December 9, 2025 • 41 mins
What do you do when a DNA test proves that everything you believed about your race, your ancestry, and your family history is not true, and at the same time the world becomes more dangerous for the people you have just learned you belong to?
That is the question at the center of Kara’s story. Kara grew up believing she was African-American, with a family history rooted in ancestors who had been enslaved in Texas. When she asked her father to take a DNA test so she could plan a "Finding Your Roots" style trip to Africa, the results were overwhelming and life-changing. Her test showed zero African DNA and fifty percent Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry.
Kara is the founder of Right to Know, a national nonprofit dedicated to advocating for adoptees, donor-conceived people, and NPEs who want access to their origins. Even with years of advocacy behind her, nothing prepared her for the identity shock of becoming part of a Jewish community during one of the most turbulent periods for Jewish people worldwide.
Her youngest son, Nico, shares his own perspective. He accompanied Kara through Jewish spaces, Jewish summer camp, and eventually a semester abroad in Israel. That trip became far more than cultural exploration. Nico was in Israel when Iran began launching missiles. His story includes middle-of-the-night sirens, running to bomb shelters, sleeping underground, and eventually being evacuated on a cruise ship escorted by the Israeli Navy to Cyprus.
This episode brings together personal identity, world events, and the difficult reality of building a new sense of self in a time of public hostility and fear.
What We Explore in This Episode
- How a DNA test overturned Kara’s lifelong understanding of her race and ancestry
- Why DNA surprises around race have a unique emotional impact
- How Kara’s father responded with deep love and support
- Kara’s founding of Right to Know and her commitment to identity rights
- The challenges of entering Jewish spaces during a time of rising antisemitism
- Nico’s path from temple to Jewish summer camp to a semester in Israel
- What it feels like to live with missile alerts as part of daily life
- Sleeping in bomb shelters and learning how quickly danger becomes normal
- The Navy escorted the evacuation to Cyprus and the global attention on Iran’s missile strikes
- How Israeli culture reshapes a person’s understanding of joy, resilience, and living in the moment
- The creation of new December traditions for a family with multiple layers of identity
- The music that helped both Kara and Nico stay grounded
Why This Episode Matters
This story is unfolding during a time when antisemitism is rising, when political tensions around Israel are impossible to ignore, and when DNA tests continue to reveal hidden ancestries that launch people into unexpected communities. Kara and Nico’s story sits right at the crossroads of these issues, which is why it feels urgent, honest, and timely.
Perfect For Listeners Who Are
- Navigating a DNA surprise that shifted their identity
- Learning they have Jewish ancestry
- Feeling imposter syndrome in cultural or religious spaces
- Trying to explain DNA surprises to their children
- Interested in real-world experiences inside Israel during the Iran missile attacks
- Part of the adoption, donor-conceived, or NPE communities
- Drawn to stories where family secrets collide with global events
If this episode speaks to you, share it with someone who is working through their own identity twist.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Corey (00:00):
Welcome back to Family Twist.
It's Corey, and today we'rediving into a story that sits
right where a lot of bigconversations meet.
DNA surprises, identity, race,religion, and a moment in
history when anti-Semitism isn'twhispered or coded.
It's loud, public, and a lot ofour listeners are walking
(00:21):
through their days with thatreality right over their
shoulder.
One of our guests, Kara, issomeone you've heard before, and
her story has only grown incomplexity.
She is the founder of Right toKnow, the global nonprofit
advocating for adoptees,donor-conceived people, and MPEs
to have full access to theirorigins.
Kara grew up believing she wasAfrican American, with family
(00:43):
lore rooted in ancestors whowere enslaved in Texas.
But when she took a DNA testthat she could plan a finding
your roots style Africa trip,the results flipped her entire
self-understanding.
Zero African DNA.
50% Ashkenazi Jewish.
That discovery didn't justshift her identity, it dropped
her into Jewish spaces rightwhen anti-Semitic threats and
(01:05):
attacks were spiking around theworld.
Suddenly she's trying to figureout how to live between the
life she knew and the life herDNA introduced her to.
And she's asking the kinds ofquestions that a lot of people
with new Jewish heritage wrestlewith right now.
How do I claim this identitywhen being Jewish in public has
become a risk?
How do I move toward acommunity that feels both
familiar and brand new?
(01:27):
And because these stories neverunfold in a neat, well-behaved
art, Kara wasn't walking throughthis alone.
She was raising three boysthrough all of this.
One of them, Nika, is here withus today.
Nico has been beside her atTemple, attended Jewish summer
camp, and they're learning whatit means to be part of a
community they didn't knowbelonged to them.
Then Nico took a semesterabroad in Israel, and years
(01:48):
where the story becomes evenmore urgent.
Niko was in Israel when Iranlaunched missiles.
Middle of the night sirens,bomb shelters, sleeping
underground, and eventuallyboarding a cruise ship escorted
by the Israeli Navy to Cyprus.
This is not a theoreticalconversation for Nico.
In this episode, you'll hearKara talking about telling her
dying father the truth, andhearing him say the words that
(02:10):
changed everything.
You have a right to know whoyour people are.
You'll hear what it felt liketo walk into a synagogue for the
first time as an adult and lookaround and think, I finally
look like the people in thisroom.
And you'll hear Nico talk aboutwhat it's like to normalize
danger as a teenager, how fastyou learn to respond to missile
sirens, and how facing that kindof fear changes the way you
(02:31):
understand your own life.
If your own DNA surprise hasshaken how you understand your
race, your religion, yourculture, your family, or even
the stories you were raised on.
Or if you're trying tounderstand what it means to be
Jewish right now, this episodeis especially for you.
Alright, let's get into ourconversation with Kara and Nico.
Kara (02:51):
So I'm Kara, and in 2018 I had a DNA surprise.
I had asked my dad to do anancestry DNA test because I
wanted to know where in Africawe came from.
We had traced our ancestorsback to three slave brothers who
were sold in Texas.
But I wanted to take my sons ona finding your roots tour in
Africa.
(03:12):
And so I wanted to know where.
And my dad was a littlereluctant.
He was like, Oh, you know what?
They've done to our people,baby.
That's not a good idea.
But I convinced him, neither ofus felt anything weird about
doing it, only that we thoughtmaybe our information might be
exploited.
Which now I think back on it,it's kind of ironic after the
23andMe uh hijacking Jewish DNA.
(03:35):
So I did the test, I got myresults back, and my pie chart
showed me 50% something.
I thought I was half black, sothis made sense in my weird
brain for about three secondsuntil I realized there's no such
thing as being half black withDNA.
So I read what it said, and itsaid Ashkenazi, and I had no
idea what that word meant.
(03:55):
And it sent me down a road offeeling totally turned upside
down, not understanding who Iwas anymore, trying to rebuild a
sense of self with pieces thatI didn't understand.
And it's been a long, long roadfor me.
I will say, for people whodon't know, Ashkenazi is
(04:18):
Ashkenazi Jewish, EasternEuropean.
So it turns out I'm I'm 50%Jewish, and I have zero African
DNA.
Even my husband, who's likeEnglish and Scottish, he has
like 1% African DNA.
So it was really a slap in theface for me.
Corey (04:35):
Yeah, Kendall has 1.8%.
No, I have three.
Three, okay.
Kara (04:39):
And sometimes people say, Well, didn't you look in the
mirror?
How could you not tell?
But we believe the stories thatour parents tell us, and I was
just dark enough to pass, andjust not white enough for my
mom's family to be like, Yeah,you got some color in you from
somewhere.
Corey (04:56):
So and how long ago was that?
How many years?
Kara (04:58):
2018.
Corey (05:00):
Okay, all right.
So Nico, you would have beenlike what, 12 or something?
Nico (05:05):
I would have been eight years ago, so I'd be nine.
Corey (05:08):
So, Cara, how do you explain to your children that oh
remember when we thought wewere people of color in part
Africa?
Kara (05:16):
Yeah, well, you know, I mean it's a huge thing.
I I know for people with a DNAsurprise to navigate, what do we
tell our kids?
Do we tell our kids?
I wasn't gonna tell my dad atfirst because my raising dad,
because he was dying at thetime, and I didn't want to bring
extra stress on him, but I knowI have the worst poker face,
and I I just every time I sawhim, I for like a month, like it
(05:39):
was around the holidays, and Iwas right after the holidays,
and he was singing a ChristmasCarol, and he's so out of tune,
and I was like, I sing horriblylike wait, not like you anymore.
What you know, like I justcouldn't, I was choking on my
words, so I decided to tell him.
And then because I was cryingall the time, I was distracted,
(06:00):
I was not mentally available forthe family.
My husband and I just felt itwas necessary to tell our three
children.
Nico was the youngest, theoldest is six years older than
him, and you know, we experiencethings as a family together.
I also felt that this I don'thave the feeling that it was a
secret held for me.
I really think my mom justdidn't know who she thought her
(06:21):
husband was was the was my dad.
It was a secret in somefashion, and I I didn't want my
children to have to experiencethat sense of secrecy as well.
So we did tell them.
I don't think it was that bigof a deal, though.
It wasn't like a sit-downMeryl.
Nico (06:37):
I didn't I I don't even remember how it happened because
it like yeah, it wasn't likeyou sat like I think you were
like because you already sit usdown every once in a while for
like this family just assured,right?
This is what's going on.
Yeah.
So we were like, hey, can youcome?
Did everyone come out to thecouch and sit down?
And yeah.
Then you were like, yeah, thatgrandpa is not biological.
Kara (06:56):
Yeah, but grandpa's still grandpa.
Corey (06:59):
Right.
And we have grandpa to thankfor the right to know the name
of the organization.
Kara (07:05):
Right, right.
Because he would every time Iwould go see him, he would be
like, baby, you have a right toknow who you're who you're who
your what your history is andwho your relatives are.
He was my he was the bestsupport that I had at the time.
You know, but it it's aninteresting thing for the kids.
You know, I grew upexperiencing racism in a
different way than I thinkpeople who don't have art mixed,
(07:26):
even though I technicallywasn't, I still thought I was.
And the boys experienced thatbefore Nico was born.
My dad was taking the kids tothe mall, and like the mall cop
followed them around because hewas this black man with these
two little white boys.
