October 10, 2023 • 23 mins
Many citizens are feeling down after the census. To help them, this week we have a special segment of "Mental Health Matters" with the guru Aileen Wuornos. Then, we have "Out and About Tritown", where Dale takes a trip to Pat's Pawnitorium.
Thanks to Emily Foulger (Pat), Maggie Borden (Aileen Wuornos), and Andrew McClelland (Tony and Intern Todd) for lending us their beautiful voices.
About The Show
Everything Matters is a Comedy Horror Podcast published every Tuesday. Join Micheal Taur and Dale Dallas as they broadcast the planet's most popular programme to the Tri Town area.
Be sure to follow or subscribe to the show on your preferred podcast provider. It's easier for you to stay up to date and helps us greatly! If you're enjoying the show, please leave us a review. Reviews and sharing with your friends is the best way to show your support.
Disclaimer: Everything Matters IS ENTIRELY satirical, and the people and places in Everything Matters are fiction. Do not try ANYTHING from the broadcast in real life. None of this is real.
Website: everythingmatterspod.com
Threads: @everythingmatterspod
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Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Podcast Network
Written and Hosted by Grant Mielke and Cody Smith
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Yeah, I'll know about that one.
I don't know.
Mike's always been pretty greatto me.
No, no, no, no, no, that's justcrazy.
Mike's my friend.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Good morning Dale.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Oh, perfectly, all right, we're fine.
We're all fine here.
Thank you very much.
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Great, dale.
It's a fine-looking compact.
You got there.
Thanks, mike.
I always keep it on me.
Dale, I'm glad you're back atit.
I was getting a little worriedabout the mirror avoidance and
it's good to see you back tonormal Red light.
We're up, dale.
Good morning, tritown.
(00:52):
I'm Michael Tore and I'm DaleDallas.
This is Everything Matters.
Good morning Tritown.
Congratulations to Pine Bridge,moonhaven and Threadington for
yet another successfulpost-Blackout census.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
That's right.
The numbers are in and weachieved a record 87% awakening
and attendance.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That is incredible Dale, Great numbers.
I also see in this report thatthere are approximately 337 new
reported residents of Tritown,and a whopping 201 of them have
already been registered andapproved as new citizens.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
We are making history , mike.
Also, we're very pleased to letthe fine listeners of
Everything Matters know that theTritown City Council has
honored the show with a specialrecognition.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
The Tritown City Council is proud to present
Everything Matters with thisoutstanding citizen contribution
recognition for their work onBlackout and post-Blackout
safety awareness and advice.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Wow that is a real honor.
Thank you, Tritown.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Thank you, tritown.
Indeed, with that, it's timefor the Tritown Bulletin Board,
brought to you by Cox Energy Alocal pine bridge man was
recently given 30 years to lifeafter a horrific and
(02:33):
premeditated offense.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
The man, who bore a striking resemblance to his
victim, was found guilty ofmurdering their friend with a
lunchbox.
Prosecution alleges thatDimitri Popov had killed their
friend in an attempt to assumetheir life.
Also, they wouldn't have toreturn to Thredington, where it
was already discovered they hadmurdered another similar-looking
friend.
I am not a murderer, hedeclared.
(02:57):
I am Dimitri Popov, the onlyDimitri Popov.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Residents resembling Dimitri Popov should be on high
alert.
Let's get that picture out tothe Citizens' Dale.
I'll get right on that bike.
Scientists have made anincredible breakthrough in the
behavioral health phenomenon ofimposter syndrome.
If you haven't heard of it,imposter syndrome can manifest
as feelings of self-doubtdownplaying your intellect or
(03:22):
ability or even questioning yourright to be around talented
people, people at all.
Luckily, rigorous studies havefound good news.
You can rest easy, knowingscientists have now proven you
have to actually be good atsomething to feel imposter
syndrome.
So next time you're feelingself-doubt, just ask yourself
this specially formulated andscientifically proven question
(03:43):
Am I good enough to haveimposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
huh, I've never heard of that one.
If you don't be, let you know.
I hate groundhogs, saidCouncilman Montgomery in a
post-Blackout press conference.
