I think the way my rehab
journey, my sobriety journey is gone is that I know that that
doesn't serve me anything anymore.
I know it doesn't serve me any good to step away from these
feelings. What my sobriety has taught me
(24:46):
is that these feelings happen for a reason and I should dive
into those feelings and not justleave them.
That was one of the reasons why the I've all got me in trouble
last time as I was trying to escape the situation that I was
at, instead of addressing the situation and doing what I
needed to do. I knew for me the right way was
(25:07):
to get out and exercise, to get out and do something and move my
body. But yeah, I thought about it.
Oh my gosh. I mean, you know, you go into
the fancy HEB now, there's like walls of liquor all over the
place. I'm like, I could do that.
I could. And a lot of people escaped that
way. I know I.
Indulged a little bit, yeah. Absolutely, after losing my
head. And had to pull muscles.
(25:30):
Out of that, because of my kids and say, come on, you're a mom,
you got to get up, get everybodyto school.
I stopped even buying wine because Frank and I would share
a bottle. And then if you open up the
bottle of wine and there's only one person there, then you're
the only person drinking the wine, right?
So I just stopped, like opening it, That was a tactic of mine.
(25:51):
But yeah, I mean, you do want toescape.
You want to escape the pain, so.I do, I do, I do a lot.
And I think that's that's a funny thing is my escape I think
is by adding more pain to try tohide the pain.
Yeah, it is interesting. I think I was just thinking that
like you, your addiction is about avoidance.
(26:12):
Like that's what addiction you're trying to numb something
or avoid something. And yet your career is all about
facing pain head on and pushing yourself harder And so.
It's and others. Yeah, and others.
You're going to feel pain too. Listen, I'm I'm still feeling.
Pain, everybody. So it's an interesting.
(26:33):
Forcing your pain on everyone else.
You know duality. And it works for me and it gives
me like when I, when I'm done with the workout and I'm just
exhausted because it's a billiondegrees outside of my garage,
you know, I'm laying on the ground.
I can't really do anything else but try to survive and get
water. And I feel good about myself
because I felt like I've done something to help me along my
(26:56):
goal of racing or, you know. Yourself.
And you've survived something. Yeah.
So talk, to talk to our audienceabout exercise and why it can be
so valuable when you're going through a loss or grieving
something, especially when in those moments, many times we
(27:17):
don't feel like getting up and doing any tips.
And also just what are? What is the value in it for
people that might not see any value in it right now?
I see value in a mind and body connection.
Otherwise, if you stay on that bed, your mind will race and it
will take over and you're going to throw out the what ifs and I
(27:39):
should've and I can't anymore and I'm what am I going to do?
And sit there And you're going to waste time which your partner
doesn't have any. And if you put value on the time
that they don't have any more, that's going to weigh a little
bit more for you because you're you're sitting there in grief
(28:00):
wishing, like wishing. Oh, they would.
Yeah. That was really a great
statement, He just said. I'm going to take that.
That's very true. We can't waste it because they
don't. They don't have it.
Well, and like you said, sittingon the bed, there's energy
(28:20):
that's happening. So you can let your mind take
all that energy and it just becomes a tornado in there of
untruths and fear. Or you can move your body and
the energy starts to come out physically, which is more
popular. And you can create that.
That's that's where it kind of like, you know, the chemistry
comes in where you have this andthat's why it's potential
(28:42):
energy, because you have a lot of potential energy inside you,
but you have to make that first step because of them.
They would want that. They want you to be happy.
They want you to use this time that we have on this earth for
whenever it is. And they don't want you to be
sad. They didn't, they didn't have
time with you for you to be sad.They loved you, right?
(29:05):
And when you love something, youwant it to grow.
You want to flourish and, and, and be everything it can be.
And I mean, it's still tough. I'm not going to lie.
It's still hard to go and do those things.
But when I get into it, I get through that first little like,
you know, I just laced my shoe up and I just get out the door,
get out the door, whether I run fast or not.
(29:25):
I've already done that. One of my closures that I've got
kind of closure is that we had always, Jen had gone through a
knee surgery and so she was toldshe wasn't going to run again,
which was like, like death to her.
It truly was. And we always talked about her
doing one more marathon with me.She wanted to do 1 and I knew
(29:47):
there was a half marathon in a marathon that we've raced before
and she loves. And so I was going to do that in
her honor. And the first, the half marathon
that I did was supernatural. I've never felt so good that I
could run. And even my my buddy who was
(30:07):
running with Kathy, she was like, like there was something
up with that race. And I was like, yeah, there sure
was. And it was really awesome.
Is. Really.
Yeah, that's amazing. So then the Boston Marathon, I
got to to run the marathon for her as well.
And I think that nobody will really understand how our
relationship was. And that's I love it and that's
(30:29):
mine and that's mine and hers. I have an amazing photo album of
her and her memories and her amazing videos of her trying to
dance. It's hilarious.
And I go through that quite a bit, which which kind of keeps
her memory. I'm also kind of scared.
I don't want to lose those, you know?
It's good to kind of keep that. Yeah.
