June 9, 2025 • 24 mins
So many people were never taught the basic skills needed for everyday life—let alone how to see it all through the lens of the gospel. Discipleship isn’t just a transfer of biblical knowledge or theology; it’s about helping people actually live as part of God’s family. And in many ways, it’s like reparenting others in light of what our Father now says is true about them.
This week on the Everyday Disciple Podcast, we talk about how discipleship often mirrors what it’s like raising kids. Over the years, I’ve seen the same patterns in our missional community that my wife and I walked through while raising our own kids. It’s slow. It’s beautiful. It takes grace and patience. But it’s how people learn to live out their new identity in Christ.
Get started here... From this episode: “Teaching, modeling and sharing the love of God and his grace with others is our highest calling! In Christ, we have been given a new identity, we share in his authority here on Earth, and we have inherited great privilege as sons and daughters of the King. Walking in light of all of this and teaching younger siblings (in both age or maturity) how the gospel speaks into and transforms all of life is a privilege and part of Jesus’ great co-mission to us all.”Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
- Why discipleship is truly a form of reparenting people
- The key areas in life where people need help learning to live like God’s kids
- Why traditional discipleship often misses the mark on real life transformation
- How God equips us to be spiritual parents who walk with others in love and grace.
Get started here... From this episode: “Teaching, modeling and sharing the love of God and his grace with others is our highest calling! In Christ, we have been given a new identity, we share in his authority here on Earth, and we have inherited great privilege as sons and daughters of the King. Walking in light of all of this and teaching younger siblings (in both age or maturity) how the gospel speaks into and transforms all of life is a privilege and part of Jesus’ great co-mission to us all.”
Each week the Big 3 will give you immediate action steps to get you started.
Download today’s BIG 3 right now. Read and think over them again later. You might even want to share them with others…
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Join us on Facebook and take part in the discussion! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of this page or right below. Also, please leave an honest review for The Everyday Disciple Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them. Links and Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Coaching and Mentorship in Discipleship as a Lifestyle by Caesar and his wife TinaMark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caesar Kalinowski (00:00):
I'm increasingly struck by how many of the things that my wife and I did with our kids as they grew up, how they're so similar to things we find ourself replicating with others now in Missional Community.
I. For instance, early in our lives, we taught our children how to set up a personal budget and decide how they'd spend their money.
Asking for God's guidance and wisdom.
We taught them to be patient and the difference between wants and needs.
(00:20):
And now we've had to do the same thing where we get to do the same thing with so many other people in community.
We trained our children how to serve others and our extended family through babysitting, cooking meals.
Cleaning houses or raking leaves.
Many in our community have learned to work hard and serve others in the same ways.
With us at home, I taught my son and daughters how to fix their bikes, stop a leak, paint a wall, and properly clean up when the job is finished.
(00:45):
And over the years in community, we've had to teach myriads of young people all these same things as they started families and new Missional communities.
So many people have never been taught these things or learned how to view all of life.
Through the lens of the gospel.
Discipleship includes seeding, kingdom multiplication into every area of life, not just teaching the Bible and theology.
(01:09):
In many ways, discipleship is a re-parenting of others, showing them how to live in God's family.
In light of what our father now says is true of them.
Heath Hollensbe (01:28):
Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski (01:47):
Good to be with you, as always, my friend, and I'm excited for where the show's gonna go today.
Yeah.
Discipleship is re-parenting, huh?
Yeah, it's not really a parenting episode, but it's, it's such a cool parallel and we talk so often about, um, here I'm diving right in.
I don't mean to, but we, we talk so often about life and community, and life in the kingdom is really living in God's family, that it's family life and that the parallels are, they're, they're forever.
(02:12):
There's so many of 'em.
So we're gonna go pretty deep into that Anyway, how the heck are you this week?
Heath Hollensbe (02:16):
Good man.
Uh, a little dreary day today, right?
We're in the, starting in the middle of summer and it's rainy and cold.
20 degree difference from yesterday.
Yeah.
From Sunshine to, yeah.
It'll be back to Sun tomorrow, whenever.
Caesar Kalinowski (02:25):
That's okay, man.
I'm not complaining.
Heath Hollensbe (02:27):
I, uh, Kathleen and I went and saw a really great concert.
I know you're a concert goer.
Like we, we've done Brian, we still do quite a shows.
We still do a lot of shows.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We just went and saw Train and Goo Dolls and that was.
Like a way back
Caesar Kalinowski (02:38):
machine.
Heath Hollensbe (02:39):
I know.
It, it, it was a little sentimental.
'cause I remember my first car at 16 driving to the beach in Southern California listening to Goo Dolls and to see 'em now, you know, they're old and they're getting, Tina
Caesar Kalinowski (02:48):
recently saw a train and she kept sending me little, like, snippet videos.
Yeah.
Like with, oh my, you know, oh my gosh.
I can't believe these, this was their hit too.
Yeah.
Like, does train have more hits than we could ever all remember?
It was literally every song I was like,
Heath Hollensbe (03:02):
I forgot about this one.
That's, and you know what's, what was really cool was, um.
So the lead singer, pat lives in Sam Amish, just like by Iqua, Sam Amish.
But, uh, this guitar player, their guitar player, did this incredible guitar solo and he said, ladies and gentlemen, from Tacoma, Washington.
So Tacoma's representing, there you go, buddy train.
You're all proud.
(03:22):
We're all proud of Tacoma Teton.
Caesar Kalinowski (03:24):
Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe (03:24):
You know, so one of the things that even as you were just doing this intro that I, I thought was fascinating was that this idea of discipleship in many ways, parallels parenting or even reparenting people.
And I've never actually thought about it that way.
Um.
And I'm sure that many of the listeners here have not maybe connected those dots either.
So I coin, I coined that phrase, I dunno, trademark that.
I dunno.
Maybe you can explain to us how you came up with this idea and how it served you throughout the years in different communities of folks that you've been with.
Caesar Kalinowski (03:50):
Yeah, it, yeah.
I don't know where it came from.
It might just popped into our heads one day, but it really was kind of, you know, after years of being in community with people, we started noticing in so many ways a lot of our friends had not been parented very well.
Heath Hollensbe (04:02):
Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski (04:02):
Like seriously, you know, a lot of people, they're just like, well, my parents were in the home.
They just made sure we were fed and not in jail, kind of thing, you know?
Sure.
Even believers, it's just Wow.
So they weren't parented that well, and in some cases it was because their parents were absent for much of their life.
Right.
But for many, it was just like their parents had not been very intentional about teaching their kids a lot of the stuff that preparesthem for healthy community and friendships and marriages and, and certainly not a lot of parenting them on how to see the gospel.
(04:31):
Applied to all of life, right?
Sure.
And so we started kind of commenting on how many parallels there were.
Like remember when we taught, you know, our son this, like we just had to teach like four guys that, you know, rememberhow when we had this whole big thing about why it's important, like, you know, let's cut our lawn and be a good neighbor.
