I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Breaking Down the Book That Shaped Purity Culture | #41

I read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris—so you don’t have to. This is Part 1 of a multi-episode series where I unpack the book’s harmful messages, its connection to purity culture, and its deep roots in the Christian homeschooling world. From courtship myths to repressed sexuality and emotional confusion, I explore how this 1997 “dating manual” shaped a generation—and how Harris himself eventually walked it all back.

I also share personal experiences growing up in a conservative Christian homeschool setting, including my early encounters with the Harris family’s broader influence. Whether you're deconstructing your upbringing or just want to understand how purity culture warped an entire generation’s view of relationships, this episode is for you.

Key Topics Covered:

- The origin and impact of I Kissed Dating Goodbye

- Why purity culture thrived in the homeschool movement

- My own history with the Harris family’s teachings

- Courtship vs. dating: myths, harms, and personal pushback

- Emotional, sexual, and developmental confusion caused by purity messaging

Resources & Mentions:

- I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (now retracted)

- Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris

- Sex Isn’t the Problem (Lust Is) by Joshua Harris

- HSLDA (Homeschool Legal Defense Association)

Timestamps

00:00 Introduction to the Ex Homeschoolers Club

01:09 Overview of 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye'

02:39 The Harris Family and Homeschooling

03:30 Personal Experiences with the Harris Family

05:17 Initial Thoughts on 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye'

06:34 Courtship vs. Dating

07:35 Navigating Teenage Years and Sexuality

12:38 Chapter One: Smart Love

22:14 Chapter Two: 7 Habits of Highly Defective Dating

28:20 Introduction to Defective Dating Habits

29:12 Intimacy Without Commitment

32:14 Physical Relationship vs. True Love

34:44 Dating as a Distraction

36:46 Artificial Environment in Dating

41:25 Chapter Three: A New Attitude Towards Dating

42:20 The Gift of Singleness

47:22 Purity and Boundaries in Relationships

51:48 Final Thoughts and Personal Reflections

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