August 15, 2023 • 47 mins
Ever wondered about the immense pressure student athletes wrestle with, both on and off the field? We're pulling back the veil on this important but often overlooked topic. Joining us to shed light on these rarely discussed realities are our esteemed guests - Gabby Daniels, a multi-sport athlete from Fredericktown, Ohio, who is currently attending the University of Findlay, McKenzie Bump, a talented student athlete from Mt Gilead, Ohio and current softball player for The Ohio State University, and Darryl W. Thomas, Jr, an author, speaker, and leadership coach from Waco, Texas. Hear firsthand accounts of unseen struggles, the mental toll competitive sports can take on our youth, and the urgent need for more mental health resources and open dialogues within the athletic community.
In the fast-paced world of athletics, the importance of seeking support cannot be understated. Our guests share their stories of managing overwhelming pressures and explore sources of support ranging from faith and therapy to insightful conversations with parents and coaches. We also delve into the significance of identifying individuals who add positivity to your life, and the role this plays in navigating through sport challenges. Learn about the available resources at the college levels and the lack of those same resources at the high school level. We discuss the vital role various stakeholders, such as parents, administrators, and coaches, should play in providing mental health support to our young student athletes.
Highlighting personal stories of aspiration and growth, McKenzie and Gabby share their dreams and plans for the future. Darryl, aka Coach D, opens up about how he found his purpose amidst adversity, further underlining the link between positive mental health and effective leadership. Tune in for an insightful exploration of the pressures, challenges, and support systems of student athletes. Remember, it's not just about winning on the field but off it as well - a sentiment echoed by Coach D in his book, Today...I Win: When Tests Go Beyond the Classroom. This episode is a must-listen for athletes, parents, coaches, school administrators, and anyone involved in the world of student sports.
Host Tim Maceyko is an author, coach, and motivational speaker. His publications include "When the Cardinal Calls," "Child Loss 101," and "Seth's Snuggle Time Game," all available for purchase on Amazon. For book signings, speaking events, or media interviews, he can be reached at TimMaceyko@gmail.com.
Disclaimer: The Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko Podcast is intended purely for informational, educational, inspirational, or entertainment purposes. The views expressed by guests are their own and may not reflect those of Faith Beyond. Listeners should independently verify any presented information and draw their own conclusions. Episodes discussing fitness and health are intended to examine various ideas that might offer health advantages. Faith Beyond with Tim Maceyko neither endorses any specific viewpoint nor advocates for any particular fitness or health regimen. It is recommended that individuals seek advice from their healthcare providers before initiating any new fitness or health plan. Comments made by host Tim Maceyko are presented to the listeners from a coaching standpoint, as he is not a licensed counselor or physician. The host's remarks are intended for inspirational and motivational purposes only.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tim Maceyko (00:00):
I have three guests with me today, and we're going
to be talking about somethingthat I personally find really
important.
Part of my 501c3 nonprofit, theSeth Maceyko Snuggle Time
Foundation, is to educate thepublic about child safety, and
as a former coach, I can tellyou I didn't give a lot of
thought to the mental healthside of things like I should
have.
If I could go back and start myprogram from scratch, I would
(00:23):
definitely incorporate that more.
So, today's episode is aboutthe hidden dangers that student
athletes face, the pressuresthey're under, and also, we're
hoping to educate some coaches,educate some parents and even
make the players aware that youknow it's not just you.
A lot of people go through thisand feel the way you do so.
So, that's kind of what we'regoing for today.
(00:43):
So, I'm going to introduce allmy guests.
We'll start with Gabby Danielsfrom Fredericktown, and Gabby
just give us a little background, like on your experience
playing, what sports you playedand how many years, and what
you're doing now.
Gabby Daniels (00:54):
Gabby Daniels, hi , I played softball, basketball,
volleyball whole life.
In high school I played varsitybasketball all four years and
then varsity softball for two,three years and then varsity
volleyball for two years as well.
So yeah, I played a lot ofsports my whole life, did the
(01:17):
travel, ball, everything.
Tim Maceyko (01:19):
Yeah, and you were recognized for basketball
because I actually coached you,right?
Y ou had a lot of awards andstuff.
You were what?
First team all district, all-league, all- Ohio Honorable
mention, right?
Gabby Daniels (01:33):
Yeah, for a couple of years, junior and
senior year yeah.
Tim Maceyko (01:36):
That big five foot frame.
McKenzie Bump (01:39):
Five foot eight post player, yeah.
Tim Maceyko (01:42):
It worked, though.
It worked All right.
So, thanks, Gabby, for beinghere.
We'll talk to you a little bitmore in a second.
McKenzie Bump, I want you tointroduce yourself to everybody
and tell us a little bit aboutyour background.
McKenzie Bump (01:51):
Yeah, so I'm McKenzie Bump.
I currently go to OSU.
I played softball andvolleyball in high school,
varsity all four years for both,and then I decided to play
softball at the next level, andI'm going into my senior year
now for that.
Tim Maceyko (02:08):
Yeah, so you are at The Ohio State University, big
Buck eye senior year forsoftball.
That's really cool.
It's really great to have youon, to have that experience.
And I'm glad you're herebecause I want to talk a little
bit here in a moment about whatresources are available at the
high school level versus whatyou have available at college.
So, we're going to talk aboutthat and that'd be good for the
school administrators to heartoo.
So, we'll talk about that.
But before we get there, coachD, Darrell, please introduce
(02:31):
yourself.
Coach D (02:32):
So, my name is Coach D.
I guess my birth name isactually Daryll Thomas Jr, but I
go by Coach D.
I now teach leadershipdevelopment.
That's what I coach to all mystudent athletes that are in
high school and in college.
But my background - I spenttime in the Marine Corps.
Prior to that, I actually wentto high school and played some
(02:54):
high school ball.
Football in particular, is whatI played.
After I got out of the MarineCorps, went and did some semi
pro football as well.
So, have a little bit ofexperience on those two, those
two fronts, but yeah.
Tim Maceyko (03:07):
Great Thanks for being here.
I appreciate it, and we'll talkabout your book here in a bit
and then give a little morebackground about you.
But let's just start off,again, t his is for parents,
this is for coaches, this is forother players, people who may
not have realized the pressurethat we as a society are putting
on our young kids.
You know, I think about myprogram when I was coaching ball
, and how we reward winning as asociety.
(03:29):
And so, for two years in a rowthe Mount Vernon News gave me
Coach of the Year, like back toback seasons, because we had a
great record.
But when I look back on thatnow I think, man, I wasn't a
great coach at all.
Record wise I guess I was, butI was missing pieces that I
really wish I would have done abetter job with.
And so, again, that's whatwe're talking about today.
I own it as a parent, I own itas a coach, and I want to make
(03:52):
sure we're helping the kids outthere.
So, this article here said therecent deaths of college
student- athletes, comes amid anincrease in suicide rates among
women ages 20 to 24 over thelast couple of decades.
And men have has risen as well,but at a smaller rate than the
females.
So that's why I have some ofthe females on here today.
I wanted to really hit homewith them.
(04:13):
The article says parents - youneed to have conversations with
your kids, and that's a missingpiece of the element many times.
Like, we are not talking to ourkids as parents about their
sports, unless it's about, hey,how did you perform today?
Did you win?
Why'd you miss that shot?
Why didn't you hit that ball?
You know, wish you could havegot that one back, don't you?
(04:33):
All these negative things.
Sometimes the coach rides themand then the parents are riding
them on the way home and then,you know it, just snowballs.
And so, Gabby, why don't youshare with us, some of the
pressures you felt from thecoaching perspective and from
maybe your family members aswell.
Maybe your parents, otherfamily members - because you
come from a background of afamily, who's a great family by
(04:56):
the way, but very competitive.
Gabby Daniels (05:02):
Yeah, so, um, most of my family has been gone
to Frederick town, played atFrederick town, Hall of Fame at
Frederick town.
And I had an uncle who went tothe University of Findlay,
played basketball and baseballthere, had scholarships, did
amazing, was a captain hisjunior and senior year and
(05:22):
eventually got into the Hall ofFame there.
Um, and most of my family arecoaches locally too for
basketball.
So, um, yeah, definitely a lotof pressure came from that.
Um, I think I felt expected toperform a certain way and, you
know, meet the same goals thatthey did when they were my age.
And, uh, yeah, that was, it was, uh, it was definitely a lot.
(05:45):
And coming from - I'm sureMcKenzie will understand this
too - uh, coming from a smalltown, you know, you definitely
feel the pressures of everybodywatching you.
E verybody knows everybody.
I t eats you.
I mean it's in your head allthe time, all the time.
Tim Maceyko (06:01):
So, yeah, yeah, and that's what I want to get at.
Sometimes we put extra pressureon ourselves mentally because
of the success of our familymembers, and the expectations to
be like them.
McKenzie, what about you?
McKenzie Bump (06:13):
Um, yeah, uh, like Gabby said, the whole small
town, you know, small town herothing.
I think it's always a big thing.
Uh, I remember like some of thebiggest pressure I ever felt
was like in high school ball,being the travel ball player.
Like every time someone made anout on me it was their world
series.
And I remember a lot of timeslike I'd hear the parents, like
(06:33):
you know, talking about me whileI was up to bat and stuff.
I remember, like I mean 14years old, like that got to me
very easily.
Um, and then my dad also beinga good athlete, when he came up
through school, like I remembereveryone being like, oh, you
know, it's Jeff, your dad.
I'm like, yeah, that's my dad.
They're like, oh, that guycould do this, this, and this.
And I mean like, okay, gottalet everyone know that I'm his
(06:56):
daughter.
Then, um, I just think that likewhen I got to the college level
, I realized like there's a verybig difference in pressure.
Um, as a young athlete, youalready put it on yourself, and
then you get to that next level,and you've got coaches.
You know, your parents aren'tat practice, they don't see
practice, they don't seeanything going on.
So, all they think is like whyaren't you playing?
Like what's going on?
(07:17):
All this.
And I think like the hardestthing for me in college was
putting a bunch of pressure onmyself, whether you're on the
field or not.
Like even once you get on thefield, then all you're thinking
about is not getting, you know,taken off of it.
So that's like a big thing thatI've noticed from high school
to college.
Tim Maceyko (07:34):
You know you said something here I really want to
point out.
I want to stress this.
You said when, as a 14 year oldkid, I'm up to bat and I'm
hearing other parents say thingsabout me and to me, and I think
we get so, in our society, weget so caught up in this
competition thing and we thinkwe can say things that just
aren't appropriate.
All in the name of well, we'reat a sporting event, you know
(07:55):
it's okay, I can yell at theofficial a certain way and I can
yell at other kids, and youknow it's not like normal.
In normal life we are goodpeople, probably, and we
probably wouldn't do thosethings, but for some reason we
get caught up in thepsychological piece and we say
things.
And so, I want to stress thatto parents who may be listening
to this - remember the thingsyou say.
These kids, you are affectingthem and if it's a negative
comment, especially from theother team, they don't even know
(08:17):
you, and so they can reallytake negative comment to heart.
So, I'm glad you brought thatpoint up.
Darryl, do you want to weigh inhere about some of this you've
heard so far?