Stopping the encroachinggroundhog population is
something Councilman Montgomeryis very passionate about, and
this week City Council hasannounced their new groundhog
stomping chief, phyllis Cotter.
(04:08):
Cotter was previously a mathtutor, but their new mission is
to divide the number ofgroundhogs in Tritown as public
parks close.
Just before the last Blackout,most groundhogs had no choice
but to alter their habits andrelocate.
They have now moved into manyTritown homes and once they are
in they are hard to get out.
The stoppers have shown someearly success, mostly due to
(04:30):
their engaging message to thecommunity, but in the end,
cotter says the key to stoppingthose groundhogs is simple
Everyone start stomping thosegroundhogs.
The groundhogs could not bereached for comments.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Are your devices listening to you?
The Tritown Neighborhood Watchhas issued a special notice that
citizens be aware of a highlikelihood that, yes, your
devices are listening to you.
Devices in your home may havethe ability to recognize, record
and respond to voice input.
Generally, there is a spokencommand that wakes up a device
(05:05):
in order for you to input avoice command, but there have
been several reported cases ofdevices always being on and
always listening and evenrecording the everyday
conversations of our citizens,which raises the obvious
question what kind of exampleare you setting?
Please be cognizant of the typeof language you're using around
(05:26):
your smart devices.
Say please and thank you, bekind and be courteous If you
haven't urged to use foul, rudeor inappropriate language.
Remember someone's listeningand they matter.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I always say please and thank you to my toaster.
Thank you for the toast.
Unfortunately, it's not bignews when trash is dumped in the
streets of Tritown, but arecent case has the residents
lost in the sauce, as a largepile of pizza was found just
over the fence line soaking upthe rays at the Mood Haven
public pool.
City workers say there waspizza for everyone, from
(06:01):
pepperoni to supreme andeverything in between.
Photos from the cities and proptwo pizza parties sparked all
sorts of reactions from thecitizens, ranging from questions
from who would do such a thingto why wasn't I personally
invited?
If you're hungry for someleftover pizza, do your part to
help out Tritown.
This is your officialinvitation to the party citizens
(06:21):
.
The police department isinvestigating and searching for
the people responsible for thisillegal dumping.
Any groundhogs who help withthe cleanup will be spared from
the stopping initiative.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
That's a good news for those groundhogs it's
official Favorite televisionprogram alone is returning.
Season 984 will be returningonce again to the neighboring
ruins of City.
Ten contestants armed only withthe most basic survival gear go
out and self-document theultimate test of willpower by
(06:54):
surviving alone for up to ahundred days.
The last surviving contestantwill receive a year supply of
Marie Stu's canned meat, a yearsupply of I can't believe it's
not water and, for the firsttime ever, a brand new home of
tomorrow upgrade to theirdomicile.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Well, you wouldn't catch me dead out.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought
to you by Cox Energy.
The Cox Photo Contest rages on.
Go to Coxcom for tips andtricks on lighting angles and
even scene setting to take moreflattering pictures of your Cox.
Keep the photos coming.
Tritown Today on EverythingMatters a gift to you, dear
(07:46):
listener, a special segment ofmental health matters.
This is a guided post-blackoutmeditation by guru Eileen Warnos
.
The census has been known tocause our residents feelings of
loneliness, depression andexistential dread.
We here at Everything Mattersare here for you.
(08:07):
We're on your side and we wantyou to feel important to your
community.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Close your eyes, listen to the sounds.
Everything, everything you say,everything you think,
(08:51):
everything you've ever done,everything it all matters.
Everyone you've ever metmatters.
Everything you said to them andeverything you've done to them,
(09:14):
everything matters.
Everyone is thinking aboutevery interaction you've ever
had with them.
Everything you feel matters.
Everything others feel matters.
(09:39):
Everything you do matters.
Don't move a muscle, justlisten, don't even breathe.
(10:00):
This is the last moment offreedom you will ever have.
Now that you know the truth,the next thing you do will
always be the next thing you did.
What if you do the wrong thing?
(10:25):
It's important.
The next thing you do matters.
It all matters.
So don't do anything foranother moment.
