August 29, 2025 • 24 mins
We take you on a satirical journey through Taper Town, a psychological landscape every runner visits during the final weeks before race day. Through humor and relatable anecdotes, we map the strange mental territory where reduced mileage creates increased anxiety.
• Exploring the "Weather Bureau" where runners obsessively check forecasts and compare contradicting weather apps
• Visiting the "Taper Diet Diner" where hunger is constant and every nutritional choice feels monumental
• Navigating "Phantom Injury Lane" where mysterious aches appear out of nowhere
• Surviving "Retail Row" with its panic-driven purchases of unnecessary gear
• Managing the "Domestic Affairs Department" where mood swings and cleaning frenzies reign
• Enduring the "Bureau of Unsolicited Advice" from non-runners
• Overthinking in the "Packing District" where lists multiply endlessly
• Confronting fears in the "Hall of Doubt" where training is second-guessed
• Finding solidarity in "Town Square" among fellow tapering runners
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome, my friends, to Taper Town, and this is a
field guide to losing your mindgracefully.
Of course, my friends, this isa place that every runner visits
, but few truly survive withouta little touch of madness.
Hey friends, I'm CoachChristine, host of Extraordinary
Strides, and I made it mymission to guide you through
this wild, weird and wonderfulcorner of the entire running
(00:22):
journey.
If you've ever trained for arace and you already know that
taper isn't just about mileage.
There's some doubts, there's alittle bit of drama, there's a
whole lot of hunger, fans ofinjuries, weather stalking and
so much more, includingquestioning every life choice
you've ever made, oh, while yourloved ones politely wonder if
you have completely lost yourever-loving mind.
That is what makes Taper Townso special.
(00:45):
It's not just a physical placein your training, it's a shared
mental neighborhood we allwander into, usually armed with
a little bit too much pasta,definitely too many packing
lists and way too much free time.
This guidebook is part comedy,a little bit survival and 100%
truth for anyone who's ever saidwhy do I feel worse when I'm
(01:07):
supposed to be feeling better?
So let's grab your hydrationbottle.
Lace up your nerves instead ofthose laces, because we're going
to take a long, winding tour ofTaper Town together.
Trust me, by the end you shouldbe laughing at the madness.
You'll recognize yourself inevery single section of
Tapertown map and maybe evenembrace the chaos as proof that
(01:31):
you are exactly where you'resupposed to be.
With that said, my friend, Iwant to welcome you to the
arrival of Tapertown.
The entryway into Tapertown isdeceptively calm.
The air is a little thinnersomehow, not from altitude, but
the absence of endless mileage.
You may even be celebrating.
You're like yeah, I worked hardto get to Taper Town.
(01:52):
I am here.
The moment you step foot inside, there's like a gnawing itch in
your legs that feel wrong.
Too much rust, too little sweat.
The roads are eerily quiet,paved with old training logs and
discarded gel wrappers, as ifthe town is built entirely on
the memories of long runs goneby.
(02:13):
You know you arrived becausetime slows down.
The runs that once devouredwhole mornings are now replaced
with short, sharp jogs thatbarely take the edge off your
energy.
And what once felt indulgentlike sleeping in and sitting
with a coffee instead of rushingto run, is suddenly a little
suspish.
You're like what is going onhere?
(02:34):
Every extra hour rest feelslike it's a trap.
The locals, which are yourfellow runners, shuffle through
the streets muttering I'm losingmy fitness, or they're online
posting that.
They clutch foam rollers likesecurity blankets and they scan
their reflections in storefrontwindows, frowning at perceived
(02:55):
weight gain or phantom limps.
Everyone has the same hauntedlook a mix of exhaustion, a
little paranoia, like extras ina zombie film.
The welcome sign is decoratedwith motivational mantras like
trust the training, less is more, don't panic, but they flicker
like neon lights in a storm,impossible to believe when your
(03:17):
brain is certain that you'refalling apart.
Now.
You've trained for months toearn your way here, yet no one
in Taper Town ever really feelsready.
That's the cruel irony.
Your passport stamp reads TaperMadness, valid for 14 to 21
days, and from the moment youarrive, you begin counting down
to your escape.
So again, I'm glad to have youhere along with me.
(03:38):
We have officially gotten ourpassport stamps.
Let's learn a little bit moreabout town, shall we?
Because one of the first placesthat you're going to want to
definitely hang out at, or youwill be hanging out at, is the
Weather Bureau.
The Weather Bureau is thegrandest building in Taper Town
and the busiest.
It looks like a NASAheadquarters, only, instead of
tracking satellites, its wallsare lined with massive screens
(04:00):
projecting forecasts from everyapp known to humankind.
The reason I giggle is becausethis is so 100% where I have
been at the last couple of weeksmy friends including with all
my running and training partners, and so many of you that are
getting ready for your own TaperTown visit.
So it's always really excitingto know that we are not alone.
(04:21):
But with the Weather Bureau,each screen is going to
contradict the other and it's akaleidoscope of doom.
You can bank on that.
On one wall, sunny skies andanother, torrential rain.
In the corner of HurricaneWarning Somewhere, I think I saw
like 45 mile per hour runs orwinds for the run, and runners
are flocking here like pilgrims,each clutching their phones
(04:41):
refreshing hourly, as ifsummoning some divine truth.
You know you've arrived when youopen your weather app before
you even check your text in themorning, and you know you're
here when your screenshotsfolder contains more seven-day
forecasts than family photos.
Inside there's a thick hum ofpanic.
Conversations sound likemeteorology lectures.
(05:02):
Well, if the dew point is 58,but the humidity is 70%, then
with a 10 mile per hour wind,exactly.
I start nervously comparingdata like gamblers at a
racetrack Everyone is convincedthe weather will personally
betray them, and them alone, andthe staff of the Bureau.
