September 22, 2024 • 24 mins
Why do we often use scriptures to justify our actions or hide from our true emotions? In this compelling episode of Faith Unmuted, I confront the troubling trend of manipulating biblical texts to fit personal narratives at the expense of genuine authenticity. Drawing from a heartfelt story about a man on the brink of divorce, I discuss the importance of addressing real emotions rather than masking them with scripture. Together, I explore what it truly means to live out the teachings of the Bible in our everyday lives, urging listeners to embody their faith sincerely and authentically.
I will share my transformative journey of self-awareness and the courage it takes to live unapologetically. Rejecting superficial societal standards, I will advocate for expressing true emotions and prioritizing joy, peace, and happiness over material wealth. I emphasize the importance of living out the message of love that God embodies, rather than using religious texts as a shield. Tune in as we inspire listeners to redefine what it means to live as a Christian woman, embrace their truths, and embark on their own paths of self-discovery and genuine living.
Join the conversation and share your thoughts at www.esthergraham.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to Faith Unmuted.
The place where Christian womenget the opportunity to press
the button and say what theywant, how they want and exactly
how they feel.
The one place where, together,we can collectively walk through
our truths, liveunapologetically and stop hiding
.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
So this is a difficult, or let's say a hard
subject for me to talk about,but it's so real.
And that is hiding behindscriptures.
Now, if you don't know I'm, youknow I'm a church girl.
I grew up.
You know I'm a PK.
My husband is a pastor.
(00:52):
You see how I pause when I sayI'm a pastor, because I like to
say that I'm a pastor by defaultand I struggle sometimes with
saying that I am all.
I'm a pastor, I'm in ministry,because I think when you tell
(01:16):
people that, then they put on awhole different facade and
they've got you know, and Idon't like that.
I just like people to be whothey are around me, the good,
the bad and the ugly, all of it.
I'm here for all of that.
And so one of the things thathas really bothered me, always
has, is when people hide behindscriptures.
Right, you know the Bible, thewords in the Bible.
(01:41):
They hide behind them.
And what does that mean?
Well, I remember one day myhusband was counseling someone
who he was contemplating divorcehim and his wife getting a
divorce and so my husband saidto him why do you want to?
(02:05):
You know so, why do you want?
Or why where are you on thedivorce.
He said, well, you know I'm notgoing to get it because.
And the guy began on the otherend just quoting a lot of
scriptures and you know what,you know what he's been taught
and all of these differentthings, and so, and then my
husband, he listened to him andthen he, he said now, let's
(02:30):
remove the scriptures, do youwant a divorce?
And the person on the other endgot really quiet and they said
no one has ever asked me thatbefore or told me that.
And he said, yes, I want adivorce.
(02:55):
That said so much to me becauseit was like a light bulb went
off in my head and in my mind.
That said wait a minute.
We often hide behind scriptures.
Oh, my gosh, so sick of it.
We use God as a crutch to ourbehavior, what we do and what we
(03:21):
don't do.
He's a crutch and because weuse him as a crutch and we hide
behind the scriptures, we neverreally show up as who we really
are.
That's why sometimes we'll showup and we'll be this way, and
then, behind closed doors, we'resneaking and hiding, hiding
(03:50):
behind scriptures.
It happens every day, all thetime.
I see it so much.
I hear people say like well,it's better to obedience is
better than sacrifice.
Okay, but you know you don'twant to do it, so why do it?
Hiding behind the scripturesmeans that you're using it as a
(04:18):
way to escape for me who youreally are and what you really
think.
And what's interesting aboutall of that is that we'll use
these scriptures.
We'll use it to fit exactlywhat we need.
You know what I'm saying?
Like we'll talk about how,let's say, stealing is a sin,
(04:47):
but we forget that lying is too,and we've given them two
different, let's say, status ornot showing love.
That's wrong too.
So I found that in theChristian world, from my
(05:09):
perspective, there are many whoare hiding behind the scriptures
.
They're using God as a crutchfor their behavior, and when you
do that, you do a disservice toyourself and you do a
disservice to everyone else,people who are looking at you,
(05:32):
people who you should be showingup, for You're not really
showing up because you're hiding.
You know, I think I used to hideat one point because it was my
(05:52):
protection.
It was how I kept myself safefrom the vouchers.
Is that how you say?
