September 30, 2025 • 31 mins
What if the first clue to your DNA surprise was hidden in your parents’ wedding video — and years later, the search pointed to identical twins?
Episode Overview
In this episode of the Family Twist podcast, Corey and Kendall talk with Emily, a fellow New England podcaster who uncovered her DNA surprise in an unforgettable way. As a child, she noticed she was in her parents’ wedding video, and that observation launched decades of questions about her identity.
Emily’s journey stretched from childhood curiosity to a paternity test at Dunkin Donuts, to the unique complication of identical twins in DNA testing, and the heartbreak of a mother who could not talk about the past. Along the way, she faced silence, secrecy, and the reality that reunion is rarely the fantasy we imagine.
This is a story of identity, resilience, and what happens when nature and nurture collide in unexpected ways.
My Birth Father Is Either One of Two Twins… or Their Dad
What You’ll Learn
- How a wedding video sparked Emily’s search for her biological father
- Why secrecy and shame around conception left lasting scars
- How identical twins complicate DNA test results in family discovery
- Why a parent’s lack of curiosity can be as painful as rejection
- How adoptees and NPEs balance gratitude for their raising families with the right to know their origins
Episode Chapters
00:00 – Welcome and introduction to Emily
01:00 – Discovering she was in her parents’ wedding video
02:00 – Learning she was adopted by her raising father
03:00 – Secrecy and shame around her conception
04:00 – Tracking down her first possible father
05:00 – Paternity test at Dunkin Donuts
06:00 – DNA testing with 23andMe, Ancestry, and GEDmatch
08:00 – The identical twins twist
10:00 – Meeting her biological father for the first time
12:00 – Family synchronicities and high school connections
14:00 – Building a relationship with her biological father and siblings
16:00 – Navigating her mother’s silence
18:00 – The weight of “you should be grateful” in adoptee experiences
20:00 – Kendall’s parallels in adoption reunion
24:00 – Managing reunion expectations versus reality
26:00 – Finding connection through music
28:00 – Closing reflections and resources
Resources and Mentions
- New England Podcasters Group: Join here
- Right to Know: righttoknow.us
- NPE Friends Fellowship: npefellowship.org
- Donor Sibling Registry: donorsiblingregistry.com
If Emily’s DNA surprise story resonated with you, share this episode with someone navigating adoption, donor conception, or an NPE discovery. Subscribe to Family Twist on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Leaving a review helps more people discover stories of adoption reunions, family secrets, and DNA testing.
Family Twist is a podcast about DNA surprises, NPE experiences, adoption journeys, and donor conception stories. Hosted by Corey and Kendall Stulce, the show features real conversations about identity, family, and belonging. In this episode, Emily shares how she uncovered her DNA surprise through a wedding video, the unique challenge of identical twin DNA results, and the impact of family secrecy on her search for truth.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Welcome back.
On this episode of Family Twist,we're joined by Emily, a fellow
New England podcaster whose DNAsurprise began with a wedding
video and a simple question (00:08):
Why am I in my parents' wedding?
That moment launched decades ofsearching from a Dunkin' Donuts
paternity test to a shockingidentical twin't twist.
Emily shares the weight offamily shame, the silence of a
mother who cannot talk, and thereality that reunion is rarely
the fairy tale we imagine.
(00:28):
Along the way, Kendall opens upabout his own experience, what
it felt like when his adoptivefamily support clashed with
relatives who wanted him to stopsearching, and how reunion with
his birth father brought bothjoy and frustration.
Together, these storieshighlight the right to know your
origins, the pain of parents whoaren't quite curious enough, and
the ways that humor, music, andcommunity help us bridge the
(00:51):
silence.
SPEAKER_03 (00:54):
Welcome, Emily, to the Family Twist Podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
Thank you.
Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_02 (01:00):
Well, we're excited to have you, not just because
we're interested in your story,but we're all members of the New
England Podcasters Group, whichis an awesome organization, been
around for what a little over ayear now.
And anyone out there who has apodcast and you live in New
England, I encourage you tocheck them out or check us out,
and I'll put links in the shownotes.
(01:22):
But how did you hear about thegroup, Emily?
SPEAKER_01 (01:24):
I we keep trying to figure it out.
It was somehow Amy, of course,and she is like the
pro-teerleader for that group,but I gotta say, I don't usually
do groups, like I'm not a groupperson, and I love New England
Podcasters group.
So there is some sort of specialmagic.
SPEAKER_02 (01:40):
Absolutely, yeah, it's cool.
I mean, so welcoming, sohelpful.
And I think that might be why wearen't involved with a lot of
groups, because it's not salesy,you know, it's very just like uh
community collaborative.
Let's celebrate each other,let's help each other, you know,
all the good stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (01:57):
Yeah, agreed.
SPEAKER_02 (02:00):
So even though we were part of the group, we had
no idea that you've got a DNAsurprise.
How did you discover this?
SPEAKER_01 (02:08):
Okay, so how did I discover the surprise?
