October 26, 2025 • 45 mins
Some stories start with a roadmap. Ours begins on the side of a highway, smoke from a sliced radiator curling into the night while Dayelene and her son lie on a picnic rug, laughing at the chaos and choosing to keep moving.
From Airlie Beach’s endless summer to Victoria’s four seasons in a day, this is a candid journey through starting over, co‑parenting after domestic violence and learning how to let go of identities that no longer fit.
Dayelene is a single mum who rebuilt life twice, first for safety, then for alignment. She opens up about the hidden cost of coercive control, the slow burn of CPTSD and what it took to find grounding when anxiety kept hunting for the next storm. We talk safety planning and court hurdles, the sting of rental shortages, sneaking a beloved dog into motels on a state-spanning drive and the moment she realised that “old ways don’t open new doors.”
There’s no gloss here, just the real, repetitive work of recovery and the honest truth that relapse and repair can live in the same week. The conversation leans into practical tools including EMDR and therapy, daily systems that respect limited capacity, ten-minute walks that restart the day, food that steadies the mind and hobbies that reignite confidence. We unpack how to stop replicating yesterday’s life in today’s context, how to choose connection over isolation and how to teach kids resilience by letting them see you break and rise.
We also share what’s next for Dayelene, finishing a body–mind practitioner qualification, stepping fully into trauma‑informed coaching and launching a free community event in Geelong with breath work, meditation and open‑armed connection.
If you’ve ever felt stuck between survival and growth, this episode offers hope you can hold and steps you can actually take. Subscribe, share with someone who needs a steady voice, and leave a review to help more Everyday Warriors find their way back to themselves.
Connect with Daylene on Instagram here
Thanks for listening in!
Contact me directly at https://everydaywarriorspodcast.com.au or head to
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Music Credit: Cody Martin - Sunrise (first 26 episodes) then custom made for me.
Disclaimer: The views, opinions, and stories shared on this podcast are personal to the host and guests and are not intended to serve as professional advice or guidance. They reflect individual experiences and perspectives. While we strive to provide valuable insights and support, listeners are encouraged to seek professional advice for their specific situations. The host and production team are not responsible for any actions taken based on the content of this podcast.
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Episode Transcript
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Trudie Marie (00:01):
Welcome to the Everyday Warriors Podcast, the
perfect space to speak my truthand dive into deep conversations
with others.
This podcast is aboutcelebrating Everyday Warriors,
the people who face life'schallenges head-on, breaking
through obstacles to buildresilience, strength and
courage.
(00:21):
Join me, your host, TrudyMarie, as I sit down with
inspiring individuals who havefought their own battles and
emerge stronger, sharing raw,real and authentic stories in a
safe space.
Allowing you to explore,question and find your own path
(00:41):
to new possibilities.
Let us all embrace the warriorwithin and realize that while no
one is walking in your shoes,others are on the same path,
journeying through lifetogether.
Please note that the followingpodcast may contain discussions
(01:02):
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I aim to provide informativeand supportive content, but
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If you find yourself feelingoverwhelmed or in need of
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(01:24):
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In fact, it is the first briefstep to healing.
If you require immediatesupport, please consider
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(02:35):
Head to the link to buy me acoffee and fuel the next
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A journey that was as muchabout finding my way back to
(03:06):
myself as it was aboutconquering the trail through the
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This book is taken from myjournals and is my raw and
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Grab your copy now.
Just head to the link in theshow notes and let's take this
(03:27):
journey together.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Everyday Warriors Podcast.
And today my guest is fromMelbourne.
We met through an onlinecommunity, and I was a guest on
her podcast many moons ago, itseems like now, and she's now
(03:48):
reciprocating the favour for me.
So welcome, Daileen.
Dayelene Robinson (03:52):
Hello, your beautiful humans.
It's so good to be on here andit's so good to connect again.
Trudie Marie (03:57):
Yes, it is very good to connect again, and I'm
so glad that we were able to dothis.
So it has been a very, verybusy, probably first half of
this year for you.
What's been going on?
Dayelene Robinson (04:09):
It's been a wild time over here, that's for
sure.
But like really coming in andfinding my feet right now.
But I decided um during COVID,I moved my family to Airly
Beach.
The first stop was actuallymeant to be Newcastle, but then
we decided that we would moveover the border from New South
Wales to Queensland.
Um and we lived there for abouttwo and a half, three years,
like since we left the travel upand then you know back was
(04:33):
about three years, and thendecided to come back to my
hometown, which brought all ofthe old identities up and all
the things and life.
Like we had a car accident onthe way home, like everything
just went to pretty much ashes.
Um, I can't like I was sayingbefore I got onto the podcast,
it was like I had to rise fromthe ashes again, like a phoenix.
And my I did have a podcast andthat ended as well.
(04:56):
And then I had a job that fellthrough, all of the rest of it.
So I had to pretty much justlike look at my life and be
like, okay, where do I want tobe in like 12 months' time and
how do I want to feel right now?
And how is like something gonnawork for my family and the
schedule and stuff?
So I had to just have like ahuge, massive audit of my whole
entire life and just looking atthings that weren't working
(05:16):
before, that were working now.
And I think one of my mainstruggles was I'm I was trying
to replicate my life up in AirlyBeach, but just bring it back
down here, and that just wasn'tworking as a completely
different dynamic where I'mliving now to where I was in
Airly.
If you know Airly Beach, thenyou would know it's quite a
transit town and it's a holidaymaker town, backpacker town, and
you know, everything's justalways on there.
(05:38):
Whereas down here it's a littlebit more like a lot of people
haven't left this town, theystill live here from like
childhood and stuff like that.
So completely differentdynamics.
So I was just trying to bringthat down here, and the universe
was like, nah, we're not doingthat.
So that's where I've kind ofbeen and just finding my feet
right now, which is really good.
Trudie Marie (05:56):
And there's a lot to unpack in that.
Like, let me just start withthe whole dynamics of the the
weather to start with.
Like you're going frombeautiful, sunny Queensland.
I have lived up, I didn't livein Airly Beach, but I lived in
Prosopine, which is theneighbouring town just off the
coast.
I spent a whole summer there.
I love the weather there, andnow you've gone back down to
(06:17):
like Victoria, where it's allseasons in one day, pretty much.
Like, how has the adjustmentbeen just even in with the
weather?
Dayelene Robinson (06:23):
Oh, like at first I was like, What we
actually got this littlebeautiful break at just before
winter hit, and I was like, ohmy god, this is so nice.
And then winter hit, and I waslike, What have we done?
Like, I'm just it is so cold.
We didn't even have winterclothes, like up there, yeah,
it's literally cold for like oneor two weeks of the year, and
everyone gets out their jumpersand is over-exaggerating, but
(06:44):
it's still like 22 degrees.
Here it's below 10.
It's just crazy.
So dealing with weather's beenfine besides that two months of
winter, and now it's coming intospring.
I'm like, this is what I movedhome for.
The season changes, the smellsin the air, like it's so nice
having the seasons.
It's beautiful now, but it'sbeen crazy, and I'm so pale.
(07:06):
I'm so pale.
Trudie Marie (07:08):
Get the fake channel out, girl.
I know, I'm not and then yousaid, like, obviously, that
moving back, you're a single mumof three practically teenagers
moving back.
How is that whole ordeal?
Because that in itself, ifyou've got another parent there
helping you, but to do it all onyour own, and then you're
(07:29):
having to adjust everything withyour children, like there is so
much to do inside of thatalone.
Dayelene Robinson (07:35):
Oh, amen.
Well, at first they hadresistance because obviously
they built beautiful friendshipsup there and had built a life
and a little community up there.
But yeah, that's been atransition with schools and
different dynamics.
Like the school system here iscompletely different to up far
north Queensland.
They are so laid back up there,whereas down here they're it's
the education state Victoria is.
(07:56):
So it's been a transition,that's for sure.
They're only kind of justfinding their feet now, and
we've had to, you know, find newGPs and all that sort of stuff.
It's been uh pretty much like ashit show.
But we've gone through thetrenches and we're just finding
our feet now.
But it was so difficult.
But I don't know, I just hadthis inner knowing that Airly
wasn't for us anymore.
(08:16):
And I'd I'd been pondering onthe idea for a while, and I just
didn't have the courage becausethe move, like moving during
COVID, literally was so crazy.
And we wanted to remain in oursovereignty as well, crossing
borders, and we wanted to comewith our dog.
And I had, you know, the bareessentials of if we are to move
over the border during COVIDwith the restrictions, what I
wanted and what I wouldn'taccept.
(08:38):
So I had that kind of in theback of my head how hard it was
moving.
But we got this how I rememberjust like screw it.
I'm just gonna apply for somerentals.
And if we get one, then we'remeant to move back home.
And then some of the realestate agents were even like,
I'm just going on a tangent now.
I've gone from kids to rental,but it's just how it flows.
I remember the real estateswere like, Oh, like, good luck.
(08:59):
There's a rental shortage rightnow, and expect like two to
three months.
And I was like, Oh, okay, likewhen it's meant to happen, it's
gonna happen.
And then literally, I think itwas five days we got a call and
they were like, Oh, you've beenaccepted.
And I was like, What?
And so I had to process ithappening so fast, and then
yeah, telling the kids and youknow, all that sort of stuff,
and then trying to pick theperfect time to move down so
(09:21):
they weren't the new kids.
So we did that over schoolholidays, so finding that
perfect time and that spot, andthen two of the kiddies went to
their dad's over the schoolholidays, and then me and my
older son drove down togetherwith my dog, and we literally
sold everything in the house,and then just me, him, and my
dog come down.
Trudie Marie (09:39):
Yeah, and I would that would have been my next
question anyway.
Going onto the tangent of realestate is not only then are you
having to move with the kids,but you've got to find a new
home.
And in the housing crisisaround Australia at the moment,
that's another feat in itself.
There are so many like littlethings that people would do one
of, and you're doing likemultiples of.
(09:59):
And then to make matters worse,with your son and yourself and
your dog, you had an accident onthe way down.
Obviously, you're okay, butthat must have been scary in
itself as well.
Dayelene Robinson (10:10):
Absolutely.
And I remember sitting on thelike because a sign fell off the
back of a truck and cut throughmy radiator.
And I remember seeing the signfall off.
We're in Seymour, and I justremember being like, it's not
gonna hit us.
And it didn't even like affectthe car, like we didn't feel the
bump.
It was just like a clean thingthrough it, and next minute
there was just smoke everywhere,and I'm oh my god, funds are
(10:30):
running low pretty much at thispoint because moving state to
state as a single mom, having toleave that behind and paying
rent here and there at the sametime was just hectic.
And then that happening, I wasjust like, Are you serious?
