May 20, 2025 • 21 mins
Join us for a gripping Menendez Brothers update as we dive deep into the latest developments surrounding Lyle and Erik Menendez, from their resentencing hearings to the ongoing parole discussions. But we're going beyond the true crime headlines this episode, shifting gears to an equally crucial conversation: men's mental health beyond the footy field. We'll unpack the silent struggles many men face, exploring themes of trauma, emotional well-being, masculinity, and seeking support. This isn't just another true crime podcast; it's a vital exploration of justice, abuse, and the often-overlooked importance of male mental wellness. Tune in for a compelling blend of legal analysis and a powerful discussion designed to break the stigma around men's emotional health.
Special mention to WOW foundation, SANE and It's Okay not to be Okay.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:17):
Welcome to Exhuming the Truth, the podcast where we delve into
the mysterious worlds of cold cases, missing persons, true
crime, and the fascinating science that is forensics.
I'm forensic scientist and criminologist Asha Walther, and
I am so thrilled to have you with me on this journey as we
dance in the shadows of the world of crime, shining a light
(00:38):
on scientific discovery while becoming another voice for those
who need it most. So grab a drink and get
comfortable while we jump into this episode together.
As always, I would like to extend a content and trigger
warning. This podcast is recommended for
persons over the age of 18 and contains explicit content not
suitable for minors. We will be covering sensitive
(01:00):
content that ranges from sexual assault, physical, mental,
social and emotional abuse, suicide, homicide, murder,
attempted murder, and other violent crimes, including crimes
involving weapons and drugs. This often extends to drug
misuse and other harmful and illegal activity.
If you find any content to be distressing, I have listed a
(01:23):
number of resources that may be able to help you.
In the podcast notes, I would like to also remind our
listeners that all victims and all perpetrators are someone's
loved 1. So I ask that any discussions in
our group or on our social accounts remain respectful of
that at all times. And by listening you acknowledge
that all persons of interest remain innocent until proven
(01:43):
otherwise. Hi guys, it's me happy.
What day is it? It's Tuesday here today I'm
while I'm recording but happy whatever day it is to you,
morning or evening. What have I got for you a
housekeeping this week? Well, I have just switched over
hosts so that's basically where I upload and manage off my
podcast. I am now using Spotify.
(02:06):
I have no idea how this is goingto go, so hopefully it goes
smoothly. You will notice that our Buzz
Sprite website is no longer up. That's just because we're having
a little bit of maintenance and making a brand new website.
So hopefully that's going to be awesome.
And another new thing is we havea new logo, which is really
nice. I'm really happy with it.
You'll notice when you take a closer look at it that it is an
(02:29):
I, yes, but it is made-up of lots of different fingerprints
to represent numerous identitiesthat we cover and uncover in
this podcast. So I hope you like it.
I have a bit of a random pairingfor you today.
On this episode, we're having anupdate on the Menendez brothers.
(02:52):
And also I have a little bonus segment called Beyond the Game,
which is addressing men's mentalhealth in sport, which is really
important because as we've seen in Australia on the news, the
loss of Adam Sellwood, who unfortunately passed away due to
mental health. So I want to have a little chat
about that because that is of course very much relevant to
(03:15):
everything that we talk about. Aside from that housekeeping, I
don't have a whole lot to report.
I had both of the kids homesick today.
I'm still a little bit croaky, but I feel entirely fine.
We are lucky enough to be going off to Margaret River on
Thursday afternoon and returningSaturday morning to watch some
of the Margaret River Pro given that it is a go ahead, thanks
(03:38):
for the weather, but we always love going down there.
So I can't wait for that. So yeah, let's just jump right
into it and let's talk about theMenendez brothers.
So this case wasn't as widely known until it's little series
on Netflix came along, which wasbrilliant, I might add.
I'm sure Milli Vanilli also got a heap of extra plays things to
that show as well because it certainly did in my car.
(04:00):
But anyway, As of the 14th of May, Eric and Lyle Menendez have
been resentenced by a Californiajudge, making them eligible for
parole after serving over 35 years in prison for the 1989
murders of their parents, Jose and Kitty Menendez.
How do you ask? Well, originally the duo was
(04:21):
sentenced to life without parolein 1996.