And you know, did you take themor is there an issue here?
And that stuff is subtle, butthey grew up with it.
Corey (07:45):
What was the process like of starting to embrace the
Jewish side of your ancestry?
Kara (07:51):
After I it took about five months to identify who my
family was, even though surpriseyou're Jewish, you have 38,000
relatives, they're all prettydistant.
I think now I have like 60,000or something.
Wow.
Thank you, endogamy.
So my family did not wantcontact, really.
And my husband knows how muchmy ancestry, my history is
(08:14):
important to me.
I think it is to a lot ofpeople subtly who have a DNA
surprise.
They're the ones building thetrees, you know.
And so he said, Hey, let's golearn about what it means to be
Jewish together.
So he signed us up for thisintro to Judaism class.
It was like a 12-week class,and we went together, so I
wouldn't have to go by myselffor a few months once a week.
(08:34):
And as we were sitting in theclass, he'd be like, This is
totally you.
So just a lot of thephilosophy, how I've raised my
kids, the morals, and theideals.
Just frankly, Christianity hasnever set well with me
personally.
And it's amazing how much youdon't realize it till you look
at.
I mean, I've studied differentreligions, but Christianity
really permeates Americansociety in ways that are
(08:56):
subconscious.
And in the intro to Judaismclass, I felt more and more of a
connection to the informationand the things that we were
learning about.
Kendall (09:06):
I think it's really interesting just because you
came to it not as a child.
So I think it's wonderful thatthings felt natural.
Kara (09:15):
It was definitely a natural space for me.
Incidentally, it was the templethat my genetic father went to,
and a lot of my family wasthere, so it was a little bit of
an uncomfortable space.
So my extended family.
I went searching, they call itshul shopping.
I was searching for a place,and I went on this Jewish
women's retreat, and they werelike, Oh, you have to come to
(09:37):
the temple Bene Torah inSeattle, but wait till we get a
new rabbi because she's gonna beamazing.
The one now sucks.
So I went on the first day, sothis was the second time I'd
been in temple.
The first time I met anotherwoman who'd had a DNA surprise
in the area, and she was Jewish,and she's like, Come to temple
(09:57):
with me so you can see what it'slike.
And I was like, Okay.
And it was like right after theTree of Life shootings, and so
it was quite an experience.
But one of the things thatstruck me even then, you know,
this is a solemn thing, iseveryone's in the corners
talking, like the rabbistalking, but everybody in the
back is talking.
Like, have you been?
I don't know, I went to BlackBaptist church and people talk
(10:20):
sung, but in most churches,you're quiet while the
preacher's talking.
So there's a lot of subtledifferences, and it just I
barely heard what they weresaying because I was looking
around the room and I'm like, ohmy gosh, I look like these
people.
Because I had really never beenin a space where I looked like
other people.
Corey (10:37):
And this is at a time when all of a sudden
anti-Semitism is loud and proudand well, all over the world,
but I mean it's just you knowsuper okay to say whatever you
want because of you know who.
Kendall (10:48):
Oh, you can say the asshole's names.
Kara (10:51):
Well, I'll go back to the the temple.
So when I went by myself forthe first time, I sat in the
back because I was I sat in theparking lot for like 15 minutes
because I was a little nervousto go in by myself.
And when I finally got up thethe balls to go inside, I sat in
the back and she does a lot inHebrew, and I had heard it
before.
I felt it like it was one ofthose experiences that I don't
(11:11):
think you can explain, andpeople who think such things are
hokey or not true wouldn'tunderstand.
But if you've ever had anexperience like that where you
felt something before, whereyou've known that thing before,
even though it's the first timeyou're you're getting it now.
That was me then.
And I just cried in the back ofthe temple.
Wow.
To answer your question, Corey,I did just get my first nasty
(11:33):
anti-Semitic text to me fromFacebook.
So, yes, we are definitely in aspace.
It's hard for me to navigateanyway because I have so many
years of live experience ofbeing a person of color, and you
know, navigating that space isalso a minefield, too.
Corey (11:49):
But that's why I was very curious about how you
transition your spirituality andeverything else.
It's just because we haven'treally had a conversation like
that on the podcast yet.
Kara (11:58):
You know, the imposter syndrome is real for us.
And it's you're an imposter inso many different aspects of
your life because you have yourold family, and in a way, you
kind of feel like an imposterthere too, because like you're
not related to them anymore.
And yes, they're your family,but there's just still this
weirdness, and you have tomanage and grapple with that.
(12:20):
And then you're an imposter inyour new family if you're in
there with them.
I don't have that experiencemyself, but I've heard it so
many times where it's like Ididn't go to Christmas every
year with them or Hanukkah orwhatever it is, and we didn't go
to the Blake or whatever thefamily traditions are.
And so I think it's the samething with a new ethnicity or a
new religion in my way.
(12:40):
I mean, I'm definitely notreligious.
My mom was anti-religious, andI'm not sure I would call myself
religious now.
Being Jewish is like the mostcomplicated question.
Is it DNA?
Is it culture?
Is it religion?
You know, there's all thesethings.
But for all of these feelingsof being an impostor, you have
to do the work, meaning you haveto start to build experiences
(13:02):
to start to alleviate some ofthat sense of being an imposter.
And, you know, I've been doingthis now in the Jewish space for
five years, and I'm I'm justnow starting to feel
comfortable.
I have some lived experience togo along with it.
I still sometimes feel like animposter, but it's there.
So, what does my livedexperience look like?
It's going to events, drag Nicoalong with me sometimes.
(13:26):
I went to Israel twice.
It's trying to build thoseexperiences, cooking foods that
are Jewish.
Kendall (13:33):
I think that's great.
I mean, you made me think aboutI remember being like seven or
eight, and we always went andvisited my adoptive father's
sister.
And I loved being, you know,around the family, but I
remember they didn't know a lotof their own history.
But what little pieces thatthey would talk about, I
(13:55):
remember being so excited and sointerested.
And at the ends of theconversations, they'd be like,
Yeah, but that's not reallymine.
You know what I mean?
Like it was it was like, Yeah,well, you you guys had some cool
stuff going on, and I don'treally, you know what I mean?
Like I felt part of it, butthen I felt like I was viewing
from the outside someone else'sstory, exactly.
(14:16):
And then, you know, so when Ireally found my biological
family and my sit down with myGod loving, my brother, my
half-brother, that's has so muchhistory, you know, about our
family.
It was just fantastic.
I wept, you know, it was justamazing it's just over silly.
(14:36):
Like, like ourgreat-grandmother, he'd say one
little thing about her, and I'djust be like, Oh my god, it was
just hilarious because it waslike, it's really not that big a
deal.
I'm like, it is like it is.
I didn't, I knew nothing, youknow.
Kara (14:50):
But it's the little things that matter, exactly.
So it's a process, I mean uhdaily.
Corey (14:59):
So, Nico, your mom was talking to the other board
members earlier this year andsharing information about your
trip together, and we were allkind of excited, and we were
watching on Facebook, and atfirst it seemed like a wonderful
adventure.
But can you kind of go to thebeginning of the trip and just
talk us through?
Kara (15:16):
Well, I will say, because Nico was so young, Nico's been
going to more things with methan any of my other kids.
One of the biggest things aboutJewish identity is summer camp.
Nico (15:25):
One of the things that just I was you know nine when it
first happened, and so I wasthe one who got dragged
everywhere.
And so when I first went totemple, it was a very new
experience.
I've been to Christian churchesand I researched on my own into
Hinduism and Buddhism, but I'dnever really researched into
Judaism.
And so it was a really newexperience, as my mother said
(15:48):
about like the talking where therabbis talk, you have
conversations and use dust evenwhile the rabbis talking.
So that was very new, it was avery new thing.
And while I was there, I'veheard from a couple of the other
kids, I think my mom also heardit from a couple of other
parents told us camp hope, youhave talent.
And it was very uh yeah, it's aJewish camp.
So my mom was like, I think youshould know, I think you should
(16:11):
get some more experience withthis, or I think it'd be fun.
I thought kids out in the samething, you know, this it sounds
really fun.
And so going there, it builtthis sort of a Judaism of our
mind not to actually experiencewhat it would be like in, say,
Israel, or what it would be liketo be super part of the
culture, because we were justbeing introduced to it.
(16:32):
The trip to Israel was a veryfun experience.
It was a journey.
My mom had like a year beforethe trip, I think we should like
help have you go to Israel.
And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'msure.
It'll probably never happen,but I think that'd be a really
cool experience.
And then eventually, I waslike, We have this chance to do
it, you know, might as well.
(16:53):
And I'm and I was like,alright, perfect.
So we started prepared and weand we went, and it was sort of
it felt kind of novel because itwas a very long plane ride.
So during that time, I waswondering, like, what is Israel
going to be like?
Because I've had that sort ofbrief introduction between being
adrenaline or my mother andgoing to the Jewish soccer camp.
And so I had a briefintroduction, but I was like, I
(17:14):
wonder what an entire statewould be like, because you know
it's and we live in WashingtonState, and it's super green
here.
It's incredibly green, and Ilove it.
So and Israel is not it'sthere's some green parts, but
it's very, very tand.
Very sandy.
Kara (17:33):
So Nika was in a half a semester study abroad trip at
Alexander Musk High School inIsrael.
And so I went there for a newenvironment, you know, and
basically going to Israel waslike sort of a sideboard hey, I
did still go to a new countryand it was a new environment, so
I I got to go to a new countryand I got to learn about your
(17:54):
like history ads.
So it was a very nice it waslike so many benefits bad to go
on.
So I flew there with him to drophim off, and I have a friend
there and that I I can staywith.
And Marcus, my husband, cameover after about a week after
Nico and I were there.
So we got our first bombshelter warning that first night
(18:16):
Marcus was there at like 4 a.m.
or 5 a.m.
Nico (18:20):
Yeah, I remember like waking up and falling off the
couch, being right, what's goingon?
Kara (18:26):
It's something like again, you know, it's hard to describe
a DNA surprise to other peoplewho haven't had them.
Trying experiencing that bombsiren, the rush that goes
through your head, your heart'sbeating.
Nico (18:38):
You're like, where did I put my shoes?