Well, they're tricky.
They post hourly updates justto watch the crowd gasp and
(05:25):
you'll hear someone groan itchanged again, followed by a
chorus of resigns, sighs.
The drama here isn't about whatthe forecast says.
It's about what it could meanfor your race, your pace and
your entire existence.
And yet the Weather Bureau isaddictive.
No runner leaves without comingback again and again and again,
(05:45):
and it doesn't matter that youtrain through snow, rain, heat.
Here in Taper Town, the weatherbecomes the villain in your own
personal story.
Now, if you choose to maybeleave Weather Bureau for a
little bit, you're going to geta little hungry, right?
So let's take you down to theTaper Diet Diner.
And the Taper Diet Diner.
It's open all hours.
Its neon sign is buzzingfaintly because it says hungry
(06:08):
again.
Come on in.
You know you're nearby becauseyour stomach growls constantly,
regardless of whether you justate, and there may be even a
little bit of a thought in yourbrain like I'm not even running
that much anymore.
Why am I still hungry all thetime?
But the smell of bread, pasta,pancakes wafts through the
streets like a carb-scented fogluring you inside.
(06:29):
Inside, the booths are filledwith jittery runners and healing
plates of spaghetti whilenervously scrolling their
fueling blogs.
The daily special is always thesame indecision.
Do you eat more carbs now?
Do you save them for later?
Is the banana too ripe?
Is the bagel too dense?
Is it going to make you feeltoo heavy?
And every bite feels like itcan make or break your race.
(06:50):
The servers wear aprons thatsay don't try anything new.
Yet the menu tempts you withexotic gels and untested sports
drinks.
I know a few of you are evenpotentially looking right now at
adding some new gels or addingsome new sports drinks to the
mix before you get to youractual race.
Some patrons give in and theychase novelty flavors like
(07:12):
birthday cake, electric goo.
You know you're here when youbuy it, try it and instantly
regret it.
There's a ritual here Everyoneorders seconds and then thirds,
and you justify by calling itglycogen storage, even when it's
just boredom and anxietydisguised as hunger.
You recognize the glazed lookin your reflection, the one that
says if I don't eat this bagel,I won't make it to mile 20.
(07:33):
The diner is both comfortingand chaotic, and it's the only
place where eating pancakes atmidnight feels like a training
strategy Kinda is.
I may have done the same thingmyself.
You know you've been in TaperTown too long when your grocery
cart looks like you're hosting amiddle school sleepover instead
of running a marathon.
But again, you're welcome tocome on in and stay fueled,
(07:57):
because you do have a lot ofmiles that you'll be running.
However, let's be honest, thisnext one, this next part of town
, is something that I think alot of us tend to visit as well.
The medical center.
Phantom Injury Lane is theshadiest street in Taper Town
and at its center stands themedical center.
It's not large, but the line atthe door is always long.
(08:20):
You'll know you're here when anew ache appears out of nowhere
like hello, my knee yesterday onmy easy run.
What was that all about?
Or an ankle twinge on a walk tothe mailbox, or your sore hip
after sitting on the couchinside the waiting room, buzzes
with runners poking at shins andstretching hamstrings, each
convinced they've sustained acareer-ending injury, and the
decor is minimal postersreminding you that rest is best,
(08:42):
soreness is not the same asinjury.
But no one really believes them.
The doctors here are facelessand nameless, more like mirrors
and physicians.
They don't speak.
They let you project yourdeepest fears and you ask will I
make it to the starting line?
And the silence feels like adiagnosis.
You pull out your phone, youconsult WebMD, which gleefully
informs you that your mild footache is either tendonitis or
(09:05):
terminal illness.
But either way, you probablyshouldn't make it to the race,
which of course inserts a lot ofpanic in your heart.
You know you've entered themedical center when you text
your running group a panickedquestion.
Does anyone know what it meansif your knee clicks when you're
breathing?
You know you're deep in itshalls when you suddenly swear,
you've forgotten how to run atall.
(09:25):
And the irony is that 99% ofthese injuries in Taper Town
vanish as quickly as they appear.
But you won't believe thatuntil the gun goes off on race
day.
Until then, the medical centerhas you on speed dial.
My friends, if you haven'tchecked into this yet, do you
know?
This is all satire.
So if you truly are injured,maybe take yourself to a true
(09:48):
medical center or medical doctor, but for now we're in Taper
Town, where satire reignssupreme.
Now let's talk about the nextone on this list, because I
personally visited this areamore than I generally would.
I'm not sure specifically why Iwas so called to it, but I'm
going to blame it on my trainingpartner, because she sent me
the text that got me going aboutit, and that is visiting Retail
(10:10):
Row.
Retail Row is the Vegas stripof Taper Town.
There's bright lights, catchyslogans and an endless buffet of
products that I definitely didnot need, and you don't either.
But suddenly you feel like youcannot live without Shoes line
the sidewalks, slot machines,each one promising faster splits
and fewer blisters.
The air smells faintly of newrubber soles and credit card
(10:32):
debt.
And you know you're in retailrow when you walk in for body
glide and come out with ahydration vest, four packs of
experimental gels and a runningbelt that looks like a tactical
weapon.
Panic-driven purchases are thelocal currency, my friend.
Nobody leaves without swipingtheir card at least once, maybe
a few more times.
And we're not even talkingabout Retail Row at Expo.
(10:53):
We're just talking about whileyou're waiting to get to Expo.
Every shop window screamspromises.
New socks equals new PR, trainsmart, shop hard.
And last minute equals bestminute.
Let's not do this, my friend.
There's even a race daywardrobe crisis outlet.
This was my favorite location,by the way, in Retail Row.
(11:13):
I visited it several times.
I still think I have like threeoptions.
Were runners justified buying abrand new singlet two weeks out
in murder.