Well, I grew up not knowing thatmy dad was not my dad, the
person that my mother married.
And you have to forgive mebecause I know that some of your
guests use the right terms, andI like don't know any of them.
So despite having done like alot of research, I still don't
know all these terms.
SPEAKER_02 (02:29):
That's okay.
Yeah, well, I don't even know ifwe say the right terms.
And there's new terms addedevery day.
SPEAKER_01 (02:35):
It's funny because as a little girl, like as a
three-year-old, I remember mymom dating my dad, and I
remember calling him David, butI don't remember like that that
was weird at all.
You know, I mean, you justdon't.
You're a little, little kid.
So I didn't know for a longtime.
And one day I used to watch likemy parents' wedding video over
and over and over again becauseI just was obsessed with it.
(02:57):
I was watching it with myfriend, and she's like, Why are
you in your parents' wedding?
And I was like, I don't know.
Aren't all kids in theirparents' weddings?
I'll ask my mom.
So I asked my mom and she said,Well, your dad actually didn't
just choose me, he chose you andhe adopted you.
And so she's like, Here's yourbirth certificate.
You know, we changed your nameover from my maiden name to his
name, and that's that.
(03:19):
So I asked, kind of like, well,if he's not my real dad, like
who is my real dad?
Like, what is the story here?
And basically the way it wastold to me, it was it was a lot
of shame.
My parents were like very, theycame from very religious
background.
There was a lot of shame inwhatever this big, deep, dark
secret was.
And the way it was posed to meis that my mom had an
(03:39):
interaction with somebody shewas working with at the time,
and bada bing, bada boom, thenI'm in the world.
So that was kind of it.
And when I that was when I waslike eight or nine years old.
And so by the time I was 11,like I just could not stop
thinking about this.
And I'd be like looking for himin like everybody's face, which
that actually like neverstopped.
You know, I'd be like, who ishe?
(04:00):
Do I know him?
And so when I was 11, I startedlike really trying to figure out
like I'm gonna ask for morequestions, I'm gonna figure out
who this person is.
She gave me a name and I held onto that name for from 11 to 21.
And then I was like, okay, I'mfinding this person.
So I can pause or I can justkeep on going down that road if
you want.
SPEAKER_02 (04:20):
Let's keep on going.
SPEAKER_01 (04:21):
Okay.
So I'm 21 years old, and I startGoogling this guy's name.
It's a common name.
And if I'm allowed to use names,I'll use it.
It was Norm Scott.
So it's like kind of a commonname.
So I'm looking and looking, andI finally find like a couple
that I'm like, okay, this is theright age range, the right area
in Maine.
He would have lived around mymother at the same time.
(04:42):
So I narrowed down to oneperson.
I find his family on Facebook,like his two daughters, contact
them, and they did notappreciate me contacting them.
The circumstances under which Iwas supposedly conceived were
like really bad.
So their mother was dying ofbreast cancer, and their father
and my mother worked together.
(05:02):
So they were not like veryinspired to meet me, but they
also knew that I would comelooking for their dad, and they
connected me to him.
We got together, thanks to mygrandmother, like bringing me to
meet him, and we met at aDunkin' Donuts in Lisbon Falls.
Then we went to go take apaternity test.
After that first conversationwith him, I was like, oh, 100%.
(05:23):
Like he is definitely the one.
Like, no question.
And he knew it.
Like he's like, Yes, I alwaysknew you'd come looking for me.
So we take this paternity test,and don't you know it comes back
0.0000001% chance that he is thefather?
And I'm like, well, that0.0001%, maybe he is.
(05:44):
And they're like, that's not howit works, honey.
So I'm back to the drawing boardat that point.
And you know, I always stillwondered, and I asked my mom,
it's not him, so we need to forkover some names here.
And she she said, basically, shedoesn't remember, she doesn't
know, but she used this phraseof, I don't even remember the
(06:05):
name of the friend that I wentto the party with.
Like she used that, and I neverlet that go.
So fast forward to my 30s, Ithink I'm like 31, 32 at this
point.
My husband got me a 23 in me forChristmas.
The goal of it was to kind offigure out, like, we all sort of
thought I had like this verylike exotic gene or something.
(06:26):
I was like, ooh, I'm definitelygonna be something exciting
because I don't look likeanybody else in my family.
So he got me this 23andMe, and Iam very unsurprisingly highly
French, Canadian, English, andand Irish, like everybody else
in the world.
And not everybody else in theworld, sorry, everybody else in
that area.
So I take this 23andMe, and Ididn't have any really close
(06:51):
connections at all.
Pretty much all of myconnections on there were fourth
cousins or third cousins, whichwas pretty frustrating.
A fourth cousin did reach out tome.
She lives in New Zealand, and wefigured out she and I were
connected on my mother's side,and she's really savvy in DNA.
So she's like, I'm gonna helpyou.
