Her Dad Did This Her Entire Life - Interview with Abby Vaughn | EP 12 - Faith And Failures Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:21):
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Now let's get into the video.
What's up everybody?
Welcome to another episode ofFaith and Failure.
There's nothing better thanhaving a guest and they start
uncontrollably laughing at myintro.

(00:41):
But let's go ahead and get thaton camera right now.
So, um, today I have with me avery special guest.
She has here recently.
She has started doing a aphenomenal job in our young
adults and she has stepped up ina big way and she has shared
with me and my wife, uh, bothprivately and and with other

(01:05):
people publicly, uh, her storyas far as what she has gone
through, the kind of the originstory of, of, kind of what
happened to you, what, what wenton and then how god has brought
you through.
So, um, first of all, thank youfor coming on the podcast.
You're welcome.
Uh, so, without giving reallyanything away, if you don't mind

(01:31):
, you tell people your name,where you're from, kind of where
you grew up.
Kind of give the the backstoryof your backstory, if that makes
sense okay, so my name is abby.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Um, I grew up here in longview like all my life.
I was born here, never moved oranything, Homeschooled all my
life so from kindergartenthrough graduation and just grew
up in a family of four with mymom, my dad and then my brother

(02:01):
and then me, and been to churchall my life.
I mean, it's very basicprecursor to the actual main
gist of my life, I guess now,when you grew up, we said you
grew up in church your wholelife.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
Does that mean that you, like your mom and dad, your
your grandparents everybodywent to the same church?
What did it look like?

Speaker 2 (02:24):
okay, well, okay.
So my mom came from like apentecostal family, and then my
dad came from a baptist family.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
Explain what pentecostal is for those that
don't know silly.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
No, no, no, no, um charismatic.
That's how I know it ascharismatic charismatic's a good
, a good explanation.
Yeah, yeah, I definitely wasmore on the Baptist side.
So by the time that I was born,my whole family so me, my mom,
dad and then my brother weregoing to a Baptist church.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Now you said you've made the distinction between the
two.
So, as a person who was in ahouse divided by the two, when
someone that, what does thatmean to you, what that look like
for you?
As far as you say, my mom waspentecostal, my dad was baptist.
What's the difference in thosetwo categories?
Oh, okay basic stuff you knowyou don't have to go, yeah, I

(03:17):
guess.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
Well, the theological discussion on I don't have a
theological definition.
My definition was likepentecostal was always like
legalistic to me, like superlong hair, don't cut it skirts.
For the women, not the men Forthe women yes, definitely not
the men Like if I would visitlike a Pentecostal church with

(03:38):
my mom because her side of thefamily is still pentecostal like
it's like wear the, wear thejean long skirt, have your hair,
you know, down, don't, don't domakeup like my grandma on my
mom's side doesn't like makeup.
No piercings, no tattoos, stufflike that.
Um, and then when it came tolike the baptist side, it was

(04:00):
just a little less legalistic.
Women can wear pants, theydon't have to wear skirts all
the time.
But my grandparents on my dad'sside, which is where the Baptist
stuff came from, were stillkind of, I guess, professional.
I don't know, you need to dressnice for church, wear your
Sunday best.
Still not big on the tattoos,not so much the ear piercings,

(04:22):
but don't have a ton, just stufflike that.
The Pentecostal side was morelegalistic and the Baptist side
was you know, the Pentecostalsget up and run through the
aisles and the Baptists don't doanything, but they sit there
and they listen for an hour anda half and then they go home.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, so Okay.
So what was that like living ina house that was kind of
divided in that way?

Speaker 2 (04:46):
Interesting.
My mom definitely fell more onthe Baptist side by the time I
was old enough to reallyrecognize it, but it was just
weird.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
So, on the Baptist and Pentecostal side, what was
it?
Was your mom just kind of like,giving in to like, okay, well,
I'm not going to divide thehouse, I'm going to be the, I'm
going to unify the house bycoming to church?
Or did her beliefs change?
Did they kind of?
Or were you old enough to evenknow the difference?
There may be a question for her.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
You may not know, but yeah, I mean, I can't say
exactly what she felt about it,I don't know, but I think it was
like my family, we all, we allgrew up in church.
But, like we explain this, wewent to church, we did the
Baptist thing.
You know, you go to church, yousit there, you quiet, you come

(05:40):
home and stuff, and then I wouldgo to like a wanna, if you know
what I want to is likewednesday, um, and you know, do
all the churchy things, but weweren't like super, actually
christian.
I guess it sounds a littleextreme you were churchgoers,
yes, but you weren't like christfollowers, yeah I feel like

(06:04):
that's a better way to put it,and so with, like, my mom coming
from the pentecostal side, Ifeel like her just kind of going
more baptist with it was a wayto just go along with my dad I
feel like.
and then, of course, like I said, it's like we would go to
church and we would do all thething, but but we weren't really

(06:24):
Christ followers.
While we did it, we looked likeit from the outside Like I've
memorized all the scripture andlike most people, but when you
get home it's like okay what didwe?
Even talk about in the sermon.
Oh, I don't know, I wasn'tpaying attention.
I was thinking about what I wasgoing to have for lunch.
I went to church, payingattention, I was thinking about
what I was gonna have for lunch.

(06:45):
Like I went to church what moredo you want?
Yeah, like I, I sat there and Iheard them talk and I fell
asleep a little bit and then Icame home like I was there, I
was what did I talk about, jesus?
Jesus was mentioned that onetime like what, what am I
supposed to know about him?
He was there.
That now your entire childhoodfrom.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
Did you stay?
You said, growing up, when youfinally got to to the age to
where you actually knew what wasgoing on, you were going to a
Baptist church.
And just for clarity, we're notknocking Baptist people.
This is just your story andexplanation of what's going on.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
So just like cracking jokes, but no, no dogging
anybody offended.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Don't be a bunch of Karens, all right, so sorry, uh.
Now, when was it that?
Did you continue your entirelife in church, or was there?
When was it that you stoppedgoing to church?
So um or was it a personalthing, or was it a family thing
to stop going?

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Okay, so we, as far as I can remember from you know,
when I was old enough torecognize that we were going to
church, that's, we just alwayswent.
There were times where wepaused, where we kind of you
know church surfed, I guess,looking for different ones.
We always kind of ended up atthe same Baptist church, though,
and so we just went throughoutmy life with those little pauses

(08:06):
, but we never, really likestopped, stopped going, like
there was never a time wherewe're like, oh, we didn't go for
like three years, and then westarted going again.
It was just kind of on and offof like we know we should go to
church even if we don't want to.
I'm gonna drag my feet andgrumble all the way there, yeah,
but then when I get there,i'm'm going to be like, oh hi, I
couldn't wait to be here todayand everything's great.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
You got the church attitude.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Thanks for saying you like my dress.
I really didn't want to put iton, but oh, I'm kidding Slip of
the mouth.
You know I love being here.
You know that's so amazing.
That's just how it went.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
And so what was your?
Okay?
So we're going to kind of.
We got a little bit ofbackstory you were in church but
not churched.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah, okay, what was the?
You did not tell me what we cantalk about and what we can't
talk about.
Do you realize that?

Speaker 2 (09:00):
I do realize this.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Okay, so you go where you want to go and then I'll
ask questions after you openthat door.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
That's great.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yes, that's fine.
So, timeline wise, where do youwant to start and what do you
want to talk about?

Speaker 2 (09:13):
Oh Lord, I feel like anything I say is just going to
be like jumping like straightoff the like deep end.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
That's okay.
I mean, we got a littlefoundation yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
Okay, okay.
So we got that.
We went to church all the timeout of the way.
We were going to church.
We knew about Jesus, but wedidn't know Jesus.
So my dad was very back andforth about the Lord.
Um, and of course we know fromthe bible you should, the man

(09:49):
you know, the husband, the dad,supposed to be the head of the
household?
Yeah, what happens when thehead of your household is
flip-flopping around like a fishout of water?
Lots of things happen, yeah um.
So we're going to church, um,and while we're going to church,
um, and while we're going tochurch and everything looks fine

(10:10):
and we drag our feet and we getthere, we're putting on this
face like, hey, everybody,everything's great.
Um, we were my family was kindof involved in ministry not my
mom, but I helped in children'schurch with my brother, cause my
grandparents on my dad's sidedid children's church.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
And your brother's older than you.
Right, yes, by how much.

Speaker 2 (10:31):
He was born in 2000.
I was born in 2003.
So three years Easy to take aminute.
We all struggle with something.
I struggle with math.
Okay, that's fair, that's fair,fair.
So we were all involved.
My dad, you know, he's taught acouple sermons.

(10:53):
Uh, for a small time he ran hisown church.
Um, and that was dad did.

Speaker 1 (11:02):
Yes, I did not know that yeah, he did um.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
I don't remember it much, I was really young but, he
did for a while.
He ran, uh a church out of apizza place honestly, they let
us use their like party room andso he had a church and we had
the projector and uh guitar andwe had song service and he would
do sermons.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
Was he a?
Was it a extension of thebaptist belief or just did his
own thing?

Speaker 2 (11:25):
I think it was a thing like I guess if you would
describe it as anything fromwhat I remember is probably
non-denominational leaningbaptist, like it wasn't really a
branch of anything.
He was just like we're having achurch here and people came and
then it lasts.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
I don't know how long it lasted but how long when he
started doing that, do youremember?

Speaker 2 (11:43):
I don't.
I've long it lasted, but itdidn't last.
How old were you when hestarted doing that?
Do you remember?
I don't.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
I'm tempted to say like four or five.
I was really little, so thiswas like a long time ago.
So you wouldn't remember whatmade him decide to do something
like that he would get on kicksof things, so like you get on a
church kick.
Well, I'm all about church.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
My whole life stated to christ.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Oh, but it I'm on that kick right now.
What is your kick?
Church kick, well that's, yeah,I really like your church kick
should be your lifelong kickyeah, I don't know what's gonna
happen next, but I just I'veloved around that right now um,
I've, that's awesome.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
I'm so happy that's good, because I'm the pastor,
right it should be your wholething, like that should be your
brand.
We'll see what we'll say on akick right now I'll see what
happens.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
I don don't know.
It stays a long time.
I can't control what the Lordwants.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Never say never to anything, that's right.
You've learned that, but he wason that.
But it's like you know, peoplewill get on health kicks.
Yeah, well, he had a healthkick.
I mean he had a kick foreverything.
He just kicked.
He just kicked all the time.
I'm sorry He'd for a super longtime, super, uh, energetic,

(12:46):
excited about it.
But then he'd be into, you know, he'd switch to something like
video games.
Well, he wants all the newestvideo games, newest tech.
Uh, health he wants to behealthy.
He's dieting super hard, likehe's gonna be the fittest guy in
the room, and then he moves onto.
Well, that's stupid.
I don't like that anymore.
I mean he would just jumparound.
So I feel like um the church waskind of just another phase.
I guess is a better way to putit for him yeah that he did that

(13:07):
, um, but he, we know we'regoing to church, um, by the time
I was early teens.
Yeah, it was early teens.
We're all going to church.
We're doing the thing.
He's helping with youthministry at this time because
we're back in the baptist churchand we're doing the thing he's
helping with youth ministry atthis time because we're back in
the baptist church and we'redoing the thing.
Everyone knows this is like thefamily that's there and doing

(13:29):
all the churchy stuff, um, andbehind it all there's abuse.
Yeah, the whole time, um, frommy early times, fuzzy, but from
early teen years up until I was19.
So half of my life, pretty much, was that.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
So when you say early teens, so this was not to be
graphic or poke too much, but itwas after you developed.
Yes, it wasn't like a small kidthing.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
No, it was definitely after that, lots of advantage
taken in that way.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Obviously, this guy is your dad.
I have a little girl.
I can't even wrap my headaround.
Even thinking in that directionLike it makes me want to cry
just thinking about it.
But like someone that youtrusted, that you loved, like,
and if you want to say, move on,that's fine.
Yeah, how did that even like?

(14:27):
How do you start something likethat?
Like what, what was the?
What was the foundation that helaid to make it seem like
because you didn't tell anybodyimmediately, right?
no, not until I was 19, so foryears, so the entire time yes,
the entire time what was it thathe said that in his or in, I

(14:48):
can't say for his mind, in yourmind, that something he said
made you think this is normal orthis is okay, like what?
What did that look like in yourhead?
Or did you just not thinkanything?
You just thought it was likeyeah what was going through your
mind when it all startedhappening?

Speaker 2 (15:06):
yeah.
So when it first started, uh,there's definitely just a lot of
confusion because of course,this is your dad.
I mean, it's the person who'ssupposed to protect you.
You trust you.
You know I've got something onmy heart, you know me, that kind
of thing, and I again we'vebeen in church, so I know that

(15:27):
what's happening is wrong.
Like in my mind, I know fromthe Bible Jesus says this is
wrong, and so there's a lot ofconfusion because it's like this
is coming from someone who'ssupposed to lead and tell me
what's going on and what to do.
But it was a very gradualprocess.

