February 22, 2025 • 30 mins
Falling for Learning Podcast Episode 87 features Melida Haye, a veteran educator, who discusses her journey from Panama to the U.S., where she pursued a career in education despite her parents' initial aspirations for her to become a doctor. She emphasizes the importance of listening to children's interests and supporting their choices, even if they differ from parents' expectations. Haye highlights the significance of self-care and professional development, sharing her experience at a writing retreat that helped her combat burnout and rediscover her passion for teaching. She advises parents to actively listen, support their children's interests, and foster healthy relationships to ensure long-term success.
We drop new episodes every Saturday at 5 p.m. Pacific Time.
Follow us:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fallingforlearning/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/fallingforlearning/
https://linktr.ee/falling4learning
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It's Hello. Everybody here isFalling for Learning Podcast.
We're on a location today at TheGathering Spot in Los Angeles,
and I have here Melida. Hay,Hello.
(00:21):
Yes, she is a veteran educator,and today she's going to talk to
you about things that you needto know to make sure you get
that those kids on track withtheir learning. Okay, all right,
let's begin.
Hi. Thank you so much forjoining the following for
learning podcast. We have thispodcast to help parents and
caregivers with having theresources, strategies and tools
(00:43):
needed to make sure that theirchildren are on track for
learning and to stay on trackfor success.
Okay, here we go, everybody.
Hello, hello. How are youfeeling fine? So she was one of
the teachers that I worked within the past when I was located
(01:05):
at a high school. And reallyalways, when we talk to
teachers, and we have them onour podcast, we really talk to
them about really, what makesyou fall in love with learning,
what made you over the years asa little kid, what really made
you fall in love with learning?
as a child, I love to read, andwhen we came to this country, we
(01:29):
were located on a street wherethe library was right across the
street, and they used to havesummer reading programs. And I
used to love how they had theseladders. And if you read a book,
you color one of the wrongpeople ladders, okay? And then
you watch it grow. And then oneday, I don't remember I was in
elementary school, but Iremember I walked in and I
(01:51):
there's the adult side and theChildren's side. And I looked at
the Children's side and I said,I'm going to start here and go
all the way around and readeverything and get to the big
kids side. So I had to be inelementary to call it that, and
I did. So I just love reading.
Alright, okay, so one of thethings we want to take a step
back because we are at TheGathering Spot. And usually I'm
(02:13):
in my dining room. Okay, that'swhere I usually am, guys and and
today we're at The GatheringSpot because we just finished a
writing retreat. We're workingon national board certification,
and so that's something thatwe're doing, like leveling up
ourselves professionally asteachers. And tell us a little
(02:35):
bit about that.
It was exceptional. It wasexceptional as a teacher. It's a
profession where you can beeasily isolated because you're
in your classroom and it's justyou and the kids and what you're
going through. You may be ableto touch on in PDS, but it's not
(02:58):
it's a 30 minute or an hour, andit's back to hustling to
whatever you have to do. Butthis one was, it wasn't about
here's a strategy that you canlearn for or that you can use to
enhance your students growth.
It's here are thoughts or thingsthat we want you to think about.
Here are some ways that you canstop and look at yourself,
(03:21):
reflect on yourself first, yeah,before you start doing what you
automatically do, which isReflect on your kids and ignore
you. And I bonded, and I made alot of I met new friends who
became immediate sisters in thestruggle. Yes, it empowered. For
those of us who are in teaching,burnout is is something we wear,
(03:45):
like clothes. You just wear it.
You burn out and you go, Okay,let's self talk our way back.
We're not through the burnout,but let's keep going so your
legs can move, so you can makeit to the next day to go to
class. And this is where it waslike, Yeah, and I got a chance
to, we all got a chance to justtalk and rediscover our power.
(04:09):
So this retreat gave me my powerback.
Yeah, that's so dope, yeah, andI agree so many great things.
And shout out to The TeachingWell, it's a group of It's an
organization that really talksabout and supports teachers in
healing, right? And so we knowthat we have a lot of parents
(04:31):
and educators who watch thisshow. I mean, it's something,
you know, mental health and selfcare is something that we really
need to be involved in andpractice, and The Teaching Well
is dedicated to that, right?
But, yeah, so we spent some timereally, doing some writing,
doing some self exploration aswell as some positive self talk,
right? Because sometimes when weare pursuing some kind of
(04:55):
professional and. Accolade orsomething like that. Sometimes
we're like, Well, can we do it?
Or we'll be able to do it. Andthen, of course, you know, you
what you say and what youbelieve is true, right? So if
you're telling yourself you cando it or you're not able to do
it, of course it's true, right?
But giving yourself the positiveself talk that you're able to do
(05:15):
it is really going to make adifference in getting you to
that next level. So, yeah, socan you tell us a little bit of
Melida about your so you firstof all, were saying something
about in your country. So canyou tell us more about that?
Because you know, What countryare you originally from, or your
family?
(05:37):
Okay, so the entire family,we're from Panama and then, and
we came to this country becausemy father foresaw that there was
much more opportunity here inthe United States for his
children. And so Panama isgreat. So that's where, but he
(05:58):
was looking at ampleopportunity. So when we came
here, my parents were they bothworked, and then they went to
community college, and theyreceived their AAS, and they
stressed the importance ofeducation to us. So when we were
(06:19):
little, we were, we would say,young men, boy to colegio. We
don't know what that meant, butwe're going to college. And my
parents would go, you're goingto college. See, I'm like, Yes,
we're going to college. Don'tknow what that means, but we're
going, yeah. So that wasingrained when we were little
and our parent, our parents werealways striving for just
(06:45):
excellence in teaching or andbeing a student.
Okay, so tell us about youreducation experience. Obviously,
you you were told you're goingto college. You went to college.
