December 7, 2025 • 45 mins
One sentence changed everything. Tina walked into a wellness talk determined to starve herself back into control and walked out with a new mission: stop the slow self-harm and start choosing life. What follows is a brave, unfiltered account of how a childhood comment and a teenage jab spiralled into years of disordered eating, fad diets, five coffees a day and a marriage stretched thin. This was complicated by an undiagnosed ADHD lens that made masking feel like survival.
We unpack the pivotal moments of hiding in jumpers through scorching Perth summers, the shock of an unrecognisable face in a photo and the party video that retriggered shame after motherhood. Then we trace the rebuild as Tina found steadier ground through creativity and community, returning to the stage to sing in Baltimore, leaning into a CrossFit-style gym that celebrates who she is and volunteering with Radio Lollipop and St John Ambulance to reconnect with purpose and presence. Along the way, nutrition becomes practical and compassionate. Guided by a naturopath, Tina embraces three meals a day, prioritises protein and relies on raw foods that support energy, digestion and consistent training.
This conversation is a resource for anyone navigating body dysmorphia, postpartum changes, ADHD, or the aftermath of divorce. We talk about turning “fitness” from obsession into function, measuring progress by energy and sleep rather than a scale and the hardest lesson of all, self-kindness. Tina shares how she’s setting boundaries, preparing to tell family the full story and stepping into speaking to help others catch their moment before harm becomes habit.
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Music Credit: Cody Martin - Sunrise (first 26 episodes) then custom made for me.
Disclaimer: The views, opinions, and stories shared on this podcast are personal to the host and guests and are not intended to serve as professional advice or guidance. They reflect individual experiences and perspectives. While we strive to provide valuable insights and support, listeners are encouraged to seek professional advice for their specific situations. The host and production team are not responsible for any actions taken based on the content of this podcast.
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Episode Transcript
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Trudie Marie (00:01):
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journey together.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Everyday Warriors Podcast.
And today's guest is local inWA, just like me, and she has
come referred by one of myfriends.
So welcome to the show, Tina.
Tina (03:48):
Thank you.
Trudie Marie (03:51):
It's great having you, and I'm so thankful, and I
just want to acknowledgeChristine for connecting us
because you just never knowwhere your next guest is going
to come from.
And the fact that I have peopleon my side that are supporting
the show and supporting otherpeople's stories, I just think
is incredible.
So it's so good to have youhere.
(04:12):
Thanks.
So I want to start your storyback in your childhood, which
is, I believe, where everythingsort of started to change for
you.
Tina (04:24):
Yes, so I'll try not to get emotional because it is a
really difficult story to share.
I only really started sharingit a couple of months ago.
So no one apart from a coupleof people have heard this story.
But it really started when Iwas 10 years old.
So I was at my non-ness farm.
I'm from Italian background.
And so I was talking to two ofmy aunties, and I was a kid, so
(04:48):
I must have said something alongthe lines of, oh, I'm really
skinny or something.
And one of my aunties turned tome and said, Tina, it's because
you've got worms, and when youget older, you're going to get
fat.
Trudie Marie (05:01):
Oh wow.
Tina (05:03):
Yeah, just give me a sec.
So that comment stuck with me.
And it didn't really shape whoI was until I was about 16.
Going through puberty, when Istarted in high school, but I
went to an all-girls school.
So that's when I started toreally think, wow, I'm different
(05:23):
from everyone else.
I feel different.
I look different.
Coming back then, beingItalian, having the hairy legs
and being teased for that.
So that's when I really startedto start thinking there was
something different with mybody.
But nothing really happenedafter that for a couple of years
until I turned 16.
(05:44):
So when I turned 16, one of myfriends, it was a sports day,
and she had forgotten her trackswitch pants.
And I said, Oh, I've got aspare pair in my bag.
You can just have them.
Now she was really skinny.
So when she put them on, theywere practically falling off
her.
And all the girls in the classlaughed.
That's when it just really hitme.
(06:05):
And that's when I started tohave some pretty terrible
thoughts about my body.
And I can't remember exactly,but it may have probably been
about maybe a couple of monthsor so.
I was in the drama class, andwe had decided that we're going
to put on the school musical.
And being in all-girls school,we'd invited the boys from our
(06:25):
brother school to come along.
So I got to be in the show.
I had a boy who was going to mydance partner.
So I was pretty excited becauseI love music and I love
performing.
And one day I was running lateto rehearsal.
And as I was in the wings aboutto step out on stage, I heard
my dance partner talking toanother girl.
(06:47):
And he said to her, Listen, Idon't want to be Tina's dance
partner.
She's too fat to lift.
And I can't tell you exactlythe thoughts that went through
my head at that time hearingthat.
I just know that somethinginside me died that day.
And I just stopped eating.
So the show came and went.
(07:11):
And if I lost track of how manytimes, oh how many weeks,
sorry, I didn't eat.
But when I first startedstarving myself, I weighed about
68 kilos.
After, like I said, a couple,it probably would have been more
than a couple of weeks, to behonest.
That whole period of my lifewas a blur.
I would say that I got down to37 kilos.
Trudie Marie (07:33):
Oh wow.
So we're talking about shavingnearly half your weight through
not eating because of something.
One that had stemmed from youraunties at 10 years of age, but
then a boy making a backhandedcomment about not being able to
lift you on stage as part of adance recital that you just went
(07:58):
into a whole body dysmorphia atthat stage.
Tina (08:02):
Yes, and the worst thing about it is that nobody noticed.
Not my mum, not my sisters, notmy friends.
It got to the point where I wasreally, really dangerously thin
and the signs of starvingmyself started to take a toll.
So I can remember having redwelts form all over my arms.
(08:22):
Now this would have been aboutsummertime, because I remember
it was like coming to the end ofthe year.
So I'd have to wear a jumper insummer to hide that.
And people would ask me, Tina,why are you wearing a jumper in
summer?
And I'd go, Oh ha ha, it'sokay.
I don't feel the heat.
And being from Perth, you knowexactly what how Perth summers
(08:42):
are like.
So not only was I suffering onone level, I was suffering on a
whole nother level having towear a jumper.
But not long after that, it wascoming to the end of year
school dance, and so we had toum, so I decided that I'd get a
dress made.
My auntie was a dressmaker, notthe two aunties from not the
from one of the aunties fromwhen I was 10, but so she was a
(09:04):
dressmaker.
I'd picked the dress, I'd gotmy hair done for the event, so I
thought I was looking prettygood.
And on the night we had somephotos taken, I remember I
didn't eat either, so I was justpretending to just push my food
around the plate.
And it wasn't until about aweek later that I got the photo.
And I remember I was so excitedto have a look at the photo
(09:26):
because I thought, oh, I lookpretty good that night.
And that's when I opened thephoto and I just stared at
myself, and I just stared atthat photo for so long because
the face that was looking backat me was not my own face, it
was unrecognizable.
Trudie Marie (09:44):
My cheeks due to the weight loss, is it because
you were so gaunt?
Tina (09:48):
Oh, absolutely.
My cheek, my cheeks, my eyeswere sunken and lifeless.
It was like, yeah.
Trudie Marie (09:55):
So my question is how if you lose about 30 kilos,
even though you're young, yousaid yes, you were wearing
jumpers through the summerperiod, so obviously bulky
layers, how did no one noticethe change in who you were?
Or do you think that given thecircumstances going back to
(10:15):
probably the if you're a similarage to me, it would have been
the late 80s, early 90s?
Did people not notice, or didpeople just not talk about?
Tina (10:26):
Well, I was the eldest of four, and mum and dad worked
all the time, so I just hid inmy room.
And so if mum would it wasn'tdad because he worked late, but
if mum said, Oh, have somethingto eat, no, no, that's fine, I'm
already eating.
So it was like, I'm fine, I'malready eating.
It was only when I went to havea dress fitting that my one of
(10:47):
my aunties said to me, Tina,wow, you look really skinny.
And at that point, there wasnothing on me.
So I had was really frail atthat time, but I just laughed it
off.
I said, Oh no, that's okay.
But I don't know why.
No one said anything at all,not even my friends.
It was just not a conversationwhether they didn't want to talk
(11:08):
about it, they didn't.
Mum was quite young as wellwhen she had me, so maybe she
didn't know how to have thoseconversations with me about what
was going on.
To be honest, I have no ideawhy no one said anything.
Trudie Marie (11:21):
Yeah, it's just interesting that you would look,
you look at your photo ofyourself and see what the
difference is, and you don'trecognize yourself.
