March 25, 2024 • 25 mins
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Diving deep into an earnest discussion on problematic men and their attitudes, Imani reveals eight signs of disrespect to look out for when dating. Through her candid discussion and compelling real-life examples, she unflinchingly addresses the searing issues of toxic masculinity that plague relationships today. Learn more about the potential emotional and mental harm such men can cause and how their deceptive and charming fronts mask their genuinely distressing behavior.
This episode goes further to equip you with strategies to establish personal boundaries. It encourages you to assert your worth and demand respect in your relationships. Learn how to spot red flags like dismissiveness, lack of empathy, and a tendency to objectify women or disregard their opinions.
Join us as we dissect the worrying narrative that overlooks men’s accountability and blames women in abusive situations. This episode also emphasizes the vital importance of treating women as equals in relationships and providing them with the support, respect, and understanding they deserve. It sends a powerful message of empowerment for women navigating the world of modern dating.
Listen to this enlightening episode to unearth hard-hitting truths from a broader perspective of relationships. Arm yourself with the knowledge to create nurturing, respectful, and empowering interactions with potential partners. This is an essential listen for anyone wanting to identify and avoid unhealthy relationship patterns and emerge stronger.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, hello, hello, beautiful women. I am so excited today.
Stop what you're doing and share this with a friend. Rate the podcast and let's get into it.
Good morning, good evening, good afternoon, it girls. I hope you all are doing amazing.
Welcome to Faithfully Feminine Podcast, where I, your host, Imani Bailey,
shares all things faith, all things feminine, and practical ways to transform
(00:23):
yourself through navigating womanhood.
While sharing lessons God has taught me along the way, Sit back,
relax, and let's get into some things.
Girl, OST today. How are we feeling today?
I'm actually feeling pretty good. I'm feeling amazing.
I'm taking some mental health days away from work, which is really needed.
(00:47):
I am learning how to rest and reset.
Resting has never been an issue for me, but I feel like lately,
ever since I've moved to DC.
It's been so hard for some odd reason. I think the culture is just way different
here and it's so much more expensive and I just feel like such a busy body.
So this is me resting, but not at the same time because I am recording a podcast,
(01:10):
which is still work technically.
So maybe tomorrow I need to just lay in bed all day. I don't know.
But anyway, let's get into too.
This is so much tea. I don't know about y'all, but it's like lately the horizon
of social media and I have cleaned up my algorithm,
but for some reason I just cannot get away with some of these men slipping through
(01:33):
the cracks of my algorithm and I'm seeing their complaints about women.
I also ended up on a date with a man to which it was my second and last date
with this man and he he will not see me again. I had to send him the HR message.
And to which he started complaining about women, which is so inappropriate.
(01:53):
How are you on a date with a woman complaining about dating women?
And it got to the point where I just let him have his entire like,
it literally was like a scandal monologue.
I kid y'all not. And I was just like.
So irritated and I remember looking down and saying then date a man I kid you
(02:15):
not I did say that I said it in the softest most like serious but soft voice
I was like then just date a man,
and he looked at me like how could you say that but in reality I told him I
mean it sounds like you don't like women so why don't you just date men if you
truly do not like women why don't you you just date men.
(02:35):
In reality, like, come on now. So this is pen and paper, eight signs you are
dating a man who does not like women.
And I'm not talking about a man who is a part of the LGBT plus QA community.
I'm talking about a man who is a heterosexual man who does not like women,
but would rather use them for their own pleasure.
(02:58):
That type of thing. They don't like women. men. Genuinely, they do not like women.
And I found that I don't want to say a lot of men because that might not be the case.
That just might be what we are seeing because something about,
and I talked about this with my friend, like there are a lot of good men out
there, but the rowdy ones, like the ones that are the most loud are like the worst.
(03:22):
Good men don't have time to be debating on podcast about who's paying for what.
They don't have time to be on a date with a woman complaining about women.
They don't have time to do certain things.
So I don't know if it's like, hmm, is this a thing to which we're heading towards?
Or is this like an isolated demographic?
(03:43):
Or I don't know what it is. But what I do know is I have met a lot of men and
I've seen a lot of things on my timelines lines to which I did not even want
to see, but I just stumbled across it.
And I have compiled a list of eight reasons, signs, flags.
These are more than red flags. I don't know what's worse than red,
(04:04):
but just these are the eight.
If a man that you are dating, a man that you are with, or a man you are getting
to know, I don't care if it's a first date, if you start seeing that he exudes
even one of these signs, I mean, stop,
drop him and roll on to the next child because it will be a setup and a recipe for disaster.
I promise you all look at the smoke and mirrors and we're getting into the first one.
(04:29):
Oh my gosh. Number one, a man who does not like women or a man who does not
like you will humble you.
There's no ifs and buts about it. And it could be about the smallest, most municipal things.
He will find time to humble you. He will find time to put you down,
to make himself feel like he is better, like he is more important,
(04:51):
almost like you're some stepping stone.
And I had stumbled across, I had this ex-boyfriend in college for a very short time.
Very short. And this list kind reminds me of him.
I remember talking with him. He had went to a college that was down the street
from me that was well known for engineering.
And of course, I was in school for marketing at the time. And I was excited about graduation.
(05:16):
I was excited that it was coming up. I was excited about going to different internship talks.
And I remember I was meeting with Twitter, meeting with Chipotle,
just meeting with Delta, meeting with different companies to hear about their
marketing programs and their co-ops and stuff like that in our business school.
And I would tell him about it because I was so excited.
And he every time would like make sly comments like, well, you know,
(05:38):
when I graduate, I'm probably going to be making more than you like I'm going
to be making more than you because like my school is more prestigious.