So tell us about your journeyinto like, you know,
well, it's gonna get packet No,just to pack it up a little bit
(07:09):
like I said, I am from Panama,and at the time, bilingual
education isn't as apparent andstructured as It is now. So I'm
one of so I'm dark skinned, byway of African people, let's be
clear. So our what I would tellpeople is that my ancestors
(07:29):
didn't make it to the 13Colonies of the United States.
Instead, they were on anotherboat that went to Cuba, Haiti,
Dominican Republic, Brazil,Jamaica. So that's where I am
from. And so it was hard,because I only spoke Spanish
when I was little, and folksdidn't know what to do with
this. And so my father, who waswell versed in both languages,
(07:52):
wrote a letter to the principaland said, Look, this is my
child. This is what's needed.
This is what I you know. Andthey were very active. My
parents were very active in inthe education of me and my
siblings, excellent, so and, youknow. So we went from there, and
I went to to later, elementary,middle, then high school, and
(08:15):
then I went to UCLA go Bruins,alright, and so what did you
major in? And you know, what wasit like there? You know, a lot
of people talk about cultureshock when people go to college,
yes,yes, yes. It was, well, it was a
culture shock throughout. So bythe time I got to UCLA, the
(08:37):
culture shock wasn't as great,meaning that there was the
American way of living, and thenthe minute I got home, it was
the embassy. There's aPanamanian way of living. So and
people, when I got to UCLA, Iwasn't as prepared as I thought
(08:59):
I should have been. Mm, and thatwas a shock. Okay, so I had to
buckle down and find studycenters tutoring. They didn't
have established tutoring andstudy centers back then. I'm not
a dinosaur, but it was backthen, so I was determined to get
through I majored. I startedmajoring as a biochem because my
(09:23):
uncle was a scientist who workedfor NASA, and I just loved
chemistry and the way thingswork then. But I'm, I'm more of
a people person. Okay, so by thetime I got the P Chem my junior
year, I said, Well, okay, nomore labs I'm done, and I
switched it over into psychobio, so that's psychology and
(09:44):
biology put together, and that'sthat was my major. And but my
mom was a preschool teacher, andso in Westwood, they had a
preschool there, and so I'd walkover to her pre. School, and my
heart would flutter, and Ididn't know what that was, and
it was the calling. That's whatI call it. Ah, it was the
(10:05):
calling, because I would, Iwould play with the kids all
day, and my mom's like, don'tever, don't you have time? What
change your class? And I'm like,yeah, I gotta go, but let me
finish helping him. And so Iimmediately started helping
kids.
Oh my goodness, school. What didyou want to do with the biochem
though?
What was I was going med school?
Okay, okay, pre med, okay. Itook the MCAT and everything. I
(10:27):
was going to pre med, and then Iwas sitting there in class, and
I was, I think I was going tothe MCAT. For those of you don't
know, is that the determinationof your scores for admissions
into medical school, but in anutshell, and I don't know what
they call it now, but um, and itjust hit me, and I said, I don't
want to do this. I'm going to bea teacher. But I couldn't say
(10:50):
that, because my mother would beokay, but my father's like, No,
you're going to be a doctor. SoI didn't tell him. I didn't tell
him until I graduated. Igraduated from UCLA, and then I
(11:12):
was going to go into publichealth.
Okay, wait a minute, so youdidn't tell him, did you change
your classes or anything? No,because
my parents were and they're inheaven now. So I can say this.
My parents were truly vestedimmigrants. They'd say, you
know, Melida, what are youtaking? Biology, math and
(11:36):
English? That's all I'd say.
They'd go, okay, so they weren'twell versed in what classes were
needed. So I could just say,just the the general view of it.
What are you taking? Well, I'mtaking, you know, botany and
math and a science class.
Okay, okay, yeah. So now, yeah,there's a lot of more, like
(11:56):
electronic you can look at it.
You can seeit occur. So I got away with it.
And then when I graduated, I wasgoing to go into public health.
And again, I'm sitting therewith the counselor, and she
said, Congratulations, you justgot accepted to UCLA public
health. I went, yay, okay. Andshe goes, you don't look
excited. And I'm like, Okay,I'll just do it. And she looked
(12:19):
at me, she goes, she put aside.
She goes, what do you reallywant to do? And I said, I want
to teach, but I can't. I mean,I'm, I'm very much into health.
And she goes, Why don't youbecome a health school teacher?
That's all she had to say. Andshe said, there was some
Renegade, renegade PhDs who werein the public health program
(12:43):
with UCLA Renegade. They wererenegade because they took what
they gathered up, left UCLA andwent to Cal State, Long Beach,
the whole open, you know. Andthe majority of them were in the
health sciences. I see. I mean,the ink didn't even dry. I said,
Call him. And they called, and Iwas and I went to, and I did my
(13:06):
my masters at Cal State.
But why did they go to LongBeach? Why they just stay in
becausethey wanted to do their own
thing? Okay? And there wereopenings in Long Beach. They
could be more that they couldthey could create what they
want, okay? And so I did. Iwent, I mean, I was flying over
there, solet's just pause. There's so
many lessons here, right? Like,you know, sometimes we as
(13:29):
parents, we have an idea of whatwe want our kids to do. Yes, we
try to steer them, but it istheir life we do need to
remember. And I had this problemwith myself when my daughter
was, you know, in her collegeyears, and but it's like
sometimes they have somethingthat they want to do that's in
(13:49):
their heart, and then we have tohonor that, like that's part of
what their purpose is. It wasn'tour message. It wasn't a message
given to us. It's a messagegiven to them personally, and we
have, we should honor that,right? But good thing, you're
able to do what you wanted todo. But how did we get here? So
we know you're a teacher, so youwent to the public health and
that was,well, no, at the time, this is
(14:11):
way back at the time, there wasa school health educator and a
community health educator, okay?
