September 15, 2024 • 24 mins
What does it truly mean to be "free to be me"?
Join me in this episode of Faith Unmuted as we confront this profound question head-on. Through my own personal journey and the unique challenges of raising children in a multicultural society, we uncover the struggles and triumphs of embracing authenticity amidst societal pressures.
You’ll hear honest reflections on the impact of living openly on relationships, including the intricate layers it brings to a marriage. By sharing these heartfelt stories, I highlight the importance of overcoming self-imposed limitations and embracing our true selves fully.
I delve into the compelling story of a pastor's wife who courageously defies societal and religious norms, asserting her right to self-expression. Her narrative becomes even more moving as she supports her youngest son after he comes out as gay, navigating the emotional and societal waves that follow.
This episode isn't just about one family's journey; it's about the universal quest for true freedom—living authentically and with integrity to one's beliefs and loved ones.
As we continue to live unapologetically, I invite you to reflect on your own experiences and join our conversation at www.esthergraham.com.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to Faith Unmuted.
The place where Christian womenget the opportunity to press
the button and say what theywant, how they want and exactly
how they feel.
The one place where, together,we can collectively walk through
our truths, liveunapologetically and stop hiding
.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Free to be me.
What does that actually mean forme?
It means it means so muchbecause I've always been on this
journey of wanting to be freeto just be Esther.
And you know, I always wouldsay to my children or in
conversations, when someone isall over the place or they're
(01:02):
doing, you know, like they're,they're, they're in confusion
and you can kind of see in oneminute they're this way, another
minute they're that, or oneminute they're this person,
another minute they're anotherperson.
I'd always say it's becausethey don't know who they really
are, who God created them to be.
And I think that was me as not.
(01:23):
I think I know, you know thatwas me as well.
You know, with with my kidsgrowing up, um, or especially um
, my youngest son, our youngestson, was, you know, um, always
kind of struggling to be who heis.
And you know, and in theenvironment we grew up in a very
(01:44):
multicultural environment, youknow they grew up in Europe part
of their lives and then, ofcourse, come into the United
States and then, you know,people would tease him and say,
oh, you're not like this andyou're not like this, you're
this and you're that, and Iremember that's what used to
happen to me too, and even withour other two kids, our daughter
(02:04):
, you know, they would tell heronce again you know, oh, you're
just like a white girl, youdress white.
And I remember one day hercoming home and saying what does
that mean?
What is dressing white, mom?
I remember our youngest soncoming home and saying I was
just told by a white guy thatI'm whiter than him and he's
white.
(02:25):
He said, mom, what does thatmean?
And our eldest son, he was sodetermined not to be labeled as
that that he went the totalopposite way.
And I like to say that all ofhis friends were just, you know
what's the word I'm looking for.
That would sound kind of good,I guess, on the thuggish way.
You know what I mean, right?
(02:46):
And so I would always say he'svery multicultural, because you
know all of his friends.
They were kind of you know, inthat for my words, the thuggish
kind of way, but they were allfrom different backgrounds.
You know Latinos, you knowwhite, black, asian, they were
everybody.
So it was kind of funny and I Iwould always look at them and I
(03:06):
would say, yeah, you know, theyhave to discover who they are.
But that was me as well, reallyembracing who I am.
And so I remember, um, myhusband and I went to our church
leadership and conference and Iremember the bishop's wife did
(03:31):
a message free to be me.
And I tuned all the way in tothat message because that was
something that I always spokeabout but I always couldn't
figure out.
How could I really be free tobe who I am, free to be me, what
does that really mean for me?
(03:52):
And I know that.
You know, there's a scripturethat I absolutely love that says
where God is, there's liberty,there's freedom.
And since God lives inside ofme, then I should be able to be
me, but I wasn't.
(04:14):
And so that day, sitting in thatleadership conference, I heard
that message and I got the videoand the audio and I would
listen to it just quietly bymyself, when no one was home or
in my car.
I would listen to it by myselfabout what does it mean to be
(04:37):
free?