I'm just curious as to whatother people's impressions or
opinions were of you around thattime.
Because if you notice thatchange yourself, and we're often
the last ones to notice achange, like it took a seeing a
(11:44):
photo of yourself to recognisethat change, that why no one
else around you had noticedeither.
How did things change for youcoming up to the end of year 12?
And I presume you then went onto university?
Tina (11:58):
Yes, so after that I attempted to start eating again.
So I was at uni, and to behonest, my lunch was a packet of
tomato sauce and a packet ofsalt.
So that's what I would eat forlunch at uni.
It was really bad, so bad nowthat I think back of it.
And then at home, I would justbarely, barely eat.
(12:18):
By the time I finished uni,actually, we take a step back.
So I became obsessed withkeeping fit.
So I was at the gym five days aweek.
I started martial arts as well,and I was doing that six days a
week.
So I was forced to eat.
So I had to start eating to beable to be exercising at that
(12:39):
level.
So then I put on a bit ofweight, it was about I went to
about 42 kilos, and then thatgradually started to get better
and started to eat more.
I finished uni.
I was working, so I had to eatto work, to be able to function
at work, and then I got married.
And by the time I got married,I was at 52 kilos.
So then, not after I gotmarried, I had children.
(13:03):
And I'm really proud to saythat the whole time that I had
my kids, I wasn't starvingmyself.
I was eating normally, so I hadtwo beautiful, healthy boys.
So things really started to geton track.
I was married, I was happy, Ihad kids.
And then I decided to have abirthday party.
And at the birthday party,we're having fun.
(13:24):
So someone filmed the event.
And the next day I went back inand watched the recording, and
that's when I broke down crying.
I just sat on the bed andsobbed because, in my eyes, I
had put on so much weight.
And that moment triggered eightyears of a vicious cycle of
(13:47):
dieting, starving.
I was doing ridiculous faddiets.
I don't know if you ever heardof the soup diet where you just
eat soup, soup, soup, soup,soup, this soup, breakfast,
lunch, and dinner, snacks.
I got so violently ill afterthat, but it worked.
In my eyes, it worked.
I went down to 47 kilos.
But I was, again, from aboutbeing, well, it's heavier then
(14:08):
because I had my children.
So I was probably about70-something kilos down to 47
kilos.
But I got really, really sickand I couldn't function having
two little children at thatstage doing that.
So I thought, what am I gonnado?
I can't starve myself, but Ibecause after I recovered from
the two weeks, I started eatingagain.
(14:28):
If you eat again, you know whatyour body does, puts on weight.
So I and I started to panic.
I don't want to put on thisweight again.
What am I gonna do?
But I can't starve myself.
I've got two little kids tolook after.
So I thought I'd come up with abrilliant idea.
I would live off five cups ofcoffee a day.
That was my fuel for weeks andweeks and weeks.
I had five cups of coffee.
I was jittery, I was anightmare, it was a mess.
(14:51):
I was barely being able to lookafter myself, my kids.
And not long after that, mymarriage could fell apart and I
became divorced.
So life was not looking verygood for me at that stage.
Trudie Marie (15:08):
I just want to take you back because just
hearing you say that, like youwent through this eight years of
struggle.
So you were underweight tobegin with, going through uni if
you were leaving off tomatosauce and salt.
And then you decide to becomevery health conscious, but in a
good way or a positive way,because you're doing your
(15:30):
martial arts in your gym, and soyou're forced to you eat, but
your physique is matching whatyou're currently doing.
You get married and you havetwo children, and you're very
healthy during both pregnanciesand initially postpartum.
When you look back now, becauselet's be real, hindsight is
2020, but when you look back tothat time where you saw a video
(15:53):
of yourself at a party where I'mguessing that you were at
reasonably healthy weight rangebecause you were fit and healthy
and just had two children, whatwas the body dysmorphia like
for you in the sense that you,in that instant of seeing the
image, was it the voices of yourauntie saying when you get
older you become fat?
(16:14):
Or was it just the fact of thispost-partum baby weight that
sent you on this downward spiralor resorting to five cups of
coffee a day to maintain theweight?
Tina (16:26):
To be honest, I think it was that when I saw the photo of
myself looking like that brokeme out of the cycle of where I
was starving myself.
This actually put me back intothat because I saw a photo or an
image of myself where I wasback to when I was a teenager
and was overweight.
So that triggered that wholecycle again of those feelings
(16:49):
and that brought up thosefeelings again.
Oh my gosh, I'm overweight.
I don't want to go back tobeing like that again because I
was I ended up putting on quitea bit of weight after my second
child.
So he was quite a large child.
So that then triggered thatwhole cycle again of I can't be
like this.
What am I gonna do?
(17:09):
There were shorter periods ofstarving myself because again, I
had the kids, so I couldn'tnot, I couldn't go through that
and starve myself and look afterthem.
So that's when all this crazydieting came in and periods of
starving myself.
So looking back, it was yeah,seeing that image of myself
again and being back to when Iwas 16.
Trudie Marie (17:28):
And apologies if this is somewhat of a personal
question, but was your bodydysmorphia and your yo-yo
dieting a contributing factor toyour marriage breakdown?
Tina (17:41):
I think in a way, in a way, maybe yes and a bit of no.
There was something quitepersonal that had triggered the
breakdown.
But I think closer to the end,it was not knowing that I had
ADHD to start off with, and Irecently diagnosed three years
ago.
(18:01):
So the way I saw myself wasvery different, and I always
didn't feel like I would fit in.
But I think near the end, itwould have definitely been the
five cups of coffee.
It was crazy.
I was barely functioning as ahuman being.
I wasn't sleeping, I wasn'teating.
At the time, my ex-husband wasworking all the time.
So I had it, it was a lot ofcontributing factors.
(18:23):
I wouldn't say it wasdefinitely the thing that pushed
it over the edge, but did itcontribute?
I would say yes, it would have.
Trudie Marie (18:31):
Okay.
And thank you for being so rawand honest because it is one of
those things that when we lookback and we can see what was
going on at the time, havingthose five cups of coffee a day
and that's all you were intakingin your body.
Were there any other healthissues that arose because of
that?
Like you said, you got sickafter the soup diet, but was
(18:54):
there anything else that younoticed?
Because obviously, when youwere younger and starving
yourself, you were breaking outin a rash.
But did anything like thathappen during this eight-year
struggle with your body image?
Tina (19:07):
Not that I can recall.
It's hard for me to recall thattime because I was a young mum
as well.
Do you know what I mean?
So when I was in high school, Ihad to think about me and what
was going on in my life, but atthat time, I had so focused on
the kids.
And like I said, my ex-husbandwas working long, long hours.
To be honest, no, I can'tremember an impact apart from
(19:28):
the fact that I was highlystrung all the time and wasn't
sleeping.
I can't really remember anyimpact on me.
But I would have I didn't dothat as long as I did the
starving as well.
Do you know what I mean?
Because like you can only dothat for a certain period of
time before you at least.
So I probably would have doneit at least two, three weeks
straight, maybe four maximum, tobe able to lose some weight.
(19:48):
And then I would have thenstarted trying to eat again.
So it wasn't as long as thefirst time when I was 16, where
I didn't eat for goodness knowshow long.
Trudie Marie (19:58):
Obviously, after divorce is that's a stressful
time in itself, anyway, goingthrough a marriage breakup.
I know firsthand what that'slike.
How did that then resolveitself?
Like you're dealing with one,being a mum, two, going through
this divorce, and three, withthis whole body dysmorphia
stuff.
And then from what you've justsaid about the ADHD, you're
(20:22):
dealing with whatever was goingon with you mentally and how you
actually coped on a day-to-daybasis without being diagnosed.
What was a change for youduring that time, or like how
did you cope during that time?
Tina (20:36):
Well, when I didn't have a choice, mum and dad again were
still working, so I had tojust, I just had to do it.
You know what it's like as amum, you just got to get in and
do it.
But when my marriage ended, Ineeded to get a job.
So that was a big focus.
A friend of mine introduced meto her, a friend of hers was a
chiropractor, and they neededsomeone to run some wellness
(20:59):
talks for them.
So I jumped on board and he hada friend visiting from Canada,
and we were pretty much told weneeded to attend his wellness
seminar.
The funny thing is, I rememberthis day so clearly because it
was the day that I actuallydecided to start starving myself
again.
Because after the marriageended, I was eating, I did put
(21:23):
on some weight, and any themoment I get any weight at all,
the first thing is either doingsome ridiculous diet or starving
myself.