She said, first thing you needto do, you need to get an
(07:13):
ancestry, you need to get Jedmatch, and then like I must have
submitted it to like three otherplaces.
So I'm like$700 with like DNAswabs alone.
unknown (07:23):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (07:23):
And then she said, you really need to get somebody
on your mother's side because atthe time, 23 and me and
Ancestry, they didn't parsethrough mother-father unless you
had a definite match.
So she said, I need to getsomebody on my mother's side
close if I could to take a test.
So I got my aunt to take a test,and then it starts like being
(07:44):
able to see who's on mymother's, who's on my father's.
So I took everyone on myfather's side that I possibly
could, and I would either lookat them on 23andMe or Ancestry
and build their tree backwards.
And Philippa, that's her name inNew Zealand.
She helped with this becausethere was a lot of it.
Like when you get to cousins,you're starting to look at like
(08:05):
all of these different roads andpaths you could take, and it
could lead to like sevendifferent people.
So she was really good at beinglike, you can eliminate that one
because the last name won't getyou where you want to go.
So that took a long time.
Like my husband bought me thetest in December, and I worked
on that straight on throughuntil March.
I was just like at my computerevery single day.
(08:27):
I had a retail shop at the time.
So when no customers were in thestore, I was just like building
trees.
Like I was dreaming in familytrees, and there were a lot of
suspects, if you will.
So I would kind of get somebody,look at them on Facebook, and be
like, oh dear God, I hope that'sit, or like, I hope that's not
it.
Like, you know, you would justhave so many questions at that
(08:48):
time.
So finally, it was in March thatwe got a real breakthrough.
There was a second cousin thatcame through on my dad's side on
Ancestry, built his tree back,found a very unique last name,
and then that last name took usto three options.
The three options were an oldergentleman who would have been
(09:10):
probably 30 years older than mymother at the time, and then two
identical twins, Steven andStuart.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
So after, well, I didn't ruleout the father, but I did reach
out to their sister, and theirsister was like, You're crazy.
I don't know what you're talkingabout, but I'll ask them.
(09:33):
So she asks her brothers.
Both of them are like, No, wehave no recollection of this.
Like, I don't know what you'retalking about.
Who is this person, right?
Like, is she just coming for ourmoney?
Yeah.
So eventually I convinced theirsister to also take a DNA test
with me.
And she, I purchased one forher.
It sat on her counter for likesix months and she never took
(09:56):
it.
And the conversation with me andSteven kept on going, kind of
like, would you consider takingone as well?
You know, I really like thinkthere might be something to
this.
So he's like, it must be my mybrother, because it's not me.
The the problem with identicaltwins is their DNA is also
identical, but I knew at leastif I could get him to take a
(10:18):
test, then I would be able tosay, Well, it's at least one of
the two of them.
Or it's their father.
So I got him to take a test, andlo and behold, it said 50%
match.
The, you know, that is thepaternal father.
So again, the problem is thatlike we weren't still sure if it
was him or his brother, but wemet in December of 2018.
(10:41):
That was a year later.
I was the most nervous I haveever been in my life.
He's an airline pilot.
So he did an overnight in thetown near me, and we met at a
hotel bar.
It was amazing.
I remember the day after it waslike the first time that my feet
ever felt like they have hit theground, connected to my head.
(11:01):
Everything always had been verydisconnected for me.
And I would look in the mirrorand be like, I don't see myself.
Like it was just all very weird.
And that was the first day Ireally started to like see all
these pieces of me like kind ofcome together.
So we still didn't a hundredpercent know, but he was best
friends with somebody my motherwas friends with, also.
(11:24):
And I said, Why don't you justlike think, you know, get your
memory juices going or whatever,think back to this neighborhood
because this is where she lived,and I know she would be going to
like parties and stuff in thatarea, and it all kind of came
flooding back to him.
SPEAKER_02 (11:38):
So wow.
SPEAKER_01 (11:39):
Yeah, so I'll pause there.
SPEAKER_02 (11:41):
That's a lot to unpack.
But let's go back.
I have a couple of questions.
Uh so the gentleman that youfirst thought might be your
father, does that mean that hedoes have a child out there
somewhere?
SPEAKER_01 (11:55):
No, but he did have an affair with my mother.
SPEAKER_02 (11:58):
Gotcha.
SPEAKER_01 (11:59):
And actually, I do believe that I think he had a
vasectomy, so I think thechances would have been really,
really low anyway.
So the odds would have been lowanyway, but he still didn't put
it past him.
SPEAKER_02 (12:13):
Gotcha.
All right.
I wasn't expecting the identicaltwin thing to pop up.
So that's interesting.
Okay, I I think we're ready justto hear more of her.
SPEAKER_01 (12:22):
Okay, so I'll share this because it gets a little
weirder in synchronicities.
So him, okay, so I told my nana,because she's like been my avid
supporter in finding this out.
I did bring it up to my mother,and she's like, you know, I
don't know them.
I knew them in high school.
I went to high school with them,is what she said, but I don't
(12:42):
know them.
