September 11, 2023 • 21 mins
We're live! Get ready for a fun-filled, informative first broadcast back!
Navigate the surprising findings from the Tritown Bulletin Board, including an unbelievable lottery streak. Join Dr. Daniel Leeds for "Taking Safety Seriously" and learn all about Mirror Safety! Park Ranger Jeb Marshall offers some practical tips for safety on the nearby Mesa Trails. And finally, for the homemakers and cleaning enthusiasts, Marie Stew is here to share her expert stain removal techniques using natural and chemical solutions.
Thanks to Andrew McClelland(Intern Todd), Emily Foulger(Marie Stew), and Maggie Borden(Launch Trailer Alpha) for lending us their beautiful voices.
About The Show
Everything Matters is a Comedy Horror Podcast published every Tuesday. Join Micheal Taur and Dale Dallas as they broadcast the planet's most popular programme to the Tri Town area.
Be sure to follow or subscribe to the show on your preferred podcast provider. It's easier for you to stay up to date and helps us greatly! If you're enjoying the show, please leave us a review. Reviews and sharing with your friends is the best way to show your support.
Disclaimer: Everything Matters IS ENTIRELY satirical, and the people and places in Everything Matters are fiction. Do not try ANYTHING from the broadcast in real life. None of this is real.
Website: everythingmatterspod.com
Threads: @everythingmatterspod
TikTok: @everythingmatterspod
Discord: The Homebrew Network
Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Podcast Network
Written and Hosted by Grant Mielke and Cody Smith
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dale Dallas (00:00):
Psst, uh, uh, hey, mike, I think it's alive.
Oh wow, yeah, yeah, we're alive.
I told you it would work.
There it is.
It's the red light.
We're broadcasting.
Mike, Come on, get over to yourchair, Get on your microphone.
Micheal Taur (00:30):
Good morning, tritown.
I'm Micheal Taur
I'm Dale Dallas and this isEverything Matters.
Greetings to Moonhaven, Pineb ridge and
Threadington.
Everyone in the Tri Town areaGlad to be back after the
(00:51):
blackout.
If you can hear us, lines areopen and we are taking callers.
I hope everyone had a wonderfulblackout.
I think, to start the show, wehave some announcements,
Dale Dallas (01:03):
We do indeed, I think they're pretty old.
Micheal Taur (01:06):
How long has it been Dale?
I don't actually know.
Dale Dallas (01:09):
Yeah, I don't know either, Mike, but we're back.
Micheal Taur (01:12):
Well, let's be safe and deliver the
announcements from the TritownBulletin Board.
Dale Dallas (01:19):
That's good Mike.
Micheal Taur (01:33):
This is the Tri Town Bulletin Board brought to
you by Cox Energy.
Dale Dallas (01:37):
A notice from the Tritown United Neighborhood
Watch.
We're taking another steptowards fortifying our town's
safety.
We are upgrading oursurveillance systems to ensure
an even safer Tritown.
The enhanced resolution, EMFcapabilities, dots projection,
IR and UV capabilities as well.
Micheal Taur (01:56):
That's some great news, Dale.
Maybe we can find out who'sbeen swiping your morning paper,
Dale.
Dale Dallas (02:01):
I certainly hope so .
Micheal Taur (02:03):
Bitter sweet news for the fans of Tritown's Is it
Cake Festival.
The Threadington resident SarahNelson was not cake.
That's right, sarah Nelson wasnot cake.
Dale Dallas (02:14):
Well, it looks like I owe you 20 bucks, Mike.
Micheal Taur (02:17):
You sure do, Dale.
Dale Dallas (02:18):
Pinebridge resident Cobb Gray has won the Tritown
lottery for the 11th straighttime this week.
In an insane streak of luck,cobb swear he has not entered
into a greed pact with the 17faceless of Avaliere.
Micheal Taur (02:32):
Oh, that's a relief.
Dale Dallas (02:34):
A relief indeed, Mike.
Micheal Taur (02:36):
A community public service.
Announcement from thejanitorial staff at Threadington
.
Blood bags are recyclable.
Please do not discard bloodbags in the trash chutes.
Regardless of level of use,please use your designated
recycling crate.
Dale Dallas (02:52):
Recycling's very good for the community, Mike.
Micheal Taur (02:54):
It's very good for the community indeed.
Dale Dallas (02:56):
A new survey suggests grocery carts may have
entered into a pact ofnonviolent protest against the
residents of Tritown.
Micheal Taur (03:05):
Heres hoping negotiations are smooth.
Congratulations to thegraduating class from the
Chimney Kids Playhouse.
From the Tritown City Council,special thanks to everyone who
donated toys and paper productsthis blackout.
Good luck, chimney Kids.
Thanks for keeping Tritown warm.
Dale Dallas (03:21):
Your sacrifice is not in vain.
Micheal Taur (03:23):
This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought
to you by Cox Energy.
Tell your friends I prefer CoxEnergy.