I'll just break it in on myshakeout run.
The residents here are happy,jittery and, let's be honest,
slightly delusional.
They clutch their new purchaseslike talisman against failure.
Rationalities outlawed andretail row rungs on hope and
(11:38):
hype, you don't ask.
Do I need this?
You ask will it make me feelprepared?
And the answer is always yes.
The tail tile sign that youhave stayed too long is when you
start to have to buy a suitcasefor all of things that you've
just purchased, with an opengear of course.
Three pairs of identical shoesin a bank account balance that
(11:59):
screams louder than yourhamstrings, my friend, your bank
is likely going to ask you toleave retail row.
So when you do, do know thatthe next place for you to visit
in Taper Town is DomesticAffairs Department.
The Domestic Affairs Departmentis less a government agency and
more a soap opera set.
The building looks ordinary,but once you step inside, the
(12:20):
emotional atmosphere is thickenough to choke on.
Mood swings ricochet off thewalls like dodgeballs and let's
be honest here, smallinconveniences become
international crises.
Someone ate the last banana.
It was betrayal.
Someone moved your favoritewater bottle Absolute
catastrophe.
You know you've arrived whenyou start crying because your
(12:42):
laundry detergent is out ofstock or snapping at your dog
for walking too slowly.
Family members and friends arethe true unsung heroes of this
department.
They tiptoe around you, carefulnot to trigger a monologue
about carb ratios or sockthickness.
Spouses develop selectivehearing.
Children learn that phrases areyou running again?
(13:02):
Are grounds for exile.
And then there's the cleaningfrenzy.
In Taper Town.
Runners suddenly decide to deepclean the fridge, alphabetize
the spice rack or scrub around11 pm.
Why?
Because energy once spent onlong runs has to go somewhere,
and apparently it's intoorganizing Tupperware.
But let's be honest aftermonths and months of training,
(13:23):
it actually probably isn't theworst thing to spend some time
cleaning around the house.
And if you're unsure whetheryou're here, just ask your loved
ones If they look at you withfear, pity or the glazed stare
of someone that's being heldhostage.
Congratulations, you're in thedomestic affairs department of
Tavortown.
If by any chance they do kickyou out and you can't go for a
(13:43):
run because it's not on yourtraining plan.
There's also the next bureau ofunsolicited advice.
Whether or not you want to gothere, my friend, you are going
to get a couple of visits here.
The bureau is a gleaming marblebuilding staffed entirely by
non-runners.
Their job is to offer you illtimes, completely unhelpful
comments, while chewing frenchfries.
(14:04):
You know you're inside whensomeone says you're running 26
miles.
Is that like a 5K?
Or I don't even drive that faras 26 miles or the classic?
Don't worry, you'll probablywin.
The walls echo with nonsenseadvice like just run faster.
I've heard that one and mycousin ran a marathon once
(14:26):
without training.
You'll be fine.
The bureau runs on frustration,that's it just 100% frustration.
Every runner who enters leaveswith clenched fists, a forced
smile, and it's part of the riteof passage.
One poor soul once dared tomention carb loading to a
coworker, only to endure a45-minute lecture on keto.
They have never recovered since.
(14:47):
There's no escaping this place.
Even if you avoid strangersyour neighbors, baristas, uber
drivers somebody is eventuallygoing to sense your
vulnerability and swoop in withadvice that you did not ask for.
You'll know you're trapped whenyou find yourself arguing with
someone who's never run a mileabout the proper way to taper
Survival tip, nod, smile andwalk away before you've even
(15:08):
drafted into anotherconversation that ends with well
, running is bad for your kneesanyway.
Just heard that one a couple ofdays ago myself.
Okay, friends, if you have feltlike you have met your quota of
being frustrated at the Bureauof Unsolicited Advice, maybe
it's time to take a littlestroll down to the Packing
District.
The Packing District is theindustrial hub of Taper Town,
(15:32):
humming with nervous energy.
Here, lists breed like rabbits.
Everywhere you look, runnersare hunched over notebooks,
scribbling safety pins for thefifth time or, of course, if
they have their bib boards, thebuildings are warehouses filled
with gear, socks stacked likesandbags, energy gels arranged
in rainbow rows, water bottlessorted by milliliter, and every
(15:53):
street is named after an itemthat you're terrified of
forgetting Shoe lace street orGarmin alley safety pin plaza,
of forgetting Shoelace Street orGarmin Alley Safety Pin Plaza.
You know you're here when youmade at least three separate
packing lists and taped them todifferent parts of your house.
Maybe if you can set a coupleof reminders on your phone as
well One's in the kitchen, onein the bathroom, one in your
shoe closet.
Each list has items crossed outand rewritten because you no
(16:16):
longer trust your capacity topack all the things you need for
your race.
You no longer trust yourcapacity to pack all the things
you need for your race.
The packing district neversleeps Nope, sure does not.
Runners pace the streets atmidnight muttering about weather
, contingency gear, rain poncho,throwaway sweatshirt oh, that
reminds me I do need throwawaygear.
Four hats.
Your paranoia is palpable.
(16:37):
You don't ask if you packedsomething, you ask if you packed
enough of it and you know thatyou've overstayed your visit.
When you're packing for amarathon, like you're heading
out on a six-month Antarcticexpedition, now I will say the
packing district also has someaddendum buildings, depending if
you are doing a local race,domestic, or if you're flying
internationally.
(16:57):
But for this tapered town visit,let's not overcomplicate things
.
Let's make our way to somewheremaybe a little friendlier, like
the Town Square.
This is where our family andfriends are at, in that arena
there.
So at the center of Taper Town,lies Town Square, where runners
gather like moths to a flame.
Every night the air fills withthe same chant it's just Taper
(17:20):
madness.