So my nana, when I said theirname, she's like, Oh my gosh.
Okay, so his birthday isNovember 19th, 1963.
My mother's birthday is November20th, 1963.
They were born in yeah, theywere born in the same town in
the same hospital, and my nanawas having my mother next to,
(13:07):
like, you know how it thehospital rooms are separated by
like a curtain.
They're in the recovery roomsafter having their babies next
to each other on those days.
What I was doing.
So, yeah, so it's a littlecrazy.
They did go to high schooltogether, it turns out.
All of them were in the exactsame class.
They all know my aunts, theirdad had a grocery store, my
(13:28):
grandfather had a little generalstore, so they were like the
dueling family store, which isso funny.
Theirs was like a health foodstore, ours was like the
opposite of a health food store.
And yeah, so the birthday thing,and then I'm trying to think of
what other kind of oh, his wifewas really uncomfortable with
this whole situation.
Like, I think she was the oneinitially being like, don't get
(13:52):
together with this girl, youknow, what is happening here?
Like, I don't want to bethinking about your past and who
you've been with and who youdon't even remember that you've
been with, you know.
So I think it was really, reallyhard on her.
And I do understand.
I try to put myself in her shoesa lot, actually.
Like, if that were to happen tome, how I would receive it.
Her name is also Emily, whichwas a little funny.
(14:15):
So I made a promise to my motherthat I would never bring it up
with her again because she's sohighly uncomfortable talking
about it and is such an area ofshame for her, which I think has
been that's been really hard forme.
Steven is fantastic.
I get along really, really wellwith him.
I have a lot of similaritieswith him.
(14:36):
I've met one of his children, hehas two, and him and I are like
both really neurotically thesame in lots of different ways.
Like when we got together, I waslike, oh my gosh, me too.
We do the same gestures.
Like that, that's a littleweird.
That's where you really get tosee the nature nurture come
through.
And I enjoyed that experience.
(14:57):
I felt like the the nature pieceof me was like really, really
satisfied.
Like, okay, this explains somuch of why I've never really
exactly felt like the perfectfit anywhere that I was.
And he's not like the best atbeing like responsive.
So like sometimes I'll likereach out and it'll be like
weeks before he gets back to me.
He doesn't remember my birthday.
So there are still things whereit's just it's sad.
(15:19):
Like you lost a lot of time withsomebody that you could have had
a great relationship with.
And I'm not really great friendswith my dad that my mom married.
And I'm also not like bestfriends with my mom.
I mean, we're good friends, butnot like best friends.
So I just feel like that part ofme always kind of got lost.
And I feel one thing I want tosay is I had a very fairy tale,
(15:43):
happy ending in my head of likehow this was all gonna go,
especially when I met him.
I was like, this is amazing.
Like we just hit it off.
Everybody in the family I love,you know.
But it's just not that.
Like, it's really hard to merge,you know.
I've spent 40 years of my lifealmost like building it a
certain way, and it's hard to belike, well, now we do Christmas
(16:05):
with this random family thatnobody else has any access to.
So my relationship with him isreally private and secret, and
there's not a lot of people inmy family that know about it.
SPEAKER_02 (16:18):
Well, I mean, we can definitely relate to that
because you know, we know of asituation close to us that very
similar, and I just can'timagine like how it feels for
you, how it feels for yourmother.
Does it drive you crazy that youcan't talk about it with her?
SPEAKER_01 (16:37):
Yes, but I'm an extremely understanding person.
I what I don't understand as awoman is how you kind of don't
remember something like that.
Although I do understand thatall kinds of substances and
situations can be involved.
So I do understand.
I think it's sort of unfair whenit's somebody else's life that
(16:59):
is also impacted and it is sodefinitive of like who they are
and who they're becoming.
In my heart, I'm always soprotective of my mother that I'm
just like, I, you know, I can'tbe mad at her at the end of the
day because I don't believe thatshe really has a choice to be
any other way.
SPEAKER_02 (17:14):
So sure, sure.
But at the same time, I mean, itthis is your right to know the
truth.
Do you think that she is upsetwith you for going as far as you
did and actually making thediscovery?
SPEAKER_01 (17:29):
I think that they always really wanted me to bel
to go along with that my adopteddad was my dad.
And like, you, you know, youshould be grateful.
He chose you, he chose both ofus.
Like, this is such a gift.
I really struggle to identifywith him and his family.
(17:49):
Like, I am as far from the polaropposite as you can get.
And so I think that this justadded to that barrier.
Like, and I think thatfrustrated her.
My mom is very close to him,like super, super close to him.
And so I think that's alwaysjust been like a thing between
us, you know.
So I think she is, I think it'smore like something like she's
(18:12):
like, I it's too painful for herto talk about, or just too
something for her to talk about.
I don't even know what'sblocking it, but she can't even
really access it.
SPEAKER_02 (18:22):
Well, I know all the adoptees listening cringed a
couple of moments ago when yousaid that she should be grateful
because that's one of like thetriggering things that really
gets people going.