It's like we're having to teach that.
'cause we're showing up at people's houses for meals and all, and they're in community and they love Jesus, but they're like, man, you're, you look like the worst house in the neighborhood.
(04:53):
You know, like, let's redeem this, let's restore this, you know, whatever.
Right?
Sure.
And so we kind of started saying, you know, discipleships in so many ways is reparenting people and reparenting the culture.
And a lot of what we're gonna talk about today, think of the, you know, it's not just task, but it's like the ethos.
It's like.
Really developing the environment, a parenting environment that is grace based.
(05:16):
And it would be much like what it's like to hang out with dad.
Right.
Our, our father in heaven is earthly family should be amazing, right?
Yep.
This term reparenting though it's out there, sometimes it's called limited reparenting.
Okay.
Um, but it's, it's actually like a psychological process to people use and it's when like a, a, a therapist of some sort takes the role of a concerned and trustworthy parent.
(05:39):
A person so that that client of theirs can learn what a trusting relationship is like.
Hmm.
Now think about that.
We talk about discipleship and building trust and that's how you know all that.
So now even from a clinical standpoint, it's like someone takes on this role so people start to realize, oh, this is what it looks like.
Not to live in fear and Sure trust.
People and be open about yourself and let your redemption show and all that.
(06:01):
And I found this quote.
It says, parenting helps an individual repair, attachments and develop more secure and healthy relationships.
And this is Rachel O'Neill, who's like a professional counselor and big person, and she goes on to say, it can help an individual recognize and repair patterns of non-functional behavior.
And so I go, oh man, see, I I knew we were onto something.
(06:23):
Yeah, exactly.
Because that's, think about in so many ways discipleship is that it really is.
And so even with those friends and disciples that had Christian parents growing up, we realized that the church has, for the most part, not taught people how to live in the kingdom of God.
In other words, what's it like to live in our perfect Heavenly Father's household and then invite others into the family as well?
(06:46):
Sure.
They really do need to be.
Reparented doing air quotes now.
Uh, they need to be reparented into the ways of Jesus and our Abba Daddy.
And I'm increasingly struck by how many of the things my wife and I did with our own kids as they grew up are the same things that we find ourselves replicating with others.
Now, in Missional Community, for instance, early in their lives, we taught our kids how to set up a personal budget and decide how they'd spend their money and, and like, let's not just.
(07:13):
Do it based on our own love of stuff, but let's ask God for guidance and wisdom.
We taught 'em how to be patient.
Sometimes you have to wait honey and save, or sometimes maybe you'll change your mind and, and what's the difference between wants and needs?
And the list goes on and on.
And now we're fine.
We're doing the same thing with people in community and not just like 20 somethings or teenagers, but like.
People.
Wow.
Really.
Heath Hollensbe (07:33):
So, um, obviously you've been in community for quite a long time with various groups and even in different geographic area, you know, from Chicago to New York to here.
What are some of the top areas of life that you've seen?
Most people, most of us need to actually be reparented in.
Caesar Kalinowski (07:50):
Well, like I was sort of saying earlier, it was everything from how to set up a budget to how to set the table for dinner or how to sweep up or load a dishwasher, you know, properly.
Yeah.
So stuff's not getting broken or, or whatever, you know?
Um, and, and we've had to address personal hygiene.
And study habits and bad habits and healthy habits and how to paint a wall or pack a suitcase for a trip.
(08:11):
You know, it's like crazy.
You're like, Hey, we're, you know, we're on this trip and we're taking some people overseas to go do mission, and you look and they're sharing a room with you and you open up their suitcase and it's like, whoa.
The stench hitch you and everything's just in a ball.
And it's, did you wash any of that?
No, I didn't really teach, have time.
Like, well, where do you think you're gonna do that?
We're in the middle of, you know, yeah.
All this kinda stuff, you know?
Um, you know how to, how to.
Take care of your lawn and your shrubbery.
(08:31):
Um, really, like, I remember literally like, like, well, you can shape it like a ball, or we can cut into the middle, or this, this is dead.
So we have to, you know, um, but it's, it's also in how to handle alcohol or dealing with loved ones who are really sick or dealing with death.
You know, it's, it's, it's kind of, it's all of it, man.
But then.
How does the gospel speak into it?
So there's functionality, but there's also, whoa, so many opportunities then to like use gospel fluency and speak.
(08:55):
Like, no, the gospel speaks into that.
Why?
What would our motivation be for that?
If we love God and want others to see what he's really like and what life and his family's like.
Is it a mess?
Is it last minute?
Are we the worst people on the block?
Yeah.
Are we never prepared?
Do we not keep our word, do we, you know, like when we help, do we really help?
Like all that stuff is part of showing off.
Our awesome dad.
Heath Hollensbe (09:16):
You know, you know what's funny is we, one of the, even in the slogan of our, our intro on the show, it says where each week you learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
And I love the practicalness of this because when I think of traditional discipleship, it typically deals with none of the practical.
It's usually like nine or 10.
Either theological or doctrinal topics that get covered in a very like systematic way.
(09:40):
Mm-hmm.
How to think.
Yeah.
We're gonna teach you what to think rather than how to think for yourself.
Tons of Bible verses.
Yeah.
That connect to each topic and are typically pulled out for that specific topic.
Memorize those.
Fit an agenda.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Then you're good.
But it, why do you think it is that you see so many life categories like that as a. An important discipleship issues that need to be parented in a new or better way.
(10:00):
Like why worry about how someone sets the table or if they never mow their lawn?
Because it seems most people are too afraid to actually address this holistic form of discipleship like that because like they might offend somebody or offend
Caesar Kalinowski (10:12):
everybody, right?
Yeah.
Well for sure.
I mean, and it, and there's obviously, there's a lot of ways to do anything in life, but when, when you, when you're doing life in community, you're starting to set family culture, right?
And so part of this is you get to.
You know, I, I can think of some friends of ours who were like, man, it was getting tough for the guy's wife and she didn't wanna have friends over.
Because even when they'd help clean up, it would take her three days to find all her dishes.
(10:34):
'cause they put 'em all in the wrong place and everything.
So, you know, at one point they finally had to say, Hey, listen, we so appreciate your help, but it really doesn't make sense to put like.
A fork, like up next to the bowls.
Sure.
And then, you know, over here the pan or stuff.
So could we just show you kind of how our household rolls and, and why it kinda makes sense to us?
And then, then you can really help in a way that helps, right?
Sure.
(10:54):
But there's all kinds of ways to do things, but think about it, relational tensions in community that come from prejudice or laziness or selfishness, or even just ignorance.
'cause I don't know, I was never taught anything on that.
You know?
It's all at the center of true discipleship.
Think about it, the way you set up your budget.
And manage and experience money and generosity.
(11:14):
It's really a big deal in life and it's clearly connected to the gospel, right?
