September 4, 2024 • 64 mins
What happens when you embrace both the light and shadow aspects of yourself? Join us as we reconnect with Kat, an extraordinary women's group facilitator from Denver, whose journey from a Catholic upbringing to a life dedicated to healing and empowerment offers potent insights. Kat's expertise in body-based practices for nervous system regulation and her commitment to breaking toxic patterns have made her a beacon of transformation for many women. Listen as Kat recounts her spiritual awakening and how it led her to the impactful work she does today.
Authentic expression is more than just a buzzword—it's a life-changing practice. In this episode, we discuss the importance of embodying our true selves and how doing so can inspire others to follow suit. Kat and I share techniques for acknowledging and integrating disintegrated parts of ourselves, emphasizing the power of recognizing both the positive and challenging moments in our lives. This conversation is a treasure trove of wisdom on how to move toward a more expansive, authentic self by owning our truths and continually bringing more authenticity into our spaces.
Kat's journey hasn't been without its dark periods. She opens up about navigating a profound personal experience through a medical abortion, highlighting the necessity of deep shadow work to truly embrace love and joy. We explore universal laws like polarity and cause and effect, and discuss the bravery required to face deep, shadowy experiences. Through the lens of ancestral healing and personal empowerment, Kat shows us how moving through personal shame and fear can lead to collective healing and a higher frequency of living. This episode is a heartfelt testament to the transformative power of embracing our shadows and living with authentic integrity.
https://www.instagram.com/iamkattovar/
https://www.katietovar.com/Illume-leadership-academy
https://www.katietovar.com/
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello, hello, hello, oh my gosh.
You guys, it has been a minutesince I've put an episode out.
We were putting them out soquickly there for a minute and
multiple a week that I needed abreak.
And what's really fascinatingand, of course, to find timing
is during that break I went toDenver and went to the Living
(00:25):
Brave Live event by ShoshanaRabin and it was so life-giving
to be in community space with somany powerful women and
individuals who truly wantcommunity, who truly want to
celebrate those around them, whotruly want to not only find
(00:47):
success for themselves andwhatever they decide success
means, but really see it forother people.
It really felt like the spaceof like I want to win, but I
really want to see you win aswell, which, if you're like me,
that has not been a space thatI've been in, that's not been a
space that is natural to where Ilive, the groups that I've been
(01:11):
in, the friend space, familyspace, Like it's a whole nother
level.
When you find community inpeople who truly want to see you
succeed and truly want to seeand experience the best version
of you, to be in a space wherepeople call you up.
Instead of calling you out.
(01:33):
They call you up to be the bestversion of you and they want to
see that.
And that's really what I feltfrom this Living, Brave live
event and the connections that Imade with the most powerful
human beings.
Today we have Kat, who isincredible, and I'm going to
include her Instagram belowbecause I truly believe that
(01:55):
every single person who findsthis episode needs to connect
with her.
Kat is a master women's groupfacilitator and trainer that
specializes in body-basedpractices to regulate the
nervous system, which we havetalked about is so freaking
valuable heal toxic patterns andcreate new pathways to thrive.
(02:18):
She runs Colorado's leadingwomen's group Becoming Her with
close to 100 members.
Group Becoming Her with closeto 100 members, leads leadership
retreats yummy and trains womento become expert group
facilitators inside the AlumLeadership Academy.
She has served thousands offemale leaders and her community
(02:38):
expands daily, which, once youexperience Kat in this episode,
you are going to totallyunderstand why people are
flocking to her, because herenergy is not only expansive,
it's not only this like Ooh, Iwant to be a part of this
because she expands me, but it'salso this grounded anchored in
(03:03):
her body, trusting her body,leaning into her body, balance,
like this harmonization betweenthe both, which I am a huge fan
of, living in the expansion butalso bringing that back into the
body, which is part of whatwe're going to chat about today
with the shadow.
But, Kat, I would love if you'dgive your story, let people
(03:26):
experience you, and we'll diveinto some conversation.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yes, whitney, thank you so much for this beautiful
introduction and it feels sogood to hear.
Of course, this is somethingthat I wrote myself my bio but I
just I think part of this workthe somatic integration piece is
really allowing yourself toreceive, and so when you're in
(03:53):
spaces where people are justsharing your magic and really
championing you and howincredible you are, notice how
it feels to just relax andsoften your body and nourish and
be poured into by every singleword that is spoken about you.
(04:14):
And so thank you for thatintroduction.
And, yeah, my name is Kat.
I'm based here in Denver, so,as Whitney mentioned, we just
met at this incredibly expansivelive event here that my coach
put on, and I have been in thiswork for almost a decade and
(04:37):
really working more one-to-oneand with women's groups for
about six years, and I startedthis path.
You know the spiritual path.
I was raised Catholic, so I wasraised with some exposure to God
(04:57):
and the church and moreorganized religion, and I,
through my early 20s,experienced my first spiritual
awakening.
It was when I was moving backfrom Sevilla, spain, to Elon,
north Carolina, which is where Igot my undergraduate degrees,
(05:18):
and I experienced reverseculture shock for the first time
and that was really kind of myfirst.
Well, maybe I had a couple ofother little episodes of shadow
work and depression prior tothat, but as an adult, that was
really like my first intro andexperience into the shadow and
realizing that there are theseparts of myself that really
(05:41):
needed to be more integrated andtended to, and at that time I
had immense social anxiety.
I was part of what would youknow at that time was one of the
best quote unquote bestsororities on campus and I, on
the external, had everythinggoing for me.
I um, yeah, I was getting thesetwo amazing degrees from a
(06:05):
really incredible university andI had worked at Pepsi and
Exelon Energy Company out ofBaltimore, and so I had
everything that one quoteunquote should have in order to
be happy.
But my heart was so yearning formore.
(06:27):
It was yearning for moreauthentic connection.
It was yearning for morepurpose and at this time I knew
that I didn't want to follow thepath that was written for me
and I am a black sheep.
I am here to embrace that I'm acycle breaker.
I am here to embrace that I amhighly sensitive, empathic,
(06:49):
intuitive, and I'm here tocreate a new earth and really
live in a different paradigm andshift the paradigm and live
purposefully and help others dothe same purposefully and help
others do the same.
And, yeah, through my earlytwenties, kind of explored what
(07:10):
it would be like to create adifferent pathway for me, versus
going down the what wasexpected of me path, and I went
into the Peace Corps, which iswhere I experienced yet another
spiritual upgrade and awakening.
I fell sick with celiac diseasein a bout of anxiety that I had
(07:36):
never felt before.
Key moments and pieces and whatone would perceive as
heart-wrenching, heartbreakingmanifestations in the physical
(07:57):
realm were actually some of mygreatest and they are my
greatest keys to freedom, toliberation, which is really what
I walk women through today ishelping you first realize that
the programs, the systems, thedisembodied and disempowered
(08:17):
patriarchy has created beliefsystems that aren't true to you,
and helping women realize thetruth of who you are, beyond
those projections of who youthought you needed to be in
order to be successful.
So that's one of my missions.
And then I'm also I'm justembracing the fact these days
(08:41):
that I am a trauma healer and Iam an energy alchemist and I am
a shadow seeker.
I love the shadow, I love grief.
Grief has been one of mygreatest teachers.
I love death.
We, as women, go through deathportals every single month,
every single day.
Who are you kidding to thinkthat that's not a part, a part
(09:04):
of life?
Actually, your soul chose deaththe minute that you were
incarnated and the minute thatyour soul came into this
physical reality in the in the3d.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
So, um, yeah, I'm just embracing now that, like I
love it all, I love the shadowbecause it's such a teacher, uh,
and I can go on and on and Iknow we'll dive into that more,
but I love hearing this fromyour perspective and because we
can talk about very similarthings, but your energy is
(09:35):
different than anybody else'sand so when you are expressing
your love of the death andrebirth cycle, when you are
expressing that you're a traumahealer, that you're the
alchemist, that you are one whowalks within the space, I see so
much of myself and, at the sametime, there's so much love and
(09:58):
honor for how unique andindividualized and how magical
you truly are.
There's this quote that goesalong the lines of like there's
magic about you that isunrepeatable and unique to only
you, and I really feel this inthis space, because I see so
(10:20):
much of my own journey in you.
I see so much of like my story,my work, and I see how unique it
is to you and how powerful itis to you and how it has this
like coding within it that isunique to you, and that's just
one of those things that I wouldreally love to highlight is you
can be doing the same similarthings to someone else, but your
(10:43):
magic is so your own, yourjourney is so your own.
The magic and the people thatyou're.
You're meant to impact thepeople.
You're meant to connect withthe people that you're meant to
work with, walk with, et cetera,are going to be so unique to
you because your messaging, yourenergetic imprint or blueprint,
your energetic presence is sounique to you.
(11:07):
And I just really see that inyou, in you sharing your story,
that there are so many peoplethat you are so undoubtedly
meant to connect with because ofthe energetic frequency that
you hold.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah, yeah, and that goes for anyone and everybody
listening.
So the more that you can reallyembody the truth of who you are
which is the work that I do ishelp you remember the truth of
who you are before the programs,the systems and the patriarchy
told you you had to be anythingdifferent the more that you
embody that, the more permissionthat you give to others to do
(11:43):
the same and you actually becomea really familiar presence
because you know yourself sowell and I think you know I know
a lot of people like I'mdefinitely a community and a
connector girl and so often Ithink at least like two to three
times a week people will tellme wow, have we met somewhere?
(12:06):
Like you have such a familiarpresence.
I feel like I know you, likeyou remind me of somebody and
that's because I'm so embodiedin my truth and my expression
and, granted, like I'm alsohuman and I'm here to own my
imperfections too, for sure,because that's just part of this
experience.
(12:27):
And the more that you justallow and own the truth of who
you are, the more resonant yourenergy is, the more magnetic
your energy is.
And I'm going to be supercurious, those that are
listening that are like I wantto try this on and try your
truth on, sign into my DMs andlet me know like the people are
(12:51):
recognizing it, because I thinkthat's a really beautiful piece
too is like receiving thatlittle bit of external
validation that people aremeeting you, they feel you, they
get you and that feels so juicy, of course.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I love this because, for me, a theme that has been
really playing out is thatauthenticity piece, is that
embodying of your authentic self, the embodiment of that, and
what I found becauseeverything's a projection, like
we know this, we live in aholographic universe where
everything is a projection ofyour internal experience.
You experience it on theexternal.
(13:28):
So knowing that it makes sensethat I'm coming in contact with
all of these people whoauthentic expression is so
important is a big part of, like, the season that they're in.
Um, and what I'm finding is Idon't know if it's because it's
a projection of, like, myinternal environment, but I'm
(13:50):
finding that there are a lot ofpeople who are walking through
the season, like specificallyright now, around authentic
expression, around integratingthe shadow, around showing up as
the embodied version of them,of both the shadow and the light
, and and allowing themselves tobe recognized that both aspects
(14:10):
are so beautiful, both aspectsare so needed and both you are
beautiful, you are expansive,you are magic because of those
things, not despite those things, and so really embodying that
authentic expression of that hasreally been a theme within my
reality and within my clientsreality recently, and even like
(14:31):
just watching people on socialmedia.