It's like you know, I mean, uhwe understand there's a lot of
education to happen, and it'shard for people to like put
themselves into somebody else'shead.
Yeah you know, but those kindsof insensitivities, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
I don't think she realizes because she hasn't had
to go through this, and I Iwould I don't think you really
can understand what it's like tonot be able to put together your
identity until you can't.
And it is the most frustratingthing, and I don't even it's not
like that defines me, but itwhen I would especially when
(19:05):
you're young, it does.
And you're just trying to figureout those pieces and like who am
I and why am I like this andanswer all of those big life
questions.
And so when no one's like kindof being responsive to that, it
can be really, really hard andfrustrating.
SPEAKER_03 (19:22):
So yeah, I knew before my parents died, my
adoptive parents both diedreally young.
And I knew though that they wereboth supportive of my search,
yeah.
Being an angsty teenager when mymother had passed, and then my
father passed, my mother'sadopted mother's sister.
(19:44):
I told her, I'm gonna continueto try to find biological
family.
She was the one that wasoffended.
She was like, How dare you?
And I said, Wait, wait, wait.
I know that you know that momand dad were cool with it, so
you need to dial it back.
A notch.
And till the day she died beforeI found my family, she said, you
(20:07):
know, don't disrespect them.
And I was like, Aunt Pat, youdon't get to make that judgment
for me.
SPEAKER_00 (20:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (20:14):
You know your family.
You know which both sides.
And it's not fair when I knowthat I had my parents' support
to go on this journey.
I'm going on it.
You know, and I granted I wasbeating my head against a wall
back then.
You know what I mean?
I was probably just saying thatto spite her at that point.
But it was hard for me to showpeople grace when I was really
(20:36):
going through it.
I wish I hadn't been asdemonstrative with her as I was,
but that was just kind of herand my dynamic.
And she did she did settle downa bit, but I know in her heart
she felt like I wasdisrespecting my adoptive
family.
And I wasn't.
SPEAKER_01 (20:55):
Yeah.
That's how I think my mom tookit too.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (20:59):
You can have positive memories, but still
want to find the other side ofthe equation.
SPEAKER_01 (21:04):
Yeah.
And knowing that, you know, Imight not actually get a good
answer on the other side of thisequation.
And I had that recognition many,many times as I was looking on
Ancestry.
And like I'd look somebody up onFacebook and be like, okay, this
might not be the situation Ithought it was going to be.
And I still think it's as greatas it could have turned out for
(21:25):
me.
I still don't think it's what Idreamed of.
You know, I think a lot ofpeople are really wanting that
relationship with one of theirparents.
And it can look all differentways for all of us.
And I just think I really socraved that that like when it
didn't happen the way I thoughtit was going to happen, I was
like, oh, another parent I don'treally have a perfect
(21:47):
relationship with.
Right now I have three, and noneof them are exactly what I would
want them to be.
SPEAKER_03 (21:53):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (21:54):
Yeah.
It's a tough position to be infor sure.
Kendall and I were having aconversation over the weekend.
We're working on fleshing outhis story for a possible book or
something along those lines.
And I was asking him about, youknow, when I got him the DNA
test that we made the discoveryfrom, because it had at that
point it had been, you know, along time where he would been
(22:16):
looking, and I think at thatpoint, had pretty much given up.
So I'm curious after that first,you know, I'm not actually your
dad situation, Emily.
Like, why did you wait so longafter that to continue the
journey?
SPEAKER_01 (22:30):
You know, probably because I couldn't afford to go
on to 23 and me, like 20.
I was not very good with money.
So that's probably my answer.
And I can't remember how muchthat first kit cost when my
husband got it for me.
I think it was like$200.
But that was kind of when, youknow, and also I had the support
of my spouse at that time,saying, like, I want to help you
(22:52):
now find this person.
And like, this is reallyimportant and meaningful to you.
So, like, let me give you thatgift so that you can take that
next step.
Because without that, I don'tknow if I ever would have
invested in it for myself, youknow, or I would have waited a
much longer time and I wouldhave kept looking at people's
faces and being like, Oh, maybethat's it, maybe, which it gets
(23:13):
you nowhere.
Because especially when you havebrown hair and brown eyes, you
look like everyone up in inMaine.
SPEAKER_02 (23:21):
Has your husband been able to start forming a
relationship with your father?
SPEAKER_01 (23:25):
Yeah, actually, Steven really loves my husband.
He thinks he's fantastic.
We don't my husband and I have aa hard time like traveling
together just with our workschedules.
So every time, for example, hewould invite me to Florida, like
I would want to go with myhusband, but I would be like,
Well, I'm too scared to go bymyself.
So we just wouldn't go.
But we did go up and visit themin Maine, and everybody was a
(23:49):
big fan, and we're like kind oflike the novelty when we go see
everybody, you know.
So, yes, they all very much lovehim, and he really likes their
whole side a lot.