Yep.
Absolutely.
You know, think about how many people, like did your parents teach how to do a budget?
I. No.
Well, if I got online and I downloaded one Yeah.
But does it speak into the gospel?
Speaking into that and like categories and like my why you might wanna budget like blessing money.
Sure.
You know, and start to train the, even if it's 10 bucks a month, 'cause you know, we're broke or whatever it's like, but the kids and I, we sit down, we pray over it, we have a blast, and we figure out who's giving out 10 bucks.
(11:39):
Well the kids don't even have 10 bucks, so it feels like a lot to them and we're training their hearts or whatever.
Right.
But the really important re-parenting is most closely connected with relationships.
Both with people and with God.
How to earn and regain trust and how to seek and ask for forgiveness.
Like, you know, let, let me give you a global view on why I'm saying this.
When you think about what was ultimately broken at the fall of mankind, I. It was humans' relationship with God.
(12:05):
Right now, they're hiding, freaking out, covering themselves up.
And the relationship between humans blaming each other, hiding that we're making an shame, now they're covering up and they're blaming each other.
And so this idea that we are, we're gonna really do a lot of.
Reparenting in a lot of little areas, so people just, they know how to be in community better, you know, and do life well, and like, not ask themselves or be constantly broke or whatever.
(12:26):
Um, but also we're really gonna dig into reparenting relationships and trust and like, this is what dad's like, and because his opinion counts of us the most, he's the most glorious.
Then we don't have to fear what everybody else thinks.
And it's not like, eh, screw you.
Then it's like, you know what, I, I wanna serve you well, but in the meantime, I'm not.
Crushed that you weren't happy with it.
I can do better next time, but I feel great about our relationship 'cause I know God loves me and I love you.
(12:50):
You know, and none of that stuff's usually taught.
And to me that's like, that should be parented in.
It.
Gets to be parented in.
So that's, you know, that's some of the really important re-parenting work.
You know,
Heath Hollensbe (13:01):
I, I can't go further on or too much further, at least without talking about our common working definition of discipleship.
And if you've listened to the show for any amount of time, you know that we describe discipleship as helping others move from unbelief to belief concerning the truth of the gospel and absolutely every area of life.
Mm-hmm.
How do you see that fitting into this idea of discipleship as
Caesar Kalinowski (13:22):
re-parenting?
I'll give you an example.
That we all need to come to understand properly if we're to enjoy life to the fullest as it's meant to be experienced in God's family.
Hmm.
Okay.
And it has to do with fear of man issues and seeing and believing that God is the most glorious one.
I was just kind of riffing on that a second ago.
Yeah.
But, but coming to see that God is the most glorious one in our lives and that his opinion of us is ultimately the one that matters most.
(13:48):
Hmm.
And so think about it.
Um.
You know, we're not generally parented that way.
We, we, we don't have that kind of hope and like, well, that kind of hurt.
But you know what I'm thinking?
The glorious one who hung the moon literally in stars and created me, loves me and sent his son to die for me.
And so I can trust in that love and that grounds me in a different way so that my relationships change.
(14:11):
Like the way I was parented when I was growing up was that everyone walked on eggshells around each other when there was like any kind of an argument or.
Disagreement or even a difference of opinion, like what show we're gonna watch or whatever.
Sure.
And we were taught to keep our mouth shut for fear of making things worse or upset my dad or one of my older sisters getting ticked off or whatever.
And it was bad parenting.
(14:31):
Hmm.
And it crushes real gospel community.
Unless we get reparented into the belief that God's our perfect father who loves us, regardless of what we say or do.
Yep.
Or don't say or do.
'cause we're all gonna blow it.
Yep.
That's not the point.
Like, don't piss people off.
The point is, are you securing the father's love so that you can then begin to love others?
(14:51):
Right.
Like so it's not about what we say or don't say or do or don't do.
And since we have his unconditional love in his unmerited favor, we don't have to fear what others think of us.
Yep.
Especially when we're speaking the truth.
And in love to others.
Hmm.
But even when we're wrong or confused or afraid, God loves us and his love sets us free to love others.
And.
(15:12):
Speak the truth and seek real relationships based on actually loving the other person, not based on managing their expectations of us by living in silence or walking around on eggshells or in fear and dread.
See, that's actually just selfish and me focused.
Yeah.
Like there's all this stuff going on that's weird and hurtful, but I don't wanna say anything 'cause I don't want, you know, I don't want anybody coming down on me, you know?
(15:33):
Sure.
Well, no, that's just actually me using you.
I'm just, I'm, I'm working you so that I can feel a certain way and maintain my control over situation.
And this particular example of moving from unbelief to belief is also what sets us free to be able to Disciple people in every area of life.
Hmm.
And things like how to set the table or wash the dishes.
(15:53):
Sure.
Or their armpits or you fill in the blank.
Right, right.
So much of this.
Has to do with repairing being the culture within which people live or lived.
Yeah.
Creating grace based environments for people to learn and grow and make some mistakes and grow some more.
All without the fear that we'll quit on them.
Yeah.
Or that we'll bail on them or shove 'em out, or shame them for being, you know, right where they're at.
(16:18):
Yeah.
We get to be, see, but if we don't, like, for instance, if we don't move from unbelief to belief about who's the most glorious one, then we'll never speak.
Truth into other weird stuff like, oh, I don't know, man.
He always does that and then he doesn't clear his plate and he leaves that there in a greasy thing.
And then he feeds the dog stuff.
I've asked him, not like we get to, we get to talk about
Heath Hollensbe (16:35):
all that stuff, especially if we look at it as a family.
Right.
It seems like what you're saying, there's a lot of practical life lessons that many of us like may need to actually be reparented in.
Yeah.
Or even received some intentional parenting in that we might not have had in the past.
Yeah.
And there are really important Gospel related issues.
That are connected to this that we need to learn to grow in as well.
Caesar Kalinowski (16:54):
Absolutely.
It's both and, and unless we learn to speak the gospel and, and create that, that reparented environment of grace that we were created to grow up in, and, and I'm convinced that that's what dad's family's like, right.
Our perfect dad in heaven, right?
Then we won't even get to any of the other stuff as well.
And so it's, this is critical, this idea of re-parenting folks in love and in grace.
(17:16):
To actually create full on community.
It really is.
That's healthy and, and it's gonna reproduce itself and be attractive to others, you know, and, and it's, I don't think it's all that really weird to think this way.
Like I can remember reading that, uh, like in say Bible times, right.
You know?
Sure.
When a Disciple was chosen to follow a rabbi.
Heath Hollensbe (17:35):
Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski (17:35):
That he would spend pretty much all of his waking hours with that rabbi, learning his ways and his point of view on everything as it came up.
Heath Hollensbe (17:43):
Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski (17:43):
Even to the point, I remember really here, one teacher on this, even to the point of how he went to the bathroom, like the disciples will be there lined up behind the rabbi going, okay, really?
