December 17, 2024 • 26 mins
Ever felt the pressure to be a "super mom" during the holiday season? I know I have, and it can be both beautiful and daunting. Join me as I share personal stories of navigating motherhood amidst the chaos of the holidays, where creating perfect memories often collides with endless to-do lists. This episode promises to offer a fresh perspective on why nurturing ourselves is just as essential as caring for our loved ones, and how small, personal moments can transform our well-being.
3 Key Takeaways:
- Finding Yourself Again in Motherhood
Let’s talk about blending who you are as a mom with the person you were before, so life feels more balanced and fulfilling for you and your family. - Simple Ways to Handle Guilt and Overwhelm
I’ll share tips like setting boundaries, shifting negative thoughts, and taking just 15 minutes a day for yourself to feel more grounded and connected. - Letting Go of Perfection This Holiday Season
Learn how to focus on being present, not perfect, and make time for yourself so you can truly enjoy the holidays with your family.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Elisabeth Emmerich (00:00):
So maybe you just ask yourself, as we're
talking about this, you know,what's one small thing you can
do in this season?
That's just for you.
It does not need to be huge Ifyou want it to be huge, right.
But we know we're busy momsLike.
It's really hard to find time,especially in the holiday
seasons because we have evenmore on our plate.
(00:21):
So what is one small thing thatyou can do?
Motherhood is beautiful, yetchallenging.
You may be feeling lost inmotherhood, but I'm here to tell
you that, no matter what seasonof motherhood you find yourself
in, every mom has a uniquejourney that is worth
experiencing.
So if you are a mom feelingoverwhelmed, are struggling with
(00:42):
mom guilt, want to be moreconfident and are looking for
ways to find you again, knowthat you are not alone.
Every mom will come away withconnection, knowledge and
tangible tools to integrate intoher own motherhood experience.
You deserve to be confident inmotherhood, with all of your
experiences that make you whoyou are.
So let's get started on beingreal, vulnerable and step into
(01:06):
community with each other.
This is Experience Motherhood.
Before we get started ontoday's episode, I do want to
give a special thank you to CMKlein 8.
She's a recent podcast reviewerwho left this message.
This podcast is a beautifulbalance of validating all that
motherhood entails while alsosharing tangible tips for making
(01:28):
positive changes and holdingourselves with self-compassion.
Thank you so much for yourreview.
Again, I cannot say it enough.
I am just blown away with howmany of you listen and feel
encouraged by each and everyepisode and it really means so
much when you take the coupleminutes to leave a review and a
rating.
(01:48):
It just helps get into thehands of more moms who might
need that encouragement.
So if you haven't left me apodcast review yet, I would be
so honored to hear your feedbackand it helps me kind of know
how to move forward withdifferent episodes in the
podcast.
So thank you so much.
Hello and welcome to ExperienceMotherhood Podcast.
(02:13):
I am doing a solo episode todayand I'll be really honest with
you these are some of thehardest episodes for me to do.
It is really hard to talk tokind of the abyss because I
can't see you.
I know you're listening, I knowyou're there, I can picture
many of you in my face becauseI've met so many of you, but it
(02:35):
is really hard to just talk tomy computer.
So I'm just going to throw thatout there that I always feel
like I get a little nervous onthese solo episodes, even though
this is like above 60 plusepisodes at this point, which is
insane to me.
But I know right now that weare juggling a lot.
(02:55):
There's holidays right aroundthe corner.
We've already celebratedThanksgiving.
Christmas is coming up really,really soon and you're probably
like me.
You're balancing all kinds ofthings the Christmas gift list,
there's holiday traditions, andreally we're just trying to make
everything perfect.
We want our kids to have thosecore Christmas memories, Even if
(03:18):
we ourselves didn't have greatChristmas memories.
We want that for our kids, ofcourse didn't have great
Christmas memories.
We want that for our kids, ofcourse.
So I know that we have a lotgoing on.
So I'm hoping that this episodereally is just a moment that you
can feed your soul, that youcan give yourself some space.
Whether you're out for a walk,listening to this, driving to
(03:38):
work, maybe you're just foldinglaundry and your kids are
watching a TV show or something,just giving yourself this
little time for you.
I hope that you'll come awaywith some practical things that
we're going to talk about tohelp us kind of just navigate
the overwhelming feelings thatwe can feel in the holiday and
how to kind of rediscoverourselves or come back to
(04:00):
ourselves.
Motherhood is often describedas this beautiful act of
selflessness, and it is, but Ifeel like somewhere along the
way we can forget that giving toourselves matters just as much
as giving to others, and I thinkreally during the holidays, we
really do focus so much onmaking the season magical, like
(04:22):
I said, for everyone else, and Ithink we forget to ask what do
I need right now?
So before we dive into thisepisode further, I want you just
to take a minute and reflect.
So here's a couple of questions.
I'm going to pause after themso you can just think for a
second.
So the first one is when wasthe last time you did something
(04:43):
just for you?
Think about that.
When was the last time you didsomething just for you?
And how would it feel to carveout even 15 minutes a day to
reconnect with something thatfills you up?
What would that look like?
How would it feel, what wouldyou notice about your mood, your
body, if you gave yourself 15minutes to reconnect with
(05:05):
something that fills you up?
So I want you just to keepthose questions in your mind as
we kind of go through today'sepisode.
In absolute no way is this toshame you.
It's not to make you feel bad.
