November 7, 2023 • 25 mins
Ready for an exhilarating journey? Because we're in for quite a ride!
From the buzz of local news to the enigmatic world underground, today we look into Tritown's past and get a taste of the terror and thrill of the Money Hole.
Thanks to Trevor Fisch (Sam C Borus) for lending us their beautiful voice.
About The Show
Everything Matters is a Comedy Horror Podcast published every Tuesday. Join Micheal Taur and Dale Dallas as they broadcast the planet's most popular programme to the Tri Town area.
Be sure to follow or subscribe to the show on your preferred podcast provider. It's easier for you to stay up to date and helps us greatly! If you're enjoying the show, please leave us a review. Reviews and sharing with your friends is the best way to show your support.
Disclaimer: Everything Matters IS ENTIRELY satirical, and the people and places in Everything Matters are fiction. Do not try ANYTHING from the broadcast in real life. None of this is real.
Website: everythingmatterspod.com
Threads: @everythingmatterspod
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Discord: The Homebrew Network
Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Podcast Network
Written and Hosted by Grant Mielke and Cody Smith
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Alright, so the little three-orbs right it's
simple should go on the top left.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Oh, your left, or my left, stage left.
Well, okay, wait, that's yourleft then, or stage right for me
, mike, do you want me to do it?
No, I've got it.
Uh, that's good enough.
What's what's next?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Alright, now it's like Person without legs.
What like a stick figure do?
The head but with an oval, andthen the arms and Body, but no
legs it onk goes in tight.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
All right, I just need one more here.
This is pretty hard to describe.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
It's an eye and an eyebrow, but with a lot of
eyeliner and it's kind of likeleaking.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hmm, let me see that one.
I don't know like cross thecircle, mike.
Oh right, safety first.
Um, okay, let's go.
Oh, what timing.
That's the red light.
We're gonna have to finish thislater.
Legal, keep an eye on this forus.
Good morning Tritown.
(01:14):
I'm Michael Tor and I'm DaleDallas, and this is everything
matters.
Good morning Tritown.
Baby, it's getting cold outside.
We're looking at a briskNovember morning, so make sure
you get a hot drink, yourfavorite flannel, and Spend some
(01:37):
time around the fireplace today, and remember to save your
paper products and wood scrapfor your chimney.
Kids Playhouse Donations let'smake sure no one freezes this
year.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And with that it's time for the Tritown bulletin
board, brought to you by Gaxenergy.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Pumpkin pickup is cancelled this year.
Waste management company PBtrash away is on record with
their newly appointed CEO.
Pb trash quoted as saying quotehandle it your damn self,
goddamn lazy bastards.
And quote.
Investigative efforts haveuncovered PB trash is very
(02:24):
unlikely to have said thesewords, as PB trash is a pit bull
terrier mix and cannot speak.
Tritown City Council hasresponded for comment saying
there's nothing in the rulesthat says a dog can't run a
trash Collection company.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
If you're looking for a place to throw your pumpkins
away.
The compost heap is a greatplace to put about a pastor, and
flowers will really thank youfor it.
Officials in Threadington haveannounced the end of their
investigation into thecatastrophic failure of a
colossal aquarium.
Despite extensive expertreports, the exact cause of the
tanks rupture remains elusive.
Many listeners will recall thatjust before the last blackout,
(03:03):
the aqua mama aquarium at theblind eye hotel burst.
It's sending 264,000 gallons ofwater into the building in the
streets.
The primary engineer of theaqua mama, nick hauls, has
presented three theories to thecause of the tank break,
including an adhesive seamfailure, some sort of unknown
accident that occurred duringmodernization, or that the tank
(03:25):
may have been damaged by astrange bird many had seen
lingering around the lobby justbefore the break.
Prosecutors stated that withoutany clear case or leads to
follow, they couldn't determinewho was responsible.
There are no plans to rebuildthe aqua mama at this time and
authorities have said thatnearly all the 1500 fish that
were inside at the time of therupture have passed away.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Sure, a lot of strange bird sightings lately.
Dale Recalls have been issuedfor Marie stews can't meet
mystery bags.
These delicious surprises havebeen delighting customers all
around tri-town and we all thankMarie stew for her incredible
Dare.
I say meat art.
The reheating packs included inevery bag of Marie stew mystery
(04:09):
bags Seem to have an unexpectedreaction, with a very select
few combinations of mysteryflavors, which has caused a very
few Contained spontaneouscombustion incidents.
Don't worry, though, tri-town,some quick fixes and mystery
bags will be right back on theshelves.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I hope they get it done quick because I can't be
without my mystery bags.
None of us can Dale last week asalvage team was pulling at RV
out of a nearby lake and foundsomeone living inside.
It all started with a call froma local fisherman who'd said he
caught himself at RV nest lakenear Pine Bridge.
However, it was only after thetow truck arrived that it was
discovered there was someoneinside and they were still alive
(04:53):
.
The RV was located quite farfrom the shore, about a hundred
feet away from the Grimoudi Campboat ramp.
