September 28, 2025 • 43 mins
What happens when your entire world collapses around you? For Bridgette, April 2020 brought an unimaginable storm – serious legal proceedings against her family's investment business, followed just two days later by the birth of her daughter Emerald, all during the earliest and most uncertain days of the pandemic.
In this raw and moving conversation, Bridgette reveals how she navigated this perfect storm while operating in pure survival mode. "I remember telling myself, Bridgette, you can have a breakdown later. Right now, your priorities are protecting your partner and caring for your newborn," she shares with remarkable candor. As the legal battles intensified, the family lost their home, faced 27 separate cases, and Bridgette's body eventually rebelled through severe autoimmune issues triggered by the prolonged stress.
The healing journey that followed touches on powerful modalities including Reiki, kinesiology, and forgiveness practices that allowed Bridgette to release the dark energy she'd been carrying. Perhaps most transformative was discovering how her daughter became her greatest teacher and mirror, helping her shift from robotic mothering to present, joyful parenting despite ongoing challenges.
Today, five years into their legal battle with no end in sight, Bridgette has found purpose in her pain. She's building communities for others facing adversity, creating wellness programs for mothers, and embracing a new identity forged through fire. Her partner James is even developing a social media platform allowing people to counter misleading press narratives with evidence-based corrections.
Listen now to this extraordinary tale of resilience that will inspire you to find strength in your darkest moments and transform adversity into purpose. How might your own challenges be preparing you for something greater?
Connect with Brigette on Instagram here
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Disclaimer: The views, opinions, and stories shared on this podcast are personal to the host and guests and are not intended to serve as professional advice or guidance. They reflect individual experiences and perspectives. While we strive to provide valuable insights and support, listeners are encouraged to seek professional advice for their specific situations. The host and production team are not responsible for any actions taken based on the content of this podcast.
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Episode Transcript
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Trudie Marie (00:01):
Welcome to the Everyday Warriors podcast, the
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This podcast is aboutcelebrating everyday warriors,
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(00:48):
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Just head to the link in theshow notes and let's take this
journey together.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Everyday Warriors podcast,
and today I am with a lady fromMelbourne who connected again
(03:44):
through Matt Gahooley and theLifeShip podcast, and we
connected through LinkedIn andBridget gladly accepted to be
here on the podcast.
So welcome, Bridget.
Thank you so much for having me.
You're welcome.
I would like to start yourstory back, I suppose, when
everything changed for you, andthat's probably, say, five years
(04:05):
ago.
Brigette Panetta (04:06):
Yeah, yeah, 2020, our journey started, this
fun journey that it's been.
My family had an investmentbusiness that we were running
very successfully and had a lotof exciting things happening in
the pipeline.
That we were working on aproject in Mission Beach that
(04:27):
was very, very exciting.
And, as of April 2020, theAustralian government took issue
with our marketing of ourproducts.
So there was a misleading anddeceptive proceeding that was
lodged in April and from thereour life just really took a turn
for the worst.
(04:47):
When you feel you're doing theright thing and you've got all
of your compliance in order andyou're just doing your best to
run a business and it's scalingquite quickly, and then all of a
sudden, it kind of just getsstopped, it's quite a shocking
and jarring experience.
And two days after that so it'son the 6th of April, and on the
8th of April I had my daughteroh wow, she's also COVID as well
(05:11):
.
So it was just a lot of movingparts and a lot of unknowns and
uncertainties, which then reallyled to just a lot of survival
mode operation and operating ina state of fight or flight, and
I guess I then went to get anautoimmune issue off the back of
the stress and I just reallyhad to navigate how to come back
(05:33):
to self and how to cope and beback to the Bridget that I was
before with.
You know, you could laugh againand smile and enjoy life, life.
Trudie Marie (05:43):
So that was a very it's been a challenging journey
, that's for sure look, goingback to 2020, I think for most
people at that very beginningissue or stage of COVID like
that was hard enough for anyAustralian or anywhere in the
world to actually deal with.
Then you add on on top of thatthat you've got this legal
(06:05):
proceeding going with yourbusiness, so now your career and
your, like your family,lifestyle and everything is
already up in arms.
And then you add being a mother, like those three things are
enough to kind of lookindividually to cause issues,
let alone to have all three atonce to cause issues, let alone
(06:27):
to have all three at once.
Brigette Panetta (06:29):
What was that actually like?
When you think back to thattime it was really.
When I think back, it's just ablur, honestly.
And when the proceeding lodged,a lot of the staff left so I
had to go back into workingstraight away.
So I really just switched intothat survival and I thought,
okay, I remember telling myself,bridget, you can have a
breakdown later.
Right now you need to protectJames, and Emerald is your
(06:52):
priority.
So I really just kind of keptmoving at a really like robotic
almost state and that was.
It was challenging but it alsofelt okay.
It was just that you know, whenyou work better under pressure,
it was like that pressurecooker feeling, but then I would
cry.
You know, I got emerald onto areally strict kind of sleep
(07:13):
schedule because of COVID.
As hard as it was, it also wasgreat for us because we had no
distractions.
The only difficult thing was Icouldn't have any visitors or
you know, I didn't know what Iwas doing.
It was just such a.
You know, motherhood is such atrial and error game.
I had a book that I read, thatI used as a Bible, that I helped
implement a sleep system, andthen I would work slash, cry in
(07:36):
between her sleep schedules totry and, I guess, just process
and not let it touch her when,when she was up, I tried to be
as present as I could and then,yeah, I had that time for her to
sleep and me to heal, I guess.
Trudie Marie (07:51):
Motherhood is hard enough, you know, in any
circumstances, and when you lookback you say that time was a
blur.
Do you feel like inside of thatyou may have missed some of
Emerald's first moments and thatreal nurturing space of being a
mother?
Because you're in this likesurvival mode of I have to be a
(08:12):
mother when I can, but then Ihave to do everything to do with
the business at the same time.
Brigette Panetta (08:15):
Definitely.
Definitely more so James thanme.
He missed a lot because he'sjust been behind a desk for the
last five years, basically justin war mode.
But for me, look, I was aspresent as I could be.
I don't feel I missed a lot,because I didn't put her in
danger or anything for a longtime or any care.
So I did spend more time withher, which I was so grateful for
(08:38):
, and because I couldn't reallygo back to work, essentially I
just was really forced to to behome and just make sure that
everything at home was runningperfectly.
James was, you know, we had todivide it almost.
The only thing is that I justwish I was me.
I wish I was the version of me.
(08:58):
That when I fell pregnant, youknow, I was so excited.
Everything was amazing.
We had this beautiful, safefoundation that we built.
And to lose that safefoundation is what breaks my
heart the most, because it didsend me into more of a you know,
that robotic mum who was justgetting everything done, but I
wasn't able to really just feelsafe in it.
It was more of a job, a chore.
(09:21):
You know.
Another thing I had to checkoff, whereas now I've learned to
be a lot more in my feminine, alot more flow, and enjoy the
motherhood experience and see itas something I can have fun in
and not just see as a checklist,I guess.
Trudie Marie (09:38):
Totally get that, and you're right in the sense
that, unless you have thisfeeling of safety, it appeals to
every single human being onearth.
I mean, our root chakra isliterally embedded in that whole
feeling of safety and yoursurvival mode is trying to keep
you safe inside of that.
And you mentioned before thatyou developed an autoimmune
(09:59):
breakdown because of that.
How long did that take?
Because you said like you wouldjust go, go, go.
At what point did you start tonotice that things weren't right
?
Brigette Panetta (10:10):
After I think it was around November of 2020,
we went to Queenslandtemporarily to get the project
moving and to just, you know,show up and show that we were
still committed to the project,no matter what was going on.
We believed that we, you know,it would blow over because we
haven't done anything wrong.
We had a thorough audit donejust before everything had
(10:30):
happened.
There was no red flags.
You know, a big four firm haddone that.
So I heard this with my ears,so we were like we're going to
continue, we're not going to letthis stop us.
So we went there, but becauseof the change, my body couldn't
handle that, and so that's whenI just started to really feel
the heaviness.
I started to get sick a lot.
(10:50):
I just couldn't make decisions,I couldn't cope, I couldn't
think properly, like I just wasin this blur of.
I just wanted to sleep, butwith a new baby, you can't sleep
.
You always have so much to do,and then they start stretching
out their naps and you know,sorry shortening their naps and
you're not getting as much sleepas you, as you want to.
So after that, and I think, justsitting in the discomfort for
(11:15):
so long, my body and I was justso angry as well, like I was
just angry, I was upset, I wasconfused, I was frustrated, I,
and then I, you know, then yougo into self-doubt, you're like,
oh, did we do something?