(10:46):
Just listen to the sounds, feelthe weight of the universe.
Let me breathe for you foranother moment.
(11:12):
Think now to something you didas a child.
Maybe you were embarrassed,maybe someone told you you
didn't matter.
But you do matter.
Everything matters.
(11:33):
Maybe you were told that peoplewould go on with their day
without a second thought.
That thing you did, it mattered.
And everyone is still thinkingabout it.
(11:54):
No one has forgotten you, eventhe people you only saw once.
They remember you and you areimportant to them.
(12:18):
That thing you did changed thelives of everyone around you.
A butterfly can affect itsenvironment for a millennia with
the beat of its wings, and youare, oh so much more than a
(12:41):
butterfly.
Whatever you do next is goingto ripple through eternity.
I hope you still aren'tbreathing, and I hope you still
(13:05):
haven't moved.
Everything you don't do matterstoo.
The empty spaces you have lefton the timeline are what formed
the valleys and the mountains ofyour actions, and now that you
(13:32):
know this, you must breathe, youmust move.
Whatever you do next isimportant.
Everything matters.
(13:57):
It's all real and it never ends.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
That was Eileen Mordoz, with one of her patented
guided meditations.
I feel 100% more relaxed now,and I hope you do too.
Listeners, remember folks,mental health really does matter
.
After the mysteriousdisappearance of my wife, I was
in a real dark place.
I mean, it's not easy whensomeone you love disappears to
(14:44):
the middle of the night, leavingno trace of evidence and
without any explanation.
When the police showed up andstarted asking all those
questions, I really didn't knowwhat to tell them, and when they
took me downtown and startedinterrogating me, I thought I
might actually lose my mind.
Eventually they had to let mego due to a total lack of any
(15:05):
kind of substantial evidence.
But when I returned to my emptyhome, things just felt even
worse.
Without Eileen's guidedmeditations to bring me back
from the brink, I probably wouldhave drank myself to death.
Anyways, next we have Out andAbout Tritone, where this week I
take a visit to Pat'sAuditorium.
Let's listen in.
(15:26):
Welcome to another segment ofOut and About Tritown.
I'm Dale Dallas here today atPat's Auditorium.
Pat's has been a beloved partof the Tritown community for
(15:47):
longer than most of us can evenremember.
You may recognize it as alocation for our yearly Garbage
Truck Appreciation Day.
Now let's head inside and seewhat they've got in the store
for us.
Todd, would you grab the doorfor me?
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Oh gee, Dale, yeah, sure, let me get that.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
And here we are with odor.
Pat Pat, why don't you tell usa bit about yourself in the
store here?
Speaker 6 (16:14):
Hello, I'm Pat of Pat's Ponditorium.
We've got everything you may bepossibly potentially want need.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Now, Pat's has been a staple in our community for
some time now.
How did you get the storestarted, Pat?
Speaker 6 (16:28):
Well, actually, dale, it's a funny story.
It was actually the site of along forgotten cult of.
It came to me after a summoningritual gone catastrophically
wrong and I thought well, whatwould be more fitting than a
pawn shop in the place wherepeople pawn their souls in
exchange for eldritch rights?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Wow, that's some interesting history there.
Speaker 6 (16:53):
Yeah, on the third Tuesday of every second moon,
you can still hear the chanting.
We always do a buy one, gethalf sale that day to
commemorate.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
You mean, buy one, get one half off.
Speaker 6 (17:06):
I don't understand the words you just said to me.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Okay then.
Well, what sort of items do youhave here, pat?
Speaker 6 (17:13):
Oh well, we've got some lovely variety of things,
Of course, in this open, thiscenter front case.
We've got a classy variety ofrings.
I don't know where they comefrom, but they're very classy.
Wear them on all fingers.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I'll bring it in next time.
Speaker 5 (17:32):
Hey Ma, where should I put this new gas mask?
We already have so many out ondisplay.
Speaker 6 (17:38):
Oh, my pride and joy.
Come over here, meet Dale.
Now this is my son, tony.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Oh, hello there, Tony .
Pat, I'm so sorry, I wasn'taware you had any children.
