What Do You Do When Religion Hurts You? | #28

In this solo episode of I'm diving into the book When Religion Hurts You by Laura E. Anderson. This book explores the psychological effects of high-control religious environments and offers insights into healing from religious trauma. Inspired by my own deconstruction journey, I unpack key concepts from the book, including the nervous system’s response to fear, different types of grief, and the challenge of rebuilding self-trust. I also share personal stories of how religious trauma shaped my experiences growing up and how I'm learning to set healthier boundaries. Whether you’re currently deconstructing or just curious about the mental health impact of religion, this episode is packed with insights.

Key Takeaways

• Understanding Trauma Responses – The fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses, and how high-control religions keep people in a state of constant fear.
• Grieving Life After Religion – The different types of grief that come with leaving faith, including lost community, altered worldviews, and shifts in self-identity.
• Rebuilding Self-Trust & Compassion – How religious environments discourage self-trust and how we can reframe our internal dialogue.
• Setting Healthy Boundaries – Moving from rigid, externally imposed boundaries to self-defined, evolving ones.
• The Good in Religion – Recognizing that not everything about faith was harmful, and processing the loss of positive aspects like community and structure.

Timestamps

00:00 Introduction and Solo Episode Announcement

00:26 Book Introduction: When Religion Hurts You

00:41 Newsletter Launch Announcement

01:29 Impactful Insights from the Book

03:14 Understanding the Nervous System

04:51 Personal Experiences with Religious Trauma

09:06 Grieving the Life You Once Had

18:22 Different Types of Grief

19:35 Grieving Childhood and Adolescence

24:37 Grieving Our View of Others and the World

26:06 Recognizing the Pull Away from God

27:05 Grieving the Good in Religion

30:00 Trust and Vulnerability Post-Religion

32:23 Building Self-Trust and Compassion

42:55 Redefining Boundaries

45:54 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Resources Mentioned

• When Religion Hurts You by Laura E. Anderson
• Brene Brown’s The Anatomy of Trust (Super Soul Sessions)

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