And, you know, I'm going to school for engineering.
And it would just be like, we not even talk like we're not even talking about
that right now. Like, I'm telling you, I love that Twitter had this good co-op
program at the time in X, Y, and Z.
And you're over here trying to humble me, talking about your degree is better than mine.
(06:00):
The school that I go to is better than yours. And I'm going to,
you know, when we graduate, he's going to make more money, which is so funny. Hindsight 2020.
Like, when we graduated, he, in fact, did not make more money than me.
So it's like be careful what you say to people and how you humble people even
like with yourself because reality will have a way of humbling you itself to
(06:22):
be honest I didn't even have to say anything,
So looking back, I my first job out of college, I made money.
I made more money than him.
But it wasn't even about that. It was the fact that every time I would bring
something up and that was just like one incident, he would try to like humble
me in a sense of like, just no.
And I remember every time I would be out with him or just out in general,
(06:43):
you know, you go on a date and like, I love when I'm on a date and girlies compliment
me like you're doing the Lord's work.
Because I when I see girlies on a date I compliment them
too and I remember getting complimented and
I was like oh my gosh you are so pretty your makeup is pretty your outfit is
pretty just you're beautiful and I was like thank you and they're like you're
so lucky to him and he was like thank you and as soon as the person walked away
(07:05):
he was like yeah that's why I don't compliment you that much because like somebody
has to humble you and I'm like huh I'm not even you're just jealous.
So little stuff like that. Be careful of dating a man who says snarky things
and sly things to humble you.
You might not realize it is that in that second.
(07:26):
But if you are excited about something, you're telling your friend,
you're telling the man that and he starts making comments about like himself
or comparing what you're excited about to something that he's already gone through
or something that he's not interested in.
Those are telltale signs that he is going to humble you.
The next one is that he dismisses your feelings.
Now, some men will dismiss your feelings, and that doesn't mean that they don't
(07:50):
like women. But in conjunction with a couple of these on the list,
you're dealing with a man who doesn't like women.
Anytime someone likes you, like when you genuinely like somebody,
think about your friendships.
I think that women, we oftentimes compartmentalize friendships,
platonic friendships with our girls and like male relationships and although
men are different than women at the core of it
(08:12):
we are all human beings when you genuinely like somebody
you care about how they feel point blank period
I mean this is like bare human decency you
care how they about how they feel and so if you tell him hey I know it might
not be in your attention but what you did made me feel x y and z and he brushes
(08:32):
it off like oh my gosh you always have this is my favorite one oh my gosh you
always have feelings Like, why do you have feelings? It's not that deep.
If you are dealing with a man in our grown age, or even a man,
I didn't even have a boyfriend that act like that in high school.
So it's like, anytime something crazy happens, I think back to that,
not to compare men, but I'm like, I didn't even deal with this as an 18-year-old
woman when I was dating a boyfriend in high school. He didn't even act like that.
(08:55):
And you in your grown age acting like this? Oh yeah, no. Absolutely not.
Anytime a man dismisses your feelings...
He doesn't like you because a man who cares for you cares about how you feel.
He cares about his actions and how his actions affect you, whether it's intentional or not.
And if it's not intentional, he will let it be known and he will apologize.
(09:18):
And not only will he apologize, he would change his behavior moving forward.
At the end of the day, if you keep receiving apologies about around and about
the same thing, but there is no changed behavior, that is straight manipulation
at its core. So watch out, always be able, always communicate your feelings.
I know some people do struggle with communicating their feelings and maybe in
(09:41):
next episodes, we will talk more about that. But always tell your partner how you feel.
At the end of the day, if you're dating this person and you're not comfortable
telling them how you feel, this relationship is not gonna work out.
Just like if you have friends, again, always compare your relationships to your
friendships too, because nine times out of 10, the same things that people struggle
with in their relationships, they kind of struggle with in their friendships.
And if it's not the same, that means that they put more ownership and more emphasis
(10:06):
on their relationship with male counterparts, which has a problem within itself, honestly.
But that's a whole nother topic for a whole nother day.
If you have issues telling your friends how you feel, start practicing with doing that first.
And then as you date or as you become in a relationship with a man,
if you are a single woman, then tell that man how you feel, especially within dating.
(10:28):
Like when I'm dating and getting to know men, if they do something that upsets
me, that offends me, I tell them right away because right away I want to know
how are they going to handle how I feel, right?
And last thing with this one, someone who dismisses your feelings,
you got to be very careful and look out for the fake apology.
(10:49):
A fake apology will look like, oh, I apologize you feel you,
X, Y, and Z. I apologize you feel mad.
I apologize that you feel upset. I apologize you're hurt.
Yeah, I apologize that you feel upset that I did X, Y, and Z.
Any person or any man that apologizes for the way that you feel is not apologizing for their actions.
Because when you apologize, you apologize for your actions, not the way somebody feels.
(11:14):
And I've come to realize that a lot of people do not know how to apologize,
so much so I literally made a TikTok series about it.
Like I want to say two years ago, a year, 2021, I made a TikTok series about how to apologize.
Moving forward, he talks about you to his friends.
I mean, now this can be, if a man does like you, he will talk about you to his friends in a good way.
(11:36):
But when I'm saying he talks about you to his friends, I mean in a bad way. I mean, bashing you.
I mean, putting you down a little bit just to pull himself up.
I mean, talking about you being real gossipy and real chatty and like group chats.
I have encountered my first man, I think this man's like 30. maybe he's like 29, 30.
(11:56):
This man had a whole entire group chat and was talking about me in a group chat.
And this is my first time I've ever encountered this. Again,
I did not even go through this with a man in high school.