Well, dale, the agenda's alittle light today.
Dale Dallas (03:45):
Well, everybody's probably still waking up.
We are broadcasting a littleearlier than normal today.
Micheal Taur (03:51):
That's true.
Let's see what we got here.
Oh, we've got some pre-recorded, previously unerred segments.
They're probably still good,right Dale?
Dale Dallas (04:07):
I'm sure they're great, Mike, Let her rip.
Welcome listeners.
This is Taking Safety Seriouslywith Dr Daniel Leeds.
Welcom e back to the show, DrLeeds.
Doctor Leeds (04:19):
Thank you for having me, Dale.
Dale Dallas (04:21):
So we're coming up on another one of our scheduled
blackout periods.
Folks are going to be hunkeringdown getting prepared, Doctor
Leeds (04:30):
that's absolutely right, dale.
Micheal Taur (04:32):
So today I thought it would be relevant to pulll
safety article triple, zero, two, three or better known as
Mirror Safety procedures, sinceeveryone will be stuck in their
domiciles.
It seems like a very relevantand interesting choice for today
.
Dale Dallas (04:47):
Indeed it does.
Can't wait to hear what you'vegot for us.
Micheal Taur (04:50):
Absolutely so.
We've developed a quick test tohelp you decide, right in the
comfort of your own domicile, ifmirror safety standards, as
referenced in articles triple,zero, two, three are for you.
Dale, I'd like to do this withyou if you're open to the
experience.
Dale Dallas (05:08):
Of course I am.
Sounds like an interesting timeand I want to be sure I'm safe
as the rest of the citizens herein the Tritown area.
Show them how it's done Okay,so I'm going to play a little
jingle here.
Interesting song.
So what's with the music here?
(05:30):
Doc oh great question.
Micheal Taur (05:32):
So this is a specially scientifically
formulated song that helps openone's mind to suggestion their
subconscious.
It's very useful in times likethese.
It would help you be honestwith me and open to the
experience Now if you're ready,ready as I'll ever be, dr Leeds,
alright beginning the mirrorsafety quiz, Dale, do you
Dale Dallas (05:57):
Well, ever since the early demise of my wife,
I've lived alone.
Micheal Taur (06:03):
in black and white .
Dale Dallas (06:05):
Is there any other way to dream, dr Leeds?
Have you ever seen a shadow?
Well, of course, I've seen ashadow, dr Leeds, who hasn't?
Micheal Taur (06:18):
at exactly 3.33 am .
Dale Dallas (06:21):
Yeah, that's usually the time I wake up to
start getting ready for thebroadcast.
Micheal Taur (06:25):
I see I see, do the eyes and photographs ever
seem to follow you.
Dale Dallas (06:30):
Well, now that you've mentioned it, I suppose
they kind of do Uh-huh, that'sweird.
Micheal Taur (06:35):
Have you ever found an object in your home
that you have no memory ofacquiring?
Dale Dallas (06:38):
Well, I gotta admit , Dr Leeds, I feel like a lot of
the items in my house fit thatdescription.
Micheal Taur (06:45):
Okay, and lastly, have you ever not recognized
yourself in the mirror?
Dale Dallas (06:49):
I think I recognize the guy in the mirror.
He's a pretty handsome guy.
Micheal Taur (06:53):
Alright.
Well, that's a six.
Dale, he's scored a six on theMirror Safety Quiz Alright six
sounds like a pretty good scoreto me.
Dale Dallas (07:02):
Um Well, that's interesting.
Micheal Taur (07:07):
It sounds good to you.
But not to worry, Dale, I wouldabsolutely suggest some Mirror
Safety procedures for you toundertake.
Dale Dallas (07:16):
What do you got for me, Dr Leeds?
I'm ready for them.
Micheal Taur (07:18):
I don't want you to worry.
Mirror Safety is ranked threatlevel orange.
It's usually contained in asingle domicile and does not
necessarily, or even normally,pose a public safety risk.
Only in extreme cases, ifpoorly timed or placed
reflective surfaces such asreflective sunglasses, does
Mirror Safety standards everpose any sort of like real risk.
(07:41):
Most of Tri-Town's residentshave nothing at all to be
worried about, so I have a fewmethods to suggest that you can
try to safety-proof your home.
Dale Dallas (07:52):
Alright, well, I wouldn't be as safe as possible.
Micheal Taur (07:55):
Alright.
So method one we call thisestablishing dominance.
Now, the way that you do thisis you put your domicile into
complete darkness, absolutelycomplete darkness.
All cracks need to be sealed,all windows shut, all shades
pulled tight.
You need to set it up so thatyou can't even see your hand in
front of your face whatsoever.
Now you know your home betterthan anyone, so you need to hold
(08:17):
your breath and make your wayinto the area where your largest
mirror is.
This is generally one'sbathroom.
Now, again, make sure you can'tsee, make sure that you are not
making any noise whatsoever,and then you want to turn on the
light very suddenly.
