October 12, 2024 • 23 mins
Imagine being told that what you thought were personal failings are actually symptoms of a misunderstood condition. Join me, Jeanette Graham, as I navigate the intricate world of ADHD and uncover the soaring diagnosis rates in the U.S., where adult diagnoses have skyrocketed to 15.5%. With expert insights from Dr. Patel, we probe into why these numbers are higher in the U.S., citing reduced stigma and advanced diagnostic tools as driving forces. We also discuss the hurdle many face—71% of Americans with prescriptions struggle to obtain their ADHD medication—and the pivotal role of cultural beliefs and historical stigma in the landscape of global diagnosis and treatment.
Unmasking the hidden challenges of ADHD, this episode explores the nuanced experiences of those living with the condition, especially in environments where symptoms are often concealed. Using the metaphor of an iceberg, we unravel the layers of struggles such as sleep issues and emotional turbulence that go unnoticed. I share my personal reflections on the shame and comorbidities tied to late diagnoses, and how understanding the complex nature of executive functions can lead to a life filled with contradictions—an insight that's particularly inspired by popular TikTok trends. The conversation shifts to managing these challenges, and the emotional rollercoaster of coming to terms with an adult ADHD diagnosis, capturing the grief and relief it brings.
The journey doesn't end at diagnosis—it's a continuous rollercoaster of emotion and adaptation. Life with ADHD requires finding the right balance amid societal misconceptions, and is particularly challenging for women who navigate additional hurdles like hormonal fluctuations. Words from Russell Barkley resonate as I talk about bridging the gap between knowledge and action, a common struggle for those with ADHD. By fostering self-compassion, I have found peace in accepting my diagnosis, and I encourage listeners to do the same. As part of ADHD Awareness Month, I invite you to embrace your unique journey and share your stories.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome.
To Excuse my ADHD.
I'm your host, jeanette Graham,and this is episode I don't
know because it's been so long.
I just really want to getsomething out here.
But the thing is this isOctober is ADHD Awareness Month,
and I was watching a TikToktoday that ABC News posted and
(00:29):
it was a clip discussing ADHDand talking about how the amount
of people who are diagnosed hasskyrocketed and is now 15.5%.
And this is huge, because justa couple years ago it was about
4% of adults.
Just a couple years ago it wasabout 4% of adults.
(00:53):
And what's even crazier is theygo on to talk about how 71% of
these Americans withprescriptions can't get their
medication.
If you're listening, I mean,this is something you already
know and chances are in the pasttwo years you've struggled to
get your prescription filled atone point or another.
You've had to try differentgenerics.
Some may have worked, somedidn't.
If you take Concerta, you'veprobably had an even more
difficult time, like I have.
(01:14):
And then what really had megoing was I was listening to the
TikTok and they brought on a DrPatel, and I can't remember
what his full name was.
I'll post something in the shownotes but they brought him on
to ask why we have such higherrates of ADHD diagnosis than the
rest of the world.
(01:35):
And what I think people don'tunderstand is that it's not a
simple answer, and you'll hearthings like people are just
constantly diagnosed or doctorshand out prescriptions like it's
candy.
But it's not a simple answer,and Dr Patel goes on to talk
about this and how there aremultiple reasons, and what I see
(01:58):
is probably the two biggestreasons myself are one, the
stigma and two, the educationand resources and tools that
they have in other countries.
Until recent years, I meantalking about mental health,
even here in America in generalhas been highly stigmatized.
(02:18):
People just didn't do it.
And then lately there's justbeen this explosion of, you know
, self-care and work-lifebalance and mental health
awareness, suicide prevention,focusing on your mental health
in general, and you know we havegotten to a much better place.
(02:48):
But then there's, you know,there's still this disbelief
that ADHD isn't even real.
You still hear people saythings like everyone's a little
ADHD.
Well, yeah, you know what,though?
That just kind of really pissesme off, because it's thinking
(03:10):
like that that keeps people fromthat, keeps people getting
overlooked, that keeps peoplefrom being diagnosed, and it's,
it's either looked at as astigma or a joke and at the same
time, there have been so manyleaps and bounds in the
diagnostic criteria as well asin diagnostic tools.