You start to then doubtyourself and it just all these
emotions, and hormonal as well Ijust couldn't process it.
So it was sitting in my bodyand it just then just led to
(11:37):
these breakouts in my skin and Ijust could not.
Every time I would eatsomething I would break out in a
rash and my body wouldessentially shut down.
I'd have to just lay down andthen I removed all these
ingredients from my diet.
I went to a naturopath andthings like that, and a
kinesiologist as well, removedall these foods, but then I'd
(11:58):
realized it was still coming upin the morning when I'd wake up,
and Then I realized it wasactually my thoughts that was
creating this fear in my body,that was then triggering stress
and then creating this outbreak.
It took about three years forme to really just process it and
understand what it is, becauseat the time I wasn't able to
(12:21):
really stop.
I was just, you know, as a mom,you kind of put yourself last
and you think, oh, it will goaway or it might just I'll just
cut that food.
But it just when I realised itwas relentless.
I that's when I my healingjourney really started, because
I had to fix it, because it wasjust debilitating.
Trudie Marie (12:39):
And look, I can totally appreciate what you must
have been through I know at.
As I mentioned before to you,at the bottom of my like, when I
hit rock bottom, I got to thepoint where I was agoraphobic
and I don't even, or can't evenrecognize that person.
So it wasn't this autoimmunelike you had with a rash or
(13:00):
anything, but my body literallyshut down to the point where I
just couldn't get out of bed.
So I totally get thatexperience and how difficult
that must have been.
What I see different, though,is the fact that I was on my own
and didn't have to worry aboutanybody else, but you've
literally got a little humanbeing that you're trying to be a
(13:20):
mother and you're trying tonurture, and then you just don't
even have the energy.
So how was James through allthat?
Like, obviously he was goingthrough the same issues as well
with you.
Like, what was your supportnetwork like in coping with that
, given that we're stillprobably in the heart of COVID?
Brigette Panetta (13:38):
Oh, the support wasn't amazing, and not
because I don't have support Ido, but it was when you're in
this experience, I feel that noone can relate to in your life.
It was really challenging foranyone to give me any kind of
advice or guidance or support,and I understood that.
So I really just isolatedmyself voluntarily and I just
(14:02):
because talking about it reallyjust stirred up these emotions
that I couldn't.
I didn't know how to move themout of my body.
I didn't know how to processthem, so I just kind of didn't
want to talk about it.
For Emerald in COVID therewasn't that much support.
We got a babysitter in here andthere, but when the hard
lockdowns came like we couldn'treally have anyone over or I
(14:23):
couldn't even have a midwife tothe house, or they would ring me
from the driveway and ask ifEmeril's putting weight on and
then they would say, oh, justweigh her against a bag of flour
.
You know that kind of it wasjust bizarre.
It was such a weird time.
And James, I really just did notexpect anything from him, just
because I thought I said tomyself again that his capacity
(14:46):
needs to be there, because themore he is getting done, the
safer I felt almost when I sawhim working.
I felt safer because I thought,okay, he's still going, like
we're okay, and so, yeah, Iguess back to your safety
comment, that's why I've reallytaken the time to work out and
(15:08):
discover tools that allow me tofeel safe within myself and not
put that reliance on anyone else, and that's one thing that I
like to pass forward as well tobe able to show people how you
can be your own safety, becausecertain times happen and you
don't have anyone to save you, Iguess you have to do it for
yourself.
Trudie Marie (15:34):
It's so true.
I think so many people outthere think and if we're talking
greater world context as wellthat people are waiting for
somebody to come and save them,whether that's politically or
whether that's within their ownsocial spheres or networks or
whatever that somebody elseexternal is going to fix
whatever's going on.
And if people only realizedmore that you're the one.
It's all starts with you.
(15:56):
And if you can't start to movethat forward and change within
yourself, then how are youexpecting anybody else to do it
for you?
Brigette Panetta (16:04):
yeah, you're so right, and it takes a while
for your body to.
When you abandon yourselfthrough different ways of living
, you know not being able to sayno, being a people pleaser and
just abandoning yourself, whichis what I did.
I really abandoned what Ineeded.
Your body loses that trust andso it doesn't feel safe with you
in the driver's seat.
So you need to, I guess,reparent yourself to be able to
(16:28):
show that you can, your body cantrust you and that you will
make the right decisions for it.
It's such a, it's a process,but it's an amazing process to
to.
Trudie Marie (16:38):
It is, and what, for you, was the turning point
in being able to like?
Was it one particular modalityor something you read or
something you saw that had youthen go down this path of like
no, I need to look after myself.
Like.
Brigette Panetta (16:53):
This is how I'm going to get through this
well, there were so manymodalities that I tried and that
I loved.
I just kept like attractingthese amazing people and healers
and things my life.
The first one was Reiki andkinesiology.
That really helped me feellighter.
I went in in a really bad waythe night before.
(17:13):
I was probably at my lowest andI just had had enough, like I
could not hear any more bad news.
I just couldn't watch Jamesstruggle, the way he was Like it
was just really cruel for me towatch and I kind of thought, if
this is what life's like, I'veseen enough, I think like this
is not nice and it felt cruel.
(17:34):
I was in that real victimmentality and so a kinesiologist
I found came up on my Facebookand it was around the corner and
she had an availableappointment the next day, so I
just booked it and thought I'mgoing to do this.
I think it's a sign of somesort.
And so she was amazing in theway that she could feel what my
body was feeling without mehaving to even say it, because I
(17:57):
didn't know even how to expressmyself because there was just
so many moving parts at the time, and she could just feel a lot
of anger, a lot of heat, a lotof anger, a lot of inflammation.
And she said you're going toneed to feel these people
because you're carrying all ofthis real dark energy and it's
only going to fester for you.
And it's not yourresponsibility to punish these
(18:20):
people.
You know they will get theirkarma in their own time for how
they've done the wrong thing.
Other people are just doingtheir job and they don't know
they're doing the wrong thing.
And when she explained that, itmade so much sense, because why
am I waiting for some kind ofconclusion?
And I'm just kind of sitting inthis bad mindset and this bad
(18:43):
way of living and this negativeheadspace.
The conclusion might not comefor years and it's still.
We don't have it.
It's been five years now andwe're still in the middle of it.
We've still got things thatwe're moving and doing and we've
got open cases and things.
So I'm so glad that I took heradvice because otherwise I'd
still be there and who knows howunwell I would be.
(19:03):
But the forgiveness reallyhelped me.
Just let go, even though Ididn't know any of these people.
We've never James has neverbeen interviewed in five years,
so he's he doesn't even know hispeople personally or or
anything like that.
So it was really challengingthat I just kind of pictured a
building of everyone in thereand I just forgave everyone and
I just kind of released thatheaviness and that anger and it
(19:27):
really just allowed me to feellight.
Trudie Marie (19:30):
That's good to hear, and I think what people
sometimes forget is that you canonly control what you can
control, and so often we want totry and control things out of
our control, and that's whereall this stuff starts, and I
think you just pointed that outperfectly by saying that you
couldn't control all these otherpeople and what was going on.
(19:51):
You could only control how youwere responding in this
situation, and forgiveness wasyour first key to doing that and
starting again and saying right, it's almost like a blank slate
.
Now I get to move forwardinside of this, where you can
actually start controlling whatyou can control and leaving the
rest up to whoever else to sortout.
Brigette Panetta (20:14):
Yeah, I put my trust into the universe at that
point and I thought I don'tknow who, because I'd lost a lot
of faith and a lot of trust anda lot of hope, I guess.
So I didn't really believe inanyone was protecting me, or
because how could all of thisbad, how could all these bad
events happen if someone wasprotecting me and there was a
higher power protecting goodpeople?
(20:35):
And so when I realized that thiswas happening to me, to be able
to help others and to be ableto pass forward and transmit
this pain into something ofpurpose and power, then I
started believing that this iswhy and it made me really
relentless in my healing journeybecause I just wanted to keep
evolving evolving because it wasallowing me to feel free.
(20:56):
Every single time I was able touncover something through like
a shadow work process, and ifEmerald triggered me, for
example, I would get to thebottom of that and work out what
happened when I was young or ifthere's something linked to
that that I guess I've beenresponding and reacting to my
whole life.
It just made me feel thatlittle bit closer to that
version of me who's then goingto be able to help others.
(21:17):
It was just such a.
I put my energy, I guess, intothe things I could control,
which was myself.
Trudie Marie (21:24):
Yeah, I love that.