And then when we were pulledover on the side of the road, I
remember like just going to deepfear, just going, oh my god,
like I need my car, I need tostart work as soon as I get
back, all that sort of stuff.
(10:51):
I remember just sitting on theside of the road and I was like,
we can't change it.
It's already happened.
Like, let's just make the bestof it.
So, literally, me and my oldestson got out of the car, got a
picnic rug, and we literallyjust sat and watched the stars
and we were just cracking up.
We're like, of course it wouldhappen to us though.
And on the journey, we couldn'tfind, I know this is probably
illegal, and some people aregonna cringe.
Well, not illegal, but therewas no dog-friendly
(11:13):
accommodation.
It's very limited all the waydown the coast.
We had to sneak my dog intosome hotels during the night so
we could get rest and stuff likethat.
Because obviously, you can'tdrive four days straight down
there.
Um, and we could just not findbecause it was in school
holidays that we left, we couldnot find any accommodation that
were pet friendly.
So we had to sneak a littlepuppy in there.
It was just pure grit all theway down, and it was like that
(11:34):
all the way up during COVID aswell.
But the things that you do tochase your dreams and trust your
intuition is insane.
Trudie Marie (11:42):
And it's the memories that you create along
the way.
I mean, it's those things thatyou even your son will remember
later on.
Like, remember that road trip,mom, that we took together?
And you can't put a price onthat thing or that motivation.
Dayelene Robinson (11:55):
Yeah, we learned so much about each
other.
Like, and when you've beendriving for a long period of
time and you don't have anotheradult to swap, you start going a
little like delusional to keepyourself awake.
And I was very mindful ofneeding to rest and all that
sort of stuff, stopping andgetting out of the car, letting
the dog have a run, stuff likethat.
But there still is like youjust know you have this huge
feet, and then at the end of theroad, I don't have a house to
go into that's full offurniture, really.
(12:16):
So, like, I still am processingall that stuff and then
processing leaving that homebehind.
It was just a whole bigjourney.
Trudie Marie (12:24):
I can only begin to imagine.
I mean, I've moved multipletimes, and in talking to you
today, I'm about to do anothermove myself, and probably by the
time this podcast airs, I wouldhave already moved, but I know
that feeling, and it's just youcan either take that fear on and
be so anxious about it all, oryou can be just this is such an
(12:45):
adventure, like what's next?
Dayelene Robinson (12:46):
Yes, for sure, and it's a new beginning
as well.
Like, obviously, you have to,and we were talking about that
before I came on, like you haveto mourn that old kind of like
where you were and actuallyallow time to process, which I
didn't really have time toprocess moving back, like I
didn't have time to process whenI moved to LE, like through
that, we were homeless atcertain points during that move
(13:07):
up there because of the COVIDrestrictions and all that sort
of stuff, and having a dog aswell.
And my thing is I am notletting my dog go to a dog pound
and be looked after orwhatever.
So I had these set standards,and even moving back, I'm like,
this is what I'm gonna allow,and this is what I'm not gonna
allow, not wavering from that.
But the thing with both timesnow I have reflected coming back
(13:29):
is I'd never allowed myself toprocess what had just happened
in Airly as a single mom becauseyou have to just keep going.
And then I didn't process whenI came back, and everything just
got so heavy.
I literally fell into prettydark depression for a hot
minute, and I was like, I don'tsee a light right now.
And I'm like, I'm usuallyoptimistic, I'm usually
positive, I've usually gotenergy to move, you know, all
(13:50):
that.
And I was frozen, and I was atthat point, I should have just
allowed myself to rest for a fewweeks, but I didn't.
And then yeah, a job fellthrough, and then I had to be
like, all right, I've got torise, or else shit's gonna
crumble, I won't be able toafford rent, you know, all that
sort of stuff.
So then I started my cleaningbusiness, which I tried to
replicate from early to here,and it wasn't working out, and
(14:13):
the dynamics are so different.
So I just had to look at okay,well, where can I place myself?
And I've done that, and thankGod, because I have the mornings
for work into the afternoon, Iget to study in the afternoon
and be more present for my kids,pick them up from school, all
that sort of stuff, and thenwork towards my my next goal.
Trudie Marie (14:32):
So yeah, and finding new work.
I remember when I moved back toWA with my kids and I went for
a whole bunch of interviews andI said to my mum, I'm just gonna
have to take the first joboffer that comes at me because
as a single mother, you do haveto, it's not just about you,
it's about your children, it'sabout survival, and you just
have to be in that process ofwhat's next, how do I do this,
(14:54):
go with it?
And I remember, you know,within weeks of me starting that
new job, I could see it wasalready written in the stars
that this business was about tofold, and I'm now gonna have to
find another job, and but youjust go and do it.
It's kind of when you're inthat single mum life and that
single mum mode, you don't knowwhere you're going to go, you
(15:15):
just trust that the universe isgonna give you an answer.
Dayelene Robinson (15:18):
And it does.
And I feel like one of thethings as a single mum, we try
to hold on to the control of howit should be, or like I tried
to replicate the business downthe same business down here
because it was so successful upthere, and it just didn't work.
But then I'm like, but I wanteda regulated nervous system.
I didn't really have that asmuch up there because I was
working so much and I couldn'thave weekends offs because a lot
of the cleans I did high-endAirbnb, a lot of them would fall
(15:40):
on weekends that they needed tobe cleaned for a back-to-back.
And then I wasn't havingpresent time with the kids, and
I'd feel guilty and you know,all that stuff that comes as a
single mom, even just mums thataren't single.
But I I remember coming backdown here, and my intention was
to let the guards fall away, tojust get those shields of armor
off and allow help and you know,have a more regulated nervous
system and to have weekends andpresents with the kids.
(16:02):
And I wouldn't have been ableto do that if I replicated the
same business up there.
And I think as a single mom, wehave superpowers going, we
intuitively know, like you knewthat that business that you
started working for was gonnafold.
Like we just know.
I don't know, we havesuperpowers, honestly.
Trudie Marie (16:19):
I think single motherhood is a superpower in
itself, and you don't know whatyou're capable of until you go
through something like that,where you just have to, it's not
even just about surviving, butit's about just making sure that
everything is okay, and that'swhat we want, not just for
ourselves but our children aswell.
Dayelene Robinson (16:40):
Yeah, and systems, you've got to have
systems in place to haveeverything flow nicely.
Calendar has become my bestfriend since moving back here to
see where I have light space tospend more time with the kids
or to pour into myself or torest and you know, all that sort
of stuff.
And I didn't really do that inairly, I didn't really have
proper systems like that.
And now it's all just kind ofcoming together because I just
(17:03):
let go of control a little bit.
Trudie Marie (17:05):
Yeah, and inside of that audit, like you've
obviously just spoken abouthaving systems in place, but
what is what else has been someof your biggest, I suppose,
lessons?
Because this is a huge, bigmove to one, take your life from
south to north and then turnaround and bring it back.
Exactly what I did, but I waseast to west or west to east and
(17:26):
then back again.
So I totally relate to that.
But what have you found havebeen some of the biggest lessons
inside of that last three orfour years?
Dayelene Robinson (17:37):
The old ways don't open new doors, would be
my thing.
Because when I came back, Ithought my friends that I had
before, I was gonna come backand it was gonna be the same,
but I'm not the same human I waswhen I left.
And I was so riddled with fearand just even having the courage
to move states during thebiggest lockdown in the whole
world over two borders that youwere meant to be um vaccinated.
(17:59):
I know everyone has their cueson that, but intuitively as a
mum, I just knew the rightdecision for us was not to
vaccinate.
And I stood in my power withthat and bet all the odds.
And I still remember when wegot to the border, the army guy
from New South Wales orQueensland, which was the most
strictest border in Australia atthis point.
He was like, How did you dothis?
(18:19):
And I was like, I just stuck tomy value and I'm like, I'm
annoying.
When I want something, I'mgonna get it.
And I literally was sopersistent with the government.
Like, we didn't buy a house, wedidn't have a rental to go to
over the border, and all ofthose things you needed to tick
off.
And I'm just like, we're kindof protected, safe, and loved.
And we got over without arental, without a sale of a
house, without a business thatwe had purchased or anything.
(18:42):
And it just, yeah, it came downto feel great at the end of the
end of the day.
But like that's what I wassaying about old ways don't open
new doors, is because then allof that would change you as a
human, like the courage you hadto do, and then being up there
pretty much alone, away fromfamily and stuff.
You've only got yourself at theend of the day.
So then coming back again.
I was, I don't know, I startedgetting into old identities and
(19:05):
like just things like that andold habits, and then like
drinking all the time andwanting to go party.
And I'm just, yeah, I justcan't do it again.
That would be my biggest lessonis that, and just to have the
courage, even if you don't knowall the steps, I didn't know if
we would get a rental up inAirly Beach to live in a caravan
park for a while.
And then we ended up getting arental, and I just kept holding
(19:26):
faith.
Like, I'm like, something iscalling me here.
I'm meant to be here.
And my big reason now I reflecton Airly was a lot of the
healing I did was in Airly andthe people that I met to go on
my healing journey with EMDR andall that sort of stuff.
I was meant to be there forthat, and then to come back home
with that toolkit because thattoolkit is exactly what has
(19:47):
gotten me out of my slump that Iwas in when I came here.
It all just is like a fullcircle moment.
Trudie Marie (19:53):
I love that, and I love the way that you said that
old identities don't open newdoors because I think so many
people doesn't matter what ageyou are and what you've been
through, but people get stuckand are so resistant to change,
and it's inside that change youfind something new about
yourself in whatever way it is.
(20:14):
And yes, you can have friendsor family or acquaintances from
the past l version of you, butlike you said, when you go and
live somewhere else or you gothrough a separation or divorce,
which you obviously have likeme, that you you're not that
same person that you were inthose previous times.
And if you try to replicatethat like you did with your
(20:36):
business, yeah, it doesn't workbecause it's not the same, and
yet people s view you throughthe lens that you shouldn't have
changed.
Dayelene Robinson (20:46):
Absolutely, yeah, and but internally you
know I know that I have changedas a person.
Yeah, I may slip it back intoold habits sometimes, you know,
all that sort of stuff.
But I know my body knows and mybrain because when I reflect
and I journal or when I reflect,I'm like, fuck, I'm not meant
to be here.
I'm not meant to be doing this.
And like just trusting thatinner guidance and not
(21:06):
suppressing it because whenyou're hanging out with people
that are an old version of you,you're gonna then start acting
like that.
But I feel like internally youjust have this congruence, I
guess, inside of you that you'renot living in alignment with
your values and the life thatyou want.
So yeah, just using that as anexample and also the business,
me trying to replicate somethingthat worked in early, but not
(21:27):
in the way that I want to feelnow.