I'm really feeling like it's atheme.
Have you noticed that?
Is that your?
Speaker 2 (14:37):
experience.
Yeah, yeah, I think it'sdefinitely like the more you
that you are right, the morepermission that you give to
others.
And personally, for me, I thinkit's definitely like the more
you that you are right, the morepermission that you give to
others.
And personally, for me, I'mlike how can I bring more of me
into this space?
How can I bring more of meonline?
How can I like, embody andreally share the more of the
(14:58):
truth of who I am?
Because I actually get quiteoften like people perceive me as
one way on the internet andthen they meet me in person and
they're like oh, you're sodifferent, like you're so
grounded, you're so this, you'reso.
I'm like I don't know like Ithought I was doing.
I thought I was like like in myauthentic expression, but I
guess I need to be more of itlike.
(15:19):
So there's like this invitationto just continually like bring
more of you online.
And yeah, that's going to be mywork.
My work this upcoming season isreally like to bring more of my
heart.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
And what a beautiful permission slip.
Like here you are, you're likeI thought I was bringing all
myself and they're like there'slike this disconnect or there's
this space of like wow, you'reso different.
And what a beautiful permissionslip to be more of you Like.
What a beautiful permissionslip to be like, oh here, I
thought I was being all of me.
(15:56):
But there's another level,maybe another 10 levels of
embodiment of expression that Ican tap into that I haven't
tapped into.
How can we play with this?
Yeah, I love that.
So, when it comes tointegrating the shadow to be
your most expansive self, yourmost authentic self, where do
(16:17):
you begin with that?
What does that look like?
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, that's such a good question.
I am like going back to rightnow in my timeline, like the
first moment that I started torealize that there are these
disintegrated which is funnywhen you say that disintegrated,
there's parts of you that arefalling apart, that are falling
(16:44):
away.
Um, and yeah, the and that'swhat it feels like, I think,
when you haven't you haven'tachieved or like haven't
explored what it means to beintact or whole, is kind of that
disintegration and that senseof losing ground and there's not
(17:09):
a solid foundation underneathof you.
And sometimes it can feel likeyou're grasping or reaching and
the earth is kind of slippingaway from from your feet or
maybe even like what's coming tomind is like this feeling of
quicksand, like being suckedinto this hole or vortex and
this downward spiral.
(17:30):
And I think, like number one isjust to acknowledge, just to
recognize, like where you're at,like and really start to own
your truth of your reality now.
And yeah, I think thatacknowledgement piece is
(17:51):
definitely number one takinginventory.
I always start my clients offby just taking inventory of
where they are, of kind of whatthe patterns have been up until
now, and then maybe that gets tobe like.
Part two is start to takeinventory of where you are now,
acknowledge where you're at, andthen maybe take some time to
(18:16):
look back onto the past and um,yeah, notice maybe parts of
yourself or moments in your, inyour life, in your timeline,
that you felt less connected ormore depressed or you know, uh,
(18:41):
more dissonance right withinyour reality, more disconnect,
and um, just start to toacknowledge maybe what some of
those points were in the pastand then also to acknowledge
like points where you felt werereally good and really connected
.
And I do anchoring.
So I have studied nlp, I'm amaster practitioner of
(19:04):
neurolinguistic programming anda modality that I teach and use
within illum is anchoring.
So what you do is go back tothese moments in your timeline
and when I say timeline, likeyou kind of think of your, your
reality, linearly.
People have kind of this linearperception of time, and so
(19:27):
there's, you can travel into thepast, into the future, you can
start to play with thesedifferent timelines and you'll
go back to a previous moment inyour timeline maybe where you
felt really connected, reallypurposeful, really joyful.
For me, there's a moment in mytimeline there I felt so at
peace, I felt so in love in mylife and it was this moment and
(19:51):
I have a clear picture in myhead of me sitting in a hammock
in Costa Rica when I was in thePeace Corps and just felt so
carefree, I felt so supportedand start to identify um where
life has really been nourishingand pouring into you, where it's
felt really good, and then alsomaybe where life did you wrong
(20:16):
a little bit, and um, takeinventory a little bit of your
life and um a little bit of yourlife and from there, yeah, I
would say ownership is a bigpiece of this work.
So, okay, when life was doingyou wrong, where can you
(20:37):
actually own the fact that maybeyou weren't in your highest,
where you were a little bitdisembodied, where you could
have done better and I love thispractice too, and this is
something that I do almost daily.
At night is I go over my dayand I ask like, where could I
(20:59):
been better?
Where could I have brought my10x self?
Like how does my exponential,highest, most integrated version
of me show up to everythingthat I do in every way and
invite the highest version of me?
And is there some room forgrowth?
Is there something that maybewas lacking that, um, yeah, like
(21:24):
harmony or wholeness, and thatI can make some tweaks too.
So it's like taking inventory,acknowledging, uh, taking
ownership of where you get togrow.
This is radical personalresponsibility, um, in trauma
healing spaces, I know, like Imean, depending on where people
(21:48):
are in their own evolutionaryprocess, like for some
individuals being, you know,yeah, just depending on where
you are in your own evolutionaryprocess, um, to take
responsibility for the traumathat you've lived can be really
(22:08):
difficult or it can be reallyempowering, and it just depends
on perspective and it depends onthe level of consciousness one
has access to and holds and isexperiencing in the now.
And I mean, some people havehorrible, horrifying stories and
(22:29):
I feel like it's just aninvitation for evolution, for
love, for acceptance, to own thefact that, like, maybe there
are some parts of you that needto be tended to right.
And that's not a bad thing.
I'm not shaming you for it,it's an invitation.
It's like, hey, this istriggering for you.
(22:49):
Hey, you're feeling a type ofway you're feeling in panic, or
you're feeling overwhelmed, oryou're feeling you, you're
feeling, you know, guilt orshame or anxiety around this
life experience.
Well, what inside of you isashamed?
That that's part of your story.
(23:10):
And then you get to work onthat shame piece, right, you get
to work on that anxiety andreally start to tend to those,
the grief.
And I read a book recently,amazing book, it's called the
Flowering War.
It's on ancestral healing.
I've been really deepening mystudies in ancestral healing
(23:31):
work and it's like a Toltectradition, yeah, and the author
talks about grief bearer versusa grief tender.
And the grief bearer is the onethat, basically, is still
responding, reacting to lifethrough the lens of trauma, that
(23:55):
hasn't alchemized the shadowyet and you're still, yeah, like
, really acting unconsciouslythrough life and everything is
everybody else's fault.
One's never, you know, ready totake responsibility.
Here they're all victimmentality and the grief bearer.
And then you shift into, likebeing the grief tender, which is
(24:18):
the one that, like, reallynourishes and nurtures the
trauma, the shame, the griefthat have been passed down
through generations, maybe evenin your lineage, mean.
You're listening to this.
So, whoever is listening to this, I truly feel like you are a
(24:40):
grief tender.
This is your work and maybethis is an invitation to go from
that victim mentality of beinga grief bearer.
Life is happening to you andyou know shame on you to tending
to these parts of you that makeup your, your being at a
(25:01):
cellular level, um, and you,through this process, get to
break unconscious patterns and,um, traumas and belief systems
that had been passed down.
Uh, for true liberation.
For true liberation, which iswhy we're here.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
That is so good.
Oh my gosh, you just changed mywhole life with that.
Like your way of expressingthat and bring an image of the
image to mind, and the way youvoiced that and brought words to
that whole experience was sovaluable to me and I know that
everyone listened, that thereare going to be people listening
who are in the same boat, wherethey see themselves in the
(25:42):
story that you're sharing andthe way in which you're
expressing that shift from ithappening to you and to for you,
one of the things that I'm suchan advocate for.
Like getting one sentence outof something and it like
changing my whole life, so likegoing to Living Brave Live.
There could be one thingShoshana says, or Reese says or
(26:04):
somebody says that like I'mtotally available for that,
shifting my whole energeticfrequency, my whole being, my
whole business.
Like one sentence.
And one of those sentences thatshifted my whole being was
trauma's only trauma.
While you, when you andShoshana said this, trauma's
only trauma, when you're stillthinking it happened to you
(26:26):
instead of for you, which, tosomeone who is still in that
space, that can be reallytriggering, really triggering.
And there's also that space ofinvitation where it's like, if
this is triggering and you wantto move from that space of the
trauma bearer to the traumatender tenderer.
(26:46):
I think that shift, thatsoftening, that surrendering,
that reclaiming of your power in.
Yes, I may not have hadcomplete control over what has
(27:11):
happened to me, but what I dohave control over, what I do
have a say in, is whether or notI continue to live that trauma
over and over and over againevery day, whether or not I
allow whether that is someonethat did it to you allow them to
have that power over me everysingle day and allow that to
continue to live in my currentreality, in my current body, in
(27:32):
my current experience, in mycurrent existence, in my current
energetic frequency that I hold.
I could choose to allow that tocontinue to live with me.
Or another option is toalkalimize that.
Another option is to soften.
Another option is to be thattenderer, to be the one who's
(27:53):
tending to those wounds, sittingwith them, sitting with that
shadow, sitting with thosefeelings and recognizing that.
What if this experience, thatyou went through that, as
horrific as it may be, what ifpart of that was part of your
journey, so that you could speakto those who have also gone
(28:14):
through that, that haven't hadsomeone like you to see them in
that wound, to see them throughthat lens, to see them through
their experience and actually beable to see them actually,
because that is a complete gift.
I don't know about you, butwhen someone actually sees me
actually like when Shoshana wasadvertised in the Living Brave
(28:37):
event and she did that reel ofher still wearing the tag on the
back of her shirt and gettingher suitcase and was like, oh,
we're going to this event, ok,I'm in.
I booked my tickets like I'mready to go, I'm that fast.
I felt so seen in that momentbecause that's who I am.
Like I am, I'm fast.
If something feels right, mysacral is activated, I'm fast.
(28:57):
If something feels right, mysacral is activated, I'm like,
yes, I'm in, like I don't evenhave to think about it and so
for, in this space, if I, well,in that space, I felt really
seen.
I felt like, oh, my gosh, I'mnot the only person in the world
who is like, oh, yes, I'm allin and I'm all in right now, and
that's not a wrongness.
In the same space, when itspace, when it comes to trauma,
the trauma that you experienced,the trauma that you went
(29:18):
through, alkalizing that,shifting that, moving into the
space of embodiment and in thisreclaiming of all of you,
reclaiming all of you, in this,you are actually becoming the
invitation to someone to feel sofucking seen because maybe,
just maybe, you living yourexpression in that, you living
(29:39):
that embodiment of this happenedto me and I'm willing to see
things differently and I'mwilling to to tend to this and
I'm willing to reclaim my power,is the invitation to somebody
else to do the same, because youmay be the first person who's
truly seen them.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Yeah, yeah, so good, yeah, yes, so good, yeah, and I
mean that's why it's soimportant for you to be able to
do the work on yourself right.