Vouchers, vipers?
(06:15):
I would myself say things likewell, obedience is better than
sacrifice.
And so I'm going to do this,knowing that, in my heart, I did
not want to do it.
I didn't feel as if it was forme to do, but I did it simply
because I wanted to, of what theword said, what that scripture
(06:38):
said, and also because it wasalways told to you.
You know, it's always told toyou all the time, all the time,
in other words, that if youdidn't do it, you were going to
be punished, you were going tobe this, you were going to be
that, and that's not what thescriptures are all about.
Honestly, the scriptures areabout us living out what it says
(06:58):
in authenticity and not usingit as a crutch to hide who we
really are.
Not using it as a crutch to sayyou know, I really feel like
this isn't right and so I'mgoing to speak up on it.
(07:19):
But instead we may say well,I'm going to live at peace,
because this is what God says,you know, or we'll take it and
we'll say well, god says thisand we'll totally take it out of
context and out of everything.
Listen, I was once told by apastor how could I even be in
(07:43):
ministry?
Because I don't play the piano,I don't sing.
I don't do all these differentthings.
I wear lipstick, I wear makeup.
I wear all these things.
Yes, I do and I absolutely loveit.
And I don't play the piano andI don't sing.
I do make a joyful noise and Ilike to dance a lot.
(08:10):
And when you could give me ascripture to confirm what you're
saying and it's way out ofcontext.
That's where you're hidingbehind things, and I think that
many of us behave as if as ifthat the scripture covers us and
no See, what God really wantsis for us to live in
authenticity, and let's stopusing what we don't do and
saying God, we lie, we lie onhim, we lie and say God told me
(08:31):
this and God told me that Liar,when you know he didn't tell you
nothing.
This is what you want to do.
So you use him as a crutch andthen you get a scripture to help
support what you're doing andyou just continue to lie to
yourself about it, and when youdo that, you're lying to other
(08:53):
people as well.
Listen, I can talk about itbecause I've lived it out.
Listen, I can talk about itbecause I've lived it out.
I can talk about it because Ifeel as if I've lived a point to
where I was hiding behind thescriptures.
That's why, when my husband wascounseling that person, I
listened and it hit me WhoaEsther, what scriptures are you
(09:22):
hiding behind?
And I could begin to name someof those scriptures.
One in particular.
I said it earlier obedience isbetter than sacrifice.
Because I heard it so much so Idecided I was going to be
obedient to whatever everybodyelse said, forgetting that I
needed to be obedient to me andto God.
Or be careful what you speak.
(09:45):
Now remember exactly wherethat's from, because I
paraphrase a lot of myscriptures.
Truth be told, I paraphrase it.
I've been judged forparaphrasing and not giving, but
this is just who I am.
Y'all, I paraphrase it.
I've been judged forparaphrasing and not giving, but
this is just who I am.
Y'all, I paraphrase.
It gets to point.
And so don't speak that,because the people may take it
(10:10):
one way or this way.
What do you mean?
But this is truth.
So now I have to hide behindthis?
No, no, I remember I would gointo my bedroom when it's quiet.
(10:33):
My husband could be downstairsor somewhere and I would just
quietly go and I would just laydown and I would just quietly go
and I would just lay down and Iwould just cry and cry and say
God, why is this so?
I don't want to hide behind thescriptures, I don't want to
(10:59):
hide behind what you're saying.
I don't want to use you as acrutch and not live fully.
I would have my conversationsand I remember one night I was
just crying profusely and I justcouldn't stop.
(11:20):
And I couldn't stop and I saidGod, what is this all about?
I went to church and I heardthis word and it bothered me.
Didn't sit right with me.
Am I hiding?
I need to speak up and saythat's not right.
(11:43):
I don't agree with that.
Why am I in the room and I'mlaying there on my bed in the
dark just crying and saying God,help me, because I can't live
my life like this anymore,because I can't live my life
like this anymore, and I don'tknow how to tell anyone, how to
(12:09):
tell my husband.
I just can't live like thisanymore.
I remember having theconversation with him and I
remember saying babe, I just, Ijust can't live like this
(12:32):
anymore.
I realized that I'm angry,angry with God, I'm angry with
you.
I'm angry, angry with God.
I'm angry with you.
I'm very resentful because I'mliving and I'm hiding behind
these scriptures and I feel asif I'm lost and I shouldn't be
lost.
