September 24, 2023 • 43 mins
Ever thought about how ADHD and neurotypicals can beautifully complement each other? Join me and my guest Lobow's Spark https://www.lobowsparkadhd.com/
as we delve into how our divergent wiring opens doors to a spectrum of unique experiences and unexpected strengths. We share our own hilarious family anecdotes about how ADHD has played out in our lives, like those pesky speeding tickets and the sometimes chaotic but humorous confusion that comes with managing time.
From driving challenges to task management, we get real about our struggles. Have you ever experienced highway hypnosis or had a panic attack while driving over bridges? You're not alone. And for those of us with ADHD, the anxiety can double. We share coping mechanisms and discuss how being a passenger can provide a much needed break. In the workplace and school, we explore the need for flexibility and understanding, and how this can help those with ADHD and neurotypicals to work and learn in harmony.
But it's not all struggles and challenges. The final note of our episode is a celebration of ADHD and the power of individuality. Who knows, perhaps if Adderall had been around earlier, history might've been different! Our advice? Embrace your uniqueness. Success comes in all shapes and sizes, and quite often, it doesn't follow the path that neurotypicals take. So tune in, laugh with us, learn about us and let's bridge the gap between ADHD and neurotypicals together. We can't wait for you to join the conversation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let's talk about how on your videos.
The whole reason I've reachedout to you was you had a TikTok
and it was talking about howpeople with ADHD compliment
neurotypicals and neurotypicalskind of compliment us.
So can you talk a little bitabout that?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yes, so I think the one you're referring to is the
one where I'm either on the roofor on the ground, and the
accommodation of both.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Big surprise there.
It's funny how I filmed that.
It was like this portion of theroof, this portion of the roof,
let's just do one video at eachlevel.
That's just unbelievable.
But I can get to just said thewhole thing.
I think we compliment eachother because I think that what
we struggle with neurotypicalsdo well, and vice versa.
(00:54):
I mean, that's why I think wecompliment each other well.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
What do you think that neurotypicals compliment us
with?
Probably the most.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
The things that ultimately don't matter in life,
the daily tasks that literallyare just very mundane, that you
do sometimes need to get done,but we're just never going to do
.
And so if you know aneurotypical, they're going to
help you put the laundrydetergent in the cup and then
put it in the thing and then hitstart, whereas honestly, from
(01:31):
my ADHD, I can give two shitsabout that, like I literally
could not care less.
But then they're the ones thatcome to us when it's like I
really made a mistake.
I need your help, or I needyour advice on this, when it
comes to the life alteringsituations, that's where we
(01:51):
thrive, right, so they can helpus with the small things and
we'll save the world and helpthem do it as well in the
meantime.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah.
I know, and it's like I thinksometimes it's so great because
I have time.
Blindness, obviously Right, bigdeal.
My mom she there was.
When I was growing up there wasnot one clock in the house,
that was the same time.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Oh, my God Not one.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
That's the same as my mother and my wife.
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
But it was like we never knew what time it was.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
But the problem was was she started off and
everything was always 30 minutes, 30 minutes ahead of when she
had to do so go leave the houseor whatever, right, but then I
think she got used to that andwas automatically doing the math
in her head, so it wasn'teffective anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
And then.
So then my dad started changingsome of the other clocks.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
That's okay, that's literally exactly.
Mine was just 10 minutes ahead.
My mom said it for 10 minutesahead inside, but then we get in
her car she would take.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
I'm like, but, but no , because that that one in there
said this.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
So there's no way that it was 110.
Now it's one o'clock that.
How take me to thepsychotherapist right now.
Like, like.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Psychiatrists, like because right now I'm freaking,
out.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, and for the longest time after I moved out,
I couldn't function because allour clocks were right and I'm
like I was late everywhere.
I didn't know how to.
I couldn't because I'm stillthinking that it's 30 minutes
ahead or 15 minutes ahead.
Yeah 45 minutes ahead and ittook me so long to de-program
that.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Oh, I know Well, because I think that I mean on a
not serious level, but a semiserious level, like we're really
, we're really bad at the theright and really great at the
moment.
Yeah, oh yeah, it's got to bemixed, you know, there together
it's like if it's 10 minutesahead, then your car better say
(04:03):
10 minutes ahead, your phonebetter say 10 minutes ahead,
Like it has to all match Right,exactly.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
And it's like here take all of my things computer,
watch, phone make them anarbitrary number of times fast
and don't tell me Right, yeah,just don't.
That's the only way that works.
Right, 100% Because otherwiseyou're doing the math in your
head all the time.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Oh my.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
God.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
And I'm terrible at math, so that's really where I
struggle.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, I well, I have, I was, I have to scout cool you
, so that's kind of.
I know you said dyslexia, butthat's kind of like with math,
so it's like formulas and speedI have.
Oh, my mom has a nickname, wecall her Barbara and Dretty.
She can get through.
She can get through the stateof Georgia in three hours,
(04:51):
barbara and.
Dretty, yes, and unfortunately Itake after her with the lead
foot.
Because it's so weird.
It's like I can't judge speed,how fast I'm going, yeah, and
it's like if I'm used to go in,say, 70 miles an hour and then
when we moved to Philly theinterstate was 55.
Yeah, that difference.
It was like I felt like I wasgoing 15 miles an hour Right.
(05:14):
But then after getting used tothat and coming back here and
then going 70 again, it was likeholy crap.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
But that's why we all have so many speeding tickets
probably.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Oh my God, I guess there's speed limits, that goes
70, 50, 30.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
It's like, well, wait , you didn't give me enough
warning and then they wait, theywait for you 15 signs on the
way to that.
30 miles an hour, that's like70 miles an hour, 69 miles an
hour, 68 miles an hour, 6, andthen it's possible that we get
there Right.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Well, you know, we're talking about, like talking
about speeding.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Do you ever get I guess they call it highway
hypnosis.
When you're driving for so longon a route that you go every
day that you like you don'tremember how you got to where
you're at.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
So I don't forget how I got to where I was at, but I
will say that as the years have.
So I'm 41 and I've done thesame hour commute for 15, 17
years Each year.
That gets a little harder.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
And at first it was an incredible break from, like I
drive into work.
That gives me time to wake up,that gives my time, my brain
time, to get engaged.
So, like the second, I getthere, I attack when I need to
attack, then I leave, and thenwhen I leave, it's that okay
shift gears work, shift gears,wife, you know, or social
(06:46):
activities or whatever.
And so that helped.
But now it's getting to thepoint where, like it's become a
lot more difficult, I'm gettinga little bit of blurred vision,
like I've done it so often thatit's starting to.
It makes me it's panic inducingsometimes.
Oh, it is.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
It's absolutely panic inducing.
I mean there would be, timeswhere I would be.
I remember being getting off onthe exit and then all of a
sudden, I'm at my exit to getoff 20 miles down the road.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And I don't remember anything.
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I remember anything that I saw.
I couldn't tell you any cars.
I couldn't tell you anythingand it would.
It would absolutely induce amini panic attack.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I think, maybe as a non-doctor non-doctor again, for
everyone listening I am not apsychiatrist, I'm not a doctor,
I'm not a human, I think.
I think a lot of it is the factthat because it has become so
normal for you that you can't doit.
Yeah, it's not new, it's notchanging every day, it's the
(07:49):
same thing every day.
It was for the longest timeCompletely shut down.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah Well, you're not thinking about it.
And it's like on that strip ofinterstate it was never stop and
go traffic, it was just alwaysgo Right.
You know, there's nothing toworry about.
It was just a good 20 miles ofnothing.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And at first that's awesome yeah.
Until your brain absorbs it andgets used to it.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
And it's like it goes on autopilot Well this is
boring again.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Let's go the opposite direction.
Let's go fucking 500 miles thistime instead.
Okay, come on, so that I canthink.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Oh yeah, I've passed up my exit before.
Luckily, the next exit downjust takes me right to it, but I
have done that before too.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, it's, it can be very difficult.
It can be very difficult,driving especially.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Oh, my god, yeah, but then I guess you know, when
you're talking aboutcomplimenting, that is something
that neurotypicals do best,right?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
That's why, at this point, I used to love driving,
but now it's like let's takeyour car instead of you know,
because it's nice just to be apassenger, and recently it was
bridges are getting to merecently.
Oh, yeah, like it makes mebreathe so heavy, I start
(09:07):
sweating and but it never was aproblem Like I'm on the water
all the time.
I go out on the boat.
I love wakeboarding.
Like water is.
I'm not scared of heights, butif I'm driving over a bridge now
, that produces something that Ihave never experienced, yeah,
which is like this traumaticthing.
Like I'm just like, oh my god,and I have to stay so focused on
(09:28):
the road.
