Ever been to a wedding where Uncle Bob seems to take on the role of an amateur photographer? Have you stumbled upon a situation where a wedding guest made a major personal announcement at someone else's wedding? Then this episode is for you. We're taking an in-depth look into the world of wedding guest and photographer etiquette, discussing everything from the ever-present "Uncle Bob" phenomenon, to the importance of setting clear boundaries and expectations when it comes to photography and social media posts.
We've got a lot to unpack here. We're discussing the dos and don'ts of what to wear, when to arrive, and how to navigate those tricky conversations. We also touch on the importance of respecting the couple's music choices and why it's downright inappropriate to steal the couple's thunder with your own personal announcements. And for the photographers in the audience, we'll be touching on how you can handle family dynamics, respect the couple's desired photo list and navigate the social implications of the pandemic.
In the spirit of lightheartedness, we'll be touching on the difference between 'poor behavior' and 'trash' at weddings. We'll also be looking at the intricacies of time management at a wedding, from the receiving line to releasing the bride and groom from conversations with guests. And, of course, we'll discuss the importance of being mindful of your behavior and how small considerations can help keep the event running smoothly. So, whether you're a wedding guest, the unofficial photographer, or just enjoy a good laugh, you don't want to miss this episode.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, that was.
my next thing was and it'sfunny it's funny that I'm saying
this because I have an UncleBob, but this is how they're
referred to is the Uncle Bob whothinks that they're a
photographer?
Um?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
My father-in-law's name is Bob, So it's not this
Bob.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yeah.
So here's the thing is.
I would strongly encourageUncle Bob to leave the camera at
home.
It's not going to happen, likeI know.
I'm just like hoping for thebest, but I'm expecting the
worst.
Uncle Bob is bringing hiscamera.
If Uncle Bob brings his camera,you need to, as a bride and a
(00:38):
groom, or a wedding couple, youneed to set the expectations for
both your photographer and alsoUncle Bob.
Uncle Bob is not allowed totake photos while we're posing
you for your actual portraits.
No, absolutely not.
Oh yeah, that's his Because.
Uncle Bob will go home, and thisis my next this is my next, And
(00:59):
then post them wet a kit.
He'll post them before you havean opportunity as the wedding
couple to post the photos thatyou want to.
And also, that's not UncleBob's work.
Us posing you is part of ourentire thing.
He doesn't get to stand overyour shoulder as a photographer
and take the portraits thatyou're setting up Absolutely not
(01:21):
Family portraits.
I don't really care.
If you want to get that's fine,like if you want to grab extras
of the family.
Just, you know we always saythings happen to cameras and
electronics and equipment andall of that.
So if Uncle Bob is behind youwith his camera and I'm setting
up family photos, that's totallydifferent.
I'm talking about, like, thecreative portraits that you're
doing as the wedding couple.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
And I usually do those far away from people.
I mean it totally depends onthe location If they were doing
portraits.
I actually have a family memberapproaching, unless it's the
maid of honor, with somethingyou know of assistance, or mom,
or maybe even dad, you know, forwhatever.
I don't even know what thereason would be, but for
whatever reason, if anybody elseis walking over, that would be
(02:04):
an immediately put my cameradown and be like hi, can we help
you?
Like we have a you know timelimit.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I would never even let them stand there.
That would, that would.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I've had a few that have taken photos over my
shoulder And then when I go homeI look at the tagged photos
like from like that night I'llgo home and looked at the tag
photos of the bride and thegroom And Uncle Bob posted the
photo that they took with mypose, without my.
So then when I post that sameish photo, but with my edits and
(02:33):
stuff, it doesn't have the samefeel for the bride and the
groom, Like it just doesn't.
They've already kind of seen it.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
That's so bizarre, yeah, that's Brute, oh it's so
rude.
I haven't had that one happenyet.
So I uh, and I hope, cross myfingers, don't have to Knock on
wood Yeah knock on.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, yeah, oh um, so that was that was the next
thing was posting before thebride and the groom have the
opportunity to do So.
So I don't I think.
I think social media is soprevalent in this day and age
that brides and grooms andwedding couples understand I
just need to get used to sayingwedding couples, Like I always
say bride and groom, And thenI'd like go into being like
inclusive, like wedding couple.
(03:08):
I want to make sure that I'mincluding everybody.
But, um, I think weddingcouples understand now, when you
go, you know when people cometo your wedding, they're going
to post photos of the wedding.
I think maybe what you can doas a guest, which would be
really nice to do, is not reallyhold yourself back from posting
the photos from the wedding,but maybe holding back from
(03:31):
posting photos of the bride andthe groom or the wedding couple,
Um, until they have theopportunity to post themselves,
until they have some previewsfrom their you know their
photographers, If you want topost photos of the champagne
wall, if you want to post photosof the arch, from the ceremony,
but I think Photos of thecouple coming out before the
(03:54):
professional photos.
I think it totally depends onthe couple, but I could see how
some people might get bent outof shape having their first
photos as a married couple beposted by somebody who has
really really bad shots of them.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I'd be really interested to do a poll on that,
see if, to see if technologyhas changed that assumption.
Um, if people just assume thatpeople are taking photos of
their pictures and they'rethrowing it up on Instagram and
more, whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Cause I would think I would be, I would totally be
okay with it.
I don't know, but Yeah, thereare some people who are private
and want to have the opportunityto like.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
If that was the case, through that, they need to make
that clear.
That would be the advice thatyou need to make sure.
I mean, if you're that, if youFeel strongly about that, you
should put on your likeinvitations, you should put it
on on a sign.
I would just be say, if that,if that would upset you that
someone's gonna post a photo,because I would go to guess This
day and age I I would assumethat that's someone.
I think it's more the tagging.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
But if you're on Facebook, you can definitely
like before you get married.
If you have a problem Like ifyou have an issue with that
happening, you could make yourYour tagged photos private so
that you have to review the onesthat you accept after the
wedding day.
So that's something to thinkabout.
It was just it was on a list ofthe things that guests
shouldn't do and I was like Idon't, i don't feel strongly
about that one.
I feel like it totally dependson the couple, but I don't know.
(05:12):
Maybe if you want to try to belike as Um, as careful as
possible, like, you could postthe details, but not necessarily
a photo of the bride and thegroom or wedding couple.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Interesting, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
It was on, i think it was on like a vogue article or
something, and I was like me, idon't really.
I think that's fine, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I, i would lean heavily into technology and what
People's assumptions are atthis day and age, which it
totally Changes trends and howeveryone feels about it.
So I, but I don't know, i don't, i don't know how much people.
I think I lean in with you that.
I think I would be okay with it, but not what you've described.
Like I'm doing portraits Mybride and groom portraits and
like someone posted it thatnight was not the photographer.
(05:55):
That would be odd.
It would be one thing if it waslike we're doing it in an open
field and somebody shot it fromthe cocktail hour Far away in
the window and like I saw thephotographer in it or something,
yeah.
Like if someone over my shoulderdoing it that that would be
just, yeah, i would, i wouldstop what I was doing You like
can?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I went home and I was hot.
I was so mad, i was like Iunderstand dude.
Yeah, okay, you give me one.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
All right.
So this is a big one, um, drinkresponsibly.
Drink responsibly at thewedding.
What does that mean?
because there's an open bar, alittle lot of weddings is an
open bar, or beer and wine houror sometimes just cash bar,
doesn't matter.
Usually, at a majority ofweddings, there's alcohol
available, um, and at the openbar ones, you know, we go into
(06:38):
it going especially as guestswith friends That you haven't
partied with in a long time.
You got everybody in the sameroom.
It's awesome, super exciting.
You, just you know they've gottheir drink, um, their specialty
drink that's sometimes namedafter a favorite pet, something,
just something cute, and it'sjust, in a lot of times, yep,
yep, and That you can getcarried away really easily.
(07:01):
So You, this, this is animportant one because you don't,
it's somebody's wedding day.
It's still a classy event, evenwith, even with, even if
they're a Dancy vibey, just, youknow we want to go hard and
have a great time.
There's still a fine linebetween, you know, being buzzed,
having a few drinks and likeeven getting a little bit more
(07:23):
than tipsy, just a little bit.
But when you cross intoblackout, drunk, um, you know
that's too much, that's, that'stoo much, and I would go to say,
unless you're literally Youturn 21 and this is the first
time you're having drinks andyou have no idea what your
limits are yet And you just likeblah.
But if you're again I'll saythis a grown-ass adult who
should know that at this point.
That's just so To watch.
(07:48):
And I should say we'll breakthis down into two different
categories.
I'll just say, and there'sthose variations of this, but
I'm going to say large wedding,small wedding and small wedding.
I'm saying 50 or less, 50 orless people where you were
selected as a guest in a verytight list of the people to be
on their special day.
And if you Are walking out ofthere Before the wedding is over
(08:13):
and you're just, you know,literally puking, i think that
means you went too hard, it'sjust not, it's just not a good
look, it's not respectable.
Um, you want to, you want tofinish up the wedding and it's A
bigger wedding again, it's notgreat, but it's it's a little
bit easier to like Disappear.
And if you really did drinkthat much um, but you should
(08:34):
watch it You should definitelynot go into the wedding.
I think that's what I'm tryingto say.
You shouldn't go into thewedding, thinking I'm going to
get blackout drunk tonight,because that is not the
appropriate Place to do it.
As fun as it may seem to havethe open bar and to you, know
you that's what it's there for.
Go ahead, have as many drinksas you'd like, within reason
within reason.
(08:54):
So you are not out of controlBecause you don't, we it's, it's
not.
Luckily, at least for myself,it has not been common place,
which is great.
I've seen the one-offindividuals who definitely you
can point out and be like Theyare having a really good time.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
You know I had a lot to drink, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, but it's been very rare for me to see somebody
.
You know, i have seen it, um,you know, completely gone, like
just gone, and it's like they'renot going to remember this,
like that.
That's how much they're in thebag.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yeah, it's just you.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
You don't want to do that in somebody's special day.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I think the most important part of that for me is
like, like you said, with thebigger wedding it's easier to
get away with it.
It's easier because there areso many people and Yeah, either
way, big wedding, small weddingsthey, they chose you to be on
that guest list and they paidfor your meal.
And if you are, i don't know, i, um, yeah, i don't like it.
(09:55):
I uh, i feel like people areuncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
You don't want to make, you don't want to keep a
bride and groomer reason to feeluncomfortable on a day that
they're supposed to feel reallygood about, right and looking
around your table or yourmultiple tables and seeing that
someone's missing and being likeum Okay, where did they go.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Especially for the small weddings like I just feel
Yeah, I feel pretty stronglyabout that one Um It just
because it shouldn't be yourgoal to go into somebody's
wedding and things do happen.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Body chemistry is always different and there are
just sometimes where I've We'vesaid this where it's like I feel
like I had three drinks and I'mlike I'm almost falling over,
and it's just some days that.
