October 3, 2023 • 23 mins
Brace yourselves as we navigate the post-blackout in Tritown, offering you handy advice on handling the census, keeping an eye on your neighbors, and reporting anything odd.
About The Show
Everything Matters is a Comedy Horror Podcast published every Tuesday. Join Micheal Taur and Dale Dallas as they broadcast the planet's most popular programme to the Tri Town area.
Be sure to follow or subscribe to the show on your preferred podcast provider. It's easier for you to stay up to date and helps us greatly! If you're enjoying the show, please leave us a review. Reviews and sharing with your friends is the best way to show your support.
Disclaimer: Everything Matters IS ENTIRELY satirical, and the people and places in Everything Matters are fiction. Do not try ANYTHING from the broadcast in real life. None of this is real.
Website: everythingmatterspod.com
Threads: @everythingmatterspod
TikTok: @everythingmatterspod
Discord: The Homebrew Network
Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Podcast Network
Written and Hosted by Grant Mielke and Cody Smith
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Whatcha do there, Mike?
Oh, just filling out ourpost-blackout census form for
the studio here.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Thanks, mike, I really appreciate you taking
that on for us.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Yeah, HR has not woken up and legal has just been
so agitated lately I figuredjust be best to get it out of
the way.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah, I got mine filled out yesterday.
Pretty easy stuff, now thatit's just me.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yeah, so this is weird.
Did you know?
Intern Todd's legal first nameis actually intern, really, yeah
, it says it right here in hispaperwork.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Oh, wow, Wait.
What's this under?
It's under the role of producer.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Yeah, must be some sort of typo.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh, it's a wake, Mike .
Red light time.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Oh, back to it.
Good morning Tritown.
I'm Michael Tarr and I'm DaleDallas, and this is Everything
Matters.
Good morning Tritown.
(01:13):
Glad to be back in the soundwaves wafting over your
beautiful earholes.
I hope you're staying inside,staying safe and staying sane.
Pour yourself a cup of joe andgather around for today's
Everything Matters.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
It's time for the Tritown Bolton Board brought to
you by Cox Energy.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
The Tritown Healthy Citizens Commission issues this
reminder.
Time marches on.
The vastness of the cosmoscontinues to close in on each
and every one of us, but with afocus on daily exercise and a
disciplined diet, you will diehealthier.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I plan on dying as healthy as possible, mike.
In a recent five to nine vote,the Tritown City Council has
converted a local tranquil parkinto a sprawling trampoline
wonderland.
Residents were left jumping forjoy, literally when the news
broke.
Councilman Montgomery defendedthe decision, saying With the
fall upon us, we just wanted toput a sparring in every one step
(02:22):
and elevate our city'sreputation.
Visitors can now be seensoaring through the air,
performing gravity-defying flipsand occasionally landing in the
neighboring zip codes.
Critics argue that the moon hasdestroyed a beloved local park.
The residents seem to haveembraced the bouncy revolution
with arms open and spring-loadedlegs.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Can't help but wonder if the gravity-adjusting
scientists lobbied for this atall.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
You might be onto something Mike.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
The site of the old Pine Bridge power plant is going
to see some new use.
Tritown City Council announcesa grant to promote further
redevelopment of the previouslyclosed-off piece of land.
Franchisee Kevin Matherson hadthis to say I can't wait to get
in there and start excavatingall that nasty concrete they
poured over this beautifullocation.
(03:09):
You're looking at the absoluteperfect site for Tritown's brand
new Dollar General.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Is there already a Dollar General like right on the
other side of that black mic?
I believe there is no, but youbet on the tumbleweed in the
Ultramax Bowl.
The world of sports betting hasbeen set into a whirlwind by a
tumbleweed named Tumblethor.
This peculiar tumbleweed hasmanaged to achieve the
impossible predicting theUltramax Bowl winner correctly,
(03:35):
o'opping 12 out of 14 times in arow.
Tumblethor has become acelebrity in his own right,
attracting throngs of curiousonlookers and bookmakers seeking
his sagebrush advice.
Whether it's clairvoyance or agust of luck, Tumblethor's track
record is nothing short oflegendary, leaving sports
analysts scratching their heads.
As the next Ultramax Bowlapproaches, all eyes are on this
(03:58):
wandering soothsayer, eagerlyawaiting his prediction and
potentially making it the mostsought-after tumbleweed in the
history of sports betting.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Well, if I wasn't recovering from a crippling
gambling addiction, I'd be rightthere with Tumblethor Dale.
Debate over the meaning of theacronym AI rages on in Tritown,
surviving the blackout andimmediately rekindling its
controversial flame.
Those who believe it means allin claim that the other side is
trying to denigrate the value ofhard work and hustle this
(04:28):
week's development.
Bernie Bunsen switches sidesand the new All-Inner calls
himself a sales.
Ai proclaims he is all-in onsales.
