December 3, 2024 • 35 mins
Josie Hau’s journey through motherhood is both inspiring and deeply moving. In this episode, she shares how raising a child with a congenital heart defect and Down syndrome brought immense challenges, from a difficult diagnosis during pregnancy to multiple heart surgeries. Despite the hardships, Josie found strength in community and created "Love for Littles," an initiative that uses simple support bracelets to bring families together in compassion. Her story also highlights the unpredictability of motherhood, including another challenge during her fourth pregnancy, and reminds us that asking for help is an act of courage. Through it all, Josie shows how self-care, connection, and finding joy in adversity can help us thrive.
Key Takeaways:
- Strength in Vulnerability: Asking for help is a sign of courage, not weakness.
- The Power of Community: Small acts of kindness can create lasting bonds.
- Finding Joy in Hardship: Light and joy can be found even in life’s toughest moments.
MENTIONS IN THE EPISODE:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Josie Hau (00:00):
okay, she's got Down syndrome, Like a lot of kids do
well, she'll do well too.
And she just didn't.
Her mitral valve kept tearing,and at two in the morning the
day after her first surgery thewhole team was called back into
the operating room and they hadto fix her heart because that
mitral valve tore.
And then a week later we werekind of getting ready, thinking
(00:22):
about going home Ryan was goingto go home to be with the girls,
relieve my sister and myparents from watching them and
her valve tore again.
So we had to live thisnightmare all over.
Elisabeth Emmerich (00:33):
Motherhood is beautiful, yet challenging.
You may be feeling lost inmotherhood, but I'm here to tell
you that, no matter what seasonof motherhood you find yourself
in, every mom has a uniquejourney that is worth
experiencing.
So if you are a mom feelingoverwhelmed, are struggling with
mom guilt, want to be moreconfident and are looking for
ways to find you again, knowthat you are not alone.
(00:57):
Every mom will come away withconnection, knowledge and
tangible tools to integrate intoher own motherhood experience.
You deserve to be confident inmotherhood, with all of your
experiences that make you whoyou are.
So let's get started on beingreal, vulnerable and step into
community with each other.
This is Experience Motherhood.
(01:17):
Before we go on in this episode, I want to give a brief thank
you to B Schmidt 17.
She recently reviewed thepodcast and said I'm a mom of
three and can relate so much toall of these episodes.
Motherhood can feel isolatingat times and it's so helpful to
hear some of the commonchallenges that come with
(01:39):
raising kids.
B Schmidt 17,.
Thank you so much for takingtime out of your day to rate and
review this podcast.
It means so much to get to hearfrom each and every one of you,
and so if you haven't rated andreviewed the podcast, I
encourage you to do so.
I read every single review.
I really tailor this podcast towhat I'm hearing from you and
(02:02):
the feedback I get.
So thank you so much forlistening and for those of you
that have already reviewed thepodcast, hello and welcome to
Experience Motherhood Podcast.
I have the joy of having myfriend and guest on today, josie
, and she's going to reallyshare truly an incredible
(02:22):
motherhood story that I know isgoing to be really impactful to
you, and we're going to talkabout how she has come to find
joy in the midst of really hardthings, without it really
entering into this toxicpositivity or this realm of like
everything's fine, there'snothing wrong, but really how
she has found those littleglimmers of hope and joy in
(02:45):
those really really hard moments, and so it's such a great
conversation.
She is so incredible.
I mean you will just be able tosense her joy in the
conversation without even seeingher, so I invite you to listen
along.
She has an incredible businessas well that she's going to talk
about about all of thiscommunity support and how
(03:05):
important it is to not domotherhood alone, so make sure
you listen to the whole thing.
She gives some great practicaladvice at the end, as she is a
mother of four girls, and justhow she's juggling it all and
how she handles things when theydo become really overwhelming.
So make sure to listen all theway till the end.
(03:27):
Well, hello, josie.
I'm so glad that you're heretoday.
It's going to be such a joy andwe're going to get into it more
.
It's not going to be any formof toxic positivity, it is true
joy in the best sense.
So I'm so excited you're hereand to hear your story and for
you to share your heart witheveryone listening.
But can you just give us alittle hello and like a little
(03:50):
background of who you are?
Josie Hau (03:51):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Hi everyone, like you said, myname is Josie and I am a mom of
four girls.
I have Olive, who is eight,elodie who is seven, maya is
five and my littlest girl,Juniper, is three.
And it has been quite theexperience in motherhood
parenting these four beautifullittle girls.
(04:14):
The first two were born, hadhealthy pregnancies, easy
pregnancies, pretty easydeliveries.
So when I was going in for the20-week ultrasound with my third
baby, we found out we werehaving a daughter.
But then we also found out shewas going to be born with a
heart defect, so a congenitalheart defect or a CHD, where she
only had three chambers in herheart instead of four, and so
(04:37):
that brought us to our localchildren's hospital and a lot of
other testing and echoes andall these things.
And we also found out that shehas Down syndrome.
So the last 20 weeks of thatpregnancy were very, very
intense, but she was born inSeptember and eight pounds,
super healthy, only had to spendfour days in the hospital, just
(05:00):
need a little oxygen support,and then eventually she needed
hospital, just need a littleoxygen support, and then
eventually she needed surgery toget her heart fixed and so
after a while that was a prettyintense time, and after we were,
you know, she did great we'reout of the woods.
My husband and I really wantedto try for one more baby, just
so we could really enjoy thelast pregnancy, the last newborn
phase, instead of worrying somuch about open heart surgery.
(05:25):
So we tried for one more and Igot pregnant again, and I was
pregnant with Junie, our littlebaby, and at 35 weeks my
appendix burst and they took theappendix and left the baby, but
a week later I was septic andleft the baby.
(05:46):
But a week later I was septicso I had to get rushed to the
emergency room again and thistime I had to have an emergency
C-section and so she was born amonth early and I was just so
sick.
She was born sick, it tookthree minutes for her to breathe
on her own after she wasdelivered, and so it was just a
very intense welcome to theworld.
So even though we really wantedthat last one to just be the, I
(06:09):
just assumed it would be aseasy as my other ones.
But I make plans and theuniverse laughs.
So that's kind of a little bitabout what our life has been
like in the last eight years.
Elisabeth Emmerich (06:22):
Yeah, oh my goodness.
I mean talk about trulyunexpected things.
And then it like just went moreunexpected.
It was like one thing afteranother.
Oh my goodness, how scary foryour husband, I would imagine,
during that fourth pregnancypiece, you know, you just had
your appendix out and now you'reseptic and then your baby's
(06:42):
born.
I mean, oh my goodness.
Josie Hau (06:44):
Yeah, and we both had a lot of medical trauma and
PTSD from Maya's heart surgeriesfrom the years prior, and so to
see me in that situation wasvery, very hard for him, and
then for him to even sort ofentertain the idea that he could
lose me and then have to parentfour girls on his own.
You know, we're just sograteful that it didn't end up
(07:07):
that way, but how quickly itcould have and how close we
really were to that.
Elisabeth Emmerich (07:11):
It's just terrifying, oh my gosh.
I mean I got literal goosebumpsas you were talking.
I was like, oh, shivered there,like yeah, that is such an
incredible story and I meanwhat's so amazing and why?
Well, one of the reasonsthere's many reasons, but one of
the reasons I really wanted tohave you on as a guest is
because, even though everyonejust heard that significantly
(07:35):
traumatic story on multiplestories in your motherhood
journey, you are one of the mostjoyful people I have truly ever
met.