Coach D (08:25):
I'll be honest with you , Tim, I'm a father of five kids
.
Two of them are adults now, oneis in the Marine Corps, one is
at TCU.
He played football at the highschool level.
And then I have three, you know, student athletes that are in
high school right now, and partof it is, yes, you do want them
to excel, especially insomething that you see that they
(08:46):
are gifted and talented in.
You want to see them excel, butyou also want them to enjoy it.
And so, for me, I found myself,coming from that Marine Corps
background, being that hardcharger like you know, let's go,
you got it.
No, you need more.
I'm expecting more from you,that kind of thing.
But I also saw myself saying,hey, you know what, life is too
(09:08):
short for all of this.
Let's take a step back.
Listen, do you enjoy it?
Because if you enjoy it, then Ido expect you to play at your
highest level.
But if you're not enjoying it,then hold on, let's rethink.
And so, the son that's at TCUnow he's not playing football
because high school is as far ashe wanted to take it.
And, yeah, I wanted to see himsuit up, you know, at TCU, which
(09:29):
is his dream school.
But at the end of the day, it'snot about me, it's about him,
and so that's probably thebiggest thing that I've noticed
as a parent is learning how tokind of back off and not add to
that pressure, because it'senough pressure as it is.
Tim Maceyko (09:45):
Yeah, I would agree with you and I think as a
parent I look at my own daughter.
I coached my daughter's classfrom fourth grade all the way
through eighth, and then Iwatched them have success in
high school and took a lot ofpride in the fact I helped build
that.
But then I look back now, and Ithink about how much pressure I
put on my own daughter, becauseI wanted her to have more
success, maybe even more thanshe wanted.
(10:05):
And sometimes as fathers wetend to do that, sometimes and
we gotta be very careful becausewe're adding that extra
pressure.
So, let's go back again toMcKenzie and Gabby and let's
talk about pressure that youfelt and how you handled it at
different times.
So, let's start with Gabbyagain.
Gabby, let's think back to atime in high school where you
felt a lot of pressure and didyou have an outlet?
(10:28):
Or what did you do?
Whether it was good or bad.
Because here's what we'regetting at - almost one in five
teenagers have consideredsuicide.
Nearly 10% have attempted it.
Now, I'm not saying that youconsidered it, I'm just saying
that with that statistic we needto be aware that we are putting
pressure on kids.
They feel it at different times.
Do you have a story or a momentin time where you really felt
that immense pressure and tellus how you handled it at that
(10:50):
moment.
Gabby Daniels (10:51):
Yeah.
So, I mean my junior year, youknow, we were having a pretty
good season, and I got prettysick and just was going through
a lot personally.
So, I didn't feel like I hadanyone to really go to and talk
about that stuff at home or youknow around me where I didn't
feel judged.
So, I decided to try therapyand just talk to a stranger and
(11:14):
just talk about everything andget an outside perspective from
someone you know, who didn'teven know me before, doesn't
know my family, where I comefrom, like that kind of thing.
And I think that's what helpedme the most was therapy and just
talking to someone about, youknow, everything that was just
going through my head andeverything that was going on,
(11:38):
even from someone who didn'tcompletely understand it.
It was nice to just talk tosomeone, yeah, and not feel
judged or feel like they'regonna look at you a certain way
because you know you don't knoweach other.
Just talking to a completestranger just helps tremendously
, yeah.
So therapy, yeah, therapy was abig, big help.
Tim Maceyko (11:59):
Great, I'm glad to hear that.
McKenzie, what about you?
McKenzie Bump (12:03):
I would say in high school I handled my
pressure a little differentlythan I do in college.
I remember like my parents werealways kind of, they're kind of
the strict, hard parents where,like my dad would be hard on me
but I knew it was because hewanted what was best for me and
that's how he got the best outof me.
And, like I said, when you getto college it's a little
different.
(12:23):
You know, you don't have mommyand daddy there all the time.
You have coaches who are payingattention to 25 other girls
around you and don't really knowexactly who you are or how to
help.
In high school and stuff, I wasable to go to my parents, even
on a hard day, and be like youknow sometimes I'd break down
after games and stuff, like Isaid, like parents yelling at me
, saying mean things and stuffand I'm up to bat.
(12:45):
I'm thinking about that thewhole game.
I get home to my parents.
You know they might notunderstand, but just me being
able to vent and get it outhelps me a lot.
And then when I got to college,like I said, like I didn't have
them there.
I vent over the phone to themand stuff, like they're just not
in those shoes to trulyunderstand and they never really
went that route.
(13:05):
You know that next level toreally understand what I was
going through.
So they were there to listen,but they couldn't really help.
So, I found like the most valuein the people around me who
goes through the same thingevery day and all of us finding
an outlet for each other andluckily mine was my faith.
So, going to church and stufflike that it was a big thing
(13:26):
that helped me and realized likeI'm not valued based off of,
you know, athletic ability.
L ike, there's so much more outthere and there's a bigger
focus.
So, that's what truly helped meget through that.
You know that hard part of ohmy gosh, I'm not playing
softball like I always have.
L ike whatdo I do now?
I'm not McKenzie Bump, thesoftball player anymore, you?
(13:49):
know.
Tim Maceyko (13:49):
Yeah, yeah, great information to share, because
again, I think as parentssometimes we overlook these
things, and so it's good to hearthat you were able to talk to
your parents.
And Ga bby, y ou were able totalk to a therapist what you
felt you needed, and I thinkboth of those things are
important.
But again, we want parents tounderstand out of this
conversation today that you needto have honest and upfront
(14:11):
conversations with your kids,and sometimes those
conversations aren't pleasant,you know, because you're the dad
and you're mad about theperformance or whatever.
But you got to digest that andsay, okay, look, this is my baby
girl, this is my son, this ismy, my blood, and you need to
build them back up in thosemoments and so it's hard to do
sometimes as a dad, I can tellyou, but it's necessary.
(14:33):
I'm going to come back to youMcKenzie in a moment.
I want to talk to about thedifference in what resources you
had in high school versus whatyou have available to you at
college.
But before we go there, coach D, what are some things like when
you go out and talk to kidsabout leadership and all these
things about handling pressurein general terms not just, maybe
, the sports, but in generalterms, what are some of the
highlight points that you thinkyou would like to share today?
Coach D (14:56):
I think, Tim, exactly what the young ladies are saying
.
In my book, I talk about theimportance of an "and one and
one is a person that's going toadd value.
So it's a person in your life,or people in your life, that are
there strictly to add value.
They're not trying to take fromyou.
They're not trying to get whatyou have.
You know, trying to get thecloud or whatever it is that you
(15:20):
may have.
They're not after that.
They just want to see you well.
They want to see you succeed.
They want to see you become thebest version of you and live
your best life.
And those are your "and ones.
" Those are people that you dowant to go to, especially when
the pressure is on.
You want to be able to go tothat place because you know
that's going to be a safe place.
The other thing about the A&1is that they're not just going
to tell you what you want tohear.
(15:41):
A lot of times they're going totell you what you need to hear
and that's what we.
That's that thing right there.
So sometimes, when you'reconditioned to hearing the coach
right, right, right, right,right you're thinking that's
probably what you need to hearfrom your A&1 when, truth of the
matter, that's not what youneed.
What you probably need is hey,come here, let's, let's shut
that down, put the playbook tothe side, come on, let's go,
(16:03):
let's go kick it.
You know, let's, let's go enjoyone another, let's spend some
time together, let's watch amovie.
You know, maybe that's it.
You know, on the flip side, itmay be where you're in the slump
and you do need to hear that,right, right, right, but the A&1
is going to give it to you, andso that's that's something I
would say.
I show the student athletes andjust the young kings and young
(16:24):
queens that I work with how todo just that, how to identify
those wants and then how to leanin and get the help from those
"1s.
The second thing I would say isreally just knowing who you are.
I think you said thatbeautifully, McKenzie.
When you know who you are, youbegin to separate yourself from
the game, because you know thegame is only for so long, but I
(16:48):
have to live with me for therest of my life.
And if I don't know who I amand fall in love with who I am,
then I end up missing really theessence of life.
One thing that I love that MarkTwain said.
He said the two most importantdays in your life is the day
that you were born and the dayyou found out why and that's
where I try to teach the studentathletes and the young people
(17:08):
that I work with begin to findyour life's purpose, you know,
because when you can do that,you can be on the team and your
purpose could be to encourage,your purpose could be to lead,
your purpose could whatever thatis, but begin to walk out that
purpose, whether you're on thefield, whether you're off the
field.
Walk out that and it's going tobe way more meaningful.
(17:29):
So and one and then find yourpurpose.
Tim Maceyko (17:31):
I love that.
I love that Great stuff, coachD.
W hen I do my wellness coachingnow, I work a lot with child
loss, parents, and bereavementand grief situations, and
overcoming adversity situations,we talk all the time about - if
you can't find that new purpose, then you're going to struggle,
like until you can use theadversity to create a new path
and, you know, move forward.
(17:52):
We always say you don't usuallymove on from child loss.
Losing a child is such a uniqueexperience but you can move
forward.
You can use it to draw from andto build upon.
And it may not be a path youexpected to take or wanted to
take, but it's where you're atand that's part of life.
So, no matter what you're in,that adversity can be used as a
strength in the long run, eventhough it may feel really
(18:14):
painful at the moment.
So, I think that's a greatpoint.
McKenzie, let's go back to youbecause I want to talk a little
bit now about resources, andGabby, you can weigh on this as
well.
But high school in generalterms and I don't know I'm
asking because I didn't reallyget into the administrative side
of things when I was coachingin the high school system.
But what resources did you haveat the high school level when
(18:35):
you were struggling?
I want to talk about whatresources are available at the
college level as well, b utfirst let's start in high school
.
What resources were availableto you in high school McKenzie?
McKenzie Bump (18:50):
Honestly, Tim, I'm not sure if there were like
truly resources.
There's obviously a guidancecounselor, but when it comes to
sports and stuff, I don't reallylike remember ever like having
somebody like truthfully to goto, unless it was like a coach
or something.
Like I said, like my parentswere my outlet, so that's what I
(19:11):
was able to use, but people whodidn't have that outlet, I'm
honestly, I don't think thatthey truly had an outlet when it
comes to going somehow throughthe school.
Tim Maceyko (19:22):
Okay, fair enough.
And Gabby, same question to you.
Did you have any resourcesavailable to you?
Do you feel like you had anyresources available to you?
Gabby Daniels (19:28):
I think I agree with McKenzie.
I don't think we really, likeyes, we had a guidance counselor
, but they wouldn't really weighin on sports a lot, like we
never really met with theguidance counselor, talked about
anything.
I mean, unless you had, like acoach or a teacher you felt
comfortable going to talk aboutthings.
There was never reallyconversation about you know,
(19:51):
mental health and sports, havingsomeone to go to, like I don't
feel like we have that.
Tim Maceyko (19:58):
Fair enough and actually I expected that answer.
I really did.
And that's one of the reasons Iwant to do this show, because I
wanted to stress to people thefact that as parents and as
school administrators and evenas coaches, we've got to stop
and re-evaluate how we'rerunning our programs at the high
school level, what resourceswe're offering our youth, our
kids.