Again, it's hard because now I'mlike, okay, I want you to form a
bond with this family and thisfamily, and we have your family.
Like, let's form all the bondswith all the people.
(24:09):
And he's very introverted, so Ithink that's kind of like he
wants to go deep with people,right?
And not like as wide.
So I prefer to have deeperrelationships as well.
SPEAKER_02 (24:18):
Gotcha.
Yeah, I pretty much just likebulldoze my ways of me.
SPEAKER_03 (24:24):
You know, it's like that has worked in our
situation.
In fact, I feel like when Ifirst met my biological dad, I
feel like Corey helpedfacilitate some of those
conversations because I'm one ofthose people, and I love my dad,
don't get me wrong, but he isnot inquisitive at all about
(24:45):
anything.
And I'm the kind of person likeit needs to be back and forth,
right?
Like, I want to ask you aboutyour life, and I need you to ask
me about mine.
And he wouldn't.
It would piss me off.
And I'd be like, forget it,Corey.
I'm not gonna talk.
And Corey would help.
Yeah, he's a journalist.
You know, he would, he'd almostlike, hey, you both are sitting
(25:05):
down.
Why don't we talk about that?
Or he'd facilitate theconversation.
And we needed that because toyour point, I didn't realize how
delusional I am about how allthese things would go.
I had just built this scenariowhere I'm the best thing since
sliced bread, and you just foundme, and you should realize how
(25:26):
fantastic I am.
And that's not the way ithappened.
I mean, people were receptive,but not at the level that I
thought they should be.
I was 47 when I made thisdiscovery.
I had developed this wholebackstory, you know, in my mind
about everything, and nothingthat I thought came true.
(25:49):
So be kind of fantasies.
SPEAKER_01 (25:51):
I really want to highlight that lack of
inquisitiveness, and that isreally frustrating.
I mean, that is actually a hugeletdown in any parental
relationship, but especiallythis one, because you do think
to yourself, like, oh my gosh,they're gonna want to know
everything.
Like they're gonna want to knowwhy I do this gesture and why I
make this noise.
And it's it's it's alsoimportant to realize it's not
(26:14):
the same because for us, it wasa piece of who we are, and for
them, it's sort of like anaddition to who they are, right?
Like for us, it's a missingpiece, for them, it's an
addition.
And so my biological father isthe same way, he's not
inquisitive, and uh so I bringlike lists of questions because
I'm like, I have 20 topics, hedoesn't reciprocate, and that is
(26:36):
something I've just learned.
SPEAKER_03 (26:37):
Yeah, we do.
It's funny that you say thatbecause when I met my dad, what
I found him doing sometimes waslike trying to compare me to my
local brother and sister, likehis other two kids.
And I was like, Yeah, not likeeither of them, you know what I
mean?
That's kind of as far as hisinquisitiveness went.
And I was like, Well, I couldtell you more, but I'm just not
(27:00):
going to.
In the den.
All three of fun.
(27:21):
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02 (27:23):
Yeah.
Well, and it's it's you know,Kendall's dad reminds me a lot
of my dad too, a lot of thesimilar personality, you know.
So that was nice for me too,because you know, my dad died
when I was 17.
So just having that that sort ofshared moment is kind of like,
you know, a flashback, you know,to to that.
SPEAKER_01 (27:43):
Yeah, I love that.
And now you are all stillfriends with their family where
near where you live, yes?
It's complicated.
SPEAKER_02 (27:53):
In some instances, it's complicated, but yeah.
I mean, we're uh we're still inrelation with that whole side of
the family, and then not as muchon Kendall's birth mother's
side.
But you know, we have his sisterwho is working in Connecticut
right now, and so you know,that's it's great.
We got to spend a long weekendwith Stephanie and two of our
(28:16):
friends that have become reallygood friends of ours last month,
and it was just those momentsare so magical and so memorable.
It's like they remind you likewhy we did this in the first
place and why it's worth thefrustration and the ongoing
drama and all of that.
SPEAKER_00 (28:33):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (28:36):
So speaking of mute, Emily, I don't know if you've
been listening to the mostrecent episodes because we just
started this not too long ago,but the question that we've been
asking all guests on FamilyTwist is that when you were kind
of going through the process,either searching for family or
finding dead ends, or finallydiscovering your dad, is there a
(28:59):
musical artist that you lean onin times of frustration or
trauma?
SPEAKER_01 (29:04):
That's funny.
Probably more in my my angstytwenties when it was that's
probably when I used music forleaning on, but I I will share a
musical story.
When I was going to meet him atthat hotel bar restaurant, I had
Kat Stevens the first cut is thedeepest playing, and I remember
(29:26):
it like yesterday.
Like I even remember like myhands on the steering wheel,
like trying to calm myself down,you know, doing like the back
and forth and doing it to thebeat of Kat Stevens.
And it I just I've always lovedthat song.
So there we go.
That's kind of relative to anyany trauma.