So that day I decided I'm goingto start starving myself.
So I attended his wellnessseminar.
I didn't want to go, I wasforced to go.
So I sat at the back of theroom, listening to this guy,
(21:44):
going on and on.
Oh, you have to eat healthy andyou have to be mindful and you
have to make sure that you lookafter your body.
And I didn't care.
I didn't care what he wassaying.
That was the day I decided thatI wanted to starve myself so I
could lose weight.
That was all I was interestedin.
(22:05):
If he didn't tell me anythingabout losing weight, I'm not
listening to you.
Anyway, so he's going on and onand talking.
And then he said something thatmade me stop and listen.
He very slowly and clearly saidto the audience, stop killing
yourselves.
And in that moment, I was backin the wings as a 16-year-old
(22:31):
girl, listening to my dancepartner say to the other girl, I
don't think Tina's dancepartner because she's too fat to
live.
But in that moment, gosh, thisis so hard to say.
Was I said to myself, Tina istoo fat to live.
Trudie Marie (23:00):
And that's when I realized that's such a huge
realization for you to have inthat moment.
It's not that you're too fat,it's not that a boy told you you
were fat, or that your auntiesaid when you got older you
would become fat.
That you were able to recognizethat you told yourself
(23:23):
something completely differentthat had literally blindsided
you for what possibly near on10, 15 plus years.
Tina (23:35):
And that's when my journey of healing and
discovering who I was, his wordsinspired me to really look at
my life and stop killing myself.
And yeah, and that's when myjourney of healing and courage
and resilience began.
Trudie Marie (23:53):
That's such a poignant moment in your life to
actually going from there issomething wrong with me to I
have something to live for.
That's a huge turnaround.
And I just want to take amoment to acknowledge your
(24:14):
courage to actually go therebecause most people don't.
Most people will continue tofight or find a reason outside
of themselves for what's goingon, and the fact that you
actually were able to look backand realize that you didn't want
to do what you were doinganymore, and start a journey on
(24:39):
of your own in a more positivedirection.
Kudos to you.
Tina (24:46):
Um gosh, I don't know where to go from there.
Trudie Marie (24:50):
That's okay.
Take a moment to pause and justbe really, I don't know,
reflective of the journey you'vebeen on.
Because I and I want of mylisteners to really comprehend
that this is such a poignant,life-changing moment.
You were sitting in a seminarthat you said you were forced to
go to, you said that you weregoing to starve yourself, and
(25:14):
unless he had something to shareabout how you could lose weight
and inside of starvingyourself, then you didn't want
to listen to him.
But in one second, he said,Stop killing yourself.
You had a huge aha light bulbmoment, whatever you want to
call it, that literally turnedyour life away.
(25:37):
So, how did you move forwardfrom there?
What were some of the stepsthat you took to actually start
looking after yourself andmoving forward?
Tina (25:49):
Oh, so life's like took on a different meaning for me
then.
So I really wanted to discovermy authentic self.
So I started to do things thatwere that were really resonated
with me.
And again, still not knowingabout the ADHD, but being my
full, be fully expressing myselfbecause if you have ADHD, you
(26:10):
mask who you are.
So I started singing andperforming.
I never thought I'd get back onstage ever again.
And I actually performed inBaltimore, USA, in 2014, singing
with the chorus.
I got myself back into healthysport, not obsessed, obsessive
sport.
And it's actually been 15years.
This year I've been at the samegym.
It's like a chamber fitness,it's like a CrossFit gym.
(26:34):
And then I wanted to reconnectwith doing things for the
community.
So I was a volunteer at RadioLollipop, and gosh, I've got so
many stories about how thatchanged my life, having to show
up and be myself to inspire thekids and have fun with them.
So I had to leave behind thescared Tina and be the fun, fun,
(26:58):
loving, and entertainingperson.
Trudie Marie (27:01):
I love that because I too, back in the day,
was a volunteer at Radio Realts.
And it's one of the mostbeautiful, vulnerable
experiences where you just putyourself outside of who you are
and show up a hundred percentauthentic because you're with
kids and you they're not asjudgmental as we are on
(27:23):
ourselves.
So I just wanted to share thatbecause I totally get what that
experience is like, having beena volunteer with radio long.
And kudos to anyone who doesthat because it's such an
incredible experience.
Tina (27:37):
But then life took a bit of a different turn.
So I still love volunteeringand miss that.
So for three and a half years,I've been a St.
John Ambulance volunteer, whichis completely different, but
again, it's helping people.
I've always had this thinginside me where I just wanted to
help and inspire people.
So I'm still continuing to dothat.
(27:59):
The biggest lesson I found, andI think that really got me
through this whole thing, isthat I needed to understand one
crucial part that was missingafter I actually was became a
reconvictive healer.
So I was doing all theseamazing things to get me through
life.
But the big piece for me thatwas missing was kindness.
(28:21):
And so kindness is powerful.
And it wasn't kindness toothers, it was kindness to
myself.
There was so much toxicself-talk, there was so much
self-harm.
There were so many things thatI still continued to do to
myself, even though I was onthis journey of recovery, I
(28:44):
hadn't fully healed how I spoketo myself.
And to be honest, every singleday, even to this very day, I
still have those thoughts thatpop in my head.
But I need to remind myself tobe strong, to be courageous, and
not to listen to those negativethoughts.
And I get to choose.
So that's what I've decided.
(29:05):
I get to choose whether or notI'm not starving myself or
anymore.
I'm not talking to myselfanymore like that.
My life's not perfect.
And I can tell you, like Isaid, I still have those moments
where I think I want to getback into those old patterns.
But I choose every day when Iget up to have a better life for
me, for myself, for my family,for everyone.
(29:27):
So kindness was the last littlepiece that to the puzzle that
helps me get through with myrecovery.
Trudie Marie (29:34):
I think it's such an important piece of the puzzle
to acknowledge and takeresponsibility for.
Because honestly, if we spoketo other people the way we speak
to ourselves, we would be shotdown in public every day of the
week because we are our ownworst judges.
(29:55):
We are self critical, we arejust horrible people.
To ourselves.
And once you can start tointernalize the kindness and
speak more positive aboutyourself and see yourself
through a different lens andreally look in the mirror and
love who we see, then that's awhole turning point in our lives
(30:19):
to actually just own who we arethe good, the bad, the ugly, as
I say.
Tina (30:27):
Yeah, and that's so true because life is hard.
Every single day it's hard, andI get to choose how I see my
life.
And it's it's funny that yousaid that you got to see
yourself in the mirror.
Ages ago, I was talking to afriend and she was watching her
granddaughter looking at herselfin the mirror, and she was
smiling and laughing and kissingher own hand, and it just made
(30:50):
me think when did we stop doingthat and why did we stop doing
that?
It's pretty sad.
So I think we all need to belike the kids, get back to it,
and like I said, look atyourself in the mirror with that
self-love.
Trudie Marie (31:03):
A hundred percent.
And what are some of the thingsfrom a health and fitness
perspective, as far as yourdieting and your eating, or
healthy eating and your physicalexercise?
What sort of things do you donow that are way more positive
than the young yo dieting, theoverexertion of physical
(31:26):
activity?
Tina (31:27):
Well, like I say, I still crossfit, which I absolutely
love, but that's more aboutcommunity because there I've
been there for 15 years.
My coach says to me, Tina,don't ever stop being you.
So it's a safe place for mewhere I can be that true
authentic self.
I'm gonna be really honest withyou about my eating.
I think I did a lot of damageto my body through the coffee
(31:51):
and the extreme dieting.
So I have extreme issues witheating food and getting sick,
but I'm working with thenaturopath at the moment.
And the only thing that wasworking for me is eating raw
food.
And that's only because if Ieat anything else, I just get
sick, which is good.
So she's got me eating threemeals a day.
(32:13):
Up until not long ago, I wasstill pretending I was being
healthy by intermittent fasting,I was calling.
Oh, like intermittent fasting.
But yeah, using that as alittle bit of a cover to because
I've been in maintenance since2008.
I haven't been really bigperiods of time, but it's
(32:36):
normal.
I lapse, I get back on to beinghealthy.
But for the last couple ofmonths, I've been really good.
And the raw food for me isreally helping.
It's not for everyone, but Ithink I've just done so much
damage to my body over the yearsthat raw is the only thing that
I can eat at the moment.
But I'm eating three meals aday and I'm getting my protein
(32:58):
in.
So everything is looking reallygood.
It's really, really good.