So you have I like to call itlike a reference point and, um,
you've experienced thatfrequency in your body, like you
(30:18):
.
For me, um, you know, I holdreally just incredible portals,
healing spaces and women'scircles, and people are going
through a somatic experiencewith within these spaces and
they'll shake, they'llulse,their bodies will move in
(30:40):
uncontrollable, nonlinear ways,and the reason that I, as a
facilitator, am able to holdthat is because I've gone
through it, because I know it, Iknow what it's like and that's
a really big piece of this worktoo is, as you're stepping into
(31:00):
being that grief tender.
And when you think about thatword, tender and I'm thinking
about, like, tending to thatgarden, tending to that inner
garden right Versus the bear isthe one that, like, carries the
weight of the world, theheaviness it feels dense on your
shoulders.
And for me, an incredible griefportal that I entered into was
(31:24):
back in the beginning of 2022.
I found out I was pregnant by aman that was not going to be my
baby daddy.
I was in a relationship, but Iknew it wasn't a forever thing.
Yet I entered into thatrelationship feeling like there
was something there for me andit was a soul contract.
(31:44):
And 10 days after the new yearI had a medical abortion and I
went into the darkest, darkestportal I've ever experienced and
one could say it was.
It got scary at times but I'vestudied, like I mentioned, uh,
(32:07):
quantum energetics within theumbrella of NLP, and I was deep
in my master certification atthat point in time as well, and
part of that ability to hold theshadow is, and I was really
able to surrender into the void,into the nothingness, into the
(32:31):
absolute pitch black ofconsciousness, because I knew
that the more depth I allowmyself to experience and the
more depth that you allowyourself to experience, you're
only going to have the equal andopposite reaction.
(32:52):
You'll only experience, you'llonly get to know the equal and
opposite amount of light rightand this is a concept that I
also teach in a loom, it's partof the 12 universal laws is like
the laws of polarity, the lawsof cause and effect, of
masculine and feminine is reallyallowing yourself to go deep
(33:15):
into the shadow, because youwill only ever experience the
equal and opposite if you letyourself.
And so for me, exploring thatreally tragic, shadowy, scary
part of my consciousness, I justallowed because I knew that I
would also experience the equaland opposite amount of love,
(33:35):
connection, purposeful living,joy, ecstasy, whichasy, which is
like, of course, I also want toknow that.
But we, as humans, like, ifyou're afraid to experience the
shadow, if you don't letyourself go into that space,
like you're never going to knowthe love that this universe
holds for you, and so it'sreally just an invitation.
(33:56):
If you desire to and you yearnfor deep love, you also have to
go into deep places of fear andpain as well, and pain is
inevitable, but suffering is achoice, and so it's like how do
you perceive the inevitable painthat we, as humans that chose
to be here, incarnated in thesebodies, surrender into, and are
(34:23):
you allowing the pain or do youchoose suffering, right?
So, yeah, that was a reallyactually a painful portal, yet
such a beautiful portal, and Ihad a few more learning lessons
after that, and I'm not going tostop learning until the day I
die, because that's just how thehumanity, that's how our life
(34:43):
goes.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Well, and I think that, too, you have this unique
ability, and I say uniquebecause there are people that
don't choose this, but thosethat are listening often are
going to be the ones who arechoosing the healing journey.
Everything in life is theopportunity, is the opportunity
to expand and grow and evolveand become the student of life,
(35:11):
whereas there are a lot ofpeople who see it as the
superficial thing of like lifeis what it is.
I am being impacted andaffected by life, but I have no
say in it, I have no controlover it, I have no ability to
change what's happening to me,and I think that there's this
big shift that happens when youmove from the space of like
(35:32):
co-creating with the universeand taking these really deep
soul contract lessons that, yes,you signed up for prior to
coming into this world, and theymay be really fucking big, and
you don't know how you're goingto even begin to process it.
That's okay.
You don't even know how you'regoing to begin to move through
it.
That's okay.
(35:53):
You don't even know how deepyou're going to have to go, and
that's scary.
That is scary, and it's okay ifit's scary.
But being willing to walkthrough that, being willing to
be like I don't know where thefuck I'm going or how long this
is going to take or how deep Ihave to go, but I'm willing to
go through it.
I'm willing to navigate this,I'm willing to keep pushing
(36:13):
forward, leaning forward,surrendering deeper.
Surrendering forward into thisis going to allow you to move
into the space where you get toactually co-create with life.
Rather than life happening toyou, life is happening for you.
So, in this really beautiful,vulnerable share that you had,
(36:34):
thank you for your vulnerability, thank you for being willing to
be seen on here, thank you forgiving voice to many who are
listening to this that likelyhave very similar experiences to
you and don't know how toexpress it, don't know how to
vocalize that, because there'sshame, there's guilt, there's
fear fear of what people willsay, shame around the decisions
(36:56):
and choices that they made forthemselves, shame around the
feelings and what they'reexperiencing.
Like all of that, you just gavevoice to so many people who
have such similar stories and mytrue belief is that that
vulnerability is gonna set somany people free because they
see themselves through you.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Yeah, I think like the last,most liberating piece of this
part of my story was when I gotto tell my father and there was
a lot of shame there that I wasfeeling and a lot of fear that I
was feeling before.
(37:39):
I shared that part and you know, I realized through this
process too it's actually not myshame, it's that projection of
shame of going through anexperience like this that I was
holding onto, and so it was morethe shame of the collective
(37:59):
that I was able to move through.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
And you're alchemizing on not only just an
individual level, but acollective level.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
You are alchemizing that yeah, yeah, and that's so
powerful, it's so, it's sopowerful.
So to be able I mean, theinteresting thing about this
work too, is like we think thatit's a personal thing, but it's
actually not.
It's so much bigger, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(38:28):
I just ran a master class, uh,called liberate your lineage on
some ancestral healing work.
Um, I always invite my womeninto this work, knowing
wholeheartedly, like, that whenyou do this work on yourself,
you are liberating generationsof those that didn't have the
(38:50):
tools, the resources, thewherewithal, the access, the
privilege, the, the, the braveryto do it themselves.
And, um, by you being here, you, you know, pouring your heart
out, bearing your heart on yoursleeve for others to witness,
like it's not for you, it's foryou, you're doing it for you,
(39:14):
but you actually are doing itfor something so much greater
than you, because I believe inthe one, the collective
consciousness, that is one thatis love.
And when you come back to love,when you come back to right,
from fear to love, when youreturn to love through the one
(39:35):
consciousness that we allexperiencing, it's creating more
wholeness for the one, for thewhole that we're all
experiencing in a collectivespace.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
So I'm getting pretty far out there, I'm getting a
little bit heady right now alittle existential, but I love
it because it's us physicallymoving through these things.
Us physically moving throughthese things it's 1111 right now
, at least here in North Idaho.
(40:11):
It's really interesting because, as we physically take
ourselves through theseexperiences and return to love,
as you're speaking, what's sofascinating to me is it does
require us to move through theshadow with it.
That's how we raise thefrequency, that's how we hold a
higher frequency, that's how wehold more space is bringing that
shadow back to love.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Somebody in my life recentlywent through a pretty traumatic
and shadowy experience himselfand there was some domestic
violence involved in this caseand he felt so deeply
(40:56):
disconnected from his heart,from love, from acceptance, and
there was a lot of shame there.
And I told him in conversation,I was like you know, this is
actually.
This is a beautiful, beautifulthing to be able to experience
and it's actually an invitationfor you to create more
(41:17):
acceptance and go deeper intoyourself and discover, you know,
because obviously, like, ifdomestic violence is involved,
then that's a pretty shadowyplace to be in and then, um, you
know, leaving somebody that youlove behind is can, it's
earth-shattering.
And and I told him, I was likethis is such a beautiful gift
(41:41):
and such an invitation.
And if you get through this, ifyou get through this, if you
let yourself go there, if youlet yourself experience the
depth of the darkness that youare facing right now, then you
will know a love that you'venever experienced before.
And what a fantastic, what abeautiful gift, what a beautiful
invitation to be able to beinvited into a deeper sense of
(42:05):
self-knowing and a more intimate, more accepting, more radical,
revolutionary love than a lovethat you've ever known in 50, 60
, 80 years of your life.
It's never too late and youknow, I think that takes a brave
heart and it takes, takes youknow a lot of freaking courage
(42:27):
yeah, a lot of courage, and ittakes the individual.
That's ready, right.
It's like are you livingthrough the lens that life is
happening for you or to you?
Are you living throughvictimhood?
Are you living through a lensof empowered being?
And, um, you know that's.
I can help people to shift intostates of empowerment, for sure
(42:50):
, but it's also not really up tome.
And as a leader, you can onlylead by example, really in a lot
of this work.
And so it's like that's whyit's so important to be embodied
in an integrity with how youlead, how you guide, how you
move through your life.
And I think one of the greatestinvitations to integrity within
(43:15):
my life was like would myclients be proud of the woman
that I am behind closed doors Ifthey were on the wall like a
fly right now?
Would I be proud of how I'mshowing up, of how I'm
conducting myself?
Who do I be in the moments tomoment, choices and interacting
(43:36):
in everyday life?
Because that's who you areright Is those small moments
that make up.
You know, we could haveinfinite amount of small moments
that make up the one wholeright, and it's like a pie you
can smash it to as many littletiny pieces and granulars as you
want.
We can keep going, and thelevel of integrity and the
(43:58):
frequency that you choose toembody through those granular
and micro moments are reallywhat impacts the quality of life
that you live.
And, yeah, so I think, throughthe lens of leadership, that's
(44:18):
really our greatest piece ofwork, and integrity is one of my
top values, if not my greatestvalue, is being an integrity,
and that matters how I am beingand living and breathing in the
moment to moment.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Yes, and for me, that integrity piece really, truly
reciprocates the energy ofauthenticity, of like truly to
be.
An integrity for me and I havea feeling this applies to you as
well means living authentically.
Living being what I'mexpressing, who I'm being, what
(44:55):
I'm doing, all being verycohesive, all being congruent
with one another, all being inalignment with one another,
which is ultimately in alignmentwith who I really am.
And to really bring this fullcircle with your share on
allowing yourself to walkthrough the shadow and recognize
(45:18):
where you're experiencing shameand fear and doubt and worry
and judgment.
Where is that even you?
And where is that actuallysomething that you've learned?
Where is that ancestral?
Where is that patriarchal?
Where is that?
Where is that?
Coming from a place that is noteven you, because nine times
out of 10, if not 10 times outof 10, it's not even you.
(45:42):
It's not even your story.
