I Kissed Dating Goodbye: The Harmful Heart of Purity Culture | #43

This week on The Ex-Homeschoolers Club, I'm diving into Part 2 of I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, tackling the chapters that aim to define "true Christian love" and promote the gift of singleness.

As a former homeschooler who grew up immersed in purity culture, I bring my personal experience and critical reflection to the table. We unpack the book's problematic teachings around sex, self-love, gender roles, and its impact on developing healthy relationships. I also reflect on the emotional weight of shame, the myth of male self-control, and the limitations of evangelical definitions of love and purity.

This episode is raw, personal, and full of the hard questions we need to ask about how books like this shaped a generation.

Key Topics Covered:

• The toxic binary of Christian vs. worldly love

• How purity culture shames normal human emotions and desires

• The myth of male sexual helplessness and how it harms everyone

• The concept of singleness as a spiritual calling vs. reality

• The failure of evangelical literature to cite evidence or acknowledge harm

Resources Mentioned:

• I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
• When Religion Hurts You by Laura E. Anderson
• The Westminster Catechism
• The story of King David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11-12)

Timestamps

00:00 Introduction to 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye'

00:19 Recap of Part One

01:29 Exploring Christian Love vs. Worldly Love

02:10 Chapter Four: Looking Up "Love" in God's Dictionary

04:42 Aphrodite or Christ: Defining Love

10:04 Chapter Five: The Right Thing at the Wrong Time Is the Wrong Thing

20:21 The Gift of Singleness

26:14 Chapter Six: The Direction of Purity

28:46 Purity as a Direction, Not a Fixed Point

32:55 The Story of King David and Bathsheba

33:58 Questioning Christian Justifications

35:30 Proverbs and the Seductive Spirit

36:30 Purity in Action

38:58 Critique of Christian Literature

40:40 Billy Graham and Evangelist Integrity

41:58 Purity Culture and Male Accountability

47:04 Gender Roles and Responsibilities

52:34 Chapter Seven: A Cleansed Past: The Room

01:00:17 Reflections and Future Directions

If this episode resonates with you, I want to hear your story. What was your experience with purity culture?

Did you read I Kissed Dating Goodbye or grow up around its teachings?

Send me a DM on Instagram or Threads or email [e-mail]. And don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend who might need to hear it.