And the fact that now Emeraldgets to grow up like obviously
her first couple of years werein this space of you not knowing
but you starting to heal, then,means that moving forward you
create this beautiful motherhoodand mother-daughter
relationship that you may or maynot have had otherwise, had
(21:44):
things gone in a completelydifferent direction.
Brigette Panetta (21:46):
Very true.
I'm so grateful I get to passthese tools on to her at such a
young age and I just feel she'sso intuitive and she can really
sense what's going on and it'sjust amazing how much they can
pick up.
Like I don't feel a lot ofpeople give children the credit
that they deserve and how theycan understand being adults.
You know, they just assume ourchildren won't know.
(22:07):
I'll teach you when you'reolder.
But no, no, these are the agesnow so they can manage emotion
and process and understand theego and understand your higher
self, and it's really amazing.
I'm just so grateful that I getto share it with her.
Trudie Marie (22:21):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
And going back to likeobviously you mentioned that the
legal proceedings are stillgoing.
Obviously that has taken notjust a toll on you emotionally,
spiritually, health-wise, it'sprobably taken a massive toll
financially as well.
Like, how has that played?
Brigette Panetta (22:39):
out.
That's been a challenge becausewe, when it first started, we
actually were defunded, so we weweren't able to solicit new
funds, so we couldn't raisemoney.
We then were selling assets totry and make to create liquidity
to be able to pay for the legalfees, and then that got shut
off.
They ran to the judge and hesaid, oh, let's ban them from
(23:01):
selling assets.
So he couldn't do that.
So then we refinanced our homeand we then couldn't service the
payment, so we lost our home aswell during that process.
And then James, he's very, veryresilient.
He is very much a visionary andhe's just.
He's resilient as anything andhe's been able to create these
(23:24):
opportunities for liquidity tokeep paying the legal fees.
But it's costing a lot.
We've had 26 legal cases so far, I think maybe 27.
Trudie Marie (23:34):
Wow, that's like incomprehensible to me like,
especially being a previouspolice officer.
I'm just like that's a lot togo through.
Brigette Panetta (23:44):
It's a lot and it's just like that art of war.
It's just gotten to a pointwhere it's just ego now, like I
think, because so much money'sbeen poured into our case, they
can't lose.
Like it's just going to keepgoing and they've got endless
resources which we don't.
But yet we've gotten this far,and I think James is.
(24:04):
He's just so passionate becausehe knows he's not done the
wrong thing and I feel like he'sbeen chosen to be some form of
warrior to be able to createtruth within this industry,
because what's happened has notbeen, in my view, it's not been
run correctly, like he's neverbeen interviewed.
That's the first step of aprocess, of an investigation.
(24:24):
I think they thought they mighthave found a smoking gun
somewhere, but it's been fiveyears and they haven't found
that smoking gun.
Like they can keep digging, butit's just like very trivial in
my view of what we're seeing,their cases, when we finally
were able to represent ourselves, there was just nothing there,
(24:47):
like it's not at all whatthey've kind of made out to be
and it just yeah, it's a shamethat we're here still as just
normal people fighting againstsuch a big organization, and it
just felt like this could havebeen a conversation five years
ago.
Trudie Marie (25:02):
I think it's incredible too that, like you
said, one he has not beeninterviewed or like investigated
and spoken to about whatever'sgoing on.
I find that surprising as aformer police officer, but also
the fact that, being a male, hehas also not spoken up or spoken
out about what has gone on forhim.
(25:23):
Like men so often internalizeall their emotions, and at what
point, even though you say he'sreally, really resilient, you
often wonder at what point dothey get to where it all just
becomes too much in yours,inside your relationship.
How has that been, becauseobviously these types of issues
(25:45):
could make or break arelationship so so clearly
you're still together.
You're obviously incredibleparents dealing with everything
you've had to in raising Emerald.
How has that evolved over thelast five years within your
relationship?
Brigette Panetta (26:00):
It's been challenging.
We had plans to get married, wehad plans to have another child
by now, and that's obviouslyall not a priority.
We don't just off the tablebecause there's just too much
going on, so just things likethat.
You know, we can't live anormal life, we can't feel like
we can just make plans to gohere and do this.
(26:21):
We used to.
You know, we used to just worka lot and we were able to enjoy
life because we were sacrificinga lot to have a life that we
created.
We wanted to enjoy that as welland we had that ability to, and
we could have normalconversation and we could, you
know.
But now our conversation isvery intense business related,
(26:42):
asset related, it's all all thethings.
And I'm I'm a sounding board forJames, which I'm happy to be.
I'm just lucky, I think that Iworked in the business, so
that's how I'm just lucky.
I think that I worked in thebusiness, so that's how I'm able
to really support him, whereasI think a lot of people who are
women especially, who wouldn'thave worked in a business with
their partner, if they wouldhave gone through this, they
would have just been out.
Then he said this is just toomuch for me to handle.
(27:05):
But you know I was in legalmeetings, I was in accounting
meetings and I heard you know Iheard sign off.
I heard Just before it happenedI went through the audit with
KPMG and they said there's nored flags yet.
Like I've heard this with myown ears.
So for me it feels bigger thanwhat it is and it feels like
there is definitely a higherreason why this is happening.
And I'm just going to supporthim and hopefully we can have a
(27:29):
normal life after this.
Trudie Marie (27:32):
I just want to acknowledge you both in who you
are and who you get to be insideof this process, because it
does take toughness, strength,bravery, courage like name all
those different things toactually endure this type of
legal proceeding or this type ofcase against you.
(27:54):
Because most people don't knowand they would have quit, they
would have given up.
Like you said, if you're not inthe process and you don't
understand it, you would havewalked away as a partner.
But the fact that you've bothheld each other during this
space and continued through thisspace, that just deserves
acknowledging in its own right.
Brigette Panetta (28:15):
I get a bit emotional you saying that,
because it does mean a lot andit has.
It's taken a long time to getthat courage.
And I think to be able to getcourage it's trust and it's
trusting yourself.
And I think James has anunwavering trust in himself and
he knows he's capable and heknows his abilities and that
(28:37):
watching him have that trust inhimself has inherently allowed
me to feel trust and safe inmyself.
And yeah, it can be scary attimes because you don't know
what's going to happen, becausecommon sense hasn't prevailed in
the past.
It's that unknown.
But we've been through, I guess, a lot now and we're still here
(28:58):
so we know that whatever comesnext, we can get through it.
I think once you go through achallenge or adversity, you just
get that little bit strongerevery single time and it just
builds.
Trudie Marie (29:11):
Yeah, that's good to hear that you are able to
find a way to go through it butstill remain consistent, like
with each other, through thatFast forwarding, like obviously
now, like you said, five years.
How has that played out, evenlike as a mother and your
experience of being a mother,given that it was so tumultuous
(29:33):
in those early years and youwere dealing with your own
health issues and it sounds likeyou've come back from that,
like you're on this healingjourney how has being a mother
now?
Look for you.
Brigette Panetta (29:45):
I am so proud of myself, of the mum that I am
today, because I feel like I'mthe happiest version of myself
and not just happiest version ofmyself, I mean, I'm just able
to appreciate life as it is andnot wish it was another way,
(30:06):
whereas that's where I wasliving before, like I don't want
this life.
I want to have the life we usedto have, or I want the life that
I envisaged in my head when Ibecome a mother, and so once I
accepted that, which is whereI'm at now, I really enjoy being
a mom and being able to teachEmerald lessons and things that
I, you know, wish that I'd gotwhen I was a child, and so I
(30:29):
love, like my goal, every time Iwrote a manifestation or every
time I wrote anything down in myjournal my top list and it took
a while for me to get it to thetop as a priority, and I think
that's where I was struggling.
It was always like I want thisto be over, I want this blah,
blah, blah, and motherhood wasalways at the bottom, whereas
probably two years ago itstarted getting closer to the
(30:50):
top and it was always.
I want to be a calm and patientmother, and that was always my
goal and that's where I guessthe shadow work then came in,
because she was my mirror everyday.
She was figuring me on so manythings and then that helped me,
I guess, bring it all up to thesurface and allowed me to really
dive into the things that weretriggering me, especially
(31:12):
through the journey with Jamesand now the journey as a mother.
It's allowed me to really justrewire how I respond to those
things, which has allowed me, Iguess, to feel safe in this
whole experience.
Trudie Marie (31:25):
Yeah, that's such a like, an incredible insight in
the fact that you were sayinglike she was mirroring you and
bringing up for you everythingthat you needed to work through
and deal with and and face it's.