Make sure you have a veryintimidating look on your face
and be making direct eye contactwith yourself.
If you've done it right, youwill be the first one there and
(08:38):
have the upper hand.
Hold this stair as long aspossible and be very careful not
to blink.
Dale Dallas (08:45):
That sounds quite intensive.
Micheal Taur (08:47):
Well, if that's not your cup of tea.
Method two is called avoidance.
Now you can cover all themirrors in your home for at
least two weeks.
Now be very careful here.
If you start to feel intenseurge to perceive yourself or
incredibly heavy empathicfeelings in regards to the
perceptions of those around you,make sure you contact the
Tritown neighborhood watchimmediately.
(09:07):
Method number three can be themost dangerous but the most
effective solution for mirrorsafety precautions.
We call this capture anddisposal.
Now, if you have a compact orhand mirror that you scavenged
recently, this might be thesolution for you.
What you're going to do isyou're going to pretend as if
you're going about your daynormally.
Then, when you are away fromany reflective surfaces, you
(09:30):
want to hide a compact or a handmirror somewhere where it
cannot be seen on your person.
Then, when you are at thelargest mirror in your domicile
and you are, say, preparing forthe day, trimming your mustache
or combing your hair, you aregoing to turn as if you're
leaving the room and thensuddenly whip out the compact or
whip out the hand mirror andlook directly into the
(09:53):
reflective surface behind you.
If you've done this right, allyou have to do is bag, the hand
mirror or close the compact ortape it off or something so that
there is no reflective surfaceshowing, and then simply dispose
of your blocks, incinerator ortrash chute at the next possible
convenience.
Dale Dallas (10:11):
Well, I always keep a compact on me, Dr Leeds, but
I'd hate to get rid of it.
I think I'm partial to optionnumber two myself, and if I
haven't really needed someone toperceive me, I guess I'd just
get a little Mike here and tellme how good a look at I am.
Micheal Taur (10:24):
You're always looking great, Dale.
Well, thank you so much forhaving me, Dale.
I hope everyone has a wonderfulblackout and remember, take
safety seriously.
Dale Dallas (10:35):
Thanks for joining us, dr Leeds.
Until next time.
That was my interview with DrLeeds from Before the Blackout.
How did you score on the MirrorSafety Quiz?
Tritown.
Next we have Park Ranger Jebwith some more safety tips.
Micheal Taur (11:06):
Like we always say to our lovely Tritown residents
, stay inside, stay sane.
But those of you needing tocomplete your required Vitamin D
absorption time, we've got ParkRanger Jeb Marshall here for
the next segment of TritownTrails.
Jeb Marshall (11:22):
Well, thank you, macindale.
It's a pleasure to be back onthe airwaves after so long.
This week's topic safety on thenearby Mesa Trails.
Well, it hurts.
Let me take you on a journeyinto the harshest environment in
the Tritown area, where the sunblazes with an intensity that
(11:44):
could cook a cowboy's soul.
Out there, the wind carriessecrets whispered by the
tormented tumbleweeds, and timeitself seems to crawl on its
hands and knees.
Don't beware.
The only thing faster than aquick draw is the strike from a
relentless rattlesnake.
(12:04):
Remember listeners?
You got to carry a snake by kitat all times while hiking and
know how to use it.
It could be your lifeline ifthings go south.
Never go solo.
Having a trail partner meansyou've got someone to watch your
back and you can watch theirs.
I know these trails seem likethey were made by the devil
(12:26):
himself, but you got to stick tothem.
Avoid veering off the path intothe unknown, because these
trails I speak of they ain'tyour run of the mill path
through the wilderness.
No, they are twisted, ominousand infested with serpentine
nightmares.
It's like Mother Nature herselfdecided to create a maze of
(12:48):
malevolence where the serpentsroam like dark spirits lurking
in the shadowy abyss.
Imagine if you will, being on atrail so teaming with snakes
that it feels like you'vestumbled into a surreal
reptilian carnivore.
Each snake, a grotesquecaricature of a cowboy wearing a
(13:09):
black hat and a grin that wouldsend shivers down your spine.
They lie there in ambush,coiled like the very essence of
hatred, waiting for an unwittingsoul to take their fateful step
into their deadly embrace.
This ain't no casual stroll,partner.
It's a dance with the macabre,a tangle with terror.
(13:32):
Every footfall becomes a highstakes game, a diabolical gamble
with a venomous dealer.
You become one with the land,reading its wicked cues, like a
gambler reading some sort ofcursed deck of cards.
The sinister swaying of thegrass, the haunting rattle of
the rattlesnakes, the demonicflicker of their forked tongues
(13:57):
Don't even think about wearingsandals out here.
Investing a good pair of sturdyankle high boots.
They'll protect your feet fromvenomous fangs and sharp rocks
alike.
You got to dress sensibly.
Cover up, partner.
Long pants and long sleeveshirts can be your first line of
defense against snake bites inthe unforgiving sun.
