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September 19, 2024 35 mins

(1998 - 2024) Christopher "Tiny" Sanchez the Fourth, scion of the Sanchez Shipping Company and co-founder of the holiday Christmas, passed away yesterday in the late afternoon doing what he loved: swinging hammers for prizes. As the youngest/favorite son of a mother-worshipping family, Sanchez pressed all the right buttons in his rapid rise to the top of his family's shipping company - growing from Sharpie-wielding hourly employee all the way to "fixer" (see: Sanchez Family Scrolls pg. 48). In his short life, he tackled problems such as figuring out how to get the ball through the oval-shaped hoop, to figuring out how to get a cargo ship through the oval-shaped canal. He will be buried next to his grandfather - Christopher Sanchez the Second - and Sharpies will be available at the funeral to sign his casket. No purveyors, purchasers, or surveyors allowed. New Episode Thur$dAy!

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