And you know, when I was growingup, in ancient times aka the
90s according to my kids,because it's the 1900s the
(03:31):
stereotypes and I've said this Idon't know how many times, but
it was mostly boys who couldn'tstill sit still in class or were
disruptive, and that left out ahuge population of people with
ADHD who then became labeled asditzy and or lazy, and if you
weren't disruptive in theclassroom, no one really paid
(03:53):
attention to you.
So anyone with an inattentivetype or a combination type that
didn't really have that bigexternal hyperactivity, they
didn't fit the stereotype andthey went undiagnosed and it's
that population that you arereally seeing get diagnosed now.
So on the flip side of that,aside from just you know the
(04:17):
general, you know stigma relatedaround mental health, there are
whole cultures that don'tbelieve in ADHD or in mental
health diagnoses and they holdvery strongly to their beliefs
and therefore they won't getdiagnosed, they won't go to
psychiatrists or psychologistsand those beliefs get passed
down.
(04:38):
And so when you have countrieswhose culture is so strong
they're not studying it as muchas we have.
Their diagnostic tools aren'tas advanced as ours are.
I mean, even across the UK yousee different diagnostic tools
and different practices in placeand it's the amount of
(05:00):
resources allocated to ADHD thatvaries as well.
So when you look at the US andthe rest of the world, we're
higher because we've beenworking harder at destigmatizing
mental health.
We've put the focus on thediagnostic criteria, into
changing what's in the DSMV,into the research on how ADHD
affects children versus adults,men versus women.
(05:21):
We do research for themedications and how the brain
works and even how the genesaffect how ADHD is displayed.
We look more closely at thecomorbidities.
The more resources you put intodiagnosing and treating
something, the more peopleyou're going to find.
(05:42):
Just like with COVID, whentesting was mandatory with
people that showed symptoms, therates of those people having it
were much higher than they werewhen the rules were relaxed and
the testing when those symptomswere present became optional
(06:02):
because more people were optingout of the testing.
So it didn't necessarily meanthere were a few people that had
it.
It just meant that we weren'tcapturing them in the data
because they weren't gettingtested, it didn't mean they
weren't still out there havingCOVID Just like people are out
there with ADHD and you knowthey were for all these years.
(06:26):
But because they weren't tested, we didn't know they had it.
So, at the same time, foreverything, the more you test,
the more you find it's.
I mean, it's the same witheverything.
When the other countriesstarted testing, when they start
testing more and theirdiagnostic tools catch up, I'd
(06:50):
venture to say that theirnumbers are going to get closer
to ours.
Granted, there's other factorsto consider that can keep our
might keep our numbers higher.
I don't know, but education andtesting will definitely bring
their numbers closer to ours, Iwould say.
So, staying with COVID and thelockdown and I know everybody's
so tired of it because it wassuch a traumatic thing but
(07:14):
something that came out of itwas there was a huge increase in
people posting on andinteracting with social media,
especially like TikTok, thingslike that, where you could post
videos, and that led to morepeople watching, more people
learning and, as people startedtalking about their symptoms and
sharing their stories, more andmore people started relating to
(07:34):
them, and the more peoplerelated to them, the more they
got tested.
So you know, so many adultsfell through the cracks because
of those stereotypes and thosestigmas and they're now being
diagnosed because the criteriais finally caught up to us, the
(07:57):
stereotypes are changing but,most important, people are
talking about it and I know Iused to feel so alone, like
right after my diagnosis.
But, like, in the past fewyears, I've learned so much more
about myself and I realizedthat there are so many more of
us.
Like, for example, when I firstwent to the bookstore to find
(08:23):
information on ADHD, I went to aBarnes and Noble, I went to a
Joseph Bath I found four booksin the entire store on the
subject.
Now, when you go, there's somuch more information there,
(08:44):
there's so many more books,there's so many more articles
because so much more research isbeing done Something.
The more I feel like, the morewe learn about it, the more
we'll catch up, the more we willget the people that have fallen
through the cracks help.
And, like I said, I used tofeel alone.
(09:07):
But now what I've realized isthat I've helped others get
diagnosed and they've told mehow it's changed their lives for
the better.
And I can't tell you how thatmakes me feel, to know that I
helped someone the way that Iwas helped when my husband told
me to get tested and I wasfinally diagnosed.
