In this heartfelt conversation, Kristin Fitch sits down with guest Stephanie Carmody, podcast host, and entrepreneur, to talk about what it really means to let go and let God—especially when life hasn’t gone as planned. Stephanie vulnerably shares her journey of walking through divorce and healing from a narcissistic relationship. Together, they explore how surrendering control, rebuilding self-worth, and trusting God's timing can lead to unexpected joy and purpose in your second act.
Whether you're in a season of grief, transition, or rediscovery, this episode offers hope, faith-filled wisdom, and practical encouragement to help you move forward with grace and strength.
✅ Key Takeaways:
- Surrendering control doesn’t mean weakness—it’s a radical act of faith and trust in God’s plan.
- Healing after emotional trauma or divorce starts with self-awareness and drawing near to God.
- Boundaries are biblical and essential to protect your peace and rebuild your confidence.
- Your second act can be your most joyful season when you embrace it with purpose and faith.
- God is always working, even when you feel stuck, lonely, or unsure of what’s next.
Connect with Stephanie at SecondActSessions.com
Download My Free Joyful Living Devotional: https://kristinfitch.com/devotional
Ready to take your first step towards a more joyful, faith-filled life? Download our Reignite Your Passion Workbook and start living with purpose today!
What to feel more energized in midlife? Grab my 5 Day Midlife Energy Reset Jump Start Guide here.
Ready to work with Kristin to make a shift in your life? Click here to get started.
Let go and let God, Christian women healing after divorce, Faith and emotional abuse recovery. Narcissistic spouse recovery, Finding joy after hardship, Midlife transformation for Christian women, Boundaries and healing for women of faith, Second act of life Christian podcast, Trusting God in hard seasons, Emotional healing Christian podcast, Faith-based divorce support, Spiritual growth after betrayal, Inspirational stories for Christian women
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey.
Hey beautiful friends.
And welcome back to the podcast.
This is your host, Kristen.
Today I have a guest interviewfor you and we are going to talk
about walking through hard things.
We're going to talk aboutletting go and letting God, as easy
as that sounds.
But what does that look likein practice?
We're going to be talkingabout her walking through divorce,
narcissistic spouse.
(00:21):
We're going to talk about whata second act in our lives looks like
and we're just going to talkabout all the things that God's doing
and moving in our life andwhat we've experienced.
Hey friend, are you cravingdeeper faith renewed purpose and
more joy in your everyday life?
Welcome to Faith Fueled Womanpodcast that helps Christian women
grow spiritually pursue God'scalling and embrace the abundant
(00:44):
life he has for you.
I'm Kristen, an encourager,mentor, entrepreneur, wife and mom,
here to uplift, equip andinspire you with faith filled conversations
and biblical wisdom.
Subscribe now so you nevermiss an episode and join our faith
fueled community for more encouragement.
Hi.
Today on the podcast I want towelcome our guest, Stephanie Carmody.
(01:06):
She has worked in brand andcelebrity PR work for over two decades.
She's worked with top names inentertainment media and in 2013 she
started her boutique eventplanning company, Trey Chic Events.
And this year she has launcheda lifestyle podcast dedicated to
exploring life's full ofreinventions called Second Act Sessions.
(01:27):
And I'm really excited to talkto her today because we're going
to talk about what life lookslike as we step into midlife, what
life looks like when ourseasons change, when God is calling
us into something new.
We're going to talk abouthaving to go through hurt and healing
and what that looks like.
And we're going to talk aboutwhat we might be being called to
(01:48):
now or in our next season.
And so I know it's going to be powerful.
I know you're going to get alot out of it and I can't wait for
you to hear this episode.
So welcome to the show, Stephanie.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's a pleasure to be here.
I'm looking forward tochatting with you.
Absolutely.
Can you just start first of all.
With just sharing a little bitabout what your journey's been like,
(02:08):
what life looks like now, andwhat you see on the horizon for yourself
as well?
Sure, that's a lot to cover,but as you mentioned, my background
is primarily in publicrelations, consumer entertainment
and event planning.
And I did and still have myown event planning Business.
I started that when my ex andI moved from New York into Connecticut.
(02:29):
And so I was like, what am Igoing to do with my life?
So I started my own eventplanning company.
And throughout the marriage, Iwas busy working on that.
And now that we are no longertogether, God has me on a different
course.
And through the three plusyears since I've been divorced and
on my healing journey and sortof reconnecting back with forging
(02:50):
my relationship closer withGod, he put on my heart to share
my story.
I had to get out there andshare my testimony and all the amazing
things he's done in my life.
And that's how my podcastsecond act sessions came to fruition.
I have been talking about itfor several years, but I feel like
I wasn't ready.
I wasn't healed enough, Iwasn't strong enough.
(03:12):
Because not only was I healingfrom a divorce, which as we all know,
is a death in and of itself,I, through healing, realized I was
also married to a narcissist.
So my healing was twofold.
It was really kind ofgrappling with, oh my goodness, where
am I?
Midlife, late 40s, findingmyself newly divorced, single, nothing
(03:33):
that I had planned on, did notexpect that at all.
And then finding myself singlenow and then realizing that I had
to also heal from theemotional abuse, which is really
gruesome.
It took a while for me tobuild up my self confidence because
what a narcissist will do isthey will isolate you and they will
strip you of your identity.
And it's a very slow, gradual process.
(03:55):
And I see myself now, likeeven a year from now, I'm a different
person.
Two years from now, I'm adifferent person.
It's taken me that long to,like I said, build up.
He broke my spirit, he brokemy self confidence, my identity.
Like I just was a shell of a person.
And I really had to go inwardthis past three years and do the
(04:15):
hard work, do the healing,really face the mirror and really
rely on God to deliver metruly from evil and help me rebuild
myself.
And I'm doing that through mypodcast now.
So I'm blessed to be able tospeak with people such as yourself
and other guests and topicsthat I'm passionate about that I
want to share with the worldand really just be a light, be an
inspiration to show peoplethat no matter what you're going
(04:38):
through, you will survive, youwill heal, you will get stronger,
and God is always there foryou, even when you don't hear him,
even when you're in A reallychallenging season.
He is always right there.
And that's been a journey forme because I lost my connection with
God when I was in my marriage.
Everything revolved around myex, and I can't blame him for everything.
(05:01):
Obviously it takes two totango, but when you marry someone
who says they're agnostic.
I should have listened to thered flag.
And that's another thing, likepaying attention to red flags.
But you didn't really knowyourself and know your self worth.
It's really hard to do that.
And then you get someone who'sjust overpowering and kind of strips
you of your strength in somany ways.
(05:22):
And so, like I said, it'staken me a while to build that back
up.
And every day I'm feelingstronger and stronger.
And I'm just so blessed toshare my story and hopefully, like
I said, be an inspiration to others.
I love that.
Yeah.
I mean, there's so much there.
But I think the first thingis, is, you know, you had said like
you kind of had, and I think alot of us can relate to this, like,
(05:43):
ebb and flow faith.
Right.
So many of us might havealways had some faith, but it kind
of takes twists and turns inour life.
And I think maybe that's thefirst thing is just what helped you
come back.
Right.
And can start deepening thatrelationship with God.
Like, what does that look like?
(06:03):
Well, it's interesting.
So as I say, God has alwayshad his hand on me.
I was born again when I was 11years old.
I've been in the Christianchurch since I was 6, but I was officially
born again when I was 11.
And I feel like this world isjust hard.
I feel like this world isreally hard to navigate and stay
close with God because there'sso many distractions.
The enemy is so prevalent inevery little thing.
(06:23):
And you really, truly do haveto put your full armor of God on.
But this is back when I was inmy 20s and 30s and you're not as
connected in a way.
I was so busy with my careerand then falling in love and you
get lost.
But I will say there's twoinstances when I really feel like
he left the 99 and came for me.
And I actually just bought apicture of Jesus holding a lamb because
(06:46):
it meant so much to me.
So here I am at the end of my marriage.
It was really bad.
2020 obviously was horrificbecause of COVID but it also played
out in our marriage.
And in 2021, I almost didn'trecognize him towards the end.
It was Just the way I wasbeing treated, it was awful.
And I got on my hands andknees one day and I said, I'm done.
I can't do this.
(07:07):
Falling crying to God, saying,lord, I surrender all.
I give it to you.
I said, thy will be done.
You handle this marriage.
You either fix this marriageor you dissolve it.
I said, because I can't dothis anymore.
Two weeks later, my ex came to me.
He's like, I want a divorce.
Okay.
It was so jarring.
But I asked for it, and Godanswered me wholeheartedly.
(07:30):
The funny thing is that.
So you would think that Iwould just get closer to Jesus.
And I did, in a way, acceptthe enemy didn't want me getting
close to Jesus.
And what he did was hedistracted me with New age spirituality.
So then I went down that pathfor a while, and although I was still
toeing the line, thinking, Ican be a Christian, but I can still
(07:51):
believe in this and I can goto read my Bible.
But it was just so confusing,though, because I was being torn.
And then last year, it wasduring the time it was threefold
again.
A number three always speaksto me.
It's my favorite number.
The three represents Father,Son, Holy Ghost.
So anything happens in threes,I know it's from God.
(08:13):
So I was watching all of thosehurricanes, remember the North Carolina
and Florida.
And I was just devastated.
I was praying.
I was checking on TikTok, allthe people we were following, all
the farms.
Like, you would hear peoplefrom other countries praying.
Do you remember that?
It was just absolutely.
I felt like God's presencethat week.
I don't know what it was.
And that also coincided with.
(08:34):
I was watching the chosen.
A person, a third person toldme I had to watch the chosen.
So I'm watching the chosenbawling every day because it was
just so touching.
And.
And I really feel like thatshow really does bring Jesus to life
in a way I hadn't experienced.
And then the third thing was Icame across this pastor, and I swear
I mention him every time inalmost every podcast, because this
(08:57):
is a God moment for me.
I came across him onInstagram, and I remember, like,
going back and forth with,like, oh, is this New age spirituality
real?
I don't know if this is the truth.
And he was speaking about inthe Bible.
I forget which verse.
It's something I hadn't heard before.
And I went to a Christianschool for four years.
Like, no one preached this.
(09:17):
But he's going on saying, youknow, everyone, you're all out there
going to your tarot readers,go into mediums, going to psychics.
And he's yelling.
He goes, it's demonic.
It was like God slapped me inthe face with that message.
And as soon as I heard that, Iheard, I am the way, the truth, and
the life.
And I knew right then andthere, I was like, that's it.
(09:39):
I'm done.
I'm done with New age spirituality.
I have not seen a psychic ortarot reader or anything since that
day.
And it was so jarring and so beautiful.
And I feel like God can reachyou in any way that works for you.
He knows you.
So for me, he knows how toreach me through social media because
I do a lot of scrolling and researching.
(10:03):
I get memes that come across.
I get pastors that come acrosswith messages, and I really believe
he will meet you where you are.
And for me, that's where Ihappened to be.
I was on social quite a bit,scrolling through Instagram and TikTok
and.
Oh, my goodness.
So that was like, twoinstances right there where God truly
delivered me.
(10:23):
And then I was like, that's it.
And then I just.
Something in me changed.
I ended up becoming a memberof my church that I had been going
to for years, off and on.
So much so that our pastorlooked at me.
He's like, you're not a member already?
I'm like, no, I guess I'm not.
I didn't even realize that I wasn't.
So I became a member.
I try to go to church every Sunday.
(10:44):
I put on my full armor of God,which is trying to read the Bible
every day.
It's hard for me because Ihave adhd, so it's hard for me to,
like, sit and read.
My brain's going a mile a minute.
I put on my Christian worshipmusic all day.
I just.
I like to keep that on becauseit really just helps me.
And I pray daily.
(11:04):
I talk to God all day long.
And so I feel like my wholejourney has not only gotten me closer
to God ultimately, but it'salso healed me.
He's delivered me.
I've seen blessings within myfamily as well.
It's just, he's so good, andI'd be so, like, selfish for me not
to share that and just sharewhat he's done in my life.