I'm living out what you want meto live out.
I'm living out what the churchwants me to live out.
(12:54):
I'm living out what I'm livingout on my job.
I'm living out all of thesethings and I'm just hiding
behind everything.
And I could quote the word ofGod I might be paraphrasing it,
but it's still the word and I'mliving and it's like driving me
crazy to where my mind couldn'ttake it anymore.
(13:18):
I remember he looked at me andhe just listened because he
didn't know what to do.
He didn't know what to say tome.
I remember clearly hearing fromGod saying you're expecting him
to do what only I could do andwhat only you could do, what
only you could move through.
You got to help yourself, yougot to make a decision not to
live like this anymore, not tolive behind scriptures.
(13:40):
Yeah, one of the hardest thingsto do and to talk about.
I wanted to be so careful andbe and trust me y'all, I'm not
talking about just living awhatever life.
(14:01):
I'm talking about just normallife.
This is just living, you know.
And he sat there that night andhe looked at me and he says what
do you want to do?
And I was like I don't knowwhat I want to do.
But what I do know is I can'tlive like this anymore.
I'm not happy, I'm not happyand I know that there's more to
(14:30):
life than this.
I can't hide behind scriptures.
I have to live it out Inauthenticity, in integrity.
(14:54):
See, I think that when you hidebehind the scriptures and you
don't really say what you wantto say, you know, behave the way
you want to believe.
If you're not aligned, I thinkthat you're not acting in
integrity.
Yeah, and for me, integrity isreally important, and I felt as
(15:18):
if I was living an inauthenticlife, which meant I was not
living in integrity.
I wouldn't talk about, you know,when I got really depressed,
because I went through a stageof depression that I kept very
quiet from everybody and I usedthe scripture that the Lord is
the lifter up of your head,which he really is.
Here it is.
But while he's the lifter up ofmy head, I have to do something
(15:39):
and not stay in the depressionand say, well, god's gonna do
something, god's gonna move,he's gonna work, he's gonna do
this.
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
That's what I had to realizethat I was in depression.
And since he's the lifter abovemy head, I can't be depressed.
(15:59):
It's impossible.
No, it's very possible, andmaybe this hasn't happened to
you and maybe your life istotally different, but I know,
for me, as a woman, whether I'mmarried to a pastor or not, as a
(16:27):
woman, being able to say I'mdepressed.
This is how I'm feeling, thisis what I'm doing.
I feel resentful, I feel thisthat's a lot, because we're
supposed to be quiet, we'resupposed to be.
You know, do what you got to do.
Grin and bear it, don't speakup.
(16:50):
Or, as my mother sometimeswould say, esther, that is not
ladylike.
It's not ladylike.
No, it's very ladylike to say Ihave been working on not hiding
(17:22):
behind scriptures.
I have been working on notusing God as a crutch.
You know, we see it all thetime out in the world, right?
You know God hates the gays.
That's not true.
Where do you see that?
You know we've got Christiansfighting against Christians.
(17:47):
We're fighting religionsfighting against religions,
people fighting against people.
How about this big thing?
How about if we really live itout and say that God is love and
let's just live that out?
How about if we do that and notuse these different scriptures
or these different sayings orwhatever to meet what we want
(18:09):
and what makes us feel good andcauses us to hide, hide
ourselves, hide who we reallyare, hide ourselves, hide who we
really are?
Man, listen, I like to say thatif you're mean and sorely, just
say that's what you are,because I believe that's how
(18:31):
you'll get help.
So today, you know, I'm livingmy life, I'm coming out and I'm
saying I refuse to hide behindthe scriptures anymore.
What I will do is live them out.
What I will do is make surethat I'm in alignment.
What I will do is be Esther100%, 365 days of the year and
(18:55):
the moment that I think I'm not,I'm going to step back and
reevaluate, because I refuse toshow up as anyone else or as
what anybody else wants me to be.
What I am going to do is lovewith everything I have.
What I am going to do is openmy heart to humanity.
What I am going to do is setthe example of authentic living
(19:21):
according to what I believe itis.
Yeah, what I am going to do isspeak up and use my voice,
because I know that's what I'mcalled to do.
So I'm still in ministry.
(19:49):
It may not look like whateverybody expects for it to look
like.