However, at the time of their crimes, they were under the age
of 26, which actually falls under the category of a youthful
offender in California. So the sentence reduction to 50
years to life allows parole to those who fall under that youth
offender law. How and why you might be
(04:42):
thinking? The resentencing was actually
influenced by new evidence. So there was a letter that Eric
had wrote before the murders that referenced the abuse that
he suffered, as well as allegations from Roy Rosello,
who was a former member of the band Menudo.
I hope I pronounced that right, who had accused Jose Menendez of
(05:02):
sexual assault in the 80s. So the existence of these two
pieces of evidence together haveunderstandably also, again,
after the Netflix miniseries highlighting the case.
So those two have both garnered public sympathy and renewed
interest in the case. So during the time in prison,
the brothers have both pursued higher education and initiated
(05:25):
programs that assist elderly prisoners, which demonstrates
efforts toward rehabilitation. Family members and former
inmates testified in support of their release, highlighting
their remorse and positive contributions inside the prison.
So what now? There is a parole board hearing
that is set for June the 13th, and they're going to all sit
(05:47):
down there to evaluate their eligibility for release.
So the governor by the name of Gavin Newsom has indicated that
he'll wait for the outcome of his hearing before he considers
any clemency decisions. So if the pair are granted
parole, the brothers could be released.
But regardless of the decision at the Parole Board hearing,
(06:08):
that Governor will retain the authority to grant clemency,
which could result in reduced sentences or immediate release
over parole. So if parole and clemency are
denied, the brothers will just continue to serve their
sentences with any future paroleopportunities subject to review.
So I hope that makes sense. I will update you if any new
(06:29):
information comes up. My personal opinion on this case
is pretty strong. I didn't know about it before
the Menu series, but essentiallyI think the years that they've
served, 35 years, you guys, and what they have done in that time
period is enough to release them.
I know not everyone agrees with that.
However, if it were up to me, which it definitely is not, I'd
(06:50):
love to see them be released andalso continue to do their work
within the prisons in helping the other inmates.
I think that's really awesome. I think they made a really good
example of the changes that you can make and the changes that
you want to see as somebody, youknow, in the larger society, you
want to see those types of changes happening from people in
(07:11):
incarceration. And it's really rare.
So if you're unsure what I'm on about, during that 35 year
period of them being inside, they engaged in multiple rehab
activities and initiatives. So Lyle gained A sociology
degree, pardon me, that was a tongue twister.
And he was actually elected by his fellow inmates as their
representative with the prison administration for the last 20
(07:34):
years, which is huge. And Eric also obtained a degree
in behavioural and social sciences.
The duo then Co founded a project called the Green Space
Project, which aims to transformthe prison yard into a more
humane environment. So they want to do that and have
started to do with that by having outdoor classrooms,
(07:55):
rehab, group meeting spaces and the part that I love, training
areas for service dogs. If you've seen Pibbles and
Parolees, you know Eric has alsoprovided Hospice care to fellow
inmates and offers support to those nearing the end of their
lives. I love that.
I also don't think the boys got the right amount of
(08:15):
acknowledgement from the justicesystem for their upbringing
under Jose. But again, I know there's a lot
of conflicting opinions on this,and I appreciate that.
But I do really believe that they have served their time and
served it well. So I'm hoping that they do get
get out on parole at the least, and I hope that if they do, they
continue to make good choices. That sounded really weird
(08:37):
because that's a phrase I use inmy dogs every day.
I'm like, make good choices. But anyway, yes, we'll put that
update to bed now and I want to move forward until I've got
anything new to report. And I thought this case would be
the perfect addition to add somebonus content that I have named
again, Beyond the game. And basically, the purpose of
this little extra is to open up the discussion about addressing
(08:59):
men's mental health and particularly men's mental health
in sport. So it's 2025.
This year, Australians have watched on as we lost not one,
but two Selwood brothers. The passing of both Troy and
Adam Selwood is a somber reminder that behind the
accolades and athleticism and brotherhood, many men grapple
(09:22):
with their silent battles. And the landscape of suicide
amongst men looks like this. In Australia, suicide is the
leading cause of death for men between ages 15 to 44, which
accounts for an enormous 75% of all suicide deaths in this
country. Alarmingly, nearly two in five
(09:43):
Australian men die prematurely, often due to preventable causes.
Globally, men are more than twice as likely to die by
suicide compared to women. I'm a mum, I have two boys, OK,
And I have a fiance who plays footy.