I mean, you just radiatepositivity and I think what's so
interesting is that, you know,a lot of times we can kind of
just go one way or the other,right, like we can either let
that then dictate how we'regoing to live out our motherhood
(07:59):
experience and be mad and beupset or be in pain or whatever
it is, or we might just pretendit never happened and just be
like, oh it's fine, I'm fine,like everything's good, and
never really acknowledge thatthat was an insane situation.
All of them, not to mentionthat even your, you know healthy
(08:20):
pregnancies and birth.
I mean that's insane too,because you're still bringing a
human being into the world.
Like that's insane too, butlike on a different level, you
know.
Josie Hau (08:29):
Yeah, absolutely, and that's one of the things.
Like I've always been a veryjust, positive person, I'm just
kind of generally happy.
You know, I feel very fortunatein the way I was raised and all
of this.
Like I have good friends, youknow.
I just I feel very, veryfortunate.
So there's definitely things inmy life that have just made
that easier.
But then there's also been somereally intense trials where I
(08:51):
had to really stick to my gunsabout who I am as a person.
And who I am is somebody whotries to find goodness in dark
times and bright spots in darktimes, and I try to be that for
other people and I try to lookfor it in myself and around, and
so I've been tested.
(09:11):
But it's just something that'sreally important to me.
This life is supposed to be fun, and if it's not, then I need
to change something.
And so what can I change?
Right, like, what can I doabout it?
So that's kind of how I viewthese situations, yeah, that I
either make it worse or I couldtry to make it better.
Elisabeth Emmerich (09:30):
Yeah, and I like that.
It's like this mindset shiftright Of, just okay.
Like I mean, it's annoying whenpeople are like, oh, make
lemonade out of lemons you know,yeah, I guess to an extent
right, but you're taking yoursituation that was given to you
and, yeah, you can you get todecide how you're going to
respond and you don't have to bein that react like mentality of
(09:54):
like I'm just going to react toeverything but you're going to
respond which is a little bitmore deliberate, and I would
love to hear even just goingback to maybe your third
pregnancy.
First, I feel like we couldtalk about all of this, which
one, which one, but yeah, whatkind of experience was that Like
(10:14):
, you know, being in gettingyour ultrasound, finding that
information, and then you knowyou have two other children at
the time too.
It's not like you know, youjust have only this sole child
to take care of and think about.
What was that like?
Josie Hau (10:28):
It was very intense.
It was so I remember sitting inmy bed just sobbing into a
towel because Kleenexes weren'tbig enough anymore.
I think that's just how intensethis was, and I I am so when I
when we got the Down syndromediagnosis and her heart defect
(10:50):
and that she would definitelyneed surgery, you know,
everything just falls apart.
So like I was numb but I wasterrified, but all at the same
time it was just I just rememberfocusing she's okay while she's
in my belly, like so for todayshe's okay, like that's the only
thing I can do right now ismake sure she's okay right here
(11:12):
where I have her.
Yeah, so it was very hard andmy other daughters, when I got
the diagnosis, were only two andone at the time, and then Maya
was supposed to have surgerywhen she was about four to six
months old and it's a prettystandard surgery.
It has a 98% success rate andso we were told that it was kind
(11:33):
of one of the better ones thatyou could have a CHD, like one
of the better ones with greatoutcomes.
And I was reading that kidswith Down syndrome really do
well with this, because 50% ofpeople with Down syndrome have a
heart defect, and so there's alot of kiddos who have this
exact defect, and some of themwere out of the hospital in six
days or five days, and we'relike, okay, like we can do this,
(11:55):
we can do hard things, right?
Yeah, so she ended up, though,going into heart failure at just
five weeks old, and and thatwas just sorry if I get
emotional, it's still.
I've talked about it so manytimes just seeing your baby
literally slowly dying is awful,and so, when we took her in,
(12:18):
she needed her surgery a lotsooner than we expected, and I
still had this.
You know, I've been thinkingabout this for the last, you
know, six months, so I wasreally, really prepared for it,
and what we did was, before sheactually went into heart failure
, my grandma, my mom, my sisterand I all sat around the table,
and we made these like sweetlittle heart bracelets so kind
(12:41):
of like, you know, those likesilicone Livestrong bracelets
that everybody I wantedsomething like that, but way
cuter.
So we were sitting in thesebracelets, and then, on the day
of her surgery, everybody wehanded them out to coworkers,
friends, family.
Everybody was wearing the colorpink, wearing their pink little
heart bracelets, and so, whileshe was in surgery for seven
(13:01):
hours.
We were getting pictures thewhole time and text messages of
people wearing pink, peopleshowing us their bracelets, and
it was just such a gift becausehalf of my heart is at home with
my sister watching my other twodaughters.
My other heart is in theoperating room where they
stopped her heart, they stoppedher breathing.
A machine was doing all of thatand this doctor is working on
(13:24):
her heart in a one centimeterhole, like trying to build up
this little baby heart.
And so, having that love andsupport of all of our friends
and our community in like atangible way that they were
showing us their love, it wasjust magnificent.
And so she ended up not sheneeded two more surgeries after
that and those two really rockedus because we were prepared for
(13:47):
the first one.
We were kind of thinking, okay,she's got Down syndrome.
Like a lot of kids do well,she'll do well too.
And she just didn't.
Her mitral valve kept tearingand at two in the morning the
day after her first surgery thewhole team came back, was called
back into the operating roomand it was Thanksgiving morning
and they all left their familiesto come save mine, to save her
(14:12):
life again and they had to fixher heart because that mitral
valve tore.
And then a week later we werekind of getting ready thinking
about going home Ryan was goingto go home to be with the girls,
relieve my sister and myparents from watching them and
her valve tore again.
So we had this nightmare allover and to say that it broke me
(14:34):
is kind of an understatementbecause I just have never felt
so like I had no control overanything.
You know, people would alwayssay what do you need?
What do you need?
And I'd be like I just need herheart to be fixed, like that's
all I need right now.
And thankfully the third surgerywas successful.
But again on that day it wasalmost a nine-hour surgery and I
(14:58):
see everybody else coming andgoing from the waiting room and
we're just waiting, watching herlittle case number, getting
hourly updates.
But people kept sending us thepictures of their bracelets and
their colorful pink shirts.
And again it was just.
We were so wrapped up in ourlove from all of our friends and
that was just a lifesaver.
(15:19):
It was just amazing.
I mean, we were smiling and youcan't even really think about
that.
Like how could you smile?
Like we literally were smilingat these people, our friends
sending us messages and family.
So it was unreal.
Elisabeth Emmerich (15:34):
Yeah, I mean it's just a story of an
incredible like support and Ifeel like such a reminder of
like people.
You can have people thatsupport you in that way, even
through the most devastatinghard stuff, the grief, whatever
it is, and that can bring thatlittle glimmer of joy there,
(15:54):
even in the midst of absolutefear and terror.
I'm sure of like what's goingto happen, is she going to make
it?
I mean all of these horrendousthings that you're probably
trying not to think about inthat moment, but then having
that support of all of thesepictures and texts come in.
I mean, I can imagine just sucha mixture of so many emotions
(16:15):
like basically the whole youknow emotions wheel is like all
(16:36):
there, yeah, yeah, absolutely,yeah, absolutely.
Like myself again, we give somuch to our families that it's
easy to forget our own needs andvalues.
But what if motherhood couldreveal even more of who you
truly are?
That's the heart of theExperience Identity Program
helping you reconnect withyourself and embrace motherhood
on your terms, rediscover whatyou value most and learn how to
(16:59):
actually live it out.
This program isn't justparenting tips.