It drives me crazy.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Oh, yeah, I mean, it's where I'm at by Cincinnati.
I go over the bridge every day.
Yeah, every day I go to workand there's multiple bridges, so
some days I take differentbridges depending on how traffic
is Right.
And there's one I think theycall it the singing bridge or
something, but it's a metalgraded bridge and when you're
driving on it it feels likeyou're on an oil slick because
(09:54):
your car doesn't stay straight.
It kind of does like this wavything All the way across the
bridge and my it's like my whiteknuckle grip on the steering
wheel the whole way across it.
And then there's the main one,and that one is almost always
bumper to bumper and especiallywhen I'm coming home from work
and I'm just like the whole timein my head please get me off
(10:16):
this bridge, get me off thebridge.
I need to get out of the bridge, get out of my way.
I need to get off the bridgeright now, and it's not been,
like you said, until maybewithin the last two, three years
.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
So that's interesting because we're similar in age,
like yeah, why is it now?
I don't know, it's weird In it.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I don't know if it's like a mortality thing or if
it's because, well, for me it'sprobably because I there was a
big fire on that bridge.
That's gotten worse and theytalk about how dangerous it is
all the time, but the fireexploded and the bridge was shut
down for a while and it's like,well, is it safe?
I don't know.
And then I see, you know, inPhiladelphia a bridge I used to
(10:57):
drive, or used to drive on thatone fell apart and it's just.
I just see, I envision thebridge collapsing and all the
cars.
I'm thinking can I get out?
Do I need to roll the windowdown?
Can I go out the sunroof?
What's the quickest way to getout?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Right.
No, it's focused on thinkingWell, and actually that can be
something a good thing, becauseif something were to happen,
you've already planted out inyour mind to get through it.
Like, and that's it and that,absolutely I do that, but all of
the time bungee jumping,skydiving, I'm great.
Don't put me fucking on abridge driving.
If I'm the passenger, I'm fine.
(11:35):
Like, I'm absolutely fine.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Yeah, same but.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I don't know what that is Like.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I don't either, because if my husband's driving
it's the same thing, I'm fine, Idon't care.
But if I'm driving, get me offthis damn bridge.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
So weird, that's so incredible that you experienced
that, oh my.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
God.
Maybe it's because we're in our40s, who knows?
Yeah, it's the midlife crisis.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Right, If we just need to buy a private jet.
Oh wait, those costs a lot ofmoney.
I would like one of those.
That'd be nice just to be ableto have, but unfortunately,
unless you want to scratch offit's probably not.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
What was it Like $9 billion or something?
It went one of the lottoes, Iforget.
But yeah, it was crazy.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
But yeah driving.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I think driving is something they compliment us on,
I think.
But like you were sayingsomething that we compliment
them on and I think we it saidsomething about this the last
time I talked to you that wekeep like this child, like
innocence, and that we, I guess,kind of find the joy in life a
whole lot easier.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah, well, we find the joy in life, but we're also
and I think actually that wassomething that you complimented
to what I said, which was great,is the child, like you know,
innocence, but to me it's theperspective of the world.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You know at home.
It is the way that we can readpeople so easily and know what's
going on in their life beforethey even say anything.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
And then we have to get through that process of
nothing's wrong with me,nothing's wrong with me,
nothing's wrong with me, andit's like I know that there is
Like I know I can see it basedon your body language.
Finally, they will open up andwhen they do, we're able to help
them in ways that they've neverbeen helped before.
And that to me, ultimately, iswhat matters in life is helping
(13:49):
each other.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Oh, absolutely that's .
I mean, that's exactly why I'mhere, and I think that's why
you're here too, yeah, exactly.
That's my why.
That's why.
I do any of this Right.
I mean it's great for mebecause it's cathartic, but then
it's also helping somebody elseout there feel less alone.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah, and the why for people like you and I is we
come up with that why it is notdictated to us.
Right, there are typicals.
It is dictated.
Well, why are you going toschool?
Because this person said it Ihad to get, I had to get this
grade.
Well, why are you in this job?
Because my dad said I had to dothis.
(14:28):
Yeah, we can't understand that,so that when someone's looking
to break out of their shell, whois the first group of people
that could help them do that?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Oh, and I think we're sometimes the biggest
cheerleaders in oh yeah, and wepush the hardest too, because
then we come up with all theseideas for their idea and ways to
go about it, and it's just likewe get so excited and so into
it and it's not even somethingthat's ours but it's for them.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
It's authentic.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Because it's authentic care, and the one
thing that neurotypicals canread is authenticity, and I
think that when they know thatyou are genuinely trying to help
, because you really careinstead of caring, because
caring works, or they're payingyou money, you actually give a
(15:21):
shit, they can see that andthat's what makes great CEOs,
that's what makes great leadersWell and it builds trust.
Yes, it builds trust Right, andso, again, chalk that up as
another quality that we have.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah, because I mean, you have to have that with your
team too, wherever you work.
Absolutely, and I feel likethat's probably been one of my
biggest strengths as a manageris being able to read people, so
when they're having a hard time, help them and then get them
excited about whatever they'redoing.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
And them know that they can always come to me with
anything I mean we would have.
Who wants to have a two hourmeeting?
Nobody wants to have a two hourmeeting, but every week we had
two hour or longer meetingsbecause we genuinely enjoyed
being around each other and wework together and we would talk
about things.
And then everybody would besitting there on their computer
(16:20):
doing their own thing and we'dbe bullshitting and talking
about Game of Thrones orwhatever the hell at the time
Exactly, and then we'd just like, okay, where are we going to
lunch?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I mean, it's just a view as a person and not a boss.
That is the whole key to beinga good manager.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
And your team works harder for you than they do,
because they're working for youand your care for them.
They're not working for themoney the powers that be, or the
money or whatever, they'reworking for you because they
know they can trust you, thatyou have their back and aren't
gonna throw them under their bus, and that they're gonna stand
up for you.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Yeah, and you're gonna stand up for them.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, and the freedom to do it their way, which is
because we want the freedom todo it our way.
That's how this complimentsexactly, and I think that is
just something that's so special.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah, it is.
It is extremely special actuallybecause I mean I Couldn't be, I
could never, ever be a micromanager and I can't understand
that people that are that way meneither half the reason is
because I don't want to do thatactual Work that they know how
to do better than me, like Idon't want to show up and look
like a dumbass because I'vegiven them the freedom from so
(17:32):
long that they know how to do itBetter than me.
Oh yeah, that's great.
You want these people to bebetter at you than you are
yourself, or it doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
That's like the biggest thing, right.
I get so much joy of seeingpeople that I've worked with and
that I've met and taught.
Do good and even exceed what Itaught them and what I'm doing.
It makes me like, it's like aproud mother head.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
It is it absolutely.
You want them to skyrocket sofar past you because, yeah, we
genuinely want that for them.
It's not that that we thinkthat's gonna promote us to
something fuck.
No, we're doing it because wecare about that person.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yep again.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
What other quality Should you possibly want in a
manager than that?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
That's kind of like the ideal manager I've always
been looking for.
I've had pretty close to that acouple times.
Yeah, I've.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, I've got it and that's why I haven't left.
I've had the same one for 18years or whatever it's been, so
that's why I I'm saying it makesall the difference though.
It does, it's everything.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Because I mean, weren't you saying that they
give you the freedom?
Can I kind of do whatever youwant to do how you do well?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
it's not like whatever you, it's just well
within the job right, but it isbasically creating my own
schedule that can change, solike I have a step right.
As long as I send that email orI update and say this is what
this week is looking like for me, there's no issue.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
See, that's awesome.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yeah, it's like, by the way, I'll be in the office
three days this week Maximum,because there's nothing going on
, you know whatnot, and and it'sokay.
Cool, thanks for keeping meupdated.
That's it, you know, and soyou've got to respond.
That's also another thing hedoes exceptionally well Is he
responds to the emails that Isend, because if I send him
(19:31):
something and then he doesn'tget back with me within three
hours, I'm thinking, oh shit wasjust not okay.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Oh, I know right, that's where managers, that's
that rejection since.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
David, yes, I can get in too.
Yep, and that's that's exactlywhat I laid out for him to, and
I said Just a simple okay or athumbs up or whatever is fine,
but acknowledge that you'vereceived it.
So my brain doesn't go 50different directions and I can't
focus on what I need to.
He's done it every single time.
That's amazing.
(20:00):
It is, it absolutely is.
So yeah, so again, he's got mefor life.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And see, that's where you get that loyalty right.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
If our employers.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
I feel like if employers would just get that.
I know we can't fit into their,you can't fit our square peg
into the round hole Right, andthat we needed the flexibility
to do things the way we work.