It may look really different.
One of the greatest things thatJonathan that's my husband said
to me.
He said Esther, he said I'm thepastor and you're doing exactly
(20:13):
what you're supposed to bedoing.
Continue doing it.
Best thing that was ever saidis that I get to live this life
and I'm so blessed and every dayI'm becoming more and more
aware of who I am, who I want tobe and what I want on this
(20:39):
earth, on this planet, that I'mliving right now.
And when you begin to live thatlife, when you begin to say let
me remove the scriptures andwhat is it that I really want?
And how could I take this wordthat I got and really amplify it
in my life Not hide behind it,but amplify it when you could
(21:02):
really do a self-evaluation andsay am I showing love, am I
showing kindness?
Am I living an authentic life?
Am I true to myself?
Am I true to who I reallyreally am?
Am I true to that?
I think that's when you begin toreally live.
This is my journey.
(21:23):
I'm still on it, I'm stillworking through it, I'm still
becoming aware, very self-aware,of who I am and what I really
want and, honestly, it's verydifficult to pull it out of me.
So I want to encourage you tostay on the journey with me,
(21:47):
because it's still being pulledout of me and sometimes the
pulling out of me makes me crybecause it hurts.
But it's a soul bath and everyonce in a while, if not all the
(22:11):
time, our soul needs a bath, andso those tears is exactly that,
and when you bathe your soul inyour tears, then you could
begin to come out as who you are.
You could begin to live yourlife.
(22:31):
You can say I'm not going tohide behind anything, anyone,
I'm just going to live this life.
You could live it in joy andpeace and happiness, despite
what may be going on around you,and you could extend a hand of
(22:52):
love and acceptance to otherswho may not even be like you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what I can tell you today isthat, step by step, I'm
removing and I'm not hidingbehind scriptures.
I'm not using God as a crutchas to why I'm doing something or
(23:17):
not doing it.
I'm being very authentic andvery real with me, and that
helps me to move forward and tolive the life that I want to
live and I believe that I'mcalled to live.
For me, it's that crossing thecomma and living the abundant
(23:38):
life.
It has nothing to do with money, it has everything to do with
me and my joy and my peace andmy happiness.
Yeah, that's it.
This is me.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Wasn't that episode amazing Living unapologetically,
faith unmuted has allowed usonce again to ask ourselves the
kind of questions that will helpus get to the next level and
live this life unapologetically.
Your next step head on over towwwestrogramcom and let me know
(24:19):
what your favorite episode is,ask a question or share this
with a friend.
I can't wait to be with younext week as we dive deeper into
redefining what it means to bea Christian woman and redefining
what it means to live in ourtruth.
You are listening to Faith Unmuted.
The place where Christian womenget the opportunity to press
the button and say what theywant, how they want and exactly
how they feel.
The one place where, together,we can collectively walk through
our truths, liveunapologetically and stop hiding
.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
So this is a difficult, or let's say a hard
subject for me to talk about,but it's so real.
And that is hiding behindscriptures.
Now, if you don't know I'm, youknow I'm a church girl.
I grew up.
You know I'm a PK.
My husband is a pastor.
(00:52):
You see how I pause when I sayI'm a pastor, because I like to
say that I'm a pastor by defaultand I struggle sometimes with
saying that I am all.
I'm a pastor, I'm in ministry,because I think when you tell
(01:16):
people that, then they put on awhole different facade and
they've got you know, and Idon't like that.
I just like people to be whothey are around me, the good,
the bad and the ugly, all of it.
I'm here for all of that.
And so one of the things thathas really bothered me, always
has, is when people hide behindscriptures.
Right, you know the Bible, thewords in the Bible.
(01:41):
They hide behind them.
And what does that mean?
Well, I remember one day myhusband was counseling someone
who he was contemplating divorcehim and his wife getting a
divorce and so my husband saidto him why do you want to?
(02:05):
You know so, why do you want?
Or why where are you on thedivorce.
He said, well, you know I'm notgoing to get it because.
And the guy began on the otherend just quoting a lot of
scriptures and you know what,you know what he's been taught
and all of these differentthings, and so, and then my
husband, he listened to him andthen he, he said now, let's
(02:30):
remove the scriptures, do youwant a divorce?
And the person on the other endgot really quiet and they said
no one has ever asked me thatbefore or told me that.