It's amazing how our littlehumans get to be that way so
that we can.
Actually it's almost like arebirth for ourselves, like I'm
(31:47):
a mother of two and my childrenare adults now, but even still
to this day, they still say anddo things that trigger the hell
out of me and it's like what'sthere?
What am I actually experiencinghere and why am I feeling that
way in these emotions?
So it doesn't change justbecause our children grow up, we
never stop learning who we areas people inside of our
(32:10):
motherhood.
It's so true.
Brigette Panetta (32:12):
And you think, oh, I thought I dealt with that
, or oh, I've still got more togo, Like you just.
But then once you accept thatyou're always going to be
evolving and just because you'realways going to be achieving,
and I guess to be able toachieve and hold that and
receive that, you need to keepopening up and making space for
new things to come in.
Trudie Marie (32:36):
And that's, I guess, letting and shedding
layers all the time, and rebirth, like you said A hundred
percent.
And how then does, likeobviously you said the legal
proceedings are still going onin that aspect?
Is there anything that you arepersonally working on for
yourself moving forward?
Brigette Panetta (32:49):
Yeah, so this year I've started posting more
on Instagram.
I went really undercover forthe last four years just because
we had press and we had thingsand I just really went in hiding
and isolated myself.
So I finally come out andstarted sharing my story, which
is why I'm just so grateful thatI'm here today and starting to
(33:11):
share the tools that I used tobe able to overcome these
challenges around differenthealing modalities and different
shadow work techniques, theforgiveness steps that I follow.
I've run a seven-day thoughtaudit program which is basically
going from being in a reactionstate of mind to an observer,
(33:32):
just things like that which I'mbuilding out on socials, just on
my Instagram, youtube.
Then I'm also looking to, Iguess, build out a community
around other people who'vesuffered from adversity or gone
through kind of any kind ofchallenges of injustice and just
on a willing journey.
I'm also running a retreat inBali with a girlfriend which I'm
(33:53):
really, really excited about.
That is exciting, so I'm reallylooking forward to that.
And just, we've got women fromall over the world coming to
meet us.
There's 10 beautiful womencoming and it's just such a
beautiful journey when you canpass forward your knowledge and
wisdom and know that it's goingto help someone.
It's just such a it's like amiracle moment.
Trudie Marie (34:15):
That will be an incredible space of just
bringing a group of womentogether, to heal together and
continuing our healing journey.
Because I think that that's onething that people don't quite
comprehend and, like you said,at the beginning you struggled
to find somebody who had beenthrough or understood what you
were going through, and so oftenpeople think, oh yeah, that's
(34:38):
done, you're healed now, likeyou're back to normal.
But there is no normal, thereis no back to, because you are
not the same person you were.
You never will be the sameperson that you were five years
ago, 10 years ago, and peopleresist that change.
But it also expect it to befinite in your healing.
It's like you said withmotherhood it's constantly
(35:01):
evolving.
Brigette Panetta (35:03):
Exactly, I was an accountant before and after
watching this, I just wouldnever go back to that just
because it didn't feel right forme and I just thought I've
spent so much time exploringthese modalities and exploring
and applying it into my everydaylife.
It just feels so natural nowand it's like I want to do
(35:24):
something that really lights meup and I know can help others.
And I had a moment wheneverything was really
challenging and I just brokedown and I thought I'm going to
build something one day that'sgoing to help people like me and
give me like that shoulder orgive me that community that I
really wish I had right now.
And so remembering that moment,that kind of, is my driver to
(35:46):
be able to build something.
And in the future I'd love tohave a wellness center where it
helps mums especially regenerateand rejuvenate and give them
that ability to just find theiridentity and go through a lot of
those things, those challengesthat a lot of mums suffer with
every day.
Trudie Marie (36:04):
So true, because motherhood, or parenthood in
general, does not come with aninstruction manual and we have
no idea what we're doing most ofthe time and so often, as much
as there are many other mothersout there, we all feel isolated
in our journey.
So, being able to bring peopletogether in community to support
(36:24):
one another the old adage ofyou raise a child with a village
and you really do need thatvillage and that community
around you, in whatever formthat takes, to be able to
continue to like move forward onthis life path Exactly right.
Brigette Panetta (36:42):
Yeah, yeah, you need your village and when
you don't, when you go too longwithout it, you can isolate too
much and that's not good,especially for the child as well
.
Like they need their village,they want to feel the love and
not just be so dependent on you.
You know Emerald got a littlebit hard at one point.
You know she wouldn't letanyone in because she was scared
of people and that's my.
(37:04):
That was me pulling my fearonto her.
But now it's changed a lot, butit's because I didn't want to
let anyone in either.
So I guess it's good for themto be able to have that village
and acceptance of love and thoseexperiences.
Trudie Marie (37:19):
Yeah, and I think, even just looking at your whole
experience over the last fiveyears, obviously we're talking
about that village now and howimportant that is and yet you go
back five years when all thiswas happening, right in the
height of COVID, during all thelockdowns and everything.
People were isolated and that's, I think, where so many people
started to realise how importanttheir community, their network,
(37:42):
their family, friends, whatevercircle they have became so much
more important, because oftenyou don't realise what you have
until you don't have it.
And like I just think, likeeven raising a child through
that time and not having allthat support and help and, you
know, sharing with motherhoodand meeting other children, that
(38:04):
age Emerald would have been cutoff in the early days, true,
because of COVID, and if youwere in Melbourne during the
lockdowns, that would have beenso isolating.
So now to come out the otherside of that and just want to
create community, I think that'sa beautiful adventure.
Brigette Panetta (38:19):
Yeah, I'm really really excited, Just
can't wait just to keep it, keepthe momentum going and just
build out that, that supportsystem.
It's just yeah, it's beautiful.
Trudie Marie (38:29):
Yeah, so do you have a website as well?
Like you said, you werementioning socials and building
out on socials.
Do you have a website as wellthat people can connect with you
on?
Brigette Panetta (38:40):
I do, but it's not live yet, it's kind of in
beta, so it's coming.
One other thing I haven'tmentioned was, off the back of
this experience, james isactually building out his own
social network, which is goingto give it's more of a verified
network.
So when all of this happened,we did go on to Twitter and to X
and it kind of really it wasn'treally the reception that he
(39:04):
wanted.
He was trying to share hisvoice and have an avenue of
speaking his truth, but itwasn't really people creating
fake accounts and spamming histhing and it was just really
toxic.
So he's, off the back of that,created a social media platform.
So I do share a lot of my stuffon there.
It's called mediacom and that'swhere I put a lot of my story
(39:25):
and and share a lot as well.
Trudie Marie (39:27):
Yeah, I will definitely put the links into
that because that may appeal toso many people and being able to
connect with you, whether it'sthrough the wellness or the
experience, because I thinkpeople feel trapped, especially
when they are going throughthose civil type legal
proceedings.
Often when people think of likeany type of legal proceeding,
they think of the criminal sideand they kind of want to shy
(39:50):
away from it.
But there is a whole other,different field in the civil
proceeding world that peopledon't know how to navigate.
People get stuck on that, andthat can be anything from family
court through to, like, yourcivil courts and your business
proceedings and things like thatthat people just don't know
where to go, don't know who toask questions to.
(40:10):
And so the fact that James iscreating something around that,
you're creating a media presencearound that in your experience
to be able to guide others, Ithink that's so beneficial to so
many people.
Brigette Panetta (40:22):
Yeah, yeah, definitely, and just giving them
that voice, because when you'rementioned in the press, you
can't respond unless it's onyour story or your Instagram,
but I feel like everything'severywhere On mediacom.
You can actually copy in thearticle and you can highlight
which section is defamatory orif it's misleading or if it's
inaccurate, and you can actuallyprovide evidence as to why.
(40:44):
So it's giving you thatplatform to be able to share
your side of the story too.
Trudie Marie (40:50):
I love that, like you just said, in the press it's
so one-sided and that story isthe truth.
And sometimes I just wish thatpeople would take a step back
and realise that news is acertain perception and a certain
focus and it's not always thetruth, it's only part of the
truth, and that there is alwaystwo sides to every story and you
(41:14):
can add a third if you want tosay there's the truth somewhere
in the middle.
So I love that there is thisplatform out there where you can
respond to that and give yourside of the story, backed up by
evidence, so that people realisethat no, there is a bigger
picture, bigger story here thanwhat's actually being conveyed.
Brigette Panetta (41:34):
Yeah, exactly so hopefully that's going to
help people as well, so veryexcited for that to come out.