Yeah, we would be so much moreproductive for them.
Oh, my god.
Yes, because I feel like wework so hard, because we've had
(20:36):
to always work so hard To proveourselves, because we're always
told we're lazy, you're notliving up to our potential, that
we overcompensate sometimes,yeah, but if you give us the
flexibility to do it our way, itjust we can shine.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
We'll exceed what you ever thought we were capable of
yeah, just give us the chancein my opinion.
In my opinion.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah, and I think you know it doesn't have to be
something that's set in stone.
Make it a trial run.
Well and I feel like theyshould do that at schools, do oh
.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
God, yes, that would be extremely nice.
I mean, I think our go ahead,I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Sorry, I don't know what I was gonna say now.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
See, that was my fault.
I'm sorry I think our, our lifeis a series of trial runs.
Oh, absolutely, it is I mean itis, but the thing is, if you're
going from one trial to the next, to the next to the next, you
are absorbing everything thatyou are doing during those
trials and You're getting bettereach time.
(21:43):
So each time you're starting adifferent trial, you're starting
from a higher level than youwere before.
Yeah, so if you want youremployee to constantly be
improving, trial after trialafter trial after trial, yeah,
that's what's gonna work, notSit down, shut up, do this and
then have a talk at the end ofthe year about how bad your
(22:06):
performance is.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
And then, now I'm a pip, you're on a performance
improvement plan that actuallydoes not help.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
No, it's.
It's actually the mostdetrimental thing, because
they'll just either quit, notshow up, or get really mad and
make a big mistake For you andthe company.
That's gonna fall on you, themanager, instead of that
employee.
Absolutely yeah so it's gottabe careful out there.
Yeah, I'm sorry careful.
(22:33):
Is that a four lever workweight hold on?
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I don't know.
I Don't know.
I love it, but yeah, I mean,I'm trying to think of some of
the other ways, but, like yousaid, you're just talking about
just day to day tasks.
I think it is.
It is nice to have theneurotypical help with reminders
(22:57):
, but then, at the same time, Ithink there has to be some
communication, because those canbe misdrewed.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
It's the presentation of it, I think.
So reminders are great, but toomany is it a detriment?
I mean, if you're just sendinglike a list every five minutes
or every 10 minutes, that'snever gonna fucking work.
Like that will never work.
What will work is how youpresent it, and my wife actually
does an exceptional job of thissometimes.
(23:29):
But she does an exceptional jobin saying do you feel you might
be able to do X sometime thisweek?
Not.
Do you feel or not this needsto be done today?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, that just automatically makes me say I
don't wanna do it.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Right, because it's a dictation, instead of leaving
it open to our interpretation ofwhen we're gonna feel like
doing it.
And if you do it like that,odds are because you phrase it
like that, we're gonna do itthat second, Because then it's
gonna be in the back of ourminds.
We don't want it in the back ofour minds anymore.
We wanna focus on what we'redoing.
The best way to get the mostout of us immediately is to say
(24:10):
do you feel like you might beable to?
Yeah, exactly yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
And then I don't know .
What kills me, though, is like,once I start doing tasks, if I
haven't had my medication or ifI haven't had enough sleep, it
gets into that.
Oh, it's such a big downwardspiral, it's so bad.
It's like all start cleaningthe bathroom and somehow I'm in
the basement flipping channelson the TV looking for something,
(24:40):
because I heard a song when Iwas in the living room cleaning
something up, while I wassupposed to be doing dishes but
also supposed to be in thelaundry room.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
It's like the Domino's fall, and I've been in
every room of the house and gotnothing done.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Again, it goes back to that.
Do you feel like you might beable to, because maybe we could
shift that a little bitadjustment?
Here's a trial run.
Let's go through a trial runhere.
Sometimes someone will say allwe need to do today or this week
is this, or all I need you todo is this this week.
(25:19):
Sometimes that gets to me andsometimes it doesn't.
If I hear, if I see the wordall in a text message, I'm like
text message.
I'm like okay, well, that's allright, if that's it, then I'm
not doing the dishwasher and I'mnot doing the other room and
I'm not, it's just the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
I don't need to be flipping the channels or whatnot
, trying to figure out the nextthing to do to impress and go
above and beyond which we wantto do.
So the reason that all thosethings happen is because it's
like, okay, well, I got thebathroom done, but I want it to
be really impressed now I wantto be really impressed, so why
don't I start doing this?
And then I'll flip the TV onand then off.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Yeah, or I'll start putting laundry up in the closet
and see oh, I don't have enoughhangers, so I need to go
through my clothes.
And now I need to make agoodwill run, so I need to get
through the kids clothes so theycan have their goodwill run.
And then it's like the one at atime thing is almost impossible
it should have been somethingthat only took five minutes, and
then it becomes like four hours.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Oh, yeah, oh God, yes , that's the whole thing of,
that's the whole take your carthing, that when my wife wants
to, you know and God bless her,it's she just wants to vacuum my
car.
But here's the thing.
It's not just I pull my car upand you vacuum it.
Okay, that's not what happenshere.
What happens is I have to spendtwo hours cleaning it, so that
(26:39):
you don't judge me for how dirtyit is when you are cleaning it.
So this is where things getdicey.
Oh my God, yeah, it's not justdoing that.
So now and then I'm sittingthere just, oh, please, please,
please, no, please, please.
Don't judge me on how bad thatis.
So what takes 10 minutes ineveryone else's mind is a four
(27:04):
hour process in ours.
I mean just simply going to thegrocery store.
Oh, let's take your truck.
No, well, why is that?
Well, because now I have tostop working, because I have to
clean it for two hours.
Then this 30 minutes to thegrocery store, then the grocery
store.
Whatever you bring out of that,it's not gonna fit in the car,
because I threw everything inthe back and then placed a sheet
over it.
The same color is my internal.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
You can't see it.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
As my interior right.
It's like how do I do this?
It's like, how did your seatsraise five feet in the back
Overnight?
Well, it's because getting thetrash bag and the trash cans and
all that was too much.
I just needed to cover it up sothat I could just get through
this half day.
Out of sight out of mind, right, but it shouldn't be a half day
(27:47):
, it should be 30 minutes.
And that's a struggle becausenow-.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, but grocery shopping's hard.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Oh well, absolutely it is.
I mean, I just sit in the carlike I can.
It makes me panic attack, sameas a bridge.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Grocery shopping kills me, oh my God.
Especially Kroger is ourgrocery store.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Oh, that's too big.
That's too big of a building tobe in.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
They just moved everything.
Oh my God, they movedeverything.
And I hadn't been in foreverand I went in because I've,
during the pandemic, I got soused to ordering my groceries,
which is the best thing ever, ohyeah.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
The best thing ever.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
And I've been going in and I can't put my groceries
in order of the aisles thatthey're in because I don't know
where they are anymore and it'staking me five times as long
because I have to backtrack.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Because things aren't where I remember them being
anymore, and then I'm missingthings on my list.
Even though I'm looking rightat it on my list, marking things
out, I'm still forgettingthings.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Have you ever taken a screenshot or a picture of your
list and then set it as yourbackground on the phone so that
every time you look at yourphone you see that list, which
actually might can help, becauseit's like for me at least it
helps Because it's.
I'm not going to go into myphone into the notes part or
(29:14):
into the previous text messages,that's too many steps.
I just want you hit the buttonand the screen comes up.
I've got?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
no, I've not done that, but I have notes pinned
into a widget that helps.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I don't even know what a widget is, but yes,
that's If I'm verynon-technology, so I was like
screenshots, ok.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Makes sense, though, because then your lock screen,
so every time you click yourbutton there it is Exactly.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
They're staring at you Exactly, and then the goal
is to like I want the picturethat used to be there to come up
instead of this list.
So what do I do if I go throughthe list so that I can put up
that last picture?
Until that's done, I do, can wego back to the car situation?
(30:03):
Oh for sure.
So this actually has a prettydecent point, I think, is when
neurotypicals, and when you'rein a relationship with someone
with ADHD, you know if they'refocused on something and they're
working on it, and then all ofa sudden, it's OK, in two hours
(30:23):
can we go to the grocery store.
Can we do this at some point?
Yes, we can, but now I have tostop what I was doing and then
go clean the truck so that youcan get in it, so that then we
can go, and then the judgmentand all that kind of stuff.
By the time we're done with thegrocery store, I'm going to be
so tired I'm not going to returnto what I was doing.
(30:45):
And that, what if what I wasdoing was another thing on your
list that you wanted me to do?
Now it's going to be.
Why didn't you get that done?
It's because the distraction ofthe next thing and they say
that we go off into differenttanges were actually the most
(31:07):
focused.
