July 19, 2025 • 37 mins
Work with Core Methods! Go to https://www.thebehaviorbootcamp.com for more information about Behavior Boot Camp or Dr. Bilodeau's book Ease the Pain in the Classroom
T.D. Flenaugh and Dr. Bethany Bilodeau discuss strategies for addressing trauma and violent behavior in children. Dr. Bilodeau, an expert in behavioral support, emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing the root causes of these behaviors, which often stem from feelings of unsafe and dysregulation. She highlights the effectiveness of her program, Core Methods, which provides customized support to schools and families, often integrating students back into the general education setting within three months. Dr. Bilodeau also stresses the need for simple, effective techniques to regulate behavior and the importance of extracurricular activities. She advises parents to seek professional help and be persistent in finding solutions.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
TD Flenaugh (00:03):
TD, hi, thank you so much for joining the
following for learning podcast.
We have this podcast to helpparents and caregivers with
having the resources, strategiesand tools needed to make sure
that their children are on trackfor learning and to stay on
track for success. Students,sometimes have violent
tendencies. They have traumathat they are reenacting.
(00:27):
They're having so many emotionsthey don't know how to deal with
and what do we do about it? Alot of times, schools don't know
what to do about it, and parentsdon't know what to do about it.
Luckily, today, we have anexpert that has a strategy and a
team of people to help supportstudents who have trauma and how
(00:47):
to deal with the violence thatsometimes they are enacting, and
help them even find anotherplacement when needed. Stay
tuned. Hi. Thank you so much forjoining the falling for learning
podcast. I am TD Lynaugh. Wehave this podcast to help
(01:11):
parents and caregivers withhaving the resources, strategies
and tools needed to make surethat their children are on track
for learning and to stay ontrack for success. Welcome so
much. Dr B, also know you knowyour full name. Dr Billy, do.
(01:32):
We're so glad to have you. And Ijust want to just take a moment
talk about like, how are youenjoying the summer, and what
have you been up to so far?
Dr. Bilodeau (01:44):
Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm a fan of
the show. I'm so glad to behere. I really appreciate it.
This summer has been great. I'vehad the opportunity to travel
quite a bit. At the beginning ofthis summer, did four or five of
the different national parks,and was also able to do some
work with my book that just cameout and deliver those to some
(02:06):
libraries and community centersas well as some school
districts, which was just justsuch a fun experience, but we
made it all the way out to theWest Coast and then back to the
East Coast, which was super fun,
TD Flenaugh (02:18):
amazing. Okay, that sounds so good. I did just get a
vacation, and we went to acruise, and I have, like, a
little bit of sun tan or sunlines or whatever. But
Dr. Bilodeau (02:31):
anyway, you go, girl, it's always good when you
come back and you've got the theproof to say I was outside.
TD Flenaugh (02:42):
Yes, so glad to have you on the show and to hear
about your expertise. You are,you know, a you know, your team
of people are dealing with anissue that a lot of parents and
teachers, a lot of people dealwith, but we may not hear that
much about it. You know, we mayjust want to keep it to
(03:06):
ourselves inside of our familythat our kid is having trauma
and is, you know, displayingviolent behavior and needs to
relocate or need special supportand attention. But you know,
instead of, you know, hidingthis, we want to talk about it,
and so that if this is somethingthat comes up for you, in your
(03:28):
school, with your family, withyour child, that you have a way
to talk, you know, someresources, some a path forward
and choices you know,
Dr. Bilodeau (03:42):
absolutely and in most cases, I would say these
students, they they feel unsafe.
They either feel unsafe, theyfeel dysregulated. In almost all
cases, that is the case, and itcomes out in a way that presents
us very, very maladaptive,unfortunately, and that really
makes everybody else aroundthem, whether it's educators or
(04:03):
parents or caregivers, thatmakes everyone else feel unsafe
because of the behavior thatthey're demonstrating. So
there's some really simpletechniques to make someone else
in your presence feel safe, andthere's some really simple ways
to really kind of get them to abetter point, so that they're
more functional. And there'ssome real there's some actual
(04:23):
reasons why this is happening inthe brain, and why these things
keep happening and keeppatternizing.
TD Flenaugh (04:31):
Okay, so I know you're going to share those
resources and even your bookwith us. Can you tell us, like,
a little bit about yourbackground. This is the falling
for learning podcast,absolutely, yeah, we all talk to
our guest about what made themfall in love with learning, or
what made them find theirpurpose.
Dr. Bilodeau (04:52):
So my mother was a teacher for many years and
became a principal, and prior tothat, she was a deaf interpreter
in. In she would often bringstudents to stay with us for
weekends and things like that.
And because of that, I was ableto learn sign and all of that.
And when I finished mybachelor's degree, I actually
passed the Praxis, and I taughtscience in biology in Guam for a
(05:13):
period of time, which I loved.
And I still keep in touch withmany of my students, and this
was over 30 years ago at thispoint. Yeah, it's amazing to
see, like they have families andthey're doing all these things.
It's just great. And I lovedteaching there. I moved back to
(05:33):
the States. I taught sixth gradefor a while here, and I was just
really drawn to the studentsthat were really struggling, the
students that were gettingsuspended, that were having a
lot of challenges, and becauseof that, I decided that I was
going to specialize more in thatfield. And I really couldn't do
both at the same time, to remainin education and stay up on all
(05:55):
the curriculum changes, as youknow, and everything else that's
involved with that. I couldn'tdo it effectively, plus
specialize in the behaviorfield. In addition to that, my
oldest son really had somebehavioral struggles. He was
born early and had a lot ofchallenges, mainly behaviorally,
(06:17):
not so much medically. Andbecause of that, he was asked to
leave three daycares before hewas 18 months old, because, you
know, everybody's fine untilyour kid bites the other kid,
and then it's like, you get thatcall that's like, your kid can't
stay here anymore. They bit thekid. So he was asked to leave
TD Flenaugh (06:38):
personal experience in this, in this, and you have
the expertise about how to helpfamilies through this. We get
our kids, we love them, whereverway they come. We want to have
those strategies for helpingsupport them into a more
productive way of handlingAbsolutely. Yeah. And so what
(07:02):
about your like schooling? Whatwere some activities and things
that you did as a child or as ayouth that helped really
contribute to what you do?
Dr. Bilodeau (07:11):
So I did not have a great educational experience,
which most people are verysurprised about, because I did
exceptionally well in school,especially in high school, but I
did not do well in school. In myelementary years and my middle
school years, I reallystruggled. It was very hard for
me, and then I discoveredsports, and because of that, I
(07:33):
really upped my game as far asstaying on the academics. But I
have some learning disabilities,I have some behavioral
challenges and those sorts ofthings. I was the typical ADHD
kid who also struggled to learn,and because of that, the sports
helped me significantly. Butwhen sports weren't in session,
I oftentimes was sick and Iwouldn't go to school.
TD Flenaugh (07:59):
Like for you, what did those struggles look like
for you?
Dr. Bilodeau (08:03):
For me, it was debilitating anxiety. By the
time I got into high school,like I had been told so many
times as an elementary andmiddle, early middle school
student, to stop talking, stopwalking around, stop
socializing, stop doing this,that by the time I got to high
school, I didn't talk to otherkids during classes. I didn't
talk to other kids. You know, ifwe were in class, I was silent,
(08:24):
and my teachers would alwayssay, we wish you'd contribute
more. And I'm like telling mefor years to close my mouth. I
got the message.
TD Flenaugh (08:35):
Sometimes we, you know, you know, suppress that.
You know, the gifts that ourstudents have absolutely to fit
into a certain way. Yeah,learning and being in the
classroom, absolutely
Dr. Bilodeau (08:48):
and yeah, and I loved sports. That was really
where I would shine. I you know,I loved being on sports teams
and playing Team athletics andstuff like that. So I really
loved that, and that part of itreally helped to secure me in
the school setting, and kept megoing to school and really
getting things done.