And these stats really scare me.And I don't think you need to
be, you know, someone who is a mother to boys to be frightened
(10:06):
by these stats. I think everybody should be
frightened by these stats. I've lost way too many childhood
friends to mental health. And the scariest part I think is
knowing that this is an entirelypreventable manner of death.
This is the only matter of deaththat we sit here and talk about.
And we know that we can prevent this, but what are we doing?
(10:29):
This is not like other major diseases that we're desperately
searching for a medical cure. We're actually genuinely have
the power here to make an impactsport for so many Aussies and
people globally, but particularly here in Australia.
It is. It is a huge, huge outlet for
many men and women, but men in particular, the world of sports.
(10:52):
It promotes physical prowess, yes, but that comes with the
perpetuation of a culture of stoicism.
We have former AFL star Matthew Richardson candidly sharing his
silent battle with depression during his early career
setbacks, and he emphasized the macho culture in sports that
discouraged discussing mental health issues.
(11:15):
Then we have traditional male bonding, which often revolves
around activities like drinking and partying and ignoring the
real problem, using it like a tap on the shoulder and it'd be
and it all goes away. But it doesn't.
However, alcohol, as we know is a depressant which can
exacerbate mental health issues,particularly in the following
(11:35):
hours and days after our alcoholconsumption.
It's absolutely crucial to foster environments where men
can connect without the crutch of alcohol.
You might not be able to tell when someone is at their lowest,
but you can encourage open dialogues about mental health in
locker rooms, in clubs and amongst friends, and take those
(11:56):
conversations seriously, not just here.
Have a beer and a pat on the back.
You put your devices away and you give someone your time.
You promote events and gatherings that don't always
centre around alcohol. And of course accessibility to
resources for the supporting communities are a given.
The loss of the Sellwood Brothers hit so many of us so
(12:16):
hard. As a teen I was a die hard
Sellwood Brothers fan. I was an Eagles supporter of
course since we were living in Melbourne at that time.
When I was in high school there were never any other West Coast
supporters until I changed a different school in year 9 and I
met one girl, Georgie. Absolute legend and she was an
Eagles gal like myself, and we used to bigger back and forth
(12:38):
all the time about who was the best Sellwood brother.
You grew up thinking people are indestructible in a way, but
until it starts hitting you thatthis could really happen to
anyone, to any of your family, that's when it hits hard.
This is a poignant reminder, however, of the work that lies
ahead. By challenging traditional norms
and fostering supportive environments and having
(13:00):
uncomfortable conversations, we can make strides in addressing
men's mental health both on and off the field.
If you or anyone you know are experiencing mental health
struggles, you can always reach out to Lifeline, the Black Dog
Institute or any of the other organisations listed in our
notes for help. We might not be able to
influence changes on a government or state level
(13:22):
regarding the cost of mental health services, and boy are
they high. But what we can do is something
we can do right now, and that's just showing up for your mates.
Don't wait for Are You OK Dave, to ask you mates if they're
actually doing OK. Before I go, I just want to
share a few things that have been super helpful for me.
And it's no secret, if you're a listener and you know me, that I
(13:46):
was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after my
accident in 2011. I try it and speak up about it
quite often, not for my own benefit but so whoever I'm
talking to and spending time with is aware and they feel
comfortable to then talk about any of their mental health
concerns with me. I want everyone I talk to to
know that they have a space thatthey can do that with me, and I
(14:10):
make a big effort to do that. I suck at replying to texts and
inboxes. My phone has literally never
been off silent, but I do make aconscious effort to reach out to
people, just even to let them know, hey, I was thinking about
you today and how is everything?I'm happy to say that for
myself, I'm medicated and I havebeen for the last two years.
(14:30):
And even that in itself is important to note that while
medication is certainly not the be all and end all, and it's not
for everyone in its entirety, medication for me made the
difference between actually getting out of bed and
showering. And for me, those things were
huge. Obviously again, everyone is
different and you should have a chat to your GP if you were
struggling and see what options there are.
(14:53):
But another thing I did for myself was entirely out of
character for me since I'm incredibly antisocial and
introverted. But I signed up to an 8 week
program and I have said it before and I'll say it again,
this program may very well have contributed to me still being
here today. In this program I was taught
coping mechanisms to help me through the worst time of my
life and I am forever grateful to this company and this
(15:17):
foundation. This program was run by Wow
Foundation which is Waves of Wellness.
