October 11, 2025 • 36 mins
Danielle Matthews shared her journey of resilience after a traumatic brain injury from a car accident. Despite initial struggles, including losing her teaching job and dealing with severe migraines, she found solace in practices like Yoga Nidra, which helped her manage stress and improve her mental state. Danielle emphasized the importance of emotional resilience, stress management, and self-esteem for children, suggesting practices like guided meditation and breathwork. She highlighted the Pygmalion effect, where positive expectations from authority figures can lead to improved performance. Danielle also recommended teaching children to take "psychic showers" to release stress and maintain emotional well-being.
Tips from this interview:
Reach out to Danielle Matthews at discoverintention@gmail.com for additional resources and support.
Explore using apps like f.lux to reduce blue light exposure from digital screens and support better sleep for kids.
Implement guided meditation or yoga nidra practices, even for just 7-40 minutes, as part of daily routines to help kids develop emotional regulation and mental focus.
Reframe challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth, and model this mindset for children.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
TD Flenaugh (00:03):
We have big life events that really throw us for
a loop. We don't know what todo. Some of those things may be
small when we look back on them,and some of them are life
altering. Our next guest,Danielle Matthews, is going to
give strategies and resources onhow she handled a big life event
for herself and really came outvery resilient and living a very
(00:29):
productive and fulfilling lifeeven after a big setback. So you
don't want to miss this episode.
Like Subscribe, stick around.
Hi. Thank you so much forjoining the falling for learning
podcast. We have this podcast tohelp parents and caregivers with
having the resources, strategiesand tools needed to make sure
(00:50):
that their children are on trackfor learning and to stay on
track for success. Thank you somuch for joining us. Danielle
Matthews, how are you doingtoday?
Danielle Matthews (01:01):
I'm good.
Thanks so much for having me on.
TD Flenaugh (01:03):
Great. So that thing that we ask all of our
guests is, what is that sparkthat made you fall in love with
learning?
Danielle Matthews (01:11):
You know, I've been a curious kid since
like day one. I've always beenfascinated by like, why do
things work? How's the bodywork? Why am I here? What's the
purpose all of this? I since Iwas a little kid, kind of
explored that. I think it'sactually what set me up to study
biology in school, was because Ijust wanted to kind of get to
the bottom of this and and,goodness knows, the more
(01:33):
questions you ask, I feel likethe more you learn, and the more
you realize you don't know,lifelong learner because of
that,
TD Flenaugh (01:41):
all right, curiosity really helped spur you
forward. And so what were someof those activities and things
that you did as a kid thathelped to keep you moving
forward toward, you know,learning more and growing more?
Danielle Matthews (01:57):
I was really blessed. You know, my family
would always give differentthings to do. I was part of Girl
Scouts, which is always fun. Wewould have different like badges
we have to go for. So you haveto learn different things,
science experiments, forsomething that we did to have
fun. And, you know, past thetime my my parents did not
believe in video games, and so Iwas not allowed onto those sort
(02:18):
of things. So we would do thingsat puzzles, like I would be the
kid that would want to go do apuzzle and not look at the box
about, like, what I was supposedto be creating. I'm like, No,
give me the pieces. Let mefigure it out. And so my mind is
always, you know, fascinated bythese things. And then I did a
lot of sports as well. And Ithink sports, you know, it
teaches you a different kind.
It's definitely different kindof learning. It's not so much
(02:40):
book smarts, but it's likeemotional resiliency and and
learning how to overcomedisappointment and setbacks and
that kind of thing. And I wasinvolved in, like, competitive
swimming, I think, from the ageof eight, like through college
and a variety of other sportstoo. So that was a big piece of
it as well.
TD Flenaugh (02:54):
Okay, so we, I the reason why I brought you onto
the show is because you had abig life event that really made
things change a lot for it, foryou, can you tell us about what
that was absolutely
Danielle Matthews (03:11):
so I, you know, I went to school, went to
University of Virginia, Istudied biology, I right out of
school. I did Teach for America.
So I don't know if you'refamiliar with that program?
Yeah, it's a great program. Andso I went and I was teaching
sixth grade math out in Denver,Colorado, loved it. Was working
with a great group of kiddos.
And the summer after my secondyear of teaching, I was hit by a
(03:34):
drunk driver, and I sustained atraumatic brain injury in that
accident. And I, you know,because of my sports and my
ability to push through Ithought, oh, I'll just push
through it. I'll get through thesummer, you know, I'll just rest
up and I'll, I'll be fine. And Iattempted to go back into the
classroom that fall, and itbecame so clear, so fast, like I
couldn't handle lights. So, youknow, lighting in the school, I
(03:55):
couldn't handle noise. Soimagine a classroom of sixth
graders, and it was like, Icouldn't remember what I was
saying, couldn't remember thename of the kids, and it was a
complete mess. After the firstgroup of kids, I went to my
principal, and I said, I can'tdo it. So I went on a medical
leave for about six weeks,thinking, Okay, we'll just get
this thing under control. Andunfortunately, with that type of
injury, it's kind of on its ownhealing track. And I attempt to
(04:19):
come back after that leave, andI couldn't, and I found myself
in a position I never thoughtI'd be at the age of 23 which
was I was unable to work, so Icouldn't earn an income. My job
wanted to keep me, but Iphysically couldn't do the job.
So you know, they said, Well,when you get better, you're
welcome to come back, kind ofthing, but we need a teacher in
the classroom. And so I ended uplosing my job, which meant I
(04:41):
lost my income, and my abilityto kind of live independently.
Ended up having to move back inwith my parents and focus just
full time on trying to get well.
And it was a really dark time,because I was told, after about
a year, by neurologist that, youknow, my body had done the
healing that it would do. Andthey said, Danielle, this is
just. Just your new normal, andyou need to shape your life
around it. And this was a normalwhere I couldn't concentrate for
(05:04):
more than 10 minutes at a time.
I had severe migraines. I was ina dark room with blackout
fabric, because just naturallight was even overwhelming for
my brain. And I just thoughtlike, this can't be this cannot
be my future. And it required meto kind of stop looking in the
external world for answers andto do a lot of digging within
(05:27):
myself. And I'd say that's kindof where the lessons on
resiliency came from and werebirthed, and where I learned
some modalities that reallysupported me. And you know, now
I'm in a position, this is 13years out, to be able to support
other people on that journey.
TD Flenaugh (05:42):
Okay, so tell us about some of those things that
you learned to help you tonavigate this normal Absolutely.
Danielle Matthews (05:50):
So one of the things was sting the sounds. It
was realizing that I wasn't mythoughts. And, you know, I had
this realization after I kind ofokay. So being a math teacher,
right, I think of everything asan everything as an equation. So
you've got the external worldplus your internal response, and
that makes your reality okay. SoI mean, take, like, for an
(06:12):
example, let's take two boysthat grow up with an alcoholic
father, and like, we fast track,we follow up with them at the
age of 30, and one of these boyshas never touched alcohol, and
the other one has become analcoholic. And we asked both of
them like, Well, why are you theway you are? And they both say,
well, just look at who my dadwas. So they had the same
external environment, okay, butone's internal response was,
(06:35):
wow, I'll never be this way,because this has been horrible
for the family. And the otherwas more so well, of course, I'm
going to end up this way. Lookat who my role model was. And so
the realities were vastlydifferent. And so what I
realized was, okay, thisexternal event had happened. I
got hit by a drunk driver.
Wasn't fair. Shouldn't havehappened. Could have been
different, all these things, butdidn't change the reality, you
know. And my internal responsefor the first year was one of
(06:58):
feeling like a victim, feelinglike this wasn't fair. I didn't
deserve it, all of that stuff,which sure true, but it didn't
change my reality. In fact, itmade me incredibly depressed,
anxious. I was having panicattacks. It was making me not in
a good mental space to have thatinternal reaction. And so I
realized, you know, when mydoctor told me, like, this is
(07:20):
permanent, something inside ofme spoke to me and said, No,
Danielle, you're going to find asolution. Keep going. But at the
same time, I said, Okay, well,if it is permanent, at least for
a little while longer, like, howcan I interact and react with
this differently? How can Iswitch my internal response?