Fisherman who reported thesituation stayed to assist
authorities by using his boat totransport the tow truck driver
to the RV.
The worker then hooked up thetow cable and they began the
process of towing it away.
It was about that time we sawthe man inside the RV.
(05:15):
Since a local fisherman andJust like that would start it as
a salvage operation quicklyturned into a rescue mission.
The fisherman and the tow truckdriver worked very closely
together to extract the man,pulling him aboard the fishing
boat.
According to authorities, theman had been reported missing
for several days prior to thisincident.
The man's name is RichardDothriev and he says he wanted
(05:37):
to break the record for theworld's longest time living
underwater in an RV and he hadplanned to stay there for
another three weeks.
According to Richard, the firstfew days were going really well
, but at some point during mythird night underwater, I sprung
some sort of leak, my radio gotwater damaged and I had no
great way to get out.
I figured, instead ofstruggling, I would just embrace
(05:58):
my fate and, if I was destinedto survive, the lady of the lake
would find a way to save me.
I do believe that the peoplewho helped me were doing the
lady's work.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
The fishermen of this story chooses to remain
anonymous and the lady of thelake could not be reached for
comment.
This message from the TritownPost Office have extra bones
laying around.
Need to free up some storagespace.
We buy bones your bones, usedbones, new bones, big bones and
small bones, any and all bones.
(06:29):
Tritown needs bones.
If you have a donation, pleasecall 1-800-B-BONE or hand a
sealed letter with informationon your bone pickup to the mail
carrier.
Please do not look the mailcarrier in the eye and leave the
envelope unmarked.
Just tell them this is for thebone collector.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Well, I think I'll have plenty of pumpkin bones
laying around pretty soon.
I could donate Each and everyfall.
There are those who dabble inpumpkin enthusiasm, and then
there are those who fiercelycompete with unwavering passion.
The championship pumpkin wayoff kicked off with a bang this
Monday, and the clear winner wasnone other than Hans Giger, a
pumpkin rancher from Moone Haven.
Giger's mammoth pumpkin weighedin at an impressive 2,900
(07:12):
pounds, setting the new Tritownrecord.
This wasn't Giger's first rodeo, as he'd previously taken first
place at last year'scompetition as well.
Now I've been recently informedthat the pumpkin way off has
been a long-running competitionhere in Tritown Funny, I've
never heard of it.
This season, 10 pumpkinbreeders participated and even
attracted hundreds of attendees.
(07:32):
During the competition.
Each pumpkin is weighed upusing several cranes and a 5-ton
industrial scale with a specialpumpkin harness.
Hans had this to say peoplearound these parts mainly derive
happiness from pumpkins,whether it's hunting a pumpkin,
eating a pumpkin or seeing anearly 3,000-pound pumpkin
wielded on a crane.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Imagine the teats on that one, dale.
I don't know if I want to.
This has been the TritownBulletin Board brought to you by
Cox Energy Energy you can relyon the next time you see that
big, thick black wire connectedto your home.
You can rest easy knowing youhave Cox Today on Everything
(08:25):
Matters.
We dive into the archives withthis incredible find from a
bygone era.
Who knows how many blackoutsago this may have been, but join
us for a piece of history whilewe review the following ad for
Sam C Boris security systems andjoin our ancient ancestors as
they prepare for one of theblackouts.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
As we prepare for the coming Blackout, we're faced
with the never-ending questionof what comes next.
Each Blackout has brought newchallenges and hardships.
Panic upon awakening.
This coming one will be nodifferent.
I am Sam C Boris of SCBSecurity Systems.
We welcome any and all of thosechallenges.
(09:15):
Why wallow in despair at theunknown when you can prepare for
every possible outcomeimaginable, how, you might ask?
Well, scb is introducing VO.7,our newest line of homes for the
future.
Vo.7 is built to predict theunpredictable.
This home brings new departuresthat herald even more exciting
(09:37):
adventures and homemaking.
Oo.
New freedom from mirroravoidance.
Go ahead, perceiving yourself,kid, the ultimate show of
dominance in your home, all withthe wave of your hand.
Our patented motion sensortechnology causes our mirrors to
only be active while anindividual is standing in front
(09:58):
of them, frosting over when noone is around, keeping whatever
is in there.
In there, new horizons in milksafety.
Press and presto, you're readyfor cookery.
Don't worry yourself aboutrefrigeration or storage.
Just fill her up and knock twotimes on the side.
Here, voila, out pops the SAM-CBors patented, super safe milk
(10:23):
consumption nipple.
Go ahead and grab a drink withpeace of mind.
Reinvented bedrooms.
Who needs floors when you canhave a comfortable, springy
mattress.
That's what I call a bedroom.
Now you may ask yourself, isn'tthat just a padded room?
To which I say it's all aboutperspective.
A self-sufficient luxury bunkerbeneath an unimpressive home.
(10:47):
It's relaxing and healthy too,father says, fully ventilated
and stocked with everything youneed to survive for an
indefinite period of time andcompletely mirror-free.
Ask about our tunnel systemupgrade and connect your luxury
bunker to the bunker network ofVO7-equipped homes.