And I was pushing so hard forthat, but it wasn't meant to
happen.
And I knew that internally.
Trudie Marie (21:34):
So yeah, it's a valuable lesson to for anyone to
kind of take on that we areconstantly moving parts, we are
not one way for the whole oftheir our lives.
Like I know just turning 50that I am not the same person I
was when I was 20 or 30 or 40,and that in 10 years' time I'm
not going to be the same either.
(21:55):
But somewhere along the line,society has this opinion or this
impression that we should justbe the same person, but older.
Dayelene Robinson (22:04):
Yeah, I know, fuck that.
Trudie Marie (22:07):
And it's it's like we're not the same.
Dayelene Robinson (22:10):
Yeah, we are not the same, no.
And we get to choose, like ifyou want to be like create a new
identity or be a new human, youliterally can create that.
And if you want to move, youget to move.
You don't, you're not stucksomewhere, like we're not trees.
And I guess sometimes it's alittle bit harder for others to
move than others, but I don'tknow.
I just know when you have thatpool, it's not gonna, it's not
(22:32):
gonna go away until you do it.
So you might as well do it ifit's a safe choice for you and
if it's you know in alignmentwith your values and stuff, do
it.
We only live once, right?
There's that saying YOLO.
Trudie Marie (22:43):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
We get this one lifetime to dowhatever, and you don't want to
live with regrets.
That's probably the one thingI'm very conscious of is I want
to say that no, I wasn't tooscared to do that, or I didn't
have the courage or bravery todo that, but I went and did it
anyway.
Dayelene Robinson (23:00):
Amen.
And we have little humans thatare watching us, or you have
adult, well, adult little humansas well, but we have humans
that are watching us and beinglike, well, if mum could do
that, then I could do thingstoo.
And putting fear in thepassenger seat.
My kids have seen me break intoa million people, like a
million pieces as a single mum.
Like I didn't hide that, butthey've seen me break and then
just keep rising and then breakagain and rise again and break
(23:22):
again and rise again.
And like I'm teaching themthings that I learned on the way
and think practices and toolsthat I learn as well.
So there's something ineverything, and like we always
make it out.
I was gonna say alive, but wealways make it out the other
end.
Trudie Marie (23:35):
Yeah, and inside of that too, as you said, you've
got your children watching whatyou do and you're leading by
example.
How difficult has that beeninside of those two big moves?
From like you've gone from thethe southern end to the northern
end and back again of thecountry.
How has that been not just foryou, I suppose, but the kids as
(23:56):
well?
Like it's a massive thing todo.
Yeah, like people talk aboutmoving house in the same town or
the same street or whatever,but to do a big, massive move
like that, it it takessomething.
Dayelene Robinson (24:09):
Yeah, well, I didn't even know that I would
have the courage to get over theborder from Victoria to New
South Wales.
So my kids thought we weregoing on a holiday at first.
When we got to Newcastle, ahouse fell through.
Like every time things have,you know, things happened.
So we had so much uncertainty.
We've had behavioral things,like my kids have had to be in
therapy at times, and we'restill just kind of finding our
(24:30):
way.
But that's also the ebbs andflows of life, anyway.
A lot of kids will still needexternal help outside the
family, and we're not afraid toadmit that we have had to use
that as well.
But yeah, we've had behavioralthings like emotional things,
them being away from their dadin a different state has brought
up emotions, you know, all ofthat sort of stuff.
Yeah, they've had to deal witha bit, but also has built
resilience in them as well.
(24:51):
And also, there's so manypeople that do move states and
move countries and stuff likethat.
I I thought, oh, maybe this isnot the right decision because
moving them away, but it wasmore of a safety thing at first,
and then it became a choicewhen we moved back.
So yeah, it was almost like wehave to move.
And then when we got to comeback, that was a choice because
everything was fine up there.
(25:12):
I had my business, you know, wehad a home when we were moved,
like moving up.
I was actually in DVaccommodation.
So we had still been um feelingthe effects of after having a
domestic violent relationship.
So yeah, it got quite bad atsome point.
So we've just had to kind ofwork through it all together as
a family.
Trudie Marie (25:31):
And just going on that, like moving is one thing,
and as you said, moving becauseof a need, and when that need is
because of domestic violence,that's a whole other issue to
contend with.
And so many people say stuck inthe fear of uh not wanting to
leave because of whatrepercussions could have from
(25:53):
leaving.
So if you don't mind sharing,uh what was that actually like
for you?
Because it takes courage toactually leave that relationship
for good.
Dayelene Robinson (26:06):
So this was years after um we were still
having the effects of, I'm notgonna go into too much detail,
but we're still having theeffects of a relationship
breakdown from years ago.
So there's a little bit ofstalking involved and stuff like
that.
So and then COVID washappening, and then we couldn't
find a rental, you know, it wasinsane.
So we ended up being homelessfor a hot second and living with
(26:26):
friends.
There was even times I had tocamp with my kids and they
thought we were just camping,you know, until we found crisis
accommodation.
But going back to leaving theDV relationship, which was a few
years before we actually leftVictoria, that was like I had no
friends left.
I had like one really goodfriend, and still to this day
(26:46):
we're really great friends.
And I remember her just sayingto me, What's going on?
Because like you don't smilelike you used to.
Like, so people were noticing,and I still have conversations
now with like school mums fromback then.
They're like, I knew somethingwas going on, but I just
couldn't put my finger on it.
And that was just hiding, youknow, the the shit that we're
going through at home with thekids.
So leaving the relationship wasa huge process.
(27:10):
I used to like practice in themirror breaking up with him.
And sometimes I thought thatlike it started getting to a
point where I thought this wasjust gonna be my life.
And seeing my mom go throughdomestic violence as well, I
kind of thought it was kind of anormal thing.
But then also having that in myhead and knowing what I felt
like as a child, I was like, Idon't want my kids to feel like
(27:30):
they're walking on eggshellsevery single day like I did.
So it had to kind of get to apoint.
I got a psychologist and westarted making a safety plan.
And he thought I was just goingfor early childhood stuff, but
it was actually to build myconfidence enough to get away.
But I do know statistics arethe date and the most dangerous
time for a woman is when sheleaves a domestic violent
(27:51):
relationship.
And I still had to live withhim for like six months.
He wouldn't get out of myhouse, and then well, it was our
house at the time, but hewasn't working and stuff like
that.
And then I had to reach out tothe court to get an interim
order, and they refused it untilhe could show up for himself
because they didn't want tobreak the family home.
And then um, yeah, it just gotto a point where it was like,
you have to move out or I haveto move out, and then it ended.
(28:13):
But the the things after itdidn't end, the emotional stuff,
all that sort of stuff, andthat's where I kind of turned to
alcohol as a code mechanism,which I never had had before.
So, like when I was like 24,25, I turned to alcohol, kind of
had a dependence on alcohol tokind of numb out the anxiety and
like the P or CPTSD I ended uplike acquiring over the years.
(28:35):
So I just think if you aregoing through DV right now and
you're listening, or youobviously have been through it
and you have left, I'm just likeget support.
Most of the time you're soisolated and you're starting to
think this is your normal, butit's not normal.
And the healing process afterit is insane.
Like it's yeah, you definitelyneed to get professional support
(28:57):
in place, which I didn't end updoing, and that's why I think I
had the coping mechanism ofalcohol after leaving.
But then when I got to Airly, II actually felt safe.
So I was able to heal a lotdeeper and learn the tools, and
then even since then, I'vefallen back into drinking
alcohol, using it as a way tocope.
But then having therapy alongthe way, which has helped me
(29:19):
acquire this huge toolkit, whichI was able to lean on when I
got home and just pull myselfout a little bit sooner.
Trudie Marie (29:25):
No, I can totally relate as a police officer.
I have seen so much of it in mycareer.
Dayelene Robinson (29:33):
Yeah, and it happened to men as well.
I want to touch on that.
Like men can, you know, it canhappen to men too, like the
women.
Trudie Marie (29:41):
Oh, both sides.
And one of the things that'scoming out more and more within
domestic violent behaviour isthe coercive manipulative
control.
And that's the one thing that Isuppose is the hidden sort of
monster inside of all of that,because when people think of
domestic violence, they oftenthink Of the physical nature,
(30:01):
and they think of the what tocause that could it be drugs or
alcohol or whatever that causesthat rage to then lead to that
violence, but it's actually thesilent, manipulative, coercive
control that has you even morefrightened of what the
repercussions would be, whichwould often lead to the physical
(30:23):
if you were to mess up.
And that's where so many womenget stuck inside of that
relationship.
And I'm not sure if that's thecase for you particularly, but
it's so hard to break free of acycle that you are so fearful of
the repercussions after.
Dayelene Robinson (30:40):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Because there's always littlesub little messages I'll put in
and like you know, into yourhead, no one's gonna love you,
or you know, things like that.
Who's gonna want a single momor things like there were so
many?
And like I have done, I guesswhere we can communicate for the
kids now, and that's great.
And he lives, you know, a whileaway, which is great too.
It's uh it's just it's a deit's definitely a journey, and
(31:01):
still things pop up throughoutour journey of parenthood and
having to communicate about thekids and stuff.
I get fearful still sometimesabout things if I ask for too
much, or you know, if we'reneeding doctor's appointments,
I'm like, oh fuck, he's gonnayell at me, or he's gonna not
have the kids on schoolholidays, or you know, things
like that.
There's still that in the backof your head.
It's hard when you're in a likeDV relationship separating and
(31:23):
you still have to connect forthe kids.
We actually had one year wherethere was a complete no no
contact order, which allowed usto move to Early Beach.
A lot of people don't get that,so they still have to remain in
similar suburbs to each otherand stuff.
And that within itself wouldfeel like hell on earth.
(31:44):
Support network is definitely ahuge thing.
Trudie Marie (31:47):
Yeah, and I love the fact that you've brought up
about the support because itsounds like you've been through
this domestic violencerelationship, you've had to move
on your own to feel safe,you've had to do a lot of
healing inside of that, alongwith your children, because your
children have been exposed tothat and then a move, and then
now coming home and dealing withall of that in a whole other
(32:10):
different way.
Because, like you said, so manylevels have changed, but then
so many are still consistentthat you have to have and you
can't do that on your own.
You do need support, whetherthat's friends and family or
whether that's professionalhelp.
It's not like there's nonothing to be gained from being
the hero in your own journey oftrying to do it all on your own.
(32:32):
I know I couldn't have done myown healing journey without
professional support.
Dayelene Robinson (32:38):
Yeah, and like I haven't been a perfect
parent.
Like, I've had to heal and failand like do things wrong,
mistakes, you know, there's beenalcohol that comes into it, and
like trying to distract myselfoutside of myself because it
hurts so much to heal.