And the school health educator,you get a single subject in
health, and at that time, healtheducators taught health, and you
did it per semester. So everysemester you get new kids.
Okay, now it's infused into thesciences and the PE department.
(14:34):
So that's what I was doing. Andthe minute, the minute I was
LAUSD, and the minute I steppedunder the classroom, it's like
my whole body went he wassupposed to be here. This is
what you spoke. And so I'm theonly teacher in the family, so
that's why my father looked atme like, why and
(14:54):
why? Though? Is it the money?
No, it's because what you said.
Parents. Parents are lookingafter their children, and many
parents feel like I know what'sbest for my child, right? You're
going to change your mind, orthis is not I can see you going
in this direction, but thisreally isn't a direction that
(15:15):
you need to go, and I'm going toguide you where you should be.
And because my mother was ateacher, he couldn't really,
really, really go in thatdirection, and he saw that I was
happy. So it worked out, and Iwas going to do it anyway. So
let's be clear, but that's why,and I, and I truly honor what he
(15:41):
was saying. But this is mycalling. This is i, this is my
calling. And then from there, Ijust started getting, well,
wait, wait, you can get amultiple you can, you can teach
elementary. Okay, how do I dothat? Okay, I'll do that. Wait,
wait, wait, I can do English. Ican do that. I can get us a
(16:03):
single subject English. What doI do that? Well, because of
psycho bio, I had a psychologywhen I'm like, wait, wait, I
can, I can teach psychology.
Okay, so opening up,you have, you have multiple
subjects and the single subject,I have multiple subject, single
subject and health, a singlesubject in psychology and a
single subject in English.
(16:27):
So multi faceted teacher. That'samazing. So we are going to get
a word from our sponsors. We'llbe right back
the rewrite method and therewrite method workbook are your
go to resource for helping kidsto learn to fall in love with
(16:54):
writing. It has the tips, tools,resources, strategies and skill
building activities to help kidsfall out of writing and into
loving to write. Get your bookset today.
(17:22):
We're back. Thank y'all. Okay,so can't keep your kid from your
calling? Well, you could try,but a lot of times you're
unsuccessful, and you knowyou're blocking their happiness,
right? That's one of the thingabout our kids. We have our
kids, but they have their ownmission in the world, right? And
(17:45):
so we have to honor that, right?
So what can you say to parentsand caregivers educators out
there, they're trying to figureout what to do to support our
kids out there, to make surethey have, like, a competitive
advantage? Yeah, inthis day and age, especially
with communication being as itis, the influence of the cell
(18:07):
phone, uh, listen as best youcan to your child. And some of
you out there about to take thatdeep breath, I know, I know, I
know. And look and see what theymy mother used to say, when your
(18:28):
hand turned best is when yourhand turned best and opens up.
This is what you do. This is whoyou are. And so look and see
what they are doing. That's justthat flow, that energy at the
dinner table. We weren'tallowed, well, we didn't have
(18:48):
phones, I mean, back then. Butif you can, and if they can,
turn away from the phone for aminute, ask them about what,
what interests them, you knowwhat? What's your interest? And
listen, but actively listen. Andto actively listen, what I tell
(19:08):
parents is to repeat, not in acontent sending way, but to
repeat saying, Okay, let meunderstand what you just said
and to repeat it so that theyfeel they've been heard. Because
a lot of my students will comeand they didn't hear me. They're
not hearing me. Miss hay, andI'm like, okay, okay, they are.
But sometimes we have our ownagenda, yeah, and we're
(19:31):
listening, but we're waiting forthat moment to to respond back
based on what we know absolutelyand so sometimes you've gotta
roll with it, even if you haveto sit on your hands. So
children need to be heard. Okay,that's the first step.
(19:53):
Okay, so we need to listen. Weneed to try to figure out what
their interests are. Um. Okay,you said that's the first step.
What else?
Second step is get ready fortheir interest to win or become
several or go back and forth.
Okay? And when that happens,then you become the anchor, so
(20:13):
to speak, meaning that ifthey're back and forth, that's
means they're in a series ofconfusion. And what I tell
parents is that you hold thatspace for them to go, okay,
you've got this, this, this,this and this, but which one is
is kind of pushing its wayforward and have that kind of
(20:35):
conversation and then just go,all right. And but also take
into consideration their ages.
So if you're talking aboutsomeone who's in elementary then
you're going, Okay, well,there's a little bit of time
Middle School. They're a littlebit on the energetic side. And
(20:56):
so it's one minute, it's, youknow, I'm okay. Next minute, I'm
I'm not feeling it right now. Soit's that by I teach high
school, and by my seniors,they're in a different kind of
quanji, because they're about tobe young adults, and half of
them are scared to death. Yes.
So change, yeah. Big, bigchange. And with the with the
high schoolers, it's more of,okay, this is the direction you
(21:21):
want to go. So what I tellparents to say, Okay, this is
the direction where you want togo. Comma, what's your plan? Mm,
what's the plan? And then listenand say, I say, Well, can I make
a suggestion? I know forparents, it's that'd be tough.
It's like, wait, I'm gonna askyou. I'm making, I'm making a
suggestion. Sometimes you haveto go there if you want your
(21:45):
child to be part of theconversation. Humble, thyself.
Is this what we're saying? Yeah,if you want your child to be
part of the conversation.
Because if you do that, one up,then it gets put into where they
just shut down. And whatever youwant to say that's what's going
to happen.
Yeah? So they'll maybe even actlike they're listening to you,
(22:06):
but they have shut downinternally,
because now I'm in the I'm inthe son daughter mode, and I'm
just going to wait for you tosay whatever you're going to
say. I'm either going to do itanyway or I'm going to feel
defeated and just decide go withwhatever you just said, and I'm
not going to be happy about it.
Yeah. Okay, so we gotta listento our kids. Ask them what their
(22:28):
plan is. I know a lot of us wantto give them the plan.