(30:51):
She was in our life. She's not now physically, but
she always was. She's kind of.
Oldest keep saying their name, keep sharing the stories, keep
having the. That's so healthy and it was
really hard for me in the beginning.
Like every time I would start tobring Toby up, I would just
start to cry. And over time I got over that
(31:14):
and now my boys are older and sotalk about him all the time now.
But I wish in hindsight going back I would have known it's OK
to talk about him. Like I don't know why I was
scared in in the early days. I didn't get a lot.
Tell tell them about the. Yeah, the shirt.
(31:34):
Yeah. I was really sad one day when I
went to go to class and somebodyhad lost a water bottle.
And so I pulled the lost and found open and I'm going through
it and sure as shit, Jen's pink shirt, like the her pink shirt
that is in like a majority of her pictures like was right
(31:58):
there and I and the. Loss of found.
And the loss of I like stopped immediately and I was like,
there's no way, no way. That's awesome.
Sure enough, I I pull it up, pull it up and her Spence's
shirt was right there. So that's.
I love when those things happen.And you just took it.
Oh yeah. No, I took it.
(32:19):
Yeah. Lost and found this, This one.
Found it. I found it.
I love when when they show up inthose ways.
And I'm. I'm so glad that you're seeing
it. Like a lot of times signs are
being sent, but people are so deep in their grief that they
aren't paying attention or looking around or noticing, you
(32:41):
know? Yeah.
So probably you're you're exercising has helped you can
kind of swim over to a shallow, shallow end for a minute.
Well, it's certainly a healthierway to deal with grief.
There's a lot of things that we probably all did that weren't
so. Healthy.
But yeah, Pirate Booty was laughing.
(33:06):
Which leads me to my surprise, right?
I was talking earlier. I couldn't, I couldn't believe
it. Every night or for a while,
every night, I was praying that Jim would come to my dreams.
And she had she had come a couple of times while she was in
the coma. Yeah, it was really, really
(33:27):
weird. I, I saw her one time and I was
like, Oh my God, like, what are you doing?
What are you? How are you?
What are you doing right now? She just laughed.
She's like, so I'm just doing God's work upstairs.
I'm like, thanks, Jen. And some of my friends would,
(33:50):
would text me and call me and they were like, you know, talk
to Jen in dreams. And I was just like, we get
angry. I was like, why the fuck is she
not? I'm like hello.
You had that too. Right And so like sure shit, she
showed up last night and it was a long dream and it was amazing.
(34:10):
She like we sat down and she shelooked at me in my eye and she
was like, Dave and I just want you to be happy and it's.
So nice. That was a.
Gift. And that was a.
Yeah. It was.
When they visit you because it should.
Talk about us, though. She did, she said.
(34:30):
No, don't listen to him. She was like, don't go to that.
Pocket Oh my God, I know that woman way too well.
No, she was just standing right in that doorbell and in her pink
fucking skirt and this shirt andher hair in that high ponytail
that she always wear. Yeah, and that high ponytail and
she was just glowing like they make out how she was because the
(34:54):
aura round her was so bright andjust made me smile.
Yeah, it's hard when you. Hear they want you to be happy
because you don't feel happy right now and it's and that's
OK. You know, we're not letting our
people down if we're not happy right away.
It's a process, just like working towards an Iron Man.
(35:18):
You know you're not ready, but you're doing the work.
It's. Interesting how a connector
grief can be too, yeah? Yeah, and you could probably
really. Feel it?
Yeah. In.
In the cycling. Studio, I would think, yeah,
yeah, I can watch. And I, I try to, I try to
(35:42):
acknowledge it in a very privateway.
If I can see that I I'll allow them space to go through
whatever they need to go through.
The great thing is that sweat and tears look the same so and
at least in the boxing. Arena, it's like dark in there
and the music's pumping. So you could, yeah, you can lose
(36:04):
your sight. Yeah, get your anger.
Out, yeah. We've all cried on the bike.
Or the three of us have all cried on, gravitated in the dark
just 'cause you don't like. I was going to actually say
that's. What got me out of bed?
Like, yeah, I mean, still to this day, what gets me out of
bed is it's like, you've a good instructor, somebody that's
(36:24):
going to motivate you, dark room, great music.
And then you're like, I'm so glad I got out of bed.
Yeah. Then you.
There's a sense of accomplishment when you're done.
Even though I was crawling to the car, I was proud of myself
that I completed it. I have passed it, but I did
finish. You know, sometimes that's all
you have. To do that day, especially those
(36:45):
early days, early months, and you have to take care of
yourself. So sometimes that was the
biggest accomplishment, but was to get on the bike for that one
hour and then you're done. Yeah, You know I owe a.
Lot to movement music and and trying to better myself.
You want to give a shout out? To where all where all you
teach, yeah, I do, is personal training.
(37:06):
But I also teach an amazing kickboxing class at Knockout.
If you go to knockoutaustin.com or Instagram, we just created a
new class that I think we signedyou up for it tomorrow.
Let me guess. 6:30. AM no, you get to.