So the fact that I'm seeing men
act like this in their grown adulthood is very, it's kind of scary to me.
And I think this is what my friends were telling me all along when I was in
(12:18):
that relationship in high school.
They were like, like, yo, these men out here are like scary girl.
And I was like, it can't be that bad. No, it's giving jump scare.
If you are with a chatty Cathy, like if this man is so chatty,
I mean, he's telling your business. I mean, he's complaining about you to his friends.
Like I knew a guy, he literally complained.
(12:40):
We didn't last long, of course. We literally just getting to know each other.
And I was like, yeah, you don't like women.
He would complain about me wanting things to be pink
like why does everything have to be so girly why does
why does it have to be pink why why does your book have to be pink why do
you have to have pink pens why do you have to and I'm just like and then
he would talk about me to his friends about why
I wanted things to be girly why every time I get in your
(13:02):
car it smells like flowers why every time and I'm just like do
you not understand that I am a woman like I'm just
comfortable being a woman I'm comfortable
being a woman I'm a feminine woman pink is my
favorite color like it's just like he just had a
problem with me being a woman he had an
issue with me being a woman why do you like flowers they die
it was like it was like a complaint all the time and it
(13:25):
was just so odd it was weird and again it's not on you or me to like debunk
why these men do not like women just take note of it and move on because you
don't want to get wrapped up or at worst have a child with somebody who doesn't
like Do you know how scary that is to have a child with somebody who doesn't like women?
I can only imagine. Childbirth is very scary to begin with.
(13:47):
Imagine having a child for someone who doesn't like women. I mean,
they're not even going to be there for you postpartum. They're probably going
to complain about things that you're experiencing postpartum and minimize them.
Because it, again, does not line up to them using you for their pleasure, right?
God forbid they have to wait to be intimate with you. God forbid you gain weight.
Again, you have to steer clear of men like this.
(14:11):
Another one is he only respects women he is sexually attracted to. Oh my gosh.
When I say just watch some of these men, I mean, watch them.
If you get around a man, if you're dating a man and y'all are
to the point where he invites you like somewhere out in a group setting
with his friends just watch how they interact watch
(14:33):
the things that they say and they might try to calm it down because you're around
but ever so often someone will slip up someone will say all you have to do is
watch and listen you don't even have to ask questions when it comes with men
to men you don't really have to ask a lot of questions these days these men
will dig dig themselves in a hole, I promise you.
If he only respects women he is sexually attracted to, I mean, y'all are at the store.
(14:58):
He doesn't hold doors open for women. He sees an elderly woman struggling.
He's not going to help her. He doesn't offer his seat to anybody.
If y'all are out on public transportation, it could be a pregnant woman walking
on the train or on the bus.
And if y'all are on public transportation and there's no season, it's you and him.
If he doesn't get up for her. I mean, watch out for the things that men do or
(15:21):
the men that you're dating or getting to know do around other women or how they
help other women, how they talk to other women, right?
If they don't deem her as attractive and they don't respect her outside of family
members, of course, because men do like, some men like to compartmentalize like,
oh, this is my mom, my sister. Like, I love my mom so much.
(15:41):
And that's why like when girls be like, oh, I love a mama's boy no no
they know how they have mastered compartmentalizing things especially uh oh
but he has a daughter just because a man has a daughter doesn't mean that he
knows how to actually treat women doesn't mean that he respects women for real
right you have to be careful and be very you got to keep your head on the swivel.
(16:02):
Next thing is he does not listen. Like if you all are talking,
he will not listen to you. Like he will just tune you out.
I've been with a man. I would talk to him and it was as if I was just like noise
in the background or something.
I don't know what it was, but he did not listen to anything I said at all.
I mean, this man doesn't listen to your day.
This is the type of man that wouldn't listen to your problems.
(16:25):
He wouldn't listen to the things that you like. I mean, not one thing.
There are some things that slip our minds or things that slip men's minds or
they might not know every little detail.
But the fact that this type of man will not listen to literally anything you
say, and he might even interrupt you and say, oh, like, that's so cute.
Oh, like, you're just made to look cute to be on his arm for social capital,
(16:48):
not to be like a real person, like you're almost fairy-like or like a Barbie,
like a doll or something and not a real human being. Yeah, that's what I mean.
Next is he does not view you as an equal. Oh my gosh I think this one has to
be the biggest red flag, but it can be done in so many different ways When men
think that they are superior to women that is a dangerous dangerous dangerous.
(17:13):
Relationship and situation to be in you don't ever want to date a man nor sleep
with a man God forbid you sleep with a man like this.
Oh You don't ever want to date a man nor sleep with a man who does not view you as an equal.
And this is why it's so important to keep your legs closed when you meet people.
And I know like some people are brainwashed to think, I met someone the other
(17:34):
day. It was like, yeah, and I
slept with him like the second date and you know, cause I just don't care.
And I'm like, but you should, but you should.
And it's not to shame women and say like, there has to be a little shame.
It does. I don't know. We got to bring shame back at some point.
We got to shame women and men, okay? I think the problem is people are just shaming women.
(17:54):
As a man, why are you sleeping with a woman on a second date?
Like for real, be for real.
So it's really hard to see smoke and mirrors when you're sleeping with people
who have these demons attachments or mindsets about them because you more than
likely will not see them until it's again too late.
You've already had some form of attachment with them. You've already been emotionally
(18:18):
involved and mostly invested in this person.
