December 10, 2024 • 35 mins
In this episode, we dive into the secrets of successful potty training with Sarah Mechling, a seasoned behavior analyst and founder of Tinkle and Toot. With 14 years of expertise and a relatable personal journey, Sarah shares her proven methods for making potty training a manageable and even enjoyable milestone. She highlights the importance of readiness for both parents and children, emphasizing communication, consistency, and the parent’s pivotal role in fostering a supportive environment. From recognizing signs of readiness to maintaining motivation and addressing common challenges like pooping difficulties, Sarah provides actionable advice, including low-pressure approaches, strategic rewards, and practical tips to reduce stress and build your child’s independence.
Key Takeaways:
- Recognizing signs of readiness in both the child and parent is crucial for a smooth potty training journey.
- Communication, consistency, and a low-pressure, motivational approach are key to reducing stress and fostering success.
- Practical strategies, such as using rewards, handling accidents neutrally, and addressing challenges like pooping, can help parents confidently guide their child through this milestone.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sarah Mechling (00:00):
So it's the parent that's potty training and
it's the child who's learningto use the potty.
I think that the term pottytraining can kind of get a bad
rap and there's some people outthere who will call it potty
learning.
And it's true.
The child is the one learning,the parent is the one doing the
training and they're justteaching right, and it's a skill
that most parents have neverhad to teach before, which can
(00:21):
feel scary.
And I'll say kind of back towhat you were saying there's so
much information out there andsometimes I feel guilty.
I don't want to add to thatnoise.
I just want parents to feellike there is a simple way to
get their child potty trainedwithout it feeling like the
absolute worst experience oftheir life.
It doesn't have to feel thatway.
Elisabeth Emmerich (00:39):
Motherhood is beautiful, yet challenging.
You may be feeling lost inmotherhood, but I'm here to tell
you that, no matter what seasonof motherhood you find yourself
in, every mom has a uniquejourney that is worth
experiencing.
So if you are a mom feelingoverwhelmed, are struggling with
mom guilt, want to be moreconfident and are looking for
ways to find you again, knowthat you are not alone.
(01:02):
Every mom will come away withconnection, knowledge and
tangible tools to integrate intoher own motherhood experience.
You deserve to be confident inmotherhood, with all of your
experiences that make you whoyou are.
So let's get started on beingreal, vulnerable and step into
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This is Experience Motherhood.
(01:23):
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(01:46):
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(02:09):
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So thank you for sharing, thankyou for rating and reviewing,
and let's dive into today'sepisode.
Hello and welcome to ExperienceMotherhood Podcast.
Today, my special guest, sarah,is here to join us and we are
going to dive into the world ofpotty training.
She is a behavior analyst who'san expert in all things potty
(02:52):
training, and I have to say thisis a skill and life skill that
we all have gone throughourselves and we'll have to
teach our children how to dothis, and it can be really,
really overwhelming with all ofthe information that you can
find on the internet and withfriends about how to best go
about this, and so we're goingto have her on.
(03:14):
She's going to answer justpractical things about how to
start, when you know you'reready to start and a couple of
those tricky situations thathappened in potty Train.
So let's dive into today'sconversation.
Hi, Sarah, welcome to thepodcast.
I am really excited to have youhere today, because we have
(03:35):
known each other for quite sometime and we have talked about
having you on the podcast for areally long time, and so the day
has finally come.
You are here.
Can you tell everyone a littlebit about yourself, and then
we're going to dive into areally fun topic today.
Sarah Mechling (03:50):
Yes, thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to be herefinally.
So I'm Sarah.
I have a business.
It's called Tinkle and Toot,and I help parents with potty
training.
I have been a behavior analystfor many years.
I've been in the field for 14years now, and a few years back,
when I was potty training mydaughter, who's now five, I
(04:12):
realized that there were so manyparents out there that really
needed help with potty training,and it was one of my favorite
things to do.
I already was doing it throughmy day job and I decided I need
to help people with this.
Elisabeth Emmerich (04:25):
Yeah, okay, so back us up.
We're going to get into all thepotty questions that people
might have had and just all thethings.
But how did you get into that?
Why do you love it at your job?
How was that experience withyour own daughter that made you
feel like you know what?
There's something missing inthe world.
(04:46):
I need to start a business.
Sarah Mechling (04:48):
Yeah.
So I, to be honest, I do notknow why I love it.
I grew up in a family that werelike fart jokes were common and
I mean we would be sittingaround our dinner table with you
know, our our big familydinners for holidays and things
like that, and my grandpa wouldhide a fart machine under
(05:09):
somebody's chair.
This was an ongoing joke thathappened my whole life.
So I don't know if just beingexposed to that through my whole
life, and it being somethingfunny, made me somewhat
interested.
But from the time I did myfirst potty training, which was
mainly focused with childrenwith autism, I really enjoyed it
(05:30):
and I had tons of opportunitiesthrough my job to help lots of
different kids with differentneeds with potty training.
So when it came time to pottytraining my daughter, I was
really excited.
I already knew that I wanted todo it, and it wasn't
necessarily the experience ofpotty training her that made me
realize that this is something Iwanted to focus on.
It was more that it opened upmy eyes to the fact that there
(05:53):
were so many parents of toddlersthat just didn't really know
where to start, what to doduring the process.
So it wasn't the potty trainingher itself.
That made me realize it.
It was more just kind of beingexposed to like.
This is what other toddlerparents are going through and
this is how they feel in the mix.
Elisabeth Emmerich (06:11):
Yeah, I feel like there is so much
information as is with everysingle thing in motherhood and
parenthood, right Like it's likeany, any milestone or just any
anything about growing a child.
There's just so much informationabout what to do and what not
to do and it can feel sooverwhelming, really, really
(06:32):
quick to know, like, what do youdo, like what is the step and,
of course, every kid is going tobe different and respond
different and parents have theirown stuff.
And what is so cool and I canrelate with you too, because my
past also started as a behavioranalyst at an autism treatment
center, working with kids, and Idefinitely did the potty
(06:52):
training as well but I thinkwhat's so great about the
behavior analyst side and Ithink a lot of what you're doing
is exactly that.
It's like helping change andmodify into something that's
going to be successful.
And everyone has to learn to goto the bathroom.
This is like a milestone lifeevent.
It's like eating, food ortalking, all of these things
(07:15):
that we all develop at some rateand stage.
And here we are and, yeah, yougot to train your kid how to go
to the bathroom and it can be sostressful.
Sarah Mechling (07:26):
Right, and I like to say that it's the parent
who's potty training and it'snot.
It's so it's the parent that'spotty training and it's the
child who's learning to use thepotty.
I think that the term pottytraining can kind of get a bad
rap and there's some people outthere who will call it potty
learning.
And it's true.
The child is the one learning,the parent is the one doing the
training and they're justteaching Right.
(07:46):
And it's a skill that mostparents have never had to teach
before, which can feel scary.
And I'll say kind of back towhat you were saying there's so
much information out there andsometimes I feel guilty.
I don't want to add to thatnoise.
I just want parents to feellike there is a simple way to
get their child potty trainedwithout it feeling like the
(08:07):
absolute worst experience oftheir life.
It doesn't have to feel thatway.
Elisabeth Emmerich (08:10):
Yeah, for sure, and I'm thinking back.
So obviously my kids are oldernow and they all can use the
bathroom.
It will happen out there foryou, I promise.
You know we still have thingshere and there, with my youngest
in particular, but that's to beexpected, that's normal, like
you said.
I love that like reframe ofit's.
They're learning and we'retraining, we're the trainers,
(08:34):
and through that then we'relearning too, right?
Because we don't know whatwe're doing unless you're a
behavior analyst yeah.
Sarah Mechling (08:40):
And even, like you just said, like my kids have
had their own little strugglesalong the way too.
We're all human.
Our kids are human.
Even when we do something asour career, that doesn't mean
that our kids aren't going tostill experience things that
kids experience.
So I think that's a great point.
Like there's going to bestruggles, no matter what our
career is.
(09:00):
If we work in you know, I don'tknow retail our kids I don't
know bad example, but there'salways going to be that human
factor and that element of westill have to cater to, like the
person themselves.