Sleep in it's at 838 thirty likehey, then I teach cycling at
(37:28):
love cycling studio and so you can come and catch the go check
the website where I'm teaching then and come in and dance out
on the bike a little bit. Thank you so much for.
Coming in. Yeah, my.
Pleasure. Thanks for having me.
I appreciate you guys watching me cry.
It's awesome. You're There's gonna be a lot
of. Crying on your grief journey,
But it's OK. And you're already so much
(37:49):
farther along than a lot of people at five months, and I'm
sure that has a lot to do with your background and the way you
already know how to push yourself through pain.
It does get a little easier, butthe love never leaves.
No, it's it's. Uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable, but it's OK.There's a lot of things that are
uncomfortable out there too. Yeah, that's that's life.
(38:10):
Very much so. Thank you.
David, thank. You.
This is every widow thing. Hey guys, welcome back.
I am so excited about our guest today.
I'd like to introduce and welcome him my friend and
fitness instructor, David Garza.Hello.
Yay, yay. David or if you live in Austin,
you probably know him as DG. He's the father of two amazing
(00:22):
kids. He's been sober for over 7
years, a DJ and crazy a 19 time Iron Man finisher that's.
Crazy. That is crazy.
You're insane. Very much so insane I would not
suggest. Don't make us do that, yeah.
He's been in fitness for 20 years, teaching rhythm based
cycling, boxing and personal training in and around Austin.
(00:45):
He's always understood the powerof music through movement for
mental health, but when he recently lost the love of his
life, he got up close and personal with grief and how
exercise can help the healing process.
He's here to share his personal story of loss and teach others,
quite literally, how to move through their grief.
(01:06):
Welcome. Thank you.
Thank you for having me. So let's get started all.
Right. I'd like to.
I want you to tell us about yourrelationship with Jen.
So my relationship with Jen started years ago.
She, she was a client of mine. She would come to one of the
places I was teaching at back inthe day and she came in and of
(01:29):
course she was riding. And of course I noticed her with
her ponytail popping around. Nobody like you, you know, Jen,
you know, that ponytail is popping around.
And so then I was like, hey, youknow, really, really good.
Come right up front. That kind of started our
friendship. It was an amazing friendship.
It was like, you know, we would just send memes to each other
non-stop and, you know, just check on each other.
And it was it was a great friendship which turned into a
(01:52):
really great relationship. And it came flowed right into a
deep love for one another. You know, we became steady and
just kind of kind of lived life.You went steady?
Yeah, we went steady. I asked her.
I was like, hey, old school. Will.
You wear my pen, Will you Will you wear my sweatshirt?
Yes. And so after that was fun.
And of course, like any relationship, we had a, you
(02:13):
know, ups and downs throughout the entire time.
And about a year, a year ago, webroke up after that breakup.
We were still close. You can't just turn off that
friendship just instantaneously.So it was a challenge to kind of
move that back into a friendship.
(02:33):
And she really wanted to stay connected as as close as she she
could. And it was nice.
And so we kind of, I mean, we talked non-stop after that
anyway. I still remember talking to her
just, you know, a couple of daysbefore her, before her accident.
So we were pretty much in communication like the entire
(02:54):
time. Yeah.
Yeah, never really. The relationship didn't end.
The caring for each other didn'tend it just just the friendship.
It was better for you guys with whatever journey you both were
on. Yeah, And it was.
And once that happened and, you know, there were some challenges
to kind of go through those rough waters, but then it kind
of started settling down. You know, she was on another
(03:15):
relationship. And I kind of turned into more
of like her counselor of, you know, like she had questions
about this and that and, you know, she would call me and ask
me about it. And it was, it was good.
It was good to kind of help her out on this new stage of her her
life as well. Yeah.
And so take us to the, you know,the moments when you found out
(03:35):
that there was a problem, that something had happened to Jen.
I taught, and I remember that that Saturday, I actually took
the class right afterwards so I can get another workout in.
I'm going to get back to my phone.
And Shelly had called, and she left a voice message.
She was like, hey, can you call me?
And I was like, yeah, So I called her and she said there
(03:55):
was an accident and that she washeaded to the hospital, and she
had gone into a coma on the way to the hospital.
And I was just floored. I was just stunned.
Nobody really knew how close me and Jen still were.
And so I didn't get a lot of other information than that.
(04:17):
And you didn't really know how serious.
No, no. I was just told it was serious,
but that's coming through the Grapevine, so I I didn't know.
And it was serious. Never really resonates as they
are going to die. Like, even when it's, you know,
(04:38):
yeah, I mean, you just, that's not where your brain goes to.
No, I in my mind and I'm still, that's the one I'm still
struggling with that, that I wanted her to wake up like I, I
knew she would wake up and so she could tell me the whole
story like that's, that's what Iwas waiting for.
When was the last time you had spoken with her before that?
Two days before you're in our relationship with It was so
(05:00):
challenging with everything around us.
And I think ultimately that's what happened.
There was a lot of outside circumstances that really
influenced the internal relationship, which hindsight
but shouldn't have, but it did. You were together such a long
time in terms of friendship and dating, and like you said
though, you'd broken up, so a lot of people consider that like
(05:22):
you just cut it off. But and I, that's where it got
really complicated because I didn't know where it stood.