And for me, being free isliving out what I believe in,
what I feel, what I know to betrue for me, and what I
(04:58):
discovered is that it's a lotharder, it's a lot easier to say
it than to actually, you know,do it.
What does freedom look like?
Freedom for me means being ableto say what I think.
(05:19):
It's being free to live outwhat I believe fully.
What freedom is not?
It's not putting yourself in abox which I believe I did for a
(05:43):
while and never going outside ofthe box.
Now listen to hear what I'msaying, because in my mind y'all
, I was thinking that I wasbeing free, I was living free,
and when the realization came,it was like, oh God, I'm not
(06:04):
living free, I'm not livingauthentically, I'm pretending to
be someone that I'm not.
And when I get to the placethat, where I'm, I feel as if
I'm living free, I pull it backbecause I say, oh, maybe this is
too free.
Have you ever thought that?
Oh, this is.
You know, maybe I shouldn't saythat this is just.
(06:25):
This is just being free to notbeing free or being too free.
It was like with my husband.
I felt as if there were certainparameters that I wouldn't let
him go pass, because I couldn'tbe free.
(06:50):
I really couldn't be the wifethat he needed me or wanted me
to be, because I wouldn't letmyself be free, because I
wouldn't let myself be free,even in our intimate moments, I
(07:20):
wouldn't let myself becompletely free, and that hurt
my marriage.
It hurt my marriage because Icouldn't be free.
There were things parts of methat I just wouldn't let loose.
I wouldn't release it, and so Ithink because of that my
(07:43):
marriage suffered.
I would speak what I thought youwanted me to say, and then I
found that if I did really speakwhat I really thought or did
what I really thought or actedhow I really wanted to act,
(08:04):
let's say, then I would feel soconvicted, like, oh, you're
wrong.
And sometimes that convictioncame really from myself because
it's like, oh, should I be doingthis?
Should I not be doing this?
You know I grew up in a veryprotected environment.
You know there are some thingsthat we just didn't talk about
(08:29):
in my home and so those thingsthat we did not talk about, you
know, things like sex and andmaking love and in life and just
just some life things, can Ijust be honest?
We just didn't talk about it,and so I had to kind of learn on
my own Not a good thingsometimes.
(08:54):
So after I heard that message, Ibegan to take steps and really
began to look at what does itmean for Esther to be free.
And what I found out was that Imyself didn't know what I
wanted to be free.
What does it really look likefor me?
(09:14):
What does freedom feel like forme?
And I'm going to say it's like.
Within the past 10 years andwalking on all of this, I'm
discovering what freedom maybelooks like like dressing the way
I want to dress, which for somepeople may be okay.
Well, that's simple, but thatwas important for me.
(09:39):
Freedom for me is, even if youtell me that I'm a pastor's wife
and this is how I need to dressand this is what I need to say
and this is what I need to speak, it Pastor's wives don't do
this and they don't do that.
Freedom for me is saying that'sfine for you, but that doesn't
work for me, that if I want towear this, this is exactly what
(10:00):
I'm going to wear.
If I want my shirt low, that'show I'm going to wear it.
If I want to show my legs, Iwant to show my arms.
Whatever I want to do, that'swhat I'm going to do it and as
long as I'm good with it and myhusband's good with it, it
should be good for everybodyelse.
That's freedom.
Freedom for me is being able tosay I don't agree with you.
(10:25):
That's not what my beliefsystem is.
Freedom for me is not having toshow up one way to please you
and then, behind closed doors, Ican be me.
That's not freedom for me.
See, I was always taught.
My mother, especially,instilled this Esther, you have
(10:46):
to be careful, don't forget yourepresent, and all that's fine
and good until you can'trepresent anymore.
Because no matter how you tryto show up and represent and
hold, somebody's going to findsomething to criticize you, to
cut you down, to say somethingabout you, and then that's just
(11:08):
going to for me.
It just sent me the oppositedirection.