You go out the door, one shoeon, one shoe half off, and your
PDA is like, where are we going?
Uh where's the dear shelter?
It's a very rush and it's avery different experience.
Kara (18:51):
So our bomb shelter where we were staying was just across
the street.
But with the first time we gotthere, you know, even the person
we were with looks down and hehas two left shoes on.
Just one of those things.
I never felt unsafe though, didyou?
No.
Yeah.
And it became kind of your newnormal.
Nico (19:06):
Yeah, because it would happen often enough that it's
just a new normal.
Like it's like when you wake upand make coffee.
It's just a fact of life.
Or if it's raining today, it'slike strikes everyone.
That's normal.
Kara (19:18):
For me, I left Nico and went to Poland with my middle
son, and we were there for acouple of days, and all these
sirens went off.
And I had froze just for asecond.
I had already had that kind ofpop-up experience, thinking,
okay, where's the shelter?
I was like, wait a minute,you're not in that space
anymore.
I can't imagine for Israeliswhat it's like for the stress
levels and everything else overthe past few years.
Corey (19:41):
Can you kind of talk a little bit about what it was
like beyond just oh, the sirensgoing off, let's get to the
shelter, to where it turned intolike obviously it was the top
news story around the globe.
Nico (19:54):
Originally, because for the first two weeks I lived with
my mom and her friend in TelAviv.
And you know, you don't reallysee the missiles.
You hear the sirens, so you goto the water shelter, but you
don't see the missiles.
And then I moved to this smallcampus north of Tel Aviv.
I lived in a room with fourother people with this tiny
room.
So it was bark beds and youknow tight space.
(20:17):
And then, you know, the stuffhit the fan, and it got a lot
worse.
And I remember one of thematches originally it'd be like
a siren, you know, a day, maybea couple of days.
It's you know, it's not supercommon.
And then it started to be youget like three, four sirens a
night.
And I remember I got hotoutside.
(20:38):
I was away from I was away froma shelter one night, and so I
was a bit late to the end.
I looked up, and the entire skywas like being illuminated with
explosions, and you can feellike the booms.
So it was a very it was a verynew, like new experience being
(20:59):
there and seeing all thoseexplosions of them real as I'm
running to the shelter andknowing what any one of those
could hit, you know, where I amthere.
So it was a very new dangerousresponse.
Kara (21:14):
Yeah, and to put a little context, I mean, Nico was
scheduled to come home the dayafter the bombings from Iran
started.
And of course, once thatstarted, all flights were
canceled.
Corey (21:26):
Were you able to communicate at all?
Nico (21:28):
I had my phone on me.
I was able to communicate withpeople, I was able to talk, but
the time difference is so bigthat it's a bit hard to yeah.
Like I was able to communicate.
I remember after I think thesecond night after the barns
from Iran started, when westarted sleeping in the shelter,
just because it was so oftenthat the sirens were in that we
(21:49):
were like, we need to be able tosleep.
So we slept in there.
I remember messaging some of myfriends at like being like,
Alright, this is enough.
We started sleeping in theshelter.
It started to get a lot worse.
Just outside the shelter, therewas a music room.
So every once in a while wewould go out there and play
guitar and play piano.
(22:09):
It was very interesting to gofrom playing the piano hearing
the sirens and move one roomover to the shelter.
Kara (22:16):
The scary part is the lack of information.
I mean, you don't know whenyour son's gonna leave.
Some parents chose to extricatetheir child privately with
private sort of security teams.
Thank you.
The high school did a great jobof trying to find a way for him
out.
You know, there's a windowwhere planes were released, you
(22:37):
just didn't know, and you're notsure when Iran's gonna stop, if
it's gonna escalate more.
And then it did because thenthe US got involved, and you're
like, is that gonna escalateeven more?
Nico (22:47):
I remember they would constantly be like, oh, you're
not on planes.
Oh, he might go on this boat.
Oh no, we canceled that.
You're not gonna drive to adifferent country and then
you're on a plane, right?
It's like, oh, we had to cancelthat.
And so it was this constantback and forth of being like,
oh, we found this new way, andthen being sort of cut off
because of it's too dangerous.
And so it was on and off for acouple weeks, and then we woke
(23:10):
up one day at like five, beinglike, hey, you're heading to the
planes, and then 30 minutes ofthe past getting ready, and
they're like, no, no, we'regoing to the boat.
Kara (23:19):
So birthright Israel, everyone who's of Jewish descent
has the option to take a tripto Israel.
Birthright Israel had, I think,3,000 uh young people, not
under 18, in Israel.
And so they chartered a cruiseship and brought a lot of the
kids from Tel Aviv to Cyprus.
So they did that once, and theywere gonna do it again.
(23:42):
And so that was that was thealternative.
But they were taking their kidsout first, their young people
first.
unknown (23:51):
Yeah.
Kara (23:51):
So didn't you guys like have to wait?
Nico (23:54):
I don't know.
Just just when we got there, wewere some of the only people in
the line to get on the cruiseship.
I think some of the people'scards didn't work, and then our
card, we opened it up, and theguy was in the room.
We were like, What?
And he was a very nice guy, hewas super nice, and he was like,
I don't know, I was just givingthis room, and and this is it.
And so we had to do it out inthe desk behind one story on.
(24:14):
So it was it was a crowdedship.
Kara (24:17):
And they were accompanied by the Israeli Navy, and then
Nico got a vacation in Cyprusbecause a lot of people had fled
Tel Aviv to Cyprus, and sogetting a flight out of Cyprus
was really hard.
Corey (24:27):
Oh, yeah.
And just thinking about likethe alternatives, not that you
had much of a choice, but likegetting on an airplane while
there are missiles.
I'll do the boat.
Kara (24:36):
I visited Israel before, and the only time when Nico and
I went together that I wasnervous was when we were
landing, and then when I tookoff for Poland, because right
before I had taken off forPoland, one of the missiles had
gotten through and struck rightnext to the airport.
Corey (24:51):
Oh my gosh.
Kara (24:52):
So it is nerve-wracking.
Corey (24:55):
And probably not your uh a joyous, like you know,
carnival cruise.
Nico (25:00):
It was an overtaxed cruise with sugary bore.
And so it was a very kind ofboring cruise.
No one feels super up to doanything because they just got
like Israel.
Kara (25:12):
First cruise ship was a party.
You know, everyone was soexcited to be leaving that all
of these 20-somethings letloose, right?
So when they stuck these kidswho were all under 18, they had
some pretty strict rules forthem.
So for Nico's experience, itwas very boring.
But a lot of the kids on there,you have all this pent-up
(25:33):
anxiety that gets released.
Yeah.
And so there was some, it was alittle bit of a party ship for
some of the older kids.
Corey (25:40):
Yeah, no, honestly.
I'm hoping to go to Cyprus nextyear because our cousins live
there now, and the photos thatwe've seen just look absolutely
amazing.
Nico (25:48):
It's a very beautiful place.
I was unable to the resort areawe're not supposed to leave it,
which is like you know, a smallstructure of a beach, a
swerving pool.
It's not it's not that much.
We were supposed to leave it.
Sometimes we do that anyway.
Kara (26:02):
Yeah, he didn't get to see anything, unfortunately.
He needs to go back to have areal Cyprus experience.
I we were living in Moscow, andso we took a vacation from
Moscow to Cyprus a long, a longtime ago.
It's a beautiful place tovisit.
Corey (26:15):
So when you're in that situation and you know, in the
bomb shelter and stuff likethat, are you able to like
reflect at all?
Like, what does it take whenyou get to Cyprus or even back
to the US?
Like, oh, I could have beenkilled.
Nico (26:25):
Yeah, well, well, how I see it is there are so many ways
to die.
Everywhere you go, a treewretch could fall down or hit
you in the head.
Like you're when you're drivingyour car, your car could crash.
So for me, personally, I feellike I'm an outlier of this
because I noticed with a coupleof the other gins, they felt
like they visibly untensed assoon as they got out of Israel.
(26:47):
And when they were like sittingin the bomb shelters, and you
could see that they were gettingtents.
For me, I just mean it asanother way of dying that
there's so many in the world.
Yeah, and if if somethinghappens, like, oh yeah, I could
have died, but I could havedied, you know, on the plane
from the plane crash, or I couldhave died on the, you know, on
the car, I couldn't have diedand walked into the walked into
(27:10):
the place.
So yeah, yeah, it has apresence in your in your mind,
in your heart, but to mepersonally, it was sort of like
yeah, it's a just to have thetop of life.
Kara (27:20):
So Nico's group had been there for a couple of months,
experiencing the, you know,twice a week bomb sirens.
And then this group fromArizona came and they were just
supposed to be there for twoweeks or so.
Oh.
They got there like three daysbefore Ren bombed.
And so they hadn't, I hate touse this word, but they hadn't
acclimated to the bombing.
So it was very interesting towatch the reaction from the
(27:44):
group that had been there for afew months, a couple months, and
then this group that'd justbeen there for a few days.
Nico (27:49):
I think they experienced it much more intensely than
Yeah, they started freaking outand panicking a lot.
You can see it over the courseof a couple days as they started
getting more and more likereally winding up, because like
the first time they were at thebomb shelter, it was like uh
panic, so they had to run.
And so they just they weren'taccustomed to it as we were,
(28:13):
because it would be defrost hadjust become normal.
It was that it was very new,and because uh the run with
Bobbery it was a lot worse thanwe first started.
Kendall (28:21):
I think I would have been incontinent a lot.
I think my anxiety level wouldhave been really hot.
Kara (28:28):
Yeah, Nico and I have talked about this.
I mean, as a an adult, youknow, I'm in my I'm 51, like
mortality is a little bitcloser.
Kendall (28:35):
Um I'm less aware of mortality.
I respect your approach though.
Corey (28:40):
I think that was very L.
How has that experience alteredyour perception of what life is
like for people living inIsrael?
Nico (28:47):
I think subconsciously, when you think about other
places in the world, you kind ofassume it's somewhere similar
to how you live, because you youyou take off the basis of what
you do now.
And so being there, having thisnew thing that you have to
constantly worry about, you haveto be like, oh our cookie
dinner, sour goes off, afterrun, you know, set everything
down.