Elisabeth Emmerich (09:14):
Yes, okay.
So let's dive into some of thisnitty gritty.
Can you just start us at thevery beginning, like how do we
know our child is even ready topotty train?
Great question.
Sarah Mechling (09:26):
And obviously this is a really popular one.
So there's really three skillsthat I talk about as being the
most important for a child'sreadiness, and that is that they
have some form of communication.
And that can look like a lot ofdifferent things, but the idea
is that they do have a way tocommunicate their wants and
needs, even if that's picturesor signs, or guiding an adult to
the thing that they want orneed, or talking or pointing
(09:49):
whatever it is.
So that's one of them.
Another one is that they canfollow simple instructions.
Now, if you're a toddler parent, I know that your kid probably
doesn't always listen to yourinstructions, but if you know
that they have an understandingof those instructions, sit down
at the table so you can eat,walk over here so we can play
this with this game.
Those are that they canunderstand those simple
instructions Go get your shoesright.
(10:10):
They might not listen all thetime, but that they understand
that.
And then another one is justthe physical capabilities.
Can they sit upright?
Are they able to kind of playin one spot for a few minutes?
Those are really helpful things.
There's a lot of other pottyreadiness signs and skills that
people will talk about.
Honestly, those are just pluses, they're not requirements.
But the biggest thing that Ithink is that goes under the
(10:32):
radar is a parent's readiness topotty train.
Is the parent really ready todive into this new adventure?
Because it's going to take someeffort and energy and time and
some patience.
So I really want to make surethat parents feel ready before
they get started.
Elisabeth Emmerich (10:46):
Oh, I love that you said that and, as you
were saying that, I was broughtback into my memories of
remembering, even like any of mykids, but like when they are
still in diapers.
We often, you know, we travel alot.
Both my parents and my in-lawslive out of state and so we are
on long road trips and there issomething awesome about your kid
(11:08):
being in a diaper still onthose long trips because you can
just go a lot farther than youcould if they need to go to the
bathroom.
But I at the same time rememberit was just a lot.
You had to pack the wipes andthe diapers and my kids would
have blowouts.
I have, like horror stories,many stories of blowouts and car
seats.
So it was like this moment oflike okay, like I can't wait
(11:29):
till they're potty trained.
And then we started pottytraining and it is a total
commitment because I think youwould agree and at least as I
work with kids, it's like ifyou're going to say you're going
to do something, you need tofollow through with that.
You can't be wishy-washy.
So if you're going to starttelling your toddler that pee
goes in the potty, then that'swhat we're going to do.
(11:52):
We don't then go back and forth, back and forth to diapers and
potty.
It was a commitment.
We had to stop a lot.
I mean, those trips got so long.
Sarah Mechling (12:03):
I have been there.
My family also lives out oftown.
We took one trip down to visitthem and it's a four hour trip.
It took us like six or sevenhours.
I mean there was probably sometraffic, but the amount of times
that they asked to stop to gopotty and I do it for my career
and I'm like, okay, I want tohonor these cues.
(12:23):
They're still learning, butprobably they didn't need to go
that much.
But yeah, it is a commitmentand kind of like you were saying
you have to follow through.
Whatever the plan is thatyou're going to follow, it's
really important to followthrough with that so that your
child learns.
This is what is the newexpectation and there's hiccups
along the way, but thefollow-through is going to help
(12:46):
move along faster.
Elisabeth Emmerich (12:50):
Let me tell you a quick story.
The other day, I found myselfstanding in the kitchen after
putting the kids to bed and Iwas surrounded by half-folded
laundry, my to-do list stillstaring at me and dishes piled
up in the sink.
I realized in that moment Ihadn't sat down all day, not
even once.
I'd been rushing from one thingto the next school drop-offs,
(13:13):
answering emails, making dinner,breaking up those sibling
arguments and somehow trying tokeep the house in order, and yet
it felt like I wasn't keepingup at all.
I was exhausted, anxious andjust plain overwhelmed.
Sound familiar, I know.
So many of us feel like we haveto do it all.
We say yes to everything andtry to keep everything running
(13:34):
smoothly for everyone else, butwhere does that leave us?
Tired, stressed and maybe alittle resentful that there's no
time left for you.
If you're feeling this too,you're not alone.
That's why I created my free,busy mom guide, because I
realized we don't have to keeprunning on empty.
This guide is filled withpractical tips to help you find
(13:55):
balance and reclaim some peace.
You'll learn how to prioritizewhat really matters, say no
without guilt and find time foryourself in the middle of the
chaos If you're ready to stopfeeling overwhelmed and start
finding more calm in your days?
Head over to the show notes andgrab your free, busy mom guide
today.
It's time to take care of youtoo.
(14:16):
You deserve it, yes, okay.
So now that we know, like someof the readiness signs, what are
some of your like biggestadvice as far as like how, how
do we start?
Like what, what should a parentdo?
(14:37):
If parents, like you, know what?
We are ready, we're ready tocommit to this.
We're going to follow throughwith it.
What do we do?
Sarah Mechling (14:43):
Yeah.
So I think you definitely wantto start with some low key prep,
and low key is one of my liketop tips for the whole process
low pressure.
You know all the good stuff,but just doing some prep can go
a long way Introducing yourchild to the potty, talking
about it here and there, readingsome potty books, maybe
watching some shows or videosthat have potty songs so just
(15:06):
introducing them to the concept.
Some kids might already havethe idea because they've
followed you to the bathroom amillion times.
But I always start with some lowkey prep and then taking an
approach that is really going toteach your child to initiate
and to recognize their own bodycues so that they can initiate.
That's really my go-to approachLow pressure, high motivation.
(15:29):
A kid doesn't know why theyshould pee and poop in a toilet.
They have a diaper.
They know that that is whatthey're familiar with and how
it's done, and now we'rechanging it up on them.
So really layering in somemotivation that teaches them
that this is the new thing thatwe're doing and it's fun and
it's cool and I want to do it.
That's how you want your childto feel and if you force it
(15:51):
because maybe you know you'veseen that approach take them to
the potty every 30 minutes.
That's not always going to goover so well.
So my approach is a little bitdifferent than that.
It really teaches your child tofeel like they're in control of
their body, their needs, andrespond to those and then have
fun doing it.
Elisabeth Emmerich (16:07):
Yeah, I love that and I love that you added
have fun doing it because, yeah,you don't want to turn into
this like military parent whereyou're like it's time the timer
went off, let's go to thebathroom and I mean, that is
that's where I don't want to beon a timer to go to the bathroom
, exactly Like there's so manyreasons actually that you
wouldn't take that approach,because you're not teaching your
(16:27):
child to listen to, to get thesensation of a full bladder.
Sarah Mechling (16:31):
They're not learning that if they're going
every 30 minutes, they're notlearning what it feels like
they're emptying their bladderso often so, while they might
start to make the connectionthat way they're, you're missing
out on teaching importantskills that are part of the
process and, like you said, wedon't go to the bathroom every
30 minutes, like unless we, youknow, chugged a ton of water or
something like you shouldn'thave to yeah.
Elisabeth Emmerich (16:53):
Yeah, you shouldn't have to, that's right.
If you are, there could besomething.
Sarah Mechling (16:56):
Yeah, Like if you are there could also be
something physical going on,that may need to be addressed.
Elisabeth Emmerich (17:01):
Yeah, yeah for sure.
So what are some ways that youfeel like we can make it a
little bit more fun for theparent and the kid?
I love that, I love fun, I'mall about it.
Sarah Mechling (17:13):
So when you are doing potty training the
approach that I typicallysuggest if you are trying to get
it done fairly quickly, ofcourse it still takes some time
to fully get that skill down,but if you're trying to take
that quick approach, you arelikely going to be staying home
for a couple of days and forsome people that is very hard.
For me, no problem, I'm ahomebody.
But I totally understand thatsome people love to get out and
(17:34):
about, do things.
Staying home is really hard.
So I really encourage,regardless of kind of what
category you fall into, layeringin fun activities while you are
at home.
If you absolutely hate playingcars with your kid over and over
and over again, but you lovebuilding with them, bring out
the blocks.
Buy some new blocks.
Do things that you enjoy.