Now a lot of people were able toget through because they built
(09:32):
these like survival techniques.
Through masking they were ableto mimic other people's behavior
through what they saw to hidethe symptoms, and so through the
masking and the structure thatgoing into an office offered,
they were kind of able to getaround it to hide from the
(09:56):
diagnosis.
I guess because you know, onceyou took away that structure and
the masking around other people, once those things started to
break down, I think you know yousee a lot more of your issues.
It comes more to the forefrontand so you throw in the fact
(10:21):
that inattentive types and thosethat don't really show their
hyperactivity in the typicalphysical manifestations that
have come to be associated with,you know, adhd and being
diagnosed.
I guess something I was reallyable to relate to when I started
my ADHD self-education was likethis image of an iceberg.
(10:41):
So you can just go and GoogleADHD iceberg.
It was really eye-opening for mein the way that it lays out the
symptoms.
So, like on the surface helooks calm and ready.
Yeah, I couldn't help myself,sorry, it was like the lyrics,
to lose yourself.
When I was typing all this upbecause I have to read
everything, I have to type mythoughts out, it just came up
and I deleted it.
I was like you know what, screwit.
(11:01):
I'm just going to leave it inthere, because now the song is
living rent free in my head.
But anyway, on the surface yousee the hyperactivity, the
impulsivity, the troubleconcentrating, but what you
(11:22):
don't see, that they show underthe water as the invisible
symptoms.
What most people don't see aboutpeople with ADHD is we sleep
like crap because of a thousanddifferent reasons, because our
brains won't turn off, becausewe wake up in the middle of the
night, whatever.
We can't sleep.
We can't stay organized to saveour lives.
I won't say we can't getorganized because I feel like we
can.
It's just we can't keep it thatway for very long.
(11:45):
And when we can, then the toolsthat we use to stay organized
have to constantly changebecause we get bored with them.
And then you know, we'resomeone with emotions who are as
vast and turbulent as the NorthSea.
We cannot control it as much aswe would love to.
Our memories are like Swisscheese.
(12:07):
You can remember the mostrandom, useless facts that are
only good for trivia nights, yetimportant things, just they
don't always seem to stick andour working memory is shoddy at
best, like when's the last timeyou went to the store to get
three things and you actuallygot all of them without having a
(12:28):
list?
Or even you know, sometimes,having a list, I can go to the
store and still not geteverything.
I can go to the store and stillnot get everything.
You'll see someone who can'tplan for the future because we
have this nearsightedness that,unless it's right there in front
of us, we just we can't see itin our heads to plan for it,
(12:49):
like most people, I think.
They say plan can plan up to 12to 18 weeks in advance, where
people with ADHD have a muchharder time with that.
And then you also see someonewith an immense amount of shame
that is built up over the courseof their life, especially when
(13:09):
you're diagnosed late.
You'll find someone who hascomorbidities.
That makes everything worse,and the list goes on.
But it's like it's these thingsthat people don't really think
about, that they don't reallysee, because I mean honestly, I
didn't even know what executivefunctions were before I was
(13:30):
diagnosed, so you can't reallyexpect everybody else to know
what they are either.
I mean, you know what they arewithout knowing what they're
called, but you don't reallyunderstand, I guess, how ADHD
relates to those or how ADHDreally affects those.
(13:50):
And then so something else I'veseen on TikTok because you know
, I don't go on Facebook, I justlive on TikTok and I doom
scroll and I do all the things Ishouldn't do, but I live on
TikTok um, is this trend wherepeople will post something like
(14:12):
ask me about X and I'll tell youwhy.
Then ask me on a deeper level.
Okay, well, here's mine.
Ask me what it's like to haveADHD and I will tell you it's
essentially being a walkingtalking contradiction.
Ask me on a deeper level.
I will tell you that it hurtsmy soul.
(14:36):
I will tell you that beingdiagnosed was both the best and
worst thing that could havehappened to me.
I'll say it was the worstbecause it was literally, is
literally going through thegrief process when you get that
diagnosis as an adult.
Going through the grief processwhen you get that diagnosis as
(14:59):
an adult.