Don't survive alone.
Survive with your community Instyle.
(11:10):
That's not all.
Optional upgrades include noiseisolation room so you can
scream into the abyss or take abreak from the abyss screaming
back.
The SAM-C Bors patented clawtub, now with real claws.
Bath and peace, dry town.
You're protected.
Ask about our cheese roomupgrades.
(11:30):
Every room is better withcheese.
And there you have it.
Just a small handful offeatures VO7 has to offer.
We've thought of it all, folks,and when I say we've thought of
it all, gosh darn it, I meanwe've thought of it all.
The SCB security innovatorsexpanded their teams to include
(11:51):
all of today's brightest mindsand some of tomorrow's
Consulting with engineers,architects, suit sayers,
contractors and fortune tellers.
They even went so far as toinclude babies in the
conversation because, as we allknow, they are the true future
SCB security systems, keepingyou and yours safe for a few
(12:15):
thousand more tomorrow's.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Wow, Dale, that sure was interesting.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Sure was, mike.
History is fascinating and welearn from history, so we're not
doomed to repeat it Whateverhappened to Sam C Boris Dale.
Well, we really don't know.
He's still in his VO7 luxurybunker.
As far as we know, it's sealedup and we still hear noises,
though.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
That's fascinating.
So there's a possibility he'sliving down there Well, him or
something.
I wonder if any of the tunnelsystems around Tritown might
connect to his luxury bunker.
I'm reading the cheese roomdrew hordes and hordes of giant
rats, some of which are stillfound around Tritown and
(13:10):
equipped with the claw tub claws.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I guess that explains all those giant rat traps at
Pat's Auditorium.
The noise isolation room doorlocking mechanisms failed.
According to this, trappingseveral people inside.
Even has it that they all wentcompletely crazy?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I'm reading that the Mirror Motion Sensor did not
work as intended, activatingconstantly even when there
weren't people around.
What do you think it saw, DaleGod, I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Maybe we'll never know.
It does seem that Sam C Boris'luxurious padded rooms are still
a hit with the residents ofTritown.
I didn't know this is wherethey came from, though.
What a memorable contributionin society.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Indeed.
Thank you, sam C Boris, for thehistory lesson.
I hope you're doing wellwherever you are.
Who knows what will come next?
We've learned so much and yetwe still know so little.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Thanks, sam.
November is in the air, Tritown, and this year I am starting a
new challenge for myself that Iam going to call Riot a Novel.
November or Riot oh no.
After a lot of deliberation andmeditation with my Eileen War
(14:33):
Nose tapes, I've decided myfirst ever novel will be titled.
Now I Also Know what's in theMoney Hole by Dale Dallas.
I've just been fascinated by thestory of the money hole and
can't wait to dive in.
First things first I have tofind out what's in that god dang
money hole.
I hope you all join me for Riotoh no and write something
yourselves.
Tritown, call us at1-800-MATTERS and let us know
(14:57):
what you're writing, or let'ssee here.
Todd says to leave a comment onthis Spotify episode.
Whatever that means, excited tohear what literary work you
have cooking.
Tritown, the first step in myliterary journey.
I send Mike down to the moneyhole outskirts to meet with
Charles Manning and WilliamPrescott, the partners who
(15:18):
currently own the money hole.
I would go myself, but I don'twant to give away my vested
interest in the money hole untilI am ready to publish and I
fear my brand of investigativejournalism might just scare off
Charles and William Withoutfurther ado, here's Michael at
the money hole.
Speaker 5 (15:42):
Well, hello there, Mr Manning, Well hello there, mike
, I've never been on the radiobefore.
I used to have a littleanti-radio.
I kept nearby it was about yeahbig and had this nice long
extended antenna Love that thing.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Oh, whatever happened to it.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Well, it doesn't rightly operate this close to
the money hole and since I movedinto my shack down by the hole
there, it doesn't tune off withsquelching, screaming, giving
static.
I think I need a new antenna,but I've been bit distracted.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
I see that this is quite the workshop, charles.
I've never seen so many picks,axes and shovels.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
Yeah, thank you, mike , I do love me some digging.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I can see that Digging seems to be a popular
pastime of Tritown residents.
Have you met Linda Callie?
Speaker 5 (16:36):
I can't rightly say I have Mike.
I can't say I have.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I'll be sure to introduce you.
Tell me, what progress have youand William made on the money
hole?
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Well, I'll tell you.
Mr William Prescott here, and Ihaven't been on the best of
terms lately.
I think he's completely losingit.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Losing it, oh no.
What makes you say that?
Speaker 5 (16:58):
Well, the money hole can have that sort of effect on
people and you know, william isjust obsessed with getting to
the bottom of that thing asquick as possible.
He's commissioned all thesefancy gadgets and doodads and
he's losing his way, if you askme, excavating the stone, wood
platforms, digging through thatdirt, navigating the lava flows
(17:19):
and cave systems.
It's an art, art, I tell you,mike, meant to be done by hand
and done right.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
I see what types of gadgets has he been
commissioning.