(17:55):
If you love arts and craftswith your kid, incorporate that
into your potty training process.
If sensory bins are a no-go atyour house, don't bring out the
sensory bins.
Really figure out how can youhave fun and do fun activities
with your child.
So that's one thing.
Another thing is to really geton your kid's level right.
We're teaching them somethingthat they don't really fully
understand why they should bedoing so.
(18:17):
If you get on their level andmake it fun for them, they're
going to be more on board.
So when you are taking them tothe potty I don't always suggest
taking them to potty, butduring certain parts of your
daily routine I do suggest thatyou do so.
Let's say it's before nap andyou're going to do a potty sit
before nap I like to call theseroutine potty sits and you want
your child to cooperate.
(18:38):
Toddlers they don't always liketo.
How can you get them tocooperate?
So from the jump, when you'representing that instruction, you
can say let's run to thebathroom like a lion and roar.
So just layering in thosethings that kids find fun is
going to help the process bethat much easier.
Elisabeth Emmerich (18:54):
Yeah, I love all of these ideas and I'm also
just like in the back of mymind, feeling like we're going
to get a lot of comments aboutlike I don't know how to do that
, like I don't know how to befun, I don't know how to play, I
don't know how to do all ofthat stuff, and that is really,
really hard.
And even as a play therapist,even with my own children, that
(19:14):
is hard.
I have to get there in my mind.
Sarah Mechling (19:17):
I have to go there Easier when it's not our
own kids, right?
I just posted something onInstagram about that.
It's so true.
I can play with other people'skids all day long and when I get
home, or even if it's theweekend or whatever, and my son
asked me to play cars all thetime, and I'm like I just I
can't do it.
Elisabeth Emmerich (19:34):
Yeah, it is so, so hard.
I always tell parents and Ihave a play guide that I'll link
in the show notes but I alwaystell parents to get back to that
play.
I mean it can feel a little bitlike a sacrifice for yourself
because our adult brains justdon't always think of playing
toys as play.
We look at play so differentlyas grownups.
(19:56):
But knowing that kidscommunicate through play right
and like you're saying with allof this potty training, like we
have to make it fun becausethat's what kids want, they will
be so much more cooperative.
If we can enter into theirworld of play they'll do almost
anything that we need them toget done.
Sarah Mechling (20:15):
Yes, and I think sometimes I totally understand
for some parents it's reallyhard to kind of like bring that
playfulness out.
I think what is helpful inthose scenarios is to kind of
follow your child's lead.
If they're already playing withdinosaurs or with princesses
and you can just incorporate ohlook, princess is going potty
(20:36):
and just kind of practice it,model it, have the princess
pretend to go potty Like maybeyou're not really actively
engaged so much in their playingbecause that's just difficult
for you, but you're able to justdo that small little thing.
That kind of incorporates it.
That's perfect.
Elisabeth Emmerich (20:50):
Yep, absolutely love that.
Okay, so we've gotten lots oftips so far.
We know what to look for in ourkids if they're ready to potty
train.
Is there like a certain agerange, that is, I mean, or is it
really based on the clue or thecues?
Sarah Mechling (21:05):
I never say that there's a specific age that
somebody should potty train fora few reasons, one of them being
I feel like that really makesparents feel like they either
miss the mark or it's coming up,or there's like this perfect
age.
There's not a perfect age.
I like to look for thosereadiness skills that we talked
about.
But even if those readinessskills are already happening,
that doesn't mean a parent needsto jump in because, again, we
(21:26):
want to make sure that theparent is feeling ready and
you're not going to miss anopportunity if you wait a little
bit.
There's really it's no harm.
I always say there's pros andcons to different ages and
there's different ways you cankind of bring in the child's
skills, interests, things thatthey like, based on whenever you
potty train them.
Elisabeth Emmerich (21:43):
Yeah, I love that.
That's good advice.
Okay, so no specific age offthe cues.
I'm like recapping for myselfeven though I have no other kids
to potty train.
Is we?
I'm like recapping for myselfeven though I have no other kids
to potty train, but just incase you never know, and then
making it fun following theirlead a little bit more.
Let's talk a little bit aboutsome of the just really hard
(22:06):
stuff, and I think a big onethat always comes up is the poop
.
So I feel like pee tends to beso much easier for kids but
going poop is a lot harder, forwhatever reason.
Can you speak a little bit tothat If someone's listening and
they're like we got the pee downbut we can't get them to go?
Number two yes, yes.
Sarah Mechling (22:22):
Now, ironically, some kids do pick up pooping in
the potty first.
But for the most part poopingdoes tend to be a little bit
more of a challenge and if it isthose first few weeks of potty
training, I don't expect a kidnecessarily to pick up on the
poop part just yet.
I really encourage parents inthose scenarios to continue to
provide a diaper or a pull-up atbedtime or nap time.
(22:44):
And if they're pooping, awesome.
The idea is you just want themto continue to get their poop
out so that they don't becomeconstipated.
As they gain more success withpeeing in the potty and they
start to feel more confident andthey're learning to recognize
their cues and self-initiate,typically poop will follow.
Sometimes it does take a littlebit of time for a child to
really gain that confidence andcomfort, but if all the other
(23:07):
pieces are in place it shouldcome together.
Now, let's say your child hasdeveloped this strong aversion
to wanting to poop in the potty.
They're nervous, they're scared, whatever it may be.
Then that's where I kind of goback to that low pressure, high
motivation.
Like that is my theme lowpressure, high motivation.
But sometimes it does requiretaking small steps to build to
(23:27):
that point.
So if your child is reallycomfortable pooping in the
pull-up, you may have togradually get them comfortable
with the toilet Going cold.
Turkey is probably not going tobe the best.
Alternatively, if your child ishaving a lot of accidents,
there's other strategies to kindof gradually work up to it.
So again, low pressure, highmotivation.
And how can you gradually buildtheir confidence to get that
poop in the potty?
Elisabeth Emmerich (23:48):
Awesome Any other really tricky or sticky
things that are just really hardwhen potty training that have
come up with your work.
Sarah Mechling (23:56):
I think that a common theme is some parents
kind of get stuck in a certainstep because they're not sure
how to move forward.
So let's say they startbottomless.
Maybe they stay bottomless fora really long time and then when
they add shorts, they're notsure shorts and underwear,
they're not sure how to helptheir child over that hump.
Oftentimes there may be somemissing pieces that their child
(24:19):
is not learning to recognize,those body cues while they are
bottomless.
So that's a common one that Isee also just navigating new
transitions, going back toschool, starting at a daycare,
taking their first outing, andreally the biggest thing is
continuing with that consistencyto the best that they can.
And of course, with daycare andteachers and at school it's
really helpful to make sure thatthere's open lines of
(24:41):
communication and thateverybody's kind of working
towards it in the same way.
Elisabeth Emmerich (24:44):
Yeah, okay, one more question on that kind
of topic of the hard stuff.
Obviously, kids are going tohave lots of accidents here and
there.
During this opportunity oflearning how to potty, what's
like the best way to kind ofhandle accidents as the parent
Like?
Is there like a good phrasethat you like to say or just a
(25:08):
good way to handle that?
Sarah Mechling (25:09):
Yeah.
So I really like to make surethat number one we're staying
neutral.
If we have a big reaction, ourkid may pick up on that.
They may find it funny or theymay find it very much not funny.
So staying neutral and also notokaying the accident.
I think that there are sometimes where something happens
(25:32):
for our child maybe they gethurt, whatever and we say it's
okay or something like that.
And while some kids may notreally fully latch onto that
phrase, I like to avoid itbecause we don't want to okay
the accident.
We just want to reiterate whatto do next time.
So if an accident happens, Ilike to stay neutral and just
make a clear statement pee-peeor poo-poo goes in the potty,
(25:54):
direct them to the bathroom toeither try to finish in the
potty and or get cleaned up, andthen remind them what to do
next time.
If you feel pee pee coming, youcan run to the potty.
Next time.
Remember, if you poop in thepotty you earn your new stuffed
animal, whatever it might be.
So just kind of reminding themof the expectation to help boost
their confidence for next time.
Elisabeth Emmerich (26:13):
Awesome.