Something about you, and thenthat's just going to for me.
It just sent me the oppositedirection.
Freedom was when we returnedback to Guyana with my parents.
I did, but it was just me, mymom and my dad and I had on this
(11:29):
dress, and the dress was justhad a little flare, but it was
really no sleeves.
And one of the ladies said tome Esther, we're trying to get
our Christian young ladies towear dresses with sleeves.
Now we're in Guyana as hot as Idon't know what right.
And I looked at her and I saidwell, number one this has a
little sleeve on it.
And number two who told you Iwas a Christian?
This has a little sleeve on it.
And number two who told you Iwas a Christian?
(11:53):
Needless to say, my fathercould have just fell through.
If the floor could have openedup, he would have fell through
it.
That's freedom.
But when I spoke that, of courseI'm disrespectful, I'm this and
I'm all these different things.
Freedom is not allowing you toput what your belief system is
(12:15):
on me, what you believe that Godsays.
Let me hear what God says forme.
Let me live out what I know.
Let me true to my God, becauseif he accepts me just the way I
am, why can't you accept me justthe way I am?
Why do I have to pretend andperform for you?
(12:37):
That's not freedom.
Freedom is accepting my son'slife decisions.
(13:04):
When everyone else says don'taccept it.
When others say you'recompromising, freedom is saying
that's not what I believe.
I'm not compromising.
See, what a lot of people don'tknow, and yet many people do
(13:26):
know, is that our youngest soncame out maybe about two, three
years ago as gay.
One of the hardest days of mylife I remember when he sent us
an email telling us.
(13:49):
I barely opened the email, itwas on Good Friday and I fell to
the floor screaming.
My husband ran across the room.
He said what's wrong?
What's wrong?
And I said read that.
(14:10):
And he just got really quietand I screamed.
I was angry with God.
I said how could you?
I've said this, I did this andI just went through the list the
(14:40):
list and I wouldn't be tellingyou the truth if I didn't tell
you.
I struggled for a while.
I called my mom.
I didn't know what my familywas going to think.
I didn't know how they weregoing to feel.
I just didn't know.
And I wasn't even so concernedso much about my family, like
his brothers and sisters, youknow.
But I was so concerned aboutthe outside, my extended family.
And then what was the communitygoing to say?
(15:01):
What was the church going tosay?
What was all of these differentthings, free to be me, free to
be me.
And there were so many thingsthat came up Criticism from the
(15:23):
people who are supposed to loveyou, the people who say I love
you, I love God.
Those people were the ones thatcriticized and talked about my
child Freedom.
I remember, you know, I calledour daughter and she was in
(15:49):
Antigua at the time.
She was going to med school andwe flew down there right after
Easter Sunday so I could justget away and so we could see
what was going on with her.
Because, you know, he sent thewhole family.
We wanted to make sure that shewas okay and so as a family, we
(16:12):
had to come together byourselves and heal.
It was for a little bit my sonand I didn't even talk.
We didn't.
And then one day he made aphone call to me.
(16:37):
I remember the night beforeJonathan and I were talking and
my husband said you know, my son, our son, has been on our mind,
on his mind.
I said mine too, and he saidI'm flying out to see him, I'm
going to leave tomorrow.
And I said okay, but before hewas able to do that, that early
(17:01):
morning he called our son,called I'm just going to call
him Jay.
And he called and he said mom,and I said yeah.
He said can I come home?
My son asked if he can comehome.
I thought at the time twothings.
(17:24):
He shouldn't have had to ask ifhe could come home because
that's his home.
Then the other thing I thought,and I said it, I said this is
your home, you can always comehome.
And he was coming home for oneweek but he ended up staying, I
think, two months.
But when he came home it healedour relationship and we talked
(17:51):
in detail about everything.
He was hurt because he broke upin a relationship and he didn't
know how to heal.
He didn't know how to talk andthe only place he could come
back to was home, his mother andhis father, his mother and his
(18:15):
father, his safe space.