(11:25):
And listen, I know people havebeen through probably way worse things
than I've been through.
But, you know, know what?
I have a voice.
I have a platform.
And if I can impart any wisdomor lessons learned or knowledge,
I'm happy to Share it.
Because I just would not wishanyone to go through what I went
through dealing with anarcissist, whether you're dating
or whether you're in aromantic marriage or relationship
(11:47):
or even friendships.
Because I saw God pull and ripout friends out of my life who were
no good for me.
And I realize now throughhealing, that they also were narcissistic
exists.
So I think the enemy just hasa really strong or had a strong hold
on me for a while to keep mefrom what God has for me and what
his plan is for me.
Does that make sense?
(12:08):
Absolutely.
Oh, my gosh, you shared somuch good stuff.
And yes, forever.
No, no, it was great.
This is only one tidbit of it.
I think there's several thingsI'll kind of grab.
But I'm with you on not somuch Facebook, but for me, Instagram,
I mean, I go to TikTok stuff,but not so much.
But for me, I have such acurated Instagram feed that almost
(12:32):
all of it, I'd say 95% of itis either faith based, health based.
It's all the gardening,whatever, all the things I'm interested
in.
So all day long.
Well, I mean, not that I'msitting there all day long, but like,
when I go on there, I actuallyam encouraged and inspired and I
must save.
I probably have 30,000 thingsin my God folder.
(12:53):
Right?
I have.
But like, a lot of them.
I was working on a solopodcast earlier, or I started it
yesterday and I just couldn't quite.
I don't know, it wasn't one Ihad fleshed out fully, you know,
because sometimes it's kind oflike I have an idea or two and I
just kind of riff.
And other times I have hard toarticulate sometimes.
And so.
And then today, one of thethings I saw by a pastor was literally
(13:14):
like, oh, my gosh, this is.
This really goes so well withthe first thing that I was going
to talk about.
But I have that happen all thetime where something hits me, the
words.
I'm like, you have certainpastors, whether I listen to their
sermon or I read their books,they speak in such a way that they
bring a Christian faith to life.
For me, which, don't get mewrong, I know we want that from the
(13:37):
Bible, but sometimes even ifyou have study Bibles, it doesn't
hit the same way.
Right.
For me, I need both.
I need to.
I need it to be told to me ina way that makes sense.
Sense and stories of today andbiblical stories.
Because then I can kind ofconnect it to my life, right?
And so, yes.
And I feel like I've gotten somuch healing from memes or from videos
(14:00):
that I've seen.
And like, like I said, I thinkGod was using it all along because
when I initially was healing,what popped up, all the narcissist
experts and memes and quotesthat literally I felt like I had
healing.
Like, it was almost like goingto a therapist with some of these
memes and experts that were so instrumental.
(14:21):
And I know that was all God's doing.
And then as I.
Through the years, I've seenother things come up and I now know
I need to hear or God has amessage for me.
So as I mentioned earlier, Ido think God will meet you where
you are and he will talk toyou in ways that he knows you will
be able to hear.
And it resonates with me, feelwhatever that may be.
Tik Tok, Instagram, you nameit, Right?
(14:43):
That's right.
The grocery store, yourfriend, anything, anything, anything.
I think sometimes, though, weare so busy with our lives that we
aren't open.
Like, we're not paying attention.
Right?
And so you and I both saidthat we tend to notice, right?
We kind of maybe are awarethat, yes.
You know, like, what's going on.
(15:03):
And you know what I thinkthat's really meant for me, right?
Or whatever was going on orthat spoke to me.
But I do talk to people allthe time that I feel like they're.
They're kind of oblivious,like they're.
They're so stuck in their todo list and their yes.
Obligations that they're notpaying attention.
Right?
To, like, God speaking to usin the world, the way he speaks.
(15:24):
And that's the other thing Ithink this world, as we mentioned,
is so hard to navigate becauseI feel like the enemy is in charge
of this world nine times outof ten.
And we have to navigate and bethe light.
But what I will say is that ofcourse I lost my train of thought.
I just think that he'll reachyou wherever you are.
But I think we also have tosteal our minds because this world
(15:46):
has us so busy that he, like,for the past three years, I haven't
done much.
I kind of gone like almost like.
A hermit, like a healing hermit.
And he just kept saying, be still.
Just be still.
Because he knew how my brain worked.
With an ADHD brain,undiagnosed self diagnosed, he knows
that my brain can go a mile a minute.
And for me to hear him, Ireally had to slow everything down
(16:11):
to hear his voice, however,and whenever he's speaking with me.
And actually, it's ironic youmentioned that because just the other
night he was showing me, youknow, as I was kind of grappling
with being single and praying,like, please bring me my person this
year, but again, your will be done.
But he's also showing me thathe wants me to just be in relationship
(16:32):
with him right now and show mehis love if I pay attention to it.
And I was outside the otherday, and he's like, see, remember
what I showed you?
You were outside.
And remember you had thatbeautiful butterfly come into your
garden.
And like, little things like that.
Maybe most people aren'tpaying attention to that, but I do.
And I see those are little,like God weights, like, or little
(16:54):
ways that God is showing me heloves me.
And it may not be with aphysical man or someone who can hold
me and hug me, but he can loveme in other ways.
And I thought that was sotouching when he kind of shared that
with.
Me the other night.
Because I think we allstruggle with loneliness from time
to time.
Or we're so busy, we're like,is God even there?
Does he even hear me?
(17:15):
I can't hear him.
And I think to your point, wejust need to quiet our brains sometimes
and just take a deep breathand go inward and just listen.
You know, we don't always haveto talk.
Just listen.
That's right.
Yeah.
I'd say most of us, I thinksomewhere I've read it might have
been an old Pastor Bishop typeperson, but he said, like, one of
(17:35):
the biggest problems of theworld is that we don't know how to
be quiet with ourselves.
Yes.
Which means we can't hear Godor our own, you know, thought so.
I'm with you on that.
And I'm with you.
I much believe that everynight God is creating an artistic,
you know, masterpiece withsunsets and that, you know, all of
(17:58):
nature, the beautiful flowersand, you know, so I'm with you.
I have a micro gratitudepractice, which I do all day long.
And it's literally aconversation with God and it's.
Yeah, just thanking him forevery little thing.
Like, how did you come up withthat many colors of red?
How many?
You know, like, the flowersbehind you, like, you know, and I'm
like, if anybody doesn'tunderstand there's a Creator.
I'm like, look at everything ahuman creates artistically.
(18:20):
It's already in nature.
Like, we didn't make thosecolors up.
They came from nature.
But yet we somehow, you know,some of us don't want to.
Want to see it.
Well, in my daily devotionalthat I read, I was just actually
yesterday saying the closestway to connect with Jesus and be
close with God is justgratitude and being thankful.
Once you do that, he will comeback in and like, he's there.
(18:43):
Like, he just, you know, it'slittle things.
Be thankful you have a roofover your head.
Be thankful, you know, youhave a loving family or I have my
nieces, even though I don'thave my own children.
God blesses you in so manyother ways.
So just focus on what you'regrateful for.
It could be big or little, andI think that's a great place to start
on a daily basis.
Yeah.
(19:03):
So one thing that you.
You talk about, I know is, andyou just mentioned it, is loneliness.
So let's talk about that for a minute.
Because like you said, itdoesn't matter if you're single,
you're married, you're dating someone.
It doesn't matter what stageyou're in.
We can all feel lonely nomatter if we're in a room with 500
people or in a relationshipwith one person.
Because it's not about theperson or the room.
(19:23):
No.
Right.
It's about something more.
So what would you just sharewith us?
Because I think, especiallysince COVID I think.
Right.
There's even a bigger strugglewith people still feeling lonely.
We.
We feel empty in some way,like there's something missing.
And what would you just say,state of that?
Well, I would say looking backon my marriage in particular, I was
married, and just because I'mmarried did not mean I wasn't lonely.
(19:46):
I always say I was theloneliest married person you had
ever met.
And I'm sure there's some ofyour viewers and listeners are feeling
the same way.
It's because I think we put somuch effort and responsibility on
the other person to make ushappy, to keep us company, and we
can't do that.
We have to go inward, do thework, do the healing.
(20:06):
Whatever childhood trauma youhave that you're ignoring and not
willing to look in the mirror,we have to do the work first and
love ourselves.
I'm not saying love ourselvesthinking we're the greatest thing
in the world.
Not that there's anything evenwrong with that, because God made
us in his image and we areperfect in his eye.
Instead of realizing that anddoing the work to get back to who
(20:28):
we really are as children ofGod, we get so busy and distracted
with work, with everything,and we don't want to go inward and,
and the problem is that if youdon't know yourself and know you
know what you like, what youdon't like, what are your, your boundaries
with people, whether it's afriendship or romantic partner, it's
never going to work.
And you're always going tofeel alone because you aren't in
(20:50):
touch with yourself.
And it sounds like you alsoprobably aren't in relationship with
a higher power.
For us, it's God.
But you know, whoever it is,you just need to do the work and
do the healing and then, thenyou can feel so confident in yourself
that you could be in a roomwith 5,000 people and still not feel
(21:11):
alone because you know yourself worth.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So there's a lot of internalwork that I didn't even know about.
Like, I just went through lifeand then I took the time for three
years, I'm not even joking.
It's been three years ofhealing and just being alone and
enjoying the little things andbuilding my relationship with God
and seeing the friendshipsthat are coming and going and just
(21:33):
applying all that healing.
And that really helps mebecause so right now I am single,
49 and single.
Never thought I'd be here, butI'm not lonely.
I have moments where I'm like,oh, I want to have a partner because
I want companionship.
I'm sick of, you know, I loveto go on a trip with someone.
Not just my girlfriends whoall snore so hard to go on vacations
(21:54):
with them, but I love them.
But I'm also like, but that's okay.
God has me right where I needto be right now.
I know he's going to bring myperson when the time is right, when
I'm right and when he's rightand I have no control.
So I have to let it go andenjoy the now.
Don't worry about the past.
You can't worry about the future.
All we have is now.
(22:14):
And I think once you live inthe moment and celebrate being present,
all the other stuff just kindof fades away.
It doesn't matter, you know,if that makes sense.
Like that's sort of just whatI've experienced in my, in my journey.
No, I absolutely agree with you.
I, I think any of the timeswhere I felt lonely, you know, I've
(22:35):
been married for 26 years.
I've been with my husband for31, so I mean, I was young, I was
20.
Right?
That's a long time.
So.
We are very different people from.
20 to I'm 51, so absolutely.
It's a long time.
So my point is, we'veobviously changed over the years
and you know, we have a good relationship.
He's a good, very goodhusband, good dad.
(22:57):
But the point though is, isI've still felt lonely before.
But it, but it was the same thing.
It was that I was all of asudden in those moments, like wanting
something for my husband thatwasn't his, if he wasn't doing anything
wrong.
It was that I needed to domore work where I needed to re.
Shift my perspective.
Right.
Like, in other words, it wasbecause I started focusing on ego,
(23:20):
like my ego instead of likelove and serving and being a good
wife.
And not that that means Ishould not want the same from him,
but what I meant is, ofcourse, but so I've found that too
is whenever I felt lonely, itwas because it was something in me
that I needed to work on orthat I needed to reflect on.
And it was also maybe timeswhere I wasn't as focused on my relationship
(23:42):
with God.
Because as we know, yes.
If you're a Christian, theysay, like, God has designed us to
have a hole in our heart, likea space for God.
And so when we don't, we canfill it with nothing but God.
And we can try, right?
That's how we try to fill lotsof things in there.
But it will never fulfill usin the same way is that relationship.
And so I absolutely agree withyou on the loneliness is.
(24:04):
Loneliness has nothing to dowith companionship or if people around
us.
It has to do with somethingthat we have to do.
The work and then ourrelationship and our faith.
And I think what happens is ifyou don't, if you or whoever doesn't
understand that, we end upjust projecting all of our anger,
stress, sadness onto thatperson, whether it's a friend or
(24:25):
a husband.
And it has nothing to do with them.