TD Flenaugh (09:08):
You know. I just want to highlight that there are
so many people that I know thatsay that, that's, you know, and
people who are very nerdy likemyself, or, you know, you know,
throughout their education, may,you know, sometimes we will
minimize and even I've seenschool leaders minimalize
sports, right? But my husbandeven says the same thing, like
(09:29):
sports kept him in school, and Imet so many other people that
say that. So I understand ifyou're a leader or even a parent
out there that sports isn't abig deal to you, but you really
need to support your kids in it,because it is often the often
times right the bridge thatmakes, you know, makes things
(09:50):
doable for them. It keeps themmotivated going to school. And
maybe you want them to have someother motivation. That's fine.
They'll maybe get it later, butyou have to have what you know,
what you. Have at the time,which is the sports is right now
for me as a 10 year old or 11year old and 15 year old, you
know, but, and that's what wehave to make we can't minimalize
(10:13):
it. We
Dr. Bilodeau (10:13):
can't those extracurriculars are huge. I
can't remember what thepercentage is, but it's it is
such a factor of later lifesatisfaction, of whether or not
kids have involved in thoseextracurriculars, whether
they're sports or a Lego club orthe library program or whatever
it may be, or drama. You know,it doesn't matter what it is,
(10:34):
but those extracurriculars areso important for learning social
skills and connecting and reallyallowing kids to shine in their
own light, because school, theydon't always have the
opportunity to show their bestselves at school.
TD Flenaugh (10:51):
Yeah, they, they really don't, and that that is
so important. I just want tohighlight that, because I have
definitely minimalized it in myown way, as like a kid looking
at other kids. And then also,I've been I've also seen school
leaders do it and, you know,maybe not make that
announcement, like when thewhatever team won, or whatever
(11:14):
they and, you know, it may notbe a big sport at that school,
but it just makes a
Dr. Bilodeau (11:17):
difference. They need it. Yeah, they all need
that pat on the back. Theteachers do, too when they're
involved in activities,especially school based
activities, give them that paton the back. They need it.
Parents also absolutely
TD Flenaugh (11:32):
okay so and so currently you are tell us the
name of your company, and
Dr. Bilodeau (11:39):
my company is core methods online we run under the
name of the behavior boot camp,and that's where our online
courses and where all of ourprogramming for free,
programming and trainings andstuff like that, is run it under
the behavior boot camp. But ourprogram that works in school
districts is called coremethods.
TD Flenaugh (12:00):
Okay, so you your your models are you are going to
school districts and helpsupport specific kids, or do you
have a program running at aschool? Or what is your program
looking
Dr. Bilodeau (12:14):
like? Typically, a school will come to us and
they'll say, Well, I have thiskid that's really having some
issues are taken off from thebuilding. They're harming staff.
They're harming other students,whatever it may be. And we go in
and start the assessmentprocess, and then they'll say,
oh, and we have this one, thisone, this one, this one, and
this one. And then we'll end upwith about 10 different kids.
(12:36):
And at that point, we create aprogram where we usually have a
staff from our company that runsthe program, and we're training
their staff within the buildingon how to work with these
students, how to teach them thetechniques so they feel safe,
how to teach them regulatorystrategies, and then
reintegrating them into thegeneral education setting. We're
(12:56):
usually only in each school fora year to two years, and then we
transition out. We're not a wedon't look at being at any place
long term. Typically, as many ofyou in education, you know,
those students are typicallycalled tier three students, and
usually by the end of year one,we don't have any tier three
students left.
TD Flenaugh (13:18):
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(13:43):
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Dr. Bilodeau (14:02):
After we've done the work with them. They're
usually tier two or tier most ofthem are tier one. Usually 80%
of them are at tier one at thatpoint. And so we then transition
them back into the educationsetting, and we fade away. For
some school districts, it's justa matter of them going through
our online course and learningthose skills. And then sometimes
they don't even need for us tocome in, which is fantastic when
(14:24):
they can do it on their own.
TD Flenaugh (14:26):
That that's really good. I mean, that's good to
hear. I feel like sometimesparents feel like this is a life
sentence, like I'm always goingto have these challenges, and my
kids always going to have thischallenge, I'm not going to be
able to solve it, and so hearingthat you're able, within a year
or so, able to integrate theminto the school setting in a way
(14:49):
that's productive and they don'tneed you as a crutch or whatever
way people might look at it forthe rest of their lives, is
really good to. Year.
Dr. Bilodeau (15:00):
Yeah, and honestly, at this point we look
at primarily, most kids, it'sthree months. Usually within
three months, they'reintegrating back in. We usually
stay within the school for ayear to two years, just because
they have other kids that arecoming up that need the supports
and everything. But our skillshave gotten to the point where
we can do it very, very quickly,and we teach the kids those
(15:22):
skills, to teach their parentsthose skills, or their
caregivers those skills, andalso teach, you know, the
educators, those same skills.
Because much of the time I'mgoing into work with the
teachers and that sort of thing,and they're like, I'm just
tired. I'm tired and I'mstressed, and I get it. It's
been hard that one kid hasprobably taken up 90% of their
time and energy. That's insane.
(15:46):
It's really tough for them andthe parents too. They're just
wiped when we get by the time wemeet them, typically,
TD Flenaugh (15:53):
yeah, I mean that that is so great that you are
able to offer this service. Sogive us the website again,
Dr. Bilodeau (16:01):
the behaviorbootcamp.com.
TD Flenaugh (16:04):
Okay, good, and it definitely will be in our show
notes. And also, you have a bookthat you have to help give
strategies of some an in depthlook at what you do. Can you
tell us
Dr. Bilodeau (16:16):
I do. Yes, I do have a book, and I wrote the
book to be a companion to theonline course, or to be just
another access point for peoplewho couldn't access the course
for whatever reason may be thatthey could definitely take a
peek at the book and utilizethat and each section is
standalone. So if you're workingwith a student that's showing
(16:38):
aggressive behavior, you look upthe few pages on aggressive
behavior, and in that it willshow you what to do, what
strategies to implement forthose behaviors, and why the
student could potentially beengaging in those behaviors,
which is often very helpful. Andeach of those sections you can
(16:59):
pull out. So if a teacher iswalking into their classroom and
they're like, oh, all thestudents are disruptive today,
and they're super hyper, what'sgoing on? You can look up the
section on on students withdisruptive behavior. Look up
hyper aroused. It'll give you awhole graphic on what you're
looking up for, strategies. Andthe same thing. If you walk in
(17:20):
and you're say, you're workingwith high school kids. In the
morning, there are going to behalf asleep. So how to deal with
the hypo aroused? You know? Howto get them more engaged, and
that sort of thing too, becausethat's a challenge in and of
itself, or your anxious learner,or your learner who displays an
anger and aggression, it willgive you strategies for that so,
TD Flenaugh (17:42):
so usually you have parents or schools themselves.
Do teachers ever reach out andsay, we
Dr. Bilodeau (17:48):
often, yeah, I mean, I spend a lot of time on
the phone or on zooms withteachers, for sure, going over
strategies and things like that,and trying to give them tools of
how to deal with this that arevery simple, and some things are
super, super simple. Like, itcould be something like, if
you've got a kid who's reallyanxious and overwhelmed, walk by
(18:09):
them and drop a few things onthe floor when they bend over to
pick it up, squat down, talk tothem for a second, that pressure
on the stomach will actuallypush the serotonin out into the
bloodstream and help to regulatethem, so you might get five
minutes of work out of them, andthey're not going to be
conflictual for a couple ofminutes. So it's super, super
simple strategies that aren't,please sit down and do your work
(18:32):
or stop that, or something likethat. Because usually those
techniques, for students thatwe're dealing with nowadays,
those techniques actuallyescalate them more. So it's
techniques that are going tohelp to regulate very, very
quickly, things like when you'reteaching, make sure students can
see your fingers. Make sure theycan see your thumbs, and that
the thumbs are raised, becausethat conveys confidence. So
(18:54):
they'll feel safer in yourpresence. Really simple body
language, sorts of things thatthey can implement while they're
teaching, so they're not takingon another thing. They're just
simply altering a little bit ofwhat they do to make it work
better for their classroom, tokeep their class engaged.