It's something that you adopted, it's something that you bought
as yours.
It's something that you boughtas right or, on the other side
of that, you bought something aswrong, and so the opposite is
this must be the right answer,and so it's like where are you
creating?
Where are you living?
Where are you experiencing lifethrough the lens of your
(46:05):
ancestors, through the lens ofthe patriarchy, through the lens
of what they've decided isright or wrong, instead of
really embodying who you are.
And a piece that it almost feltlike you were going to go into
earlier and we kind of wentalongside is like who are you
from the beginning?
Who are you before you weretaught what was right and wrong,
(46:28):
what was good and bad, what wasthe right way to handle
something or the wrong way tohandle something, or the right
way to be or the wrong way to be.
And who are you before that?
Because, for me personally, I,even as a young girl, I was very
charismatic, I was verymagnetic, I was very, dare I say
, sexual, like I was very muchso, like without.
(46:49):
It was just this energy ofmagnetism, it was this openness,
it was this life force wasmoving through me, it was this
connectedness.
And where are all the ways thatI have been made wrong?
For that You're too big, you'retoo expressive.
You make sure that you crossyour legs, make sure you're
doing this, make sure you'redoing that, make sure you're not
(47:15):
saying anything because you can.
You can't take that back.
You have to really think aboutwhat you're going to say before
you say it, because there's notaking those words back.
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Those were all beliefs andpoints of views and ways of
being that I adopted from thepeople around me who were, who
were loving me and teaching mefrom the place of love and what
they knew, their quote, unquotewisdom, their experience.
(47:36):
But where have you turned offwho you are in order to operate
from a place that is not of youat all?
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Yeah, yeah, and that's really the work is is
coming home to the truth of whoyou are and, I think, one
realization that I've come to inthe last few weeks.
I so, this past February, I wentthrough yet another spiritual
awakening portal and I I wasactually at a play party on, uh,
(48:13):
a BDSM masters kink table inlingerie, witnessed by a room of
probably 10 or 15 that weresitting there um just connecting
with one another and he wasrubbing my body with I don't
know what it was, like a gloveof rabbit fur or something and,
(48:37):
um, he asked me a few kind of uhtopics or things that I was
working on in that moment.
And worthiness was a big piece.
And in that moment, while I waslaying there on the kink table,
my body was soft and I had beenchanneling like all night long
(48:57):
and just clearing a lot ofenergy that had been in my body,
but also like collective energythat was in this space.
And something that he asked mewas about my tattoos and what
they have.
What do they have to do withbeing worthy?
And in this moment I realizedand this was something that I
(49:18):
had been kind of tussling withback and forth is the
understanding of innateworthiness, and I think a lot of
women will really, will reallyresonate with the challenge that
one might feel to feel innatelyworthy.
What does that mean?
Our society is programmed intous that you need to have a house
(49:40):
, that you need to have thesuccess, that you need to have
the money in the bank, that youneed to have the success, that
you need to have the money inthe bank, that you need to have
the job title in order to beworthy.
Right and sadly.
But truth is, our societyreally validates that narrative.
This is what our society hasbeen built off of and for me,
from an early age at least, like10 or 15 years, I've had a
different measure of success.
(50:02):
I've had a different measure ofsuccess and in that moment I
realized what it means to beinnately worthy is just by that
tattoo's existence, of being onmy body, is it worthy of being
here?
Just by existing means, thatit's worthy of being here, of
taking up space.
And that was a huge download,that I finally am embodied in
(50:28):
that wisdom and that knowledgein my energetic aura and
frequency of like.
Just because you're here, babe,you're worthy and I can.
You know, people canintellectualize that, but it's
different when you embody thatright, because I was
intellectualizing it for months,trying to understand what it
means to be innately worthy, butreally until you feel that
(50:54):
mind-body connection and thatembodied knowledge of innate
worthiness and that was a reallybig gift.
And five days later, and I wasactually engaging and I
connected with a man at thatparty and five days later he
came back to Colorado and we hadfun and I went on this crazy
(51:16):
adventure and he has this cool,sexy, you know camper van and I
said, fuck it, why not, I'll getin your van and let's drive to
Utah.
Like, yeah, girl, I'm a wildwoman, but through this process
and I'm super empathic, I'msuper sensitive the man is
sleeping next to me for fivedays and I'm on fire, like my
energy is just like I can'tsleep.
(51:37):
I'm like so stimulated by thisman.
His like energy is justpenetrating me, I can like feel
it and it's so intense.
And that night that we got tohis house in Utah, I actually
got an ocular migraine and Ilost my vision for five days
because and I'm very, my thirdeye is very open, I'm
(52:00):
clairvoyant, clairsentient, likeI have a lot of gifts and um,
yeah, spirit said if you don'twant to see, then we'll take
your vision away.
No problem, I got you and sothat's what happened.
I, I'm, I lost my vision forfive days and um, yeah, it was
really a difficult time as onecould imagine.
(52:20):
Um and uh, yeah, which is acrazy story.
I've had vision correction sinceI was a young child and I've
been farsighted.
I've been wearing contacts andglasses my whole life.
And after this experience I putmy glasses on and I didn't work
(52:42):
anymore and I went to theophthalmologist and I had them
test my vision again and he said, no, you have 20, 20 vision.
You don't have astigmatism.
And I was like, excuse me, Ihad to ask the man five times.
I was like, are you sure?
Are you sure?
Like you must be doing thiswrong.
He was like, no, you're?
You literally don't have you,you don't wear your glasses,
(53:07):
like just, please don't.
And I was like what the F isgoing on?
And since then, due to a fewother things, I've been.
I cut all substances out, Ihave been celibate, and all of
this has been bringing me backto again like that innate
worthiness and that joy that Iexperienced, that unbound,
(53:29):
unbridled, unadulterated joythat I have felt, that I used to
feel when I was a kid and solike bringing it full circle.
Now I'm more sober and celibatethan I've been in the last 15
or 16 years of my life, becauseI started young, like I was
drinking and fucking when I was15, 14 years old, and so I was a
(53:50):
crazy girl and I, yeah, likethis is the clearest, cleanest
I've been in years and this isthe most deeply satisfied and
joyful I've felt in my entirelife since before, the impact
and the influence of substancesof sexuality, of you know, um,
(54:15):
yeah, just like feeling Well andyou're not finding that outside
of yourself at all.
Speaker 1 (54:20):
Like that is creating this clear channel of truly
finding all of those thingswithin you, instead of finding
them through the substances,through even like sex.
That's such a drug, like thatflirtation, like that space is
such a drugs to find that withinyourself and completely
(54:40):
disconnected from the substances, completely disconnected from
what previously was preconceivedas the reward or preconceived
as the worthiness.
Now you're just finding thatwithin yourself and then what do
you get to create from there?
Because now you're going to becreating everything from the
foundation of I'm fucking worthy, because I just fucking am, and
creating from that space.
Speaker 2 (55:01):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
That is 10 times.
You talked about living that 10times version of you.
Like, what are the interactionsthat I'm going to have?
How am I going to hold myself?
Who am I going to be if I'moperating from this 10 times
place?
You're operating from that 10times place.
You're operating from that righthere and now because you're
fucking worthy, because you are,and it doesn't require anything
outside of you yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been definitely quantum
(55:26):
playing in the quantum fieldthese last few months but that
also like on the other side ofthat like, viewing that from
that lens of like this is your10 times self, finding that
worthiness within you, like youcan look at it from this, this
big picture, zoomed out,perspective of like, holy fuck,
I'm finding that 10 timesversion of myself.
I'm living there.
But there's also still thatshadow aspect that you're
(55:47):
integrating on in that too.
Every moment of like, I want asubstance to like neutralize
this feeling of discomfort thatI'm having within my body.
I want to have sex becausethere's this discomfort that I'm
having within my body.
I want to have a drink to takeoff the edge, because there's
this discomfort in the stretchthat I'm feeling within my body.
I want to have a drink to takeoff the edge because there's
this discomfort in the stretchthat I'm feeling within my body.
You're navigating that shadowinstantaneously by saying, no, I
(56:12):
am celibate.
No, I am sober.
No, I am not using anysubstances to dilute any of
these feelings, to neutralizeany of these feelings.
I am the alchemist and I can dothat because I am worthy.
I can do that because I can,and I can do that without any
external factor, any externalsubstance.
Speaker 2 (56:31):
Amen, amen.
Yeah, it's been really fun andI'm looking forward to the rest
of the year.
For sure I'm going to be doinga 10 day Vipassana.
I'm taking some time for myself, pouring back into the well and
looking forward to welcomingmore beautiful, magnetic,
(56:53):
incredible leaders and changemakers and alchemists into my
world.
So I'm just so grateful to behere and have this conversation.
It feels yeah, it feels like apivotal and significant moment.
So I agree, I so agree.
Speaker 1 (57:11):
Thank you for having this conversation with me.
Thank you for the vulnerabilityand the love and being seen and
the way in which you expressyourself and your energy and
frequency being here in thisspace.
I know that people listening tothis are.
Their life is going to beforever different.
Even if there isn't thattangible piece of like, this is
what shifted me You're, theenergetic frequency in which you
(57:34):
showed up in today.
The level of vulnerability, thelevel of openness, the level of
softness that you expressed andexpressed through today was
such an invitation for more forothers, and they're
energetically going to feel it,whether they recognize it or not
, and so I'm so grateful thatyou were willing to bring this
(57:56):
to this space, like I am sodeeply grateful for your
presence and you being here.
So thank you.
Where is the best place forpeople to connect with you when
they are like fuck, yes, kat'smy person.
I want to be in her tribe, Iwant to be in her space, I want
to be in her energy.
Where can they find you?
Speaker 2 (58:18):
Yeah, thank you.
It's such a pleasure and Iwould say definitely.
The gram is a really incredibleplace to plug in and play and
find me, I am enrolling 10incredible, magnetic,
change-making women out in theworld into my academy right now.
(58:42):
So calling in the next cohortof beautiful, beautiful
facilitators and change makers,ones that are desiring to create
transformational spaces thatare trauma-informed that also
may not be necessarily the mosttrauma-sensitive, because I
always tell my clients I'm likeI'm trauma-informed, but I tell
(59:03):
you I'm not always traumasensitive because we're here to
alchemize some shit and thattakes going into the discomfort
yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So, um, I lead really potentand transformational spaces here
in Colorado as well.
So if you're local to the Rockymountains, definitely send me a
DM.
(59:23):
I've got one last event thatI'm hosting for the rest of the
year, which feels exciting.
It's going to be on the equinoxevening on the equinox.
Look forward to that.
And then, yeah, I've got acouple of spaces in my
one-to-one mentorship.
So I've got two more spaces inmy one-to-one for the rest of
(59:46):
the year and those are for somewomen that are just like ready
to soar.
It takes a really uniqueindividual that's.