We focus more than anyone elsein the world.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah, we get that hyper focus.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
We get that, yeah, we can do.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
And then the problem is is you, if you, if you
interrupt us, that's the problemDone, because then that that
one thing that we were trying todo, that you wanted us to do,
we're not going to do it becauseyou interrupted us and we can't
get that energy back.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
It's just gone Exactly and that's another four
day delay.
Yeah, and so I can see it fromtheir side of being being like,
ok, I just don't understand whythey can't do this.
Well, my thing is like we can'thalf ask anything.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
No, and I think that's the problem is they don't
understand how our brainprocesses that like for me to
clean the car.
It's going to be like in thehouse.
I'm going to get started.
I'm going to tell myself, I'mjust going to take the garbage
out and that's all I'm going todo is clean the garbage out.
But once I get the garbage out,I can see all the crumbs in the
cup holders, yeah.
And then I can see the dust onthe dashboard, yeah.
(32:05):
And then there's a smudge onthe window.
So I've got to clean the glass,and then I've got to do all the
interior.
But now the interior looksamazing, but the out, the
exterior, looks like crap.
There's bird poop on it and bugguts, and so now that has to be
done too.
And then the wheels have to bedone, because they have to be
shiny like the rest of the car,and it is.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
It's that's full day, Whole can per tire oh yeah, yes
, yes, that's the full day.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
That's the start.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, see, and that.
So then, why didn't you get?
Why didn't you take the dishes?
Or take, take the trash child,or do the dishes?
Well, because you wanted me toget the car, mm.
Hmm, so like.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
And in order to get the car done, I had to do all
these other things.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Right, exactly.
Meanwhile, if we're workingfrom home or if we're working on
anything that we, financially,are making money on, that shit's
fucked.
Now too, oh, everything'sfucked, right, right,
everything's fucked.
Everything is fucked from hereon out, when it's the criticism
is we can't focus and we can't,or it is a lack of how to.
(33:09):
How, to Dr Barkley put, it is aoh gosh, what did he say that
was so brilliant?
It's not, it's.
It's not a lack of focus, it isa Perseveration.
Basically, yeah, you cannot dothe things you know you need to
do.
It's what is?
I think that's what he said.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Because he's saying it's like we know what we need
to do.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Right, we just can't.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Stupid.
We have the knowledge, we knowwhat to do.
Right, we just can't do it.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Yeah, exactly, and I think that's the one thing that
he says, that I'm like I don'tdisagree with it, but I also
don't fully agree with it either, because if we know what we
need to do and we prioritize thejob first, all the outside
world sees is us not doing whatwe know we need to do, when we
(34:00):
are doing what we know we needto do, but then the outside
world distracts, distracts usand it never gets done.
Yeah, yeah and so.
But the problem is you can'tjust say, by the way, don't
interrupt me, don't ask me to dothis, don't you know?
You can't say that to someoneyou love.
You can't say that to a friendor a partner or whoever.
But the problem is is that'swhat's really helped me, is that
(34:22):
I do say that?
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Well, I mean it's like I was telling you when my
husband goes out of town.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Oh, it's over, I get so much crap done?
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, and it's not because I can't do it when he's
here, it's just that.
So I don't know if you know whoBrendan Mahan is and his wall
of awful, I think it's.
He has this thing where all ofthe things from growing up, all
of the bad situations, all ofthe times you've been told all
(34:53):
of the shame, all of the shamebricks that you've built up and
made this wall and that's whyyou can't do the thing.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
And you can go around it, you can go over it, but
that doesn't solve the problem.
The thing is still there, right, and I think that wall of shame
is what keeps me from beingable to do all of the things
that I do when he's gone, whenhe's here, because I'm
embarrassed and I'm shameful andit's nothing that he's done,
(35:21):
it's just over my lifetime, allof these things.
Anytime someone has criticizedme for anything, it just it all
sits there.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
It's momentum is probably the most important
thing with ADHD, I think.
And when that momentum is inthe opposite direction to the
negative.
For example, just like we werejust talking about is cleaning
the car or going to the grocerystore.
Now, what if that spirals intothe next day and then you're
(35:54):
harped on more for why youdidn't get that thing done, that
they interrupted us from doingso.
Then you say, all right, well,I'm going to power through this,
I'm going to power through this, and you try to do that every
day until you're giving lessenergy every day towards giving
a shit about anything.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
That is where it becomes dangerous.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Yeah.
And you wouldn't say it becomesdepression Right.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Because that's what depression is Exactly, and you
wouldn't say to some.
Would you ever say to someonelike you know, I really don't
know.
I really understand.
You know that having to cleanthe car right now is could
really be bad for you later.
Like is anyone going to eversay that?
Speaker 1 (36:39):
No, because it's hot, unless you, unless you have
ADHD or you understand becauseyou've been there.
It's hard to fathom how ourbrains work because they're so
different.
The neurotypical has to dosomething.
They just, they can just do it.
It's like a button pushed andthey do it.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Yeah, and they're not worried about, like you know,
because they don't let the trashin the car pile up or that.
I mean this is a good analogy,I think, because it's not about
the car, it's about thedistraction that was imposed.
We didn't get up from the deskwhen we were working really hard
.
You asked us to.
(37:22):
So next, for anyone listeningout there, if you have a
severely ADHD spouse friend,anything, please try to
understand that.
If they are excited aboutsomething or working hard
towards something, don't askthem to do anything else.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Give them the grace.
Yeah To get done what they'redoing Right.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Then ask them yeah, unless it's an emergency, yeah,
and then we're automatically thebest ever.
So that's, it will dropwhatever we're doing.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
That's okay If it's an emergency yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
We'll go save somebody's life, whatever.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Because that'll give us that boost that we need to
get back to it anyway.
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
The whole saving people's lives like shit.
That's putting dishes in a diffroster for y'all, like that's
easy.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Which is so crazy how our brains work that way.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
In that remarkable.
That's just the mostfascinating thing to me.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I almost feel like MacGyver.
Do you know how MacGyver is?
Speaker 2 (38:23):
I'm sure you do.
Okay, hell yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
A lot of people probably don't even know they
had the reboot, but I feel likeMacGyver had to have ADHD, oh
yeah, with all of the crap thathe could do with like nothing.
Yeah, yeah, that's it's like Imean he had to.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
It's like one of those people you put give him a
spoon and put him out in theforest and they build a fucking
shopping mall, Right.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Like what can you do with a rubber band, A paper clip
and a pencil?
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Yeah God, how good was that.
I'm going to go back and watchthat.
Actually, now that you say thatI loved that show, I used to
love that show Phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Oh, it was so To see all the things that he would do
with like nothing.
It's like, oh my God, does thatactually work?
Speaker 2 (39:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yeah, can I do that?
Speaker 2 (39:09):
Nowadays, they'd probably have to have a
disclaimer.
This will not work.
This is for entertainmentpurposes only.
It's like, well, yeah, now I'mdone, I'm not going to do this
anymore.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
I'm not invested anymore and I had to be some
hope.
Exactly One sliver.
One sliver Right, like if.
I'm out or like ET with thewhat was that toy Crap?
I forget what it was, where hewould.
And then he made the wholedevice to call home Right, the
ET phone.
Was it a sea and sea?
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Is that what it was?
I don't know.
I don't know what it was.
But he, he phoned, I mean hedid it.
Oh yeah, shit, it's just thenall those people came in and
distracted him.
So now, all of a sudden, we'rein a situation, and the next
thing.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
You know he's drunk and yeah, he's laying around in
his house rope because they toldhim he couldn't.
The ET had ADHD too.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
No shit Now if Adderall had been prevalent back
then he'd have built the rocketship, he wouldn't have gone
straight home.
Right, He'd have been like Idon't need to do the bike thing
over the moon.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
I mean he would have been all about the pieces, he
would have just been like, yeah,fuck the Reese's pieces I don't
need to eat, fuck them.
He wouldn't have been hungry.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
I'm too busy, I'm not hungry.
Leave me alone.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
He would have been.
I propose you been like Elliot,who.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
From cleaning the truck to ET.
This is the greatestconversation of all time.
I love it.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
What is the one piece of advice that you would give
to somebody with ADHD?
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Take a very, very hard look at what you are not
good at.
Very hard look and ask yourselfis the thing or things that I'm
really not good at Ultimatelywhat is important in life?
Now take a look at what yourexceptional act.
Is that something thatultimately matters or not?
(41:15):
For example, if you are themost loving person, you know,
then you're the most loving.
But if you suck at, you know,sticking to a schedule, buying,
you know, or singing to yourplanner, doing all those kind of
things, that it's not, at theend of life, what matters, and
(41:35):
people are going to tell youwell, you didn't get this done,
so you know you didn't graduatehigh school or you didn't
graduate college, you didn't doany of these things.