And then like there's just beenstages where I'll go to therapy
for nine months and like reallygo deep and then I'll like fail
(32:59):
again.
So I'm I'm like therepresentation of someone that
will fail and just keep gettingback up.
Fail how many times I'm gonna,I'm just gonna keep getting back
up no matter how many times.
And it can be somewhatself-inflicted in so many ways,
like reaching for alcohol.
But when your nervous systemhas been so unsafe your whole
life, when things are likepeaceful, you're like, oh my
(33:19):
god, something's gonna go wrong.
You look for the chaos almost.
So I wanted to just speak intothat as well because no matter
how many times you fall, um,especially if you've had a
traumatic background sinceyou've been born, pretty much,
like humble beginnings, you canjust keep getting back up.
Just feed your mind withthings.
My family isn't really intopersonal development and stuff,
but I remember going to oneevent that opened up my eyes for
(33:42):
personal development.
And I was like, holy shit,there's a whole world outside of
this.
And then just little thingslike that, like listening to
audiobooks and podcasts andhaving professional help as
well.
Like your family can do somuch, but having professionals
on your side as well, I knowthere's lots of free services
out there that can help as well,that are able to teach you the
tools to get through the reallyhard times, is where you're just
(34:05):
going to keep anchoring intoyourself and rising quicker and
quicker and quicker.
Trudie Marie (34:09):
Yeah, and I think um, and I say this all the time,
and I mention it to so manypeople, and you talked about it
with the the failing and therising again.
Is it life is a roller coaster?
And if you don't refer to it asa roller coaster, look at the
heartbeat.
It has peaks and troughs.
There is no flatline.
When you flatline, you're gone.
(34:29):
And it's being able to ridethat roller coaster and ride
those peaks and troughs becausewe're not perfect, we're humans,
we are in we're not infallible,like we will mess up.
But it's like you said, you caneither stay in that downward
spiral, which will ultimatelylead to one kind of flatline, or
you can keep riding the ebb andflow of life, and just like you
(34:54):
said, you pick yourself upquicker or you get through it
quicker, or you find a newtoolkit, uh new tool to add to
your toolkit so that you canactually move forward in in
whatever you've got planned forthe future.
Dayelene Robinson (35:08):
Amen.
Amen.
And it's just a consciouschoice.
Like, you know, in your bodywhen you get that low, you're
like, fuck, how am I gonna getup?
And like what I did, especiallythree weeks ago, I had this
other aha, like, screw this, I'msick of feeling like shit, sick
of like eating crap.
I'm sick of not moving my body,I'm sick of like having this
negative mindset because deepdown I am quite optimistic and
(35:28):
positive.
I was like, okay, what's onething I can do today?
And that was moving my body for10 minutes, just taking my dog
for a quick walk around thecreek.
I'm like, oh, this feels good.
And then it's like, what elsecan I do?
And what else can I do?
And then just slowly over time,all those small actionable
steps will literally lead you toa pretty much a new identity.
So doing things that light youup and looking back in your
life, going, when did I feelreally good?
(35:49):
What was I doing?
And then do that.
It might not look exactly thesame, but like generally moving
your body and eating healthierand surrounding yourself with
hap, like happier, healthierpeople with good habits can
change your life.
Three simple things.
Trudie Marie (36:04):
Yeah, a hundred percent totally agree.
And the other one I will add tothat is finding something that
you're passionate about orlights you up, whether it's a
hobby or something you're into,but if that can actually help
remove you, like I know you saidthat often in the dark days,
it's the alcohol is thesoothing.
But if you can pull instead ofthe alcohol something good,
(36:25):
whether it's a sport that youplay or a hobby that you do or
something creative that you do,yeah, that you reach for that
instead, it's such a betterbalance in your life.
Dayelene Robinson (36:36):
And you're gonna come home feeling good.
Yeah, like I really want to getinto dancing.
I don't know why, like HillsDancing is calling me and
there's a studio not far.
And I used to dance when I wasyounger, and I'm like, I used to
love dancing, and I used tolove doing my makeup like really
nice and pitting my hair back.
And I'm gonna start doing thatagain.
So, like pushing yourself outof your comfort zone as well
builds confidence too.
Trudie Marie (36:56):
100% agree.
Like, I I love that it's likethat that you can actually find
a light at the end of the tunnelor a light in the dark.
Dayelene Robinson (37:06):
Yeah, and you'll find people along the
journey that are similar to youon similar journeys that you can
just link arms with becausewe're all just leading each
other home at the end of theday.
Trudie Marie (37:14):
Totally true.
And it's amazing where thosepeople come from.
They often come from where youleast expect them.
You just have to be willing toopen that door when it's offered
to you.
Because sometimes I think wecan slam doors shut before we
can even welcome what's on theother side.
Dayelene Robinson (37:33):
Especially if you have been through trauma.
You mean I'm speaking aboutmyself, you can go into a sense
of isolation because you'relike, I'm safe here, no one can
hurt me, and you can isolateyourself.
But like we are wide forconnection and we've got to open
our heart.
But that's where I'm sayinglike professional help with that
sort of stuff is definitelyneeded because yeah, then you
can unpack that in like aprofessional space to be more
(37:54):
open and to trust again becausethere's a lot of people in the
world that actually don't wethey don't think like us, people
that have been through traumaand stuff like that.
They don't have we all havesurvival mechanisms, but not
through the lens that weactually view the world.
A funny example is well, itwasn't funny, but an example of
this, funny to me because I'mlike, holy shit, it was a big
aha moment in my life realizinghow much I'd been through.
(38:16):
So my partner at the time inAirly Beach, um, he was a night,
he was a great man, um, a verysafe man.
We were camping actually inTownsville, and I remember, all
right, safety precautions, likeliterally giving this guy a
lowdown of what we do if shitgoes down south.
Because I work from worst casescenario backwards, and I'm
like, had a knife in my swagbecause we're in the middle of
nowhere.
(38:36):
I'm like, someone might comeand get us.
I'm like, padlock the swag, allright.
If anything is to happen, wehit anything, we get straight in
the car and we leave, we leaveeverything here.
I don't care about stuff.
And he was like, Daily, like,no one's gonna hurt us.
And I'm like, what do you mean?
Like, no one's coming to hurtus.
And I'm like, I was justlooking at him like, you're
being a dickhead.
And then he's like, 90% of theworld are actually safe humans.
(38:57):
And I was like, wow.
And he's like, we don't allthink like you do, and I was
like, Whoa.
I remember just like looking athim being like, you're not
keeping me safe, but also hedoesn't think like I do.
Trudie Marie (39:07):
So that's a big uh-it's so true because, and as
somebody who has also beendiagnosed with CPTSD, our lens
what we look through in life is,and it's you mentioned it
before too, about where wheneverything is going good, you're
looking for the trauma or thechaos because that's what you're
used to, that's what yournervous system is is used to,
(39:29):
and we self-sabotage our ownlives and our own happiness and
stuff because we're looking forthat opposite, but you do, you
walk into you are that's thatsituational awareness of being
ready for the worst, but hopingfor the best, but then you don't
even actually realize thatyou're not even hoping for the
best because that's whateverybody else is doing.
(39:51):
The worst is at the top of thelist, and it's such a until you
have that actual realization andyou can be in that moment and
go, right, this is an area of mylife I have to heal.
You don't even know that's howyou operate until it's reflected
back to you.
Dayelene Robinson (40:09):
Yeah, and then like because I was
challenging on him on it, andhe's quite logical, and I'm very
emotional.
And he was like, Come on, like,and I was like, dude, like
you're gonna think like I amsoon, surely.
And he held his ground and hewas like, No, not the whole the
whole world isn't out to getyou, sort of thing.
And I was like, dude, wherehave you been living?
Yeah, it wasn't until thatmoment I remember because I was
(40:30):
in deep therapy then.
I remember going back to mytherapist on the weekend.
I'm like, Guess what happenedon the weekend?
And she's like, Yeah, it's justthe way that you're viewing,
and because of the things thatyou've been through, and we work
through that a little bit.
So I kind of try to not thinklike that, but still as a single
mom, it's a little we've got tobe man and woman in the house
as well.
So that's a little hard.
Trudie Marie (40:50):
Oh, yeah, that's finding those feminine and
masculine energies on differentdays of the week and with
different children is always aninteresting challenge.
But you did mention before,inside of all of this, you were
allowing time for study and thatyou were obviously up to
something.
So what's next for you now thatyou've moved back home?
Dayelene Robinson (41:09):
Um, so I am about to be finished my dual
qualification in a body and mindpractitioner.
So yeah, working with the mindand the body connection and
everything like that, which isso exciting.
I'm already a trauma-informedcoach and NLP practitioner,
which I did during COVID, get mybrain off the lockdowns, but I
have never really stood into thearena.
Like I've had the podcast andlike I kind of coach people,
(41:30):
like my friends and you know,clients that I clean the house.
I like give them tasks eachweek to read books and you know,
coach them through a lot ofthings.
So I kind of do it withoutbeing actually a coach, if that
makes sense.
So that's where I'm going on tonext.
And just in the process of alsoa community event here in
Geelong, still in the like thetalks with the council, um, but
(41:51):
I'm wanting to bring breath workconnection and meditation on
maybe a Saturday at this point,just penciled in.
So I'll launch that when itcomes where I'm off to next.
Trudie Marie (42:00):
That's so exciting that you can use whatever
there's happened in your lifeand all the lessons you've
learned now impart that on likethat wisdom on to others.
And that event that you weretalking about, you mentioned
before recording that you wantedthis to be a free event in the
community.
Dayelene Robinson (42:19):
Yes, because I know um people that sometimes
are navigating really big glassthings don't have a lot of money
and stuff, and we need toconnect with other humans in
order to rise.
So that will be part of thename, just a little cue there,
like connecting with otherhumans and learning those tools
in an environment that'soutdoors in nature with other
people on similar journeys.
That's why there's no cost, andit's just yeah, bring positive
(42:41):
vibes or even not just bringyourself and we'll have a cuddle
and have a chat and yeah, justconnect.
Trudie Marie (42:47):
I love that idea, especially as a free community
event, because yeah, so manypeople want to charge through
the roof for having theseopportunities or opening your
eye to these things, and youknow, if we can do it as a
helping hand for other people, Ijust I love that idea.
And I love to your story todaythat has highlighted that you
(43:09):
don't necessarily have to havesome big one single traumatic
event to change your lifetrajectory.
There are so many little thingsin our lives that impact us in
certain ways, and until we stopand reflect and look at those
things, then we can't moveforward in a way that actually
(43:30):
aligns with who we are becauseso many people out there think
that oh, it's got to be this onebig moment that changed your
life.
And I mean, don't get me wrong,moving across states and
borders and stuff is a bigthing, but inside of life, it's
not that big of a deal.