I was grieving so much of whatI struggled with as a kid being
a direct result of not beingdiagnosed by my parents and
teachers and not knowing them,not knowing how to help me,
because no one knew anything waswrong.
Grief because that little girlthat had very few friends was
(15:20):
bullied, struggled with math tothe point of tears all the time
because she had a learningdisability she didn't know about
, could never behave but couldnever answer why they did what
they did because I don't knowisn't an answer Was so very,
(15:46):
very lonely.
Grief because the woman that Iam just wants to hold and
cherish and protect that littlegirl that used to sob on her
knees at night and pray and begGod to make her be better, to be
good, to be smarter.
Grief because hindsight is20-20.
(16:07):
And even though I know what Iknow now, it doesn't change the
past or how different my lifecould have been had someone
caught on to my ADHD and mylearning disability in middle
school or high school, where Icould be, had I had the right
medication or help with mydyscalculia.
(16:28):
And I was angry, I wasdepressed, I was relieved I had
a label for it that there wasinformation limited as it was.
But I went through so manyemotions and then I it was the
(16:49):
worst, but then I'll say it wasthe best as well, because since
being diagnosed I have learnedso much.
I still struggle, but Iunderstand my issues better now.
I know that I'm not actuallybroken, that I am just different
, that my brain is justdifferent.
I mean, I feel like I alwaysknew that, but actually knowing
(17:11):
why now makes a difference.
Now makes a difference.
And now that I understand mybrain better, I know that if
something big for work comes up,I need to plan, I need to make
sure I'm getting good sleep,that I'm eating, that I'm taking
my meds and otherwise thingswill spiral.
I have more control because Ihave the knowledge even though I
(17:33):
don't always make the bestdecisions that I will always
constantly struggle becausethere is no cure, there is no
quick fix for ADHD.
But the struggling is easiernow, I guess.
In a way I wasn't diagnoseduntil I was 37.
I went my whole lifeundiagnosed and I struggled,
(17:53):
like I said.
I mean, everything just alwaysfelt so unbearably hard.
I never understood it, but Ithought it was just.
You know, like I just said, Isaid it was something was wrong
with me, I was broken, and now Isit in work halls where people
make jokes about it and it's tothe point that I get.
(18:20):
I get a little offended, like Iused to, not, but now I get a
little, maybe a lot, offended byhow little people take it
seriously, because people don'trealize how debilitating ADHD
can be and how hard it is to dobasic tasks, sometimes like make
a five minute phone phone call,or how for women.
It's just crazy because notonly do we have the normal
(18:43):
issues with ADHD, we also haveto deal with our monthly cycles
messing with the severity of oursymptoms thanks to the role
that estrogen plays in ourdopamine regulation.
Guess what else affects ourdopamine?
Everything the foods we eat,the amount of sleep we get or
don't get, the exercise or lackthereof, the stress level or the
(19:04):
cortisol in our systems.
It makes me crazy to thinkabout it, because no simple fix,
no one size fits all.
Everything about ADHD is aroller coaster, from getting
properly diagnosed, includingteasing out any comorbidities,
to finding out the right meds,to determining how to handle
your cycle, whether it's asecondary RX or a high dose for
(19:27):
low estrogen days.
But then how do you know whenthose are Like see roller
coaster, finding the medication.
It's.
It's your own personalamusement park.
You get to keep, to keep itinteresting, then they change
all the rides all the time.
The entry fee to the park isnever the same, and what I mean
(19:49):
is, like the way things workright now, this week, this month
, this year, at some point willinevitably change.
That bullet journal that youloved and managed won't work
anymore, for one reason oranother.
The exercise regimen that youwere doing, the food that you
were eating to stay healthy, youjust woke up one morning and
(20:13):
either you were sick or you justdidn't feel like it, and that
day off turned into six months,and now you can't stand any of
the foods that you were eating,because just to think of them
makes you nauseous, and youcan't get back in your workout
routine because, for whateverreason.
And even with all that, though,what helps me the most is I've
(20:35):
learned to be kinder to myself,because, with all of those
things, shame is probably thesingle hardest part of having
ADHD, because something thatRussell Barkley said in a video
that I watched of his and I'mparaphrasing because I don't
know it, but, and I had to watchit like five times to try and
(20:56):
get it right it's that we're notstupid.