And he said, yes, I want adivorce.
(02:55):
That said so much to me becauseit was like a light bulb went
off in my head and in my mind.
That said wait a minute.
We often hide behind scriptures.
Oh, my gosh, so sick of it.
We use God as a crutch to ourbehavior, what we do and what we
(03:21):
don't do.
He's a crutch and because weuse him as a crutch and we hide
behind the scriptures, we neverreally show up as who we really
are.
That's why sometimes we'll showup and we'll be this way, and
then, behind closed doors, we'resneaking and hiding, hiding
(03:50):
behind scriptures.
It happens every day, all thetime.
I see it so much.
I hear people say like well,it's better to obedience is
better than sacrifice.
Okay, but you know you don'twant to do it, so why do it?
Hiding behind the scripturesmeans that you're using it as a
(04:18):
way to escape for me who youreally are and what you really
think.
And what's interesting aboutall of that is that we'll use
these scriptures.
We'll use it to fit exactlywhat we need.
You know what I'm saying?
Like we'll talk about how,let's say, stealing is a sin,
(04:47):
but we forget that lying is too,and we've given them two
different, let's say, status ornot showing love.
That's wrong too.
So I found that in theChristian world, from my
(05:09):
perspective, there are many whoare hiding behind the scriptures
.
They're using God as a crutchfor their behavior, and when you
do that, you do a disservice toyourself and you do a
disservice to everyone else,people who are looking at you,
(05:32):
people who you should be showingup, for You're not really
showing up because you're hiding.
You know, I think I used to hideat one point because it was my
(05:52):
protection.
It was how I kept myself safefrom the vouchers.
Is that how you say?
Vouchers, vipers?
(06:15):
I would myself say things likewell, obedience is better than
sacrifice.
And so I'm going to do this,knowing that, in my heart, I did
not want to do it.
I didn't feel as if it was forme to do, but I did it simply
because I wanted to, of what theword said, what that scripture
(06:38):
said, and also because it wasalways told to you.
You know, it's always told toyou all the time, all the time,
in other words, that if youdidn't do it, you were going to
be punished, you were going tobe this, you were going to be
that, and that's not what thescriptures are all about.
Honestly, the scriptures areabout us living out what it says
(06:58):
in authenticity and not usingit as a crutch to hide who we
really are.
Not using it as a crutch to sayyou know, I really feel like
this isn't right and so I'mgoing to speak up on it.
(07:19):
But instead we may say well,I'm going to live at peace,
because this is what God says,you know, or we'll take it and
we'll say well, god says thisand we'll totally take it out of
context and out of everything.
Listen, I was once told by apastor how could I even be in
(07:43):
ministry?
Because I don't play the piano,I don't sing.
I don't do all these differentthings.
I wear lipstick, I wear makeup.
I wear all these things.
Yes, I do and I absolutely loveit.
And I don't play the piano andI don't sing.
I do make a joyful noise and Ilike to dance a lot.
(08:10):
And when you could give me ascripture to confirm what you're
saying and it's way out ofcontext.
That's where you're hidingbehind things, and I think that
many of us behave as if as ifthat the scripture covers us and
no See, what God really wantsis for us to live in
authenticity, and let's stopusing what we don't do and
saying God, we lie, we lie onhim, we lie and say God told me
(08:31):
this and God told me that Liar,when you know he didn't tell you
nothing.
This is what you want to do.
So you use him as a crutch andthen you get a scripture to help
support what you're doing andyou just continue to lie to
yourself about it, and when youdo that, you're lying to other
(08:53):
people as well.
Listen, I can talk about itbecause I've lived it out.
Listen, I can talk about itbecause I've lived it out.
I can talk about it because Ifeel as if I've lived a point to
where I was hiding behind thescriptures.
That's why, when my husband wascounseling that person, I
listened and it hit me WhoaEsther, what scriptures are you
(09:22):
hiding behind?
And I could begin to name someof those scriptures.
One in particular.
I said it earlier obedience isbetter than sacrifice.
Because I heard it so much so Idecided I was going to be
obedient to whatever everybodyelse said, forgetting that I
needed to be obedient to me andto God.
Or be careful what you speak.
(09:45):
Now remember exactly wherethat's from, because I
paraphrase a lot of myscriptures.
Truth be told, I paraphrase it.