And then there are days where Ifeel like I've had, you know, a
handful of beers at a summerevent and you don't feel it at
all and you're right, and it'ssometimes that does happen, but
generally speaking, that's ifyou don't have uh, you're not a
(10:49):
magician and can't control yourbody chemistry.
So for the most part you shouldknow what your limit is.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, it is pretty rude.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah, it's just totally it's just rude.
It's just a little rude So doyou want to take one?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
I'll take one, okay, um, the dress code.
So for some of them I saw don'twear white.
For some of them I saw don'twear black, for a majority of
which I loved we asked everybodyto wear black, but a Majority
case you asked them.
Yeah, that's a majority of what.
Well, here's the thing, though,is that I would I totally would
(11:22):
wear black to a wedding,because I didn't know that was
the thing, and all I really wearis black.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
So okay, let me take a step back.
Um, i was just focusing on thefact that you asked them.
So then, that's okay forwhatever you asked them.
That's your wedding.
Um but specifically the colorblack.
Yeah, i would.
I don't think I would havethought of that, as I know white
Like an all white dress.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Yeah, you definitely don't want to somebody said In
the poll that I put up, likethere was a guest that was
wearing a floor length dressthat was all white, and it was
the only thing as another guestthat they could like even think
about is.
Like how rude is that?
But well, the real big one,though, was Dress, dress.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Dress appropriately.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Dress appropriately.
You don't have to wear thesexiest dress in your Closet,
especially if there arereligious.
There are religious vibes tothe wedding that you are going
to Be respectful, that thewedding day isn't about.
You.
Don't wear white, don't wearsomething that is way too
revealing and have You knowthat's gonna pull the attention
(12:26):
away from the wedding couple.
Um, if you feel like, if it'seven a thought in your brain
That says is this appropriate?
I'll answer it for you righthere.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
If you have to question whetheryour outfit is too sexy to go
to a wedding No, it's notappropriate.
(12:47):
No.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
No, that's yeah.
So between that, the, the colorsheen scheme, i can't say words
.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Oh man, now you got me saying color sheen.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, that's.
I mean, that's prettystraightforward.
I feel like that that, if youdon't know that, this point Um.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
All right, fine, i'll do another one.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Chris Do another name .
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Fine, okay, one of my brides replied to my poll with
this specific example showing upextremely early to watch picks
being taken and hoping to jumpinto them.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Whoa, that's not.
I didn't even consider that asan option on our conversation
today.
That's a really specific one.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
So which is so funny because this is one of my brides
and I don't remember thathappening at their wedding.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I know that there are .
there's always individuals showup early, and I for a wedding
day about better early than late, If we had to if you find
yourself always being late, tryto be a little early so that
you're on time.
Also, though, if you're like,when we say super early, how
early are we talking?
We talking like, are we talkingan hour hour early off the
(14:07):
because?
that would be odd.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
I think, as a general rule of thumb, you should show
up to a wedding 30 minutes early.
30 minutes early because that'syou start to walk in there.
The ceremony is usually set upabout 30 minutes early.
So if you are trying to makesure that you're on time and you
don't know how early you canget there, 30 minutes is
acceptable.
Anything before that, even ifyou park, you sit in your car
and you wait.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, you just wait.
If you, if you came fromsomewhere really far and you
didn't know I mean there's a lotof variables to this If you
came from somewhere that's three, four hours away, and
especially up here in NewEngland, if you're in
Connecticut, a lot of peoplemight be coming from Long Island
or Manhattan or have to drivethrough those areas And you're
accounting for traffic.
And it's a Friday and you've gotto account for summer traffic.
You know there's a lot ofreasons why someone could be
(14:50):
really early.
If so, if you're really earlyand you get there or or just go
So recently that happened to awedding that I attended where
there was a there was a what theheck was it?
We were either really early orthere was like a lot of time in
between And we just went.
We just found a place to golike hang out for a second, and
(15:12):
you just like like a restaurant,a bar, like hang out and chill,
but to sit at the ceremony siteand you know an hour plus early
and just be like I'm just goingto sit here and wait, that's
that is a little odd.
I think the end of the result,at least my thoughts, would be
if you do get there early, yeah,like Brooke said, just, i guess
(15:32):
hang out somewhere, not nearthe bride and groom, because
they're going to be seeing youthere.
They will be stressed out.
They'll be like why the?
guests here I've seen.
I can say that I've seen thathappen multiple times where the
bride and groom in the middle.
At that point we're stillusually doing photos, and
especially if it's first look, ishould say if we're doing a
first look.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
And we account time to be able to go.
Okay, guests are here.
We have to hide and gosomewhere else where we can
either take portraits, or thebride and the groom or the
wedding couple is hiding.
Yeah, so if you get thereearlier than that, then you're
not going.
You're like you're kind ofthrowing off our timeline too.
I don't know about you Becausethe bride doesn't, or you know,
yeah, no, that's happened to mea few times 30 minutes is my, my
(16:12):
general cutoff.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
That's always like my , yeah.
So if a five o'clock ceremonyand we're doing all the photos
beforehand, it doesn't matterwhere we are 430.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
We're done, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Hide, yep, yep, same.
So yeah, this is an interestingone.
I think the I think the moreimportant part of your bride's
poll would be try to get intothe photo.
That's bizarre.
No, you probably won't.
I mean you can after, when youknow it's a cocktail hour or
just you know everyone's jamming, having a good time And you
(16:41):
want to even pull them aside andbe like I would love a photo
with you.
Then it's appropriate, notbefore the ceremony.
Not during the first likethat's.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
that's So.
similarly, showing up late ifyou show up late to a wedding
and you know that the weddinghas already started, you stay in
the back Like let's just saythat you, it's an outdoor
ceremony, that I'm thinking oflike a very specific.
You see that the ceremony hasalready started.
Stay in the back.
(17:09):
Do not try to find a seat.
Do not.
If you're late, you're late,That's it.
You stay in the back of theceremony.
If you want to walk up and bestanding behind the last row, or
whatever, that's fine.
You want to see the ceremony.
Do not.
Do not walk in and try to finda seat while the ceremony is
(17:29):
happening, Because now not onlyare you late, but you're also
taking the attention andbringing it to you.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, that's a tough one Here.
I'll throw a wrench into that,though What if it's an outdoor
ceremony and it's a big openfield?
Where do you go?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
You just stand behind the people that are sitting,
like you stand behind that lastrow of chairs.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Oh, okay, then then.
yeah, that's then, that's that.
You're just saying don't walkto the front.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I'm saying don't walk , don't like, oh like, where can
I sit?
You know, like somebody tryingto like to niggle away to be
able to sit for the remainder ofthe ceremony, which, If you're
late like you're just late Youkind of just have to deal with
it.
Deal with it, but you don'twant to take the attention off
of that.
I've seen people walk intochurch weddings and the big
(18:13):
doors open up, and then the bigdoors boom and it slams closed.
And you're like who was soimportant that they just had to
come in here and do that.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Well, at the church ones are tough, because then
otherwise you just got to sit onthe outside.
So it's just how brave are you?
Are you going to just walkthrough those?
Usually churches have the threesets of doors.
Usually there's the big maindoors and there's usually like
two side doors.
If you can remember, go throughthe side door and hold on to
the door, because usually thosedoors are wooden and heavy, and
do that.
A slam shot, crazy So you go,hold on to it, let it close
(18:46):
quietly pick a pew that'stowards the back and slide in
there.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
But if you think you're going to be making any
noise at all, just don't.
Just stay in the back, don'tyou know?
Speaker 2 (18:57):
you can watch The ceremony started.
I mean, you don't know whatpoint they're about to bow is
like you can't.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I've had people walk in in between the bridesmaids
and the bride And you're likewait what?
Yeah, yeah, no, it gets reallythat's where I'm like okay, if
you're late, you're late and youjust kind of got to eat that
mistake.
You know you can't.
You can't be trying to finagleyour way in.
Thank you so much, Yeah it mightsound harsh, but like I've seen
too many words, like the lastbridesmaid goes down and then
(19:26):
someone walks down and you knowthey might have like the one
specific time that I'm thinkingwas this I think it was an aunt
or something and she had somemobility issues so she was
walking with a cane, but she,you know, there's a specific
song that the bridesmaids walkdown and then usually there's a
(19:46):
change in song for the bride towalk down and in between that
change they had to stop the songand hold.
So it was just silent whilethis person very slowly walked
down to find a seat with thecane and it just was like Okay,
yeah, yep, okay, i should sayyep, yep, it's happening, it's
(20:08):
slowly up, okay.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
It's your cognizant, it's just, it removes attention.
That's the big point.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Right So.
All right, okay, you give meone.
so.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I do have one, a good one, and it is about the speech
.
If you're someone who gets thePleasure or the honor of doing
one of the toasts and as much asmaybe you don't want to, you
still it is an honor that youwere selected, because you are
that person's person for thatmoment that they have selected.
(20:38):
You Do not, in your speech,talk about exes that is so Tacky
and.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I hate using the word tacky sometimes such a?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
no, it's a.
It's a little bit of an olderword, but that is.
That is what it is.
It is Disrespectful, tacky Youthere.
Their focus, especially duringtoasts, is about them.
It's about their relationshipand their future bride and groom
.
The moment You bring up an ex,that is even if everyone in the
(21:11):
room ha ha, because that's whatthey're gonna do, because it's
uncomfortable to bring it up.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Anyway yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
It's still.
Do you want, do you want thaton The bride or groom's mind?
Do you want them thinking aboutthat on their wedding day?
No, that, that memory is gone.
No, you locked away, not bethought about on that day um.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Can I tell you something really funny?
Speaker 2 (21:32):
I let's hear it.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I had a um efficient Who knew the groom but not the
bride.
I Dressed the bride by the ex'sname.
You're gonna say in theceremony Oh my god, and
everybody was like.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Oh yeah, i mean I would crawl into a hole with
wherever I was get a shovel, digit.
I'm gone.
Goodbye, goodbye.
That's yeah.
And I, i'm sure that individualfelt, i would hope to hope that
they felt terrible, uh, andthat it was just an accident and
a stake them nervous, notthinking through.
That's yeah and that's that is.
It's a.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yeah, yeah, it was awful and I honestly, like I
don't know, i I think, i think Ieven remember the the efficient
, basically being like Oh my god.
Oh my god, like I knew, i knewthe other one too, like just
kind of trying to like backtrack, like I didn't do this Like
maliciously, like I've knownthese people for so long and
(22:36):
like you know, but it's stilljust like.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
When you're in a public speaking position,
regardless of what the positionis, if that's just, you know,
even for just a few minutes,people get nervous and sometimes
And that's just an unfortunate-An unfortunate name to come out
.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a pretty bad one.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
But okay, as a general rule, do not do it on
purpose, do not incorporate itinto your toast.
That is terrible.
Don't say you know all the x's?
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Haha, that's, that's not good, that's that's very bad
and keep it, to keep it short,keep it short, keep it
lighthearted.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Keep it short.