We have the knowledge, we knowwhat we need to do, but that
part of the brain where weacquire the knowledge is in the
back.
But the frontal lobe, which weknow is where ADHD affects the
most, is where we take thatknowledge, what we know, and we
(21:20):
apply it or use it, and thosetwo parts are separated.
Adhd cleaves them apart.
We know how to do what to do,but we can't do what we know,
and that's what causes the shameand that's what causes the
shame.
Now that I've settled into mydiagnosis and I've accepted it,
(21:40):
I feel better.
I course correct sooner.
I still go off track from timeto time, but I guess I just hope
every one of you finds somesense of peace in your diagnosis
, that you keep learning andkeep growing and discovering and
that as you do those things,especially this month, that
(22:06):
you're sharing all of thatknowledge and your journey with
others.
With that, until next time, andhappy ADHD awareness month.
Hello and welcome.
To Excuse my ADHD.
I'm your host, jeanette Graham,and this is episode I don't
know because it's been so long.
I just really want to getsomething out here.
But the thing is this isOctober is ADHD Awareness Month,
and I was watching a TikToktoday that ABC News posted and
(00:29):
it was a clip discussing ADHDand talking about how the amount
of people who are diagnosed hasskyrocketed and is now 15.5%.
And this is huge, because justa couple years ago it was about
4% of adults.
Just a couple years ago it wasabout 4% of adults.
(00:53):
And what's even crazier is theygo on to talk about how 71% of
these Americans withprescriptions can't get their
medication.
If you're listening, I mean,this is something you already
know and chances are in the pasttwo years you've struggled to
get your prescription filled atone point or another.
You've had to try differentgenerics.
Some may have worked, somedidn't.
If you take Concerta, you'veprobably had an even more
difficult time, like I have.
(01:14):
And then what really had megoing was I was listening to the
TikTok and they brought on a DrPatel, and I can't remember
what his full name was.
I'll post something in the shownotes but they brought him on
to ask why we have such higherrates of ADHD diagnosis than the
rest of the world.
(01:35):
And what I think people don'tunderstand is that it's not a
simple answer, and you'll hearthings like people are just
constantly diagnosed or doctorshand out prescriptions like it's
candy.
But it's not a simple answer,and Dr Patel goes on to talk
about this and how there aremultiple reasons, and what I see
(01:58):
is probably the two biggestreasons myself are one, the
stigma and two, the educationand resources and tools that
they have in other countries.
Until recent years, I meantalking about mental health,
even here in America in generalhas been highly stigmatized.
(02:18):
People just didn't do it.
And then lately there's justbeen this explosion of, you know
, self-care and work-lifebalance and mental health
awareness, suicide prevention,focusing on your mental health
in general, and you know we havegotten to a much better place.
(02:48):
But then there's, you know,there's still this disbelief
that ADHD isn't even real.
You still hear people saythings like everyone's a little
ADHD.
Well, yeah, you know what,though?
That just kind of really pissesme off, because it's thinking
(03:10):
like that that keeps people fromthat, keeps people getting
overlooked, that keeps peoplefrom being diagnosed, and it's,
it's either looked at as astigma or a joke and at the same
time, there have been so manyleaps and bounds in the
diagnostic criteria as well asin diagnostic tools.
And you know, when I was growingup, in ancient times aka the
90s according to my kids,because it's the 1900s the
(03:31):
stereotypes and I've said this Idon't know how many times, but
it was mostly boys who couldn'tstill sit still in class or were
disruptive, and that left out ahuge population of people with
ADHD who then became labeled asditzy and or lazy, and if you
weren't disruptive in theclassroom, no one really paid
(03:53):
attention to you.
So anyone with an inattentivetype or a combination type that
didn't really have that bigexternal hyperactivity, they
didn't fit the stereotype andthey went undiagnosed and it's
that population that you arereally seeing get diagnosed now.
So on the flip side of that,aside from just you know the
(04:17):
general, you know stigma relatedaround mental health, there are
whole cultures that don'tbelieve in ADHD or in mental
health diagnoses and they holdvery strongly to their beliefs
and therefore they won't getdiagnosed, they won't go to
psychiatrists or psychologistsand those beliefs get passed
down.