That's in beta state at themoment, but we're still able to
post and share and people canstill sign up.
Trudie Marie (41:44):
Awesome.
I will definitely pop the linkin the show notes.
I just want to thank you somuch for today's conversation.
In sharing what has been a veryarduous journey for you through
the last five years and seeingyou come out the other side and
in a more positive state tocontinue on this journey, I
think it's been incredible.
Brigette Panetta (42:06):
Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate it.
Trudie Marie (42:08):
You're welcome, and I always finish off the
podcast by asking what is theone thing you're most grateful
for today?
Brigette Panetta (42:16):
Definitely my daughter.
She's been my guiding lightthrough my life so far and
helped me evolve and grow somuch, so she's everything.
Trudie Marie (42:26):
Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday
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(42:48):
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(43:08):
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journey together.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Everyday Warriors podcast,
and today I am with a lady fromMelbourne who connected again
(03:44):
through Matt Gahooley and theLifeShip podcast, and we
connected through LinkedIn andBridget gladly accepted to be
here on the podcast.
So welcome, Bridget.
Thank you so much for having me.
You're welcome.
I would like to start yourstory back, I suppose, when
everything changed for you, andthat's probably, say, five years
(04:05):
ago.
Brigette Panetta (04:06):
Yeah, yeah, 2020, our journey started, this
fun journey that it's been.
My family had an investmentbusiness that we were running
very successfully and had a lotof exciting things happening in
the pipeline.
That we were working on aproject in Mission Beach that
(04:27):
was very, very exciting.
And, as of April 2020, theAustralian government took issue
with our marketing of ourproducts.
So there was a misleading anddeceptive proceeding that was
lodged in April and from thereour life just really took a turn
for the worst.
(04:47):
When you feel you're doing theright thing and you've got all
of your compliance in order andyou're just doing your best to
run a business and it's scalingquite quickly, and then all of a
sudden, it kind of just getsstopped, it's quite a shocking
and jarring experience.
And two days after that so it'son the 6th of April, and on the
8th of April I had my daughteroh wow, she's also COVID as well
(05:11):
.
So it was just a lot of movingparts and a lot of unknowns and
uncertainties, which then reallyled to just a lot of survival
mode operation and operating ina state of fight or flight, and
I guess I then went to get anautoimmune issue off the back of
the stress and I just reallyhad to navigate how to come back
(05:33):
to self and how to cope and beback to the Bridget that I was
before with.
You know, you could laugh againand smile and enjoy life, life.
Trudie Marie (05:43):
So that was a very it's been a challenging journey
, that's for sure look, goingback to 2020, I think for most
people at that very beginningissue or stage of COVID like
that was hard enough for anyAustralian or anywhere in the
world to actually deal with.
Then you add on on top of thatthat you've got this legal
(06:05):
proceeding going with yourbusiness, so now your career and
your, like your family,lifestyle and everything is
already up in arms.
And then you add being a mother, like those three things are
enough to kind of lookindividually to cause issues,
let alone to have all three atonce to cause issues, let alone
(06:27):
to have all three at once.
Brigette Panetta (06:29):
What was that actually like?
When you think back to thattime it was really.
When I think back, it's just ablur, honestly.
And when the proceeding lodged,a lot of the staff left so I
had to go back into workingstraight away.
So I really just switched intothat survival and I thought,
okay, I remember telling myself,bridget, you can have a
breakdown later.
Right now you need to protectJames, and Emerald is your
(06:52):
priority.
So I really just kind of keptmoving at a really like robotic
almost state and that was.
It was challenging but it alsofelt okay.
It was just that you know, whenyou work better under pressure,
it was like that pressurecooker feeling, but then I would
cry.
You know, I got emerald onto areally strict kind of sleep
(07:13):
schedule because of COVID.
As hard as it was, it also wasgreat for us because we had no
distractions.
The only difficult thing was Icouldn't have any visitors or
you know, I didn't know what Iwas doing.
It was just such a.
You know, motherhood is such atrial and error game.
I had a book that I read, thatI used as a Bible, that I helped
implement a sleep system, andthen I would work slash, cry in
(07:36):
between her sleep schedules totry and, I guess, just process
and not let it touch her when,when she was up, I tried to be
as present as I could and then,yeah, I had that time for her to
sleep and me to heal, I guess.
Trudie Marie (07:51):
Motherhood is hard enough, you know, in any
circumstances, and when you lookback you say that time was a
blur.
Do you feel like inside of thatyou may have missed some of
Emerald's first moments and thatreal nurturing space of being a
mother?
Because you're in this likesurvival mode of I have to be a
(08:12):
mother when I can, but then Ihave to do everything to do with
the business at the same time.
Brigette Panetta (08:15):
Definitely.
Definitely more so James thanme.
He missed a lot because he'sjust been behind a desk for the
last five years, basically justin war mode.
But for me, look, I was aspresent as I could be.
I don't feel I missed a lot,because I didn't put her in
danger or anything for a longtime or any care.
So I did spend more time withher, which I was so grateful for
(08:38):
, and because I couldn't reallygo back to work, essentially I
just was really forced to to behome and just make sure that
everything at home was runningperfectly.
James was, you know, we had todivide it almost.
The only thing is that I justwish I was me.
I wish I was the version of me.
(08:58):
That when I fell pregnant, youknow, I was so excited.
Everything was amazing.
We had this beautiful, safefoundation that we built.
And to lose that safefoundation is what breaks my
heart the most, because it didsend me into more of a you know,
that robotic mum who was justgetting everything done, but I
wasn't able to really just feelsafe in it.
It was more of a job, a chore.
(09:21):
You know.
Another thing I had to checkoff, whereas now I've learned to
be a lot more in my feminine, alot more flow, and enjoy the
motherhood experience and see itas something I can have fun in
and not just see as a checklist,I guess.
Trudie Marie (09:38):
Totally get that, and you're right in the sense
that, unless you have thisfeeling of safety, it appeals to
every single human being onearth.
I mean, our root chakra isliterally embedded in that whole
feeling of safety and yoursurvival mode is trying to keep
you safe inside of that.
And you mentioned before thatyou developed an autoimmune
(09:59):
breakdown because of that.
How long did that take?
Because you said like you wouldjust go, go, go.
At what point did you start tonotice that things weren't right
?
Brigette Panetta (10:10):
After I think it was around November of 2020,
we went to Queenslandtemporarily to get the project
moving and to just, you know,show up and show that we were
still committed to the project,no matter what was going on.
We believed that we, you know,it would blow over because we
haven't done anything wrong.
We had a thorough audit donejust before everything had
(10:30):
happened.
There was no red flags.
You know, a big four firm haddone that.
So I heard this with my ears,so we were like we're going to
continue, we're not going to letthis stop us.
So we went there, but becauseof the change, my body couldn't
handle that, and so that's whenI just started to really feel
the heaviness.
I started to get sick a lot.
(10:50):
I just couldn't make decisions,I couldn't cope, I couldn't
think properly, like I just wasin this blur of.
I just wanted to sleep, butwith a new baby, you can't sleep
.
You always have so much to do,and then they start stretching
out their naps and you know,sorry shortening their naps and
you're not getting as much sleepas you, as you want to.
So after that, and I think, justsitting in the discomfort for
(11:15):
so long, my body and I was justso angry as well, like I was
just angry, I was upset, I wasconfused, I was frustrated, I,
and then I, you know, then yougo into self-doubt, you're like,
oh, did we do something?
You start to then doubtyourself and it just all these
emotions, and hormonal as well Ijust couldn't process it.
So it was sitting in my bodyand it just then just led to
(11:37):
these breakouts in my skin and Ijust could not.
Every time I would eatsomething I would break out in a
rash and my body wouldessentially shut down.
I'd have to just lay down andthen I removed all these
ingredients from my diet.
I went to a naturopath andthings like that, and a
kinesiologist as well, removedall these foods, but then I'd
(11:58):
realized it was still coming upin the morning when I'd wake up,
and Then I realized it wasactually my thoughts that was
creating this fear in my body,that was then triggering stress
and then creating this outbreak.
It took about three years forme to really just process it and
understand what it is, becauseat the time I wasn't able to
(12:21):
really stop.
I was just, you know, as a mom,you kind of put yourself last
and you think, oh, it will goaway or it might just I'll just
cut that food.
But it just when I realised itwas relentless.
I that's when I my healingjourney really started, because
I had to fix it, because it wasjust debilitating.
Trudie Marie (12:39):
And look, I can totally appreciate what you must
have been through I know at.