It's us.
And we need to do the inwardwork, you know, and that's taken
me a while to find, figure outand realize, like, oh, okay, like,
and I see it, I'm like, thatperson's just projecting.
It has nothing to do with you.
They're projecting theirtrauma, unhealed trauma onto you.
So ignore, ignore, set aboundary, wish them well, send them
(24:48):
a prayer.
But that is not yourresponsibility to fix.
We have to do the work and wecan only.
I feel we can't do anythingwithout that.
Like, I've tried it.
Trust me, you can't.
Right.
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
Well, and the other thing toois I, I don't recall who said this.
It might have been some sortof therapist or somebody.
(25:09):
But is that we try to make,when we're in a, you know, a companionship,
romantic relationship,relationship with someone, we try
to make them be our everything.
Like you said.
Like we want them to be likeour best buddy and do fun activities,
but we want them to beresponsible and clean the house.
We want them to be intimate.
We.
(25:30):
So we want them to be everything.
And then it's like.
But then, but it's like that'snot ever what a relationship or marriage
was.
It doesn't mean we don't, wedon't hope.
There are a lot of thosethings, but most people aren't every
part of that.
Right.
Like we can be bits of some ofthat, but it's.
And so we're.
Our expectation of arelationship or.
Right.
A long term relationship or marriage.
(25:52):
We're putting theseexpectations that are not realistic
really on them.
Right.
You know, and so I think whathappens is sometimes we put our husband,
our spouse first too, before God.
And then that's just a recipefor disaster, you know, unfortunately,
because that's so muchpressure on them as well.
We almost, in a way theybecome like a false idol.
(26:13):
Right.
It could be anything, could bea false God or false idol.
Right.
And so I feel like for me, Iwas always in a relationship.
I went from boyfriend toboyfriend to marriage and it was
like they consumed me.
I was.
Everything was about them.
And it's like hardly everabout me, certainly not about God.
So I feel like the balanceneeds to shift in relationships,
(26:33):
at least for me.
And you know, as far as, yes,I want my person, but I don't think
God wants that for me until Ialways make God the priority and
don't get sidetracked with newfancy guy in my life.
You know what I mean?
Absolutely.
Right, right.
It's because we can.
Right.
There are definitely peopleand patterns that, that, that happens
(26:54):
with.
Right.
Like you said, like, well, Ineed a, I need a person.
I need my person.
And like you said, and youjust, if you don't have that one,
then you're looking for thenext one.
Because we're looking for themto fill something.
Right.
And I'm not saying you don'twant the person, but to your point,
they can't fill everything.
They can't fill the space that God.
God is meant for.
Right?
Yeah, 100%.
(27:14):
Yeah, I agree.
So I feel like a lot of womenstruggle with something that we've
sort of alluded to, which iswe don't want to upset people or
we always put people'sfeelings and their needs ahead of
ours.
I mean, that's very typicalfor women, right?
I mean, because womentypically are the caregivers in some
way, whether it's for a spouseor a, you know, a parent, like a,
(27:36):
you know, maybe a sick parent,could be kids.
But what have you learnedgoing through this, this process,
right, of being in anarcissistic marriage to divorced
and then doing all thishealing work and kind of reconnecting
on a deeper faith level?
Like, what would you say about that?
Have you learned anything orkind of seen your spouse yourself
becoming healthier in that area?
(27:58):
I have, actually.
So for someone who I thinksimilar to you, and even as a good
Christian, it was always, I'malways a good Christian.
I'm always going to be nice,I'm going to give.
I'm selfless.
And my mother was the same way.
And it's admirable.
And I just gave and gave and gave.
I gave to my ex, I gave to my friends.
The problem I realized is thatI wasn't setting boundaries for myself.
(28:19):
It's not for them, it's for myself.
And setting boundaries isn't amean thing.
It isn't an anti Christian thing.
It means you respect yourselfenough to know that, okay, yes, I
want to help them.
But you know what?
Now is not a good time for me.
And it's okay to say no.
It's okay to say no.
And it doesn't make you a bad person.
(28:40):
And if you're realizing you'regiving to the wrong people, which
I didn't realize because Iwasn't healed, I literally call them
like vampires.
They will suck the energy outof you and they will take and take
and take until you havenothing left.
And that happened with my ex,that happened with so many friends.
And I realized, okay, if I'mgoing to give, I just need to make
sure I'm giving to the right people.
(29:01):
The people that are are goodto me, that do respect me, that do
respect my boundaries and thatI'm not saying they have to reciprocate,
but at least I know theyappreciate it.
And learning that it was hardfor me because I'm such a giver that
I then had to learn how to bethe receiver, which is foreign to
me.
So that's what I've been been doing.
(29:21):
And I have so many amazingfriends, like I said, that God took
out of my life, thankfully.
But then he's blessed me withso more amazing Christian faith based
women and I see how justhealthy that relationship is, where
I'll give but then it's alwaysreciprocated and it's like I don't
have to ask that I don't thinkI'm taking advantage of.
It's so lovely to see that.
(29:43):
And so for me moving forward,I also have learned what not to do
when God brings me my nextperson and hopefully my next husband.
Because now I know my self worth.
I love myself and I love Godfirst and foremost that I don't want
anything that God doesn't wantfor me.
And so I'm going to be goinginto it knowing that I'm not alone,
that God goes ahead of me,that he's prepared the way and that
(30:06):
I don't have to worry.
But now I have all these toolsthat I've learned that I can observe
and watch and see how theytreat me.
And now I can say, okay, youknow what, you're not for me or you
know what, I want to pull backmy energy.
I'm not going to reach out as much.
Let me just take a step back.
Because I was always the onefor call the friend.
I was the one who'd rush overand bring food if you needed help
(30:28):
if your parents were in the hospital.
But then when I went throughmy divorce, I saw really quick who
was really there for me.
00 of my friends that I wasthere for were there for me.
And hey, everyone's on theirown journey.
I thank God for showing me,giving me clear eyes to see who really
are my friends.
And that's been a blessing andlike I said, it's opened up so, so
(30:51):
many new friendships for me.
But I will say that everyone,do the inner work, know your boundaries,
know your self worth.
Because that can apply to somany relationships.
Not just romantic and that'sbeen a game changer for me and still
being a good Christian, butalso not getting walked all over.
God doesn't want that either.
You know, like, come on,people take advantage of us because
(31:13):
we're so nice.
Or you're an empath.
I'm definitely an empath.
But it's like, all right, butthat doesn't mean I'm going to give
to everybody, you know, like I can't.
Well, yeah, I mean, obviouslyeven Jesus gives us that example.
I mean it's that yes, we wantto serve, we want to be kind, we
want to show up in love, wewant to do all these things, but
you can't do it 24 7.
(31:34):
Right.
Every single day we have tohave time to rest.
We have to have time to God.
I mean, that's what Jesus did, right?
He separated from all thestuff during the day and he went
into the wilderness or he wentby himself or whatever it was.
So that's the example we're given.
And I think you're right.
Too many of us don't setboundaries or we continue to say
yes to too many things andwonder why we're exhausted and depleted.
(31:57):
But it's because we have tonot just set boundaries, but we have
to also say, like, this mightbe a good thing, a good endeavor
or a good opportunity, youknow, but it's like at some point,
it's like, is this still theseason to keep doing the thing?
Right.
Even volunteering?
It's like, I have had friendswho, they volunteered for so long
in a certain position, butthey were exhausted and worn out,
(32:18):
worn out and frustrated by the environment.
And at some point I'm like,well, maybe it's time to pause that
for now.
Or.
Yeah, right.
And so in other words, I thinksometimes out of obligation or guilt
or whatever.
Yeah.
Doing things when really it'snot for us to keep doing.
I love.
Oh, go ahead.
That's a good point.
Because I know a couple of myfriends, they have so much guilt,
(32:40):
like the teacher, ItalianCatholic guilt.
And I'm just like, let it go.
God died on Jesus died on thecross for you not to have that guilt.
Why are you still harboringthat and carrying it around?
And also, I think a lot ofpeople are so worried what the other
person's gonna say.
Oh, whatever their feelings,if I say no, who cares?
I'm sorry, you come first.
There's no looking out for you.
(33:01):
Except for you and God.
You gotta take care of yourself.
And I'm not saying be mean orcold hearted.
I'm just saying don't have tosay yes all the time.
And you don't need to worrywhat anyone else thinks.
Who cares?
Do you?
That's just how I want to do you.
I love that.
Yeah, no, it's true.
And before we startedrecording, I even told you that is
(33:22):
I'm.
I can.
Don't get me wrong, like, I'mpretty easygoing, but I can be feisty.
But when it comes to certaintopics, I'm.
I'm still working on fullyspeaking my truth.
And the reason is because ofthe environment we currently live
in.
So since COVID Right.
Whether it's medical opinionsor freedom political, I have.
(33:44):
I know exactly where I standon everything.
But because I have some peoplearound me, right.
Family or, or because of theenvironment, right.
Online or whatever, I am verycareful not to talk about it a lot.
And it's not because I'msomething that isn't true, it's that
I just hold back whether rightor wrong.
The point is, is it's becauseit didn't feel safe, right.
(34:06):
It wasn't in some cases.
And so, so whether it'ssomebody that's relate or friends
or it's other things, for meit was these other topics.
Right.
And it, but it didn't reallyhappen until the last couple years.
And so that's still somethinglike I have another podcast.
I've only done, I don't know,five or eight episodes for it, but
it's a, you know, a healthrelated, more health related podcasts.
(34:28):
But you know, my hope is totalk about some of the things that
for a long time I didn't feellike I could talk about.
Right.
With experts.
But it's because I just, Iwould dig in to all the information.
But it's the same thing wherewe do have to be able to not have
guilt, not feel afraid orshame and just be okay with what
we know to be what we believe,whether that's our faith or something
(34:51):
else.
And that can be hard for useven as Christians.
Right.
How many times are peopleattacked for your faith, whatever
your faith is.
And so once again, it's notthat we have to shout from the mountaintops
constantly, but we should alsonot feel like we can't speak openly.
No, I agree and I think we do.
As Christians, we need to bebold in Jesus and be bold in our
faith, whatever that pertainsto politics, health.
(35:13):
I mean, I'm very outspoken.
I mean not so much on mypodcast you yet, but there's a lot
of people that I want to have on.
Personally, I love everythingthat RFK Jr. Is doing.
I'm very much into the healthfield with them.
We have a lot of issues in myfamily with health and I, I know
so much that I'm like,although I'm not a health expert,
I'm an expert in the sensethat I've been so ingrained in it
(35:35):
and I'm like, you know what, Ineed to speak my truth now because
I think a lot of people inthis world don't have God and they
need people like us to speakup and be bold and not only with
our faith but with our beliefsthat we also know are aligned with
God as Well, so we're notstraying that far from our beliefs
as Christians.
I think we just need to bebolder and speak our truth, because
(35:57):
if we don't, who's going to, like.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I agree with you.
Yeah, I agree.
And I think part of it is just the.
Is being careful in the environment.
Like, I have to.
I have to stay off.
Like, I just.
Even this week, I went onFacebook a couple of times.
I wasn't even on for a minute.
I had to get the heck out ofthere because I'm like, it's awful.
It's just.
I don't.
I'm never on it anymorebecause it's awful.
(36:18):
I'm only on TikTok and Instagram.
Facebook is the worst betweenyou and me, but.
Well, no, it is.
And that's why, I don't know,I barely.
I go on there for a minute tokind of check some things or one.
One or two groups I'm stillin, and that's it.
I don't even post on there.
If I post on there, it'sbecause it comes from Instagram most
of the time.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
But my point is, is partly.
I just know that it means Ineed to get around more people in
(36:40):
these spaces.
Like, my girlfriends realign.
Like, that's not.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
It's.
It's more that I'm.
It's the people that I'mafraid I don't want to, you know,
like family member, you know,people like that, where I'm just
trying to be respectful andcautious, I guess you could say.
But that's not saying that'sthe right thing.
I'm still working on.
Yeah.