Okay, you brought up somethingthat I didn't even ask you.
How do you feel about rewardsLike?
What does that look like?
Because I feel like that's areally controversial thing for
parents.
They're like I don't want tobribe my child.
Sarah Mechling (26:26):
You know, what's interesting is, when I first
started my business, I thoughtthat parents were super opposed
to rewards and I've pulled myInstagram.
And I thought that parents weresuper opposed to rewards and
I've pulled my Instagram andI've asked different parents and
more often than not theyactually are fine with rewards.
Now I'm a behavior analyst andthat means I've studied the
science of behavior and one ofthe key principles of behavior
is reinforcement.
(26:46):
By definition, reinforcement isincreasing the likelihood of a
behavior in the future becauseyou provided some kind of
stimuli that reinforce thebehavior.
That was a terrible explanation.
I need to pull up my definition.
Hopefully my college professordoesn't listen to this, but
basically reinforcement is thatyou are giving, a behavior
(27:10):
happens, you're giving somethingand that, or you're taking
something away, right?
So like, if you haven't afeeling of a itch on your
forehead and you scratch it,you're taking away the feeling
of the itch and then you aremore likely to scratch your head
in the future.
With potty training you arewanting to increase the behavior
(27:30):
of peeing or pooping in thetoilet.
So if you give something thatis reinforcing, then that will
increase the behavior of peeingor pooping in the toilet.
So if you give something thatis reinforcing, then that will
increase the future likelihoodthat the child is going to pee
and poop in the toilet.
Now sometimes parents will reachout and they say rewards aren't
working.
And my response is if thereward isn't working, then it's
not functioning as a reinforcer.
Your child may like chocolate,but they may not like it enough
(27:53):
for it to reinforce the peeingor pooping in the potty.
Or maybe they're alreadygetting chocolate somewhere else
or whatever.
Now, on that note, with rewardsit doesn't have to be food.
It can be so many differentthings.
It can be clapping, singing,dancing, praising your child.
That may work as a effectivereward for your child.
Or it could be a sticker, itcould be a dance party, it could
(28:17):
be a new piece of a Lego to goon their Lego set.
It could be so many differentthings.
There's so many ways to becreative with it.
So, while I understand ifsomebody doesn't want to use
reinforcement or they don't wantto use rewards, they should
still layer in some kind ofreinforcement, even if that's a
really exciting praise statementthat works for your child.
Elisabeth Emmerich (28:40):
Yeah, I love that explanation and I would
agree to like.
I think if, even if parents canjust even recognize, like, what
do you need to do somethingthat's new or hard?
It's like we want to beacknowledged at work or we want
to get that pat on the back oryou know, we want that too, and
so obviously we need it.
Sarah Mechling (29:00):
Yeah, kids need it too.
For some kids and some adults,right Like the reinforcement
comes from learning, likemastering this new skill, but
for most kids they are going toneed something a little bit more
than that.
Elisabeth Emmerich (29:12):
Yeah, I would agree.
I want to acknowledge somethingso many of us feel After
becoming a mom.
It's easy to lose touch withwho we once were.
Motherhood is truly something,but it can leave us questioning
will I ever feel like myselfagain?
(29:33):
We give so much to our familiesthat it's easy to forget our
own needs and values.
But what if motherhood couldreveal even more of who you
truly are?
That's the heart of theExperience Identity Program
helping you reconnect withyourself and embrace motherhood
on your terms, Rediscover whatyou value most and learn how to
(29:54):
actually live it out.
This program isn't justparenting tips.
It's a journey to reclaim youridentity, with audio content you
can listen to on the go and areally comprehensive digital
workbook to support your growth.
If you're ready to rewrite yourmotherhood story, use the link
in the show notes or head toexperiencemotherhoodcom.
(30:14):
Don't let overwhelm or guilttake over in your motherhood
journey.
Reconnect with yourself and theunique path of motherhood
waiting for you Awesome, okay,so we talked about lots of good
tips.
I'm like really excited to hearall the listeners who are going
(30:36):
to like implement this, like youguys should all let us know.
You know you can talk to bothSarah and I on Instagram and
tell us how it's going, becauseI am really curious just about
this journey.
It's such a weird thing becausewe all go through it as parents
.
There is no parent that doesn'tdeal with potty training in
some form.
There's going to be obviously arange of that, but I just think
(30:59):
it's so interesting.
It's just one of those lifeskills that we get the
opportunity to teach our kidshow to do.
That's very cool.
Sarah Mechling (31:07):
Yeah, any last.
Elisabeth Emmerich (31:09):
Yeah, so cool, super cool.
Sarah Mechling (31:12):
Some parents might not feel that way right
now, but it's super cool.
I know that is true, you got it, you can do it.
Elisabeth Emmerich (31:17):
Yeah, motivation Any last advice or
tips.
Sarah Mechling (31:21):
Otherwise I know you have an awesome freebie and
you have lots of greatresources on your website so you
can tell us about those too.
Yes, I think maybe a tip thatkind of wraps it all up is we're
parenting in a time wherethere's like we talked about,
there's so much information andit's really easy to go down a
(31:42):
rabbit hole, and I think themost important thing that I'll
always kind of talk about isdoing what feels right for your
family.
And if you are reading about anapproach or hear from a friend
how they potty trained theirchild and it doesn't feel like
it's the right thing for yourfamily and your child, it is
okay to do something different.
(32:04):
And it's also okay if yourexperience is not looking
exactly like somebody else's.
It might take your child moretime.
Your child may pick up on itreally quickly.
There's such a range of thingsthat can go on during the
experience and it's not areflection of who you are as a
parent and a mom.
It's simply just a big skill.
(32:24):
That's really a bunch of skillsthat you are teaching your
child and you've never probablydone this before, so give
yourself some grace along theway.
Elisabeth Emmerich (32:34):
Love that, okay, so tell us, where can we
get some of this like greatresources from you the free
stuff, the paid stuff?
Tell us all about it.
Sarah Mechling (32:44):
Yeah, so I have a YouTube channel where I talk
about tons of different pottytraining tips, tricks,
recommended products, all thefun things behavioral stuff on
there too.
So if you're dealing withtoddler tantrums, there's stuff
on there for you.
And that is my first and lastname.
So at Sarah Meckling and I'msure Liz will put it in the show
notes and I'm also on Instagram.
(33:06):
I share tons of stuff on there.
I have a freebie, a readinesschecklist, which you can get to
help you make sure that you'reready.
And then I also have the pottyplaybook and that is going to
guide you through the pottytraining process so that you
know exactly what to do.
Elisabeth Emmerich (33:21):
I love that you're making it like really
easy, like you can get this freechecklist, then you can decide
if like okay, my kid is ready,and then you just like have the
whole playbook.
So you're going to just likewalk parents through every step
that they need to do and makethis really easy for parents so
they don't have to go searchinglike all the blogs and all the
resources.
You've got it all in one.
So I love that.
Sarah Mechling (33:42):
Yes, and I'm really big on being able to help
parents through those hiccups.
So I also have an option thatis the potty hub and it has a
little bit more gusto to it,some more resources involved in
there, and it also hascustomized support along the way
.
So I really want parents whofeel like they need that helping
hand and they want to be ableto message somebody and it not
(34:03):
be their friend on the streetthat's really well-intentioned
but doesn't know all the thingsabout potty training that they
can ask me and I will help themfigure out any weird scenario
that might pop up or whatevercurveball their kid throws their
way.
Elisabeth Emmerich (34:19):
Love that.
Okay, I'll make sure all ofthis stuff is posted in the show
notes, so it's super easy.
Just go there, click the linksand you can get in contact with
Sarah and all of her awesomethings.
But it was so glad to I'm soglad to have you on this podcast
today because, yeah gosh, I'vewanted to chat about this stuff
so for so long, and so I'm gladwe did, because it's such a big
(34:40):
topic in parenthood.
Sarah Mechling (34:42):
Yes, it is, and I hope everybody knows that
they're going to get through it,I promise.
Elisabeth Emmerich (34:46):
Yeah, well, thank you, sarah.
Thank you, thank you so muchfor joining me today and I hope
this episode really brought somuch value to your experience in
motherhood.