I want you just to notice and Ithink that's something that's
really important that allfeelings are valid and if you
(05:26):
feel something come up of like,oh gosh, I'm not, I'm not even
doing that, I'm not spending anytime with myself, don't feel
guilty about that.
I want you just to notice thatyou're feeling that maybe that
is guilt, but just notice it anddon't judge it Okay.
So I want to share a personalstruggle that I have.
Often I feel like I strugglewith it a lot, and I'm sure you
(05:49):
do too.
At times it really is the storyfor me of doing it all and
learning to let go.
I think, especially in the busyseasons like we're talking
about, like the holidays, forexample, I really do find myself
overcommitting.
I sign up for volunteering inthe classroom for activities.
I help out more with mychurch's mom group.
(06:11):
I make sure we do bake thosecookies, those traditional
moments that we always do.
I keep track of all theChristmas shopping so we don't
leave a teacher out or aneighbor, whoever is usually on
our list.
Even if I can't admit it tomyself truthfully, I know that
I'm trying to prove myself, tomyself that I can do it all.
(06:35):
I do try to be super mom, eventhough, logically, I know I
can't do it all.
I still try.
But when I'm in a season ofdoing it all, the joy I expect
to feel it actually never showsup.
I don't know if you feel thatway too, but instead I feel like
I'm drowning.
So I might be snapping more atmy kids for making messes in the
(06:57):
house.
I stay up late wrapping giftsor finishing up something I had
on my to-do list and didn'tfinish yet, and I often find
myself just feeling moreirritable.
So not that long ago actually,in fact, my youngest came up to
me and said mom, can we justsnuggle?
And I froze.
(07:18):
In that moment I actually feltlike my heart was sinking and I
realized I had been so focusedon doing all the things and I
wasn't actually being the mom Iwanted to be, which was present
and loving and connected.
Moments like this, when theyhappen, they really shift a lot
for me and I had stopped what Iwas doing.
(07:38):
I picked up my almostsix-year-old now and we snuggled
up on the couch to read hisfavorite Little Blue Truck books
which are so good if you havenot read them and we just felt.
I felt at peace, I felt joy inthat moment.
You know, the world didn't endbecause I let go of some of
those expectations.
It actually in fact got better,it got brighter and I think,
(08:02):
looking back on all thesecountless moments in the past
years of my motherhood journey,I see now that I don't need to
do it all and my family doesn'tneed perfection, they just need
me.
And by no means have I figuredthis out a hundred percent, I
feel like when I noticed thatI'm starting to go into that
super mom pattern.
(08:22):
I have the tools to kind ofpull myself back out and I can
take a step back and be that momthat I want to be, that present
, loving, connected mom.
So by no means have I, you know, found perfection, of course,
but I want to share that becauseI think sometimes we can look
at other people and you know ifthey're appearing to do a really
(08:44):
good job and they're talkingabout being present all the time
and playing with their kids andall of this.
While that might be truesometimes that we all struggle
as moms, I think in differentseasons of motherhood sometimes
it's just harder than others orwe get caught up in our own
stuff.
So I just want to put that outthere.
So in this episode I just wantto tie in some things that I
(09:08):
think could be really helpful.
So as a therapist, I work a lotwith moms, in particular women
who, and I, work with kids.
But I work a lot with moms andwomen who do feel like this, who
feel like they're trying to doit all, they're feeling
overwhelmed.
This mom guilt just kind ofcomes up, and some of the most
helpful tools that I have reallyfound in helping women and even
(09:31):
myself overcome this is toreally recognize what are some
of the unhelpful thoughts that Imight be having, so that I can
reframe those thoughts.
And I'm not going to get toolike therapy-ish if that's even
a word in this episode, but I dowant to pull in some of that
because I think it's really,really helpful.
(09:55):
I want to acknowledge somethingso many of us feel after
becoming a mom.
It's easy to lose touch withwho we once were.
Motherhood is truly something,but it can leave us questioning
will I ever feel like myselfagain?
We give so much to our familiesthat it's easy to forget our
own needs and values.
But what if motherhood couldreveal even more of who you
(10:18):
truly are?
That's the heart of theExperience Identity Program
helping you reconnect withyourself and embrace motherhood
on your terms, rediscover whatyou value most and learn how to
actually live it out.
This program isn't justparenting tips.
It's a journey to reclaim youridentity, with audio content you
can listen to on the go and areally comprehensive digital
(10:41):
workbook to support your growth.
If you're ready to rewrite yourmotherhood story, use the link
in the show notes or head toexperiencemotherhoodcom.
Don't let overwhelm or guilttake over in your motherhood
journey.
Reconnect with yourself and theunique path of motherhood
waiting for you.
(11:05):
So, for example, let's juststart with that idea of like how
do you know if you'reoverwhelmed in the holiday?
Like, how do you know you'reeven overwhelmed at all, no
matter what time of the year?
Maybe you have tense shoulders,maybe your neck is really tight
, maybe you even notice yourheart beating faster or you have
(11:27):
more shallow breathing.
Perhaps and this happens to mea lot is that I get more
sleepless nights and I wake upand I think about oh, I didn't
do this or I didn't do sleeplessnights and I wake up and I
think about oh, I didn't do thisor I didn't do that, or I just
wake up and I can't go back tosleep.
These could all be signs thatyou're feeling really
overwhelmed.
And so when you're feeling thatway, like noticing those
(11:48):
physical symptoms and you'venoticed that, like you know what
, maybe I am feeling overwhelmedor I'm feeling guilty for some
reason.