Speaker 1 (15:42):
Because it came from that source, somebody that you
loved and trusted and that, inyour mind, would never do
something to hurt you or wrongtowards you.
Is that why you think your mindkind of twisted it up to be
okay?

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yes, I definitely feel that way, because it's also
like what do you do At that age?

Speaker 1 (16:04):
it's not like he's the person you're supposed to go
to.

Speaker 2 (16:08):
If someone ever does anything like that, yeah, he's
the one doing it yes and so andyou can't, you know, again
brought a baptist and stuff, notto harp on that, but you're
taught respect your parents,don't talk back all of this
stuff.
And so it's like what do you do?
Like what do you say?
How do you talk to people?
And my family was just verydisconnected for a long time

(16:30):
when I was a kid.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
From.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
From each other.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
So, like my parents worked full time both of them I
was homeschooled by mygrandparents and most of the
time me and my brother werealone, Like we didn't really
have friends.
You know, because we'rehomeschooled, like we didn't
really have friends.
You know, because we'rehomeschooled, we can't merely
make friends, the friends wemake it to your brothers yeah,
my teachers are your familylucky.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding I'm sothankful to be homeschooled like
I was okay, I'm not as a joke,um, but you know, this was

(16:58):
happening with him.
I didn't know how to talk to mymom.
Like I didn't know how to talkto my mom, like I didn't know
who to go to about this.
And from him it was like it'sokay, you know, you get those
little like it's fine, don'tworry about it, which it's as
gross as it sounds, but it'sjust.
Especially as a kid, it's hardto wrap your mind around like

(17:18):
well, the Bible says it's wrong.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
My dad, who's been a pastor for that little short
time and works in ministry, saysit's wrong, but then we're
doing it behind closed doors.
It's just so hard to fightthrough that confusion.
Especially, you was okay, likeyou said, it was a gradual thing
.
Like what does that mean?
Like, what was the?
You don't have to know.
But I'm saying like, for thereason I'm even like trying to
to pull this out of you isbecause there could be somebody

(17:59):
right now that's the same thinghappening to them and they don't
realize, just like you thoughtit was okay.
Yeah, so what was what was the?
Uh, I'm trying not to crythinking about it.
So it disturbed me so much.
Like what?
How did he frame it up?
Or what did he do to slowly,gradually move into further
things?

Speaker 2 (18:17):
yeah, to make you think that it was okay so
there's a lot of manipulationand he was very um very
self-centered.
So, like, looking back, now youknow we have big words like oh,
he was narcissistic, but backthen you don't.
You're a kid, you don't knowwhat a narcissist is, you just
know that it's your dad and yourdad's telling you well, nobody

(18:39):
loves me, people hate me youjust hate about you or him.
He's saying that.
He's saying that people hatehim, so he's.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
He's talking about himself so he's trying to get
sympathy for you.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yes, it's a bunch of guilt, it's a bunch of sympathy
farming.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
I guess you could call it like so before he
actually did physical anything,he was doing a mental thing yes,
so I mean, I guess they wouldcall it grooming yeah, it was
grooming, yeah or um which youdidn't know, that phrase, no, of
course, of course not.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
You don't have that you don't know what grooming is.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
No, when I heard the word grooming and it was like
that, I'm like no, Grooming islike when you're an adult man
and you groom up a young man ofhow he's supposed to be a man
Like I never heard of it beingperverted like that.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
I see and someone said grooming.
I'm like that's not what thatis.
Yeah, I bet that would make Iwould be confused too.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah because that's what I thought it was.
And then dogs you know yougroom dogs.
Well, yeah, but not in that way.
But like I never, because I'dnever been around that type of
perversion before when itstarted, like, of course you go
in full-time ministry, you kindof hear everything.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Yeah, you get a taste of all the things.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
And it blew my mind because it was something again
that the enemy has perverted.
Yes, that should be a goodthing, yes, but ended up being
you're preparing it forsomething else.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yes, yes, so it was a lot of trying to gain sympathy,
and so he would talk very lowabout himself so how long did he
do that before he actually like, was there a while of that
before actual contact physically?
so he had always been that waywith all of the family.
Okay, so I mean around mybrother and around my mom now I

(20:19):
can't speak for them, I don'tknow how much it was around them
, but I mean it was just, he hada lot of self-loathing and it
came out in.
Well, everybody hates me.
Well, they're mad at me.
Why are you mad at me?
Why aren't you talking to me?
Oh, I'm just the worst personimaginable in the world.
And he did that for everybody.
And then when it came to justhow things went between him and
I, I it's hard to say for surehow long that took or how long

(20:43):
that lasted, since it's been mywhole life.
I mean it's been a long time.
But by the time it got to whereit was physical I guess.
I mean it went, it ramped up,it got more intense, I guess as
a way to make things quiet, oflike.
So he would say things likeyour mom doesn't love me.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Well, your mom doesn't want to be intimate,
intimate yeah, I mean just allof these things of trying to get
so as as it progressed and wentalong and got too physical, he
also kept progressing the mentalside of it?

Speaker 2 (21:19):
yes, most definitely.
Like uh, again, timelines arereally hard for me.
I'm, yeah, time is fuzzy andthat's just what comes with it,
but, um, I mean it got to thepoint of, like man, if you ever
told anyone that this happened,I would, in my life, like I
would just take my own life Idon't know what I do yeah,

(21:40):
because it's like you still carefor your dad, which is weird.
It's a weird mix of everything.
I mean, it's just an odd placeto be mentally and emotionally,
but it's like this person whoyou care for, who you think
truly cares for you, is saying,like man, if you ever told
anyone that I did this, like Iwould take my life, I don't know

(22:00):
what I'd do.
Everyone would hate me, Iwouldn't have anybody in my
corner anymore, nobody wouldlove me, I would be all alone if
I wasn't dead.
I mean like it just got more andmore intense and then it's um
you're silent yes, yes, so thatI wouldn't tell anyone, because
obviously he knows this is verywrong and very disgusting and he

(22:21):
would go to prison.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
Do you think on maybe the mental side of things, do
you think him doing this was aform of him, like maybe the
things he said actually was howhe felt about himself?
But because he had this withyou, it made him feel like he
had something special, like atwisted, perverted intimacy with

(22:45):
somebody that should not havebeen.
Yeah, I mean, it validated whohe was because somebody accepted
him oh, definitely, ohdefinitely.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
I think a lot of like the sympathy, like trying to
get sympathy and stuff.
I do think he had like a realself-loathing.
Um, he was very he lackedself-control.
So he, he was a big guy, okay,he was overweight and he had no
control when it came to eating,so he would like he ate himself

(23:13):
into diabetes really basicallyso he has no self-control.
You're brought up in church,you're brought up with fruits of
the spirit, self-discipline,self-control, all this stuff.
You can never meet that mark.
Um, he felt he just had a lotof problems going on.
So I think there was trueself-loathing.
And then I think, when thishappened, now you're a person

(23:35):
with a lot of self-loathing, butnow there's someone who is, who
loves you, who compliments you.
You say, well, I'm a terribleperson.
And they say, oh no, you're not.
You're the best person in theworld.
Now, of course, it's obviouslya messed up situation when it's
you and your daughter yeah butyou're looking at it from that

(23:56):
place of like.
If you've been, if you're fullof self-hatred and now you have
someone or something that'sgiving you that validation that
you don't have, you're going towant to cling to it just
naturally as a human being, likethat's just something that's
going to come to anybody.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
Not in that way, but yeah, it seems like the, because
you talk about self-control,which is one of the fruit of the
spirit, but it's very importantin life.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
And it seems at least social pattern, wise or
mentally like when people don'thave self-control, they try to
control the external.
Yes, and I think that's what itsounds like is that he couldn't
control himself what he did, sohe pinpointed and used someone
else to bring that control backinto his life.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, which sucks that it was you yeah, but I I
agree because as things got moreintense, I mean it was like I
would have friends and I wouldhave a friend over, or I would
go hang out with a friend and hewould just be mad Moody

(25:10):
wouldn't talk to me, or if hedid, he was rude, like when it
was if I was giving him all theintention attention, sorry, it
was very much like love bombing,if you know what that is.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
I mean just like, explain it for Well, like love
bombing, if, if you know whatthat is.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
I mean, just like we might explain it.
For well, love bombing, uh, andto me I guess I don't have any
like specific scientific terms,but love bombing is like
constant attention.
So it's like what do you wantto get you?
Anything?
You want to go out today, I'llbuy you this.
What do you want, I'll buy youthat.
Like, just giving me anythingI'd want, like like buying your
silence, buying your affection.

Speaker 1 (25:46):
Yes, buying your attention buying everything.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
So not only do you have that threat of like man, if
you told anyone I would endmyself, but then on the flip
side, I'll get you anything.
What do you want?
I just love you, I just want togive you gifts, I just want to.
You deserve everything nice inthe world.
Like I just want to show you,which is a whiplash for your
emotions, because you're goingon one side of the other.
But then there's that controlof like if I would give someone
else attention.

(26:08):
Well now, where's that gone?
Now I'm deprived of theattention that I'm used to, and
so when that happens, at leastin my case now, I want to like,
quote unquote make it right,yeah I'm sorry, well, I'm here
now.
What do you want to do?
Like, I want to like, quoteunquote, make it right.
Yeah, I'm sorry, well, I'm herenow.
What do you want to do?
Like, I want to give youattention now, like it's, it

(26:29):
forms a really weird and messedup back and forth.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Because now you've got a leech but in my case it
felt like I was a leech too,made into one of.
Like you're taking away myattention, well, I want it back.
What should I do to fix it?
Well, I'm taking away yourattention, well, now you're.
It's just weird, it's just verya weird push and pull.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
So you said you would go with friends.
He would kind of shame you,push you away, pretty much
punish you.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
For not being with him.
Yes, way pretty much punish you,yes, for not being with him.
Yes, so it.
Obviously.
You know like teenagers do, theolder you get, the more friends
you try to have, the morethings you try to go and do you
try to get out and be your ownperson.
How did that affect that partof your life, besides what you
just mentioned?
Did it?
Did it make you not want tohave friends?
Did it make you because, I mean, at some point you're a young

(27:24):
lady, you want to, you want todate, you want to have friends?
Did it make you because, I mean, at some point you're a young
lady, you want to date, you wantto start relationships that are
beyond just friends?
Yes, like, what did that looklike with all of this mixed in?

Speaker 2 (27:39):
So obviously I'm going into these friendships and
becoming an older teenager andgoing into friendship knowing
that I have something that Ican't tell anybody yeah so that
makes it hard but, um, but Iwould go into them and it would
just, I had some very oddfriendships because of this,

(28:01):
because I didn't know what likea real relationship looked like
like.
I feel like know what like areal relationship looked like.
Like.
I feel like parents kind ofmodel, that for you like when
you say odd relationships, whatdo you mean?
like explain so friendships,that just I had a very blurred
line of what was platonic andwhat was not.
So I didn't understand, like,obviously, when you have a
friend, you're gonna haveboundaries, like there's things
that you do with the friend andthere's things that you do you

(28:22):
have a friend, you're gonna haveboundaries, like there's things
that you do with the friend andthere's things that you do with
not a friend yeah I didn't knowwhere those were.
Like there were no lines in mylife because they were all
blurred and they were allblurred.
There were none at all, and so Ididn't know what was, and that
just made having friends a veryanxious experience, because you
don't ever know.
Like I was.

(28:43):
I dealt with anxiety, badsocial anxiety.
Making friends was hard, um,and it wasn't just that but,
like my dad during this timeramped up in a different way,
kind of being like, um, like ifyou leave the house or if you go
on your own or you're going outsomewhere, well, friends, don't

(29:04):
do anything for you.
Everyone secretly hates youbehind your back he's telling
you this he's telling me thisyes, he's feeding me this of
like.
When you become an adult and youleave the house and you make
friends, everything sucks.
Your job will suck, you'll hateyour life.
You won't have any real friends.
You can't trust anybody.
Everyone will stab you in theback.
You can't tell anyone your,your, your secrets or anything

(29:27):
that you're struggling with,because they're just going to
laugh at you, make fun of youand no one's going to like you
and you think that was because,first of all, he wanted you all
to himself yeah and second, ifyou shared any secrets, it may
lead to his yes, and I alsothink it was a reflection of
what he feltyeah because he's carrying
around, uh, arguably an evenbigger secret in a way, because
if I tell someone, I'm gonna gethelp if he tells someone yeah

(29:51):
he's going to go to prison yeahlike there's a difference in the
weight here, even though bothyou know one is obviously more
devastating than the other.
I guess you could say um, somaking friends was a really
tough, and then, when it came tolike being a young woman and
wanting a boyfriend or arelationship that was romantic,

(30:14):
I mean, I felt like it was offthe table.
I didn't want to be around aman at all.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
Is you know, you know a dad you would think is
supposed to model like the typeof man that he might.
I don't know that's coming outweird, but you know it's
supposed to model what a goodman is supposed to be.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
Yeah, godly Good characteristics.
You understand actually what aman is supposed to be.