I mean here for the alchemy,here for the Phoenix rising
moment, and I'm here to call youup and I'm here to call you
forward and, like you mentionedtoo, like, feel the energy and
calibrate to that frequency.
(01:00:07):
Like that's what I absolutelypromise to do for you is be the
pole in a lot of this alchemyand energy work and this upgrade
that you're going to experience.
So thank you so much, whitney,thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
Oh my gosh, this episode truly changed my life.
I'm so grateful, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
I'm so grateful for you and I realized.
I didn't even say what myInstagram was.
Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
It's just I'll put it below too, but what is your
Instagram?
Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Yeah, it's, I am Kat Tovar.
So yeah, whitney will link it.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
But I'm so grateful She'll be so accessible and so
easy to find.
You won't even have to worryabout it.
All the people will find you.
Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Yeah, thanks, love it's such a pleasure.
Hello, hello, hello, oh my gosh.
You guys, it has been a minutesince I've put an episode out.
We were putting them out soquickly there for a minute and
multiple a week that I needed abreak.
And what's really fascinatingand, of course, to find timing
is during that break I went toDenver and went to the Living
(00:25):
Brave Live event by ShoshanaRabin and it was so life-giving
to be in community space with somany powerful women and
individuals who truly wantcommunity, who truly want to
celebrate those around them, whotruly want to not only find
(00:47):
success for themselves andwhatever they decide success
means, but really see it forother people.
It really felt like the spaceof like I want to win, but I
really want to see you win aswell, which, if you're like me,
that has not been a space thatI've been in, that's not been a
space that is natural to where Ilive, the groups that I've been
(01:11):
in, the friend space, familyspace, Like it's a whole nother
level.
When you find community inpeople who truly want to see you
succeed and truly want to seeand experience the best version
of you, to be in a space wherepeople call you up.
Instead of calling you out.
(01:33):
They call you up to be the bestversion of you and they want to
see that.
And that's really what I feltfrom this Living, Brave live
event and the connections that Imade with the most powerful
human beings.
Today we have Kat, who isincredible, and I'm going to
include her Instagram belowbecause I truly believe that
(01:55):
every single person who findsthis episode needs to connect
with her.
Kat is a master women's groupfacilitator and trainer that
specializes in body-basedpractices to regulate the
nervous system, which we havetalked about is so freaking
valuable heal toxic patterns andcreate new pathways to thrive.
(02:18):
She runs Colorado's leadingwomen's group Becoming Her with
close to 100 members.
Group Becoming Her with closeto 100 members, leads leadership
retreats yummy and trains womento become expert group
facilitators inside the AlumLeadership Academy.
She has served thousands offemale leaders and her community
(02:38):
expands daily, which, once youexperience Kat in this episode,
you are going to totallyunderstand why people are
flocking to her, because herenergy is not only expansive,
it's not only this like Ooh, Iwant to be a part of this
because she expands me, but it'salso this grounded anchored in
(03:03):
her body, trusting her body,leaning into her body, balance,
like this harmonization betweenthe both, which I am a huge fan
of, living in the expansion butalso bringing that back into the
body, which is part of whatwe're going to chat about today
with the shadow.
But, Kat, I would love if you'dgive your story, let people
(03:26):
experience you, and we'll diveinto some conversation.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yes, whitney, thank you so much for this beautiful
introduction and it feels sogood to hear.
Of course, this is somethingthat I wrote myself my bio but I
just I think part of this workthe somatic integration piece is
really allowing yourself toreceive, and so when you're in
(03:53):
spaces where people are justsharing your magic and really
championing you and howincredible you are, notice how
it feels to just relax andsoften your body and nourish and
be poured into by every singleword that is spoken about you.
(04:14):
And so thank you for thatintroduction.
And, yeah, my name is Kat.
I'm based here in Denver, so,as Whitney mentioned, we just
met at this incredibly expansivelive event here that my coach
put on, and I have been in thiswork for almost a decade and
(04:37):
really working more one-to-oneand with women's groups for
about six years, and I startedthis path.
You know the spiritual path.
I was raised Catholic, so I wasraised with some exposure to God
(04:57):
and the church and moreorganized religion, and I,
through my early 20s,experienced my first spiritual
awakening.
It was when I was moving backfrom Sevilla, spain, to Elon,
north Carolina, which is where Igot my undergraduate degrees,
(05:18):
and I experienced reverseculture shock for the first time
and that was really kind of myfirst.
Well, maybe I had a couple ofother little episodes of shadow
work and depression prior tothat, but as an adult, that was
really like my first intro andexperience into the shadow and
realizing that there are theseparts of myself that really
(05:41):
needed to be more integrated andtended to, and at that time I
had immense social anxiety.
I was part of what would youknow at that time was one of the
best quote unquote bestsororities on campus and I, on
the external, had everythinggoing for me.
I um, yeah, I was getting thesetwo amazing degrees from a
(06:05):
really incredible university andI had worked at Pepsi and
Exelon Energy Company out ofBaltimore, and so I had
everything that one quoteunquote should have in order to
be happy.
But my heart was so yearning formore.
(06:27):
It was yearning for moreauthentic connection.
It was yearning for morepurpose and at this time I knew
that I didn't want to follow thepath that was written for me
and I am a black sheep.
I am here to embrace that I'm acycle breaker.
I am here to embrace that I amhighly sensitive, empathic,
(06:49):
intuitive, and I'm here tocreate a new earth and really
live in a different paradigm andshift the paradigm and live
purposefully and help others dothe same purposefully and help
others do the same.
And, yeah, through my earlytwenties, kind of explored what
(07:10):
it would be like to create adifferent pathway for me, versus
going down the what wasexpected of me path, and I went
into the Peace Corps, which iswhere I experienced yet another
spiritual upgrade and awakening.
I fell sick with celiac diseasein a bout of anxiety that I had
(07:36):
never felt before.
Key moments and pieces and whatone would perceive as
heart-wrenching, heartbreakingmanifestations in the physical
(07:57):
realm were actually some of mygreatest and they are my
greatest keys to freedom, toliberation, which is really what
I walk women through today ishelping you first realize that
the programs, the systems, thedisembodied and disempowered
(08:17):
patriarchy has created beliefsystems that aren't true to you,
and helping women realize thetruth of who you are, beyond
those projections of who youthought you needed to be in
order to be successful.
So that's one of my missions.
And then I'm also I'm justembracing the fact these days
(08:41):
that I am a trauma healer and Iam an energy alchemist and I am
a shadow seeker.
I love the shadow, I love grief.
Grief has been one of mygreatest teachers.
I love death.
We, as women, go through deathportals every single month,
every single day.
Who are you kidding to thinkthat that's not a part, a part
(09:04):
of life?
Actually, your soul chose deaththe minute that you were
incarnated and the minute thatyour soul came into this
physical reality in the in the3d.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
So, um, yeah, I'm just embracing now that, like I
love it all, I love the shadowbecause it's such a teacher, uh,
and I can go on and on and Iknow we'll dive into that more,
but I love hearing this fromyour perspective and because we
can talk about very similarthings, but your energy is
(09:35):
different than anybody else'sand so when you are expressing
your love of the death andrebirth cycle, when you are
expressing that you're a traumahealer, that you're the
alchemist, that you are one whowalks within the space, I see so
much of myself and, at the sametime, there's so much love and
(09:58):
honor for how unique andindividualized and how magical
you truly are.
There's this quote that goesalong the lines of like there's
magic about you that isunrepeatable and unique to only
you, and I really feel this inthis space, because I see so
(10:20):
much of my own journey in you.
I see so much of like my story,my work, and I see how unique it
is to you and how powerful itis to you and how it has this
like coding within it that isunique to you, and that's just
one of those things that I wouldreally love to highlight is you
can be doing the same similarthings to someone else, but your
(10:43):
magic is so your own, yourjourney is so your own.
The magic and the people thatyou're.
You're meant to impact thepeople.
You're meant to connect withthe people that you're meant to
work with, walk with, et cetera,are going to be so unique to
you because your messaging, yourenergetic imprint or blueprint,
your energetic presence is sounique to you.
(11:07):
And I just really see that inyou, in you sharing your story,
that there are so many peoplethat you are so undoubtedly
meant to connect with because ofthe energetic frequency that
you hold.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah, yeah, and that goes for anyone and everybody
listening.
So the more that you can reallyembody the truth of who you are
which is the work that I do ishelp you remember the truth of
who you are before the programs,the systems and the patriarchy
told you you had to be anythingdifferent the more that you
embody that, the more permissionthat you give to others to do
(11:43):
the same and you actually becomea really familiar presence
because you know yourself sowell and I think you know I know
a lot of people like I'mdefinitely a community and a
connector girl and so often Ithink at least like two to three
times a week people will tellme wow, have we met somewhere?
(12:06):
Like you have such a familiarpresence.
I feel like I know you, likeyou remind me of somebody and
that's because I'm so embodiedin my truth and my expression
and, granted, like I'm alsohuman and I'm here to own my
imperfections too, for sure,because that's just part of this
experience.
(12:27):
And the more that you justallow and own the truth of who
you are, the more resonant yourenergy is, the more magnetic
your energy is.
And I'm going to be supercurious, those that are
listening that are like I wantto try this on and try your
truth on, sign into my DMs andlet me know like the people are
(12:51):
recognizing it, because I thinkthat's a really beautiful piece
too is like receiving thatlittle bit of external
validation that people aremeeting you, they feel you, they
get you and that feels so juicy, of course.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I love this because, for me, a theme that has been
really playing out is thatauthenticity piece, is that
embodying of your authentic self, the embodiment of that, and
what I found becauseeverything's a projection, like
we know this, we live in aholographic universe where
everything is a projection ofyour internal experience.
You experience it on theexternal.
(13:28):
So knowing that it makes sensethat I'm coming in contact with
all of these people whoauthentic expression is so
important is a big part of, like, the season that they're in.
Um, and what I'm finding is Idon't know if it's because it's
a projection of, like, myinternal environment, but I'm
(13:50):
finding that there are a lot ofpeople who are walking through
the season, like specificallyright now, around authentic
expression, around integratingthe shadow, around showing up as
the embodied version of them,of both the shadow and the light
, and and allowing themselves tobe recognized that both aspects
(14:10):
are so beautiful, both aspectsare so needed and both you are
beautiful, you are expansive,you are magic because of those
things, not despite those things, and so really embodying that
authentic expression of that hasreally been a theme within my
reality and within my clientsreality recently, and even like
(14:31):
just watching people on socialmedia.
I'm really feeling like it's atheme.
Have you noticed that?
Is that your?
Speaker 2 (14:37):
experience.
Yeah, yeah, I think it'sdefinitely like the more you
that you are right, the morepermission that you give to
others.
And personally, for me, I thinkit's definitely like the more
you that you are right, the morepermission that you give to
others.
And personally, for me, I'mlike how can I bring more of me
into this space?
How can I bring more of meonline?
How can I like, embody andreally share the more of the
(14:58):
truth of who I am?