As I mentioned before to you,at the bottom of my like, when I
hit rock bottom, I got to thepoint where I was agoraphobic
and I don't even, or can't evenrecognize that person.
So it wasn't this autoimmunelike you had with a rash or
(13:00):
anything, but my body literallyshut down to the point where I
just couldn't get out of bed.
So I totally get thatexperience and how difficult
that must have been.
What I see different, though,is the fact that I was on my own
and didn't have to worry aboutanybody else, but you've
literally got a little humanbeing that you're trying to be a
(13:20):
mother and you're trying tonurture, and then you just don't
even have the energy.
So how was James through allthat?
Like, obviously he was goingthrough the same issues as well
with you.
Like, what was your supportnetwork like in coping with that
, given that we're stillprobably in the heart of COVID?
Brigette Panetta (13:38):
Oh, the support wasn't amazing, and not
because I don't have support Ido, but it was when you're in
this experience, I feel that noone can relate to in your life.
It was really challenging foranyone to give me any kind of
advice or guidance or support,and I understood that.
So I really just isolatedmyself voluntarily and I just
(14:02):
because talking about it reallyjust stirred up these emotions
that I couldn't.
I didn't know how to move themout of my body.
I didn't know how to processthem, so I just kind of didn't
want to talk about it.
For Emerald in COVID therewasn't that much support.
We got a babysitter in here andthere, but when the hard
lockdowns came like we couldn'treally have anyone over or I
(14:23):
couldn't even have a midwife tothe house, or they would ring me
from the driveway and ask ifEmeril's putting weight on and
then they would say, oh, justweigh her against a bag of flour
.
You know that kind of it wasjust bizarre.
It was such a weird time.
And James, I really just did notexpect anything from him, just
because I thought I said tomyself again that his capacity
(14:46):
needs to be there, because themore he is getting done, the
safer I felt almost when I sawhim working.
I felt safer because I thought,okay, he's still going, like
we're okay, and so, yeah, Iguess back to your safety
comment, that's why I've reallytaken the time to work out and
(15:08):
discover tools that allow me tofeel safe within myself and not
put that reliance on anyone else, and that's one thing that I
like to pass forward as well tobe able to show people how you
can be your own safety, becausecertain times happen and you
don't have anyone to save you, Iguess you have to do it for
yourself.
Trudie Marie (15:34):
It's so true.
I think so many people outthere think and if we're talking
greater world context as wellthat people are waiting for
somebody to come and save them,whether that's politically or
whether that's within their ownsocial spheres or networks or
whatever that somebody elseexternal is going to fix
whatever's going on.
And if people only realizedmore that you're the one.
It's all starts with you.
(15:56):
And if you can't start to movethat forward and change within
yourself, then how are youexpecting anybody else to do it
for you?
Brigette Panetta (16:04):
yeah, you're so right, and it takes a while
for your body to.
When you abandon yourselfthrough different ways of living
, you know not being able to sayno, being a people pleaser and
just abandoning yourself, whichis what I did.
I really abandoned what Ineeded.
Your body loses that trust andso it doesn't feel safe with you
in the driver's seat.
So you need to, I guess,reparent yourself to be able to
(16:28):
show that you can, your body cantrust you and that you will
make the right decisions for it.
It's such a, it's a process,but it's an amazing process to
to.
Trudie Marie (16:38):
It is, and what, for you, was the turning point
in being able to like?
Was it one particular modalityor something you read or
something you saw that had youthen go down this path of like
no, I need to look after myself.
Like.
Brigette Panetta (16:53):
This is how I'm going to get through this
well, there were so manymodalities that I tried and that
I loved.
I just kept like attractingthese amazing people and healers
and things my life.
The first one was Reiki andkinesiology.
That really helped me feellighter.
I went in in a really bad waythe night before.
(17:13):
I was probably at my lowest andI just had had enough, like I
could not hear any more bad news.
I just couldn't watch Jamesstruggle, the way he was Like it
was just really cruel for me towatch and I kind of thought, if
this is what life's like, I'veseen enough, I think like this
is not nice and it felt cruel.
(17:34):
I was in that real victimmentality and so a kinesiologist
I found came up on my Facebookand it was around the corner and
she had an availableappointment the next day, so I
just booked it and thought I'mgoing to do this.
I think it's a sign of somesort.
And so she was amazing in theway that she could feel what my
body was feeling without mehaving to even say it, because I
(17:57):
didn't know even how to expressmyself because there was just
so many moving parts at the time, and she could just feel a lot
of anger, a lot of heat, a lotof anger, a lot of inflammation.
And she said you're going toneed to feel these people
because you're carrying all ofthis real dark energy and it's
only going to fester for you.
And it's not yourresponsibility to punish these
(18:20):
people.
You know they will get theirkarma in their own time for how
they've done the wrong thing.
Other people are just doingtheir job and they don't know
they're doing the wrong thing.
And when she explained that, itmade so much sense, because why
am I waiting for some kind ofconclusion?
And I'm just kind of sitting inthis bad mindset and this bad
(18:43):
way of living and this negativeheadspace.
The conclusion might not comefor years and it's still.
We don't have it.
It's been five years now andwe're still in the middle of it.
We've still got things thatwe're moving and doing and we've
got open cases and things.
So I'm so glad that I took heradvice because otherwise I'd
still be there and who knows howunwell I would be.
(19:03):
But the forgiveness reallyhelped me.
Just let go, even though Ididn't know any of these people.
We've never James has neverbeen interviewed in five years,
so he's he doesn't even know hispeople personally or or
anything like that.
So it was really challengingthat I just kind of pictured a
building of everyone in thereand I just forgave everyone and
I just kind of released thatheaviness and that anger and it
(19:27):
really just allowed me to feellight.
Trudie Marie (19:30):
That's good to hear, and I think what people
sometimes forget is that you canonly control what you can
control, and so often we want totry and control things out of
our control, and that's whereall this stuff starts, and I
think you just pointed that outperfectly by saying that you
couldn't control all these otherpeople and what was going on.
(19:51):
You could only control how youwere responding in this
situation, and forgiveness wasyour first key to doing that and
starting again and saying right, it's almost like a blank slate
.
Now I get to move forwardinside of this, where you can
actually start controlling whatyou can control and leaving the
rest up to whoever else to sortout.
Brigette Panetta (20:14):
Yeah, I put my trust into the universe at that
point and I thought I don'tknow who, because I'd lost a lot
of faith and a lot of trust anda lot of hope, I guess.
So I didn't really believe inanyone was protecting me, or
because how could all of thisbad, how could all these bad
events happen if someone wasprotecting me and there was a
higher power protecting goodpeople?
(20:35):
And so when I realized that thiswas happening to me, to be able
to help others and to be ableto pass forward and transmit
this pain into something ofpurpose and power, then I
started believing that this iswhy and it made me really
relentless in my healing journeybecause I just wanted to keep
evolving evolving because it wasallowing me to feel free.
(20:56):
Every single time I was able touncover something through like
a shadow work process, and ifEmerald triggered me, for
example, I would get to thebottom of that and work out what
happened when I was young or ifthere's something linked to
that that I guess I've beenresponding and reacting to my
whole life.
It just made me feel thatlittle bit closer to that
version of me who's then goingto be able to help others.
(21:17):
It was just such a.
I put my energy, I guess, intothe things I could control,
which was myself.
Trudie Marie (21:24):
Yeah, I love that.
And the fact that now Emeraldgets to grow up like obviously
her first couple of years werein this space of you not knowing
but you starting to heal, then,means that moving forward you
create this beautiful motherhoodand mother-daughter
relationship that you may or maynot have had otherwise, had
(21:44):
things gone in a completelydifferent direction.
Brigette Panetta (21:46):
Very true.
I'm so grateful I get to passthese tools on to her at such a
young age and I just feel she'sso intuitive and she can really
sense what's going on and it'sjust amazing how much they can
pick up.
Like I don't feel a lot ofpeople give children the credit
that they deserve and how theycan understand being adults.
You know, they just assume ourchildren won't know.
(22:07):
I'll teach you when you'reolder.
But no, no, these are the agesnow so they can manage emotion
and process and understand theego and understand your higher
self, and it's really amazing.
I'm just so grateful that I getto share it with her.
Trudie Marie (22:21):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
And going back to likeobviously you mentioned that the
legal proceedings are stillgoing.
Obviously that has taken notjust a toll on you emotionally,
spiritually, health-wise, it'sprobably taken a massive toll
financially as well.
Like, how has that played?
Brigette Panetta (22:39):
out.
That's been a challenge becausewe, when it first started, we
actually were defunded, so we weweren't able to solicit new
funds, so we couldn't raisemoney.