(14:17):
I recommend a wide-brimmed hatto keep you shaded.
But in the midst of all thismadness, there's a ghastly sort
of beauty that emerges.
The sun, casting its hellishglow turns the land into a
fevered dreamscape painted inhues of blood and gold.
The cacti, standing sentinel,become grotesque guardians of
(14:41):
this eerie realm.
Even the snakes, in their crueldance of life and death, are
but twisted instruments ofnature's gruesome orchestra.
Dale Dallas (15:05):
Well, that was a Park Ranger Jeb with some
fascinating trail safety tips.
Next we have a segment from thewonderful Marie Stew show.
Micheal Taur (15:17):
And now, ladies and gentle, folk of Tritown, a
special treat for your ears.
Live from the EverythingMatters studio the marvelous
Marie Stew show.
Marvelous Marie Stew (15:29):
Hello darlings, it's me Marie Stew.
Today I'm here with my tried,true, safe and tested advice
passed down from the ages.
Today we're going to belearning how to combat those
stubborn stains that just won'tquit.
So wonder how many messes wecan get into, isn't it?
First off, rust stains.
(15:53):
Got any metal remnantstarnishing your lovely fabrics?
Threadnaught, some elbow grease, a little lemon juice, a little
bit of salt, some directsunlight and voilà, your cloth
will be as vibrant as ever.
Micheal Taur (16:08):
Now we listeners.
I know you can't see this athome, but this sure is some
vibrant cloth.
Now, marie, last time you wereon, you mentioned some
substitutions for lemon juice.
We know it can be hard to getyour hands on a good lemon these
days.
I believe it was sulfuric acidand water, correct?
Marvelous Marie Stew (16:27):
What a good memory, mike, that's right.
Well what do we have next?
Well, next up soot.
We've all been there, haven'tGathering around a roaring fire,
cooking up some Marie stew, canmeat and, oops, a gust of that
Refreshing breeze, and yourclothes are a mess.
(16:47):
For this, all you need is somegood old saliva.
That's right, a dab of your ownspit, a gentle rub and let
nature do its drying.
No need to waste preciousresources.
You'll be the bell or bow ofthe ball.
Micheal Taur (17:01):
Oh, marie, always thinking of the parties.
Marvelous Marie Stew (17:04):
Well, next up for those stubborn grease
stains from well, let's say,fixing assembling.
Simply take some sand it's inabundance, rub vigorously and
watch the grease simplydisappear Quicker than a Mesa
Trail's rattlesnake strike.
Micheal Taur (17:22):
Gone like a turkey into the cornfield.
Now, Marie, this looks familiar.
Marvelous Marie Stew (17:29):
Well, that's right, mike, the most
familiar stain of all land, oneof the toughest Blood.
Now for fresh blood.
You'll want to act fast.
Cold water, always cold water.
Gently blot, never rub.
Let's sit, ponder your lifechoices, rinse, and with some
luck it'll be good as new.
Dried blood can be a little bittrickier though.
(17:50):
You'll want to remove any soliddeposits with a spoon.
Dab on a little bleach, add abit of ammonia, and then some
gentle rubbing.
Chemicals can be pretty hard tocome by, though, so here's a
Marie stew secret.
Believe it or not, milk will dothe trick.
Micheal Taur (18:07):
Milk.
Wow, now, marie, for those ofus who might not be familiar,
what exactly is milk?
Oh, I see.
Well, marie, thanks for alwayskeeping us fresh.
That's all for today'sMarvelous Marie Stew Show.
Until next time, keep yourspirits high and your stains low
(18:28):
.
This has been EverythingMatters.
Dale Dallas (18:42):
Uh, hey, hey, Mike, looks like we've got some
callers.
Micheal Taur (18:47):
What is that?
Is that possible?
That's really fast.
Dale Dallas (18:50):
I mean the phone's rigging, mike.
Micheal Taur (18:53):
Okay, Hello, Caller, You're on Everything
Matters the show whereeverything is real and it all
matters.
What new news from Tritown?
Dale Dallas (19:01):
Hello, can I hear you?
Micheal Taur (19:04):
I can hear you, Caller.
Dale Dallas (19:06):
Oh God, I haven't heard any voices.
Micheal Taur (19:09):
Oh, Sorry about that.
Oh, looks like we have sometechnical difficulties.
Just some run-of-the-millpost-blackout cleanup.
Dale Dallas (19:23):
Don't worry about that, folks, we'll get that
fixed right up.
Micheal Taur (19:26):
We will.
Indeed, this has beenEverything Matters.
I'm co-host Mike Taur and I'mDale Dallas.
Remember everything is real andit all matters.
Now a word from our intern,Todd.
Intern Todd (19:42):
Thanks for listening to Everything Matters.
This is intern Todd.
Everything Matters is a part ofthe Homebrew Network.
If you're listening from the21st century, you could really
help us grow by leaving us areview on Spotify and Apple
podcasts.