Speaker 6 (17:51):
Oh well, technically I didn't, tony.
It was born to me 23 years twomonths and four days ago.
No one ever came back for him,though, which suits me just fine
, because you know, he's justlike the son I never had.
Speaker 5 (18:05):
Ma stop it, You're embarrassing me.
Speaker 6 (18:09):
All right, all right, just go and add the mask to the
display.
It's got a very unique splatterpattern on it.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Now, you see, that's interesting.
I didn't realize you could pawnpeople.
I wonder about our intern Toddhere.
Wait, what?
What do you think, pat, couldyou trade for our intern?
Looks like you've got somereally interesting recording
equipment we could use.
Speaker 6 (18:34):
All right, let me take a look here and I'll lift
the arms and do a little twirl.
All right, well, for an internof his anxiety level, the best I
could do is this rolled upcardboard.
Oh gee, really.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
That's all.
Speaker 6 (18:52):
Now don't go knocking the cardboard.
If you shout into this end here, you kind of sound louder.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Now that could be helpful for our field recordings
.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
You can't be serious.
Dale, Dale.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Well, what a trip that was Unfortunately legal,
made it very clear that I wasn'tallowed to pawn Todd, but it's
just as well.
I did eventually go back topawn off some old wedding rings
I had lying around.
Pat's Ponditorium is located indowntown Pine Bridge at the
(19:28):
intersection of Resurrection andFaust.
Stop it and say I had a patenttoadie for me.
Tell Dale sent you.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
That's a wrap.
Thank you, listeners, fortuning in.
This has been another broadcastof Everything Matters and we'll
see you next week.
Remember, it's all real, it allmatters and it never ends.
Now a word from intern Todd.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
Thanks for listening to Everything Matters.
This is intern Todd.
Everything Matters is a part ofthe Homebrew Network.
If you're listening from the21st century, you could really
help us grow by leaving us areview on Spotify and Apple
podcasts.
The algorithm god hungersgreatly and saving him can be a
full-time job, so leave us areview on Spotify and Apple.
(20:34):
If you leave a review as aresident of Tritown, without
breaking the fourth wall, Daleand Mike might read your review
on the show.
Just make sure you don't, youknow, give anything away that
you're from the 21st century orthat could really, you know,
break Mike and Dale's minds.
Yeah, links are atEverythingMattersPodcom.
(20:56):
If you're listening from the22nd and 24th century, you can
review us on Musknet in exchangefor one kudo.
25th to 29th century please getoff the internet immediately.
Using the internet poses apublic safety hazard.
All other centuries.
Call 1-800-MATTERS if it issafe to do so.
(21:17):
Again, that'sEverythingMattersPodcom.
Yeah, I'll know about that one.
I don't know.
Mike's always been pretty greatto me.
No, no, no, no, no, that's justcrazy.
Mike's my friend.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Good morning Dale.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Oh, perfectly, all right, we're fine.
We're all fine here.
Thank you very much.
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Great, dale.
It's a fine-looking compact.
You got there.
Thanks, mike.
I always keep it on me.
Dale, I'm glad you're back atit.
I was getting a little worriedabout the mirror avoidance and
it's good to see you back tonormal Red light.
We're up, dale.
Good morning, tritown.
(00:52):
I'm Michael Tore and I'm DaleDallas.
This is Everything Matters.
Good morning Tritown.
Congratulations to Pine Bridge,moonhaven and Threadington for
yet another successfulpost-Blackout census.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
That's right.
The numbers are in and weachieved a record 87% awakening
and attendance.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That is incredible Dale, Great numbers.
I also see in this report thatthere are approximately 337 new
reported residents of Tritown,and a whopping 201 of them have
already been registered andapproved as new citizens.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
We are making history , mike.
Also, we're very pleased to letthe fine listeners of
Everything Matters know that theTritown City Council has
honored the show with a specialrecognition.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
The Tritown City Council is proud to present
Everything Matters with thisoutstanding citizen contribution
recognition for their work onBlackout and post-Blackout
safety awareness and advice.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Wow that is a real honor.
Thank you, Tritown.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Thank you, tritown.