Some of them are reallystruggling and we've seen in
(20:21):
this area where I live in Ohio,we've seen a few different
suicides over the last severalyears of student athletes who
have felt so much pressure - andteens in general.
But then you add that extralittle element of being the
student athlete and the highlycompetitive kid and it adds
another dimension.
And there's not the resourcesthat I've seen that are
available, that probably need tobe, and we need to reevaluate
(20:44):
that and think about that.
And so, I'm hoping,administrators and parents, you
can reach out to your schoolsystems and talk, have these
conversations.
What can we do to offer thoseresources that we don't
currently have?
I think it's an importantconversation, especially in this
day and age.
When I played back in my day, Iwas an athlete, but I didn't
have the pressure.
If I had a bad game, I wenthome and I was upset or whatever
, and I was done.
(21:04):
If I had a bully at school, Iwent home, and I didn't have to
think about or deal with thatbully till the next Monday, for
the weekend or whatever the casemay be.
These days it's 24-7 for all ofyou.
24-7, social media, all thedifferent things.
You can't get away from thepressures, and so I think
because of that alone, we haveto re-evaluate some of these
mental health resources we'reproviding to our teens at high
(21:27):
school in general, and then thestudent athlete pressure piece
as well.
Coach D, do you have anythingto add to that?
I mean, do you know of anyresources at other schools that
maybe we're not aware of, thatwe haven't mentioned?
Then we're going to talk aboutthe college level.
Coach D (21:38):
Yeah, no, no.
I think that's a great question, Tim.
When I think about theresources and that's the reason
why we do what we do because webegan to see a gap.
W e saw the suicide, and thething I like to say about
suicide is that it really is apermanent solution to temporary
problems.
Sometimes, sometimes our youngpeople and those that
(21:59):
contemplate and attempt suicide,they don't realize that, man,
you know what, if I can justfigure out a way to outlast
whatever the pressure is, if Ican free out a way just to press
through or to alleviate, torelieve the pressure, it's going
to be all right.
And so for us, we've actuallydeveloped a curriculum called
Heads Up Leadership, andessentially what that does is
(22:21):
it's drawing the connectionbetween positive mental health
and effective leadershipdemonstration, and so it's
helping the students to see, inorder for me to show up as a
leader, because we truly believethat inside of every leader is
a solution to a problem.
And so inside of inside of thestudents, there are solutions
that need to come out.
(22:42):
But they'll never come out ifyou don't recognize yourself as
being a leader.
And even before then, beforeyou can show up as a leader, you
now have to make sure yourmental well-being is intact, and
so we teach them through thiscurriculum how to regulate the
emotions, how to enhance theirmental health and things like
(23:02):
that, so they can show up asthat effective leader.
Whether it's on campus, on thefield or at home, it doesn't
matter.
We're giving them those skills,those skill sets, and so I
think that's a valuable resourcethere.
And I would say this for thoseadministrators that may be
listening in, those educators orwhatever coaches, really
(23:24):
identifying some of those, thoseorganizations and companies
that are out there to partnerwith, to help you.
You know because while you'refocusing on coaching, you're
focusing on academics, there'san organization or company there
that's willing to come in lockarms with you to make help make
your student athlete a holisticleader right, a holistic citizen
(23:48):
, if you will.
So I would say that you may nothave the resources there
established, that's fine,consider partnerships, but the
heads of leadership is our wayof contributing to that positive
mental health for the studentathletes.
Tim Maceyko (24:03):
Great.
Thank you for that feedback.
I mean it's a great plug andactually it's a great concept of
what I'm talking about.
How do we partner up?
How do we create programs?
What do we need to do to offerthe resources?
So, McKenzie, you went tocollege.
You go to the Ohio StateUniversity.
Huge school, huge college, lotsof money coming into that, into
that you know system.
What kind of resources did youfind were available to you there
(24:26):
?
McKenzie Bump (24:27):
Yeah, so we have an entire like sports psych team
.
Each team gets their own personand then they normally come in
a couple of times a year.
You know, ask the teamquestions kind of make us do
little things to try andinteract with each other.
And then I noticed a big thingthat a lot of my teammates use
is like the one on ones, and itdoesn't have to be like specific
(24:48):
to the one person that we'regiven for the team, you can use
any of them and they reallycreate like this great, you know
, bond between them and thetherapist.
Really, you know back and forth,and they normally do like a
meeting once a week and it canbe on the computer, it can be in
person and a lot of our girlsuse that throughout the season
(25:10):
and they started in the fall,when we don't we're not super
heavy in softball, to createthat relationship and as we move
into, you know, full season,it's full go.
They continue that while we'reon the road and they're able to
just talk about new things everyweek that might be getting to
them how to get out of it, howto take the next step.
Some girls do it for softballand some do it outside of
(25:33):
softball.
I know some of our girls maytalk about relationship problems
, like pretty much just anythingthey need that week, like they
just have maybe 30 minutes totalk to someone and then, you
know, listen and then giveadvice and I know a lot of them
have had a lot of success withthat.
Tim Maceyko (25:49):
Great, great to hear.
This is what I was talkingabout - having resources.
You know the colleges haveresources.
I know they have money, andthey have more stuff than what
the high school has.
But we've got to find a way totranslate some of those same
types of services into our highschool systems, because we are
talking about junior high kidscommitting suicide.
We're not even talking aboutjust high school, we're talking
about early on.
(26:10):
And that's a really scarythought because, as coach D said
earlier, it's a, you know, apermanent solution to a
temporary problem.
I don't typically share thisvery often, but for those of you
who don't know, I was a prettygood athlete back in the day
myself and it's Friday night andI am scoring 17 points in the
basketball game.
Saturday, I got 16, and SundayI'm in a hospital bed, paralyzed
(26:32):
from a car accident, can't walk.
I can't feed myself, and it wasa struggle learning to walk
again.
I couldn't play organizedsports anymore, and so that's
what led me into coachingeventually.
But there was a streak therewhere I got so frustrated, I got
my wheelchair and I wheeledmyself out in the middle of the
night to the kitchen and I wasplanning to commit suicide
because I was so frustrated.
(26:53):
And then something called outto me, and I was like you know,
just in my mind, you know, don'tdo this.
And I had these visions of allthe positive things were yet to
come and I didn't do it.
I went back to bed, and I criedmyself to sleep that night.
I woke up the next day and Ifelt a little different.
I was still the same person,still struggling, but there was
something just felt a littledifferently and I always said, I
(27:14):
think God spoke to me thatnight.
You know, he said it's not overyet, and so I hold on to that
faith.
And then, in the weeks ahead, Isaw the most improvement I had
ever seen in those months ofbeing in that wheelchair, and
suddenly, I was able to stand upagain.
Soon I was walking andeventually I was back in the gym
shooting a basketball.
I could never run again, quitethe same.
(27:35):
I could never use my right sideof the body, quite the same.
But I was playing, you know,open gyms at college with the
other guys and I was hanging.
You know, wasn't the athlete Iwas before, but I had learned to
recover and use what gifts Ihad left and that led me into
coaching, which I did for anumber of years.
Now it's led me to where I'm attoday, doing shows like this
(27:55):
with the faith beyond concept,finding faith beyond the
adversity in our lives.
If I had ended it that day, lookat all the things I would have
missed.
I'm now married, I got grandbabies, you know, have two
beautiful grand babies now, andI'm having a joyous life.
So, you know, hang in there andhold on, because it does get
better.
Gabby, let's go back to you fora moment.
(28:16):
We talked about some negatives.
Now let's talk about somepositives.
So, let's think about thosemoments.
Maybe you were struggling andmaybe your parents or somebody
said some things to you thatmade you feel good.
Or just give us some, someconcepts of what helped pick you
up when you were at your lowest.
Gabby Daniels (28:32):
Yeah, so I actually had a cousin I would
reach out to a lot about all thestruggles I went through with
basketball and pressure andeverything, and he sent me a
long paragraph and it was justvery eye opening, and it was
just about you know this, thisdoesn't make you who you are.
You know, you'll figure out whoyou are like outside of this,
(28:55):
and you know, just, you got tostay true to yourse for you.
You know There's more that'shappen There's That is hat more
that important than a basketballgame.
Then you game, game, youknow texting me hey, what
happened that you know there'sso much more important things
(29:17):
than in that just the gameitself.
know, I mean just figuring outwho you are throughout all this
and getting through it, and justknowing what you want to do
with your life and all thosepositive things.
Tim Maceyko (29:31):
I love that because we tend to identify ourselves,
especially at a young age, withwe're an athlete, I'm an athlete
, that's who I am.
That's not who you are.
That's part of what you'repassionate about, it's part of
what you like to do, but you'reso much more than that, and a
lot of times we equate oursuccess on the court or on the
field with who we are as aperson, and that's so far from
(29:53):
the truth.
So, I love the fact you're ableto recognize that.
So that's wonderful.
McKenzie, what about you?
Give us something that pickedyou up when you're feeling your
lowest.
McKenzie Bump (30:01):
Yeah, I would say my parents are my pride and joy
.
So they've always, they'vealways been the one there for me
.
Like I said, my dad was alwayshard on me, but especially as I
got older, I knew you know itwas, it was the love he had for
the game and the love he had forme.
He was the dad that was doingmy stats before the game to let
me know if I batted this, thatmy batting average would go to
(30:22):
this and if I batted this andthen go down to this.
But he'd always joke likebefore the game, like I don't
care if you go 0 for five orfive for five, like I still love
you, and like he stood behindthat, like no matter what.
I knew.
You know it wasn't about thesoftball, you know it brought us
close together, but that's notwhat made him love me.
My mom, she's just, she was justa typical mom.
(30:43):
You know she brought me mysnacks, you know I was her baby,
no matter what I did on thefield.
So there was just nothing thatcould ever compare to the way
that they made me feel, nomatter what I did on the field,
and the pride that they alwaysshowed that.
You know I'm their, I'm theirdaughter, softball player or not
.
And at the college level Iwould just say like seeing the
(31:04):
little girls and the stands thatsay like McKinsey bumps my
favorite player, you know, likethey have no idea who I am as a
person, like you know, they seeme on the softball field smiling
.
You know, no matter what I'mgoing through, but I remember
being that little girl in thestands thinking like, oh my gosh
, that's my favorite player outthere.
And that's when I reallyrealized like I'm changing
(31:24):
little girls lives, like throughsoftball.
So softball is like my avenueto change little girls lives and
give them the hope that theycan chase their dreams and they
can get where they want to be,just like I was that little girl
one day.
Tim Maceyko (31:36):
McKenzie, what are you hoping to do after you
graduate, like, what's your longterm plan?
I want to ask Gabby that aswell, but we'll come back to So,
her.
So what's your next step aftercollege?
McKenzie Bump (31:45):
Yes, so I'm majoring in sports industry.
I'm going to get my master's insports management.
I'd like to be a college coach,but it's hard to know whether
you know I'm going to get acollege job or not.
I would.
Coaching in general is mypassion and after everything
I've been through, like beingable to help any girl at any age
.