Nobody wants to hear you talkfor 10 minutes.
Everybody's hungry.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah, five minutes is a lot.
It's like two minutes, threemax.
If you have a very funny storyor something like that, that
doesn't include an x.
but Two minutes is usually like, okay, let's get this person
out of here.
Um, going right along with ourreception, because I don't have
anything else to say about thatunless you do.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
No, you're just a terrible person if you do that.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Agreed, agreed.
Dj song requests keep it to aminimum.
Please do not go up there andrequest a million songs.
There's a really really goodchance.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
No wedding couple.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
One, yes, there's a really good chance that the
wedding couple has given theirDJ or their band a set list of
what they would like to beplayed, so for you to go up
there and think that you are theDJ One, you are not.
And two, your music's probablytrashed.
Just kidding, but I'm justsaying like, no, but if somebody
, if somebody was, you know,let's say that you went to a
wedding and the wedding couplehated Just, for example, taylor
(24:17):
swift, and one of the guests islike, oh my god, play taylor
swift.
Oh my god, but what about thisone?
It's like Okay, but this isn'tabout you and the music that you
like and the music that youwant to hear.
This is about the bride and thegroom and what they have
carefully curated to be able tobe enjoyed by their guests.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Brooks love for taylor.
Swift is coming out.
Just hear it.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
One of us is a swiftie, and it's not me, all
right.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I will say the last wedding I just did the.
The girl was a swiftie and theyI'm tangenting, but we'll come
right back the yeah, the uh.
When we were doing gettingready photos in the uh, the flat
light was the first thing I wasworking on And you get a solid.
You know, i need about 30minutes to do it and It was just
a taylor swift playlist and Iwas thinking to myself like Man,
i really am a swiftie becausethis is enjoyable right now It's
(25:03):
like.
Yeah, oh yeah.
No, i was.
I was in the zone and it wasjust like I was totally, totally
down with it.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It was was so funny.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Um, so we also need a .
I need a sound effect for theamount of times we've said trash
.
So anytime we label somebody orsomething or a topic is trash,
i need a button that can press.
That's just like the beep ofthe trash.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Can you should get like something that's said by
oscar the grouch or somethingWe're aging ourselves right
there?
Um, all right, let me doanother one.
Proposals slash babyannouncements at someone else's
wedding is a huge.
Absolutely no Way do not.
(25:47):
It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
I've always thought about this because the you know
it's in movies, it's in somebody.
I'm talking about specificallythe proposal portion of that and
I have always felt that thatwas odd.
Only because It's somebodyelse's day, so and you're just
taking away all the the lightfor a second when they've worked
so hard for that day, not in aselfish way, but I would go to
(26:11):
guess that it depends on Ifyou're gonna do that.
If you're gonna propose onsomebody's wedding day, you
better.
Damn well sure No, that both ofthem would be okay with that if
you cannot spring that on themUm maybe in your head.
You're like this is fine,they're gonna laugh.
You know everyone's gonna laughand be happy about it, and they
they might because they have toin the moment, without it being
(26:33):
weird.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Like haha, i don't laugh.
I'm gonna look like I'm saltywhich I am but I don't want to
look like that.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Yeah, it's.
It's just that's extremelyrisky.
There might be a bride andgroom and you both of them.
There might be a pair thatwould be okay with that, But
again, you have to know that umif you don't, you have to get
permission before you dosomething like that.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yeah, you might really upset them.
So you might ruin a friendshipthat way.
That would that woulddefinitely.
Yeah, I think if somebody didthat Without having let me or
Chad know at our wedding, ithink that I'm petty enough to
try to do something.
(27:12):
when they got married, i'd belike and, by the way, we're
pregnant, even if we weren't,i'd be like oh my god, you know?
like, uh, yeah, i just like Ican't at your table.
That's so rude.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Cold sparkler at your table Just shoots the color of
the baby It's red or blue.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Yeah, we're doing our gender reveal at your wedding.
Yeah, no.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
This one is similar Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh sorry, Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
I'm gonna interject with that one because I have one
that that ties to that.
So, okay, it is, don't stealtheir thunder keeping major life
announcements to yourself.
So when I say major lifeannouncements, now I'm going
into.
You specifically talked aboutproposals or a baby and what
about like?
Big career change, somethingdramatic.
That's outside of that At mythoughts were.
(28:00):
It depends on what you'retelling and when and where yeah
you don't talk about it, how bigtheir mouths are.
Exactly.
You don't want to be talkingabout this at the ceremony, like
you know, sitting in your chairnext to somebody and be like
Hey, guess what?
I just got this.
You know Whatever, huge, hugepromotion and everyone around
you is congratulating you and soforth, and it's like, yeah,
(28:20):
that would just be.
That's a.
How good is your common senseLike?
are you a good street wiseperson?
If you're not, don't do this.
You know, figure out where andwhen you should be talking about
stuff like that.
I'm not Agreed.
You're.
You're at the tables at thereception and you're at the
cocktail.
You're like by the way, that'sfine.
Yeah you're everyone's.
You're seeing people youprobably haven't seen in a long
(28:41):
time If it's family, and it'sreally exciting to talk about
that stuff, and I think that'scompletely fine, i'm just
talking about the like.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Please don't make a big deal of it, like it's a
secret.
We haven't told anybody but, i,just want to share this with
you.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
You just don't want the whole wedding to go around
all the guests and be like, ohmy god, you hear about this
person because they, you knowthis blah blah, blah thing.
This is again it's.
It sounds very selfish but it'snot your day, it's just kind of
it And it comes back to you.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
If there is a risk, if there's a risk of the bride
and the groom finding out aboutthis big thing that you just
told someone else and coming upto you and congratulating you at
their wedding, keep it toyourself.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
If the bride and the groom catch wind that
something's going on, that's bigenough to come to you and say
congratulations, and they had noidea about it before the
wedding.
To me, that's keep it toyourself.
You can have that momentanother day.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
And it's.
I think it just comes back toagain street smarts.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
You know how good is your common sense, because the
way when I'm saying it out loudit sounds like wow, we're giving
a lot of like rules forsomebody right now And it's you
know.
you shouldn't have to thinkabout all these rules, but this
is more of a common sense.
That's my point.
That you know, we're justtalking about common sense.
We're talking about commonsense things that we've seen,
that potentially we assumed werecommon sense and apparently
(29:59):
it's not.
So this is when you got to talkabout it.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
The older I get, the less common sense I think other
humans have And I'm like what iswrong with all of you Who
raised you?
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Realistically.
This is.
I'm actually concerned.
There was think about thegeneration that was in their
prime like, let's say, likefifth graders to eighth graders
at the time the pandemic startedand had minimal social
interaction for nearly two years.
They are I'm hearing it fromother teachers who are my
(30:32):
couples that they are dealingwith it still.
These like very they're, youknow, they're lashing out,
they're doing like weird thingsAnd it's like man.
We didn't think how much of aan effect that would have on
socialization.
Yeah, oh, absolutely.
So I'm curious about that.
There's going to be like a minigeneration.
We're going to have to callthem.
That was in that time periodthat you know how are they going
(30:54):
to handle life, like you know,their social skills going to be
like are they going to be ableto continue to develop them and
they'll be on this, you knowwe'll be good or are we going to
have things like this wherewe're having this conversation
and we're like how did you, howcould you think that was okay to
do this, and then being like Idon't know?
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Lots of therapy.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, that's lots of conversations.
That's what we're going to needA lot of talking.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
They should have a a common sense therapy.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
That's okay.
Side job.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
So then my next one, which is similar but not the
same thing, but kind of similar,of like stealing, like the
thunder, you know, is asking thephotographer as a guest,
pulling them away from specialmoments, to take your family
Christmas card.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Oh, I've had that happen Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Do not do that.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
And I've.
So this is a great twodifferent spectrums here.
Photographers, guests who'slistening to this?
If you are in the photographerrealm something that I've just
started doing is in my, like,final questionnaire sheet is
asking this question Basicallylike how strong do you feel
(32:05):
about guests or your familymembers, whatever the who've
you've invited to your wedding,you know approached and is
asking for photos that are notyou too, or you know, off to the
side, photos like beyond me,walking around the cocktail hour
reception, or my second shooter, if we're in the middle of
something and someone's like Hey, can you take my family shot
this time, which I've had happenduring family photos, which I
(32:28):
have a list, you have a list andwe have a crunch time to get
them done, drives me insane.
But I understand, becausethere's people there.
I understand it's with goodintention.
There's family members therethat probably haven't been there
and it's kids and a parentreally wants to get these photos
together and maybe the brideand groom didn't have them on
the list.
I have to ask the bride andgroom what is your comfort level
(32:50):
?
where, if somebody asks me this, are you okay with me answering
yes and then saying hold on, oris this a you know?
no, this is ple.
This person's going to ask youto do that.
Tell them, yeah, sure, and thenplease don't do it, or you know
, how do you ever had, how doyou?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
want to go about this because have you ever had a
couple?
Have you ever had a couple?
that is not okay with thathappening, cause I think that
any of my couples would just belike.
I mean, i guess, like it's fine, no-transcript, it's almost a
way for us to just be like.
I just want to let you knowthis is really annoying, you
know am I allowed to say no.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Well, to the point where I don't know if they've
fully expected that people mightdo that, like yeah, and then
how to go about it.
So I have had.
What I have had is couples giveme a forewarning about maybe a
certain family member that willprobably be aggressive and do
something like that, and if theydo ask you, please just tell
(33:46):
them no, we have a list, that'sit.
They want to stick to the listThat is what.
I have had, and then you have to, you know, unfortunately put on
that that face of like no, i'vegot to.
You know, you just kind of haveto real quick, confident, no,
i've got a list, i've got to getthrough this.
And then we got to move on LikeI'm so sorry And that's that's
it.
You just say, politely, nicely,and it's a little helpful,
though, that you've had thisconversation, because you know
(34:07):
for a fact that you have thebacking of the couple that
they're going to be okay withthat.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
So like almost just like saying so basically what
you're saying is you almost askyour brides and grooms like am I
okay with saying there's acarefully curated list that I am
instructed to follow and thisphoto is not on my list.
So if you have somebody, takeit with a phone or yeah, that's.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I think that's completely okay And just say you
know, if they again, if I'm inthe reception and we've done a
million dance photos and youhave a second there and they
come to side and they're likecan you grab a picture of us?
I'm probably obviously going tosay, yeah, that's, that's my
job at that moment, But itprobably isn't going to come out
that good, because you've allbeen drinking and the lighting
(34:47):
and all of those things.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
It's very, it's a very quick decision to be like
oh, just get our Christmas card.
I guarantee you, if you'repulling the photographer away
from special moments to go get aChristmas card, it's probably
not going to be your Christmascard.
You're probably going to belike Oh, actually I didn't
realize that we looked thisdisheveled after drinking all
night.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
It happens.