Trudie Marie (33:03):
That's actually really good to hear that as much
as you've got difficulties inwhat you can eat, the fact that
you're looking at food in a morepositive way and knowing that
yes, raw food is a brilliantdiet, it's eating healthy
because there's no processedfoods, there's no bad foods, so
to speak, in Verda Commons, thatyou're putting into your body.
(33:26):
So you're fueling your body ina good way.
Because if I go back to what hesaid, you're killing yourself,
you're literally redoing thatwith the overload of caffeine in
your body with nothing else tosustain it.
That now, when you're actuallyfueling your body, you're doing
it in a really positive andhealthy way.
Does that help you look at foodin a more positive light, even
(33:50):
though there still may be thatattachment to the weight you may
gain as a result of eating?
But is it a more positiveexperience for you?
Tina (34:01):
Yes, because now I look at it that I still get to do the
things that I can do.
Probably about six or monthsago, I was in intermittent
fasting and I was going to thegym and sobbing because I
couldn't do a workout because Ihad no energy and I just felt
so, so sick.
So now I look forward to.
I love being creative.
(34:22):
That's my thing.
So I'm like, oh, what are wegoing to try today?
So I've been googling raw foodrecipes.
I still have my chocolate, rawfood chocolate.
I still have maybe ice creammade out of frozen fruits.
So I still have my crackers.
I love crackers.
So I'm I've got a dehydratorthat's going on at the moment
with all my dehydrated fruitsand vegetables in there.
(34:44):
So I'm actually more excitednow than I have been about food
for a very long time becauseone, I'm eating healthy and
eating three meals.
And the main thing is that I'vegot the energy to do the things
that I love and I can keepdoing them.
And it's the food that gives methe ability to be able to do
(35:04):
that.
Trudie Marie (35:05):
Oh, but that's good to hear.
The other question I have ishow has this impacted one, your
boys towards food, like theirrelationship with food, and
secondly, your relationship withthem inside of this journey
that you've been on?
Tina (35:24):
Oh, that's a really hard one to answer.
I think my younger son is okay,but my elder son probably has
been impacted by that and thedivorce idea.
I think he uses food as comfortto maybe to be able to deal
(35:45):
with going through the divorceand a lot of things that that
happened when he was younger,whereas my youngest one is okay.
So he's good, but yeah, I wouldsay that it's been hard on him.
Trudie Marie (35:59):
Yeah.
And do you think that now thatyou've come to this point in
your journey where you'restarting to recognise all the
things that have gone on and thepatterns and how they have to
change and how to live a betterlife, that you now have a
comfort level to be able to havethose hard conversations with
your sons?
Tina (36:18):
I haven't even told my parents what I'm going through.
So I'm thinking that probablysoon I'm gonna have to have that
conversation.
But I kept it, I've kept thishidden from everyone.
My partner that I've been withfor six and a half years only
recently found out that I had aneating disorder.
So I kept that hidden from himas well.
(36:41):
I don't think I'm there yet tohave that conversation with
them.
I will, but I think becauseit's so raw at the moment, and I
have just found the courage toeven share it, that there's
probably a little bit of extralittle bit of healing I need to
(37:01):
do with myself before I can havethat conversation with my boys,
as I'm being really honesthere.
Trudie Marie (37:07):
And look, I totally get it.
And part of that healing andpart of that vulnerability in
leading you towards thosehealthy conversations is
actually being here on thepodcast and sharing your story
so vulnerably.
Because one, not only is itgoing to help a potential
listener who may have their ownissues with bottom dysmorphia
(37:29):
and their approach andrelationship with food, but it's
also going to give you anopportunity to be able to tell
your story so generically, soopen-handedly, where people can
actually just listen and youdon't have to keep retelling
your story over and over andover again because that brings
(37:50):
up a whole myriad of emotionsand things that whereas people
can hear your story via thepodcast and then can come back
to you and just ask questionswhere they feel like something
is missing.
So I think this is a reallybeautiful way of sharing
vulnerably and then being opento what happens afterwards and
(38:14):
having those conversations downthe track.
Tina (38:18):
Sounds good.
I did think of it that way, butthat's probably great.
Say, hey, listen to the podcastand then come back to me if you
have any questions.
I like it.
Trudie Marie (38:26):
Yeah, and sometimes that's I mean, the
hard part when you've beenthrough an issue is that you
feel like I, and I know evenfrom dealing with my own healing
journey through complexpost-traumatic stress, is that I
don't necessarily want to keeptelling the same story over and
over and over again to everydifferent person I meet.
And it was one of the reasons Idid a couple of podcasts myself
(38:49):
in the very beginning was to beable to share my story and go,
here it is.
I don't have to keep retellingit.
If you want to know moreinformation or if you want to
know a little bit more in thatarea, then please come to me and
I'll answer the questions.
But there is almost like alevel of safety and ownership in
laying it all out and thenleaving it up to other people
(39:12):
and how they want to move onfrom there.
I think it'll be a reallybeautiful clearing for me to
move forward.
Tina (39:20):
I always think back to if I hadn't attended that well in
the seminar, I probably wouldn'tbe here today.
And so that's what's given methe courage, one, to do the
podcast.
And this is something that Iwant to do with my life.
Like this year, I thought therewas just something missing.
And that's why I'm hoping thatI can maybe do this as a
(39:41):
stepping stone into going,whether it's out to schools or
to organizations or toworkplaces or women's groups
where I really want to be ableto share my story.
Because, like I said, if Ihadn't attended that seminar, I
wouldn't be here.
So maybe if even one person canhear something in my talk, that
could make a real difference tothem.
(40:02):
And they get to choose to livea life that's full of hope,
courage.
So that's what I really wouldlike.
My my next part of my journeyof my life to look like.
Trudie Marie (40:11):
And what a beautiful part of your journey
that is.
Are you still working with thesame chiropractor or have you
moved on from that?
Tina (40:19):
No, unfortunately, he went back to Canada.
So no, I didn't.
I should actually reach out tohim and share my story because I
don't even think I told himthat his friend had made such a
big difference to my life.
But I'm sure you can findpeople his ways on Facebook or
Instagram.
But I should really reach outto him and let him know that
this is where I am and this iswhat I'm doing.
(40:39):
He'd be so proud.
He was the most amazing guy.
And that's all he ever wantedwas people to live an authentic,
happy, healthy life.
Trudie Marie (40:47):
100%.
That's I think all we want foreach and every one of us is that
we want to live a full,authentic life that is full of
joy and love and kindness andcompassion.
And to be honest, the worldprobably needs more of that
right now, if we look at thebigger picture.
Tina (41:07):
Absolutely.
Trudie Marie (41:09):
So, what does life look like now moving forward
for Tina?
Yes, you want to do yourmotivational speaking and share
your story to assist others intheir own journeys.
And we never fully get theimpact of the ripple effect that
we do have when we do share ourstories and what that leads to
other people.
(41:29):
But what's next for you?
Tina (41:33):
Oh gosh, it's I'm at the beginning stage of my my
speaking.
I'm looking at getting awebsite done, looking at maybe
some other podcastopportunities, maybe offering
some going around to a couple ofschools and offering a couple
of free talks to do there justto get my story out there and to
(41:53):
build my confidence.
It's almost like it's thisexciting new chapter, but I'm
not quite sure how to start ityet or what it's going to look
like.
So I to be honest, I can'treally answer that question.
I just know that I've taken thefirst step, and that was the
hardest step because it wasvery, very easy for me to stay
hidden in the shadows.
One, because that's justsomething I did.
(42:15):
I hid my eating disorder.
Two, being ADHD, I just maskedfor so long who I was, but I
don't know what the next thingis, apart from I'm always
looking for something new andexciting to do.
So I think opportunities willarise.
So something might arisethrough doing this podcast or
just meeting people and talkingto people.
(42:37):
I'm really open to theuniverse.
Bring it on, bring on whateveris positive.
I'm ready to accept it and makea difference to somebody else
and hopefully and myself at thesame time.
Anything's possible.
Trudie Marie (42:51):
I love that.
And I want to thank you so muchfor being here today and
sharing your story sovulnerably.
Because I know it takes a lot,like you said, when your parents
and your boys don't really evenknow the full story, and for
you to be able to share it sopublicly and do it in a way that
(43:12):
really provides connection.
Because sometimes the hardeststories can be told in such a
beautiful way if we just allowthe space to do them.
So thank you for being here.
Tina (43:25):
Thank you.
Thank you for inviting me.
I was just like, I'm glad I didit.
I'm really glad that I did it.
It just feels like that littlebit of extra healing that's been
done just by taking that stepof sharing, sharing it with
someone else.