We have to come back to ourthoughts.
And so maybe an unhelpfulthought that you might be having
is something like this it's upto me to make the holidays
magical, or it won't feelspecial.
(12:08):
Or if I don't host the perfectdinner, I'll disappoint everyone
.
Or maybe, if you're snapping atlike your loved ones over, like
little things, and then feelguilty afterwards, maybe your
unhelpful thoughts are why can'tI stay calm?
I'm such a bad mom for yelling,or I've ruined the day because
I lost my temper.
(12:28):
These are all super unhelpfulthoughts, obviously, as we're,
you know, talking about themhere.
So I want you just to recognizewhat you're thinking and is it
helpful or is it not right?
So let's reframe some of these,just as we're going through it,
so that you feel like you canactually notice what your
(12:49):
unhelpful thought is and changeit.
The key that I always tell myclients is that you want it to
be true.
We don't want to be like juststraight up lying to ourselves.
So there has to be an aspect oftruth.
But we can change it so thatit's more helpful, maybe more
encouraging, maybe somethingthat's a little more positive,
because that does affect how wefeel and then that affects our
(13:11):
actions and our behaviors in ourday to day.
So let's take mom guilt, forexample, because we've kind of
talked about feelings ofoverwhelm a little bit.
So, for example, maybe you feelguilty for not feeling joyful
when everything should beperfect.
So your thoughts might besomething like I should be happy
, but I'm just tired andstressed, what's wrong with me?
(13:33):
If that's your unhelpfulthought, you could reframe it to
something like it's okay tofeel exhausted, the holidays are
demanding and I'm doing my best.
So you can see there's justlike this little tweak that you
can still acknowledge that maybeyou are really tired, maybe
you're not happy, right, andthen you can kind of encourage
it by saying the holidays aredemanding and I'm doing my best.
(13:56):
Or maybe you are worrying thatyou're not creating enough
special moments for your kids,or maybe the pressure to live up
societal expectations of aperfect holiday season is
impacting you and making youfeel guilty.
So maybe this unhelpful thoughtyou might be having is my kids
deserve more.
Am I making this season specialenough for them?
(14:18):
Or everyone is expecting aperfect holiday and I can't let
them down?
I feel like those are reallycommon unhelpful thoughts.
So we could reframe those bysaying something like I don't
have to meet anyone'sexpectations, but my own, my
version of the holidays isenough.
Or maybe you reframe it and saythe best memories come from
(14:39):
connection, not perfection.
My presence matters more thanthe details.
So hopefully you're kind ofgetting the sense of like.
First we have to reallyidentify what we're feeling,
notice those physical sensationsand then notice what we're
thinking so that we can changeit right.
So I want you just to askyourself again another little
(15:00):
reflection question here Againwhen was the last time you asked
yourself what you need duringthe holidays and what would it
feel like to show up as the calm, present mom you want to be?
So if you're not feeling reallypresent with your kids right
now, maybe you're feeling reallystressed, overworked,
(15:21):
overwhelmed, guilty.
If you're feeling that way, Iwant you just to notice that and
then ask yourself what would itfeel like if you showed up more
as the calm, present mom youwant to be.
So how do we get there?
Now I wanna get into just somepractical things that I have
found personally very helpfulfor me to kind of come back and
reconnect with myself, and I'vetalked a lot before in this
(15:43):
podcast about, you know, comingback to who you are and this
idea that a lot of times we canfeel really lost in motherhood
and not sure of like who we are,because we do change.
We change a lot, which isn'tnegative.
It's just an acknowledgementthat we change when we become
moms.
But how do we come back toourselves?
So one of the first things Idefinitely do for myself and
(16:08):
would encourage you to do isreally to set some boundaries
that honor your needs.
So maybe you do say no to oneevent or task that feels more
like a burden than a joy and Iknow this is really hard and it
can feel really scary to saythat.
You know, if your in-laws oryour parents want you to come
(16:28):
and do something that reallyfeels more like a burden than a
joy.
That is really hard, and so Iwant to acknowledge that.
But a script for something youcould say and it would take
practice is to just saysomething like thanks, so much
for inviting us, but we're goingto have a quiet night in this
time Maybe it was like a holidayparty or something and really I
(16:52):
want to remind you thatboundaries are not about like
shutting others out.
They really are about lettingyourself in.
Remind you that boundaries arenot about like shutting others
out.
They really are about lettingyourself in.
Boundaries are not a negativething.
I know it can feel that way.
It can seem like it's not goingto help that relationship, but
it actually is.
Healthy relationships havehealthy boundaries.
(17:13):
I think another way to reconnectwith yourself, after you've
decided and figured out likewhat boundaries do I need in
this holiday season in my life,in whatever season you're in in
motherhood another practical wayto reconnect with yourself is
to let go of this idea ofperfection and embrace the
imperfection, which I've alreadytold you.
(17:35):
That's something I strugglewith for sure, like I want
everything to be right, I wantmy house to be clean, I want I
don't know all the things tojust go well, and so that's
definitely hard for me, butreally it's just coming to like
changing that reframe in my mind, like I can really affirm to
myself or think to myself mykids don't need a perfect
(17:58):
holiday, they just need apresent mom.
And I think even that littletweak, at least for me, really
helps me not strive forperfection but strive to be
present, which means thatthere's going to be imperfect
things.