The algorithm god hungersgreatly and sating him can be a
full time job, so leave us areview on Spotify and Apple.
(20:06):
If you leave a review as aresident of Tritown, without
breaking the fourth wall, Daleand Mike might read your review
on the show.
Just make sure you don't giveanything away that you're from
the 21st century or that couldreally break Mike and Dale's
minds.
Links are atEverythingMattersPod.
(20:27):
com.
If you're listening from the22nd and 24th century, you can
review us on Musknet in exchangefor one kudo.
25th to 29th century please getoff the internet immediately.
Using the internet poses apublic safety hazard All other
centuries.
Call 1-800-MATTERS if it issafe to do so.
(20:49):
Again, that'sEverythingMattersPod.
com.
Psst, uh, uh, hey, mike, I think it's alive.
Oh wow, yeah, yeah, we're alive.
I told you it would work.
There it is.
It's the red light.
We're broadcasting.
Mike, Come on, get over to yourchair, Get on your microphone.
Micheal Taur (00:30):
Good morning, tritown.
I'm Micheal Taur
I'm Dale Dallas and this isEverything Matters.
Greetings to Moonhaven, Pineb ridge and
Threadington.
Everyone in the Tri Town areaGlad to be back after the
(00:51):
blackout.
If you can hear us, lines areopen and we are taking callers.
I hope everyone had a wonderfulblackout.
I think, to start the show, wehave some announcements,
Dale Dallas (01:03):
We do indeed, I think they're pretty old.
Micheal Taur (01:06):
How long has it been Dale?
I don't actually know.
Dale Dallas (01:09):
Yeah, I don't know either, Mike, but we're back.
Micheal Taur (01:12):
Well, let's be safe and deliver the
announcements from the TritownBulletin Board.
Dale Dallas (01:19):
That's good Mike.
Micheal Taur (01:33):
This is the Tri Town Bulletin Board brought to
you by Cox Energy.
Dale Dallas (01:37):
A notice from the Tritown United Neighborhood
Watch.
We're taking another steptowards fortifying our town's
safety.
We are upgrading oursurveillance systems to ensure
an even safer Tritown.
The enhanced resolution, EMFcapabilities, dots projection,
IR and UV capabilities as well.
Micheal Taur (01:56):
That's some great news, Dale.
Maybe we can find out who'sbeen swiping your morning paper,
Dale.
Dale Dallas (02:01):
I certainly hope so .
Micheal Taur (02:03):
Bitter sweet news for the fans of Tritown's Is it
Cake Festival.
The Threadington resident SarahNelson was not cake.
That's right, sarah Nelson wasnot cake.
Dale Dallas (02:14):
Well, it looks like I owe you 20 bucks, Mike.
Micheal Taur (02:17):
You sure do, Dale.
Dale Dallas (02:18):
Pinebridge resident Cobb Gray has won the Tritown
lottery for the 11th straighttime this week.
In an insane streak of luck,cobb swear he has not entered
into a greed pact with the 17faceless of Avaliere.
Micheal Taur (02:32):
Oh, that's a relief.
Dale Dallas (02:34):
A relief indeed, Mike.
Micheal Taur (02:36):
A community public service.
Announcement from thejanitorial staff at Threadington
.
Blood bags are recyclable.
Please do not discard bloodbags in the trash chutes.
Regardless of level of use,please use your designated
recycling crate.
Dale Dallas (02:52):
Recycling's very good for the community, Mike.
Micheal Taur (02:54):
It's very good for the community indeed.
Dale Dallas (02:56):
A new survey suggests grocery carts may have
entered into a pact ofnonviolent protest against the
residents of Tritown.
Micheal Taur (03:05):
Heres hoping negotiations are smooth.
Congratulations to thegraduating class from the
Chimney Kids Playhouse.
From the Tritown City Council,special thanks to everyone who
donated toys and paper productsthis blackout.
Good luck, chimney Kids.
Thanks for keeping Tritown warm.
Dale Dallas (03:21):
Your sacrifice is not in vain.
Micheal Taur (03:23):
This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought
to you by Cox Energy.
Tell your friends I prefer CoxEnergy.
Well, dale, the agenda's alittle light today.
Dale Dallas (03:45):
Well, everybody's probably still waking up.
We are broadcasting a littleearlier than normal today.
Micheal Taur (03:51):
That's true.
Let's see what we got here.
Oh, we've got some pre-recorded, previously unerred segments.
They're probably still good,right Dale?
Dale Dallas (04:07):
I'm sure they're great, Mike, Let her rip.
Welcome listeners.
This is Taking Safety Seriouslywith Dr Daniel Leeds.
Welcom e back to the show, DrLeeds.
Doctor Leeds (04:19):
Thank you for having me, Dale.
Dale Dallas (04:21):
So we're coming up on another one of our scheduled
blackout periods.