You've invested a lot of time in this person and then boom
you wake up one day and it's like oh my gosh was
he always like this yeah girl he was always like this
you were just ignoring the signs because you was too busy oh
and I went out with him and he bought a section for my
friends and I and he did pay my rent that one month so like yeah I don't care
(18:40):
it's so liberating I just I just decided to sleep with him because it's so liberating
I could do what I want with my body but ignoring these flags that I'm giving
y'all so keep y'all legs closed and look out for these flags he does not view you as an equal.
There's so many wrong things with this statement. And especially you got to
be careful, too, of the quote unquote Christian man.
(19:02):
Like, I mean, there are people who false claim all the time.
I mean, people be false claim in Crips and Bloods. Why wouldn't they be false claim in Christ?
OK, so the Christian man that believes that he is superior or just anyone that
believes he's superior, like he's often going to be obsessed with the idea of submission.
That's going to be a conversation that he's bringing up, which I don't know
why, because it's usually single men who aren't married talking about this.
(19:25):
And the Bible talks about within marriage submission.
It does not talk about within dating, within sleeping around,
within playing house, within situationships, you know.
So they take these biblical ideologies and kind of shape them to how they want
it and how it can benefit them. Be careful.
(19:46):
This is why it's important to to read your word so that people cannot twist
up God's word and try to pull an uno reverse or a fast one on you, child.
This is a man who will view you as an object also, or maybe like a doll.
I will say doll, like, because I have dated a man that really kind of talked
to me as if I was like a Barbie doll.
(20:07):
Like, it was like, it was very odd.
It was just like, you're so pretty. You're too pretty to be thinking too much.
You're too pretty to be talking too much. Like, just stand there and look cute.
That's your job and it sounds crazy but it's like he would minimize everything
and I would I'm like oh you're just so beautiful kiss me on the forehead like wait a second.
(20:29):
I'm literally telling you how I know someone who unalive themselves and I'm
having a hard time processing it and you're like oh but you're just so beautiful
oh yeah save all that thought,
kiss his forehead a man who doesn't view you as an equal has a superiority complex complex.
They believe that they are better than women. They believe that they don't really
(20:49):
need women in order to do things.
They don't value what a woman brings.
They don't value things or they don't understand too.
They don't understand the women, the value that a woman brings and they might not even care.
But either way, it's not your fault to debunk. It's not your,
it's not your area to debunk like, oh, does he not care or does he not understand?
(21:09):
Either way, he is not for you.
Next, he devalues your opinion. No amount of education can outrun a man who
has a superiority complex and who devalues your opinion.
You can be a whole doctor and he literally will have something wrong with him
and he will not ask you what's going on with him. These men are actually very scary.
(21:30):
You give your opinion on something, maybe he's having a business deal and you're
like, I don't know, this is not feeling right.
Because again, women have this intuition about them that that men do not have,
we compliment each other.
And when you listen to married men speak, like married men who have been married
for a while and how they speak about their wives, well, men who respect their wives, okay?
(21:52):
How they speak about their wives, usually it's, yeah, if I'm doing a business
deal or something, like I value my wife's opinion because she's always gonna
see something that I don't.
Something's gonna feel off. I value her opinion. They're running to their wives for their opinion.
But any man who doesn't value you and he feels like he can do things on his
own, which is a very dangerous place to be in anyway, because no one's supposed
(22:14):
to be here doing things on their own.
Even as a single woman, I don't do things on my own.
I have a community of friends that I have prayed for and I lean up against them
because whenever I isolate myself, it is a recipe for disaster.
It is not good for man to be alone.
It states that in the Bible. And so having these these biblical principles too
(22:35):
will help remind you and that things are not right.
And so moving forward, he's obsessed. This is the biggest one I have seen lately too.
This man will be obsessed with holding you accountable for his actions.
Oh my gosh. Or holding women accountable in general for men's actions.
Now this is the type of man that will say, well, why did she not think she was different?
(22:58):
He had six other baby mamas and she's stupid because she decided to have a baby by him again.
Okay, but what about him not taking care of his children? Wait a second now.
Are we just going to bypass that?
This is the type of man who was obsessed with holding women accountable.
And they will often say women need to be held accountable. I literally went
on it again. This man never saw me again. It was like nobody him.
(23:21):
Someone needs to hold these women accountable. As soon as he said that,
I'm like, oh, this man will never see me again.
Because the reality of it, women have been held accountable for their actions
and for the actions of men for decades, for centuries, and still are, right?
Having to bear the burden of a lot of things while men just gallivant around
and say, well, she should have known better.
(23:43):
She should have walked down a better street. She should have looked behind her car.
She should have gave him his number. Maybe she should have gave him her number
and maybe she would be alive.
When do we hear other men truly hold other men accountable for their actions?
Again, the loud ones are just louder. That's the reality of it.
(24:07):
But you have to be careful if you ever date a man or get to know a man.
Y'all, there's some construction going on. I don't know what is going on,
but it's always something when I'm trying to record a podcast.
Like, back, back, Satan. I hope y'all don't hear it. Oh, my goodness.
But you have to be careful of a man that is obsessed with holding you accountable for his actions.
This can be in the danger zone as well. You see this in a lot of abusive relationships.
(24:30):
It starts off as emotional abuse, and it might stay there, which is still bad.
And then when you get into like financial abuse and also
physical abuse and domestic violence situations you will hear the man often
blame the woman like well if you would have never wore that red dress I would
have never hit you or if you would have never said that you were going to leave
me I would have never emptied out your bank account and I'm using that example
(24:50):
because I honestly just finished Housewives of Potomac and Gordon and Mia,
Mia had talked about she wanted to divorce her husband and he literally emptied
out her bank account to where it was zero. That is financial abuse.
And he literally said, well, if you never said that you were going to leave
me, I would have never done that, right?