It's a journey to reclaim youridentity with audio content you
can listen to on the go and areally comprehensive digital
workbook to support your growth.
If you're ready to rewrite yourmotherhood story, use the link
in the show notes or head toexperiencemotherhoodcom.
(17:20):
Don't let overwhelm or guilttake over in your motherhood
journey.
Reconnect with yourself and theunique path of motherhood
waiting for you.
Josie Hau (17:33):
I think we know that motherhood can be isolating,
right.
You just feel like you're in itkind of by yourself and that's
why people like you and yourpodcast and your social media
like it's so helpful becauseyou're not alone.
And then when you add medicalcomplexities, it just you know
you can't really think aboutanything else except for what
(17:54):
you have to do.
So all of a sudden you lookaround and you're like, wow, I
am alone, but really you're notand it's just kind of hard to
see that support sometimes andso that's what I think is a big
takeaway and what I want peoplewho have gotten diagnosis is
like you will find your people.
I was told you're gonna find outwho your real friends are,
(18:14):
meaning that people are gonnaleave us, and that was
terrifying and honestly, I justsaw the best in humanity Nobody
left us.
Everybody like was terrifyingand honestly, I just saw the
best in humanity Nobody left us.
Everybody like wasunderstanding and those people
who haven't had that situation,who have had friends who can't
handle it or it just kind ofweeds out your true friends and
not but like it's a verydaunting feeling to hear that
(18:39):
when you're researchingdisabilities or medical issues
and I just have to say.
In our experience, it was quitethe opposite.
Our people rallied around us,and I'm so thankful for that.
Elisabeth Emmerich (18:50):
Yeah, it's cool too, like going back to
your like family and how youguys are making those bracelets
right, and it was like yourgesture of being vulnerable and
kind of letting people into someof your fear and pain and
saying hey, like, oh, this isscary, Like, but here do you
want to like wear this braceletand think you know like.
(19:10):
I mean, but I like it becauseit's so tangible and it makes it
almost easier, maybe, forpeople to then really know how
to support you.
But they can just wear it.
They, you know, even if you'relike I don't know what I need, I
don't know if I need meals orlaundry, or I don't know, I
don't know how to answer thatYou're just like wear this
bracelet and that meant so muchto you.
Can you talk a little bit aboutbecause I, you know, I know who
(19:33):
you are and like your businessbackground, but those listening
might not know that thisincredibly difficult situation
sparked something that hasblessed already so many people.
Can you share a little bitabout what you started?
Josie Hau (19:49):
Yeah, absolutely so.
I started a small businesscalled the Love for Littles.
I make support bracelets forpeople who have a child who gets
a diagnosis, and it's a way offeeling that connection and love
.
And I put the word small insmall business.
We are pretty small.
It's me, or my mom or myhusband's grandpa making these
(20:11):
bracelets by hand, and I shipthem all out.
And it's just been amazing,though, because some of the
families that I've beenintroduced to through this have
said how much these braceletsmean to them, and it's the
smallest thing, but sometimesit's those small things that
matter so much, and especially,like I said, when I don't know
(20:32):
what I need I need a surgeon tofix her heart this is a way that
people did show us that theyloved us and were here for us.
It was just this gentle and kindof constant reminder, because
it ties on your wrist, and now Iget to help other families see
their connection to peoplebecause of these bracelets.
You know, I gave one of ourbracelets to like the nursing
(20:54):
staff and even Maya'scardiologist, and so when he
would wear that bracelet, I knowhe loves all of his patients,
but like that was for my girl,you know, like that bracelet, my
girl, and so she wasn't just acase number and she wasn't that,
she was just a whole person whodeserves to be loved, and she
is loved by so many.
So so that's what I get to dofor other people now, and I get
(21:18):
people who reach out when theyhave somebody in their life who
had a diagnosis like how can Isupport this friend or my sister
or my neighbor?
It's like, well, you can getsome bracelets and start with
that and give them some and youwear one too, and it's just like
an amazing, sweet and smallgesture that goes a long way.
Elisabeth Emmerich (21:38):
Yeah, you know it reminds me of and maybe
you've read it.
Have you read that children'sbook book, the invisible string?
Yes, okay, I it's.
The whole time you were talkingI was like, oh man, this
reminds me of this book and forthose that have not gotten it or
read it, you should for yourchildren, because it's just so
good.
Even it's a.
It's a book focused on a lossof a loved one, but it really is
(22:01):
so applicable to anything.
It could be illness, it couldbe just going to kindergarten
and you're missing your mom, orit could really be for anything.
But I like the idea that we'reall connected.
Right, we all have thisinvisible string of love that's
connecting us to people all overthe world, and what's cool is
(22:21):
that you made it tangible, Imean the whole time.
I'm like that is so cool.
Like man, you should likeconnect with the author or
something and do something withher, but I just love it.
I mean because it is such acommunal community thing, right,
like when we're going throughhard things and joyful things, I
mean, even when you're having agraduation or whatever it is,
(22:43):
you bring people together, andit should be that way when it's
hard too, right yeah.
So I love that you're doingthat.
Josie Hau (22:50):
Thank you, yeah, and we've made bracelets, for a
friend's mother-in-law is dyingof cancer and so my friend got
bracelets for the whole familyand all the grandkids, because
they all live in different parts, but again, it's how they're
all connected.
So when they're FaceTiming youknow that grandma sees her
little granddaughter or grandsonwearing that bracelet and she
(23:13):
knows that she's loved.
You don't always have to say itthen, because you can't always
put it into words, and so it iscalled the love for littles, but
we do it for adults and stufftoo, because it just really is
the stinking sweetest thing andI just am so proud of it.
And I never meant to be abusiness person, I just love
being a mom.
But I saw this need and I'mtrying just to help people
(23:37):
through dark times and findingthat love.
Elisabeth Emmerich (23:39):
So yeah, I love that and I like to that
like at least you know,sometimes when I'm seeing your
stories on social media andstuff, it's you'll like announce
, kind of in a way like hey,we're sending a bracelet to
Billy in Idaho or whatever youknow like and like can we think?
you know, think and pray forthis, you know, child, or I just
love that aspect, that you'reeven taking it like a step
(24:01):
further than just between youand that person that bought the
bracelet or the person who'sgoing through it, and you're
like well, let's inviteeverybody.
Like they need to support andlove.
I love that.
Josie Hau (24:12):
Yeah, thanks.
Well, and it's so sweet becausewhen we first started to, my
daughters would always want, mydaughters would always want to
wear the bracelets that I wassending out to other people.
So for the longest time theywould have like four bracelets
on, and so I would say like, allright, let's send love to Louie
.
All right, let's send love toJulian.
All right, here's one for Emma.
You know so, like they wereseeing, like you know, and they
(24:35):
were, they're still little kidsbut they have such a good
understanding that, like there'sso much more to it than the
four walls of our house, thatthere are people out there who
have sick hearts or cancer orwhatever, and that we can.
We can't do much all the time,but we can do something, and
sometimes it's just sending love, prayers or good, good vibes.
Elisabeth Emmerich (24:57):
Yeah, you know I'm curious.
So then when you had yourappendix out and you were in the
hospital, was there anybracelet making for you or your
fourth child?
Josie Hau (25:08):
It was not, because my whole support team all of my
support system was then takingcare of me or my children, and
we were also moving at the time.
Oh my gosh, I know, because shewas a month early and I had
never gone early with any of mybabies.
So we just were like, all right, let's just get this done.
So not only did my husband, hewas in charge of the baby of
(25:31):
Junie.
My sister came to take care ofme because I couldn't even like
walk up the stairs by myself,and then my parents helped with
the three other kids that I had.