When I think about that, Ithink about, suppose I was just
so stuck in what everybody elsewas saying that I said no, you
can't come home because this,this, that, suppose I didn't
show him love, right?
See, there's many of us outthere that we're not really
living in freedom, we're notreally free to be ourselves,
(18:39):
because when our children makedecisions that the world may
reject, then we tend to rejectas well, because we don't want
it to look a certain way.
At least that's how I see it.
You know, we don't want thejudgment.
We don't want people to say,well, that, at least, that's
that's how I see it, you know wedon't.
We don't want the judgment.
We don't want people to say,well, that's so-and-so, son, and
(18:59):
look, it's kind of like thepresident of United States.
Their kids can't do anything.
As if they're not human beingsand if as if they don't get to
make their own decisions andlive their own lives.
What I learned through all ofthis, as free to be me, is
(19:20):
allowing not just myself to livemy life in freedom, but
allowing him to live his as well.
He came home and we had so manydifferent talks.
I talked about what wasdifficult for me, he talked
about what was difficult for him, and just a couple months ago
really a couple, a few weeks agohe talked about what was
(19:41):
difficult for him.
And just a couple months agoreally a couple, a few weeks ago
, for the first time, heattended my retreat and one of
the things that he said we didsomething called the integrity
contract and how do you break it.
And one of the things that hesaid in front of everyone at
that retreat and in front of meand his father.
(20:03):
He said I broke the integritycontract In the way that I came
out.
Said I wasn't sure how to do itso I wrote it in an email when
I should have spoke to them.
I should have did it adifferent way.
Said it's always bothered me.
(20:27):
Free to be me means that even inthe worst moments, you can say
what you have to say.
In the worst moments, you cansay what you have to say and you
can feel comfortable with it.
Free to be me means exactly whomy son is.
That's exactly who I accept himto be, because when I put
(20:52):
restraints on him, then I put iton myself and I put it on
everyone else.
When I can be free, when Icould show up, and now that I'm
(21:13):
doing it more and more every day, y'all, my marriage is better.
The intimacy between my spouseand I and maybe this is TMI, I
don't know it is awesome.
The relationship with mychildren is great, and where
(21:36):
there are challenges, I can workthrough it.
Free to be me doesn't mean thatyou're living a perfect life.
It just means that you'reliving an authentic life.
That's what it means for methat I just have to be who I am.
I can't pretend anymore, and ifyou want me to pretend, then I
can't even be around you, noteven for five minutes, and
(21:58):
you'll find that if I am aroundyou, I will be there for as long
as I need to be, and then I'mgone, the exit.
I take the exit Because I'mjust at a place in my life that
you just have to accept me forwho I am.
That's my freedom the good, thebad and the ugly.
Being free means that I'm goingto live in alignment with God.
(22:18):
I'm going to live in alignmentwith me.
I'm going to live in alignmentwith what I believe and how I'm
moving forward and the purpose Ihave in this world to do.
That's what it means.
It means that I'm going tospeak up when I need to speak up
and when it's time to speak up,and I'm not going to be silent,
(22:38):
because sometimes your silencemeans that you agree Free to be
me means that, no matter howmuch you may judge me, how much
you may want to stay away fromme and you don't, that's fine
because everybody's in choiceI'm choosing to be free.
I'm choosing to live my life infreedom.
I'm choosing that when I wantto grab my glass of wine, I'm
(23:00):
going to grab my glass of wineand sometimes, to be truthful, I
drink a whole bottle.
I like to say it's me and Jesusthe wine, and sometimes coffee.
That's freedom, because at theend of the day, god really knows
who I am, and so that's oneperson I can't fake the funk
with.
(23:21):
That's him, and for me, that'swho I don't want to fake with.
So if he already knows, then Icould be who I am all the time.
I've made a decision, y'all.
I made a decision y'all thatI'm just going to be free, and
the moment that I feel that I'mnot being free.
(23:42):
I stop and I retract and I haveto go reassess because I refuse
to live my life in the fakenessof this world.