It's both a mantra and atherapy session.
The square is cobblestone withdiscarded weather app
screenshots and old trainingplans, a fountain in the middle.
Bubbles with electrolyte drinks, benches overflow with runners
swapping war stories aboutphantom injuries or carb
struggles and sudden mood swings, and family and friends hover
around the perimeter clutchinglattes and looking bewildered.
(17:42):
They nod politely as runnersrant about dew points and
negative splits, but you can seetheir nods leave their bodies
after the third repetition.
Some eventually disappear intothe crowd of non-runners who
gather at the exit to sanitysign who gather at the exit to
sanity sign.
You don't get to go there,though, if you're racing, just
(18:03):
so you know.
Exit of sanity sign is not foryou.
You'll have to U-turn.
You also know that you're intown square, though, when you've
been told the story of long runso many times that even you're
tired of hearing it.
You know what I'm talking about.
You're repeating it.
You're repeating it.
You're repeating it.
You've heard of it from yourfriends.
You're done.
You also know that you're herewhen strangers nod in solidarity
(18:24):
.
After you whisper, I think mygarment is broken.
There's no way that I'm reallythis slow.
Town Square is both chaotic andcomforting.
It's the only place whereeveryone gets it, whether it's
banana or bagels, and it'streated like it's a serious
philosophical debate.
Now, the scariest part of TaperTown.
I've left it for last and I'mso sorry, but likely this is
(18:46):
also going to be a place thatyou may visit.
I hope your stay is very short,though.
It is the Hall of Doubt.
The Hall of Doubt is the most byfar imposing structure in Taper
Town.
Its architecture is deceptive.
It looks beautiful majesticmarble steps, gleaming pillars
and banners that read trust thetraining.
But inside, my friend, inside,it's a maze of second guessing,
(19:11):
where every runner replays thelast 16 weeks in agonizing slow
motion.
The first room is lined withgiant screens looping your old
training runs.
You watch yourself slog to thatlong run in the rain,
whispering was it good enough?
And in the next room achalkboard is scrawled with
forgotten intervals, each onenagging should you have gone
harder or longer or faster?
(19:31):
The air here is heavy with whatifs.
Did you peak too early?
Did you miss too many runs?
Should you have done morestrength, work, more speed, more
hills?
Every path through the hallleads to a different flavor of
self-doubt.
Some runners wander for hoursstaring at training logs until
they see numbers that aren'tactually there.
And you know that you're in thehall of doubt when you find
yourself pulling out your watchto scroll through old splits
(19:55):
like they hold secrets of theuniverse.
And when you open your trainingplan for the 100,000th time,
suddenly convinced that missingthat one temper run in week
seven doomed you forever more.
The cruelest exhibit in the hall, it's the comparison gallery.
Oh, it's the scariest.
(20:15):
Here are holograms of otherrunners up here, strangers from
Instagram, people in yourrunning group Seemingly they all
did more, they're all better,they're all faster, and you know
, logically, it's smoke andmirrors.
But you still wonder if you'vetrained enough.
There's only one way out of thehall, my friend.
It's accepting that the hay isin the barn or the dishes are
(20:35):
done.
The training is officially overand you can't rewrite the past
three months in the last threedays.
But of course no one trulyleaves without pacing back
through at least once more, justto double check.
My friend, now it is officiallyyour time the race day
departure.
At dawn the bus waits at theedge of Taper Town.
(20:56):
Runners will climb aboard armsladen with overstuffed bags,
bellies heavy with carbs andeyes glazed from lack of sleep.
The streets that you leavebehind are littered with empty
Gill Reppers, shopping receiptsand shredded weather forecasts.
As the bus pulls away,something shifts.
The phantom injuries fade, themood swings settle and even the
(21:19):
weather apps seem a littlecalmer, showing a forecast that
suddenly looks like you willhandle whatever comes your way.
For the first time in weeks,you smile.
You realize the madness ofTaper Town was just part of the
ritual the hunger, the panic,the obsessive cleaning.
It's not weakness, it was yourbody and brain recalibrating for
what's next.
The bus rumbles forward,forward to the start line, and
(21:42):
you adjust your watch, tightenyour laces and take a beautiful,
big, deep breath.
You have officially, my friend,survived your visit to Taper
Town Until next time.
You are now officially ready torun.
That, my friends, concludes ourgrand tour of Taper Town.
I don't know if you'recurrently a visitor there.
I myself am the land of phantompains and snack debates,
(22:06):
weather obsession and emotionalwhiplash.
Well, if you made it throughthese last few moments with me
without recognizing yourself atleast five times, I'd argue that
you either skip taperaltogether or you're not being
100% honest.
Here's the fun part, though youdon't have to wander these
streets alone.
I have created a Taper Townbingo card, inspired by my
(22:28):
training buddy, jennifer.
Thank you for that text.
It made me smile, made megiggle and made me welcome you
to Taper Town, inspiring thisentire episode and our Taper
Town bingo card.
My friends, that's all for youlistening in.
If you want your own Taper Townbingo card for you to play
along with your running buddies,print it out, bring it to the
(22:48):
group runs or just keep it handyto laugh to yourself every time
you're fresh the water up forthe 47th time in one morning,
you can grab yours by using theform in episode notes.
Just use that link right inthere.
And while we're laughingtogether through taper, I want
to let you know that I'll alsobe packing my own bags for
something extra special.
I'm heading down under toSydney Marathon, which has
officially joined the lineup asthe seventh world marathon major
(23:11):
.
This will be my seventh majorso far and I cannot wait.
Let me tell you I'll bechecking into Taper Town.
Actually, I'm pretty much themayor.
Welcome.
I'm part of the welcomingcommittee.
For sure I have my passport inhand.
Those doubts are definitelyswirling if I packed enough and
(23:32):
if the weather is going tocooperate, but the excitement is
truly sky high.