Elisabeth Emmerich (25:40):
Oh my gosh, my parents helped with the three
other kids that I had.
Oh my gosh, it was just wild,oh my gosh, and it's like not
even that long ago but like,here you are and you're like oh
it was a wild time.
Josie Hau (25:49):
Oh goodness, oh that time.
Elisabeth Emmerich (25:53):
Oh yeah, oh gosh.
Well, and even, like we weresaying earlier, like the finding
, like joy in those hard moments, without it becoming, you know,
quote this toxic positivitywhich, if you're not familiar
with that term, you know itreally is just pretending that
everything is super great andyou're fine and like everything
is just, you know, you juststuff down those difficult
(26:14):
things.
I really feel like you havefound that like real mix between
you know, sharing your storybeing real.
Like it was hard, it is hard,you know, like you have four
kids, like that's hard, you'rein it, you know how have you
like, yeah, what kind of likepractical advice or tips can you
share with moms who might bejust feeling overwhelmed,
(26:37):
whether it is a medicaldiagnosis or just children,
because they are a lot, or yeahanything that you can provide as
an encouragement, yeah, Well,I've gathered quite a few tips
and tricks along these years.
Josie Hau (26:49):
I've been a mom and I think you know some of them are
just as simple as literallyasking for help.
You know, sharing Maya's story.
As we were going through it, Iwas getting so many messages
because so many people wererooting for us and so many
(27:10):
people were invested, and so Iknow I could have asked any of
those people to help with thegirls and they would have done
it in a heartbeat and I haven'treally needed to do that.
But just knowing that, if I wasin a pickle somewhere, that
there are these people aroundand, like you said earlier, that
was part of me being vulnerableand sharing all of that I,
which was kind of uncomfortable.
I love talking about feelings,but doing it on social media was
(27:32):
really, really intimidating tome because I'm more private.
But but that was it just helpedme see my community so much
more.
And so that's, I think, justasking people.
People want to help, peoplelove to help, but they don't
always know how.
So bracelets are great, butalso just asking, saying exactly
(27:52):
what you need.
I could really use somebody tocome over and fold some laundry
for me, or could you come overand play with the kids for a
little while while I foldlaundry.
You know something like that.
People will do that.
You know when you're really ina pickle.
So that's a big piece of adviceis like learning how to be
vulnerable and just ask for helpand sometimes it's from your
(28:14):
own partner too, and they don'talways see what you need or what
needs to get done.
So being very direct, like ifyou could just make their
lunches tonight, that frees meup to do this IEP paperwork,
that I have to do their lunchestonight, that frees me up to do
this IEP paperwork that I haveto do Just being as direct as
possible is a big one that Ihave found to be super helpful.
But I also have done a lot oflike self-work and because the
(28:37):
pandemic was also in there sothat little pandemic, we
couldn't go to therapy orcouples therapy or my own
therapy so I did a lot oflistening to podcasts and
finding strength that way andlittle nuggets of information
that way.
So one of them was like, like Isaid earlier and we talked about
was you choose?
(28:58):
Kind of how this will play outright.
Things have really taken somepretty bad turns for us in the
last how many years?
But I could either make themworse or I could try to make it
better, and a lot of that.
It sounds easy to do, but it isthe hardest thing to do is just
change your mindset about it.
(29:18):
And again, not that you can'tfeel like I will be the first to
tell you how hard all of thosesituations are, and I don't wish
any of them on anybody.
But that's not the reality.
The reality is bad thingshappen, tough things happen,
dark times happen, and how youdeal with it will dictate how so
(29:39):
many other things fall intoplace.
So if you don't I read onlinethe other day if you don't deal
with it, it'll deal with you.
I read online the other day ifyou don't deal with it, it'll
deal with you.
And so I could have kept allthat PTSD and the terrifiedness
of losing my daughter and beingapart from my other daughters.
I could have just pushed thatdown and kept marching forward,
(30:00):
but I did the really hard workof processing it and I think I
could do that because I askedfor help.
I remember one time asking ortelling my husband and my family
like I'm going to go to a hotelfor the weekend.
It was on her one-yearanniversary of her surgery, just
as it was coming up, and I waslike I'm going to go to a hotel
(30:22):
and I need two nights because Idon't know exactly what I'm
going to do.
But I need time and space whereI can cry without one of my
girls seeing me or seeing my bedpuffy eyes after, or maybe I
need to get rip roaring drunk.
And I didn't do that but Icouldn't.
But like I didn't know what Ineeded at the time and what it
(30:43):
was was I had a couple of panicattacks in the shower at the
hotel.
I cried, I journaled, I slept,I ate some spicy food, like I
did all the things like youcan't always do as a mom because
you're sharing your food.
And I just had the space to dothat because I asked for help.
I was like please don't call meunless it's an emergency, or I
(31:07):
call you but I need to process,and so those are just some of
the things that I've done tokind of help get through it,
because it was tough.
Elisabeth Emmerich (31:16):
Yeah Well, and I think that's such a good
piece of advice too, right, likeadvocating for yourself.
And there is something aboutlike.
As moms, we often feel like, oh, like I should be able to do
all of this, like I could do itall, hold it together, but it's
like, ok, maybe you can, butlike at what expense?
(31:37):
Like something's going to godown it's probably going to be
your mental health to be honest,and then with that goes your
physical health, becauseeverything's tied together, and
with that goes your physicalhealth, because everything's
tied together.
So I mean it's like yes, youcould choose that.
Or you can choose to say youknow what, like I actually need
help.
And that's actually a strengthto be advocating and saying you
(31:57):
know what, like I need community.
I don't want to do this alone,and I think that's so, so
important and I think your storyjust like really highlights
that Community is so important.
Josie Hau (32:10):
Ask, ask, ask.
Find your community, whetherit's online.
A church, your kid's school.
You just and just ask.
Put yourself out there, becausewe're all in the same boat.
You know, there's just so somany of us who, just as moms, we
just need each other and weneed, we need our people.
Elisabeth Emmerich (32:28):
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(33:33):
Well, josie, thank you A firstfor just being really vulnerable
with your story, because I'msure that it's really hard to
like even just relive some ofthose experiences again, and I
am sure there was much moredepth to it that you know, you
are going to keep some of thatprivately, and as you should,
but just being able to sharethat with other people, I think
you're setting that exampleright now, that you're being
vulnerable and saying, hey, likeI'm inviting people in, and
(33:57):
that's really powerful, I think,a really good example.
So thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for this.
Josie Hau (34:03):
Hopefully we'll reach the right people who need to
hear the kind of the samemessage.
Elisabeth Emmerich (34:07):
Yeah, I really hope it does.
And you know where can peoplefind you.
You know if they want to checkout your bracelets or even just
want to connect with you.
You know if you're willing tojust hear their story, or maybe
they have a similar situation.
Josie Hau (34:21):
Yeah, absolutely, and I love when people do that
because, again, there's justthese connections, right, it's
just a really beautiful thingwhen you open yourself up to it.
So you can find me on Facebook,instagram or TikTok, at the
love for littles, at the lovefor littles, on all of those.
My website is the love forlittlescom and it's yeah, I,
(34:43):
it's just me, it's just reallife.
It's not anything curated, andI've actually just started doing
a thing called Almost Wins,where I'm almost doing something
really good but it's justfalling a little short.
So it's just kind of fun andjust celebrating the little wins
along the way too.
Elisabeth Emmerich (35:01):
Yeah, those are important.
I loved your ones you sharedthe other day.
I was like yeah, that's almostwin, almost that's almost really
good.