Trudie Marie (43:41):
And thank you for sharing it with me.
And I always love to finish thepodcast by asking, what is the
one thing you are most gratefulfor today?
Tina (43:50):
I would say I'm most grateful for the strength to
choose my life every singlemorning because I get to choose
the most wonderful experiencesthat come in the that come in
the moment, and I get to chooseto live a life that's full of
love, happiness, and laughter.
Trudie Marie (44:09):
Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday
Warriors podcast.
If you have an idea for afuture episode or a story you'd
like to share yourself, thenplease reach out and message me,
as I am always up for real,raw, and authentic conversations
with other Everyday Warriors.
Also, be sure to subscribe sothat you can download all the
(44:30):
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(44:51):
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journey together.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Everyday Warriors Podcast.
And today's guest is local inWA, just like me, and she has
come referred by one of myfriends.
So welcome to the show, Tina.
Tina (03:48):
Thank you.
Trudie Marie (03:51):
It's great having you, and I'm so thankful, and I
just want to acknowledgeChristine for connecting us
because you just never knowwhere your next guest is going
to come from.
And the fact that I have peopleon my side that are supporting
the show and supporting otherpeople's stories, I just think
is incredible.
So it's so good to have youhere.
(04:12):
Thanks.
So I want to start your storyback in your childhood, which
is, I believe, where everythingsort of started to change for
you.
Tina (04:24):
Yes, so I'll try not to get emotional because it is a
really difficult story to share.
I only really started sharingit a couple of months ago.
So no one apart from a coupleof people have heard this story.
But it really started when Iwas 10 years old.
So I was at my non-ness farm.
I'm from Italian background.
And so I was talking to two ofmy aunties, and I was a kid, so
(04:48):
I must have said something alongthe lines of, oh, I'm really
skinny or something.
And one of my aunties turned tome and said, Tina, it's because
you've got worms, and when youget older, you're going to get
fat.
Trudie Marie (05:01):
Oh wow.
Tina (05:03):
Yeah, just give me a sec.
So that comment stuck with me.
And it didn't really shape whoI was until I was about 16.
Going through puberty, when Istarted in high school, but I
went to an all-girls school.
So that's when I started toreally think, wow, I'm different
(05:23):
from everyone else.
I feel different.
I look different.
Coming back then, beingItalian, having the hairy legs
and being teased for that.
So that's when I really startedto start thinking there was
something different with mybody.
But nothing really happenedafter that for a couple of years
until I turned 16.
(05:44):
So when I turned 16, one of myfriends, it was a sports day,
and she had forgotten her trackswitch pants.
And I said, Oh, I've got aspare pair in my bag.
You can just have them.
Now she was really skinny.
So when she put them on, theywere practically falling off
her.
And all the girls in the classlaughed.
That's when it just really hitme.
(06:05):
And that's when I started tohave some pretty terrible
thoughts about my body.
And I can't remember exactly,but it may have probably been
about maybe a couple of monthsor so.
I was in the drama class, andwe had decided that we're going
to put on the school musical.
And being in all-girls school,we'd invited the boys from our
(06:25):
brother school to come along.
So I got to be in the show.
I had a boy who was going to mydance partner.
So I was pretty excited becauseI love music and I love
performing.
And one day I was running lateto rehearsal.
And as I was in the wings aboutto step out on stage, I heard
my dance partner talking toanother girl.
(06:47):
And he said to her, Listen, Idon't want to be Tina's dance
partner.
She's too fat to lift.
And I can't tell you exactlythe thoughts that went through
my head at that time hearingthat.
I just know that somethinginside me died that day.
And I just stopped eating.
So the show came and went.
(07:11):
And if I lost track of how manytimes, oh how many weeks,
sorry, I didn't eat.
But when I first startedstarving myself, I weighed about
68 kilos.
After, like I said, a couple,it probably would have been more
than a couple of weeks, to behonest.
That whole period of my lifewas a blur.
I would say that I got down to37 kilos.
Trudie Marie (07:33):
Oh wow.
So we're talking about shavingnearly half your weight through
not eating because of something.
One that had stemmed from youraunties at 10 years of age, but
then a boy making a backhandedcomment about not being able to
lift you on stage as part of adance recital that you just went
(07:58):
into a whole body dysmorphia atthat stage.
Tina (08:02):
Yes, and the worst thing about it is that nobody noticed.
Not my mum, not my sisters, notmy friends.
It got to the point where I wasreally, really dangerously thin
and the signs of starvingmyself started to take a toll.
So I can remember having redwelts form all over my arms.
(08:22):
Now this would have been aboutsummertime, because I remember
it was like coming to the end ofthe year.
So I'd have to wear a jumper insummer to hide that.
And people would ask me, Tina,why are you wearing a jumper in
summer?
And I'd go, Oh ha ha, it'sokay.
I don't feel the heat.
And being from Perth, you knowexactly what how Perth summers
(08:42):
are like.
So not only was I suffering onone level, I was suffering on a
whole nother level having towear a jumper.
But not long after that, it wascoming to the end of year
school dance, and so we had toum, so I decided that I'd get a
dress made.
My auntie was a dressmaker, notthe two aunties from not the
from one of the aunties fromwhen I was 10, but so she was a
(09:04):
dressmaker.
I'd picked the dress, I'd gotmy hair done for the event, so I
thought I was looking prettygood.
And on the night we had somephotos taken, I remember I
didn't eat either, so I was justpretending to just push my food
around the plate.
And it wasn't until about aweek later that I got the photo.
And I remember I was so excitedto have a look at the photo
(09:26):
because I thought, oh, I lookpretty good that night.
And that's when I opened thephoto and I just stared at
myself, and I just stared atthat photo for so long because
the face that was looking backat me was not my own face, it
was unrecognizable.
Trudie Marie (09:44):
My cheeks due to the weight loss, is it because
you were so gaunt?
Tina (09:48):
Oh, absolutely.
My cheek, my cheeks, my eyeswere sunken and lifeless.
It was like, yeah.
Trudie Marie (09:55):
So my question is how if you lose about 30 kilos,
even though you're young, yousaid yes, you were wearing
jumpers through the summerperiod, so obviously bulky
layers, how did no one noticethe change in who you were?
Or do you think that given thecircumstances going back to
(10:15):
probably the if you're a similarage to me, it would have been
the late 80s, early 90s?
Did people not notice, or didpeople just not talk about?
Tina (10:26):
Well, I was the eldest of four, and mum and dad worked
all the time, so I just hid inmy room.
And so if mum would it wasn'tdad because he worked late, but
if mum said, Oh, have somethingto eat, no, no, that's fine, I'm
already eating.
So it was like, I'm fine, I'malready eating.
It was only when I went to havea dress fitting that my one of
(10:47):
my aunties said to me, Tina,wow, you look really skinny.
And at that point, there wasnothing on me.
So I had was really frail atthat time, but I just laughed it
off.
I said, Oh no, that's okay.
But I don't know why.
No one said anything at all,not even my friends.
It was just not a conversationwhether they didn't want to talk
(11:08):
about it, they didn't.
Mum was quite young as wellwhen she had me, so maybe she
didn't know how to have thoseconversations with me about what
was going on.
To be honest, I have no ideawhy no one said anything.
Trudie Marie (11:21):
Yeah, it's just interesting that you would look,
you look at your photo ofyourself and see what the
difference is, and you don'trecognize yourself.
I'm just curious as to whatother people's impressions or
opinions were of you around thattime.
Because if you notice thatchange yourself, and we're often
the last ones to notice achange, like it took a seeing a
(11:44):
photo of yourself to recognisethat change, that why no one
else around you had noticedeither.
How did things change for youcoming up to the end of year 12?
And I presume you then went onto university?
Tina (11:58):
Yes, so after that I attempted to start eating again.
So I was at uni, and to behonest, my lunch was a packet of
tomato sauce and a packet ofsalt.
So that's what I would eat forlunch at uni.
It was really bad, so bad nowthat I think back of it.
And then at home, I would justbarely, barely eat.
(12:18):
By the time I finished uni,actually, we take a step back.
So I became obsessed withkeeping fit.
So I was at the gym five days aweek.
I started martial arts as well,and I was doing that six days a
week.
So I was forced to eat.
So I had to start eating to beable to be exercising at that
(12:39):
level.
So then I put on a bit ofweight, it was about I went to
about 42 kilos, and then thatgradually started to get better
and started to eat more.
I finished uni.
I was working, so I had to eatto work, to be able to function
at work, and then I got married.