Folks are going to be hunkeringdown getting prepared, Doctor
Leeds (04:30):
that's absolutely right, dale.
Micheal Taur (04:32):
So today I thought it would be relevant to pulll
safety article triple, zero, two, three or better known as
Mirror Safety procedures, sinceeveryone will be stuck in their
domiciles.
It seems like a very relevantand interesting choice for today
.
Dale Dallas (04:47):
Indeed it does.
Can't wait to hear what you'vegot for us.
Micheal Taur (04:50):
Absolutely so.
We've developed a quick test tohelp you decide, right in the
comfort of your own domicile, ifmirror safety standards, as
referenced in articles triple,zero, two, three are for you.
Dale, I'd like to do this withyou if you're open to the
experience.
Dale Dallas (05:08):
Of course I am.
Sounds like an interesting timeand I want to be sure I'm safe
as the rest of the citizens herein the Tritown area.
Show them how it's done Okay,so I'm going to play a little
jingle here.
Interesting song.
So what's with the music here?
(05:30):
Doc oh great question.
Micheal Taur (05:32):
So this is a specially scientifically
formulated song that helps openone's mind to suggestion their
subconscious.
It's very useful in times likethese.
It would help you be honestwith me and open to the
experience Now if you're ready,ready as I'll ever be, dr Leeds,
alright beginning the mirrorsafety quiz, Dale, do you
Dale Dallas (05:57):
Well, ever since the early demise of my wife,
I've lived alone.
Micheal Taur (06:03):
in black and white .
Dale Dallas (06:05):
Is there any other way to dream, dr Leeds?
Have you ever seen a shadow?
Well, of course, I've seen ashadow, dr Leeds, who hasn't?
Micheal Taur (06:18):
at exactly 3.33 am .
Dale Dallas (06:21):
Yeah, that's usually the time I wake up to
start getting ready for thebroadcast.
Micheal Taur (06:25):
I see I see, do the eyes and photographs ever
seem to follow you.
Dale Dallas (06:30):
Well, now that you've mentioned it, I suppose
they kind of do Uh-huh, that'sweird.
Micheal Taur (06:35):
Have you ever found an object in your home
that you have no memory ofacquiring?
Dale Dallas (06:38):
Well, I gotta admit , Dr Leeds, I feel like a lot of
the items in my house fit thatdescription.
Micheal Taur (06:45):
Okay, and lastly, have you ever not recognized
yourself in the mirror?
Dale Dallas (06:49):
I think I recognize the guy in the mirror.
He's a pretty handsome guy.
Micheal Taur (06:53):
Alright.
Well, that's a six.
Dale, he's scored a six on theMirror Safety Quiz Alright six
sounds like a pretty good scoreto me.
Dale Dallas (07:02):
Um Well, that's interesting.
Micheal Taur (07:07):
It sounds good to you.
But not to worry, Dale, I wouldabsolutely suggest some Mirror
Safety procedures for you toundertake.
Dale Dallas (07:16):
What do you got for me, Dr Leeds?
I'm ready for them.
Micheal Taur (07:18):
I don't want you to worry.
Mirror Safety is ranked threatlevel orange.
It's usually contained in asingle domicile and does not
necessarily, or even normally,pose a public safety risk.
Only in extreme cases, ifpoorly timed or placed
reflective surfaces such asreflective sunglasses, does
Mirror Safety standards everpose any sort of like real risk.
(07:41):
Most of Tri-Town's residentshave nothing at all to be
worried about, so I have a fewmethods to suggest that you can
try to safety-proof your home.
Dale Dallas (07:52):
Alright, well, I wouldn't be as safe as possible.
Micheal Taur (07:55):
Alright.
So method one we call thisestablishing dominance.
Now, the way that you do thisis you put your domicile into
complete darkness, absolutelycomplete darkness.
All cracks need to be sealed,all windows shut, all shades
pulled tight.
You need to set it up so thatyou can't even see your hand in
front of your face whatsoever.
Now you know your home betterthan anyone, so you need to hold
(08:17):
your breath and make your wayinto the area where your largest
mirror is.
This is generally one'sbathroom.
Now, again, make sure you can'tsee, make sure that you are not
making any noise whatsoever,and then you want to turn on the
light very suddenly.
Make sure you have a veryintimidating look on your face
and be making direct eye contactwith yourself.
If you've done it right, youwill be the first one there and
(08:38):
have the upper hand.
Hold this stair as long aspossible and be very careful not
to blink.
Dale Dallas (08:45):
That sounds quite intensive.
Micheal Taur (08:47):
Well, if that's not your cup of tea.
Method two is called avoidance.
Now you can cover all themirrors in your home for at
least two weeks.
Now be very careful here.
If you start to feel intenseurge to perceive yourself or
incredibly heavy empathicfeelings in regards to the
perceptions of those around you,make sure you contact the
Tritown neighborhood watchimmediately.
(09:07):
Method number three can be themost dangerous but the most
effective solution for mirrorsafety precautions.