This is where a lot of the outside circumstances were
influencing our relationship quite a bit.
So. Family and friends who had
picked a side. I would say, yeah.
(05:43):
And once again now this will be my side of the story where it's
like, yeah, I, I felt the role of ex scapegoat.
I I can't control the narrative on somebody else's side.
I know what happened. I know what was going on and I
do believe there was a lot of other influencing factors on
(06:07):
that. And so the only way that I knew
how to manage that was just the kind of step back.
I said our relationship was so complicated that we had to so
many dynamics that I really wanted to like build up.
Jen is in a coma. You're not getting a lot of
information. It's Christmas, so you're trying
to be present for your own children and family.
(06:29):
What were those days like those Was it a week that she two
weeks? She was in a coma for two weeks.
Oh, that's excruciating to. Visit and all of.
That I I was lucky enough to visit.
It was either two or three times.
Oh, that's great. What?
What were those two weeks like for you?
What? What did?
It look like for you it was horrible.
I, it was just, it was like, it was, it was like living in the
(06:57):
pandemic. There was just so much
uncertainty. And I kept hoping that there
would be a good outcome of this and everything that they were
saying. And with the small information I
got, it wasn't looking good. But I got to see her and how?
Did that. How did that get facilitated?
I had a dear friend, I had an Angel of mine who she's been an
(07:21):
Angel in my life for quite a bitand she's helped me out for a
lot of different things. And she kind of pushed one of
Jen's friends like, like David needs to, David needs to be
there. She needs to hear David's voice
is what was told, basically. And so I think that kind of
lowered the walls to allow me tocome in.
And what was stated over and over again about me being there
(07:45):
is how complicated it was for meto be there, which was an
understanding because at that time me and Jen were kind of
quiet friends. Jen was in a relationship with
another guy and then we had her ex and then the kids, right?
And then the family who didn't really.
(08:08):
That's a lot. Didn't really moving.
Parts. So your first meeting with Jen,
you get to go into the hospital room alone, be alone with.
Her No, no, there was, there's there is no way of that.
I looking back, I don't know why, but there would be somebody
(08:29):
in the room and they would put on headphones so they wouldn't
hear what I was saying. And I was like, look, I'm going
to take whatever I can get and try to talk to her about getting
better and just do whatever I can to bring her back.
Did you ever have a feeling? Because I think we've all talked
(08:50):
about this and like in my situation, I knew he was not
going to make it. Did you ever have that moment
where you're like, it's over, It's they're not going to make
it? That moment finally came when I
saw her being put in the Hearst at the funeral.
Oh wow. So.
(09:12):
So you had that I. Hope the entire time, yeah.
So you were able to go back several times to spend some time
with her? A couple of times, a couple of
times and it was, it was a little bit out of time, yeah.
So. This is complicated grief
because we all had relationships, our families were
fine and our our relationships with our husbands were fine.
(09:34):
This is super. Complicated, which adds.
A whole level of. Grief.
Y'all had closure, yes? I.
Yeah, it's hard because it's like you're just, you've lost
her, but you just like lost thatwhole part of your life.
Yeah, yeah. Almost like it didn't happen.
Very much so, very much as I've heard before.
Swept underneath the carpet. But it is difficult.
(09:57):
It sounds like I mean you. You didn't get to say I mean
you. You, you did get to say goodbye.
But there were limitations around it.
This is hard, like I never gone through this.
I don't know what to do. I am scared out of my mind.
I'm lost and now I still have toshow up for everybody and be
(10:17):
that person. I have to be the been that.
Person for me, I mean well the three of us, not the redheaded
1, bonded overspend like in seven years ago and we were like
spin addicts and we would cry onthe bike.
With him before my accident and after my accident.
(10:40):
I remember, I remember. I got back on the bike with you
and I. Remember that?
Yeah, it was huge. Yeah, it was huge.
Yeah. So they told me I wasn't going
to walk again, right? Yeah.
But it's interesting because some of the instructors I've had
along the way, including you, like didn't realize how much
you're helping me. And you didn't even know I was a
(11:01):
widow and in the beginning and but I'm just there and I'm like
feel so good when I leave. And so you're inspiring so many
people and you don't even know like.
And I think you talking today does too, particularly kind of
like Don Cash said that day whena male will step up and say they
can talk about their grief, theycan talk about their feelings
(11:21):
and express that it it opens thedoor for other men to do the
same thing, even though it's noteasy for us for either.
This is very hard to speak publicly about, you know,
personal things. But if you're helping people, it
kind of gives you some sort of way of at least giving back to
something that was so painful. Absolutely.
And I guys don't talk about that.
(11:43):
We don't have groups that sit down and just open up because we
don't want to be seen as weak orvulnerable or not brave or
whatever it is. But I do think slowly that's
slowly kind of dwindling down aswell.
There is a good movement to being able to talk about it and
(12:03):
just to be a certain way, and that's OK too.