People do it on the daily.
Dayelene Robinson (43:49):
Yeah, absolutely, for sure.
It's actually funny that yousaid um about lending your hand
out to someone else.
I've literally wrote this quotedown from a book I'm reading
today.
Um, and it's as you grow older,you'll discover that you have
two hands.
One is for helping yourself andthe other is for helping
others.
And in this is like puttingyour own oxygen mask on,
ensuring that you're uh you'resafe and your kids are safe, and
(44:09):
then you can pour from theoverflow.
Trudie Marie (44:12):
I love that.
Such a beautiful way to kind ofor something to reflect on
towards the end of the show.
I want to say thank you so muchfor coming back to connect
again and and share your storybecause it is a big journey
inside of everything that you'vegone through in the last six
months and the last few years,but just helping others know
(44:33):
that they're not alone ifthey're on a similar
circumstance.
So thank you for being part ofthe show.
Dayelene Robinson (44:39):
My pleasure.
Thank you for having me.
Trudie Marie (44:42):
You're most welcome.
And I always finish the show byasking what is the one thing
you are most grateful for today?
Dayelene Robinson (44:49):
Just connecting on here and being
able to use my voice because forso long I didn't have a voice
in a relationship where I wasshut down.
So being able to have a voiceand use that to empower other
people is a blessing.
So thank you for theopportunity.
Trudie Marie (45:03):
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journey together.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Everyday Warriors Podcast.
And today my guest is fromMelbourne.
We met through an onlinecommunity, and I was a guest on
her podcast many moons ago, itseems like now, and she's now
(03:48):
reciprocating the favour for me.
So welcome, Daileen.
Dayelene Robinson (03:52):
Hello, your beautiful humans.
It's so good to be on here andit's so good to connect again.
Trudie Marie (03:57):
Yes, it is very good to connect again, and I'm
so glad that we were able to dothis.
So it has been a very, verybusy, probably first half of
this year for you.
What's been going on?
Dayelene Robinson (04:09):
It's been a wild time over here, that's for
sure.
But like really coming in andfinding my feet right now.
But I decided um during COVID,I moved my family to Airly
Beach.
The first stop was actuallymeant to be Newcastle, but then
we decided that we would moveover the border from New South
Wales to Queensland.
Um and we lived there for abouttwo and a half, three years,
like since we left the travel upand then you know back was
(04:33):
about three years, and thendecided to come back to my
hometown, which brought all ofthe old identities up and all
the things and life.
Like we had a car accident onthe way home, like everything
just went to pretty much ashes.
Um, I can't like I was sayingbefore I got onto the podcast,
it was like I had to rise fromthe ashes again, like a phoenix.
And my I did have a podcast andthat ended as well.
(04:56):
And then I had a job that fellthrough, all of the rest of it.
So I had to pretty much justlike look at my life and be
like, okay, where do I want tobe in like 12 months' time and
how do I want to feel right now?
And how is like something gonnawork for my family and the
schedule and stuff?
So I had to just have like ahuge, massive audit of my whole
entire life and just looking atthings that weren't working
(05:16):
before, that were working now.
And I think one of my mainstruggles was I'm I was trying
to replicate my life up in AirlyBeach, but just bring it back
down here, and that just wasn'tworking as a completely
different dynamic where I'mliving now to where I was in
Airly.
If you know Airly Beach, thenyou would know it's quite a
transit town and it's a holidaymaker town, backpacker town, and
you know, everything's justalways on there.
(05:38):
Whereas down here it's a littlebit more like a lot of people
haven't left this town, theystill live here from like
childhood and stuff like that.
So completely differentdynamics.
So I was just trying to bringthat down here, and the universe
was like, nah, we're not doingthat.
So that's where I've kind ofbeen and just finding my feet
right now, which is really good.
Trudie Marie (05:56):
And there's a lot to unpack in that.
Like, let me just start withthe whole dynamics of the the
weather to start with.
Like you're going frombeautiful, sunny Queensland.
I have lived up, I didn't livein Airly Beach, but I lived in
Prosopine, which is theneighbouring town just off the
coast.
I spent a whole summer there.
I love the weather there, andnow you've gone back down to
(06:17):
like Victoria, where it's allseasons in one day, pretty much.
Like, how has the adjustmentbeen just even in with the
weather?
Dayelene Robinson (06:23):
Oh, like at first I was like, What we
actually got this littlebeautiful break at just before
winter hit, and I was like, ohmy god, this is so nice.
And then winter hit, and I waslike, What have we done?
Like, I'm just it is so cold.
We didn't even have winterclothes, like up there, yeah,
it's literally cold for like oneor two weeks of the year, and
everyone gets out their jumpersand is over-exaggerating, but
(06:44):
it's still like 22 degrees.
Here it's below 10.
It's just crazy.
So dealing with weather's beenfine besides that two months of
winter, and now it's coming intospring.
I'm like, this is what I movedhome for.
The season changes, the smellsin the air, like it's so nice
having the seasons.
It's beautiful now, but it'sbeen crazy, and I'm so pale.
(07:06):
I'm so pale.
Trudie Marie (07:08):
Get the fake channel out, girl.
I know, I'm not and then yousaid, like, obviously, that
moving back, you're a single mumof three practically teenagers
moving back.
How is that whole ordeal?
Because that in itself, ifyou've got another parent there
helping you, but to do it all onyour own, and then you're
(07:29):
having to adjust everything withyour children, like there is so
much to do inside of thatalone.
Dayelene Robinson (07:35):
Oh, amen.
Well, at first they hadresistance because obviously
they built beautiful friendshipsup there and had built a life
and a little community up there.
But yeah, that's been atransition with schools and
different dynamics.
Like the school system here iscompletely different to up far
north Queensland.
They are so laid back up there,whereas down here they're it's
the education state Victoria is.
(07:56):
So it's been a transition,that's for sure.
They're only kind of justfinding their feet now, and
we've had to, you know, find newGPs and all that sort of stuff.
It's been uh pretty much like ashit show.
But we've gone through thetrenches and we're just finding
our feet now.
But it was so difficult.
But I don't know, I just hadthis inner knowing that Airly
wasn't for us anymore.
(08:16):
And I'd I'd been pondering onthe idea for a while, and I just
didn't have the courage becausethe move, like moving during
COVID, literally was so crazy.
And we wanted to remain in oursovereignty as well, crossing
borders, and we wanted to comewith our dog.
And I had, you know, the bareessentials of if we are to move
over the border during COVIDwith the restrictions, what I
wanted and what I wouldn'taccept.
(08:38):
So I had that kind of in theback of my head how hard it was
moving.
But we got this how I rememberjust like screw it.
I'm just gonna apply for somerentals.
And if we get one, then we'remeant to move back home.
And then some of the realestate agents were even like,
I'm just going on a tangent now.
I've gone from kids to rental,but it's just how it flows.
I remember the real estateswere like, Oh, like, good luck.
(08:59):
There's a rental shortage rightnow, and expect like two to
three months.
And I was like, Oh, okay, likewhen it's meant to happen, it's
gonna happen.
And then literally, I think itwas five days we got a call and
they were like, Oh, you've beenaccepted.
And I was like, What?
And so I had to process ithappening so fast, and then
yeah, telling the kids and youknow, all that sort of stuff,
and then trying to pick theperfect time to move down so
(09:21):
they weren't the new kids.
So we did that over schoolholidays, so finding that
perfect time and that spot, andthen two of the kiddies went to
their dad's over the schoolholidays, and then me and my
older son drove down togetherwith my dog, and we literally
sold everything in the house,and then just me, him, and my
dog come down.
Trudie Marie (09:39):
Yeah, and I would that would have been my next
question anyway.
Going onto the tangent of realestate is not only then are you
having to move with the kids,but you've got to find a new
home.
And in the housing crisisaround Australia at the moment,
that's another feat in itself.
There are so many like littlethings that people would do one
of, and you're doing likemultiples of.
(09:59):
And then to make matters worse,with your son and yourself and
your dog, you had an accident onthe way down.
Obviously, you're okay, butthat must have been scary in
itself as well.
Dayelene Robinson (10:10):
Absolutely.
And I remember sitting on thelike because a sign fell off the
back of a truck and cut throughmy radiator.
And I remember seeing the signfall off.
We're in Seymour, and I justremember being like, it's not
gonna hit us.
And it didn't even like affectthe car, like we didn't feel the
bump.
It was just like a clean thingthrough it, and next minute
there was just smoke everywhere,and I'm oh my god, funds are
(10:30):
running low pretty much at thispoint because moving state to
state as a single mom, having toleave that behind and paying
rent here and there at the sametime was just hectic.
And then that happening, I wasjust like, Are you serious?
And then when we were pulledover on the side of the road, I
remember like just going to deepfear, just going, oh my god,
like I need my car, I need tostart work as soon as I get
back, all that sort of stuff.
(10:51):
I remember just sitting on theside of the road and I was like,
we can't change it.
It's already happened.
Like, let's just make the bestof it.
So, literally, me and my oldestson got out of the car, got a
picnic rug, and we literallyjust sat and watched the stars
and we were just cracking up.
We're like, of course it wouldhappen to us though.
And on the journey, we couldn'tfind, I know this is probably
illegal, and some people aregonna cringe.
Well, not illegal, but therewas no dog-friendly
(11:13):
accommodation.
It's very limited all the waydown the coast.
We had to sneak my dog intosome hotels during the night so
we could get rest and stuff likethat.
Because obviously, you can'tdrive four days straight down
there.
Um, and we could just not findbecause it was in school
holidays that we left, we couldnot find any accommodation that
were pet friendly.
So we had to sneak a littlepuppy in there.
It was just pure grit all theway down, and it was like that
(11:34):
all the way up during COVID aswell.
But the things that you do tochase your dreams and trust your
intuition is insane.
Trudie Marie (11:42):
And it's the memories that you create along
the way.
I mean, it's those things thatyou even your son will remember
later on.
Like, remember that road trip,mom, that we took together?
And you can't put a price onthat thing or that motivation.
Dayelene Robinson (11:55):
Yeah, we learned so much about each
other.
Like, and when you've beendriving for a long period of
time and you don't have anotheradult to swap, you start going a
little like delusional to keepyourself awake.
And I was very mindful ofneeding to rest and all that
sort of stuff, stopping andgetting out of the car, letting
the dog have a run, stuff likethat.
But there still is like youjust know you have this huge
feet, and then at the end of theroad, I don't have a house to
go into that's full offurniture, really.
(12:16):
So, like, I still am processingall that stuff and then
processing leaving that homebehind.
It was just a whole bigjourney.
Trudie Marie (12:24):
I can only begin to imagine.