I would go to say say thiscarefully that it happens less
and less because, just becauseeveryone has cell phones, so I
see people doing photos all thetime with their cell phones at
weddings.
They're doing that And that'sthat's going to be potentially
their Christmas card.
But if they want it from fromus, it's.
It's totally dependent upontime how the bride and groom
feels, and you know, if wefinish everything and I have an
(35:31):
extra 20 minutes and the guestsare just standing there, yeah
And I'm good to go.
But that's, that's fine, butplease don't interrupt.
Interrupting us is the.
I think maybe that's wherewe're trying to get at.
Don't interrupt us while we'restill doing our job with the
with the list.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
But even if we're not , if we're eating, if we are
eating at a table and you seethat we've been busting our
butts all day and we just satdown to eat we are served after
the guests.
This is a very specific thingthat I want for and I'm going to
sound like a biatch, i know it,but we are served after
(36:08):
everyone else.
So by the time we get our meal,generally we have five minutes
to scarf it down And the otherpeople are done, guests are done
, bride and groom are done.
So if you see that thephotographer is eating and
you're like Oh well, i'm done,So they probably have had their
meal for a while.
No, we haven't.
Nope, we haven't.
We just sat down.
And for you to ask us to get upfrom our plate when we've been
(36:30):
shooting for probably eighthours at that point.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
The way I look at it the only, the only people that
have the that have the authorityand permission to if we're
sitting down eating and theyneed a photo, is the bride and
groom and maybe the parents.
That's about.
If they come up to me and saywe really need this photo, i
(36:56):
will stop what I'm doing and Iwill go take the photo.
I am there for them.
I'm there for them.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
The people who paid me.
Oh yeah, i'll get out of mychair for you, if it is a.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
If I, if this was one of my first weddings and a
guest asked me while I waseating, i probably would have
done it, and then been upsetthat I didn't get to eat, and
then I don't get to eat for therest of the night, and that's
terrible because we're on ourfeet for 10, 11, 12 hours So,
and then usually an hour plusdrive home most of the time.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
So it's we might get 10 minutes during the day to sit
down, and if you're asking usto get up and do something
during that 10, minutes when youweren't the one who hired us.
Please just don't.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
This is not a complaint session on you know,
feel bad for us because of that.
No, this is more over a.
If it's a guest asking thephotographer, when they are
sitting down to eat, to takephotos of them, the answer is
going to be no.
Because it's that's no.
You find this when we get backup again, we need to sit down
and eat.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Oh no, where did you go?
Where did you go, i'm righthere, Brooke, well, can you
still see me?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
I can.
Nothing's changed on my end.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
What a weird.
I can't find you.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Just you're, I promise you're still there, So
at least we have that.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
Yeah, so I can't see you, but you can see me which is
fine.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Is the?
is the window still?
Speaker 1 (38:08):
open, Somebody tried to call in and now you are gone.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
So somebody tried to call into this No, into my phone
, So I'm just Oh okay, i'll justpretend like I can see you, but
I can't.
Yeah, i can, i can see you Ipromise, so it's still recording
.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Perfect.
Um, okay, this, i think, is mylast one.
Well, i have on my list,assuming the new last name,
which I think that it's justfair to say.
just don't assume anythinganymore.
I think, now that we're we'rein a day and age where people do
(38:45):
whatever they want.
Um, i know a lot of people cameto our wedding and, and I'm
never going to, you know, ifsomebody calls me Mrs Mayhew,
i'm never going to be like,don't call me that.
You know, like, i married intothe Mayhew family.
I'm not, you know, um, but it's, you know, assuming that they
have a new last name.
but that's not my last one.
I just wanted to kind ofsprinkle that in there.
Um, talking with the bride inthe groom forever.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Yeah, that's a yep, yep So the bride in the groom.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
very sorry, Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
No, no, i'm sorry I I interrupted you.
I was going to say this thispairs with drinking too much,
because this will lead into that.
So yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Um, i was just going to say the bride in the groom
likely have a lot of people tobe chatting with on their
wedding day And if you aretaking up tons of time to talk
about all of your things and alot of the time, it is because
you're drinking a lot and you'reexcited to see them and I'll.
I totally get it.
Yeah, it's not.
it's not like um, it's.
(39:45):
it's not like, uh, you're a badperson, like you know.
we've talked about a lot ofother things that are very rude.
you know they're very rude todo at a wedding to a bride in
the groom or a wedding couple.
This one is like we, weunderstand you're so excited to
see them, to talk to them, totell her or him how beautiful
they are, all of those thingsLike I.
(40:05):
I totally understand, but justkeep in mind that there are
likely, unless you have anintimate wedding, which is
easier to be able to have, likethose personal conversations, um
, but if you're going to awedding with a hundred people
plus, even 75 plus, it takes alot of time to be able to have
that same amount of time thatthey had with you, with their
(40:26):
other guests.
So if you think in your brain.
I'm you know we've been talkingfor five minutes just kind of, i
guess, like softly release themand be like I know you have
other things to do, we'll catchup later.
You know, like, unless thebride in the groom and the
wedding couple are hanging outaround you specifically and
they're choosing to do that, butif, if you kind of feel like,
(40:47):
oh, we've been taking a lot ofof their time, it is a really
polite thing to do as a guest tokind of like release them to be
able to spend the other timewith other people.
Um, there are a lot of peoplewho don't even get to say hi to
everybody at their wedding, andso if you're taking up tons, of
time um, it's a no no for me.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yeah, a a good way to kind of understand how much
time it takes to talk toeverybody.
I always the the example Ialways give is when we talk
about reset our recession lines,um, receiving lines, if that's
going to be a which isn't, isn'tso much a thing anymore as it
used to be, but I've only had ithappen And it's, it's all those
(41:27):
things.
If they want it, that's fine.
You, just, we have you.
I need to know that way aheadof time and you need to have
your planner know that ahead oftime And you need to make sure
that if you are planning theceremony time and your reception
time, you have to understandthat the receiving line, pending
the amount of guests you have,takes a long fucking time.
It really does.
(41:47):
Because the best way todescribe it and this goes hand
in hand with exactly what you'retalking about, brooke is I
always tell everybody when theysay you know, are you going to
do receiving line Yeah, we werethinking about it.
Like, you know, is that okay?
And I'd say like, yeah, i mean,it's your wedding, Do whatever
you want.
I'm fully here to support it.
The picture has always come outgreat because everybody's
hugging and happy and it lookswonderful.
And but I say you know, are youprepared to understand how long
(42:11):
it's going to take?
And they say, well, how long isit going to take?
And I tell them well, how manyguests do you think it's going
to be?
They said, well, 125.
And I go okay, that's going totake probably 40 minutes, that's
going to cut 40 minutes of yourday, just letting you know, and
they're like 40 minutes.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Even if it's a 30 second conversation with every
single person.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
That's what I say.
I say, imagine every personwho's going to want to talk to
you and some people will takelonger than not because they
won't they'll be the ones thatdon't stop talking.
There will be some that willjust hug you and move on, The
absolutely, but there will besome that do not.
So let's just assume that youtalk to every person for 30
seconds, And it's so 125 people,30 seconds, So you can
(42:49):
basically cut that in half.
That's 62 and a half minutes,And they're like oh, and it's
like yeah, yeah, it's a lot ofpeople.
So, and then you go into theweddings with and what's funny
is the people who want to do thereceiving lines are the ones
usually who have the largeweddings.
They're usually very big churchweddings.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
And and, like I said, i have photographed them before
and it meant a lot to thecouple to do that, but they
planned their scheduleaccordingly, so it just meant
that we're, you know, acceptthat amount of time where
normally, if you don't plan forit, it's going right into your
photo time, and then us asphotographers, while we're
loving what we're capturing,like I think some of these
things that I'm saying likethank goodness it doesn't happen
(43:29):
anymore, is because I've hadone or two of those weddings
where it's like it's just notplanned Because every single
person pulled them to the sideand said you look so beautiful.
Let me tell you about how myfamily is, and it's like you are
important to these, to thiswedding couple.
That's why you're invited.
But for right now, we need tomove it, move it, move it.
I actually just had somebody ata wedding last week go.
(43:51):
I think it's so nice how kindlyyou can tell us to shut the
fuck up.
That's a great compliment.
That's amazing, yeah, and I waslike I was like I'm really not
trying to rush you, but you knowwe have other things to do and
blah, blah, blah.
And you know I've got my niceperson fit like voice on And
they're like wow, that was likethe nicest way for you to tell
(44:12):
us like shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
I will say there is.
I always.
I feel really good when, whenyou because we we're cognizant
too of sounding rude when weneed to wrangle people Well, we
need that timeline, especiallywhen you've got usually it's the
venue coordinator or thewedding planner is just like a
hawk behind your shoulder, justlike looking at you going like
this with the clock, And you'relike yeah, So you have to put on
(44:36):
that voice.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
It's not me, i know.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
And you've got to.
You've got to wrangle these bigcrowds and you've got to start
getting into, like your, yourbooming voice, like yelling,
like Hey, here now, right now,we got to get this done.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
And everybody's filter out.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
And to have somebody after all that tell you like
that was great, You did afantastic job, hurting everybody
, And it's like thank you.
That means a lot to me becauseyeah, especially being an
introvert.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Yeah, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
It is a energy suck, just like, and it hurts It, just
it does.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
And you, we get better at it When you have to do
it.
Oh yeah, okay, we have to movefast.
This is how it's going tohappen, and then you're going to
go back in the tent.
You know it's like, oh my God.
But yeah, no, i like whenpeople tell me that I have a way
of kindly telling that Shut thefuck up.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
That's incredible.
That's the best compliment.
Yeah, i love that.
Absolutely love that.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
So that's all I have.
Do you have any more on yourlist?
Speaker 2 (45:30):
No, I think that's good.
I think that's good for fortoday, Perfect And I just want
to make one more like.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
I just want to say one more time We love guests, we
love weddings.
This is literally a list basedon things that we've seen happen
and happen and consider, youknow, the wedding day horror
stories.
It doesn't mean that it threwoff a day in its entirety, it
doesn't mean.
it's just there are some thingslike, like Chris said, it's
(45:58):
almost like it's too commonsense for you to not understand.
And then when we see it atweddings, it's like wow, i
wonder what is going throughthat person's head right now.
You know.
so if you don't want to be thatperson that we are kind of
looking at going, what the hellare they doing?
You know these are the rulesfor you, and if you are a bride
(46:18):
or a groom or the wedding couplewho is listening to this, these
are things that you need toprepare for, because you might
assume that so and so is justnot planning on bringing the
baby.
And then the baby shows up.
You might assume that everybodyknows do not wear white.
and then someone wearing whiteshows up or a very, very light
silver, like you know, somethinglike that where you need to be
(46:42):
kind of cognizant and plan forthose things to happen, because
I always I tell all of my bridesand grooms there will be a
wrench in your day.
You don't know where it's goingto be, You don't know what it's
going to be.