It means I might forget to dosome holiday tradition, I might
have a messy house with pineneedles everywhere or toys
(18:19):
everywhere, like that'ssomething that I have to learn
to let go and I'm accepting morethe imperfect, because it gives
me the joy that I actually wantand that for me as a value for
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A third thing that you can do toreconnect with yourself is to
create a quote just for meholiday tradition.
So, for example, maybe youdecide you're gonna take 10
minutes every morning during theseason to drink your coffee
(19:48):
slowly, to journal and justbreathe.
So maybe you just ask yourself,as we're talking about this,
what's one small thing you cando in this season that's just
for you.
It does not need to be huge.
If you want it to be huge,great.
But we know we're busy moms.
It's really hard to find time,especially in the holiday
(20:10):
seasons, because we have evenmore on our plate.
So what is one small thing thatyou can do?
I know for me not even reallyjust a holiday tradition, and
I've talked about this before,but I've really entered into a
season where I wake up before mykids.
I know people have reallyextreme opinions on both sides
of this and I've said before andI'll say it again.
(20:33):
There is no stinking way that Iwould have gotten up before my
kids if I had littles notsleeping through the night.
I'm talking babies, newborns,heck.
No, like I would be sleeping.
And I did sleep.
I did not do this.
I'm in a season of mymotherhood journey where most of
the time, my kids are sleepingthrough the night and that is
(20:54):
really something that fills mycup.
And even in the holiday season,like I just started a new
Advent, like a devotional in themorning and like that just
feels so good.
It feels so good to have myquiet time with God, to drink
that first cup of hot coffee andthen, to, you know, start my
day, get the kids up, get themoff to school and such.
So just ask yourself what's onesmall thing that you can do this
(21:18):
season that's just for you.
Number four is I want you torelease this mom guilt and give
yourself some compassion.
So visualize a friend sayingthe things you tell yourself
when guilt creeps in.
Would you respond with kindnessor judgment?
So, to be practical, why don'tyou, if you can and you're not
driving or something write downone thing you're proud of
(21:40):
yourself for today, even if itfeels small.
Just write that down, becauseif your friend was coming to you
and telling you all thesethings that they were feeling
guilty for, you would likelyrespond with kindness, right,
you would tell them somethingthat they could be proud of
themselves for.
So I want you to practice doingthat for yourself.
So we've got four things thatyou can practically do, like
(22:03):
this season whatever seasonyou're in, or the holiday season
some practical ways to justconnect with yourself, because
it's so, so important.
And the first one is thesetting boundaries that honor
your needs.
Two, you're going to let go ofthis perfection idea and you're
going to embrace imperfection.
Three, you're going to create ajust-for-me holiday tradition.
(22:23):
And number four, you're goingto release this mom guilt with
some compassion.
You know, motherhood isn't aboutlosing who you are.
It's about evolving, growingand learning how to integrate
your identity as a mom with theperson you were before
motherhood.
When you allow yourself toembrace this evolution, it has a
ripple effect on your family,and I have seen that firsthand
(22:46):
with myself and I've seen thatwith the women I work with.
So again, it's just it's notabout losing yourself.
It really is about changing andintegrating this part of who
you are with who you want to beand when you show up as your
authentic, aligned self, youmodel this.
You model this joy andconfidence and self-care for
your kids, and we all want that.
(23:08):
So if this resonated with youand you are ready to really
rediscover yourself inmotherhood not just during the
holidays but really all yearlong my upcoming relaunch of the
Experience Identity Program issomething that will help you
find realignment with who youare.
So there is so much that canhappen.
(23:29):
When you figure out your values, you learn to have those
boundaries, you learn to let goof that mom guilt, you're going
to find that peace, thatconfidence and joy that I know I
certainly have found.
And even when I fall out ofthat because I think it really
is it's not like a one and donething, like oh, you figured out
who you are in motherhood, likeno, I think it constantly is
(23:52):
changing and growing.
But when you have those toolsto know how to do it, when you
fall out of that and feel againlost, you can come back and you
can find yourself again.
So I want to encourage you thatif you want to learn more about
this program, if you havequestions about it, dm me on
Instagram at ExperiencedMotherhood?
(24:12):
Ask me those questions.
Use the link in the show notesto get on the waitlist, because
I'm going to be offering reallyexclusive bonuses to those on
the waitlist first, beforeopening it to the public in
January 2025.
And I would love for you to bea part of this, not only because
I've seen the changes in thewomen that have taken this
(24:33):
program already, but I see itall the time in what I do as a
therapist.
I've seen it in myself when Ipractice these tools and the
understanding of what it meansto be reconnected with myself.
I'm telling you it islife-changing, it's life-giving
and it's something that I feellike I'm just so passionate
about, it's just so important.
(24:55):
So again, use the link in theshow notes, get on the wait list
.
You'll get all the informationreally soon when this relaunches
.
I'm super excited about it andjust the opportunity that you
have to change your experienceof motherhood.
So, as we wrap up today, I wantto leave you with this thought
you haven't lost yourself, evenif it feels that way, you're
(25:18):
still here underneath all thenoise and busyness, and just
take a moment to reconnect withyourself, the you that exists
beyond the titles of mom,partner or caretaker.
She's still there and she'sworthy of care too.
Thank you so much for spendingthis time with me.
I hope today's episode gave youa little permission to slow
(25:40):
down and reconnect with yourself, and if it did, I'd love to.
Episode gave you a littlepermission to slow down and
reconnect with yourself, and ifit did, I'd love to hear from
you.