We call this capture anddisposal.
Now, if you have a compact orhand mirror that you scavenged
recently, this might be thesolution for you.
What you're going to do isyou're going to pretend as if
you're going about your daynormally.
Then, when you are away fromany reflective surfaces, you
(09:30):
want to hide a compact or a handmirror somewhere where it
cannot be seen on your person.
Then, when you are at thelargest mirror in your domicile
and you are, say, preparing forthe day, trimming your mustache
or combing your hair, you aregoing to turn as if you're
leaving the room and thensuddenly whip out the compact or
whip out the hand mirror andlook directly into the
(09:53):
reflective surface behind you.
If you've done this right, allyou have to do is bag, the hand
mirror or close the compact ortape it off or something so that
there is no reflective surfaceshowing, and then simply dispose
of your blocks, incinerator ortrash chute at the next possible
convenience.
Dale Dallas (10:11):
Well, I always keep a compact on me, Dr Leeds, but
I'd hate to get rid of it.
I think I'm partial to optionnumber two myself, and if I
haven't really needed someone toperceive me, I guess I'd just
get a little Mike here and tellme how good a look at I am.
Micheal Taur (10:24):
You're always looking great, Dale.
Well, thank you so much forhaving me, Dale.
I hope everyone has a wonderfulblackout and remember, take
safety seriously.
Dale Dallas (10:35):
Thanks for joining us, dr Leeds.
Until next time.
That was my interview with DrLeeds from Before the Blackout.
How did you score on the MirrorSafety Quiz?
Tritown.
Next we have Park Ranger Jebwith some more safety tips.
Micheal Taur (11:06):
Like we always say to our lovely Tritown residents
, stay inside, stay sane.
But those of you needing tocomplete your required Vitamin D
absorption time, we've got ParkRanger Jeb Marshall here for
the next segment of TritownTrails.
Jeb Marshall (11:22):
Well, thank you, macindale.
It's a pleasure to be back onthe airwaves after so long.
This week's topic safety on thenearby Mesa Trails.
Well, it hurts.
Let me take you on a journeyinto the harshest environment in
the Tritown area, where the sunblazes with an intensity that
(11:44):
could cook a cowboy's soul.
Out there, the wind carriessecrets whispered by the
tormented tumbleweeds, and timeitself seems to crawl on its
hands and knees.
Don't beware.
The only thing faster than aquick draw is the strike from a
relentless rattlesnake.
(12:04):
Remember listeners?
You got to carry a snake by kitat all times while hiking and
know how to use it.
It could be your lifeline ifthings go south.
Never go solo.
Having a trail partner meansyou've got someone to watch your
back and you can watch theirs.
I know these trails seem likethey were made by the devil
(12:26):
himself, but you got to stick tothem.
Avoid veering off the path intothe unknown, because these
trails I speak of they ain'tyour run of the mill path
through the wilderness.
No, they are twisted, ominousand infested with serpentine
nightmares.
It's like Mother Nature herselfdecided to create a maze of
(12:48):
malevolence where the serpentsroam like dark spirits lurking
in the shadowy abyss.
Imagine if you will, being on atrail so teaming with snakes
that it feels like you'vestumbled into a surreal
reptilian carnivore.
Each snake, a grotesquecaricature of a cowboy wearing a
(13:09):
black hat and a grin that wouldsend shivers down your spine.
They lie there in ambush,coiled like the very essence of
hatred, waiting for an unwittingsoul to take their fateful step
into their deadly embrace.
This ain't no casual stroll,partner.
It's a dance with the macabre,a tangle with terror.
(13:32):
Every footfall becomes a highstakes game, a diabolical gamble
with a venomous dealer.
You become one with the land,reading its wicked cues, like a
gambler reading some sort ofcursed deck of cards.
The sinister swaying of thegrass, the haunting rattle of
the rattlesnakes, the demonicflicker of their forked tongues
(13:57):
Don't even think about wearingsandals out here.
Investing a good pair of sturdyankle high boots.
They'll protect your feet fromvenomous fangs and sharp rocks
alike.
You got to dress sensibly.
Cover up, partner.
Long pants and long sleeveshirts can be your first line of
defense against snake bites inthe unforgiving sun.
(14:17):
I recommend a wide-brimmed hatto keep you shaded.
But in the midst of all thismadness, there's a ghastly sort
of beauty that emerges.
The sun, casting its hellishglow turns the land into a
fevered dreamscape painted inhues of blood and gold.
The cacti, standing sentinel,become grotesque guardians of
(14:41):
this eerie realm.
Even the snakes, in their crueldance of life and death, are
but twisted instruments ofnature's gruesome orchestra.
Dale Dallas (15:05):
Well, that was a Park Ranger Jeb with some
fascinating trail safety tips.
Next we have a segment from thewonderful Marie Stew show.
Micheal Taur (15:17):
And now, ladies and gentle, folk of Tritown, a
special treat for your ears.