You know softball wise and youknow like this, like mentally to
(32:10):
know you know we all go throughit and help them.
Like I wish I had the help whenI was younger.
That's pretty much my goal,whether it comes from coaching
or player development oranything like that.
Like I just want to be able tohelp little girls that were in
my shoe.
Tim Maceyko (32:24):
Nice, I like it and I think you're going to be
phenomenal.
Just based on the discussiontoday, just the personality and
the answers, I think you'regoing to be great.
Gabby, I know you, so you didnot play college basketball, you
decided to focus on yourstudies, but what is it that you
plan to do after college?
Gabby Daniels (32:40):
Yeah, so during high school, you know our team
had the opportunity to go workwith some children who had
disabilities and you know, teachthem to play basketball.
It was the Unstoppables, and itwas just a great organization,
to go talk with those kids theparents and that really inspired
me to do whatI want to do, which is I'm
(33:03):
majoring in occupational therapy.
I'm trying to get my doctoratein occupational therapy to
hopefully work with children whohave disabilities and just to
be able to help them do day today things.
But yeah, that's, that's mygoal.
Tim Maceyko (33:15):
Really noble cause as well.
I love it.
Two great girls here and twophenomenal careers ahead of them
.
Coach D, let's come back overto you.
Uh, any thoughts on what you'vebeen hearing the last five
minutes?
Coach D (33:27):
There's a lot of thoughts, I think, um, McKenzie,
I think about what you had saidas far as your dad being your
mom and dad being your pride andjoy, and, and one thing I
wonder is what was your, yourdad's experience growing up, you
know, in terms of the influencefrom his parents and things
like that?
And the reason why I say that,same thing with you, Gabby, when
(33:48):
you said you had a chance to govisit some of the children and
now that's inspired you to dowhat you want to do, um, and
this point that I'm making here,Tim, is that, for me, I
realized that a lot of things inlife they're not happening to
us, but they're happening for us, be a good, bad or ugly,
(34:08):
they're happening for us.
Um, I remember a time when Iwalked into a seventh grade
classroom looking to talk to myfavorite teacher, who was coach
Robbins and, long story short,he wasn't there.
It was a substitute teacher.
The reason why I wanted to talkto him is because I knew that I
had such heavy things on my onmy heart.
I needed to get this off mychest.
(34:29):
And, um, anyhow, the substituteteacher told us to take out a
sheet of paper.
She said, write today's date,your name.
And then she said, at the topright hand corner, right forward
, I am a winner.
And I'm looking at her like man.
Okay, this is, this is corny,but I'm, I'll go ahead and write
it.
And then she began to breakdown what it meant.
She said I'm a winner simplymeans no matter what you go
through in life, no matter howcrazy it is, how unfair, how
(34:53):
undeserving it may be, she saidyou do win as long as you don't
quit.
Quitters never win and winnersnever quit.
Well, I had went on from thatday, never saw her again a day
in my life, but every single day, when I walked into that
classroom, I wrote those wordsand eventually what happened is
I went through seventh grade,eighth grade, my ninth grade
year.
It went from my head to myheart.
(35:14):
Now I started to identifymyself as a winner.
No matter what I'm doing, I'mstill a winner.
Right, I just got to figure outhow to make it past that.
And so, long story short, my, mydad ends up losing, losing his
life due to domestic violence.
I'm there, freshman high school.
He dies in my arms While I'mthere on the ground, my dad in
(35:35):
my arms.
I look on my shoulder and Godplaced my brother right there at
the right time, knowing I wasgoing to look over my left
shoulder because I was alreadycontemplating the woman that had
killed my dad.
I was going to kill her Justlike for life.
That's the way I was kind of,you know, brought up in my
environment.
But when I looked at my littlebrother, Quincy, I found a
reason to be the change I wantedto see in this world.
(35:58):
And so again, that situationwith my dad.
It didn't happen to me.
Not having my favorite teacherthere at that particular time.
It didn't happen to.
It happened for me Like it wasgood that he wasn't there,
because I got something thathelped me to shape my identity.
And when I was tested the most,my biggest test, I was able to
fall back on that identity,which is I am a winner.
(36:19):
And on top of that, I had areason why I needed to win,
which is my little brother.
So I'm so happy to hear what youladies are saying.
When you said that you've,you're, you're.
You got a pretty solid idea asto what you want to do in this
world, and I think what you wantto do is phenomenal.
I think it's phenomenal becauseyou're not just doing it for
you, you're doing it for others.
(36:40):
Right, and when you can beginto play life in that kind of way
, man, the impact you make isimmeasurable.
So salute.
Tim Maceyko (36:49):
Yeah, I'm with you, man, Great, great share.
Coach D, you know I'm actuallygoing to have you back, if you'd
like to, on a different show,because I like to talk to you
solo more about your personalstory, specifically because I
know you have a lot to share andso I definitely want to invite
you back later.
But we're going to kind of wrapthis up here.
I'm going to go around thecircle one more time here and
talk to everybody, but before wedo - parents, what you need to
(37:10):
take away from the show today isto make sure you're talking to
your kids, you're giving themsupport and love and you're
having those conversations, evenwhen they don't want to talk to
you.
Sometimes you may have to pusha little, you know, get in there
and get them to open up,because it's the ones that don't
talk and then suddenly you say,well, we never saw that coming.
And if you can't talk to them,like in Gabby's case, it's a
cousin, maybe it's another uncleor an aunt or somebody they can
(37:32):
open up to, find a way.
Find a way to make a connectionfor the benefit of your child,
so that you're not faced with asituation you don't want to be
faced with.
From a coaching perspective -I hope the coaches take away
from today the idea that there'snot a lot of resources at the
high school level.
So, you high school coachesneed to think about, how can I
incorporate some of these things?
Whether it's coach D's programor a program we create on our
(37:55):
own or another program.
What resources are we going togive our kids and how are we
going to have moments thataren't about the sport?
I know that's one thing wetried to incorporate.
At Frederickt own we did somethings outside of the gym.
I think that's important.
But beyond that, it needs to beconversations.
It needs to be things thataren't always about the sport.
(38:15):
So, from an administratorstandpoint, please take away
from this todayDo something about creating
additional resources for thesehigh school kids, junior high
kids.
They need it.
They need it.
So, we all have a job to dohere, and we can really help
these kids in a positive way.
So, think about it.
Let's go around one more time.
G abby, any last secondthoughts here on anything you
(38:37):
want to say?
And again, I know your parents.
I know your dad kept scorebookfor us, and a phenomenal family.
They're very competitive.
I know McKenzie's dad too.
He was uber competitive growingup.
I played ball against him, so,I remember the open gym days.
But anything you want to saythough, Gabby, last second?
Gabby Daniels (38:55):
Yeah, you know.
I think you know in high schoolI definitely got the pressure
from everywhere, so I think youknow, from a coaching standpoint
, there needs to be moreconversation outside of just you
know your performance.
I think there definitely needsto be conversation about how
student athletes are doingmentally and you know how they
(39:17):
cope with things, how they dealwith them, like I mean
everything, because if we don'tknow what other people are going
through at home.
And I think there needs to beconversations, you know, in
school, whether it be withteachers or guidance counselors,
administrators, coaches,parents, I think I was lucky
(39:40):
enough to be mentally strong tobe able to handle that, and
unfortunately, some people arenot as strong that way, and so I
think there definitely needs tobe conversation of you know,
how can we help you, how are youdoing?
I think there just needs to bea lot more communication on that
end from everyone.
Tim Maceyko (40:00):
Yeah, great, great, great points.
In fact, I wish, from a highschool coaches standpoint, I
would have had better trainingcoming into the system, like
because that's something we kindof overlook, and so a lot of
coaches come in from the outsideworld and maybe you don't have
that background or have thatknowledge and don't think about
it and do a poor job of that.
And so I agree with you 100%that I myself wish I would have
done much better than I did.
(40:22):
So, well said Gabby.
McKenzie, any last secondthoughts?
McKenzie Bump (40:26):
Yeah, I would say as a coach, know your players.
Know how to coach them to getthe best out of them.
They want to do good for youjust as much as you want them to
do good for you.
So, like Gabby said, have theconversation.
You know it takes five minutesto understand how somebody needs
to be coached to get the bestout of them, along with, like
the players.
(40:46):
Don't be afraid to have thatconversation.
You know your coach might notalways be the one to reach out
to you, but if you have to go tothem, that's your big first
step of, you know, coming in thedoor or you know getting older.
And don't be afraid to speak topeople, even if it's not your
coach.
You know I was lucky enough tohave the avenue of my parents.
Not everybody does.
You know, find your person,like coach D said your "and one
(41:07):
," stick with them and you know,write it out, like, don't be
afraid to speak up about what'sbothering you.
The more you you know let iteach you alive, the worse it
gets.
So if you can stop it as soonas it starts, you'll make it a
lot further that way.
Tim Maceyko (41:22):
Well said, well said.
Coach D, why don't you give usyour final thoughts on this
conversation?
Coach D (41:28):
I think, at the end of the day, to your point, T im,
and to what Gabby and McKenziesaid, we all have a part to
play, and I think, justunderstanding that we can't take
those parts lightly.
What I look at is that rate,the suicide rate that you
continue to allude to, and to me, those are precious lives that
(41:48):
we lose.
That was those things werepreventable.
They were preventable had wejust stepped up and played our
specific roles whether it'steammate, player, coach, whoever
it may be, parents and we justtake our roles seriously.
This is a life man, this is alife worth helping, you know,
worth supporting, and so to me,that's really what it is.
(42:11):
Stop looking at people on asuperficial or, you know, on a
surface level, but start to lookat them for who they really are
and make sure, if you have theopportunity to do whatever you
can do it.
One of my favorite quotes andI'll leave you with this, one of
my favorite quotes is thecandle loses nothing by lighting
another candle, and I thinkthat's so true.
(42:31):
You know we have so much togain if we just focus on how can
I help this person, becausethat person on my heart right
now, how can I help, you know?
So yeah, go, go light candlesguys.
Tim Maceyko (42:42):
I love it, Coach.
Your book, let's talk aboutyour book really quick before we
wrap this up here.
I know you have a book, and ifsomeone out there listening
wants to get your book, what'sthe title?
Where do they find it?
Coach D (42:56):
Like I mentioned, my substitute teacher taught me, I
am a winner.
I went on to teach that to mykids.
You know, every single day theywill say I am a winner and
today I win.
You know, we repeat that, justtrying to get that into their
hearts.
And so, I went on and I wrote abook as well.
It's called Today I Win - WhenTests Go Beyond the Classroom.
(43:17):
Typically, a lot of the thingsthat our young people are
dealing with has nothing to dowith academics, but yet we're
like okay, why are you droppingthe ball over here?
Your grades are low, you're notcoming to school on time,
whatever it may be.
And so what McKenzie said ifyou just take the time just to
get to know me, what Gabby evensaid like just let's have
conversations.
Do you know who I am?
(43:38):
Do you even know what I'm goingthrough?
And so it speaks to that.
It speaks to those childhoodhardships and challenges that I
have faced growing up, but italso shows the seven principle
to help me to overcome so that Icould win, and so I highly
recommend for those that areparents, this is the resource
that shows you how impactful aparent's role is in the lives of
(44:00):
your children.
