October 27, 2024 • 16 mins
Ever felt trapped by the need to "fake it till you make it"? You're not alone. This week on Faith Unmuted, I uncover the liberating power of authenticity through heartfelt stories and candid reflections. I share my personal journey of shedding societal and religious expectations, confronting the discomfort of insincere interactions, and finding true freedom in being myself. Discover how showing up as your true self can attract genuine connections and bring a sense of clarity and freedom into your life.
I also delve into the paramount importance of integrity in both personal and professional realms. Hear about a tense moment with an employee that underscored the strength found in honesty and responsibility. Through these experiences, we emphasize that abandoning the facade leads to deeper, more meaningful relationships and a more fulfilling life.
Get ready to be inspired to embrace your authentic self and enrich your well-being by living unapologetically in your truth. Tune in and start your journey toward authenticity today.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to Faith Unmuted.
The place where Christian womenget the opportunity to press
the button and say what theywant, how they want and exactly
how they feel.
The one place where, together,we can collectively walk through
our truths, liveunapologetically and stop hiding
fake, no more, show up as you,man.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Let me tell you I had to learn that lesson, but it
took me a little while to learnthat lesson.
Have you ever heard the saying,you know, fake it till you make
it?
That was a saying that starteda few years back and I, you know
, fake it till you make it.
That was a saying that starteda few years back and I would
always hear it fake it till youmake it.
And people are saying, yeah,yeah, fake it till you make it.
I hate that saying.
I don't like it because there'sno such thing, as far as I'm
concerned, as faking it till youmake it, at least for me.
(01:02):
You know, fake it means thatyou're faking who you are.
You're not showing up in youras your authentic self.
Fake it means that I'm going topretend that this is how it is,
but really it's not.
Like, I think, people onFacebook a lot, they fake it
till they make it and theyalways want to show, pretend
like if everything is great.
(01:22):
How about if we try somethingnew?
How about if we just show up?
You know, show up as you, showup as you.
I'm speaking from many years ofshowing up, with a smile on my
(01:51):
face, struggling to fake it.
And when I realized that fakingit is just not something I do
well, ask anybody I know Listen.
When my husband and I we wereministers at a church overseas
and a part of the they wouldhave where you greet everyone,
you hug them, and you greet them, you say hello, this is Esther
(02:14):
y'all.
When the greeting time came andeveryone would stand up to go
and hug and greet each other, Iwent to the restroom and I
stayed in the restroom until thegreeting time was over.
I did it all the time.
Why?
(02:35):
Because I don't believe infaking it and I felt that a lot
of people that were walkingaround and you could say maybe I
was judging them Well, maybe Iwas, I don't know, but I don't
think some of them I was judgingbecause I knew them, you know,
and they would come and hug youand say, oh, god bless you, or
or anything like that, and wantto talk to you, and I just was
(02:56):
not into doing that.
See, I'm this person who, whenI speak to you, it's because I
want to speak to you.
When I smile at you, it'sbecause I want to smile at you.
I don't believe in faking ittill you make it.
And so every time for thatservice, I would walk out.
And I had a friend who werereally close and she followed me
one Sunday and she said Esther,why do you, every time you walk
(03:20):
out during this time?
Why do you do that?
And I explained to her.
I said because I don't want tohug people that I know don't
really care for me.
I don't want to hug people thatwhen we walk out the door they
don't even really know me orthey act as if they don't know
me.
They become someone else.
I don't want to be hugged bythat.
I want to feel the genuine love.
(03:42):
And so if I can't feel that, Iprefer not to put myself in the
midst of the faked stuff.
And maybe I just have issues,maybe it's just all me and I'm
the one with the issue, but Ijust firmly believe that if I'm
going to show you love, it needsto be from a genuine place, it
(04:09):
needs to be from an authenticplace, it needs to be showing
you the love of God, and that'swhere I choose to operate from.
But I will tell you I wasn'talways like this, because again
I felt as if I needed to pretendbecause, again, I felt as if I
(04:30):
needed to pretend and so for along time I would fake,
pretending to smile.
I always knew how to show up,and I think many of you do.
You know how to show up.
You know how to show up as themom.
You know how to show up as thesister, the family member, the
significant other.
You know how to show up as thesister, the family member, the
significant other.
You know how to show up as theminister or the pastor.
You know how to show up as theCEO, as the entrepreneur.
(04:51):
You know how to show up and youdo it well.