Because that's the only piece ofthe equation I had any control
over, yeah. And so I just said,Okay, well, what's the reality I
(07:42):
want? The reality I want is tofeel happy period that's winning
for me. And so how can I dothat? And I just said, I need to
master my thoughts, because mythoughts are currently the thing
that's driving me crazy. And Irealized that I actually did not
have to pay attention to them,that they could come and I could
actually bring my attentionelsewhere, and they would
dissipate, and I started tocreate space from them. I
(08:04):
started to realize I don't haveto be overcome by these
emotions. I don't have tofollow, you know, the downward
spiral that thinking about myfuture was leading me into, and
these, like, you know, anxietyattacks I would have. And around
the same time that I was kind ofunderstanding this inner dynamic
and learning to master my innerworld in this way. Because prior
to my accident, like my brainwas just always on. I don't know
(08:32):
about you, but it was like itwas constant chatter in my head,
and I never realized that Icould create more space from
that. And around the same timeas this, I was introduced to a
practice called Yoga Nidra,which just means, like yogic
sleep, it's a guided meditation.
And being brain injured, notbeing able to do much, but lay
in a dark room, this was likeone thing that I actually could
do, because you lay down and youlisten to guidance. And this
(08:53):
was, Wow, just the mostremarkable thing. Because as I
started to do it, at first, Idid it to help me sleep, because
my brain wouldn't turn off, andso I'd wake up every two hours.
I started to do yoga nidra. Ithelped my brain waves to just
kind of re regulate, and my mythis, like, my internal system,
to get back into, like, thesleep state. As I kept doing it,
(09:14):
though I realized, wow, if I dothis, like, as a migraine
starting to come on, I cancircumvent the migraine, like,
my migraine doesn't get fullblown, and then, wow, yeah,
TD Flenaugh (09:24):
that's big. So you could feel the migraine coming
on and really training yourselfto think in a way that
circumvents it.
Danielle Matthews (09:36):
Well, not so much the thinking. What I would
do is I would go do the yogaintro, which would get me out of
my thinking mind. That's whatwould happen. I would go to this
space beyond my mind, and all ofa sudden it was like my the
really what it is like, it'syour parasympathetic nervous
system, which is what carriesout our healing in our body.
It's able to take over and sortof rebalance the system. But
(09:56):
when we get into our thoughtsand the panic, we stay in our
sympathetic state. State in oursympathetic nervous system when
we're in that fight or flightstate, it's a stress response.
Our body can do no healing. Itcan't do self regulation. And so
I was learning how to bringmyself actually out of my mind
and relax into the body, let mybody do what it's meant to do,
and just reset my nervoussystem. And yeah, remarkable.
(10:19):
And the more that I did thispractice, which you're just
laying down and listening, it'sbetween 20 and 40 minutes, like
it's not long. And the more Idid it, the more I found this
like sense of peace inside ofme. It was like a peace that was
it's almost like, if youenvision the sky, and you know,
here in Florida, we have, like,every afternoon, there's like a
(10:40):
storm that rolls through, right?
But it's like that sky I know ispeacefully behind a storm, and
it's going to be there when thestorm goes away, and it was
there before the storm evencame. And it was like I started
to find that peaceful centerinside of myself, and that was
everything, I mean, that is whatallowed me to then be able to go
from moment to moment and and behappy, because I could tap into
(11:02):
that.
TD Flenaugh (11:04):
That's really amazing. And how can you turn
that into some strategies forparents and educators, you know,
supporting kids who may havesome major life changes that
happen to them?
Danielle Matthews (11:20):
Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think what's
interesting yoga, Nidra and justmindfulness meditation in
general has a lot of greatresearch behind it, and there
are even a lot of schools thatare starting to implement
teaching kids breath techniquesor just moment of inner
stillness. When I was teachingsixth grade, we had like, an
extracurricular that the kidscould pick, like, what they're
(11:41):
what they wanted to do with thelast period. And I offered
guided meditation, I offeredyoga ninja, and it was always
full. And these kids wouldliterally get to lay down, and I
would guide them through this.
And it really helped them. Ithink there's really five, if I
think about, like, the five mainthings that can support with. So
you guys listening, it's goingto help you as educators, as
(12:01):
parents, but also doing it withyour kids, it's going to help
with these things. And numberone is emotional resiliency.
Okay, so literally, the researchshows that when you do this type
of meditation, there's moreneural connections that happen
in the prefrontal cortex, forone example, which can help with
impulse control, okay? And itcan help with just emotional
(12:25):
stability. And we know,obviously kids hormones are
going crazy. Everything's, youknow,
TD Flenaugh (12:30):
great for middle schoolers.
Danielle Matthews (12:34):
For my guys, it was like the best thing to
just be able to get themselvessettled. And again, when that
parasympathetic nervous systemcomes on, which is what happens
when you're in the meditativestate, the body can self
regulate. And so we literallysee shifts in dopamine,
serotonin, GABA, theseneurotransmitters that directly
(12:54):
impact mood. So one of thesecond things that I would say
it's great for is like stressand anxiety, because literally,
there are physiological changesthat are going to happen like it
happened for me without me evenknowing it was going to happen.
I just all of a sudden, it waslike I was less stressed.
Nothing had changed. Right braininjury was still there. All the
same circumstances were still inmy life, but I was somehow not
(13:16):
stressed, and I wasn't havingthese anxiety attacks. And it
was like everything was calmer.
So it will literally teach kidsand you how to relax and how to
just be more at peace in yourown being. One of the other
things, the third thing that Ithink about how it really
supports is like what I wouldcall your inner locus of
control. Okay, so recognizingand this is huge, because life
(13:41):
events happen. Like, I rememberone of my kids coming in and
saying, Hey, miss, I was at thepark last night, and I saw the
gang come by and they shotsomebody, and yeah, and he was
visibly like, not sure what todo with it, you know, and
clearly hadn't been talkedthrough at home. And it's like,
what do you do with that? Yeah,and with a practice like yoga
nidra, what it's teaching kidsis how to go inside of
(14:05):
themselves and to find a steadycenter that is always there, no
matter what is happeningexternally, no matter what they
see, hear what trauma occurs,whatever what some bully said to
them, whatever it is, theyrecognize that no matter what
happens out there, I am thedetermining factor in how I can
respond. I have this peacefulplace that I can always touch
(14:28):
inside of myself like my trueself, and they get really in
touch with that, and that, Ithink, is what helps. It's like,
that's what creates theemotional intelligence to be
able to then help navigate andhave the resiliency to navigate
situations that, like a kidshouldn't be put in, but
unfortunately is
TD Flenaugh (14:47):
put in. Yes, that's unfortunately how life is right.
Life is for a loop. If we'reready or not, we're young or
old. It does.
Danielle Matthews (14:57):
It totally does, um. Two other points, I
would say, You know what I thinkabout. So the fourth thing is
self esteem, body image. It's abig thing in middle school, and
it can distract kids from beingable to even pay attention and
learn their mind is just racingabout themselves, or they have
this low self esteem. And what,again, what guided meditation
(15:19):
does is it takes you to a spacebeyond your thoughts. So those
quiet like you get to the quietspace beyond the negative
thinking. All of a sudden it iterupts. It literally disrupts
this patterned thinking like Iwas having, of like anxiety and
panic attacks and kids might behaving around body image, or,
you know, their own self worth,or whatever it might be. All of
(15:40):
a sudden, we literally caninterrupt it just with breath
work. I mean, the beautifulthing about about understanding
some of the principles with withmindfulness is like, where we
focus energy flows, and so in apractice like this, we teach
kids, and we teach ourselvesthat, look, if I focus on my
thoughts, I'm putting energytowards them, I'm feeding them,
(16:02):
they're going to grow, but if Idisrupt that, instead, I'm
forced to focus on my breath.
What happens when I focus on mybreath? I literally don't have
the capacity to focus on thethoughts. I can only feel
focused on the inhale and theexhale, and so my attention goes
there. And guess what, when youfocus on the breath, that's like
the secret door into yourparasympathetic nervous system,
getting to take over, and all ofa sudden the body calming, all
(16:24):
of the rest, digest, restore,all of those things start to
happen in your physical body.