So now you, your whole life isfucked, You're going to be
nothing.
Well, here's my piece of adviceto that is yes, it is a lot
more.
It is a lot more difficult inlife to be quote successful or
(41:56):
do what you want to do withoutthose steps that neurotypicals
do the getting of the degrees,the all of that.
However, the good news is thatADHD thrives on the hard.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
And that's somebody telling you you can't Right.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Take some pride in that and in who you are.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
Awesome.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
I love that.
No, that's so true though.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Yeah, so thank you so much for coming, and it was a
pleasure to have you.
Let's talk about how on your videos.
The whole reason I've reachedout to you was you had a TikTok
and it was talking about howpeople with ADHD compliment
neurotypicals and neurotypicalskind of compliment us.
So can you talk a little bitabout that?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yes, so I think the one you're referring to is the
one where I'm either on the roofor on the ground, and the
accommodation of both.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Big surprise there.
It's funny how I filmed that.
It was like this portion of theroof, this portion of the roof,
let's just do one video at eachlevel.
That's just unbelievable.
But I can get to just said thewhole thing.
I think we compliment eachother because I think that what
we struggle with neurotypicalsdo well, and vice versa.
(00:54):
I mean, that's why I think wecompliment each other well.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
What do you think that neurotypicals compliment us
with?
Probably the most.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
The things that ultimately don't matter in life,
the daily tasks that literallyare just very mundane, that you
do sometimes need to get done,but we're just never going to do
.
And so if you know aneurotypical, they're going to
help you put the laundrydetergent in the cup and then
put it in the thing and then hitstart, whereas honestly, from
(01:31):
my ADHD, I can give two shitsabout that, like I literally
could not care less.
But then they're the ones thatcome to us when it's like I
really made a mistake.
I need your help, or I needyour advice on this, when it
comes to the life alteringsituations, that's where we
(01:51):
thrive, right, so they can helpus with the small things and
we'll save the world and helpthem do it as well in the
meantime.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah.
I know, and it's like I thinksometimes it's so great because
I have time.
Blindness, obviously Right, bigdeal.
My mom she there was.
When I was growing up there wasnot one clock in the house,
that was the same time.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Oh, my God Not one.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
That's the same as my mother and my wife.
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
But it was like we never knew what time it was.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
But the problem was was she started off and
everything was always 30 minutes, 30 minutes ahead of when she
had to do so go leave the houseor whatever, right, but then I
think she got used to that andwas automatically doing the math
in her head, so it wasn'teffective anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
And then.
So then my dad started changingsome of the other clocks.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
That's okay, that's literally exactly.
Mine was just 10 minutes ahead.
My mom said it for 10 minutesahead inside, but then we get in
her car she would take.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
I'm like, but, but no , because that that one in there
said this.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
So there's no way that it was 110.
Now it's one o'clock that.
How take me to thepsychotherapist right now.
Like, like.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Psychiatrists, like because right now I'm freaking,
out.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, and for the longest time after I moved out,
I couldn't function because allour clocks were right and I'm
like I was late everywhere.
I didn't know how to.
I couldn't because I'm stillthinking that it's 30 minutes
ahead or 15 minutes ahead.
Yeah 45 minutes ahead and ittook me so long to de-program
that.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Oh, I know Well, because I think that I mean on a
not serious level, but a semiserious level, like we're really
, we're really bad at the theright and really great at the
moment.
Yeah, oh yeah, it's got to bemixed, you know, there together
it's like if it's 10 minutesahead, then your car better say
(04:03):
10 minutes ahead, your phonebetter say 10 minutes ahead,
Like it has to all match Right,exactly.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
And it's like here take all of my things computer,
watch, phone make them anarbitrary number of times fast
and don't tell me Right, yeah,just don't.
That's the only way that works.
Right, 100% Because otherwiseyou're doing the math in your
head all the time.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Oh my.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
God.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
And I'm terrible at math, so that's really where I
struggle.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, I well, I have, I was, I have to scout cool you
, so that's kind of.
I know you said dyslexia, butthat's kind of like with math,
so it's like formulas and speedI have.
Oh, my mom has a nickname, wecall her Barbara and Dretty.
She can get through.
She can get through the stateof Georgia in three hours,
(04:51):
barbara and.
Dretty, yes, and unfortunately Itake after her with the lead
foot.
Because it's so weird.
It's like I can't judge speed,how fast I'm going, yeah, and
it's like if I'm used to go in,say, 70 miles an hour and then
when we moved to Philly theinterstate was 55.
Yeah, that difference.
It was like I felt like I wasgoing 15 miles an hour Right.
(05:14):
But then after getting used tothat and coming back here and
then going 70 again, it was likeholy crap.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
But that's why we all have so many speeding tickets
probably.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Oh my God, I guess there's speed limits, that goes
70, 50, 30.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
It's like, well, wait , you didn't give me enough
warning and then they wait, theywait for you 15 signs on the
way to that.
30 miles an hour, that's like70 miles an hour, 69 miles an
hour, 68 miles an hour, 6, andthen it's possible that we get
there Right.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Well, you know, we're talking about, like talking
about speeding.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Do you ever get I guess they call it highway
hypnosis.
When you're driving for so longon a route that you go every
day that you like you don'tremember how you got to where
you're at.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
So I don't forget how I got to where I was at, but I
will say that as the years have.
So I'm 41 and I've done thesame hour commute for 15, 17
years Each year.
That gets a little harder.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
And at first it was an incredible break from, like I
drive into work.
That gives me time to wake up,that gives my time, my brain
time, to get engaged.
So, like the second, I getthere, I attack when I need to
attack, then I leave, and thenwhen I leave, it's that okay
shift gears work, shift gears,wife, you know, or social
(06:46):
activities or whatever.
And so that helped.
But now it's getting to thepoint where, like it's become a
lot more difficult, I'm gettinga little bit of blurred vision,
like I've done it so often thatit's starting to.
It makes me it's panic inducingsometimes.
Oh, it is.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
It's absolutely panic inducing.
I mean there would be, timeswhere I would be.
I remember being getting off onthe exit and then all of a
sudden, I'm at my exit to getoff 20 miles down the road.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And I don't remember anything.
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I remember anything that I saw.
I couldn't tell you any cars.
I couldn't tell you anythingand it would.
It would absolutely induce amini panic attack.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I think, maybe as a non-doctor non-doctor again, for
everyone listening I am not apsychiatrist, I'm not a doctor,
I'm not a human, I think.
I think a lot of it is the factthat because it has become so
normal for you that you can't doit.
Yeah, it's not new, it's notchanging every day, it's the
(07:49):
same thing every day.
It was for the longest timeCompletely shut down.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah Well, you're not thinking about it.
And it's like on that strip ofinterstate it was never stop and
go traffic, it was just alwaysgo Right.
You know, there's nothing toworry about.
It was just a good 20 miles ofnothing.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And at first that's awesome yeah.
Until your brain absorbs it andgets used to it.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
And it's like it goes on autopilot Well this is
boring again.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Let's go the opposite direction.
Let's go fucking 500 miles thistime instead.
Okay, come on, so that I canthink.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Oh yeah, I've passed up my exit before.
Luckily, the next exit downjust takes me right to it, but I
have done that before too.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, it's, it can be very difficult.
It can be very difficult,driving especially.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Oh, my god, yeah, but then I guess you know, when
you're talking aboutcomplimenting, that is something
that neurotypicals do best,right?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
That's why, at this point, I used to love driving,
but now it's like let's takeyour car instead of you know,
because it's nice just to be apassenger, and recently it was
bridges are getting to merecently.
Oh, yeah, like it makes mebreathe so heavy, I start
(09:07):
sweating and but it never was aproblem Like I'm on the water
all the time.
I go out on the boat.
I love wakeboarding.
Like water is.
I'm not scared of heights, butif I'm driving over a bridge now
, that produces something that Ihave never experienced, yeah,
which is like this traumaticthing.
Like I'm just like, oh my god,and I have to stay so focused on
(09:28):
the road.
It drives me crazy.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Oh, yeah, I mean, it's where I'm at by Cincinnati.
I go over the bridge every day.
Yeah, every day I go to workand there's multiple bridges, so
some days I take differentbridges depending on how traffic
is Right.
And there's one I think theycall it the singing bridge or
something, but it's a metalgraded bridge and when you're
driving on it it feels likeyou're on an oil slick because
(09:54):
your car doesn't stay straight.
It kind of does like this wavything All the way across the
bridge and my it's like my whiteknuckle grip on the steering
wheel the whole way across it.