You can again.
You can message me on Instagramat experience motherhood, or
you could share this episodewith a friend who might need it.
And until next time, goexperience motherhood.
Thank you so much for joiningme today, and I hope this
episode really brought so muchvalue to your experience in
(26:03):
motherhood.
Please take a minute to rateand review this podcast and make
sure that you're subscribed soyou don't miss the next new
episode.
Until next time, go experiencemotherhood.
So maybe you just ask yourself, as we're
talking about this, you know,what's one small thing you can
do in this season?
That's just for you.
It does not need to be huge Ifyou want it to be huge, right.
But we know we're busy momsLike.
It's really hard to find time,especially in the holiday
seasons because we have evenmore on our plate.
(00:21):
So what is one small thing thatyou can do?
Motherhood is beautiful, yetchallenging.
You may be feeling lost inmotherhood, but I'm here to tell
you that, no matter what seasonof motherhood you find yourself
in, every mom has a uniquejourney that is worth
experiencing.
So if you are a mom feelingoverwhelmed, are struggling with
(00:42):
mom guilt, want to be moreconfident and are looking for
ways to find you again, knowthat you are not alone.
Every mom will come away withconnection, knowledge and
tangible tools to integrate intoher own motherhood experience.
You deserve to be confident inmotherhood, with all of your
experiences that make you whoyou are.
So let's get started on beingreal, vulnerable and step into
(01:06):
community with each other.
This is Experience Motherhood.
Before we get started ontoday's episode, I do want to
give a special thank you to CMKlein 8.
She's a recent podcast reviewerwho left this message.
This podcast is a beautifulbalance of validating all that
motherhood entails while alsosharing tangible tips for making
(01:28):
positive changes and holdingourselves with self-compassion.
Thank you so much for yourreview.
Again, I cannot say it enough.
I am just blown away with howmany of you listen and feel
encouraged by each and everyepisode and it really means so
much when you take the coupleminutes to leave a review and a
rating.
(01:48):
It just helps get into thehands of more moms who might
need that encouragement.
So if you haven't left me apodcast review yet, I would be
so honored to hear your feedbackand it helps me kind of know
how to move forward withdifferent episodes in the
podcast.
So thank you so much.
Hello and welcome to ExperienceMotherhood Podcast.
(02:13):
I am doing a solo episode todayand I'll be really honest with
you these are some of thehardest episodes for me to do.
It is really hard to talk tokind of the abyss because I
can't see you.
I know you're listening, I knowyou're there, I can picture
many of you in my face becauseI've met so many of you, but it
(02:35):
is really hard to just talk tomy computer.
So I'm just going to throw thatout there that I always feel
like I get a little nervous onthese solo episodes, even though
this is like above 60 plusepisodes at this point, which is
insane to me.
But I know right now that weare juggling a lot.
(02:55):
There's holidays right aroundthe corner.
We've already celebratedThanksgiving.
Christmas is coming up really,really soon and you're probably
like me.
You're balancing all kinds ofthings the Christmas gift list,
there's holiday traditions, andreally we're just trying to make
everything perfect.
We want our kids to have thosecore Christmas memories, Even if
(03:18):
we ourselves didn't have greatChristmas memories.
We want that for our kids, ofcourse didn't have great
Christmas memories.
We want that for our kids, ofcourse.
So I know that we have a lotgoing on.
So I'm hoping that this episodereally is just a moment that you
can feed your soul, that youcan give yourself some space.
Whether you're out for a walk,listening to this, driving to
(03:38):
work, maybe you're just foldinglaundry and your kids are
watching a TV show or something,just giving yourself this
little time for you.
I hope that you'll come awaywith some practical things that
we're going to talk about tohelp us kind of just navigate
the overwhelming feelings thatwe can feel in the holiday and
how to kind of rediscoverourselves or come back to
(04:00):
ourselves.
Motherhood is often describedas this beautiful act of
selflessness, and it is, but Ifeel like somewhere along the
way we can forget that giving toourselves matters just as much
as giving to others, and I thinkreally during the holidays, we
really do focus so much onmaking the season magical, like
(04:22):
I said, for everyone else, and Ithink we forget to ask what do
I need right now?
So before we dive into thisepisode further, I want you just
to take a minute and reflect.
So here's a couple of questions.
I'm going to pause after themso you can just think for a
second.
So the first one is when wasthe last time you did something
(04:43):
just for you?
Think about that.
When was the last time you didsomething just for you?
And how would it feel to carveout even 15 minutes a day to
reconnect with something thatfills you up?
What would that look like?
How would it feel, what wouldyou notice about your mood, your
body, if you gave yourself 15minutes to reconnect with
(05:05):
something that fills you up?
So I want you just to keepthose questions in your mind as
we kind of go through today'sepisode.
In absolute no way is this toshame you.
It's not to make you feel bad.
I want you just to notice and Ithink that's something that's
really important that allfeelings are valid and if you
(05:26):
feel something come up of like,oh gosh, I'm not, I'm not even
doing that, I'm not spending anytime with myself, don't feel
guilty about that.
I want you just to notice thatyou're feeling that maybe that
is guilt, but just notice it anddon't judge it Okay.
So I want to share a personalstruggle that I have.
Often I feel like I strugglewith it a lot, and I'm sure you
(05:49):
do too.
At times it really is the storyfor me of doing it all and
learning to let go.