Speaker 5 (17:31):
Well, this latest one was some sort of big old mole
machine.
A mole machine, that's rightInsanity, if you ask me.
It's not more than a tin can,big ol' metal thing with a drill
attached.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
That sounds very dangerous, Charles.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
Well, it's all dangerous, mike, but that's why
I stick to my trusty tools andmy learning as a good ol'
fashioned prospector have youever read?
Only I Know the Secret of the.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Money Hole and Everyone Else's Lying by
Franklin.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
Jeeves.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I can't say I have.
Speaker 5 (18:07):
Well, franklin shoots straight, tells you how it is,
and he believed in good ol'fashioned digging, just like I
do.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
What happened to Franklin?
Speaker 5 (18:18):
Oh, he died in a cave in some years back oh.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, uh, charles, this might be pushing my luck,
but I'd really like to see theinside of the Money Hole.
Is there any way you can takeme in just a little bit?
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Oh well, I don't know about that.
It can be really dangerous.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Now I do have some underground experience.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Alright, then Just a bit, I suppose.
Grab one of them hats with thelights Right.
Yep, that one.
Okay, now grab you one of themshovels.
Oh yeah, that's a good one,that's one of my favorites.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
My Charles.
If I say so myself, I lookrather good as a miner.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
Now, careful with the mirrors here, Mike.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Right, right.
Charles took me into the MoneyHole, as promised.
We went down an open elevatorthat was run by a series of
pulleys.
We went through the rock untilwe came to what seems to be huge
logs, much larger than Iexpected from the story's.
Dale told me they looked likethousands of ancient trees, now
(19:27):
petrified and laid on top ofeach other.
It got darker and darker andbefore long I saw the glow of
the lava flows.
My ears popped from thepressure.
The heat became intense.
I knew we were deep, deepunderground.
Finally, the elevator stopped.
Alright, mike, ride it this way.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
It's so dark.
Yes, sir, now get yourself oneof these mine carts.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Sure enough, charles led me to a mine cart and,
surprisingly, we took a ride.
It was a little crazy and hardto describe Up and down rises
and falls, sharp turns, loudscreeching of metal.
I kept having to duck to avoidlow beams in areas where the
(20:14):
tunnel closed in.
It was frightening but fun.
I remember ancient tales of oldworld roller coasters where
young children would ride aboveground mine carts for fun at
parks.
Eventually Charles threw alever and the mine cart
screeched to a halt andlisteners.
The rest of the tale is lessinteresting.
(20:36):
I went to work for hoursbeating rocks with a pickaxe.
We made very little progress,although I did find.
After a while I really startedto enjoy the digging.
The whispers really didn'tbother me.
I was actually beginning to getused to them.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Well, that's about it for today.
I think, mike, mike, you'relosing it, buddy, you've got the
mining fever.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Oh, sorry about that.
Sorry about that, Charles.
I kind of zoned out there.
Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
The first couple of times.
I stayed down here for aboutthree days the first time.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Wow, charles, I didn't really see much treasure.
This was, however, a veryinteresting experience.
Speaker 5 (21:25):
Patience, mike.
You got to learn patience.
My great kids are gonna bedigging down here, but we'll get
to the bottom eventually.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Well, that's all for my visit to the money hole.
I got to go down and see theincredible progress that's been
made.
I'm sure we'll visit again, butthat's all for today.
Back to you, Dale.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Thank you, mike, for that incredible investigative
report.
It's okay if you didn't findanything.
We learned a lot and we'll keeplearning more about the money
hole.
Oh wait, what's this?
We have some sort of a newsalert.
Intern Todd is waving andsliding a paper under the door.
Looks like some kind ofcassette as well.
Let me see here one moment,listeners.
(22:15):
Oh wow, what timing, todd.
This is breaking news.
Triton William Prescott hasofficially gone missing and it
is believed he is deceased.
Mr Prescott's hourly reportshave ceased.
No one has heard from hismachine for several hours.
After many attempts to hail him, they finally got him on the
(22:36):
radio for a brief moment.
Listeners, I have to warn youwhat you're about to hear may
disturb some of you.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Hello, this is William Prescott.
I'm in the money hall.
I need immediate rescue.
Oh God, oh God, I want cabinpressure.
Oh God, I want cabin pressure.
Oh, the sail saver.
Savers have sailed.
I need immediate rescue.
Oh this my logitech controllerhas sailed and I've lost control
(23:12):
.
I am far deeper than intended.
I repeat my logitech controllerhas sailed and I have no
control over the ship.
Anyone please?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters
.
Thank you for listening andwe're excited to talk to you
next week.
Remember, it's all real, it allmatters.
Speaker 6 (24:11):
Thanks for listening to Everything Matters.
This is intern Todd.
Everything Matters is a part ofthe Homebrew Network.
If you're listening from the21st century, you could really
help us grow by leaving us areview on Spotify and Apple
podcasts.
The algorithm God hungersgreatly and saving him can be a
full-time job, so leave us areview on Spotify and Apple.
(24:35):
If you leave a review as aresident of Tritown, without
breaking the fourth wall, daleand Mike might read your review
on the show.
