For Cold Bitches & Emotionless Men: The Strength Behind the Shield

Have you ever been called a “cold, distant bitch”? Or an emotionless prick?
In this episode, Ana Mael reveals the untold story behind these labels and explores how what the world sees as "cold" is actually profound emotional intelligence. Being labeled “cold” is not a weakness—it’s a survival mechanism. This episode is for anyone who has been misunderstood or marginalized for simply trying to survive in a world that doesn’t always see your humanity.

Podcast highlights from Ana:

"I honor that person. I honor you. Because I know how the ‘bitchiness’ was born. I know why."

Why it's impactful: This directly speaks to how trauma survivors are often unfairly labeled. It also shows that Ana’s approach is non-judgmental and deeply compassionate. She emphasizes that emotional defense mechanisms should be respected, not condemned.

"You are not cold, you are a diamond. You are heat under pressure."

Why it's impactful: This quote affirms the strength and beauty that arises from enduring hardship. It reframes the common narrative that trauma breaks people, instead suggesting that it can forge something powerful, just like diamonds are created under intense pressure.

"You don’t have to prove your warmth. You don’t have to. You don’t have to prove it, because someone who knows what it means to go and live through complex trauma will see you."

Why it's impactful: This serves as a powerful reminder to people who feel pressured to perform emotional labor to be "warm" or "likeable" despite their trauma. It underscores that those who have experienced similar pain will understand and validate them without needing to prove themselves.

"You were not cold and you are not cold. You were very calculated in your survival."

Why it's impactful: This redefines the narrative about emotional distance as a survival strategy. Ana emphasizes that emotional numbness or perceived coldness is not a flaw, but a purposeful and intelligent response to the threat of harm.

"When I see someone with a flat, rigid face, arrogance, almost unpleasant, angry, shielded, I see armor. I don’t see distance. I see depth."

• Why it's impactful: This shifts the perspective on people who are perceived as cold or difficult. It invites listeners to see beyond the external appearance and recognize the layers of trauma, resilience, and survival beneath the surface.

Links:

New. Micro Lesson by Ana : https://exiledandrising.mykajabi.com/signup

Get the Book: The Trauma We Don't Talk About – Book , Ana Mael’s bestselling memoir for survivors, therapists, and seekers of truth : https://amzn.to/41SjKKL

Next Book Club cohort sign ups: https://exiledandrising.mykajabi.com/opt-in

 

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Impactful Takeaways:

The Coldness You Feel Is Protection, Not Emptiness
Ana dives into how people who have experienced trauma—especially marginalized communities—develop emotional armor. This armor, often perceive...