Speaking my voice in a bolderway as well, is what I'm saying.
(37:03):
Right.
And you will.
You'll get there.
I mean, it took me a while,but right now I'm like, I'm done
being silenced and censored.
And on my personal page, Ipost what I want, when I want, and
that's why I'm shadow bannedall the time.
But I.
At the end of the day, what Icare most about is the truth.
I just want the truth to come out.
And so, like, when God gave methat verse, you know, I'm the way,
(37:25):
the truth and the life thatresonated with me.
And that applies to so manythings in this world as well, especially
truth.
The truth is what I care most about.
Absolutely.
So why don't you share with usif you could say one or two things
to the listeners Just aboutwhat you've been through, what you're
now experiencing, you know,what you see, how you see God moving
(37:48):
in your life and you know he'sgoing to, you know, like, do in your
future.
I mean, not exactly, but whatwould you just want to share?
Well, one thing I will shareis that I know it sounds easy to
say, oh, let go and let Godand surrender all and just God will
take care of it.
Easier said than done.
That is something that I feellike over the past year he's really
(38:08):
been working with me on toreally surrender and let go of the
control and the fear andanxiety because I worry about the
future.
Like, I mean, my brain can goto some really dark places and it's
nonsensical because it hasn'thappened yet.
But because the way myneurodivergent brain is wired, I
had to do a lot of extra workwith some actual therapist and whatnot
(38:31):
to almost like rewire my brain.
Because my brain, while I dofeel like I'm very smart and God
gave me a very sharp brain, mybrain also can get me into a lot
of trouble because I can godown the dark path of worry, doubt,
fear, anxiety, and it's exhausting.
And so one thing I feel likehe's really kind of teaching me and
(38:51):
reminding me is to let go andlet God and know that everything's
going to work out in three years.
You know, you're going to haveenough money, you know, you're going
to meet your person.
And I, even though I don'tknow how I'm going to get there sometimes
because I'm like, I'm doingthis podcast, doesn't make any money
yet, but I know God's going tobless it.
Like, I know it, but it's hardto believe it on the day to day.
(39:13):
So that for me is something.
I'm on a daily basis reallytrying to apply and work and see
God's hand in my life.
So that's something.
And again, I do that daily byreading my Bible, putting on my full
armor and just changing theway I think in the morning.
And like today I was like,kind of bummed.
Today I'm like, why are youeven upset today?
(39:34):
What is going on?
I don't know.
The enemy's trying to attackme and I even just had to say a prayer.
God, renew my mind.
I don't want to feel this depression.
Devil be gone.
And like, I felt better withinfive minutes.
Like, so I think, go.
We're all going to begrappling with what have you?
Do I divorce this person?
Do I stay married?
I would just say, at the endof the day, get right with God.
(39:57):
Speak to him.
He wants to hear from you.
I talk to him all day.
I'm not like an overlyChristian person sometimes I don't
speak biblically the waycertain podcasters do, but I think
that's how I am, and maybethat's the way God wants to use me
to reach people.
So I'm not off putting.
I'm not talking like I'mreading the Bible, because some people
can be intimidated by that.
(40:18):
And I'm not perfect.
I'm just forgiven.
So that's something I feellike I actively work on and really
trying to surrender and trustin God that He has me and he will
take care of me.
He always provides.
And the ironic thing is, Iknow he does.
I see it in my family, I seemy parents.
But yet why can't I believethat he'll do that for me?
(40:41):
Like, do you know what I'm saying?
There's a weird disconnect there.
Absolutely.
Trying so hard to overcome it.
And I'm doing pretty good.
I'm much better over the pastfew months, but I still have moments
where I'm like, oh, my God,what am I doing?
How am I going to make money?
You know, all of that.
All of that.
I know your brain, it's.
It's exhausting.
It is, yeah.
(41:02):
I absolutely connect andrelate to all of that.
And it's true.
And when you're saying thesurrender thing, I think I don't
remember the exact quote, butbasically it's that.
That we have to startrealizing that God's not asking us
to do more, to work harder.
That doesn't work.
He's asking us to surrendermore and then he can show up.
(41:22):
Right.
And I'm the same.
I have to.
I mean, some days, you know,it feels like, oh, I don't.
You know, I'm not crazyhustling like that.
But what I'm saying is I haveto remind myself, like you said,
because sometimes commentswill be made like, oh, well, are
you gonna get a corporate jobagain and pay.
You know, like.
Like, they'll.
Because I'm doing the, like,my own stuff and because I'm not,
(41:44):
to your point, like, up heredoing certain at this point yet.
Right.
Because I'm still finding my way.
I'm still figuring it out.
Yeah.
But, you know, but then I.
Then I'll doubt myself.
Right.
Or I'll doubt.
Yes.
Oh, you know, and.
But it is it's partly theenemy, and it's partly because people
don't understand what we'rebeing called to do.
Right.
And so, absolutely, you know,it can be a.
A struggle, and we just haveto keep knowing that we're.
(42:06):
We're showing up and doing thework we're asked to do.
But it's on his timeline, not ours.
And, you know.
Exactly.
It doesn't mean we don't have to.
Still pay bills, but.
I mean.
No, exactly.
But I also think that's partof what this world is like, because
you see everyone doing this,this and that.
Oh, I should go do that.
I have to do this now.
It's not a race.
We don't need to compareourselves to anybody else out there.
What we're doing is different.
(42:27):
What you're doing is differentthan what I'm doing.
We all have a different purpose.
And I'm all about God.
Just use me.
Whatever you need me to do.
Open the doors, bring theright people in.
I will walk through them.
But, you know, it is.
You're right.
It's a daily battle.
It's a struggle.
We're human.
We're also human.
And he knows that, you know, so.
(42:48):
Yeah.
And one thing I want to touchon, then I'll ask you the last question.
But when you said, look, I'vebeen there too, you know, where over
the years, the last couple ofyears, like, plenty of heaviness
has been on so many of us inthe world, in our own country.
And, you know, I was the same.
Like, I could go down therabbit holes.
Good or bad, it didn't matter.
But I could, like you said,have worry or concern.
(43:09):
I could, you know, or, like,go on it 20 times, you know, and.
But I had to finally be like,this is not this right pattern is
not healthy.
And I had to really go to Godand be like, I need you to take this
from me.
Like, I can still do it, learn information.
I can still.
But I can't let it weigh onme, right?
Like, I can't.
I can educate myself, but Ican't let you hold this, all right?
(43:30):
I can't hold all this.
And then one of my sons, early20s, but when he was in college,
he struck.
He came home because ofdepression and suicidal thoughts.
And to be honest with you, forover two years, every day, I would.
I would wake up and be like,thank God I heard all the kids.
Like, seriously, like, I wasworried, you know, like, would.
(43:53):
Would something happen, right,to one of my kids?
Because since Coven, you know, just.
It really hit a lot of adultsand kids really different.
And.
Oh, all the other stuff.
Right.
Like, they weren't very.
All the things.
And to my point, though, isI've been there where it's like,
every day.
Not all day long, but everyday I was consumed with thoughts
(44:14):
that were helpful.
Yeah.
And I had to really just keeptaking that to God and be like, I
can't change it.
Like, I can do things.
I can pray, which I did a lot of.
And there was a lot of God'smovement in there, in grace.
I'm certain of that.
Right.
Like, but the point is, is I.I had to keep.
Like you said, I had to keepdoing the work.
I had to keep praying andbeing like, I need you to take that
(44:36):
from me because I can't fix this.
And it just is crushing me.
Right.
Like, absolutely.
Because I can't.
I can't know the outcomes ofany of anyone's life.
And I can pray for, you know,healing and all the things, but I
can't really.
I can't change.
I can't.
I don't know what the future is.
Right.
And none of us.
So I only say that for anyonethat, you know, like you said, is
(44:58):
walking through anything.
We all are walking throughsomething, you know, and.
But by talking about it, we help.
Like, I actually talked aboutit a lot.
Not specifics when I meetpeople or on the podcast.
But it's because it's not my story.
But it is.
Right.
The reason is, is becauseother parents or other people need
(45:18):
to know that if we talk aboutit, that's how we learn things or
get help or know that we'renot alone.
Right.
And so just like you talkingabout walking through divorce and
a narcissistic partner.
And so when we talk aboutthese things, we bring the light
in.
Right.
And when we do that, God has away to work.
Right.
Or a better way to work.
So, yeah.
And I also think what we talkabout, because I think at the bottom
(45:40):
of the crosswell as thisreally fear.
Like, fear that's absolutelythe world and all this dark energy.
And you realize that literallythe word is like, fear not or do
not fear is in the Bible 365 times.
That's one for every day.
So every day God is tellingyou, do not fear.
And so, like, sometimes youjust need that message to, like,
(46:01):
snap you out and be like, allright, I'm gonna let it go.
I'm not gonna fear.
God's got it.
I have to let go.
I pray over my niece who hassome Behavioral issues.
And I'm like, I can't help her.
I can love her and be therefor her, and I pray for her every
day.
And I know God's gone, so I just.
I let go and let God.
I mean, but it's so funny.
I can do that with otherpeople, but somehow I can't do that
for myself.
(46:22):
It's harder when it's, youknow yourself absolutely well.
That's always true witheverything, right?
It's like you can.
Exactly.
You can probably plan any of it.
For everyone else, but whenit's your own, I'm sure you could
still do it, and it would be amazing.
So stressful.
It's different, right?
It's kind of like if you're adoctor, it's harder to deal with
your own self as the patientthan it is dealing with everyone
else.
Okay, so last thing.
(46:44):
What would you say?
What's just fueling you up now?
Whether it's something you'redoing in your life, whether it's
a quote, scripture, some funactivity, anything.
Well, actually, I leave thisSaturday for my annual vacation to
Block Island.
We go with my family, mysisters, my nieces, and it's.
There's something about Blackisland that's very magical for us.
We've been going for almost 20years, so I really look forward to
(47:07):
that every year.
And I've been going now forthree years single, so I feel like
for me, it's.
I'm always, like, a littlesad, but I'm also very excited because
you never know who I'm goingto be.
I'm always trying to putmyself out there, so I'm excited
for that.
But I'm also really excitedfor sort of, like, my future with
my podcast and what I'm doing.
I'm looking forward to kind ofputting myself out there more, doing
(47:29):
some speaking opportunities,doing more podcasts, such as yours
being the guest, and justsharing my story and then seeing
where God takes me with that.
So that's kind of like, thingsI'm really immediately looking forward
to vacation and really just,you know, after vacation, just doing
more work with my podcast togrow it and build it.
(47:49):
And I've only been doing thisfor three months, so I launched in
April.
It's been three months.
I already have, like, 16interviews booked, so it's, like,
going really well, and I love it.
I'm just now excited for,like, what's next, you know?
Okay, I figured this out, butwhat else.
What else do you have in storefor me?
So I love it.
All right, can you share withpeople how they can find your podcast
(48:11):
and all that good stuff.
Sure.
So my website is secondactsessions.com everything is on
there, all my social links andall my actual podcasts.
But I'm on Instagram, Ticktock, Facebook.
Everything's just second accessions.
So you can find me, look me up.
My podcast is on Apple,Spotify video form is on YouTube
(48:32):
as well.
I think I'm on ihearteverywhere else that Buzzsprout sends
it out.
I'm everywhere.
So please, you know, Iappreciate if you could come to any
of the podcasts likesubscribe, follow.
I'd really appreciate that as well.
I love it.
Well, thank you for coming onand joining us today, sharing your
heart, sharing your story,your testimony, and just encouraging
the listeners.
(48:52):
Thank you so much.
Oh, my pleasure.
Thank you all so much.
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate it.
Hey, and as we wrap up, I justwanted to share with you, if you
haven't already, head on overto my website, KristinFitch.com to
grab either the reignite yourpassion workbook so that you can
really step into your secondact, feeling purpose and passion
and just reigniting that sparkwithin you.
(49:15):
Or if you've already grabbedthat, I also have a rewire your mind
free download.
That's awesome.