Opposition still holds to itsmeaning as American Idol meant
to denote an old world celebrity.
What do you think AI stands for?
Call 1-800-MATTERS and let usknow.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Before you finish this story, mike, people were
already calling it Such a hotissue, dale.
It's just a simple fact thatghost sightings have been
doubted before the last blackout.
In an astonishing turn ofevents, the Tritout City Council
has unveiled their latestcreation, the Soul Shredder.
City officials claim that therecent decline in ghost
(05:09):
sightings is due to theimplementation of this device.
The contraption resembling across between a vacuum cleaner
and a disco ball allegedlyshreds wayward souls that dare
to wander the streets of Tritout.
Elcorp scientists, whochampioned the invention,
proudly declared we're cleaningup the streets of the afterlife
one spectral shred at a time.
(05:29):
Paranormal experts, however,are skeptical and worry about
the consequences of meddlingwith the spirit world.
Only time will tell if thisghost must engage in as the
city's salvation or thebeginning of a supernatural
showdown.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Well, with a name like Soul Shredder, they must
really mean business Dale.
This has been the TritoutBulletin Board brought to you by
Cox Energy, now hosting amonthly photo contest.
Send in a picture of your Coxfor a chance to win $10 off your
next energy bill.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Live from Tritout in front of a live studio audience.
It's census day.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
That's right, dale.
On this special segment ofEverything Matters, we'll be
covering in depth tips, tricksand advice to a successful
census.
Post blackout census paperworkhow to fully complete your
census with minimal risk ofaudit, checking on your
neighbors, how to spotsuspicious behavior and how to
(06:35):
report it.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
That's right, Mike.
A new neighbor is a suspiciousneighbor.
We cover five questions.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
This is Dr Daniel Leeds reporting.
Subject name Colin Elena MorganLine break, moonhaven Deepsea
Laboratory worker.
Line break, resident ofMoonhaven.
For the purposes oftranscription, I will be
recording my notes on Elena'sstatement as verbatim as I
(07:14):
received the information aspossible.
I will include some minorclarifications when needed.
Elena Morgan and James Cliftonare stationed in the Deepsea
Laboratory off the coast ofMoonhaven.
They are not scientists buthave been given basic training
in running instruments andrecording findings so as to free
Tritown's limited scientificresources for the less mundane.
(07:38):
The topic of the DeepseaLaboratory studies has been
redacted Per the TritownNeighborhood Watch Statute
148R1N7H and I do not believehold relevance to the report.
It should, however, be notedthis assignment is not one of
chance, but rather one of theextremely limited forms of
(08:00):
non-corporal punishment inTritown since the occurrence of
the Great Toilet Tragedy of 27.
And that is how Elena came tobe stationed in the laboratory.
Elena reports that she andJames, her companion, were
unaffected by the blackout, apreviously unreported phenomenon
.
There are in fact no confirmedreports of individuals remaining
(08:21):
awake during the blackout, andeven looking for debunked
reports, I was only able to findtwo After laying very still in
a safe, comfortable location forseveral hours, as is
recommended.
Alaina, unable to sleep, roseand moved back around the
laboratory.
She checked her calendar andtime to make sure that they had
not gotten the incorrect day.
(08:43):
This are the only way to trackthe passing of time that far
underwater.
But she was fairly certain itwas time of the blackout.
James also arose.
They were, needless to say,very confused.
They attempted to hail theMoonhaven Maritime Authority
many times but received noresponse.
A day passed, the radio wassilent and James and Alaina
(09:07):
simply continued theirlaboratory duties.
They were confused and reportedbeing a little frightened, and
Alaina continually tried to hailthe Moonhaven Maritime
Authority but saw no success inthat endeavor.
That night, alaina was unable tofall asleep at all.
Finally, becoming restless andfearful enough of these strange
(09:29):
occurrences, she chose to checkon James, who had separate
sleeping quarters.
James was also unable to sleep.
They claimed that night,between 3 and 4 am, to have made
their final attempt to hail theMoonhaven Maritime Authority,
before finally accepting theywere alone and making no further
attempts.
They were unsure, as we all are,how long the blackout would be.
(09:50):
Not a problem to be consideredor studied, much as during the
blackout there appears to be nolinear progression of time
whatsoever.
Animals, birds, humans,creatures of all types of
mutation are asleep as far as wecan tell, and vegetation seems
to be unaffected.
Only though it calls tospotlight the ancient question
of just how long the blackoutsare.
(10:11):
One can brew a pot of coffee,lay down, enjoy the blackout,
get up and enjoy a hot cup ofjoe.
We only know the time haspassed by, the collective
feeling.
We all know a long period oftime has passed.
Even newcomers, experimentallycontained and not told about the
blackout, independently reportthey have been asleep for years,
even decades.
When asked to estimate how longthey've been asleep With
(10:34):
disinmind, they decided to beginrationing very early on, which
was a wise decision, evenbringing out years of stored
freeze-dried anchovy ice creamthat they had squirreled away
when radioing for resupply.