You get calmer, and the mindgets quiet. So when it comes to
self esteem, when it comes tobody image, huge this is a
practice that is huge support.
And you know, all these thingsthat I've been speaking about, I
guess, are more so on the like,the emotional aspect of things,
right? But there's also, like,the fifth thing I would say is
(16:48):
it does help with mental acuity.
So there have been studiesshowing that this supports with
learning, because kids canconcentrate better. Again, more
neural connections happening,and also mental chatter is out
of the way. So now they canfocus
TD Flenaugh (17:04):
you for one moment.
I just for the audience outthere, mental acuity. Can you
just define it for them? Just tomake sure that
Danielle Matthews (17:10):
everyone I think of mental acuity is like
they're like the mind. How wellthe mind is able to do things
like concentrate, have goodmemory, be able to be creative,
to focus. It's like, how wellthe mind is really looking. It's
more on like the a measure thatis maybe what like in schools,
(17:31):
we measure right test scores andthese kinds of things reporting,
and a more like tangible waywith things. I think everything
up to this point, I think it'skind of, it's slightly
intangible, to say, well, we canhelp with someone's self esteem,
or we can help get rid ofstress, whereas mental acuity is
more so, like, okay, like, howare we showing up on test
scores? Like, how's the mindactually functioning to do
(17:52):
certain things? Thanks forclarifying that. But with like,
things like memory, I mean, andit's, it's amazing. Like,
there's been studies showing,like, if you go and you say,
study for a test, and then youdo a yoga nidra, what's
happening is that thatinformation is now having time
to soak into the brain. Theneural connections are going to
(18:14):
be stronger. The information isgoing to be collected and put in
your brain in a way that's goingto now be more easily
accessible, and so it is just anincredible, like, I don't know,
it's like hacking your mind in agood way, to be able to, like,
take all this information andthink about how much info like
kids get in a day, or, if you'rehomeschooling, you know, the
(18:36):
amount that you're giving yourkid. Well, what if you just had
this moment? You know, and youknow, and depending on your
kid's age, it might range fromseven minutes, you know, all the
way up to teenagers, they can do40 minutes. But of this time and
space to just kind of relax,allow everything to integrate.
And it's huge, you know, it alsoimproves sleep, which, goodness
knows, if you get good sleep,your mental cutie is going to be
(18:59):
better as well as you know,you're really starting out,
TD Flenaugh (19:02):
and that is a good point. You know, we forget about
our teenagers and things likethat. That is one thing that
they're really lacking in sleepnowadays, especially if we're
not really keeping a handle onthe devices. And everything is a
device kind of, right? You know,there's the laptops, the iPads,
the phones and, you know, sothey could just be up all the
(19:25):
time, the video games or anotherportal outside. It's not just
playing inside with your home,at home with your friend or your
whoever's next to you, or byyourself. You know, we know that
all of that connects to theinternet, and kids often are
addicted to their devices andnot getting enough sleep. Lots
of things keep them awake. Yeah,absolutely.
Danielle Matthews (19:48):
Well, it's interesting, too. I mean, just
like the light. So this is onething that I learned through my
brain injury. Is the lightcoming out of screens literally
stimulates your brain. So Igotta cut it so that it would
take you know. Know the lightout? I believe it was the blue
light that was so bothering me.
And there's an app called fluxthat I would use on my computer.
TD Flenaugh (20:13):
The rewrite method and the rewrite method workbook
are your go to resource forhelping kids to learn to fall in
love with writing, it has thetips, tools, resources,
strategies and skill buildingactivities to help kids fall out
(20:39):
of writing Hoot and into lovingto write, get your book set
today
Danielle Matthews (20:57):
on the phone as well that would take that out
so like My computer looked alittle more like orangey, but it
didn't stimulate my brain asmuch. So if you do have kids
that are having sleep issues andlike, maybe they need to be on
devices for school or whatnot,there are apps you can get that
help, or there's glasses. Now,you know, I think it's becoming
more popular that people canwear that will take that out. So
(21:18):
just a little helpful hack.
TD Flenaugh (21:20):
Yes, I have not heard about that. That's new
information for from me andprobably for other people in the
audience as well. Thank you.
We'll definitely look that upand put information for that in
the show notes. Wonderful. Okay,and so, as we are thinking about
kids navigating, you know, biglife events. What were some
(21:45):
setbacks or something like thatthat you had that really how you
handled it and how you keptpersevering, despite some
setbacks you may have had.
Danielle Matthews (21:58):
Well, when life throws us a curve ball. You
know, I feel like we get put inthese situations, and there's
pressure, of course, andpressure can break us, or we can
use it to transform us, to kindof like, break us open to a new
version of ourselves, where it'slike, okay, you know, there's a
saying it's like, the wound iswhere the light gets in, and
it's like, yeah, breaking openisn't terrible, like a chick
(22:21):
needs to break open the shell,to come out. Like, sometimes
breaking is okay, it opens tosomething new. And I think we
have a tendency towards, youknow, not wanting to deal with
difficult emotional or mentalthings, right? We would say we
prefer for things to be happierand easier and lighter. But the
truth of the matter is the moredifficult times in your life.
(22:43):
True or not true? You grew themost. You learned the most. It
became stronger because of them.
It's like, we're happy to go tothe gym and work out, and we
know, okay, five pounds moretoday. Five pounds more today.
Little bit harder, little bitmore stress on the muscles. I'm
going to get stronger. But forsome reason, we like don't make
the leap to doing the same thingwhen it comes to emotional
strength, mental strength, thiskind of thing where it's like,
(23:06):
no, when there's stress orpressure, we're like, No, I
don't want that. And we kind ofgo and unfortunately, sometimes,
as parents too, we're like, wantto keep our kids safe and
protected from having to dealwith this. And the reality is is
no like, the challenges are thebest part. It's showing them how
to navigate them. It's showingkids how to digest big emotional
events in a good way, toactually in a healthy way, deal
(23:28):
with upset in a healthy way,deal with their own fears, and
show them how to do this. And itmeans that we need to know how
to do it ourselves, becausethey're learning from us, not
just from what we say, but howwe carry ourselves, what we
actually do in the face ofadversity. And do we ask, Well,
how could this be a gift? Whatis this lesson I'm learning? I
(23:48):
have taken on the attitude that,you know, we are here, and I
believe our souls came here tolearn certain lessons, and so
the challenging things that getput in our path are actually
what we came here to learn whywe are here. And so when we
embrace that, when we say, maybethis is a gift from God, maybe
(24:09):
it's a gift from the Divine.
Maybe if I, if I don't believein that, fine, let me just act
what? Well, what if I considerthis to be a good thing? What
would it be making possible?
Right? What is this challengeactually making possible in my
life? And we just change theperspective on it, it will open
up so much for you. It's it'sreally a it's life changing when
you when you do that, and whenyou navigate life that way, your
(24:33):
kids are going to be able tomore nap, be more easily,
navigating these challenges asthey come. And ultimately, like
we are, we are teaching andguiding these little beings into
adulthood, and so we need toeventually give them the skill
set to handle the realities ofadulthood, which is that life is
not always going to go your way.
(24:53):
Stuff happens, you know, and,and, and you need to realize
that just because it should be,could be, ought to be different
or. You didn't deserve it orwhatnot. Like life has no
allegiance to our plans, andit's not personal. Life is just
doing life and take itpersonally, and we need to just
understand, Okay, well, maybeit's telling me move in this
direction. Maybe I've got tolearn this skill now and look at
(25:14):
it as like a game where now wejust, okay, this is our next
challenge in the game. Let'sfigure out how to how to solve
it.