Yes, you can hit you can say,Hey, okay, it sounds like you
don't. You're not. Your planisn't established, or is it?
Well, suggestion, have youthought about this? Have you
thought about that? And if, andif they say, Well, yeah, then
you're, there's your opening.
Okay, well, let's look at thisplant. What about and it's,
it's, it's, it's kind of peelingback the layers of onions. And
(22:53):
when you peel it back, sometimesyou don't, you swear that's an
onion, but it's really turnedout to be a pear. It's a It's
not even a veggie or anything.
It's a fruit. Now, yes, so nowwe gotta, we gotta peel that one
back to see what it is. And it'sa process. It's just a process.
So they'regoing through a big shift as
they get older, like, do youhave seniors, students that you
(23:14):
serve and then, but the parentshave to think about how to shift
that relationship, thatconversations, all of that.
And, you know, a lot of parentsthat I speak with are also
concerned that they don't theyreally don't want their child to
go, you know, they can choose acareer or something that keeps
(23:36):
them like right here next drunkand and that fear of letting go,
that's, that's a toughespecially now in our society
where things are very uncertainand a little on the, you know,
crazy side, at least, that's ahard one. That's, and I'm, I'm
(23:56):
not, I'm just putting out therewhat I get in my classroom with
students, and over the yearsthat I've spoke with parents and
students, yeah, and sometimesI've had to, like, be a
mediator. I'm like, Okay, let'sdo some actives. Okay, Mom, did
you hear what did you hear? Whatwhat your child has said, Okay,
child, did you hear what momjust said, yeah, and going back
and forth.
(24:19):
So also, I'm hearing like, youknow, maybe you don't have a Ms.
Haye, but maybe there could besomeone to mediate if they're if
the conversation isn't goingwell, if you can't stop yourself
from dominating theconversation, because you need
to talk to them in a way thatthey are becoming young adults,
(24:39):
right? And to help them formtheir plan, you don't want to
lock yourself out, becausethat's what some of us do. We
will lock ourselves out of ourplan with them, right? And they
really need your guidance. Butif you are being do domineering
or whatever, then you will lockyourself out of the process,
which, of course, can be verydisastrous for the kids,
(25:00):
sometimes, right? Sometimes theyare, you know, self starters,
or, you know, they really knowwhat they want to do and they'll
be fine. But sometimes theywon't. So try to continue to
work with them by humblingyourself and trying to, you
know, just put yourself in aplace where you're listening and
then you are suggesting, butthey are the ones who are making
(25:23):
the ultimate decisions, becauseit is their life, right? And you
gotta let them make their ownmistakes. That's tough. That is
the hard part, because you wantto be that safety net, and you
still can. That's not what I'msaying.
Yeah,however, you cannot build a
house and the platform and thesafety net and everything for
them. Sometimes, sometimesthey'll live in it out of spite.
(25:47):
They'll live in it out ofregret. You know, it could go
sideways. Sometimes it's workedout where it's been okay. But I
hear a lot from because I keepup with a lot of my students who
have since graduated, and I hearif I if I had done it this way,
(26:07):
or, you know, my parents didn'tlet me do this, so now I'm doing
this, or if I had someone totalk to, or, yeah,
yeah, alright, we could reallynegatively impact we don't we
want to give them a competitiveadvantage, and the competitive
advantage is you right? Yougiving them that support, you
(26:28):
being in there in their lives.
But again, if we make a wrongturn, we could, you know,
disadvantage them, because wehave kind of severed the
relationship, or put ourselvesin a way where they don't want
to, really want to listen to us,they're not open to us, because
they are able to shut us out inmany ways, you know,
(26:48):
and and I can if you make thatwrong turn, because sometimes
it's inevitable, yeah, clash,and it's tough for you to go
back and say, Hi. Can we? Can wedo a do over? Can we do? Do we?
Can we talk again? And if, andif it's too emotional, what I
(27:10):
used to tell parents is,designate a time. Look, you're
really emotional about thisright now. I'm just emotional
about this right now. Can wetalk on Monday at, you know, 630
or can we go for a walk onMonday? We don't have to say
anything. Let's just go for awalk and ease back into the
(27:31):
situation or the conversation.
Because do overs are powerful.
They're powerful because theynow know that as humans, we may
class, but we, but we'll getthrough it. There's we're going
to go through this process. It'snot class fail. We're done.
Never going to speak aboutagain. Hurt feelings. Someone's
got to come back and say, Hey,wait. Okay, let's, let's go
(27:54):
back. Let's revisit. And as theadult, yeah, you maybe have to
be the one to to do that, and Ican hear parents go, I don't,
I'm not doing that, or I getthat. Yes, yes, yes, yes, but
we're looking at the goal. Whatis the long term goals to have a
healthy relationship with yourchild and to have your child
(28:15):
fulfill whatever they were meantto do on this planet? Mm, hmm,
absolutely. Okay. Well, arethere any final things that you
want to tell parents oreducators out there who are
trying to give the kids acompetitive advantage?
Yeah, you matter. You matter.
There are days when you don'tthink you do, there are times
(28:39):
when you go, Who is this child?
I'm not sure. In the long run,you matter. And the little
things that you do that you feellike nobody's watching, no one's
listening, they are because I'mthe teacher that hears about it.
And the little things that theyremember, I'm the one that hears
(29:04):
about it. So you matter, youmatter, you matter, you matter.
Remember that, remember that.
Okay, we thank you so much forjoining us today. Thank you for
having me. Yeah, it's beenamazing. Um, so this is a really
wonderful like cherry on top forthe weekend to hear like such
(29:24):
sage advice from you. We'reagain, so honored to have you on
our show. Thank you. Thank youfor having me. Thank you. All
right, and then parents andeducators out there, make sure
you do something today that'sgoing to give your child the
competitive advantage.