So when going there, it's sortof subconsciously assumed it'd
(29:11):
be like how I live here inWashington.
Whereas when I went there, theculture is so different because
of the bombings.
Kara (29:19):
They have a lot more of a zest for life in a way, because
when death is constantly I thinkthat's where you're going.
When death is constantly there,I mean the Israeli zest for
life is so present.
And I think that that'spartially I mean, you know,
Israel's surrounded by countriesthat have pledged their
annihilation, so they've alwayshad that experience of living in
(29:40):
danger.
Nico (29:40):
Yeah, very pushed on their living in the moment and go out
and do something, right?
Like go on, have fun.
So living like going there andbeing like, oh, this is such a
big new worry that you have toworry about, it really puts a
lot of into perspective.
Like, oh, this is what peoplehave to deal with.
And because of them dealing itwith it, their culture has
(30:02):
become so like rich with livingin the moment and and being go
out there and live life.
Kara (30:08):
I mean, I feel grateful that Nico was there.
His whole trip had basicallyended by the time Iran started
bombing because he was able, Imean, half of his time there,
they were on field trips.
So they were going to thehistorical sites and seeing the
things and staying with familiesand you know, experiencing so
many different things.
What what was your favoritething that you're really cool?
Nico (30:31):
Yeah.
So Massara is this kind ofmountain.
Yeah, it's this mountain that'ssort of separated, and it was
used as a roaming fortress foruh a little while.
And some oh, it was a very longtime ago, but some rebelled
against Rome, and they were likethis last little fragment, and
(30:55):
they went up to the top ofMasada, because it's it's really
just a straight pillar.
Jewish rebels against the RomanEmpire went up there and they
survived under siege by theRoman Empire for a very long
time until actually the Romansbuilt this like just for their
sheer amount of dirt, they builta ramp.
Kara (31:13):
And slaves.
Nico (31:14):
Yeah, and slaves.
And they built a ramp up to it.
And so instead of just theythey you know, it wasn't that
many Jewish rebels versus a lotof Romans, so we know what's
going to happen to us, becauseit's the Romans, we would rather
die than allow that to happen.
So they that group of tenpeople were chosen and they
killed everyone, and then theyfell on their own swords.
(31:38):
Wow, and see the clients.
But being out there and seeinglike you can see how what the
Romans did, and then what theJewish rebels did to uh all two
of the homes.
You can be like, oh, you cansee how that house, but you can
be like, oh, that is a coachingplace, that's where they lived,
right?
Kara (31:54):
And you got to do things like they hiked from the
Mediterranean to the Canera,which is the Sea of Galilee.
Nico (32:00):
Yeah, that was also very cool for three days, right?
Yes, it was a three-day hidefor wow.
Corey (32:05):
We won't ask you to spill any secrets about living in the
moment that your mom doesn'tknow about.
Kara (32:09):
So, what did you do your last night?
Oh, we talked about everything.
One of our last nights.
One of the kids had somehowdark in a bottle of whiskey on a
campus and a pizza.
So you can order, it's like theUber Eat.
Yeah, so you can waltz basicallyanything and they will get it
to you no matter what.
So you got the bombings andpeople are still delivering,
(32:30):
you're still delivering truth,like and whiskey, apparently.
Yeah, yeah.
Nico (32:34):
So they delivered a pizza and whiskey.
And so a couple of the guyswere went up to the roof, and I
followed after after like 10minutes.
Kara (32:43):
Where you want to be in the middle of bombing, up on the
roof, yeah.
Nico (32:47):
Well, the siren hadn't happened.
So we were sitting up there andyou know, whiskey and pizzas,
and just staring at the stars,the skyline.
And so it was one of thosemoments where you stand there
and you're like, This is a greatmoment.
I've gotta remember this fromvery long.
Kara (33:02):
And his mother, of course, when he told me this, I'm like,
oh my gosh, what were you?
You're like they're bombing andyou're on a roof, but okay, you
made it.
Corey (33:10):
Even if you're in the shelter, it's a missile.
So to prove things full circle,Cara, how does your family
celebrate the December holidaysnow?
Kara (33:17):
You know, it's complicated because I actually before my
discovery, I had already sort ofwas phasing Christmas.
I just don't like thecommercialism of Christmas for
me.
I love the Christmas tree andthe family gathering and
appreciation and the time forreally focusing on that.
So we were already moving awayfrom Christmas in the
(33:38):
Americanized version ofChristmas.
But we have a whole bunch oflittle things that we've been
building together of differentcustoms, like the Yule Log and
the tree, just sort of buildingour own sense of what we had
wanted for a holiday.
So we were already at thatpoint, and then you know, now we
have Hanukkah in there, which,you know, who doesn't want to
(33:58):
eat a lot of fried food?
I love donuts, our family lovesdonuts.
Which, if you're gonna be inIsrael, going during Hanukkah is
amazing because the level ofdonuts there just blows our
donuts through the roof.
Oh my gosh.
I mean, I just ate my waythrough donuts.
So we do celebrate Hanukkah.
We light the Hanukkiya, and youknow, there's a beautiful idea
(34:24):
in that the shamish is thecandle that you use to light the
other candles, and you know,it's analogous for Jews being
the light in the world and doingthe right thing.
And so there's a lot ofbeautiful traditions in some of
the cultural aspects of Judaismthat I really appreciate.
So we have sort of a longmonth, depending on when
Hanukkah is, yeah, yeah, ofcelebrating winter holidays.
(34:48):
I think we've created ourholidays, yeah.
Yeah.
And we so one of our familytraditions is to make a whole
bunch of finger food and watchmovies all day on Christmas.
So that's what we do, ChristmasDay.
But we as a family, we all goto Purim.
I don't know if you guys arefamiliar with that Jewish
holiday, which is like Halloweenmeets Mardi Gras, and that's a
(35:09):
lot of fun.
And then they come to Passoverand sometimes Rosh Hashanah and
and Yom Kippur is so solemn thatI I I haven't really asked them
to participate in thatparticular thing.
Being Jewish today, as youbrought up, Corey, is so
complicated after 9-11.
You know, I've I've experiencedracism firsthand as a child
(35:34):
being called horrible thingsthat you don't want to say on
radio.
But then, like I my husband andI were doing uh, we went to a
show and stayed the nightdowntown Seattle, and there was
a pro-Palestine, and I I wear myJewish star of David, you know,
and I was thinking, and I hadto walk through the protest to
get out of the hotel.
There was no other way to go.
(35:55):
And there's that little bit offear first that runs through
you.
Is something going to happen tome as I walk through this
crowd?
It's amazing to me how manypeople want to hold me
responsible for what's going onin Israel.
I didn't vote for Netanyahu.
Kendall (36:10):
Right.
Kara (36:10):
People want to hold me responsible for what's going on
in the United States.
I live here, I'm a citizen, Ivoted.
I may not have voted for thecurrent president, but he is my
president.
And so you can hold me a littleresponsible for what's going on
here.
You don't hold a Hinduresponsible for what's going on
in India.
So that idea that somehow theJews in the world who have no
voting power in Israel areresponsible for what the Israeli
(36:33):
government is doing, it's verytroublesome, especially because
you add the physical fear ofbeing molested or hurt.
It's a hard space to be in.
Corey (36:45):
Well, hopefully this will end on a lighter note because
Kara, we we kind of switchedthings up since the last time
you were on the show.
But the final question that weanswered guests now is that when
you were going through this andwhen you were going through
your DNA discovery, is there amusical artist or a song that
you leaned on, Kara?
Kara (37:03):
That's a no-brainer for me.
Corey (37:05):
Oh, yeah.
Kara (37:06):
Zara Phillips and Run DMC have a song that most people
don't know.
Run DMC is adopted.
Zara's adopted.
And their song, the lyrics oftheir song is, you know, I'm
starting on chapter two.
I deserve to know everything.
I mean, it's just it's such abeautiful song.
And I think the lyrics reallycapture what I feel through my
(37:29):
process.
Corey (37:29):
We're old school hip hop household here, so we hold Red D
and C very close to our hearts.
So, Daryl, we'll just put thison the universe.
Please come on the show.
Kara (37:38):
Actually, Zara's coming to the next Untangling Our Roots,
and she's gonna be playing.
And so we're really excited tohave Zara there, and she will be
there with her husband.
I won't say his name out loud,but he's a really famous
guitarist in the UK.
So we're really excited to havethem both come and play and
(38:00):
untangling our roots.
Corey (38:01):
What songs are being played in the music room next to
the shelter?
Nico (38:04):
What songs?
Oh, mainly 2000, like popsongs.
I could just say my favoriteband, the band that I listened
to during the still one of myfavorite bands, is probably
Glass Arrows.
Kara (38:16):
Oh, when he got back, we sent him and his brothers to a
Glass Animals costume.
Oh, yeah.
They're awesome, Corey.
You should listen to them.
Corey (38:23):
Well, I haven't checked them out.
And I always said I was nevergonna be one of those people who
did not know who was in the butuh you know, still trying,
still trying to hang in there.
Kara (38:33):
I didn't say it, but Zara and Daryl's song is I'm legit,
just that way people can thankyou so much for taking some time
to share your stories.
Corey (38:43):
We appreciate it.
I I waited for a couple ofweeks after you were like safe
and sound before I reached outto your mom and said, Hey, do
you think Nico will come on thepodcast and tell this story?
Kara (38:51):
Right, creepy.
You know, having the DNA, a DNAsurprise, one of the good, one
of the positive sides is thecommunity that is uh amazing
that you be now become part of.
And the outpouring of supportfor me and for Nico during that
two-week period where we didn'tknow how or when he was gonna
come home was amazing.
(39:13):
And I'm really grateful for it.
Corey (39:15):
Yeah, we and we could see it, you know, on Facebook.
We were all very excited withyou.
We found out we were gonna behome safe.
So awesome.
Well, have an amazing holidayseason, and thank you again for
coming on.
Kara (39:29):
Of course, thank you so much.
Corey (39:30):
Kara and Nico, thank you both for being willing to talk
so honestly about identity,safety, and belonging at a time
when all three feel more fragilethan they should.
Kara's story says a lot aboutcourage.
It takes serious guts to stepinto a new identity while the
world is loudly arguing aboutwho gets to claim what.