It helps you switch fromnegative thoughts to more useful
positive thoughts.
And I think it's five stepsfor how you can shift your mindset
and shift your thoughts.
Because what we think impactsnot only our life, it impacts our
(49:36):
health and it impacts our relationships.
So go over to KristenFitch.comand go to the freebies page and you
can grab either of those.
Also, did you know I workdirectly with with women that reach
out to me or listen to my podcasts?
But if you're looking to beinspired and encouraged, you need
someone to come alongside ofyou to guide you, to mentor you.
(49:58):
You just need a listener.
You need somebody that canhelp you get clear on something in
your life or help you step upwhat's important to you and make
those things a priority inyour life.
Then head over to my websiteand I have a page all about the services
and how you can work with me directly.
Thanks again for listening tothe show and if you enjoyed today's
episode, we would love it ifyou could take a minute to leave
(50:20):
a rating and review on Applepodcast because it helps our show
get discovered by more people.
Hey.
Hey beautiful friends.
And welcome back to the podcast.
This is your host, Kristen.
Today I have a guest interviewfor you and we are going to talk
about walking through hard things.
We're going to talk aboutletting go and letting God, as easy
as that sounds.
But what does that look likein practice?
We're going to be talkingabout her walking through divorce,
narcissistic spouse.
(00:21):
We're going to talk about whata second act in our lives looks like
and we're just going to talkabout all the things that God's doing
and moving in our life andwhat we've experienced.
Hey friend, are you cravingdeeper faith renewed purpose and
more joy in your everyday life?
Welcome to Faith Fueled Womanpodcast that helps Christian women
grow spiritually pursue God'scalling and embrace the abundant
(00:44):
life he has for you.
I'm Kristen, an encourager,mentor, entrepreneur, wife and mom,
here to uplift, equip andinspire you with faith filled conversations
and biblical wisdom.
Subscribe now so you nevermiss an episode and join our faith
fueled community for more encouragement.
Hi.
Today on the podcast I want towelcome our guest, Stephanie Carmody.
(01:06):
She has worked in brand andcelebrity PR work for over two decades.
She's worked with top names inentertainment media and in 2013 she
started her boutique eventplanning company, Trey Chic Events.
And this year she has launcheda lifestyle podcast dedicated to
exploring life's full ofreinventions called Second Act Sessions.
(01:27):
And I'm really excited to talkto her today because we're going
to talk about what life lookslike as we step into midlife, what
life looks like when ourseasons change, when God is calling
us into something new.
We're going to talk abouthaving to go through hurt and healing
and what that looks like.
And we're going to talk aboutwhat we might be being called to
(01:48):
now or in our next season.
And so I know it's going to be powerful.
I know you're going to get alot out of it and I can't wait for
you to hear this episode.
So welcome to the show, Stephanie.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's a pleasure to be here.
I'm looking forward tochatting with you.
Absolutely.
Can you just start first of all.
With just sharing a little bitabout what your journey's been like,
(02:08):
what life looks like now, andwhat you see on the horizon for yourself
as well?
Sure, that's a lot to cover,but as you mentioned, my background
is primarily in publicrelations, consumer entertainment
and event planning.
And I did and still have myown event planning Business.
I started that when my ex andI moved from New York into Connecticut.
(02:29):
And so I was like, what am Igoing to do with my life?
So I started my own eventplanning company.
And throughout the marriage, Iwas busy working on that.
And now that we are no longertogether, God has me on a different
course.
And through the three plusyears since I've been divorced and
on my healing journey and sortof reconnecting back with forging
(02:50):
my relationship closer withGod, he put on my heart to share
my story.
I had to get out there andshare my testimony and all the amazing
things he's done in my life.
And that's how my podcastsecond act sessions came to fruition.
I have been talking about itfor several years, but I feel like
I wasn't ready.
I wasn't healed enough, Iwasn't strong enough.
(03:12):
Because not only was I healingfrom a divorce, which as we all know,
is a death in and of itself,I, through healing, realized I was
also married to a narcissist.
So my healing was twofold.
It was really kind ofgrappling with, oh my goodness, where
am I?
Midlife, late 40s, findingmyself newly divorced, single, nothing
(03:33):
that I had planned on, did notexpect that at all.
And then finding myself singlenow and then realizing that I had
to also heal from theemotional abuse, which is really
gruesome.
It took a while for me tobuild up my self confidence because
what a narcissist will do isthey will isolate you and they will
strip you of your identity.
And it's a very slow, gradual process.
(03:55):
And I see myself now, likeeven a year from now, I'm a different
person.
Two years from now, I'm adifferent person.
It's taken me that long to,like I said, build up.
He broke my spirit, he brokemy self confidence, my identity.
Like I just was a shell of a person.
And I really had to go inwardthis past three years and do the
(04:15):
hard work, do the healing,really face the mirror and really
rely on God to deliver metruly from evil and help me rebuild
myself.
And I'm doing that through mypodcast now.
So I'm blessed to be able tospeak with people such as yourself
and other guests and topicsthat I'm passionate about that I
want to share with the worldand really just be a light, be an
inspiration to show peoplethat no matter what you're going
(04:38):
through, you will survive, youwill heal, you will get stronger,
and God is always there foryou, even when you don't hear him,
even when you're in A reallychallenging season.
He is always right there.
And that's been a journey forme because I lost my connection with
God when I was in my marriage.
Everything revolved around myex, and I can't blame him for everything.
(05:01):
Obviously it takes two totango, but when you marry someone
who says they're agnostic.
I should have listened to thered flag.
And that's another thing, likepaying attention to red flags.
But you didn't really knowyourself and know your self worth.
It's really hard to do that.
And then you get someone who'sjust overpowering and kind of strips
you of your strength in somany ways.
(05:22):
And so, like I said, it'staken me a while to build that back
up.
And every day I'm feelingstronger and stronger.
And I'm just so blessed toshare my story and hopefully, like
I said, be an inspiration to others.
I love that.
Yeah.
I mean, there's so much there.
But I think the first thingis, is, you know, you had said like
you kind of had, and I think alot of us can relate to this, like,
(05:43):
ebb and flow faith.
Right.
So many of us might havealways had some faith, but it kind
of takes twists and turns inour life.
And I think maybe that's thefirst thing is just what helped you
come back.
Right.
And can start deepening thatrelationship with God.
Like, what does that look like?
(06:03):
Well, it's interesting.
So as I say, God has alwayshad his hand on me.
I was born again when I was 11years old.
I've been in the Christianchurch since I was 6, but I was officially
born again when I was 11.
And I feel like this world isjust hard.
I feel like this world isreally hard to navigate and stay
close with God because there'sso many distractions.
The enemy is so prevalent inevery little thing.
(06:23):
And you really, truly do haveto put your full armor of God on.
But this is back when I was inmy 20s and 30s and you're not as
connected in a way.
I was so busy with my careerand then falling in love and you
get lost.
But I will say there's twoinstances when I really feel like
he left the 99 and came for me.
And I actually just bought apicture of Jesus holding a lamb because
(06:46):
it meant so much to me.
So here I am at the end of my marriage.
It was really bad.
2020 obviously was horrificbecause of COVID but it also played
out in our marriage.
And in 2021, I almost didn'trecognize him towards the end.
It was Just the way I wasbeing treated, it was awful.
And I got on my hands andknees one day and I said, I'm done.
I can't do this.
(07:07):
Falling crying to God, saying,lord, I surrender all.
I give it to you.
I said, thy will be done.
You handle this marriage.
You either fix this marriageor you dissolve it.
I said, because I can't dothis anymore.
Two weeks later, my ex came to me.
He's like, I want a divorce.
Okay.
It was so jarring.
But I asked for it, and Godanswered me wholeheartedly.
(07:30):
The funny thing is that.
So you would think that Iwould just get closer to Jesus.
And I did, in a way, acceptthe enemy didn't want me getting
close to Jesus.
And what he did was hedistracted me with New age spirituality.
So then I went down that pathfor a while, and although I was still
toeing the line, thinking, Ican be a Christian, but I can still
(07:51):
believe in this and I can goto read my Bible.
But it was just so confusing,though, because I was being torn.
And then last year, it wasduring the time it was threefold
again.
A number three always speaksto me.
It's my favorite number.
The three represents Father,Son, Holy Ghost.
So anything happens in threes,I know it's from God.
(08:13):
So I was watching all of thosehurricanes, remember the North Carolina
and Florida.
And I was just devastated.
I was praying.
I was checking on TikTok, allthe people we were following, all
the farms.
Like, you would hear peoplefrom other countries praying.
Do you remember that?
It was just absolutely.
I felt like God's presencethat week.
I don't know what it was.
And that also coincided with.
(08:34):
I was watching the chosen.
A person, a third person toldme I had to watch the chosen.
So I'm watching the chosenbawling every day because it was
just so touching.
And.
And I really feel like thatshow really does bring Jesus to life
in a way I hadn't experienced.
And then the third thing was Icame across this pastor, and I swear
I mention him every time inalmost every podcast, because this
(08:57):
is a God moment for me.
I came across him onInstagram, and I remember, like,
going back and forth with,like, oh, is this New age spirituality
real?
I don't know if this is the truth.
And he was speaking about inthe Bible.
I forget which verse.
It's something I hadn't heard before.
And I went to a Christianschool for four years.
Like, no one preached this.
(09:17):
But he's going on saying, youknow, everyone, you're all out there
going to your tarot readers,go into mediums, going to psychics.
And he's yelling.
He goes, it's demonic.
It was like God slapped me inthe face with that message.
And as soon as I heard that, Iheard, I am the way, the truth, and
the life.
And I knew right then andthere, I was like, that's it.
(09:39):
I'm done.
I'm done with New age spirituality.
I have not seen a psychic ortarot reader or anything since that
day.
And it was so jarring and so beautiful.
And I feel like God can reachyou in any way that works for you.
He knows you.
So for me, he knows how toreach me through social media because
I do a lot of scrolling and researching.
(10:03):
I get memes that come across.
I get pastors that come acrosswith messages, and I really believe
he will meet you where you are.
And for me, that's where Ihappened to be.
I was on social quite a bit,scrolling through Instagram and TikTok
and.
Oh, my goodness.
So that was like, twoinstances right there where God truly
delivered me.
(10:23):
And then I was like, that's it.
And then I just.
Something in me changed.
I ended up becoming a memberof my church that I had been going
to for years, off and on.
So much so that our pastorlooked at me.
He's like, you're not a member already?
I'm like, no, I guess I'm not.
I didn't even realize that I wasn't.
So I became a member.
I try to go to church every Sunday.
(10:44):
I put on my full armor of God,which is trying to read the Bible
every day.
It's hard for me because Ihave adhd, so it's hard for me to,
like, sit and read.
My brain's going a mile a minute.
I put on my Christian worshipmusic all day.
I just.
I like to keep that on becauseit really just helps me.
And I pray daily.
(11:04):
I talk to God all day long.
And so I feel like my wholejourney has not only gotten me closer
to God ultimately, but it'salso healed me.
He's delivered me.
I've seen blessings within myfamily as well.
It's just, he's so good, andI'd be so, like, selfish for me not
to share that and just sharewhat he's done in my life.
(11:25):
And listen, I know people havebeen through probably way worse things
than I've been through.
But, you know, know what?
I have a voice.
I have a platform.
And if I can impart any wisdomor lessons learned or knowledge,
I'm happy to Share it.
Because I just would not wishanyone to go through what I went
through dealing with anarcissist, whether you're dating
or whether you're in aromantic marriage or relationship
(11:47):
or even friendships.
Because I saw God pull and ripout friends out of my life who were
no good for me.
And I realize now throughhealing, that they also were narcissistic
exists.
So I think the enemy just hasa really strong or had a strong hold
on me for a while to keep mefrom what God has for me and what
his plan is for me.
Does that make sense?
(12:08):
Absolutely.
Oh, my gosh, you shared somuch good stuff.
And yes, forever.
No, no, it was great.
This is only one tidbit of it.
I think there's several thingsI'll kind of grab.