(04:38):
And so when you have countrieswhose culture is so strong
they're not studying it as muchas we have.
Their diagnostic tools aren'tas advanced as ours are.
I mean, even across the UK yousee different diagnostic tools
and different practices in placeand it's the amount of
(05:00):
resources allocated to ADHD thatvaries as well.
So when you look at the US andthe rest of the world, we're
higher because we've beenworking harder at destigmatizing
mental health.
We've put the focus on thediagnostic criteria, into
changing what's in the DSMV,into the research on how ADHD
affects children versus adults,men versus women.
(05:21):
We do research for themedications and how the brain
works and even how the genesaffect how ADHD is displayed.
We look more closely at thecomorbidities.
The more resources you put intodiagnosing and treating
something, the more peopleyou're going to find.
(05:42):
Just like with COVID, whentesting was mandatory with
people that showed symptoms, therates of those people having it
were much higher than they werewhen the rules were relaxed and
the testing when those symptomswere present became optional
(06:02):
because more people were optingout of the testing.
So it didn't necessarily meanthere were a few people that had
it.
It just meant that we weren'tcapturing them in the data
because they weren't gettingtested, it didn't mean they
weren't still out there havingCOVID Just like people are out
there with ADHD and you knowthey were for all these years.
(06:26):
But because they weren't tested, we didn't know they had it.
So, at the same time, foreverything, the more you test,
the more you find it's.
I mean, it's the same witheverything.
When the other countriesstarted testing, when they start
testing more and theirdiagnostic tools catch up, I'd
(06:50):
venture to say that theirnumbers are going to get closer
to ours.
Granted, there's other factorsto consider that can keep our
might keep our numbers higher.
I don't know, but education andtesting will definitely bring
their numbers closer to ours, Iwould say.
So, staying with COVID and thelockdown and I know everybody's
so tired of it because it wassuch a traumatic thing but
(07:14):
something that came out of itwas there was a huge increase in
people posting on andinteracting with social media,
especially like TikTok, thingslike that, where you could post
videos, and that led to morepeople watching, more people
learning and, as people startedtalking about their symptoms and
sharing their stories, more andmore people started relating to
(07:34):
them, and the more peoplerelated to them, the more they
got tested.
So you know, so many adultsfell through the cracks because
of those stereotypes and thosestigmas and they're now being
diagnosed because the criteriais finally caught up to us, the
(07:57):
stereotypes are changing but,most important, people are
talking about it and I know Iused to feel so alone, like
right after my diagnosis.
But, like, in the past fewyears, I've learned so much more
about myself and I realizedthat there are so many more of
us.
Like, for example, when I firstwent to the bookstore to find
(08:23):
information on ADHD, I went to aBarnes and Noble, I went to a
Joseph Bath I found four booksin the entire store on the
subject.
Now, when you go, there's somuch more information there,
(08:44):
there's so many more books,there's so many more articles
because so much more research isbeing done Something.
The more I feel like, the morewe learn about it, the more
we'll catch up, the more we willget the people that have fallen
through the cracks help.
And, like I said, I used tofeel alone.
(09:07):
But now what I've realized isthat I've helped others get
diagnosed and they've told mehow it's changed their lives for
the better.
And I can't tell you how thatmakes me feel, to know that I
helped someone the way that Iwas helped when my husband told
me to get tested and I wasfinally diagnosed.
Now a lot of people were able toget through because they built
(09:32):
these like survival techniques.
Through masking they were ableto mimic other people's behavior
through what they saw to hidethe symptoms, and so through the
masking and the structure thatgoing into an office offered,
they were kind of able to getaround it to hide from the
(09:56):
diagnosis.
I guess because you know, onceyou took away that structure and
the masking around other people, once those things started to
break down, I think you know yousee a lot more of your issues.
It comes more to the forefrontand so you throw in the fact
(10:21):
that inattentive types and thosethat don't really show their
hyperactivity in the typicalphysical manifestations that
have come to be associated with,you know, adhd and being
diagnosed.
I guess something I was reallyable to relate to when I started
my ADHD self-education was likethis image of an iceberg.
(10:41):
So you can just go and GoogleADHD iceberg.