We then were selling assets totry and make to create liquidity
to be able to pay for the legalfees, and then that got shut
off.
They ran to the judge and hesaid, oh, let's ban them from
(23:01):
selling assets.
So he couldn't do that.
So then we refinanced our homeand we then couldn't service the
payment, so we lost our home aswell during that process.
And then James, he's very, veryresilient.
He is very much a visionary andhe's just.
He's resilient as anything andhe's been able to create these
(23:24):
opportunities for liquidity tokeep paying the legal fees.
But it's costing a lot.
We've had 26 legal cases so far, I think maybe 27.
Trudie Marie (23:34):
Wow, that's like incomprehensible to me like,
especially being a previouspolice officer.
I'm just like that's a lot togo through.
Brigette Panetta (23:44):
It's a lot and it's just like that art of war.
It's just gotten to a pointwhere it's just ego now, like I
think, because so much money'sbeen poured into our case, they
can't lose.
Like it's just going to keepgoing and they've got endless
resources which we don't.
But yet we've gotten this far,and I think James is.
(24:04):
He's just so passionate becausehe knows he's not done the
wrong thing and I feel like he'sbeen chosen to be some form of
warrior to be able to createtruth within this industry,
because what's happened has notbeen, in my view, it's not been
run correctly, like he's neverbeen interviewed.
That's the first step of aprocess, of an investigation.
(24:24):
I think they thought they mighthave found a smoking gun
somewhere, but it's been fiveyears and they haven't found
that smoking gun.
Like they can keep digging, butit's just like very trivial in
my view of what we're seeing,their cases, when we finally
were able to represent ourselves, there was just nothing there,
(24:47):
like it's not at all whatthey've kind of made out to be
and it just yeah, it's a shamethat we're here still as just
normal people fighting againstsuch a big organization, and it
just felt like this could havebeen a conversation five years
ago.
Trudie Marie (25:02):
I think it's incredible too that, like you
said, one he has not beeninterviewed or like investigated
and spoken to about whatever'sgoing on.
I find that surprising as aformer police officer, but also
the fact that, being a male, hehas also not spoken up or spoken
out about what has gone on forhim.
(25:23):
Like men so often internalizeall their emotions, and at what
point, even though you say he'sreally, really resilient, you
often wonder at what point dothey get to where it all just
becomes too much in yours,inside your relationship.
How has that been, becauseobviously these types of issues
(25:45):
could make or break arelationship so so clearly
you're still together.
You're obviously incredibleparents dealing with everything
you've had to in raising Emerald.
How has that evolved over thelast five years within your
relationship?
Brigette Panetta (26:00):
It's been challenging.
We had plans to get married, wehad plans to have another child
by now, and that's obviouslyall not a priority.
We don't just off the tablebecause there's just too much
going on, so just things likethat.
You know, we can't live anormal life, we can't feel like
we can just make plans to gohere and do this.
(26:21):
We used to.
You know, we used to just worka lot and we were able to enjoy
life because we were sacrificinga lot to have a life that we
created.
We wanted to enjoy that as welland we had that ability to, and
we could have normalconversation and we could, you
know.
But now our conversation isvery intense business related,
(26:42):
asset related, it's all all thethings.
And I'm I'm a sounding board forJames, which I'm happy to be.
I'm just lucky, I think that Iworked in the business, so
that's how I'm just lucky.
I think that I worked in thebusiness, so that's how I'm able
to really support him, whereasI think a lot of people who are
women especially, who wouldn'thave worked in a business with
their partner, if they wouldhave gone through this, they
would have just been out.
Then he said this is just toomuch for me to handle.
(27:05):
But you know I was in legalmeetings, I was in accounting
meetings and I heard you know Iheard sign off.
I heard Just before it happenedI went through the audit with
KPMG and they said there's nored flags yet.
Like I've heard this with myown ears.
So for me it feels bigger thanwhat it is and it feels like
there is definitely a higherreason why this is happening.
And I'm just going to supporthim and hopefully we can have a
(27:29):
normal life after this.
Trudie Marie (27:32):
I just want to acknowledge you both in who you
are and who you get to be insideof this process, because it
does take toughness, strength,bravery, courage like name all
those different things toactually endure this type of
legal proceeding or this type ofcase against you.
(27:54):
Because most people don't knowand they would have quit, they
would have given up.
Like you said, if you're not inthe process and you don't
understand it, you would havewalked away as a partner.
But the fact that you've bothheld each other during this
space and continued through thisspace, that just deserves
acknowledging in its own right.
Brigette Panetta (28:15):
I get a bit emotional you saying that,
because it does mean a lot andit has.
It's taken a long time to getthat courage.
And I think to be able to getcourage it's trust and it's
trusting yourself.
And I think James has anunwavering trust in himself and
he knows he's capable and heknows his abilities and that
(28:37):
watching him have that trust inhimself has inherently allowed
me to feel trust and safe inmyself.
And yeah, it can be scary attimes because you don't know
what's going to happen, becausecommon sense hasn't prevailed in
the past.
It's that unknown.
But we've been through, I guess, a lot now and we're still here
(28:58):
so we know that whatever comesnext, we can get through it.
I think once you go through achallenge or adversity, you just
get that little bit strongerevery single time and it just
builds.
Trudie Marie (29:11):
Yeah, that's good to hear that you are able to
find a way to go through it butstill remain consistent, like
with each other, through thatFast forwarding, like obviously
now, like you said, five years.
How has that played out, evenlike as a mother and your
experience of being a mother,given that it was so tumultuous
(29:33):
in those early years and youwere dealing with your own
health issues and it sounds likeyou've come back from that,
like you're on this healingjourney how has being a mother
now?
Look for you.
Brigette Panetta (29:45):
I am so proud of myself, of the mum that I am
today, because I feel like I'mthe happiest version of myself
and not just happiest version ofmyself, I mean, I'm just able
to appreciate life as it is andnot wish it was another way,
(30:06):
whereas that's where I wasliving before, like I don't want
this life.
I want to have the life we usedto have, or I want the life that
I envisaged in my head when Ibecome a mother, and so once I
accepted that, which is whereI'm at now, I really enjoy being
a mom and being able to teachEmerald lessons and things that
I, you know, wish that I'd gotwhen I was a child, and so I
(30:29):
love, like my goal, every time Iwrote a manifestation or every
time I wrote anything down in myjournal my top list and it took
a while for me to get it to thetop as a priority, and I think
that's where I was struggling.
It was always like I want thisto be over, I want this blah,
blah, blah, and motherhood wasalways at the bottom, whereas
probably two years ago itstarted getting closer to the
(30:50):
top and it was always.
I want to be a calm and patientmother, and that was always my
goal and that's where I guessthe shadow work then came in,
because she was my mirror everyday.
She was figuring me on so manythings and then that helped me,
I guess, bring it all up to thesurface and allowed me to really
dive into the things that weretriggering me, especially
(31:12):
through the journey with Jamesand now the journey as a mother.
It's allowed me to really justrewire how I respond to those
things, which has allowed me, Iguess, to feel safe in this
whole experience.
Trudie Marie (31:25):
Yeah, that's such a like, an incredible insight in
the fact that you were sayinglike she was mirroring you and
bringing up for you everythingthat you needed to work through
and deal with and and face it's.
It's amazing how our littlehumans get to be that way so
that we can.
Actually it's almost like arebirth for ourselves, like I'm
(31:47):
a mother of two and my childrenare adults now, but even still
to this day, they still say anddo things that trigger the hell
out of me and it's like what'sthere?
What am I actually experiencinghere and why am I feeling that
way in these emotions?
So it doesn't change justbecause our children grow up, we
never stop learning who we areas people inside of our
(32:10):
motherhood.
It's so true.
Brigette Panetta (32:12):
And you think, oh, I thought I dealt with that
, or oh, I've still got more togo, Like you just.
But then once you accept thatyou're always going to be
evolving and just because you'realways going to be achieving,
and I guess to be able toachieve and hold that and
receive that, you need to keepopening up and making space for
new things to come in.
Trudie Marie (32:36):
And that's, I guess, letting and shedding
layers all the time, and rebirth, like you said A hundred
percent.
And how then does, likeobviously you said the legal
proceedings are still going onin that aspect?
Is there anything that you arepersonally working on for
yourself moving forward?
Brigette Panetta (32:49):
Yeah, so this year I've started posting more
on Instagram.
I went really undercover forthe last four years just because
we had press and we had thingsand I just really went in hiding
and isolated myself.