TD Flenaugh (19:11):
Yeah, this is great, like, so one thing that
you said is, like, theseparticular methods don't work
anymore. I think that'ssomething as you know, I've been
in education since 2000 and youknow, if you know, those of you
who watch the podcast, know Iwas teaching kids my age and a
little bit older or younger as Igrew up, teaching kids how to
(19:34):
read and stuff like that. Butyou know, over the years, we
have seen some strategies thatdo not work. And if you know,
you insist on doing thosethings, you're really gonna feel
disconnected from teaching andall of that. Can you highlight
some of those practices that yousee people still using like
they're really, you know, wellseasoned educators or whatever?
(19:58):
Yeah, things don't work anymore.
And they really
Dr. Bilodeau (20:00):
they don't, yeah, the repeating of expectations,
that's a big one that I seeoften, and that doesn't work,
and oftentimes, the reason whyis because it undermines your
authority. The more times you'rerepeating what needs to be done,
the the individual knows whatyou requested. You know, make
the request and let it lie. Ifyou have someone who has some
(20:21):
issues with shifting, theyusually present as oppositional
defiance. It's actually an areaof the brain that has an issue
with shifting, called theanterior cingulate gyrus, and
they need the request made, theexpectation made, and then they
need a few seconds for thatrequest to settle into the
subconscious so that they canprocess the request. So giving
(20:42):
them 30 seconds or or provide adistraction will allow them to
move forward. But don't repeatyour expectation unless your
learner just wasn't payingattention, or your child wasn't
paying attention, that'sdifferent. So repeating the
expectations is one compliancebased models. Those don't
typically work very wellanymore. And the reason why is
(21:02):
kids know. They know they'rereally smart. They know that if
you say, Oh, I'm you know, youwait till the other parent gets
home, or I'm gonna call theprincipal, or whatever, they're
they're like, Oh, you don't havethe power okay, so somebody else
does. So I'll just wait till youget to that point to do it sort
(21:23):
of thing.
TD Flenaugh (21:24):
Sorry. So that's the compliance based model where
I Yeah, say I'm calling thedean, or I'm gonna call your
father, or
Dr. Bilodeau (21:31):
wait, or you're gonna get in trouble for this.
You're gonna get suspended.
They're usually like, good,thank goodness. I wanted to be
suspended. That was my goal.
Today. I've got it all right.
TD Flenaugh (21:42):
I don't have to go to school, wonderful
Dr. Bilodeau (21:45):
yep. So those sorts of things don't very, very
rarely work. Why? Because kidsfears are in a different place
at this point. Fear, fear, whatis someone saying about me on
social media? How am I going tointeract with this other kid
that doesn't seem to like me.
Where am I going to be on thesports team that I want to be a
(22:05):
part of? And those sorts ofthings, they're not fearful, per
se, of authority figure. Thereis a very small group of kids
that still are but that's notthe norm. Whereas we saw the
opposite 10 years ago.
TD Flenaugh (22:22):
Wow, I'm so glad you said that. Yes, it's not
fearful for them, and that isnothing, you know, it just and
you know, I I've moved around todifferent positions and
different things like that. So Iknow that I've had to adjust. I
think if you some educators orthat are in the same place, in
(22:42):
the same like grade level orsomething like that, for a long
time, they don't notice thechanges happening, and they're
just like, wow, this group ofkids is
Dr. Bilodeau (22:51):
really it's tough.
Yeah, that's exactly, exactly
TD Flenaugh (22:56):
but it's like, we really have to change, because
themselves,our kids are different. They are
different. And like you said,the social media wasn't a thing,
like it wasn't 15 years ago
Dr. Bilodeau (23:06):
and all kids are all kids are on it, I'm telling
you, like I had to stop itbasketball, not basketball,
soccer camp today, because mydaughter, of course, forgot
something, and so I brought itdown, and there's some kids
phone sitting beside her bag,and there's, like, four or five
Snapchats on it open. In thepicture of this boy that had the
(23:28):
phone, he looks like he's aboutnine years old, and he's he's
got a phone. What is he? Whatare you doing on Snapchat at
soccer camp, buddy, come on. Putthe phone down. Get out there on
the field. It's just a differentworld, right? The priority, it
really is, theory, yeah.
TD Flenaugh (23:47):
And we may not know, like, you know, because as
we get older, when I startedteaching, I was very young, so I
was really close and kind ofunderstand more. But as I get
older, I, you know, we just havedifferent ways of viewing the
world and getting to know theworld and and all the things. So
that's such a good point thatyou brought up. And for, you
(24:08):
know, for people to reflect,like, what are some things that
I'm doing that are not helpfulanymore, that just don't work
anymore? And then even givingthe why behind it, I think, is
great, because I do noticechanges, but I didn't
necessarily know, like this isbecause this is the diff, this
is the fear. Now, not that I'mgonna call your dad or, you know
you're gonna go to the dean'soffice, but you know the social
(24:30):
media is the big fear, or, youknow it
Dr. Bilodeau (24:33):
really is. And I mean, kids nowadays too, they're
so overstimulated, and they'resent their condition to that so
they are struggling to sleep atnight. They are struggling to
get enough hydration into thembecause of the liquids that are
(24:54):
presented to them nowadays. Imean, I will say, probably 90.
8% of the students that I workwith are dehydrated, and
oftentimes, just having themhydrate, a lot of their
challenging behaviors go away,which is remarkable, but it's
like, between that and sleep, somany of them report to me, I
(25:16):
don't sleep at night. I wake upthis many times. I'm and I'm
like, calculating the number ofhours that they get, and I'm
like, Oh my gosh, this kid'sonly sleeping like eight hours a
night. That is not healthy andor less, yeah, yeah, a lot,
especially high school kids,like high school kids, it's like
six to seven hours max, yeah,it's really, it's really
dysfunctional, and that allcontributes to their their
(25:40):
behavior, their ability toattend, their social
interactions, everything else,and their immune system capacity
and everything. So, you know,there's so many things that go
into where they're at a lot oftimes, what I'm doing is I'm
teaching kids how to be in thequiet, how to be in the
stillness, taking time to dothat, because it's not something
(26:01):
they're used to experiencing,and they don't like it at first,
unfortunately. So we try to makeeverything fun, but that's one
that I usually really have totrick them into.
TD Flenaugh (26:14):
It's very basic, right? Like water and being in
the stillness, but it, yes, it'sso it's tough about it. It's not
something that's normal. It'snot something yet for them,
right?
Dr. Bilodeau (26:27):
Yeah, it's tough for adults, too. I mean, I'm the
first to say, if I'm waiting ina line, I'm usually checking my
text messages, I'm I'm updatingstuff. I'm doing that too. And
every now and then I'll say,okay, just put your phone down
for a few seconds, Bethany, andsee if you can sit for the next
two minutes without your phonegoing. And I'll sit there for a
moment. And then I'm like, well,I should do this, and maybe I
(26:49):
should do that. And I mean,we're being conditioned that way
as well. And so it I would, wewould only expect that kids are
struggling with the same things.
TD Flenaugh (26:59):
Absolutely. I mean, yes, a lot of times, you know,
like I said, there are somedifferences as we get older
between our kids and ourselves,but also there are some
commonalities, right? We canthink like the phone has now
infiltrated our life, right? Andwe have to think about what
challenges we have with it, andwe know that the kids aren't
(27:20):
going to be any better than weare at resisting that foam, the
pull of the algorithm, whateverit is, yeah, that has really
hooked us into our devices,whatever that is, right?