Speaker 2 (30:42):
So then?
For in my case, I have a dadwho's modeling a self-loathing,
lack of self-control, pervert,pervert.
So how am I going to go out andfind a man who's not that Like?

Speaker 1 (30:54):
I don't know how would you know what to look for?

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah, I don't know what I'm looking for and I'm
anxious.
I can't even talk to peopleregularly.
How am I even going to talk toa guy?
Yeah, I don't want to talk to aguy.
What's he gonna do like?
I don't want to end up in thesame situation yeah um, with
anybody, I don't, you know, itwas just very it was very weird
because there was this hope oflike, I want to go out and be

(31:18):
having sorry, I want to go outand have a normal life yeah but
at the same time I didn't wantto go anywhere.

Speaker 1 (31:24):
I was very much a hermit um you were designed, I
mean, you were conditioned.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yes, I was conditioned to be a hermit and
not go anywhere and not have anyfriends, um.
So it was pretty tough, um, andand at the same time, you know,
when you're that deep into it,because the time that I because
by the time I got up to be anolder teenager um, I kind of

(31:50):
convinced myself that everythingwas fine, like I knew that
there was a problem with me atthat point, because obviously,
when you go through that kind ofstuff, you got trauma and
you've got all of these thingsthat come up, but I didn't even
did you always think it was you,or did you think if something
was wrong with him too?
thinking that it was only mecame with time.

(32:12):
So, like I'll give you anexample.
So by the time I was like 18 or19 I'll give that as like a
rough estimate I was fullyconvinced that there was
something was wrong with me, butI didn't know what it was, even
though the issue was glaringlyobvious.
Like I thought I had, like,mental health problems or I had
a mental illness.
You know, I think you do iswhat nothing to do with him.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
It was all you, it was all me.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
But, wow previous to this, like a couple years before
, I'd actually had aninteraction with him.
Um, that was, I want to sayit's interesting, but it's
really just bad.
But I came to him and I had,you know, unrestricted internet
access.
I had a phone.
So I'm googling, like you know,about my situation, as if I

(32:56):
didn't know.
But I'm like, can people go tojail for this?
Like, what is wrong?
What do you call this?
Like, why is this happening tome?
And, of course, I'm gonna getthe result if someone is doing
this to you, they're going to goto prison.
This is an illegal thing.
You, you're a victim, like youneed help.
And I went to him and I waslike, hey, you know that this is
wrong, right, like beyond thebible or anything like that.

(33:19):
By legally, this is wrong.
And he was like I know.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
And nothing changed and that was the end of that
conversation, and that was theend of, like you, you could go
to prison.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
Oh, I know that was it.
And things just kept going thesame way and it led to me
convincing myself that I I hadsomething wrong with me that had
nothing to do with what, likewhat happened between me and him
or what was happening and allof that stuff.
It's like where I'm standingnow.
I'm like, wow, it's so weirdthat your brain can convince you

(33:52):
that nothing that happened waswrong.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
The way you think is a very powerful thing.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
So now you said a little bit about romantic
relationships.
Now you showed me that photo.
When was that?
You know the one I'm talkingabout, wait which one was it?
Before you came back to God?
Was that?
You know the one I'm talkingabout?
Wait, which one was it?
Before you came back to God,was that?
How old are you now?

Speaker 2 (34:10):
21, 22?
.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
I'm 21.
21?
Was the.
I think you had purple hair.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
Oh Lord.

Speaker 1 (34:17):
I don't know if you, I don't know if she'll give it
to me or I can put it up on thescreen for everybody to see, but
she may be embarrassed.
But so you?
When was it that you startedbeing interested in girls?
Was it kind of a slowtransition to where you're like
I don't want anything to do withmen, so girls is my option.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
Yeah, I feel like that happened.
It's hard to say, but but yeah,I feel like it came about when
I was kind of like I'm notinterested in guys, like I don't
, I don't know what to expectfrom them, you know, and stuff,
and then, of course, and thatit's just, this situation brings

(35:00):
so much confusion yeah and then, on top of confusion, you don't
trust or know how to trust menand you don't know you.
It's not like I thought all menwere the same, but it was
literally like I don't know howto find a good man yeah and so
then it's like well, what is thealternative?
Women, girls, um, and it wasalso.

(35:23):
It's also like now I have anaversion to men, and standing
here now I can look at that andbe like, well, there's an
obvious reason why.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
But at the time.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
I was half or even fully convinced that what had
happened didn't have anybearings on why I was a problem.
So when you go online and youlook up why am I attracted to
girls, what are you going tofind?
Well, you must be gay.
You're born that way.
Bye, you're born that way.
And you look up why am Iattracted to girls, what are you
going to find?
Well, you must be gay, or youmust be.

Speaker 1 (35:48):

Speaker 2 (35:49):
Bye.
That's a natural thing thatyou're feeling, Don't feel shame
about it.
And then, of course, you're onthe internet and in this day and
age, you have five millionresources for how you can find
out if you're really gay.
There's quizzes you can take.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
There's things you can look at.
It's all pushing you into thedirection.
It's all just pulling youforward.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
So when you look up, why am I interested in girls?
You're not going to get well,are you?
Have you experienced this?
As in this, you're going to getwelcome to the pride parade
Like let's all celebrate.
You're gay.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
Which is crazy because I have heard time and
time again of people who endedup that they're now in the
homosexual lifestyle or theyused to be in.
God set them free.
That it was a big part of somesort of trauma in their
background and they were runningfrom what they experienced and

(36:43):
they ended up running to aalternative lifestyle.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Yes, this happens a lot.
Um, and now I do believe that,like some people, even without
that trauma, may have thatinclination, like I don't, I
don't want to like discount thatthere could be some people who
just face that yeah without that, having like a big traumatic
event in their life like um justlike something.

Speaker 1 (37:05):
Some guys, or women too, some have the struggle of
pornography and some don't.
Yeah, like it's just not athing at all yes, and so I you
know.

Speaker 2 (37:13):
I don't want to discount that, but for the most
part, from what I have seen too,yeah, it often stems from some
sort of trauma or big,significant event.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
Um sometimes a collective group thinking, yes,
that's who accepts them, becausethe unless you're a Christian,
the pride people are veryaccepting of, oh, come on.
Yes, I am not saying the churchshould be gay, let's just say
that right now.
But if the church would do whatJehovah's Witness do, yes, and

(37:44):
knock on the doors and actuallycare that people exist, and if
the church would be inviting,not necessarily affirming or
accepting, but inviting, yes,like the gay community lack of
judgment, because it's so crazy,because we've all been there.
Yes, but, like you said earlier,the pentecostal people, which
were charismatic pentecostal isnow she came back over to the

(38:05):
light.
I did, but like we, thePentecostal people, the movement
has not grown like it shouldhave, because everybody is so
caught up on what you should bewearing, or how you should talk,
or what you should and shouldnot be doing.
And it's exactly what Jesussaid when he came.
He said I didn't come toabolish the law, but I came to

(38:27):
fulfill the law.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
And through Christ we can then actually live out the
law according, but from thedepths of our salvation, not on
the outside, and then we aresaved.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
Pentecostal people like talk a lot of trash about
Catholic people, but they actthe same way, just in a
different way.
It's the same chapter in adifferent way.
It's the same.
It's the same chapter, just adifferent paragraph.
Yes, it really is, and uh, okay, so back to your story.
Now I'll get off that soapbox.
I've had the pinnacle.
People need to lock it up comeon guys be gay, I'm just kidding
, don't clip that.

(39:00):
What?

Speaker 2 (39:01):
are you?

Speaker 1 (39:04):
thinking about over there.
Just kidding, just kidding.
Don't clip this and put it outthere.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Can you imagine?

Speaker 1 (39:14):
Pentecostal people be gay, what, what?
Well, you heard it, folks.
So now, when you started evengoing in that direction of the
same sex, how was it in yourlate teens?
Was in your early adulthoodlike, what was that?

Speaker 2 (39:36):
yeah, so I feel like it started um a little earlier
in my teenager years.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Um because when you're, when everybody was
wanting to, when everything wasgoing on.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
I was in a lot of online communities that I
shouldn't have been on at thatage, but unrestricted internet
access, and that was kind ofjust all the rage then,
especially on what I was on.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Was it unrestricted because your parents were
working full time and nobody wasreally guarding what you were
doing?

Speaker 2 (40:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
How come your grandparents?
They didn't seem to be soinvolved in any of this, like
nobody.
What I'm asking is like andmaybe because I watch people, I
pick up on things Likesomebody's in a bad attitude.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:24):
You know you can kind of pick up on it.
Yeah, nobody thought or pickedup on anything of nothing this
whole time.
Or maybe it's one of thosethings where, like in active
shooter training, they say thatyour brain will tell you.
In another room or back in theschool, somewhere you hear a
gunshot and your brainimmediately goes that wasn't a

(40:44):
gun.
Yeah, like you'll explain itaway.
And your brain immediately goesthat wasn't a gun.
Like you'll, you'll explain itaway.
After all this came out, didanybody say that were close to
you, be like oh, and they like I.
Maybe I should have saw that.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
I feel like there's nobody said anything nobody said
anything, but I feel like itwas just shock, like my dad, for
all of his self-loathing, wasvery charismatic really yes,
like he had a lot of weird charm, he could make friends with
anybody, but he's also theperson who would walk away from
a conversation he had with youand go man, I hate that person.
Like he could, he could walk upto someone and have a

(41:20):
conversation about like a car,let's say, and they will talk
for an hour and just get on sofine and just be best friends by
the end of it, but he'll walkaway and be like man.
I hated that.
I hate that.
I just said that person's sostupid, like, like, but he, he
had it together and so to a lotof people he looked like a

(41:40):
stand-up guy, or if not astand-up guy, then he looked
like a normal guy.
And so, um, I feel like with myfamily, like with my
grandparents, um, he was very,um, respectful, he tried to do
things for them.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
So he was good at pretending, so he was great at
pretending, yeah, but then it'slike at home it was gone so
there wasn't like, okay, moviesexaggerate things, we know that,
yeah, but you know how they'llhave like people that are evil
or they're perverts and likethere's something about them or
you.
You can see somebody at walmartyou'd be like, well, that
dude's a pervert you know what Imean, like yeah, but he didn't.

(42:18):
He didn't act that way, hedidn't have any weird, quirky
things.

Speaker 2 (42:22):
It was like someone was like something's going on no
, like everyone he blended verywell like when everything came
out, everyone was like wow, Ican't believe that.
That's, that's crazy, are yousure?
Like it was like a lot of likeyou were the liar yeah,
basically, and now I didn't.
I was lucky.
Um, no one straight out lookedat me and was like oh my gosh,

(42:42):
you're like no, no one did thatthose set questions because it
didn't fit the pattern yes, yes,and, and, like a lot of times,
people who you know sharesomething that big will face
that backlash.
Like you're lying, I can'tbelieve you would make that up
about them and da da, da da.
By the grace of god, I didn'tface that.
No, I did face questions, whichagain makes sense.

(43:02):
It's like this isn't fittingthe pattern.
Like, what are you talkingabout?
I don't understand.
My grandparents, especially,were very shocked, which is I
mean?

Speaker 1 (43:12):
it's understandable For years.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
You think your son is a stand-up guy and you
literally homeschool hischildren.
Like you're involved in theirlife.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
The grandparents are his parents or her?
Yes, moms.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
His parents, oh yes, oh.
So they're on his side.
These are the baptists on hisside, not, it's not me, I just
don't know how to categorize mygrandparents by like these are
the baptist and these are thebecause for some reason in my
head, I was thinking they wereyour mom's parents.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
No, no, no, so they're your dad they were my
dad's parents oh, and they man.
You know if I'm being honest,if it was my kid, I don't think
I want to believe it either yeah, I want to believe it.

Speaker 2 (43:50):
yeah, I mean.
No, no, they, they have beengreat like to me.
Like they, they're goingthrough a lot like I can't
imagine.
Like, even though I was on thereceiving end, I can't imagine
hearing that and being like what?
Like my kid, like as my standup kid, like who's been here,

(44:14):
you know, supporting me anddoing things for me.
I raised him, I fed him, Ichanged his diapers, I taught
him all he knows.
Like I can't, I can't imagine.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
I didn't teach him that?