But I'm with you on not somuch Facebook, but for me, Instagram,
I mean, I go to TikTok stuff,but not so much.
But for me, I have such acurated Instagram feed that almost
(12:32):
all of it, I'd say 95% of itis either faith based, health based.
It's all the gardening,whatever, all the things I'm interested
in.
So all day long.
Well, I mean, not that I'msitting there all day long, but like,
when I go on there, I actuallyam encouraged and inspired and I
must save.
I probably have 30,000 thingsin my God folder.
(12:53):
Right?
I have.
But like, a lot of them.
I was working on a solopodcast earlier, or I started it
yesterday and I just couldn't quite.
I don't know, it wasn't one Ihad fleshed out fully, you know,
because sometimes it's kind oflike I have an idea or two and I
just kind of riff.
And other times I have hard toarticulate sometimes.
And so.
And then today, one of thethings I saw by a pastor was literally
(13:14):
like, oh, my gosh, this is.
This really goes so well withthe first thing that I was going
to talk about.
But I have that happen all thetime where something hits me, the
words.
I'm like, you have certainpastors, whether I listen to their
sermon or I read their books,they speak in such a way that they
bring a Christian faith to life.
For me, which, don't get mewrong, I know we want that from the
(13:37):
Bible, but sometimes even ifyou have study Bibles, it doesn't
hit the same way.
Right.
For me, I need both.
I need to.
I need it to be told to me ina way that makes sense.
Sense and stories of today andbiblical stories.
Because then I can kind ofconnect it to my life, right?
And so, yes.
And I feel like I've gotten somuch healing from memes or from videos
(14:00):
that I've seen.
And like, like I said, I thinkGod was using it all along because
when I initially was healing,what popped up, all the narcissist
experts and memes and quotesthat literally I felt like I had
healing.
Like, it was almost like goingto a therapist with some of these
memes and experts that were so instrumental.
(14:21):
And I know that was all God's doing.
And then as I.
Through the years, I've seenother things come up and I now know
I need to hear or God has amessage for me.
So as I mentioned earlier, Ido think God will meet you where
you are and he will talk toyou in ways that he knows you will
be able to hear.
And it resonates with me, feelwhatever that may be.
Tik Tok, Instagram, you nameit, Right?
(14:43):
That's right.
The grocery store, yourfriend, anything, anything, anything.
I think sometimes, though, weare so busy with our lives that we
aren't open.
Like, we're not paying attention.
Right?
And so you and I both saidthat we tend to notice, right?
We kind of maybe are awarethat, yes.
You know, like, what's going on.
(15:03):
And you know what I thinkthat's really meant for me, right?
Or whatever was going on orthat spoke to me.
But I do talk to people allthe time that I feel like they're.
They're kind of oblivious,like they're.
They're so stuck in their todo list and their yes.
Obligations that they're notpaying attention.
Right?
To, like, God speaking to usin the world, the way he speaks.
(15:24):
And that's the other thing Ithink this world, as we mentioned,
is so hard to navigate becauseI feel like the enemy is in charge
of this world nine times outof ten.
And we have to navigate and bethe light.
But what I will say is that ofcourse I lost my train of thought.
I just think that he'll reachyou wherever you are.
But I think we also have tosteal our minds because this world
(15:46):
has us so busy that he, like,for the past three years, I haven't
done much.
I kind of gone like almost like.
A hermit, like a healing hermit.
And he just kept saying, be still.
Just be still.
Because he knew how my brain worked.
With an ADHD brain,undiagnosed self diagnosed, he knows
that my brain can go a mile a minute.
And for me to hear him, Ireally had to slow everything down
(16:11):
to hear his voice, however,and whenever he's speaking with me.
And actually, it's ironic youmentioned that because just the other
night he was showing me, youknow, as I was kind of grappling
with being single and praying,like, please bring me my person this
year, but again, your will be done.
But he's also showing me thathe wants me to just be in relationship
(16:32):
with him right now and show mehis love if I pay attention to it.
And I was outside the otherday, and he's like, see, remember
what I showed you?
You were outside.
And remember you had thatbeautiful butterfly come into your
garden.
And like, little things like that.
Maybe most people aren'tpaying attention to that, but I do.
And I see those are little,like God weights, like, or little
(16:54):
ways that God is showing me heloves me.
And it may not be with aphysical man or someone who can hold
me and hug me, but he can loveme in other ways.
And I thought that was sotouching when he kind of shared that
with.
Me the other night.
Because I think we allstruggle with loneliness from time
to time.
Or we're so busy, we're like,is God even there?
Does he even hear me?
(17:15):
I can't hear him.
And I think to your point, wejust need to quiet our brains sometimes
and just take a deep breathand go inward and just listen.
You know, we don't always haveto talk.
Just listen.
That's right.
Yeah.
I'd say most of us, I thinksomewhere I've read it might have
been an old Pastor Bishop typeperson, but he said, like, one of
(17:35):
the biggest problems of theworld is that we don't know how to
be quiet with ourselves.
Yes.
Which means we can't hear Godor our own, you know, thought so.
I'm with you on that.
And I'm with you.
I much believe that everynight God is creating an artistic,
you know, masterpiece withsunsets and that, you know, all of
(17:58):
nature, the beautiful flowersand, you know, so I'm with you.
I have a micro gratitudepractice, which I do all day long.
And it's literally aconversation with God and it's.
Yeah, just thanking him forevery little thing.
Like, how did you come up withthat many colors of red?
How many?
You know, like, the flowersbehind you, like, you know, and I'm
like, if anybody doesn'tunderstand there's a Creator.
I'm like, look at everything ahuman creates artistically.
(18:20):
It's already in nature.
Like, we didn't make thosecolors up.
They came from nature.
But yet we somehow, you know,some of us don't want to.
Want to see it.
Well, in my daily devotionalthat I read, I was just actually
yesterday saying the closestway to connect with Jesus and be
close with God is justgratitude and being thankful.
Once you do that, he will comeback in and like, he's there.
(18:43):
Like, he just, you know, it'slittle things.
Be thankful you have a roofover your head.
Be thankful, you know, youhave a loving family or I have my
nieces, even though I don'thave my own children.
God blesses you in so manyother ways.
So just focus on what you'regrateful for.
It could be big or little, andI think that's a great place to start
on a daily basis.
Yeah.
(19:03):
So one thing that you.
You talk about, I know is, andyou just mentioned it, is loneliness.
So let's talk about that for a minute.
Because like you said, itdoesn't matter if you're single,
you're married, you're dating someone.
It doesn't matter what stageyou're in.
We can all feel lonely nomatter if we're in a room with 500
people or in a relationshipwith one person.
Because it's not about theperson or the room.
(19:23):
No.
Right.
It's about something more.
So what would you just sharewith us?
Because I think, especiallysince COVID I think.
Right.
There's even a bigger strugglewith people still feeling lonely.
We.
We feel empty in some way,like there's something missing.
And what would you just say,state of that?
Well, I would say looking backon my marriage in particular, I was
married, and just because I'mmarried did not mean I wasn't lonely.
(19:46):
I always say I was theloneliest married person you had
ever met.
And I'm sure there's some ofyour viewers and listeners are feeling
the same way.
It's because I think we put somuch effort and responsibility on
the other person to make ushappy, to keep us company, and we
can't do that.
We have to go inward, do thework, do the healing.
(20:06):
Whatever childhood trauma youhave that you're ignoring and not
willing to look in the mirror,we have to do the work first and
love ourselves.
I'm not saying love ourselvesthinking we're the greatest thing
in the world.
Not that there's anything evenwrong with that, because God made
us in his image and we areperfect in his eye.
Instead of realizing that anddoing the work to get back to who
(20:28):
we really are as children ofGod, we get so busy and distracted
with work, with everything,and we don't want to go inward and,
and the problem is that if youdon't know yourself and know you
know what you like, what youdon't like, what are your, your boundaries
with people, whether it's afriendship or romantic partner, it's
never going to work.
And you're always going tofeel alone because you aren't in
(20:50):
touch with yourself.
And it sounds like you alsoprobably aren't in relationship with
a higher power.
For us, it's God.
But you know, whoever it is,you just need to do the work and
do the healing and then, thenyou can feel so confident in yourself
that you could be in a roomwith 5,000 people and still not feel
(21:11):
alone because you know yourself worth.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So there's a lot of internalwork that I didn't even know about.
Like, I just went through lifeand then I took the time for three
years, I'm not even joking.
It's been three years ofhealing and just being alone and
enjoying the little things andbuilding my relationship with God
and seeing the friendshipsthat are coming and going and just
(21:33):
applying all that healing.
And that really helps mebecause so right now I am single,
49 and single.
Never thought I'd be here, butI'm not lonely.
I have moments where I'm like,oh, I want to have a partner because
I want companionship.
I'm sick of, you know, I loveto go on a trip with someone.
Not just my girlfriends whoall snore so hard to go on vacations
(21:54):
with them, but I love them.
But I'm also like, but that's okay.
God has me right where I needto be right now.
I know he's going to bring myperson when the time is right, when
I'm right and when he's rightand I have no control.
So I have to let it go andenjoy the now.
Don't worry about the past.
You can't worry about the future.
All we have is now.
(22:14):
And I think once you live inthe moment and celebrate being present,
all the other stuff just kindof fades away.
It doesn't matter, you know,if that makes sense.
Like that's sort of just whatI've experienced in my, in my journey.
No, I absolutely agree with you.
I, I think any of the timeswhere I felt lonely, you know, I've
(22:35):
been married for 26 years.
I've been with my husband for31, so I mean, I was young, I was
20.
Right?
That's a long time.
So.
We are very different people from.
20 to I'm 51, so absolutely.
It's a long time.
So my point is, we'veobviously changed over the years
and you know, we have a good relationship.
He's a good, very goodhusband, good dad.
(22:57):
But the point though is, isI've still felt lonely before.
But it, but it was the same thing.
It was that I was all of asudden in those moments, like wanting
something for my husband thatwasn't his, if he wasn't doing anything
wrong.
It was that I needed to domore work where I needed to re.
Shift my perspective.
Right.
Like, in other words, it wasbecause I started focusing on ego,
(23:20):
like my ego instead of likelove and serving and being a good
wife.
And not that that means Ishould not want the same from him,
but what I meant is, ofcourse, but so I've found that too
is whenever I felt lonely, itwas because it was something in me
that I needed to work on orthat I needed to reflect on.
And it was also maybe timeswhere I wasn't as focused on my relationship
(23:42):
with God.
Because as we know, yes.
If you're a Christian, theysay, like, God has designed us to
have a hole in our heart, likea space for God.
And so when we don't, we canfill it with nothing but God.
And we can try, right?
That's how we try to fill lotsof things in there.
But it will never fulfill usin the same way is that relationship.
And so I absolutely agree withyou on the loneliness is.
(24:04):
Loneliness has nothing to dowith companionship or if people around
us.
It has to do with somethingthat we have to do.
The work and then ourrelationship and our faith.
And I think what happens is ifyou don't, if you or whoever doesn't
understand that, we end upjust projecting all of our anger,
stress, sadness onto thatperson, whether it's a friend or
(24:25):
a husband.
And it has nothing to do with them.
It's us.
And we need to do the inwardwork, you know, and that's taken
me a while to find, figure outand realize, like, oh, okay, like,
and I see it, I'm like, thatperson's just projecting.
It has nothing to do with you.
They're projecting theirtrauma, unhealed trauma onto you.
So ignore, ignore, set aboundary, wish them well, send them
(24:48):
a prayer.
But that is not yourresponsibility to fix.
We have to do the work and wecan only.
I feel we can't do anythingwithout that.
Like, I've tried it.
Trust me, you can't.
Right.
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
Well, and the other thing toois I, I don't recall who said this.
It might have been some sortof therapist or somebody.
(25:09):
But is that we try to make,when we're in a, you know, a companionship,
romantic relationship,relationship with someone, we try
to make them be our everything.
Like you said.
Like we want them to be likeour best buddy and do fun activities,
but we want them to beresponsible and clean the house.