So, whether you're tapering foryour very first 5k, your 10th
marathon maybe you're joining mein Sydney or a Beckett-less
race of your dreams.
Remember this the madness istruly part of the magic.
The fact that you're even intaper town means you've done the
work and you're ready for thereward.
(23:53):
Now go forth, play some bingo,eat the bagel and the banana and
I'll see you on the start line.
Whatever your next race may be,stay extraordinary, thank you.
Welcome, my friends, to Taper Town, and this is a
field guide to losing your mindgracefully.
Of course, my friends, this isa place that every runner visits
, but few truly survive withouta little touch of madness.
Hey friends, I'm CoachChristine, host of Extraordinary
Strides, and I made it mymission to guide you through
this wild, weird and wonderfulcorner of the entire running
(00:22):
journey.
If you've ever trained for arace and you already know that
taper isn't just about mileage.
There's some doubts, there's alittle bit of drama, there's a
whole lot of hunger, fans ofinjuries, weather stalking and
so much more, includingquestioning every life choice
you've ever made, oh, while yourloved ones politely wonder if
you have completely lost yourever-loving mind.
That is what makes Taper Townso special.
(00:45):
It's not just a physical placein your training, it's a shared
mental neighborhood we allwander into, usually armed with
a little bit too much pasta,definitely too many packing
lists and way too much free time.
This guidebook is part comedy,a little bit survival and 100%
truth for anyone who's ever saidwhy do I feel worse when I'm
(01:07):
supposed to be feeling better?
So let's grab your hydrationbottle.
Lace up your nerves instead ofthose laces, because we're going
to take a long, winding tour ofTaper Town together.
Trust me, by the end you shouldbe laughing at the madness.
You'll recognize yourself inevery single section of
Tapertown map and maybe evenembrace the chaos as proof that
(01:31):
you are exactly where you'resupposed to be.
With that said, my friend, Iwant to welcome you to the
arrival of Tapertown.
The entryway into Tapertown isdeceptively calm.
The air is a little thinnersomehow, not from altitude, but
the absence of endless mileage.
You may even be celebrating.
You're like yeah, I worked hardto get to Taper Town.
(01:52):
I am here.
The moment you step foot inside, there's like a gnawing itch in
your legs that feel wrong.
Too much rust, too little sweat.
The roads are eerily quiet,paved with old training logs and
discarded gel wrappers, as ifthe town is built entirely on
the memories of long runs goneby.
(02:13):
You know you arrived becausetime slows down.
The runs that once devouredwhole mornings are now replaced
with short, sharp jogs thatbarely take the edge off your
energy.
And what once felt indulgentlike sleeping in and sitting
with a coffee instead of rushingto run, is suddenly a little
suspish.
You're like what is going onhere?
(02:34):
Every extra hour rest feelslike it's a trap.
The locals, which are yourfellow runners, shuffle through
the streets muttering I'm losingmy fitness, or they're online
posting that.
They clutch foam rollers likesecurity blankets and they scan
their reflections in storefrontwindows, frowning at perceived
(02:55):
weight gain or phantom limps.
Everyone has the same hauntedlook a mix of exhaustion, a
little paranoia, like extras ina zombie film.
The welcome sign is decoratedwith motivational mantras like
trust the training, less is more, don't panic, but they flicker
like neon lights in a storm,impossible to believe when your
(03:17):
brain is certain that you'refalling apart.
Now.
You've trained for months toearn your way here, yet no one
in Taper Town ever really feelsready.
That's the cruel irony.
Your passport stamp reads TaperMadness, valid for 14 to 21
days, and from the moment youarrive, you begin counting down
to your escape.
So again, I'm glad to have youhere along with me.
(03:38):
We have officially gotten ourpassport stamps.
Let's learn a little bit moreabout town, shall we?
Because one of the first placesthat you're going to want to
definitely hang out at, or youwill be hanging out at, is the
Weather Bureau.
The Weather Bureau is thegrandest building in Taper Town
and the busiest.
It looks like a NASAheadquarters, only, instead of
tracking satellites, its wallsare lined with massive screens
(04:00):
projecting forecasts from everyapp known to humankind.
The reason I giggle is becausethis is so 100% where I have
been at the last couple of weeksmy friends including with all
my running and training partners, and so many of you that are
getting ready for your own TaperTown visit.
So it's always really excitingto know that we are not alone.
(04:21):
But with the Weather Bureau,each screen is going to
contradict the other and it's akaleidoscope of doom.
You can bank on that.
On one wall, sunny skies andanother, torrential rain.
In the corner of HurricaneWarning Somewhere, I think I saw
like 45 mile per hour runs orwinds for the run, and runners
are flocking here like pilgrims,each clutching their phones
(04:41):
refreshing hourly, as ifsummoning some divine truth.
You know you've arrived when youopen your weather app before
you even check your text in themorning, and you know you're
here when your screenshotsfolder contains more seven-day
forecasts than family photos.
Inside there's a thick hum ofpanic.
Conversations sound likemeteorology lectures.
(05:02):
Well, if the dew point is 58,but the humidity is 70%, then
with a 10 mile per hour wind,exactly.
I start nervously comparingdata like gamblers at a
racetrack Everyone is convincedthe weather will personally
betray them, and them alone, andthe staff of the Bureau.
Well, they're tricky.
They post hourly updates justto watch the crowd gasp and
(05:25):
you'll hear someone groan itchanged again, followed by a
chorus of resigns, sighs.
The drama here isn't about whatthe forecast says.
It's about what it could meanfor your race, your pace and
your entire existence.
And yet the Weather Bureau isaddictive.
No runner leaves without comingback again and again and again,
(05:45):
and it doesn't matter that youtrain through snow, rain, heat.