Water was no issue, as thebottom of the lab was a pool of
fresh water where the suppliessurfaced.
The laboratory itself is deepbelow the Moonhaven Coast, the
(10:54):
largest source of fresh waterknown to Triton.
This is where the strangenessmultiplies.
Alina reports that her andJames stopped being able to
sleep altogether.
Alina's explanations of theeffects of sleep deprivation and
the paranoia that ensued by farmake up the longest part of the
report.
I will be filing paperdocumentation but for the
(11:15):
purposes of this transcription Ihave truncated the effects and
these are the highlights.
After about five days, alinareported auditory hallucination
hearing the radio crackle on,for instance, but getting to it
and finding a debt.
Hearing James seeing in thebathroom and then seeing him
come out of the kitchen, thingsof that nature.
Alina reports unsettlingwhispers.
(11:37):
She describes them as too softto hear but too loud to ignore.
After seven days, alina's moodtook a dramatic turn, shouting
matches with James throwingobjects, slamming doors, things
of that nature.
Alina reports that while shelashed out, james withdrew
quickly, being brought to tearsat one point, spending some time
curled up on the floor of thelab, rocking and crying.
(11:58):
After 11 days, visualhallucination and paranoia set
in, although that's not whatAlina describes.
Alina began to withdraw fromJames and spend time in the
bathroom, apparently and this isa direct quote speaking to
herself in the mirror.
As Alina explains this, Iquickly realized she is not
saying talking to herself, butquite literally speaking to
(12:19):
another entity in the mirrorthat looks like her.
At 15 days, alina no longerinteracts with James at all.
They see each other brieflywhen retrieving items from their
dwindling supplies, but they donot speak.
James retrieves to his quartersAlina to hers.
At 17 days Alina describes herfriend as the only reason she is
able to stay sane.
(12:39):
The conversations becomeunsettling and, of course,
turned towards James.
Elena's imaginary mirrorcompanion suggests James is
stealing their food.
Then, on day 18, elenaconfronts James and they come to
blows.
Elena describes attacking James, attempting to push into his
quarters and James, inretaliation, strikes her.
(13:00):
Elena shoves James against thelaboratory's walls In a way
Elena describes as probably alittle too hard and says she is
sure James hit his head.
Elena retreats from thesituation and takes as much food
as she can carry into herquarters and locks the door.
Day 19, james begins beating onthe door, trying to enter her
(13:20):
quarters.
He does not speak.
Elena's mirror suggests he hasgone mad and is trying to kill
her and it says that she mustact in self-defense.
Day 20, elena reports thatafter a brief cessation of the
banging on the door, jamesbegins striking the door with
something much heavier.
Here Elena assures Elena thatJames is going to kill her and
(13:41):
because she hid in her room shenow has no weapons and nothing
to defend herself with.
The mirror assures Elena shecan help.
She need only take her handwhen the door begins to break.
Elena agrees Somehow, and againthis is in Elena's own words
taking her own hand in themirror and being pulled through.
Elena describes being pulledthrough a tunnel of some sort,
(14:03):
flying or hurtling through it.
She sees James in the distancewho flies by her, and then she
finds herself in a differentbathroom.
On the floor is James, his headsplit open, blood covering the
floor this is described in somedetail and a fire axe next to
him.
She turns to look in the mirrorand describes seeing herself in
(14:27):
her original bathroom, as iflooking through a pane of glass
rather than a mirror, beatingthe other James to death,
holding him by the neck andslamming his head into the wall
repeatedly until his skull caves.
She says James is smilingthrough the whole ordeal, even
when his arms go dead, his eyesstay wide open and he seems to
(14:47):
be experiencing genuine joy.
Elena finds that she is nolonger under the sea but rather
on a boat.
She heads to the deck of theboat, describing a sudden
realization of just how tiredshe is, her body all at once
demanding she pay the debt shehad gathered.
What comes next seems to be thepeak of Elena's visual
hallucinations.
She describes the deck of theship as not rocking whatsoever,
(15:12):
the water over the side of theboat completely still.
She describes throwing a bit ofwood into it and the wood
simply disappearing when it hitsthe water, with no ripples
whatsoever.
She says there are boats aroundand often seem to be headed in
her direction but never gettingany closer.
She was not even sure if shewanted them to.
There was a dead man in thebathroom below.
(15:32):
She had no way of explaining.
The strangest thing shedescribed was the sun and the
moon.
She claims it was as if the sunwas rising and setting, rapidly
flying through the sky aboveher Almost, as if days were
passing in just minutes.
Eventually she tried waving tothe boat, throwing things, tried
to work the radio, a suddenloneliness setting in.
(15:53):
She finally found the button tothe fog horn and claims to have
held it down for as long as itwould sound, but no one would
come.
Time passing from this point onbecomes rather impossible for
me to discern, or Lena todescribe.