Three shakes, no more, you know, or whatever.
I don't know.
I don't get gross, but you know.
Or how many squares of toilet paper to you use or whatever, you know, that's, and so like, I'm not doing that with people, you know?
Yeah.
But the point is, is like, no.
See, this used to be what discipleship was, is like moving people from unbelief to belief, a new worldview.
(18:08):
And that's, I, I look at Jesus' life and I see that he came, what does it say?
He came preaching the kingdom of God.
He was treating people like family was showing 'em like, no, no, no, no.
That's the way Rome works.
That's the way of the world.
That's that whole do equals be distortion.
That's not how it is with dad.
Sure.
That's not how our father in heaven is.
Yeah.
Oh man.
And that's, and that's, that's why I think this is so important and we get to do the job of being spiritual parents who take upon ourselves grace based reparenting of people.
(18:37):
Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe (18:37):
You know, as you're talking there, it makes me think that there are probably, I.
A million areas in my own life with my own kids that I could even use to upgrade my parenting.
Yeah, me too.
And also being way more intentional with connecting the gospel to all of life.
I remember watching a video from Paul Trip a while back on parenting, and he said one of the best things a Christian parent can do is take the conversation to Jesus a thousand times a day.
(18:58):
Mm. So when the kid says like, oh, isn't, isn't, uh, I just love the rain.
I love playing in the rain.
Yeah.
He connect it back to like, isn't it amazing that God made the rain to take care of us and that that's the source he uses and how it pulls from the saltwater and yeah.
He said, just take so many
Caesar Kalinowski (19:13):
conversations back to I do what my grandkids already, and they're like two, two and a half.
Yeah.
You know, one and a half.
It's like, I'm like, oh, this is, they're so stoked.
I'm like, let's just thank Jesus for this.
Yeah.
Thank you for this.
This is so fun.
And this is such good thing to eat.
And look at ducks.
Ducks are amazing.
Heath Hollensbe (19:25):
That's right.
Yeah.
But actually allowing that gospel.
Not just allowing, but letting it speak into and shape and inform way more of our lives and relationships than maybe even we've done in the
Caesar Kalinowski (19:35):
past.
No kidding.
Well, I want more of that too.
That's not, you know, I, I appreciate your humility, brother, but that's all of us.
And you know, I kind of, I kind of like ran past it real fast, but I, I wanna underscore connected to all of this is seeing our role as Disciple maker, as one of being a spiritual parent in another person's life.
And I know I've talked to enough people, I was like, are you know that?
(19:56):
And they just go, woo.
You know?
Yeah.
That's different.
So that both includes our own children.
Like we're playing the role of spiritual parent too, not just physical parent.
And those that God has brought into our lives to teach and walk with and teach how to walk in the ways of Jesus.
So just like our own kids will not become mature, well-functioning adults if we don't parent them with gospel intentionality in all of life.
(20:18):
Well, it's the same with others in community too.
Hmm.
Let me ask you have, have you ever met a person that knew a lot.
About the Bible and church history and all that kinda stuff, but was so awkward and offensive socially that they were not really a good witness for Jesus.
And what life in the kingdom and God's all about.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
All the time.
They need reparenting like crazy.
Yeah.
And it's not reparenting in their Bible knowledge.
Yep.
(20:38):
They probably need some gospel in all of life reparenting.
But they're also just awkward and, and no one's, no one loves them enough to go, Hey man.
Like, you know, it'd be nice if you change your shirt once in a while, you know?
You know, like, and let's talk about why, you know?
Yeah.
Because you told me you wanna be married.
But like, bro, I don't know how many people would come, you know, women are gonna come with a chisel or you know, or like you still live like a boy.
And women marry men.
Time to grow.
And the women come to me and go like, Hey, anybody you think I should be praying about, you know, for a spouse?
(21:02):
I'm like, well, a man would be good 'cause you're a woman.
Heath Hollensbe (21:04):
Yep.
And you look like I got with a friend right now who really wants to move.
He's got this girlfriend and she.
She just won't take that next step because she doesn't trust that he knows how to take care of budget.
He's irresponsible with money and, uh, she doesn't trust that he's gonna be able to take care of budget when that need comes.
Mm. That's an area that with him, it's like, dude, you gotta grow up in this area.
So he needs a little reparenting.
Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski (21:23):
And and it's not his fault.
Yeah.
None of this, you know, it's like, well, I wasn't taught that, and certainly not with the gospel in it.
And so it takes.
Right.
Discipleship.
That's holistic, really entails a lot of reparenting in love and patience.
Yep.
And repeating things over and over and then a little more patience.
But isn't that just how God our father is with us?
Absolutely.
It really is.
Yeah, it really is.
So there you go.
(21:44):
That's my idea on how discipleship really is like reparenting people.
Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe (21:48):
And I think one thing I I'd like to say before we get to the big three is.
Is that this is not just for like Missional Community leaders.
This is a, this is a call for every single person like you.
As you're informed by the gospel, you actually get to speak that into other people.
Part of our privilege, this isn't, don't just say this, a senior bastar.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
This is for everybody.
Yeah.
Good word.
Alright, so let's get to the big three, which is the, uh, the free PDF download that we want to give you.
(22:11):
It's well put.
Beautiful.
Like it's laid out beautifully.
Oh, it's gorgeous.
And if you've got nothing else out of this show today, the three takeaways that we want you to have at a bare minimum and you get the free download by going to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
What are the big three for
Caesar Kalinowski (22:27):
this week?
Okay.
Uh, a little hard to boil it down.
Yeah.
There's a lot in there, but, um, first one, God calls and empowers us to be spiritual parents to others, and so just like we needed human parents to guide and train us for life mm-hmm.
Though they weren't perfect.
We also need parenting for life in God's family.
Which we won't also do perfectly, so Sure.
Just the pressure's off.
(22:49):
Will you allow God to bring people into your life that need reparenting in light of the Gospel and are father's good household?
Heath Hollensbe (22:55):
Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski (22:55):
And, and will you love and guide them for his glory rather than their opinion of yourself?
That's a great question, ma'am.
Yeah.
So that's the first thing.
Don't miss that.
Chew on that a little bit.
Second thing, uh, teaching, modeling and sharing the love of God and his grace with others is our highest calling.
It really is.
Mm-hmm.
So just hanging out in community and being seen as nice.
Mm. Teaching, modeling, sharing all this stuff in Christ.
(23:18):
We have been given a new identity and we share in his authority here on Earth and we've inherited great privilege as sons and daughters of this king.
So walking in light of all this and teaching younger siblings younger, both in age and maturity, sure.
How the gospel speaks into and transforms all of life is a privilege and it's part of Jesus's great commission or commission to all of us.
(23:39):
That's great.
Alright, number three, ma'am.
Okay.
Third one.
Who specifically, so this is another question.