There's going to be somethingand you need to prepare yourself
for it.
So this is the episode aboutwhat to prepare for from your
guests.
So we're not complaining.
(47:03):
We love everything except thepoor behavior.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
Poor behavior.
There we go.
That's a bring this full circleInstead of trash.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
It's a really nice way of saying trash.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
It is.
I enjoy trash, so I'm going togo with trash.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
You have a really nice way of saying that
everything is trash, but yeah,that's all I got.
So we'll talk next Tuesday andgood luck at your shoot today.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Thank you, appreciate it Should be good All right
guys.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
That's all we got.
Bye, Bye.
Well, that was.
my next thing was and it'sfunny it's funny that I'm saying
this because I have an UncleBob, but this is how they're
referred to is the Uncle Bob whothinks that they're a
photographer?
Um?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
My father-in-law's name is Bob, So it's not this
Bob.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yeah.
So here's the thing is.
I would strongly encourageUncle Bob to leave the camera at
home.
It's not going to happen, likeI know.
I'm just like hoping for thebest, but I'm expecting the
worst.
Uncle Bob is bringing hiscamera.
If Uncle Bob brings his camera,you need to, as a bride and a
(00:38):
groom, or a wedding couple, youneed to set the expectations for
both your photographer and alsoUncle Bob.
Uncle Bob is not allowed totake photos while we're posing
you for your actual portraits.
No, absolutely not.
Oh yeah, that's his Because.
Uncle Bob will go home, and thisis my next this is my next, And
(00:59):
then post them wet a kit.
He'll post them before you havean opportunity as the wedding
couple to post the photos thatyou want to.
And also, that's not UncleBob's work.
Us posing you is part of ourentire thing.
He doesn't get to stand overyour shoulder as a photographer
and take the portraits thatyou're setting up Absolutely not
(01:21):
Family portraits.
I don't really care.
If you want to get that's fine,like if you want to grab extras
of the family.
Just, you know we always saythings happen to cameras and
electronics and equipment andall of that.
So if Uncle Bob is behind youwith his camera and I'm setting
up family photos, that's totallydifferent.
I'm talking about, like, thecreative portraits that you're
doing as the wedding couple.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
And I usually do those far away from people.
I mean it totally depends onthe location If they were doing
portraits.
I actually have a family memberapproaching, unless it's the
maid of honor, with somethingyou know of assistance, or mom,
or maybe even dad, you know, forwhatever.
I don't even know what thereason would be, but for
whatever reason, if anybody elseis walking over, that would be
(02:04):
an immediately put my cameradown and be like hi, can we help
you?
Like we have a you know timelimit.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I would never even let them stand there.
That would, that would.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I've had a few that have taken photos over my
shoulder And then when I go homeI look at the tagged photos
like from like that night I'llgo home and looked at the tag
photos of the bride and thegroom And Uncle Bob posted the
photo that they took with mypose, without my.
So then when I post that sameish photo, but with my edits and
(02:33):
stuff, it doesn't have the samefeel for the bride and the
groom, Like it just doesn't.
They've already kind of seen it.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
That's so bizarre, yeah, that's Brute, oh it's so
rude.
I haven't had that one happenyet.
So I uh, and I hope, cross myfingers, don't have to Knock on
wood Yeah knock on.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, yeah, oh um, so that was that was the next
thing was posting before thebride and the groom have the
opportunity to do So.
So I don't I think.
I think social media is soprevalent in this day and age
that brides and grooms andwedding couples understand I
just need to get used to sayingwedding couples, Like I always
say bride and groom, And thenI'd like go into being like
inclusive, like wedding couple.
(03:08):
I want to make sure that I'mincluding everybody.
But, um, I think weddingcouples understand now, when you
go, you know when people cometo your wedding, they're going
to post photos of the wedding.
I think maybe what you can doas a guest, which would be
really nice to do, is not reallyhold yourself back from posting
the photos from the wedding,but maybe holding back from
(03:31):
posting photos of the bride andthe groom or the wedding couple,
Um, until they have theopportunity to post themselves,
until they have some previewsfrom their you know their
photographers, If you want topost photos of the champagne
wall, if you want to post photosof the arch, from the ceremony,
but I think Photos of thecouple coming out before the
(03:54):
professional photos.
I think it totally depends onthe couple, but I could see how
some people might get bent outof shape having their first
photos as a married couple beposted by somebody who has
really really bad shots of them.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I'd be really interested to do a poll on that,
see if, to see if technologyhas changed that assumption.
Um, if people just assume thatpeople are taking photos of
their pictures and they'rethrowing it up on Instagram and
more, whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Cause I would think I would be, I would totally be
okay with it.
I don't know, but Yeah, thereare some people who are private
and want to have the opportunityto like.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
If that was the case, through that, they need to make
that clear.
That would be the advice thatyou need to make sure.
I mean, if you're that, if youFeel strongly about that, you
should put on your likeinvitations, you should put it
on on a sign.
I would just be say, if that,if that would upset you that
someone's gonna post a photo,because I would go to guess This
day and age I I would assumethat that's someone.
I think it's more the tagging.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
But if you're on Facebook, you can definitely
like before you get married.
If you have a problem Like ifyou have an issue with that
happening, you could make yourYour tagged photos private so
that you have to review the onesthat you accept after the
wedding day.
So that's something to thinkabout.
It was just it was on a list ofthe things that guests
shouldn't do and I was like Idon't, i don't feel strongly
about that one.
I feel like it totally dependson the couple, but I don't know.
(05:12):
Maybe if you want to try to belike as Um, as careful as
possible, like, you could postthe details, but not necessarily
a photo of the bride and thegroom or wedding couple.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Interesting, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
It was on, i think it was on like a vogue article or
something, and I was like me, idon't really.
I think that's fine, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I, i would lean heavily into technology and what
People's assumptions are atthis day and age, which it
totally Changes trends and howeveryone feels about it.
So I, but I don't know, i don't, i don't know how much people.
I think I lean in with you that.
I think I would be okay with it, but not what you've described.
Like I'm doing portraits Mybride and groom portraits and
like someone posted it thatnight was not the photographer.
(05:55):
That would be odd.
It would be one thing if it waslike we're doing it in an open
field and somebody shot it fromthe cocktail hour Far away in
the window and like I saw thephotographer in it or something,
yeah.
Like if someone over my shoulderdoing it that that would be
just, yeah, i would, i wouldstop what I was doing You like
can?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I went home and I was hot.
I was so mad, i was like Iunderstand dude.
Yeah, okay, you give me one.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
All right.
So this is a big one, um, drinkresponsibly.
Drink responsibly at thewedding.
What does that mean?
because there's an open bar, alittle lot of weddings is an
open bar, or beer and wine houror sometimes just cash bar,
doesn't matter.
Usually, at a majority ofweddings, there's alcohol
available, um, and at the openbar ones, you know, we go into
(06:38):
it going especially as guestswith friends That you haven't
partied with in a long time.
You got everybody in the sameroom.
It's awesome, super exciting.
You, just you know they've gottheir drink, um, their specialty
drink that's sometimes namedafter a favorite pet, something,
just something cute, and it'sjust, in a lot of times, yep,
yep, and That you can getcarried away really easily.
(07:01):
So You, this, this is animportant one because you don't,
it's somebody's wedding day.
It's still a classy event, evenwith, even with, even if
they're a Dancy vibey, just, youknow we want to go hard and
have a great time.
There's still a fine linebetween, you know, being buzzed,
having a few drinks and likeeven getting a little bit more
(07:23):
than tipsy, just a little bit.
But when you cross intoblackout, drunk, um, you know
that's too much, that's, that'stoo much, and I would go to say,
unless you're literally Youturn 21 and this is the first
time you're having drinks andyou have no idea what your
limits are yet And you just likeblah.
But if you're again I'll saythis a grown-ass adult who
should know that at this point.
That's just so To watch.
(07:48):
And I should say we'll breakthis down into two different
categories.
I'll just say, and there'sthose variations of this, but
I'm going to say large wedding,small wedding and small wedding.
I'm saying 50 or less, 50 orless people where you were
selected as a guest in a verytight list of the people to be
on their special day.
And if you Are walking out ofthere Before the wedding is over
(08:13):
and you're just, you know,literally puking, i think that
means you went too hard, it'sjust not, it's just not a good
look, it's not respectable.
Um, you want to, you want tofinish up the wedding and it's A
bigger wedding again, it's notgreat, but it's it's a little
bit easier to like Disappear.
And if you really did drinkthat much um, but you should
(08:34):
watch it You should definitelynot go into the wedding.
I think that's what I'm tryingto say.
You shouldn't go into thewedding, thinking I'm going to
get blackout drunk tonight,because that is not the
appropriate Place to do it.
As fun as it may seem to havethe open bar and to you, know
you that's what it's there for.
Go ahead, have as many drinksas you'd like, within reason
within reason.
(08:54):
So you are not out of controlBecause you don't, we it's, it's
not.
Luckily, at least for myself,it has not been common place,
which is great.
I've seen the one-offindividuals who definitely you
can point out and be like Theyare having a really good time.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
You know I had a lot to drink, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, but it's been very rare for me to see somebody
.
You know, i have seen it, um,you know, completely gone, like
just gone, and it's like they'renot going to remember this,
like that.
That's how much they're in thebag.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yeah, it's just you.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
You don't want to do that in somebody's special day.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I think the most important part of that for me is
like, like you said, with thebigger wedding it's easier to
get away with it.
It's easier because there areso many people and Yeah, either
way, big wedding, small weddingsthey, they chose you to be on
that guest list and they paidfor your meal.
And if you are, i don't know, i, um, yeah, i don't like it.
(09:55):
I uh, i feel like people areuncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
You don't want to make, you don't want to keep a
bride and groomer reason to feeluncomfortable on a day that
they're supposed to feel reallygood about, right and looking
around your table or yourmultiple tables and seeing that
someone's missing and being likeum Okay, where did they go.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Especially for the small weddings like I just feel
Yeah, I feel pretty stronglyabout that one Um It just
because it shouldn't be yourgoal to go into somebody's
wedding and things do happen.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Body chemistry is always different and there are
just sometimes where I've We'vesaid this where it's like I feel
like I had three drinks and I'mlike I'm almost falling over,
and it's just some days that.
And then there are days where Ifeel like I've had, you know, a
handful of beers at a summerevent and you don't feel it at
all and you're right, and it'ssometimes that does happen, but
generally speaking, that's ifyou don't have uh, you're not a
(10:49):
magician and can't control yourbody chemistry.
So for the most part you shouldknow what your limit is.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, it is pretty rude.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yeah, it's just totally it's just rude.
It's just a little rude So doyou want to take one?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
I'll take one, okay, um, the dress code.
So for some of them I saw don'twear white.
For some of them I saw don'twear black, for a majority of
which I loved we asked everybodyto wear black, but a Majority
case you asked them.
Yeah, that's a majority of what.