Discovering you're Jewish in amoment of rising anti Semitism
(39:50):
isn't a soft landing.
It comes with questions aboutsafety, visibility, and whether
you should think twice aboutwearing a Star of David or on
your neck in public.
And even when With all of that,she moved toward community,
toward learning, towardconnection.
That kind of strength isremarkable.
And hearing Nico talk aboutmissile sirens and evacuations
(40:11):
with the calm of someonedescribing their walk to school
is a reminder of how fast youngpeople adjust to things that
should never be normal.
What stood out most to us washis ability to sit with the
reality of danger withoutletting it shut down his life.
Many adults never learn thatkind of balance, and he learned
it the hard way.
So if you're listening andyou're living outside your own
(40:31):
identity shift, maybe with abrand new heritage, a new
parent, new culture, or the gutpunch of discovering that
someone you love wasn't honestwith you, please hear me when I
say this.
You are not alone.
You deserve time and space andcommunity while you sort it all
out.
And as Kara's dad said, and aswe repeat around here all the
time, you have a right to knowwho your people are.
(40:53):
If this conversation made youthink about someone who's
wrestling with big questionsabout identity or heritage,
please share it with them.
And if you're ready to tellyour own story, reach out to us,
we'd love to talk to you.
And remember, family secretsare the ultimate plot twist.
The Family Twist Podcast ispresented by Savoie Fair
(41:13):
Marketing Communications andproduced by How the Cow Ate the
Cabbage LLC.
Welcome back to Family Twist.
It's Corey, and today we'rediving into a story that sits
right where a lot of bigconversations meet.
DNA surprises, identity, race,religion, and a moment in
history when anti-Semitism isn'twhispered or coded.
It's loud, public, and a lot ofour listeners are walking
(00:21):
through their days with thatreality right over their
shoulder.
One of our guests, Kara, issomeone you've heard before, and
her story has only grown incomplexity.
She is the founder of Right toKnow, the global nonprofit
advocating for adoptees,donor-conceived people, and MPEs
to have full access to theirorigins.
Kara grew up believing she wasAfrican American, with family
(00:43):
lore rooted in ancestors whowere enslaved in Texas.
But when she took a DNA testthat she could plan a finding
your roots style Africa trip,the results flipped her entire
self-understanding.
Zero African DNA.
50% Ashkenazi Jewish.
That discovery didn't justshift her identity, it dropped
her into Jewish spaces rightwhen anti-Semitic threats and
(01:05):
attacks were spiking around theworld.
Suddenly she's trying to figureout how to live between the
life she knew and the life herDNA introduced her to.
And she's asking the kinds ofquestions that a lot of people
with new Jewish heritage wrestlewith right now.
How do I claim this identitywhen being Jewish in public has
become a risk?
How do I move toward acommunity that feels both
familiar and brand new?
(01:27):
And because these stories neverunfold in a neat, well-behaved
art, Kara wasn't walking throughthis alone.
She was raising three boysthrough all of this.
One of them, Nika, is here withus today.
Nico has been beside her atTemple, attended Jewish summer
camp, and they're learning whatit means to be part of a
community they didn't knowbelonged to them.
Then Nico took a semesterabroad in Israel, and years
(01:48):
where the story becomes evenmore urgent.
Niko was in Israel when Iranlaunched missiles.
Middle of the night sirens,bomb shelters, sleeping
underground, and eventuallyboarding a cruise ship escorted
by the Israeli Navy to Cyprus.
This is not a theoreticalconversation for Nico.
In this episode, you'll hearKara talking about telling her
dying father the truth, andhearing him say the words that
(02:10):
changed everything.
You have a right to know whoyour people are.
You'll hear what it felt liketo walk into a synagogue for the
first time as an adult and lookaround and think, I finally
look like the people in thisroom.
And you'll hear Nico talk aboutwhat it's like to normalize
danger as a teenager, how fastyou learn to respond to missile
sirens, and how facing that kindof fear changes the way you
(02:31):
understand your own life.
If your own DNA surprise hasshaken how you understand your
race, your religion, yourculture, your family, or even
the stories you were raised on.
Or if you're trying tounderstand what it means to be
Jewish right now, this episodeis especially for you.
Alright, let's get into ourconversation with Kara and Nico.
Kara (02:51):
So I'm Kara, and in 2018 I had a DNA surprise.
I had asked my dad to do anancestry DNA test because I
wanted to know where in Africawe came from.
We had traced our ancestorsback to three slave brothers who
were sold in Texas.
But I wanted to take my sons ona finding your roots tour in
Africa.
(03:12):
And so I wanted to know where.
And my dad was a littlereluctant.
He was like, Oh, you know what?
They've done to our people,baby.
That's not a good idea.
But I convinced him, neither ofus felt anything weird about
doing it, only that we thoughtmaybe our information might be
exploited.
Which now I think back on it,it's kind of ironic after the
23andMe uh hijacking Jewish DNA.
(03:35):
So I did the test, I got myresults back, and my pie chart
showed me 50% something.
I thought I was half black, sothis made sense in my weird
brain for about three secondsuntil I realized there's no such
thing as being half black withDNA.
So I read what it said, and itsaid Ashkenazi, and I had no
idea what that word meant.
(03:55):
And it sent me down a road offeeling totally turned upside
down, not understanding who Iwas anymore, trying to rebuild a
sense of self with pieces thatI didn't understand.
And it's been a long, long roadfor me.
I will say, for people whodon't know, Ashkenazi is
(04:18):
Ashkenazi Jewish, EasternEuropean.
So it turns out I'm I'm 50%Jewish, and I have zero African
DNA.
Even my husband, who's likeEnglish and Scottish, he has
like 1% African DNA.
So it was really a slap in theface for me.
Corey (04:35):
Yeah, Kendall has 1.8%.
No, I have three.
Three, okay.
Kara (04:39):
And sometimes people say, Well, didn't you look in the
mirror?
How could you not tell?
But we believe the stories thatour parents tell us, and I was
just dark enough to pass, andjust not white enough for my
mom's family to be like, Yeah,you got some color in you from
somewhere.
Corey (04:56):
So and how long ago was that?
How many years?
Kara (04:58):
2018.
Corey (05:00):
Okay, all right.
So Nico, you would have beenlike what, 12 or something?
Nico (05:05):
I would have been eight years ago, so I'd be nine.
Corey (05:08):
So, Cara, how do you explain to your children that oh
remember when we thought wewere people of color in part
Africa?
Kara (05:16):
Yeah, well, you know, I mean it's a huge thing.
I I know for people with a DNAsurprise to navigate, what do we
tell our kids?
Do we tell our kids?
I wasn't gonna tell my dad atfirst because my raising dad,
because he was dying at thetime, and I didn't want to bring
extra stress on him, but I knowI have the worst poker face,
and I I just every time I sawhim, I for like a month, like it
(05:39):
was around the holidays, and Iwas right after the holidays,
and he was singing a ChristmasCarol, and he's so out of tune,
and I was like, I sing horriblylike wait, not like you anymore.
What you know, like I justcouldn't, I was choking on my
words, so I decided to tell him.
And then because I was cryingall the time, I was distracted,
(06:00):
I was not mentally available forthe family.
My husband and I just felt itwas necessary to tell our three
children.
Nico was the youngest, theoldest is six years older than
him, and you know, we experiencethings as a family together.
I also felt that this I don'thave the feeling that it was a
secret held for me.
I really think my mom justdidn't know who she thought her
(06:21):
husband was was the was my dad.
It was a secret in somefashion, and I I didn't want my
children to have to experiencethat sense of secrecy as well.
So we did tell them.
I don't think it was that bigof a deal, though.
It wasn't like a sit-downMeryl.
Nico (06:37):
I didn't I I don't even remember how it happened because
it like yeah, it wasn't likeyou sat like I think you were
like because you already sit usdown every once in a while for
like this family just assured,right?
This is what's going on.
Yeah.
So we were like, hey, can youcome?
Did everyone come out to thecouch and sit down?
And yeah.
Then you were like, yeah, thatgrandpa is not biological.
Kara (06:56):
Yeah, but grandpa's still grandpa.
Corey (06:59):
Right.
And we have grandpa to thankfor the right to know the name
of the organization.
Kara (07:05):
Right, right.
Because he would every time Iwould go see him, he would be
like, baby, you have a right toknow who you're who you're who
your what your history is andwho your relatives are.
He was my he was the bestsupport that I had at the time.
You know, but it it's aninteresting thing for the kids.
You know, I grew upexperiencing racism in a
different way than I thinkpeople who don't have art mixed,
(07:26):
even though I technicallywasn't, I still thought I was.
And the boys experienced thatbefore Nico was born.
My dad was taking the kids tothe mall, and like the mall cop
followed them around because hewas this black man with these
two little white boys.
And you know, did you take themor is there an issue here?
And that stuff is subtle, butthey grew up with it.
Corey (07:45):
What was the process like of starting to embrace the
Jewish side of your ancestry?
Kara (07:51):
After I it took about five months to identify who my
family was, even though surpriseyou're Jewish, you have 38,000
relatives, they're all prettydistant.
I think now I have like 60,000or something.
Wow.
Thank you, endogamy.
So my family did not wantcontact, really.
And my husband knows how muchmy ancestry, my history is
(08:14):
important to me.
I think it is to a lot ofpeople subtly who have a DNA
surprise.
They're the ones building thetrees, you know.
And so he said, Hey, let's golearn about what it means to be
Jewish together.
So he signed us up for thisintro to Judaism class.
It was like a 12-week class,and we went together, so I
wouldn't have to go by myselffor a few months once a week.
(08:34):
And as we were sitting in theclass, he'd be like, This is
totally you.
So just a lot of thephilosophy, how I've raised my
kids, the morals, and theideals.
Just frankly, Christianity hasnever set well with me
personally.
And it's amazing how much youdon't realize it till you look
at.
I mean, I've studied differentreligions, but Christianity
really permeates Americansociety in ways that are
(08:56):
subconscious.
And in the intro to Judaismclass, I felt more and more of a
connection to the informationand the things that we were
learning about.
Kendall (09:06):
I think it's really interesting just because you
came to it not as a child.
So I think it's wonderful thatthings felt natural.