Just make sure you don't giveanything away that you're from
the 21st century or that couldreally break Mike and Dale's
minds.
Yeah, links are atEverythingMattersPodcom.
(24:57):
If you're listening from the22nd and 24th century, you can
review us on Musknet in exchangefor one kudo.
25th to 29th century please getoff the internet immediately.
Using the internet poses apublic safety hazard All other
centuries.
Call 1-800-MATTERS if it issafe to do so.
(25:18):
Again, that'sEverythingMattersPodcom.
Alright, so the little three-orbs right it's
simple should go on the top left.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Oh, your left, or my left, stage left.
Well, okay, wait, that's yourleft then, or stage right for me
, mike, do you want me to do it?
No, I've got it.
Uh, that's good enough.
What's what's next?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Alright, now it's like Person without legs.
What like a stick figure do?
The head but with an oval, andthen the arms and Body, but no
legs it onk goes in tight.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
All right, I just need one more here.
This is pretty hard to describe.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
It's an eye and an eyebrow, but with a lot of
eyeliner and it's kind of likeleaking.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hmm, let me see that one.
I don't know like cross thecircle, mike.
Oh right, safety first.
Um, okay, let's go.
Oh, what timing.
That's the red light.
We're gonna have to finish thislater.
Legal, keep an eye on this forus.
Good morning Tritown.
(01:14):
I'm Michael Tor and I'm DaleDallas, and this is everything
matters.
Good morning Tritown.
Baby, it's getting cold outside.
We're looking at a briskNovember morning, so make sure
you get a hot drink, yourfavorite flannel, and Spend some
(01:37):
time around the fireplace today, and remember to save your
paper products and wood scrapfor your chimney.
Kids Playhouse Donations let'smake sure no one freezes this
year.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And with that it's time for the Tritown bulletin
board, brought to you by Gaxenergy.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Pumpkin pickup is cancelled this year.
Waste management company PBtrash away is on record with
their newly appointed CEO.
Pb trash quoted as saying quotehandle it your damn self,
goddamn lazy bastards.
And quote.
Investigative efforts haveuncovered PB trash is very
(02:24):
unlikely to have said thesewords, as PB trash is a pit bull
terrier mix and cannot speak.
Tritown City Council hasresponded for comment saying
there's nothing in the rulesthat says a dog can't run a
trash Collection company.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
If you're looking for a place to throw your pumpkins
away.
The compost heap is a greatplace to put about a pastor, and
flowers will really thank youfor it.
Officials in Threadington haveannounced the end of their
investigation into thecatastrophic failure of a
colossal aquarium.
Despite extensive expertreports, the exact cause of the
tanks rupture remains elusive.
Many listeners will recall thatjust before the last blackout,
(03:03):
the aqua mama aquarium at theblind eye hotel burst.
It's sending 264,000 gallons ofwater into the building in the
streets.
The primary engineer of theaqua mama, nick hauls, has
presented three theories to thecause of the tank break,
including an adhesive seamfailure, some sort of unknown
accident that occurred duringmodernization, or that the tank
(03:25):
may have been damaged by astrange bird many had seen
lingering around the lobby justbefore the break.
Prosecutors stated that withoutany clear case or leads to
follow, they couldn't determinewho was responsible.
There are no plans to rebuildthe aqua mama at this time and
authorities have said thatnearly all the 1500 fish that
were inside at the time of therupture have passed away.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Sure, a lot of strange bird sightings lately.
Dale Recalls have been issuedfor Marie stews can't meet
mystery bags.
These delicious surprises havebeen delighting customers all
around tri-town and we all thankMarie stew for her incredible
Dare.
I say meat art.
The reheating packs included inevery bag of Marie stew mystery
(04:09):
bags Seem to have an unexpectedreaction, with a very select
few combinations of mysteryflavors, which has caused a very
few Contained spontaneouscombustion incidents.
Don't worry, though, tri-town,some quick fixes and mystery
bags will be right back on theshelves.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I hope they get it done quick because I can't be
without my mystery bags.
None of us can Dale last week asalvage team was pulling at RV
out of a nearby lake and foundsomeone living inside.
It all started with a call froma local fisherman who'd said he
caught himself at RV nest lakenear Pine Bridge.
However, it was only after thetow truck arrived that it was
discovered there was someoneinside and they were still alive
(04:53):
.
The RV was located quite farfrom the shore, about a hundred
feet away from the Grimoudi Campboat ramp.
Fisherman who reported thesituation stayed to assist
authorities by using his boat totransport the tow truck driver
to the RV.
The worker then hooked up thetow cable and they began the
process of towing it away.
It was about that time we sawthe man inside the RV.
(05:15):
Since a local fisherman andJust like that would start it as
a salvage operation quicklyturned into a rescue mission.
The fisherman and the tow truckdriver worked very closely
together to extract the man,pulling him aboard the fishing
boat.
According to authorities, theman had been reported missing
for several days prior to thisincident.