Thanks again for supporting thefalling for learning podcast.
(29:46):
New episodes go live everySaturday at 5pm you can watch us
on youtube.com at falling forlearning or listen on all major
podcast at. Ones such as Apple,Google, Audible, Spotify and
much more for more resources,visit, falling in love with
(30:09):
learning.com we reallyappreciate you. Have a wonderful
week. You.
It's Hello. Everybody here isFalling for Learning Podcast.
We're on a location today at TheGathering Spot in Los Angeles,
and I have here Melida. Hay,Hello.
(00:21):
Yes, she is a veteran educator,and today she's going to talk to
you about things that you needto know to make sure you get
that those kids on track withtheir learning. Okay, all right,
let's begin.
Hi. Thank you so much forjoining the following for
learning podcast. We have thispodcast to help parents and
caregivers with having theresources, strategies and tools
(00:43):
needed to make sure that theirchildren are on track for
learning and to stay on trackfor success.
Okay, here we go, everybody.
Hello, hello. How are youfeeling fine? So she was one of
the teachers that I worked within the past when I was located
(01:05):
at a high school. And reallyalways, when we talk to
teachers, and we have them onour podcast, we really talk to
them about really, what makesyou fall in love with learning,
what made you over the years asa little kid, what really made
you fall in love with learning?
as a child, I love to read, andwhen we came to this country, we
(01:29):
were located on a street wherethe library was right across the
street, and they used to havesummer reading programs. And I
used to love how they had theseladders. And if you read a book,
you color one of the wrongpeople ladders, okay? And then
you watch it grow. And then oneday, I don't remember I was in
elementary school, but Iremember I walked in and I
(01:51):
there's the adult side and theChildren's side. And I looked at
the Children's side and I said,I'm going to start here and go
all the way around and readeverything and get to the big
kids side. So I had to be inelementary to call it that, and
I did. So I just love reading.
Alright, okay, so one of thethings we want to take a step
back because we are at TheGathering Spot. And usually I'm
(02:13):
in my dining room. Okay, that'swhere I usually am, guys and and
today we're at The GatheringSpot because we just finished a
writing retreat. We're workingon national board certification,
and so that's something thatwe're doing, like leveling up
ourselves professionally asteachers. And tell us a little
(02:35):
bit about that.
It was exceptional. It wasexceptional as a teacher. It's a
profession where you can beeasily isolated because you're
in your classroom and it's justyou and the kids and what you're
going through. You may be ableto touch on in PDS, but it's not
(02:58):
it's a 30 minute or an hour, andit's back to hustling to
whatever you have to do. Butthis one was, it wasn't about
here's a strategy that you canlearn for or that you can use to
enhance your students growth.
It's here are thoughts or thingsthat we want you to think about.
Here are some ways that you canstop and look at yourself,
(03:21):
reflect on yourself first, yeah,before you start doing what you
automatically do, which isReflect on your kids and ignore
you. And I bonded, and I made alot of I met new friends who
became immediate sisters in thestruggle. Yes, it empowered. For
those of us who are in teaching,burnout is is something we wear,
(03:45):
like clothes. You just wear it.
You burn out and you go, Okay,let's self talk our way back.
We're not through the burnout,but let's keep going so your
legs can move, so you can makeit to the next day to go to
class. And this is where it waslike, Yeah, and I got a chance
to, we all got a chance to justtalk and rediscover our power.
(04:09):
So this retreat gave me my powerback.
Yeah, that's so dope, yeah, andI agree so many great things.
And shout out to The TeachingWell, it's a group of It's an
organization that really talksabout and supports teachers in
healing, right? And so we knowthat we have a lot of parents
(04:31):
and educators who watch thisshow. I mean, it's something,
you know, mental health and selfcare is something that we really
need to be involved in andpractice, and The Teaching Well
is dedicated to that, right?
But, yeah, so we spent some timereally, doing some writing,
doing some self exploration aswell as some positive self talk,
right? Because sometimes when weare pursuing some kind of
(04:55):
professional and. Accolade orsomething like that. Sometimes
we're like, Well, can we do it?
Or we'll be able to do it. Andthen, of course, you know, you
what you say and what youbelieve is true, right? So if
you're telling yourself you cando it or you're not able to do
it, of course it's true, right?
But giving yourself the positiveself talk that you're able to do
(05:15):
it is really going to make adifference in getting you to
that next level. So, yeah, socan you tell us a little bit of
Melida about your so you firstof all, were saying something
about in your country. So canyou tell us more about that?
Because you know, What countryare you originally from, or your
family?
(05:37):
Okay, so the entire family,we're from Panama and then, and
we came to this country becausemy father foresaw that there was
much more opportunity here inthe United States for his
children. And so Panama isgreat. So that's where, but he
(05:58):
was looking at ampleopportunity. So when we came
here, my parents were they bothworked, and then they went to
community college, and theyreceived their AAS, and they
stressed the importance ofeducation to us. So when we were
(06:19):
little, we were, we would say,young men, boy to colegio. We
don't know what that meant, butwe're going to college. And my
parents would go, you're goingto college. See, I'm like, Yes,
we're going to college. Don'tknow what that means, but we're
going, yeah. So that wasingrained when we were little
and our parent, our parents werealways striving for just
(06:45):
excellence in teaching or andbeing a student.
Okay, so tell us about youreducation experience. Obviously,
you you were told you're goingto college. You went to college.
So tell us about your journeyinto like, you know,
well, it's gonna get packet No,just to pack it up a little bit
(07:09):
like I said, I am from Panama,and at the time, bilingual
education isn't as apparent andstructured as It is now. So I'm
one of so I'm dark skinned, byway of African people, let's be
clear. So our what I would tellpeople is that my ancestors
(07:29):
didn't make it to the 13Colonies of the United States.