And then there's the main one,and that one is almost always
bumper to bumper and especiallywhen I'm coming home from work
and I'm just like the whole timein my head please get me off
(10:16):
this bridge, get me off thebridge.
I need to get out of the bridge, get out of my way.
I need to get off the bridgeright now, and it's not been,
like you said, until maybewithin the last two, three years
.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
So that's interesting because we're similar in age,
like yeah, why is it now?
I don't know, it's weird In it.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I don't know if it's like a mortality thing or if
it's because, well, for me it'sprobably because I there was a
big fire on that bridge.
That's gotten worse and theytalk about how dangerous it is
all the time, but the fireexploded and the bridge was shut
down for a while and it's like,well, is it safe?
I don't know.
And then I see, you know, inPhiladelphia a bridge I used to
(10:57):
drive, or used to drive on thatone fell apart and it's just.
I just see, I envision thebridge collapsing and all the
cars.
I'm thinking can I get out?
Do I need to roll the windowdown?
Can I go out the sunroof?
What's the quickest way to getout?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Right.
No, it's focused on thinkingWell, and actually that can be
something a good thing, becauseif something were to happen,
you've already planted out inyour mind to get through it.
Like, and that's it and that,absolutely I do that, but all of
the time bungee jumping,skydiving, I'm great.
Don't put me fucking on abridge driving.
If I'm the passenger, I'm fine.
(11:35):
Like, I'm absolutely fine.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Yeah, same but.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I don't know what that is Like.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I don't either, because if my husband's driving
it's the same thing, I'm fine, Idon't care.
But if I'm driving, get me offthis damn bridge.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
So weird, that's so incredible that you experienced
that, oh my.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
God.
Maybe it's because we're in our40s, who knows?
Yeah, it's the midlife crisis.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Right, If we just need to buy a private jet.
Oh wait, those costs a lot ofmoney.
I would like one of those.
That'd be nice just to be ableto have, but unfortunately,
unless you want to scratch offit's probably not.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
What was it Like $9 billion or something?
It went one of the lottoes, Iforget.
But yeah, it was crazy.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
But yeah driving.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I think driving is something they compliment us on,
I think.
But like you were sayingsomething that we compliment
them on and I think we it saidsomething about this the last
time I talked to you that wekeep like this child, like
innocence, and that we, I guess,kind of find the joy in life a
whole lot easier.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah, well, we find the joy in life, but we're also
and I think actually that wassomething that you complimented
to what I said, which was great,is the child, like you know,
innocence, but to me it's theperspective of the world.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You know at home.
It is the way that we can readpeople so easily and know what's
going on in their life beforethey even say anything.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
And then we have to get through that process of
nothing's wrong with me,nothing's wrong with me,
nothing's wrong with me, andit's like I know that there is
Like I know I can see it basedon your body language.
Finally, they will open up andwhen they do, we're able to help
them in ways that they've neverbeen helped before.
And that to me, ultimately, iswhat matters in life is helping
(13:49):
each other.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Oh, absolutely that's .
I mean, that's exactly why I'mhere, and I think that's why
you're here too, yeah, exactly.
That's my why.
That's why.
I do any of this Right.
I mean it's great for mebecause it's cathartic, but then
it's also helping somebody elseout there feel less alone.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah, and the why for people like you and I is we
come up with that why it is notdictated to us.
Right, there are typicals.
It is dictated.
Well, why are you going toschool?
Because this person said it Ihad to get, I had to get this
grade.
Well, why are you in this job?
Because my dad said I had to dothis.
(14:28):
Yeah, we can't understand that,so that when someone's looking
to break out of their shell, whois the first group of people
that could help them do that?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Oh, and I think we're sometimes the biggest
cheerleaders in oh yeah, and wepush the hardest too, because
then we come up with all theseideas for their idea and ways to
go about it, and it's just likewe get so excited and so into
it and it's not even somethingthat's ours but it's for them.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
It's authentic.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Because it's authentic care, and the one
thing that neurotypicals canread is authenticity, and I
think that when they know thatyou are genuinely trying to help
, because you really careinstead of caring, because
caring works, or they're payingyou money, you actually give a
(15:21):
shit, they can see that andthat's what makes great CEOs,
that's what makes great leadersWell and it builds trust.
Yes, it builds trust Right, andso, again, chalk that up as
another quality that we have.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah, because I mean, you have to have that with your
team too, wherever you work.
Absolutely, and I feel likethat's probably been one of my
biggest strengths as a manageris being able to read people, so
when they're having a hard time, help them and then get them
excited about whatever they'redoing.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
And them know that they can always come to me with
anything I mean we would have.
Who wants to have a two hourmeeting?
Nobody wants to have a two hourmeeting, but every week we had
two hour or longer meetingsbecause we genuinely enjoyed
being around each other and wework together and we would talk
about things.
And then everybody would besitting there on their computer
(16:20):
doing their own thing and we'dbe bullshitting and talking
about Game of Thrones orwhatever the hell at the time
Exactly, and then we'd just like, okay, where are we going to
lunch?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I mean, it's just a view as a person and not a boss.
That is the whole key to beinga good manager.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
And your team works harder for you than they do,
because they're working for youand your care for them.
They're not working for themoney the powers that be, or the
money or whatever, they'reworking for you because they
know they can trust you, thatyou have their back and aren't
gonna throw them under their bus, and that they're gonna stand
up for you.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Yeah, and you're gonna stand up for them.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, and the freedom to do it their way, which is
because we want the freedom todo it our way.
That's how this complimentsexactly, and I think that is
just something that's so special.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah, it is.
It is extremely special actuallybecause I mean I Couldn't be, I
could never, ever be a micromanager and I can't understand
that people that are that way meneither half the reason is
because I don't want to do thatactual Work that they know how
to do better than me, like Idon't want to show up and look
like a dumbass because I'vegiven them the freedom from so
(17:32):
long that they know how to do itBetter than me.
Oh yeah, that's great.
You want these people to bebetter at you than you are
yourself, or it doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
That's like the biggest thing, right.
I get so much joy of seeingpeople that I've worked with and
that I've met and taught.
Do good and even exceed what Itaught them and what I'm doing.
It makes me like, it's like aproud mother head.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
It is it absolutely.
You want them to skyrocket sofar past you because, yeah, we
genuinely want that for them.
It's not that that we thinkthat's gonna promote us to
something fuck.
No, we're doing it because wecare about that person.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yep again.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
What other quality Should you possibly want in a
manager than that?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
That's kind of like the ideal manager I've always
been looking for.
I've had pretty close to that acouple times.
Yeah, I've.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, I've got it and that's why I haven't left.
I've had the same one for 18years or whatever it's been, so
that's why I I'm saying it makesall the difference though.
It does, it's everything.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Because I mean, weren't you saying that they
give you the freedom?
Can I kind of do whatever youwant to do how you do well?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
it's not like whatever you, it's just well
within the job right, but it isbasically creating my own
schedule that can change, solike I have a step right.
As long as I send that email orI update and say this is what
this week is looking like for me, there's no issue.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
See, that's awesome.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yeah, it's like, by the way, I'll be in the office
three days this week Maximum,because there's nothing going on
, you know whatnot, and and it'sokay.
Cool, thanks for keeping meupdated.
That's it, you know, and soyou've got to respond.
That's also another thing hedoes exceptionally well Is he
responds to the emails that Isend, because if I send him
(19:31):
something and then he doesn'tget back with me within three
hours, I'm thinking, oh shit wasjust not okay.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Oh, I know right, that's where managers, that's
that rejection since.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
David, yes, I can get in too.
Yep, and that's that's exactlywhat I laid out for him to, and
I said Just a simple okay or athumbs up or whatever is fine,
but acknowledge that you'vereceived it.
So my brain doesn't go 50different directions and I can't
focus on what I need to.
He's done it every single time.
That's amazing.
(20:00):
It is, it absolutely is.
So yeah, so again, he's got mefor life.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And see, that's where you get that loyalty right.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
If our employers.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
I feel like if employers would just get that.
I know we can't fit into their,you can't fit our square peg
into the round hole Right, andthat we needed the flexibility
to do things the way we work.
Yeah, we would be so much moreproductive for them.
Oh, my god.
Yes, because I feel like wework so hard, because we've had
(20:36):
to always work so hard To proveourselves, because we're always
told we're lazy, you're notliving up to our potential, that
we overcompensate sometimes,yeah, but if you give us the
flexibility to do it our way, itjust we can shine.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
We'll exceed what you ever thought we were capable of
yeah, just give us the chancein my opinion.
In my opinion.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah, and I think you know it doesn't have to be
something that's set in stone.
Make it a trial run.
Well and I feel like theyshould do that at schools, do oh
.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
God, yes, that would be extremely nice.