The man's name is RichardDothriev and he says he wanted
(05:37):
to break the record for theworld's longest time living
underwater in an RV and he hadplanned to stay there for
another three weeks.
According to Richard, the firstfew days were going really well
, but at some point during mythird night underwater, I sprung
some sort of leak, my radio gotwater damaged and I had no
great way to get out.
I figured, instead ofstruggling, I would just embrace
(05:58):
my fate and, if I was destinedto survive, the lady of the lake
would find a way to save me.
I do believe that the peoplewho helped me were doing the
lady's work.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
The fishermen of this story chooses to remain
anonymous and the lady of thelake could not be reached for
comment.
This message from the TritownPost Office have extra bones
laying around.
Need to free up some storagespace.
We buy bones your bones, usedbones, new bones, big bones and
small bones, any and all bones.
(06:29):
Tritown needs bones.
If you have a donation, pleasecall 1-800-B-BONE or hand a
sealed letter with informationon your bone pickup to the mail
carrier.
Please do not look the mailcarrier in the eye and leave the
envelope unmarked.
Just tell them this is for thebone collector.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Well, I think I'll have plenty of pumpkin bones
laying around pretty soon.
I could donate Each and everyfall.
There are those who dabble inpumpkin enthusiasm, and then
there are those who fiercelycompete with unwavering passion.
The championship pumpkin wayoff kicked off with a bang this
Monday, and the clear winner wasnone other than Hans Giger, a
pumpkin rancher from Moone Haven.
Giger's mammoth pumpkin weighedin at an impressive 2,900
(07:12):
pounds, setting the new Tritownrecord.
This wasn't Giger's first rodeo, as he'd previously taken first
place at last year'scompetition as well.
Now I've been recently informedthat the pumpkin way off has
been a long-running competitionhere in Tritown Funny, I've
never heard of it.
This season, 10 pumpkinbreeders participated and even
attracted hundreds of attendees.
(07:32):
During the competition.
Each pumpkin is weighed upusing several cranes and a 5-ton
industrial scale with a specialpumpkin harness.
Hans had this to say peoplearound these parts mainly derive
happiness from pumpkins,whether it's hunting a pumpkin,
eating a pumpkin or seeing anearly 3,000-pound pumpkin
wielded on a crane.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Imagine the teats on that one, dale.
I don't know if I want to.
This has been the TritownBulletin Board brought to you by
Cox Energy Energy you can relyon the next time you see that
big, thick black wire connectedto your home.
You can rest easy knowing youhave Cox Today on Everything
(08:25):
Matters.
We dive into the archives withthis incredible find from a
bygone era.
Who knows how many blackoutsago this may have been, but join
us for a piece of history whilewe review the following ad for
Sam C Boris security systems andjoin our ancient ancestors as
they prepare for one of theblackouts.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
As we prepare for the coming Blackout, we're faced
with the never-ending questionof what comes next.
Each Blackout has brought newchallenges and hardships.
Panic upon awakening.
This coming one will be nodifferent.
I am Sam C Boris of SCBSecurity Systems.
We welcome any and all of thosechallenges.
(09:15):
Why wallow in despair at theunknown when you can prepare for
every possible outcomeimaginable, how, you might ask?
Well, scb is introducing VO.7,our newest line of homes for the
future.
Vo.7 is built to predict theunpredictable.
This home brings new departuresthat herald even more exciting
(09:37):
adventures and homemaking.
Oo.
New freedom from mirroravoidance.
Go ahead, perceiving yourself,kid, the ultimate show of
dominance in your home, all withthe wave of your hand.
Our patented motion sensortechnology causes our mirrors to
only be active while anindividual is standing in front
(09:58):
of them, frosting over when noone is around, keeping whatever
is in there.
In there, new horizons in milksafety.
Press and presto, you're readyfor cookery.
Don't worry yourself aboutrefrigeration or storage.
Just fill her up and knock twotimes on the side.
Here, voila, out pops the SAM-CBors patented, super safe milk
(10:23):
consumption nipple.
Go ahead and grab a drink withpeace of mind.
Reinvented bedrooms.
Who needs floors when you canhave a comfortable, springy
mattress.
That's what I call a bedroom.
Now you may ask yourself, isn'tthat just a padded room?
To which I say it's all aboutperspective.
A self-sufficient luxury bunkerbeneath an unimpressive home.
(10:47):
It's relaxing and healthy too,father says, fully ventilated
and stocked with everything youneed to survive for an
indefinite period of time andcompletely mirror-free.
Ask about our tunnel systemupgrade and connect your luxury
bunker to the bunker network ofVO7-equipped homes.
Don't survive alone.
Survive with your community Instyle.
(11:10):
That's not all.
Optional upgrades include noiseisolation room so you can
scream into the abyss or take abreak from the abyss screaming
back.
The SAM-C Bors patented clawtub, now with real claws.
Bath and peace, dry town.
You're protected.
Ask about our cheese roomupgrades.
(11:30):
Every room is better withcheese.
And there you have it.
Just a small handful offeatures VO7 has to offer.
We've thought of it all, folks,and when I say we've thought of
it all, gosh darn it, I meanwe've thought of it all.