So I finally come out andstarted sharing my story, which
is why I'm just so grateful thatI'm here today and starting to
(33:11):
share the tools that I used tobe able to overcome these
challenges around differenthealing modalities and different
shadow work techniques, theforgiveness steps that I follow.
I've run a seven-day thoughtaudit program which is basically
going from being in a reactionstate of mind to an observer,
(33:32):
just things like that which I'mbuilding out on socials, just on
my Instagram, youtube.
Then I'm also looking to, Iguess, build out a community
around other people who'vesuffered from adversity or gone
through kind of any kind ofchallenges of injustice and just
on a willing journey.
I'm also running a retreat inBali with a girlfriend which I'm
(33:53):
really, really excited about.
That is exciting, so I'm reallylooking forward to that.
And just, we've got women fromall over the world coming to
meet us.
There's 10 beautiful womencoming and it's just such a
beautiful journey when you canpass forward your knowledge and
wisdom and know that it's goingto help someone.
It's just such a it's like amiracle moment.
Trudie Marie (34:15):
That will be an incredible space of just
bringing a group of womentogether, to heal together and
continuing our healing journey.
Because I think that that's onething that people don't quite
comprehend and, like you said,at the beginning you struggled
to find somebody who had beenthrough or understood what you
were going through, and so oftenpeople think, oh yeah, that's
(34:38):
done, you're healed now, likeyou're back to normal.
But there is no normal, thereis no back to, because you are
not the same person you were.
You never will be the sameperson that you were five years
ago, 10 years ago, and peopleresist that change.
But it also expect it to befinite in your healing.
It's like you said withmotherhood it's constantly
(35:01):
evolving.
Brigette Panetta (35:03):
Exactly, I was an accountant before and after
watching this, I just wouldnever go back to that just
because it didn't feel right forme and I just thought I've
spent so much time exploringthese modalities and exploring
and applying it into my everydaylife.
It just feels so natural nowand it's like I want to do
(35:24):
something that really lights meup and I know can help others.
And I had a moment wheneverything was really
challenging and I just brokedown and I thought I'm going to
build something one day that'sgoing to help people like me and
give me like that shoulder orgive me that community that I
really wish I had right now.
And so remembering that moment,that kind of, is my driver to
(35:46):
be able to build something.
And in the future I'd love tohave a wellness center where it
helps mums especially regenerateand rejuvenate and give them
that ability to just find theiridentity and go through a lot of
those things, those challengesthat a lot of mums suffer with
every day.
Trudie Marie (36:04):
So true, because motherhood, or parenthood in
general, does not come with aninstruction manual and we have
no idea what we're doing most ofthe time and so often, as much
as there are many other mothersout there, we all feel isolated
in our journey.
So, being able to bring peopletogether in community to support
(36:24):
one another the old adage ofyou raise a child with a village
and you really do need thatvillage and that community
around you, in whatever formthat takes, to be able to
continue to like move forward onthis life path Exactly right.
Brigette Panetta (36:42):
Yeah, yeah, you need your village and when
you don't, when you go too longwithout it, you can isolate too
much and that's not good,especially for the child as well
.
Like they need their village,they want to feel the love and
not just be so dependent on you.
You know Emerald got a littlebit hard at one point.
You know she wouldn't letanyone in because she was scared
of people and that's my.
(37:04):
That was me pulling my fearonto her.
But now it's changed a lot, butit's because I didn't want to
let anyone in either.
So I guess it's good for themto be able to have that village
and acceptance of love and thoseexperiences.
Trudie Marie (37:19):
Yeah, and I think, even just looking at your whole
experience over the last fiveyears, obviously we're talking
about that village now and howimportant that is and yet you go
back five years when all thiswas happening, right in the
height of COVID, during all thelockdowns and everything.
People were isolated and that's, I think, where so many people
started to realise how importanttheir community, their network,
(37:42):
their family, friends, whatevercircle they have became so much
more important, because oftenyou don't realise what you have
until you don't have it.
And like I just think, likeeven raising a child through
that time and not having allthat support and help and, you
know, sharing with motherhoodand meeting other children, that
(38:04):
age Emerald would have been cutoff in the early days, true,
because of COVID, and if youwere in Melbourne during the
lockdowns, that would have beenso isolating.
So now to come out the otherside of that and just want to
create community, I think that'sa beautiful adventure.
Brigette Panetta (38:19):
Yeah, I'm really really excited, Just
can't wait just to keep it, keepthe momentum going and just
build out that, that supportsystem.
It's just yeah, it's beautiful.
Trudie Marie (38:29):
Yeah, so do you have a website as well?
Like you said, you werementioning socials and building
out on socials.
Do you have a website as wellthat people can connect with you
on?
Brigette Panetta (38:40):
I do, but it's not live yet, it's kind of in
beta, so it's coming.
One other thing I haven'tmentioned was, off the back of
this experience, james isactually building out his own
social network, which is goingto give it's more of a verified
network.
So when all of this happened,we did go on to Twitter and to X
and it kind of really it wasn'treally the reception that he
(39:04):
wanted.
He was trying to share hisvoice and have an avenue of
speaking his truth, but itwasn't really people creating
fake accounts and spamming histhing and it was just really
toxic.
So he's, off the back of that,created a social media platform.
So I do share a lot of my stuffon there.
It's called mediacom and that'swhere I put a lot of my story
(39:25):
and and share a lot as well.
Trudie Marie (39:27):
Yeah, I will definitely put the links into
that because that may appeal toso many people and being able to
connect with you, whether it'sthrough the wellness or the
experience, because I thinkpeople feel trapped, especially
when they are going throughthose civil type legal
proceedings.
Often when people think of likeany type of legal proceeding,
they think of the criminal sideand they kind of want to shy
(39:50):
away from it.
But there is a whole other,different field in the civil
proceeding world that peopledon't know how to navigate.
People get stuck on that, andthat can be anything from family
court through to, like, yourcivil courts and your business
proceedings and things like thatthat people just don't know
where to go, don't know who toask questions to.
(40:10):
And so the fact that James iscreating something around that,
you're creating a media presencearound that in your experience
to be able to guide others, Ithink that's so beneficial to so
many people.
Brigette Panetta (40:22):
Yeah, yeah, definitely, and just giving them
that voice, because when you'rementioned in the press, you
can't respond unless it's onyour story or your Instagram,
but I feel like everything'severywhere On mediacom.
You can actually copy in thearticle and you can highlight
which section is defamatory orif it's misleading or if it's
inaccurate, and you can actuallyprovide evidence as to why.
(40:44):
So it's giving you thatplatform to be able to share
your side of the story too.
Trudie Marie (40:50):
I love that, like you just said, in the press it's
so one-sided and that story isthe truth.
And sometimes I just wish thatpeople would take a step back
and realise that news is acertain perception and a certain
focus and it's not always thetruth, it's only part of the
truth, and that there is alwaystwo sides to every story and you
(41:14):
can add a third if you want tosay there's the truth somewhere
in the middle.
So I love that there is thisplatform out there where you can
respond to that and give yourside of the story, backed up by
evidence, so that people realisethat no, there is a bigger
picture, bigger story here thanwhat's actually being conveyed.
Brigette Panetta (41:34):
Yeah, exactly so hopefully that's going to
help people as well, so veryexcited for that to come out.
That's in beta state at themoment, but we're still able to
post and share and people canstill sign up.
Trudie Marie (41:44):
Awesome.
I will definitely pop the linkin the show notes.
I just want to thank you somuch for today's conversation.
In sharing what has been a veryarduous journey for you through
the last five years and seeingyou come out the other side and
in a more positive state tocontinue on this journey, I
think it's been incredible.
Brigette Panetta (42:06):
Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate it.
Trudie Marie (42:08):
You're welcome, and I always finish off the
podcast by asking what is theone thing you're most grateful
for today?
Brigette Panetta (42:16):
Definitely my daughter.
She's been my guiding lightthrough my life so far and
helped me evolve and grow somuch, so she's everything.
Trudie Marie (42:26):
Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday
Warriors podcast.
If you have an idea for afuture episode or a story you'd
like to share yourself, thenplease reach out and message me,
as I am always up for real, rawand authentic conversations
with other everyday warriors.
Also, be sure to subscribe sothat you can download all the
(42:48):
latest episodes as they arepublished and spread the word to
your family and friends andcolleagues so they can listen in
too.
If you're sharing on socialmedia, please be sure to tag me
so that I can personallyacknowledge you.
I'm always open to commentabout how these episodes have
resonated with you, the listener.
(43:08):
And remember lead with love asyou live this one wild and
precious life.
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