Please take a minute to rateand review this podcast and make
sure that you're subscribed soyou don't miss the next new
episode.
Until next time, go experiencemotherhood.
So it's the parent that's potty training and
it's the child who's learningto use the potty.
I think that the term pottytraining can kind of get a bad
rap and there's some people outthere who will call it potty
learning.
And it's true.
The child is the one learning,the parent is the one doing the
training and they're justteaching right, and it's a skill
that most parents have neverhad to teach before, which can
(00:21):
feel scary.
And I'll say kind of back towhat you were saying there's so
much information out there andsometimes I feel guilty.
I don't want to add to thatnoise.
I just want parents to feellike there is a simple way to
get their child potty trainedwithout it feeling like the
absolute worst experience oftheir life.
It doesn't have to feel thatway.
Elisabeth Emmerich (00:39):
Motherhood is beautiful, yet challenging.
You may be feeling lost inmotherhood, but I'm here to tell
you that, no matter what seasonof motherhood you find yourself
in, every mom has a uniquejourney that is worth
experiencing.
So if you are a mom feelingoverwhelmed, are struggling with
mom guilt, want to be moreconfident and are looking for
ways to find you again, knowthat you are not alone.
(01:02):
Every mom will come away withconnection, knowledge and
tangible tools to integrate intoher own motherhood experience.
You deserve to be confident inmotherhood, with all of your
experiences that make you whoyou are.
So let's get started on beingreal, vulnerable and step into
community with each other.
This is Experience Motherhood.
(01:23):
This is Experience Motherhoodand mindset and encouragement
(01:46):
throughout makes us such a funand helpful listen.
Recommend for those needingencouragement on a drive or walk
.
Kiss Girl Rach.
Thank you so much for yourreview and I 100% agree with
your recommendation.
I also just love to listen toencouraging podcasts when I'm on
a walk outside, if we'redriving on a trip and, honestly,
even when I'm just doinglaundry or dishes and my kids
don't need my full attention.
So thank you so much for takingthat time to recommend this
(02:09):
podcast to other listeners, andif you have other mom friends in
your life that have notlistened to this podcast, share
with them your favorite episode.
It would not only give themencouragement, but it would also
mean so much to me and helpbuild this podcast to get even
bigger so that we can encouragemore moms.
So many moms need encouragement, including myself.
(02:31):
So thank you for sharing, thankyou for rating and reviewing,
and let's dive into today'sepisode.
Hello and welcome to ExperienceMotherhood Podcast.
Today, my special guest, sarah,is here to join us and we are
going to dive into the world ofpotty training.
She is a behavior analyst who'san expert in all things potty
(02:52):
training, and I have to say thisis a skill and life skill that
we all have gone throughourselves and we'll have to
teach our children how to dothis, and it can be really,
really overwhelming with all ofthe information that you can
find on the internet and withfriends about how to best go
about this, and so we're goingto have her on.
(03:14):
She's going to answer justpractical things about how to
start, when you know you'reready to start and a couple of
those tricky situations thathappened in potty Train.
So let's dive into today'sconversation.
Hi, Sarah, welcome to thepodcast.
I am really excited to have youhere today, because we have
(03:35):
known each other for quite sometime and we have talked about
having you on the podcast for areally long time, and so the day
has finally come.
You are here.
Can you tell everyone a littlebit about yourself, and then
we're going to dive into areally fun topic today.
Sarah Mechling (03:50):
Yes, thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to be herefinally.
So I'm Sarah.
I have a business.
It's called Tinkle and Toot,and I help parents with potty
training.
I have been a behavior analystfor many years.
I've been in the field for 14years now, and a few years back,
when I was potty training mydaughter, who's now five, I
(04:12):
realized that there were so manyparents out there that really
needed help with potty training,and it was one of my favorite
things to do.
I already was doing it throughmy day job and I decided I need
to help people with this.
Elisabeth Emmerich (04:25):
Yeah, okay, so back us up.
We're going to get into all thepotty questions that people
might have had and just all thethings.
But how did you get into that?
Why do you love it at your job?
How was that experience withyour own daughter that made you
feel like you know what?
There's something missing inthe world.
(04:46):
I need to start a business.
Sarah Mechling (04:48):
Yeah.
So I, to be honest, I do notknow why I love it.
I grew up in a family that werelike fart jokes were common and
I mean we would be sittingaround our dinner table with you
know, our our big familydinners for holidays and things
like that, and my grandpa wouldhide a fart machine under
(05:09):
somebody's chair.
This was an ongoing joke thathappened my whole life.
So I don't know if just beingexposed to that through my whole
life, and it being somethingfunny, made me somewhat
interested.
But from the time I did myfirst potty training, which was
mainly focused with childrenwith autism, I really enjoyed it
(05:30):
and I had tons of opportunitiesthrough my job to help lots of
different kids with differentneeds with potty training.
So when it came time to pottytraining my daughter, I was
really excited.
I already knew that I wanted todo it, and it wasn't
necessarily the experience ofpotty training her that made me
realize that this is something Iwanted to focus on.
It was more that it opened upmy eyes to the fact that there
(05:53):
were so many parents of toddlersthat just didn't really know
where to start, what to doduring the process.
So it wasn't the potty trainingher itself.
That made me realize it.
It was more just kind of beingexposed to like.
This is what other toddlerparents are going through and
this is how they feel in the mix.
Elisabeth Emmerich (06:11):
Yeah, I feel like there is so much
information as is with everysingle thing in motherhood and
parenthood, right Like it's likeany, any milestone or just any
anything about growing a child.
There's just so much informationabout what to do and what not
to do and it can feel sooverwhelming, really, really
(06:32):
quick to know, like, what do youdo, like what is the step and,
of course, every kid is going tobe different and respond
different and parents have theirown stuff.
And what is so cool and I canrelate with you too, because my
past also started as a behavioranalyst at an autism treatment
center, working with kids, and Idefinitely did the potty
(06:52):
training as well but I thinkwhat's so great about the
behavior analyst side and Ithink a lot of what you're doing
is exactly that.
It's like helping change andmodify into something that's
going to be successful.
And everyone has to learn to goto the bathroom.
This is like a milestone lifeevent.
It's like eating, food ortalking, all of these things
(07:15):
that we all develop at some rateand stage.
And here we are and, yeah, yougot to train your kid how to go
to the bathroom and it can be sostressful.
Sarah Mechling (07:26):
Right, and I like to say that it's the parent
who's potty training and it'snot.
It's so it's the parent that'spotty training and it's the
child who's learning to use thepotty.
I think that the term pottytraining can kind of get a bad
rap and there's some people outthere who will call it potty
learning.
And it's true.
The child is the one learning,the parent is the one doing the
training and they're justteaching Right.
(07:46):
And it's a skill that mostparents have never had to teach
before, which can feel scary.
And I'll say kind of back towhat you were saying there's so
much information out there andsometimes I feel guilty.
I don't want to add to thatnoise.
I just want parents to feellike there is a simple way to
get their child potty trainedwithout it feeling like the
(08:07):
absolute worst experience oftheir life.
It doesn't have to feel thatway.
Elisabeth Emmerich (08:10):
Yeah, for sure, and I'm thinking back.
So obviously my kids are oldernow and they all can use the
bathroom.
It will happen out there foryou, I promise.
You know we still have thingshere and there, with my youngest
in particular, but that's to beexpected, that's normal, like
you said.
I love that like reframe ofit's.
They're learning and we'retraining, we're the trainers,
(08:34):
and through that then we'relearning too, right?
Because we don't know whatwe're doing unless you're a
behavior analyst yeah.
Sarah Mechling (08:40):
And even, like you just said, like my kids have
had their own little strugglesalong the way too.
We're all human.
Our kids are human.
Even when we do something asour career, that doesn't mean
that our kids aren't going tostill experience things that
kids experience.
So I think that's a great point.
Like there's going to bestruggles, no matter what our
career is.
(09:00):
If we work in you know, I don'tknow retail our kids I don't
know bad example, but there'salways going to be that human
factor and that element of westill have to cater to, like the
person themselves.
Elisabeth Emmerich (09:14):
Yes, okay.
So let's dive into some of thisnitty gritty.