I mean, I've moved multipletimes, and in talking to you
today, I'm about to do anothermove myself, and probably by the
time this podcast airs, I wouldhave already moved, but I know
that feeling, and it's just youcan either take that fear on and
be so anxious about it all, oryou can be just this is such an
(12:45):
adventure, like what's next?
Dayelene Robinson (12:46):
Yes, for sure, and it's a new beginning
as well.
Like, obviously, you have to,and we were talking about that
before I came on, like you haveto mourn that old kind of like
where you were and actuallyallow time to process, which I
didn't really have time toprocess moving back, like I
didn't have time to process whenI moved to LE, like through
that, we were homeless atcertain points during that move
(13:07):
up there because of the COVIDrestrictions and all that sort
of stuff, and having a dog aswell.
And my thing is I am notletting my dog go to a dog pound
and be looked after orwhatever.
So I had these set standards,and even moving back, I'm like,
this is what I'm gonna allow,and this is what I'm not gonna
allow, not wavering from that.
But the thing with both timesnow I have reflected coming back
(13:29):
is I'd never allowed myself toprocess what had just happened
in Airly as a single mom becauseyou have to just keep going.
And then I didn't process whenI came back, and everything just
got so heavy.
I literally fell into prettydark depression for a hot
minute, and I was like, I don'tsee a light right now.
And I'm like, I'm usuallyoptimistic, I'm usually
positive, I've usually gotenergy to move, you know, all
(13:50):
that.
And I was frozen, and I was atthat point, I should have just
allowed myself to rest for a fewweeks, but I didn't.
And then yeah, a job fellthrough, and then I had to be
like, all right, I've got torise, or else shit's gonna
crumble, I won't be able toafford rent, you know, all that
sort of stuff.
So then I started my cleaningbusiness, which I tried to
replicate from early to here,and it wasn't working out, and
(14:13):
the dynamics are so different.
So I just had to look at okay,well, where can I place myself?
And I've done that, and thankGod, because I have the mornings
for work into the afternoon, Iget to study in the afternoon
and be more present for my kids,pick them up from school, all
that sort of stuff, and thenwork towards my my next goal.
Trudie Marie (14:32):
So yeah, and finding new work.
I remember when I moved back toWA with my kids and I went for
a whole bunch of interviews andI said to my mum, I'm just gonna
have to take the first joboffer that comes at me because
as a single mother, you do haveto, it's not just about you,
it's about your children, it'sabout survival, and you just
have to be in that process ofwhat's next, how do I do this,
(14:54):
go with it?
And I remember, you know,within weeks of me starting that
new job, I could see it wasalready written in the stars
that this business was about tofold, and I'm now gonna have to
find another job, and but youjust go and do it.
It's kind of when you're inthat single mum life and that
single mum mode, you don't knowwhere you're going to go, you
(15:15):
just trust that the universe isgonna give you an answer.
Dayelene Robinson (15:18):
And it does.
And I feel like one of thethings as a single mum, we try
to hold on to the control of howit should be, or like I tried
to replicate the business downthe same business down here
because it was so successful upthere, and it just didn't work.
But then I'm like, but I wanteda regulated nervous system.
I didn't really have that asmuch up there because I was
working so much and I couldn'thave weekends offs because a lot
of the cleans I did high-endAirbnb, a lot of them would fall
(15:40):
on weekends that they needed tobe cleaned for a back-to-back.
And then I wasn't havingpresent time with the kids, and
I'd feel guilty and you know,all that stuff that comes as a
single mom, even just mums thataren't single.
But I I remember coming backdown here, and my intention was
to let the guards fall away, tojust get those shields of armor
off and allow help and you know,have a more regulated nervous
system and to have weekends andpresents with the kids.
(16:02):
And I wouldn't have been ableto do that if I replicated the
same business up there.
And I think as a single mom, wehave superpowers going, we
intuitively know, like you knewthat that business that you
started working for was gonnafold.
Like we just know.
I don't know, we havesuperpowers, honestly.
Trudie Marie (16:19):
I think single motherhood is a superpower in
itself, and you don't know whatyou're capable of until you go
through something like that,where you just have to, it's not
even just about surviving, butit's about just making sure that
everything is okay, and that'swhat we want, not just for
ourselves but our children aswell.
Dayelene Robinson (16:40):
Yeah, and systems, you've got to have
systems in place to haveeverything flow nicely.
Calendar has become my bestfriend since moving back here to
see where I have light space tospend more time with the kids
or to pour into myself or torest and you know, all that sort
of stuff.
And I didn't really do that inairly, I didn't really have
proper systems like that.
And now it's all just kind ofcoming together because I just
(17:03):
let go of control a little bit.
Trudie Marie (17:05):
Yeah, and inside of that audit, like you've
obviously just spoken abouthaving systems in place, but
what is what else has been someof your biggest, I suppose,
lessons?
Because this is a huge, bigmove to one, take your life from
south to north and then turnaround and bring it back.
Exactly what I did, but I waseast to west or west to east and
(17:26):
then back again.
So I totally relate to that.
But what have you found havebeen some of the biggest lessons
inside of that last three orfour years?
Dayelene Robinson (17:37):
The old ways don't open new doors, would be
my thing.
Because when I came back, Ithought my friends that I had
before, I was gonna come backand it was gonna be the same,
but I'm not the same human I waswhen I left.
And I was so riddled with fearand just even having the courage
to move states during thebiggest lockdown in the whole
world over two borders that youwere meant to be um vaccinated.
(17:59):
I know everyone has their cueson that, but intuitively as a
mum, I just knew the rightdecision for us was not to
vaccinate.
And I stood in my power withthat and bet all the odds.
And I still remember when wegot to the border, the army guy
from New South Wales orQueensland, which was the most
strictest border in Australia atthis point.
He was like, How did you dothis?
(18:19):
And I was like, I just stuck tomy value and I'm like, I'm
annoying.
When I want something, I'mgonna get it.
And I literally was sopersistent with the government.
Like, we didn't buy a house, wedidn't have a rental to go to
over the border, and all ofthose things you needed to tick
off.
And I'm just like, we're kindof protected, safe, and loved.
And we got over without arental, without a sale of a
house, without a business thatwe had purchased or anything.
(18:42):
And it just, yeah, it came downto feel great at the end of the
end of the day.
But like that's what I wassaying about old ways don't open
new doors, is because then allof that would change you as a
human, like the courage you hadto do, and then being up there
pretty much alone, away fromfamily and stuff.
You've only got yourself at theend of the day.
So then coming back again.
I was, I don't know, I startedgetting into old identities and
(19:05):
like just things like that andold habits, and then like
drinking all the time andwanting to go party.
And I'm just, yeah, I justcan't do it again.
That would be my biggest lessonis that, and just to have the
courage, even if you don't knowall the steps, I didn't know if
we would get a rental up inAirly Beach to live in a caravan
park for a while.
And then we ended up getting arental, and I just kept holding
(19:26):
faith.
Like, I'm like, something iscalling me here.
I'm meant to be here.
And my big reason now I reflecton Airly was a lot of the
healing I did was in Airly andthe people that I met to go on
my healing journey with EMDR andall that sort of stuff.
I was meant to be there forthat, and then to come back home
with that toolkit because thattoolkit is exactly what has
(19:47):
gotten me out of my slump that Iwas in when I came here.
It all just is like a fullcircle moment.
Trudie Marie (19:53):
I love that, and I love the way that you said that
old identities don't open newdoors because I think so many
people doesn't matter what ageyou are and what you've been
through, but people get stuckand are so resistant to change,
and it's inside that change youfind something new about
yourself in whatever way it is.
(20:14):
And yes, you can have friendsor family or acquaintances from
the past l version of you, butlike you said, when you go and
live somewhere else or you gothrough a separation or divorce,
which you obviously have likeme, that you you're not that
same person that you were inthose previous times.
And if you try to replicatethat like you did with your
(20:36):
business, yeah, it doesn't workbecause it's not the same, and
yet people s view you throughthe lens that you shouldn't have
changed.
Dayelene Robinson (20:46):
Absolutely, yeah, and but internally you
know I know that I have changedas a person.
Yeah, I may slip it back intoold habits sometimes, you know,
all that sort of stuff.
But I know my body knows and mybrain because when I reflect
and I journal or when I reflect,I'm like, fuck, I'm not meant
to be here.
I'm not meant to be doing this.
And like just trusting thatinner guidance and not
(21:06):
suppressing it because whenyou're hanging out with people
that are an old version of you,you're gonna then start acting
like that.
But I feel like internally youjust have this congruence, I
guess, inside of you that you'renot living in alignment with
your values and the life thatyou want.
So yeah, just using that as anexample and also the business,
me trying to replicate somethingthat worked in early, but not
(21:27):
in the way that I want to feelnow.
And I was pushing so hard forthat, but it wasn't meant to
happen.
And I knew that internally.
Trudie Marie (21:34):
So yeah, it's a valuable lesson to for anyone to
kind of take on that we areconstantly moving parts, we are
not one way for the whole oftheir our lives.
Like I know just turning 50that I am not the same person I
was when I was 20 or 30 or 40,and that in 10 years' time I'm
not going to be the same either.
(21:55):
But somewhere along the line,society has this opinion or this
impression that we should justbe the same person, but older.
Dayelene Robinson (22:04):
Yeah, I know, fuck that.
Trudie Marie (22:07):
And it's it's like we're not the same.
Dayelene Robinson (22:10):
Yeah, we are not the same, no.
And we get to choose, like ifyou want to be like create a new
identity or be a new human, youliterally can create that.
And if you want to move, youget to move.
You don't, you're not stucksomewhere, like we're not trees.
And I guess sometimes it's alittle bit harder for others to
move than others, but I don'tknow.
I just know when you have thatpool, it's not gonna, it's not
(22:32):
gonna go away until you do it.
So you might as well do it ifit's a safe choice for you and
if it's you know in alignmentwith your values and stuff, do
it.
We only live once, right?
There's that saying YOLO.
Trudie Marie (22:43):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
We get this one lifetime to dowhatever, and you don't want to
live with regrets.
That's probably the one thingI'm very conscious of is I want
to say that no, I wasn't tooscared to do that, or I didn't
have the courage or bravery todo that, but I went and did it
anyway.
Dayelene Robinson (23:00):
Amen.
And we have little humans thatare watching us, or you have
adult, well, adult little humansas well, but we have humans
that are watching us and beinglike, well, if mum could do
that, then I could do thingstoo.
And putting fear in thepassenger seat.
My kids have seen me break intoa million people, like a
million pieces as a single mum.
Like I didn't hide that, butthey've seen me break and then
just keep rising and then breakagain and rise again and break
(23:22):
again and rise again.
And like I'm teaching themthings that I learned on the way
and think practices and toolsthat I learn as well.