I did it well.
But there just comes a point towhere it's like I'm no longer
going to show up as who I am not, comes a point to where it's
like I'm no longer going to showup as who I am not.
I need to show up as who I amand even if I'm in a room where
people may not care for me, orthey may be judging me, or they
(05:20):
may feel as if I don't belongthere because, trust me, I've
been in many rooms where I didnot belong All of that might be
going on, but you still have toshow up as you, and what I have
found is, when I show up as me,not only am I happy with me
(05:40):
because I feel free and clear,but I found that genuine people
will be drawn to you and theyreally will like who you are.
What I discovered was it's thecontinual phony people who keep
faking it that's not going tocare for you showing up
(06:02):
authentically.
Yeah, they're the ones thatwill reject you, because what
happens is that the person youare, the authentic person you
are, challenges the person thatthey are not.
It's challenging them andthey're basically looking at me
(06:49):
and saying I wish I could showup like you.
I had someone say to me man, Iwish I could just get up there
and speak like that.
I wish I could get up there andjust show who I am and just say
what I have to say.
And I said you can.
You can really do that.
You just have to know who youare and make a decision that, no
(07:13):
matter what people say, nomatter what they think, I'm
showing up as me, and I want tosay again that it doesn't happen
overnight.
I want to say that this issomething you have to be very
intentional about.
I have to be very intentionalabout showing up as Esther, and
(07:33):
this is what I also found out,in all truth and transparency
and integrity.
What I found out is thatthere's some areas, some rooms,
I'll show up as me.
There's some areas, some rooms,I'll show up as me, and then
there's other rooms I won't showup as me, and it's not that I'm
(07:55):
showing up as not me, but I'mjust not the full me.
You know what I mean.
Like I'll show up, 50% ofEsther will show up and not a
hundred percent based on theroom I'm in.
What I'm working on right nowis, in every room, showing up
100%.
I'll give you a good examplewhen I do my retreats, I show up
(08:17):
100% as Esther, and here I amdoing this podcast and I had to
be talked into Esther.
When you're doing this podcast,make sure that you're showing
up 100%, talking about thingsthat I may not talk about in a
(08:43):
lot of places, but I just feellike, if it's my time to really
share what's just really in myheart, and part of what's in my
heart is saying listen, you gotto show up as who you are,
because when you don't, someoneis missing out on what you have
to offer what you have to share.
(09:04):
Someone is missing out onmeeting the real you, and when
someone judges who you are, Iwant you to keep in mind what I
said earlier that it's who youare really.
That's really causing theconflict in them, because
(09:25):
they're not showing up, they'renot showing up as who they are
and so they're looking at youand they're rejecting you.
But really deep down insidethey're saying, really I wish I
could show up like how she'sshowing up.
I wish I could just be who I am, just like how she's being who
she is the good, the bad and theugly, bad and the ugly.
(09:52):
I remember, as there were nights, sometimes I just used to cry
on my pillow and I would alwaysquote, you know the scripture
that says um, that God bringseverything together for you to
work out for your good I'mparaphrasing because y'all know
I paraphrase and um, and I wouldsay it's the good, the bad and
the ugly that he works togetherfor your good.
(10:15):
And sometimes in the moment,you might not see the good, you
may only see the ugly, see thegood, you may only see the ugly,
but know that when you make adecision to show up as you, all
(10:37):
of these things work togetherfor your good.
Everything does.
That's a promise to you.
So show up as you.
Fake no more.
Remove the saying fake it tillyou make it.
Just make it.
Make a decision to show upgenuinely.
(10:58):
Show up in integrity, show upin transparency.
Show up as you.
Let people see the real you,because it's you that they're
going to love and what I foundout for myself it's me that they
love.
I've said it.
My relationships are so muchbetter.
You know why?
(11:18):
Because I show up as me.
I have a value system to wheremy family is the most important
thing to me and my family.
I have a great relationshipwith them, those who chose to be
in a relationship with mebecause I show up authentically.
And for those who chose not tobe in a relationship with me,
I'm good with it.
(11:39):
Why?
Because I show up authenticallyand I'm not going to alter who
I am.
To make them happy, I'm notgoing to alter who I am so their
light could shine while I dimmine.
That's just not going to happen, and every day I have to be
very, every day.
(12:05):
Fake no more.