SPEAKER_02 (29:42):
Yeah, I'm sure that's a song that a lot of
people relate to for a lot ofreasons, you know.
That's definitely a good one.
Awesome.
Well, Emily, thank you so muchfor being open to share your
story.
I think kind of I feel like weknow you a little bit better
now, which is great because welove the growing community of
the New England Podcastersgroup.
And so it's always wonderful tomake a new friend.
(30:03):
We can't wait to meet you inperson.
SPEAKER_01 (30:05):
Thank you so much for having me and letting me
share.
And you will remain in my earsuntil the next time we meet in
person.
SPEAKER_02 (30:13):
Sounds good.
Thank you.
Emily's story, alongsideKendall's, reminds us why Family
Twist exists.
DNA surprises aren't just abouttest results, they're about
identity, belonging, andnavigating silence.
Emily faced the uniquecomplication of identical twins
and the heartbreak of a motherwho shut down the conversation.
(30:34):
Kendall shared his own versionof that gap when reunion didn't
match the fantasy he'd builtover 47 years, and how even
small moments, like soon CarolKing's tapestry with his dad,
created the connection he longedfor.
If these stories resonate withyou, please share this episode
with a friend who might need it.
You'll find links to resourcesand support groups in the show
(30:54):
notes.
And please subscribe, rate, andreview Family Twist wherever you
listen, because family secretsare the ultimate pop twist, and
telling them helps us all feelless alone.
The Family Twist podcast ispresented by Sabwa Fair
Marketing Communications andproduced by Habakkaui Cabbage
LLC.
Welcome back.
On this episode of Family Twist,we're joined by Emily, a fellow
New England podcaster whose DNAsurprise began with a wedding
video and a simple question (00:08):
Why am I in my parents' wedding?
That moment launched decades ofsearching from a Dunkin' Donuts
paternity test to a shockingidentical twin't twist.
Emily shares the weight offamily shame, the silence of a
mother who cannot talk, and thereality that reunion is rarely
the fairy tale we imagine.
(00:28):
Along the way, Kendall opens upabout his own experience, what
it felt like when his adoptivefamily support clashed with
relatives who wanted him to stopsearching, and how reunion with
his birth father brought bothjoy and frustration.
Together, these storieshighlight the right to know your
origins, the pain of parents whoaren't quite curious enough, and
the ways that humor, music, andcommunity help us bridge the
(00:51):
silence.
SPEAKER_03 (00:54):
Welcome, Emily, to the Family Twist Podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
Thank you.
Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_02 (01:00):
Well, we're excited to have you, not just because
we're interested in your story,but we're all members of the New
England Podcasters Group, whichis an awesome organization, been
around for what a little over ayear now.
And anyone out there who has apodcast and you live in New
England, I encourage you tocheck them out or check us out,
and I'll put links in the shownotes.
(01:22):
But how did you hear about thegroup, Emily?
SPEAKER_01 (01:24):
I we keep trying to figure it out.
It was somehow Amy, of course,and she is like the
pro-teerleader for that group,but I gotta say, I don't usually
do groups, like I'm not a groupperson, and I love New England
Podcasters group.
So there is some sort of specialmagic.
SPEAKER_02 (01:40):
Absolutely, yeah, it's cool.
I mean, so welcoming, sohelpful.
And I think that might be why wearen't involved with a lot of
groups, because it's not salesy,you know, it's very just like uh
community collaborative.
Let's celebrate each other,let's help each other, you know,
all the good stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (01:57):
Yeah, agreed.
SPEAKER_02 (02:00):
So even though we were part of the group, we had
no idea that you've got a DNAsurprise.
How did you discover this?
SPEAKER_01 (02:08):
Okay, so how did I discover the surprise?
Well, I grew up not knowing thatmy dad was not my dad, the
person that my mother married.
And you have to forgive mebecause I know that some of your
guests use the right terms, andI like don't know any of them.
So despite having done like alot of research, I still don't
know all these terms.
SPEAKER_02 (02:29):
That's okay.
Yeah, well, I don't even know ifwe say the right terms.
And there's new terms addedevery day.
SPEAKER_01 (02:35):
It's funny because as a little girl, like as a
three-year-old, I remember mymom dating my dad, and I
remember calling him David, butI don't remember like that that
was weird at all.
You know, I mean, you justdon't.
You're a little, little kid.
So I didn't know for a longtime.
And one day I used to watch likemy parents' wedding video over
and over and over again becauseI just was obsessed with it.
(02:57):
I was watching it with myfriend, and she's like, Why are
you in your parents' wedding?
And I was like, I don't know.
Aren't all kids in theirparents' weddings?
I'll ask my mom.
So I asked my mom and she said,Well, your dad actually didn't
just choose me, he chose you andhe adopted you.
And so she's like, Here's yourbirth certificate.
You know, we changed your nameover from my maiden name to his
name, and that's that.
(03:19):
So I asked, kind of like, well,if he's not my real dad, like
who is my real dad?