So I think there is a good movement towards that, which is
why I try to just be as vulnerable by cans and not only
on social media, but to my kids as well.
I mean, like, I've been in my bed just crying my eyes out and
they're like, you OK. And I'm like, yeah, I just need
this right now. And they're like, OK, And
(12:23):
they'll come back and they'll check on me and, you know, which
is great. And I feel that going through
this grief my kids have really, you know, we, we, I'm not going
through it. We are.
And I, there are times I didn't realize how much it affected my
kids and how I should be talkingto them and what we should be
(12:48):
doing now and to help us with the future.
And so there's, there's, there'sbeen a great gift of grief, but
there's also a lot of pain associated with it.
And the balance of that's been the challenge.
So. I'd be curious because I mean,
you've done 19 Iron Man's, you know, pain, you know, physical
pain, you know, mental anguish. How has that helped you with
(13:15):
your grief journey? Or has it or I would think,
yeah, you doesn't matter what I think.
You tell me what you think. I think it's great.
I love. No Iron Man's ever here.
I'm challenging myself. I love she came.
To one class good enough? Yeah, I got it.
I got it. Don't.
Even come back to boxing. I know she hasn't come back.
I'm just. Saying I'm still recovering.
That was three months ago. Still.
(13:39):
Recovering I I have a very interesting way of training so I
I love paint. I love paint.
Paint lets me know I'm alive. I've tried to always do what's
next. That was kind of always my motto
when I was doing my first Iron Man.
I start off doing a smaller racelike a 5K and then worked my way
up. So I was like, what's next?
What else can I do? What else can I do?
(14:01):
And then I got up to an Iron Manrace and I did that and it was
very scary. I, there was that point in times
I was like, I don't know if I'm going to like survive this.
And I, I still have a lot of challenges throughout each race
and I just completed the 19th one in April.
And that challenge was training through grief.
(14:22):
And I appreciated grief at that point in time because it helped
push me to go and do something. And that's where I felt a lot of
pain where I could really channel my, my anger, my
frustration. I mean, it's the fact that I was
just fucking pissed. And I could put that towards my,
my energy. I could run, I could push myself
(14:44):
on the bike when I felt like I was hurting or I needed to do
another two hours on the bike, you know, in there, Yeah.
So hard. Yeah, and I would, I would, I
would tap into those feelings. She's like.
Yeah. Yeah, did you understand?
Sent me that text and she was like how is your 5 hour back
right now? The one that doesn't hardly
(15:06):
ever, no. But.
I It was a gift for me that. Yes, I love.
Because that's how I was able towork through that.
That's how I was able to lose myself in my workouts, but also
then find myself. The things that helped get me
going on was the fact that Jen loved to work out.
(15:32):
And she would, Oh my God, she would find every single way to
work out. And she would even push me to
work out. And so I knew that she would,
she'd want to do it again. And.
It's OK. It was, yeah, she was, she was a
driver. And you know, she was out there
(15:56):
with me in those runs and I wouldn't.
And she always ran on my right side, so I would always leave a
little space for her room. Yeah, Did you find?
Did you feel her out there? Were there ever?
I don't know if y'all have noticed, but this light keeps
flickering. I know.
And I'm like hey Jen, you know? Do you feel that when you're
working out that she's with you or you get any signs?
(16:18):
Yes, the first, the first week or so, it was crazy.
In my classes, the even the fuller ones, the bike in front
of me was never, was never full.There was nobody on it.
And so we have this, whenever somebody's like the class, you,
you lay the towel over and it's a recognition that you know
(16:40):
they're they're going to be there.
And so I'd always go over and I'd leave that towel open.
Oh man, I just got chills. I think it's my God-given talent
to be fitness instructor, to be in front of people to help them
work through whatever situations.
And I keep thinking that I, I amlucky to go through this so that
(17:02):
I can feel this experience and help others through it as well
with everything in my life that I've gone through already with,
you know, sobriety, with rehab, with divorce, you know, with
kids and now grief. How has your grief changed from
the beginning till now? And it hasn't even been.
How long has it been? Five months.
(17:24):
So it's still very new and mighteven still be in the shock stage
of things, but how have you beenworking through it?
What do you do that you could share with other people that are
dealing with grief and how's it changed?
I've, I'm allowed to be open about it and all, all my
(17:49):
feelings about grief. At first I was very silent,
which made it kind of challenging because my job is,
you know, kind of being on social media a lot.
I didn't have anything to say and I didn't know what to feel.
And so I was at a loss for words.
(18:10):
Which never happens in class, yeah.
Right. So, yeah, so, you know, I was
trying to find out how to go through this.
I was still in shock. I was so angry.
I'm still angry. And I was able to get through my
sharing of it. I was able to get some really
good golden Nuggets of what people have gone through and
(18:34):
that they've shared with me. And so my very first nugget was
how grief is like an ocean, and it will come in waves and it'll
be super high and super low and it's never ending, which is back
to the Iron Man's. Those had goals.
They had finish lines. So I knew the pain would stop
(18:55):
when I crossed that line. Hopefully.
I don't know when this is going to stop.
I don't think it's ever going tostop hurting.