Show up as you Means that whenyou show up, that you speak what
your thoughts really are, andsomeone may say, well, suppose
(12:25):
my thoughts aren't that good.
Okay, there's ways that you canspeak exactly what you're
thinking.
I'm at a place in my life rightnow that when you meet me, you
meet me, and sometimes that maymean the good, the bad and the
(12:47):
ugly, and sometimes that maymean the good, the bad and the
ugly.
I had an incident one time andI'm so determined to show up as
myself and I was speaking to oneof my employees and I was so
frustrated with them and thisemployee has been with me for
years and so she knows me and Iremember I was upset and I said,
(13:11):
well, fine, we're just notgoing to do this, I just don't
care.
And I walked out the room and Islammed the door really hard
Ooh bad.
And I walked into my office andI sat down and I said like I
just felt this conviction justcame over me, like I just felt
(13:34):
this conviction just came overme.
I said how did you just show upto that employee?
I just felt convicted because Iwas wrong.
Showing up as you, showing upas me, meant that when I'm wrong
, I go back and I makecorrections, I course, correct,
(13:56):
wrong, I go back and I makecorrections, I course correct.
And so I went back.
Less than five minutes later,after I sat, I took some deep
breaths, I calmed down and Isaid, ah, I felt that conviction
and I walked back to her and Isaid forgive me, I had no right
to slam the door, I had no rightto express how I was feeling in
(14:23):
the way that I was feeling inthe way I did.
That's showing up as me beingso much, wanting to be in
integrity that you would go andapologize and you would go and
course correct.
And when I said that to her,she looked at me and she smiled
(14:45):
and she said it's okay.
She said I know you.
She said I know who you are.
That meant so much to mebecause what that told me is, in
the years of our relationship,that she has gotten to know me.
She got to know the real me.
So she knew that when I walkedout, that that wasn't me.
But she also knew that I wouldcome back and apologize because
(15:07):
she knew that was me.
You want to show up so much inyour authentic self.
You want people to see who youare, that they know you, that if
you do have a bad day, they'llsay oh no, that's a bad day
because that's not her, so don'tfake it till you make it
anymore.
Remove that out of yourvocabulary.
(15:28):
Remove that out of your mind.
Change your mindset and yourthinking about that and say no,
I will always be my authenticself.
But here is the question whoare you?
Who is your authentic self?
Discover that and then you canshow up as you.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Discover that and then you can show up as you.
Your next step head on over towwwesthergramcom and let me know
what your favorite episode is,Ask a question or share this
with a friend.
I can't wait to be with younext week as we dive deeper into
redefining what it means to bea Christian woman and redefining
(16:25):
what it means to live in ourtruth.
You are listening to Faith Unmuted.
The place where Christian womenget the opportunity to press
the button and say what theywant, how they want and exactly
how they feel.
The one place where, together,we can collectively walk through
our truths, liveunapologetically and stop hiding
fake, no more, show up as you,man.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Let me tell you I had to learn that lesson, but it
took me a little while to learnthat lesson.
Have you ever heard the saying,you know, fake it till you make
it?
That was a saying that starteda few years back and I, you know
, fake it till you make it.
That was a saying that starteda few years back and I would
always hear it fake it till youmake it.
And people are saying, yeah,yeah, fake it till you make it.
I hate that saying.
I don't like it because there'sno such thing, as far as I'm
concerned, as faking it till youmake it, at least for me.
(01:02):
You know, fake it means thatyou're faking who you are.
You're not showing up in youras your authentic self.
Fake it means that I'm going topretend that this is how it is,
but really it's not.
Like, I think, people onFacebook a lot, they fake it
till they make it and theyalways want to show, pretend
like if everything is great.
(01:22):
How about if we try somethingnew?
How about if we just show up?
You know, show up as you, showup as you.
I'm speaking from many years ofshowing up, with a smile on my
(01:51):
face, struggling to fake it.
And when I realized that fakingit is just not something I do
well, ask anybody I know Listen.
When my husband and I we wereministers at a church overseas
and a part of the they wouldhave where you greet everyone,
you hug them, and you greet them, you say hello, this is Esther
(02:14):
y'all.
When the greeting time came andeveryone would stand up to go
and hug and greet each other, Iwent to the restroom and I
stayed in the restroom until thegreeting time was over.
I did it all the time.
Why?