Instead, they were on anotherboat that went to Cuba, Haiti,
Dominican Republic, Brazil,Jamaica. So that's where I am
from. And so it was hard,because I only spoke Spanish
when I was little, and folksdidn't know what to do with
this. And so my father, who waswell versed in both languages,
(07:52):
wrote a letter to the principaland said, Look, this is my
child. This is what's needed.
This is what I you know. Andthey were very active. My
parents were very active in inthe education of me and my
siblings, excellent, so and, youknow. So we went from there, and
I went to to later, elementary,middle, then high school, and
(08:15):
then I went to UCLA go Bruins,alright, and so what did you
major in? And you know, what wasit like there? You know, a lot
of people talk about cultureshock when people go to college,
yes,yes, yes. It was, well, it was a
culture shock throughout. So bythe time I got to UCLA, the
(08:37):
culture shock wasn't as great,meaning that there was the
American way of living, and thenthe minute I got home, it was
the embassy. There's aPanamanian way of living. So and
people, when I got to UCLA, Iwasn't as prepared as I thought
(08:59):
I should have been. Mm, and thatwas a shock. Okay, so I had to
buckle down and find studycenters tutoring. They didn't
have established tutoring andstudy centers back then. I'm not
a dinosaur, but it was backthen, so I was determined to get
through I majored. I startedmajoring as a biochem because my
(09:23):
uncle was a scientist who workedfor NASA, and I just loved
chemistry and the way thingswork then. But I'm, I'm more of
a people person. Okay, so by thetime I got the P Chem my junior
year, I said, Well, okay, nomore labs I'm done, and I
switched it over into psychobio, so that's psychology and
(09:44):
biology put together, and that'sthat was my major. And but my
mom was a preschool teacher, andso in Westwood, they had a
preschool there, and so I'd walkover to her pre. School, and my
heart would flutter, and Ididn't know what that was, and
it was the calling. That's whatI call it. Ah, it was the
(10:05):
calling, because I would, Iwould play with the kids all
day, and my mom's like, don'tever, don't you have time? What
change your class? And I'm like,yeah, I gotta go, but let me
finish helping him. And so Iimmediately started helping
kids.
Oh my goodness, school. What didyou want to do with the biochem
though?
What was I was going med school?
Okay, okay, pre med, okay. Itook the MCAT and everything. I
(10:27):
was going to pre med, and then Iwas sitting there in class, and
I was, I think I was going tothe MCAT. For those of you don't
know, is that the determinationof your scores for admissions
into medical school, but in anutshell, and I don't know what
they call it now, but um, and itjust hit me, and I said, I don't
want to do this. I'm going to bea teacher. But I couldn't say
(10:50):
that, because my mother would beokay, but my father's like, No,
you're going to be a doctor. SoI didn't tell him. I didn't tell
him until I graduated. Igraduated from UCLA, and then I
(11:12):
was going to go into publichealth.
Okay, wait a minute, so youdidn't tell him, did you change
your classes or anything? No,because
my parents were and they're inheaven now. So I can say this.
My parents were truly vestedimmigrants. They'd say, you
know, Melida, what are youtaking? Biology, math and
(11:36):
English? That's all I'd say.
They'd go, okay, so they weren'twell versed in what classes were
needed. So I could just say,just the the general view of it.
What are you taking? Well, I'mtaking, you know, botany and
math and a science class.
Okay, okay, yeah. So now, yeah,there's a lot of more, like
(11:56):
electronic you can look at it.
You can seeit occur. So I got away with it.
And then when I graduated, I wasgoing to go into public health.
And again, I'm sitting therewith the counselor, and she
said, Congratulations, you justgot accepted to UCLA public
health. I went, yay, okay. Andshe goes, you don't look
excited. And I'm like, Okay,I'll just do it. And she looked
(12:19):
at me, she goes, she put aside.
She goes, what do you reallywant to do? And I said, I want
to teach, but I can't. I mean,I'm, I'm very much into health.
And she goes, Why don't youbecome a health school teacher?
That's all she had to say. Andshe said, there was some
Renegade, renegade PhDs who werein the public health program
(12:43):
with UCLA Renegade. They wererenegade because they took what
they gathered up, left UCLA andwent to Cal State, Long Beach,
the whole open, you know. Andthe majority of them were in the
health sciences. I see. I mean,the ink didn't even dry. I said,
Call him. And they called, and Iwas and I went to, and I did my
(13:06):
my masters at Cal State.
But why did they go to LongBeach? Why they just stay in
becausethey wanted to do their own
thing? Okay? And there wereopenings in Long Beach. They
could be more that they couldthey could create what they
want, okay? And so I did. Iwent, I mean, I was flying over
there, solet's just pause. There's so
many lessons here, right? Like,you know, sometimes we as
(13:29):
parents, we have an idea of whatwe want our kids to do. Yes, we
try to steer them, but it istheir life we do need to
remember. And I had this problemwith myself when my daughter
was, you know, in her collegeyears, and but it's like
sometimes they have somethingthat they want to do that's in
(13:49):
their heart, and then we have tohonor that, like that's part of
what their purpose is. It wasn'tour message. It wasn't a message
given to us. It's a messagegiven to them personally, and we
have, we should honor that,right? But good thing, you're
able to do what you wanted todo. But how did we get here? So
we know you're a teacher, so youwent to the public health and
that was,well, no, at the time, this is
(14:11):
way back at the time, there wasa school health educator and a
community health educator, okay?
And the school health educator,you get a single subject in
health, and at that time, healtheducators taught health, and you
did it per semester. So everysemester you get new kids.
Okay, now it's infused into thesciences and the PE department.
(14:34):
So that's what I was doing. Andthe minute, the minute I was
LAUSD, and the minute I steppedunder the classroom, it's like
my whole body went he wassupposed to be here. This is
what you spoke. And so I'm theonly teacher in the family, so
that's why my father looked atme like, why and
(14:54):
why? Though? Is it the money?