Here in Taper Town, the weatherbecomes the villain in your own
personal story.
Now, if you choose to maybeleave Weather Bureau for a
little bit, you're going to geta little hungry, right?
So let's take you down to theTaper Diet Diner.
And the Taper Diet Diner.
It's open all hours.
Its neon sign is buzzingfaintly because it says hungry
(06:08):
again.
Come on in.
You know you're nearby becauseyour stomach growls constantly,
regardless of whether you justate, and there may be even a
little bit of a thought in yourbrain like I'm not even running
that much anymore.
Why am I still hungry all thetime?
But the smell of bread, pasta,pancakes wafts through the
streets like a carb-scented fogluring you inside.
(06:29):
Inside, the booths are filledwith jittery runners and healing
plates of spaghetti whilenervously scrolling their
fueling blogs.
The daily special is always thesame indecision.
Do you eat more carbs now?
Do you save them for later?
Is the banana too ripe?
Is the bagel too dense?
Is it going to make you feeltoo heavy?
And every bite feels like itcan make or break your race.
(06:50):
The servers wear aprons thatsay don't try anything new.
Yet the menu tempts you withexotic gels and untested sports
drinks.
I know a few of you are evenpotentially looking right now at
adding some new gels or addingsome new sports drinks to the
mix before you get to youractual race.
Some patrons give in and theychase novelty flavors like
(07:12):
birthday cake, electric goo.
You know you're here when youbuy it, try it and instantly
regret it.
There's a ritual here Everyoneorders seconds and then thirds,
and you justify by calling itglycogen storage, even when it's
just boredom and anxietydisguised as hunger.
You recognize the glazed lookin your reflection, the one that
says if I don't eat this bagel,I won't make it to mile 20.
(07:33):
The diner is both comfortingand chaotic, and it's the only
place where eating pancakes atmidnight feels like a training
strategy Kinda is.
I may have done the same thingmyself.
You know you've been in TaperTown too long when your grocery
cart looks like you're hosting amiddle school sleepover instead
of running a marathon.
But again, you're welcome tocome on in and stay fueled,
(07:57):
because you do have a lot ofmiles that you'll be running.
However, let's be honest, thisnext one, this next part of town
, is something that I think alot of us tend to visit as well.
The medical center.
Phantom Injury Lane is theshadiest street in Taper Town
and at its center stands themedical center.
It's not large, but the line atthe door is always long.
(08:20):
You'll know you're here when anew ache appears out of nowhere
like hello, my knee yesterday onmy easy run.
What was that all about?
Or an ankle twinge on a walk tothe mailbox, or your sore hip
after sitting on the couchinside the waiting room, buzzes
with runners poking at shins andstretching hamstrings, each
convinced they've sustained acareer-ending injury, and the
decor is minimal postersreminding you that rest is best,
(08:42):
soreness is not the same asinjury.
But no one really believes them.
The doctors here are facelessand nameless, more like mirrors
and physicians.
They don't speak.
They let you project yourdeepest fears and you ask will I
make it to the starting line?
And the silence feels like adiagnosis.
You pull out your phone, youconsult WebMD, which gleefully
informs you that your mild footache is either tendonitis or
(09:05):
terminal illness.
But either way, you probablyshouldn't make it to the race,
which of course inserts a lot ofpanic in your heart.
You know you've entered themedical center when you text
your running group a panickedquestion.
Does anyone know what it meansif your knee clicks when you're
breathing?
You know you're deep in itshalls when you suddenly swear,
you've forgotten how to run atall.
(09:25):
And the irony is that 99% ofthese injuries in Taper Town
vanish as quickly as they appear.
But you won't believe thatuntil the gun goes off on race
day.
Until then, the medical centerhas you on speed dial.
My friends, if you haven'tchecked into this yet, do you
know?
This is all satire.
So if you truly are injured,maybe take yourself to a true
(09:48):
medical center or medical doctor, but for now we're in Taper
Town, where satire reignssupreme.
Now let's talk about the nextone on this list, because I
personally visited this areamore than I generally would.
I'm not sure specifically why Iwas so called to it, but I'm
going to blame it on my trainingpartner, because she sent me
the text that got me going aboutit, and that is visiting Retail
(10:10):
Row.
Retail Row is the Vegas stripof Taper Town.
There's bright lights, catchyslogans and an endless buffet of
products that I definitely didnot need, and you don't either.
But suddenly you feel like youcannot live without Shoes line
the sidewalks, slot machines,each one promising faster splits
and fewer blisters.
The air smells faintly of newrubber soles and credit card
(10:32):
debt.
And you know you're in retailrow when you walk in for body
glide and come out with ahydration vest, four packs of
experimental gels and a runningbelt that looks like a tactical
weapon.
Panic-driven purchases are thelocal currency, my friend.
Nobody leaves without swipingtheir card at least once, maybe
a few more times.
And we're not even talkingabout Retail Row at Expo.
(10:53):
We're just talking about whileyou're waiting to get to Expo.
Every shop window screamspromises.
New socks equals new PR, trainsmart, shop hard.
And last minute equals bestminute.
Let's not do this, my friend.
There's even a race daywardrobe crisis outlet.
This was my favorite location,by the way, in Retail Row.
(11:13):
I visited it several times.
I still think I have like threeoptions.
Were runners justified buying abrand new singlet two weeks out
in murder.
I'll just break it in on myshakeout run.
The residents here are happy,jittery and, let's be honest,
slightly delusional.
They clutch their new purchaseslike talisman against failure.
Rationalities outlawed andretail row rungs on hope and
(11:38):
hype, you don't ask.
Do I need this?
You ask will it make me feelprepared?
And the answer is always yes.
The tail tile sign that youhave stayed too long is when you
start to have to buy a suitcasefor all of things that you've
just purchased, with an opengear of course.