Holding you accountable for his action has to be one of the biggest things.
(25:11):
And if you want to learn more about that, I talk about it in my podcast from
the lessons I learned from who TF that I married, the 52 part series on TikTok
that Risa Tisa had released.
It's also on my blog, which you can click and subscribe to below.
Share this with a friend.
I pray you all do not run into men like this, but the reality of it is you more
(25:33):
than likely will because there's so many of them rampant out here.
So pray to God for discernment. Keep this list on the top of your mind and always
listen more than you speak when
it comes to dating because they will dig themselves in a hole every time.
I'll see y'all tomorrow. Well, really next week.
Hello, hello, hello, beautiful women. I am so excited today.
Stop what you're doing and share this with a friend. Rate the podcast and let's get into it.
Good morning, good evening, good afternoon, it girls. I hope you all are doing amazing.
Welcome to Faithfully Feminine Podcast, where I, your host, Imani Bailey,
shares all things faith, all things feminine, and practical ways to transform
(00:23):
yourself through navigating womanhood.
While sharing lessons God has taught me along the way, Sit back,
relax, and let's get into some things.
Girl, OST today. How are we feeling today?
I'm actually feeling pretty good. I'm feeling amazing.
I'm taking some mental health days away from work, which is really needed.
(00:47):
I am learning how to rest and reset.
Resting has never been an issue for me, but I feel like lately,
ever since I've moved to DC.
It's been so hard for some odd reason. I think the culture is just way different
here and it's so much more expensive and I just feel like such a busy body.
So this is me resting, but not at the same time because I am recording a podcast,
(01:10):
which is still work technically.
So maybe tomorrow I need to just lay in bed all day. I don't know.
But anyway, let's get into too.
This is so much tea. I don't know about y'all, but it's like lately the horizon
of social media and I have cleaned up my algorithm,
but for some reason I just cannot get away with some of these men slipping through
(01:33):
the cracks of my algorithm and I'm seeing their complaints about women.
I also ended up on a date with a man to which it was my second and last date
with this man and he he will not see me again. I had to send him the HR message.
And to which he started complaining about women, which is so inappropriate.
(01:53):
How are you on a date with a woman complaining about dating women?
And it got to the point where I just let him have his entire like,
it literally was like a scandal monologue.
I kid y'all not. And I was just like.
So irritated and I remember looking down and saying then date a man I kid you
(02:15):
not I did say that I said it in the softest most like serious but soft voice
I was like then just date a man,
and he looked at me like how could you say that but in reality I told him I
mean it sounds like you don't like women so why don't you just date men if you
truly do not like women why don't you you just date men.
(02:35):
In reality, like, come on now. So this is pen and paper, eight signs you are
dating a man who does not like women.
And I'm not talking about a man who is a part of the LGBT plus QA community.
I'm talking about a man who is a heterosexual man who does not like women,
but would rather use them for their own pleasure.
(02:58):
That type of thing. They don't like women. men. Genuinely, they do not like women.
And I found that I don't want to say a lot of men because that might not be the case.
That just might be what we are seeing because something about,
and I talked about this with my friend, like there are a lot of good men out
there, but the rowdy ones, like the ones that are the most loud are like the worst.
(03:22):
Good men don't have time to be debating on podcast about who's paying for what.
They don't have time to be on a date with a woman complaining about women.
They don't have time to do certain things.
So I don't know if it's like, hmm, is this a thing to which we're heading towards?
Or is this like an isolated demographic?
(03:43):
Or I don't know what it is. But what I do know is I have met a lot of men and
I've seen a lot of things on my timelines lines to which I did not even want
to see, but I just stumbled across it.
And I have compiled a list of eight reasons, signs, flags.
These are more than red flags. I don't know what's worse than red,
(04:04):
but just these are the eight.
If a man that you are dating, a man that you are with, or a man you are getting
to know, I don't care if it's a first date, if you start seeing that he exudes
even one of these signs, I mean, stop,
drop him and roll on to the next child because it will be a setup and a recipe for disaster.
I promise you all look at the smoke and mirrors and we're getting into the first one.
(04:29):
Oh my gosh. Number one, a man who does not like women or a man who does not
like you will humble you.
There's no ifs and buts about it. And it could be about the smallest, most municipal things.
He will find time to humble you. He will find time to put you down,
to make himself feel like he is better, like he is more important,
(04:51):
almost like you're some stepping stone.
And I had stumbled across, I had this ex-boyfriend in college for a very short time.
Very short. And this list kind reminds me of him.
I remember talking with him. He had went to a college that was down the street
from me that was well known for engineering.
And of course, I was in school for marketing at the time. And I was excited about graduation.
(05:16):
I was excited that it was coming up. I was excited about going to different internship talks.
And I remember I was meeting with Twitter, meeting with Chipotle,
just meeting with Delta, meeting with different companies to hear about their
marketing programs and their co-ops and stuff like that in our business school.
And I would tell him about it because I was so excited.
And he every time would like make sly comments like, well, you know,
(05:38):
when I graduate, I'm probably going to be making more than you like I'm going
to be making more than you because like my school is more prestigious.
And, you know, I'm going to school for engineering.
And it would just be like, we not even talk like we're not even talking about
that right now. Like, I'm telling you, I love that Twitter had this good co-op
program at the time in X, Y, and Z.
And you're over here trying to humble me, talking about your degree is better than mine.
(06:00):
The school that I go to is better than yours. And I'm going to,
you know, when we graduate, he's going to make more money, which is so funny. Hindsight 2020.
Like, when we graduated, he, in fact, did not make more money than me.