It's Australia wide and they offer free and now I'm not
getting free surf therapy programs.
No fine print. It is literally free.
I used to be a surfer so this was an added bonus for me.
But you don't need any surfing skills whatsoever, as long as
(15:38):
you can swim. It's all about listening to
others and learning about their coping strategies and offering
yours and getting off your devices and getting into the
ocean. That eight weeks was honestly
amazing. And I was so sad that I couldn't
go back because every single program they run near me, I see
it come up and I'm like, damn, Idon't want to do that, but I've
(15:58):
already done it. And obviously they like to spare
up spaces for those who haven't had the experience yet.
But during this program I learned so much about myself and
so many different ways to cope during those really tricky times
and I actually found myself laughing again after putting on
a fake smile for quite some time.
(16:19):
So please do yourself a favour and have a look at them.
If you can find them on Instagram, Waves of Wellness or
Wow Foundation. They also are on Facebook.
They do have a website. It will change your life if you
sign up to this. I promise this is totally out of
my own love and advice. There's no sponsorship in this
(16:40):
at all. I wish it was a sponsorship so I
could just rock up to any surf therapy program and do it all
over again. And let me tell you, I was not
the only one out of my particular therapy group who
wishes they could go back and doit.
That was generally the feedback from everyone was like, can I go
again? Can I be in the next one?
It was awesome. I'm still in contact with a few
(17:00):
of the girls from my group and who I otherwise never would have
connected with. Like we really have nothing else
in common. And I think that that is the
beauty of it really is getting to know others and how different
they are. But they're also struggling on
the same sort of similar level to you.
And you connect through that. And like, I was giving advice on
(17:22):
what I do, but I was taking others advice and that worked
better for me. So yeah, that that program was
amazing. I honestly can't recommend it
enough. The second piece of advice I
have off my own part is a mentalWellness program called SANE.
That's SANE. You can look them up.
They offer free counselling and guided support through mental
(17:43):
health problems. They also help through times of
trauma and if you're having continual resistance to other
mental health services like medication or therapy.
They have been amazing so far and so awesome because with all
of my existing medical problems from my accident and my
disability, I really don't have the time or energy or motivation
(18:04):
to head out to yet another medical appointment and saying
is completely remote. Like I can participate on my
phone or my laptop in my pajamas.
And I feel like it's really helping me through my MDD and
other issues that I'm facing. And again, also not sponsored at
all. Just a second thing I've
personally experienced and can'trecommend high enough.
(18:25):
And both free, which is incredible.
So there's no barriers to accessand particularly this one
because it's remote. So you can be in your bedroom
and no ones ever going to know that you're receiving help, but
you're, you're doing it and it doesn't have to be a big thing
to those around you. The work that both of these
organisations do and the things that they offer are literally
(18:46):
out there saving lives. So even if you might not be
personally interested in any of this advice, you can take them
as tools for your own tool belt when you have a mate in need and
you've got that as a tool to suggest to them and it might
save them. So there's those also.
Before I run away, I want to saythat there is an organization in
Melbourne that was created when their family member passed away
(19:09):
due to mental health and it's called It's OK Not to Be OK.
I'd honestly be shocked if you're an Australian and you
have not heard of this organization.
I was a mutual childhood friend of Ben's and his beautiful
beautiful family. Sorry have covered so much
ground in the mental health space in his honour so you can
(19:29):
check them out too. Very special work that they do
and all of the events they organise are awesome and they
even stock and sell some merchandise.
I'm literally wearing one of their wristbands right now and I
have done that for years since I've owned it.
I've got AT shirt a singlet sorry and a hoodie and they've
just got a new range of beanies out.
This is also not sponsored but their stuff is awesome and they
(19:51):
do some really great work in mental health area and they also
share stories of others on theirpage which is so helpful for
others in connecting and. Resonating with people.
But anyway, that's my two cents.So thank you for sticking
around. And on a final note, I just want
(20:11):
to say, guys, cheer louder for your mates while they're still
here. Don't leave the cheering for
their funeral and you know, pouring your heart out.
What you really think about them.
They need to know while they're here.
So that's my last little bit. I hope everybody is doing well
and taking care of themselves and thank you for listening to
(20:32):
this. I know it's a bit left of
centre, but suicide is most certainly a manner of death and
it's extremely prevalent and important.
So I wanted to add that in there.
So enjoy the rest of your day ornight.
Thank you so much for joining meon this episode.