Three pairs of identical shoesin a bank account balance that
(11:59):
screams louder than yourhamstrings, my friend, your bank
is likely going to ask you toleave retail row.
So when you do, do know thatthe next place for you to visit
in Taper Town is DomesticAffairs Department.
The Domestic Affairs Departmentis less a government agency and
more a soap opera set.
The building looks ordinary,but once you step inside, the
(12:20):
emotional atmosphere is thickenough to choke on.
Mood swings ricochet off thewalls like dodgeballs and let's
be honest here, smallinconveniences become
international crises.
Someone ate the last banana.
It was betrayal.
Someone moved your favoritewater bottle Absolute
catastrophe.
You know you've arrived whenyou start crying because your
(12:42):
laundry detergent is out ofstock or snapping at your dog
for walking too slowly.
Family members and friends arethe true unsung heroes of this
department.
They tiptoe around you, carefulnot to trigger a monologue
about carb ratios or sockthickness.
Spouses develop selectivehearing.
Children learn that phrases areyou running again?
(13:02):
Are grounds for exile.
And then there's the cleaningfrenzy.
In Taper Town.
Runners suddenly decide to deepclean the fridge, alphabetize
the spice rack or scrub around11 pm.
Why?
Because energy once spent onlong runs has to go somewhere,
and apparently it's intoorganizing Tupperware.
But let's be honest aftermonths and months of training,
(13:23):
it actually probably isn't theworst thing to spend some time
cleaning around the house.
And if you're unsure whetheryou're here, just ask your loved
ones If they look at you withfear, pity or the glazed stare
of someone that's being heldhostage.
Congratulations, you're in thedomestic affairs department of
Tavortown.
If by any chance they do kickyou out and you can't go for a
(13:43):
run because it's not on yourtraining plan.
There's also the next bureau ofunsolicited advice.
Whether or not you want to gothere, my friend, you are going
to get a couple of visits here.
The bureau is a gleaming marblebuilding staffed entirely by
non-runners.
Their job is to offer you illtimes, completely unhelpful
comments, while chewing frenchfries.
(14:04):
You know you're inside whensomeone says you're running 26
miles.
Is that like a 5K?
Or I don't even drive that faras 26 miles or the classic?
Don't worry, you'll probablywin.
The walls echo with nonsenseadvice like just run faster.
I've heard that one and mycousin ran a marathon once
(14:26):
without training.
You'll be fine.
The bureau runs on frustration,that's it just 100% frustration.
Every runner who enters leaveswith clenched fists, a forced
smile, and it's part of the riteof passage.
One poor soul once dared tomention carb loading to a
coworker, only to endure a45-minute lecture on keto.
They have never recovered since.
(14:47):
There's no escaping this place.
Even if you avoid strangersyour neighbors, baristas, uber
drivers somebody is eventuallygoing to sense your
vulnerability and swoop in withadvice that you did not ask for.
You'll know you're trapped whenyou find yourself arguing with
someone who's never run a mileabout the proper way to taper
Survival tip, nod, smile andwalk away before you've even
(15:08):
drafted into anotherconversation that ends with well
, running is bad for your kneesanyway.
Just heard that one a couple ofdays ago myself.
Okay, friends, if you have feltlike you have met your quota of
being frustrated at the Bureauof Unsolicited Advice, maybe
it's time to take a littlestroll down to the Packing
District.
The Packing District is theindustrial hub of Taper Town,
(15:32):
humming with nervous energy.
Here, lists breed like rabbits.
Everywhere you look, runnersare hunched over notebooks,
scribbling safety pins for thefifth time or, of course, if
they have their bib boards, thebuildings are warehouses filled
with gear, socks stacked likesandbags, energy gels arranged
in rainbow rows, water bottlessorted by milliliter, and every
(15:53):
street is named after an itemthat you're terrified of
forgetting Shoe lace street orGarmin alley safety pin plaza,
of forgetting Shoelace Street orGarmin Alley Safety Pin Plaza.
You know you're here when youmade at least three separate
packing lists and taped them todifferent parts of your house.
Maybe if you can set a coupleof reminders on your phone as
well One's in the kitchen, onein the bathroom, one in your
shoe closet.
Each list has items crossed outand rewritten because you no
(16:16):
longer trust your capacity topack all the things you need for
your race.
You no longer trust yourcapacity to pack all the things
you need for your race.
The packing district neversleeps Nope, sure does not.
Runners pace the streets atmidnight muttering about weather
, contingency gear, rain poncho,throwaway sweatshirt oh, that
reminds me I do need throwawaygear.
Four hats.
Your paranoia is palpable.
(16:37):
You don't ask if you packedsomething, you ask if you packed
enough of it and you know thatyou've overstayed your visit.
When you're packing for amarathon, like you're heading
out on a six-month Antarcticexpedition, now I will say the
packing district also has someaddendum buildings, depending if
you are doing a local race,domestic, or if you're flying
internationally.
(16:57):
But for this tapered town visit,let's not overcomplicate things
.
Let's make our way to somewheremaybe a little friendlier, like
the Town Square.
This is where our family andfriends are at, in that arena
there.
So at the center of Taper Town,lies Town Square, where runners
gather like moths to a flame.
Every night the air fills withthe same chant it's just Taper
(17:20):
madness.
It's both a mantra and atherapy session.
The square is cobblestone withdiscarded weather app
screenshots and old trainingplans, a fountain in the middle.
Bubbles with electrolyte drinks, benches overflow with runners
swapping war stories aboutphantom injuries or carb
struggles and sudden mood swings, and family and friends hover
around the perimeter clutchinglattes and looking bewildered.
(17:42):
They nod politely as runnersrant about dew points and
negative splits, but you can seetheir nods leave their bodies
after the third repetition.