Indeed, with that, it's timefor the Tritown Bulletin Board,
brought to you by Cox Energy Alocal pine bridge man was
recently given 30 years to lifeafter a horrific and
(02:33):
premeditated offense.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
The man, who bore a striking resemblance to his
victim, was found guilty ofmurdering their friend with a
lunchbox.
Prosecution alleges thatDimitri Popov had killed their
friend in an attempt to assumetheir life.
Also, they wouldn't have toreturn to Thredington, where it
was already discovered they hadmurdered another similar-looking
friend.
I am not a murderer, hedeclared.
(02:57):
I am Dimitri Popov, the onlyDimitri Popov.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Residents resembling Dimitri Popov should be on high
alert.
Let's get that picture out tothe Citizens' Dale.
I'll get right on that bike.
Scientists have made anincredible breakthrough in the
behavioral health phenomenon ofimposter syndrome.
If you haven't heard of it,imposter syndrome can manifest
as feelings of self-doubtdownplaying your intellect or
(03:22):
ability or even questioning yourright to be around talented
people, people at all.
Luckily, rigorous studies havefound good news.
You can rest easy, knowingscientists have now proven you
have to actually be good atsomething to feel imposter
syndrome.
So next time you're feelingself-doubt, just ask yourself
this specially formulated andscientifically proven question
(03:43):
Am I good enough to haveimposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
huh, I've never heard of that one.
If you don't be, let you know.
I hate groundhogs, saidCouncilman Montgomery in a
post-Blackout press conference.
Stopping the encroachinggroundhog population is
something Councilman Montgomeryis very passionate about, and
this week City Council hasannounced their new groundhog
stomping chief, phyllis Cotter.
(04:08):
Cotter was previously a mathtutor, but their new mission is
to divide the number ofgroundhogs in Tritown as public
parks close.
Just before the last Blackout,most groundhogs had no choice
but to alter their habits andrelocate.
They have now moved into manyTritown homes and once they are
in they are hard to get out.
The stoppers have shown someearly success, mostly due to
(04:30):
their engaging message to thecommunity, but in the end,
cotter says the key to stoppingthose groundhogs is simple
Everyone start stomping thosegroundhogs.
The groundhogs could not bereached for comments.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Are your devices listening to you?
The Tritown Neighborhood Watchhas issued a special notice that
citizens be aware of a highlikelihood that, yes, your
devices are listening to you.
Devices in your home may havethe ability to recognize, record
and respond to voice input.
Generally, there is a spokencommand that wakes up a device
(05:05):
in order for you to input avoice command, but there have
been several reported cases ofdevices always being on and
always listening and evenrecording the everyday
conversations of our citizens,which raises the obvious
question what kind of exampleare you setting?
Please be cognizant of the typeof language you're using around
(05:26):
your smart devices.
Say please and thank you, bekind and be courteous If you
haven't urged to use foul, rudeor inappropriate language.
Remember someone's listeningand they matter.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I always say please and thank you to my toaster.
Thank you for the toast.
Unfortunately, it's not bignews when trash is dumped in the
streets of Tritown, but arecent case has the residents
lost in the sauce, as a largepile of pizza was found just
over the fence line soaking upthe rays at the Mood Haven
public pool.
City workers say there waspizza for everyone, from
(06:01):
pepperoni to supreme andeverything in between.
Photos from the cities and proptwo pizza parties sparked all
sorts of reactions from thecitizens, ranging from questions
from who would do such a thingto why wasn't I personally
invited?
If you're hungry for someleftover pizza, do your part to
help out Tritown.
This is your officialinvitation to the party citizens
(06:21):
.
The police department isinvestigating and searching for
the people responsible for thisillegal dumping.
Any groundhogs who help withthe cleanup will be spared from
the stopping initiative.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
That's a good news for those groundhogs it's
official Favorite televisionprogram alone is returning.
Season 984 will be returningonce again to the neighboring
ruins of City.
Ten contestants armed only withthe most basic survival gear go
out and self-document theultimate test of willpower by
(06:54):
surviving alone for up to ahundred days.