So it's like be careful what you say to people and how you humble people even
like with yourself because reality will have a way of humbling you itself to
(06:22):
be honest I didn't even have to say anything,
So looking back, I my first job out of college, I made money.
I made more money than him.
But it wasn't even about that. It was the fact that every time I would bring
something up and that was just like one incident, he would try to like humble
me in a sense of like, just no.
And I remember every time I would be out with him or just out in general,
(06:43):
you know, you go on a date and like, I love when I'm on a date and girlies compliment
me like you're doing the Lord's work.
Because I when I see girlies on a date I compliment them
too and I remember getting complimented and
I was like oh my gosh you are so pretty your makeup is pretty your outfit is
pretty just you're beautiful and I was like thank you and they're like you're
so lucky to him and he was like thank you and as soon as the person walked away
(07:05):
he was like yeah that's why I don't compliment you that much because like somebody
has to humble you and I'm like huh I'm not even you're just jealous.
So little stuff like that. Be careful of dating a man who says snarky things
and sly things to humble you.
You might not realize it is that in that second.
(07:26):
But if you are excited about something, you're telling your friend,
you're telling the man that and he starts making comments about like himself
or comparing what you're excited about to something that he's already gone through
or something that he's not interested in.
Those are telltale signs that he is going to humble you.
The next one is that he dismisses your feelings.
Now, some men will dismiss your feelings, and that doesn't mean that they don't
(07:50):
like women. But in conjunction with a couple of these on the list,
you're dealing with a man who doesn't like women.
Anytime someone likes you, like when you genuinely like somebody,
think about your friendships.
I think that women, we oftentimes compartmentalize friendships,
platonic friendships with our girls and like male relationships and although
men are different than women at the core of it
(08:12):
we are all human beings when you genuinely like somebody
you care about how they feel point blank period
I mean this is like bare human decency you
care how they about how they feel and so if you tell him hey I know it might
not be in your attention but what you did made me feel x y and z and he brushes
(08:32):
it off like oh my gosh you always have this is my favorite one oh my gosh you
always have feelings Like, why do you have feelings? It's not that deep.
If you are dealing with a man in our grown age, or even a man,
I didn't even have a boyfriend that act like that in high school.
So it's like, anytime something crazy happens, I think back to that,
not to compare men, but I'm like, I didn't even deal with this as an 18-year-old
woman when I was dating a boyfriend in high school. He didn't even act like that.
(08:55):
And you in your grown age acting like this? Oh yeah, no. Absolutely not.
Anytime a man dismisses your feelings...
He doesn't like you because a man who cares for you cares about how you feel.
He cares about his actions and how his actions affect you, whether it's intentional or not.
And if it's not intentional, he will let it be known and he will apologize.
(09:18):
And not only will he apologize, he would change his behavior moving forward.
At the end of the day, if you keep receiving apologies about around and about
the same thing, but there is no changed behavior, that is straight manipulation
at its core. So watch out, always be able, always communicate your feelings.
I know some people do struggle with communicating their feelings and maybe in
(09:41):
next episodes, we will talk more about that. But always tell your partner how you feel.
At the end of the day, if you're dating this person and you're not comfortable
telling them how you feel, this relationship is not gonna work out.
Just like if you have friends, again, always compare your relationships to your
friendships too, because nine times out of 10, the same things that people struggle
with in their relationships, they kind of struggle with in their friendships.
And if it's not the same, that means that they put more ownership and more emphasis
(10:06):
on their relationship with male counterparts, which has a problem within itself, honestly.
But that's a whole nother topic for a whole nother day.
If you have issues telling your friends how you feel, start practicing with doing that first.
And then as you date or as you become in a relationship with a man,
if you are a single woman, then tell that man how you feel, especially within dating.
(10:28):
Like when I'm dating and getting to know men, if they do something that upsets
me, that offends me, I tell them right away because right away I want to know
how are they going to handle how I feel, right?
And last thing with this one, someone who dismisses your feelings,
you got to be very careful and look out for the fake apology.
(10:49):
A fake apology will look like, oh, I apologize you feel you,
X, Y, and Z. I apologize you feel mad.
I apologize that you feel upset. I apologize you're hurt.
Yeah, I apologize that you feel upset that I did X, Y, and Z.
Any person or any man that apologizes for the way that you feel is not apologizing for their actions.
Because when you apologize, you apologize for your actions, not the way somebody feels.
(11:14):
And I've come to realize that a lot of people do not know how to apologize,
so much so I literally made a TikTok series about it.
Like I want to say two years ago, a year, 2021, I made a TikTok series about how to apologize.
Moving forward, he talks about you to his friends.
I mean, now this can be, if a man does like you, he will talk about you to his friends in a good way.
(11:36):
But when I'm saying he talks about you to his friends, I mean in a bad way. I mean, bashing you.
I mean, putting you down a little bit just to pull himself up.
I mean, talking about you being real gossipy and real chatty and like group chats.
I have encountered my first man, I think this man's like 30. maybe he's like 29, 30.
(11:56):
This man had a whole entire group chat and was talking about me in a group chat.
And this is my first time I've ever encountered this. Again,
I did not even go through this with a man in high school.
So the fact that I'm seeing men
act like this in their grown adulthood is very, it's kind of scary to me.
And I think this is what my friends were telling me all along when I was in
(12:18):
that relationship in high school.
They were like, like, yo, these men out here are like scary girl.
And I was like, it can't be that bad. No, it's giving jump scare.
If you are with a chatty Cathy, like if this man is so chatty,
I mean, he's telling your business. I mean, he's complaining about you to his friends.
Like I knew a guy, he literally complained.
(12:40):
We didn't last long, of course. We literally just getting to know each other.
And I was like, yeah, you don't like women.