It seems Elena's nightmarecontinues on for several more
days.
Though Elena describes themadness, I cannot really fathom
the extreme stillness of theboat contrasted with the
(16:14):
insanity of the sun and the moonchasing each other overhead.
Elena has not eaten now and saysshe is hearing the whispers
constantly.
She wanted to check the mirrorbut could not bring herself to
do so.
Eventually, elena gives upcreating a noose tying a ship's
anchor to her left leg.
When she realized she had whatshe describes as a light at the
(16:36):
end of the tunnel, she becamefilled with happiness.
For the first time since thiswhole ordeal, she overcame her
exhaustion, her hunger evensilenced the whispers, she says.
She began laughing out loud.
She tied the noose around herneck and pushed the anchor off
the boat.
She jumped at the last possiblemoment to avoid hitting her
head or anything and the anchordrew her down Just as the noose
(16:59):
began to tighten.
Well, elena woke up in thelaboratory no whispers, no
hunger, no moodyness or paranoiaor exhaustion.
Her quarters were in fine order.
James was even fine, althoughElena says the next couple of
days unsettled her.
He was generally a quiet person, reserved, and after this
(17:21):
experience, she said James hadbecome happy, even extroverted.
I'm unable to write all of thisoff as a dream one.
There are multiple recordedattempts at a hail from the
laboratory to the MoonhavenMaritime Authority.
These occurred after the timewhen they would have shut down
to prepare for the blackout.
I am unable to write all ofthis off as a dream One.
(17:43):
There are multiple recordedattempts at a hail from the
laboratory to the MoonhavenMaritime Authority after the
time when they should have shutdown to prepare for the blackout
.
This is odd.
No one should have been awake.
Secondarily, during theirresupply the lab supplies were
indeed dangerously low.
Of course that doesn't proveanything, but it is notable as
(18:05):
it's not happened before.
Lastly, and perhaps the moststrange, the ship in the
Moonhaven Bay has alludedexplanation thus far.
While it is not dangerous andnot even close to the most
interesting thing in Tritown, itis still a curiosity.
I will admit I have noexplanation for that foghorn
blowing for days Around.
The time when Elena reportshaving woken up correlates
(18:27):
almost exactly with the time theship mysteriously vanished.
I will continue meeting withand monitoring Elena and trying
to find some time to meet withJames If I come across any
additional findings.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Oh, hi Doc.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Oh uh, hello Dale, just one moment.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Oh crap Doc what are you doing there?
I'm sorry, what do you mean?
This is our tape for thisweek's census segment.
Mike's gonna be so pissed.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
This is my tape.
It says Dr Daniel Leeds righton it.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
That is the smallest writing I have ever seen.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Nonetheless, it is still my tape.
Wait a second, Dale.
You haven't been taping over myother dictation, have you?
This has been another episodeof Everything Matters.
(19:37):
This is your friendly finalreminder that your census filing
is due by the end of this week.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
That's right, Mike.
Don't wait until the lastminute.
What if something happens andyou don't get your census
paperwork filed?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
That would not be good, dale.
And now a word from thebeautiful folks of Tri-Town.
We've got your feedback righthere.
Remember, lines are open If youuse this Apple podcast or
whatever.
We'll read your feedback righthere on the show.
Maggie Bow has this to sayCasting its hellish glow turns
(20:13):
the land into a fevereddreamscape Painted in hues of
blood and gold, just like Mamaused to say.
Sounds like Maggie is a fan ofJeb Marshall there, dale.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Yeah, Jeb Marshall sure has a way with words.
This one comes from Sarboth.
I have a question for us, Mike.
I'm trying to figure out mymere dilemma.
They seem to have beenmisplaced, Almost like they grew
legs and walked away.
Is mere sentience a possibility?
I always looked to you guys foradvice, Until the next time.
(20:46):
Sarboth of.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Tri-Town.
Well, you know what I alwayssay, Dale Everything's a
possibility.
Spaztastic has this to say Hi,Long time listener, first time
caller.
I need to ask you what happensif your mere safety fails and
you start seeing shadows.
Does mere safety help withthese?
Thank you so much for anyadvice you can give me.
(21:09):
Looks like we're gonna have toget the doc back on the show
here, Dale, yeah, I mean, whatare you supposed to do exactly?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
again, I feel like I could use a refresher on my mere
safety tips.
This one's from BJ Folger.
More perfect news casting fromMike and Dale.
The only downside is theall-consuming silence between
each episode.
Yeah, I know you feel.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
That's it for this week, tri-town.
Thank you, keep those commentscoming in.
This has been another broadcastof Everything Matters.
We'll see you next week andremember, it's all real, it all
matters and it never ends.
Now a word from Intern Todd.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
So leave us a review on Spotify and Apple.
If you leave a review as aresident of Tri-Town without
breaking the fourth wall, daleand Mike might read your review
on the show.