I think, especially in the busyseasons like we're talking
about, like the holidays, forexample, I really do find myself
overcommitting.
I sign up for volunteering inthe classroom for activities.
I help out more with mychurch's mom group.
(06:11):
I make sure we do bake thosecookies, those traditional
moments that we always do.
I keep track of all theChristmas shopping so we don't
leave a teacher out or aneighbor, whoever is usually on
our list.
Even if I can't admit it tomyself truthfully, I know that
I'm trying to prove myself, tomyself that I can do it all.
(06:35):
I do try to be super mom, eventhough, logically, I know I
can't do it all.
I still try.
But when I'm in a season ofdoing it all, the joy I expect
to feel it actually never showsup.
I don't know if you feel thatway too, but instead I feel like
I'm drowning.
So I might be snapping more atmy kids for making messes in the
(06:57):
house.
I stay up late wrapping giftsor finishing up something I had
on my to-do list and didn'tfinish yet, and I often find
myself just feeling moreirritable.
So not that long ago actually,in fact, my youngest came up to
me and said mom, can we justsnuggle?
And I froze.
(07:18):
In that moment I actually feltlike my heart was sinking and I
realized I had been so focusedon doing all the things and I
wasn't actually being the mom Iwanted to be, which was present
and loving and connected.
Moments like this, when theyhappen, they really shift a lot
for me and I had stopped what Iwas doing.
(07:38):
I picked up my almostsix-year-old now and we snuggled
up on the couch to read hisfavorite Little Blue Truck books
which are so good if you havenot read them and we just felt.
I felt at peace, I felt joy inthat moment.
You know, the world didn't endbecause I let go of some of
those expectations.
It actually in fact got better,it got brighter and I think,
(08:02):
looking back on all thesecountless moments in the past
years of my motherhood journey,I see now that I don't need to
do it all and my family doesn'tneed perfection, they just need
me.
And by no means have I figuredthis out a hundred percent, I
feel like when I noticed thatI'm starting to go into that
super mom pattern.
(08:22):
I have the tools to kind ofpull myself back out and I can
take a step back and be that momthat I want to be, that present
, loving, connected mom.
So by no means have I, you know, found perfection, of course,
but I want to share that becauseI think sometimes we can look
at other people and you know ifthey're appearing to do a really
(08:44):
good job and they're talkingabout being present all the time
and playing with their kids andall of this.
While that might be truesometimes that we all struggle
as moms, I think in differentseasons of motherhood sometimes
it's just harder than others orwe get caught up in our own
stuff.
So I just want to put that outthere.
So in this episode I just wantto tie in some things that I
(09:08):
think could be really helpful.
So as a therapist, I work a lotwith moms, in particular women
who, and I, work with kids.
But I work a lot with moms andwomen who do feel like this, who
feel like they're trying to doit all, they're feeling
overwhelmed.
This mom guilt just kind ofcomes up, and some of the most
helpful tools that I have reallyfound in helping women and even
(09:31):
myself overcome this is toreally recognize what are some
of the unhelpful thoughts that Imight be having, so that I can
reframe those thoughts.
And I'm not going to get toolike therapy-ish if that's even
a word in this episode, but I dowant to pull in some of that
because I think it's really,really helpful.
(09:55):
I want to acknowledge somethingso many of us feel after
becoming a mom.
It's easy to lose touch withwho we once were.
Motherhood is truly something,but it can leave us questioning
will I ever feel like myselfagain?
We give so much to our familiesthat it's easy to forget our
own needs and values.
But what if motherhood couldreveal even more of who you
(10:18):
truly are?
That's the heart of theExperience Identity Program
helping you reconnect withyourself and embrace motherhood
on your terms, rediscover whatyou value most and learn how to
actually live it out.
This program isn't justparenting tips.
It's a journey to reclaim youridentity, with audio content you
can listen to on the go and areally comprehensive digital
(10:41):
workbook to support your growth.
If you're ready to rewrite yourmotherhood story, use the link
in the show notes or head toexperiencemotherhoodcom.
Don't let overwhelm or guilttake over in your motherhood
journey.
Reconnect with yourself and theunique path of motherhood
waiting for you.
(11:05):
So, for example, let's juststart with that idea of like how
do you know if you'reoverwhelmed in the holiday?
Like, how do you know you'reeven overwhelmed at all, no
matter what time of the year?
Maybe you have tense shoulders,maybe your neck is really tight
, maybe you even notice yourheart beating faster or you have
(11:27):
more shallow breathing.
Perhaps and this happens to mea lot is that I get more
sleepless nights and I wake upand I think about oh, I didn't
do this or I didn't do sleeplessnights and I wake up and I
think about oh, I didn't do thisor I didn't do that, or I just
wake up and I can't go back tosleep.
These could all be signs thatyou're feeling really
overwhelmed.
And so when you're feeling thatway, like noticing those
(11:48):
physical symptoms and you'venoticed that, like you know what
, maybe I am feeling overwhelmedor I'm feeling guilty for some
reason.
We have to come back to ourthoughts.
And so maybe an unhelpfulthought that you might be having
is something like this it's upto me to make the holidays
magical, or it won't feelspecial.
(12:08):
Or if I don't host the perfectdinner, I'll disappoint everyone
.
Or maybe, if you're snapping atlike your loved ones over, like
little things, and then feelguilty afterwards, maybe your
unhelpful thoughts are why can'tI stay calm?
I'm such a bad mom for yelling,or I've ruined the day because
I lost my temper.