TD Flenaugh (25:21):
I really just want to take the time to really
highlight, you know, that, yes,we make it stuck and thinking
about, why did this happen tome? It's not fair, right? But
really, if we're thinking aboutour purpose, and even you know
our passion, thinking about andI just really love how you
(25:42):
framed it, like how the wound iswhere the light goes, and just
really reframing, you know, ourthought process, instead of
getting stuck in the loop,right? Like, why did this happen
to me? Not there? Like, again,it's not going to change what
happened, but we could changeour outlook on how we approach
(26:03):
it and then use it as anopportunity. Think about how it
can be an opportunity and reallypursue that opportunity. Think
about what we could do to growfrom this, to learn from it, to
open up new avenue of our life,a new direction. So I think
that's that's really good,because those things we cannot
(26:23):
control, like what new thing is,like a tragedy or big event
that's going to change thingsfor us, but we can control how
we deal with it, how we thinkabout it in our mind, the
messages that we tell ourselvesover and over again, so that, I
think that is such sage advice,and it's really something we
(26:46):
need to think about doing andreally modeling that for our
kids as well, and then helpingour kids right. Because we know
our kids don't always listen towhat we say, but they are often
doing the things that we did,right? Yeah, they're watching,
yes, so we really have to bemindful of that, and it gives
(27:09):
you more power, right? Becausehere I'm, if I'm left in the
powerless like, Oh, why did thishappen to me? It's not fair.
This isn't fair. I wish thisnever happened to me, rather
than like, Okay, this happened,and these are the things I'm
learning from this. This is howI'm growing for this from this,
and this is the new thing that Ilearned, or the new person or
(27:30):
opportunity that I have now thatI went through this experience.
And so that really puts you in adifferent place. So I really
thank you for highlighting that,and I hope that we could take
that to to heart as parents andeducators who are models for
kids, so that our kids can takethat on as well, and it really
(27:52):
will make the difference right,making us or breaking us right,
as you were saying, like itcould be a moment that's the
End, or, like, you know, thestart of a horrible trajectory,
or the start of a new, promisingtrajectory, trajectory that
maybe we didn't plan for, but weare taking some power towards,
(28:15):
you know, choices.
Danielle Matthews (28:17):
You know, I am a family member of mine.
She's going through a reallyrough time, and, you know, she's
in these years, like the kids Iused to to teach, and I could
see it. And so for Christmas, Iput literally, coal in and a
diamond in a box, and I had heropen, and I of course, had her
open the coal first is like ajoke, and and then she opened
(28:37):
the diamond. And it was one ofthose big, like, you know, big,
pretty diamond. It was real, butit was, it was, it was
beautiful. And she was lookingat me, like, Okay, I don't get
it. And I said, Do you knowwhere diamonds come from? And
kind of looked at me, and Isaid, diamonds come from carbon,
what you're looking at, thatcoal, when put under pressure,
(28:57):
intense pressure. And Idescribed all the details of I
looked up all the exact details,I described it, and I said, that
is what creates a diamond. And Isaid, right now, you have so
much pressure in your life, fromhome, from what's happening at
school internally you. And Isaid, You are being pushed,
forced into becoming a diamond,and so don't let it break you
(29:21):
and think that something's wrongwith you. It's not. This is just
the situation that is going toallow you to show you the beauty
that's inside of you. And, youknow, we'll see how if it
landed. But it's like, it was aseed that was planted, you know?
And it's like, I think there's aHave you ever heard of the
Pygmalion effect?
TD Flenaugh (29:40):
I've heard of it, but I don't know anything about
it. But it's, it's a familiarsomething, I don't know anything
Danielle Matthews (29:46):
so it was done like in the education
space, and I hadn't heard aboutit while I was out of teaching.
So the study was essentially,and I might get all the details,
like, not precisely, right, butthe essence of it I've got. So
basically, a group came in to aclass. Classroom, and I think it
was like, first or second grade,and they said to the teacher,
look, we've tested the kids, andthere are some kids that are
(30:08):
underperforming right now, butthat are, like, highly
intelligent, and they're,they're what we would call like,
like spurs, like they could do,they could do more than than
they're doing right now. And sotell us them this at the
beginning of the school year.
And then school year happens.
End of the school year, theycome back and they look at the
(30:29):
test scores of these kids andhow the kids did. And sure
enough, this group of kids thatthey had identified had had
spurted, had spurted ahead ofthe others were doing way
better. And so they then tellthe teacher, we never tested
them. We randomly chose those.
TD Flenaugh (30:46):
Okay, I've heard of, I've heard of,
Danielle Matthews (30:49):
and I think it was never repeated, because
families got involved, and we'revery upset, but the idea being
well, so what was different? Thedifference was the teacher, this
authority figure in this child'slife, had the idea, whether they
verbally said it or just feltit, that this child could do
better, that something morepositive could come out of this
(31:12):
kid's world. And so they spoketo that, whether they
consciously realized they weredoing it or it was unconscious,
because they had been told thiskid was better than they were
doing. And so that's what wasspoken to. And so what happened
those children rose to theoccasion. And so I look at that
and I say, Okay, if we relate itto trauma resiliency kind of
what we've been talking about.
So if you do have a child thatis going through something
(31:34):
intense, rather than just kindof looking at, oh, I'm so sorry
that this happened, whatever,keeping them in a victimhood,
whereas you said so beautifully,they're powerless, you know? How
do we get them to get theirpower back? Well, we speak to,
wow, you're you're being putthrough the pressure. This is
your chance to become a diamond.
(31:55):
What can you learn aboutyourself? What is this teaching?
This is a massive life lessonthat's here, right? This was put
here for a reason. Maybe it'sgoing to be a little while
before we figure out why you gotthis unique, very intense
challenge, you know, but ithappened for a very powerful
reason. You're special, and sothat is going to pull them into
a very different potential,right? Where the Oh yes, you're
(32:19):
a victim. I'm sorry it happened.
That's so terrible. It keepsthem, unfortunately, down with
as good meaning as we thinkwe're being. It's actually not
helpful. It's more helpful tokind of get them looking up,
looking at another potential forthemselves, and how it might be
just emotional intelligencethat's increasing, right? Not
something they're going to get abetter grade for, but they're
going to become a better humanbeing. They're going to be more
(32:41):
compassionate. After this.
They're going to be under beable to understand, you know,
life on a deeper level.
TD Flenaugh (32:47):
Wow. That is so amazing as we are. I mean, it's
really something that we reallyhave to sit and think about, and
then think about how to put thatin action for our kids, right?
But it's not that difficult,right? Because we're always
running into challenges here andthere, small and large, and then
just making sure that we aretalking about our mindset in
(33:08):
front of our kids, and thentalking about, you know, how
when they have a challenge, bigor small, how they could think
about it in that same way. Butit's a great reframing and an
empowering message for our kids.
So any last things that you wantto say to the audience as they
are helping their kids, theirstudents, navigate the ups and
(33:30):
downs of growing
Danielle Matthews (33:34):
up? Yeah, you know, I think we teach kids
hygiene, right? We teach kids totake a physical shower, and
importance of that, but I don'tthink we teach to take a psychic
shower, and that they need toalso, maybe at the end of the
day, do a little breathing, goinward and release that stress,
(33:56):
that anxiety, that mean commentthat was said, so that it
doesn't end up lingering in thesystem, so they don't hold on to
it, so their self esteem doesn'tget impacted by it. And you
know, this isn't in anycurriculum that I've seen, but
it's like, that's the power ofyoga nidra, that's why I got
certified to teach yoga ninjafor kids. Because I'm like, this
is such a powerful thing. I sawmy my kiddos in sixth grade
(34:18):
resonating with it, and it'ssuch a powerful practice that
you can implement, right? Do itbefore bed. Maybe it's part of
the bedtime routine. Is that youdo a little mini yoga, Nidra,
right? Or you, you even, if youjust, if you don't even know how
to do that, of course, I cansupport to show you how, but
it's like just breath work, justteaching to breathe. It's sort
of inhale happiness and exhaleanger. I mean, just a little
(34:40):
thing like that is going tostart to help to emotionally
regulate. It's going to start togive that psychic shower that I
think us as parents and teachersdon't always give to ourselves,
but it's something that we, forsure need to model and start to
give
TD Flenaugh (34:54):
to our kids. Too amazing. And how can people get
in touch with you?
Danielle Matthews (34:59):
I. TD, absolutely. So I'm in a variety
of social media platforms. I'mall over them, but if you want
to just get in touch with medirectly, probably easiest just
to email me. And it's justdiscover intention@gmail.com and
I'm happy to answer anyquestions. Point you to some
resources. And yeah, there'ssome great stuff I've got out
(35:19):
there for you. Excellent.