Who specifically has God placed in your life that needs reparenting in the kingdom and family of God?
In a holistic way.
Okay.
And this may seem new or even a little weird to you at first, but I wanna encourage you to start bracing your re-parenting role in the livesof those that you're discipling as you help them experience the full, the fullness, the full inheritance in life that Jesus came to give us.
(24:08):
So just like in human parenting, you'll need to trust the spirit and you'll get better and better at this as you go along.
God's with you.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right.
I rely on the spirit through all this, right?
You have to.
You
Heath Hollensbe (24:18):
have
Caesar Kalinowski (24:18):
to.
Just like human
Heath Hollensbe (24:19):
parenting.
Yeah.
Thanks for joining us today.
For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember, you really can live with a spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.
I'm increasingly struck by how many of the things that my wife and I did with our kids as they grew up, how they're so similar to things we find ourself replicating with others now in Missional Community.
I. For instance, early in our lives, we taught our children how to set up a personal budget and decide how they'd spend their money.
Asking for God's guidance and wisdom.
We taught them to be patient and the difference between wants and needs.
(00:20):
And now we've had to do the same thing where we get to do the same thing with so many other people in community.
We trained our children how to serve others and our extended family through babysitting, cooking meals.
Cleaning houses or raking leaves.
Many in our community have learned to work hard and serve others in the same ways.
With us at home, I taught my son and daughters how to fix their bikes, stop a leak, paint a wall, and properly clean up when the job is finished.
(00:45):
And over the years in community, we've had to teach myriads of young people all these same things as they started families and new Missional communities.
So many people have never been taught these things or learned how to view all of life.
Through the lens of the gospel.
Discipleship includes seeding, kingdom multiplication into every area of life, not just teaching the Bible and theology.
(01:09):
In many ways, discipleship is a re-parenting of others, showing them how to live in God's family.
In light of what our father now says is true of them.
Heath Hollensbe (01:28):
Welcome to the Everyday Disciple Podcast, where you'll learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
In other words, discipleship as a lifestyle.
This is the stuff your parents, pastors and seminary professors probably forgot to tell you.
And now here's your host, Caesar Kalinowski.
Caesar Kalinowski (01:47):
Good to be with you, as always, my friend, and I'm excited for where the show's gonna go today.
Yeah.
Discipleship is re-parenting, huh?
Yeah, it's not really a parenting episode, but it's, it's such a cool parallel and we talk so often about, um, here I'm diving right in.
I don't mean to, but we, we talk so often about life and community, and life in the kingdom is really living in God's family, that it's family life and that the parallels are, they're, they're forever.
(02:12):
There's so many of 'em.
So we're gonna go pretty deep into that Anyway, how the heck are you this week?
Heath Hollensbe (02:16):
Good man.
Uh, a little dreary day today, right?
We're in the, starting in the middle of summer and it's rainy and cold.
20 degree difference from yesterday.
Yeah.
From Sunshine to, yeah.
It'll be back to Sun tomorrow, whenever.
Caesar Kalinowski (02:25):
That's okay, man.
I'm not complaining.
Heath Hollensbe (02:27):
I, uh, Kathleen and I went and saw a really great concert.
I know you're a concert goer.
Like we, we've done Brian, we still do quite a shows.
We still do a lot of shows.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We just went and saw Train and Goo Dolls and that was.
Like a way back
Caesar Kalinowski (02:38):
machine.
Heath Hollensbe (02:39):
I know.
It, it, it was a little sentimental.
'cause I remember my first car at 16 driving to the beach in Southern California listening to Goo Dolls and to see 'em now, you know, they're old and they're getting, Tina
Caesar Kalinowski (02:48):
recently saw a train and she kept sending me little, like, snippet videos.
Yeah.
Like with, oh my, you know, oh my gosh.
I can't believe these, this was their hit too.
Yeah.
Like, does train have more hits than we could ever all remember?
It was literally every song I was like,
Heath Hollensbe (03:02):
I forgot about this one.
That's, and you know what's, what was really cool was, um.
So the lead singer, pat lives in Sam Amish, just like by Iqua, Sam Amish.
But, uh, this guitar player, their guitar player, did this incredible guitar solo and he said, ladies and gentlemen, from Tacoma, Washington.
So Tacoma's representing, there you go, buddy train.
You're all proud.
(03:22):
We're all proud of Tacoma Teton.
Caesar Kalinowski (03:24):
Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe (03:24):
You know, so one of the things that even as you were just doing this intro that I, I thought was fascinating was that this idea of discipleship in many ways, parallels parenting or even reparenting people.
And I've never actually thought about it that way.
Um.
And I'm sure that many of the listeners here have not maybe connected those dots either.
So I coin, I coined that phrase, I dunno, trademark that.
I dunno.
Maybe you can explain to us how you came up with this idea and how it served you throughout the years in different communities of folks that you've been with.
Caesar Kalinowski (03:50):
Yeah, it, yeah.
I don't know where it came from.
It might just popped into our heads one day, but it really was kind of, you know, after years of being in community with people, we started noticing in so many ways a lot of our friends had not been parented very well.
Heath Hollensbe (04:02):
Mm-hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski (04:02):
Like seriously, you know, a lot of people, they're just like, well, my parents were in the home.
They just made sure we were fed and not in jail, kind of thing, you know?
Sure.
Even believers, it's just Wow.
So they weren't parented that well, and in some cases it was because their parents were absent for much of their life.
Right.
But for many, it was just like their parents had not been very intentional about teaching their kids a lot of the stuff that preparesthem for healthy community and friendships and marriages and, and certainly not a lot of parenting them on how to see the gospel.
(04:31):
Applied to all of life, right?
Sure.
And so we started kind of commenting on how many parallels there were.
Like remember when we taught, you know, our son this, like we just had to teach like four guys that, you know, rememberhow when we had this whole big thing about why it's important, like, you know, let's cut our lawn and be a good neighbor.
It's like we're having to teach that.
'cause we're showing up at people's houses for meals and all, and they're in community and they love Jesus, but they're like, man, you're, you look like the worst house in the neighborhood.
(04:53):
You know, like, let's redeem this, let's restore this, you know, whatever.
Right?
Sure.
And so we kind of started saying, you know, discipleships in so many ways is reparenting people and reparenting the culture.
And a lot of what we're gonna talk about today, think of the, you know, it's not just task, but it's like the ethos.
It's like.
Really developing the environment, a parenting environment that is grace based.
(05:16):
And it would be much like what it's like to hang out with dad.
Right.
Our, our father in heaven is earthly family should be amazing, right?
Yep.
This term reparenting though it's out there, sometimes it's called limited reparenting.
Okay.
Um, but it's, it's actually like a psychological process to people use and it's when like a, a, a therapist of some sort takes the role of a concerned and trustworthy parent.
(05:39):
A person so that that client of theirs can learn what a trusting relationship is like.
Hmm.
Now think about that.