Just make sure you don't, youknow, give anything away that
you're from the 21st century orthat could really, you know,
break Mike and Dale's minds.
(22:39):
Yeah, links are atEverythingMattersPodcom.
If you're listening from the22nd and 24th century, you can
review us on Musknet in exchangefor one kudo.
25th to 29th century.
Please get off the internetimmediately.
Using the internet poses apublic safety hazard.
All other centuries call1-800-MATTERS If it is safe to
(23:04):
do so.
Again, that'sEverythingMattersPodcom.
Whatcha do there, Mike?
Oh, just filling out ourpost-blackout census form for
the studio here.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Thanks, mike, I really appreciate you taking
that on for us.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Yeah, HR has not woken up and legal has just been
so agitated lately I figuredjust be best to get it out of
the way.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah, I got mine filled out yesterday.
Pretty easy stuff, now thatit's just me.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yeah, so this is weird.
Did you know?
Intern Todd's legal first nameis actually intern, really, yeah
, it says it right here in hispaperwork.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Oh, wow, Wait.
What's this under?
It's under the role of producer.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Yeah, must be some sort of typo.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh, it's a wake, Mike .
Red light time.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Oh, back to it.
Good morning Tritown.
I'm Michael Tarr and I'm DaleDallas, and this is Everything
Matters.
Good morning Tritown.
(01:13):
Glad to be back in the soundwaves wafting over your
beautiful earholes.
I hope you're staying inside,staying safe and staying sane.
Pour yourself a cup of joe andgather around for today's
Everything Matters.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
It's time for the Tritown Bolton Board brought to
you by Cox Energy.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
The Tritown Healthy Citizens Commission issues this
reminder.
Time marches on.
The vastness of the cosmoscontinues to close in on each
and every one of us, but with afocus on daily exercise and a
disciplined diet, you will diehealthier.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
I plan on dying as healthy as possible, mike.
In a recent five to nine vote,the Tritown City Council has
converted a local tranquil parkinto a sprawling trampoline
wonderland.
Residents were left jumping forjoy, literally when the news
broke.
Councilman Montgomery defendedthe decision, saying With the
fall upon us, we just wanted toput a sparring in every one step
(02:22):
and elevate our city'sreputation.
Visitors can now be seensoaring through the air,
performing gravity-defying flipsand occasionally landing in the
neighboring zip codes.
Critics argue that the moon hasdestroyed a beloved local park.
The residents seem to haveembraced the bouncy revolution
with arms open and spring-loadedlegs.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Can't help but wonder if the gravity-adjusting
scientists lobbied for this atall.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
You might be onto something Mike.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
The site of the old Pine Bridge power plant is going
to see some new use.
Tritown City Council announcesa grant to promote further
redevelopment of the previouslyclosed-off piece of land.
Franchisee Kevin Matherson hadthis to say I can't wait to get
in there and start excavatingall that nasty concrete they
poured over this beautifullocation.
(03:09):
You're looking at the absoluteperfect site for Tritown's brand
new Dollar General.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Is there already a Dollar General like right on the
other side of that black mic?
I believe there is no, but youbet on the tumbleweed in the
Ultramax Bowl.
The world of sports betting hasbeen set into a whirlwind by a
tumbleweed named Tumblethor.
This peculiar tumbleweed hasmanaged to achieve the
impossible predicting theUltramax Bowl winner correctly,
(03:35):
o'opping 12 out of 14 times in arow.
Tumblethor has become acelebrity in his own right,
attracting throngs of curiousonlookers and bookmakers seeking
his sagebrush advice.
Whether it's clairvoyance or agust of luck, Tumblethor's track
record is nothing short oflegendary, leaving sports
analysts scratching their heads.
As the next Ultramax Bowlapproaches, all eyes are on this
(03:58):
wandering soothsayer, eagerlyawaiting his prediction and
potentially making it the mostsought-after tumbleweed in the
history of sports betting.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Well, if I wasn't recovering from a crippling
gambling addiction, I'd be rightthere with Tumblethor Dale.
Debate over the meaning of theacronym AI rages on in Tritown,
surviving the blackout andimmediately rekindling its
controversial flame.
Those who believe it means allin claim that the other side is
trying to denigrate the value ofhard work and hustle this
(04:28):
week's development.
Bernie Bunsen switches sidesand the new All-Inner calls
himself a sales.
Ai proclaims he is all-in onsales.
Opposition still holds to itsmeaning as American Idol meant
to denote an old world celebrity.
What do you think AI stands for?
Call 1-800-MATTERS and let usknow.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Before you finish this story, mike, people were
already calling it Such a hotissue, dale.
It's just a simple fact thatghost sightings have been
doubted before the last blackout.
In an astonishing turn ofevents, the Tritout City Council
has unveiled their latestcreation, the Soul Shredder.
City officials claim that therecent decline in ghost
(05:09):
sightings is due to theimplementation of this device.