Well, here's the thing, though,is that I would I totally would
(11:22):
wear black to a wedding,because I didn't know that was
the thing, and all I really wearis black.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
So okay, let me take a step back.
Um, i was just focusing on thefact that you asked them.
So then, that's okay forwhatever you asked them.
That's your wedding.
Um but specifically the colorblack.
Yeah, i would.
I don't think I would havethought of that, as I know white
Like an all white dress.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Yeah, you definitely don't want to somebody said In
the poll that I put up, likethere was a guest that was
wearing a floor length dressthat was all white, and it was
the only thing as another guestthat they could like even think
about is.
Like how rude is that?
But well, the real big one,though, was Dress, dress.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Dress appropriately.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Dress appropriately.
You don't have to wear thesexiest dress in your Closet,
especially if there arereligious.
There are religious vibes tothe wedding that you are going
to Be respectful, that thewedding day isn't about.
You.
Don't wear white, don't wearsomething that is way too
revealing and have You knowthat's gonna pull the attention
(12:26):
away from the wedding couple.
Um, if you feel like, if it'seven a thought in your brain
That says is this appropriate?
I'll answer it for you righthere.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
If you have to question whetheryour outfit is too sexy to go
to a wedding No, it's notappropriate.
(12:47):
No.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
No, that's yeah.
So between that, the, the colorsheen scheme, i can't say words
.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Oh man, now you got me saying color sheen.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, that's.
I mean, that's prettystraightforward.
I feel like that that, if youdon't know that, this point Um.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
All right, fine, i'll do another one.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Chris Do another name .
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Fine, okay, one of my brides replied to my poll with
this specific example showing upextremely early to watch picks
being taken and hoping to jumpinto them.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Whoa, that's not.
I didn't even consider that asan option on our conversation
today.
That's a really specific one.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
So which is so funny because this is one of my brides
and I don't remember thathappening at their wedding.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
I know that there are .
there's always individuals showup early, and I for a wedding
day about better early than late, If we had to if you find
yourself always being late, tryto be a little early so that
you're on time.
Also, though, if you're like,when we say super early, how
early are we talking?
We talking like, are we talkingan hour hour early off the
(14:07):
because?
that would be odd.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
I think, as a general rule of thumb, you should show
up to a wedding 30 minutes early.
30 minutes early because that'syou start to walk in there.
The ceremony is usually set upabout 30 minutes early.
So if you are trying to makesure that you're on time and you
don't know how early you canget there, 30 minutes is
acceptable.
Anything before that, even ifyou park, you sit in your car
and you wait.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, you just wait.
If you, if you came fromsomewhere really far and you
didn't know I mean there's a lotof variables to this If you
came from somewhere that's three, four hours away, and
especially up here in NewEngland, if you're in
Connecticut, a lot of peoplemight be coming from Long Island
or Manhattan or have to drivethrough those areas And you're
accounting for traffic.
And it's a Friday and you've gotto account for summer traffic.
You know there's a lot ofreasons why someone could be
(14:50):
really early.
If so, if you're really earlyand you get there or or just go
So recently that happened to awedding that I attended where
there was a there was a what theheck was it?
We were either really early orthere was like a lot of time in
between And we just went.
We just found a place to golike hang out for a second, and
(15:12):
you just like like a restaurant,a bar, like hang out and chill,
but to sit at the ceremony siteand you know an hour plus early
and just be like I'm just goingto sit here and wait, that's
that is a little odd.
I think the end of the result,at least my thoughts, would be
if you do get there early, yeah,like Brooke said, just, i guess
(15:32):
hang out somewhere, not nearthe bride and groom, because
they're going to be seeing youthere.
They will be stressed out.
They'll be like why the?
guests here I've seen.
I can say that I've seen thathappen multiple times where the
bride and groom in the middle.
At that point we're stillusually doing photos, and
especially if it's first look, ishould say if we're doing a
first look.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
And we account time to be able to go.
Okay, guests are here.
We have to hide and gosomewhere else where we can
either take portraits, or thebride and the groom or the
wedding couple is hiding.
Yeah, so if you get thereearlier than that, then you're
not going.
You're like you're kind ofthrowing off our timeline too.
I don't know about you Becausethe bride doesn't, or you know,
yeah, no, that's happened to mea few times 30 minutes is my, my
(16:12):
general cutoff.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
That's always like my , yeah.
So if a five o'clock ceremonyand we're doing all the photos
beforehand, it doesn't matterwhere we are 430.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
We're done, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Hide, yep, yep, same.
So yeah, this is an interestingone.
I think the I think the moreimportant part of your bride's
poll would be try to get intothe photo.
That's bizarre.
No, you probably won't.
I mean you can after, when youknow it's a cocktail hour or
just you know everyone's jamming, having a good time And you
(16:41):
want to even pull them aside andbe like I would love a photo
with you.
Then it's appropriate, notbefore the ceremony.
Not during the first likethat's.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
that's So.
similarly, showing up late ifyou show up late to a wedding
and you know that the weddinghas already started, you stay in
the back Like let's just saythat you, it's an outdoor
ceremony, that I'm thinking oflike a very specific.
You see that the ceremony hasalready started.
Stay in the back.
(17:09):
Do not try to find a seat.
Do not.
If you're late, you're late,That's it.
You stay in the back of theceremony.
If you want to walk up and bestanding behind the last row, or
whatever, that's fine.
You want to see the ceremony.
Do not.
Do not walk in and try to finda seat while the ceremony is
(17:29):
happening, Because now not onlyare you late, but you're also
taking the attention andbringing it to you.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, that's a tough one Here.
I'll throw a wrench into that,though What if it's an outdoor
ceremony and it's a big openfield?
Where do you go?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
You just stand behind the people that are sitting,
like you stand behind that lastrow of chairs.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Oh, okay, then then.
yeah, that's then, that's that.
You're just saying don't walkto the front.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I'm saying don't walk , don't like, oh like, where can
I sit?
You know, like somebody tryingto like to niggle away to be
able to sit for the remainder ofthe ceremony, which, If you're
late like you're just late Youkind of just have to deal with
it.
Deal with it, but you don'twant to take the attention off
of that.
I've seen people walk intochurch weddings and the big
(18:13):
doors open up, and then the bigdoors boom and it slams closed.
And you're like who was soimportant that they just had to
come in here and do that.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Well, at the church ones are tough, because then
otherwise you just got to sit onthe outside.
So it's just how brave are you?
Are you going to just walkthrough those?
Usually churches have the threesets of doors.
Usually there's the big maindoors and there's usually like
two side doors.
If you can remember, go throughthe side door and hold on to
the door, because usually thosedoors are wooden and heavy, and
do that.
A slam shot, crazy So you go,hold on to it, let it close
(18:46):
quietly pick a pew that'stowards the back and slide in
there.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
But if you think you're going to be making any
noise at all, just don't.
Just stay in the back, don'tyou know?
Speaker 2 (18:57):
you can watch The ceremony started.
I mean, you don't know whatpoint they're about to bow is
like you can't.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I've had people walk in in between the bridesmaids
and the bride And you're likewait what?
Yeah, yeah, no, it gets reallythat's where I'm like okay, if
you're late, you're late and youjust kind of got to eat that
mistake.
You know you can't.
You can't be trying to finagleyour way in.
Thank you so much, Yeah it mightsound harsh, but like I've seen
too many words, like the lastbridesmaid goes down and then
(19:26):
someone walks down and you knowthey might have like the one
specific time that I'm thinkingwas this I think it was an aunt
or something and she had somemobility issues so she was
walking with a cane, but she,you know, there's a specific
song that the bridesmaids walkdown and then usually there's a
(19:46):
change in song for the bride towalk down and in between that
change they had to stop the songand hold.
So it was just silent whilethis person very slowly walked
down to find a seat with thecane and it just was like Okay,
yeah, yep, okay, i should sayyep, yep, it's happening, it's
(20:08):
slowly up, okay.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
It's your cognizant, it's just, it removes attention.
That's the big point.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Right So.
All right, okay, you give meone.
so.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I do have one, a good one, and it is about the speech
.
If you're someone who gets thePleasure or the honor of doing
one of the toasts and as much asmaybe you don't want to, you
still it is an honor that youwere selected, because you are
that person's person for thatmoment that they have selected.
(20:38):
You Do not, in your speech,talk about exes that is so Tacky
and.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I hate using the word tacky sometimes such a?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
no, it's a.
It's a little bit of an olderword, but that is.
That is what it is.
It is Disrespectful, tacky Youthere.
Their focus, especially duringtoasts, is about them.
It's about their relationshipand their future bride and groom
.
The moment You bring up an ex,that is even if everyone in the
(21:11):
room ha ha, because that's whatthey're gonna do, because it's
uncomfortable to bring it up.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Anyway yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
It's still.
Do you want, do you want thaton The bride or groom's mind?
Do you want them thinking aboutthat on their wedding day?
No, that, that memory is gone.
No, you locked away, not bethought about on that day um.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Can I tell you something really funny?
Speaker 2 (21:32):
I let's hear it.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I had a um efficient Who knew the groom but not the
bride.
I Dressed the bride by the ex'sname.
You're gonna say in theceremony Oh my god, and
everybody was like.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Oh yeah, i mean I would crawl into a hole with
wherever I was get a shovel, digit.
I'm gone.
Goodbye, goodbye.
That's yeah.
And I, i'm sure that individualfelt, i would hope to hope that
they felt terrible, uh, andthat it was just an accident and
a stake them nervous, notthinking through.
That's yeah and that's that is.
It's a.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Yeah, yeah, it was awful and I honestly, like I
don't know, i I think, i think Ieven remember the the efficient
, basically being like Oh my god.
Oh my god, like I knew, i knewthe other one too, like just
kind of trying to like backtrack, like I didn't do this Like
maliciously, like I've knownthese people for so long and
(22:36):
like you know, but it's stilljust like.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
When you're in a public speaking position,
regardless of what the positionis, if that's just, you know,
even for just a few minutes,people get nervous and sometimes
And that's just an unfortunate-An unfortunate name to come out
.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a pretty bad one.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
But okay, as a general rule, do not do it on
purpose, do not incorporate itinto your toast.
That is terrible.
Don't say you know all the x's?
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Haha, that's, that's not good, that's that's very bad
and keep it, to keep it short,keep it short, keep it
lighthearted.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Keep it short.
Nobody wants to hear you talkfor 10 minutes.
Everybody's hungry.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah, five minutes is a lot.
It's like two minutes, threemax.
If you have a very funny storyor something like that, that
doesn't include an x.
but Two minutes is usually like, okay, let's get this person
out of here.
Um, going right along with ourreception, because I don't have
anything else to say about thatunless you do.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
No, you're just a terrible person if you do that.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Agreed, agreed.
Dj song requests keep it to aminimum.
Please do not go up there andrequest a million songs.