The last surviving contestantwill receive a year supply of
Marie Stu's canned meat, a yearsupply of I can't believe it's
not water and, for the firsttime ever, a brand new home of
tomorrow upgrade to theirdomicile.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Well, you wouldn't catch me dead out.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought
to you by Cox Energy.
The Cox Photo Contest rages on.
Go to Coxcom for tips andtricks on lighting angles and
even scene setting to take moreflattering pictures of your Cox.
Keep the photos coming.
Tritown Today on EverythingMatters a gift to you, dear
(07:46):
listener, a special segment ofmental health matters.
This is a guided post-blackoutmeditation by guru Eileen Warnos
.
The census has been known tocause our residents feelings of
loneliness, depression andexistential dread.
We here at Everything Mattersare here for you.
(08:07):
We're on your side and we wantyou to feel important to your
community.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Close your eyes, listen to the sounds.
Everything, everything you say,everything you think,
(08:51):
everything you've ever done,everything it all matters.
Everyone you've ever metmatters.
Everything you said to them andeverything you've done to them,
(09:14):
everything matters.
Everyone is thinking aboutevery interaction you've ever
had with them.
Everything you feel matters.
Everything others feel matters.
(09:39):
Everything you do matters.
Don't move a muscle, justlisten, don't even breathe.
(10:00):
This is the last moment offreedom you will ever have.
Now that you know the truth,the next thing you do will
always be the next thing you did.
What if you do the wrong thing?
(10:25):
It's important.
The next thing you do matters.
It all matters.
So don't do anything foranother moment.
(10:46):
Just listen to the sounds, feelthe weight of the universe.
Let me breathe for you foranother moment.
(11:12):
Think now to something you didas a child.
Maybe you were embarrassed,maybe someone told you you
didn't matter.
But you do matter.
Everything matters.
(11:33):
Maybe you were told that peoplewould go on with their day
without a second thought.
That thing you did, it mattered.
And everyone is still thinkingabout it.
(11:54):
No one has forgotten you, eventhe people you only saw once.
They remember you and you areimportant to them.
(12:18):
That thing you did changed thelives of everyone around you.
A butterfly can affect itsenvironment for a millennia with
the beat of its wings, and youare, oh so much more than a
(12:41):
butterfly.
Whatever you do next is goingto ripple through eternity.
I hope you still aren'tbreathing, and I hope you still
(13:05):
haven't moved.
Everything you don't do matterstoo.
The empty spaces you have lefton the timeline are what formed
the valleys and the mountains ofyour actions, and now that you
(13:32):
know this, you must breathe, youmust move.
Whatever you do next isimportant.
Everything matters.
(13:57):
It's all real and it never ends.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
That was Eileen Mordoz, with one of her patented
guided meditations.
I feel 100% more relaxed now,and I hope you do too.
Listeners, remember folks,mental health really does matter
.
After the mysteriousdisappearance of my wife, I was
in a real dark place.
I mean, it's not easy whensomeone you love disappears to
(14:44):
the middle of the night, leavingno trace of evidence and
without any explanation.
When the police showed up andstarted asking all those
questions, I really didn't knowwhat to tell them, and when they
took me downtown and startedinterrogating me, I thought I
might actually lose my mind.
Eventually they had to let mego due to a total lack of any
(15:05):
kind of substantial evidence.
But when I returned to my emptyhome, things just felt even
worse.
Without Eileen's guidedmeditations to bring me back
from the brink, I probably wouldhave drank myself to death.
Anyways, next we have Out andAbout Tritone, where this week I
take a visit to Pat'sAuditorium.
Let's listen in.
(15:26):
Welcome to another segment ofOut and About Tritown.
I'm Dale Dallas here today atPat's Auditorium.
Pat's has been a beloved partof the Tritown community for
(15:47):
longer than most of us can evenremember.
You may recognize it as alocation for our yearly Garbage
Truck Appreciation Day.
Now let's head inside and seewhat they've got in the store
for us.
Todd, would you grab the doorfor me?
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Oh gee, Dale, yeah, sure, let me get that.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
And here we are with odor.
Pat Pat, why don't you tell usa bit about yourself in the
store here?
Speaker 6 (16:14):
Hello, I'm Pat of Pat's Ponditorium.