I've been judged forparaphrasing and not giving, but
this is just who I am.
Y'all, I paraphrase it.
I've been judged forparaphrasing and not giving, but
this is just who I am.
Y'all, I paraphrase.
It gets to point.
And so don't speak that,because the people may take it
(10:10):
one way or this way.
What do you mean?
But this is truth.
So now I have to hide behindthis?
No, no, I remember I would gointo my bedroom when it's quiet.
(10:33):
My husband could be downstairsor somewhere and I would just
quietly go and I would just laydown and I would just quietly go
and I would just lay down and Iwould just cry and cry and say
God, why is this so?
I don't want to hide behind thescriptures, I don't want to
(10:59):
hide behind what you're saying.
I don't want to use you as acrutch and not live fully.
I would have my conversationsand I remember one night I was
just crying profusely and I justcouldn't stop.
(11:20):
And I couldn't stop and I saidGod, what is this all about?
I went to church and I heardthis word and it bothered me.
Didn't sit right with me.
Am I hiding?
I need to speak up and saythat's not right.
(11:43):
I don't agree with that.
Why am I in the room and I'mlaying there on my bed in the
dark just crying and saying God,help me, because I can't live
my life like this anymore,because I can't live my life
like this anymore, and I don'tknow how to tell anyone, how to
(12:09):
tell my husband.
I just can't live like thisanymore.
I remember having theconversation with him and I
remember saying babe, I just, Ijust can't live like this
(12:32):
anymore.
I realized that I'm angry,angry with God, I'm angry with
you.
I'm angry, angry with God.
I'm angry with you.
I'm very resentful because I'mliving and I'm hiding behind
these scriptures and I feel asif I'm lost and I shouldn't be
lost.
I'm living out what you want meto live out.
I'm living out what the churchwants me to live out.
(12:54):
I'm living out what I'm livingout on my job.
I'm living out all of thesethings and I'm just hiding
behind everything.
And I could quote the word ofGod I might be paraphrasing it,
but it's still the word and I'mliving and it's like driving me
crazy to where my mind couldn'ttake it anymore.
(13:18):
I remember he looked at me andhe just listened because he
didn't know what to do.
He didn't know what to say tome.
I remember clearly hearing fromGod saying you're expecting him
to do what only I could do andwhat only you could do, what
only you could move through.
You got to help yourself, yougot to make a decision not to
live like this anymore, not tolive behind scriptures.
(13:40):
Yeah, one of the hardest thingsto do and to talk about.
I wanted to be so careful andbe and trust me y'all, I'm not
talking about just living awhatever life.
(14:01):
I'm talking about just normallife.
This is just living, you know.
And he sat there that night andhe looked at me and he says what
do you want to do?
And I was like I don't knowwhat I want to do.
But what I do know is I can'tlive like this anymore.
I'm not happy, I'm not happyand I know that there's more to
(14:30):
life than this.
I can't hide behind scriptures.
I have to live it out Inauthenticity, in integrity.
(14:54):
See, I think that when you hidebehind the scriptures and you
don't really say what you wantto say, you know, behave the way
you want to believe.
If you're not aligned, I thinkthat you're not acting in
integrity.
Yeah, and for me, integrity isreally important, and I felt as
(15:18):
if I was living an inauthenticlife, which meant I was not
living in integrity.
I wouldn't talk about, you know,when I got really depressed,
because I went through a stageof depression that I kept very
quiet from everybody and I usedthe scripture that the Lord is
the lifter up of your head,which he really is.
Here it is.
But while he's the lifter up ofmy head, I have to do something
(15:39):
and not stay in the depressionand say, well, god's gonna do
something, god's gonna move,he's gonna work, he's gonna do
this.
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
That's what I had to realizethat I was in depression.
And since he's the lifter abovemy head, I can't be depressed.
(15:59):
It's impossible.
No, it's very possible, andmaybe this hasn't happened to
you and maybe your life istotally different, but I know,
for me, as a woman, whether I'mmarried to a pastor or not, as a
(16:27):
woman, being able to say I'mdepressed.
This is how I'm feeling, thisis what I'm doing.
I feel resentful, I feel thisthat's a lot, because we're
supposed to be quiet, we'resupposed to be.
You know, do what you got to do.
Grin and bear it, don't speakup.