Oh man, too funny.
Well, thank you Josie again, somuch for being here.
It's been such a joy.
Josie Hau (35:17):
Oh well, thank you.
Thank you so much, I appreciateit.
Elisabeth Emmerich (35:21):
Thank you so much for joining me today and I
hope this episode reallybrought so much value to your
experience in motherhood.
Please take a minute to rateand review this podcast and make
sure that you're subscribed soyou don't miss the next new
episode.
Until next time, go experiencemotherhood.
okay, she's got Down syndrome, Like a lot of kids do
well, she'll do well too.
And she just didn't.
Her mitral valve kept tearing,and at two in the morning the
day after her first surgery thewhole team was called back into
the operating room and they hadto fix her heart because that
mitral valve tore.
And then a week later we werekind of getting ready, thinking
(00:22):
about going home Ryan was goingto go home to be with the girls,
relieve my sister and myparents from watching them and
her valve tore again.
So we had to live thisnightmare all over.
Elisabeth Emmerich (00:33):
Motherhood is beautiful, yet challenging.
You may be feeling lost inmotherhood, but I'm here to tell
you that, no matter what seasonof motherhood you find yourself
in, every mom has a uniquejourney that is worth
experiencing.
So if you are a mom feelingoverwhelmed, are struggling with
mom guilt, want to be moreconfident and are looking for
ways to find you again, knowthat you are not alone.
(00:57):
Every mom will come away withconnection, knowledge and
tangible tools to integrate intoher own motherhood experience.
You deserve to be confident inmotherhood, with all of your
experiences that make you whoyou are.
So let's get started on beingreal, vulnerable and step into
community with each other.
This is Experience Motherhood.
(01:17):
Before we go on in this episode, I want to give a brief thank
you to B Schmidt 17.
She recently reviewed thepodcast and said I'm a mom of
three and can relate so much toall of these episodes.
Motherhood can feel isolatingat times and it's so helpful to
hear some of the commonchallenges that come with
(01:39):
raising kids.
B Schmidt 17,.
Thank you so much for takingtime out of your day to rate and
review this podcast.
It means so much to get to hearfrom each and every one of you,
and so if you haven't rated andreviewed the podcast, I
encourage you to do so.
I read every single review.
I really tailor this podcast towhat I'm hearing from you and
(02:02):
the feedback I get.
So thank you so much forlistening and for those of you
that have already reviewed thepodcast, hello and welcome to
Experience Motherhood Podcast.
I have the joy of having myfriend and guest on today, josie
, and she's going to reallyshare truly an incredible
(02:22):
motherhood story that I know isgoing to be really impactful to
you, and we're going to talkabout how she has come to find
joy in the midst of really hardthings, without it really
entering into this toxicpositivity or this realm of like
everything's fine, there'snothing wrong, but really how
she has found those littleglimmers of hope and joy in
(02:45):
those really really hard moments, and so it's such a great
conversation.
She is so incredible.
I mean you will just be able tosense her joy in the
conversation without even seeingher, so I invite you to listen
along.
She has an incredible businessas well that she's going to talk
about about all of thiscommunity support and how
(03:05):
important it is to not domotherhood alone, so make sure
you listen to the whole thing.
She gives some great practicaladvice at the end, as she is a
mother of four girls, and justhow she's juggling it all and
how she handles things when theydo become really overwhelming.
So make sure to listen all theway till the end.
(03:27):
Well, hello, josie.
I'm so glad that you're heretoday.
It's going to be such a joy andwe're going to get into it more
.
It's not going to be any formof toxic positivity, it is true
joy in the best sense.
So I'm so excited you're hereand to hear your story and for
you to share your heart witheveryone listening.
But can you just give us alittle hello and like a little
(03:50):
background of who you are?
Josie Hau (03:51):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Hi everyone, like you said, myname is Josie and I am a mom of
four girls.
I have Olive, who is eight,elodie who is seven, maya is
five and my littlest girl,Juniper, is three.
And it has been quite theexperience in motherhood
parenting these four beautifullittle girls.
(04:14):
The first two were born, hadhealthy pregnancies, easy
pregnancies, pretty easydeliveries.
So when I was going in for the20-week ultrasound with my third
baby, we found out we werehaving a daughter.
But then we also found out shewas going to be born with a
heart defect, so a congenitalheart defect or a CHD, where she
only had three chambers in herheart instead of four, and so
(04:37):
that brought us to our localchildren's hospital and a lot of
other testing and echoes andall these things.
And we also found out that shehas Down syndrome.
So the last 20 weeks of thatpregnancy were very, very
intense, but she was born inSeptember and eight pounds,
super healthy, only had to spendfour days in the hospital, just
(05:00):
need a little oxygen support,and then eventually she needed
hospital, just need a littleoxygen support, and then
eventually she needed surgery toget her heart fixed and so
after a while that was a prettyintense time, and after we were,
you know, she did great we'reout of the woods.
My husband and I really wantedto try for one more baby, just
so we could really enjoy thelast pregnancy, the last newborn
phase, instead of worrying somuch about open heart surgery.
(05:25):
So we tried for one more and Igot pregnant again, and I was
pregnant with Junie, our littlebaby, and at 35 weeks my
appendix burst and they took theappendix and left the baby, but
a week later I was septic andleft the baby.
(05:46):
But a week later I was septicso I had to get rushed to the
emergency room again and thistime I had to have an emergency
C-section and so she was born amonth early and I was just so
sick.
She was born sick, it tookthree minutes for her to breathe
on her own after she wasdelivered, and so it was just a
very intense welcome to theworld.
So even though we really wantedthat last one to just be the, I
(06:09):
just assumed it would be aseasy as my other ones.
But I make plans and theuniverse laughs.
So that's kind of a little bitabout what our life has been
like in the last eight years.
Elisabeth Emmerich (06:22):
Yeah, oh my goodness.
I mean talk about trulyunexpected things.
And then it like just went moreunexpected.
It was like one thing afteranother.
Oh my goodness, how scary foryour husband, I would imagine,
during that fourth pregnancypiece, you know, you just had
your appendix out and now you'reseptic and then your baby's
(06:42):
born.
I mean, oh my goodness.
Josie Hau (06:44):
Yeah, and we both had a lot of medical trauma and
PTSD from Maya's heart surgeriesfrom the years prior, and so to
see me in that situation wasvery, very hard for him, and
then for him to even sort ofentertain the idea that he could
lose me and then have to parentfour girls on his own.
You know, we're just sograteful that it didn't end up
(07:07):
that way, but how quickly itcould have and how close we
really were to that.
Elisabeth Emmerich (07:11):
It's just terrifying, oh my gosh.
I mean I got literal goosebumpsas you were talking.
I was like, oh, shivered there,like yeah, that is such an
incredible story and I meanwhat's so amazing and why?
Well, one of the reasonsthere's many reasons, but one of
the reasons I really wanted tohave you on as a guest is
because, even though everyonejust heard that significantly
(07:35):
traumatic story on multiplestories in your motherhood
journey, you are one of the mostjoyful people I have truly ever
met.
I mean, you just radiatepositivity and I think what's so
interesting is that, you know,a lot of times we can kind of
just go one way or the other,right, like we can either let
that then dictate how we'regoing to live out our motherhood
(07:59):
experience and be mad and beupset or be in pain or whatever
it is, or we might just pretendit never happened and just be
like, oh it's fine, I'm fine,like everything's good, and
never really acknowledge thatthat was an insane situation.
All of them, not to mentionthat even your, you know healthy
(08:20):
pregnancies and birth.
I mean that's insane too,because you're still bringing a
human being into the world.