Because I actually get quiteoften like people perceive me as
one way on the internet andthen they meet me in person and
they're like oh, you're sodifferent, like you're so
grounded, you're so this, you'reso.
I'm like I don't know like Ithought I was doing.
I thought I was like like in myauthentic expression, but I
guess I need to be more of itlike.
(15:19):
So there's like this invitationto just continually like bring
more of you online.
And yeah, that's going to be mywork.
My work this upcoming season isreally like to bring more of my
heart.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
And what a beautiful permission slip.
Like here you are, you're likeI thought I was bringing all
myself and they're like there'slike this disconnect or there's
this space of like wow, you'reso different.
And what a beautiful permissionslip to be more of you Like.
What a beautiful permissionslip to be like, oh here, I
thought I was being all of me.
(15:56):
But there's another level,maybe another 10 levels of
embodiment of expression that Ican tap into that I haven't
tapped into.
How can we play with this?
Yeah, I love that.
So, when it comes tointegrating the shadow to be
your most expansive self, yourmost authentic self, where do
(16:17):
you begin with that?
What does that look like?
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, that's such a good question.
I am like going back to rightnow in my timeline, like the
first moment that I started torealize that there are these
disintegrated which is funnywhen you say that disintegrated,
there's parts of you that arefalling apart, that are falling
(16:44):
away.
Um, and yeah, the and that'swhat it feels like, I think,
when you haven't you haven'tachieved or like haven't
explored what it means to beintact or whole, is kind of that
disintegration and that senseof losing ground and there's not
(17:09):
a solid foundation underneathof you.
And sometimes it can feel likeyou're grasping or reaching and
the earth is kind of slippingaway from from your feet or
maybe even like what's coming tomind is like this feeling of
quicksand, like being suckedinto this hole or vortex and
this downward spiral.
(17:30):
And I think, like number one isjust to acknowledge, just to
recognize, like where you're at,like and really start to own
your truth of your reality now.
And yeah, I think thatacknowledgement piece is
(17:51):
definitely number one takinginventory.
I always start my clients offby just taking inventory of
where they are, of kind of whatthe patterns have been up until
now, and then maybe that gets tobe like.
Part two is start to takeinventory of where you are now,
acknowledge where you're at, andthen maybe take some time to
(18:16):
look back onto the past and um,yeah, notice maybe parts of
yourself or moments in your, inyour life, in your timeline,
that you felt less connected ormore depressed or you know, uh,
(18:41):
more dissonance right withinyour reality, more disconnect,
and um, just start to toacknowledge maybe what some of
those points were in the pastand then also to acknowledge
like points where you felt werereally good and really connected
.
And I do anchoring.
So I have studied nlp, I'm amaster practitioner of
(19:04):
neurolinguistic programming anda modality that I teach and use
within illum is anchoring.
So what you do is go back tothese moments in your timeline
and when I say timeline, likeyou kind of think of your, your
reality, linearly.
People have kind of this linearperception of time, and so
(19:27):
there's, you can travel into thepast, into the future, you can
start to play with thesedifferent timelines and you'll
go back to a previous moment inyour timeline maybe where you
felt really connected, reallypurposeful, really joyful.
For me, there's a moment in mytimeline there I felt so at
peace, I felt so in love in mylife and it was this moment and
(19:51):
I have a clear picture in myhead of me sitting in a hammock
in Costa Rica when I was in thePeace Corps and just felt so
carefree, I felt so supportedand start to identify um where
life has really been nourishingand pouring into you, where it's
felt really good, and then alsomaybe where life did you wrong
(20:16):
a little bit, and um, takeinventory a little bit of your
life and um a little bit of yourlife and from there, yeah, I
would say ownership is a bigpiece of this work.
So, okay, when life was doingyou wrong, where can you
(20:37):
actually own the fact that maybeyou weren't in your highest,
where you were a little bitdisembodied, where you could
have done better and I love thispractice too, and this is
something that I do almost daily.
At night is I go over my dayand I ask like, where could I
(20:59):
been better?
Where could I have brought my10x self?
Like how does my exponential,highest, most integrated version
of me show up to everythingthat I do in every way and
invite the highest version of me?
And is there some room forgrowth?
Is there something that maybewas lacking that, um, yeah, like
(21:24):
harmony or wholeness, and thatI can make some tweaks too.
So it's like taking inventory,acknowledging, uh, taking
ownership of where you get togrow.
This is radical personalresponsibility, um, in trauma
healing spaces, I know, like Imean, depending on where people
(21:48):
are in their own evolutionaryprocess, like for some
individuals being, you know,yeah, just depending on where
you are in your own evolutionaryprocess, um, to take
responsibility for the traumathat you've lived can be really
(22:08):
difficult or it can be reallyempowering, and it just depends
on perspective and it depends onthe level of consciousness one
has access to and holds and isexperiencing in the now.
And I mean, some people havehorrible, horrifying stories and
(22:29):
I feel like it's just aninvitation for evolution, for
love, for acceptance, to own thefact that, like, maybe there
are some parts of you that needto be tended to right.
And that's not a bad thing.
I'm not shaming you for it,it's an invitation.
It's like, hey, this istriggering for you.
(22:49):
Hey, you're feeling a type ofway you're feeling in panic, or
you're feeling overwhelmed, oryou're feeling you, you're
feeling, you know, guilt orshame or anxiety around this
life experience.
Well, what inside of you isashamed?
That that's part of your story.
(23:10):
And then you get to work onthat shame piece, right, you get
to work on that anxiety andreally start to tend to those,
the grief.
And I read a book recently,amazing book, it's called the
Flowering War.
It's on ancestral healing.
I've been really deepening mystudies in ancestral healing
(23:31):
work and it's like a Toltectradition, yeah, and the author
talks about grief bearer versusa grief tender.
And the grief bearer is the onethat, basically, is still
responding, reacting to lifethrough the lens of trauma, that
(23:55):
hasn't alchemized the shadowyet and you're still, yeah, like
, really acting unconsciouslythrough life and everything is
everybody else's fault.
One's never, you know, ready totake responsibility.
Here they're all victimmentality and the grief bearer.
And then you shift into, likebeing the grief tender, which is
(24:18):
the one that, like, reallynourishes and nurtures the
trauma, the shame, the griefthat have been passed down
through generations, maybe evenin your lineage, mean.
You're listening to this.
So, whoever is listening to this, I truly feel like you are a
(24:40):
grief tender.
This is your work and maybethis is an invitation to go from
that victim mentality of beinga grief bearer.
Life is happening to you andyou know shame on you to tending
to these parts of you that makeup your, your being at a
(25:01):
cellular level, um, and you,through this process, get to
break unconscious patterns and,um, traumas and belief systems
that had been passed down.
Uh, for true liberation.
For true liberation, which iswhy we're here.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
That is so good.
Oh my gosh, you just changed mywhole life with that.
Like your way of expressingthat and bring an image of the
image to mind, and the way youvoiced that and brought words to
that whole experience was sovaluable to me and I know that
everyone listened, that thereare going to be people listening
who are in the same boat, wherethey see themselves in the
(25:42):
story that you're sharing andthe way in which you're
expressing that shift from ithappening to you and to for you,
one of the things that I'm suchan advocate for.
Like getting one sentence outof something and it like
changing my whole life, so likegoing to Living Brave Live.
There could be one thingShoshana says, or Reese says or
(26:04):
somebody says that like I'mtotally available for that,
shifting my whole energeticfrequency, my whole being, my
whole business.
Like one sentence.
And one of those sentences thatshifted my whole being was
trauma's only trauma.
While you, when you andShoshana said this, trauma's
only trauma, when you're stillthinking it happened to you
(26:26):
instead of for you, which, tosomeone who is still in that
space, that can be reallytriggering, really triggering.
And there's also that space ofinvitation where it's like, if
this is triggering and you wantto move from that space of the
trauma bearer to the traumatender tenderer.
(26:46):
I think that shift, thatsoftening, that surrendering,
that reclaiming of your power in.
Yes, I may not have hadcomplete control over what has
(27:11):
happened to me, but what I dohave control over, what I do
have a say in, is whether or notI continue to live that trauma
over and over and over againevery day, whether or not I
allow whether that is someonethat did it to you allow them to
have that power over me everysingle day and allow that to
continue to live in my currentreality, in my current body, in
(27:32):
my current experience, in mycurrent existence, in my current
energetic frequency that I hold.
I could choose to allow that tocontinue to live with me.
Or another option is toalkalimize that.
Another option is to soften.
Another option is to be thattenderer, to be the one who's
(27:53):
tending to those wounds, sittingwith them, sitting with that
shadow, sitting with thosefeelings and recognizing that.
What if this experience, thatyou went through that, as
horrific as it may be, what ifpart of that was part of your
journey, so that you could speakto those who have also gone
(28:14):
through that, that haven't hadsomeone like you to see them in
that wound, to see them throughthat lens, to see them through
their experience and actually beable to see them actually,
because that is a complete gift.
I don't know about you, butwhen someone actually sees me
actually like when Shoshana wasadvertised in the Living Brave
(28:37):
event and she did that reel ofher still wearing the tag on the
back of her shirt and gettingher suitcase and was like, oh,
we're going to this event, ok,I'm in.
I booked my tickets like I'mready to go, I'm that fast.
I felt so seen in that momentbecause that's who I am.
Like I am, I'm fast.
If something feels right, mysacral is activated, I'm fast.
(28:57):
If something feels right, mysacral is activated, I'm like,
yes, I'm in, like I don't evenhave to think about it and so
for, in this space, if I, well,in that space, I felt really
seen.
I felt like, oh, my gosh, I'mnot the only person in the world
who is like, oh, yes, I'm allin and I'm all in right now, and
that's not a wrongness.
In the same space, when itspace, when it comes to trauma,
the trauma that you experienced,the trauma that you went
(29:18):
through, alkalizing that,shifting that, moving into the
space of embodiment and in thisreclaiming of all of you,
reclaiming all of you, in this,you are actually becoming the
invitation to someone to feel sofucking seen because maybe,
just maybe, you living yourexpression in that, you living
(29:39):
that embodiment of this happenedto me and I'm willing to see
things differently and I'mwilling to to tend to this and
I'm willing to reclaim my power,is the invitation to somebody
else to do the same, because youmay be the first person who's
truly seen them.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Yeah, yeah, so good, yeah, yes, so good, yeah, and I
mean that's why it's soimportant for you to be able to
do the work on yourself right.
So you have I like to call itlike a reference point and, um,
you've experienced thatfrequency in your body, like you
(30:18):
.
For me, um, you know, I holdreally just incredible portals,
healing spaces and women'scircles, and people are going
through a somatic experiencewith within these spaces and
they'll shake, they'llulse,their bodies will move in
(30:40):
uncontrollable, nonlinear ways,and the reason that I, as a
facilitator, am able to holdthat is because I've gone
through it, because I know it, Iknow what it's like and that's
a really big piece of this worktoo is, as you're stepping into
(31:00):
being that grief tender.