You need to keep living because you want them to be happy for
you up in heaven and they shouldn't be worried about you.
(19:15):
They, they want you to be happy.They want you to be happy.
The reason why you're going through grief so deeply is
because the love was so deep. And that one, I was like, yeah,
I can feel that. And right now I hear it.
It's good, awesome. I appreciate it.
Not sure I'm feeling a lot of that, but I hear it.
(19:38):
You're so newly in it. Yeah, it's so early still, I
mean. But the pain does.
There are moments when it's justas painful, you know, five years
and as it is for you, 5 months. But it doesn't hit you as hard
every single day. It does get easier.
It becomes more of maybe like, Idon't know, cuz I don't really
(20:00):
hurt myself by training or anything, but maybe an old
injury. And then you, it just kind of
gets it. It's reminding you every once in
a while. Oh you, you know, you did this,
you did this to me. Don't forget this is painful or
this hurts or whatever. But I would say, well, you have
your whole phrase. Oh, less deep, less dark, less.
(20:21):
That came up because I'm 12 1/2 years, almost 13 in all these
years later, those relationshipsdon't change.
You're still living with it, butit is less deep.
It does get less dark, like the darkness doesn't go.
So where you feel like, I don't think I'm going to come out of
this, you know you will. And you know it's going to be
OK. And then less often it just kind
(20:44):
of kind of like the ocean, like you said, which is a lot of our
happy places. I love it.
It just a little bit like this. And then in the beginning, it
just would take me underneath thought, Oh my God, I'm never
going to see the light again. And then you do.
And so, you know, if in those six months where you are now, if
you can, then you know you will a year 234 because the Iron Man
(21:06):
stuff, I've obviously never doneone, but I was an athlete in
college. And so I do know that you'd live
with some pain with that after the fact too, a little bit.
So it can be like Iron Man. There's no way I would have ever
been able to do that. So I can't imagine there's bound
to be some hip, legs, knees, whatever.
And I kind of think that's kind of like grief, don't you think,
(21:28):
when you're doing sports. So we know, we know you're going
to be better one day. You will and I love what you
said. You know, I read something
recently and I wrote it down, but of course I can't remember
the exact wording, but it it's what you were saying.
But we suffer so that we can have empathy for other people
(21:48):
that are suffering, so we can offer guidance and support for
those people. So there's meaning in it.
It fucking sucks. And we wish I would just be, I
would be dumb for the rest of mylife.
Like I don't care. Just bring him, let him, let me
have him. But you know, you're already
five months in recognizing that there's meaning that you can
(22:11):
take from it and that. Is I didn't have that.
I didn't have the psych. Still fucking pissed.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't think I had any of
those either that early on either.
I felt there was, there's, therewas one situation when I was in
rehab and I was having a very hard day, a very hard day.
Like I knew like all the relationships that we're going
to have were just failing. My buddy who was there, his
(22:34):
girlfriend worked at a cupcake place and some days the the
family would come in and so she came in and brought cupcakes.
And it was that day I was reallydown because I didn't have
anybody visit me. And he was like, man, David was
like, you, I can see you're going down.
He's like, why don't you come and help me?
(22:55):
Just, like, pass out these cupcakes.
Yeah, like four dozen cupcakes, man.
Just like, it's like contraband and rehab.
Come on. And so, yeah.
So I was like, you know what? Let's do that.
And it immediately, just like when I started to serve, it took
away a lot of the things that I was feeling.
(23:16):
And I remember that vividly because that's how my life has
kind of been throughout all my struggles.
Like I've, I've haven't had an easy life and, you know, it's
been a struggle and it's still astruggle.
Like I, I felt that my classes were actually, one of my
therapies is that I could show up for other people, whether
it's just get away from their life or, you know, help them get
(23:38):
their goal or just beat the shitout of the bag or, you know,
ride the bike or whatever it is.That's been one of my saving
graces, knowing that that's whatJen would want me to do.
And so it's really helping me and my therapy to get through
all the craziness that this grief has brought.
I was going to ask about your sober journey in terms of the
(24:01):
grief and if that created any struggles for you around, you
know, wanting to drink again or whatever it may be.
It was how did, how did that, how did you get through all of
that with the loss of Jen? Yeah, it was very upfront.
Yeah, I I could have easily justgone and gotten a drink and
(24:25):
drink myself numb. But I think the way my rehab
journey, my sobriety journey is gone is that I know that that
doesn't serve me anything anymore.
I know it doesn't serve me any good to step away from these
feelings. What my sobriety has taught me
(24:46):
is that these feelings happen for a reason and I should dive
into those feelings and not justleave them.
That was one of the reasons why the I've all got me in trouble
last time as I was trying to escape the situation that I was
at, instead of addressing the situation and doing what I
needed to do. I knew for me the right way was
(25:07):
to get out and exercise, to get out and do something and move my
body. But yeah, I thought about it.
Oh my gosh. I mean, you know, you go into
the fancy HEB now, there's like walls of liquor all over the
place. I'm like, I could do that.
I could. And a lot of people escaped that
way. I know I.