Speaker 2 (44:22):
No, definitely not.
You know what I mean, but butbut yeah, so it was a lot and it
was.
It's also, I feel, like um adouble punch, because you know,
you find out that this heinousthing has happened, but then we
all find out that he's lied,like he's a big lie.
Well, obviously he's a liar,but I mean about everything,
like to everybody.
There were tons of things thathe lied about like.

(44:44):
There were things he told usabout his childhood that my
grandparents came back and saidthat never happened.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
And none of this ever came out until after.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
So this didn't know.
None of it came out until.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
Nobody had a reason to question anything.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
No, so it's like, it's like he would.
He would say like, oh, this is.
I don't know if this actuallyhappened, this is just an
example.
Yeah, but he could come to youand be like, oh man, when I was
a kid, I my dad kicked me in theshin this one time because I
made him mad.
And then it's like, aftereverything came out, I was like,
well, he said this about hischildhood.

(45:17):
And then it's like my grandpabeing there, no, I didn't, I
would never do that, I've neverdone that before.
And so I mean, not only are youfinding out that he did this
thing, but now it's likeeverything where are the lies
ending?
like they don't um so it is socrazy.
Yeah, like he, he had he, he wasdoing this, he was lying um

(45:39):
irresponsible with everythingmoney, I mean, like I said, like
getting on case of buying thelatest and greatest games or
things.
I mean it just never ended.
So it's like your whole life isblown up.
Everyone in my family's liveskind of just exploded in
different ways, but it's alllike, oh my gosh, how are we
going to pick up these pieces?

(46:00):
So it was really, it was a lot,and it all happened in one day.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
Wow, and it all happened in one day.
Wow, so you're, I guess,earlier in your stages.
So when did you stop?
Obviously now you're notinterested in girls.
No, like you've came back tothe lord, like your life is
completely different from whatit used to be.
When did you coming to ourchurch?

(46:30):
Wasn't the first time you came,started coming back to church,
was it For a while?
No, okay.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
No, I was going to a different church for I want to
say a couple months.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
Okay, but before that you hadn't been in church in a
while.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
But before that.
So let me.
So we were going to church upuntil everything came out, yeah,
and we were going to church upuntil everything came out yeah,
and then I as a family.
Let me think it was me and mydad.
We were going to church, andthen my mom was working out of
state, so she had a job thatrequired her to be in Shreveport

(47:04):
.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
Yeah, the majority of the time.
So me and my dad were going tochurch and then everything came
out.
And then I, what did I do?

Speaker 1 (47:14):
so, oh, while we're talking about that, so what?
What led up to the time of whenit came out like what happened
was did he, did you come outwith it?
Or somebody found out like how,how did that even happen?

Speaker 2 (47:28):
Right, okay, so I'm going to prepare myself.
I'm kidding.
So what happened was, beforeeverything came out, there was
like a pause in the abuse.
It was kind of like, as I wasgetting older it became less
constant.
It was kind of on and off, sosometimes it was happening and

(47:49):
then it would take a break, comeback and it was on a bit of a
pause.
And then it happened again in away I hadn't expected and it
really shook me, like I guess Idon't know what flipped in my
brain.
I want to say it was Jesus, Iguess, but it really it messed
me up, up.
I guess you could say in a waythat it hadn't before.

(48:11):
Like I was, like I was shook,but I mean, I was really
frightened and I was likeconfused, I didn't know what was
going on.
And so what happened was thisabuse re-entered the scene a
couple days passed and I wasreally on a low point because I

(48:31):
was like I don't understand,like I was.
That was scary, like what am Igonna do?
And I ended up at my brother'shouse and up until this point I
did not like my brother.
Um, I didn't really wantanything to do with him.

Speaker 1 (48:48):
Uh, just weren't, weren't buddy, buddy with each
other so when you said it pausedlike the, the abuse, what did
you move?
Did what?
Why?

Speaker 2 (48:58):
did it pause, so it I think um or do you not know?
He just stopped doing he wouldjust kind of be on and off of,
like.
I feel like he would havealmost these moments of like oh
man, better back off, like thatwas.
I was wrong to do.
It was.
He was very weird andunpredictable, but I feel like
it was these moments of being Idon't want to say conscious, but

(49:21):
like clarity of like oh, thisis wrong, we need to stop.
And then it would stop, stop,but then it would always come
back again, like I feel like itwas almost like a clarity moment
, or maybe it was like a momentof like, oh, I figured out, this
is like him being like oh Ifigured out, this is wrong, we
should stop, almost as if it wasmy fault, and then it would

(49:42):
pause, but then it would pause,but then it would restart.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
So this didn't at 19, .
This wasn't something, a newpattern, but it was sporadic,
Like it would just kind of stopand then it would come back.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
Yes, so by the time I was 19,.
It would stop and start andthen.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
Was it always the same amount of time or was it
just random?

Speaker 2 (50:03):
No, it was random, so life was unpredictable or was
it just random?

Speaker 1 (50:09):
no, it was random, so life was unpredictable.
Now the abuse thing, was itlike once a week, once a month,
or was it kind of whatever kind?

Speaker 2 (50:14):
of depended.
Now, when I was younger, itthere were, it would be pretty,
pretty frequent, I mean multipletimes a week, I mean like
constant, and then it wouldpause, and then it would be once
that month pause a couple times, for that week pause.

(50:36):
I mean, you never knew.
So it was a lot of weird, it'sall talk of everything else, it
was just unpredictable yes,there was no telling when this
would happen, when he would, youknow, get off his being a
stand-up guy, kick, you know.
And you never knew when it wasgoing to happen.
Um, and then it happened.

(50:57):
So how do I describe this?
so the abuse was abuse, but Iguess the way I would put it was
it was never violent, if thatmakes any sense yeah I was 19
and we it had been on a pauseand it happened again and it was

(51:19):
violent and it scared theliving daylights out of me
because I didn't.
I was like, wow, I can'tbelieve this just happened to me
.
Like I don't understand.
It was like a click in my mindof like this is worse like it
actually scared like it.
I mean, it put me in a dark spotwhere I was like I literally
I'm scared, like I didn't, likethere were tons of thoughts

(51:42):
running through my head.
I was like I'm like like thishas happened.
Is he gonna kill me?
Is he gonna kill himself?
Like I, I had no idea what wasgonna happen.
It rocked my world and it'slike you get so used to just
accepting it as part of yourlife.
And then it happens that wayand you're like wow, it was.

(52:04):
It was just like a realizationof my whole life, like this has
been my whole life and now Idon't know what to do because
it's violent, like I don't, Ican't believe, like it's I don't
know, like I can't even word itnow the type of like
realization of I'm not even safein my house.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:24):
Like I wasn't safe, but I thought I was, and now I
can't even try and pretend thatnow, that part that you felt
safe is not it's not like.
It's like I don't know what todo now with this information
that's come to me.
Um, and for the next few days,like I said, like it was in a
really dark spot and I tried todo things to make myself feel
better, like I was trying topretend that everything was fine

(52:47):
.
But I remember we ended up in arestaurant with family a few
days after this happened and hejust mocked me the entire time.
Um, like she won't smile.
She's not happy to be here.
She must hate us all.
Like she doesn't want to behere now.
I mean like on the edge oftears the entire time we were

(53:08):
out eating because he just wouldnot stop picking and making fun
of me.

Speaker 1 (53:12):
Nobody said anything.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
I think at this point this was the first time that I
think people were like wait aminute, that's weird, like what
is he doing?
Like I remember that dinner wasvery uncomfortable because the
people we were with wereactually like what is?
because this has never happenedbefore yeah but now he's so bold

(53:35):
, I guess that they're like holycrap, like lay off, like what
is going on?
Um, and I feel like the lack ofvocalizing it like was like you
know, when you're sitting thereand something really unexpected
happens, you're usually likedid that really happen?
Like kind of a double take, andthen you're like do I make a
scene?
Do I say something?

(53:55):
I don't know what was the shiftin the like.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
What was the reason for the change?
That's what I'm not I, I don'tknow.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
I to this day, I don't know.
I know that.
Like.
So I think when people dothings like this, it's because
they're bad people or the sinhas twisted them and made them
to be bad people.
Yeah, I'm not the type ofperson to jump and be like oh my
gosh, that's demonic.
Like I think you're responsiblefor your actions and doing this

(54:26):
type of thing.
Like you're responsible foryour actions and doing this type
of thing.
Like you're being a bad person.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
But in that time I'm not sure what happened.
I'm not saying it's demonic,but I'm saying that the switch
was so weird and unexpected thatI'm still kind of like what was
going on?
Like there was something offabout him.
Like obviously all this timethere's been something off.
But this is where I reallyrealized it was violent.
He's mocking me, there is no.

(54:52):
It's like cold, like like I,during this time I can't tell
you how long this was, butduring this period of time, like
we were in the car one daydriving, and it's gonna sound
kind of silly, but he was, heput on like and what is it
called?
He put on some sort of likeinstrumental music.

(55:16):
Yeah, it was very heavy andthat.
You know, at first that soundssilly, but like he was driving
and listening to this and henever listened to this.
And then he started yelling outof nowhere and hitting the
steering wheel.
I mean, he was acting weird andthis is crazy and this was all
as, if I remember correctly, itwas all in this period of like,
after the abuse re-entered andit was like worse than it's ever

(55:38):
been.
This is what this, this is whatcame after, like in between
when that happened and like whenI told someone.
So I mean, he's acting crazy,like I don't understand, like I
remember riding in that car andliterally being like is he about
to like yank the wheel?
Like is this it?
Like I don't.
I still don't know to this daywhat that was like.

(56:01):
It was just weird.
Um, so he was acting.
Everything's been random, butthis was like there's something
wrong with him for real, like inhis mind.
Something's wrong with him.

Speaker 1 (56:16):
And so what?
I know you said the last timewas violent.
So what made you finally decideto say something to somebody?

Speaker 2 (56:26):
So, like I said, I ended up at my brother's house
finally to talk to him and Ididn't want to be there and all
this stuff, and I hadn't plannedto tell him.
I didn't plan on telling anyone.
Still, I planned at that pointto figure out how to leave my
house and go no contact witheverybody.
So I planned to just disappearoff the face of the earth and

(56:47):
never talk to family ever again.
That was my plan.
But I went over to my brother'shouse and we were talking and at
one point he gets up to go tothe restroom.
Unbeknownst to me, he had gonein there to pray and he prayed
and he said God just helped meto minister to my sister.
However, I need to do that.
And he came back out andeverything spilled out like I

(57:11):
can't even explain why, becauseI had no plan to tell him and it
wasn't like I sat there anddecided to.
It was like the words justspewed out of my mouth and I
couldn't stop them.
And after years, finally, I'vetold someone like this has been
happening, and I mean I, I toldhim this may be a dumb question,

(57:33):
but that's his dad too, right?
yes, okay, I thought, yes, yes,yeah, okay, so we're all yeah,
um, but I told him that and Imean, I I really exploded his
world and then I went home whatwas his reaction?

Speaker 1 (57:45):
like he's just sitting there, like he was.

Speaker 2 (57:47):
That that was actually pretty accurate.
Like just like, oh, like he, hewas trying to get details, but
I he was just mostly in shock, Imean.
But he was obviously concerned,but he was like okay, had to
process a little bit yes, and hewas like he, he was very like
are you lying?
You need to make sure you'renot lying.

(58:08):
Are you sure, like be sure,you're telling me but this makes
sense because it's a.
This is a huge deal.
You've just blown like I walkedin and blew up his life and
he's like everybody.
Are you sure that that's true?
And I was like, yes, I'm suremy bad, but I'm sorry and I felt
bad because I did go home andlike you just left him there,
like I just went home like allright, see you later.

(58:29):
Bye peace, good, good talk havea good night thanks for letting
me vent there on your couch alittle bit, while he's literally
sitting there like, oh my god,like what do I do?
Like literally, um.
But I told him that and I toldhim that on friday I want to say
I told him on a friday, itcould have been a saturday, I

(58:49):
don't know but I told him.
I went home and I was like man,I feel so much better.
That was so.
I had no idea why, like Ididn't comprehend yeah but I was
like I feel at peace.
Now the peace part was godbecause, like I said, I dealt
with anxiety bad for a very,very long time and I'd always
been anxious about everything.

(59:11):
And now I went home and I waslike I feel so much better and I
literally that night got on mylike computer and I was like
looking up, like where's anapartment at?
Like I was like ready to get mylife together.
Because I didn't in my mind, Ididn't expect him to do anything
.
I thought I was going to tellhim go home and everything would
be the same as it always was.
But something in it made meready to go.