I'm free to be me.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Wasn't that episode amazing Living unapologetically.
Faith unmuted has allowed usonce again to ask ourselves the
kind of questions that will helpus get to the next level and
live this life unapologetically.
Your next step head on over towwwesthergramcom and let me know
(24:21):
what your favorite episode isAsk a question or share this
with a friend.
I can't wait to be with younext week as we dive deeper into
redefining what it means to bea Christian woman and redefining
what it means to live in ourtruth.
You are listening to Faith Unmuted.
The place where Christian womenget the opportunity to press
the button and say what theywant, how they want and exactly
how they feel.
The one place where, together,we can collectively walk through
our truths, liveunapologetically and stop hiding
.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Free to be me.
What does that actually mean forme?
It means it means so muchbecause I've always been on this
journey of wanting to be freeto just be Esther.
And you know, I always wouldsay to my children or in
conversations, when someone isall over the place or they're
(01:02):
doing, you know, like they're,they're, they're in confusion
and you can kind of see in oneminute they're this way, another
minute they're that, or oneminute they're this person,
another minute they're anotherperson.
I'd always say it's becausethey don't know who they really
are, who God created them to be.
And I think that was me as not.
(01:23):
I think I know, you know thatwas me as well.
You know, with with my kidsgrowing up, um, or especially um
, my youngest son, our youngestson, was, you know, um, always
kind of struggling to be who heis.
And you know, and in theenvironment we grew up in a very
(01:44):
multicultural environment, youknow they grew up in Europe part
of their lives and then, ofcourse, come into the United
States and then, you know,people would tease him and say,
oh, you're not like this andyou're not like this, you're
this and you're that, and Iremember that's what used to
happen to me too, and even withour other two kids, our daughter
(02:04):
, you know, they would tell heronce again you know, oh, you're
just like a white girl, youdress white.
And I remember one day hercoming home and saying what does
that mean?
What is dressing white, mom?
I remember our youngest soncoming home and saying I was
just told by a white guy thatI'm whiter than him and he's
white.
(02:25):
He said, mom, what does thatmean?
And our eldest son, he was sodetermined not to be labeled as
that that he went the totalopposite way.
And I like to say that all ofhis friends were just, you know
what's the word I'm looking for.
That would sound kind of good,I guess, on the thuggish way.
You know what I mean, right?
(02:46):
And so I would always say he'svery multicultural, because you
know all of his friends.
They were kind of you know, inthat for my words, the thuggish
kind of way, but they were allfrom different backgrounds.
You know Latinos, you knowwhite, black, asian, they were
everybody.
So it was kind of funny and I Iwould always look at them and I
(03:06):
would say, yeah, you know, theyhave to discover who they are.
But that was me as well, reallyembracing who I am.
And so I remember, um, myhusband and I went to our church
leadership and conference and Iremember the bishop's wife did
(03:31):
a message free to be me.
And I tuned all the way in tothat message because that was
something that I always spokeabout but I always couldn't
figure out.
How could I really be free tobe who I am, free to be me, what
does that really mean for me?
(03:52):
And I know that.
You know, there's a scripturethat I absolutely love that says
where God is, there's liberty,there's freedom.
And since God lives inside ofme, then I should be able to be
me, but I wasn't.
(04:14):
And so that day, sitting in thatleadership conference, I heard
that message and I got the videoand the audio and I would
listen to it just quietly bymyself, when no one was home or
in my car.
I would listen to it by myselfabout what does it mean to be
(04:37):
free?
And for me, being free isliving out what I believe in,
what I feel, what I know to betrue for me, and what I
(04:58):
discovered is that it's a lotharder, it's a lot easier to say
it than to actually, you know,do it.
What does freedom look like?
Freedom for me means being ableto say what I think.
(05:19):
It's being free to live outwhat I believe fully.
What freedom is not?
It's not putting yourself in abox which I believe I did for a
(05:43):
while and never going outside ofthe box.