Like that's insane too, butlike on a different level, you
know.
Josie Hau (08:29):
Yeah, absolutely, and that's one of the things.
Like I've always been a veryjust, positive person, I'm just
kind of generally happy.
You know, I feel very fortunatein the way I was raised and all
of this.
Like I have good friends, youknow.
I just I feel very, veryfortunate.
So there's definitely things inmy life that have just made
that easier.
But then there's also been somereally intense trials where I
(08:51):
had to really stick to my gunsabout who I am as a person.
And who I am is somebody whotries to find goodness in dark
times and bright spots in darktimes, and I try to be that for
other people and I try to lookfor it in myself and around, and
so I've been tested.
(09:11):
But it's just something that'sreally important to me.
This life is supposed to be fun, and if it's not, then I need
to change something.
And so what can I change?
Right, like, what can I doabout it?
So that's kind of how I viewthese situations, yeah, that I
either make it worse or I couldtry to make it better.
Elisabeth Emmerich (09:30):
Yeah, and I like that.
It's like this mindset shiftright Of, just okay.
Like I mean, it's annoying whenpeople are like, oh, make
lemonade out of lemons you know,yeah, I guess to an extent
right, but you're taking yoursituation that was given to you
and, yeah, you can you get todecide how you're going to
respond and you don't have to bein that react like mentality of
(09:54):
like I'm just going to react toeverything but you're going to
respond which is a little bitmore deliberate, and I would
love to hear even just goingback to maybe your third
pregnancy.
First, I feel like we couldtalk about all of this, which
one, which one, but yeah, whatkind of experience was that Like
(10:14):
, you know, being in gettingyour ultrasound, finding that
information, and then you knowyou have two other children at
the time too.
It's not like you know, youjust have only this sole child
to take care of and think about.
What was that like?
Josie Hau (10:28):
It was very intense.
It was so I remember sitting inmy bed just sobbing into a
towel because Kleenexes weren'tbig enough anymore.
I think that's just how intensethis was, and I I am so when I
when we got the Down syndromediagnosis and her heart defect
(10:50):
and that she would definitelyneed surgery, you know,
everything just falls apart.
So like I was numb but I wasterrified, but all at the same
time it was just I just rememberfocusing she's okay while she's
in my belly, like so for todayshe's okay, like that's the only
thing I can do right now ismake sure she's okay right here
(11:12):
where I have her.
Yeah, so it was very hard andmy other daughters, when I got
the diagnosis, were only two andone at the time, and then Maya
was supposed to have surgerywhen she was about four to six
months old and it's a prettystandard surgery.
It has a 98% success rate andso we were told that it was kind
(11:33):
of one of the better ones thatyou could have a CHD, like one
of the better ones with greatoutcomes.
And I was reading that kidswith Down syndrome really do
well with this, because 50% ofpeople with Down syndrome have a
heart defect, and so there's alot of kiddos who have this
exact defect, and some of themwere out of the hospital in six
days or five days, and we'relike, okay, like we can do this,
(11:55):
we can do hard things, right?
Yeah, so she ended up, though,going into heart failure at just
five weeks old, and and thatwas just sorry if I get
emotional, it's still.
I've talked about it so manytimes just seeing your baby
literally slowly dying is awful,and so, when we took her in,
(12:18):
she needed her surgery a lotsooner than we expected, and I
still had this.
You know, I've been thinkingabout this for the last, you
know, six months, so I wasreally, really prepared for it,
and what we did was, before sheactually went into heart failure
, my grandma, my mom, my sisterand I all sat around the table,
and we made these like sweetlittle heart bracelets so kind
(12:41):
of like, you know, those likesilicone Livestrong bracelets
that everybody I wantedsomething like that, but way
cuter.
So we were sitting in thesebracelets, and then, on the day
of her surgery, everybody wehanded them out to coworkers,
friends, family.
Everybody was wearing the colorpink, wearing their pink little
heart bracelets, and so, whileshe was in surgery for seven
(13:01):
hours.
We were getting pictures thewhole time and text messages of
people wearing pink, peopleshowing us their bracelets, and
it was just such a gift becausehalf of my heart is at home with
my sister watching my other twodaughters.
My other heart is in theoperating room where they
stopped her heart, they stoppedher breathing.
A machine was doing all of thatand this doctor is working on
(13:24):
her heart in a one centimeterhole, like trying to build up
this little baby heart.
And so, having that love andsupport of all of our friends
and our community in like atangible way that they were
showing us their love, it wasjust magnificent.
And so she ended up not sheneeded two more surgeries after
that and those two really rockedus because we were prepared for
(13:47):
the first one.
We were kind of thinking, okay,she's got Down syndrome.
Like a lot of kids do well,she'll do well too.
And she just didn't.
Her mitral valve kept tearingand at two in the morning the
day after her first surgery thewhole team came back, was called
back into the operating roomand it was Thanksgiving morning
and they all left their familiesto come save mine, to save her
(14:12):
life again and they had to fixher heart because that mitral
valve tore.
And then a week later we werekind of getting ready thinking
about going home Ryan was goingto go home to be with the girls,
relieve my sister and myparents from watching them and
her valve tore again.
So we had this nightmare allover and to say that it broke me
(14:34):
is kind of an understatementbecause I just have never felt
so like I had no control overanything.
You know, people would alwayssay what do you need?
What do you need?
And I'd be like I just need herheart to be fixed, like that's
all I need right now.
And thankfully the third surgerywas successful.
But again on that day it wasalmost a nine-hour surgery and I
(14:58):
see everybody else coming andgoing from the waiting room and
we're just waiting, watching herlittle case number, getting
hourly updates.
But people kept sending us thepictures of their bracelets and
their colorful pink shirts.
And again it was just.
We were so wrapped up in ourlove from all of our friends and
that was just a lifesaver.
(15:19):
It was just amazing.
I mean, we were smiling and youcan't even really think about
that.
Like how could you smile?
Like we literally were smilingat these people, our friends
sending us messages and family.
So it was unreal.
Elisabeth Emmerich (15:34):
Yeah, I mean it's just a story of an
incredible like support and Ifeel like such a reminder of
like people.
You can have people thatsupport you in that way, even
through the most devastatinghard stuff, the grief, whatever
it is, and that can bring thatlittle glimmer of joy there,
(15:54):
even in the midst of absolutefear and terror.
I'm sure of like what's goingto happen, is she going to make
it?
I mean all of these horrendousthings that you're probably
trying not to think about inthat moment, but then having
that support of all of thesepictures and texts come in.
I mean, I can imagine just sucha mixture of so many emotions
(16:15):
like basically the whole youknow emotions wheel is like all
(16:36):
there, yeah, yeah, absolutely,yeah, absolutely.
Like myself again, we give somuch to our families that it's
easy to forget our own needs andvalues.
But what if motherhood couldreveal even more of who you
truly are?
That's the heart of theExperience Identity Program
helping you reconnect withyourself and embrace motherhood
on your terms, rediscover whatyou value most and learn how to
(16:59):
actually live it out.
This program isn't justparenting tips.
It's a journey to reclaim youridentity with audio content you
can listen to on the go and areally comprehensive digital
workbook to support your growth.
If you're ready to rewrite yourmotherhood story, use the link
in the show notes or head toexperiencemotherhoodcom.
(17:20):
Don't let overwhelm or guilttake over in your motherhood
journey.
Reconnect with yourself and theunique path of motherhood
waiting for you.
Josie Hau (17:33):
I think we know that motherhood can be isolating,
right.