(59:33):
Yeah, like I was like where'sthis apartment at?
I'm gonna go get two jobs, I'mgonna leave, it's gonna be great
.
I had no idea what was coming,because I thought no like I got
it out and I'm free.
I could just walk away.
I'm good now and and because noone had done anything, like
because no one knows.
But I'm like because no one'sdone anything, surely that's
just not going to.
Nothing's going to happen yeahlike I told him and now we're

(59:55):
going to go about our lives andthat's going to be that, like
that's, that's fine.
And and I don't know like goddoes things so intricately.
I have no idea what was goingon, but I remember I'm looking
up like apartments.
I'm like how much am I going tohave to save?
How many jobs am I going tohave to have to go now, like
what do I need?
What do I need to do?
Like I went from I'm content tolive here the rest of my life

(01:00:17):
to I've got to go, like I'mgetting a job, I'm getting out
of here.
And I remember a cousin who Ihadn't talked to in years texted
out of the blue on Instagramand was like hey, I just felt
like asking you, like where youbeen, how you doing.
And I was like well, I thinkI'm going to move out soon, like
I'm really ready to go.
And I mean this flurries ofmessages of advice of like

(01:00:40):
here's how you get your firstapartment, here's what you need,
here's the money you need tosave.
Make sure you have this, themoney you need to save.
Make sure you have this.
Don't need to have that.
That's unnecessary Stash.
This, do this.
I mean like play by play justlike it was ready, just like
that, just shot out and I waslike, wow, this is it, I'm ready
to go, this is my again.
I had I didn't think anyone'mgoing to get out of here.

(01:01:05):
Everything's great, cool, likethat's awesome Dealt with.
I'm better now.
Like any illness I had in myhead's gone Like thank you, like
.
And I and I hadn't prayed in along time and I was going to
church but I wasn't.
I was like I'm going to leaveeverybody, I'm not doing that
and stuff.
You know that's just kind ofwhat comes with the territory,

(01:01:27):
but I remember praying and beinglike god, can you just make a
way like I haven't prayed to youin forever, but can you just
make this happen, like I justwant to leave.
And again I was at peace, Ithink.
You know, in a way I think Ifreaked my dad out because I was
so like nonchalant, like I wasdone.
I was like I'm ready to go, I'mgetting out.

(01:01:47):
Like I was done.
I was like I'm ready to go, I'mgetting out of here.
He was like what I was likewell, who was that?
Well, not really, but Iremember.
So I told my brother on a Fridayor Saturday, sunday I was with
my dad and we went to like thegym.
That was one thing we did.

(01:02:07):
We go to the gym together andwe were at the gym.
I was like I think I want tomove out.
I think I want to get a job.
I mean completely switched up.
I'm going to do this.
You know, I'm going to do that.
He's like what about this?
I'm like I don't care, I'mleaving Like I'm like I, like

(01:02:38):
I'm, I want to do this.
Um, and that night I think heended up coming into my room.
He was like hey, I wanted tosay I'm sorry.
And I was like about what hewas like, about what he was like
, you know, about what happened.
I felt like I was getting likesigns or something.
He was not like, very obviouslynot.
And I was like okay, cool, youdone, like I, I.

(01:03:03):
I feel like it really put himfor a loop, because I wasn't
trying to be like oh, it's okay,I was just like okay.
Yeah like I'm gonna ignore younow, like I'm gonna go about my
day.
Peace, I'm telling you, it wasgod-given, supernatural peace.
I would have never spoken tohim like that.
And in that moment I just couldnot care, like I couldn't bring

(01:03:24):
myself to be afraid of him.
I was just like fine, cool,good night.
I'm going to bed, like see youlater, care, like I couldn't
bring myself to be afraid of him, I was just like fine, cool,
good night.
I'm going to bed, like see youlater.
I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
So this all happened right and he just left the room
and he left and he was he didn't.

Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
What is he gonna do?
Like I, he I feel.
Like he was confused, like hewas so confused he had to leave.
Like he was like I don't knowwhat to do with this.
Hey, take it, it's god.
Yeah, um, but monday it wasthree days, three or four days,
just crazy.
This is god.
Like it hypes me up because I'mlike this is crazy.

(01:03:59):
But monday I wake up normal dayand my brother comes over, okay,
and he lives across the street,so that's no big feat.
But he comes over and he's likehey, you know, we had that talk
a couple days ago.
Just wanted to check in, say hi, you left these snacks over
here.
I just wanted to bring themback for you and I was like, oh,
awesome, I thought that was allLike.

(01:04:20):
I really truly was like man,he's dressed weirdly nice for
bringing over these snacks.
I left.
Man, he's dressed weirdly nicefor bringing over these snacks.
I left.
I wonder why he's got like apolo on.
I laugh a little.
It's not funny, but to me it isbecause I really was just like
he just got dressed up to bringme my snacks.
That's weird of him.
Good brother, there's a goodbrother like dang.
He's really looking out for me.

(01:04:41):
He wants me to have myblackberries.
I left him really wow, so thankyou.
So we sit down and he hands memy blackberries and I'm I'm
having a time my dad alsoblackberry feeling a piece.
I'm great, I'm like I'm leaving.
These blackberries are so goodthis morning nothing could take
me down right.

(01:05:02):
Well, he's like, hey, so youknow that talk we had where you
told me like about all thisstuff, and I'm like, yeah, he's
like, hey, we should probablyreport that.
That's not the words you used.
But he sat down, he sat with me.
He was like, look, we reallyneed to do something about this.
He's like I've asked a couplefriends if you don't tell

(01:05:24):
somebody, I I'm going to have tolegally.
So you need to come do thiswith me.
I remember at first it didn'tclick in my head, but then he
started crying and that's when Irealized, oh, this is real.
That's when it really hit me ina different way, because I

(01:05:47):
never had anybody know what wasgoing on.
So there's no sympathy becausenobody knows what you're going
through.
But to have someone actuallycry like really made me realize,
oh, everything that happened isreal and it's bad and like it
hurt me it's not just a shrugyour shoulders.

Speaker 1 (01:06:05):
It's all over, it's not?

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
It's not just a I'm going to pack up and leave and
like pretend this never happened.
It's a no, this is more thanthis.
Is like half your life, like weneed to do something about it.
Yeah, so I literally went to myroom and packed up like two bags
of stuff, and I packed only thestuff that I had bought myself,
because at this point in timewe had no idea how my mom was

(01:06:30):
gonna act.
Like I don't even know my momat this point in my life really,
so I'm like I don't want totake anything that she's bought
me, because then she could comeback and say like that's mine.
Obviously I know my mom now mymom wouldn't do that, but at the
time you're like I literallydon't know what I'll have with
the time this is over.
I could walk away with nothingbut the clothes on my back and
I'm gonna have to be okay withthat, because as far as you know

(01:06:52):
, everybody could in on thisside of it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:56):
Everybody could have painted it up as being your
fault.
Yes, you're the bad person, yes, and so that, logically, that
makes sense yes, like you don'tknow what's gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
I have no idea.
So I packed up like two orthree backpacks with stuff that
only I had bought and I left myhouse, um, and I went to my
brother's house and, like, mysister-in-law was waiting for me
and, like I said, it was just abig realization because there
were people there who were likethere to help me and like
believed me and believed thatsomething was wrong, and I never
told anybody.

(01:07:25):
So it wasn't like I had hadpeople disbelieve me, yeah, but
it was still like, oh, like Itold my dad you could go to jail
and he just brushed it off.
And now these people are like,oh my gosh, this has happened to
you.
I can't believe, like what'sgoing on in your life.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, youknow, I can't believe it either.
Like it's like I just realizedwhat went on in your life.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, youknow, I can't believe it either.
Like it's like I just realizedwhat went on in my life and now

(01:07:45):
everybody's crying and like,what are we going to do?
And I don't know.
Like I don't know anything.
I'm walking out of this houseLike I had I'd gotten my license
, but other than that I knownothing.
Like I'm completely dependenton one person and I'm walking
out into this world not knowingwhat's gonna happen, I don't

(01:08:05):
know who's gonna be in my cornerwhen it's over and I don't know
where I'm going next.
But I can't go home.
So I went to my brother's um,changed out my pajamas and we
got in the car and we went tothe police station and again
even though I just, you know,realized like everything in my
life is like a lie and stuff,there was a peace because I

(01:08:27):
walked in and we were like weneed to file a report who was it
that came over to the house,that there was crying and stuff?
I know your brother, my brotherand who else that was just my
brother when I walked across thestreet to his house, my
sister-in-law was waiting for meand she was like you know, let
me give you a hug, you know so,but it had just been me and him.

Speaker 1 (01:08:45):
At this point, nobody else knows anything it's
literally me.

Speaker 2 (01:08:49):
Uh, the only people who knew at this time were me
and my brother and his wife, andthen a friend of my brothers
who he had called in becausehe's like I don't know what to
do, like what am I supposed todo?
And then, like someone mybrother had called who had been
like hey, oh, oh, my gosh, youneed to like report some advice.
So like, but other than that, Imean it's and your dad is at
work.
This time my dad was at work.

Speaker 1 (01:09:07):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
So they go to the police station.
I kind of give every therundown, you know, walk through
all this and by the time it'sover.
You know, like in, like inmovies, it's all.
I got a reference movies.
But, like in movies, they walkin, they report it and the cops
are like, oh my gosh, we gottago get this perp.

(01:09:30):
And they like bust out and theygot the badge, they got the gun
.
They're like ready to go.
You see, like it cuts to, likethe flashing light, cars and
everything's over.
And they're like oh my god, no,that didn't happen.
I walked in, I told them and thepolice officer god sent her, I
believe.
But at the time, you know, Itell her everything.
She's like hey, do you thinkyou can go back home?

(01:09:51):
Uh, no, I was like no,absolutely not.
She's like well, we can't takehim in.
There would have to be aninvestigation.
An investigation takes a time,like a good amount of time.
And so it was.
She was like can you go homeand like act like everything is
fine?
And I'm like lady, my wholelife just like exploded.

(01:10:13):
I don't think I can, but it was.
But I mean there wasn't muchthey could do yeah but we walked
out and my brother movies areliars movies are liars.
They are.
They exaggerate everything theydo.
And then you're so dramatic andyou're like, aren't you
supposed to like bust out ofhere?
Like kick, kick over a trashcan or something.

Speaker 1 (01:10:32):
It goes missing in the movies.
They like move heaven and earth.
You go there like hey, 48 hours.

Speaker 2 (01:10:38):
Sorry, let's just see how this plays out you know, I
got some paperwork to do like ohokay, thanks for the
information thanks for tellingme that this could take me two
weeks at least I have like atime span could you come back
later?

Speaker 1 (01:10:56):
we're on lunch right now.

Speaker 2 (01:10:58):
I got like a game of Jingo back there this way.

Speaker 1 (01:11:02):
I'm way ahead.

Speaker 2 (01:11:03):
Right now, I cannot break from this game I gave all
this, please, not for somereason, but did you go home?

Speaker 1 (01:11:12):
did you go back home?

Speaker 2 (01:11:13):
no.
So what happened was I walkedout and my brother was the one
who was ready to move heaven andhell anything.
He was like we will findsomewhere to go.
Like if we have to leave thestate for a couple weeks, so be
it.
Like you're not going home,we're not gonna let that happen.
We'll figure out what we'regonna do.
I don't care.
My brother has a wife and kidsand he's like I'll pack up
everything, yeah, nothingmatters.

Speaker 1 (01:11:34):
Like we're gonna go street.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
Yes, so they're.
Not only are they like let's go, because they don't want to be
around him, but they're likewe'll take you with us, like
we'll go anywhere, we'll dowhatever we got to do, like
we'll settle this, this is fine.
And so we get in the car andwe're driving home.
Well, at this point we decide,hey, it would be good to let our
mom know what's going on ohyeah, well, I guess that makes
sense yes.

(01:11:56):
So you know, maybe maybe likelet's flip a coin, no, but we
get in the car and my mom, who'sbeen working in shreveport she
worked down the state for awhile we call her up and she had
just gone home uh, not home,sorry, she had just went back to
work.
So she would come on theweekends that she was off to
spend time at home and then goback to work.

(01:12:16):
And she had just the weekendhad just ended, it was monday,
so she had literally just goneback to shreveport, so she had
left that morning to go backhome.
And so I called her, or mybrother, and I called her and we
were like, hey, listen, abbyjust walked into the police
station and filed a reportagainst dad.