And by the time I got married,I was at 52 kilos.
So then, not after I gotmarried, I had children.
(13:03):
And I'm really proud to saythat the whole time that I had
my kids, I wasn't starvingmyself.
I was eating normally, so I hadtwo beautiful, healthy boys.
So things really started to geton track.
I was married, I was happy, Ihad kids.
And then I decided to have abirthday party.
And at the birthday party,we're having fun.
(13:24):
So someone filmed the event.
And the next day I went back inand watched the recording, and
that's when I broke down crying.
I just sat on the bed andsobbed because, in my eyes, I
had put on so much weight.
And that moment triggered eightyears of a vicious cycle of
(13:47):
dieting, starving.
I was doing ridiculous faddiets.
I don't know if you ever heardof the soup diet where you just
eat soup, soup, soup, soup,soup, this soup, breakfast,
lunch, and dinner, snacks.
I got so violently ill afterthat, but it worked.
In my eyes, it worked.
I went down to 47 kilos.
But I was, again, from aboutbeing, well, it's heavier then
(14:08):
because I had my children.
So I was probably about70-something kilos down to 47
kilos.
But I got really, really sickand I couldn't function having
two little children at thatstage doing that.
So I thought, what am I gonnado?
I can't starve myself, but Ibecause after I recovered from
the two weeks, I started eatingagain.
(14:28):
If you eat again, you know whatyour body does, puts on weight.
So I and I started to panic.
I don't want to put on thisweight again.
What am I gonna do?
But I can't starve myself.
I've got two little kids tolook after.
So I thought I'd come up with abrilliant idea.
I would live off five cups ofcoffee a day.
That was my fuel for weeks andweeks and weeks.
I had five cups of coffee.
I was jittery, I was anightmare, it was a mess.
(14:51):
I was barely being able to lookafter myself, my kids.
And not long after that, mymarriage could fell apart and I
became divorced.
So life was not looking verygood for me at that stage.
Trudie Marie (15:08):
I just want to take you back because just
hearing you say that, like youwent through this eight years of
struggle.
So you were underweight tobegin with, going through uni if
you were leaving off tomatosauce and salt.
And then you decide to becomevery health conscious, but in a
good way or a positive way,because you're doing your
(15:30):
martial arts in your gym, and soyou're forced to you eat, but
your physique is matching whatyou're currently doing.
You get married and you havetwo children, and you're very
healthy during both pregnanciesand initially postpartum.
When you look back now, becauselet's be real, hindsight is
2020, but when you look back tothat time where you saw a video
(15:53):
of yourself at a party where I'mguessing that you were at
reasonably healthy weight rangebecause you were fit and healthy
and just had two children, whatwas the body dysmorphia like
for you in the sense that you,in that instant of seeing the
image, was it the voices of yourauntie saying when you get
older you become fat?
(16:14):
Or was it just the fact of thispost-partum baby weight that
sent you on this downward spiralor resorting to five cups of
coffee a day to maintain theweight?
Tina (16:26):
To be honest, I think it was that when I saw the photo of
myself looking like that brokeme out of the cycle of where I
was starving myself.
This actually put me back intothat because I saw a photo or an
image of myself where I wasback to when I was a teenager
and was overweight.
So that triggered that wholecycle again of those feelings
(16:49):
and that brought up thosefeelings again.
Oh my gosh, I'm overweight.
I don't want to go back tobeing like that again because I
was I ended up putting on quitea bit of weight after my second
child.
So he was quite a large child.
So that then triggered thatwhole cycle again of I can't be
like this.
What am I gonna do?
(17:09):
There were shorter periods ofstarving myself because again, I
had the kids, so I couldn'tnot, I couldn't go through that
and starve myself and look afterthem.
So that's when all this crazydieting came in and periods of
starving myself.
So looking back, it was yeah,seeing that image of myself
again and being back to when Iwas 16.
Trudie Marie (17:28):
And apologies if this is somewhat of a personal
question, but was your bodydysmorphia and your yo-yo
dieting a contributing factor toyour marriage breakdown?
Tina (17:41):
I think in a way, in a way, maybe yes and a bit of no.
There was something quitepersonal that had triggered the
breakdown.
But I think closer to the end,it was not knowing that I had
ADHD to start off with, and Irecently diagnosed three years
ago.
(18:01):
So the way I saw myself wasvery different, and I always
didn't feel like I would fit in.
But I think near the end, itwould have definitely been the
five cups of coffee.
It was crazy.
I was barely functioning as ahuman being.
I wasn't sleeping, I wasn'teating.
At the time, my ex-husband wasworking all the time.
So I had it, it was a lot ofcontributing factors.
(18:23):
I wouldn't say it wasdefinitely the thing that pushed
it over the edge, but did itcontribute?
I would say yes, it would have.
Trudie Marie (18:31):
Okay.
And thank you for being so rawand honest because it is one of
those things that when we lookback and we can see what was
going on at the time, havingthose five cups of coffee a day
and that's all you were intakingin your body.
Were there any other healthissues that arose because of
that?
Like you said, you got sickafter the soup diet, but was
(18:54):
there anything else that younoticed?
Because obviously, when youwere younger and starving
yourself, you were breaking outin a rash.
But did anything like thathappen during this eight-year
struggle with your body image?
Tina (19:07):
Not that I can recall.
It's hard for me to recall thattime because I was a young mum
as well.
Do you know what I mean?
So when I was in high school, Ihad to think about me and what
was going on in my life, but atthat time, I had so focused on
the kids.
And like I said, my ex-husbandwas working long, long hours.
To be honest, no, I can'tremember an impact apart from
(19:28):
the fact that I was highlystrung all the time and wasn't
sleeping.
I can't really remember anyimpact on me.
But I would have I didn't dothat as long as I did the
starving as well.
Do you know what I mean?
Because like you can only dothat for a certain period of
time before you at least.
So I probably would have doneit at least two, three weeks
straight, maybe four maximum, tobe able to lose some weight.
(19:48):
And then I would have thenstarted trying to eat again.
So it wasn't as long as thefirst time when I was 16, where
I didn't eat for goodness knowshow long.
Trudie Marie (19:58):
Obviously, after divorce is that's a stressful
time in itself, anyway, goingthrough a marriage breakup.
I know firsthand what that'slike.
How did that then resolveitself?
Like you're dealing with one,being a mum, two, going through
this divorce, and three, withthis whole body dysmorphia
stuff.
And then from what you've justsaid about the ADHD, you're
(20:22):
dealing with whatever was goingon with you mentally and how you
actually coped on a day-to-daybasis without being diagnosed.
What was a change for youduring that time, or like how
did you cope during that time?
Tina (20:36):
Well, when I didn't have a choice, mum and dad again were
still working, so I had tojust, I just had to do it.
You know what it's like as amum, you just got to get in and
do it.
But when my marriage ended, Ineeded to get a job.
So that was a big focus.
A friend of mine introduced meto her, a friend of hers was a
chiropractor, and they neededsomeone to run some wellness
(20:59):
talks for them.
So I jumped on board and he hada friend visiting from Canada,
and we were pretty much told weneeded to attend his wellness
seminar.
The funny thing is, I rememberthis day so clearly because it
was the day that I actuallydecided to start starving myself
again.
Because after the marriageended, I was eating, I did put
(21:23):
on some weight, and any themoment I get any weight at all,
the first thing is either doingsome ridiculous diet or starving
myself.
So that day I decided I'm goingto start starving myself.
So I attended his wellnessseminar.
I didn't want to go, I wasforced to go.
So I sat at the back of theroom, listening to this guy,
(21:44):
going on and on.
Oh, you have to eat healthy andyou have to be mindful and you
have to make sure that you lookafter your body.
And I didn't care.
I didn't care what he wassaying.
That was the day I decided thatI wanted to starve myself so I
could lose weight.
That was all I was interestedin.
(22:05):
If he didn't tell me anythingabout losing weight, I'm not
listening to you.
Anyway, so he's going on and onand talking.
And then he said something thatmade me stop and listen.
He very slowly and clearly saidto the audience, stop killing
yourselves.
And in that moment, I was backin the wings as a 16-year-old
(22:31):
girl, listening to my dancepartner say to the other girl, I
don't think Tina's dancepartner because she's too fat to
live.
But in that moment, gosh, thisis so hard to say.
Was I said to myself, Tina istoo fat to live.
Trudie Marie (23:00):
And that's when I realized that's such a huge
realization for you to have inthat moment.