There's a really really goodchance.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
No wedding couple.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
One, yes, there's a really good chance that the
wedding couple has given theirDJ or their band a set list of
what they would like to beplayed, so for you to go up
there and think that you are theDJ One, you are not.
And two, your music's probablytrashed.
Just kidding, but I'm justsaying like, no, but if somebody
, if somebody was, you know,let's say that you went to a
wedding and the wedding couplehated Just, for example, taylor
(24:17):
swift, and one of the guests islike, oh my god, play taylor
swift.
Oh my god, but what about thisone?
It's like Okay, but this isn'tabout you and the music that you
like and the music that youwant to hear.
This is about the bride and thegroom and what they have
carefully curated to be able tobe enjoyed by their guests.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Brooks love for taylor.
Swift is coming out.
Just hear it.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
One of us is a swiftie, and it's not me, all
right.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I will say the last wedding I just did the.
The girl was a swiftie and theyI'm tangenting, but we'll come
right back the yeah, the uh.
When we were doing gettingready photos in the uh, the flat
light was the first thing I wasworking on And you get a solid.
You know, i need about 30minutes to do it and It was just
a taylor swift playlist and Iwas thinking to myself like Man,
i really am a swiftie becausethis is enjoyable right now It's
(25:03):
like.
Yeah, oh yeah.
No, i was.
I was in the zone and it wasjust like I was totally, totally
down with it.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It was was so funny.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Um, so we also need a .
I need a sound effect for theamount of times we've said trash
.
So anytime we label somebody orsomething or a topic is trash,
i need a button that can press.
That's just like the beep ofthe trash.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Can you should get like something that's said by
oscar the grouch or somethingWe're aging ourselves right
there?
Um, all right, let me doanother one.
Proposals slash babyannouncements at someone else's
wedding is a huge.
Absolutely no Way do not.
(25:47):
It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
I've always thought about this because the you know
it's in movies, it's in somebody.
I'm talking about specificallythe proposal portion of that and
I have always felt that thatwas odd.
Only because It's somebodyelse's day, so and you're just
taking away all the the lightfor a second when they've worked
so hard for that day, not in aselfish way, but I would go to
(26:11):
guess that it depends on Ifyou're gonna do that.
If you're gonna propose onsomebody's wedding day, you
better.
Damn well sure No, that both ofthem would be okay with that if
you cannot spring that on themUm maybe in your head.
You're like this is fine,they're gonna laugh.
You know everyone's gonna laughand be happy about it, and they
they might because they have toin the moment, without it being
(26:33):
weird.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Like haha, i don't laugh.
I'm gonna look like I'm saltywhich I am but I don't want to
look like that.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Yeah, it's.
It's just that's extremelyrisky.
There might be a bride andgroom and you both of them.
There might be a pair thatwould be okay with that, But
again, you have to know that umif you don't, you have to get
permission before you dosomething like that.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yeah, you might really upset them.
So you might ruin a friendshipthat way.
That would that woulddefinitely.
Yeah, I think if somebody didthat Without having let me or
Chad know at our wedding, ithink that I'm petty enough to
try to do something.
(27:12):
when they got married, i'd belike and, by the way, we're
pregnant, even if we weren't,i'd be like oh my god, you know?
like, uh, yeah, i just like Ican't at your table.
That's so rude.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Cold sparkler at your table Just shoots the color of
the baby It's red or blue.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Yeah, we're doing our gender reveal at your wedding.
Yeah, no.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
This one is similar Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh sorry, Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
I'm gonna interject with that one because I have one
that that ties to that.
So, okay, it is, don't stealtheir thunder keeping major life
announcements to yourself.
So when I say major lifeannouncements, now I'm going
into.
You specifically talked aboutproposals or a baby and what
about like?
Big career change, somethingdramatic.
That's outside of that At mythoughts were.
(28:00):
It depends on what you'retelling and when and where yeah
you don't talk about it, how bigtheir mouths are.
Exactly.
You don't want to be talkingabout this at the ceremony, like
you know, sitting in your chairnext to somebody and be like
Hey, guess what?
I just got this.
You know Whatever, huge, hugepromotion and everyone around
you is congratulating you and soforth, and it's like, yeah,
(28:20):
that would just be.
That's a.
How good is your common senseLike?
are you a good street wiseperson?
If you're not, don't do this.
You know, figure out where andwhen you should be talking about
stuff like that.
I'm not Agreed.
You're.
You're at the tables at thereception and you're at the
cocktail.
You're like by the way, that'sfine.
Yeah you're everyone's.
You're seeing people youprobably haven't seen in a long
(28:41):
time If it's family, and it'sreally exciting to talk about
that stuff, and I think that'scompletely fine, i'm just
talking about the like.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Please don't make a big deal of it, like it's a
secret.
We haven't told anybody but, i,just want to share this with
you.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
You just don't want the whole wedding to go around
all the guests and be like, ohmy god, you hear about this
person because they, you knowthis blah blah, blah thing.
This is again it's.
It sounds very selfish but it'snot your day, it's just kind of
it And it comes back to you.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
If there is a risk, if there's a risk of the bride
and the groom finding out aboutthis big thing that you just
told someone else and coming upto you and congratulating you at
their wedding, keep it toyourself.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
If the bride and the groom catch wind that
something's going on, that's bigenough to come to you and say
congratulations, and they had noidea about it before the
wedding.
To me, that's keep it toyourself.
You can have that momentanother day.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
And it's.
I think it just comes back toagain street smarts.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
You know how good is your common sense, because the
way when I'm saying it out loudit sounds like wow, we're giving
a lot of like rules forsomebody right now And it's you
know.
you shouldn't have to thinkabout all these rules, but this
is more of a common sense.
That's my point.
That you know, we're justtalking about common sense.
We're talking about commonsense things that we've seen,
that potentially we assumed werecommon sense and apparently
(29:59):
it's not.
So this is when you got to talkabout it.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
The older I get, the less common sense I think other
humans have And I'm like what iswrong with all of you Who
raised you?
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Realistically.
This is.
I'm actually concerned.
There was think about thegeneration that was in their
prime like, let's say, likefifth graders to eighth graders
at the time the pandemic startedand had minimal social
interaction for nearly two years.
They are I'm hearing it fromother teachers who are my
(30:32):
couples that they are dealingwith it still.
These like very they're, youknow, they're lashing out,
they're doing like weird thingsAnd it's like man.
We didn't think how much of aan effect that would have on
socialization.
Yeah, oh, absolutely.
So I'm curious about that.
There's going to be like a minigeneration.
We're going to have to callthem.
That was in that time periodthat you know how are they going
(30:54):
to handle life, like you know,their social skills going to be
like are they going to be ableto continue to develop them and
they'll be on this, you knowwe'll be good or are we going to
have things like this wherewe're having this conversation
and we're like how did you, howcould you think that was okay to
do this, and then being like Idon't know?
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Lots of therapy.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, that's lots of conversations.
That's what we're going to needA lot of talking.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
They should have a a common sense therapy.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
That's okay.
Side job.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
So then my next one, which is similar but not the
same thing, but kind of similar,of like stealing, like the
thunder, you know, is asking thephotographer as a guest,
pulling them away from specialmoments, to take your family
Christmas card.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Oh, I've had that happen Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Do not do that.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
And I've.
So this is a great twodifferent spectrums here.
Photographers, guests who'slistening to this?
If you are in the photographerrealm something that I've just
started doing is in my, like,final questionnaire sheet is
asking this question Basicallylike how strong do you feel
(32:05):
about guests or your familymembers, whatever the who've
you've invited to your wedding,you know approached and is
asking for photos that are notyou too, or you know, off to the
side, photos like beyond me,walking around the cocktail hour
reception, or my second shooter, if we're in the middle of
something and someone's like Hey, can you take my family shot
this time, which I've had happenduring family photos, which I
(32:28):
have a list, you have a list andwe have a crunch time to get
them done, drives me insane.
But I understand, becausethere's people there.
I understand it's with goodintention.
There's family members therethat probably haven't been there
and it's kids and a parentreally wants to get these photos
together and maybe the brideand groom didn't have them on
the list.
I have to ask the bride andgroom what is your comfort level
(32:50):
?
where, if somebody asks me this, are you okay with me answering
yes and then saying hold on, oris this a you know?
no, this is ple.
This person's going to ask youto do that.
Tell them, yeah, sure, and thenplease don't do it, or you know
, how do you ever had, how doyou?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
want to go about this because have you ever had a
couple?
Have you ever had a couple?
that is not okay with thathappening, cause I think that
any of my couples would just belike.
I mean, i guess, like it's fine, no-transcript, it's almost a
way for us to just be like.
I just want to let you knowthis is really annoying, you
know am I allowed to say no.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Well, to the point where I don't know if they've
fully expected that people mightdo that, like yeah, and then
how to go about it.
So I have had.
What I have had is couples giveme a forewarning about maybe a
certain family member that willprobably be aggressive and do
something like that, and if theydo ask you, please just tell
(33:46):
them no, we have a list, that'sit.
They want to stick to the listThat is what.
I have had, and then you have to, you know, unfortunately put on
that that face of like no, i'vegot to.
You know, you just kind of haveto real quick, confident, no,
i've got a list, i've got to getthrough this.
And then we got to move on LikeI'm so sorry And that's that's
it.
You just say, politely, nicely,and it's a little helpful,
though, that you've had thisconversation, because you know
(34:07):
for a fact that you have thebacking of the couple that
they're going to be okay withthat.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
So like almost just like saying so basically what
you're saying is you almost askyour brides and grooms like am I
okay with saying there's acarefully curated list that I am
instructed to follow and thisphoto is not on my list.
So if you have somebody, takeit with a phone or yeah, that's.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I think that's completely okay And just say you
know, if they again, if I'm inthe reception and we've done a
million dance photos and youhave a second there and they
come to side and they're likecan you grab a picture of us?
I'm probably obviously going tosay, yeah, that's, that's my
job at that moment, But itprobably isn't going to come out
that good, because you've allbeen drinking and the lighting
(34:47):
and all of those things.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
It's very, it's a very quick decision to be like
oh, just get our Christmas card.
I guarantee you, if you'repulling the photographer away
from special moments to go get aChristmas card, it's probably
not going to be your Christmascard.
You're probably going to belike Oh, actually I didn't
realize that we looked thisdisheveled after drinking all
night.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
It happens.
I would go to say say thiscarefully that it happens less
and less because, just becauseeveryone has cell phones, so I
see people doing photos all thetime with their cell phones at
weddings.
They're doing that And that'sthat's going to be potentially
their Christmas card.
But if they want it from fromus, it's.
It's totally dependent upontime how the bride and groom
feels, and you know, if wefinish everything and I have an
(35:31):
extra 20 minutes and the guestsare just standing there, yeah
And I'm good to go.
But that's, that's fine, butplease don't interrupt.
Interrupting us is the.
I think maybe that's wherewe're trying to get at.