(01:12:37):
Uh, we'd prefer you not talk tous until we're ready, but you
should come home.
Because that's what happenedjust now, because we had no idea
what she was going to say or do.
So we were like, just respectour wishes, don't contact us
right now, but here's what'shappening, you should come home.
And I remember she asked me avery specific question about the

(01:12:59):
abuse, basically like what,really what?
What is something that was donelike just to make it, which is
something.
Yeah, you gotta.
I mean, someone calls you andsays I just filed this, like I
told her, and she was like okay,and that was it, and she and I
didn't know this was happening,but she like booked it home,

(01:13:19):
like she was like holy crap,this is real, I gotta go.
Left work, started driving home,I just exploded another
person's world yeah you know II'm not gonna say oops, but you
know, oops, like so.
So we go from the policestation after this phone call
back to my brother's housebecause they're packing up.
We're gonna leave.

(01:13:39):
We're like we're gonna go findsomeone that the family doesn't
know and stay with them likewe're gonna figure out what to
do.
We get there, we're packing.
At this point my grandparents uh, so my dad's parents show up.
They're obviously like what'sgoing on?
I don't understand.
Your mom just called us.
She was, you know, crying,having a hard time.

(01:14:00):
Yeah, we don't get what's goingon.
We explain everything to them.
We're sitting there now.
My dad's at work.
During this whole time he'sbeen texting my phone non-stop.
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Why won't you answer me?
What's going on?
Where did you go?
Did you go somewhere?
Paranoid, out the wazoo?
We're standing there talking tomy grandparents and he calls my

(01:14:24):
grandma and she answers and hegoes hey, are you with them
right now?
Do you know where abby's at youknow what's going on?
No, everything's fine, I don't.
I don't know what's going on,just good job, grandma good job,
grandma.

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
She answered, ended the phone call and like did she
say that she was with you though?

Speaker 2 (01:14:50):
no, no, she, she was like I don't, we're just going
about our day oh no, what'sgoing on?
I got you guys, so she, shedeflected, and you know
shouldn't.

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):
Shouldn't lie.
There's people lying, Whoa whatup?

Speaker 2 (01:15:02):
I just feel.

Speaker 1 (01:15:07):
Come on, man, she ain't going to let these baddest
people get away with nothing.

Speaker 2 (01:15:09):
Get her a pass.
Get her a pass, you know, gether a pass.
But you know, shouldn't lie,but you know, and I, you know, I
come back.
I'm like dang, that must havebeen hard.
Yeah, like realistically,that's your kid, colin.

Speaker 1 (01:15:24):
Dude dad would be like no, I don't have a clue,
see you later.
My mom's like more attached andyou're like well, you're my
baby.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
Yeah, like, what are you supposed to do?
And so it's like man.
That must have been really liketruly.
You have to answer a call, andnot only is it like your son,
but then you're lying and youknow that's, that's hard yeah it

(01:15:54):
does hard and you know I'mforever thankful that she was
willing to do that.
like, even though she didn'tknow what to believe, her whole
world had just crumbled hergranddaughter standing here
telling her something that shedoesn't know is true or not,
like how are you supposed towrap your head around that?
You know, everything justhappened in the morning on a
monday, like crazy.
But she did it and I'm god onlygod like I don't know how else

(01:16:19):
to describe it, but, um, we hadthat interaction.
My grandparents leave, we'repacking up to go, so my dad's at
work.

Speaker 1 (01:16:28):
When your grandparents leave, when they're
leaving, what do they say?
I mean who?
Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Speaker 2 (01:16:37):
Basically, just let us know that you're safe.
I mean, they're in shock.
They don't know what to do.
We don't know what to do.
We don't know what to do.
My brother didn't tell themwhere we were going because it
was like you won't have to liebecause we're not going to tell
you, just know that we'll befine.
Like we're going to gosomewhere else.
So my grandparents are walkingaway, probably being like dang.

(01:16:58):
They don't even trust us enoughto tell us when really it's
more of like we literally don'tknow what's going to happen.
Like we don't even trust usenough to tell us when really
it's more of like we literallydon't know what's going to
happen, like we don't know whatto do either, like everybody's
freaking out, so are likeespecially us, like we don't
know what to do here, and sowe're just going by the seat of
our pants Like we're just thereis no game plan for a situation
like this.
There's no way to game planExcept get out, except leave.

(01:17:25):
Yeah, so they leave, they gohome, and so we're about to
leave and go, and my dad drivesdown our road as you're leaving.
As we're walking out the door,his car at the time it was a
bright red car speeds down theroad to our house, which, again,

(01:17:47):
is right across the the street,and only by god's grace did he
not see us.
He somehow completely missed us, walking out of the house and
didn't see us and drove past uswas it at the end of a work day,
or why did he come?
No, he left work because Iwouldn't answer my phone wow so
I don't know what happened.
I don't know if, like, paranoiagot to him and he was like what?
She won't answer what is that?
Because it was out of the normthat I wouldn't answer him.

(01:18:09):
So he, he speeds down the roadin his bright red car and
doesn't, somehow doesn't see usand drive straight home.
But I saw it and I look at mysister-in-law and I go, that was
definitely my dad's car and shegoes, goes.
We're leaving now.
So we get in the car and westart going the opposite way and
she's like I don't even knowhow to get to where we're going

(01:18:31):
this way.
But we got to leave, like wefigure it out, but we got to go
now.
Like that's crazy, yeah, likeonly God could make it to where
he did not see us walking out ofthe house because he hadn't my
dad had no idea where we were.
We were in the front yard buthe just drove right past

(01:18:51):
Unsafely, speeding down the roadbecause I wouldn't answer my
phone.
That's all I did is not answerhis phone because no one told
him.

Speaker 1 (01:18:59):
Did he try to after he got home?
Did he try to still reach out?
Oh, he was.
He was texting me for a prettylong time.
Hold him.
Did he try to after he got home, did he?

Speaker 2 (01:19:02):
try to still reach out.
Or oh, he was he.
He was texting me for a prettylong time, um me.
So I was riding with mysister-in-law and then my
brother was riding with hisfriend and we met up at like a
gas station, like a couple milesdown the road.
So we're like we want to makesure.
Like you know, again, we don'tknow what's going on.
Like this.
We don't even know our dads.
We're like is he following us?
Is he a mastermind?
We don't even know our dad.
So we're like is he followingus?
Is he a mastermind?
We don't know where he's at, wedon't know where we're going.

(01:19:23):
We don't know if he's a genius.
Does he have trackers on ourphones?
We don't know.
So we pulled over and that'swhen I turned my phone off,
because that was a genuineconcern.
It's like is he going to beable to track the phone?
Like All this time this phonehas been my crutch Because I'm
anxious, I don't know where elseto go.
So all of the people that Imight have talked to or all the

(01:19:46):
things I might have looked at tocalm me down, my phone is off.
I have nothing.
So I'm kind of just sittingthere on and off crying because
I'm like I don't have adistraction, I can't really go
anywhere in my mind Like I'mjust here for the ride for

(01:20:06):
however long it takes, because,again, this investigation could
last a while.
It's not even started yet andwe don't know where we're going
or what we'll do so but even so,I managed to just be there.
I think obviously part of it isgod but, I think part of it is
also like I, I there was nothingI could really do, like it's
not like I could magically belike oh, the investigation

(01:20:28):
starts now and I know wherethey'll find him.
It's like you, it's completelyout of your control and they
didn't?

Speaker 1 (01:20:35):
did they get information from you to keep you
updated?
Or they just said we'll get ahold of you when we find
something out?
Like how?
What did that even look like?
So?

Speaker 2 (01:20:42):
they took down like my info, like my phone number
and stuff, but they they reallywere just like.
We'll let you know when we know.

Speaker 1 (01:20:50):
So I mean, I guess that's the process.

Speaker 2 (01:20:52):
It's just the legal process, but it's very
unfortunate, because then you'rekind of again, you're stuck
being like I have to upend mywhole life Because you first.

Speaker 1 (01:21:00):
Cybers are going to start going off and they're
going to all leave and go, grabthem and bring them back.
Those are the movies.

Speaker 2 (01:21:05):
But it's not real life.
No, and like, obviously I thinkthey were going to help, but I
mean you run up to the Processand you're like wait, I was
expecting more.
Yes.
You want me I was expectingmore, like I expected them to be
like oh my gosh, that's crazy,let's go.
And instead it's like can youlike act normal?
It's like do I look normal Forhow long?

(01:21:26):
Like yes, and you don't know,because there's so many things
that could happen.
Because I say one thing what ifhe comes back?

Speaker 1 (01:21:35):
No, I didn't.
There's no evidence.
I don't the person saying thatit happened.

Speaker 2 (01:21:40):
Exactly so.
They're like they're going tohave to gear up for a an
investigation without any realevidence, like there's nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:21:52):
So when you, after the gas station, when you all
met up, kind of collectedyourself, turned your phones off
, just in case I don't know,what did you do after that?
Did you wait for a minute ordid you go somewhere?

Speaker 2 (01:22:02):
We immediately left.
So we like turned my phone off.
I had like a pep talk with mybrother and he was like
everything's okay, everything'sgoing to be okay.
And I was like, okay, we leftthe gas station and we went to
go to the house of someone thathe knew that not even I know.
So it's almost it's not likethe movies, but it's almost like

(01:22:25):
the movies.
Safe house yeah, it's a safehouse Like I'm like it's not
like the movies but it is.
Yeah, but it's not.
But we turn up and these peopledon't even know me, but I walk
in.
You know, I'm tear, tear,stained, I'm like disheveled, I
don't know anything, I'm anxious, I don't know how to talk, to
literally have no people skillsat all.
I'm like they're like do youwant water?
I'm like what?

(01:22:46):
Like I don't even know what'sgoing on.

Speaker 1 (01:22:50):
What is?

Speaker 2 (01:22:50):
a cup.
I know I forgot, like I don'tknow, but I remember I got there
and I mean we're sitting therefor hours, don't know anything
Again.
My phone's turned off, so it'snot like people can reach me,
obviously.
Don't know anything again, myphone's turned off, so it's not
like people can reach me.
Um, obviously my brother'supset, it's his dad, like what
do you do?
You're on the run, you don'tknow what's going on.
And then in this whole timethere's also radio silence from

(01:23:13):
my dad, so we don't know and youtold your mom not to contact
you and we told my mom, likedon't call us for a while
because we don't know what to dowith you or you with us and I
don't know is it because y'alldidn't know if she knew anything
, or we?
Didn't know what she was goingto react, how she was going to
react, or say we also didn'tknow if she knew anything.
We didn't know anything abouther, or maybe my brother did,

(01:23:33):
but for me, like during theabuse, stranger she's a stranger
, she was always I thought shehated me, I thought she was mad
at me, I thought she didn't'tlike me and at the same time,
she thought the same about me.
So we have had walls.

Speaker 1 (01:23:45):
Well, you were also getting fed that information.

Speaker 2 (01:23:46):
Yes, exactly, and she was getting fed that
information too.
So now, not only do you notknow each other, but you thought
you hated each other, and nowit's like no way we don't, but
we still, you still don't knoweach other.
Like there's no fixing that atthat time.
So other things to worry aboutyeah, that's much bigger
problems right now, um,especially because it's radio

(01:24:09):
silent.
My dad gonna end his life.
Is he gonna follow?

Speaker 1 (01:24:14):
through on the threat .

Speaker 2 (01:24:15):
That's what he told me, yeah so we're all standing
around like, oh my gosh, is hegonna do something?

Speaker 1 (01:24:20):
because that he's at the house by himself.

Speaker 2 (01:24:22):
He's at the house by himself and we owned guns.
We live in Texas, so of coursewe did.
Everybody's got guns.

Speaker 1 (01:24:28):
I got three behind me .
That's cool.
It's actually like Desperado.
In that guitar case I got somerocket launcher.
That's best.
How long did y'all stay at thatfriend's house?

Speaker 2 (01:24:48):
Again, another work of God.
God, we're there for hours.
I somehow fell asleep.
I have no idea how I call it mygod-given nap, because
literally no way to distractmyself, no way.
I fell asleep until 5 pm.
Do you want to know whathappened at 5 pm?

Speaker 1 (01:25:03):
What.

Speaker 2 (01:25:04):
My dad turned himself in and because he turned
himself in and confessed therewas no investigation, he was now
Guilty In prison and guilty.

Speaker 1 (01:25:12):
Well, I mean, yeah, you confess you're guilty.

Speaker 2 (01:25:14):
I'm guilty, so I went to this person's house.
So all same day, all in thesame day, all in the same day,
all in the same day.

Speaker 1 (01:25:21):
You didn't have to go on the lam and wait for a few
months.

Speaker 2 (01:25:26):
It was on a Monday.
Wow, I remember the timebecause I woke up and I looked
at the clock.
I was like man, it's fiveo'clock.
How have I been asleep thatlong?
I walk outside and my brother'slike he just turned himself in.

Speaker 1 (01:25:41):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:25:42):
One day.
Isn't that crazy?
That is crazy like I can't even.
I still don't know how to wrapmy head around it that it all
happened just in one day and,like looking back, it's so fast
so have you talked to him sincemy?
Dad, yeah, no, no he.