Everyone else, everyone's alittle different about what it
is, but we are all hooked insome way. You know, yes,
Dr. Bilodeau (27:41):
that dopamine hit is huge. And I will say for you,
for parents or for and foreducators, if you are really
trying to teach your child oryour student something and
you're struggling with, likegetting their attention and that
sort of thing, the easiest wayto do this, a recipe for this,
is really you need to elicitappreciation from them.
(28:03):
Productivity and connection,that can be really easily done.
If you're in the home, what youcan do is just say to your kid,
what's your favorite meal? Oh,can you put this on the table?
You've connected. You've gotthem to appreciate something,
and they've done somethingproductive. If you're in the
school, you can say to yourstudents, when you're doing roll
(28:24):
call, what is your you know,what is your favorite animal?
What's your favorite pet, orsomething like that. That's
great. Pass this paper to yourneighbor, or get out your pens,
or whatever it may be that willrelease oxytocin, serotonin and
dopamine, and as many of us knowthat's what primes the
prefrontal cortex for learning.
So if you really need to getthem activated in that
(28:45):
prefrontal cortex and you'restruggling with getting them to
be in that place, that's asimple, simple way to do it.
TD Flenaugh (28:54):
Love those strategies. Okay, so get a Dr.
B, Dr. Bilodeau's book, youknow, find her online if you
need her services. I mean, somany great tips and strategies
there. What do you what do youthink parents are really getting
(29:18):
wrong when it comes to theirkids that are having these
trauma responses.
Dr. Bilodeau (29:23):
Well, I will say, first of all, parents, give
yourself grace. You're neverdoing anything wrong. We
appreciate that. Your dedicationto your children and everything
else. I will say a lot of thetime that when your child starts
to get challenging and in crisisand escalated. Oftentimes we go
(29:44):
there as well, you know, wematch that behavior. Behavior
matches itself with somethingelse. It's energetic. And that
tends to happen if your kidsays, No, I don't want to do
this. And you say, Oh, you willdo it now, trying very hard to.
Present in a safe way. Stepaway, give yourself a moment to
step away and not have to comedown and make a firm stand on
(30:08):
that. Because oftentimes youneed to give yourself a moment
to think and say, Is thissomething that I'm going to live
or die for? It may very well be,but it may not be, and we need
to be able to give ourselves thetime to determine whether or not
that's going to be necessary andallow our child to feel safe in
our presence, because they'rewatching us all the time and how
(30:29):
we respond to everything, andnine times out of 10, you know,
come back and they'll say it toyou. So but we know you're all
working as hard as you can, andyou you're doing the tough work,
and that is very, very muchappreciated. Whenever I hear
from a parent and they say, I'mso sorry to bother you. I'm so
(30:49):
sorry that I reached out and I'mlike, no, please reach out to
me. I will give you my personalphone number. Please text me if
you're having a challenge. Iwould rather give you the tools
which are simple and effectiveand work than have you struggle
and feel like you've been doingthings in a way that wasn't
helpful for a period of time?
Yeah, that's always hard,because we've all learned it the
(31:12):
hard way.
TD Flenaugh (31:18):
This is such important work. I mean, you know
we obviously, you know we knowwe have a rash of like, violence
in schools and school shootingsand stuff. Yeah, that so having
a a company and providing aservice like this where we're
able to help redirect the kids.
I mean, it's so sad when thekids don't get the support they
(31:41):
need, because when we've seenthe cases of school violence and
shooting and all that, they havedone research, and they could go
back and see all of the stepsleading up to it,
Dr. Bilodeau (31:56):
yep,
TD Flenaugh (31:57):
and It's not a surprise, right?
Dr. Bilodeau (32:00):
Obviously, it's never a surprise, Yeah,
unfortunately, yeah, which makesit so hard and everything. And
we see that many times, like,Well, I'll start with a student,
and I'll say, Oh my gosh. Like,I wish you guys had called me
five years ago, seven years ago,that sort of thing. And in we're
(32:20):
working against time at thatpoint, which is great, because
we know all those signs, andwe're able to do all those
things and everything else. Butpeople have been in pain for a
long time. Parents have been inpain. The individual has been in
pain. Educators have been inpain. Anyone who's come into
(32:42):
contact has really sufferedthrough this, saying, why can't
we figure this out? And it'susually a matter of they just
aren't aware of differentsupport tools that are are out
there that can help.
Yes, so this is such animportant show, I know it's
going to save somebody's lifeout there, right? Because
(33:04):
they're going to get thosestrategies needed, because the
kids are already displayingviolence. They're in pain,
they're in a trauma responsefrom something that they've
dealt with and that the violencetouches all of us, right? Like
it'll be a teacher it does
TD Flenaugh (33:18):
that might get hurt. It might be a student, you
know, they're someone who dies.
They're, you know, because a lotof times they'll hurt the family
member, then they'll go to theschools. I mean, it's just, it's
a ripple effect, and we reallyneed to, you know, reach out and
get help. Like, don't quietlydeal with your kid having all
these challenges. Maybe youdon't want to tell everyone in
(33:39):
the family, that's fine, right?
Dr. Bilodeau (33:42):
Yeah,
TD Flenaugh (33:42):
out and get support where someone can help you.
Like, there's professional rightthere that can help you. It's
nothing to feel shame about.
Like, kids are kids, and they'reable to get support as long as
we're going to provide right, ifwe provide right, if we ignore
it, we just hope it's gonna getbetter, you know,
(34:04):
and if it's not helping go tosomeone else and go to someone
else and go to someone else,because it's necessary to do
that, because sometimes what theperson's trying to do isn't the
right approach to what's goingon. My husband always says, I
hate going to grocery storeswith you and places like that,
Bethany, because you break upevery fight. You're constantly
(34:27):
like, set going over to peopleat work and being like, this is
going to happen, so on and soforth. He's like, You never get
the shopping done. You're justdoing all these other things
when you're there. And I'm like,I can't help it.
I mean, you know, people alwaysare like, Oh, I can't believe
this happened. You know, in theafter, like, we're trying to
(34:49):
point you in a direction whereyou could go, where you could
get support, right? It's notgoing to get better just because
you're wishing it better. And Ijust love that you said, go to
someone else. Like, Oh, I tried.
I tried counseling. Like, okay,well, then go to another
counselor. Like, go to
Dr. Bilodeau (35:06):
another one, yep, yep, exactly,
TD Flenaugh (35:09):
yep. Don't give up, because
Dr. Bilodeau (35:11):
be relentless.
TD Flenaugh (35:12):
Yes! right? Yes, yes, yes, yes
Dr. Bilodeau (35:18):
Our children are worth it. You know, nobody
should have to be suffering. Soreally keep, you know, keep
knocking on those doors untilyou find you find something
that's going to work. Becauseoftentimes it is different
methods. And people will say,what do you do for this child?
Or whatever? Well, I can tellyou what to do for different
instances, but every program Iwork with the student is custom
(35:40):
made for the student so based onwhat they need, so and for the
family as well, and for theteachers and that, you know,
interact with that student too.
It depends on the group that'sthere so, you know, and if it
doesn't work, just keep, youknow, go knock to the knock on
someone else's door, because,you know, you guys are worth it,
and your youth are worth it
TD Flenaugh (36:02):
absolutely. Thank you so much. Dr. Bilodeau, do
you know? Get her book. Go toher website. You know, don't
suffer in silence. Don't letyour kid suffer in silence.
Let's, you know, come up with asolution, right? And keep the
Dr. Bilodeau (36:18):
Absolutely. Yeah,
TD Flenaugh (36:20):
keep working at it.
Okay? We love that you've joinedus again on the falling for
learning podcast, please dosomething today that's going to
give your child the competitiveadvantage. Thank you.