You just feel like you're in itkind of by yourself and that's
why people like you and yourpodcast and your social media
like it's so helpful becauseyou're not alone.
And then when you add medicalcomplexities, it just you know
you can't really think aboutanything else except for what
(17:54):
you have to do.
So all of a sudden you lookaround and you're like, wow, I
am alone, but really you're notand it's just kind of hard to
see that support sometimes andso that's what I think is a big
takeaway and what I want peoplewho have gotten diagnosis is
like you will find your people.
I was told you're gonna find outwho your real friends are,
(18:14):
meaning that people are gonnaleave us, and that was
terrifying and honestly, I justsaw the best in humanity Nobody
left us.
Everybody like was terrifyingand honestly, I just saw the
best in humanity Nobody left us.
Everybody like wasunderstanding and those people
who haven't had that situation,who have had friends who can't
handle it or it just kind ofweeds out your true friends and
not but like it's a verydaunting feeling to hear that
(18:39):
when you're researchingdisabilities or medical issues
and I just have to say.
In our experience, it was quitethe opposite.
Our people rallied around us,and I'm so thankful for that.
Elisabeth Emmerich (18:50):
Yeah, it's cool too, like going back to
your like family and how youguys are making those bracelets
right, and it was like yourgesture of being vulnerable and
kind of letting people into someof your fear and pain and
saying hey, like, oh, this isscary, Like, but here do you
want to like wear this braceletand think you know like.
(19:10):
I mean, but I like it becauseit's so tangible and it makes it
almost easier, maybe, forpeople to then really know how
to support you.
But they can just wear it.
They, you know, even if you'relike I don't know what I need, I
don't know if I need meals orlaundry, or I don't know, I
don't know how to answer thatYou're just like wear this
bracelet and that meant so muchto you.
Can you talk a little bit aboutbecause I, you know, I know who
(19:33):
you are and like your businessbackground, but those listening
might not know that thisincredibly difficult situation
sparked something that hasblessed already so many people.
Can you share a little bitabout what you started?
Josie Hau (19:49):
Yeah, absolutely so.
I started a small businesscalled the Love for Littles.
I make support bracelets forpeople who have a child who gets
a diagnosis, and it's a way offeeling that connection and love
.
And I put the word small insmall business.
We are pretty small.
It's me, or my mom or myhusband's grandpa making these
(20:11):
bracelets by hand, and I shipthem all out.
And it's just been amazing,though, because some of the
families that I've beenintroduced to through this have
said how much these braceletsmean to them, and it's the
smallest thing, but sometimesit's those small things that
matter so much, and especially,like I said, when I don't know
(20:32):
what I need I need a surgeon tofix her heart this is a way that
people did show us that theyloved us and were here for us.
It was just this gentle and kindof constant reminder, because
it ties on your wrist, and now Iget to help other families see
their connection to peoplebecause of these bracelets.
You know, I gave one of ourbracelets to like the nursing
(20:54):
staff and even Maya'scardiologist, and so when he
would wear that bracelet, I knowhe loves all of his patients,
but like that was for my girl,you know, like that bracelet, my
girl, and so she wasn't just acase number and she wasn't that,
she was just a whole person whodeserves to be loved, and she
is loved by so many.
So so that's what I get to dofor other people now, and I get
(21:18):
people who reach out when theyhave somebody in their life who
had a diagnosis like how can Isupport this friend or my sister
or my neighbor?
It's like, well, you can getsome bracelets and start with
that and give them some and youwear one too, and it's just like
an amazing, sweet and smallgesture that goes a long way.
Elisabeth Emmerich (21:38):
Yeah, you know it reminds me of and maybe
you've read it.
Have you read that children'sbook book, the invisible string?
Yes, okay, I it's.
The whole time you were talkingI was like, oh man, this
reminds me of this book and forthose that have not gotten it or
read it, you should for yourchildren, because it's just so
good.
Even it's a.
It's a book focused on a lossof a loved one, but it really is
(22:01):
so applicable to anything.
It could be illness, it couldbe just going to kindergarten
and you're missing your mom, orit could really be for anything.
But I like the idea that we'reall connected.
Right, we all have thisinvisible string of love that's
connecting us to people all overthe world, and what's cool is
(22:21):
that you made it tangible, Imean the whole time.
I'm like that is so cool.
Like man, you should likeconnect with the author or
something and do something withher, but I just love it.
I mean because it is such acommunal community thing, right,
like when we're going throughhard things and joyful things, I
mean, even when you're having agraduation or whatever it is,
(22:43):
you bring people together, andit should be that way when it's
hard too, right yeah.
So I love that you're doingthat.
Josie Hau (22:50):
Thank you, yeah, and we've made bracelets, for a
friend's mother-in-law is dyingof cancer and so my friend got
bracelets for the whole familyand all the grandkids, because
they all live in different parts, but again, it's how they're
all connected.
So when they're FaceTiming youknow that grandma sees her
little granddaughter or grandsonwearing that bracelet and she
(23:13):
knows that she's loved.
You don't always have to say itthen, because you can't always
put it into words, and so it iscalled the love for littles, but
we do it for adults and stufftoo, because it just really is
the stinking sweetest thing andI just am so proud of it.
And I never meant to be abusiness person, I just love
being a mom.
But I saw this need and I'mtrying just to help people
(23:37):
through dark times and findingthat love.
Elisabeth Emmerich (23:39):
So yeah, I love that and I like to that
like at least you know,sometimes when I'm seeing your
stories on social media andstuff, it's you'll like announce
, kind of in a way like hey,we're sending a bracelet to
Billy in Idaho or whatever youknow like and like can we think?
you know, think and pray forthis, you know, child, or I just
love that aspect, that you'reeven taking it like a step
(24:01):
further than just between youand that person that bought the
bracelet or the person who'sgoing through it, and you're
like well, let's inviteeverybody.
Like they need to support andlove.
I love that.
Josie Hau (24:12):
Yeah, thanks.
Well, and it's so sweet becausewhen we first started to, my
daughters would always want, mydaughters would always want to
wear the bracelets that I wassending out to other people.
So for the longest time theywould have like four bracelets
on, and so I would say like, allright, let's send love to Louie
.
All right, let's send love toJulian.
All right, here's one for Emma.
You know so, like they wereseeing, like you know, and they
(24:35):
were, they're still little kidsbut they have such a good
understanding that, like there'sso much more to it than the
four walls of our house, thatthere are people out there who
have sick hearts or cancer orwhatever, and that we can.
We can't do much all the time,but we can do something, and
sometimes it's just sending love, prayers or good, good vibes.
Elisabeth Emmerich (24:57):
Yeah, you know I'm curious.
So then when you had yourappendix out and you were in the
hospital, was there anybracelet making for you or your
fourth child?
Josie Hau (25:08):
It was not, because my whole support team all of my
support system was then takingcare of me or my children, and
we were also moving at the time.
Oh my gosh, I know, because shewas a month early and I had
never gone early with any of mybabies.
So we just were like, all right, let's just get this done.
So not only did my husband, hewas in charge of the baby of
(25:31):
Junie.
My sister came to take care ofme because I couldn't even like
walk up the stairs by myself,and then my parents helped with
the three other kids that I had.
Elisabeth Emmerich (25:40):
Oh my gosh, my parents helped with the three
other kids that I had.
Oh my gosh, it was just wild,oh my gosh, and it's like not
even that long ago but like,here you are and you're like oh
it was a wild time.
Josie Hau (25:49):
Oh goodness, oh that time.
Elisabeth Emmerich (25:53):
Oh yeah, oh gosh.