He would complain about me wanting things to be pink
like why does everything have to be so girly why does
why does it have to be pink why why does your book have to be pink why do
you have to have pink pens why do you have to and I'm just like and then
he would talk about me to his friends about why
I wanted things to be girly why every time I get in your
(13:02):
car it smells like flowers why every time and I'm just like do
you not understand that I am a woman like I'm just
comfortable being a woman I'm comfortable
being a woman I'm a feminine woman pink is my
favorite color like it's just like he just had a
problem with me being a woman he had an
issue with me being a woman why do you like flowers they die
it was like it was like a complaint all the time and it
(13:25):
was just so odd it was weird and again it's not on you or me to like debunk
why these men do not like women just take note of it and move on because you
don't want to get wrapped up or at worst have a child with somebody who doesn't
like Do you know how scary that is to have a child with somebody who doesn't like women?
I can only imagine. Childbirth is very scary to begin with.
(13:47):
Imagine having a child for someone who doesn't like women. I mean,
they're not even going to be there for you postpartum. They're probably going
to complain about things that you're experiencing postpartum and minimize them.
Because it, again, does not line up to them using you for their pleasure, right?
God forbid they have to wait to be intimate with you. God forbid you gain weight.
Again, you have to steer clear of men like this.
(14:11):
Another one is he only respects women he is sexually attracted to. Oh my gosh.
When I say just watch some of these men, I mean, watch them.
If you get around a man, if you're dating a man and y'all are
to the point where he invites you like somewhere out in a group setting
with his friends just watch how they interact watch
(14:33):
the things that they say and they might try to calm it down because you're around
but ever so often someone will slip up someone will say all you have to do is
watch and listen you don't even have to ask questions when it comes with men
to men you don't really have to ask a lot of questions these days these men
will dig dig themselves in a hole, I promise you.
If he only respects women he is sexually attracted to, I mean, y'all are at the store.
(14:58):
He doesn't hold doors open for women. He sees an elderly woman struggling.
He's not going to help her. He doesn't offer his seat to anybody.
If y'all are out on public transportation, it could be a pregnant woman walking
on the train or on the bus.
And if y'all are on public transportation and there's no season, it's you and him.
If he doesn't get up for her. I mean, watch out for the things that men do or
(15:21):
the men that you're dating or getting to know do around other women or how they
help other women, how they talk to other women, right?
If they don't deem her as attractive and they don't respect her outside of family
members, of course, because men do like, some men like to compartmentalize like,
oh, this is my mom, my sister. Like, I love my mom so much.
(15:41):
And that's why like when girls be like, oh, I love a mama's boy no no
they know how they have mastered compartmentalizing things especially uh oh
but he has a daughter just because a man has a daughter doesn't mean that he
knows how to actually treat women doesn't mean that he respects women for real
right you have to be careful and be very you got to keep your head on the swivel.
(16:02):
Next thing is he does not listen. Like if you all are talking,
he will not listen to you. Like he will just tune you out.
I've been with a man. I would talk to him and it was as if I was just like noise
in the background or something.
I don't know what it was, but he did not listen to anything I said at all.
I mean, this man doesn't listen to your day.
This is the type of man that wouldn't listen to your problems.
(16:25):
He wouldn't listen to the things that you like. I mean, not one thing.
There are some things that slip our minds or things that slip men's minds or
they might not know every little detail.
But the fact that this type of man will not listen to literally anything you
say, and he might even interrupt you and say, oh, like, that's so cute.
Oh, like, you're just made to look cute to be on his arm for social capital,
(16:48):
not to be like a real person, like you're almost fairy-like or like a Barbie,
like a doll or something and not a real human being. Yeah, that's what I mean.
Next is he does not view you as an equal. Oh my gosh I think this one has to
be the biggest red flag, but it can be done in so many different ways When men
think that they are superior to women that is a dangerous dangerous dangerous.
(17:13):
Relationship and situation to be in you don't ever want to date a man nor sleep
with a man God forbid you sleep with a man like this.
Oh You don't ever want to date a man nor sleep with a man who does not view you as an equal.
And this is why it's so important to keep your legs closed when you meet people.
And I know like some people are brainwashed to think, I met someone the other
(17:34):
day. It was like, yeah, and I
slept with him like the second date and you know, cause I just don't care.
And I'm like, but you should, but you should.
And it's not to shame women and say like, there has to be a little shame.
It does. I don't know. We got to bring shame back at some point.
We got to shame women and men, okay? I think the problem is people are just shaming women.
(17:54):
As a man, why are you sleeping with a woman on a second date?
Like for real, be for real.
So it's really hard to see smoke and mirrors when you're sleeping with people
who have these demons attachments or mindsets about them because you more than
likely will not see them until it's again too late.
You've already had some form of attachment with them. You've already been emotionally
(18:18):
involved and mostly invested in this person.
You've invested a lot of time in this person and then boom
you wake up one day and it's like oh my gosh was
he always like this yeah girl he was always like this
you were just ignoring the signs because you was too busy oh
and I went out with him and he bought a section for my
friends and I and he did pay my rent that one month so like yeah I don't care
(18:40):
it's so liberating I just I just decided to sleep with him because it's so liberating
I could do what I want with my body but ignoring these flags that I'm giving
y'all so keep y'all legs closed and look out for these flags he does not view you as an equal.
There's so many wrong things with this statement. And especially you got to
be careful, too, of the quote unquote Christian man.
(19:02):
Like, I mean, there are people who false claim all the time.
I mean, people be false claim in Crips and Bloods. Why wouldn't they be false claim in Christ?