I mean, I think our go ahead,I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Sorry, I don't know what I was gonna say now.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
See, that was my fault.
I'm sorry I think our, our lifeis a series of trial runs.
Oh, absolutely, it is I mean itis, but the thing is, if you're
going from one trial to the next, to the next to the next, you
are absorbing everything thatyou are doing during those
trials and You're getting bettereach time.
(21:43):
So each time you're starting adifferent trial, you're starting
from a higher level than youwere before.
Yeah, so if you want youremployee to constantly be
improving, trial after trialafter trial after trial, yeah,
that's what's gonna work, notSit down, shut up, do this and
then have a talk at the end ofthe year about how bad your
(22:06):
performance is.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
And then, now I'm a pip, you're on a performance
improvement plan that actuallydoes not help.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
No, it's.
It's actually the mostdetrimental thing, because
they'll just either quit, notshow up, or get really mad and
make a big mistake For you andthe company.
That's gonna fall on you, themanager, instead of that
employee.
Absolutely yeah so it's gottabe careful out there.
Yeah, I'm sorry careful.
(22:33):
Is that a four lever workweight hold on?
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I don't know.
I Don't know.
I love it, but yeah, I mean,I'm trying to think of some of
the other ways, but, like yousaid, you're just talking about
just day to day tasks.
I think it is.
It is nice to have theneurotypical help with reminders
(22:57):
, but then, at the same time, Ithink there has to be some
communication, because those canbe misdrewed.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
It's the presentation of it, I think.
So reminders are great, but toomany is it a detriment?
I mean, if you're just sendinglike a list every five minutes
or every 10 minutes, that'snever gonna fucking work.
Like that will never work.
What will work is how youpresent it, and my wife actually
does an exceptional job of thissometimes.
(23:29):
But she does an exceptional jobin saying do you feel you might
be able to do X sometime thisweek?
Not.
Do you feel or not this needsto be done today?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, that just automatically makes me say I
don't wanna do it.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Right, because it's a dictation, instead of leaving
it open to our interpretation ofwhen we're gonna feel like
doing it.
And if you do it like that,odds are because you phrase it
like that, we're gonna do itthat second, Because then it's
gonna be in the back of ourminds.
We don't want it in the back ofour minds anymore.
We wanna focus on what we'redoing.
The best way to get the mostout of us immediately is to say
(24:10):
do you feel like you might beable to?
Yeah, exactly yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
And then I don't know .
What kills me, though, is like,once I start doing tasks, if I
haven't had my medication or ifI haven't had enough sleep, it
gets into that.
Oh, it's such a big downwardspiral, it's so bad.
It's like all start cleaningthe bathroom and somehow I'm in
the basement flipping channelson the TV looking for something,
(24:40):
because I heard a song when Iwas in the living room cleaning
something up, while I wassupposed to be doing dishes but
also supposed to be in thelaundry room.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
It's like the Domino's fall, and I've been in
every room of the house and gotnothing done.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Again, it goes back to that.
Do you feel like you might beable to, because maybe we could
shift that a little bitadjustment?
Here's a trial run.
Let's go through a trial runhere.
Sometimes someone will say allwe need to do today or this week
is this, or all I need you todo is this this week.
(25:19):
Sometimes that gets to me andsometimes it doesn't.
If I hear, if I see the wordall in a text message, I'm like
text message.
I'm like okay, well, that's allright, if that's it, then I'm
not doing the dishwasher and I'mnot doing the other room and
I'm not, it's just the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
I don't need to be flipping the channels or whatnot
, trying to figure out the nextthing to do to impress and go
above and beyond which we wantto do.
So the reason that all thosethings happen is because it's
like, okay, well, I got thebathroom done, but I want it to
be really impressed now I wantto be really impressed, so why
don't I start doing this?
And then I'll flip the TV onand then off.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Yeah, or I'll start putting laundry up in the closet
and see oh, I don't have enoughhangers, so I need to go
through my clothes.
And now I need to make agoodwill run, so I need to get
through the kids clothes so theycan have their goodwill run.
And then it's like the one at atime thing is almost impossible
it should have been somethingthat only took five minutes, and
then it becomes like four hours.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Oh, yeah, oh God, yes , that's the whole thing of,
that's the whole take your carthing, that when my wife wants
to, you know and God bless her,it's she just wants to vacuum my
car.
But here's the thing.
It's not just I pull my car upand you vacuum it.
Okay, that's not what happenshere.
What happens is I have to spendtwo hours cleaning it, so that
(26:39):
you don't judge me for how dirtyit is when you are cleaning it.
So this is where things getdicey.
Oh my God, yeah, it's not justdoing that.
So now and then I'm sittingthere just, oh, please, please,
please, no, please, please.
Don't judge me on how bad thatis.
So what takes 10 minutes ineveryone else's mind is a four
(27:04):
hour process in ours.
I mean just simply going to thegrocery store.
Oh, let's take your truck.
No, well, why is that?
Well, because now I have tostop working, because I have to
clean it for two hours.
Then this 30 minutes to thegrocery store, then the grocery
store.
Whatever you bring out of that,it's not gonna fit in the car,
because I threw everything inthe back and then placed a sheet
over it.
The same color is my internal.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
You can't see it.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
As my interior right.
It's like how do I do this?
It's like, how did your seatsraise five feet in the back
Overnight?
Well, it's because getting thetrash bag and the trash cans and
all that was too much.
I just needed to cover it up sothat I could just get through
this half day.
Out of sight out of mind, right, but it shouldn't be a half day
(27:47):
, it should be 30 minutes.
And that's a struggle becausenow-.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, but grocery shopping's hard.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Oh well, absolutely it is.
I mean, I just sit in the carlike I can.
It makes me panic attack, sameas a bridge.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Grocery shopping kills me, oh my God.
Especially Kroger is ourgrocery store.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Oh, that's too big.
That's too big of a building tobe in.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
They just moved everything.
Oh my God, they movedeverything.
And I hadn't been in foreverand I went in because I've,
during the pandemic, I got soused to ordering my groceries,
which is the best thing ever, ohyeah.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
The best thing ever.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
And I've been going in and I can't put my groceries
in order of the aisles thatthey're in because I don't know
where they are anymore and it'staking me five times as long
because I have to backtrack.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Because things aren't where I remember them being
anymore, and then I'm missingthings on my list.
Even though I'm looking rightat it on my list, marking things
out, I'm still forgettingthings.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Have you ever taken a screenshot or a picture of your
list and then set it as yourbackground on the phone so that
every time you look at yourphone you see that list, which
actually might can help, becauseit's like for me at least it
helps Because it's.
I'm not going to go into myphone into the notes part or
(29:14):
into the previous text messages,that's too many steps.
I just want you hit the buttonand the screen comes up.
I've got?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
no, I've not done that, but I have notes pinned
into a widget that helps.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I don't even know what a widget is, but yes,
that's If I'm verynon-technology, so I was like
screenshots, ok.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Makes sense, though, because then your lock screen,
so every time you click yourbutton there it is Exactly.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
They're staring at you Exactly, and then the goal
is to like I want the picturethat used to be there to come up
instead of this list.
So what do I do if I go throughthe list so that I can put up
that last picture?
Until that's done, I do, can wego back to the car situation?
(30:03):
Oh for sure.
So this actually has a prettydecent point, I think, is when
neurotypicals, and when you'rein a relationship with someone
with ADHD, you know if they'refocused on something and they're
working on it, and then all ofa sudden, it's OK, in two hours
(30:23):
can we go to the grocery store.
Can we do this at some point?
Yes, we can, but now I have tostop what I was doing and then
go clean the truck so that youcan get in it, so that then we
can go, and then the judgmentand all that kind of stuff.
By the time we're done with thegrocery store, I'm going to be
so tired I'm not going to returnto what I was doing.
(30:45):
And that, what if what I wasdoing was another thing on your
list that you wanted me to do?
Now it's going to be.
Why didn't you get that done?
It's because the distraction ofthe next thing and they say
that we go off into differenttanges were actually the most
(31:07):
focused.
We focus more than anyone elsein the world.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yeah, we get that hyper focus.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
We get that, yeah, we can do.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
And then the problem is is you, if you, if you
interrupt us, that's the problemDone, because then that that
one thing that we were trying todo, that you wanted us to do,
we're not going to do it becauseyou interrupted us and we can't
get that energy back.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
It's just gone Exactly and that's another four
day delay.
Yeah, and so I can see it fromtheir side of being being like,
ok, I just don't understand whythey can't do this.
Well, my thing is like we can'thalf ask anything.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
No, and I think that's the problem is they don't
understand how our brainprocesses that like for me to
clean the car.
It's going to be like in thehouse.