No, it's because what you said.
Parents. Parents are lookingafter their children, and many
parents feel like I know what'sbest for my child, right? You're
going to change your mind, orthis is not I can see you going
in this direction, but thisreally isn't a direction that
(15:15):
you need to go, and I'm going toguide you where you should be.
And because my mother was ateacher, he couldn't really,
really, really go in thatdirection, and he saw that I was
happy. So it worked out, and Iwas going to do it anyway. So
let's be clear, but that's why,and I, and I truly honor what he
(15:41):
was saying. But this is mycalling. This is i, this is my
calling. And then from there, Ijust started getting, well,
wait, wait, you can get amultiple you can, you can teach
elementary. Okay, how do I dothat? Okay, I'll do that. Wait,
wait, wait, I can do English. Ican do that. I can get us a
(16:03):
single subject English. What doI do that? Well, because of
psycho bio, I had a psychologywhen I'm like, wait, wait, I
can, I can teach psychology.
Okay, so opening up,you have, you have multiple
subjects and the single subject,I have multiple subject, single
subject and health, a singlesubject in psychology and a
single subject in English.
(16:27):
So multi faceted teacher. That'samazing. So we are going to get
a word from our sponsors. We'llbe right back
the rewrite method and therewrite method workbook are your
go to resource for helping kidsto learn to fall in love with
(16:54):
writing. It has the tips, tools,resources, strategies and skill
building activities to help kidsfall out of writing and into
loving to write. Get your bookset today.
(17:22):
We're back. Thank y'all. Okay,so can't keep your kid from your
calling? Well, you could try,but a lot of times you're
unsuccessful, and you knowyou're blocking their happiness,
right? That's one of the thingabout our kids. We have our
kids, but they have their ownmission in the world, right? And
(17:45):
so we have to honor that, right?
So what can you say to parentsand caregivers educators out
there, they're trying to figureout what to do to support our
kids out there, to make surethey have, like, a competitive
advantage? Yeah, inthis day and age, especially
with communication being as itis, the influence of the cell
(18:07):
phone, uh, listen as best youcan to your child. And some of
you out there about to take thatdeep breath, I know, I know, I
know. And look and see what theymy mother used to say, when your
(18:28):
hand turned best is when yourhand turned best and opens up.
This is what you do. This is whoyou are. And so look and see
what they are doing. That's justthat flow, that energy at the
dinner table. We weren'tallowed, well, we didn't have
(18:48):
phones, I mean, back then. Butif you can, and if they can,
turn away from the phone for aminute, ask them about what,
what interests them, you knowwhat? What's your interest? And
listen, but actively listen. Andto actively listen, what I tell
(19:08):
parents is to repeat, not in acontent sending way, but to
repeat saying, Okay, let meunderstand what you just said
and to repeat it so that theyfeel they've been heard. Because
a lot of my students will comeand they didn't hear me. They're
not hearing me. Miss hay, andI'm like, okay, okay, they are.
But sometimes we have our ownagenda, yeah, and we're
(19:31):
listening, but we're waiting forthat moment to to respond back
based on what we know absolutelyand so sometimes you've gotta
roll with it, even if you haveto sit on your hands. So
children need to be heard. Okay,that's the first step.
(19:53):
Okay, so we need to listen. Weneed to try to figure out what
their interests are. Um. Okay,you said that's the first step.
What else?
Second step is get ready fortheir interest to win or become
several or go back and forth.
Okay? And when that happens,then you become the anchor, so
(20:13):
to speak, meaning that ifthey're back and forth, that's
means they're in a series ofconfusion. And what I tell
parents is that you hold thatspace for them to go, okay,
you've got this, this, this,this and this, but which one is
is kind of pushing its wayforward and have that kind of
(20:35):
conversation and then just go,all right. And but also take
into consideration their ages.
So if you're talking aboutsomeone who's in elementary then
you're going, Okay, well,there's a little bit of time
Middle School. They're a littlebit on the energetic side. And
(20:56):
so it's one minute, it's, youknow, I'm okay. Next minute, I'm
I'm not feeling it right now. Soit's that by I teach high
school, and by my seniors,they're in a different kind of
quanji, because they're about tobe young adults, and half of
them are scared to death. Yes.
So change, yeah. Big, bigchange. And with the with the
high schoolers, it's more of,okay, this is the direction you
(21:21):
want to go. So what I tellparents to say, Okay, this is
the direction where you want togo. Comma, what's your plan? Mm,
what's the plan? And then listenand say, I say, Well, can I make
a suggestion? I know forparents, it's that'd be tough.
It's like, wait, I'm gonna askyou. I'm making, I'm making a
suggestion. Sometimes you haveto go there if you want your
(21:45):
child to be part of theconversation. Humble, thyself.
Is this what we're saying? Yeah,if you want your child to be
part of the conversation.
Because if you do that, one up,then it gets put into where they
just shut down. And whatever youwant to say that's what's going
to happen.
Yeah? So they'll maybe even actlike they're listening to you,
(22:06):
but they have shut downinternally,
because now I'm in the I'm inthe son daughter mode, and I'm
just going to wait for you tosay whatever you're going to
say. I'm either going to do itanyway or I'm going to feel
defeated and just decide go withwhatever you just said, and I'm
not going to be happy about it.
Yeah. Okay, so we gotta listento our kids. Ask them what their
(22:28):
plan is. I know a lot of us wantto give them the plan.
Yes, you can hit you can say,Hey, okay, it sounds like you
don't. You're not. Your planisn't established, or is it?
Well, suggestion, have youthought about this? Have you
thought about that? And if, andif they say, Well, yeah, then
you're, there's your opening.