It's not that you're too fat,it's not that a boy told you you
were fat, or that your auntiesaid when you got older you
would become fat.
That you were able to recognizethat you told yourself
(23:23):
something completely differentthat had literally blindsided
you for what possibly near on10, 15 plus years.
Tina (23:35):
And that's when my journey of healing and
discovering who I was, his wordsinspired me to really look at
my life and stop killing myself.
And yeah, and that's when myjourney of healing and courage
and resilience began.
Trudie Marie (23:53):
That's such a poignant moment in your life to
actually going from there issomething wrong with me to I
have something to live for.
That's a huge turnaround.
And I just want to take amoment to acknowledge your
(24:14):
courage to actually go therebecause most people don't.
Most people will continue tofight or find a reason outside
of themselves for what's goingon, and the fact that you
actually were able to look backand realize that you didn't want
to do what you were doinganymore, and start a journey on
(24:39):
of your own in a more positivedirection.
Kudos to you.
Tina (24:46):
Um gosh, I don't know where to go from there.
Trudie Marie (24:50):
That's okay.
Take a moment to pause and justbe really, I don't know,
reflective of the journey you'vebeen on.
Because I and I want of mylisteners to really comprehend
that this is such a poignant,life-changing moment.
You were sitting in a seminarthat you said you were forced to
go to, you said that you weregoing to starve yourself, and
(25:14):
unless he had something to shareabout how you could lose weight
and inside of starvingyourself, then you didn't want
to listen to him.
But in one second, he said,Stop killing yourself.
You had a huge aha light bulbmoment, whatever you want to
call it, that literally turnedyour life away.
(25:37):
So, how did you move forwardfrom there?
What were some of the stepsthat you took to actually start
looking after yourself andmoving forward?
Tina (25:49):
Oh, so life's like took on a different meaning for me
then.
So I really wanted to discovermy authentic self.
So I started to do things thatwere that were really resonated
with me.
And again, still not knowingabout the ADHD, but being my
full, be fully expressing myselfbecause if you have ADHD, you
(26:10):
mask who you are.
So I started singing andperforming.
I never thought I'd get back onstage ever again.
And I actually performed inBaltimore, USA, in 2014, singing
with the chorus.
I got myself back into healthysport, not obsessed, obsessive
sport.
And it's actually been 15years.
This year I've been at the samegym.
It's like a chamber fitness,it's like a CrossFit gym.
(26:34):
And then I wanted to reconnectwith doing things for the
community.
So I was a volunteer at RadioLollipop, and gosh, I've got so
many stories about how thatchanged my life, having to show
up and be myself to inspire thekids and have fun with them.
So I had to leave behind thescared Tina and be the fun, fun,
(26:58):
loving, and entertainingperson.
Trudie Marie (27:01):
I love that because I too, back in the day,
was a volunteer at Radio Realts.
And it's one of the mostbeautiful, vulnerable
experiences where you just putyourself outside of who you are
and show up a hundred percentauthentic because you're with
kids and you they're not asjudgmental as we are on
(27:23):
ourselves.
So I just wanted to share thatbecause I totally get what that
experience is like, having beena volunteer with radio long.
And kudos to anyone who doesthat because it's such an
incredible experience.
Tina (27:37):
But then life took a bit of a different turn.
So I still love volunteeringand miss that.
So for three and a half years,I've been a St.
John Ambulance volunteer, whichis completely different, but
again, it's helping people.
I've always had this thinginside me where I just wanted to
help and inspire people.
So I'm still continuing to dothat.
(27:59):
The biggest lesson I found, andI think that really got me
through this whole thing, isthat I needed to understand one
crucial part that was missingafter I actually was became a
reconvictive healer.
So I was doing all theseamazing things to get me through
life.
But the big piece for me thatwas missing was kindness.
(28:21):
And so kindness is powerful.
And it wasn't kindness toothers, it was kindness to
myself.
There was so much toxicself-talk, there was so much
self-harm.
There were so many things thatI still continued to do to
myself, even though I was onthis journey of recovery, I
(28:44):
hadn't fully healed how I spoketo myself.
And to be honest, every singleday, even to this very day, I
still have those thoughts thatpop in my head.
But I need to remind myself tobe strong, to be courageous, and
not to listen to those negativethoughts.
And I get to choose.
So that's what I've decided.
(29:05):
I get to choose whether or notI'm not starving myself or
anymore.
I'm not talking to myselfanymore like that.
My life's not perfect.
And I can tell you, like Isaid, I still have those moments
where I think I want to getback into those old patterns.
But I choose every day when Iget up to have a better life for
me, for myself, for my family,for everyone.
(29:27):
So kindness was the last littlepiece that to the puzzle that
helps me get through with myrecovery.
Trudie Marie (29:34):
I think it's such an important piece of the puzzle
to acknowledge and takeresponsibility for.
Because honestly, if we spoketo other people the way we speak
to ourselves, we would be shotdown in public every day of the
week because we are our ownworst judges.
(29:55):
We are self critical, we arejust horrible people.
To ourselves.
And once you can start tointernalize the kindness and
speak more positive aboutyourself and see yourself
through a different lens andreally look in the mirror and
love who we see, then that's awhole turning point in our lives
(30:19):
to actually just own who we arethe good, the bad, the ugly, as
I say.
Tina (30:27):
Yeah, and that's so true because life is hard.
Every single day it's hard, andI get to choose how I see my
life.
And it's it's funny that yousaid that you got to see
yourself in the mirror.
Ages ago, I was talking to afriend and she was watching her
granddaughter looking at herselfin the mirror, and she was
smiling and laughing and kissingher own hand, and it just made
(30:50):
me think when did we stop doingthat and why did we stop doing
that?
It's pretty sad.
So I think we all need to belike the kids, get back to it,
and like I said, look atyourself in the mirror with that
self-love.
Trudie Marie (31:03):
A hundred percent.
And what are some of the thingsfrom a health and fitness
perspective, as far as yourdieting and your eating, or
healthy eating and your physicalexercise?
What sort of things do you donow that are way more positive
than the young yo dieting, theoverexertion of physical
(31:26):
activity?
Tina (31:27):
Well, like I say, I still crossfit, which I absolutely
love, but that's more aboutcommunity because there I've
been there for 15 years.
My coach says to me, Tina,don't ever stop being you.
So it's a safe place for mewhere I can be that true
authentic self.
I'm gonna be really honest withyou about my eating.
I think I did a lot of damageto my body through the coffee
(31:51):
and the extreme dieting.
So I have extreme issues witheating food and getting sick,
but I'm working with thenaturopath at the moment.
And the only thing that wasworking for me is eating raw
food.
And that's only because if Ieat anything else, I just get
sick, which is good.
So she's got me eating threemeals a day.
(32:13):
Up until not long ago, I wasstill pretending I was being
healthy by intermittent fasting,I was calling.
Oh, like intermittent fasting.
But yeah, using that as alittle bit of a cover to because
I've been in maintenance since2008.
I haven't been really bigperiods of time, but it's
(32:36):
normal.
I lapse, I get back on to beinghealthy.
But for the last couple ofmonths, I've been really good.
And the raw food for me isreally helping.
It's not for everyone, but Ithink I've just done so much
damage to my body over the yearsthat raw is the only thing that
I can eat at the moment.
But I'm eating three meals aday and I'm getting my protein
(32:58):
in.
So everything is looking reallygood.
It's really, really good.
Trudie Marie (33:03):
That's actually really good to hear that as much
as you've got difficulties inwhat you can eat, the fact that
you're looking at food in a morepositive way and knowing that
yes, raw food is a brilliantdiet, it's eating healthy
because there's no processedfoods, there's no bad foods, so
to speak, in Verda Commons, thatyou're putting into your body.
(33:26):
So you're fueling your body ina good way.
Because if I go back to what hesaid, you're killing yourself,
you're literally redoing thatwith the overload of caffeine in
your body with nothing else tosustain it.
That now, when you're actuallyfueling your body, you're doing
it in a really positive andhealthy way.
Does that help you look at foodin a more positive light, even
(33:50):
though there still may be thatattachment to the weight you may
gain as a result of eating?
But is it a more positiveexperience for you?
Tina (34:01):
Yes, because now I look at it that I still get to do the
things that I can do.
Probably about six or monthsago, I was in intermittent
fasting and I was going to thegym and sobbing because I
couldn't do a workout because Ihad no energy and I just felt
so, so sick.
So now I look forward to.
I love being creative.
(34:22):
That's my thing.
So I'm like, oh, what are wegoing to try today?
So I've been googling raw foodrecipes.