(02:35):
Because I don't believe infaking it and I felt that a lot
of people that were walkingaround and you could say maybe I
was judging them Well, maybe Iwas, I don't know, but I don't
think some of them I was judgingbecause I knew them, you know,
and they would come and hug youand say, oh, god bless you, or
or anything like that, and wantto talk to you, and I just was
(02:56):
not into doing that.
See, I'm this person who, whenI speak to you, it's because I
want to speak to you.
When I smile at you, it'sbecause I want to smile at you.
I don't believe in faking ittill you make it.
And so every time for thatservice, I would walk out.
And I had a friend who werereally close and she followed me
one Sunday and she said Esther,why do you, every time you walk
(03:20):
out during this time?
Why do you do that?
And I explained to her.
I said because I don't want tohug people that I know don't
really care for me.
I don't want to hug people thatwhen we walk out the door they
don't even really know me orthey act as if they don't know
me.
They become someone else.
I don't want to be hugged bythat.
I want to feel the genuine love.
(03:42):
And so if I can't feel that, Iprefer not to put myself in the
midst of the faked stuff.
And maybe I just have issues,maybe it's just all me and I'm
the one with the issue, but Ijust firmly believe that if I'm
going to show you love, it needsto be from a genuine place, it
(04:09):
needs to be from an authenticplace, it needs to be showing
you the love of God, and that'swhere I choose to operate from.
But I will tell you I wasn'talways like this, because again
I felt as if I needed to pretendbecause, again, I felt as if I
(04:30):
needed to pretend and so for along time I would fake,
pretending to smile.
I always knew how to show up,and I think many of you do.
You know how to show up.
You know how to show up as themom.
You know how to show up as thesister, the family member, the
significant other.
You know how to show up as thesister, the family member, the
significant other.
You know how to show up as theminister or the pastor.
You know how to show up as theCEO, as the entrepreneur.
(04:51):
You know how to show up and youdo it well.
I did it well.
But there just comes a point towhere it's like I'm no longer
going to show up as who I am not, comes a point to where it's
like I'm no longer going to showup as who I am not.
I need to show up as who I amand even if I'm in a room where
people may not care for me, orthey may be judging me, or they
(05:20):
may feel as if I don't belongthere because, trust me, I've
been in many rooms where I didnot belong All of that might be
going on, but you still have toshow up as you, and what I have
found is, when I show up as me,not only am I happy with me
(05:40):
because I feel free and clear,but I found that genuine people
will be drawn to you and theyreally will like who you are.
What I discovered was it's thecontinual phony people who keep
faking it that's not going tocare for you showing up
(06:02):
authentically.
Yeah, they're the ones thatwill reject you, because what
happens is that the person youare, the authentic person you
are, challenges the person thatthey are not.
It's challenging them andthey're basically looking at me
(06:49):
and saying I wish I could showup like you.
I had someone say to me man, Iwish I could just get up there
and speak like that.
I wish I could get up there andjust show who I am and just say
what I have to say.
And I said you can.
You can really do that.
You just have to know who youare and make a decision that, no
(07:13):
matter what people say, nomatter what they think, I'm
showing up as me, and I want tosay again that it doesn't happen
overnight.
I want to say that this issomething you have to be very
intentional about.
I have to be very intentionalabout showing up as Esther, and
(07:33):
this is what I also found out,in all truth and transparency
and integrity.
What I found out is thatthere's some areas, some rooms,
I'll show up as me.
There's some areas, some rooms,I'll show up as me, and then
there's other rooms I won't showup as me, and it's not that I'm
(07:55):
showing up as not me, but I'mjust not the full me.
You know what I mean.
Like I'll show up, 50% ofEsther will show up and not a
hundred percent based on theroom I'm in.
What I'm working on right nowis, in every room, showing up
100%.
I'll give you a good examplewhen I do my retreats, I show up
(08:17):
100% as Esther, and here I amdoing this podcast and I had to
be talked into Esther.
When you're doing this podcast,make sure that you're showing
up 100%, talking about thingsthat I may not talk about in a
(08:43):
lot of places, but I just feellike, if it's my time to really
share what's just really in myheart, and part of what's in my
heart is saying listen, you gotto show up as who you are,
because when you don't, someoneis missing out on what you have
to offer what you have to share.
(09:04):
Someone is missing out onmeeting the real you, and when
someone judges who you are, Iwant you to keep in mind what I
said earlier that it's who youare really.