Live from the EverythingMatters studio the marvelous
Marie Stew show.
Marvelous Marie Stew (15:29):
Hello darlings, it's me Marie Stew.
Today I'm here with my tried,true, safe and tested advice
passed down from the ages.
Today we're going to belearning how to combat those
stubborn stains that just won'tquit.
So wonder how many messes wecan get into, isn't it?
First off, rust stains.
(15:53):
Got any metal remnantstarnishing your lovely fabrics?
Threadnaught, some elbow grease, a little lemon juice, a little
bit of salt, some directsunlight and voilà, your cloth
will be as vibrant as ever.
Micheal Taur (16:08):
Now we listeners.
I know you can't see this athome, but this sure is some
vibrant cloth.
Now, marie, last time you wereon, you mentioned some
substitutions for lemon juice.
We know it can be hard to getyour hands on a good lemon these
days.
I believe it was sulfuric acidand water, correct?
Marvelous Marie Stew (16:27):
What a good memory, mike, that's right.
Well what do we have next?
Well, next up soot.
We've all been there, haven'tGathering around a roaring fire,
cooking up some Marie stew, canmeat and, oops, a gust of that
Refreshing breeze, and yourclothes are a mess.
(16:47):
For this, all you need is somegood old saliva.
That's right, a dab of your ownspit, a gentle rub and let
nature do its drying.
No need to waste preciousresources.
You'll be the bell or bow ofthe ball.
Micheal Taur (17:01):
Oh, marie, always thinking of the parties.
Marvelous Marie Stew (17:04):
Well, next up for those stubborn grease
stains from well, let's say,fixing assembling.
Simply take some sand it's inabundance, rub vigorously and
watch the grease simplydisappear Quicker than a Mesa
Trail's rattlesnake strike.
Micheal Taur (17:22):
Gone like a turkey into the cornfield.
Now, Marie, this looks familiar.
Marvelous Marie Stew (17:29):
Well, that's right, mike, the most
familiar stain of all land, oneof the toughest Blood.
Now for fresh blood.
You'll want to act fast.
Cold water, always cold water.
Gently blot, never rub.
Let's sit, ponder your lifechoices, rinse, and with some
luck it'll be good as new.
Dried blood can be a little bittrickier though.
(17:50):
You'll want to remove any soliddeposits with a spoon.
Dab on a little bleach, add abit of ammonia, and then some
gentle rubbing.
Chemicals can be pretty hard tocome by, though, so here's a
Marie stew secret.
Believe it or not, milk will dothe trick.
Micheal Taur (18:07):
Milk.
Wow, now, marie, for those ofus who might not be familiar,
what exactly is milk?
Oh, I see.
Well, marie, thanks for alwayskeeping us fresh.
That's all for today'sMarvelous Marie Stew Show.
Until next time, keep yourspirits high and your stains low
(18:28):
.
This has been EverythingMatters.
Dale Dallas (18:42):
Uh, hey, hey, Mike, looks like we've got some
callers.
Micheal Taur (18:47):
What is that?
Is that possible?
That's really fast.
Dale Dallas (18:50):
I mean the phone's rigging, mike.
Micheal Taur (18:53):
Okay, Hello, Caller, You're on Everything
Matters the show whereeverything is real and it all
matters.
What new news from Tritown?
Dale Dallas (19:01):
Hello, can I hear you?
Micheal Taur (19:04):
I can hear you, Caller.
Dale Dallas (19:06):
Oh God, I haven't heard any voices.
Micheal Taur (19:09):
Oh, Sorry about that.
Oh, looks like we have sometechnical difficulties.
Just some run-of-the-millpost-blackout cleanup.
Dale Dallas (19:23):
Don't worry about that, folks, we'll get that
fixed right up.
Micheal Taur (19:26):
We will.
Indeed, this has beenEverything Matters.
I'm co-host Mike Taur and I'mDale Dallas.
Remember everything is real andit all matters.
Now a word from our intern,Todd.
Intern Todd (19:42):
Thanks for listening to Everything Matters.
This is intern Todd.
Everything Matters is a part ofthe Homebrew Network.
If you're listening from the21st century, you could really
help us grow by leaving us areview on Spotify and Apple
podcasts.
The algorithm god hungersgreatly and sating him can be a
full time job, so leave us areview on Spotify and Apple.
(20:06):
If you leave a review as aresident of Tritown, without
breaking the fourth wall, Daleand Mike might read your review
on the show.
Just make sure you don't giveanything away that you're from
the 21st century or that couldreally break Mike and Dale's
minds.
Links are atEverythingMattersPod.
(20:27):
com.
If you're listening from the22nd and 24th century, you can
review us on Musknet in exchangefor one kudo.
25th to 29th century please getoff the internet immediately.
Using the internet poses apublic safety hazard All other
centuries.
Call 1-800-MATTERS if it issafe to do so.
(20:49):
Again, that'sEverythingMattersPod.
com.
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