TD Flenaugh (35:21):
Thank you so much for joining us. Danielle
Matthews, we know that theparents and educators out there
got a lot out of your interviewand sage advice that you're
giving us and for parents andeducators, if you found this
valuable, please like andsubscribe and make sure you do
(35:42):
something today that's going togive your child the competitive
advantage. Thank you so much.
Have a great week. Thanks againfor supporting the falling for
learning podcast. New Episodesgo live every Saturday at 5pm
you can watch us on youtube.com,at falling for learning or
listen on all major podcastplatforms such as Apple, Google,
(36:05):
Audible, Spotify and much morefor more resources, visit
falling in love withlearning.com we really
appreciate you. Have a wonderfulweek.
We have big life events that really throw us for
a loop. We don't know what todo. Some of those things may be
small when we look back on them,and some of them are life
altering. Our next guest,Danielle Matthews, is going to
give strategies and resources onhow she handled a big life event
for herself and really came outvery resilient and living a very
(00:29):
productive and fulfilling lifeeven after a big setback. So you
don't want to miss this episode.
Like Subscribe, stick around.
Hi. Thank you so much forjoining the falling for learning
podcast. We have this podcast tohelp parents and caregivers with
having the resources, strategiesand tools needed to make sure
(00:50):
that their children are on trackfor learning and to stay on
track for success. Thank you somuch for joining us. Danielle
Matthews, how are you doingtoday?
Danielle Matthews (01:01):
I'm good.
Thanks so much for having me on.
TD Flenaugh (01:03):
Great. So that thing that we ask all of our
guests is, what is that sparkthat made you fall in love with
learning?
Danielle Matthews (01:11):
You know, I've been a curious kid since
like day one. I've always beenfascinated by like, why do
things work? How's the bodywork? Why am I here? What's the
purpose all of this? I since Iwas a little kid, kind of
explored that. I think it'sactually what set me up to study
biology in school, was because Ijust wanted to kind of get to
the bottom of this and and,goodness knows, the more
(01:33):
questions you ask, I feel likethe more you learn, and the more
you realize you don't know,lifelong learner because of
that,
TD Flenaugh (01:41):
all right, curiosity really helped spur you
forward. And so what were someof those activities and things
that you did as a kid thathelped to keep you moving
forward toward, you know,learning more and growing more?
Danielle Matthews (01:57):
I was really blessed. You know, my family
would always give differentthings to do. I was part of Girl
Scouts, which is always fun. Wewould have different like badges
we have to go for. So you haveto learn different things,
science experiments, forsomething that we did to have
fun. And, you know, past thetime my my parents did not
believe in video games, and so Iwas not allowed onto those sort
(02:18):
of things. So we would do thingsat puzzles, like I would be the
kid that would want to go do apuzzle and not look at the box
about, like, what I was supposedto be creating. I'm like, No,
give me the pieces. Let mefigure it out. And so my mind is
always, you know, fascinated bythese things. And then I did a
lot of sports as well. And Ithink sports, you know, it
teaches you a different kind.
It's definitely different kindof learning. It's not so much
(02:40):
book smarts, but it's likeemotional resiliency and and
learning how to overcomedisappointment and setbacks and
that kind of thing. And I wasinvolved in, like, competitive
swimming, I think, from the ageof eight, like through college
and a variety of other sportstoo. So that was a big piece of
it as well.
TD Flenaugh (02:54):
Okay, so we, I the reason why I brought you onto
the show is because you had abig life event that really made
things change a lot for it, foryou, can you tell us about what
that was absolutely
Danielle Matthews (03:11):
so I, you know, I went to school, went to
University of Virginia, Istudied biology, I right out of
school. I did Teach for America.
So I don't know if you'refamiliar with that program?
Yeah, it's a great program. Andso I went and I was teaching
sixth grade math out in Denver,Colorado, loved it. Was working
with a great group of kiddos.
And the summer after my secondyear of teaching, I was hit by a
(03:34):
drunk driver, and I sustained atraumatic brain injury in that
accident. And I, you know,because of my sports and my
ability to push through Ithought, oh, I'll just push
through it. I'll get through thesummer, you know, I'll just rest
up and I'll, I'll be fine. And Iattempted to go back into the
classroom that fall, and itbecame so clear, so fast, like I
couldn't handle lights. So, youknow, lighting in the school, I
(03:55):
couldn't handle noise. Soimagine a classroom of sixth
graders, and it was like, Icouldn't remember what I was
saying, couldn't remember thename of the kids, and it was a
complete mess. After the firstgroup of kids, I went to my
principal, and I said, I can'tdo it. So I went on a medical
leave for about six weeks,thinking, Okay, we'll just get
this thing under control. Andunfortunately, with that type of
injury, it's kind of on its ownhealing track. And I attempt to
(04:19):
come back after that leave, andI couldn't, and I found myself
in a position I never thoughtI'd be at the age of 23 which
was I was unable to work, so Icouldn't earn an income. My job
wanted to keep me, but Iphysically couldn't do the job.
So you know, they said, Well,when you get better, you're
welcome to come back, kind ofthing, but we need a teacher in
the classroom. And so I ended uplosing my job, which meant I
(04:41):
lost my income, and my abilityto kind of live independently.
Ended up having to move back inwith my parents and focus just
full time on trying to get well.
And it was a really dark time,because I was told, after about
a year, by neurologist that, youknow, my body had done the
healing that it would do. Andthey said, Danielle, this is
just. Just your new normal, andyou need to shape your life
around it. And this was a normalwhere I couldn't concentrate for
(05:04):
more than 10 minutes at a time.
I had severe migraines. I was ina dark room with blackout
fabric, because just naturallight was even overwhelming for
my brain. And I just thoughtlike, this can't be this cannot
be my future. And it required meto kind of stop looking in the
external world for answers andto do a lot of digging within
(05:27):
myself. And I'd say that's kindof where the lessons on
resiliency came from and werebirthed, and where I learned
some modalities that reallysupported me. And you know, now
I'm in a position, this is 13years out, to be able to support
other people on that journey.
TD Flenaugh (05:42):
Okay, so tell us about some of those things that
you learned to help you tonavigate this normal Absolutely.
Danielle Matthews (05:50):
So one of the things was sting the sounds. It
was realizing that I wasn't mythoughts. And, you know, I had
this realization after I kind ofokay. So being a math teacher,
right, I think of everything asan everything as an equation. So
you've got the external worldplus your internal response, and
that makes your reality okay. SoI mean, take, like, for an
(06:12):
example, let's take two boysthat grow up with an alcoholic
father, and like, we fast track,we follow up with them at the
age of 30, and one of these boyshas never touched alcohol, and
the other one has become analcoholic. And we asked both of
them like, Well, why are you theway you are? And they both say,
well, just look at who my dadwas. So they had the same
external environment, okay, butone's internal response was,
(06:35):
wow, I'll never be this way,because this has been horrible
for the family. And the otherwas more so well, of course, I'm
going to end up this way. Lookat who my role model was. And so
the realities were vastlydifferent. And so what I
realized was, okay, thisexternal event had happened. I
got hit by a drunk driver.
Wasn't fair. Shouldn't havehappened. Could have been
different, all these things, butdidn't change the reality, you
know. And my internal responsefor the first year was one of
(06:58):
feeling like a victim, feelinglike this wasn't fair. I didn't
deserve it, all of that stuff,which sure true, but it didn't
change my reality. In fact, itmade me incredibly depressed,
anxious. I was having panicattacks. It was making me not in
a good mental space to have thatinternal reaction. And so I
realized, you know, when mydoctor told me, like, this is
(07:20):
permanent, something inside ofme spoke to me and said, No,
Danielle, you're going to find asolution. Keep going. But at the
same time, I said, Okay, well,if it is permanent, at least for
a little while longer, like, howcan I interact and react with
this differently? How can Iswitch my internal response?