So there's something ineverything, and like we always
make it out.
I was gonna say alive, but wealways make it out the other
end.
Trudie Marie (23:35):
Yeah, and inside of that too, as you said, you've
got your children watching whatyou do and you're leading by
example.
How difficult has that beeninside of those two big moves?
From like you've gone from thethe southern end to the northern
end and back again of thecountry.
How has that been not just foryou, I suppose, but the kids as
(23:56):
well?
Like it's a massive thing todo.
Yeah, like people talk aboutmoving house in the same town or
the same street or whatever,but to do a big, massive move
like that, it it takessomething.
Dayelene Robinson (24:09):
Yeah, well, I didn't even know that I would
have the courage to get over theborder from Victoria to New
South Wales.
So my kids thought we weregoing on a holiday at first.
When we got to Newcastle, ahouse fell through.
Like every time things have,you know, things happened.
So we had so much uncertainty.
We've had behavioral things,like my kids have had to be in
therapy at times, and we'restill just kind of finding our
(24:30):
way.
But that's also the ebbs andflows of life, anyway.
A lot of kids will still needexternal help outside the
family, and we're not afraid toadmit that we have had to use
that as well.
But yeah, we've had behavioralthings like emotional things,
them being away from their dadin a different state has brought
up emotions, you know, all ofthat sort of stuff.
Yeah, they've had to deal witha bit, but also has built
resilience in them as well.
(24:51):
And also, there's so manypeople that do move states and
move countries and stuff likethat.
I I thought, oh, maybe this isnot the right decision because
moving them away, but it wasmore of a safety thing at first,
and then it became a choicewhen we moved back.
So yeah, it was almost like wehave to move.
And then when we got to comeback, that was a choice because
everything was fine up there.
(25:12):
I had my business, you know, wehad a home when we were moved,
like moving up.
I was actually in DVaccommodation.
So we had still been um feelingthe effects of after having a
domestic violent relationship.
So yeah, it got quite bad atsome point.
So we've just had to kind ofwork through it all together as
a family.
Trudie Marie (25:31):
And just going on that, like moving is one thing,
and as you said, moving becauseof a need, and when that need is
because of domestic violence,that's a whole other issue to
contend with.
And so many people say stuck inthe fear of uh not wanting to
leave because of whatrepercussions could have from
(25:53):
leaving.
So if you don't mind sharing,uh what was that actually like
for you?
Because it takes courage toactually leave that relationship
for good.
Dayelene Robinson (26:06):
So this was years after um we were still
having the effects of, I'm notgonna go into too much detail,
but we're still having theeffects of a relationship
breakdown from years ago.
So there's a little bit ofstalking involved and stuff like
that.
So and then COVID washappening, and then we couldn't
find a rental, you know, it wasinsane.
So we ended up being homelessfor a hot second and living with
(26:26):
friends.
There was even times I had tocamp with my kids and they
thought we were just camping,you know, until we found crisis
accommodation.
But going back to leaving theDV relationship, which was a few
years before we actually leftVictoria, that was like I had no
friends left.
I had like one really goodfriend, and still to this day
(26:46):
we're really great friends.
And I remember her just sayingto me, What's going on?
Because like you don't smilelike you used to.
Like, so people were noticing,and I still have conversations
now with like school mums fromback then.
They're like, I knew somethingwas going on, but I just
couldn't put my finger on it.
And that was just hiding, youknow, the the shit that we're
going through at home with thekids.
So leaving the relationship wasa huge process.
(27:10):
I used to like practice in themirror breaking up with him.
And sometimes I thought thatlike it started getting to a
point where I thought this wasjust gonna be my life.
And seeing my mom go throughdomestic violence as well, I
kind of thought it was kind of anormal thing.
But then also having that in myhead and knowing what I felt
like as a child, I was like, Idon't want my kids to feel like
(27:30):
they're walking on eggshellsevery single day like I did.
So it had to kind of get to apoint.
I got a psychologist and westarted making a safety plan.
And he thought I was just goingfor early childhood stuff, but
it was actually to build myconfidence enough to get away.
But I do know statistics arethe date and the most dangerous
time for a woman is when sheleaves a domestic violent
(27:51):
relationship.
And I still had to live withhim for like six months.
He wouldn't get out of myhouse, and then well, it was our
house at the time, but hewasn't working and stuff like
that.
And then I had to reach out tothe court to get an interim
order, and they refused it untilhe could show up for himself
because they didn't want tobreak the family home.
And then um, yeah, it just gotto a point where it was like,
you have to move out or I haveto move out, and then it ended.
(28:13):
But the the things after itdidn't end, the emotional stuff,
all that sort of stuff, andthat's where I kind of turned to
alcohol as a code mechanism,which I never had had before.
So, like when I was like 24,25, I turned to alcohol, kind of
had a dependence on alcohol tokind of numb out the anxiety and
like the P or CPTSD I ended uplike acquiring over the years.
(28:35):
So I just think if you aregoing through DV right now and
you're listening, or youobviously have been through it
and you have left, I'm just likeget support.
Most of the time you're soisolated and you're starting to
think this is your normal, butit's not normal.
And the healing process afterit is insane.
Like it's yeah, you definitelyneed to get professional support
(28:57):
in place, which I didn't end updoing, and that's why I think I
had the coping mechanism ofalcohol after leaving.
But then when I got to Airly, II actually felt safe.
So I was able to heal a lotdeeper and learn the tools, and
then even since then, I'vefallen back into drinking
alcohol, using it as a way tocope.
But then having therapy alongthe way, which has helped me
(29:19):
acquire this huge toolkit, whichI was able to lean on when I
got home and just pull myselfout a little bit sooner.
Trudie Marie (29:25):
No, I can totally relate as a police officer.
I have seen so much of it in mycareer.
Dayelene Robinson (29:33):
Yeah, and it happened to men as well.
I want to touch on that.
Like men can, you know, it canhappen to men too, like the
women.
Trudie Marie (29:41):
Oh, both sides.
And one of the things that'scoming out more and more within
domestic violent behaviour isthe coercive manipulative
control.
And that's the one thing that Isuppose is the hidden sort of
monster inside of all of that,because when people think of
domestic violence, they oftenthink Of the physical nature,
(30:01):
and they think of the what tocause that could it be drugs or
alcohol or whatever that causesthat rage to then lead to that
violence, but it's actually thesilent, manipulative, coercive
control that has you even morefrightened of what the
repercussions would be, whichwould often lead to the physical
(30:23):
if you were to mess up.
And that's where so many womenget stuck inside of that
relationship.
And I'm not sure if that's thecase for you particularly, but
it's so hard to break free of acycle that you are so fearful of
the repercussions after.
Dayelene Robinson (30:40):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Because there's always littlesub little messages I'll put in
and like you know, into yourhead, no one's gonna love you,
or you know, things like that.
Who's gonna want a single momor things like there were so
many?
And like I have done, I guesswhere we can communicate for the
kids now, and that's great.
And he lives, you know, a whileaway, which is great too.
It's uh it's just it's a deit's definitely a journey, and
(31:01):
still things pop up throughoutour journey of parenthood and
having to communicate about thekids and stuff.
I get fearful still sometimesabout things if I ask for too
much, or you know, if we'reneeding doctor's appointments,
I'm like, oh fuck, he's gonnayell at me, or he's gonna not
have the kids on schoolholidays, or you know, things
like that.
There's still that in the backof your head.
It's hard when you're in a likeDV relationship separating and
(31:23):
you still have to connect forthe kids.
We actually had one year wherethere was a complete no no
contact order, which allowed usto move to Early Beach.
A lot of people don't get that,so they still have to remain in
similar suburbs to each otherand stuff.
And that within itself wouldfeel like hell on earth.
(31:44):
Support network is definitely ahuge thing.
Trudie Marie (31:47):
Yeah, and I love the fact that you've brought up
about the support because itsounds like you've been through
this domestic violencerelationship, you've had to move
on your own to feel safe,you've had to do a lot of
healing inside of that, alongwith your children, because your
children have been exposed tothat and then a move, and then
now coming home and dealing withall of that in a whole other
(32:10):
different way.
Because, like you said, so manylevels have changed, but then
so many are still consistentthat you have to have and you
can't do that on your own.
You do need support, whetherthat's friends and family or
whether that's professionalhelp.
It's not like there's nonothing to be gained from being
the hero in your own journey oftrying to do it all on your own.
(32:32):
I know I couldn't have done myown healing journey without
professional support.
Dayelene Robinson (32:38):
Yeah, and like I haven't been a perfect
parent.
Like, I've had to heal and failand like do things wrong,
mistakes, you know, there's beenalcohol that comes into it, and
like trying to distract myselfoutside of myself because it
hurts so much to heal.
And then like there's just beenstages where I'll go to therapy
for nine months and like reallygo deep and then I'll like fail
(32:59):
again.
So I'm I'm like therepresentation of someone that
will fail and just keep gettingback up.
Fail how many times I'm gonna,I'm just gonna keep getting back
up no matter how many times.
And it can be somewhatself-inflicted in so many ways,
like reaching for alcohol.
But when your nervous systemhas been so unsafe your whole
life, when things are likepeaceful, you're like, oh my
(33:19):
god, something's gonna go wrong.
You look for the chaos almost.
So I wanted to just speak intothat as well because no matter
how many times you fall, um,especially if you've had a
traumatic background sinceyou've been born, pretty much,
like humble beginnings, you canjust keep getting back up.
Just feed your mind withthings.
My family isn't really intopersonal development and stuff,
but I remember going to oneevent that opened up my eyes for
(33:42):
personal development.
And I was like, holy shit,there's a whole world outside of
this.
And then just little thingslike that, like listening to
audiobooks and podcasts andhaving professional help as
well.
Like your family can do somuch, but having professionals
on your side as well, I knowthere's lots of free services
out there that can help as well,that are able to teach you the
tools to get through the reallyhard times, is where you're just
(34:05):
going to keep anchoring intoyourself and rising quicker and
quicker and quicker.
Trudie Marie (34:09):
Yeah, and I think um, and I say this all the time,
and I mention it to so manypeople, and you talked about it
with the the failing and therising again.
Is it life is a roller coaster?
And if you don't refer to it asa roller coaster, look at the
heartbeat.
It has peaks and troughs.
There is no flatline.
When you flatline, you're gone.
(34:29):
And it's being able to ridethat roller coaster and ride
those peaks and troughs becausewe're not perfect, we're humans,
we are in we're not infallible,like we will mess up.
But it's like you said, you caneither stay in that downward
spiral, which will ultimatelylead to one kind of flatline, or
you can keep riding the ebb andflow of life, and just like you
(34:54):
said, you pick yourself upquicker or you get through it
quicker, or you find a newtoolkit, uh new tool to add to
your toolkit so that you canactually move forward in in
whatever you've got planned forthe future.