The contraption resembling across between a vacuum cleaner
and a disco ball allegedlyshreds wayward souls that dare
to wander the streets of Tritout.
Elcorp scientists, whochampioned the invention,
proudly declared we're cleaningup the streets of the afterlife
one spectral shred at a time.
(05:29):
Paranormal experts, however,are skeptical and worry about
the consequences of meddlingwith the spirit world.
Only time will tell if thisghost must engage in as the
city's salvation or thebeginning of a supernatural
showdown.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Well, with a name like Soul Shredder, they must
really mean business Dale.
This has been the TritoutBulletin Board brought to you by
Cox Energy, now hosting amonthly photo contest.
Send in a picture of your Coxfor a chance to win $10 off your
next energy bill.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Live from Tritout in front of a live studio audience.
It's census day.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
That's right, dale.
On this special segment ofEverything Matters, we'll be
covering in depth tips, tricksand advice to a successful
census.
Post blackout census paperworkhow to fully complete your
census with minimal risk ofaudit, checking on your
neighbors, how to spotsuspicious behavior and how to
(06:35):
report it.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
That's right, Mike.
A new neighbor is a suspiciousneighbor.
We cover five questions.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
This is Dr Daniel Leeds reporting.
Subject name Colin Elena MorganLine break, moonhaven Deepsea
Laboratory worker.
Line break, resident ofMoonhaven.
For the purposes oftranscription, I will be
recording my notes on Elena'sstatement as verbatim as I
(07:14):
received the information aspossible.
I will include some minorclarifications when needed.
Elena Morgan and James Cliftonare stationed in the Deepsea
Laboratory off the coast ofMoonhaven.
They are not scientists buthave been given basic training
in running instruments andrecording findings so as to free
Tritown's limited scientificresources for the less mundane.
(07:38):
The topic of the DeepseaLaboratory studies has been
redacted Per the TritownNeighborhood Watch Statute
148R1N7H and I do not believehold relevance to the report.
It should, however, be notedthis assignment is not one of
chance, but rather one of theextremely limited forms of
(08:00):
non-corporal punishment inTritown since the occurrence of
the Great Toilet Tragedy of 27.
And that is how Elena came tobe stationed in the laboratory.
Elena reports that she andJames, her companion, were
unaffected by the blackout, apreviously unreported phenomenon
.
There are in fact no confirmedreports of individuals remaining
(08:21):
awake during the blackout, andeven looking for debunked
reports, I was only able to findtwo After laying very still in
a safe, comfortable location forseveral hours, as is
recommended.
Alaina, unable to sleep, roseand moved back around the
laboratory.
She checked her calendar andtime to make sure that they had
not gotten the incorrect day.
(08:43):
This are the only way to trackthe passing of time that far
underwater.
But she was fairly certain itwas time of the blackout.
James also arose.
They were, needless to say,very confused.
They attempted to hail theMoonhaven Maritime Authority
many times but received noresponse.
A day passed, the radio wassilent and James and Alaina
(09:07):
simply continued theirlaboratory duties.
They were confused and reportedbeing a little frightened, and
Alaina continually tried to hailthe Moonhaven Maritime
Authority but saw no success inthat endeavor.
That night, alaina was unable tofall asleep at all.
Finally, becoming restless andfearful enough of these strange
(09:29):
occurrences, she chose to checkon James, who had separate
sleeping quarters.
James was also unable to sleep.
They claimed that night,between 3 and 4 am, to have made
their final attempt to hail theMoonhaven Maritime Authority,
before finally accepting theywere alone and making no further
attempts.
They were unsure, as we all are,how long the blackout would be.
(09:50):
Not a problem to be consideredor studied, much as during the
blackout there appears to be nolinear progression of time
whatsoever.
Animals, birds, humans,creatures of all types of
mutation are asleep as far as wecan tell, and vegetation seems
to be unaffected.
Only though it calls tospotlight the ancient question
of just how long the blackoutsare.
(10:11):
One can brew a pot of coffee,lay down, enjoy the blackout,
get up and enjoy a hot cup ofjoe.
We only know the time haspassed by, the collective
feeling.
We all know a long period oftime has passed.
Even newcomers, experimentallycontained and not told about the
blackout, independently reportthey have been asleep for years,
even decades.
When asked to estimate how longthey've been asleep With
(10:34):
disinmind, they decided to beginrationing very early on, which
was a wise decision, evenbringing out years of stored
freeze-dried anchovy ice creamthat they had squirreled away
when radioing for resupply.
Water was no issue, as thebottom of the lab was a pool of
fresh water where the suppliessurfaced.
The laboratory itself is deepbelow the Moonhaven Coast, the
(10:54):
largest source of fresh waterknown to Triton.
This is where the strangenessmultiplies.
Alina reports that her andJames stopped being able to
sleep altogether.
Alina's explanations of theeffects of sleep deprivation and
the paranoia that ensued by farmake up the longest part of the
report.