It's also a resource toeducators, you know, to show you
what your students really canbe going through and how you can
be an impact to them.
And then, of course, it's forthe students and the student
athletes.
So it's something that justabout anyone that picks it up
can can take, and they can beginto implement some, some
practical solutions for theirstudents that may, especially
(44:21):
ones that may be struggling.
But yet where you can find itjust go to my website is
Darryldarylwthomascom.
If you want to follow me, I'mon all social media platforms.
Again, the number one,darryldarylwthomas.
Tim Maceyko (44:40):
Alright, Coach D, thanks so much.
Again, wrapping this up, youknow I take ownership of the
fact that I could have done abetter job when I was running my
program, and now my goal is tohelp you do a better job of
running your program.
F rom an administrativestandpoint, from a coaching
standpoint, I could have done abetter job as a parent as my
daughter came through, and sonow again, I'm hoping you will
(45:00):
do a better job than I did as aparent and being supportive and
saying the right things andbeing there for your kids.
So, that was the goal today.
I felt like you know, it wassomething that we need to talk
about.
So, Gabby, best of luck withgoing back to college next week.
McKenzie, hope you have a greatsenior year and season.
And Coach D, once again, thanksfor being here.
That's it everybody, and so,until next time - this is Tim
(45:22):
Maceyko, keep the faith!
I have three guests with me today, and we're going
to be talking about somethingthat I personally find really
important.
Part of my 501c3 nonprofit, theSeth Maceyko Snuggle Time
Foundation, is to educate thepublic about child safety, and
as a former coach, I can tellyou I didn't give a lot of
thought to the mental healthside of things like I should
have.
If I could go back and start myprogram from scratch, I would
(00:23):
definitely incorporate that more.
So, today's episode is aboutthe hidden dangers that student
athletes face, the pressuresthey're under, and also, we're
hoping to educate some coaches,educate some parents and even
make the players aware that youknow it's not just you.
A lot of people go through thisand feel the way you do so.
So, that's kind of what we'regoing for today.
(00:43):
So, I'm going to introduce allmy guests.
We'll start with Gabby Danielsfrom Fredericktown, and Gabby
just give us a little background, like on your experience
playing, what sports you playedand how many years, and what
you're doing now.
Gabby Daniels (00:54):
Gabby Daniels, hi , I played softball, basketball,
volleyball whole life.
In high school I played varsitybasketball all four years and
then varsity softball for two,three years and then varsity
volleyball for two years as well.
So yeah, I played a lot ofsports my whole life, did the
(01:17):
travel, ball, everything.
Tim Maceyko (01:19):
Yeah, and you were recognized for basketball
because I actually coached you,right?
Y ou had a lot of awards andstuff.
You were what?
First team all district, all-league, all- Ohio Honorable
mention, right?
Gabby Daniels (01:33):
Yeah, for a couple of years, junior and
senior year yeah.
Tim Maceyko (01:36):
That big five foot frame.
McKenzie Bump (01:39):
Five foot eight post player, yeah.
Tim Maceyko (01:42):
It worked, though.
It worked All right.
So, thanks, Gabby, for beinghere.
We'll talk to you a little bitmore in a second.
McKenzie Bump, I want you tointroduce yourself to everybody
and tell us a little bit aboutyour background.
McKenzie Bump (01:51):
Yeah, so I'm McKenzie Bump.
I currently go to OSU.
I played softball andvolleyball in high school,
varsity all four years for both,and then I decided to play
softball at the next level, andI'm going into my senior year
now for that.
Tim Maceyko (02:08):
Yeah, so you are at The Ohio State University, big
Buck eye senior year forsoftball.
That's really cool.
It's really great to have youon, to have that experience.
And I'm glad you're herebecause I want to talk a little
bit here in a moment about whatresources are available at the
high school level versus whatyou have available at college.
So, we're going to talk aboutthat and that'd be good for the
school administrators to heartoo.
So, we'll talk about that.
But before we get there, coachD, Darrell, please introduce
(02:31):
yourself.
Coach D (02:32):
So, my name is Coach D.
I guess my birth name isactually Daryll Thomas Jr, but I
go by Coach D.
I now teach leadershipdevelopment.
That's what I coach to all mystudent athletes that are in
high school and in college.
But my background - I spenttime in the Marine Corps.
Prior to that, I actually wentto high school and played some
(02:54):
high school ball.
Football in particular, is whatI played.
After I got out of the MarineCorps, went and did some semi
pro football as well.
So, have a little bit ofexperience on those two, those
two fronts, but yeah.
Tim Maceyko (03:07):
Great Thanks for being here.
I appreciate it, and we'll talkabout your book here in a bit
and then give a little morebackground about you.
But let's just start off,again, t his is for parents,
this is for coaches, this is forother players, people who may
not have realized the pressurethat we as a society are putting
on our young kids.
You know, I think about myprogram when I was coaching ball
, and how we reward winning as asociety.
(03:29):
And so, for two years in a rowthe Mount Vernon News gave me
Coach of the Year, like back toback seasons, because we had a
great record.
But when I look back on thatnow I think, man, I wasn't a
great coach at all.
Record wise I guess I was, butI was missing pieces that I
really wish I would have done abetter job with.
And so, again, that's whatwe're talking about today.
I own it as a parent, I own itas a coach, and I want to make
(03:52):
sure we're helping the kids outthere.
So, this article here said therecent deaths of college
student- athletes, comes amid anincrease in suicide rates among
women ages 20 to 24 over thelast couple of decades.
And men have has risen as well,but at a smaller rate than the
females.
So that's why I have some ofthe females on here today.
I wanted to really hit homewith them.
(04:13):
The article says parents - youneed to have conversations with
your kids, and that's a missingpiece of the element many times.
Like, we are not talking to ourkids as parents about their
sports, unless it's about, hey,how did you perform today?
Did you win?
Why'd you miss that shot?
Why didn't you hit that ball?
You know, wish you could havegot that one back, don't you?
(04:33):
All these negative things.
Sometimes the coach rides themand then the parents are riding
them on the way home and then,you know it, just snowballs.
And so, Gabby, why don't youshare with us, some of the
pressures you felt from thecoaching perspective and from
maybe your family members aswell.
Maybe your parents, otherfamily members - because you
come from a background of afamily, who's a great family by
(04:56):
the way, but very competitive.
Gabby Daniels (05:02):
Yeah, so, um, most of my family has been gone
to Frederick town, played atFrederick town, Hall of Fame at
Frederick town.
And I had an uncle who went tothe University of Findlay,
played basketball and baseballthere, had scholarships, did
amazing, was a captain hisjunior and senior year and
(05:22):
eventually got into the Hall ofFame there.
Um, and most of my family arecoaches locally too for
basketball.
So, um, yeah, definitely a lotof pressure came from that.
Um, I think I felt expected toperform a certain way and, you
know, meet the same goals thatthey did when they were my age.
And, uh, yeah, that was, it was, uh, it was definitely a lot.
(05:45):
And coming from - I'm sureMcKenzie will understand this
too - uh, coming from a smalltown, you know, you definitely
feel the pressures of everybodywatching you.
E verybody knows everybody.
I t eats you.
I mean it's in your head allthe time, all the time.
Tim Maceyko (06:01):
So, yeah, yeah, and that's what I want to get at.
Sometimes we put extra pressureon ourselves mentally because
of the success of our familymembers, and the expectations to
be like them.
McKenzie, what about you?
McKenzie Bump (06:13):
Um, yeah, uh, like Gabby said, the whole small
town, you know, small town herothing.
I think it's always a big thing.
Uh, I remember like some of thebiggest pressure I ever felt
was like in high school ball,being the travel ball player.
Like every time someone made anout on me it was their world
series.
And I remember a lot of timeslike I'd hear the parents, like
(06:33):
you know, talking about me whileI was up to bat and stuff.
I remember, like I mean 14years old, like that got to me
very easily.
Um, and then my dad also beinga good athlete, when he came up
through school, like I remembereveryone being like, oh, you
know, it's Jeff, your dad.
I'm like, yeah, that's my dad.
They're like, oh, that guycould do this, this, and this.
And I mean like, okay, gottalet everyone know that I'm his
(06:56):
daughter.
Then, um, I just think that likewhen I got to the college level
, I realized like there's a verybig difference in pressure.
Um, as a young athlete, youalready put it on yourself, and
then you get to that next level,and you've got coaches.
You know, your parents aren'tat practice, they don't see
practice, they don't seeanything going on.
So, all they think is like whyaren't you playing?
Like what's going on?
(07:17):
All this.
And I think like the hardestthing for me in college was
putting a bunch of pressure onmyself, whether you're on the
field or not.
Like even once you get on thefield, then all you're thinking
about is not getting, you know,taken off of it.
So that's like a big thing thatI've noticed from high school
to college.
Tim Maceyko (07:34):
You know you said something here I really want to
point out.
I want to stress this.
You said when, as a 14 year oldkid, I'm up to bat and I'm
hearing other parents say thingsabout me and to me, and I think
we get so, in our society, weget so caught up in this
competition thing and we thinkwe can say things that just
aren't appropriate.
All in the name of well, we'reat a sporting event, you know
(07:55):
it's okay, I can yell at theofficial a certain way and I can
yell at other kids, and youknow it's not like normal.
In normal life we are goodpeople, probably, and we
probably wouldn't do thosethings, but for some reason we
get caught up in thepsychological piece and we say
things.
And so, I want to stress thatto parents who may be listening
to this - remember the thingsyou say.
These kids, you are affectingthem and if it's a negative
comment, especially from theother team, they don't even know
(08:17):
you, and so they can reallytake negative comment to heart.
So, I'm glad you brought thatpoint up.
Darryl, do you want to weigh inhere about some of this you've
heard so far?
Coach D (08:25):
I'll be honest with you , Tim, I'm a father of five kids
.
Two of them are adults now, oneis in the Marine Corps, one is
at TCU.
He played football at the highschool level.
And then I have three, you know, student athletes that are in
high school right now, and partof it is, yes, you do want them
to excel, especially insomething that you see that they
(08:46):
are gifted and talented in.
You want to see them excel, butyou also want them to enjoy it.
And so, for me, I found myself,coming from that Marine Corps
background, being that hardcharger like you know, let's go,
you got it.
No, you need more.
I'm expecting more from you,that kind of thing.
But I also saw myself saying,hey, you know what, life is too
(09:08):
short for all of this.
Let's take a step back.
Listen, do you enjoy it?
Because if you enjoy it, then Ido expect you to play at your
highest level.
But if you're not enjoying it,then hold on, let's rethink.
And so, the son that's at TCUnow he's not playing football
because high school is as far ashe wanted to take it.
And, yeah, I wanted to see himsuit up, you know, at TCU, which
(09:29):
is his dream school.
But at the end of the day, it'snot about me, it's about him,
and so that's probably thebiggest thing that I've noticed
as a parent is learning how tokind of back off and not add to
that pressure, because it'senough pressure as it is.
Tim Maceyko (09:45):
Yeah, I would agree with you and I think as a
parent I look at my own daughter.