That's really causing theconflict in them, because
(09:25):
they're not showing up, they'renot showing up as who they are
and so they're looking at youand they're rejecting you.
But really deep down insidethey're saying, really I wish I
could show up like how she'sshowing up.
I wish I could just be who I am, just like how she's being who
she is the good, the bad and theugly, bad and the ugly.
(09:52):
I remember, as there were nights, sometimes I just used to cry
on my pillow and I would alwaysquote, you know the scripture
that says um, that God bringseverything together for you to
work out for your good I'mparaphrasing because y'all know
I paraphrase and um, and I wouldsay it's the good, the bad and
the ugly that he works togetherfor your good.
(10:15):
And sometimes in the moment,you might not see the good, you
may only see the ugly, see thegood, you may only see the ugly,
but know that when you make adecision to show up as you, all
(10:37):
of these things work togetherfor your good.
Everything does.
That's a promise to you.
So show up as you.
Fake no more.
Remove the saying fake it tillyou make it.
Just make it.
Make a decision to show upgenuinely.
(10:58):
Show up in integrity, show upin transparency.
Show up as you.
Let people see the real you,because it's you that they're
going to love and what I foundout for myself it's me that they
love.
I've said it.
My relationships are so muchbetter.
You know why?
(11:18):
Because I show up as me.
I have a value system to wheremy family is the most important
thing to me and my family.
I have a great relationshipwith them, those who chose to be
in a relationship with mebecause I show up authentically.
And for those who chose not tobe in a relationship with me,
I'm good with it.
(11:39):
Why?
Because I show up authenticallyand I'm not going to alter who
I am.
To make them happy, I'm notgoing to alter who I am so their
light could shine while I dimmine.
That's just not going to happen, and every day I have to be
very, every day.
(12:05):
Fake no more.
Show up as you Means that whenyou show up, that you speak what
your thoughts really are, andsomeone may say, well, suppose
(12:25):
my thoughts aren't that good.
Okay, there's ways that you canspeak exactly what you're
thinking.
I'm at a place in my life rightnow that when you meet me, you
meet me, and sometimes that maymean the good, the bad and the
(12:47):
ugly, and sometimes that maymean the good, the bad and the
ugly.
I had an incident one time andI'm so determined to show up as
myself and I was speaking to oneof my employees and I was so
frustrated with them and thisemployee has been with me for
years and so she knows me and Iremember I was upset and I said,
(13:11):
well, fine, we're just notgoing to do this, I just don't
care.
And I walked out the room and Islammed the door really hard
Ooh bad.
And I walked into my office andI sat down and I said like I
just felt this conviction justcame over me, like I just felt
(13:34):
this conviction just came overme.
I said how did you just show upto that employee?
I just felt convicted because Iwas wrong.
Showing up as you, showing upas me, meant that when I'm wrong
, I go back and I makecorrections, I course, correct,
(13:56):
wrong, I go back and I makecorrections, I course correct.
And so I went back.
Less than five minutes later,after I sat, I took some deep
breaths, I calmed down and Isaid, ah, I felt that conviction
and I walked back to her and Isaid forgive me, I had no right
to slam the door, I had no rightto express how I was feeling in
(14:23):
the way that I was feeling inthe way I did.
That's showing up as me beingso much, wanting to be in
integrity that you would go andapologize and you would go and
course correct.
And when I said that to her,she looked at me and she smiled
(14:45):
and she said it's okay.
She said I know you.
She said I know who you are.
That meant so much to mebecause what that told me is, in
the years of our relationship,that she has gotten to know me.
She got to know the real me.
So she knew that when I walkedout, that that wasn't me.
But she also knew that I wouldcome back and apologize because
(15:07):
she knew that was me.
You want to show up so much inyour authentic self.
You want people to see who youare, that they know you, that if
you do have a bad day, they'llsay oh no, that's a bad day
because that's not her, so don'tfake it till you make it
anymore.
Remove that out of yourvocabulary.
(15:28):
Remove that out of your mind.
Change your mindset and yourthinking about that and say no,
I will always be my authenticself.
But here is the question whoare you?
Who is your authentic self?
Discover that and then you canshow up as you.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Discover that and then you can show up as you.
Your next step head on over towwwesthergramcom and let me know
what your favorite episode is,Ask a question or share this
with a friend.
I can't wait to be with younext week as we dive deeper into
redefining what it means to bea Christian woman and redefining
(16:25):
what it means to live in ourtruth.
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