Kara (09:15):
It was definitely a natural space for me.
Incidentally, it was the templethat my genetic father went to,
and a lot of my family wasthere, so it was a little bit of
an uncomfortable space.
So my extended family.
I went searching, they call itshul shopping.
I was searching for a place,and I went on this Jewish
women's retreat, and they werelike, Oh, you have to come to
(09:37):
the temple Bene Torah inSeattle, but wait till we get a
new rabbi because she's gonna beamazing.
The one now sucks.
So I went on the first day, sothis was the second time I'd
been in temple.
The first time I met anotherwoman who'd had a DNA surprise
in the area, and she was Jewish,and she's like, Come to temple
(09:57):
with me so you can see what it'slike.
And I was like, Okay.
And it was like right after theTree of Life shootings, and so
it was quite an experience.
But one of the things thatstruck me even then, you know,
this is a solemn thing, iseveryone's in the corners
talking, like the rabbistalking, but everybody in the
back is talking.
Like, have you been?
I don't know, I went to BlackBaptist church and people talk
(10:20):
sung, but in most churches,you're quiet while the
preacher's talking.
So there's a lot of subtledifferences, and it just I
barely heard what they weresaying because I was looking
around the room and I'm like, ohmy gosh, I look like these
people.
Because I had really never beenin a space where I looked like
other people.
Corey (10:37):
And this is at a time when all of a sudden
anti-Semitism is loud and proudand well, all over the world,
but I mean it's just you knowsuper okay to say whatever you
want because of you know who.
Kendall (10:48):
Oh, you can say the asshole's names.
Kara (10:51):
Well, I'll go back to the the temple.
So when I went by myself forthe first time, I sat in the
back because I was I sat in theparking lot for like 15 minutes
because I was a little nervousto go in by myself.
And when I finally got up thethe balls to go inside, I sat in
the back and she does a lot inHebrew, and I had heard it
before.
I felt it like it was one ofthose experiences that I don't
(11:11):
think you can explain, andpeople who think such things are
hokey or not true wouldn'tunderstand.
But if you've ever had anexperience like that where you
felt something before, whereyou've known that thing before,
even though it's the first timeyou're you're getting it now.
That was me then.
And I just cried in the back ofthe temple.
Wow.
To answer your question, Corey,I did just get my first nasty
(11:33):
anti-Semitic text to me fromFacebook.
So, yes, we are definitely in aspace.
It's hard for me to navigateanyway because I have so many
years of live experience ofbeing a person of color, and you
know, navigating that space isalso a minefield, too.
Corey (11:49):
But that's why I was very curious about how you
transition your spirituality andeverything else.
It's just because we haven'treally had a conversation like
that on the podcast yet.
Kara (11:58):
You know, the imposter syndrome is real for us.
And it's you're an imposter inso many different aspects of
your life because you have yourold family, and in a way, you
kind of feel like an imposterthere too, because like you're
not related to them anymore.
And yes, they're your family,but there's just still this
weirdness, and you have tomanage and grapple with that.
(12:20):
And then you're an imposter inyour new family if you're in
there with them.
I don't have that experiencemyself, but I've heard it so
many times where it's like Ididn't go to Christmas every
year with them or Hanukkah orwhatever it is, and we didn't go
to the Blake or whatever thefamily traditions are.
And so I think it's the samething with a new ethnicity or a
new religion in my way.
(12:40):
I mean, I'm definitely notreligious.
My mom was anti-religious, andI'm not sure I would call myself
religious now.
Being Jewish is like the mostcomplicated question.
Is it DNA?
Is it culture?
Is it religion?
You know, there's all thesethings.
But for all of these feelingsof being an impostor, you have
to do the work, meaning you haveto start to build experiences
(13:02):
to start to alleviate some ofthat sense of being an imposter.
And, you know, I've been doingthis now in the Jewish space for
five years, and I'm I'm justnow starting to feel
comfortable.
I have some lived experience togo along with it.
I still sometimes feel like animposter, but it's there.
So, what does my livedexperience look like?
It's going to events, drag Nicoalong with me sometimes.
(13:26):
I went to Israel twice.
It's trying to build thoseexperiences, cooking foods that
are Jewish.
Kendall (13:33):
I think that's great.
I mean, you made me think aboutI remember being like seven or
eight, and we always went andvisited my adoptive father's
sister.
And I loved being, you know,around the family, but I
remember they didn't know a lotof their own history.
But what little pieces thatthey would talk about, I
(13:55):
remember being so excited and sointerested.
And at the ends of theconversations, they'd be like,
Yeah, but that's not reallymine.
You know what I mean?
Like it was it was like, Yeah,well, you you guys had some cool
stuff going on, and I don'treally, you know what I mean?
Like I felt part of it, butthen I felt like I was viewing
from the outside someone else'sstory, exactly.
(14:16):
And then, you know, so when Ireally found my biological
family and my sit down with myGod loving, my brother, my
half-brother, that's has so muchhistory, you know, about our
family.
It was just fantastic.
I wept, you know, it was justamazing it's just over silly.
(14:36):
Like, like ourgreat-grandmother, he'd say one
little thing about her, and I'djust be like, Oh my god, it was
just hilarious because it waslike, it's really not that big a
deal.
I'm like, it is like it is.
I didn't, I knew nothing, youknow.
Kara (14:50):
But it's the little things that matter, exactly.
So it's a process, I mean uhdaily.
Corey (14:59):
So, Nico, your mom was talking to the other board
members earlier this year andsharing information about your
trip together, and we were allkind of excited, and we were
watching on Facebook, and atfirst it seemed like a wonderful
adventure.
But can you kind of go to thebeginning of the trip and just
talk us through?
Kara (15:16):
Well, I will say, because Nico was so young, Nico's been
going to more things with methan any of my other kids.
One of the biggest things aboutJewish identity is summer camp.
Nico (15:25):
One of the things that just I was you know nine when it
first happened, and so I wasthe one who got dragged
everywhere.
And so when I first went totemple, it was a very new
experience.
I've been to Christian churchesand I researched on my own into
Hinduism and Buddhism, but I'dnever really researched into
Judaism.
And so it was a really newexperience, as my mother said
(15:48):
about like the talking where therabbis talk, you have
conversations and use dust evenwhile the rabbis talking.
So that was very new, it was avery new thing.
And while I was there, I'veheard from a couple of the other
kids, I think my mom also heardit from a couple of other
parents told us camp hope, youhave talent.
And it was very uh yeah, it's aJewish camp.
So my mom was like, I think youshould know, I think you should
(16:11):
get some more experience withthis, or I think it'd be fun.
I thought kids out in the samething, you know, this it sounds
really fun.
And so going there, it builtthis sort of a Judaism of our
mind not to actually experiencewhat it would be like in, say,
Israel, or what it would be liketo be super part of the
culture, because we were justbeing introduced to it.
(16:32):
The trip to Israel was a veryfun experience.
It was a journey.
My mom had like a year beforethe trip, I think we should like
help have you go to Israel.
And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'msure.
It'll probably never happen,but I think that'd be a really
cool experience.
And then eventually, I waslike, We have this chance to do
it, you know, might as well.
(16:53):
And I'm and I was like,alright, perfect.
So we started prepared and weand we went, and it was sort of
it felt kind of novel because itwas a very long plane ride.
So during that time, I waswondering, like, what is Israel
going to be like?
Because I've had that sort ofbrief introduction between being
adrenaline or my mother andgoing to the Jewish soccer camp.
And so I had a briefintroduction, but I was like, I
(17:14):
wonder what an entire statewould be like, because you know
it's and we live in WashingtonState, and it's super green
here.
It's incredibly green, and Ilove it.
So and Israel is not it'sthere's some green parts, but
it's very, very tand.
Very sandy.
Kara (17:33):
So Nika was in a half a semester study abroad trip at
Alexander Musk High School inIsrael.
And so I went there for a newenvironment, you know, and
basically going to Israel waslike sort of a sideboard hey, I
did still go to a new countryand it was a new environment, so
I I got to go to a new countryand I got to learn about your
(17:54):
like history ads.
So it was a very nice it waslike so many benefits bad to go
on.
So I flew there with him to drophim off, and I have a friend
there and that I I can staywith.
And Marcus, my husband, cameover after about a week after
Nico and I were there.
So we got our first bombshelter warning that first night
(18:16):
Marcus was there at like 4 a.m.
or 5 a.m.
Nico (18:20):
Yeah, I remember like waking up and falling off the
couch, being right, what's goingon?
Kara (18:26):
It's something like again, you know, it's hard to describe
a DNA surprise to other peoplewho haven't had them.
Trying experiencing that bombsiren, the rush that goes
through your head, your heart'sbeating.
Nico (18:38):
You're like, where did I put my shoes?
You go out the door, one shoeon, one shoe half off, and your
PDA is like, where are we going?
Uh where's the dear shelter?
It's a very rush and it's avery different experience.
Kara (18:51):
So our bomb shelter where we were staying was just across
the street.
But with the first time we gotthere, you know, even the person
we were with looks down and hehas two left shoes on.
Just one of those things.
I never felt unsafe though, didyou?
No.
Yeah.
And it became kind of your newnormal.
Nico (19:06):
Yeah, because it would happen often enough that it's
just a new normal.
Like it's like when you wake upand make coffee.
It's just a fact of life.
Or if it's raining today, it'slike strikes everyone.
That's normal.
Kara (19:18):
For me, I left Nico and went to Poland with my middle
son, and we were there for acouple of days, and all these
sirens went off.
And I had froze just for asecond.
I had already had that kind ofpop-up experience, thinking,
okay, where's the shelter?
I was like, wait a minute,you're not in that space
anymore.
I can't imagine for Israeliswhat it's like for the stress
levels and everything else overthe past few years.
Corey (19:41):
Can you kind of talk a little bit about what it was
like beyond just oh, the sirensgoing off, let's get to the
shelter, to where it turned intolike obviously it was the top
news story around the globe.
Nico (19:54):
Originally, because for the first two weeks I lived with
my mom and her friend in TelAviv.
And you know, you don't reallysee the missiles.
You hear the sirens, so you goto the water shelter, but you
don't see the missiles.
And then I moved to this smallcampus north of Tel Aviv.