Can you just start us at thevery beginning, like how do we
know our child is even ready topotty train?
Great question.
Sarah Mechling (09:26):
And obviously this is a really popular one.
So there's really three skillsthat I talk about as being the
most important for a child'sreadiness, and that is that they
have some form of communication.
And that can look like a lot ofdifferent things, but the idea
is that they do have a way tocommunicate their wants and
needs, even if that's picturesor signs, or guiding an adult to
the thing that they want orneed, or talking or pointing
(09:49):
whatever it is.
So that's one of them.
Another one is that they canfollow simple instructions.
Now, if you're a toddler parent, I know that your kid probably
doesn't always listen to yourinstructions, but if you know
that they have an understandingof those instructions, sit down
at the table so you can eat,walk over here so we can play
this with this game.
Those are that they canunderstand those simple
instructions Go get your shoesright.
(10:10):
They might not listen all thetime, but that they understand
that.
And then another one is justthe physical capabilities.
Can they sit upright?
Are they able to kind of playin one spot for a few minutes?
Those are really helpful things.
There's a lot of other pottyreadiness signs and skills that
people will talk about.
Honestly, those are just pluses, they're not requirements.
But the biggest thing that Ithink is that goes under the
(10:32):
radar is a parent's readiness topotty train.
Is the parent really ready todive into this new adventure?
Because it's going to take someeffort and energy and time and
some patience.
So I really want to make surethat parents feel ready before
they get started.
Elisabeth Emmerich (10:46):
Oh, I love that you said that and, as you
were saying that, I was broughtback into my memories of
remembering, even like any of mykids, but like when they are
still in diapers.
We often, you know, we travel alot.
Both my parents and my in-lawslive out of state and so we are
on long road trips and there issomething awesome about your kid
(11:08):
being in a diaper still onthose long trips because you can
just go a lot farther than youcould if they need to go to the
bathroom.
But I at the same time rememberit was just a lot.
You had to pack the wipes andthe diapers and my kids would
have blowouts.
I have, like horror stories,many stories of blowouts and car
seats.
So it was like this moment oflike okay, like I can't wait
(11:29):
till they're potty trained.
And then we started pottytraining and it is a total
commitment because I think youwould agree and at least as I
work with kids, it's like ifyou're going to say you're going
to do something, you need tofollow through with that.
You can't be wishy-washy.
So if you're going to starttelling your toddler that pee
goes in the potty, then that'swhat we're going to do.
(11:52):
We don't then go back and forth, back and forth to diapers and
potty.
It was a commitment.
We had to stop a lot.
I mean, those trips got so long.
Sarah Mechling (12:03):
I have been there.
My family also lives out oftown.
We took one trip down to visitthem and it's a four hour trip.
It took us like six or sevenhours.
I mean there was probably sometraffic, but the amount of times
that they asked to stop to gopotty and I do it for my career
and I'm like, okay, I want tohonor these cues.
(12:23):
They're still learning, butprobably they didn't need to go
that much.
But yeah, it is a commitmentand kind of like you were saying
you have to follow through.
Whatever the plan is thatyou're going to follow, it's
really important to followthrough with that so that your
child learns.
This is what is the newexpectation and there's hiccups
along the way, but thefollow-through is going to help
(12:46):
move along faster.
Elisabeth Emmerich (12:50):
Let me tell you a quick story.
The other day, I found myselfstanding in the kitchen after
putting the kids to bed and Iwas surrounded by half-folded
laundry, my to-do list stillstaring at me and dishes piled
up in the sink.
I realized in that moment Ihadn't sat down all day, not
even once.
I'd been rushing from one thingto the next school drop-offs,
(13:13):
answering emails, making dinner,breaking up those sibling
arguments and somehow trying tokeep the house in order, and yet
it felt like I wasn't keepingup at all.
I was exhausted, anxious andjust plain overwhelmed.
Sound familiar, I know.
So many of us feel like we haveto do it all.
We say yes to everything andtry to keep everything running
(13:34):
smoothly for everyone else, butwhere does that leave us?
Tired, stressed and maybe alittle resentful that there's no
time left for you.
If you're feeling this too,you're not alone.
That's why I created my free,busy mom guide, because I
realized we don't have to keeprunning on empty.
This guide is filled withpractical tips to help you find
(13:55):
balance and reclaim some peace.
You'll learn how to prioritizewhat really matters, say no
without guilt and find time foryourself in the middle of the
chaos If you're ready to stopfeeling overwhelmed and start
finding more calm in your days?
Head over to the show notes andgrab your free, busy mom guide
today.
It's time to take care of youtoo.
(14:16):
You deserve it, yes, okay.
So now that we know, like someof the readiness signs, what are
some of your like biggestadvice as far as like how, how
do we start?
Like what, what should a parentdo?
(14:37):
If parents, like you, know what?
We are ready, we're ready tocommit to this.
We're going to follow throughwith it.
What do we do?
Sarah Mechling (14:43):
Yeah.
So I think you definitely wantto start with some low key prep,
and low key is one of my liketop tips for the whole process
low pressure.
You know all the good stuff,but just doing some prep can go
a long way Introducing yourchild to the potty, talking
about it here and there, readingsome potty books, maybe
watching some shows or videosthat have potty songs so just
(15:06):
introducing them to the concept.
Some kids might already havethe idea because they've
followed you to the bathroom amillion times.
But I always start with some lowkey prep and then taking an
approach that is really going toteach your child to initiate
and to recognize their own bodycues so that they can initiate.
That's really my go-to approachLow pressure, high motivation.
(15:29):
A kid doesn't know why theyshould pee and poop in a toilet.
They have a diaper.
They know that that is whatthey're familiar with and how
it's done, and now we'rechanging it up on them.
So really layering in somemotivation that teaches them
that this is the new thing thatwe're doing and it's fun and
it's cool and I want to do it.
That's how you want your childto feel and if you force it
(15:51):
because maybe you know you'veseen that approach take them to
the potty every 30 minutes.
That's not always going to goover so well.
So my approach is a little bitdifferent than that.
It really teaches your child tofeel like they're in control of
their body, their needs, andrespond to those and then have
fun doing it.
Elisabeth Emmerich (16:07):
Yeah, I love that and I love that you added
have fun doing it because, yeah,you don't want to turn into
this like military parent whereyou're like it's time the timer
went off, let's go to thebathroom and I mean, that is
that's where I don't want to beon a timer to go to the bathroom
, exactly Like there's so manyreasons actually that you
wouldn't take that approach,because you're not teaching your
(16:27):
child to listen to, to get thesensation of a full bladder.
Sarah Mechling (16:31):
They're not learning that if they're going
every 30 minutes, they're notlearning what it feels like
they're emptying their bladderso often so, while they might
start to make the connectionthat way they're, you're missing
out on teaching importantskills that are part of the
process and, like you said, wedon't go to the bathroom every
30 minutes, like unless we, youknow, chugged a ton of water or
something like you shouldn'thave to yeah.
Elisabeth Emmerich (16:53):
Yeah, you shouldn't have to, that's right.
If you are, there could besomething.
Sarah Mechling (16:56):
Yeah, Like if you are there could also be
something physical going on,that may need to be addressed.
Elisabeth Emmerich (17:01):
Yeah, yeah for sure.
So what are some ways that youfeel like we can make it a
little bit more fun for theparent and the kid?
I love that, I love fun, I'mall about it.
Sarah Mechling (17:13):
So when you are doing potty training the
approach that I typicallysuggest if you are trying to get
it done fairly quickly, ofcourse it still takes some time
to fully get that skill down,but if you're trying to take
that quick approach, you arelikely going to be staying home
for a couple of days and forsome people that is very hard.
For me, no problem, I'm ahomebody.
But I totally understand thatsome people love to get out and
(17:34):
about, do things.
Staying home is really hard.
So I really encourage,regardless of kind of what
category you fall into, layeringin fun activities while you are
at home.
If you absolutely hate playingcars with your kid over and over
and over again, but you lovebuilding with them, bring out
the blocks.
Buy some new blocks.
Do things that you enjoy.
(17:55):
If you love arts and craftswith your kid, incorporate that
into your potty training process.
If sensory bins are a no-go atyour house, don't bring out the
sensory bins.