It was really eye-opening for mein the way that it lays out the
symptoms.
So, like on the surface helooks calm and ready.
Yeah, I couldn't help myself,sorry, it was like the lyrics,
to lose yourself.
When I was typing all this upbecause I have to read
everything, I have to type mythoughts out, it just came up
and I deleted it.
I was like you know what, screwit.
(11:01):
I'm just going to leave it inthere, because now the song is
living rent free in my head.
But anyway, on the surface yousee the hyperactivity, the
impulsivity, the troubleconcentrating, but what you
(11:22):
don't see, that they show underthe water as the invisible
symptoms.
What most people don't see aboutpeople with ADHD is we sleep
like crap because of a thousanddifferent reasons, because our
brains won't turn off, becausewe wake up in the middle of the
night, whatever.
We can't sleep.
We can't stay organized to saveour lives.
I won't say we can't getorganized because I feel like we
can.
It's just we can't keep it thatway for very long.
(11:45):
And when we can, then the toolsthat we use to stay organized
have to constantly changebecause we get bored with them.
And then you know, we'resomeone with emotions who are as
vast and turbulent as the NorthSea.
We cannot control it as much aswe would love to.
Our memories are like Swisscheese.
(12:07):
You can remember the mostrandom, useless facts that are
only good for trivia nights, yetimportant things, just they
don't always seem to stick andour working memory is shoddy at
best, like when's the last timeyou went to the store to get
three things and you actuallygot all of them without having a
(12:28):
list?
Or even you know, sometimes,having a list, I can go to the
store and still not geteverything.
I can go to the store and stillnot get everything.
You'll see someone who can'tplan for the future because we
have this nearsightedness that,unless it's right there in front
of us, we just we can't see itin our heads to plan for it,
(12:49):
like most people, I think.
They say plan can plan up to 12to 18 weeks in advance, where
people with ADHD have a muchharder time with that.
And then you also see someonewith an immense amount of shame
that is built up over the courseof their life, especially when
(13:09):
you're diagnosed late.
You'll find someone who hascomorbidities.
That makes everything worse,and the list goes on.
But it's like it's these thingsthat people don't really think
about, that they don't reallysee, because I mean honestly, I
didn't even know what executivefunctions were before I was
(13:30):
diagnosed, so you can't reallyexpect everybody else to know
what they are either.
I mean, you know what they arewithout knowing what they're
called, but you don't reallyunderstand, I guess, how ADHD
relates to those or how ADHDreally affects those.
(13:50):
And then so something else I'veseen on TikTok because you know
, I don't go on Facebook, I justlive on TikTok and I doom
scroll and I do all the things Ishouldn't do, but I live on
TikTok um, is this trend wherepeople will post something like
(14:12):
ask me about X and I'll tell youwhy.
Then ask me on a deeper level.
Okay, well, here's mine.
Ask me what it's like to haveADHD and I will tell you it's
essentially being a walkingtalking contradiction.
Ask me on a deeper level.
I will tell you that it hurtsmy soul.
(14:36):
I will tell you that beingdiagnosed was both the best and
worst thing that could havehappened to me.
I'll say it was the worstbecause it was literally, is
literally going through thegrief process when you get that
diagnosis as an adult.
Going through the grief processwhen you get that diagnosis as
(14:59):
an adult.
I was grieving so much of whatI struggled with as a kid being
a direct result of not beingdiagnosed by my parents and
teachers and not knowing them,not knowing how to help me,
because no one knew anything waswrong.
Grief because that little girlthat had very few friends was
(15:20):
bullied, struggled with math tothe point of tears all the time
because she had a learningdisability she didn't know about
, could never behave but couldnever answer why they did what
they did because I don't knowisn't an answer Was so very,
(15:46):
very lonely.
Grief because the woman that Iam just wants to hold and
cherish and protect that littlegirl that used to sob on her
knees at night and pray and begGod to make her be better, to be
good, to be smarter.
Grief because hindsight is20-20.
(16:07):
And even though I know what Iknow now, it doesn't change the
past or how different my lifecould have been had someone
caught on to my ADHD and mylearning disability in middle
school or high school, where Icould be, had I had the right
medication or help with mydyscalculia.