The SCB security innovatorsexpanded their teams to include
(11:51):
all of today's brightest mindsand some of tomorrow's
Consulting with engineers,architects, suit sayers,
contractors and fortune tellers.
They even went so far as toinclude babies in the
conversation because, as we allknow, they are the true future
SCB security systems, keepingyou and yours safe for a few
(12:15):
thousand more tomorrow's.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Wow, Dale, that sure was interesting.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Sure was, mike.
History is fascinating and welearn from history, so we're not
doomed to repeat it Whateverhappened to Sam C Boris Dale.
Well, we really don't know.
He's still in his VO7 luxurybunker.
As far as we know, it's sealedup and we still hear noises,
though.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
That's fascinating.
So there's a possibility he'sliving down there Well, him or
something.
I wonder if any of the tunnelsystems around Tritown might
connect to his luxury bunker.
I'm reading the cheese roomdrew hordes and hordes of giant
rats, some of which are stillfound around Tritown and
(13:10):
equipped with the claw tub claws.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I guess that explains all those giant rat traps at
Pat's Auditorium.
The noise isolation room doorlocking mechanisms failed.
According to this, trappingseveral people inside.
Even has it that they all wentcompletely crazy?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I'm reading that the Mirror Motion Sensor did not
work as intended, activatingconstantly even when there
weren't people around.
What do you think it saw, DaleGod, I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Maybe we'll never know.
It does seem that Sam C Boris'luxurious padded rooms are still
a hit with the residents ofTritown.
I didn't know this is wherethey came from, though.
What a memorable contributionin society.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Indeed.
Thank you, sam C Boris, for thehistory lesson.
I hope you're doing wellwherever you are.
Who knows what will come next?
We've learned so much and yetwe still know so little.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Thanks, sam.
November is in the air, Tritown, and this year I am starting a
new challenge for myself that Iam going to call Riot a Novel.
November or Riot oh no.
After a lot of deliberation andmeditation with my Eileen War
(14:33):
Nose tapes, I've decided myfirst ever novel will be titled.
Now I Also Know what's in theMoney Hole by Dale Dallas.
I've just been fascinated by thestory of the money hole and
can't wait to dive in.
First things first I have tofind out what's in that god dang
money hole.
I hope you all join me for Riotoh no and write something
yourselves.
Tritown, call us at1-800-MATTERS and let us know
(14:57):
what you're writing, or let'ssee here.
Todd says to leave a comment onthis Spotify episode.
Whatever that means, excited tohear what literary work you
have cooking.
Tritown, the first step in myliterary journey.
I send Mike down to the moneyhole outskirts to meet with
Charles Manning and WilliamPrescott, the partners who
(15:18):
currently own the money hole.
I would go myself, but I don'twant to give away my vested
interest in the money hole untilI am ready to publish and I
fear my brand of investigativejournalism might just scare off
Charles and William Withoutfurther ado, here's Michael at
the money hole.
Speaker 5 (15:42):
Well, hello there, Mr Manning, Well hello there, mike
, I've never been on the radiobefore.
I used to have a littleanti-radio.
I kept nearby it was about yeahbig and had this nice long
extended antenna Love that thing.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Oh, whatever happened to it.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Well, it doesn't rightly operate this close to
the money hole and since I movedinto my shack down by the hole
there, it doesn't tune off withsquelching, screaming, giving
static.
I think I need a new antenna,but I've been bit distracted.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
I see that this is quite the workshop, charles.
I've never seen so many picks,axes and shovels.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
Yeah, thank you, mike , I do love me some digging.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I can see that Digging seems to be a popular
pastime of Tritown residents.
Have you met Linda Callie?
Speaker 5 (16:36):
I can't rightly say I have Mike.
I can't say I have.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I'll be sure to introduce you.
Tell me, what progress have youand William made on the money
hole?
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Well, I'll tell you.
Mr William Prescott here, and Ihaven't been on the best of
terms lately.
I think he's completely losingit.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Losing it, oh no.
What makes you say that?
Speaker 5 (16:58):
Well, the money hole can have that sort of effect on
people and you know, william isjust obsessed with getting to
the bottom of that thing asquick as possible.
He's commissioned all thesefancy gadgets and doodads and
he's losing his way, if you askme, excavating the stone, wood
platforms, digging through thatdirt, navigating the lava flows
(17:19):
and cave systems.
It's an art, art, I tell you,mike, meant to be done by hand
and done right.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
I see what types of gadgets has he been
commissioning.
Speaker 5 (17:31):
Well, this latest one was some sort of big old mole
machine.
A mole machine, that's rightInsanity, if you ask me.
It's not more than a tin can,big ol' metal thing with a drill
attached.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
That sounds very dangerous, Charles.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
Well, it's all dangerous, mike, but that's why
I stick to my trusty tools andmy learning as a good ol'
fashioned prospector have youever read?
Only I Know the Secret of the.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Money Hole and Everyone Else's Lying by
Franklin.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
Jeeves.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I can't say I have.