Thanks again for supporting thefalling for learning podcast,
new episodes go live everySaturday at 5pm you can watch us
(36:44):
on youtube.com at falling forlearning, or listen on all major
podcast platforms such as Apple,Google, Audible, Spotify and
much more For more resources,visit falling in love with
learning.com we reallyappreciate you. Have a wonderful
(37:05):
week.
TD, hi, thank you so much for joining the
following for learning podcast.
We have this podcast to helpparents and caregivers with
having the resources, strategiesand tools needed to make sure
that their children are on trackfor learning and to stay on
track for success. Students,sometimes have violent
tendencies. They have traumathat they are reenacting.
(00:27):
They're having so many emotionsthey don't know how to deal with
and what do we do about it? Alot of times, schools don't know
what to do about it, and parentsdon't know what to do about it.
Luckily, today, we have anexpert that has a strategy and a
team of people to help supportstudents who have trauma and how
(00:47):
to deal with the violence thatsometimes they are enacting, and
help them even find anotherplacement when needed. Stay
tuned. Hi. Thank you so much forjoining the falling for learning
podcast. I am TD Lynaugh. Wehave this podcast to help
(01:11):
parents and caregivers withhaving the resources, strategies
and tools needed to make surethat their children are on track
for learning and to stay ontrack for success. Welcome so
much. Dr B, also know you knowyour full name. Dr Billy, do.
(01:32):
We're so glad to have you. And Ijust want to just take a moment
talk about like, how are youenjoying the summer, and what
have you been up to so far?
Dr. Bilodeau (01:44):
Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm a fan of
the show. I'm so glad to behere. I really appreciate it.
This summer has been great. I'vehad the opportunity to travel
quite a bit. At the beginning ofthis summer, did four or five of
the different national parks,and was also able to do some
work with my book that just cameout and deliver those to some
(02:06):
libraries and community centersas well as some school
districts, which was just justsuch a fun experience, but we
made it all the way out to theWest Coast and then back to the
East Coast, which was super fun,
TD Flenaugh (02:18):
amazing. Okay, that sounds so good. I did just get a
vacation, and we went to acruise, and I have, like, a
little bit of sun tan or sunlines or whatever. But
Dr. Bilodeau (02:31):
anyway, you go, girl, it's always good when you
come back and you've got the theproof to say I was outside.
TD Flenaugh (02:42):
Yes, so glad to have you on the show and to hear
about your expertise. You are,you know, a you know, your team
of people are dealing with anissue that a lot of parents and
teachers, a lot of people dealwith, but we may not hear that
much about it. You know, we mayjust want to keep it to
(03:06):
ourselves inside of our familythat our kid is having trauma
and is, you know, displayingviolent behavior and needs to
relocate or need special supportand attention. But you know,
instead of, you know, hidingthis, we want to talk about it,
and so that if this is somethingthat comes up for you, in your
(03:28):
school, with your family, withyour child, that you have a way
to talk, you know, someresources, some a path forward
and choices you know,
Dr. Bilodeau (03:42):
absolutely and in most cases, I would say these
students, they they feel unsafe.
They either feel unsafe, theyfeel dysregulated. In almost all
cases, that is the case, and itcomes out in a way that presents
us very, very maladaptive,unfortunately, and that really
makes everybody else aroundthem, whether it's educators or
(04:03):
parents or caregivers, thatmakes everyone else feel unsafe
because of the behavior thatthey're demonstrating. So
there's some really simpletechniques to make someone else
in your presence feel safe, andthere's some really simple ways
to really kind of get them to abetter point, so that they're
more functional. And there'ssome real there's some actual
(04:23):
reasons why this is happening inthe brain, and why these things
keep happening and keeppatternizing.
TD Flenaugh (04:31):
Okay, so I know you're going to share those
resources and even your bookwith us. Can you tell us, like,
a little bit about yourbackground. This is the falling
for learning podcast,absolutely, yeah, we all talk to
our guest about what made themfall in love with learning, or
what made them find theirpurpose.
Dr. Bilodeau (04:52):
So my mother was a teacher for many years and
became a principal, and prior tothat, she was a deaf interpreter
in. In she would often bringstudents to stay with us for
weekends and things like that.
And because of that, I was ableto learn sign and all of that.
And when I finished mybachelor's degree, I actually
passed the Praxis, and I taughtscience in biology in Guam for a
(05:13):
period of time, which I loved.
And I still keep in touch withmany of my students, and this
was over 30 years ago at thispoint. Yeah, it's amazing to
see, like they have families andthey're doing all these things.
It's just great. And I lovedteaching there. I moved back to
(05:33):
the States. I taught sixth gradefor a while here, and I was just
really drawn to the studentsthat were really struggling, the
students that were gettingsuspended, that were having a
lot of challenges, and becauseof that, I decided that I was
going to specialize more in thatfield. And I really couldn't do
both at the same time, to remainin education and stay up on all
(05:55):
the curriculum changes, as youknow, and everything else that's
involved with that. I couldn'tdo it effectively, plus
specialize in the behaviorfield. In addition to that, my
oldest son really had somebehavioral struggles. He was
born early and had a lot ofchallenges, mainly behaviorally,
(06:17):
not so much medically. Andbecause of that, he was asked to
leave three daycares before hewas 18 months old, because, you
know, everybody's fine untilyour kid bites the other kid,
and then it's like, you get thatcall that's like, your kid can't
stay here anymore. They bit thekid. So he was asked to leave
TD Flenaugh (06:38):
personal experience in this, in this, and you have
the expertise about how to helpfamilies through this. We get
our kids, we love them, whereverway they come. We want to have
those strategies for helpingsupport them into a more
productive way of handlingAbsolutely. Yeah. And so what
(07:02):
about your like schooling? Whatwere some activities and things
that you did as a child or as ayouth that helped really
contribute to what you do?
Dr. Bilodeau (07:11):
So I did not have a great educational experience,
which most people are verysurprised about, because I did
exceptionally well in school,especially in high school, but I
did not do well in school. In myelementary years and my middle
school years, I reallystruggled. It was very hard for
me, and then I discoveredsports, and because of that, I
(07:33):
really upped my game as far asstaying on the academics. But I
have some learning disabilities,I have some behavioral
challenges and those sorts ofthings. I was the typical ADHD
kid who also struggled to learn,and because of that, the sports
helped me significantly. Butwhen sports weren't in session,
I oftentimes was sick and Iwouldn't go to school.
TD Flenaugh (07:59):
Like for you, what did those struggles look like
for you?
Dr. Bilodeau (08:03):
For me, it was debilitating anxiety. By the
time I got into high school,like I had been told so many
times as an elementary andmiddle, early middle school
student, to stop talking, stopwalking around, stop
socializing, stop doing this,that by the time I got to high
school, I didn't talk to otherkids during classes. I didn't
talk to other kids. You know, ifwe were in class, I was silent,
(08:24):
and my teachers would alwayssay, we wish you'd contribute
more. And I'm like telling mefor years to close my mouth. I
got the message.
TD Flenaugh (08:35):
Sometimes we, you know, you know, suppress that.
You know, the gifts that ourstudents have absolutely to fit
into a certain way. Yeah,learning and being in the
classroom, absolutely
Dr. Bilodeau (08:48):
and yeah, and I loved sports. That was really
where I would shine. I you know,I loved being on sports teams
and playing Team athletics andstuff like that. So I really
loved that, and that part of itreally helped to secure me in
the school setting, and kept megoing to school and really
getting things done.
TD Flenaugh (09:08):
You know. I just want to highlight that there are
so many people that I know thatsay that, that's, you know, and
people who are very nerdy likemyself, or, you know, you know,
throughout their education, may,you know, sometimes we will
minimize and even I've seenschool leaders minimalize
sports, right? But my husbandeven says the same thing, like
(09:29):
sports kept him in school, and Imet so many other people that
say that. So I understand ifyou're a leader or even a parent
out there that sports isn't abig deal to you, but you really
need to support your kids in it,because it is often the often
times right the bridge thatmakes, you know, makes things
(09:50):
doable for them. It keeps themmotivated going to school. And
maybe you want them to have someother motivation. That's fine.