Don't interrupt us while we'restill doing our job with the
with the list.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
But even if we're not , if we're eating, if we are
eating at a table and you seethat we've been busting our
butts all day and we just satdown to eat we are served after
the guests.
This is a very specific thingthat I want for and I'm going to
sound like a biatch, i know it,but we are served after
(36:08):
everyone else.
So by the time we get our meal,generally we have five minutes
to scarf it down And the otherpeople are done, guests are done
, bride and groom are done.
So if you see that thephotographer is eating and
you're like Oh well, i'm done,So they probably have had their
meal for a while.
No, we haven't.
Nope, we haven't.
We just sat down.
And for you to ask us to get upfrom our plate when we've been
(36:30):
shooting for probably eighthours at that point.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
The way I look at it the only, the only people that
have the that have the authorityand permission to if we're
sitting down eating and theyneed a photo, is the bride and
groom and maybe the parents.
That's about.
If they come up to me and saywe really need this photo, i
(36:56):
will stop what I'm doing and Iwill go take the photo.
I am there for them.
I'm there for them.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
The people who paid me.
Oh yeah, i'll get out of mychair for you, if it is a.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
If I, if this was one of my first weddings and a
guest asked me while I waseating, i probably would have
done it, and then been upsetthat I didn't get to eat, and
then I don't get to eat for therest of the night, and that's
terrible because we're on ourfeet for 10, 11, 12 hours So,
and then usually an hour plusdrive home most of the time.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
So it's we might get 10 minutes during the day to sit
down, and if you're asking usto get up and do something
during that 10, minutes when youweren't the one who hired us.
Please just don't.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
This is not a complaint session on you know,
feel bad for us because of that.
No, this is more over a.
If it's a guest asking thephotographer, when they are
sitting down to eat, to takephotos of them, the answer is
going to be no.
Because it's that's no.
You find this when we get backup again, we need to sit down
and eat.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Oh no, where did you go?
Where did you go, i'm righthere, Brooke, well, can you
still see me?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
I can.
Nothing's changed on my end.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
What a weird.
I can't find you.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Just you're, I promise you're still there, So
at least we have that.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
Yeah, so I can't see you, but you can see me which is
fine.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Is the?
is the window still?
Speaker 1 (38:08):
open, Somebody tried to call in and now you are gone.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
So somebody tried to call into this No, into my phone
, So I'm just Oh okay, i'll justpretend like I can see you, but
I can't.
Yeah, i can, i can see you Ipromise, so it's still recording
.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Perfect.
Um, okay, this, i think, is mylast one.
Well, i have on my list,assuming the new last name,
which I think that it's justfair to say.
just don't assume anythinganymore.
I think, now that we're we'rein a day and age where people do
(38:45):
whatever they want.
Um, i know a lot of people cameto our wedding and, and I'm
never going to, you know, ifsomebody calls me Mrs Mayhew,
i'm never going to be like,don't call me that.
You know, like, i married intothe Mayhew family.
I'm not, you know, um, but it's, you know, assuming that they
have a new last name.
but that's not my last one.
I just wanted to kind ofsprinkle that in there.
Um, talking with the bride inthe groom forever.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Yeah, that's a yep, yep So the bride in the groom.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
very sorry, Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
No, no, i'm sorry I I interrupted you.
I was going to say this thispairs with drinking too much,
because this will lead into that.
So yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Um, i was just going to say the bride in the groom
likely have a lot of people tobe chatting with on their
wedding day And if you aretaking up tons of time to talk
about all of your things and alot of the time, it is because
you're drinking a lot and you'reexcited to see them and I'll.
I totally get it.
Yeah, it's not.
it's not like um, it's.
(39:45):
it's not like, uh, you're a badperson, like you know.
we've talked about a lot ofother things that are very rude.
you know they're very rude todo at a wedding to a bride in
the groom or a wedding couple.
This one is like we, weunderstand you're so excited to
see them, to talk to them, totell her or him how beautiful
they are, all of those thingsLike I.
(40:05):
I totally understand, but justkeep in mind that there are
likely, unless you have anintimate wedding, which is
easier to be able to have, likethose personal conversations, um
, but if you're going to awedding with a hundred people
plus, even 75 plus, it takes alot of time to be able to have
that same amount of time thatthey had with you, with their
(40:26):
other guests.
So if you think in your brain.
I'm you know we've been talkingfor five minutes just kind of, i
guess, like softly release themand be like I know you have
other things to do, we'll catchup later.
You know, like, unless thebride in the groom and the
wedding couple are hanging outaround you specifically and
they're choosing to do that, butif, if you kind of feel like,
(40:47):
oh, we've been taking a lot ofof their time, it is a really
polite thing to do as a guest tokind of like release them to be
able to spend the other timewith other people.
Um, there are a lot of peoplewho don't even get to say hi to
everybody at their wedding, andso if you're taking up tons, of
time um, it's a no no for me.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yeah, a a good way to kind of understand how much
time it takes to talk toeverybody.
I always the the example Ialways give is when we talk
about reset our recession lines,um, receiving lines, if that's
going to be a which isn't, isn'tso much a thing anymore as it
used to be, but I've only had ithappen And it's, it's all those
(41:27):
things.
If they want it, that's fine.
You, just, we have you.
I need to know that way aheadof time and you need to have
your planner know that ahead oftime And you need to make sure
that if you are planning theceremony time and your reception
time, you have to understandthat the receiving line, pending
the amount of guests you have,takes a long fucking time.
It really does.
(41:47):
Because the best way todescribe it and this goes hand
in hand with exactly what you'retalking about, brooke is I
always tell everybody when theysay you know, are you going to
do receiving line Yeah, we werethinking about it.
Like, you know, is that okay?
And I'd say like, yeah, i mean,it's your wedding, Do whatever
you want.
I'm fully here to support it.
The picture has always come outgreat because everybody's
hugging and happy and it lookswonderful.
And but I say you know, are youprepared to understand how long
(42:11):
it's going to take?
And they say, well, how long isit going to take?
And I tell them well, how manyguests do you think it's going
to be?
They said, well, 125.
And I go okay, that's going totake probably 40 minutes, that's
going to cut 40 minutes of yourday, just letting you know, and
they're like 40 minutes.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Even if it's a 30 second conversation with every
single person.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
That's what I say.
I say, imagine every personwho's going to want to talk to
you and some people will takelonger than not because they
won't they'll be the ones thatdon't stop talking.
There will be some that willjust hug you and move on, The
absolutely, but there will besome that do not.
So let's just assume that youtalk to every person for 30
seconds, And it's so 125 people,30 seconds, So you can
(42:49):
basically cut that in half.
That's 62 and a half minutes,And they're like oh, and it's
like yeah, yeah, it's a lot ofpeople.
So, and then you go into theweddings with and what's funny
is the people who want to do thereceiving lines are the ones
usually who have the largeweddings.
They're usually very big churchweddings.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
And and, like I said, i have photographed them before
and it meant a lot to thecouple to do that, but they
planned their scheduleaccordingly, so it just meant
that we're, you know, acceptthat amount of time where
normally, if you don't plan forit, it's going right into your
photo time, and then us asphotographers, while we're
loving what we're capturing,like I think some of these
things that I'm saying likethank goodness it doesn't happen
(43:29):
anymore, is because I've hadone or two of those weddings
where it's like it's just notplanned Because every single
person pulled them to the sideand said you look so beautiful.
Let me tell you about how myfamily is, and it's like you are
important to these, to thiswedding couple.
That's why you're invited.
But for right now, we need tomove it, move it, move it.
I actually just had somebody ata wedding last week go.
(43:51):
I think it's so nice how kindlyyou can tell us to shut the
fuck up.
That's a great compliment.
That's amazing, yeah, and I waslike I was like I'm really not
trying to rush you, but you knowwe have other things to do and
blah, blah, blah.
And you know I've got my niceperson fit like voice on And
they're like wow, that was likethe nicest way for you to tell
(44:12):
us like shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
I will say there is.
I always.
I feel really good when, whenyou because we we're cognizant
too of sounding rude when weneed to wrangle people Well, we
need that timeline, especiallywhen you've got usually it's the
venue coordinator or thewedding planner is just like a
hawk behind your shoulder, justlike looking at you going like
this with the clock, And you'relike yeah, So you have to put on
(44:36):
that voice.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
It's not me, i know.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
And you've got to.
You've got to wrangle these bigcrowds and you've got to start
getting into, like your, yourbooming voice, like yelling,
like Hey, here now, right now,we got to get this done.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
And everybody's filter out.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
And to have somebody after all that tell you like
that was great, You did afantastic job, hurting everybody
, And it's like thank you.
That means a lot to me becauseyeah, especially being an
introvert.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Yeah, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
It is a energy suck, just like, and it hurts It, just
it does.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
And you, we get better at it When you have to do
it.
Oh yeah, okay, we have to movefast.
This is how it's going tohappen, and then you're going to
go back in the tent.
You know it's like, oh my God.
But yeah, no, i like whenpeople tell me that I have a way
of kindly telling that Shut thefuck up.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
That's incredible.
That's the best compliment.
Yeah, i love that.
Absolutely love that.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
So that's all I have.
Do you have any more on yourlist?
Speaker 2 (45:30):
No, I think that's good.
I think that's good for fortoday, Perfect And I just want
to make one more like.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
I just want to say one more time We love guests, we
love weddings.
This is literally a list basedon things that we've seen happen
and happen and consider, youknow, the wedding day horror
stories.
It doesn't mean that it threwoff a day in its entirety, it
doesn't mean.
it's just there are some thingslike, like Chris said, it's
(45:58):
almost like it's too commonsense for you to not understand.
And then when we see it atweddings, it's like wow, i
wonder what is going throughthat person's head right now.
You know.
so if you don't want to be thatperson that we are kind of
looking at going, what the hellare they doing?
You know these are the rulesfor you, and if you are a bride
(46:18):
or a groom or the wedding couplewho is listening to this, these
are things that you need toprepare for, because you might
assume that so and so is justnot planning on bringing the
baby.
And then the baby shows up.
You might assume that everybodyknows do not wear white.
and then someone wearing whiteshows up or a very, very light
silver, like you know, somethinglike that where you need to be
(46:42):
kind of cognizant and plan forthose things to happen, because
I always I tell all of my bridesand grooms there will be a
wrench in your day.
You don't know where it's goingto be, You don't know what it's
going to be.
There's going to be somethingand you need to prepare yourself
for it.
So this is the episode aboutwhat to prepare for from your
guests.
So we're not complaining.
(47:03):
We love everything except thepoor behavior.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
Poor behavior.
There we go.
That's a bring this full circleInstead of trash.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
It's a really nice way of saying trash.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
It is.
I enjoy trash, so I'm going togo with trash.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
You have a really nice way of saying that
everything is trash, but yeah,that's all I got.
So we'll talk next Tuesday andgood luck at your shoot today.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Thank you, appreciate it Should be good All right
guys.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
That's all we got.
Bye, Bye.
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