Dayelene Robinson (35:08):
Amen.
Amen.
And it's just a consciouschoice.
Like, you know, in your bodywhen you get that low, you're
like, fuck, how am I gonna getup?
And like what I did, especiallythree weeks ago, I had this
other aha, like, screw this, I'msick of feeling like shit, sick
of like eating crap.
I'm sick of not moving my body,I'm sick of like having this
negative mindset because deepdown I am quite optimistic and
(35:28):
positive.
I was like, okay, what's onething I can do today?
And that was moving my body for10 minutes, just taking my dog
for a quick walk around thecreek.
I'm like, oh, this feels good.
And then it's like, what elsecan I do?
And what else can I do?
And then just slowly over time,all those small actionable
steps will literally lead you toa pretty much a new identity.
So doing things that light youup and looking back in your
life, going, when did I feelreally good?
(35:49):
What was I doing?
And then do that.
It might not look exactly thesame, but like generally moving
your body and eating healthierand surrounding yourself with
hap, like happier, healthierpeople with good habits can
change your life.
Three simple things.
Trudie Marie (36:04):
Yeah, a hundred percent totally agree.
And the other one I will add tothat is finding something that
you're passionate about orlights you up, whether it's a
hobby or something you're into,but if that can actually help
remove you, like I know you saidthat often in the dark days,
it's the alcohol is thesoothing.
But if you can pull instead ofthe alcohol something good,
(36:25):
whether it's a sport that youplay or a hobby that you do or
something creative that you do,yeah, that you reach for that
instead, it's such a betterbalance in your life.
Dayelene Robinson (36:36):
And you're gonna come home feeling good.
Yeah, like I really want to getinto dancing.
I don't know why, like HillsDancing is calling me and
there's a studio not far.
And I used to dance when I wasyounger, and I'm like, I used to
love dancing, and I used tolove doing my makeup like really
nice and pitting my hair back.
And I'm gonna start doing thatagain.
So, like pushing yourself outof your comfort zone as well
builds confidence too.
Trudie Marie (36:56):
100% agree.
Like, I I love that it's likethat that you can actually find
a light at the end of the tunnelor a light in the dark.
Dayelene Robinson (37:06):
Yeah, and you'll find people along the
journey that are similar to youon similar journeys that you can
just link arms with becausewe're all just leading each
other home at the end of theday.
Trudie Marie (37:14):
Totally true.
And it's amazing where thosepeople come from.
They often come from where youleast expect them.
You just have to be willing toopen that door when it's offered
to you.
Because sometimes I think wecan slam doors shut before we
can even welcome what's on theother side.
Dayelene Robinson (37:33):
Especially if you have been through trauma.
You mean I'm speaking aboutmyself, you can go into a sense
of isolation because you'relike, I'm safe here, no one can
hurt me, and you can isolateyourself.
But like we are wide forconnection and we've got to open
our heart.
But that's where I'm sayinglike professional help with that
sort of stuff is definitelyneeded because yeah, then you
can unpack that in like aprofessional space to be more
(37:54):
open and to trust again becausethere's a lot of people in the
world that actually don't wethey don't think like us, people
that have been through traumaand stuff like that.
They don't have we all havesurvival mechanisms, but not
through the lens that weactually view the world.
A funny example is well, itwasn't funny, but an example of
this, funny to me because I'mlike, holy shit, it was a big
aha moment in my life realizinghow much I'd been through.
(38:16):
So my partner at the time inAirly Beach, um, he was a night,
he was a great man, um, a verysafe man.
We were camping actually inTownsville, and I remember, all
right, safety precautions, likeliterally giving this guy a
lowdown of what we do if shitgoes down south.
Because I work from worst casescenario backwards, and I'm
like, had a knife in my swagbecause we're in the middle of
nowhere.
(38:36):
I'm like, someone might comeand get us.
I'm like, padlock the swag, allright.
If anything is to happen, wehit anything, we get straight in
the car and we leave, we leaveeverything here.
I don't care about stuff.
And he was like, Daily, like,no one's gonna hurt us.
And I'm like, what do you mean?
Like, no one's coming to hurtus.
And I'm like, I was justlooking at him like, you're
being a dickhead.
And then he's like, 90% of theworld are actually safe humans.
(38:57):
And I was like, wow.
And he's like, we don't allthink like you do, and I was
like, Whoa.
I remember just like looking athim being like, you're not
keeping me safe, but also hedoesn't think like I do.
Trudie Marie (39:07):
So that's a big uh-it's so true because, and as
somebody who has also beendiagnosed with CPTSD, our lens
what we look through in life is,and it's you mentioned it
before too, about where wheneverything is going good, you're
looking for the trauma or thechaos because that's what you're
used to, that's what yournervous system is is used to,
(39:29):
and we self-sabotage our ownlives and our own happiness and
stuff because we're looking forthat opposite, but you do, you
walk into you are that's thatsituational awareness of being
ready for the worst, but hopingfor the best, but then you don't
even actually realize thatyou're not even hoping for the
best because that's whateverybody else is doing.
(39:51):
The worst is at the top of thelist, and it's such a until you
have that actual realization andyou can be in that moment and
go, right, this is an area of mylife I have to heal.
You don't even know that's howyou operate until it's reflected
back to you.
Dayelene Robinson (40:09):
Yeah, and then like because I was
challenging on him on it, andhe's quite logical, and I'm very
emotional.
And he was like, Come on, like,and I was like, dude, like
you're gonna think like I amsoon, surely.
And he held his ground and hewas like, No, not the whole the
whole world isn't out to getyou, sort of thing.
And I was like, dude, wherehave you been living?
Yeah, it wasn't until thatmoment I remember because I was
(40:30):
in deep therapy then.
I remember going back to mytherapist on the weekend.
I'm like, Guess what happenedon the weekend?
And she's like, Yeah, it's justthe way that you're viewing,
and because of the things thatyou've been through, and we work
through that a little bit.
So I kind of try to not thinklike that, but still as a single
mom, it's a little we've got tobe man and woman in the house
as well.
So that's a little hard.
Trudie Marie (40:50):
Oh, yeah, that's finding those feminine and
masculine energies on differentdays of the week and with
different children is always aninteresting challenge.
But you did mention before,inside of all of this, you were
allowing time for study and thatyou were obviously up to
something.
So what's next for you now thatyou've moved back home?
Dayelene Robinson (41:09):
Um, so I am about to be finished my dual
qualification in a body and mindpractitioner.
So yeah, working with the mindand the body connection and
everything like that, which isso exciting.
I'm already a trauma-informedcoach and NLP practitioner,
which I did during COVID, get mybrain off the lockdowns, but I
have never really stood into thearena.
Like I've had the podcast andlike I kind of coach people,
(41:30):
like my friends and you know,clients that I clean the house.
I like give them tasks eachweek to read books and you know,
coach them through a lot ofthings.
So I kind of do it withoutbeing actually a coach, if that
makes sense.
So that's where I'm going on tonext.
And just in the process of alsoa community event here in
Geelong, still in the like thetalks with the council, um, but
(41:51):
I'm wanting to bring breath workconnection and meditation on
maybe a Saturday at this point,just penciled in.
So I'll launch that when itcomes where I'm off to next.
Trudie Marie (42:00):
That's so exciting that you can use whatever
there's happened in your lifeand all the lessons you've
learned now impart that on likethat wisdom on to others.
And that event that you weretalking about, you mentioned
before recording that you wantedthis to be a free event in the
community.
Dayelene Robinson (42:19):
Yes, because I know um people that sometimes
are navigating really big glassthings don't have a lot of money
and stuff, and we need toconnect with other humans in
order to rise.
So that will be part of thename, just a little cue there,
like connecting with otherhumans and learning those tools
in an environment that'soutdoors in nature with other
people on similar journeys.
That's why there's no cost, andit's just yeah, bring positive
(42:41):
vibes or even not just bringyourself and we'll have a cuddle
and have a chat and yeah, justconnect.
Trudie Marie (42:47):
I love that idea, especially as a free community
event, because yeah, so manypeople want to charge through
the roof for having theseopportunities or opening your
eye to these things, and youknow, if we can do it as a
helping hand for other people, Ijust I love that idea.
And I love to your story todaythat has highlighted that you
(43:09):
don't necessarily have to havesome big one single traumatic
event to change your lifetrajectory.
There are so many little thingsin our lives that impact us in
certain ways, and until we stopand reflect and look at those
things, then we can't moveforward in a way that actually
(43:30):
aligns with who we are becauseso many people out there think
that oh, it's got to be this onebig moment that changed your
life.
And I mean, don't get me wrong,moving across states and
borders and stuff is a bigthing, but inside of life, it's
not that big of a deal.
People do it on the daily.
Dayelene Robinson (43:49):
Yeah, absolutely, for sure.
It's actually funny that yousaid um about lending your hand
out to someone else.
I've literally wrote this quotedown from a book I'm reading
today.
Um, and it's as you grow older,you'll discover that you have
two hands.
One is for helping yourself andthe other is for helping
others.
And in this is like puttingyour own oxygen mask on,
ensuring that you're uh you'resafe and your kids are safe, and
(44:09):
then you can pour from theoverflow.
Trudie Marie (44:12):
I love that.
Such a beautiful way to kind ofor something to reflect on
towards the end of the show.
I want to say thank you so muchfor coming back to connect
again and and share your storybecause it is a big journey
inside of everything that you'vegone through in the last six
months and the last few years,but just helping others know
(44:33):
that they're not alone ifthey're on a similar
circumstance.
So thank you for being part ofthe show.
Dayelene Robinson (44:39):
My pleasure.
Thank you for having me.
Trudie Marie (44:42):
You're most welcome.
And I always finish the show byasking what is the one thing
you are most grateful for today?
Dayelene Robinson (44:49):
Just connecting on here and being
able to use my voice because forso long I didn't have a voice
in a relationship where I wasshut down.
So being able to have a voiceand use that to empower other
people is a blessing.
So thank you for theopportunity.
Trudie Marie (45:03):
Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday
Warriors Podcast.
If you have an idea for afuture episode or a story you'd
like to share yourself, thenplease reach out and message me.
As I am always up for real, rawand authentic conversations
with other Everyday Warriors.
Also, be sure to subscribe sothat you can download all the
(45:25):
latest episodes as they arepublished.
And spread the word to yourfamily and friends and
colleagues so they can listen intoo.
If you're sharing on socialmedia, please be sure to tag me
so that I can personallyacknowledge you.
I'm always open to commentabout how these episodes have
resonated with you, thelistener.
(45:46):
And remember, lead with love asyou live this one wild and
precious life.
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