Now listen to hear what I'msaying, because in my mind y'all
, I was thinking that I wasbeing free, I was living free,
and when the realization came,it was like, oh God, I'm not
(06:04):
living free, I'm not livingauthentically, I'm pretending to
be someone that I'm not.
And when I get to the placethat, where I'm, I feel as if
I'm living free, I pull it backbecause I say, oh, maybe this is
too free.
Have you ever thought that?
Oh, this is.
You know, maybe I shouldn't saythat this is just.
(06:25):
This is just being free to notbeing free or being too free.
It was like with my husband.
I felt as if there were certainparameters that I wouldn't let
him go pass, because I couldn'tbe free.
(06:50):
I really couldn't be the wifethat he needed me or wanted me
to be, because I wouldn't letmyself be free, because I
wouldn't let myself be free,even in our intimate moments, I
(07:20):
wouldn't let myself becompletely free, and that hurt
my marriage.
It hurt my marriage because Icouldn't be free.
There were things parts of methat I just wouldn't let loose.
I wouldn't release it, and so Ithink because of that my
(07:43):
marriage suffered.
I would speak what I thought youwanted me to say, and then I
found that if I did really speakwhat I really thought or did
what I really thought or actedhow I really wanted to act,
(08:04):
let's say, then I would feel soconvicted, like, oh, you're
wrong.
And sometimes that convictioncame really from myself because
it's like, oh, should I be doingthis?
Should I not be doing this?
You know I grew up in a veryprotected environment.
You know there are some thingsthat we just didn't talk about
(08:29):
in my home and so those thingsthat we did not talk about, you
know, things like sex and andmaking love and in life and just
just some life things, can Ijust be honest?
We just didn't talk about it,and so I had to kind of learn on
my own Not a good thingsometimes.
(08:54):
So after I heard that message, Ibegan to take steps and really
began to look at what does itmean for Esther to be free.
And what I found out was that Imyself didn't know what I
wanted to be free.
What does it really look likefor me?
(09:14):
What does freedom feel like forme?
And I'm going to say it's like.
Within the past 10 years andwalking on all of this, I'm
discovering what freedom maybelooks like like dressing the way
I want to dress, which for somepeople may be okay.
Well, that's simple, but thatwas important for me.
(09:39):
Freedom for me is, even if youtell me that I'm a pastor's wife
and this is how I need to dressand this is what I need to say
and this is what I need to speak, it Pastor's wives don't do
this and they don't do that.
Freedom for me is saying that'sfine for you, but that doesn't
work for me, that if I want towear this, this is exactly what
(10:00):
I'm going to wear.
If I want my shirt low, that'show I'm going to wear it.
If I want to show my legs, Iwant to show my arms.
Whatever I want to do, that'swhat I'm going to do it and as
long as I'm good with it and myhusband's good with it, it
should be good for everybodyelse.
That's freedom.
Freedom for me is being able tosay I don't agree with you.
(10:25):
That's not what my beliefsystem is.
Freedom for me is not having toshow up one way to please you
and then, behind closed doors, Ican be me.
That's not freedom for me.
See, I was always taught.
My mother, especially,instilled this Esther, you have
(10:46):
to be careful, don't forget yourepresent, and all that's fine
and good until you can'trepresent anymore.
Because no matter how you tryto show up and represent and
hold, somebody's going to findsomething to criticize you, to
cut you down, to say somethingabout you, and then that's just
(11:08):
going to for me.
It just sent me the oppositedirection.
Something about you, and thenthat's just going to for me.
It just sent me the oppositedirection.
Freedom was when we returnedback to Guyana with my parents.
I did, but it was just me, mymom and my dad and I had on this
(11:29):
dress, and the dress was justhad a little flare, but it was
really no sleeves.
And one of the ladies said tome Esther, we're trying to get
our Christian young ladies towear dresses with sleeves.
Now we're in Guyana as hot as Idon't know what right.
And I looked at her and I saidwell, number one this has a
little sleeve on it.