I will be filing paperdocumentation but for the
(11:15):
purposes of this transcription Ihave truncated the effects and
these are the highlights.
After about five days, alinareported auditory hallucination
hearing the radio crackle on,for instance, but getting to it
and finding a debt.
Hearing James seeing in thebathroom and then seeing him
come out of the kitchen, thingsof that nature.
Alina reports unsettlingwhispers.
(11:37):
She describes them as too softto hear but too loud to ignore.
After seven days, alina's moodtook a dramatic turn, shouting
matches with James throwingobjects, slamming doors, things
of that nature.
Alina reports that while shelashed out, james withdrew
quickly, being brought to tearsat one point, spending some time
curled up on the floor of thelab, rocking and crying.
(11:58):
After 11 days, visualhallucination and paranoia set
in, although that's not whatAlina describes.
Alina began to withdraw fromJames and spend time in the
bathroom, apparently and this isa direct quote speaking to
herself in the mirror.
As Alina explains this, Iquickly realized she is not
saying talking to herself, butquite literally speaking to
(12:19):
another entity in the mirrorthat looks like her.
At 15 days, alina no longerinteracts with James at all.
They see each other brieflywhen retrieving items from their
dwindling supplies, but they donot speak.
James retrieves to his quartersAlina to hers.
At 17 days Alina describes herfriend as the only reason she is
able to stay sane.
(12:39):
The conversations becomeunsettling and, of course,
turned towards James.
Elena's imaginary mirrorcompanion suggests James is
stealing their food.
Then, on day 18, elenaconfronts James and they come to
blows.
Elena describes attacking James, attempting to push into his
quarters and James, inretaliation, strikes her.
(13:00):
Elena shoves James against thelaboratory's walls In a way
Elena describes as probably alittle too hard and says she is
sure James hit his head.
Elena retreats from thesituation and takes as much food
as she can carry into herquarters and locks the door.
Day 19, james begins beating onthe door, trying to enter her
(13:20):
quarters.
He does not speak.
Elena's mirror suggests he hasgone mad and is trying to kill
her and it says that she mustact in self-defense.
Day 20, elena reports thatafter a brief cessation of the
banging on the door, jamesbegins striking the door with
something much heavier.
Here Elena assures Elena thatJames is going to kill her and
(13:41):
because she hid in her room shenow has no weapons and nothing
to defend herself with.
The mirror assures Elena shecan help.
She need only take her handwhen the door begins to break.
Elena agrees Somehow, and againthis is in Elena's own words
taking her own hand in themirror and being pulled through.
Elena describes being pulledthrough a tunnel of some sort,
(14:03):
flying or hurtling through it.
She sees James in the distancewho flies by her, and then she
finds herself in a differentbathroom.
On the floor is James, his headsplit open, blood covering the
floor this is described in somedetail and a fire axe next to
him.
She turns to look in the mirrorand describes seeing herself in
(14:27):
her original bathroom, as iflooking through a pane of glass
rather than a mirror, beatingthe other James to death,
holding him by the neck andslamming his head into the wall
repeatedly until his skull caves.
She says James is smilingthrough the whole ordeal, even
when his arms go dead, his eyesstay wide open and he seems to
(14:47):
be experiencing genuine joy.
Elena finds that she is nolonger under the sea but rather
on a boat.
She heads to the deck of theboat, describing a sudden
realization of just how tiredshe is, her body all at once
demanding she pay the debt shehad gathered.
What comes next seems to be thepeak of Elena's visual
hallucinations.
She describes the deck of theship as not rocking whatsoever,
(15:12):
the water over the side of theboat completely still.
She describes throwing a bit ofwood into it and the wood
simply disappearing when it hitsthe water, with no ripples
whatsoever.
She says there are boats aroundand often seem to be headed in
her direction but never gettingany closer.
She was not even sure if shewanted them to.
There was a dead man in thebathroom below.
(15:32):
She had no way of explaining.
The strangest thing shedescribed was the sun and the
moon.
She claims it was as if the sunwas rising and setting, rapidly
flying through the sky aboveher Almost, as if days were
passing in just minutes.
Eventually she tried waving tothe boat, throwing things, tried
to work the radio, a suddenloneliness setting in.
(15:53):
She finally found the button tothe fog horn and claims to have
held it down for as long as itwould sound, but no one would
come.
Time passing from this point onbecomes rather impossible for
me to discern, or Lena todescribe.
It seems Elena's nightmarecontinues on for several more
days.
Though Elena describes themadness, I cannot really fathom
the extreme stillness of theboat contrasted with the
(16:14):
insanity of the sun and the moonchasing each other overhead.
Elena has not eaten now and saysshe is hearing the whispers
constantly.
She wanted to check the mirrorbut could not bring herself to
do so.
Eventually, elena gives upcreating a noose tying a ship's
anchor to her left leg.