Some eventually disappear intothe crowd of non-runners who
gather at the exit to sanitysign who gather at the exit to
sanity sign.
You don't get to go there,though, if you're racing, just
(18:03):
so you know.
Exit of sanity sign is not foryou.
You'll have to U-turn.
You also know that you're intown square, though, when you've
been told the story of long runso many times that even you're
tired of hearing it.
You know what I'm talking about.
You're repeating it.
You're repeating it.
You're repeating it.
You've heard of it from yourfriends.
You're done.
You also know that you're herewhen strangers nod in solidarity
(18:24):
.
After you whisper, I think mygarment is broken.
There's no way that I'm reallythis slow.
Town Square is both chaotic andcomforting.
It's the only place whereeveryone gets it, whether it's
banana or bagels, and it'streated like it's a serious
philosophical debate.
Now, the scariest part of TaperTown.
I've left it for last and I'mso sorry, but likely this is
(18:46):
also going to be a place thatyou may visit.
I hope your stay is very short,though.
It is the Hall of Doubt.
The Hall of Doubt is the most byfar imposing structure in Taper
Town.
Its architecture is deceptive.
It looks beautiful majesticmarble steps, gleaming pillars
and banners that read trust thetraining.
But inside, my friend, inside,it's a maze of second guessing,
(19:11):
where every runner replays thelast 16 weeks in agonizing slow
motion.
The first room is lined withgiant screens looping your old
training runs.
You watch yourself slog to thatlong run in the rain,
whispering was it good enough?
And in the next room achalkboard is scrawled with
forgotten intervals, each onenagging should you have gone
harder or longer or faster?
(19:31):
The air here is heavy with whatifs.
Did you peak too early?
Did you miss too many runs?
Should you have done morestrength, work, more speed, more
hills?
Every path through the hallleads to a different flavor of
self-doubt.
Some runners wander for hoursstaring at training logs until
they see numbers that aren'tactually there.
And you know that you're in thehall of doubt when you find
yourself pulling out your watchto scroll through old splits
(19:55):
like they hold secrets of theuniverse.
And when you open your trainingplan for the 100,000th time,
suddenly convinced that missingthat one temper run in week
seven doomed you forever more.
The cruelest exhibit in the hall, it's the comparison gallery.
Oh, it's the scariest.
(20:15):
Here are holograms of otherrunners up here, strangers from
Instagram, people in yourrunning group Seemingly they all
did more, they're all better,they're all faster, and you know
, logically, it's smoke andmirrors.
But you still wonder if you'vetrained enough.
There's only one way out of thehall, my friend.
It's accepting that the hay isin the barn or the dishes are
(20:35):
done.
The training is officially overand you can't rewrite the past
three months in the last threedays.
But of course no one trulyleaves without pacing back
through at least once more, justto double check.
My friend, now it is officiallyyour time the race day
departure.
At dawn the bus waits at theedge of Taper Town.
(20:56):
Runners will climb aboard armsladen with overstuffed bags,
bellies heavy with carbs andeyes glazed from lack of sleep.
The streets that you leavebehind are littered with empty
Gill Reppers, shopping receiptsand shredded weather forecasts.
As the bus pulls away,something shifts.
The phantom injuries fade, themood swings settle and even the
(21:19):
weather apps seem a littlecalmer, showing a forecast that
suddenly looks like you willhandle whatever comes your way.
For the first time in weeks,you smile.
You realize the madness ofTaper Town was just part of the
ritual the hunger, the panic,the obsessive cleaning.
It's not weakness, it was yourbody and brain recalibrating for
what's next.
The bus rumbles forward,forward to the start line, and
(21:42):
you adjust your watch, tightenyour laces and take a beautiful,
big, deep breath.
You have officially, my friend,survived your visit to Taper
Town Until next time.
You are now officially ready torun.
That, my friends, concludes ourgrand tour of Taper Town.
I don't know if you'recurrently a visitor there.
I myself am the land of phantompains and snack debates,
(22:06):
weather obsession and emotionalwhiplash.
Well, if you made it throughthese last few moments with me
without recognizing yourself atleast five times, I'd argue that
you either skip taperaltogether or you're not being
100% honest.
Here's the fun part, though youdon't have to wander these
streets alone.
I have created a Taper Townbingo card, inspired by my
(22:28):
training buddy, jennifer.
Thank you for that text.
It made me smile, made megiggle and made me welcome you
to Taper Town, inspiring thisentire episode and our Taper
Town bingo card.
My friends, that's all for youlistening in.
If you want your own Taper Townbingo card for you to play
along with your running buddies,print it out, bring it to the
(22:48):
group runs or just keep it handyto laugh to yourself every time
you're fresh the water up forthe 47th time in one morning,
you can grab yours by using theform in episode notes.
Just use that link right inthere.
And while we're laughingtogether through taper, I want
to let you know that I'll alsobe packing my own bags for
something extra special.
I'm heading down under toSydney Marathon, which has
officially joined the lineup asthe seventh world marathon major
(23:11):
.
This will be my seventh majorso far and I cannot wait.
Let me tell you I'll bechecking into Taper Town.
Actually, I'm pretty much themayor.
Welcome.
I'm part of the welcomingcommittee.
For sure I have my passport inhand.
Those doubts are definitelyswirling if I packed enough and
(23:32):
if the weather is going tocooperate, but the excitement is
truly sky high.
So, whether you're tapering foryour very first 5k, your 10th
marathon maybe you're joining mein Sydney or a Beckett-less
race of your dreams.
Remember this the madness istruly part of the magic.
The fact that you're even intaper town means you've done the
work and you're ready for thereward.
(23:53):
Now go forth, play some bingo,eat the bagel and the banana and
I'll see you on the start line.
Whatever your next race may be,stay extraordinary, thank you.
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