Because that's the only piece ofthe equation I had any control
over, yeah. And so I just said,Okay, well, what's the reality I
(07:42):
want? The reality I want is tofeel happy period that's winning
for me. And so how can I dothat? And I just said, I need to
master my thoughts, because mythoughts are currently the thing
that's driving me crazy. And Irealized that I actually did not
have to pay attention to them,that they could come and I could
actually bring my attentionelsewhere, and they would
dissipate, and I started tocreate space from them. I
(08:04):
started to realize I don't haveto be overcome by these
emotions. I don't have tofollow, you know, the downward
spiral that thinking about myfuture was leading me into, and
these, like, you know, anxietyattacks I would have. And around
the same time that I was kind ofunderstanding this inner dynamic
and learning to master my innerworld in this way. Because prior
to my accident, like my brainwas just always on. I don't know
(08:32):
about you, but it was like itwas constant chatter in my head,
and I never realized that Icould create more space from
that. And around the same timeas this, I was introduced to a
practice called Yoga Nidra,which just means, like yogic
sleep, it's a guided meditation.
And being brain injured, notbeing able to do much, but lay
in a dark room, this was likeone thing that I actually could
do, because you lay down and youlisten to guidance. And this
(08:53):
was, Wow, just the mostremarkable thing. Because as I
started to do it, at first, Idid it to help me sleep, because
my brain wouldn't turn off, andso I'd wake up every two hours.
I started to do yoga nidra. Ithelped my brain waves to just
kind of re regulate, and my mythis, like, my internal system,
to get back into, like, thesleep state. As I kept doing it,
(09:14):
though I realized, wow, if I dothis, like, as a migraine
starting to come on, I cancircumvent the migraine, like,
my migraine doesn't get fullblown, and then, wow, yeah,
TD Flenaugh (09:24):
that's big. So you could feel the migraine coming
on and really training yourselfto think in a way that
circumvents it.
Danielle Matthews (09:36):
Well, not so much the thinking. What I would
do is I would go do the yogaintro, which would get me out of
my thinking mind. That's whatwould happen. I would go to this
space beyond my mind, and all ofa sudden it was like my the
really what it is like, it'syour parasympathetic nervous
system, which is what carriesout our healing in our body.
It's able to take over and sortof rebalance the system. But
(09:56):
when we get into our thoughtsand the panic, we stay in our
sympathetic state. State in oursympathetic nervous system when
we're in that fight or flightstate, it's a stress response.
Our body can do no healing. Itcan't do self regulation. And so
I was learning how to bringmyself actually out of my mind
and relax into the body, let mybody do what it's meant to do,
and just reset my nervoussystem. And yeah, remarkable.
(10:19):
And the more that I did thispractice, which you're just
laying down and listening, it'sbetween 20 and 40 minutes, like
it's not long. And the more Idid it, the more I found this
like sense of peace inside ofme. It was like a peace that was
it's almost like, if youenvision the sky, and you know,
here in Florida, we have, like,every afternoon, there's like a
(10:40):
storm that rolls through, right?
But it's like that sky I know ispeacefully behind a storm, and
it's going to be there when thestorm goes away, and it was
there before the storm evencame. And it was like I started
to find that peaceful centerinside of myself, and that was
everything, I mean, that is whatallowed me to then be able to go
from moment to moment and and behappy, because I could tap into
(11:02):
that.
TD Flenaugh (11:04):
That's really amazing. And how can you turn
that into some strategies forparents and educators, you know,
supporting kids who may havesome major life changes that
happen to them?
Danielle Matthews (11:20):
Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think what's
interesting yoga, Nidra and justmindfulness meditation in
general has a lot of greatresearch behind it, and there
are even a lot of schools thatare starting to implement
teaching kids breath techniquesor just moment of inner
stillness. When I was teachingsixth grade, we had like, an
extracurricular that the kidscould pick, like, what they're
(11:41):
what they wanted to do with thelast period. And I offered
guided meditation, I offeredyoga ninja, and it was always
full. And these kids wouldliterally get to lay down, and I
would guide them through this.
And it really helped them. Ithink there's really five, if I
think about, like, the five mainthings that can support with. So
you guys listening, it's goingto help you as educators, as
(12:01):
parents, but also doing it withyour kids, it's going to help
with these things. And numberone is emotional resiliency.
Okay, so literally, the researchshows that when you do this type
of meditation, there's moreneural connections that happen
in the prefrontal cortex, forone example, which can help with
impulse control, okay? And itcan help with just emotional
(12:25):
stability. And we know,obviously kids hormones are
going crazy. Everything's, youknow,
TD Flenaugh (12:30):
great for middle schoolers.
Danielle Matthews (12:34):
For my guys, it was like the best thing to
just be able to get themselvessettled. And again, when that
parasympathetic nervous systemcomes on, which is what happens
when you're in the meditativestate, the body can self
regulate. And so we literallysee shifts in dopamine,
serotonin, GABA, theseneurotransmitters that directly
(12:54):
impact mood. So one of thesecond things that I would say
it's great for is like stressand anxiety, because literally,
there are physiological changesthat are going to happen like it
happened for me without me evenknowing it was going to happen.
I just all of a sudden, it waslike I was less stressed.
Nothing had changed. Right braininjury was still there. All the
same circumstances were still inmy life, but I was somehow not
(13:16):
stressed, and I wasn't havingthese anxiety attacks. And it
was like everything was calmer.
So it will literally teach kidsand you how to relax and how to
just be more at peace in yourown being. One of the other
things, the third thing that Ithink about how it really
supports is like what I wouldcall your inner locus of
control. Okay, so recognizingand this is huge, because life
(13:41):
events happen. Like, I rememberone of my kids coming in and
saying, Hey, miss, I was at thepark last night, and I saw the
gang come by and they shotsomebody, and yeah, and he was
visibly like, not sure what todo with it, you know, and
clearly hadn't been talkedthrough at home. And it's like,
what do you do with that? Yeah,and with a practice like yoga
nidra, what it's teaching kidsis how to go inside of
(14:05):
themselves and to find a steadycenter that is always there, no
matter what is happeningexternally, no matter what they
see, hear what trauma occurs,whatever what some bully said to
them, whatever it is, theyrecognize that no matter what
happens out there, I am thedetermining factor in how I can
respond. I have this peacefulplace that I can always touch
(14:28):
inside of myself like my trueself, and they get really in
touch with that, and that, Ithink, is what helps. It's like,
that's what creates theemotional intelligence to be
able to then help navigate andhave the resiliency to navigate
situations that, like a kidshouldn't be put in, but
unfortunately is
TD Flenaugh (14:47):
put in. Yes, that's unfortunately how life is right.
Life is for a loop. If we'reready or not, we're young or
old. It does.
Danielle Matthews (14:57):
It totally does, um. Two other points, I
would say, You know what I thinkabout. So the fourth thing is
self esteem, body image. It's abig thing in middle school, and
it can distract kids from beingable to even pay attention and
learn their mind is just racingabout themselves, or they have
this low self esteem. And what,again, what guided meditation
(15:19):
does is it takes you to a spacebeyond your thoughts. So those
quiet like you get to the quietspace beyond the negative
thinking. All of a sudden it iterupts. It literally disrupts
this patterned thinking like Iwas having, of like anxiety and
panic attacks and kids might behaving around body image, or,
you know, their own self worth,or whatever it might be. All of
(15:40):
a sudden, we literally caninterrupt it just with breath
work. I mean, the beautifulthing about about understanding
some of the principles with withmindfulness is like, where we
focus energy flows, and so in apractice like this, we teach
kids, and we teach ourselvesthat, look, if I focus on my
thoughts, I'm putting energytowards them, I'm feeding them,
(16:02):
they're going to grow, but if Idisrupt that, instead, I'm
forced to focus on my breath.
What happens when I focus on mybreath? I literally don't have
the capacity to focus on thethoughts. I can only feel
focused on the inhale and theexhale, and so my attention goes
there. And guess what, when youfocus on the breath, that's like
the secret door into yourparasympathetic nervous system,
getting to take over, and all ofa sudden the body calming, all
(16:24):
of the rest, digest, restore,all of those things start to
happen in your physical body.
You get calmer, and the mindgets quiet. So when it comes to
self esteem, when it comes tobody image, huge this is a
practice that is huge support.
And you know, all these thingsthat I've been speaking about, I
guess, are more so on the like,the emotional aspect of things,
right? But there's also, like,the fifth thing I would say is
(16:48):
it does help with mental acuity.