I lived in a room with fourother people with this tiny
room.
So it was bark beds and youknow tight space.
(20:17):
And then, you know, the stuffhit the fan, and it got a lot
worse.
And I remember one of thematches originally it'd be like
a siren, you know, a day, maybea couple of days.
It's you know, it's not supercommon.
And then it started to be youget like three, four sirens a
night.
And I remember I got hotoutside.
(20:38):
I was away from I was away froma shelter one night, and so I
was a bit late to the end.
I looked up, and the entire skywas like being illuminated with
explosions, and you can feellike the booms.
So it was a very it was a verynew, like new experience being
(20:59):
there and seeing all thoseexplosions of them real as I'm
running to the shelter andknowing what any one of those
could hit, you know, where I amthere.
So it was a very new dangerousresponse.
Kara (21:14):
Yeah, and to put a little context, I mean, Nico was
scheduled to come home the dayafter the bombings from Iran
started.
And of course, once thatstarted, all flights were
canceled.
Corey (21:26):
Were you able to communicate at all?
Nico (21:28):
I had my phone on me.
I was able to communicate withpeople, I was able to talk, but
the time difference is so bigthat it's a bit hard to yeah.
Like I was able to communicate.
I remember after I think thesecond night after the barns
from Iran started, when westarted sleeping in the shelter,
just because it was so oftenthat the sirens were in that we
(21:49):
were like, we need to be able tosleep.
So we slept in there.
I remember messaging some of myfriends at like being like,
Alright, this is enough.
We started sleeping in theshelter.
It started to get a lot worse.
Just outside the shelter, therewas a music room.
So every once in a while wewould go out there and play
guitar and play piano.
(22:09):
It was very interesting to gofrom playing the piano hearing
the sirens and move one roomover to the shelter.
Kara (22:16):
The scary part is the lack of information.
I mean, you don't know whenyour son's gonna leave.
Some parents chose to extricatetheir child privately with
private sort of security teams.
Thank you.
The high school did a great jobof trying to find a way for him
out.
You know, there's a windowwhere planes were released, you
(22:37):
just didn't know, and you're notsure when Iran's gonna stop, if
it's gonna escalate more.
And then it did because thenthe US got involved, and you're
like, is that gonna escalateeven more?
Nico (22:47):
I remember they would constantly be like, oh, you're
not on planes.
Oh, he might go on this boat.
Oh no, we canceled that.
You're not gonna drive to adifferent country and then
you're on a plane, right?
It's like, oh, we had to cancelthat.
And so it was this constantback and forth of being like,
oh, we found this new way, andthen being sort of cut off
because of it's too dangerous.
And so it was on and off for acouple weeks, and then we woke
(23:10):
up one day at like five, beinglike, hey, you're heading to the
planes, and then 30 minutes ofthe past getting ready, and
they're like, no, no, we'regoing to the boat.
Kara (23:19):
So birthright Israel, everyone who's of Jewish descent
has the option to take a tripto Israel.
Birthright Israel had, I think,3,000 uh young people, not
under 18, in Israel.
And so they chartered a cruiseship and brought a lot of the
kids from Tel Aviv to Cyprus.
So they did that once, and theywere gonna do it again.
(23:42):
And so that was that was thealternative.
But they were taking their kidsout first, their young people
first.
unknown (23:51):
Yeah.
Kara (23:51):
So didn't you guys like have to wait?
Nico (23:54):
I don't know.
Just just when we got there, wewere some of the only people in
the line to get on the cruiseship.
I think some of the people'scards didn't work, and then our
card, we opened it up, and theguy was in the room.
We were like, What?
And he was a very nice guy, hewas super nice, and he was like,
I don't know, I was just givingthis room, and and this is it.
And so we had to do it out inthe desk behind one story on.
(24:14):
So it was it was a crowdedship.
Kara (24:17):
And they were accompanied by the Israeli Navy, and then
Nico got a vacation in Cyprusbecause a lot of people had fled
Tel Aviv to Cyprus, and sogetting a flight out of Cyprus
was really hard.
Corey (24:27):
Oh, yeah.
And just thinking about likethe alternatives, not that you
had much of a choice, but likegetting on an airplane while
there are missiles.
I'll do the boat.
Kara (24:36):
I visited Israel before, and the only time when Nico and
I went together that I wasnervous was when we were
landing, and then when I tookoff for Poland, because right
before I had taken off forPoland, one of the missiles had
gotten through and struck rightnext to the airport.
Corey (24:51):
Oh my gosh.
Kara (24:52):
So it is nerve-wracking.
Corey (24:55):
And probably not your uh a joyous, like you know,
carnival cruise.
Nico (25:00):
It was an overtaxed cruise with sugary bore.
And so it was a very kind ofboring cruise.
No one feels super up to doanything because they just got
like Israel.
Kara (25:12):
First cruise ship was a party.
You know, everyone was soexcited to be leaving that all
of these 20-somethings letloose, right?
So when they stuck these kidswho were all under 18, they had
some pretty strict rules forthem.
So for Nico's experience, itwas very boring.
But a lot of the kids on there,you have all this pent-up
(25:33):
anxiety that gets released.
Yeah.
And so there was some, it was alittle bit of a party ship for
some of the older kids.
Corey (25:40):
Yeah, no, honestly.
I'm hoping to go to Cyprus nextyear because our cousins live
there now, and the photos thatwe've seen just look absolutely
amazing.
Nico (25:48):
It's a very beautiful place.
I was unable to the resort areawe're not supposed to leave it,
which is like you know, a smallstructure of a beach, a
swerving pool.
It's not it's not that much.
We were supposed to leave it.
Sometimes we do that anyway.
Kara (26:02):
Yeah, he didn't get to see anything, unfortunately.
He needs to go back to have areal Cyprus experience.
I we were living in Moscow, andso we took a vacation from
Moscow to Cyprus a long, a longtime ago.
It's a beautiful place tovisit.
Corey (26:15):
So when you're in that situation and you know, in the
bomb shelter and stuff likethat, are you able to like
reflect at all?
Like, what does it take whenyou get to Cyprus or even back
to the US?
Like, oh, I could have beenkilled.
Nico (26:25):
Yeah, well, well, how I see it is there are so many ways
to die.
Everywhere you go, a treewretch could fall down or hit
you in the head.
Like you're when you're drivingyour car, your car could crash.
So for me, personally, I feellike I'm an outlier of this
because I noticed with a coupleof the other gins, they felt
like they visibly untensed assoon as they got out of Israel.
(26:47):
And when they were like sittingin the bomb shelters, and you
could see that they were gettingtents.
For me, I just mean it asanother way of dying that
there's so many in the world.
Yeah, and if if somethinghappens, like, oh yeah, I could
have died, but I could havedied, you know, on the plane
from the plane crash, or I couldhave died on the, you know, on
the car, I couldn't have diedand walked into the walked into
(27:10):
the place.
So yeah, yeah, it has apresence in your in your mind,
in your heart, but to mepersonally, it was sort of like
yeah, it's a just to have thetop of life.
Kara (27:20):
So Nico's group had been there for a couple of months,
experiencing the, you know,twice a week bomb sirens.
And then this group fromArizona came and they were just
supposed to be there for twoweeks or so.
Oh.
They got there like three daysbefore Ren bombed.
And so they hadn't, I hate touse this word, but they hadn't
acclimated to the bombing.
So it was very interesting towatch the reaction from the
(27:44):
group that had been there for afew months, a couple months, and
then this group that'd justbeen there for a few days.
Nico (27:49):
I think they experienced it much more intensely than
Yeah, they started freaking outand panicking a lot.
You can see it over the courseof a couple days as they started
getting more and more likereally winding up, because like
the first time they were at thebomb shelter, it was like uh
panic, so they had to run.
And so they just they weren'taccustomed to it as we were,
(28:13):
because it would be defrost hadjust become normal.
It was that it was very new,and because uh the run with
Bobbery it was a lot worse thanwe first started.
Kendall (28:21):
I think I would have been incontinent a lot.
I think my anxiety level wouldhave been really hot.
Kara (28:28):
Yeah, Nico and I have talked about this.
I mean, as a an adult, youknow, I'm in my I'm 51, like
mortality is a little bitcloser.
Kendall (28:35):
Um I'm less aware of mortality.
I respect your approach though.
Corey (28:40):
I think that was very L.
How has that experience alteredyour perception of what life is
like for people living inIsrael?
Nico (28:47):
I think subconsciously, when you think about other
places in the world, you kind ofassume it's somewhere similar
to how you live, because you youyou take off the basis of what
you do now.
And so being there, having thisnew thing that you have to
constantly worry about, you haveto be like, oh our cookie
dinner, sour goes off, afterrun, you know, set everything
down.
So when going there, it's sortof subconsciously assumed it'd
(29:11):
be like how I live here inWashington.
Whereas when I went there, theculture is so different because
of the bombings.
Kara (29:19):
They have a lot more of a zest for life in a way, because
when death is constantly I thinkthat's where you're going.
When death is constantly there,I mean the Israeli zest for
life is so present.
And I think that that'spartially I mean, you know,
Israel's surrounded by countriesthat have pledged their
annihilation, so they've alwayshad that experience of living in
(29:40):
danger.
Nico (29:40):
Yeah, very pushed on their living in the moment and go out
and do something, right?
Like go on, have fun.
So living like going there andbeing like, oh, this is such a
big new worry that you have toworry about, it really puts a
lot of into perspective.
Like, oh, this is what peoplehave to deal with.
And because of them dealing itwith it, their culture has
(30:02):
become so like rich with livingin the moment and and being go
out there and live life.
Kara (30:08):
I mean, I feel grateful that Nico was there.
His whole trip had basicallyended by the time Iran started
bombing because he was able, Imean, half of his time there,
they were on field trips.
So they were going to thehistorical sites and seeing the
things and staying with familiesand you know, experiencing so
many different things.
What what was your favoritething that you're really cool?
Nico (30:31):
Yeah.
So Massara is this kind ofmountain.
Yeah, it's this mountain that'ssort of separated, and it was
used as a roaming fortress foruh a little while.