We talk about discipleship and building trust and that's how you know all that.
So now even from a clinical standpoint, it's like someone takes on this role so people start to realize, oh, this is what it looks like.
Not to live in fear and Sure trust.
People and be open about yourself and let your redemption show and all that.
(06:01):
And I found this quote.
It says, parenting helps an individual repair, attachments and develop more secure and healthy relationships.
And this is Rachel O'Neill, who's like a professional counselor and big person, and she goes on to say, it can help an individual recognize and repair patterns of non-functional behavior.
And so I go, oh man, see, I I knew we were onto something.
(06:23):
Yeah, exactly.
Because that's, think about in so many ways discipleship is that it really is.
And so even with those friends and disciples that had Christian parents growing up, we realized that the church has, for the most part, not taught people how to live in the kingdom of God.
In other words, what's it like to live in our perfect Heavenly Father's household and then invite others into the family as well?
(06:46):
Sure.
They really do need to be.
Reparented doing air quotes now.
Uh, they need to be reparented into the ways of Jesus and our Abba Daddy.
And I'm increasingly struck by how many of the things my wife and I did with our own kids as they grew up are the same things that we find ourselves replicating with others.
Now, in Missional Community, for instance, early in their lives, we taught our kids how to set up a personal budget and decide how they'd spend their money and, and like, let's not just.
(07:13):
Do it based on our own love of stuff, but let's ask God for guidance and wisdom.
We taught 'em how to be patient.
Sometimes you have to wait honey and save, or sometimes maybe you'll change your mind and, and what's the difference between wants and needs?
And the list goes on and on.
And now we're fine.
We're doing the same thing with people in community and not just like 20 somethings or teenagers, but like.
People.
Wow.
Really.
Heath Hollensbe (07:33):
So, um, obviously you've been in community for quite a long time with various groups and even in different geographic area, you know, from Chicago to New York to here.
What are some of the top areas of life that you've seen?
Most people, most of us need to actually be reparented in.
Caesar Kalinowski (07:50):
Well, like I was sort of saying earlier, it was everything from how to set up a budget to how to set the table for dinner or how to sweep up or load a dishwasher, you know, properly.
Yeah.
So stuff's not getting broken or, or whatever, you know?
Um, and, and we've had to address personal hygiene.
And study habits and bad habits and healthy habits and how to paint a wall or pack a suitcase for a trip.
(08:11):
You know, it's like crazy.
You're like, Hey, we're, you know, we're on this trip and we're taking some people overseas to go do mission, and you look and they're sharing a room with you and you open up their suitcase and it's like, whoa.
The stench hitch you and everything's just in a ball.
And it's, did you wash any of that?
No, I didn't really teach, have time.
Like, well, where do you think you're gonna do that?
We're in the middle of, you know, yeah.
All this kinda stuff, you know?
Um, you know how to, how to.
Take care of your lawn and your shrubbery.
(08:31):
Um, really, like, I remember literally like, like, well, you can shape it like a ball, or we can cut into the middle, or this, this is dead.
So we have to, you know, um, but it's, it's also in how to handle alcohol or dealing with loved ones who are really sick or dealing with death.
You know, it's, it's, it's kind of, it's all of it, man.
But then.
How does the gospel speak into it?
So there's functionality, but there's also, whoa, so many opportunities then to like use gospel fluency and speak.
(08:55):
Like, no, the gospel speaks into that.
Why?
What would our motivation be for that?
If we love God and want others to see what he's really like and what life and his family's like.
Is it a mess?
Is it last minute?
Are we the worst people on the block?
Yeah.
Are we never prepared?
Do we not keep our word, do we, you know, like when we help, do we really help?
Like all that stuff is part of showing off.
Our awesome dad.
Heath Hollensbe (09:16):
You know, you know what's funny is we, one of the, even in the slogan of our, our intro on the show, it says where each week you learn how to live with greater intentionality and an integrated faith that naturally fits into every area of life.
And I love the practicalness of this because when I think of traditional discipleship, it typically deals with none of the practical.
It's usually like nine or 10.
Either theological or doctrinal topics that get covered in a very like systematic way.
(09:40):
Mm-hmm.
How to think.
Yeah.
We're gonna teach you what to think rather than how to think for yourself.
Tons of Bible verses.
Yeah.
That connect to each topic and are typically pulled out for that specific topic.
Memorize those.
Fit an agenda.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Then you're good.
But it, why do you think it is that you see so many life categories like that as a. An important discipleship issues that need to be parented in a new or better way.
(10:00):
Like why worry about how someone sets the table or if they never mow their lawn?
Because it seems most people are too afraid to actually address this holistic form of discipleship like that because like they might offend somebody or offend
Caesar Kalinowski (10:12):
everybody, right?
Yeah.
Well for sure.
I mean, and it, and there's obviously, there's a lot of ways to do anything in life, but when, when you, when you're doing life in community, you're starting to set family culture, right?
And so part of this is you get to.
You know, I, I can think of some friends of ours who were like, man, it was getting tough for the guy's wife and she didn't wanna have friends over.
Because even when they'd help clean up, it would take her three days to find all her dishes.
(10:34):
'cause they put 'em all in the wrong place and everything.
So, you know, at one point they finally had to say, Hey, listen, we so appreciate your help, but it really doesn't make sense to put like.
A fork, like up next to the bowls.
Sure.
And then, you know, over here the pan or stuff.
So could we just show you kind of how our household rolls and, and why it kinda makes sense to us?
And then, then you can really help in a way that helps, right?
Sure.
(10:54):
But there's all kinds of ways to do things, but think about it, relational tensions in community that come from prejudice or laziness or selfishness, or even just ignorance.
'cause I don't know, I was never taught anything on that.
You know?
It's all at the center of true discipleship.
Think about it, the way you set up your budget.
And manage and experience money and generosity.
(11:14):
It's really a big deal in life and it's clearly connected to the gospel, right?
Yep.
Absolutely.
You know, think about how many people, like did your parents teach how to do a budget?
I. No.
Well, if I got online and I downloaded one Yeah.
But does it speak into the gospel?
Speaking into that and like categories and like my why you might wanna budget like blessing money.
Sure.
You know, and start to train the, even if it's 10 bucks a month, 'cause you know, we're broke or whatever it's like, but the kids and I, we sit down, we pray over it, we have a blast, and we figure out who's giving out 10 bucks.
(11:39):
Well the kids don't even have 10 bucks, so it feels like a lot to them and we're training their hearts or whatever.
Right.
But the really important re-parenting is most closely connected with relationships.
Both with people and with God.
How to earn and regain trust and how to seek and ask for forgiveness.
Like, you know, let, let me give you a global view on why I'm saying this.
When you think about what was ultimately broken at the fall of mankind, I. It was humans' relationship with God.
(12:05):
Right now, they're hiding, freaking out, covering themselves up.