I coached my daughter's classfrom fourth grade all the way
through eighth, and then Iwatched them have success in
high school and took a lot ofpride in the fact I helped build
that.
But then I look back now, and Ithink about how much pressure I
put on my own daughter, becauseI wanted her to have more
success, maybe even more thanshe wanted.
(10:05):
And sometimes as fathers wetend to do that, sometimes and
we gotta be very careful becausewe're adding that extra
pressure.
So, let's go back again toMcKenzie and Gabby and let's
talk about pressure that youfelt and how you handled it at
different times.
So, let's start with Gabbyagain.
Gabby, let's think back to atime in high school where you
felt a lot of pressure and didyou have an outlet?
(10:28):
Or what did you do?
Whether it was good or bad.
Because here's what we'regetting at - almost one in five
teenagers have consideredsuicide.
Nearly 10% have attempted it.
Now, I'm not saying that youconsidered it, I'm just saying
that with that statistic we needto be aware that we are putting
pressure on kids.
They feel it at different times.
Do you have a story or a momentin time where you really felt
that immense pressure and tellus how you handled it at that
(10:50):
moment.
Gabby Daniels (10:51):
Yeah.
So, I mean my junior year, youknow, we were having a pretty
good season, and I got prettysick and just was going through
a lot personally.
So, I didn't feel like I hadanyone to really go to and talk
about that stuff at home or youknow around me where I didn't
feel judged.
So, I decided to try therapyand just talk to a stranger and
(11:14):
just talk about everything andget an outside perspective from
someone you know, who didn'teven know me before, doesn't
know my family, where I comefrom, like that kind of thing.
And I think that's what helpedme the most was therapy and just
talking to someone about, youknow, everything that was just
going through my head andeverything that was going on,
(11:38):
even from someone who didn'tcompletely understand it.
It was nice to just talk tosomeone, yeah, and not feel
judged or feel like they'regonna look at you a certain way
because you know you don't knoweach other.
Just talking to a completestranger just helps tremendously
, yeah.
So therapy, yeah, therapy was abig, big help.
Tim Maceyko (11:59):
Great, I'm glad to hear that.
McKenzie, what about you?
McKenzie Bump (12:03):
I would say in high school I handled my
pressure a little differentlythan I do in college.
I remember like my parents werealways kind of, they're kind of
the strict, hard parents where,like my dad would be hard on me
but I knew it was because hewanted what was best for me and
that's how he got the best outof me.
And, like I said, when you getto college it's a little
different.
(12:23):
You know, you don't have mommyand daddy there all the time.
You have coaches who are payingattention to 25 other girls
around you and don't really knowexactly who you are or how to
help.
In high school and stuff, I wasable to go to my parents, even
on a hard day, and be like youknow sometimes I'd break down
after games and stuff, like Isaid, like parents yelling at me
, saying mean things and stuffand I'm up to bat.
(12:45):
I'm thinking about that thewhole game.
I get home to my parents.
You know they might notunderstand, but just me being
able to vent and get it outhelps me a lot.
And then when I got to college,like I said, like I didn't have
them there.
I vent over the phone to themand stuff, like they're just not
in those shoes to trulyunderstand and they never really
went that route.
(13:05):
You know that next level toreally understand what I was
going through.
So they were there to listen,but they couldn't really help.
So, I found like the most valuein the people around me who
goes through the same thingevery day and all of us finding
an outlet for each other andluckily mine was my faith.
So, going to church and stufflike that it was a big thing
(13:26):
that helped me and realized likeI'm not valued based off of,
you know, athletic ability.
L ike, there's so much more outthere and there's a bigger
focus.
So, that's what truly helped meget through that.
You know that hard part of ohmy gosh, I'm not playing
softball like I always have.
L ike whatdo I do now?
I'm not McKenzie Bump, thesoftball player anymore, you?
(13:49):
know.
Tim Maceyko (13:49):
Yeah, yeah, great information to share, because
again, I think as parentssometimes we overlook these
things, and so it's good to hearthat you were able to talk to
your parents.
And Ga bby, y ou were able totalk to a therapist what you
felt you needed, and I thinkboth of those things are
important.
But again, we want parents tounderstand out of this
conversation today that you needto have honest and upfront
(14:11):
conversations with your kids,and sometimes those
conversations aren't pleasant,you know, because you're the dad
and you're mad about theperformance or whatever.
But you got to digest that andsay, okay, look, this is my baby
girl, this is my son, this ismy, my blood, and you need to
build them back up in thosemoments and so it's hard to do
sometimes as a dad, I can tellyou, but it's necessary.
(14:33):
I'm going to come back to youMcKenzie in a moment.
I want to talk to about thedifference in what resources you
had in high school versus whatyou have available to you at
college.
But before we go there, coach D, what are some things like when
you go out and talk to kidsabout leadership and all these
things about handling pressurein general terms not just, maybe
, the sports, but in generalterms, what are some of the
highlight points that you thinkyou would like to share today?
Coach D (14:56):
I think, Tim, exactly what the young ladies are saying
.
In my book, I talk about theimportance of an "and one and
one is a person that's going toadd value.
So it's a person in your life,or people in your life, that are
there strictly to add value.
They're not trying to take fromyou.
They're not trying to get whatyou have.
You know, trying to get thecloud or whatever it is that you
(15:20):
may have.
They're not after that.
They just want to see you well.
They want to see you succeed.
They want to see you become thebest version of you and live
your best life.
And those are your "and ones.
" Those are people that you dowant to go to, especially when
the pressure is on.
You want to be able to go tothat place because you know
that's going to be a safe place.
The other thing about the A&1is that they're not just going
to tell you what you want tohear.
(15:41):
A lot of times they're going totell you what you need to hear
and that's what we.
That's that thing right there.
So sometimes, when you'reconditioned to hearing the coach
right, right, right, right,right you're thinking that's
probably what you need to hearfrom your A&1 when, truth of the
matter, that's not what youneed.
What you probably need is hey,come here, let's, let's shut
that down, put the playbook tothe side, come on, let's go,
(16:03):
let's go kick it.
You know, let's, let's go enjoyone another, let's spend some
time together, let's watch amovie.
You know, maybe that's it.
You know, on the flip side, itmay be where you're in the slump
and you do need to hear that,right, right, right, but the A&1
is going to give it to you, andso that's that's something I
would say.
I show the student athletes andjust the young kings and young
(16:24):
queens that I work with how todo just that, how to identify
those wants and then how to leanin and get the help from those
"1s.
The second thing I would say isreally just knowing who you are.
I think you said thatbeautifully, McKenzie.
When you know who you are, youbegin to separate yourself from
the game, because you know thegame is only for so long, but I
(16:48):
have to live with me for therest of my life.
And if I don't know who I amand fall in love with who I am,
then I end up missing really theessence of life.
One thing that I love that MarkTwain said.
He said the two most importantdays in your life is the day
that you were born and the dayyou found out why and that's
where I try to teach the studentathletes and the young people
(17:08):
that I work with begin to findyour life's purpose, you know,
because when you can do that,you can be on the team and your
purpose could be to encourage,your purpose could be to lead,
your purpose could whatever thatis, but begin to walk out that
purpose, whether you're on thefield, whether you're off the
field.
Walk out that and it's going tobe way more meaningful.
(17:29):
So and one and then find yourpurpose.
Tim Maceyko (17:31):
I love that.
I love that Great stuff, coachD.
W hen I do my wellness coachingnow, I work a lot with child
loss, parents, and bereavementand grief situations, and
overcoming adversity situations,we talk all the time about - if
you can't find that new purpose, then you're going to struggle,
like until you can use theadversity to create a new path
and, you know, move forward.
(17:52):
We always say you don't usuallymove on from child loss.
Losing a child is such a uniqueexperience but you can move
forward.
You can use it to draw from andto build upon.
And it may not be a path youexpected to take or wanted to
take, but it's where you're atand that's part of life.
So, no matter what you're in,that adversity can be used as a
strength in the long run, eventhough it may feel really
(18:14):
painful at the moment.
So, I think that's a greatpoint.
McKenzie, let's go back to youbecause I want to talk a little
bit now about resources, andGabby, you can weigh on this as
well.
But high school in generalterms and I don't know I'm
asking because I didn't reallyget into the administrative side
of things when I was coachingin the high school system.
But what resources did you haveat the high school level when
(18:35):
you were struggling?
I want to talk about whatresources are available at the
college level as well, b utfirst let's start in high school
.
What resources were availableto you in high school McKenzie?
McKenzie Bump (18:50):
Honestly, Tim, I'm not sure if there were like
truly resources.
There's obviously a guidancecounselor, but when it comes to
sports and stuff, I don't reallylike remember ever like having
somebody like truthfully to goto, unless it was like a coach
or something.
Like I said, like my parentswere my outlet, so that's what I
(19:11):
was able to use, but people whodidn't have that outlet, I'm
honestly, I don't think thatthey truly had an outlet when it
comes to going somehow throughthe school.
Tim Maceyko (19:22):
Okay, fair enough.
And Gabby, same question to you.
Did you have any resourcesavailable to you?
Do you feel like you had anyresources available to you?
Gabby Daniels (19:28):
I think I agree with McKenzie.
I don't think we really, likeyes, we had a guidance counselor
, but they wouldn't really weighin on sports a lot, like we
never really met with theguidance counselor, talked about
anything.
I mean, unless you had, like acoach or a teacher you felt
comfortable going to talk aboutthings.
There was never reallyconversation about you know,
(19:51):
mental health and sports, havingsomeone to go to, like I don't
feel like we have that.
Tim Maceyko (19:58):
Fair enough and actually I expected that answer.
I really did.
And that's one of the reasons Iwant to do this show, because I
wanted to stress to people thefact that as parents and as
school administrators and evenas coaches, we've got to stop
and re-evaluate how we'rerunning our programs at the high
school level, what resourceswe're offering our youth, our
kids.
Some of them are reallystruggling and we've seen in
(20:21):
this area where I live in Ohio,we've seen a few different
suicides over the last severalyears of student athletes who
have felt so much pressure - andteens in general.
But then you add that extralittle element of being the
student athlete and the highlycompetitive kid and it adds
another dimension.
And there's not the resourcesthat I've seen that are
available, that probably need tobe, and we need to reevaluate
(20:44):
that and think about that.
And so, I'm hoping,administrators and parents, you
can reach out to your schoolsystems and talk, have these
conversations.
What can we do to offer thoseresources that we don't
currently have?
I think it's an importantconversation, especially in this
day and age.
When I played back in my day, Iwas an athlete, but I didn't
have the pressure.
If I had a bad game, I wenthome and I was upset or whatever
, and I was done.
(21:04):
If I had a bully at school, Iwent home, and I didn't have to
think about or deal with thatbully till the next Monday, for
the weekend or whatever the casemay be.
These days it's 24-7 for all ofyou.
24-7, social media, all thedifferent things.
You can't get away from thepressures, and so I think
because of that alone, we haveto re-evaluate some of these
mental health resources we'reproviding to our teens at high
(21:27):
school in general, and then thestudent athlete pressure piece
as well.
Coach D, do you have anythingto add to that?