Okay, well, let's look at thisplant. What about and it's,
it's, it's, it's kind of peelingback the layers of onions. And
(22:53):
when you peel it back, sometimesyou don't, you swear that's an
onion, but it's really turnedout to be a pear. It's a It's
not even a veggie or anything.
It's a fruit. Now, yes, so nowwe gotta, we gotta peel that one
back to see what it is. And it'sa process. It's just a process.
So they'regoing through a big shift as
they get older, like, do youhave seniors, students that you
(23:14):
serve and then, but the parentshave to think about how to shift
that relationship, thatconversations, all of that.
And, you know, a lot of parentsthat I speak with are also
concerned that they don't theyreally don't want their child to
go, you know, they can choose acareer or something that keeps
(23:36):
them like right here next drunkand and that fear of letting go,
that's, that's a toughespecially now in our society
where things are very uncertainand a little on the, you know,
crazy side, at least, that's ahard one. That's, and I'm, I'm
(23:56):
not, I'm just putting out therewhat I get in my classroom with
students, and over the yearsthat I've spoke with parents and
students, yeah, and sometimesI've had to, like, be a
mediator. I'm like, Okay, let'sdo some actives. Okay, Mom, did
you hear what did you hear? Whatwhat your child has said, Okay,
child, did you hear what momjust said, yeah, and going back
and forth.
(24:19):
So also, I'm hearing like, youknow, maybe you don't have a Ms.
Haye, but maybe there could besomeone to mediate if they're if
the conversation isn't goingwell, if you can't stop yourself
from dominating theconversation, because you need
to talk to them in a way thatthey are becoming young adults,
(24:39):
right? And to help them formtheir plan, you don't want to
lock yourself out, becausethat's what some of us do. We
will lock ourselves out of ourplan with them, right? And they
really need your guidance. Butif you are being do domineering
or whatever, then you will lockyourself out of the process,
which, of course, can be verydisastrous for the kids,
(25:00):
sometimes, right? Sometimes theyare, you know, self starters,
or, you know, they really knowwhat they want to do and they'll
be fine. But sometimes theywon't. So try to continue to
work with them by humblingyourself and trying to, you
know, just put yourself in aplace where you're listening and
then you are suggesting, butthey are the ones who are making
(25:23):
the ultimate decisions, becauseit is their life, right? And you
gotta let them make their ownmistakes. That's tough. That is
the hard part, because you wantto be that safety net, and you
still can. That's not what I'msaying.
Yeah,however, you cannot build a
house and the platform and thesafety net and everything for
them. Sometimes, sometimesthey'll live in it out of spite.
(25:47):
They'll live in it out ofregret. You know, it could go
sideways. Sometimes it's workedout where it's been okay. But I
hear a lot from because I keepup with a lot of my students who
have since graduated, and I hearif I if I had done it this way,
(26:07):
or, you know, my parents didn'tlet me do this, so now I'm doing
this, or if I had someone totalk to, or, yeah,
yeah, alright, we could reallynegatively impact we don't we
want to give them a competitiveadvantage, and the competitive
advantage is you right? Yougiving them that support, you
(26:28):
being in there in their lives.
But again, if we make a wrongturn, we could, you know,
disadvantage them, because wehave kind of severed the
relationship, or put ourselvesin a way where they don't want
to, really want to listen to us,they're not open to us, because
they are able to shut us out inmany ways, you know,
(26:48):
and and I can if you make thatwrong turn, because sometimes
it's inevitable, yeah, clash,and it's tough for you to go
back and say, Hi. Can we? Can wedo a do over? Can we do? Do we?
Can we talk again? And if, andif it's too emotional, what I
(27:10):
used to tell parents is,designate a time. Look, you're
really emotional about thisright now. I'm just emotional
about this right now. Can wetalk on Monday at, you know, 630
or can we go for a walk onMonday? We don't have to say
anything. Let's just go for awalk and ease back into the
(27:31):
situation or the conversation.
Because do overs are powerful.
They're powerful because theynow know that as humans, we may
class, but we, but we'll getthrough it. There's we're going
to go through this process. It'snot class fail. We're done.
Never going to speak aboutagain. Hurt feelings. Someone's
got to come back and say, Hey,wait. Okay, let's, let's go
(27:54):
back. Let's revisit. And as theadult, yeah, you maybe have to
be the one to to do that, and Ican hear parents go, I don't,
I'm not doing that, or I getthat. Yes, yes, yes, yes, but
we're looking at the goal. Whatis the long term goals to have a
healthy relationship with yourchild and to have your child
(28:15):
fulfill whatever they were meantto do on this planet? Mm, hmm,
absolutely. Okay. Well, arethere any final things that you
want to tell parents oreducators out there who are
trying to give the kids acompetitive advantage?
Yeah, you matter. You matter.
There are days when you don'tthink you do, there are times
(28:39):
when you go, Who is this child?
I'm not sure. In the long run,you matter. And the little
things that you do that you feellike nobody's watching, no one's
listening, they are because I'mthe teacher that hears about it.
And the little things that theyremember, I'm the one that hears
(29:04):
about it. So you matter, youmatter, you matter, you matter.
Remember that, remember that.
Okay, we thank you so much forjoining us today. Thank you for
having me. Yeah, it's beenamazing. Um, so this is a really
wonderful like cherry on top forthe weekend to hear like such
(29:24):
sage advice from you. We'reagain, so honored to have you on
our show. Thank you. Thank youfor having me. Thank you. All
right, and then parents andeducators out there, make sure
you do something today that'sgoing to give your child the
competitive advantage.
Thanks again for supporting thefalling for learning podcast.
(29:46):
New episodes go live everySaturday at 5pm you can watch us
on youtube.com at falling forlearning or listen on all major
podcast at. Ones such as Apple,Google, Audible, Spotify and
much more for more resources,visit, falling in love with
(30:09):
learning.com we reallyappreciate you. Have a wonderful
week. You.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com