We want them to be intimate.
We.
(25:30):
So we want them to be everything.
And then it's like.
But then, but it's like that'snot ever what a relationship or marriage
was.
It doesn't mean we don't, wedon't hope.
There are a lot of thosethings, but most people aren't every
part of that.
Right.
Like we can be bits of some ofthat, but it's.
And so we're.
Our expectation of arelationship or.
Right.
A long term relationship or marriage.
(25:52):
We're putting theseexpectations that are not realistic
really on them.
Right.
You know, and so I think whathappens is sometimes we put our husband,
our spouse first too, before God.
And then that's just a recipefor disaster, you know, unfortunately,
because that's so muchpressure on them as well.
We almost, in a way theybecome like a false idol.
(26:13):
Right.
It could be anything, could bea false God or false idol.
Right.
And so I feel like for me, Iwas always in a relationship.
I went from boyfriend toboyfriend to marriage and it was
like they consumed me.
I was.
Everything was about them.
And it's like hardly everabout me, certainly not about God.
So I feel like the balanceneeds to shift in relationships,
(26:33):
at least for me.
And you know, as far as, yes,I want my person, but I don't think
God wants that for me until Ialways make God the priority and
don't get sidetracked with newfancy guy in my life.
You know what I mean?
Absolutely.
Right, right.
It's because we can.
Right.
There are definitely peopleand patterns that, that, that happens
(26:54):
with.
Right.
Like you said, like, well, Ineed a, I need a person.
I need my person.
And like you said, and youjust, if you don't have that one,
then you're looking for thenext one.
Because we're looking for themto fill something.
Right.
And I'm not saying you don'twant the person, but to your point,
they can't fill everything.
They can't fill the space that God.
God is meant for.
Right?
Yeah, 100%.
(27:14):
Yeah, I agree.
So I feel like a lot of womenstruggle with something that we've
sort of alluded to, which iswe don't want to upset people or
we always put people'sfeelings and their needs ahead of
ours.
I mean, that's very typicalfor women, right?
I mean, because womentypically are the caregivers in some
way, whether it's for a spouseor a, you know, a parent, like a,
(27:36):
you know, maybe a sick parent,could be kids.
But what have you learnedgoing through this, this process,
right, of being in anarcissistic marriage to divorced
and then doing all thishealing work and kind of reconnecting
on a deeper faith level?
Like, what would you say about that?
Have you learned anything orkind of seen your spouse yourself
becoming healthier in that area?
(27:58):
I have, actually.
So for someone who I thinksimilar to you, and even as a good
Christian, it was always, I'malways a good Christian.
I'm always going to be nice,I'm going to give.
I'm selfless.
And my mother was the same way.
And it's admirable.
And I just gave and gave and gave.
I gave to my ex, I gave to my friends.
The problem I realized is thatI wasn't setting boundaries for myself.
(28:19):
It's not for them, it's for myself.
And setting boundaries isn't amean thing.
It isn't an anti Christian thing.
It means you respect yourselfenough to know that, okay, yes, I
want to help them.
But you know what?
Now is not a good time for me.
And it's okay to say no.
It's okay to say no.
And it doesn't make you a bad person.
(28:40):
And if you're realizing you'regiving to the wrong people, which
I didn't realize because Iwasn't healed, I literally call them
like vampires.
They will suck the energy outof you and they will take and take
and take until you havenothing left.
And that happened with my ex,that happened with so many friends.
And I realized, okay, if I'mgoing to give, I just need to make
sure I'm giving to the right people.
(29:01):
The people that are are goodto me, that do respect me, that do
respect my boundaries and thatI'm not saying they have to reciprocate,
but at least I know theyappreciate it.
And learning that it was hardfor me because I'm such a giver that
I then had to learn how to bethe receiver, which is foreign to
me.
So that's what I've been been doing.
(29:21):
And I have so many amazingfriends, like I said, that God took
out of my life, thankfully.
But then he's blessed me withso more amazing Christian faith based
women and I see how justhealthy that relationship is, where
I'll give but then it's alwaysreciprocated and it's like I don't
have to ask that I don't thinkI'm taking advantage of.
It's so lovely to see that.
(29:43):
And so for me moving forward,I also have learned what not to do
when God brings me my nextperson and hopefully my next husband.
Because now I know my self worth.
I love myself and I love Godfirst and foremost that I don't want
anything that God doesn't wantfor me.
And so I'm going to be goinginto it knowing that I'm not alone,
that God goes ahead of me,that he's prepared the way and that
(30:06):
I don't have to worry.
But now I have all these toolsthat I've learned that I can observe
and watch and see how theytreat me.
And now I can say, okay, youknow what, you're not for me or you
know what, I want to pull backmy energy.
I'm not going to reach out as much.
Let me just take a step back.
Because I was always the onefor call the friend.
I was the one who'd rush overand bring food if you needed help
(30:28):
if your parents were in the hospital.
But then when I went throughmy divorce, I saw really quick who
was really there for me.
00 of my friends that I wasthere for were there for me.
And hey, everyone's on theirown journey.
I thank God for showing me,giving me clear eyes to see who really
are my friends.
And that's been a blessing andlike I said, it's opened up so, so
(30:51):
many new friendships for me.
But I will say that everyone,do the inner work, know your boundaries,
know your self worth.
Because that can apply to somany relationships.
Not just romantic and that'sbeen a game changer for me and still
being a good Christian, butalso not getting walked all over.
God doesn't want that either.
You know, like, come on,people take advantage of us because
(31:13):
we're so nice.
Or you're an empath.
I'm definitely an empath.
But it's like, all right, butthat doesn't mean I'm going to give
to everybody, you know, like I can't.
Well, yeah, I mean, obviouslyeven Jesus gives us that example.
I mean it's that yes, we wantto serve, we want to be kind, we
want to show up in love, wewant to do all these things, but
you can't do it 24 7.
(31:34):
Right.
Every single day we have tohave time to rest.
We have to have time to God.
I mean, that's what Jesus did, right?
He separated from all thestuff during the day and he went
into the wilderness or he wentby himself or whatever it was.
So that's the example we're given.
And I think you're right.
Too many of us don't setboundaries or we continue to say
yes to too many things andwonder why we're exhausted and depleted.
(31:57):
But it's because we have tonot just set boundaries, but we have
to also say, like, this mightbe a good thing, a good endeavor
or a good opportunity, youknow, but it's like at some point,
it's like, is this still theseason to keep doing the thing?
Right.
Even volunteering?
It's like, I have had friendswho, they volunteered for so long
in a certain position, butthey were exhausted and worn out,
(32:18):
worn out and frustrated by the environment.
And at some point I'm like,well, maybe it's time to pause that
for now.
Or.
Yeah, right.
And so in other words, I thinksometimes out of obligation or guilt
or whatever.
Yeah.
Doing things when really it'snot for us to keep doing.
I love.
Oh, go ahead.
That's a good point.
Because I know a couple of myfriends, they have so much guilt,
(32:40):
like the teacher, ItalianCatholic guilt.
And I'm just like, let it go.
God died on Jesus died on thecross for you not to have that guilt.
Why are you still harboringthat and carrying it around?
And also, I think a lot ofpeople are so worried what the other
person's gonna say.
Oh, whatever their feelings,if I say no, who cares?
I'm sorry, you come first.
There's no looking out for you.
(33:01):
Except for you and God.
You gotta take care of yourself.
And I'm not saying be mean orcold hearted.
I'm just saying don't have tosay yes all the time.
And you don't need to worrywhat anyone else thinks.
Who cares?
Do you?
That's just how I want to do you.
I love that.
Yeah, no, it's true.
And before we startedrecording, I even told you that is
(33:22):
I'm.
I can.
Don't get me wrong, like, I'mpretty easygoing, but I can be feisty.
But when it comes to certaintopics, I'm.
I'm still working on fullyspeaking my truth.
And the reason is because ofthe environment we currently live
in.
So since COVID Right.
Whether it's medical opinionsor freedom political, I have.
(33:44):
I know exactly where I standon everything.
But because I have some peoplearound me, right.
Family or, or because of theenvironment, right.
Online or whatever, I am verycareful not to talk about it a lot.
And it's not because I'msomething that isn't true, it's that
I just hold back whether rightor wrong.
The point is, is it's becauseit didn't feel safe, right.
(34:06):
It wasn't in some cases.
And so, so whether it'ssomebody that's relate or friends
or it's other things, for meit was these other topics.
Right.
And it, but it didn't reallyhappen until the last couple years.
And so that's still somethinglike I have another podcast.
I've only done, I don't know,five or eight episodes for it, but
it's a, you know, a healthrelated, more health related podcasts.
(34:28):
But you know, my hope is totalk about some of the things that
for a long time I didn't feellike I could talk about.
Right.
With experts.
But it's because I just, Iwould dig in to all the information.
But it's the same thing wherewe do have to be able to not have
guilt, not feel afraid orshame and just be okay with what
we know to be what we believe,whether that's our faith or something
(34:51):
else.
And that can be hard for useven as Christians.
Right.
How many times are peopleattacked for your faith, whatever
your faith is.
And so once again, it's notthat we have to shout from the mountaintops
constantly, but we should alsonot feel like we can't speak openly.
No, I agree and I think we do.
As Christians, we need to bebold in Jesus and be bold in our
faith, whatever that pertainsto politics, health.
(35:13):
I mean, I'm very outspoken.
I mean not so much on mypodcast you yet, but there's a lot
of people that I want to have on.
Personally, I love everythingthat RFK Jr. Is doing.
I'm very much into the healthfield with them.
We have a lot of issues in myfamily with health and I, I know
so much that I'm like,although I'm not a health expert,
I'm an expert in the sensethat I've been so ingrained in it
(35:35):
and I'm like, you know what, Ineed to speak my truth now because
I think a lot of people inthis world don't have God and they
need people like us to speakup and be bold and not only with
our faith but with our beliefsthat we also know are aligned with
God as Well, so we're notstraying that far from our beliefs
as Christians.
I think we just need to bebolder and speak our truth, because
(35:57):
if we don't, who's going to, like.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I agree with you.
Yeah, I agree.
And I think part of it is just the.
Is being careful in the environment.
Like, I have to.
I have to stay off.
Like, I just.
Even this week, I went onFacebook a couple of times.
I wasn't even on for a minute.
I had to get the heck out ofthere because I'm like, it's awful.
It's just.
I don't.
I'm never on it anymorebecause it's awful.
(36:18):
I'm only on TikTok and Instagram.
Facebook is the worst betweenyou and me, but.
Well, no, it is.
And that's why, I don't know,I barely.
I go on there for a minute tokind of check some things or one.
One or two groups I'm stillin, and that's it.
I don't even post on there.
If I post on there, it'sbecause it comes from Instagram most
of the time.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
But my point is, is partly.
I just know that it means Ineed to get around more people in
(36:40):
these spaces.
Like, my girlfriends realign.
Like, that's not.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
It's.
It's more that I'm.
It's the people that I'mafraid I don't want to, you know,
like family member, you know,people like that, where I'm just
trying to be respectful andcautious, I guess you could say.
But that's not saying that'sthe right thing.
I'm still working on.
Yeah.
Speaking my voice in a bolderway as well, is what I'm saying.
(37:03):
Right.
And you will.
You'll get there.
I mean, it took me a while,but right now I'm like, I'm done
being silenced and censored.
And on my personal page, Ipost what I want, when I want, and
that's why I'm shadow bannedall the time.
But I.
At the end of the day, what Icare most about is the truth.
I just want the truth to come out.
And so, like, when God gave methat verse, you know, I'm the way,
(37:25):
the truth and the life thatresonated with me.
And that applies to so manythings in this world as well, especially
truth.
The truth is what I care most about.
Absolutely.
So why don't you share with usif you could say one or two things
to the listeners Just aboutwhat you've been through, what you're
now experiencing, you know,what you see, how you see God moving
(37:48):
in your life and you know he'sgoing to, you know, like, do in your
future.
I mean, not exactly, but whatwould you just want to share?