Speaker 1 (01:26:01):
Because my question is unless somebody came to the
house to investigate, how did heknow that all of this was
because of what he had done toturn himself in?

Speaker 2 (01:26:13):
So, as far as I know, no one told him anything.
He all I can think of is likeeither either he had a moment
with like god, god was like,look, this is it.
Or he was literally so paranoidof his own secret that the only
thing he could piece togetherof all of his family just not

(01:26:33):
talking to him all at once wasshe's told someone and they know
.
But other than that, I have no,I have no earthly clue how he
like came to that conclusion andthen came to the point where he
turned himself in.

Speaker 1 (01:26:48):
It would have been even better if none of that was
actually the reason and he justturned himself in.
That'd have been awesome.
That would have been awesome,that would have been awesome
that would have been awesome.
Nobody had to go through anytrauma.
Like you're, you're like what?
14 years old and he just feelsguilty and turns himself in.
That would have been prettygood.

(01:27:09):
That was two years ago.

Speaker 2 (01:27:10):
Yes, right, 19, 20, 21.
I can do math.
See, you can laugh at me.

Speaker 1 (01:27:16):
Everybody has their weakness, all right.

Speaker 2 (01:27:18):
All right.

Speaker 1 (01:27:19):
And so it's been two years, and so it's been two
years.
I don't know what, I don't knowthe details of what you went
for, but so he's in prison now.

Speaker 2 (01:27:34):
He has he gone to trial so, um, we didn't do a
trial because he pled guilty, sohe went and confessed and then
we went to like a courtsentencing hearing or whatever.
I don't know is that what youwent to I did go to that, yes,
yes, and he um, they'rebasically like this is what you
said, this is the charges, thisis you know what's going on.

(01:27:55):
Do you want to plea like here'syour plea bargain, or you can
go for the trial and he pledguilty.

Speaker 1 (01:28:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:28:03):
So so I did end up going to that yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:28:07):
And didn't they ask you to say some words?

Speaker 2 (01:28:10):
They said I could and I did, and I didn't bring it
because I didn't think about it.

Speaker 1 (01:28:17):
But I Can you give a kind of a.
A summary, yeah, so so I willsay it's not funny, but it was a
little bit, because I better tofind humor in it than me tore
up I went and the guy basicallywas like look, we heard you want
to give, like you know, avictim statement.

Speaker 2 (01:28:34):
That's what's called.
He's like just make sure thatyou don't use like super strong
words up there, like get tooexplicit.
Like it is recorded for futureyou know purposes, so try not to
get too angry.
But we understand.
Like you know, you got a lotgoing on and I was like, okay, I
walked up there and at the timeyou've done this, you've
already re-established yourselfback in church, correct?

(01:28:55):
Yes, so by the time that thishappened, I was, I was back in
church and how long ago was thishe had to go?

Speaker 1 (01:29:00):
was it last year?
We're in july, june, almostjune.

Speaker 2 (01:29:03):
I think it was last year, okay, yeah I think it was
last year, um, so they're youknow, they're like don't get too
crazy up there, but also weunderstand stuff.
And I was kind of like, okay, Iwalk up there and I think they
had expected like multiple pagesof like I can't believe.

Speaker 1 (01:29:17):
I hate you, you know, insert bad word and stuff like
that in there, when you're doingthis, he is.
Oh, now so you.
So we had looked at each otherface to face yes.

Speaker 2 (01:29:26):
So while I was sitting there, he was the last
case that they like were likeplea or not, because when you
sit in like one of thesehearings, you have multiple that
they go through.
So we looked at each other andI mean, for me it was instant
tears and he cried too, butthere's no talking.
You know, obviously you're nottalking to each other.
And when I went up to give mystatement, they were like you.

(01:29:47):
They told him he couldn't evenreact.
So he couldn't even look at mebecause he wasn't allowed to
make a face, he wasn't allowedto nod, he wasn't allowed to do
anything, he just had to sitthere and listen.
So I walked up there, there andI guess, in summary, it was
basically like look, you know,everything happened on this
monday.
I thought my life was over, Ithought everything was ruined.

(01:30:10):
I really didn't like you, likeI didn't know what to make of
anything.
But I've reconnected with thelord and all I want to say is I
forgive you and I hope that youwill use the rest of your life
to follow God and do what youneed to do in there, because God
loves you and I still love you.
But you've done this thing andI just hope that you can find

(01:30:35):
God in all of it, because that'swhat you need to do, and that
was basically what I said that'spretty intense yeah, it was.
It was a lot crying the wholetime through it, or you were
able to make it through that Icried a lot just sitting in
there and looking at him and bythe time I gave the statement I

(01:30:57):
started out pretty watery, butby the end I was pretty like
sure of what I was saying.
Like I was like I forgive you,I love you.
This really sucks that you'vedone this, but you need to find
god like you need to ask him forforgiveness.

Speaker 1 (01:31:12):
This is what you need to do I don't know if I could
do it.
I would.

Speaker 2 (01:31:19):
I would want to hope yeah that I could, but that's I
would want to hope that I could,but that's it's only God,
because I yeah, it was astruggle, I still struggle
sometimes.
Like forgiveness is definitelya process and it's not like I
just wake up some days and I'mlike I don't forgive him anymore
.
But there's ebbs and flows tothis kind of thing, especially

(01:31:41):
after everything, when you kindof start to realize like
everything that happened andwhat that means and all that
stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:31:48):
So, on the aftermath of all that, what does the
family system look like now?
So, I know for a fact you knowyour mom very well.
Now I do.

Speaker 2 (01:32:03):
I love my mom, I I love her.
I've always loved her.

Speaker 1 (01:32:06):
She's actually so.

Speaker 2 (01:32:07):
We're in my office, but she's actually in the living
room talking to my wife aswe're doing all this my mommy
brought me here, so they'realways together yes, I will
always be there to brighten herday yeah, that's what I will say
so right now I I'm still livingwith my mom, uh, but we're so

(01:32:31):
awesomely together all the time,um, so it's me and her and then
my sisters, so we all livetogether, and then my brother
still lives across the street.

Speaker 1 (01:32:42):
You have adopted sisters, right?
Yes, they are.
Are they blood sisters or arethey independently adopted?

Speaker 2 (01:32:47):
They're not blood.
They're not blood, okay,they're like family trees are so
weird.
My mom knows someone who knowsthat, someone who she might be
related to, and they're likefrom the other side of that
family, so I do with that whatyou will.
But they are my, they're mysisters, sure?
Short answer nobody reallyknows.
Nobody has.
They just showed up and we'relike sounds good enough forever

(01:33:08):
keep them.

Speaker 1 (01:33:09):
We'll feed them a little bit they're sweet little
girls yes, they're, they're sothey made me, uh, put everything
up.
They did.
You see, they made me something.
No one of them did.
I can't remember their nameswho's who.

Speaker 2 (01:33:22):
Was it the blonde one or the dark-haired one?

Speaker 1 (01:33:24):
I don't know who made it they were both there when
they handed it to me but but ithad my name on it.
It was like a little drawing orwhatever they were.
Like it's him.
It's got to be in that closet.
I threw everything in there.
That's awesome, so nothingwould be in the background.

Speaker 2 (01:33:36):
I would look like shown in the closet.
That's classic, but it's us.
My brother still lives acrossthe street with his wife and his
kids.

Speaker 1 (01:33:47):
And you work with your brother now, right.

Speaker 2 (01:33:49):
I work in the same room as him, yes, so I guess you
could say I work with himsometimes.
But yeah, we work in his office, so I'll go over there every
day to do my job and then comeback home In your pajamas?
No, no, oh, you don't Okaysometimes I thought there every
day to do my job and then comeback home in her pajamas.
Uh, no, no.
Oh yeah, okay, sometimes Ithought you said you did because
you're like I just go acrossthe street times, but not all
the time like I try sometimesshe wears normal clothes when

(01:34:11):
she goes and deliversblueberries or blackberry
blackberry.
Hey, yes, um, so we actually.
So it's like me and then mybrothers across the street, and
then my grandparents live.
My grandparents live rightbeside us.
His, your dad's, yes, my dad'sparents live right beside us.

Speaker 1 (01:34:31):
Now were they living there the whole time.
Yes, same spot, okay, so theyjust stay.

Speaker 2 (01:34:35):
That's not new.
No, Okay so but yeah, that'sthe current setup and we go to
how's the relationship with youand them now?

Speaker 1 (01:34:44):
it's good they didn't , did they kind of?

Speaker 2 (01:34:47):
there's a bit of distance, yeah, um, though I
don't know what side it's comingfrom yeah, it's just kind of
it's just kind of difficult toget through that and so, but I,
I, I still love them, they stilllove me, we still talk like
it's just not like it was before, but nothing is.

Speaker 1 (01:35:04):
It probably didn't have anything to do with you,
but it has probably a lot to dowith the shame Like their kid
did.
Like if we go somewhere andTristan does something stupid
and I walk in the area where hedid something dumb, I don't
really talk to a whole lot ofpeople because I'm embarrassed,
you know what I mean.
Like if he did something stupidin the neighborhood, like yes

(01:35:26):
one one summer this was like twoor three summers ago he took
his little orby gun or no, itwas an airsoft gun and he shot a
teenage girl that lives in theneighborhood her car as they
passed by.
Because he thought he's beingfunny for his friends.
He's like, oh, he won't doanything.
Well then we had to go thatnight and apologize to every
person that was involved.
And so now if I walk by thehouses or drive by the houses I

(01:35:48):
kind of hold my head down.
It's a little bit funny.
So I mean I can understand thatyour kid does something.
You're like dang or especially,and maybe a little guilt
because they didn't see it yeahyou?
yeah, you would think and hopethat you would be able to see
your kids, but usually that'skind of where we're the most
blind.

Speaker 2 (01:36:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:36:07):
But it is awesome that after all of this, you and
your mom have been closer thanever.
It's like the years you lostyou got back.

Speaker 2 (01:36:16):
Yes, it definitely was.
At the start it was veryinteresting.
It was like I don't know how totalk to you and she didn't know
how to talk to me, like wereally were strangers, like we
didn't know, and I lived acouple months with my brother
what was her reaction aftereverything happened?

Speaker 1 (01:36:30):
like how did y'all mend that?
Like did she stop going toshreveport?

Speaker 2 (01:36:36):
yes, so the monday when she came back, she was
basically she told her people,you know and I she's got more
detailed than I do, but from myunderstanding she was like look,
I can't go back there, I got afamily here, I gotta pick up the
pieces.
Here's what happened basically.
You know, tldr, this, thishappened yeah I can't go back.

(01:36:57):
Can you just give me a job here,whatever you can do?
Um, and god provided and shegot the same job that she had in
tree porch, in like 30 ishminutes away.
So she's closer now so she canbe home, um, so I don't.
We didn't talk to her monday,it was that week, though tuesday

(01:37:21):
, wednesday, it wasn't that long.
Our like no contact rule wasn'tvery long.

Speaker 1 (01:37:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:37:28):
So when I first saw her again she was just like
still processing.
It's a lot to go through, ohfor sure, yeah, a lot Like.
I don't know if you'll everstop fully processing.
You know, if you do, it's gonnatake a while.

Speaker 1 (01:37:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:37:43):
But I think she was just like wow, wow, you know,
that's all, that's all.
I know she was very, um, shewasn't antagonistic or anything
like that, like she.
She's like yeah, you know, you,you answered my question.
I knew you weren't bluffingthere.

(01:38:03):
There was no disbelief, therewas no moments of like well, you
were lying, like.
None of that.
I was very blessed because mymom was like wow, that happened.
We went back to her house it'sher house now.
But we went over there, youknow, we talked it out.
There were a couple other likeof her friends there trying to,

(01:38:24):
you know, give support obviously, which is great, um, and I kind
of just told them.
You know, I I filled my mom onthe details and I filled them
into.
You know, I was just kind oflike you're here too, so I guess
you get to hear about it.
Here's everything that happenedyeah um, and after, you know,
after that again my mom was like, oh my gosh, you know there was
never you.
She never like vocally, waslike I don't believe you or I

(01:38:45):
can't believe you did that oranything.
She was supportive.
Now it was tough learning howto navigate with her home
because she had been like out ofthe house for so long.
But now it's like.
It's like not only are youadjusting to like a new person
in the house, like a quote,unquote new person, person in
the house, but you're also likethis is my mom, and how do I?
talk to my mom, like I don'teven know my mom, I don't know

(01:39:06):
what she's okay with, I don'tknow what she's not okay with.
You know, all of these, likeall of the routines that have
been built up for the past yearsof my life are now void.
So I don't even know what tolike do with my hands, like I
don't know what to what's.
I don't know what to do now.
I don't know what to say.
But, um, god really carried usthrough um.