I hope you have enjoyed it here.If so, you can subscribe to stay
(20:54):
up to date on new episodes, or you can find us on both
Instagram and Facebook. Please feel free to jump onto
our Facebook group to join in onthe case discussions.
You can find the link to our group in our podcast notes.
As always, stay curious, stay informed, and until next time,
trust your instincts and keep seeking the truth.
Welcome to Exhuming the Truth, the podcast where we delve into
the mysterious worlds of cold cases, missing persons, true
crime, and the fascinating science that is forensics.
I'm forensic scientist and criminologist Asha Walther, and
I am so thrilled to have you with me on this journey as we
dance in the shadows of the world of crime, shining a light
(00:38):
on scientific discovery while becoming another voice for those
who need it most. So grab a drink and get
comfortable while we jump into this episode together.
As always, I would like to extend a content and trigger
warning. This podcast is recommended for
persons over the age of 18 and contains explicit content not
suitable for minors. We will be covering sensitive
(01:00):
content that ranges from sexual assault, physical, mental,
social and emotional abuse, suicide, homicide, murder,
attempted murder, and other violent crimes, including crimes
involving weapons and drugs. This often extends to drug
misuse and other harmful and illegal activity.
If you find any content to be distressing, I have listed a
(01:23):
number of resources that may be able to help you.
In the podcast notes, I would like to also remind our
listeners that all victims and all perpetrators are someone's
loved 1. So I ask that any discussions in
our group or on our social accounts remain respectful of
that at all times. And by listening you acknowledge
that all persons of interest remain innocent until proven
(01:43):
otherwise. Hi guys, it's me happy.
What day is it? It's Tuesday here today I'm
while I'm recording but happy whatever day it is to you,
morning or evening. What have I got for you a
housekeeping this week? Well, I have just switched over
hosts so that's basically where I upload and manage off my
podcast. I am now using Spotify.
(02:06):
I have no idea how this is goingto go, so hopefully it goes
smoothly. You will notice that our Buzz
Sprite website is no longer up. That's just because we're having
a little bit of maintenance and making a brand new website.
So hopefully that's going to be awesome.
And another new thing is we havea new logo, which is really
nice. I'm really happy with it.
You'll notice when you take a closer look at it that it is an
(02:29):
I, yes, but it is made-up of lots of different fingerprints
to represent numerous identitiesthat we cover and uncover in
this podcast. So I hope you like it.
I have a bit of a random pairingfor you today.
On this episode, we're having anupdate on the Menendez brothers.
(02:52):
And also I have a little bonus segment called Beyond the Game,
which is addressing men's mentalhealth in sport, which is really
important because as we've seen in Australia on the news, the
loss of Adam Sellwood, who unfortunately passed away due to
mental health. So I want to have a little chat
about that because that is of course very much relevant to
(03:15):
everything that we talk about. Aside from that housekeeping, I
don't have a whole lot to report.
I had both of the kids homesick today.
I'm still a little bit croaky, but I feel entirely fine.
We are lucky enough to be going off to Margaret River on
Thursday afternoon and returningSaturday morning to watch some
of the Margaret River Pro given that it is a go ahead, thanks
(03:38):
for the weather, but we always love going down there.
So I can't wait for that. So yeah, let's just jump right
into it and let's talk about theMenendez brothers.
So this case wasn't as widely known until it's little series
on Netflix came along, which wasbrilliant, I might add.
I'm sure Milli Vanilli also got a heap of extra plays things to
that show as well because it certainly did in my car.
(04:00):
But anyway, As of the 14th of May, Eric and Lyle Menendez have
been resentenced by a Californiajudge, making them eligible for
parole after serving over 35 years in prison for the 1989
murders of their parents, Jose and Kitty Menendez.
How do you ask? Well, originally the duo was
(04:21):
sentenced to life without parolein 1996.
However, at the time of their crimes, they were under the age
of 26, which actually falls under the category of a youthful
offender in California. So the sentence reduction to 50
years to life allows parole to those who fall under that youth
offender law. How and why you might be
(04:42):
thinking? The resentencing was actually
influenced by new evidence. So there was a letter that Eric
had wrote before the murders that referenced the abuse that
he suffered, as well as allegations from Roy Rosello,
who was a former member of the band Menudo.