They'll maybe get it later, butyou have to have what you know,
what you. Have at the time,which is the sports is right now
for me as a 10 year old or 11year old and 15 year old, you
know, but, and that's what wehave to make we can't minimalize
(10:13):
it. We
Dr. Bilodeau (10:13):
can't those extracurriculars are huge. I
can't remember what thepercentage is, but it's it is
such a factor of later lifesatisfaction, of whether or not
kids have involved in thoseextracurriculars, whether
they're sports or a Lego club orthe library program or whatever
it may be, or drama. You know,it doesn't matter what it is,
(10:34):
but those extracurriculars areso important for learning social
skills and connecting and reallyallowing kids to shine in their
own light, because school, theydon't always have the
opportunity to show their bestselves at school.
TD Flenaugh (10:51):
Yeah, they, they really don't, and that that is
so important. I just want tohighlight that, because I have
definitely minimalized it in myown way, as like a kid looking
at other kids. And then also,I've been I've also seen school
leaders do it and, you know,maybe not make that
announcement, like when thewhatever team won, or whatever
(11:14):
they and, you know, it may notbe a big sport at that school,
but it just makes a
Dr. Bilodeau (11:17):
difference. They need it. Yeah, they all need
that pat on the back. Theteachers do, too when they're
involved in activities,especially school based
activities, give them that paton the back. They need it.
Parents also absolutely
TD Flenaugh (11:32):
okay so and so currently you are tell us the
name of your company, and
Dr. Bilodeau (11:39):
my company is core methods online we run under the
name of the behavior boot camp,and that's where our online
courses and where all of ourprogramming for free,
programming and trainings andstuff like that, is run it under
the behavior boot camp. But ourprogram that works in school
districts is called coremethods.
TD Flenaugh (12:00):
Okay, so you your your models are you are going to
school districts and helpsupport specific kids, or do you
have a program running at aschool? Or what is your program
looking
Dr. Bilodeau (12:14):
like? Typically, a school will come to us and
they'll say, Well, I have thiskid that's really having some
issues are taken off from thebuilding. They're harming staff.
They're harming other students,whatever it may be. And we go in
and start the assessmentprocess, and then they'll say,
oh, and we have this one, thisone, this one, this one, and
this one. And then we'll end upwith about 10 different kids.
(12:36):
And at that point, we create aprogram where we usually have a
staff from our company that runsthe program, and we're training
their staff within the buildingon how to work with these
students, how to teach them thetechniques so they feel safe,
how to teach them regulatorystrategies, and then
reintegrating them into thegeneral education setting. We're
(12:56):
usually only in each school fora year to two years, and then we
transition out. We're not a wedon't look at being at any place
long term. Typically, as many ofyou in education, you know,
those students are typicallycalled tier three students, and
usually by the end of year one,we don't have any tier three
students left.
TD Flenaugh (13:18):
The rewrite method and the rewrite method workbook
or your go to resource forhelping kids to learn to fall in
love with writing. It has thetips, tools, resources,
strategies and skill buildingactivities to help kids fall out
(13:43):
of writing Hoot and into Lovingto write, get your book set
today.
Dr. Bilodeau (14:02):
After we've done the work with them. They're
usually tier two or tier most ofthem are tier one. Usually 80%
of them are at tier one at thatpoint. And so we then transition
them back into the educationsetting, and we fade away. For
some school districts, it's justa matter of them going through
our online course and learningthose skills. And then sometimes
they don't even need for us tocome in, which is fantastic when
(14:24):
they can do it on their own.
TD Flenaugh (14:26):
That that's really good. I mean, that's good to
hear. I feel like sometimesparents feel like this is a life
sentence, like I'm always goingto have these challenges, and my
kids always going to have thischallenge, I'm not going to be
able to solve it, and so hearingthat you're able, within a year
or so, able to integrate theminto the school setting in a way
(14:49):
that's productive and they don'tneed you as a crutch or whatever
way people might look at it forthe rest of their lives, is
really good to. Year.
Dr. Bilodeau (15:00):
Yeah, and honestly, at this point we look
at primarily, most kids, it'sthree months. Usually within
three months, they'reintegrating back in. We usually
stay within the school for ayear to two years, just because
they have other kids that arecoming up that need the supports
and everything. But our skillshave gotten to the point where
we can do it very, very quickly,and we teach the kids those
(15:22):
skills, to teach their parentsthose skills, or their
caregivers those skills, andalso teach, you know, the
educators, those same skills.
Because much of the time I'mgoing into work with the
teachers and that sort of thing,and they're like, I'm just
tired. I'm tired and I'mstressed, and I get it. It's
been hard that one kid hasprobably taken up 90% of their
time and energy. That's insane.
(15:46):
It's really tough for them andthe parents too. They're just
wiped when we get by the time wemeet them, typically,
TD Flenaugh (15:53):
yeah, I mean that that is so great that you are
able to offer this service. Sogive us the website again,
Dr. Bilodeau (16:01):
the behaviorbootcamp.com.
TD Flenaugh (16:04):
Okay, good, and it definitely will be in our show
notes. And also, you have a bookthat you have to help give
strategies of some an in depthlook at what you do. Can you
tell us
Dr. Bilodeau (16:16):
I do. Yes, I do have a book, and I wrote the
book to be a companion to theonline course, or to be just
another access point for peoplewho couldn't access the course
for whatever reason may be thatthey could definitely take a
peek at the book and utilizethat and each section is
standalone. So if you're workingwith a student that's showing
(16:38):
aggressive behavior, you look upthe few pages on aggressive
behavior, and in that it willshow you what to do, what
strategies to implement forthose behaviors, and why the
student could potentially beengaging in those behaviors,
which is often very helpful. Andeach of those sections you can
(16:59):
pull out. So if a teacher iswalking into their classroom and
they're like, oh, all thestudents are disruptive today,
and they're super hyper, what'sgoing on? You can look up the
section on on students withdisruptive behavior. Look up
hyper aroused. It'll give you awhole graphic on what you're
looking up for, strategies. Andthe same thing. If you walk in
(17:20):
and you're say, you're workingwith high school kids. In the
morning, there are going to behalf asleep. So how to deal with
the hypo aroused? You know? Howto get them more engaged, and
that sort of thing too, becausethat's a challenge in and of
itself, or your anxious learner,or your learner who displays an
anger and aggression, it willgive you strategies for that so,
TD Flenaugh (17:42):
so usually you have parents or schools themselves.
Do teachers ever reach out andsay, we
Dr. Bilodeau (17:48):
often, yeah, I mean, I spend a lot of time on
the phone or on zooms withteachers, for sure, going over
strategies and things like that,and trying to give them tools of
how to deal with this that arevery simple, and some things are
super, super simple. Like, itcould be something like, if
you've got a kid who's reallyanxious and overwhelmed, walk by
(18:09):
them and drop a few things onthe floor when they bend over to
pick it up, squat down, talk tothem for a second, that pressure
on the stomach will actuallypush the serotonin out into the
bloodstream and help to regulatethem, so you might get five
minutes of work out of them, andthey're not going to be
conflictual for a couple ofminutes. So it's super, super
simple strategies that aren't,please sit down and do your work
(18:32):
or stop that, or something likethat. Because usually those
techniques, for students thatwe're dealing with nowadays,
those techniques actuallyescalate them more. So it's
techniques that are going tohelp to regulate very, very
quickly, things like when you'reteaching, make sure students can
see your fingers. Make sure theycan see your thumbs, and that
the thumbs are raised, becausethat conveys confidence. So
(18:54):
they'll feel safer in yourpresence. Really simple body
language, sorts of things thatthey can implement while they're
teaching, so they're not takingon another thing. They're just
simply altering a little bit ofwhat they do to make it work
better for their classroom, tokeep their class engaged.