Well, one thing I will shareis that I know it sounds easy to
say, oh, let go and let Godand surrender all and just God will
take care of it.
Easier said than done.
That is something that I feellike over the past year he's really
(38:08):
been working with me on toreally surrender and let go of the
control and the fear andanxiety because I worry about the
future.
Like, I mean, my brain can goto some really dark places and it's
nonsensical because it hasn'thappened yet.
But because the way myneurodivergent brain is wired, I
had to do a lot of extra workwith some actual therapist and whatnot
(38:31):
to almost like rewire my brain.
Because my brain, while I dofeel like I'm very smart and God
gave me a very sharp brain, mybrain also can get me into a lot
of trouble because I can godown the dark path of worry, doubt,
fear, anxiety, and it's exhausting.
And so one thing I feel likehe's really kind of teaching me and
(38:51):
reminding me is to let go andlet God and know that everything's
going to work out in three years.
You know, you're going to haveenough money, you know, you're going
to meet your person.
And I, even though I don'tknow how I'm going to get there sometimes
because I'm like, I'm doingthis podcast, doesn't make any money
yet, but I know God's going tobless it.
Like, I know it, but it's hardto believe it on the day to day.
(39:13):
So that for me is something.
I'm on a daily basis reallytrying to apply and work and see
God's hand in my life.
So that's something.
And again, I do that daily byreading my Bible, putting on my full
armor and just changing theway I think in the morning.
And like today I was like,kind of bummed.
Today I'm like, why are youeven upset today?
(39:34):
What is going on?
I don't know.
The enemy's trying to attackme and I even just had to say a prayer.
God, renew my mind.
I don't want to feel this depression.
Devil be gone.
And like, I felt better withinfive minutes.
Like, so I think, go.
We're all going to begrappling with what have you?
Do I divorce this person?
Do I stay married?
I would just say, at the endof the day, get right with God.
(39:57):
Speak to him.
He wants to hear from you.
I talk to him all day.
I'm not like an overlyChristian person sometimes I don't
speak biblically the waycertain podcasters do, but I think
that's how I am, and maybethat's the way God wants to use me
to reach people.
So I'm not off putting.
I'm not talking like I'mreading the Bible, because some people
can be intimidated by that.
(40:18):
And I'm not perfect.
I'm just forgiven.
So that's something I feellike I actively work on and really
trying to surrender and trustin God that He has me and he will
take care of me.
He always provides.
And the ironic thing is, Iknow he does.
I see it in my family, I seemy parents.
But yet why can't I believethat he'll do that for me?
(40:41):
Like, do you know what I'm saying?
There's a weird disconnect there.
Absolutely.
Trying so hard to overcome it.
And I'm doing pretty good.
I'm much better over the pastfew months, but I still have moments
where I'm like, oh, my God,what am I doing?
How am I going to make money?
You know, all of that.
All of that.
I know your brain, it's.
It's exhausting.
It is, yeah.
(41:02):
I absolutely connect andrelate to all of that.
And it's true.
And when you're saying thesurrender thing, I think I don't
remember the exact quote, butbasically it's that.
That we have to startrealizing that God's not asking us
to do more, to work harder.
That doesn't work.
He's asking us to surrendermore and then he can show up.
(41:22):
Right.
And I'm the same.
I have to.
I mean, some days, you know,it feels like, oh, I don't.
You know, I'm not crazyhustling like that.
But what I'm saying is I haveto remind myself, like you said,
because sometimes commentswill be made like, oh, well, are
you gonna get a corporate jobagain and pay.
You know, like.
Like, they'll.
Because I'm doing the, like,my own stuff and because I'm not,
(41:44):
to your point, like, up heredoing certain at this point yet.
Right.
Because I'm still finding my way.
I'm still figuring it out.
Yeah.
But, you know, but then I.
Then I'll doubt myself.
Right.
Or I'll doubt.
Yes.
Oh, you know, and.
But it is it's partly theenemy, and it's partly because people
don't understand what we'rebeing called to do.
Right.
And so, absolutely, you know,it can be a.
A struggle, and we just haveto keep knowing that we're.
(42:06):
We're showing up and doing thework we're asked to do.
But it's on his timeline, not ours.
And, you know.
Exactly.
It doesn't mean we don't have to.
Still pay bills, but.
I mean.
No, exactly.
But I also think that's partof what this world is like, because
you see everyone doing this,this and that.
Oh, I should go do that.
I have to do this now.
It's not a race.
We don't need to compareourselves to anybody else out there.
What we're doing is different.
(42:27):
What you're doing is differentthan what I'm doing.
We all have a different purpose.
And I'm all about God.
Just use me.
Whatever you need me to do.
Open the doors, bring theright people in.
I will walk through them.
But, you know, it is.
You're right.
It's a daily battle.
It's a struggle.
We're human.
We're also human.
And he knows that, you know, so.
(42:48):
Yeah.
And one thing I want to touchon, then I'll ask you the last question.
But when you said, look, I'vebeen there too, you know, where over
the years, the last couple ofyears, like, plenty of heaviness
has been on so many of us inthe world, in our own country.
And, you know, I was the same.
Like, I could go down therabbit holes.
Good or bad, it didn't matter.
But I could, like you said,have worry or concern.
(43:09):
I could, you know, or, like,go on it 20 times, you know, and.
But I had to finally be like,this is not this right pattern is
not healthy.
And I had to really go to Godand be like, I need you to take this
from me.
Like, I can still do it, learn information.
I can still.
But I can't let it weigh onme, right?
Like, I can't.
I can educate myself, but Ican't let you hold this, all right?
(43:30):
I can't hold all this.
And then one of my sons, early20s, but when he was in college,
he struck.
He came home because ofdepression and suicidal thoughts.
And to be honest with you, forover two years, every day, I would.
I would wake up and be like,thank God I heard all the kids.
Like, seriously, like, I wasworried, you know, like, would.
(43:53):
Would something happen, right,to one of my kids?
Because since Coven, you know, just.
It really hit a lot of adultsand kids really different.
And.
Oh, all the other stuff.
Right.
Like, they weren't very.
All the things.
And to my point, though, isI've been there where it's like,
every day.
Not all day long, but everyday I was consumed with thoughts
(44:14):
that were helpful.
Yeah.
And I had to really just keeptaking that to God and be like, I
can't change it.
Like, I can do things.
I can pray, which I did a lot of.
And there was a lot of God'smovement in there, in grace.
I'm certain of that.
Right.
Like, but the point is, is I.I had to keep.
Like you said, I had to keepdoing the work.
I had to keep praying andbeing like, I need you to take that
(44:36):
from me because I can't fix this.
And it just is crushing me.
Right.
Like, absolutely.
Because I can't.
I can't know the outcomes ofany of anyone's life.
And I can pray for, you know,healing and all the things, but I
can't really.
I can't change.
I can't.
I don't know what the future is.
Right.
And none of us.
So I only say that for anyonethat, you know, like you said, is
(44:58):
walking through anything.
We all are walking throughsomething, you know, and.
But by talking about it, we help.
Like, I actually talked aboutit a lot.
Not specifics when I meetpeople or on the podcast.
But it's because it's not my story.
But it is.
Right.
The reason is, is becauseother parents or other people need
(45:18):
to know that if we talk aboutit, that's how we learn things or
get help or know that we'renot alone.
Right.
And so just like you talkingabout walking through divorce and
a narcissistic partner.
And so when we talk aboutthese things, we bring the light
in.
Right.
And when we do that, God has away to work.
Right.
Or a better way to work.
So, yeah.
And I also think what we talkabout, because I think at the bottom
(45:40):
of the crosswell as thisreally fear.
Like, fear that's absolutelythe world and all this dark energy.
And you realize that literallythe word is like, fear not or do
not fear is in the Bible 365 times.
That's one for every day.
So every day God is tellingyou, do not fear.
And so, like, sometimes youjust need that message to, like,
(46:01):
snap you out and be like, allright, I'm gonna let it go.
I'm not gonna fear.
God's got it.
I have to let go.
I pray over my niece who hassome Behavioral issues.
And I'm like, I can't help her.
I can love her and be therefor her, and I pray for her every
day.
And I know God's gone, so I just.
I let go and let God.
I mean, but it's so funny.
I can do that with otherpeople, but somehow I can't do that
for myself.
(46:22):
It's harder when it's, youknow yourself absolutely well.
That's always true witheverything, right?
It's like you can.
Exactly.
You can probably plan any of it.
For everyone else, but whenit's your own, I'm sure you could
still do it, and it would be amazing.
So stressful.
It's different, right?
It's kind of like if you're adoctor, it's harder to deal with
your own self as the patientthan it is dealing with everyone
else.
Okay, so last thing.
(46:44):
What would you say?
What's just fueling you up now?
Whether it's something you'redoing in your life, whether it's
a quote, scripture, some funactivity, anything.
Well, actually, I leave thisSaturday for my annual vacation to
Block Island.
We go with my family, mysisters, my nieces, and it's.
There's something about Blackisland that's very magical for us.
We've been going for almost 20years, so I really look forward to
(47:07):
that every year.
And I've been going now forthree years single, so I feel like
for me, it's.
I'm always, like, a littlesad, but I'm also very excited because
you never know who I'm goingto be.
I'm always trying to putmyself out there, so I'm excited
for that.
But I'm also really excitedfor sort of, like, my future with
my podcast and what I'm doing.
I'm looking forward to kind ofputting myself out there more, doing
(47:29):
some speaking opportunities,doing more podcasts, such as yours
being the guest, and justsharing my story and then seeing
where God takes me with that.
So that's kind of like, thingsI'm really immediately looking forward
to vacation and really just,you know, after vacation, just doing
more work with my podcast togrow it and build it.
(47:49):
And I've only been doing thisfor three months, so I launched in
April.
It's been three months.
I already have, like, 16interviews booked, so it's, like,
going really well, and I love it.
I'm just now excited for,like, what's next, you know?
Okay, I figured this out, butwhat else.
What else do you have in storefor me?
So I love it.
All right, can you share withpeople how they can find your podcast
(48:11):
and all that good stuff.
Sure.
So my website is secondactsessions.com everything is on
there, all my social links andall my actual podcasts.
But I'm on Instagram, Ticktock, Facebook.
Everything's just second accessions.
So you can find me, look me up.
My podcast is on Apple,Spotify video form is on YouTube
(48:32):
as well.
I think I'm on ihearteverywhere else that Buzzsprout sends
it out.
I'm everywhere.
So please, you know, Iappreciate if you could come to any
of the podcasts likesubscribe, follow.
I'd really appreciate that as well.
I love it.
Well, thank you for coming onand joining us today, sharing your
heart, sharing your story,your testimony, and just encouraging
the listeners.
(48:52):
Thank you so much.
Oh, my pleasure.
Thank you all so much.
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate it.
Hey, and as we wrap up, I justwanted to share with you, if you
haven't already, head on overto my website, KristinFitch.com to
grab either the reignite yourpassion workbook so that you can
really step into your secondact, feeling purpose and passion
and just reigniting that sparkwithin you.
(49:15):
Or if you've already grabbedthat, I also have a rewire your mind
free download.
That's awesome.
It helps you switch fromnegative thoughts to more useful
positive thoughts.
And I think it's five stepsfor how you can shift your mindset
and shift your thoughts.
Because what we think impactsnot only our life, it impacts our
(49:36):
health and it impacts our relationships.
So go over to KristenFitch.comand go to the freebies page and you
can grab either of those.
Also, did you know I workdirectly with with women that reach
out to me or listen to my podcasts?
But if you're looking to beinspired and encouraged, you need
someone to come alongside ofyou to guide you, to mentor you.
(49:58):
You just need a listener.
You need somebody that canhelp you get clear on something in
your life or help you step upwhat's important to you and make
those things a priority inyour life.
Then head over to my websiteand I have a page all about the services
and how you can work with me directly.
Thanks again for listening tothe show and if you enjoyed today's
episode, we would love it ifyou could take a minute to leave
(50:20):
a rating and review on Applepodcast because it helps our show
get discovered by more people.
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