I hope I pronounced that right, who had accused Jose Menendez of
(05:02):
sexual assault in the 80s. So the existence of these two
pieces of evidence together haveunderstandably also, again,
after the Netflix miniseries highlighting the case.
So those two have both garnered public sympathy and renewed
interest in the case. So during the time in prison,
the brothers have both pursued higher education and initiated
(05:25):
programs that assist elderly prisoners, which demonstrates
efforts toward rehabilitation. Family members and former
inmates testified in support of their release, highlighting
their remorse and positive contributions inside the prison.
So what now? There is a parole board hearing
that is set for June the 13th, and they're going to all sit
(05:47):
down there to evaluate their eligibility for release.
So the governor by the name of Gavin Newsom has indicated that
he'll wait for the outcome of his hearing before he considers
any clemency decisions. So if the pair are granted
parole, the brothers could be released.
But regardless of the decision at the Parole Board hearing,
(06:08):
that Governor will retain the authority to grant clemency,
which could result in reduced sentences or immediate release
over parole. So if parole and clemency are
denied, the brothers will just continue to serve their
sentences with any future paroleopportunities subject to review.
So I hope that makes sense. I will update you if any new
(06:29):
information comes up. My personal opinion on this case
is pretty strong. I didn't know about it before
the Menu series, but essentiallyI think the years that they've
served, 35 years, you guys, and what they have done in that time
period is enough to release them.
I know not everyone agrees with that.
However, if it were up to me, which it definitely is not, I'd
(06:50):
love to see them be released andalso continue to do their work
within the prisons in helping the other inmates.
I think that's really awesome. I think they made a really good
example of the changes that you can make and the changes that
you want to see as somebody, youknow, in the larger society, you
want to see those types of changes happening from people in
(07:11):
incarceration. And it's really rare.
So if you're unsure what I'm on about, during that 35 year
period of them being inside, they engaged in multiple rehab
activities and initiatives. So Lyle gained A sociology
degree, pardon me, that was a tongue twister.
And he was actually elected by his fellow inmates as their
representative with the prison administration for the last 20
(07:34):
years, which is huge. And Eric also obtained a degree
in behavioural and social sciences.
The duo then Co founded a project called the Green Space
Project, which aims to transformthe prison yard into a more
humane environment. So they want to do that and have
started to do with that by having outdoor classrooms,
(07:55):
rehab, group meeting spaces and the part that I love, training
areas for service dogs. If you've seen Pibbles and
Parolees, you know Eric has alsoprovided Hospice care to fellow
inmates and offers support to those nearing the end of their
lives. I love that.
I also don't think the boys got the right amount of
(08:15):
acknowledgement from the justicesystem for their upbringing
under Jose. But again, I know there's a lot
of conflicting opinions on this,and I appreciate that.
But I do really believe that they have served their time and
served it well. So I'm hoping that they do get
get out on parole at the least, and I hope that if they do, they
continue to make good choices. That sounded really weird
(08:37):
because that's a phrase I use inmy dogs every day.
I'm like, make good choices. But anyway, yes, we'll put that
update to bed now and I want to move forward until I've got
anything new to report. And I thought this case would be
the perfect addition to add somebonus content that I have named
again, Beyond the game. And basically, the purpose of
this little extra is to open up the discussion about addressing
(08:59):
men's mental health and particularly men's mental health
in sport. So it's 2025.
This year, Australians have watched on as we lost not one,
but two Selwood brothers. The passing of both Troy and
Adam Selwood is a somber reminder that behind the
accolades and athleticism and brotherhood, many men grapple
(09:22):
with their silent battles. And the landscape of suicide
amongst men looks like this. In Australia, suicide is the
leading cause of death for men between ages 15 to 44, which
accounts for an enormous 75% of all suicide deaths in this
country. Alarmingly, nearly two in five
(09:43):
Australian men die prematurely, often due to preventable causes.
Globally, men are more than twice as likely to die by
suicide compared to women. I'm a mum, I have two boys, OK,
And I have a fiance who plays footy.
And these stats really scare me.And I don't think you need to
be, you know, someone who is a mother to boys to be frightened
(10:06):
by these stats. I think everybody should be
frightened by these stats. I've lost way too many childhood
friends to mental health. And the scariest part I think is
knowing that this is an entirelypreventable manner of death.
This is the only matter of deaththat we sit here and talk about.
And we know that we can prevent this, but what are we doing?