(16:50):
Or, as my mother sometimeswould say, esther, that is not
ladylike.
It's not ladylike.
No, it's very ladylike to say Ihave been working on not hiding
(17:22):
behind scriptures.
I have been working on notusing God as a crutch.
You know, we see it all thetime out in the world, right?
You know God hates the gays.
That's not true.
Where do you see that?
You know we've got Christiansfighting against Christians.
(17:47):
We're fighting religionsfighting against religions,
people fighting against people.
How about this big thing?
How about if we really live itout and say that God is love and
let's just live that out?
How about if we do that and notuse these different scriptures
or these different sayings orwhatever to meet what we want
(18:09):
and what makes us feel good andcauses us to hide, hide
ourselves, hide who we reallyare, hide ourselves, hide who we
really are?
Man, listen, I like to say thatif you're mean and sorely, just
say that's what you are,because I believe that's how
(18:31):
you'll get help.
So today, you know, I'm livingmy life, I'm coming out and I'm
saying I refuse to hide behindthe scriptures anymore.
What I will do is live them out.
What I will do is make surethat I'm in alignment.
What I will do is be Esther100%, 365 days of the year and
(18:55):
the moment that I think I'm not,I'm going to step back and
reevaluate, because I refuse toshow up as anyone else or as
what anybody else wants me to be.
What I am going to do is lovewith everything I have.
What I am going to do is openmy heart to humanity.
What I am going to do is setthe example of authentic living
(19:21):
according to what I believe itis.
Yeah, what I am going to do isspeak up and use my voice,
because I know that's what I'mcalled to do.
So I'm still in ministry.
(19:49):
It may not look like whateverybody expects for it to look
like.
It may look really different.
One of the greatest things thatJonathan that's my husband said
to me.
He said Esther, he said I'm thepastor and you're doing exactly
(20:13):
what you're supposed to bedoing.
Continue doing it.
Best thing that was ever saidis that I get to live this life
and I'm so blessed and every dayI'm becoming more and more
aware of who I am, who I want tobe and what I want on this
(20:39):
earth, on this planet, that I'mliving right now.
And when you begin to live thatlife, when you begin to say let
me remove the scriptures andwhat is it that I really want?
And how could I take this wordthat I got and really amplify it
in my life Not hide behind it,but amplify it when you could
(21:02):
really do a self-evaluation andsay am I showing love, am I
showing kindness?
Am I living an authentic life?
Am I true to myself?
Am I true to who I reallyreally am?
Am I true to that?
I think that's when you begin toreally live.
This is my journey.
(21:23):
I'm still on it, I'm stillworking through it, I'm still
becoming aware, very self-aware,of who I am and what I really
want and, honestly, it's verydifficult to pull it out of me.
So I want to encourage you tostay on the journey with me,
(21:47):
because it's still being pulledout of me and sometimes the
pulling out of me makes me crybecause it hurts.
But it's a soul bath and everyonce in a while, if not all the
(22:11):
time, our soul needs a bath, andso those tears is exactly that,
and when you bathe your soul inyour tears, then you could
begin to come out as who you are.
You could begin to live yourlife.
(22:31):
You can say I'm not going tohide behind anything, anyone,
I'm just going to live this life.
You could live it in joy andpeace and happiness, despite
what may be going on around you,and you could extend a hand of
(22:52):
love and acceptance to otherswho may not even be like you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what I can tell you today isthat, step by step, I'm
removing and I'm not hidingbehind scriptures.
I'm not using God as a crutchas to why I'm doing something or
(23:17):
not doing it.
I'm being very authentic andvery real with me, and that
helps me to move forward and tolive the life that I want to
live and I believe that I'mcalled to live.
For me, it's that crossing thecomma and living the abundant
(23:38):
life.
It has nothing to do with money, it has everything to do with
me and my joy and my peace andmy happiness.
Yeah, that's it.
This is me.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Wasn't that episode amazing Living unapologetically,
faith unmuted has allowed usonce again to ask ourselves the
kind of questions that will helpus get to the next level and
live this life unapologetically.
Your next step head on over towwwestrogramcom and let me know
(24:19):
what your favorite episode is,ask a question or share this
with a friend.
I can't wait to be with younext week as we dive deeper into
redefining what it means to bea Christian woman and redefining
what it means to live in ourtruth.
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