And some oh, it was a very longtime ago, but some rebelled
against Rome, and they were likethis last little fragment, and
(30:55):
they went up to the top ofMasada, because it's it's really
just a straight pillar.
Jewish rebels against the RomanEmpire went up there and they
survived under siege by theRoman Empire for a very long
time until actually the Romansbuilt this like just for their
sheer amount of dirt, they builta ramp.
Kara (31:13):
And slaves.
Nico (31:14):
Yeah, and slaves.
And they built a ramp up to it.
And so instead of just theythey you know, it wasn't that
many Jewish rebels versus a lotof Romans, so we know what's
going to happen to us, becauseit's the Romans, we would rather
die than allow that to happen.
So they that group of tenpeople were chosen and they
killed everyone, and then theyfell on their own swords.
(31:38):
Wow, and see the clients.
But being out there and seeinglike you can see how what the
Romans did, and then what theJewish rebels did to uh all two
of the homes.
You can be like, oh, you cansee how that house, but you can
be like, oh, that is a coachingplace, that's where they lived,
right?
Kara (31:54):
And you got to do things like they hiked from the
Mediterranean to the Canera,which is the Sea of Galilee.
Nico (32:00):
Yeah, that was also very cool for three days, right?
Yes, it was a three-day hidefor wow.
Corey (32:05):
We won't ask you to spill any secrets about living in the
moment that your mom doesn'tknow about.
Kara (32:09):
So, what did you do your last night?
Oh, we talked about everything.
One of our last nights.
One of the kids had somehowdark in a bottle of whiskey on a
campus and a pizza.
So you can order, it's like theUber Eat.
Yeah, so you can waltz basicallyanything and they will get it
to you no matter what.
So you got the bombings andpeople are still delivering,
(32:30):
you're still delivering truth,like and whiskey, apparently.
Yeah, yeah.
Nico (32:34):
So they delivered a pizza and whiskey.
And so a couple of the guyswere went up to the roof, and I
followed after after like 10minutes.
Kara (32:43):
Where you want to be in the middle of bombing, up on the
roof, yeah.
Nico (32:47):
Well, the siren hadn't happened.
So we were sitting up there andyou know, whiskey and pizzas,
and just staring at the stars,the skyline.
And so it was one of thosemoments where you stand there
and you're like, This is a greatmoment.
I've gotta remember this fromvery long.
Kara (33:02):
And his mother, of course, when he told me this, I'm like,
oh my gosh, what were you?
You're like they're bombing andyou're on a roof, but okay, you
made it.
Corey (33:10):
Even if you're in the shelter, it's a missile.
So to prove things full circle,Cara, how does your family
celebrate the December holidaysnow?
Kara (33:17):
You know, it's complicated because I actually before my
discovery, I had already sort ofwas phasing Christmas.
I just don't like thecommercialism of Christmas for
me.
I love the Christmas tree andthe family gathering and
appreciation and the time forreally focusing on that.
So we were already moving awayfrom Christmas in the
(33:38):
Americanized version ofChristmas.
But we have a whole bunch oflittle things that we've been
building together of differentcustoms, like the Yule Log and
the tree, just sort of buildingour own sense of what we had
wanted for a holiday.
So we were already at thatpoint, and then you know, now we
have Hanukkah in there, which,you know, who doesn't want to
(33:58):
eat a lot of fried food?
I love donuts, our family lovesdonuts.
Which, if you're gonna be inIsrael, going during Hanukkah is
amazing because the level ofdonuts there just blows our
donuts through the roof.
Oh my gosh.
I mean, I just ate my waythrough donuts.
So we do celebrate Hanukkah.
We light the Hanukkiya, and youknow, there's a beautiful idea
(34:24):
in that the shamish is thecandle that you use to light the
other candles, and you know,it's analogous for Jews being
the light in the world and doingthe right thing.
And so there's a lot ofbeautiful traditions in some of
the cultural aspects of Judaismthat I really appreciate.
So we have sort of a longmonth, depending on when
Hanukkah is, yeah, yeah, ofcelebrating winter holidays.
(34:48):
I think we've created ourholidays, yeah.
Yeah.
And we so one of our familytraditions is to make a whole
bunch of finger food and watchmovies all day on Christmas.
So that's what we do, ChristmasDay.
But we as a family, we all goto Purim.
I don't know if you guys arefamiliar with that Jewish
holiday, which is like Halloweenmeets Mardi Gras, and that's a
(35:09):
lot of fun.
And then they come to Passoverand sometimes Rosh Hashanah and
and Yom Kippur is so solemn thatI I I haven't really asked them
to participate in thatparticular thing.
Being Jewish today, as youbrought up, Corey, is so
complicated after 9-11.
You know, I've I've experiencedracism firsthand as a child
(35:34):
being called horrible thingsthat you don't want to say on
radio.
But then, like I my husband andI were doing uh, we went to a
show and stayed the nightdowntown Seattle, and there was
a pro-Palestine, and I I wear myJewish star of David, you know,
and I was thinking, and I hadto walk through the protest to
get out of the hotel.
There was no other way to go.
(35:55):
And there's that little bit offear first that runs through
you.
Is something going to happen tome as I walk through this
crowd?
It's amazing to me how manypeople want to hold me
responsible for what's going onin Israel.
I didn't vote for Netanyahu.
Kendall (36:10):
Right.
Kara (36:10):
People want to hold me responsible for what's going on
in the United States.
I live here, I'm a citizen, Ivoted.
I may not have voted for thecurrent president, but he is my
president.
And so you can hold me a littleresponsible for what's going on
here.
You don't hold a Hinduresponsible for what's going on
in India.
So that idea that somehow theJews in the world who have no
voting power in Israel areresponsible for what the Israeli
(36:33):
government is doing, it's verytroublesome, especially because
you add the physical fear ofbeing molested or hurt.
It's a hard space to be in.
Corey (36:45):
Well, hopefully this will end on a lighter note because
Kara, we we kind of switchedthings up since the last time
you were on the show.
But the final question that weanswered guests now is that when
you were going through this andwhen you were going through
your DNA discovery, is there amusical artist or a song that
you leaned on, Kara?
Kara (37:03):
That's a no-brainer for me.
Corey (37:05):
Oh, yeah.
Kara (37:06):
Zara Phillips and Run DMC have a song that most people
don't know.
Run DMC is adopted.
Zara's adopted.
And their song, the lyrics oftheir song is, you know, I'm
starting on chapter two.
I deserve to know everything.
I mean, it's just it's such abeautiful song.
And I think the lyrics reallycapture what I feel through my
(37:29):
process.
Corey (37:29):
We're old school hip hop household here, so we hold Red D
and C very close to our hearts.
So, Daryl, we'll just put thison the universe.
Please come on the show.
Kara (37:38):
Actually, Zara's coming to the next Untangling Our Roots,
and she's gonna be playing.
And so we're really excited tohave Zara there, and she will be
there with her husband.
I won't say his name out loud,but he's a really famous
guitarist in the UK.
So we're really excited to havethem both come and play and
(38:00):
untangling our roots.
Corey (38:01):
What songs are being played in the music room next to
the shelter?
Nico (38:04):
What songs?
Oh, mainly 2000, like popsongs.
I could just say my favoriteband, the band that I listened
to during the still one of myfavorite bands, is probably
Glass Arrows.
Kara (38:16):
Oh, when he got back, we sent him and his brothers to a
Glass Animals costume.
Oh, yeah.
They're awesome, Corey.
You should listen to them.
Corey (38:23):
Well, I haven't checked them out.
And I always said I was nevergonna be one of those people who
did not know who was in the butuh you know, still trying,
still trying to hang in there.
Kara (38:33):
I didn't say it, but Zara and Daryl's song is I'm legit,
just that way people can thankyou so much for taking some time
to share your stories.
Corey (38:43):
We appreciate it.
I I waited for a couple ofweeks after you were like safe
and sound before I reached outto your mom and said, Hey, do
you think Nico will come on thepodcast and tell this story?
Kara (38:51):
Right, creepy.
You know, having the DNA, a DNAsurprise, one of the good, one
of the positive sides is thecommunity that is uh amazing
that you be now become part of.
And the outpouring of supportfor me and for Nico during that
two-week period where we didn'tknow how or when he was gonna
come home was amazing.
(39:13):
And I'm really grateful for it.
Corey (39:15):
Yeah, we and we could see it, you know, on Facebook.
We were all very excited withyou.
We found out we were gonna behome safe.
So awesome.
Well, have an amazing holidayseason, and thank you again for
coming on.
Kara (39:29):
Of course, thank you so much.
Corey (39:30):
Kara and Nico, thank you both for being willing to talk
so honestly about identity,safety, and belonging at a time
when all three feel more fragilethan they should.
Kara's story says a lot aboutcourage.
It takes serious guts to stepinto a new identity while the
world is loudly arguing aboutwho gets to claim what.
Discovering you're Jewish in amoment of rising anti Semitism
(39:50):
isn't a soft landing.
It comes with questions aboutsafety, visibility, and whether
you should think twice aboutwearing a Star of David or on
your neck in public.
And even when With all of that,she moved toward community,
toward learning, towardconnection.
That kind of strength isremarkable.
And hearing Nico talk aboutmissile sirens and evacuations
(40:11):
with the calm of someonedescribing their walk to school
is a reminder of how fast youngpeople adjust to things that
should never be normal.
What stood out most to us washis ability to sit with the
reality of danger withoutletting it shut down his life.
Many adults never learn thatkind of balance, and he learned
it the hard way.
So if you're listening andyou're living outside your own
(40:31):
identity shift, maybe with abrand new heritage, a new
parent, new culture, or the gutpunch of discovering that
someone you love wasn't honestwith you, please hear me when I
say this.
You are not alone.
You deserve time and space andcommunity while you sort it all
out.
And as Kara's dad said, and aswe repeat around here all the
time, you have a right to knowwho your people are.
(40:53):
If this conversation made youthink about someone who's
wrestling with big questionsabout identity or heritage,
please share it with them.
And if you're ready to tellyour own story, reach out to us,
we'd love to talk to you.
And remember, family secretsare the ultimate plot twist.
The Family Twist Podcast ispresented by Savoie Fair
(41:13):
Marketing Communications andproduced by How the Cow Ate the
Cabbage LLC.
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