I mean, do you know of anyresources at other schools that
maybe we're not aware of, thatwe haven't mentioned?
Then we're going to talk aboutthe college level.
Coach D (21:38):
Yeah, no, no.
I think that's a great question, Tim.
When I think about theresources and that's the reason
why we do what we do because webegan to see a gap.
W e saw the suicide, and thething I like to say about
suicide is that it really is apermanent solution to temporary
problems.
Sometimes, sometimes our youngpeople and those that
(21:59):
contemplate and attempt suicide,they don't realize that, man,
you know what, if I can justfigure out a way to outlast
whatever the pressure is, if Ican free out a way just to press
through or to alleviate, torelieve the pressure, it's going
to be all right.
And so for us, we've actuallydeveloped a curriculum called
Heads Up Leadership, andessentially what that does is
(22:21):
it's drawing the connectionbetween positive mental health
and effective leadershipdemonstration, and so it's
helping the students to see, inorder for me to show up as a
leader, because we truly believethat inside of every leader is
a solution to a problem.
And so inside of inside of thestudents, there are solutions
that need to come out.
(22:42):
But they'll never come out ifyou don't recognize yourself as
being a leader.
And even before then, beforeyou can show up as a leader, you
now have to make sure yourmental well-being is intact, and
so we teach them through thiscurriculum how to regulate the
emotions, how to enhance theirmental health and things like
(23:02):
that, so they can show up asthat effective leader.
Whether it's on campus, on thefield or at home, it doesn't
matter.
We're giving them those skills,those skill sets, and so I
think that's a valuable resourcethere.
And I would say this for thoseadministrators that may be
listening in, those educators orwhatever coaches, really
(23:24):
identifying some of those, thoseorganizations and companies
that are out there to partnerwith, to help you.
You know because while you'refocusing on coaching, you're
focusing on academics, there'san organization or company there
that's willing to come in lockarms with you to make help make
your student athlete a holisticleader right, a holistic citizen
(23:48):
, if you will.
So I would say that you may nothave the resources there
established, that's fine,consider partnerships, but the
heads of leadership is our wayof contributing to that positive
mental health for the studentathletes.
Tim Maceyko (24:03):
Great.
Thank you for that feedback.
I mean it's a great plug andactually it's a great concept of
what I'm talking about.
How do we partner up?
How do we create programs?
What do we need to do to offerthe resources?
So, McKenzie, you went tocollege.
You go to the Ohio StateUniversity.
Huge school, huge college, lotsof money coming into that, into
that you know system.
What kind of resources did youfind were available to you there
(24:26):
?
McKenzie Bump (24:27):
Yeah, so we have an entire like sports psych team
.
Each team gets their own personand then they normally come in
a couple of times a year.
You know, ask the teamquestions kind of make us do
little things to try andinteract with each other.
And then I noticed a big thingthat a lot of my teammates use
is like the one on ones, and itdoesn't have to be like specific
(24:48):
to the one person that we'regiven for the team, you can use
any of them and they reallycreate like this great, you know
, bond between them and thetherapist.
Really, you know back and forth,and they normally do like a
meeting once a week and it canbe on the computer, it can be in
person and a lot of our girlsuse that throughout the season
(25:10):
and they started in the fall,when we don't we're not super
heavy in softball, to createthat relationship and as we move
into, you know, full season,it's full go.
They continue that while we'reon the road and they're able to
just talk about new things everyweek that might be getting to
them how to get out of it, howto take the next step.
Some girls do it for softballand some do it outside of
(25:33):
softball.
I know some of our girls maytalk about relationship problems
, like pretty much just anythingthey need that week, like they
just have maybe 30 minutes totalk to someone and then, you
know, listen and then giveadvice and I know a lot of them
have had a lot of success withthat.
Tim Maceyko (25:49):
Great, great to hear.
This is what I was talkingabout - having resources.
You know the colleges haveresources.
I know they have money, andthey have more stuff than what
the high school has.
But we've got to find a way totranslate some of those same
types of services into our highschool systems, because we are
talking about junior high kidscommitting suicide.
We're not even talking aboutjust high school, we're talking
about early on.
(26:10):
And that's a really scarythought because, as coach D said
earlier, it's a, you know, apermanent solution to a
temporary problem.
I don't typically share thisvery often, but for those of you
who don't know, I was a prettygood athlete back in the day
myself and it's Friday night andI am scoring 17 points in the
basketball game.
Saturday, I got 16, and SundayI'm in a hospital bed, paralyzed
(26:32):
from a car accident, can't walk.
I can't feed myself, and it wasa struggle learning to walk
again.
I couldn't play organizedsports anymore, and so that's
what led me into coachingeventually.
But there was a streak therewhere I got so frustrated, I got
my wheelchair and I wheeledmyself out in the middle of the
night to the kitchen and I wasplanning to commit suicide
because I was so frustrated.
(26:53):
And then something called outto me, and I was like you know,
just in my mind, you know, don'tdo this.
And I had these visions of allthe positive things were yet to
come and I didn't do it.
I went back to bed, and I criedmyself to sleep that night.
I woke up the next day and Ifelt a little different.
I was still the same person,still struggling, but there was
something just felt a littledifferently and I always said, I
(27:14):
think God spoke to me thatnight.
You know, he said it's not overyet, and so I hold on to that
faith.
And then, in the weeks ahead, Isaw the most improvement I had
ever seen in those months ofbeing in that wheelchair, and
suddenly, I was able to stand upagain.
Soon I was walking andeventually I was back in the gym
shooting a basketball.
I could never run again, quitethe same.
(27:35):
I could never use my right sideof the body, quite the same.
But I was playing, you know,open gyms at college with the
other guys and I was hanging.
You know, wasn't the athlete Iwas before, but I had learned to
recover and use what gifts Ihad left and that led me into
coaching, which I did for anumber of years.
Now it's led me to where I'm attoday, doing shows like this
(27:55):
with the faith beyond concept,finding faith beyond the
adversity in our lives.
If I had ended it that day, lookat all the things I would have
missed.
I'm now married, I got grandbabies, you know, have two
beautiful grand babies now, andI'm having a joyous life.
So, you know, hang in there andhold on, because it does get
better.
Gabby, let's go back to you fora moment.
(28:16):
We talked about some negatives.
Now let's talk about somepositives.
So, let's think about thosemoments.
Maybe you were struggling andmaybe your parents or somebody
said some things to you thatmade you feel good.
Or just give us some, someconcepts of what helped pick you
up when you were at your lowest.
Gabby Daniels (28:32):
Yeah, so I actually had a cousin I would
reach out to a lot about all thestruggles I went through with
basketball and pressure andeverything, and he sent me a
long paragraph and it was justvery eye opening, and it was
just about you know this, thisdoesn't make you who you are.
You know, you'll figure out whoyou are like outside of this,
(28:55):
and you know, just, you got tostay true to yourse for you.
You know There's more that'shappen There's That is hat more
that important than a basketballgame.
Then you game, game, youknow texting me hey, what
happened that you know there'sso much more important things
(29:17):
than in that just the gameitself.
know, I mean just figuring outwho you are throughout all this
and getting through it, and justknowing what you want to do
with your life and all thosepositive things.
Tim Maceyko (29:31):
I love that because we tend to identify ourselves,
especially at a young age, withwe're an athlete, I'm an athlete
, that's who I am.
That's not who you are.
That's part of what you'repassionate about, it's part of
what you like to do, but you'reso much more than that, and a
lot of times we equate oursuccess on the court or on the
field with who we are as aperson, and that's so far from
(29:53):
the truth.
So, I love the fact you're ableto recognize that.
So that's wonderful.
McKenzie, what about you?
Give us something that pickedyou up when you're feeling your
lowest.
McKenzie Bump (30:01):
Yeah, I would say my parents are my pride and joy
.
So they've always, they'vealways been the one there for me
.
Like I said, my dad was alwayshard on me, but especially as I
got older, I knew you know itwas, it was the love he had for
the game and the love he had forme.
He was the dad that was doingmy stats before the game to let
me know if I batted this, thatmy batting average would go to
(30:22):
this and if I batted this andthen go down to this.
But he'd always joke likebefore the game, like I don't
care if you go 0 for five orfive for five, like I still love
you, and like he stood behindthat, like no matter what.
I knew.
You know it wasn't about thesoftball, you know it brought us
close together, but that's notwhat made him love me.
My mom, she's just, she was justa typical mom.
(30:43):
You know she brought me mysnacks, you know I was her baby,
no matter what I did on thefield.
So there was just nothing thatcould ever compare to the way
that they made me feel, nomatter what I did on the field,
and the pride that they alwaysshowed that.
You know I'm their, I'm theirdaughter, softball player or not
.
And at the college level Iwould just say like seeing the
(31:04):
little girls and the stands thatsay like McKinsey bumps my
favorite player, you know, likethey have no idea who I am as a
person, like you know, they seeme on the softball field smiling
.
You know, no matter what I'mgoing through, but I remember
being that little girl in thestands thinking like, oh my gosh
, that's my favorite player outthere.
And that's when I reallyrealized like I'm changing
(31:24):
little girls lives, like throughsoftball.
So softball is like my avenueto change little girls lives and
give them the hope that theycan chase their dreams and they
can get where they want to be,just like I was that little girl
one day.
Tim Maceyko (31:36):
McKenzie, what are you hoping to do after you
graduate, like, what's your longterm plan?
I want to ask Gabby that aswell, but we'll come back to So,
her.
So what's your next step aftercollege?
McKenzie Bump (31:45):
Yes, so I'm majoring in sports industry.
I'm going to get my master's insports management.
I'd like to be a college coach,but it's hard to know whether
you know I'm going to get acollege job or not.
I would.
Coaching in general is mypassion and after everything
I've been through, like beingable to help any girl at any age
.
You know softball wise and youknow like this, like mentally to
(32:10):
know you know we all go throughit and help them.
Like I wish I had the help whenI was younger.
That's pretty much my goal,whether it comes from coaching
or player development oranything like that.
Like I just want to be able tohelp little girls that were in
my shoe.
Tim Maceyko (32:24):
Nice, I like it and I think you're going to be
phenomenal.
Just based on the discussiontoday, just the personality and
the answers, I think you'regoing to be great.
Gabby, I know you, so you didnot play college basketball, you
decided to focus on yourstudies, but what is it that you
plan to do after college?
Gabby Daniels (32:40):
Yeah, so during high school, you know our team
had the opportunity to go workwith some children who had
disabilities and you know, teachthem to play basketball.
It was the Unstoppables, and itwas just a great organization,
to go talk with those kids theparents and that really inspired
me to do whatI want to do, which is I'm
(33:03):
majoring in occupational therapy.
I'm trying to get my doctoratein occupational therapy to
hopefully work with children whohave disabilities and just to
be able to help them do day today things.
But yeah, that's, that's mygoal.
Tim Maceyko (33:15):
Really noble cause as well.
I love it.
Two great girls here and twophenomenal careers ahead of them
.
Coach D, let's come back overto you.
Uh, any thoughts on what you'vebeen hearing the last five
minutes?