And when you think about thatword, tender and I'm thinking
about, like, tending to thatgarden, tending to that inner
garden right Versus the bear isthe one that, like, carries the
weight of the world, theheaviness it feels dense on your
shoulders.
And for me, an incredible griefportal that I entered into was
(31:24):
back in the beginning of 2022.
I found out I was pregnant by aman that was not going to be my
baby daddy.
I was in a relationship, but Iknew it wasn't a forever thing.
Yet I entered into thatrelationship feeling like there
was something there for me andit was a soul contract.
(31:44):
And 10 days after the new yearI had a medical abortion and I
went into the darkest, darkestportal I've ever experienced and
one could say it was.
It got scary at times but I'vestudied, like I mentioned, uh,
(32:07):
quantum energetics within theumbrella of NLP, and I was deep
in my master certification atthat point in time as well, and
part of that ability to hold theshadow is, and I was really
able to surrender into the void,into the nothingness, into the
(32:31):
absolute pitch black ofconsciousness, because I knew
that the more depth I allowmyself to experience and the
more depth that you allowyourself to experience, you're
only going to have the equal andopposite reaction.
(32:52):
You'll only experience, you'llonly get to know the equal and
opposite amount of light rightand this is a concept that I
also teach in a loom, it's partof the 12 universal laws is like
the laws of polarity, the lawsof cause and effect, of
masculine and feminine is reallyallowing yourself to go deep
(33:15):
into the shadow, because youwill only ever experience the
equal and opposite if you letyourself.
And so for me, exploring thatreally tragic, shadowy, scary
part of my consciousness, I justallowed because I knew that I
would also experience the equaland opposite amount of love,
(33:35):
connection, purposeful living,joy, ecstasy, whichasy, which is
like, of course, I also want toknow that.
But we, as humans, like, ifyou're afraid to experience the
shadow, if you don't letyourself go into that space,
like you're never going to knowthe love that this universe
holds for you, and so it'sreally just an invitation.
(33:56):
If you desire to and you yearnfor deep love, you also have to
go into deep places of fear andpain as well, and pain is
inevitable, but suffering is achoice, and so it's like how do
you perceive the inevitable painthat we, as humans that chose
to be here, incarnated in thesebodies, surrender into, and are
(34:23):
you allowing the pain or do youchoose suffering, right?
So, yeah, that was a reallyactually a painful portal, yet
such a beautiful portal, and Ihad a few more learning lessons
after that, and I'm not going tostop learning until the day I
die, because that's just how thehumanity, that's how our life
(34:43):
goes.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Well, and I think that, too, you have this unique
ability, and I say uniquebecause there are people that
don't choose this, but thosethat are listening often are
going to be the ones who arechoosing the healing journey.
Everything in life is theopportunity, is the opportunity
to expand and grow and evolveand become the student of life,
(35:11):
whereas there are a lot ofpeople who see it as the
superficial thing of like lifeis what it is.
I am being impacted andaffected by life, but I have no
say in it, I have no controlover it, I have no ability to
change what's happening to me,and I think that there's this
big shift that happens when youmove from the space of like
(35:32):
co-creating with the universeand taking these really deep
soul contract lessons that, yes,you signed up for prior to
coming into this world, and theymay be really fucking big, and
you don't know how you're goingto even begin to process it.
That's okay.
You don't even know how you'regoing to begin to move through
it.
That's okay.
(35:53):
You don't even know how deepyou're going to have to go, and
that's scary.
That is scary, and it's okay ifit's scary.
But being willing to walkthrough that, being willing to
be like I don't know where thefuck I'm going or how long this
is going to take or how deep Ihave to go, but I'm willing to
go through it.
I'm willing to navigate this,I'm willing to keep pushing
(36:13):
forward, leaning forward,surrendering deeper.
Surrendering forward into thisis going to allow you to move
into the space where you get toactually co-create with life.
Rather than life happening toyou, life is happening for you.
So, in this really beautiful,vulnerable share that you had,
(36:34):
thank you for your vulnerability, thank you for being willing to
be seen on here, thank you forgiving voice to many who are
listening to this that likelyhave very similar experiences to
you and don't know how toexpress it, don't know how to
vocalize that, because there'sshame, there's guilt, there's
fear fear of what people willsay, shame around the decisions
(36:56):
and choices that they made forthemselves, shame around the
feelings and what they'reexperiencing.
Like all of that, you just gavevoice to so many people who
have such similar stories and mytrue belief is that that
vulnerability is gonna set somany people free because they
see themselves through you.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Yeah, I think like the last,most liberating piece of this
part of my story was when I gotto tell my father and there was
a lot of shame there that I wasfeeling and a lot of fear that I
was feeling before.
(37:39):
I shared that part and you know, I realized through this
process too it's actually not myshame, it's that projection of
shame of going through anexperience like this that I was
holding onto, and so it was morethe shame of the collective
(37:59):
that I was able to move through.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
And you're alchemizing on not only just an
individual level, but acollective level.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
You are alchemizing that yeah, yeah, and that's so
powerful, it's so, it's sopowerful.
So to be able I mean, theinteresting thing about this
work too, is like we think thatit's a personal thing, but it's
actually not.
It's so much bigger, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(38:28):
I just ran a master class, uh,called liberate your lineage on
some ancestral healing work.
Um, I always invite my womeninto this work, knowing
wholeheartedly, like, that whenyou do this work on yourself,
you are liberating generationsof those that didn't have the
(38:50):
tools, the resources, thewherewithal, the access, the
privilege, the, the, the braveryto do it themselves.
And, um, by you being here, you, you know, pouring your heart
out, bearing your heart on yoursleeve for others to witness,
like it's not for you, it's foryou, you're doing it for you,
(39:14):
but you actually are doing itfor something so much greater
than you, because I believe inthe one, the collective
consciousness, that is one thatis love.
And when you come back to love,when you come back to right,
from fear to love, when youreturn to love through the one
(39:35):
consciousness that we allexperiencing, it's creating more
wholeness for the one, for thewhole that we're all
experiencing in a collectivespace.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
So I'm getting pretty far out there, I'm getting a
little bit heady right now alittle existential, but I love
it because it's us physicallymoving through these things.
Us physically moving throughthese things it's 1111 right now
, at least here in North Idaho.
(40:11):
It's really interesting because, as we physically take
ourselves through theseexperiences and return to love,
as you're speaking, what's sofascinating to me is it does
require us to move through theshadow with it.
That's how we raise thefrequency, that's how we hold a
higher frequency, that's how wehold more space is bringing that
shadow back to love.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Somebody in my life recentlywent through a pretty traumatic
and shadowy experience himselfand there was some domestic
violence involved in this caseand he felt so deeply
(40:56):
disconnected from his heart,from love, from acceptance, and
there was a lot of shame there.
And I told him in conversation,I was like you know, this is
actually.
This is a beautiful, beautifulthing to be able to experience
and it's actually an invitationfor you to create more
(41:17):
acceptance and go deeper intoyourself and discover, you know,
because obviously, like, ifdomestic violence is involved,
then that's a pretty shadowyplace to be in and then, um, you
know, leaving somebody that youlove behind is can, it's
earth-shattering.
And and I told him, I was likethis is such a beautiful gift
(41:41):
and such an invitation.
And if you get through this, ifyou get through this, if you
let yourself go there, if youlet yourself experience the
depth of the darkness that youare facing right now, then you
will know a love that you'venever experienced before.
And what a fantastic, what abeautiful gift, what a beautiful
invitation to be able to beinvited into a deeper sense of
(42:05):
self-knowing and a more intimate, more accepting, more radical,
revolutionary love than a lovethat you've ever known in 50, 60
, 80 years of your life.
It's never too late and youknow, I think that takes a brave
heart and it takes, takes youknow a lot of freaking courage
(42:27):
yeah, a lot of courage, and ittakes the individual.
That's ready, right.
It's like are you livingthrough the lens that life is
happening for you or to you?
Are you living throughvictimhood?
Are you living through a lensof empowered being?
And, um, you know that's.
I can help people to shift intostates of empowerment, for sure
(42:50):
, but it's also not really up tome.
And as a leader, you can onlylead by example, really in a lot
of this work.
And so it's like that's whyit's so important to be embodied
in an integrity with how youlead, how you guide, how you
move through your life.
And I think one of the greatestinvitations to integrity within
(43:15):
my life was like would myclients be proud of the woman
that I am behind closed doors Ifthey were on the wall like a
fly right now?
Would I be proud of how I'mshowing up, of how I'm
conducting myself?
Who do I be in the moments tomoment, choices and interacting
(43:36):
in everyday life?
Because that's who you areright Is those small moments
that make up.
You know, we could haveinfinite amount of small moments
that make up the one wholeright, and it's like a pie you
can smash it to as many littletiny pieces and granulars as you
want.
We can keep going, and thelevel of integrity and the
(43:58):
frequency that you choose toembody through those granular
and micro moments are reallywhat impacts the quality of life
that you live.
And, yeah, so I think, throughthe lens of leadership, that's
(44:18):
really our greatest piece ofwork, and integrity is one of my
top values, if not my greatestvalue, is being an integrity,
and that matters how I am beingand living and breathing in the
moment to moment.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Yes, and for me, that integrity piece really, truly
reciprocates the energy ofauthenticity, of like truly to
be.
An integrity for me and I havea feeling this applies to you as
well means living authentically.
Living being what I'mexpressing, who I'm being, what
(44:55):
I'm doing, all being verycohesive, all being congruent
with one another, all being inalignment with one another,
which is ultimately in alignmentwith who I really am.
And to really bring this fullcircle with your share on
allowing yourself to walkthrough the shadow and recognize
(45:18):
where you're experiencing shameand fear and doubt and worry
and judgment.
Where is that even you?
And where is that actuallysomething that you've learned?
Where is that ancestral?
Where is that patriarchal?
Where is that?
Where is that?
Coming from a place that is noteven you, because nine times
out of 10, if not 10 times outof 10, it's not even you.
(45:42):
It's not even your story.
It's something that you adopted, it's something that you bought
as yours.
It's something that you boughtas right or, on the other side
of that, you bought something aswrong, and so the opposite is
this must be the right answer,and so it's like where are you
creating?
Where are you living?
Where are you experiencing lifethrough the lens of your
(46:05):
ancestors, through the lens ofthe patriarchy, through the lens
of what they've decided isright or wrong, instead of
really embodying who you are.
And a piece that it almost feltlike you were going to go into
earlier and we kind of wentalongside is like who are you
from the beginning?
Who are you before you weretaught what was right and wrong,
(46:28):
what was good and bad, what wasthe right way to handle
something or the wrong way tohandle something, or the right
way to be or the wrong way to be.
And who are you before that?