Speaker 5 (18:07):
Well, franklin shoots straight, tells you how it is,
and he believed in good ol'fashioned digging, just like I
do.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
What happened to Franklin?
Speaker 5 (18:18):
Oh, he died in a cave in some years back oh.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, uh, charles, this might be pushing my luck,
but I'd really like to see theinside of the Money Hole.
Is there any way you can takeme in just a little bit?
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Oh well, I don't know about that.
It can be really dangerous.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Now I do have some underground experience.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Alright, then Just a bit, I suppose.
Grab one of them hats with thelights Right.
Yep, that one.
Okay, now grab you one of themshovels.
Oh yeah, that's a good one,that's one of my favorites.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
My Charles.
If I say so myself, I lookrather good as a miner.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
Now, careful with the mirrors here, Mike.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Right, right.
Charles took me into the MoneyHole, as promised.
We went down an open elevatorthat was run by a series of
pulleys.
We went through the rock untilwe came to what seems to be huge
logs, much larger than Iexpected from the story's.
Dale told me they looked likethousands of ancient trees, now
(19:27):
petrified and laid on top ofeach other.
It got darker and darker andbefore long I saw the glow of
the lava flows.
My ears popped from thepressure.
The heat became intense.
I knew we were deep, deepunderground.
Finally, the elevator stopped.
Alright, mike, ride it this way.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
It's so dark.
Yes, sir, now get yourself oneof these mine carts.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Sure enough, charles led me to a mine cart and,
surprisingly, we took a ride.
It was a little crazy and hardto describe Up and down rises
and falls, sharp turns, loudscreeching of metal.
I kept having to duck to avoidlow beams in areas where the
(20:14):
tunnel closed in.
It was frightening but fun.
I remember ancient tales of oldworld roller coasters where
young children would ride aboveground mine carts for fun at
parks.
Eventually Charles threw alever and the mine cart
screeched to a halt andlisteners.
The rest of the tale is lessinteresting.
(20:36):
I went to work for hoursbeating rocks with a pickaxe.
We made very little progress,although I did find.
After a while I really startedto enjoy the digging.
The whispers really didn'tbother me.
I was actually beginning to getused to them.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Well, that's about it for today.
I think, mike, mike, you'relosing it, buddy, you've got the
mining fever.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Oh, sorry about that.
Sorry about that, Charles.
I kind of zoned out there.
Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
The first couple of times.
I stayed down here for aboutthree days the first time.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Wow, charles, I didn't really see much treasure.
This was, however, a veryinteresting experience.
Speaker 5 (21:25):
Patience, mike.
You got to learn patience.
My great kids are gonna bedigging down here, but we'll get
to the bottom eventually.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Well, that's all for my visit to the money hole.
I got to go down and see theincredible progress that's been
made.
I'm sure we'll visit again, butthat's all for today.
Back to you, Dale.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Thank you, mike, for that incredible investigative
report.
It's okay if you didn't findanything.
We learned a lot and we'll keeplearning more about the money
hole.
Oh wait, what's this?
We have some sort of a newsalert.
Intern Todd is waving andsliding a paper under the door.
Looks like some kind ofcassette as well.
Let me see here one moment,listeners.
(22:15):
Oh wow, what timing, todd.
This is breaking news.
Triton William Prescott hasofficially gone missing and it
is believed he is deceased.
Mr Prescott's hourly reportshave ceased.
No one has heard from hismachine for several hours.
After many attempts to hail him, they finally got him on the
(22:36):
radio for a brief moment.
Listeners, I have to warn youwhat you're about to hear may
disturb some of you.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Hello, this is William Prescott.
I'm in the money hall.
I need immediate rescue.
Oh God, oh God, I want cabinpressure.
Oh God, I want cabin pressure.
Oh, the sail saver.
Savers have sailed.
I need immediate rescue.
Oh this my logitech controllerhas sailed and I've lost control
(23:12):
.
I am far deeper than intended.
I repeat my logitech controllerhas sailed and I have no
control over the ship.
Anyone please?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters
.
Thank you for listening andwe're excited to talk to you
next week.
Remember, it's all real, it allmatters.
Speaker 6 (24:11):
Thanks for listening to Everything Matters.
This is intern Todd.
Everything Matters is a part ofthe Homebrew Network.
If you're listening from the21st century, you could really
help us grow by leaving us areview on Spotify and Apple
podcasts.
The algorithm God hungersgreatly and saving him can be a
full-time job, so leave us areview on Spotify and Apple.
(24:35):
If you leave a review as aresident of Tritown, without
breaking the fourth wall, daleand Mike might read your review
on the show.
Just make sure you don't giveanything away that you're from
the 21st century or that couldreally break Mike and Dale's
minds.
Yeah, links are atEverythingMattersPodcom.
(24:57):
If you're listening from the22nd and 24th century, you can
review us on Musknet in exchangefor one kudo.
25th to 29th century please getoff the internet immediately.
Using the internet poses apublic safety hazard All other
centuries.
Call 1-800-MATTERS if it issafe to do so.
(25:18):
Again, that'sEverythingMattersPodcom.
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