When she realized she had whatshe describes as a light at the
(16:36):
end of the tunnel, she becamefilled with happiness.
For the first time since thiswhole ordeal, she overcame her
exhaustion, her hunger evensilenced the whispers, she says.
She began laughing out loud.
She tied the noose around herneck and pushed the anchor off
the boat.
She jumped at the last possiblemoment to avoid hitting her
head or anything and the anchordrew her down Just as the noose
(16:59):
began to tighten.
Well, elena woke up in thelaboratory no whispers, no
hunger, no moodyness or paranoiaor exhaustion.
Her quarters were in fine order.
James was even fine, althoughElena says the next couple of
days unsettled her.
He was generally a quiet person, reserved, and after this
(17:21):
experience, she said James hadbecome happy, even extroverted.
I'm unable to write all of thisoff as a dream one.
There are multiple recordedattempts at a hail from the
laboratory to the MoonhavenMaritime Authority.
These occurred after the timewhen they would have shut down
to prepare for the blackout.
I am unable to write all ofthis off as a dream One.
(17:43):
There are multiple recordedattempts at a hail from the
laboratory to the MoonhavenMaritime Authority after the
time when they should have shutdown to prepare for the blackout
.
This is odd.
No one should have been awake.
Secondarily, during theirresupply the lab supplies were
indeed dangerously low.
Of course that doesn't proveanything, but it is notable as
(18:05):
it's not happened before.
Lastly, and perhaps the moststrange, the ship in the
Moonhaven Bay has alludedexplanation thus far.
While it is not dangerous andnot even close to the most
interesting thing in Tritown, itis still a curiosity.
I will admit I have noexplanation for that foghorn
blowing for days Around.
The time when Elena reportshaving woken up correlates
(18:27):
almost exactly with the time theship mysteriously vanished.
I will continue meeting withand monitoring Elena and trying
to find some time to meet withJames If I come across any
additional findings.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Oh, hi Doc.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Oh uh, hello Dale, just one moment.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Oh crap Doc what are you doing there?
I'm sorry, what do you mean?
This is our tape for thisweek's census segment.
Mike's gonna be so pissed.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
This is my tape.
It says Dr Daniel Leeds righton it.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
That is the smallest writing I have ever seen.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Nonetheless, it is still my tape.
Wait a second, Dale.
You haven't been taping over myother dictation, have you?
This has been another episodeof Everything Matters.
(19:37):
This is your friendly finalreminder that your census filing
is due by the end of this week.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
That's right, Mike.
Don't wait until the lastminute.
What if something happens andyou don't get your census
paperwork filed?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
That would not be good, dale.
And now a word from thebeautiful folks of Tri-Town.
We've got your feedback righthere.
Remember, lines are open If youuse this Apple podcast or
whatever.
We'll read your feedback righthere on the show.
Maggie Bow has this to sayCasting its hellish glow turns
(20:13):
the land into a fevereddreamscape Painted in hues of
blood and gold, just like Mamaused to say.
Sounds like Maggie is a fan ofJeb Marshall there, dale.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Yeah, Jeb Marshall sure has a way with words.
This one comes from Sarboth.
I have a question for us, Mike.
I'm trying to figure out mymere dilemma.
They seem to have beenmisplaced, Almost like they grew
legs and walked away.
Is mere sentience a possibility?
I always looked to you guys foradvice, Until the next time.
(20:46):
Sarboth of.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Tri-Town.
Well, you know what I alwayssay, Dale Everything's a
possibility.
Spaztastic has this to say Hi,Long time listener, first time
caller.
I need to ask you what happensif your mere safety fails and
you start seeing shadows.
Does mere safety help withthese?
Thank you so much for anyadvice you can give me.
(21:09):
Looks like we're gonna have toget the doc back on the show
here, Dale, yeah, I mean, whatare you supposed to do exactly?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
again, I feel like I could use a refresher on my mere
safety tips.
This one's from BJ Folger.
More perfect news casting fromMike and Dale.
The only downside is theall-consuming silence between
each episode.
Yeah, I know you feel.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
That's it for this week, tri-town.
Thank you, keep those commentscoming in.
This has been another broadcastof Everything Matters.
We'll see you next week andremember, it's all real, it all
matters and it never ends.
Now a word from Intern Todd.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
So leave us a review on Spotify and Apple.
If you leave a review as aresident of Tri-Town without
breaking the fourth wall, daleand Mike might read your review
on the show.
Just make sure you don't, youknow, give anything away that
you're from the 21st century orthat could really, you know,
break Mike and Dale's minds.
(22:39):
Yeah, links are atEverythingMattersPodcom.
If you're listening from the22nd and 24th century, you can
review us on Musknet in exchangefor one kudo.
25th to 29th century.
Please get off the internetimmediately.
Using the internet poses apublic safety hazard.
All other centuries call1-800-MATTERS If it is safe to
(23:04):
do so.
Again, that'sEverythingMattersPodcom.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.