I'm going to get started.
I'm going to tell myself, I'mjust going to take the garbage
out and that's all I'm going todo is clean the garbage out.
But once I get the garbage out,I can see all the crumbs in the
cup holders, yeah.
And then I can see the dust onthe dashboard, yeah.
(32:05):
And then there's a smudge onthe window.
So I've got to clean the glass,and then I've got to do all the
interior.
But now the interior looksamazing, but the out, the
exterior, looks like crap.
There's bird poop on it and bugguts, and so now that has to be
done too.
And then the wheels have to bedone, because they have to be
shiny like the rest of the car,and it is.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
It's that's full day, Whole can per tire oh yeah, yes
, yes, that's the full day.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
That's the start.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, see, and that.
So then, why didn't you get?
Why didn't you take the dishes?
Or take, take the trash child,or do the dishes?
Well, because you wanted me toget the car, mm.
Hmm, so like.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
And in order to get the car done, I had to do all
these other things.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Right, exactly.
Meanwhile, if we're workingfrom home or if we're working on
anything that we, financially,are making money on, that shit's
fucked.
Now too, oh, everything'sfucked, right, right,
everything's fucked.
Everything is fucked from hereon out, when it's the criticism
is we can't focus and we can't,or it is a lack of how to.
(33:09):
How, to Dr Barkley put, it is aoh gosh, what did he say that
was so brilliant?
It's not, it's.
It's not a lack of focus, it isa Perseveration.
Basically, yeah, you cannot dothe things you know you need to
do.
It's what is?
I think that's what he said.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Because he's saying it's like we know what we need
to do.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Right, we just can't.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Stupid.
We have the knowledge, we knowwhat to do.
Right, we just can't do it.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Yeah, exactly, and I think that's the one thing that
he says, that I'm like I don'tdisagree with it, but I also
don't fully agree with it either, because if we know what we
need to do and we prioritize thejob first, all the outside
world sees is us not doing whatwe know we need to do, when we
(34:00):
are doing what we know we needto do, but then the outside
world distracts, distracts usand it never gets done.
Yeah, yeah and so.
But the problem is you can'tjust say, by the way, don't
interrupt me, don't ask me to dothis, don't you know?
You can't say that to someoneyou love.
You can't say that to a friendor a partner or whoever.
But the problem is is that'swhat's really helped me, is that
(34:22):
I do say that?
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Well, I mean it's like I was telling you when my
husband goes out of town.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Oh, it's over, I get so much crap done?
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, and it's not because I can't do it when he's
here, it's just that.
So I don't know if you know whoBrendan Mahan is and his wall
of awful, I think it's.
He has this thing where all ofthe things from growing up, all
of the bad situations, all ofthe times you've been told all
(34:53):
of the shame, all of the shamebricks that you've built up and
made this wall and that's whyyou can't do the thing.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
And you can go around it, you can go over it, but
that doesn't solve the problem.
The thing is still there, right, and I think that wall of shame
is what keeps me from beingable to do all of the things
that I do when he's gone, whenhe's here, because I'm
embarrassed and I'm shameful andit's nothing that he's done,
(35:21):
it's just over my lifetime, allof these things.
Anytime someone has criticizedme for anything, it just it all
sits there.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
It's momentum is probably the most important
thing with ADHD, I think.
And when that momentum is inthe opposite direction to the
negative.
For example, just like we werejust talking about is cleaning
the car or going to the grocerystore.
Now, what if that spirals intothe next day and then you're
(35:54):
harped on more for why youdidn't get that thing done, that
they interrupted us from doingso.
Then you say, all right, well,I'm going to power through this,
I'm going to power through this, and you try to do that every
day until you're giving lessenergy every day towards giving
a shit about anything.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
That is where it becomes dangerous.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Yeah.
And you wouldn't say it becomesdepression Right.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Because that's what depression is Exactly, and you
wouldn't say to some.
Would you ever say to someonelike you know, I really don't
know.
I really understand.
You know that having to cleanthe car right now is could
really be bad for you later.
Like is anyone going to eversay that?
Speaker 1 (36:39):
No, because it's hot, unless you, unless you have
ADHD or you understand becauseyou've been there.
It's hard to fathom how ourbrains work because they're so
different.
The neurotypical has to dosomething.
They just, they can just do it.
It's like a button pushed andthey do it.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Yeah, and they're not worried about, like you know,
because they don't let the trashin the car pile up or that.
I mean this is a good analogy,I think, because it's not about
the car, it's about thedistraction that was imposed.
We didn't get up from the deskwhen we were working really hard
.
You asked us to.
(37:22):
So next, for anyone listeningout there, if you have a
severely ADHD spouse friend,anything, please try to
understand that.
If they are excited aboutsomething or working hard
towards something, don't askthem to do anything else.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Give them the grace.
Yeah To get done what they'redoing Right.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Then ask them yeah, unless it's an emergency, yeah,
and then we're automatically thebest ever.
So that's, it will dropwhatever we're doing.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
That's okay If it's an emergency yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
We'll go save somebody's life, whatever.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Because that'll give us that boost that we need to
get back to it anyway.
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
The whole saving people's lives like shit.
That's putting dishes in a diffroster for y'all, like that's
easy.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Which is so crazy how our brains work that way.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
In that remarkable.
That's just the mostfascinating thing to me.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I almost feel like MacGyver.
Do you know how MacGyver is?
Speaker 2 (38:23):
I'm sure you do.
Okay, hell yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
A lot of people probably don't even know they
had the reboot, but I feel likeMacGyver had to have ADHD, oh
yeah, with all of the crap thathe could do with like nothing.
Yeah, yeah, that's it's like Imean he had to.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
It's like one of those people you put give him a
spoon and put him out in theforest and they build a fucking
shopping mall, Right.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Like what can you do with a rubber band, A paper clip
and a pencil?
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Yeah God, how good was that.
I'm going to go back and watchthat.
Actually, now that you say thatI loved that show, I used to
love that show Phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Oh, it was so To see all the things that he would do
with like nothing.
It's like, oh my God, does thatactually work?
Speaker 2 (39:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yeah, can I do that?
Speaker 2 (39:09):
Nowadays, they'd probably have to have a
disclaimer.
This will not work.
This is for entertainmentpurposes only.
It's like, well, yeah, now I'mdone, I'm not going to do this
anymore.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
I'm not invested anymore and I had to be some
hope.
Exactly One sliver.
One sliver Right, like if.
I'm out or like ET with thewhat was that toy Crap?
I forget what it was, where hewould.
And then he made the wholedevice to call home Right, the
ET phone.
Was it a sea and sea?
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Is that what it was?
I don't know.
I don't know what it was.
But he, he phoned, I mean hedid it.
Oh yeah, shit, it's just thenall those people came in and
distracted him.
So now, all of a sudden, we'rein a situation, and the next
thing.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
You know he's drunk and yeah, he's laying around in
his house rope because they toldhim he couldn't.
The ET had ADHD too.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
No shit Now if Adderall had been prevalent back
then he'd have built the rocketship, he wouldn't have gone
straight home.
Right, He'd have been like Idon't need to do the bike thing
over the moon.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
I mean he would have been all about the pieces, he
would have just been like, yeah,fuck the Reese's pieces I don't
need to eat, fuck them.
He wouldn't have been hungry.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
I'm too busy, I'm not hungry.
Leave me alone.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
He would have been.
I propose you been like Elliot,who.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
From cleaning the truck to ET.
This is the greatestconversation of all time.
I love it.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
What is the one piece of advice that you would give
to somebody with ADHD?
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Take a very, very hard look at what you are not
good at.
Very hard look and ask yourselfis the thing or things that I'm
really not good at Ultimatelywhat is important in life?
Now take a look at what yourexceptional act.
Is that something thatultimately matters or not?
(41:15):
For example, if you are themost loving person, you know,
then you're the most loving.
But if you suck at, you know,sticking to a schedule, buying,
you know, or singing to yourplanner, doing all those kind of
things, that it's not, at theend of life, what matters, and
(41:35):
people are going to tell youwell, you didn't get this done,
so you know you didn't graduatehigh school or you didn't
graduate college, you didn't doany of these things.
So now you, your whole life isfucked, You're going to be
nothing.
Well, here's my piece of adviceto that is yes, it is a lot
more.
It is a lot more difficult inlife to be quote successful or
(41:56):
do what you want to do withoutthose steps that neurotypicals
do the getting of the degrees,the all of that.
However, the good news is thatADHD thrives on the hard.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
And that's somebody telling you you can't Right.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Take some pride in that and in who you are.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
Awesome.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
I love that.
No, that's so true though.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Yeah, so thank you so much for coming, and it was a
pleasure to have you.
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