(10:29):
This is not like other major diseases that we're desperately
searching for a medical cure. We're actually genuinely have
the power here to make an impactsport for so many Aussies and
people globally, but particularly here in Australia.
It is. It is a huge, huge outlet for
many men and women, but men in particular, the world of sports.
(10:52):
It promotes physical prowess, yes, but that comes with the
perpetuation of a culture of stoicism.
We have former AFL star Matthew Richardson candidly sharing his
silent battle with depression during his early career
setbacks, and he emphasized the macho culture in sports that
discouraged discussing mental health issues.
(11:15):
Then we have traditional male bonding, which often revolves
around activities like drinking and partying and ignoring the
real problem, using it like a tap on the shoulder and it'd be
and it all goes away. But it doesn't.
However, alcohol, as we know is a depressant which can
exacerbate mental health issues,particularly in the following
(11:35):
hours and days after our alcoholconsumption.
It's absolutely crucial to foster environments where men
can connect without the crutch of alcohol.
You might not be able to tell when someone is at their lowest,
but you can encourage open dialogues about mental health in
locker rooms, in clubs and amongst friends, and take those
(11:56):
conversations seriously, not just here.
Have a beer and a pat on the back.
You put your devices away and you give someone your time.
You promote events and gatherings that don't always
centre around alcohol. And of course accessibility to
resources for the supporting communities are a given.
The loss of the Sellwood Brothers hit so many of us so
(12:16):
hard. As a teen I was a die hard
Sellwood Brothers fan. I was an Eagles supporter of
course since we were living in Melbourne at that time.
When I was in high school there were never any other West Coast
supporters until I changed a different school in year 9 and I
met one girl, Georgie. Absolute legend and she was an
Eagles gal like myself, and we used to bigger back and forth
(12:38):
all the time about who was the best Sellwood brother.
You grew up thinking people are indestructible in a way, but
until it starts hitting you thatthis could really happen to
anyone, to any of your family, that's when it hits hard.
This is a poignant reminder, however, of the work that lies
ahead. By challenging traditional norms
and fostering supportive environments and having
(13:00):
uncomfortable conversations, we can make strides in addressing
men's mental health both on and off the field.
If you or anyone you know are experiencing mental health
struggles, you can always reach out to Lifeline, the Black Dog
Institute or any of the other organisations listed in our
notes for help. We might not be able to
influence changes on a government or state level
(13:22):
regarding the cost of mental health services, and boy are
they high. But what we can do is something
we can do right now, and that's just showing up for your mates.
Don't wait for Are You OK Dave, to ask you mates if they're
actually doing OK. Before I go, I just want to
share a few things that have been super helpful for me.
And it's no secret, if you're a listener and you know me, that I
(13:46):
was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after my
accident in 2011. I try it and speak up about it
quite often, not for my own benefit but so whoever I'm
talking to and spending time with is aware and they feel
comfortable to then talk about any of their mental health
concerns with me. I want everyone I talk to to
know that they have a space thatthey can do that with me, and I
(14:10):
make a big effort to do that. I suck at replying to texts and
inboxes. My phone has literally never
been off silent, but I do make aconscious effort to reach out to
people, just even to let them know, hey, I was thinking about
you today and how is everything?I'm happy to say that for
myself, I'm medicated and I havebeen for the last two years.
(14:30):
And even that in itself is important to note that while
medication is certainly not the be all and end all, and it's not
for everyone in its entirety, medication for me made the
difference between actually getting out of bed and
showering. And for me, those things were
huge. Obviously again, everyone is
different and you should have a chat to your GP if you were
struggling and see what options there are.
(14:53):
But another thing I did for myself was entirely out of
character for me since I'm incredibly antisocial and
introverted. But I signed up to an 8 week
program and I have said it before and I'll say it again,
this program may very well have contributed to me still being
here today. In this program I was taught
coping mechanisms to help me through the worst time of my
life and I am forever grateful to this company and this
(15:17):
foundation. This program was run by Wow
Foundation which is Waves of Wellness.
It's Australia wide and they offer free and now I'm not
getting free surf therapy programs.
No fine print. It is literally free.
I used to be a surfer so this was an added bonus for me.
But you don't need any surfing skills whatsoever, as long as
(15:38):
you can swim. It's all about listening to
others and learning about their coping strategies and offering
yours and getting off your devices and getting into the
ocean. That eight weeks was honestly
amazing. And I was so sad that I couldn't
go back because every single program they run near me, I see
it come up and I'm like, damn, Idon't want to do that, but I've
(15:58):
already done it. And obviously they like to spare
up spaces for those who haven't had the experience yet.