(16:28):
And I was angry, I wasdepressed, I was relieved I had
a label for it that there wasinformation limited as it was.
But I went through so manyemotions and then I it was the
(16:49):
worst, but then I'll say it wasthe best as well, because since
being diagnosed I have learnedso much.
I still struggle, but Iunderstand my issues better now.
I know that I'm not actuallybroken, that I am just different
, that my brain is justdifferent.
I mean, I feel like I alwaysknew that, but actually knowing
(17:11):
why now makes a difference.
Now makes a difference.
And now that I understand mybrain better, I know that if
something big for work comes up,I need to plan, I need to make
sure I'm getting good sleep,that I'm eating, that I'm taking
my meds and otherwise thingswill spiral.
I have more control because Ihave the knowledge even though I
(17:33):
don't always make the bestdecisions that I will always
constantly struggle becausethere is no cure, there is no
quick fix for ADHD.
But the struggling is easiernow, I guess.
In a way I wasn't diagnoseduntil I was 37.
I went my whole lifeundiagnosed and I struggled,
(17:53):
like I said.
I mean, everything just alwaysfelt so unbearably hard.
I never understood it, but Ithought it was just.
You know, like I just said, Isaid it was something was wrong
with me, I was broken, and now Isit in work halls where people
make jokes about it and it's tothe point that I get.
(18:20):
I get a little offended, like Iused to, not, but now I get a
little, maybe a lot, offended byhow little people take it
seriously, because people don'trealize how debilitating ADHD
can be and how hard it is to dobasic tasks, sometimes like make
a five minute phone phone call,or how for women.
It's just crazy because notonly do we have the normal
(18:43):
issues with ADHD, we also haveto deal with our monthly cycles
messing with the severity of oursymptoms thanks to the role
that estrogen plays in ourdopamine regulation.
Guess what else affects ourdopamine?
Everything the foods we eat,the amount of sleep we get or
don't get, the exercise or lackthereof, the stress level or the
(19:04):
cortisol in our systems.
It makes me crazy to thinkabout it, because no simple fix,
no one size fits all.
Everything about ADHD is aroller coaster, from getting
properly diagnosed, includingteasing out any comorbidities,
to finding out the right meds,to determining how to handle
your cycle, whether it's asecondary RX or a high dose for
(19:27):
low estrogen days.
But then how do you know whenthose are Like see roller
coaster, finding the medication.
It's.
It's your own personalamusement park.
You get to keep, to keep itinteresting, then they change
all the rides all the time.
The entry fee to the park isnever the same, and what I mean
(19:49):
is, like the way things workright now, this week, this month
, this year, at some point willinevitably change.
That bullet journal that youloved and managed won't work
anymore, for one reason oranother.
The exercise regimen that youwere doing, the food that you
were eating to stay healthy, youjust woke up one morning and
(20:13):
either you were sick or you justdidn't feel like it, and that
day off turned into six months,and now you can't stand any of
the foods that you were eating,because just to think of them
makes you nauseous, and youcan't get back in your workout
routine because, for whateverreason.
And even with all that, though,what helps me the most is I've
(20:35):
learned to be kinder to myself,because, with all of those
things, shame is probably thesingle hardest part of having
ADHD, because something thatRussell Barkley said in a video
that I watched of his and I'mparaphrasing because I don't
know it, but, and I had to watchit like five times to try and
(20:56):
get it right it's that we're notstupid.
We have the knowledge, we knowwhat we need to do, but that
part of the brain where weacquire the knowledge is in the
back.
But the frontal lobe, which weknow is where ADHD affects the
most, is where we take thatknowledge, what we know, and we
(21:20):
apply it or use it, and thosetwo parts are separated.
Adhd cleaves them apart.
We know how to do what to do,but we can't do what we know,
and that's what causes the shameand that's what causes the
shame.
Now that I've settled into mydiagnosis and I've accepted it,
(21:40):
I feel better.
I course correct sooner.
I still go off track from timeto time, but I guess I just hope
every one of you finds somesense of peace in your diagnosis
, that you keep learning andkeep growing and discovering and
that as you do those things,especially this month, that
(22:06):
you're sharing all of thatknowledge and your journey with
others.
With that, until next time, andhappy ADHD awareness month.
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