TD Flenaugh (19:11):
Yeah, this is great, like, so one thing that
you said is, like, theseparticular methods don't work
anymore. I think that'ssomething as you know, I've been
in education since 2000 and youknow, if you know, those of you
who watch the podcast, know Iwas teaching kids my age and a
little bit older or younger as Igrew up, teaching kids how to
(19:34):
read and stuff like that. Butyou know, over the years, we
have seen some strategies thatdo not work. And if you know,
you insist on doing thosethings, you're really gonna feel
disconnected from teaching andall of that. Can you highlight
some of those practices that yousee people still using like
they're really, you know, wellseasoned educators or whatever?
(19:58):
Yeah, things don't work anymore.
And they really
Dr. Bilodeau (20:00):
they don't, yeah, the repeating of expectations,
that's a big one that I seeoften, and that doesn't work,
and oftentimes, the reason whyis because it undermines your
authority. The more times you'rerepeating what needs to be done,
the the individual knows whatyou requested. You know, make
the request and let it lie. Ifyou have someone who has some
(20:21):
issues with shifting, theyusually present as oppositional
defiance. It's actually an areaof the brain that has an issue
with shifting, called theanterior cingulate gyrus, and
they need the request made, theexpectation made, and then they
need a few seconds for thatrequest to settle into the
subconscious so that they canprocess the request. So giving
(20:42):
them 30 seconds or or provide adistraction will allow them to
move forward. But don't repeatyour expectation unless your
learner just wasn't payingattention, or your child wasn't
paying attention, that'sdifferent. So repeating the
expectations is one compliancebased models. Those don't
typically work very wellanymore. And the reason why is
(21:02):
kids know. They know they'rereally smart. They know that if
you say, Oh, I'm you know, youwait till the other parent gets
home, or I'm gonna call theprincipal, or whatever, they're
they're like, Oh, you don't havethe power okay, so somebody else
does. So I'll just wait till youget to that point to do it sort
(21:23):
of thing.
TD Flenaugh (21:24):
Sorry. So that's the compliance based model where
I Yeah, say I'm calling thedean, or I'm gonna call your
father, or
Dr. Bilodeau (21:31):
wait, or you're gonna get in trouble for this.
You're gonna get suspended.
They're usually like, good,thank goodness. I wanted to be
suspended. That was my goal.
Today. I've got it all right.
TD Flenaugh (21:42):
I don't have to go to school, wonderful
Dr. Bilodeau (21:45):
yep. So those sorts of things don't very, very
rarely work. Why? Because kidsfears are in a different place
at this point. Fear, fear, whatis someone saying about me on
social media? How am I going tointeract with this other kid
that doesn't seem to like me.
Where am I going to be on thesports team that I want to be a
(22:05):
part of? And those sorts ofthings, they're not fearful, per
se, of authority figure. Thereis a very small group of kids
that still are but that's notthe norm. Whereas we saw the
opposite 10 years ago.
TD Flenaugh (22:22):
Wow, I'm so glad you said that. Yes, it's not
fearful for them, and that isnothing, you know, it just and
you know, I I've moved around todifferent positions and
different things like that. So Iknow that I've had to adjust. I
think if you some educators orthat are in the same place, in
(22:42):
the same like grade level orsomething like that, for a long
time, they don't notice thechanges happening, and they're
just like, wow, this group ofkids is
Dr. Bilodeau (22:51):
really it's tough.
Yeah, that's exactly, exactly
TD Flenaugh (22:56):
but it's like, we really have to change, because
themselves,our kids are different. They are
different. And like you said,the social media wasn't a thing,
like it wasn't 15 years ago
Dr. Bilodeau (23:06):
and all kids are all kids are on it, I'm telling
you, like I had to stop itbasketball, not basketball,
soccer camp today, because mydaughter, of course, forgot
something, and so I brought itdown, and there's some kids
phone sitting beside her bag,and there's, like, four or five
Snapchats on it open. In thepicture of this boy that had the
(23:28):
phone, he looks like he's aboutnine years old, and he's he's
got a phone. What is he? Whatare you doing on Snapchat at
soccer camp, buddy, come on. Putthe phone down. Get out there on
the field. It's just a differentworld, right? The priority, it
really is, theory, yeah.
TD Flenaugh (23:47):
And we may not know, like, you know, because as
we get older, when I startedteaching, I was very young, so I
was really close and kind ofunderstand more. But as I get
older, I, you know, we just havedifferent ways of viewing the
world and getting to know theworld and and all the things. So
that's such a good point thatyou brought up. And for, you
(24:08):
know, for people to reflect,like, what are some things that
I'm doing that are not helpfulanymore, that just don't work
anymore? And then even givingthe why behind it, I think, is
great, because I do noticechanges, but I didn't
necessarily know, like this isbecause this is the diff, this
is the fear. Now, not that I'mgonna call your dad or, you know
you're gonna go to the dean'soffice, but you know the social
(24:30):
media is the big fear, or, youknow it
Dr. Bilodeau (24:33):
really is. And I mean, kids nowadays too, they're
so overstimulated, and they'resent their condition to that so
they are struggling to sleep atnight. They are struggling to
get enough hydration into thembecause of the liquids that are
(24:54):
presented to them nowadays. Imean, I will say, probably 90.
8% of the students that I workwith are dehydrated, and
oftentimes, just having themhydrate, a lot of their
challenging behaviors go away,which is remarkable, but it's
like, between that and sleep, somany of them report to me, I
(25:16):
don't sleep at night. I wake upthis many times. I'm and I'm
like, calculating the number ofhours that they get, and I'm
like, Oh my gosh, this kid'sonly sleeping like eight hours a
night. That is not healthy andor less, yeah, yeah, a lot,
especially high school kids,like high school kids, it's like
six to seven hours max, yeah,it's really, it's really
dysfunctional, and that allcontributes to their their
(25:40):
behavior, their ability toattend, their social
interactions, everything else,and their immune system capacity
and everything. So, you know,there's so many things that go
into where they're at a lot oftimes, what I'm doing is I'm
teaching kids how to be in thequiet, how to be in the
stillness, taking time to dothat, because it's not something
(26:01):
they're used to experiencing,and they don't like it at first,
unfortunately. So we try to makeeverything fun, but that's one
that I usually really have totrick them into.
TD Flenaugh (26:14):
It's very basic, right? Like water and being in
the stillness, but it, yes, it'sso it's tough about it. It's not
something that's normal. It'snot something yet for them,
right?
Dr. Bilodeau (26:27):
Yeah, it's tough for adults, too. I mean, I'm the
first to say, if I'm waiting ina line, I'm usually checking my
text messages, I'm I'm updatingstuff. I'm doing that too. And
every now and then I'll say,okay, just put your phone down
for a few seconds, Bethany, andsee if you can sit for the next
two minutes without your phonegoing. And I'll sit there for a
moment. And then I'm like, well,I should do this, and maybe I
(26:49):
should do that. And I mean,we're being conditioned that way
as well. And so it I would, wewould only expect that kids are
struggling with the same things.
TD Flenaugh (26:59):
Absolutely. I mean, yes, a lot of times, you know,
like I said, there are somedifferences as we get older
between our kids and ourselves,but also there are some
commonalities, right? We canthink like the phone has now
infiltrated our life, right? Andwe have to think about what
challenges we have with it, andwe know that the kids aren't
(27:20):
going to be any better than weare at resisting that foam, the
pull of the algorithm, whateverit is, yeah, that has really
hooked us into our devices,whatever that is, right?
Everyone else, everyone's alittle different about what it
is, but we are all hooked insome way. You know, yes,
Dr. Bilodeau (27:41):
that dopamine hit is huge. And I will say for you,
for parents or for and foreducators, if you are really
trying to teach your child oryour student something and
you're struggling with, likegetting their attention and that
sort of thing, the easiest wayto do this, a recipe for this,
is really you need to elicitappreciation from them.