Well, and even, like we weresaying earlier, like the finding
, like joy in those hard moments, without it becoming, you know,
quote this toxic positivitywhich, if you're not familiar
with that term, you know itreally is just pretending that
everything is super great andyou're fine and like everything
is just, you know, you juststuff down those difficult
(26:14):
things.
I really feel like you havefound that like real mix between
you know, sharing your storybeing real.
Like it was hard, it is hard,you know, like you have four
kids, like that's hard, you'rein it, you know how have you
like, yeah, what kind of likepractical advice or tips can you
share with moms who might bejust feeling overwhelmed,
(26:37):
whether it is a medicaldiagnosis or just children,
because they are a lot, or yeahanything that you can provide as
an encouragement, yeah, Well,I've gathered quite a few tips
and tricks along these years.
Josie Hau (26:49):
I've been a mom and I think you know some of them are
just as simple as literallyasking for help.
You know, sharing Maya's story.
As we were going through it, Iwas getting so many messages
because so many people wererooting for us and so many
(27:10):
people were invested, and so Iknow I could have asked any of
those people to help with thegirls and they would have done
it in a heartbeat and I haven'treally needed to do that.
But just knowing that, if I wasin a pickle somewhere, that
there are these people aroundand, like you said earlier, that
was part of me being vulnerableand sharing all of that I,
which was kind of uncomfortable.
I love talking about feelings,but doing it on social media was
(27:32):
really, really intimidating tome because I'm more private.
But but that was it just helpedme see my community so much
more.
And so that's, I think, justasking people.
People want to help, peoplelove to help, but they don't
always know how.
So bracelets are great, butalso just asking, saying exactly
(27:52):
what you need.
I could really use somebody tocome over and fold some laundry
for me, or could you come overand play with the kids for a
little while while I foldlaundry.
You know something like that.
People will do that.
You know when you're really ina pickle.
So that's a big piece of adviceis like learning how to be
vulnerable and just ask for helpand sometimes it's from your
(28:14):
own partner too, and they don'talways see what you need or what
needs to get done.
So being very direct, like ifyou could just make their
lunches tonight, that frees meup to do this IEP paperwork,
that I have to do their lunchestonight, that frees me up to do
this IEP paperwork that I haveto do Just being as direct as
possible is a big one that Ihave found to be super helpful.
But I also have done a lot oflike self-work and because the
(28:37):
pandemic was also in there sothat little pandemic, we
couldn't go to therapy orcouples therapy or my own
therapy so I did a lot oflistening to podcasts and
finding strength that way andlittle nuggets of information
that way.
So one of them was like, like Isaid earlier and we talked about
was you choose?
(28:58):
Kind of how this will play outright.
Things have really taken somepretty bad turns for us in the
last how many years?
But I could either make themworse or I could try to make it
better, and a lot of that.
It sounds easy to do, but it isthe hardest thing to do is just
change your mindset about it.
(29:18):
And again, not that you can'tfeel like I will be the first to
tell you how hard all of thosesituations are, and I don't wish
any of them on anybody.
But that's not the reality.
The reality is bad thingshappen, tough things happen,
dark times happen, and how youdeal with it will dictate how so
(29:39):
many other things fall intoplace.
So if you don't I read onlinethe other day if you don't deal
with it, it'll deal with you.
I read online the other day ifyou don't deal with it, it'll
deal with you.
And so I could have kept allthat PTSD and the terrifiedness
of losing my daughter and beingapart from my other daughters.
I could have just pushed thatdown and kept marching forward,
(30:00):
but I did the really hard workof processing it and I think I
could do that because I askedfor help.
I remember one time asking ortelling my husband and my family
like I'm going to go to a hotelfor the weekend.
It was on her one-yearanniversary of her surgery, just
as it was coming up, and I waslike I'm going to go to a hotel
(30:22):
and I need two nights because Idon't know exactly what I'm
going to do.
But I need time and space whereI can cry without one of my
girls seeing me or seeing my bedpuffy eyes after, or maybe I
need to get rip roaring drunk.
And I didn't do that but Icouldn't.
But like I didn't know what Ineeded at the time and what it
(30:43):
was was I had a couple of panicattacks in the shower at the
hotel.
I cried, I journaled, I slept,I ate some spicy food, like I
did all the things like youcan't always do as a mom because
you're sharing your food.
And I just had the space to dothat because I asked for help.
I was like please don't call meunless it's an emergency, or I
(31:07):
call you but I need to process,and so those are just some of
the things that I've done tokind of help get through it,
because it was tough.
Elisabeth Emmerich (31:16):
Yeah Well, and I think that's such a good
piece of advice too, right, likeadvocating for yourself.
And there is something aboutlike.
As moms, we often feel like, oh, like I should be able to do
all of this, like I could do itall, hold it together, but it's
like, ok, maybe you can, butlike at what expense?
(31:37):
Like something's going to godown it's probably going to be
your mental health to be honest,and then with that goes your
physical health, becauseeverything's tied together, and
with that goes your physicalhealth, because everything's
tied together.
So I mean it's like yes, youcould choose that.
Or you can choose to say youknow what, like I actually need
help.
And that's actually a strengthto be advocating and saying you
(31:57):
know what, like I need community.
I don't want to do this alone,and I think that's so, so
important and I think your storyjust like really highlights
that Community is so important.
Josie Hau (32:10):
Ask, ask, ask.
Find your community, whetherit's online.
A church, your kid's school.
You just and just ask.
Put yourself out there, becausewe're all in the same boat.
You know, there's just so somany of us who, just as moms, we
just need each other and weneed, we need our people.
Elisabeth Emmerich (32:28):
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(33:33):
Well, josie, thank you A firstfor just being really vulnerable
with your story, because I'msure that it's really hard to
like even just relive some ofthose experiences again, and I
am sure there was much moredepth to it that you know, you
are going to keep some of thatprivately, and as you should,
but just being able to sharethat with other people, I think
you're setting that exampleright now, that you're being
vulnerable and saying, hey, likeI'm inviting people in, and
(33:57):
that's really powerful, I think,a really good example.
So thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for this.
Josie Hau (34:03):
Hopefully we'll reach the right people who need to
hear the kind of the samemessage.
Elisabeth Emmerich (34:07):
Yeah, I really hope it does.
And you know where can peoplefind you.
You know if they want to checkout your bracelets or even just
want to connect with you.
You know if you're willing tojust hear their story, or maybe
they have a similar situation.
Josie Hau (34:21):
Yeah, absolutely, and I love when people do that
because, again, there's justthese connections, right, it's
just a really beautiful thingwhen you open yourself up to it.
So you can find me on Facebook,instagram or TikTok, at the
love for littles, at the lovefor littles, on all of those.
My website is the love forlittlescom and it's yeah, I,
(34:43):
it's just me, it's just reallife.
It's not anything curated, andI've actually just started doing
a thing called Almost Wins,where I'm almost doing something
really good but it's justfalling a little short.
So it's just kind of fun andjust celebrating the little wins
along the way too.
Elisabeth Emmerich (35:01):
Yeah, those are important.
I loved your ones you sharedthe other day.
I was like yeah, that's almostwin, almost that's almost really
good.
Oh man, too funny.
Well, thank you Josie again, somuch for being here.
It's been such a joy.
Josie Hau (35:17):
Oh well, thank you.
Thank you so much, I appreciateit.
Elisabeth Emmerich (35:21):
Thank you so much for joining me today and I
hope this episode reallybrought so much value to your
experience in motherhood.
Please take a minute to rateand review this podcast and make
sure that you're subscribed soyou don't miss the next new
episode.
Until next time, go experiencemotherhood.
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