Indulged a little bit, yeah. Absolutely, after losing my
head. And had to pull muscles.
(25:30):
Out of that, because of my kids and say, come on, you're a mom,
you got to get up, get everybodyto school.
I stopped even buying wine because Frank and I would share
a bottle. And then if you open up the
bottle of wine and there's only one person there, then you're
the only person drinking the wine, right?
So I just stopped, like opening it, That was a tactic of mine.
(25:51):
But yeah, I mean, you do want toescape.
You want to escape the pain, so.I do, I do, I do a lot.
And I think that's that's a funny thing is my escape I think
is by adding more pain to try tohide the pain.
Yeah, it is interesting. I think I was just thinking that
like you, your addiction is about avoidance.
(26:12):
Like that's what addiction you're trying to numb something
or avoid something. And yet your career is all about
facing pain head on and pushing yourself harder And so.
It's and others. Yeah, and others.
You're going to feel pain too. Listen, I'm I'm still feeling.
Pain, everybody. So it's an interesting.
(26:33):
Forcing your pain on everyone else.
You know duality. And it works for me and it gives
me like when I, when I'm done with the workout and I'm just
exhausted because it's a billiondegrees outside of my garage,
you know, I'm laying on the ground.
I can't really do anything else but try to survive and get
water. And I feel good about myself
because I felt like I've done something to help me along my
(26:56):
goal of racing or, you know. Yourself.
And you've survived something. Yeah.
So talk, to talk to our audienceabout exercise and why it can be
so valuable when you're going through a loss or grieving
something, especially when in those moments, many times we
(27:17):
don't feel like getting up and doing any tips.
And also just what are? What is the value in it for
people that might not see any value in it right now?
I see value in a mind and body connection.
Otherwise, if you stay on that bed, your mind will race and it
will take over and you're going to throw out the what ifs and I
(27:39):
should've and I can't anymore and I'm what am I going to do?
And sit there And you're going to waste time which your partner
doesn't have any. And if you put value on the time
that they don't have any more, that's going to weigh a little
bit more for you because you're you're sitting there in grief
(28:00):
wishing, like wishing. Oh, they would.
Yeah. That was really a great
statement, He just said. I'm going to take that.
That's very true. We can't waste it because they
don't. They don't have it.
Well, and like you said, sittingon the bed, there's energy
(28:20):
that's happening. So you can let your mind take
all that energy and it just becomes a tornado in there of
untruths and fear. Or you can move your body and
the energy starts to come out physically, which is more
popular. And you can create that.
That's that's where it kind of like, you know, the chemistry
comes in where you have this andthat's why it's potential
(28:42):
energy, because you have a lot of potential energy inside you,
but you have to make that first step because of them.
They would want that. They want you to be happy.
They want you to use this time that we have on this earth for
whenever it is. And they don't want you to be
sad. They didn't, they didn't have
time with you for you to be sad.They loved you, right?
(29:05):
And when you love something, youwant it to grow.
You want to flourish and, and, and be everything it can be.
And I mean, it's still tough. I'm not going to lie.
It's still hard to go and do those things.
But when I get into it, I get through that first little like,
you know, I just laced my shoe up and I just get out the door,
get out the door, whether I run fast or not.
(29:25):
I've already done that. One of my closures that I've got
kind of closure is that we had always, Jen had gone through a
knee surgery and so she was toldshe wasn't going to run again,
which was like, like death to her.
It truly was. And we always talked about her
doing one more marathon with me.She wanted to do 1 and I knew
(29:47):
there was a half marathon in a marathon that we've raced before
and she loves. And so I was going to do that in
her honor. And the first, the half marathon
that I did was supernatural. I've never felt so good that I
could run. And even my my buddy who was
(30:07):
running with Kathy, she was like, like there was something
up with that race. And I was like, yeah, there sure
was. And it was really awesome.
Is. Really.
Yeah, that's amazing. So then the Boston Marathon, I
got to to run the marathon for her as well.
And I think that nobody will really understand how our
relationship was. And that's I love it and that's
(30:29):
mine and that's mine and hers. I have an amazing photo album of
her and her memories and her amazing videos of her trying to
dance. It's hilarious.
And I go through that quite a bit, which which kind of keeps
her memory. I'm also kind of scared.
I don't want to lose those, you know?
It's good to kind of keep that. Yeah.
(30:51):
She was in our life. She's not now physically, but
she always was. She's kind of.
Oldest keep saying their name, keep sharing the stories, keep
having the. That's so healthy and it was
really hard for me in the beginning.
Like every time I would start tobring Toby up, I would just
start to cry. And over time I got over that
(31:14):
and now my boys are older and sotalk about him all the time now.
But I wish in hindsight going back I would have known it's OK
to talk about him. Like I don't know why I was
scared in in the early days. I didn't get a lot.
Tell tell them about the. Yeah, the shirt.
(31:34):
Yeah. I was really sad one day when I
went to go to class and somebodyhad lost a water bottle.
And so I pulled the lost and found open and I'm going through
it and sure as shit, Jen's pink shirt, like the her pink shirt
that is in like a majority of her pictures like was right
(31:58):
there and I and the. Loss of found.