(28:03):
Productivity and connection,that can be really easily done.
If you're in the home, what youcan do is just say to your kid,
what's your favorite meal? Oh,can you put this on the table?
You've connected. You've gotthem to appreciate something,
and they've done somethingproductive. If you're in the
school, you can say to yourstudents, when you're doing roll
(28:24):
call, what is your you know,what is your favorite animal?
What's your favorite pet, orsomething like that. That's
great. Pass this paper to yourneighbor, or get out your pens,
or whatever it may be that willrelease oxytocin, serotonin and
dopamine, and as many of us knowthat's what primes the
prefrontal cortex for learning.
So if you really need to getthem activated in that
(28:45):
prefrontal cortex and you'restruggling with getting them to
be in that place, that's asimple, simple way to do it.
TD Flenaugh (28:54):
Love those strategies. Okay, so get a Dr.
B, Dr. Bilodeau's book, youknow, find her online if you
need her services. I mean, somany great tips and strategies
there. What do you what do youthink parents are really getting
(29:18):
wrong when it comes to theirkids that are having these
trauma responses.
Dr. Bilodeau (29:23):
Well, I will say, first of all, parents, give
yourself grace. You're neverdoing anything wrong. We
appreciate that. Your dedicationto your children and everything
else. I will say a lot of thetime that when your child starts
to get challenging and in crisisand escalated. Oftentimes we go
(29:44):
there as well, you know, wematch that behavior. Behavior
matches itself with somethingelse. It's energetic. And that
tends to happen if your kidsays, No, I don't want to do
this. And you say, Oh, you willdo it now, trying very hard to.
Present in a safe way. Stepaway, give yourself a moment to
step away and not have to comedown and make a firm stand on
(30:08):
that. Because oftentimes youneed to give yourself a moment
to think and say, Is thissomething that I'm going to live
or die for? It may very well be,but it may not be, and we need
to be able to give ourselves thetime to determine whether or not
that's going to be necessary andallow our child to feel safe in
our presence, because they'rewatching us all the time and how
(30:29):
we respond to everything, andnine times out of 10, you know,
come back and they'll say it toyou. So but we know you're all
working as hard as you can, andyou you're doing the tough work,
and that is very, very muchappreciated. Whenever I hear
from a parent and they say, I'mso sorry to bother you. I'm so
(30:49):
sorry that I reached out and I'mlike, no, please reach out to
me. I will give you my personalphone number. Please text me if
you're having a challenge. Iwould rather give you the tools
which are simple and effectiveand work than have you struggle
and feel like you've been doingthings in a way that wasn't
helpful for a period of time?
Yeah, that's always hard,because we've all learned it the
(31:12):
hard way.
TD Flenaugh (31:18):
This is such important work. I mean, you know
we obviously, you know we knowwe have a rash of like, violence
in schools and school shootingsand stuff. Yeah, that so having
a a company and providing aservice like this where we're
able to help redirect the kids.
I mean, it's so sad when thekids don't get the support they
(31:41):
need, because when we've seenthe cases of school violence and
shooting and all that, they havedone research, and they could go
back and see all of the stepsleading up to it,
Dr. Bilodeau (31:56):
yep,
TD Flenaugh (31:57):
and It's not a surprise, right?
Dr. Bilodeau (32:00):
Obviously, it's never a surprise, Yeah,
unfortunately, yeah, which makesit so hard and everything. And
we see that many times, like,Well, I'll start with a student,
and I'll say, Oh my gosh. Like,I wish you guys had called me
five years ago, seven years ago,that sort of thing. And in we're
(32:20):
working against time at thatpoint, which is great, because
we know all those signs, andwe're able to do all those
things and everything else. Butpeople have been in pain for a
long time. Parents have been inpain. The individual has been in
pain. Educators have been inpain. Anyone who's come into
(32:42):
contact has really sufferedthrough this, saying, why can't
we figure this out? And it'susually a matter of they just
aren't aware of differentsupport tools that are are out
there that can help.
Yes, so this is such animportant show, I know it's
going to save somebody's lifeout there, right? Because
(33:04):
they're going to get thosestrategies needed, because the
kids are already displayingviolence. They're in pain,
they're in a trauma responsefrom something that they've
dealt with and that the violencetouches all of us, right? Like
it'll be a teacher it does
TD Flenaugh (33:18):
that might get hurt. It might be a student, you
know, they're someone who dies.
They're, you know, because a lotof times they'll hurt the family
member, then they'll go to theschools. I mean, it's just, it's
a ripple effect, and we reallyneed to, you know, reach out and
get help. Like, don't quietlydeal with your kid having all
these challenges. Maybe youdon't want to tell everyone in
(33:39):
the family, that's fine, right?
Dr. Bilodeau (33:42):
Yeah,
TD Flenaugh (33:42):
out and get support where someone can help you.
Like, there's professional rightthere that can help you. It's
nothing to feel shame about.
Like, kids are kids, and they'reable to get support as long as
we're going to provide right, ifwe provide right, if we ignore
it, we just hope it's gonna getbetter, you know,
(34:04):
and if it's not helping go tosomeone else and go to someone
else and go to someone else,because it's necessary to do
that, because sometimes what theperson's trying to do isn't the
right approach to what's goingon. My husband always says, I
hate going to grocery storeswith you and places like that,
Bethany, because you break upevery fight. You're constantly
(34:27):
like, set going over to peopleat work and being like, this is
going to happen, so on and soforth. He's like, You never get
the shopping done. You're justdoing all these other things
when you're there. And I'm like,I can't help it.
I mean, you know, people alwaysare like, Oh, I can't believe
this happened. You know, in theafter, like, we're trying to
(34:49):
point you in a direction whereyou could go, where you could
get support, right? It's notgoing to get better just because
you're wishing it better. And Ijust love that you said, go to
someone else. Like, Oh, I tried.
I tried counseling. Like, okay,well, then go to another
counselor. Like, go to
Dr. Bilodeau (35:06):
another one, yep, yep, exactly,
TD Flenaugh (35:09):
yep. Don't give up, because
Dr. Bilodeau (35:11):
be relentless.
TD Flenaugh (35:12):
Yes! right? Yes, yes, yes, yes
Dr. Bilodeau (35:18):
Our children are worth it. You know, nobody
should have to be suffering. Soreally keep, you know, keep
knocking on those doors untilyou find you find something
that's going to work. Becauseoftentimes it is different
methods. And people will say,what do you do for this child?
Or whatever? Well, I can tellyou what to do for different
instances, but every program Iwork with the student is custom
(35:40):
made for the student so based onwhat they need, so and for the
family as well, and for theteachers and that, you know,
interact with that student too.
It depends on the group that'sthere so, you know, and if it
doesn't work, just keep, youknow, go knock to the knock on
someone else's door, because,you know, you guys are worth it,
and your youth are worth it
TD Flenaugh (36:02):
absolutely. Thank you so much. Dr. Bilodeau, do
you know? Get her book. Go toher website. You know, don't
suffer in silence. Don't letyour kid suffer in silence.
Let's, you know, come up with asolution, right? And keep the
Dr. Bilodeau (36:18):
Absolutely. Yeah,
TD Flenaugh (36:20):
keep working at it.
Okay? We love that you've joinedus again on the falling for
learning podcast, please dosomething today that's going to
give your child the competitiveadvantage. Thank you.
Thanks again for supporting thefalling for learning podcast,
new episodes go live everySaturday at 5pm you can watch us
(36:44):
on youtube.com at falling forlearning, or listen on all major
podcast platforms such as Apple,Google, Audible, Spotify and
much more For more resources,visit falling in love with
learning.com we reallyappreciate you. Have a wonderful
(37:05):
week.
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