So there have been studiesshowing that this supports with
learning, because kids canconcentrate better. Again, more
neural connections happening,and also mental chatter is out
of the way. So now they canfocus
TD Flenaugh (17:04):
you for one moment.
I just for the audience outthere, mental acuity. Can you
just define it for them? Just tomake sure that
Danielle Matthews (17:10):
everyone I think of mental acuity is like
they're like the mind. How wellthe mind is able to do things
like concentrate, have goodmemory, be able to be creative,
to focus. It's like, how wellthe mind is really looking. It's
more on like the a measure thatis maybe what like in schools,
(17:31):
we measure right test scores andthese kinds of things reporting,
and a more like tangible waywith things. I think everything
up to this point, I think it'skind of, it's slightly
intangible, to say, well, we canhelp with someone's self esteem,
or we can help get rid ofstress, whereas mental acuity is
more so, like, okay, like, howare we showing up on test
scores? Like, how's the mindactually functioning to do
(17:52):
certain things? Thanks forclarifying that. But with like,
things like memory, I mean, andit's, it's amazing. Like,
there's been studies showing,like, if you go and you say,
study for a test, and then youdo a yoga nidra, what's
happening is that thatinformation is now having time
to soak into the brain. Theneural connections are going to
(18:14):
be stronger. The information isgoing to be collected and put in
your brain in a way that's goingto now be more easily
accessible, and so it is just anincredible, like, I don't know,
it's like hacking your mind in agood way, to be able to, like,
take all this information andthink about how much info like
kids get in a day, or, if you'rehomeschooling, you know, the
(18:36):
amount that you're giving yourkid. Well, what if you just had
this moment? You know, and youknow, and depending on your
kid's age, it might range fromseven minutes, you know, all the
way up to teenagers, they can do40 minutes. But of this time and
space to just kind of relax,allow everything to integrate.
And it's huge, you know, it alsoimproves sleep, which, goodness
knows, if you get good sleep,your mental cutie is going to be
(18:59):
better as well as you know,you're really starting out,
TD Flenaugh (19:02):
and that is a good point. You know, we forget about
our teenagers and things likethat. That is one thing that
they're really lacking in sleepnowadays, especially if we're
not really keeping a handle onthe devices. And everything is a
device kind of, right? You know,there's the laptops, the iPads,
the phones and, you know, sothey could just be up all the
(19:25):
time, the video games or anotherportal outside. It's not just
playing inside with your home,at home with your friend or your
whoever's next to you, or byyourself. You know, we know that
all of that connects to theinternet, and kids often are
addicted to their devices andnot getting enough sleep. Lots
of things keep them awake. Yeah,absolutely.
Danielle Matthews (19:48):
Well, it's interesting, too. I mean, just
like the light. So this is onething that I learned through my
brain injury. Is the lightcoming out of screens literally
stimulates your brain. So Igotta cut it so that it would
take you know. Know the lightout? I believe it was the blue
light that was so bothering me.
And there's an app called fluxthat I would use on my computer.
TD Flenaugh (20:13):
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Danielle Matthews (20:57):
on the phone as well that would take that out
so like My computer looked alittle more like orangey, but it
didn't stimulate my brain asmuch. So if you do have kids
that are having sleep issues andlike, maybe they need to be on
devices for school or whatnot,there are apps you can get that
help, or there's glasses. Now,you know, I think it's becoming
more popular that people canwear that will take that out. So
(21:18):
just a little helpful hack.
TD Flenaugh (21:20):
Yes, I have not heard about that. That's new
information for from me andprobably for other people in the
audience as well. Thank you.
We'll definitely look that upand put information for that in
the show notes. Wonderful. Okay,and so, as we are thinking about
kids navigating, you know, biglife events. What were some
(21:45):
setbacks or something like thatthat you had that really how you
handled it and how you keptpersevering, despite some
setbacks you may have had.
Danielle Matthews (21:58):
Well, when life throws us a curve ball. You
know, I feel like we get put inthese situations, and there's
pressure, of course, andpressure can break us, or we can
use it to transform us, to kindof like, break us open to a new
version of ourselves, where it'slike, okay, you know, there's a
saying it's like, the wound iswhere the light gets in, and
it's like, yeah, breaking openisn't terrible, like a chick
(22:21):
needs to break open the shell,to come out. Like, sometimes
breaking is okay, it opens tosomething new. And I think we
have a tendency towards, youknow, not wanting to deal with
difficult emotional or mentalthings, right? We would say we
prefer for things to be happierand easier and lighter. But the
truth of the matter is the moredifficult times in your life.
(22:43):
True or not true? You grew themost. You learned the most. It
became stronger because of them.
It's like, we're happy to go tothe gym and work out, and we
know, okay, five pounds moretoday. Five pounds more today.
Little bit harder, little bitmore stress on the muscles. I'm
going to get stronger. But forsome reason, we like don't make
the leap to doing the same thingwhen it comes to emotional
strength, mental strength, thiskind of thing where it's like,
(23:06):
no, when there's stress orpressure, we're like, No, I
don't want that. And we kind ofgo and unfortunately, sometimes,
as parents too, we're like, wantto keep our kids safe and
protected from having to dealwith this. And the reality is is
no like, the challenges are thebest part. It's showing them how
to navigate them. It's showingkids how to digest big emotional
events in a good way, toactually in a healthy way, deal
(23:28):
with upset in a healthy way,deal with their own fears, and
show them how to do this. And itmeans that we need to know how
to do it ourselves, becausethey're learning from us, not
just from what we say, but howwe carry ourselves, what we
actually do in the face ofadversity. And do we ask, Well,
how could this be a gift? Whatis this lesson I'm learning? I
(23:48):
have taken on the attitude that,you know, we are here, and I
believe our souls came here tolearn certain lessons, and so
the challenging things that getput in our path are actually
what we came here to learn whywe are here. And so when we
embrace that, when we say, maybethis is a gift from God, maybe
(24:09):
it's a gift from the Divine.
Maybe if I, if I don't believein that, fine, let me just act
what? Well, what if I considerthis to be a good thing? What
would it be making possible?
Right? What is this challengeactually making possible in my
life? And we just change theperspective on it, it will open
up so much for you. It's it'sreally a it's life changing when
you when you do that, and whenyou navigate life that way, your
(24:33):
kids are going to be able tomore nap, be more easily,
navigating these challenges asthey come. And ultimately, like
we are, we are teaching andguiding these little beings into
adulthood, and so we need toeventually give them the skill
set to handle the realities ofadulthood, which is that life is
not always going to go your way.
(24:53):
Stuff happens, you know, and,and, and you need to realize
that just because it should be,could be, ought to be different
or. You didn't deserve it orwhatnot. Like life has no
allegiance to our plans, andit's not personal. Life is just
doing life and take itpersonally, and we need to just
understand, Okay, well, maybeit's telling me move in this
direction. Maybe I've got tolearn this skill now and look at
(25:14):
it as like a game where now wejust, okay, this is our next
challenge in the game. Let'sfigure out how to how to solve
it.
TD Flenaugh (25:21):
I really just want to take the time to really
highlight, you know, that, yes,we make it stuck and thinking
about, why did this happen tome? It's not fair, right? But
really, if we're thinking aboutour purpose, and even you know
our passion, thinking about andI just really love how you
(25:42):
framed it, like how the wound iswhere the light goes, and just
really reframing, you know, ourthought process, instead of
getting stuck in the loop,right? Like, why did this happen
to me? Not there? Like, again,it's not going to change what
happened, but we could changeour outlook on how we approach
(26:03):
it and then use it as anopportunity. Think about how it
can be an opportunity and reallypursue that opportunity. Think
about what we could do to growfrom this, to learn from it, to
open up new avenue of our life,a new direction. So I think
that's that's really good,because those things we cannot
(26:23):
control, like what new thing is,like a tragedy or big event
that's going to change thingsfor us, but we can control how
we deal with it, how we thinkabout it in our mind, the
messages that we tell ourselvesover and over again, so that, I
think that is such sage advice,and it's really something we
(26:46):
need to think about doing andreally modeling that for our
kids as well, and then helpingour kids right. Because we know
our kids don't always listen towhat we say, but they are often
doing the things that we did,right? Yeah, they're watching,
yes, so we really have to bemindful of that, and it gives
(27:09):
you more power, right? Becausehere I'm, if I'm left in the
powerless like, Oh, why did thishappen to me? It's not fair.