And the loss of I like stopped immediately and I was like,
there's no way, no way. That's awesome.
Sure enough, I I pull it up, pull it up and her Spence's
shirt was right there. So that's.
I love when those things happen.And you just took it.
Oh yeah. No, I took it.
(32:19):
Yeah. Lost and found this, This one.
Found it. I found it.
I love when when they show up inthose ways.
And I'm. I'm so glad that you're seeing
it. Like a lot of times signs are
being sent, but people are so deep in their grief that they
aren't paying attention or looking around or noticing, you
(32:41):
know? Yeah.
So probably you're you're exercising has helped you can
kind of swim over to a shallow, shallow end for a minute.
Well, it's certainly a healthierway to deal with grief.
There's a lot of things that we probably all did that weren't
so. Healthy.
But yeah, Pirate Booty was laughing.
(33:06):
Which leads me to my surprise, right?
I was talking earlier. I couldn't, I couldn't believe
it. Every night or for a while,
every night, I was praying that Jim would come to my dreams.
And she had she had come a couple of times while she was in
the coma. Yeah, it was really, really
(33:27):
weird. I, I saw her one time and I was
like, Oh my God, like, what are you doing?
What are you? How are you?
What are you doing right now? She just laughed.
She's like, so I'm just doing God's work upstairs.
I'm like, thanks, Jen. And some of my friends would,
(33:50):
would text me and call me and they were like, you know, talk
to Jen in dreams. And I was just like, we get
angry. I was like, why the fuck is she
not? I'm like hello.
You had that too. Right And so like sure shit, she
showed up last night and it was a long dream and it was amazing.
(34:10):
She like we sat down and she shelooked at me in my eye and she
was like, Dave and I just want you to be happy and it's.
So nice. That was a.
Gift. And that was a.
Yeah. It was.
When they visit you because it should.
Talk about us, though. She did, she said.
(34:30):
No, don't listen to him. She was like, don't go to that.
Pocket Oh my God, I know that woman way too well.
No, she was just standing right in that doorbell and in her pink
fucking skirt and this shirt andher hair in that high ponytail
that she always wear. Yeah, and that high ponytail and
she was just glowing like they make out how she was because the
(34:54):
aura round her was so bright andjust made me smile.
Yeah, it's hard when you. Hear they want you to be happy
because you don't feel happy right now and it's and that's
OK. You know, we're not letting our
people down if we're not happy right away.
It's a process, just like working towards an Iron Man.
(35:18):
You know you're not ready, but you're doing the work.
It's. Interesting how a connector
grief can be too, yeah? Yeah, and you could probably
really. Feel it?
Yeah. In.
In the cycling. Studio, I would think, yeah,
yeah, I can watch. And I, I try to, I try to
(35:42):
acknowledge it in a very privateway.
If I can see that I I'll allow them space to go through
whatever they need to go through.
The great thing is that sweat and tears look the same so and
at least in the boxing. Arena, it's like dark in there
and the music's pumping. So you could, yeah, you can lose
(36:04):
your sight. Yeah, get your anger.
Out, yeah. We've all cried on the bike.
Or the three of us have all cried on, gravitated in the dark
just 'cause you don't like. I was going to actually say
that's. What got me out of bed?
Like, yeah, I mean, still to this day, what gets me out of
bed is it's like, you've a good instructor, somebody that's
(36:24):
going to motivate you, dark room, great music.
And then you're like, I'm so glad I got out of bed.
Yeah. Then you.
There's a sense of accomplishment when you're done.
Even though I was crawling to the car, I was proud of myself
that I completed it. I have passed it, but I did
finish. You know, sometimes that's all
you have. To do that day, especially those
(36:45):
early days, early months, and you have to take care of
yourself. So sometimes that was the
biggest accomplishment, but was to get on the bike for that one
hour and then you're done. Yeah, You know I owe a.
Lot to movement music and and trying to better myself.
You want to give a shout out? To where all where all you
teach, yeah, I do, is personal training.
(37:06):
But I also teach an amazing kickboxing class at Knockout.
If you go to knockoutaustin.com or Instagram, we just created a
new class that I think we signedyou up for it tomorrow.
Let me guess. 6:30. AM no, you get to.
Sleep in it's at 838 thirty likehey, then I teach cycling at
(37:28):
love cycling studio and so you can come and catch the go check
the website where I'm teaching then and come in and dance out
on the bike a little bit. Thank you so much for.
Coming in. Yeah, my.
Pleasure. Thanks for having me.
I appreciate you guys watching me cry.
It's awesome. You're There's gonna be a lot
of. Crying on your grief journey,
But it's OK. And you're already so much
(37:49):
farther along than a lot of people at five months, and I'm
sure that has a lot to do with your background and the way you
already know how to push yourself through pain.
It does get a little easier, butthe love never leaves.
No, it's it's. Uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable, but it's OK.There's a lot of things that are
uncomfortable out there too. Yeah, that's that's life.
(38:10):
Very much so. Thank you.
David, thank. You.
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