OK, so the Christian man that believes that he is superior or just anyone that
believes he's superior, like he's often going to be obsessed with the idea of submission.
That's going to be a conversation that he's bringing up, which I don't know
why, because it's usually single men who aren't married talking about this.
(19:25):
And the Bible talks about within marriage submission.
It does not talk about within dating, within sleeping around,
within playing house, within situationships, you know.
So they take these biblical ideologies and kind of shape them to how they want
it and how it can benefit them. Be careful.
(19:46):
This is why it's important to to read your word so that people cannot twist
up God's word and try to pull an uno reverse or a fast one on you, child.
This is a man who will view you as an object also, or maybe like a doll.
I will say doll, like, because I have dated a man that really kind of talked
to me as if I was like a Barbie doll.
(20:07):
Like, it was like, it was very odd.
It was just like, you're so pretty. You're too pretty to be thinking too much.
You're too pretty to be talking too much. Like, just stand there and look cute.
That's your job and it sounds crazy but it's like he would minimize everything
and I would I'm like oh you're just so beautiful kiss me on the forehead like wait a second.
(20:29):
I'm literally telling you how I know someone who unalive themselves and I'm
having a hard time processing it and you're like oh but you're just so beautiful
oh yeah save all that thought,
kiss his forehead a man who doesn't view you as an equal has a superiority complex complex.
They believe that they are better than women. They believe that they don't really
(20:49):
need women in order to do things.
They don't value what a woman brings.
They don't value things or they don't understand too.
They don't understand the women, the value that a woman brings and they might not even care.
But either way, it's not your fault to debunk. It's not your,
it's not your area to debunk like, oh, does he not care or does he not understand?
(21:09):
Either way, he is not for you.
Next, he devalues your opinion. No amount of education can outrun a man who
has a superiority complex and who devalues your opinion.
You can be a whole doctor and he literally will have something wrong with him
and he will not ask you what's going on with him. These men are actually very scary.
(21:30):
You give your opinion on something, maybe he's having a business deal and you're
like, I don't know, this is not feeling right.
Because again, women have this intuition about them that that men do not have,
we compliment each other.
And when you listen to married men speak, like married men who have been married
for a while and how they speak about their wives, well, men who respect their wives, okay?
(21:52):
How they speak about their wives, usually it's, yeah, if I'm doing a business
deal or something, like I value my wife's opinion because she's always gonna
see something that I don't.
Something's gonna feel off. I value her opinion. They're running to their wives for their opinion.
But any man who doesn't value you and he feels like he can do things on his
own, which is a very dangerous place to be in anyway, because no one's supposed
(22:14):
to be here doing things on their own.
Even as a single woman, I don't do things on my own.
I have a community of friends that I have prayed for and I lean up against them
because whenever I isolate myself, it is a recipe for disaster.
It is not good for man to be alone.
It states that in the Bible. And so having these these biblical principles too
(22:35):
will help remind you and that things are not right.
And so moving forward, he's obsessed. This is the biggest one I have seen lately too.
This man will be obsessed with holding you accountable for his actions.
Oh my gosh. Or holding women accountable in general for men's actions.
Now this is the type of man that will say, well, why did she not think she was different?
(22:58):
He had six other baby mamas and she's stupid because she decided to have a baby by him again.
Okay, but what about him not taking care of his children? Wait a second now.
Are we just going to bypass that?
This is the type of man who was obsessed with holding women accountable.
And they will often say women need to be held accountable. I literally went
on it again. This man never saw me again. It was like nobody him.
(23:21):
Someone needs to hold these women accountable. As soon as he said that,
I'm like, oh, this man will never see me again.
Because the reality of it, women have been held accountable for their actions
and for the actions of men for decades, for centuries, and still are, right?
Having to bear the burden of a lot of things while men just gallivant around
and say, well, she should have known better.
(23:43):
She should have walked down a better street. She should have looked behind her car.
She should have gave him his number. Maybe she should have gave him her number
and maybe she would be alive.
When do we hear other men truly hold other men accountable for their actions?
Again, the loud ones are just louder. That's the reality of it.
(24:07):
But you have to be careful if you ever date a man or get to know a man.
Y'all, there's some construction going on. I don't know what is going on,
but it's always something when I'm trying to record a podcast.
Like, back, back, Satan. I hope y'all don't hear it. Oh, my goodness.
But you have to be careful of a man that is obsessed with holding you accountable for his actions.
This can be in the danger zone as well. You see this in a lot of abusive relationships.
(24:30):
It starts off as emotional abuse, and it might stay there, which is still bad.
And then when you get into like financial abuse and also
physical abuse and domestic violence situations you will hear the man often
blame the woman like well if you would have never wore that red dress I would
have never hit you or if you would have never said that you were going to leave
me I would have never emptied out your bank account and I'm using that example
(24:50):
because I honestly just finished Housewives of Potomac and Gordon and Mia,
Mia had talked about she wanted to divorce her husband and he literally emptied
out her bank account to where it was zero. That is financial abuse.
And he literally said, well, if you never said that you were going to leave
me, I would have never done that, right?
Holding you accountable for his action has to be one of the biggest things.
(25:11):
And if you want to learn more about that, I talk about it in my podcast from
the lessons I learned from who TF that I married, the 52 part series on TikTok
that Risa Tisa had released.
It's also on my blog, which you can click and subscribe to below.
Share this with a friend.
I pray you all do not run into men like this, but the reality of it is you more
(25:33):
than likely will because there's so many of them rampant out here.
So pray to God for discernment. Keep this list on the top of your mind and always
listen more than you speak when
it comes to dating because they will dig themselves in a hole every time.
I'll see y'all tomorrow. Well, really next week.
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