Really figure out how can youhave fun and do fun activities
with your child.
So that's one thing.
Another thing is to really geton your kid's level right.
We're teaching them somethingthat they don't really fully
understand why they should bedoing so.
(18:17):
If you get on their level andmake it fun for them, they're
going to be more on board.
So when you are taking them tothe potty I don't always suggest
taking them to potty, butduring certain parts of your
daily routine I do suggest thatyou do so.
Let's say it's before nap andyou're going to do a potty sit
before nap I like to call theseroutine potty sits and you want
your child to cooperate.
(18:38):
Toddlers they don't always liketo.
How can you get them tocooperate?
So from the jump, when you'representing that instruction, you
can say let's run to thebathroom like a lion and roar.
So just layering in thosethings that kids find fun is
going to help the process bethat much easier.
Elisabeth Emmerich (18:54):
Yeah, I love all of these ideas and I'm also
just like in the back of mymind, feeling like we're going
to get a lot of comments aboutlike I don't know how to do that
, like I don't know how to befun, I don't know how to play, I
don't know how to do all ofthat stuff, and that is really,
really hard.
And even as a play therapist,even with my own children, that
(19:14):
is hard.
I have to get there in my mind.
Sarah Mechling (19:17):
I have to go there Easier when it's not our
own kids, right?
I just posted something onInstagram about that.
It's so true.
I can play with other people'skids all day long and when I get
home, or even if it's theweekend or whatever, and my son
asked me to play cars all thetime, and I'm like I just I
can't do it.
Elisabeth Emmerich (19:34):
Yeah, it is so, so hard.
I always tell parents and Ihave a play guide that I'll link
in the show notes but I alwaystell parents to get back to that
play.
I mean it can feel a little bitlike a sacrifice for yourself
because our adult brains justdon't always think of playing
toys as play.
We look at play so differentlyas grownups.
(19:56):
But knowing that kidscommunicate through play right
and like you're saying with allof this potty training, like we
have to make it fun becausethat's what kids want, they will
be so much more cooperative.
If we can enter into theirworld of play they'll do almost
anything that we need them toget done.
Sarah Mechling (20:15):
Yes, and I think sometimes I totally understand
for some parents it's reallyhard to kind of like bring that
playfulness out.
I think what is helpful inthose scenarios is to kind of
follow your child's lead.
If they're already playing withdinosaurs or with princesses
and you can just incorporate ohlook, princess is going potty
(20:36):
and just kind of practice it,model it, have the princess
pretend to go potty Like maybeyou're not really actively
engaged so much in their playingbecause that's just difficult
for you, but you're able to justdo that small little thing.
That kind of incorporates it.
That's perfect.
Elisabeth Emmerich (20:50):
Yep, absolutely love that.
Okay, so we've gotten lots oftips so far.
We know what to look for in ourkids if they're ready to potty
train.
Is there like a certain agerange, that is, I mean, or is it
really based on the clue or thecues?
Sarah Mechling (21:05):
I never say that there's a specific age that
somebody should potty train fora few reasons, one of them being
I feel like that really makesparents feel like they either
miss the mark or it's coming up,or there's like this perfect
age.
There's not a perfect age.
I like to look for thosereadiness skills that we talked
about.
But even if those readinessskills are already happening,
that doesn't mean a parent needsto jump in because, again, we
(21:26):
want to make sure that theparent is feeling ready and
you're not going to miss anopportunity if you wait a little
bit.
There's really it's no harm.
I always say there's pros andcons to different ages and
there's different ways you cankind of bring in the child's
skills, interests, things thatthey like, based on whenever you
potty train them.
Elisabeth Emmerich (21:43):
Yeah, I love that.
That's good advice.
Okay, so no specific age offthe cues.
I'm like recapping for myselfeven though I have no other kids
to potty train.
Is we?
I'm like recapping for myselfeven though I have no other kids
to potty train, but just incase you never know, and then
making it fun following theirlead a little bit more.
Let's talk a little bit aboutsome of the just really hard
(22:06):
stuff, and I think a big onethat always comes up is the poop
.
So I feel like pee tends to beso much easier for kids but
going poop is a lot harder, forwhatever reason.
Can you speak a little bit tothat If someone's listening and
they're like we got the pee downbut we can't get them to go?
Number two yes, yes.
Sarah Mechling (22:22):
Now, ironically, some kids do pick up pooping in
the potty first.
But for the most part poopingdoes tend to be a little bit
more of a challenge and if it isthose first few weeks of potty
training, I don't expect a kidnecessarily to pick up on the
poop part just yet.
I really encourage parents inthose scenarios to continue to
provide a diaper or a pull-up atbedtime or nap time.
(22:44):
And if they're pooping, awesome.
The idea is you just want themto continue to get their poop
out so that they don't becomeconstipated.
As they gain more success withpeeing in the potty and they
start to feel more confident andthey're learning to recognize
their cues and self-initiate,typically poop will follow.
Sometimes it does take a littlebit of time for a child to
really gain that confidence andcomfort, but if all the other
(23:07):
pieces are in place it shouldcome together.
Now, let's say your child hasdeveloped this strong aversion
to wanting to poop in the potty.
They're nervous, they're scared, whatever it may be.
Then that's where I kind of goback to that low pressure, high
motivation.
Like that is my theme lowpressure, high motivation.
But sometimes it does requiretaking small steps to build to
(23:27):
that point.
So if your child is reallycomfortable pooping in the
pull-up, you may have togradually get them comfortable
with the toilet Going cold.
Turkey is probably not going tobe the best.
Alternatively, if your child ishaving a lot of accidents,
there's other strategies to kindof gradually work up to it.
So again, low pressure, highmotivation.
And how can you gradually buildtheir confidence to get that
poop in the potty?
Elisabeth Emmerich (23:48):
Awesome Any other really tricky or sticky
things that are just really hardwhen potty training that have
come up with your work.
Sarah Mechling (23:56):
I think that a common theme is some parents
kind of get stuck in a certainstep because they're not sure
how to move forward.
So let's say they startbottomless.
Maybe they stay bottomless fora really long time and then when
they add shorts, they're notsure shorts and underwear,
they're not sure how to helptheir child over that hump.
Oftentimes there may be somemissing pieces that their child
(24:19):
is not learning to recognize,those body cues while they are
bottomless.
So that's a common one that Isee also just navigating new
transitions, going back toschool, starting at a daycare,
taking their first outing, andreally the biggest thing is
continuing with that consistencyto the best that they can.
And of course, with daycare andteachers and at school it's
really helpful to make sure thatthere's open lines of
(24:41):
communication and thateverybody's kind of working
towards it in the same way.
Elisabeth Emmerich (24:44):
Yeah, okay, one more question on that kind
of topic of the hard stuff.
Obviously, kids are going tohave lots of accidents here and
there.
During this opportunity oflearning how to potty, what's
like the best way to kind ofhandle accidents as the parent
Like?
Is there like a good phrasethat you like to say or just a
(25:08):
good way to handle that?
Sarah Mechling (25:09):
Yeah.
So I really like to make surethat number one we're staying
neutral.
If we have a big reaction, ourkid may pick up on that.
They may find it funny or theymay find it very much not funny.
So staying neutral and also notokaying the accident.
I think that there are sometimes where something happens
(25:32):
for our child maybe they gethurt, whatever and we say it's
okay or something like that.
And while some kids may notreally fully latch onto that
phrase, I like to avoid itbecause we don't want to okay
the accident.
We just want to reiterate whatto do next time.
So if an accident happens, Ilike to stay neutral and just
make a clear statement pee-peeor poo-poo goes in the potty,
(25:54):
direct them to the bathroom toeither try to finish in the
potty and or get cleaned up, andthen remind them what to do
next time.
If you feel pee pee coming, youcan run to the potty.
Next time.
Remember, if you poop in thepotty you earn your new stuffed
animal, whatever it might be.
So just kind of reminding themof the expectation to help boost
their confidence for next time.
Elisabeth Emmerich (26:13):
Awesome.
Okay, you brought up somethingthat I didn't even ask you.
How do you feel about rewardsLike?
What does that look like?
Because I feel like that's areally controversial thing for
parents.