(12:28):
These are all super unhelpfulthoughts, obviously, as we're,
you know, talking about themhere.
So I want you just to recognizewhat you're thinking and is it
helpful or is it not right?
So let's reframe some of these,just as we're going through it,
so that you feel like you canactually notice what your
(12:49):
unhelpful thought is and changeit.
The key that I always tell myclients is that you want it to
be true.
We don't want to be like juststraight up lying to ourselves.
So there has to be an aspect oftruth.
But we can change it so thatit's more helpful, maybe more
encouraging, maybe somethingthat's a little more positive,
because that does affect how wefeel and then that affects our
(13:11):
actions and our behaviors in ourday to day.
So let's take mom guilt, forexample, because we've kind of
talked about feelings ofoverwhelm a little bit.
So, for example, maybe you feelguilty for not feeling joyful
when everything should beperfect.
So your thoughts might besomething like I should be happy
, but I'm just tired andstressed, what's wrong with me?
(13:33):
If that's your unhelpfulthought, you could reframe it to
something like it's okay tofeel exhausted, the holidays are
demanding and I'm doing my best.
So you can see there's justlike this little tweak that you
can still acknowledge that maybeyou are really tired, maybe
you're not happy, right, andthen you can kind of encourage
it by saying the holidays aredemanding and I'm doing my best.
(13:56):
Or maybe you are worrying thatyou're not creating enough
special moments for your kids,or maybe the pressure to live up
societal expectations of aperfect holiday season is
impacting you and making youfeel guilty.
So maybe this unhelpful thoughtyou might be having is my kids
deserve more.
Am I making this season specialenough for them?
(14:18):
Or everyone is expecting aperfect holiday and I can't let
them down?
I feel like those are reallycommon unhelpful thoughts.
So we could reframe those bysaying something like I don't
have to meet anyone'sexpectations, but my own, my
version of the holidays isenough.
Or maybe you reframe it and saythe best memories come from
(14:39):
connection, not perfection.
My presence matters more thanthe details.
So hopefully you're kind ofgetting the sense of like.
First we have to reallyidentify what we're feeling,
notice those physical sensationsand then notice what we're
thinking so that we can changeit right.
So I want you just to askyourself again another little
(15:00):
reflection question here Againwhen was the last time you asked
yourself what you need duringthe holidays and what would it
feel like to show up as the calm, present mom you want to be?
So if you're not feeling reallypresent with your kids right
now, maybe you're feeling reallystressed, overworked,
(15:21):
overwhelmed, guilty.
If you're feeling that way, Iwant you just to notice that and
then ask yourself what would itfeel like if you showed up more
as the calm, present mom youwant to be.
So how do we get there?
Now I wanna get into just somepractical things that I have
found personally very helpfulfor me to kind of come back and
reconnect with myself, and I'vetalked a lot before in this
(15:43):
podcast about, you know, comingback to who you are and this
idea that a lot of times we canfeel really lost in motherhood
and not sure of like who we are,because we do change.
We change a lot, which isn'tnegative.
It's just an acknowledgementthat we change when we become
moms.
But how do we come back toourselves?
So one of the first things Idefinitely do for myself and
(16:08):
would encourage you to do isreally to set some boundaries
that honor your needs.
So maybe you do say no to oneevent or task that feels more
like a burden than a joy and Iknow this is really hard and it
can feel really scary to saythat.
You know, if your in-laws oryour parents want you to come
(16:28):
and do something that reallyfeels more like a burden than a
joy.
That is really hard, and so Iwant to acknowledge that.
But a script for something youcould say and it would take
practice is to just saysomething like thanks, so much
for inviting us, but we're goingto have a quiet night in this
time Maybe it was like a holidayparty or something and really I
(16:52):
want to remind you thatboundaries are not about like
shutting others out.
They really are about lettingyourself in.
Remind you that boundaries arenot about like shutting others
out.
They really are about lettingyourself in.
Boundaries are not a negativething.
I know it can feel that way.
It can seem like it's not goingto help that relationship, but
it actually is.
Healthy relationships havehealthy boundaries.
(17:13):
I think another way to reconnectwith yourself, after you've
decided and figured out likewhat boundaries do I need in
this holiday season in my life,in whatever season you're in in
motherhood another practical wayto reconnect with yourself is
to let go of this idea ofperfection and embrace the
imperfection, which I've alreadytold you.
(17:35):
That's something I strugglewith for sure, like I want
everything to be right, I wantmy house to be clean, I want I
don't know all the things tojust go well, and so that's
definitely hard for me, butreally it's just coming to like
changing that reframe in my mind, like I can really affirm to
myself or think to myself mykids don't need a perfect
(17:58):
holiday, they just need apresent mom.
And I think even that littletweak, at least for me, really
helps me not strive forperfection but strive to be
present, which means thatthere's going to be imperfect
things.
It means I might forget to dosome holiday tradition, I might
have a messy house with pineneedles everywhere or toys
(18:19):
everywhere, like that'ssomething that I have to learn
to let go and I'm accepting morethe imperfect, because it gives
me the joy that I actually wantand that for me as a value for
my own self, is to be a presentmom.
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(18:41):
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(19:25):
.
A third thing that you can do toreconnect with yourself is to
create a quote just for meholiday tradition.
So, for example, maybe youdecide you're gonna take 10
minutes every morning during theseason to drink your coffee
(19:48):
slowly, to journal and justbreathe.