And the relationship between humans blaming each other, hiding that we're making an shame, now they're covering up and they're blaming each other.
And so this idea that we are, we're gonna really do a lot of.
Reparenting in a lot of little areas, so people just, they know how to be in community better, you know, and do life well, and like, not ask themselves or be constantly broke or whatever.
(12:26):
Um, but also we're really gonna dig into reparenting relationships and trust and like, this is what dad's like, and because his opinion counts of us the most, he's the most glorious.
Then we don't have to fear what everybody else thinks.
And it's not like, eh, screw you.
Then it's like, you know what, I, I wanna serve you well, but in the meantime, I'm not.
Crushed that you weren't happy with it.
I can do better next time, but I feel great about our relationship 'cause I know God loves me and I love you.
(12:50):
You know, and none of that stuff's usually taught.
And to me that's like, that should be parented in.
It.
Gets to be parented in.
So that's, you know, that's some of the really important re-parenting work.
You know,
Heath Hollensbe (13:01):
I, I can't go further on or too much further, at least without talking about our common working definition of discipleship.
And if you've listened to the show for any amount of time, you know that we describe discipleship as helping others move from unbelief to belief concerning the truth of the gospel and absolutely every area of life.
Mm-hmm.
How do you see that fitting into this idea of discipleship as
Caesar Kalinowski (13:22):
re-parenting?
I'll give you an example.
That we all need to come to understand properly if we're to enjoy life to the fullest as it's meant to be experienced in God's family.
Hmm.
Okay.
And it has to do with fear of man issues and seeing and believing that God is the most glorious one.
I was just kind of riffing on that a second ago.
Yeah.
But, but coming to see that God is the most glorious one in our lives and that his opinion of us is ultimately the one that matters most.
(13:48):
Hmm.
And so think about it.
Um.
You know, we're not generally parented that way.
We, we, we don't have that kind of hope and like, well, that kind of hurt.
But you know what I'm thinking?
The glorious one who hung the moon literally in stars and created me, loves me and sent his son to die for me.
And so I can trust in that love and that grounds me in a different way so that my relationships change.
(14:11):
Like the way I was parented when I was growing up was that everyone walked on eggshells around each other when there was like any kind of an argument or.
Disagreement or even a difference of opinion, like what show we're gonna watch or whatever.
Sure.
And we were taught to keep our mouth shut for fear of making things worse or upset my dad or one of my older sisters getting ticked off or whatever.
And it was bad parenting.
(14:31):
Hmm.
And it crushes real gospel community.
Unless we get reparented into the belief that God's our perfect father who loves us, regardless of what we say or do.
Yep.
Or don't say or do.
'cause we're all gonna blow it.
Yep.
That's not the point.
Like, don't piss people off.
The point is, are you securing the father's love so that you can then begin to love others?
(14:51):
Right.
Like so it's not about what we say or don't say or do or don't do.
And since we have his unconditional love in his unmerited favor, we don't have to fear what others think of us.
Yep.
Especially when we're speaking the truth.
And in love to others.
Hmm.
But even when we're wrong or confused or afraid, God loves us and his love sets us free to love others.
And.
(15:12):
Speak the truth and seek real relationships based on actually loving the other person, not based on managing their expectations of us by living in silence or walking around on eggshells or in fear and dread.
See, that's actually just selfish and me focused.
Yeah.
Like there's all this stuff going on that's weird and hurtful, but I don't wanna say anything 'cause I don't want, you know, I don't want anybody coming down on me, you know?
(15:33):
Sure.
Well, no, that's just actually me using you.
I'm just, I'm, I'm working you so that I can feel a certain way and maintain my control over situation.
And this particular example of moving from unbelief to belief is also what sets us free to be able to Disciple people in every area of life.
Hmm.
And things like how to set the table or wash the dishes.
(15:53):
Sure.
Or their armpits or you fill in the blank.
Right, right.
So much of this.
Has to do with repairing being the culture within which people live or lived.
Yeah.
Creating grace based environments for people to learn and grow and make some mistakes and grow some more.
All without the fear that we'll quit on them.
Yeah.
Or that we'll bail on them or shove 'em out, or shame them for being, you know, right where they're at.
(16:18):
Yeah.
We get to be, see, but if we don't, like, for instance, if we don't move from unbelief to belief about who's the most glorious one, then we'll never speak.
Truth into other weird stuff like, oh, I don't know, man.
He always does that and then he doesn't clear his plate and he leaves that there in a greasy thing.
And then he feeds the dog stuff.
I've asked him, not like we get to, we get to talk about
Heath Hollensbe (16:35):
all that stuff, especially if we look at it as a family.
Right.
It seems like what you're saying, there's a lot of practical life lessons that many of us like may need to actually be reparented in.
Yeah.
Or even received some intentional parenting in that we might not have had in the past.
Yeah.
And there are really important Gospel related issues.
That are connected to this that we need to learn to grow in as well.
Caesar Kalinowski (16:54):
Absolutely.
It's both and, and unless we learn to speak the gospel and, and create that, that reparented environment of grace that we were created to grow up in, and, and I'm convinced that that's what dad's family's like, right.
Our perfect dad in heaven, right?
Then we won't even get to any of the other stuff as well.
And so it's, this is critical, this idea of re-parenting folks in love and in grace.
(17:16):
To actually create full on community.
It really is.
That's healthy and, and it's gonna reproduce itself and be attractive to others, you know, and, and it's, I don't think it's all that really weird to think this way.
Like I can remember reading that, uh, like in say Bible times, right.
You know?
Sure.
When a Disciple was chosen to follow a rabbi.
Heath Hollensbe (17:35):
Yep.
Caesar Kalinowski (17:35):
That he would spend pretty much all of his waking hours with that rabbi, learning his ways and his point of view on everything as it came up.
Heath Hollensbe (17:43):
Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski (17:43):
Even to the point, I remember really here, one teacher on this, even to the point of how he went to the bathroom, like the disciples will be there lined up behind the rabbi going, okay, really?
Three shakes, no more, you know, or whatever.
I don't know.
I don't get gross, but you know.
Or how many squares of toilet paper to you use or whatever, you know, that's, and so like, I'm not doing that with people, you know?
Yeah.
But the point is, is like, no.
See, this used to be what discipleship was, is like moving people from unbelief to belief, a new worldview.
(18:08):
And that's, I, I look at Jesus' life and I see that he came, what does it say?
He came preaching the kingdom of God.
He was treating people like family was showing 'em like, no, no, no, no.
That's the way Rome works.
That's the way of the world.
That's that whole do equals be distortion.
That's not how it is with dad.
Sure.
That's not how our father in heaven is.
Yeah.
Oh man.
And that's, and that's, that's why I think this is so important and we get to do the job of being spiritual parents who take upon ourselves grace based reparenting of people.
(18:37):
Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe (18:37):
You know, as you're talking there, it makes me think that there are probably, I.