Because, for me personally, I,even as a young girl, I was very
charismatic, I was verymagnetic, I was very, dare I say
, sexual, like I was very muchso, like without.
(46:49):
It was just this energy ofmagnetism, it was this openness,
it was this life force wasmoving through me, it was this
connectedness.
And where are all the ways thatI have been made wrong?
For that You're too big, you'retoo expressive.
You make sure that you crossyour legs, make sure you're
doing this, make sure you'redoing that, make sure you're not
(47:15):
saying anything because you can.
You can't take that back.
You have to really think aboutwhat you're going to say before
you say it, because there's notaking those words back.
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Those were all beliefs andpoints of views and ways of
being that I adopted from thepeople around me who were, who
were loving me and teaching mefrom the place of love and what
they knew, their quote, unquotewisdom, their experience.
(47:36):
But where have you turned offwho you are in order to operate
from a place that is not of youat all?
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Yeah, yeah, and that's really the work is is
coming home to the truth of whoyou are and, I think, one
realization that I've come to inthe last few weeks.
I so, this past February, I wentthrough yet another spiritual
awakening portal and I I wasactually at a play party on, uh,
(48:13):
a BDSM masters kink table inlingerie, witnessed by a room of
probably 10 or 15 that weresitting there um just connecting
with one another and he wasrubbing my body with I don't
know what it was, like a gloveof rabbit fur or something and,
(48:37):
um, he asked me a few kind of uhtopics or things that I was
working on in that moment.
And worthiness was a big piece.
And in that moment, while I waslaying there on the kink table,
my body was soft and I had beenchanneling like all night long
(48:57):
and just clearing a lot ofenergy that had been in my body,
but also like collective energythat was in this space.
And something that he asked mewas about my tattoos and what
they have.
What do they have to do withbeing worthy?
And in this moment I realizedand this was something that I
(49:18):
had been kind of tussling withback and forth is the
understanding of innateworthiness, and I think a lot of
women will really, will reallyresonate with the challenge that
one might feel to feel innatelyworthy.
What does that mean?
Our society is programmed intous that you need to have a house
(49:40):
, that you need to have thesuccess, that you need to have
the money in the bank, that youneed to have the success, that
you need to have the money inthe bank, that you need to have
the job title in order to beworthy.
Right and sadly.
But truth is, our societyreally validates that narrative.
This is what our society hasbeen built off of and for me,
from an early age at least, like10 or 15 years, I've had a
different measure of success.
(50:02):
I've had a different measure ofsuccess and in that moment I
realized what it means to beinnately worthy is just by that
tattoo's existence, of being onmy body, is it worthy of being
here?
Just by existing means, thatit's worthy of being here, of
taking up space.
And that was a huge download,that I finally am embodied in
(50:28):
that wisdom and that knowledgein my energetic aura and
frequency of like.
Just because you're here, babe,you're worthy and I can.
You know, people canintellectualize that, but it's
different when you embody thatright, because I was
intellectualizing it for months,trying to understand what it
means to be innately worthy, butreally until you feel that
(50:54):
mind-body connection and thatembodied knowledge of innate
worthiness and that was a reallybig gift.
And five days later, and I wasactually engaging and I
connected with a man at thatparty and five days later he
came back to Colorado and we hadfun and I went on this crazy
(51:16):
adventure and he has this cool,sexy, you know camper van and I
said, fuck it, why not, I'll getin your van and let's drive to
Utah.
Like, yeah, girl, I'm a wildwoman, but through this process
and I'm super empathic, I'msuper sensitive the man is
sleeping next to me for fivedays and I'm on fire, like my
energy is just like I can'tsleep.
(51:37):
I'm like so stimulated by thisman.
His like energy is justpenetrating me, I can like feel
it and it's so intense.
And that night that we got tohis house in Utah, I actually
got an ocular migraine and Ilost my vision for five days
because and I'm very, my thirdeye is very open, I'm
(52:00):
clairvoyant, clairsentient, likeI have a lot of gifts and um,
yeah, spirit said if you don'twant to see, then we'll take
your vision away.
No problem, I got you and sothat's what happened.
I, I'm, I lost my vision forfive days and um, yeah, it was
really a difficult time as onecould imagine.
(52:20):
Um and uh, yeah, which is acrazy story.
I've had vision correction sinceI was a young child and I've
been farsighted.
I've been wearing contacts andglasses my whole life.
And after this experience I putmy glasses on and I didn't work
(52:42):
anymore and I went to theophthalmologist and I had them
test my vision again and he said, no, you have 20, 20 vision.
You don't have astigmatism.
And I was like, excuse me, Ihad to ask the man five times.
I was like, are you sure?
Are you sure?
Like you must be doing thiswrong.
He was like, no, you're?
You literally don't have you,you don't wear your glasses,
(53:07):
like just, please don't.
And I was like what the F isgoing on?
And since then, due to a fewother things, I've been.
I cut all substances out, Ihave been celibate, and all of
this has been bringing me backto again like that innate
worthiness and that joy that Iexperienced, that unbound,
(53:29):
unbridled, unadulterated joythat I have felt, that I used to
feel when I was a kid and solike bringing it full circle.
Now I'm more sober and celibatethan I've been in the last 15
or 16 years of my life, becauseI started young, like I was
drinking and fucking when I was15, 14 years old, and so I was a
(53:50):
crazy girl and I, yeah, likethis is the clearest, cleanest
I've been in years and this isthe most deeply satisfied and
joyful I've felt in my entirelife since before, the impact
and the influence of substancesof sexuality, of you know, um,
(54:15):
yeah, just like feeling Well andyou're not finding that outside
of yourself at all.
Speaker 1 (54:20):
Like that is creating this clear channel of truly
finding all of those thingswithin you, instead of finding
them through the substances,through even like sex.
That's such a drug, like thatflirtation, like that space is
such a drugs to find that withinyourself and completely
(54:40):
disconnected from the substances, completely disconnected from
what previously was preconceivedas the reward or preconceived
as the worthiness.
Now you're just finding thatwithin yourself and then what do
you get to create from there?
Because now you're going to becreating everything from the
foundation of I'm fucking worthy, because I just fucking am, and
creating from that space.
Speaker 2 (55:01):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
That is 10 times.
You talked about living that 10times version of you.
Like, what are the interactionsthat I'm going to have?
How am I going to hold myself?
Who am I going to be if I'moperating from this 10 times
place?
You're operating from that 10times place.
You're operating from that righthere and now because you're
fucking worthy, because you are,and it doesn't require anything
outside of you yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been definitely quantum
(55:26):
playing in the quantum fieldthese last few months but that
also like on the other side ofthat like, viewing that from
that lens of like this is your10 times self, finding that
worthiness within you, like youcan look at it from this, this
big picture, zoomed out,perspective of like, holy fuck,
I'm finding that 10 timesversion of myself.
I'm living there.
But there's also still thatshadow aspect that you're
(55:47):
integrating on in that too.
Every moment of like, I want asubstance to like neutralize
this feeling of discomfort thatI'm having within my body.
I want to have sex becausethere's this discomfort that I'm
having within my body.
I want to have a drink to takeoff the edge, because there's
this discomfort in the stretchthat I'm feeling within my body.
I want to have a drink to takeoff the edge because there's
this discomfort in the stretchthat I'm feeling within my body.
You're navigating that shadowinstantaneously by saying, no, I
(56:12):
am celibate.
No, I am sober.
No, I am not using anysubstances to dilute any of
these feelings, to neutralizeany of these feelings.
I am the alchemist and I can dothat because I am worthy.
I can do that because I can,and I can do that without any
external factor, any externalsubstance.
Speaker 2 (56:31):
Amen, amen.
Yeah, it's been really fun andI'm looking forward to the rest
of the year.
For sure I'm going to be doinga 10 day Vipassana.
I'm taking some time for myself, pouring back into the well and
looking forward to welcomingmore beautiful, magnetic,
(56:53):
incredible leaders and changemakers and alchemists into my
world.
So I'm just so grateful to behere and have this conversation.
It feels yeah, it feels like apivotal and significant moment.
So I agree, I so agree.
Speaker 1 (57:11):
Thank you for having this conversation with me.
Thank you for the vulnerabilityand the love and being seen and
the way in which you expressyourself and your energy and
frequency being here in thisspace.
I know that people listening tothis are.
Their life is going to beforever different.
Even if there isn't thattangible piece of like, this is
what shifted me You're, theenergetic frequency in which you
(57:34):
showed up in today.
The level of vulnerability, thelevel of openness, the level of
softness that you expressed andexpressed through today was
such an invitation for more forothers, and they're
energetically going to feel it,whether they recognize it or not
, and so I'm so grateful thatyou were willing to bring this
(57:56):
to this space, like I am sodeeply grateful for your
presence and you being here.
So thank you.
Where is the best place forpeople to connect with you when
they are like fuck, yes, kat'smy person.
I want to be in her tribe, Iwant to be in her space, I want
to be in her energy.
Where can they find you?
Speaker 2 (58:18):
Yeah, thank you.
It's such a pleasure and Iwould say definitely.
The gram is a really incredibleplace to plug in and play and
find me, I am enrolling 10incredible, magnetic,
change-making women out in theworld into my academy right now.
(58:42):
So calling in the next cohortof beautiful, beautiful
facilitators and change makers,ones that are desiring to create
transformational spaces thatare trauma-informed that also
may not be necessarily the mosttrauma-sensitive, because I
always tell my clients I'm likeI'm trauma-informed, but I tell
(59:03):
you I'm not always traumasensitive because we're here to
alchemize some shit and thattakes going into the discomfort
yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So, um, I lead really potentand transformational spaces here
in Colorado as well.
So if you're local to the Rockymountains, definitely send me a
DM.
(59:23):
I've got one last event thatI'm hosting for the rest of the
year, which feels exciting.
It's going to be on the equinoxevening on the equinox.
Look forward to that.
And then, yeah, I've got acouple of spaces in my
one-to-one mentorship.
So I've got two more spaces inmy one-to-one for the rest of
(59:46):
the year and those are for somewomen that are just like ready
to soar.
It takes a really uniqueindividual that's.
I mean here for the alchemy,here for the Phoenix rising
moment, and I'm here to call youup and I'm here to call you
forward and, like you mentionedtoo, like, feel the energy and
calibrate to that frequency.
(01:00:07):
Like that's what I absolutelypromise to do for you is be the
pole in a lot of this alchemyand energy work and this upgrade
that you're going to experience.
So thank you so much, whitney,thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
Oh my gosh, this episode truly changed my life.
I'm so grateful, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
I'm so grateful for you and I realized.
I didn't even say what myInstagram was.
Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
It's just I'll put it below too, but what is your
Instagram?
Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Yeah, it's, I am Kat Tovar.
So yeah, whitney will link it.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
But I'm so grateful She'll be so accessible and so
easy to find.
You won't even have to worryabout it.
All the people will find you.
Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Yeah, thanks, love it's such a pleasure.
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