And number two who told you Iwas a Christian?
This has a little sleeve on it.
And number two who told you Iwas a Christian?
(11:53):
Needless to say, my fathercould have just fell through.
If the floor could have openedup, he would have fell through
it.
That's freedom.
But when I spoke that, of courseI'm disrespectful, I'm this and
I'm all these different things.
Freedom is not allowing you toput what your belief system is
(12:15):
on me, what you believe that Godsays.
Let me hear what God says forme.
Let me live out what I know.
Let me true to my God, becauseif he accepts me just the way I
am, why can't you accept me justthe way I am?
Why do I have to pretend andperform for you?
(12:37):
That's not freedom.
Freedom is accepting my son'slife decisions.
(13:04):
When everyone else says don'taccept it.
When others say you'recompromising, freedom is saying
that's not what I believe.
I'm not compromising.
See, what a lot of people don'tknow, and yet many people do
(13:26):
know, is that our youngest soncame out maybe about two, three
years ago as gay.
One of the hardest days of mylife I remember when he sent us
an email telling us.
(13:49):
I barely opened the email, itwas on Good Friday and I fell to
the floor screaming.
My husband ran across the room.
He said what's wrong?
What's wrong?
And I said read that.
(14:10):
And he just got really quietand I screamed.
I was angry with God.
I said how could you?
I've said this, I did this andI just went through the list the
(14:40):
list and I wouldn't be tellingyou the truth if I didn't tell
you.
I struggled for a while.
I called my mom.
I didn't know what my familywas going to think.
I didn't know how they weregoing to feel.
I just didn't know.
And I wasn't even so concernedso much about my family, like
his brothers and sisters, youknow.
But I was so concerned aboutthe outside, my extended family.
And then what was the communitygoing to say?
(15:01):
What was the church going tosay?
What was all of these differentthings, free to be me, free to
be me.
And there were so many thingsthat came up Criticism from the
(15:23):
people who are supposed to loveyou, the people who say I love
you, I love God.
Those people were the ones thatcriticized and talked about my
child Freedom.
I remember, you know, I calledour daughter and she was in
(15:49):
Antigua at the time.
She was going to med school andwe flew down there right after
Easter Sunday so I could justget away and so we could see
what was going on with her.
Because, you know, he sent thewhole family.
We wanted to make sure that shewas okay and so as a family, we
(16:12):
had to come together byourselves and heal.
It was for a little bit my sonand I didn't even talk.
We didn't.
And then one day he made aphone call to me.
(16:37):
I remember the night beforeJonathan and I were talking and
my husband said you know, my son, our son, has been on our mind,
on his mind.
I said mine too, and he saidI'm flying out to see him, I'm
going to leave tomorrow.
And I said okay, but before hewas able to do that, that early
(17:01):
morning he called our son,called I'm just going to call
him Jay.
And he called and he said mom,and I said yeah.
He said can I come home?
My son asked if he can comehome.
I thought at the time twothings.
(17:24):
He shouldn't have had to ask ifhe could come home because
that's his home.
Then the other thing I thought,and I said it, I said this is
your home, you can always comehome.
And he was coming home for oneweek but he ended up staying, I
think, two months.
But when he came home it healedour relationship and we talked
(17:51):
in detail about everything.
He was hurt because he broke upin a relationship and he didn't
know how to heal.
He didn't know how to talk andthe only place he could come
back to was home, his mother andhis father, his mother and his
(18:15):
father, his safe space.
When I think about that, Ithink about, suppose I was just
so stuck in what everybody elsewas saying that I said no, you
can't come home because this,this, that, suppose I didn't
show him love, right?
See, there's many of us outthere that we're not really
living in freedom, we're notreally free to be ourselves,
(18:39):
because when our children makedecisions that the world may
reject, then we tend to rejectas well, because we don't want
it to look a certain way.
At least that's how I see it.
You know, we don't want thejudgment.
We don't want people to say,well, that, at least, that's
that's how I see it, you know wedon't.