Coach D (33:27):
There's a lot of thoughts, I think, um, McKenzie,
I think about what you had saidas far as your dad being your
mom and dad being your pride andjoy, and, and one thing I
wonder is what was your, yourdad's experience growing up, you
know, in terms of the influencefrom his parents and things
like that?
And the reason why I say that,same thing with you, Gabby, when
(33:48):
you said you had a chance to govisit some of the children and
now that's inspired you to dowhat you want to do, um, and
this point that I'm making here,Tim, is that, for me, I
realized that a lot of things inlife they're not happening to
us, but they're happening for us, be a good, bad or ugly,
(34:08):
they're happening for us.
Um, I remember a time when Iwalked into a seventh grade
classroom looking to talk to myfavorite teacher, who was coach
Robbins and, long story short,he wasn't there.
It was a substitute teacher.
The reason why I wanted to talkto him is because I knew that I
had such heavy things on my onmy heart.
I needed to get this off mychest.
(34:29):
And, um, anyhow, the substituteteacher told us to take out a
sheet of paper.
She said, write today's date,your name.
And then she said, at the topright hand corner, right forward
, I am a winner.
And I'm looking at her like man.
Okay, this is, this is corny,but I'm, I'll go ahead and write
it.
And then she began to breakdown what it meant.
She said I'm a winner simplymeans no matter what you go
through in life, no matter howcrazy it is, how unfair, how
(34:53):
undeserving it may be, she saidyou do win as long as you don't
quit.
Quitters never win and winnersnever quit.
Well, I had went on from thatday, never saw her again a day
in my life, but every single day, when I walked into that
classroom, I wrote those wordsand eventually what happened is
I went through seventh grade,eighth grade, my ninth grade
year.
It went from my head to myheart.
(35:14):
Now I started to identifymyself as a winner.
No matter what I'm doing, I'mstill a winner.
Right, I just got to figure outhow to make it past that.
And so, long story short, my, mydad ends up losing, losing his
life due to domestic violence.
I'm there, freshman high school.
He dies in my arms While I'mthere on the ground, my dad in
(35:35):
my arms.
I look on my shoulder and Godplaced my brother right there at
the right time, knowing I wasgoing to look over my left
shoulder because I was alreadycontemplating the woman that had
killed my dad.
I was going to kill her Justlike for life.
That's the way I was kind of,you know, brought up in my
environment.
But when I looked at my littlebrother, Quincy, I found a
reason to be the change I wantedto see in this world.
(35:58):
And so again, that situationwith my dad.
It didn't happen to me.
Not having my favorite teacherthere at that particular time.
It didn't happen to.
It happened for me Like it wasgood that he wasn't there,
because I got something thathelped me to shape my identity.
And when I was tested the most,my biggest test, I was able to
fall back on that identity,which is I am a winner.
(36:19):
And on top of that, I had areason why I needed to win,
which is my little brother.
So I'm so happy to hear what youladies are saying.
When you said that you've,you're, you're.
You got a pretty solid idea asto what you want to do in this
world, and I think what you wantto do is phenomenal.
I think it's phenomenal becauseyou're not just doing it for
you, you're doing it for others.
(36:40):
Right, and when you can beginto play life in that kind of way
, man, the impact you make isimmeasurable.
So salute.
Tim Maceyko (36:49):
Yeah, I'm with you, man, Great, great share.
Coach D, you know I'm actuallygoing to have you back, if you'd
like to, on a different show,because I like to talk to you
solo more about your personalstory, specifically because I
know you have a lot to share andso I definitely want to invite
you back later.
But we're going to kind of wrapthis up here.
I'm going to go around thecircle one more time here and
talk to everybody, but before wedo - parents, what you need to
(37:10):
take away from the show today isto make sure you're talking to
your kids, you're giving themsupport and love and you're
having those conversations, evenwhen they don't want to talk to
you.
Sometimes you may have to pusha little, you know, get in there
and get them to open up,because it's the ones that don't
talk and then suddenly you say,well, we never saw that coming.
And if you can't talk to them,like in Gabby's case, it's a
cousin, maybe it's another uncleor an aunt or somebody they can
(37:32):
open up to, find a way.
Find a way to make a connectionfor the benefit of your child,
so that you're not faced with asituation you don't want to be
faced with.
From a coaching perspective -I hope the coaches take away
from today the idea that there'snot a lot of resources at the
high school level.
So, you high school coachesneed to think about, how can I
incorporate some of these things?
Whether it's coach D's programor a program we create on our
(37:55):
own or another program.
What resources are we going togive our kids and how are we
going to have moments thataren't about the sport?
I know that's one thing wetried to incorporate.
At Frederickt own we did somethings outside of the gym.
I think that's important.
But beyond that, it needs to beconversations.
It needs to be things thataren't always about the sport.
(38:15):
So, from an administratorstandpoint, please take away
from this todayDo something about creating
additional resources for thesehigh school kids, junior high
kids.
They need it.
They need it.
So, we all have a job to dohere, and we can really help
these kids in a positive way.
So, think about it.
Let's go around one more time.
G abby, any last secondthoughts here on anything you
(38:37):
want to say?
And again, I know your parents.
I know your dad kept scorebookfor us, and a phenomenal family.
They're very competitive.
I know McKenzie's dad too.
He was uber competitive growingup.
I played ball against him, so,I remember the open gym days.
But anything you want to saythough, Gabby, last second?
Gabby Daniels (38:55):
Yeah, you know.
I think you know in high schoolI definitely got the pressure
from everywhere, so I think youknow, from a coaching standpoint
, there needs to be moreconversation outside of just you
know your performance.
I think there definitely needsto be conversation about how
student athletes are doingmentally and you know how they
(39:17):
cope with things, how they dealwith them, like I mean
everything, because if we don'tknow what other people are going
through at home.
And I think there needs to beconversations, you know, in
school, whether it be withteachers or guidance counselors,
administrators, coaches,parents, I think I was lucky
(39:40):
enough to be mentally strong tobe able to handle that, and
unfortunately, some people arenot as strong that way, and so I
think there definitely needs tobe conversation of you know,
how can we help you, how are youdoing?
I think there just needs to bea lot more communication on that
end from everyone.
Tim Maceyko (40:00):
Yeah, great, great, great points.
In fact, I wish, from a highschool coaches standpoint, I
would have had better trainingcoming into the system, like
because that's something we kindof overlook, and so a lot of
coaches come in from the outsideworld and maybe you don't have
that background or have thatknowledge and don't think about
it and do a poor job of that.
And so I agree with you 100%that I myself wish I would have
done much better than I did.
(40:22):
So, well said Gabby.
McKenzie, any last secondthoughts?
McKenzie Bump (40:26):
Yeah, I would say as a coach, know your players.
Know how to coach them to getthe best out of them.
They want to do good for youjust as much as you want them to
do good for you.
So, like Gabby said, have theconversation.
You know it takes five minutesto understand how somebody needs
to be coached to get the bestout of them, along with, like
the players.
(40:46):
Don't be afraid to have thatconversation.
You know your coach might notalways be the one to reach out
to you, but if you have to go tothem, that's your big first
step of, you know, coming in thedoor or you know getting older.
And don't be afraid to speak topeople, even if it's not your
coach.
You know I was lucky enough tohave the avenue of my parents.
Not everybody does.
You know, find your person,like coach D said your "and one
(41:07):
," stick with them and you know,write it out, like, don't be
afraid to speak up about what'sbothering you.
The more you you know let iteach you alive, the worse it
gets.
So if you can stop it as soonas it starts, you'll make it a
lot further that way.
Tim Maceyko (41:22):
Well said, well said.
Coach D, why don't you give usyour final thoughts on this
conversation?
Coach D (41:28):
I think, at the end of the day, to your point, T im,
and to what Gabby and McKenziesaid, we all have a part to
play, and I think, justunderstanding that we can't take
those parts lightly.
What I look at is that rate,the suicide rate that you
continue to allude to, and to me, those are precious lives that
(41:48):
we lose.
That was those things werepreventable.
They were preventable had wejust stepped up and played our
specific roles whether it'steammate, player, coach, whoever
it may be, parents and we justtake our roles seriously.
This is a life man, this is alife worth helping, you know,
worth supporting, and so to me,that's really what it is.
(42:11):
Stop looking at people on asuperficial or, you know, on a
surface level, but start to lookat them for who they really are
and make sure, if you have theopportunity to do whatever you
can do it.
One of my favorite quotes andI'll leave you with this, one of
my favorite quotes is thecandle loses nothing by lighting
another candle, and I thinkthat's so true.
(42:31):
You know we have so much togain if we just focus on how can
I help this person, becausethat person on my heart right
now, how can I help, you know?
So yeah, go, go light candlesguys.
Tim Maceyko (42:42):
I love it, Coach.
Your book, let's talk aboutyour book really quick before we
wrap this up here.
I know you have a book, and ifsomeone out there listening
wants to get your book, what'sthe title?
Where do they find it?
Coach D (42:56):
Like I mentioned, my substitute teacher taught me, I
am a winner.
I went on to teach that to mykids.
You know, every single day theywill say I am a winner and
today I win.
You know, we repeat that, justtrying to get that into their
hearts.
And so, I went on and I wrote abook as well.
It's called Today I Win - WhenTests Go Beyond the Classroom.
(43:17):
Typically, a lot of the thingsthat our young people are
dealing with has nothing to dowith academics, but yet we're
like okay, why are you droppingthe ball over here?
Your grades are low, you're notcoming to school on time,
whatever it may be.
And so what McKenzie said ifyou just take the time just to
get to know me, what Gabby evensaid like just let's have
conversations.
Do you know who I am?
(43:38):
Do you even know what I'm goingthrough?
And so it speaks to that.
It speaks to those childhoodhardships and challenges that I
have faced growing up, but italso shows the seven principle
to help me to overcome so that Icould win, and so I highly
recommend for those that areparents, this is the resource
that shows you how impactful aparent's role is in the lives of
(44:00):
your children.
It's also a resource toeducators, you know, to show you
what your students really canbe going through and how you can
be an impact to them.
And then, of course, it's forthe students and the student
athletes.
So it's something that justabout anyone that picks it up
can can take, and they can beginto implement some, some
practical solutions for theirstudents that may, especially
(44:21):
ones that may be struggling.
But yet where you can find itjust go to my website is
Darryldarylwthomascom.
If you want to follow me, I'mon all social media platforms.
Again, the number one,darryldarylwthomas.
Tim Maceyko (44:40):
Alright, Coach D, thanks so much.
Again, wrapping this up, youknow I take ownership of the
fact that I could have done abetter job when I was running my
program, and now my goal is tohelp you do a better job of
running your program.
F rom an administrativestandpoint, from a coaching
standpoint, I could have done abetter job as a parent as my
daughter came through, and sonow again, I'm hoping you will
(45:00):
do a better job than I did as aparent and being supportive and
saying the right things andbeing there for your kids.
So, that was the goal today.
I felt like you know, it wassomething that we need to talk
about.
So, Gabby, best of luck withgoing back to college next week.
McKenzie, hope you have a greatsenior year and season.
And Coach D, once again, thanksfor being here.
That's it everybody, and so,until next time - this is Tim
(45:22):
Maceyko, keep the faith!
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