We've got everything you may bepossibly potentially want need.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Now, Pat's has been a staple in our community for
some time now.
How did you get the storestarted, Pat?
Speaker 6 (16:28):
Well, actually, dale, it's a funny story.
It was actually the site of along forgotten cult of.
It came to me after a summoningritual gone catastrophically
wrong and I thought well, whatwould be more fitting than a
pawn shop in the place wherepeople pawn their souls in
exchange for eldritch rights?
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Wow, that's some interesting history there.
Speaker 6 (16:53):
Yeah, on the third Tuesday of every second moon,
you can still hear the chanting.
We always do a buy one, gethalf sale that day to
commemorate.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
You mean, buy one, get one half off.
Speaker 6 (17:06):
I don't understand the words you just said to me.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Okay then.
Well, what sort of items do youhave here, pat?
Speaker 6 (17:13):
Oh well, we've got some lovely variety of things,
Of course, in this open, thiscenter front case.
We've got a classy variety ofrings.
I don't know where they comefrom, but they're very classy.
Wear them on all fingers.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I'll bring it in next time.
Speaker 5 (17:32):
Hey Ma, where should I put this new gas mask?
We already have so many out ondisplay.
Speaker 6 (17:38):
Oh, my pride and joy.
Come over here, meet Dale.
Now this is my son, tony.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Oh, hello there, Tony .
Pat, I'm so sorry, I wasn'taware you had any children.
Speaker 6 (17:51):
Oh well, technically I didn't, tony.
It was born to me 23 years twomonths and four days ago.
No one ever came back for him,though, which suits me just fine
, because you know, he's justlike the son I never had.
Speaker 5 (18:05):
Ma stop it, You're embarrassing me.
Speaker 6 (18:09):
All right, all right, just go and add the mask to the
display.
It's got a very unique splatterpattern on it.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Now, you see, that's interesting.
I didn't realize you could pawnpeople.
I wonder about our intern Toddhere.
Wait, what?
What do you think, pat, couldyou trade for our intern?
Looks like you've got somereally interesting recording
equipment we could use.
Speaker 6 (18:34):
All right, let me take a look here and I'll lift
the arms and do a little twirl.
All right, well, for an internof his anxiety level, the best I
could do is this rolled upcardboard.
Oh gee, really.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
That's all.
Speaker 6 (18:52):
Now don't go knocking the cardboard.
If you shout into this end here, you kind of sound louder.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Now that could be helpful for our field recordings
.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
You can't be serious.
Dale, Dale.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Well, what a trip that was Unfortunately legal,
made it very clear that I wasn'tallowed to pawn Todd, but it's
just as well.
I did eventually go back topawn off some old wedding rings
I had lying around.
Pat's Ponditorium is located indowntown Pine Bridge at the
(19:28):
intersection of Resurrection andFaust.
Stop it and say I had a patenttoadie for me.
Tell Dale sent you.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
That's a wrap.
Thank you, listeners, fortuning in.
This has been another broadcastof Everything Matters and we'll
see you next week.
Remember, it's all real, it allmatters and it never ends.
Now a word from intern Todd.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
Thanks for listening to Everything Matters.
This is intern Todd.
Everything Matters is a part ofthe Homebrew Network.
If you're listening from the21st century, you could really
help us grow by leaving us areview on Spotify and Apple
podcasts.
The algorithm god hungersgreatly and saving him can be a
full-time job, so leave us areview on Spotify and Apple.
(20:34):
If you leave a review as aresident of Tritown, without
breaking the fourth wall, Daleand Mike might read your review
on the show.
Just make sure you don't, youknow, give anything away that
you're from the 21st century orthat could really, you know,
break Mike and Dale's minds.
Yeah, links are atEverythingMattersPodcom.
(20:56):
If you're listening from the22nd and 24th century, you can
review us on Musknet in exchangefor one kudo.
25th to 29th century please getoff the internet immediately.
Using the internet poses apublic safety hazard.
All other centuries.
Call 1-800-MATTERS if it issafe to do so.
(21:17):
Again, that'sEverythingMattersPodcom.
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