So maybe you just ask yourself,as we're talking about this,
what's one small thing you cando in this season that's just
for you.
It does not need to be huge.
If you want it to be huge,great.
But we know we're busy moms.
It's really hard to find time,especially in the holiday
(20:10):
seasons, because we have evenmore on our plate.
So what is one small thing thatyou can do?
I know for me not even reallyjust a holiday tradition, and
I've talked about this before,but I've really entered into a
season where I wake up before mykids.
I know people have reallyextreme opinions on both sides
of this and I've said before andI'll say it again.
(20:33):
There is no stinking way that Iwould have gotten up before my
kids if I had littles notsleeping through the night.
I'm talking babies, newborns,heck.
No, like I would be sleeping.
And I did sleep.
I did not do this.
I'm in a season of mymotherhood journey where most of
the time, my kids are sleepingthrough the night and that is
(20:54):
really something that fills mycup.
And even in the holiday season,like I just started a new
Advent, like a devotional in themorning and like that just
feels so good.
It feels so good to have myquiet time with God, to drink
that first cup of hot coffee andthen, to, you know, start my
day, get the kids up, get themoff to school and such.
So just ask yourself what's onesmall thing that you can do this
(21:18):
season that's just for you.
Number four is I want you torelease this mom guilt and give
yourself some compassion.
So visualize a friend sayingthe things you tell yourself
when guilt creeps in.
Would you respond with kindnessor judgment?
So, to be practical, why don'tyou, if you can and you're not
driving or something write downone thing you're proud of
(21:40):
yourself for today, even if itfeels small.
Just write that down, becauseif your friend was coming to you
and telling you all thesethings that they were feeling
guilty for, you would likelyrespond with kindness, right,
you would tell them somethingthat they could be proud of
themselves for.
So I want you to practice doingthat for yourself.
So we've got four things thatyou can practically do, like
(22:03):
this season whatever seasonyou're in, or the holiday season
some practical ways to justconnect with yourself, because
it's so, so important.
And the first one is thesetting boundaries that honor
your needs.
Two, you're going to let go ofthis perfection idea and you're
going to embrace imperfection.
Three, you're going to create ajust-for-me holiday tradition.
(22:23):
And number four, you're goingto release this mom guilt with
some compassion.
You know, motherhood isn't aboutlosing who you are.
It's about evolving, growingand learning how to integrate
your identity as a mom with theperson you were before
motherhood.
When you allow yourself toembrace this evolution, it has a
ripple effect on your family,and I have seen that firsthand
(22:46):
with myself and I've seen thatwith the women I work with.
So again, it's just it's notabout losing yourself.
It really is about changing andintegrating this part of who
you are with who you want to beand when you show up as your
authentic, aligned self, youmodel this.
You model this joy andconfidence and self-care for
your kids, and we all want that.
(23:08):
So if this resonated with youand you are ready to really
rediscover yourself inmotherhood not just during the
holidays but really all yearlong my upcoming relaunch of the
Experience Identity Program issomething that will help you
find realignment with who youare.
So there is so much that canhappen.
(23:29):
When you figure out your values, you learn to have those
boundaries, you learn to let goof that mom guilt, you're going
to find that peace, thatconfidence and joy that I know I
certainly have found.
And even when I fall out ofthat because I think it really
is it's not like a one and donething, like oh, you figured out
who you are in motherhood, likeno, I think it constantly is
(23:52):
changing and growing.
But when you have those toolsto know how to do it, when you
fall out of that and feel againlost, you can come back and you
can find yourself again.
So I want to encourage you thatif you want to learn more about
this program, if you havequestions about it, dm me on
Instagram at ExperiencedMotherhood?
(24:12):
Ask me those questions.
Use the link in the show notesto get on the waitlist, because
I'm going to be offering reallyexclusive bonuses to those on
the waitlist first, beforeopening it to the public in
January 2025.
And I would love for you to bea part of this, not only because
I've seen the changes in thewomen that have taken this
(24:33):
program already, but I see itall the time in what I do as a
therapist.
I've seen it in myself when Ipractice these tools and the
understanding of what it meansto be reconnected with myself.
I'm telling you it islife-changing, it's life-giving
and it's something that I feellike I'm just so passionate
about, it's just so important.
(24:55):
So again, use the link in theshow notes, get on the wait list
.
You'll get all the informationreally soon when this relaunches
.
I'm super excited about it andjust the opportunity that you
have to change your experienceof motherhood.
So, as we wrap up today, I wantto leave you with this thought
you haven't lost yourself, evenif it feels that way, you're
(25:18):
still here underneath all thenoise and busyness, and just
take a moment to reconnect withyourself, the you that exists
beyond the titles of mom,partner or caretaker.
She's still there and she'sworthy of care too.
Thank you so much for spendingthis time with me.
I hope today's episode gave youa little permission to slow
(25:40):
down and reconnect with yourself, and if it did, I'd love to.
Episode gave you a littlepermission to slow down and
reconnect with yourself, and ifit did, I'd love to hear from
you.
You can again.
You can message me on Instagramat experience motherhood, or
you could share this episodewith a friend who might need it.
And until next time, goexperience motherhood.
Thank you so much for joiningme today, and I hope this
episode really brought so muchvalue to your experience in
(26:03):
motherhood.
Please take a minute to rateand review this podcast and make
sure that you're subscribed soyou don't miss the next new
episode.
Until next time, go experiencemotherhood.
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