A million areas in my own life with my own kids that I could even use to upgrade my parenting.
Yeah, me too.
And also being way more intentional with connecting the gospel to all of life.
I remember watching a video from Paul Trip a while back on parenting, and he said one of the best things a Christian parent can do is take the conversation to Jesus a thousand times a day.
(18:58):
Mm. So when the kid says like, oh, isn't, isn't, uh, I just love the rain.
I love playing in the rain.
Yeah.
He connect it back to like, isn't it amazing that God made the rain to take care of us and that that's the source he uses and how it pulls from the saltwater and yeah.
He said, just take so many
Caesar Kalinowski (19:13):
conversations back to I do what my grandkids already, and they're like two, two and a half.
Yeah.
You know, one and a half.
It's like, I'm like, oh, this is, they're so stoked.
I'm like, let's just thank Jesus for this.
Yeah.
Thank you for this.
This is so fun.
And this is such good thing to eat.
And look at ducks.
Ducks are amazing.
Heath Hollensbe (19:25):
That's right.
Yeah.
But actually allowing that gospel.
Not just allowing, but letting it speak into and shape and inform way more of our lives and relationships than maybe even we've done in the
Caesar Kalinowski (19:35):
past.
No kidding.
Well, I want more of that too.
That's not, you know, I, I appreciate your humility, brother, but that's all of us.
And you know, I kind of, I kind of like ran past it real fast, but I, I wanna underscore connected to all of this is seeing our role as Disciple maker, as one of being a spiritual parent in another person's life.
And I know I've talked to enough people, I was like, are you know that?
(19:56):
And they just go, woo.
You know?
Yeah.
That's different.
So that both includes our own children.
Like we're playing the role of spiritual parent too, not just physical parent.
And those that God has brought into our lives to teach and walk with and teach how to walk in the ways of Jesus.
So just like our own kids will not become mature, well-functioning adults if we don't parent them with gospel intentionality in all of life.
(20:18):
Well, it's the same with others in community too.
Hmm.
Let me ask you have, have you ever met a person that knew a lot.
About the Bible and church history and all that kinda stuff, but was so awkward and offensive socially that they were not really a good witness for Jesus.
And what life in the kingdom and God's all about.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
All the time.
They need reparenting like crazy.
Yeah.
And it's not reparenting in their Bible knowledge.
Yep.
(20:38):
They probably need some gospel in all of life reparenting.
But they're also just awkward and, and no one's, no one loves them enough to go, Hey man.
Like, you know, it'd be nice if you change your shirt once in a while, you know?
You know, like, and let's talk about why, you know?
Yeah.
Because you told me you wanna be married.
But like, bro, I don't know how many people would come, you know, women are gonna come with a chisel or you know, or like you still live like a boy.
And women marry men.
Time to grow.
And the women come to me and go like, Hey, anybody you think I should be praying about, you know, for a spouse?
(21:02):
I'm like, well, a man would be good 'cause you're a woman.
Heath Hollensbe (21:04):
Yep.
And you look like I got with a friend right now who really wants to move.
He's got this girlfriend and she.
She just won't take that next step because she doesn't trust that he knows how to take care of budget.
He's irresponsible with money and, uh, she doesn't trust that he's gonna be able to take care of budget when that need comes.
Mm. That's an area that with him, it's like, dude, you gotta grow up in this area.
So he needs a little reparenting.
Yeah.
Caesar Kalinowski (21:23):
And and it's not his fault.
Yeah.
None of this, you know, it's like, well, I wasn't taught that, and certainly not with the gospel in it.
And so it takes.
Right.
Discipleship.
That's holistic, really entails a lot of reparenting in love and patience.
Yep.
And repeating things over and over and then a little more patience.
But isn't that just how God our father is with us?
Absolutely.
It really is.
Yeah, it really is.
So there you go.
(21:44):
That's my idea on how discipleship really is like reparenting people.
Yeah.
Heath Hollensbe (21:48):
And I think one thing I I'd like to say before we get to the big three is.
Is that this is not just for like Missional Community leaders.
This is a, this is a call for every single person like you.
As you're informed by the gospel, you actually get to speak that into other people.
Part of our privilege, this isn't, don't just say this, a senior bastar.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
This is for everybody.
Yeah.
Good word.
Alright, so let's get to the big three, which is the, uh, the free PDF download that we want to give you.
(22:11):
It's well put.
Beautiful.
Like it's laid out beautifully.
Oh, it's gorgeous.
And if you've got nothing else out of this show today, the three takeaways that we want you to have at a bare minimum and you get the free download by going to everyday Disciple dot com slash big three.
What are the big three for
Caesar Kalinowski (22:27):
this week?
Okay.
Uh, a little hard to boil it down.
Yeah.
There's a lot in there, but, um, first one, God calls and empowers us to be spiritual parents to others, and so just like we needed human parents to guide and train us for life mm-hmm.
Though they weren't perfect.
We also need parenting for life in God's family.
Which we won't also do perfectly, so Sure.
Just the pressure's off.
(22:49):
Will you allow God to bring people into your life that need reparenting in light of the Gospel and are father's good household?
Heath Hollensbe (22:55):
Hmm.
Caesar Kalinowski (22:55):
And, and will you love and guide them for his glory rather than their opinion of yourself?
That's a great question, ma'am.
Yeah.
So that's the first thing.
Don't miss that.
Chew on that a little bit.
Second thing, uh, teaching, modeling and sharing the love of God and his grace with others is our highest calling.
It really is.
Mm-hmm.
So just hanging out in community and being seen as nice.
Mm. Teaching, modeling, sharing all this stuff in Christ.
(23:18):
We have been given a new identity and we share in his authority here on Earth and we've inherited great privilege as sons and daughters of this king.
So walking in light of all this and teaching younger siblings younger, both in age and maturity, sure.
How the gospel speaks into and transforms all of life is a privilege and it's part of Jesus's great commission or commission to all of us.
(23:39):
That's great.
Alright, number three, ma'am.
Okay.
Third one.
Who specifically, so this is another question.
Who specifically has God placed in your life that needs reparenting in the kingdom and family of God?
In a holistic way.
Okay.
And this may seem new or even a little weird to you at first, but I wanna encourage you to start bracing your re-parenting role in the livesof those that you're discipling as you help them experience the full, the fullness, the full inheritance in life that Jesus came to give us.
(24:08):
So just like in human parenting, you'll need to trust the spirit and you'll get better and better at this as you go along.
God's with you.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right.
I rely on the spirit through all this, right?
You have to.
You
Heath Hollensbe (24:18):
have
Caesar Kalinowski (24:18):
to.
Just like human
Heath Hollensbe (24:19):
parenting.
Yeah.
Thanks for joining us today.
For more information on this show and to get loads of free discipleship resources, visit everyday Disciple dot com and remember, you really can live with a spiritual freedom and relational peace that Jesus promised every day.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!