This isn't fair. I wish thisnever happened to me, rather
than like, Okay, this happened,and these are the things I'm
learning from this. This is howI'm growing for this from this,
and this is the new thing that Ilearned, or the new person or
(27:30):
opportunity that I have now thatI went through this experience.
And so that really puts you in adifferent place. So I really
thank you for highlighting that,and I hope that we could take
that to to heart as parents andeducators who are models for
kids, so that our kids can takethat on as well, and it really
(27:52):
will make the difference right,making us or breaking us right,
as you were saying, like itcould be a moment that's the
End, or, like, you know, thestart of a horrible trajectory,
or the start of a new, promisingtrajectory, trajectory that
maybe we didn't plan for, but weare taking some power towards,
(28:15):
you know, choices.
Danielle Matthews (28:17):
You know, I am a family member of mine.
She's going through a reallyrough time, and, you know, she's
in these years, like the kids Iused to to teach, and I could
see it. And so for Christmas, Iput literally, coal in and a
diamond in a box, and I had heropen, and I of course, had her
open the coal first is like ajoke, and and then she opened
(28:37):
the diamond. And it was one ofthose big, like, you know, big,
pretty diamond. It was real, butit was, it was, it was
beautiful. And she was lookingat me, like, Okay, I don't get
it. And I said, Do you knowwhere diamonds come from? And
kind of looked at me, and Isaid, diamonds come from carbon,
what you're looking at, thatcoal, when put under pressure,
(28:57):
intense pressure. And Idescribed all the details of I
looked up all the exact details,I described it, and I said, that
is what creates a diamond. And Isaid, right now, you have so
much pressure in your life, fromhome, from what's happening at
school internally you. And Isaid, You are being pushed,
forced into becoming a diamond,and so don't let it break you
(29:21):
and think that something's wrongwith you. It's not. This is just
the situation that is going toallow you to show you the beauty
that's inside of you. And, youknow, we'll see how if it
landed. But it's like, it was aseed that was planted, you know?
And it's like, I think there's aHave you ever heard of the
Pygmalion effect?
TD Flenaugh (29:40):
I've heard of it, but I don't know anything about
it. But it's, it's a familiarsomething, I don't know anything
Danielle Matthews (29:46):
so it was done like in the education
space, and I hadn't heard aboutit while I was out of teaching.
So the study was essentially,and I might get all the details,
like, not precisely, right, butthe essence of it I've got. So
basically, a group came in to aclass. Classroom, and I think it
was like, first or second grade,and they said to the teacher,
look, we've tested the kids, andthere are some kids that are
(30:08):
underperforming right now, butthat are, like, highly
intelligent, and they're,they're what we would call like,
like spurs, like they could do,they could do more than than
they're doing right now. And sotell us them this at the
beginning of the school year.
And then school year happens.
End of the school year, theycome back and they look at the
(30:29):
test scores of these kids andhow the kids did. And sure
enough, this group of kids thatthey had identified had had
spurted, had spurted ahead ofthe others were doing way
better. And so they then tellthe teacher, we never tested
them. We randomly chose those.
TD Flenaugh (30:46):
Okay, I've heard of, I've heard of,
Danielle Matthews (30:49):
and I think it was never repeated, because
families got involved, and we'revery upset, but the idea being
well, so what was different? Thedifference was the teacher, this
authority figure in this child'slife, had the idea, whether they
verbally said it or just feltit, that this child could do
better, that something morepositive could come out of this
(31:12):
kid's world. And so they spoketo that, whether they
consciously realized they weredoing it or it was unconscious,
because they had been told thiskid was better than they were
doing. And so that's what wasspoken to. And so what happened
those children rose to theoccasion. And so I look at that
and I say, Okay, if we relate itto trauma resiliency kind of
what we've been talking about.
So if you do have a child thatis going through something
(31:34):
intense, rather than just kindof looking at, oh, I'm so sorry
that this happened, whatever,keeping them in a victimhood,
whereas you said so beautifully,they're powerless, you know? How
do we get them to get theirpower back? Well, we speak to,
wow, you're you're being putthrough the pressure. This is
your chance to become a diamond.
(31:55):
What can you learn aboutyourself? What is this teaching?
This is a massive life lessonthat's here, right? This was put
here for a reason. Maybe it'sgoing to be a little while
before we figure out why you gotthis unique, very intense
challenge, you know, but ithappened for a very powerful
reason. You're special, and sothat is going to pull them into
a very different potential,right? Where the Oh yes, you're
(32:19):
a victim. I'm sorry it happened.
That's so terrible. It keepsthem, unfortunately, down with
as good meaning as we thinkwe're being. It's actually not
helpful. It's more helpful tokind of get them looking up,
looking at another potential forthemselves, and how it might be
just emotional intelligencethat's increasing, right? Not
something they're going to get abetter grade for, but they're
going to become a better humanbeing. They're going to be more
(32:41):
compassionate. After this.
They're going to be under beable to understand, you know,
life on a deeper level.
TD Flenaugh (32:47):
Wow. That is so amazing as we are. I mean, it's
really something that we reallyhave to sit and think about, and
then think about how to put thatin action for our kids, right?
But it's not that difficult,right? Because we're always
running into challenges here andthere, small and large, and then
just making sure that we aretalking about our mindset in
(33:08):
front of our kids, and thentalking about, you know, how
when they have a challenge, bigor small, how they could think
about it in that same way. Butit's a great reframing and an
empowering message for our kids.
So any last things that you wantto say to the audience as they
are helping their kids, theirstudents, navigate the ups and
(33:30):
downs of growing
Danielle Matthews (33:34):
up? Yeah, you know, I think we teach kids
hygiene, right? We teach kids totake a physical shower, and
importance of that, but I don'tthink we teach to take a psychic
shower, and that they need toalso, maybe at the end of the
day, do a little breathing, goinward and release that stress,
(33:56):
that anxiety, that mean commentthat was said, so that it
doesn't end up lingering in thesystem, so they don't hold on to
it, so their self esteem doesn'tget impacted by it. And you
know, this isn't in anycurriculum that I've seen, but
it's like, that's the power ofyoga nidra, that's why I got
certified to teach yoga ninjafor kids. Because I'm like, this
is such a powerful thing. I sawmy my kiddos in sixth grade
(34:18):
resonating with it, and it'ssuch a powerful practice that
you can implement, right? Do itbefore bed. Maybe it's part of
the bedtime routine. Is that youdo a little mini yoga, Nidra,
right? Or you, you even, if youjust, if you don't even know how
to do that, of course, I cansupport to show you how, but
it's like just breath work, justteaching to breathe. It's sort
of inhale happiness and exhaleanger. I mean, just a little
(34:40):
thing like that is going tostart to help to emotionally
regulate. It's going to start togive that psychic shower that I
think us as parents and teachersdon't always give to ourselves,
but it's something that we, forsure need to model and start to
give
TD Flenaugh (34:54):
to our kids. Too amazing. And how can people get
in touch with you?
Danielle Matthews (34:59):
I. TD, absolutely. So I'm in a variety
of social media platforms. I'mall over them, but if you want
to just get in touch with medirectly, probably easiest just
to email me. And it's justdiscover intention@gmail.com and
I'm happy to answer anyquestions. Point you to some
resources. And yeah, there'ssome great stuff I've got out
(35:19):
there for you. Excellent.
TD Flenaugh (35:21):
Thank you so much for joining us. Danielle
Matthews, we know that theparents and educators out there
got a lot out of your interviewand sage advice that you're
giving us and for parents andeducators, if you found this
valuable, please like andsubscribe and make sure you do
(35:42):
something today that's going togive your child the competitive
advantage. Thank you so much.
Have a great week. Thanks againfor supporting the falling for
learning podcast. New Episodesgo live every Saturday at 5pm
you can watch us on youtube.com,at falling for learning or
listen on all major podcastplatforms such as Apple, Google,
(36:05):
Audible, Spotify and much morefor more resources, visit
falling in love withlearning.com we really
appreciate you. Have a wonderfulweek.
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