We don't want the judgment.
We don't want people to say,well, that's so-and-so, son, and
(18:59):
look, it's kind of like thepresident of United States.
Their kids can't do anything.
As if they're not human beingsand if as if they don't get to
make their own decisions andlive their own lives.
What I learned through all ofthis, as free to be me, is
(19:20):
allowing not just myself to livemy life in freedom, but
allowing him to live his as well.
He came home and we had so manydifferent talks.
I talked about what wasdifficult for me, he talked
about what was difficult for him, and just a couple months ago
really a couple, a few weeks agohe talked about what was
(19:41):
difficult for him.
And just a couple months agoreally a couple, a few weeks ago
, for the first time, heattended my retreat and one of
the things that he said we didsomething called the integrity
contract and how do you break it.
And one of the things that hesaid in front of everyone at
that retreat and in front of meand his father.
(20:03):
He said I broke the integritycontract In the way that I came
out.
Said I wasn't sure how to do itso I wrote it in an email when
I should have spoke to them.
I should have did it adifferent way.
Said it's always bothered me.
(20:27):
Free to be me means that even inthe worst moments, you can say
what you have to say.
In the worst moments, you cansay what you have to say and you
can feel comfortable with it.
Free to be me means exactly whomy son is.
That's exactly who I accept himto be, because when I put
(20:52):
restraints on him, then I put iton myself and I put it on
everyone else.
When I can be free, when Icould show up, and now that I'm
(21:13):
doing it more and more every day, y'all, my marriage is better.
The intimacy between my spouseand I and maybe this is TMI, I
don't know it is awesome.
The relationship with mychildren is great, and where
(21:36):
there are challenges, I can workthrough it.
Free to be me doesn't mean thatyou're living a perfect life.
It just means that you'reliving an authentic life.
That's what it means for methat I just have to be who I am.
I can't pretend anymore, and ifyou want me to pretend, then I
can't even be around you, noteven for five minutes, and
(21:58):
you'll find that if I am aroundyou, I will be there for as long
as I need to be, and then I'mgone, the exit.
I take the exit Because I'mjust at a place in my life that
you just have to accept me forwho I am.
That's my freedom the good, thebad and the ugly.
Being free means that I'm goingto live in alignment with God.
(22:18):
I'm going to live in alignmentwith me.
I'm going to live in alignmentwith what I believe and how I'm
moving forward and the purpose Ihave in this world to do.
That's what it means.
It means that I'm going tospeak up when I need to speak up
and when it's time to speak up,and I'm not going to be silent,
(22:38):
because sometimes your silencemeans that you agree Free to be
me means that, no matter howmuch you may judge me, how much
you may want to stay away fromme and you don't, that's fine
because everybody's in choiceI'm choosing to be free.
I'm choosing to live my life infreedom.
I'm choosing that when I wantto grab my glass of wine, I'm
(23:00):
going to grab my glass of wineand sometimes, to be truthful, I
drink a whole bottle.
I like to say it's me and Jesusthe wine, and sometimes coffee.
That's freedom, because at theend of the day, god really knows
who I am, and so that's oneperson I can't fake the funk
with.
(23:21):
That's him, and for me, that'swho I don't want to fake with.
So if he already knows, then Icould be who I am all the time.
I've made a decision, y'all.
I made a decision y'all thatI'm just going to be free, and
the moment that I feel that I'mnot being free.
(23:42):
I stop and I retract and I haveto go reassess because I refuse
to live my life in the fakenessof this world.
I'm free to be me.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Wasn't that episode amazing Living unapologetically.
Faith unmuted has allowed usonce again to ask ourselves the
kind of questions that will helpus get to the next level and
live this life unapologetically.
Your next step head on over towwwesthergramcom and let me know
(24:21):
what your favorite episode isAsk a question or share this
with a friend.
I can't wait to be with younext week as we dive deeper into
redefining what it means to bea Christian woman and redefining
what it means to live in ourtruth.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.