(01:39:27):
For a couple months I live withmy brother, yeah, so I was
going to his church and then shestarted coming to connect um,
and then, of course, she's like,hey, maybe one day you want to
go to my church and that'll becool.
And I was like, yeah, sure.
Then I went.
I was like, wow, these peopleare crazy.
Gotta leave, gotta go.
I came back and now I'm here, soI guess I'm, yeah, part of the

(01:39:49):
she'll never escape the cultI'll never leave, but it it's
been a journey, and now you leada group I do, which is so crazy
that that's, that's reallycrazy.
That's actually because I backthen, like two years ago, but
before you know, everything wentdown.

(01:40:10):
Even sometime after I was likeI don't want to be a part of
ministry ever again.
Yeah, like I don't want to dothat.
Um, because, like I said, I wasin, like children's church, um,
at the baptist church for awhile.

Speaker 1 (01:40:21):
I sang a lot, uh, but she does now too on the worship
team I do she's the star player, stop oh, no, no, no, no,
everyone plays a part.

Speaker 2 (01:40:33):
Okay, we're team, but , um, but I was like I never,
I'm never gonna sing again, I'mnever gonna do ministry again, I
don't want any part.
Like I was going to church butI didn't want to be any like
like in a part of the church,like I didn't want to do that,
like, um, it took me a bit tostill come back to god after

(01:40:54):
everything happened.
So I was going because mybrother was like, if you move in
, you gotta go to church yeahand I was like, okay, and I
wasn't.
It wasn't like I was dragging myfeet, like I like talking to
people, and it was like, oh mygosh, I actually get to be
around people.
I still was lacking peopleskills, the anxiety was still
there, although it was wayuplifted, but you know, I still

(01:41:16):
struggle with some of that.
But then I came to connect.
First I was like these peopleare crazy, I don't know what's
going on.
Uh, came, of course, I cameback, came back.
I started going regularly.
We don't do nothing that crazythough, but like, if you come
from a church, okay, listen,yeah, explain you offended,
don't get offended.
But if you come from a churchwhere everyone just sits in the

(01:41:38):
pews, yeah you know.
And then you come to another oneand people fall on the floor.
You're falling out in thespirit, dude.
I thought people were introuble.
I looked at my mom.
I was like they think they havethis spirit and they're having
a medical issue.
What do we do?
And she was like it's fine oh,no, no more.
And someone help these peopledon't get offended, but that's

(01:41:59):
just what happens.
It's just jarring.
And now I'm like guys, they'refine, don't.
Now I'm like guys, they're fine, don't worry.
I'm the person telling peopledon't worry about it, they're
all right.
They're all right.

Speaker 1 (01:42:10):
She also.
I'm going to brag on you alittle bit.

Speaker 2 (01:42:13):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (01:42:14):
She also was the one who was like Lord that speaking
in tongue stuff, okay, it's inthe Bible, but that ain't for me
.
I was I was telling that story.
It's a pretty cool story, cause,like a lot of people get caught
up in like okay, I have to bein church, I have to do this
certain thing, I have to do that, and and I think that robs us

(01:42:36):
from the authenticity of theexperience of being filled with
the Holy Spirit we overthink andhave too much knowledge.
Yeah, like in Acts, they didn'tknow what to expect.

Speaker 2 (01:42:46):
No, they had no idea.

Speaker 1 (01:42:47):
They were just expecting.

Speaker 2 (01:42:48):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:42:49):
And being obedient.
Yes, tell your little story.

Speaker 2 (01:42:52):
Okay, okay.
So I was like tongue in handfor me.
I was like I don't do none ofthat.
Okay, I have a bit of a controlproblem and I don't do none of
that.
Okay, I have a bit of a controlproblem.
And I was like having the Lordtake over what I'm saying not my
thing, I'm good on that, don'tneed that, okay.
So, of course, never say neverwith the Lord, because he has a

(01:43:20):
great sense of humor.
And I had, you know, when Istarted, started coming to
connect and really like startedto know the Lord, like I started
really knowing him and likeactually having a relationship,
because there's definitely adifference between knowing about
the Lord and actually knowingand like following the Lord.
And you know, I had a lot ofintense prayer times, fill in

(01:43:43):
the spirit and stuff, all ofthat good junk.
And there were a couple timesleading up to when I actually
did that, I felt like I wasshaking, like I was like, oh my
gosh, like on your own nobody.

Speaker 1 (01:43:53):
Nobody's tricked her and say you gotta do this to
feel the spirit.
It wasn't.

Speaker 2 (01:43:56):
It was when these when this I'm getting
tongue-tied right now.
When this happened, I wasusually alone in my room and I
was praying hard about somethinglike fill in the blank, it
didn't matter what it was, I wasjust praying super hard.
I was feeling the Spirit.
I was alone.
Usually the house was empty,like there was no one.
It was just me and the Lord andI was praying and I would feel

(01:44:19):
like my tongue was going numband I'd get scared and I'd stop.
Like I was really like no, thiscan't be me.
Like no, this ain't right.
So I ended up at like a littleprayer meeting at my aunt's
house my aunt and uncle's houseand we were all kind of talking.
You know, we're singing songs.
It was very chill.
But I got the urge to pray forsomeone out of the blue and I

(01:44:44):
was like like, okay, that's fine, I'll go do that, okay.
So I went in the bathroom andstarted praying.
Bad place to pray, people willnot leave you alone because it's
a bathroom, so don't do that.
People who looked in there.
So I I left the bathroom.
I was like I give up.
And then I was like, no, wait,I need to pray.
Like I feel it, I gotta go.
So, um, in some houses you havelike a living room and then you
have a den, so everyone was inlike a living room.

(01:45:06):
I was in the den alone.
Again, no one's in there, noone even knows I'm in there.
Like sometimes I think the Lordlike blinds people because they
had no idea I was even goneLike in the den by myself.

Speaker 1 (01:45:17):
Like you, blinded your dad apparently.

Speaker 2 (01:45:19):
Exactly so.
I'm in the den, I'm praying,and I'm praying hard Like I.
This is one time where, likethat prayer was on another level
, like I was going to townpraying.
It was crazy, okay.
And I just started praying.
Lord, I want to pray in a waythat pleases you.
What do you think happened?

(01:45:47):
Okay, I started speaking adifferent language and I was
freaked out.
I was like, wow, I didn't knowyou were gonna like do that.
Like I I prayed that, but Ididn't know you were like gonna
take me seriously and do that.
And so I started speaking intongues and I was like, well,
like I started like sweating,like I was like, oh, my god,
like what is happening, and I Iwould try and speak in english
and I couldn't.
And I was like this is it, thisis my life, like push again,

(01:46:11):
all right, whatever country thisis from.
I just kept praying because Iwas like I don't know what to do
now, like I'm stuck, like I'mjust stuck here forever.
And I, I was freaked out, but Idid.
I did remember me, like my gosh, this does sound like a
language Like oh, my, it's kindof cool.
Like I don't know what languageit is, but it's got the
structure Like I was you knowall these things but I kept
praying and I prayed like thatfor like two hours.

(01:46:32):
I didn't even know that it wastwo hours, but I was praying for
like two hours, if not moreStraight, just speaking in
tongues.
I've never done it before.
I'm freaked out, but also like,holy crap, like this is kind of
cool, like I'll take it like Idon't know what to do with this
now.
Um, and I just kept doing ituntil, like it, it went off by
itself, like I guess I had tosettle.

(01:46:54):
I needed to say I was like youcan speak in english again.
That's cool.
It's good to know that I canstill do that.
Now I speak in tongues again,usually by myself, like I am
very much like I keep it private.
Yeah, me too.
I've never like had felt theneed to give like a word or

(01:47:15):
anything Like that's a total tome.
That's in a totally differentballpark and I'm not in it.
I'm not going to say never.
I'm not going to say I neverwill Watch out now.
I'm not in it.
I'm not going to say never, I'mnot going to say I never will
Watch out now.
Lord, I didn't say that I justsaid I haven't Okay, but it
really doesn't require you to doa ton of stuff.
Like you just need to be open,I guess, to God, and it's like.
It's also like I want to stress, like again, I'm not from the

(01:47:39):
Pentecostal circle, but fromwhat I hear, it's like a big
emphasis on like you've got tospeak in tongues, like that is
like your golden ticket.

Speaker 1 (01:47:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:47:47):
You don't.
I was saved without speaking intongues, and now I do speak in
tongues, but you don't.
Now she's super saved.
No, no, the ultimate savedabove everyone else.
Not really, that was a joke, butyou don't have to do that to be
saved yeah, you don't have todo it to follow god, and so I
think a lot of people getstressed out sometimes of like I

(01:48:10):
haven't spoken in tongues, butyou spoke in tongues, how did
you do it?
It's like calm down, it's okayspeaking in tongues.
I understand why some peoplewant it.
I also definitely understandwhy people are freaked out,
because I've been both.
Yeah.
So you know you just gotta god'sgonna give you the gifts and
the talents and the things thatyou need for your purpose yeah

(01:48:33):
and it's not wrong to like, wantto do things, but you don't
have to stress about it becauseyou don't speak in tongues
doesn't mean you're any lesssaved.
It doesn't mean that god's madat you.
It doesn't mean that you don'thave something that everybody
has and you know.
All that stuff is just if ithappens.
I would think, based off of myexperience, you probably just

(01:48:54):
need to have a you and godmoment and just let god work.
However, god wants to workbecause he will move.
He will move when you just giveup control.

Speaker 1 (01:49:03):
Time and time again, that seems to be the common
factor across the board is likepeople that will finally give up
that control and just want moreof God, and then out of wanting
more of God comes deeper thingsof God.

Speaker 2 (01:49:17):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:49:18):
And it's not.
You don't seek after.
I think this is where we getconfused and why we don't see
maybe people be feel like thereused to be kind of a big wave is
because people they get caughtup on seeking after what they
can have instead of who they canhave.
And there's a big difference,but that's one of the shits.
So, now, as we wrap up, isthere anything else you wanted

(01:49:38):
to add?
I think we kind of came up tocurrent right.

Speaker 2 (01:49:41):
I feel like we got everything.

Speaker 1 (01:49:43):
Yeah, I think we get whatever, yeah so kind of as a
sign off, I want you to lookinto your camera over there,
okay?
Okay, now what I want you tothink of is like I want you to
talk to the people for a second,okay, and I want you to ease
their mind and encourage them tosay something like you didn't

(01:50:03):
have the courage to at one time.

Speaker 2 (01:50:04):
Okay, you know what I mean.
Yeah, wow Words, okay, okay itwill.
If you're facing something likeI did or something completely
different, it's going to bescary and it's not going to be

(01:50:26):
easy and there's going to be alot to struggle through, and I
don't want to lie and paint itup as something.
It's not fun, it's notglamorous.
Not everybody's story is thesame.

(01:51:00):
God put me on a path that had alot of blessings and there's
hard to trust and believe in it.
Just hold on, even if there'sdoubt.
That doesn't make your beliefany less, you know and speaking
out hard, but I promise you whaton the, what lies on the other
side, will be better thanstaying in abuse or struggle or

(01:51:28):
grief or anxiety.
It's okay to seek out helpbecause God put people on this
earth to help us and God wantsto help you.
So if you're facing something,struggling through something,
please find someone, to findsomeone trustworthy that you can

(01:51:51):
seek out for help, because,like I said, the other side is
way better than where you arenow, even if now feels familiar.

Speaker 1 (01:52:00):
That's what I got thank you so much for coming and
sharing today.
I want to encourage you, though, like she said, that pivot
point of you telling somebody ormaybe you feel like you can't,
you feel like you're trapped, oryou feel like you'll betray the
trust of someone who hasmanipulated you or conditioned

(01:52:25):
you to make it feel like it'syour fault.
It's not your fault, uh.
Tell somebody, I don't care ifyou gotta walk into a police
station and just say this iswhat happened.
Um, you need this, is not yourfault.
God didn't design you to takethis kind of punishment.

(01:52:45):
You need to be brave, havecourage, and God will
orchestrate like you heard herstory in one day, not saying
it'll happen like that for you,but God can do it, and there is.
You don't feel like you'retrapped, there's always a way
out.
God will provide a way out.
Thank you so much for joininganother episode of Faith and

(01:53:07):
Failures.
Thank you, abby, for coming inand sharing your testimony and
your story.
You can like, subscribe, sharethis video with somebody that
maybe it will mean something tothem and maybe encourage them
that there is a way out of maybethe relationship they're in,
whatever that looks like, and wewill see you next time.

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Her Dad Did This Her Entire Life - Interview with Abby Vaughn | EP 12

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Her Dad Did This Her Entire Life - Interview with Abby Vaughn | EP 12