But during this program I learned so much about myself and
so many different ways to cope during those really tricky times
and I actually found myself laughing again after putting on
a fake smile for quite some time.
(16:19):
So please do yourself a favour and have a look at them.
If you can find them on Instagram, Waves of Wellness or
Wow Foundation. They also are on Facebook.
They do have a website. It will change your life if you
sign up to this. I promise this is totally out of
my own love and advice. There's no sponsorship in this
(16:40):
at all. I wish it was a sponsorship so I
could just rock up to any surf therapy program and do it all
over again. And let me tell you, I was not
the only one out of my particular therapy group who
wishes they could go back and doit.
That was generally the feedback from everyone was like, can I go
again? Can I be in the next one?
It was awesome. I'm still in contact with a few
(17:00):
of the girls from my group and who I otherwise never would have
connected with. Like we really have nothing else
in common. And I think that that is the
beauty of it really is getting to know others and how different
they are. But they're also struggling on
the same sort of similar level to you.
And you connect through that. And like, I was giving advice on
(17:22):
what I do, but I was taking others advice and that worked
better for me. So yeah, that that program was
amazing. I honestly can't recommend it
enough. The second piece of advice I
have off my own part is a mentalWellness program called SANE.
That's SANE. You can look them up.
They offer free counselling and guided support through mental
(17:43):
health problems. They also help through times of
trauma and if you're having continual resistance to other
mental health services like medication or therapy.
They have been amazing so far and so awesome because with all
of my existing medical problems from my accident and my
disability, I really don't have the time or energy or motivation
(18:04):
to head out to yet another medical appointment and saying
is completely remote. Like I can participate on my
phone or my laptop in my pajamas.
And I feel like it's really helping me through my MDD and
other issues that I'm facing. And again, also not sponsored at
all. Just a second thing I've
personally experienced and can'trecommend high enough.
(18:25):
And both free, which is incredible.
So there's no barriers to accessand particularly this one
because it's remote. So you can be in your bedroom
and no ones ever going to know that you're receiving help, but
you're, you're doing it and it doesn't have to be a big thing
to those around you. The work that both of these
organisations do and the things that they offer are literally
(18:46):
out there saving lives. So even if you might not be
personally interested in any of this advice, you can take them
as tools for your own tool belt when you have a mate in need and
you've got that as a tool to suggest to them and it might
save them. So there's those also.
Before I run away, I want to saythat there is an organization in
Melbourne that was created when their family member passed away
(19:09):
due to mental health and it's called It's OK Not to Be OK.
I'd honestly be shocked if you're an Australian and you
have not heard of this organization.
I was a mutual childhood friend of Ben's and his beautiful
beautiful family. Sorry have covered so much
ground in the mental health space in his honour so you can
(19:29):
check them out too. Very special work that they do
and all of the events they organise are awesome and they
even stock and sell some merchandise.
I'm literally wearing one of their wristbands right now and I
have done that for years since I've owned it.
I've got AT shirt a singlet sorry and a hoodie and they've
just got a new range of beanies out.
This is also not sponsored but their stuff is awesome and they
(19:51):
do some really great work in mental health area and they also
share stories of others on theirpage which is so helpful for
others in connecting and. Resonating with people.
But anyway, that's my two cents.So thank you for sticking
around. And on a final note, I just want
(20:11):
to say, guys, cheer louder for your mates while they're still
here. Don't leave the cheering for
their funeral and you know, pouring your heart out.
What you really think about them.
They need to know while they're here.
So that's my last little bit. I hope everybody is doing well
and taking care of themselves and thank you for listening to
(20:32):
this. I know it's a bit left of
centre, but suicide is most certainly a manner of death and
it's extremely prevalent and important.
So I wanted to add that in there.
So enjoy the rest of your day ornight.
Thank you so much for joining meon this episode.
I hope you have enjoyed it here.If so, you can subscribe to stay
(20:54):
up to date on new episodes, or you can find us on both
Instagram and Facebook. Please feel free to jump onto
our Facebook group to join in onthe case discussions.
You can find the link to our group in our podcast notes.
As always, stay curious, stay informed, and until next time,
trust your instincts and keep seeking the truth.
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