They're like I don't want tobribe my child.
Sarah Mechling (26:26):
You know, what's interesting is, when I first
started my business, I thoughtthat parents were super opposed
to rewards and I've pulled myInstagram.
And I thought that parents weresuper opposed to rewards and
I've pulled my Instagram andI've asked different parents and
more often than not theyactually are fine with rewards.
Now I'm a behavior analyst andthat means I've studied the
science of behavior and one ofthe key principles of behavior
is reinforcement.
(26:46):
By definition, reinforcement isincreasing the likelihood of a
behavior in the future becauseyou provided some kind of
stimuli that reinforce thebehavior.
That was a terrible explanation.
I need to pull up my definition.
Hopefully my college professordoesn't listen to this, but
basically reinforcement is thatyou are giving, a behavior
(27:10):
happens, you're giving somethingand that, or you're taking
something away, right?
So like, if you haven't afeeling of a itch on your
forehead and you scratch it,you're taking away the feeling
of the itch and then you aremore likely to scratch your head
in the future.
With potty training you arewanting to increase the behavior
(27:30):
of peeing or pooping in thetoilet.
So if you give something thatis reinforcing, then that will
increase the behavior of peeingor pooping in the toilet.
So if you give something thatis reinforcing, then that will
increase the future likelihoodthat the child is going to pee
and poop in the toilet.
Now sometimes parents will reachout and they say rewards aren't
working.
And my response is if thereward isn't working, then it's
not functioning as a reinforcer.
Your child may like chocolate,but they may not like it enough
(27:53):
for it to reinforce the peeingor pooping in the potty.
Or maybe they're alreadygetting chocolate somewhere else
or whatever.
Now, on that note, with rewardsit doesn't have to be food.
It can be so many differentthings.
It can be clapping, singing,dancing, praising your child.
That may work as a effectivereward for your child.
Or it could be a sticker, itcould be a dance party, it could
(28:17):
be a new piece of a Lego to goon their Lego set.
It could be so many differentthings.
There's so many ways to becreative with it.
So, while I understand ifsomebody doesn't want to use
reinforcement or they don't wantto use rewards, they should
still layer in some kind ofreinforcement, even if that's a
really exciting praise statementthat works for your child.
Elisabeth Emmerich (28:40):
Yeah, I love that explanation and I would
agree to like.
I think if, even if parents canjust even recognize, like, what
do you need to do somethingthat's new or hard?
It's like we want to beacknowledged at work or we want
to get that pat on the back oryou know, we want that too, and
so obviously we need it.
Sarah Mechling (29:00):
Yeah, kids need it too.
For some kids and some adults,right Like the reinforcement
comes from learning, likemastering this new skill, but
for most kids they are going toneed something a little bit more
than that.
Elisabeth Emmerich (29:12):
Yeah, I would agree.
I want to acknowledge somethingso many of us feel After
becoming a mom.
It's easy to lose touch withwho we once were.
Motherhood is truly something,but it can leave us questioning
will I ever feel like myselfagain?
(29:33):
We give so much to our familiesthat it's easy to forget our
own needs and values.
But what if motherhood couldreveal even more of who you
truly are?
That's the heart of theExperience Identity Program
helping you reconnect withyourself and embrace motherhood
on your terms, Rediscover whatyou value most and learn how to
(29:54):
actually live it out.
This program isn't justparenting tips.
It's a journey to reclaim youridentity, with audio content you
can listen to on the go and areally comprehensive digital
workbook to support your growth.
If you're ready to rewrite yourmotherhood story, use the link
in the show notes or head toexperiencemotherhoodcom.
(30:14):
Don't let overwhelm or guilttake over in your motherhood
journey.
Reconnect with yourself and theunique path of motherhood
waiting for you Awesome, okay,so we talked about lots of good
tips.
I'm like really excited to hearall the listeners who are going
(30:36):
to like implement this, like youguys should all let us know.
You know you can talk to bothSarah and I on Instagram and
tell us how it's going, becauseI am really curious just about
this journey.
It's such a weird thing becausewe all go through it as parents
.
There is no parent that doesn'tdeal with potty training in
some form.
There's going to be obviously arange of that, but I just think
(30:59):
it's so interesting.
It's just one of those lifeskills that we get the
opportunity to teach our kidshow to do.
That's very cool.
Sarah Mechling (31:07):
Yeah, any last.
Elisabeth Emmerich (31:09):
Yeah, so cool, super cool.
Sarah Mechling (31:12):
Some parents might not feel that way right
now, but it's super cool.
I know that is true, you got it, you can do it.
Elisabeth Emmerich (31:17):
Yeah, motivation Any last advice or
tips.
Sarah Mechling (31:21):
Otherwise I know you have an awesome freebie and
you have lots of greatresources on your website so you
can tell us about those too.
Yes, I think maybe a tip thatkind of wraps it all up is we're
parenting in a time wherethere's like we talked about,
there's so much information andit's really easy to go down a
(31:42):
rabbit hole, and I think themost important thing that I'll
always kind of talk about isdoing what feels right for your
family.
And if you are reading about anapproach or hear from a friend
how they potty trained theirchild and it doesn't feel like
it's the right thing for yourfamily and your child, it is
okay to do something different.
(32:04):
And it's also okay if yourexperience is not looking
exactly like somebody else's.
It might take your child moretime.
Your child may pick up on itreally quickly.
There's such a range of thingsthat can go on during the
experience and it's not areflection of who you are as a
parent and a mom.
It's simply just a big skill.
(32:24):
That's really a bunch of skillsthat you are teaching your
child and you've never probablydone this before, so give
yourself some grace along theway.
Elisabeth Emmerich (32:34):
Love that, okay, so tell us, where can we
get some of this like greatresources from you the free
stuff, the paid stuff?
Tell us all about it.
Sarah Mechling (32:44):
Yeah, so I have a YouTube channel where I talk
about tons of different pottytraining tips, tricks,
recommended products, all thefun things behavioral stuff on
there too.
So if you're dealing withtoddler tantrums, there's stuff
on there for you.
And that is my first and lastname.
So at Sarah Meckling and I'msure Liz will put it in the show
notes and I'm also on Instagram.
(33:06):
I share tons of stuff on there.
I have a freebie, a readinesschecklist, which you can get to
help you make sure that you'reready.
And then I also have the pottyplaybook and that is going to
guide you through the pottytraining process so that you
know exactly what to do.
Elisabeth Emmerich (33:21):
I love that you're making it like really
easy, like you can get this freechecklist, then you can decide
if like okay, my kid is ready,and then you just like have the
whole playbook.
So you're going to just likewalk parents through every step
that they need to do and makethis really easy for parents so
they don't have to go searchinglike all the blogs and all the
resources.
You've got it all in one.
So I love that.
Sarah Mechling (33:42):
Yes, and I'm really big on being able to help
parents through those hiccups.
So I also have an option thatis the potty hub and it has a
little bit more gusto to it,some more resources involved in
there, and it also hascustomized support along the way
.
So I really want parents whofeel like they need that helping
hand and they want to be ableto message somebody and it not
(34:03):
be their friend on the streetthat's really well-intentioned
but doesn't know all the thingsabout potty training that they
can ask me and I will help themfigure out any weird scenario
that might pop up or whatevercurveball their kid throws their
way.
Elisabeth Emmerich (34:19):
Love that.
Okay, I'll make sure all ofthis stuff is posted in the show
notes, so it's super easy.
Just go there, click the linksand you can get in contact with
Sarah and all of her awesomethings.
But it was so glad to I'm soglad to have you on this podcast
today because, yeah gosh, I'vewanted to chat about this stuff
so for so long, and so I'm gladwe did, because it's such a big
(34:40):
topic in parenthood.
Sarah Mechling (34:42):
Yes, it is, and I hope everybody knows that
they're going to get through it,I promise.
Elisabeth Emmerich (34:46):
Yeah, well, thank you, sarah.
Thank you, thank you so muchfor joining me today and I hope
this episode really brought somuch value to your experience in
motherhood.
Please take a minute to rateand review this podcast and make
sure that you're subscribed soyou don't miss the next new
episode.
Until next time, go experiencemotherhood.
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