I still have my chocolate, rawfood chocolate.
I still have maybe ice creammade out of frozen fruits.
So I still have my crackers.
I love crackers.
So I'm I've got a dehydratorthat's going on at the moment
with all my dehydrated fruitsand vegetables in there.
(34:44):
So I'm actually more excitednow than I have been about food
for a very long time becauseone, I'm eating healthy and
eating three meals.
And the main thing is that I'vegot the energy to do the things
that I love and I can keepdoing them.
And it's the food that gives methe ability to be able to do
(35:04):
that.
Trudie Marie (35:05):
Oh, but that's good to hear.
The other question I have ishow has this impacted one, your
boys towards food, like theirrelationship with food, and
secondly, your relationship withthem inside of this journey
that you've been on?
Tina (35:24):
Oh, that's a really hard one to answer.
I think my younger son is okay,but my elder son probably has
been impacted by that and thedivorce idea.
I think he uses food as comfortto maybe to be able to deal
(35:45):
with going through the divorceand a lot of things that that
happened when he was younger,whereas my youngest one is okay.
So he's good, but yeah, I wouldsay that it's been hard on him.
Trudie Marie (35:59):
Yeah.
And do you think that now thatyou've come to this point in
your journey where you'restarting to recognise all the
things that have gone on and thepatterns and how they have to
change and how to live a betterlife, that you now have a
comfort level to be able to havethose hard conversations with
your sons?
Tina (36:18):
I haven't even told my parents what I'm going through.
So I'm thinking that probablysoon I'm gonna have to have that
conversation.
But I kept it, I've kept thishidden from everyone.
My partner that I've been withfor six and a half years only
recently found out that I had aneating disorder.
So I kept that hidden from himas well.
(36:41):
I don't think I'm there yet tohave that conversation with
them.
I will, but I think becauseit's so raw at the moment, and I
have just found the courage toeven share it, that there's
probably a little bit of extralittle bit of healing I need to
(37:01):
do with myself before I can havethat conversation with my boys,
as I'm being really honesthere.
Trudie Marie (37:07):
And look, I totally get it.
And part of that healing andpart of that vulnerability in
leading you towards thosehealthy conversations is
actually being here on thepodcast and sharing your story
so vulnerably.
Because one, not only is itgoing to help a potential
listener who may have their ownissues with bottom dysmorphia
(37:29):
and their approach andrelationship with food, but it's
also going to give you anopportunity to be able to tell
your story so generically, soopen-handedly, where people can
actually just listen and youdon't have to keep retelling
your story over and over andover again because that brings
(37:50):
up a whole myriad of emotionsand things that whereas people
can hear your story via thepodcast and then can come back
to you and just ask questionswhere they feel like something
is missing.
So I think this is a reallybeautiful way of sharing
vulnerably and then being opento what happens afterwards and
(38:14):
having those conversations downthe track.
Tina (38:18):
Sounds good.
I did think of it that way, butthat's probably great.
Say, hey, listen to the podcastand then come back to me if you
have any questions.
I like it.
Trudie Marie (38:26):
Yeah, and sometimes that's I mean, the
hard part when you've beenthrough an issue is that you
feel like I, and I know evenfrom dealing with my own healing
journey through complexpost-traumatic stress, is that I
don't necessarily want to keeptelling the same story over and
over and over again to everydifferent person I meet.
And it was one of the reasons Idid a couple of podcasts myself
(38:49):
in the very beginning was to beable to share my story and go,
here it is.
I don't have to keep retellingit.
If you want to know moreinformation or if you want to
know a little bit more in thatarea, then please come to me and
I'll answer the questions.
But there is almost like alevel of safety and ownership in
laying it all out and thenleaving it up to other people
(39:12):
and how they want to move onfrom there.
I think it'll be a reallybeautiful clearing for me to
move forward.
Tina (39:20):
I always think back to if I hadn't attended that well in
the seminar, I probably wouldn'tbe here today.
And so that's what's given methe courage, one, to do the
podcast.
And this is something that Iwant to do with my life.
Like this year, I thought therewas just something missing.
And that's why I'm hoping thatI can maybe do this as a
(39:41):
stepping stone into going,whether it's out to schools or
to organizations or toworkplaces or women's groups
where I really want to be ableto share my story.
Because, like I said, if Ihadn't attended that seminar, I
wouldn't be here.
So maybe if even one person canhear something in my talk, that
could make a real difference tothem.
(40:02):
And they get to choose to livea life that's full of hope,
courage.
So that's what I really wouldlike.
My my next part of my journeyof my life to look like.
Trudie Marie (40:11):
And what a beautiful part of your journey
that is.
Are you still working with thesame chiropractor or have you
moved on from that?
Tina (40:19):
No, unfortunately, he went back to Canada.
So no, I didn't.
I should actually reach out tohim and share my story because I
don't even think I told himthat his friend had made such a
big difference to my life.
But I'm sure you can findpeople his ways on Facebook or
Instagram.
But I should really reach outto him and let him know that
this is where I am and this iswhat I'm doing.
(40:39):
He'd be so proud.
He was the most amazing guy.
And that's all he ever wantedwas people to live an authentic,
happy, healthy life.
Trudie Marie (40:47):
100%.
That's I think all we want foreach and every one of us is that
we want to live a full,authentic life that is full of
joy and love and kindness andcompassion.
And to be honest, the worldprobably needs more of that
right now, if we look at thebigger picture.
Tina (41:07):
Absolutely.
Trudie Marie (41:09):
So, what does life look like now moving forward
for Tina?
Yes, you want to do yourmotivational speaking and share
your story to assist others intheir own journeys.
And we never fully get theimpact of the ripple effect that
we do have when we do share ourstories and what that leads to
other people.
(41:29):
But what's next for you?
Tina (41:33):
Oh gosh, it's I'm at the beginning stage of my my
speaking.
I'm looking at getting awebsite done, looking at maybe
some other podcastopportunities, maybe offering
some going around to a couple ofschools and offering a couple
of free talks to do there justto get my story out there and to
(41:53):
build my confidence.
It's almost like it's thisexciting new chapter, but I'm
not quite sure how to start ityet or what it's going to look
like.
So I to be honest, I can'treally answer that question.
I just know that I've taken thefirst step, and that was the
hardest step because it wasvery, very easy for me to stay
hidden in the shadows.
One, because that's justsomething I did.
(42:15):
I hid my eating disorder.
Two, being ADHD, I just maskedfor so long who I was, but I
don't know what the next thingis, apart from I'm always
looking for something new andexciting to do.
So I think opportunities willarise.
So something might arisethrough doing this podcast or
just meeting people and talkingto people.
(42:37):
I'm really open to theuniverse.
Bring it on, bring on whateveris positive.
I'm ready to accept it and makea difference to somebody else
and hopefully and myself at thesame time.
Anything's possible.
Trudie Marie (42:51):
I love that.
And I want to thank you so muchfor being here today and
sharing your story sovulnerably.
Because I know it takes a lot,like you said, when your parents
and your boys don't really evenknow the full story, and for
you to be able to share it sopublicly and do it in a way that
(43:12):
really provides connection.
Because sometimes the hardeststories can be told in such a
beautiful way if we just allowthe space to do them.
So thank you for being here.
Tina (43:25):
Thank you.
Thank you for inviting me.
I was just like, I'm glad I didit.
I'm really glad that I did it.
It just feels like that littlebit of extra healing that's been
done just by taking that stepof sharing, sharing it with
someone else.
Trudie Marie (43:41):
And thank you for sharing it with me.
And I always love to finish thepodcast by asking, what is the
one thing you are most gratefulfor today?
Tina (43:50):
I would say I'm most grateful for the strength to
choose my life every singlemorning because I get to choose
the most wonderful experiencesthat come in the that come in
the moment, and I get to chooseto live a life that's full of
love, happiness, and laughter.
Trudie Marie (44:09):
Thank you for tuning in to the Everyday
Warriors podcast.
If you have an idea for afuture episode or a story you'd
like to share yourself, thenplease reach out and message me,
as I am always up for real,raw, and authentic conversations
with other Everyday Warriors.
Also, be sure to subscribe sothat you can download all the
(44:30):
latest episodes as they arepublished.
And spread the word to yourfamily and friends and
colleagues so they can listen intoo.
If you're sharing on socialmedia, please be sure to tag me
so that I can personallyacknowledge you.
I'm always open to commentabout how these episodes have
resonated with you, thelistener.
(44:51):
And remember, lead with love asyou live this one wild and
precious life.
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