Like, what is the story here?
And basically the way it wastold to me, it was it was a lot
of shame.
My parents were like very, theycame from very religious
background.
There was a lot of shame inwhatever this big, deep, dark
secret was.
And the way it was posed to meis that my mom had an
(03:39):
interaction with somebody shewas working with at the time,
and bada bing, bada boom, thenI'm in the world.
So that was kind of it.
And when I that was when I waslike eight or nine years old.
And so by the time I was 11,like I just could not stop
thinking about this.
And I'd be like looking for himin like everybody's face, which
that actually like neverstopped.
You know, I'd be like, who ishe?
(04:00):
Do I know him?
And so when I was 11, I startedlike really trying to figure out
like I'm gonna ask for morequestions, I'm gonna figure out
who this person is.
She gave me a name and I held onto that name for from 11 to 21.
And then I was like, okay, I'mfinding this person.
So I can pause or I can justkeep on going down that road if
you want.
SPEAKER_02 (04:20):
Let's keep on going.
SPEAKER_01 (04:21):
Okay.
So I'm 21 years old, and I startGoogling this guy's name.
It's a common name.
And if I'm allowed to use names,I'll use it.
It was Norm Scott.
So it's like kind of a commonname.
So I'm looking and looking, andI finally find like a couple
that I'm like, okay, this is theright age range, the right area
in Maine.
He would have lived around mymother at the same time.
(04:42):
So I narrowed down to oneperson.
I find his family on Facebook,like his two daughters, contact
them, and they did notappreciate me contacting them.
The circumstances under which Iwas supposedly conceived were
like really bad.
So their mother was dying ofbreast cancer, and their father
and my mother worked together.
(05:02):
So they were not like veryinspired to meet me, but they
also knew that I would comelooking for their dad, and they
connected me to him.
We got together, thanks to mygrandmother, like bringing me to
meet him, and we met at aDunkin' Donuts in Lisbon Falls.
Then we went to go take apaternity test.
After that first conversationwith him, I was like, oh, 100%.
(05:23):
Like he is definitely the one.
Like, no question.
And he knew it.
Like he's like, Yes, I alwaysknew you'd come looking for me.
So we take this paternity test,and don't you know it comes back
0.0000001% chance that he is thefather?
And I'm like, well, that0.0001%, maybe he is.
(05:44):
And they're like, that's not howit works, honey.
So I'm back to the drawing boardat that point.
And you know, I always stillwondered, and I asked my mom,
it's not him, so we need to forkover some names here.
And she she said, basically, shedoesn't remember, she doesn't
know, but she used this phraseof, I don't even remember the
(06:05):
name of the friend that I wentto the party with.
Like she used that, and I neverlet that go.
So fast forward to my 30s, Ithink I'm like 31, 32 at this
point.
My husband got me a 23 in me forChristmas.
The goal of it was to kind offigure out, like, we all sort of
thought I had like this verylike exotic gene or something.
(06:26):
I was like, ooh, I'm definitelygonna be something exciting
because I don't look likeanybody else in my family.
So he got me this 23andMe, and Iam very unsurprisingly highly
French, Canadian, English, andand Irish, like everybody else
in the world.
And not everybody else in theworld, sorry, everybody else in
that area.
So I take this 23andMe, and Ididn't have any really close
(06:51):
connections at all.
Pretty much all of myconnections on there were fourth
cousins or third cousins, whichwas pretty frustrating.
A fourth cousin did reach out tome.
She lives in New Zealand, and wefigured out she and I were
connected on my mother's side,and she's really savvy in DNA.
So she's like, I'm gonna helpyou.
She said, first thing you needto do, you need to get an
(07:13):
ancestry, you need to get Jedmatch, and then like I must have
submitted it to like three otherplaces.
So I'm like$700 with like DNAswabs alone.
unknown (07:23):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (07:23):
And then she said, you really need to get somebody
on your mother's side because atthe time, 23 and me and
Ancestry, they didn't parsethrough mother-father unless you
had a definite match.
So she said, I need to getsomebody on my mother's side
close if I could to take a test.
So I got my aunt to take a test,and then it starts like being
(07:44):
able to see who's on mymother's, who's on my father's.
So I took everyone on myfather's side that I possibly
could, and I would either lookat them on 23andMe or Ancestry
and build their tree backwards.
And Philippa, that's her name inNew Zealand.
She helped with this becausethere was a lot of it.
Like when you get to cousins,you're starting to look at like
(08:05):
all of these different roads andpaths you could take, and it
could lead to like sevendifferent people.
So she was really good at beinglike, you can eliminate that one
because the last name won't getyou where you want to go.
So that took a long time.
Like my husband bought me thetest in December, and I worked
on that straight on throughuntil March.
I was just like at my computerevery single day.
(08:27):
I had a retail shop at the time.
So when no customers were in thestore, I was just like building
trees.
Like I was dreaming in familytrees, and there were a lot of
suspects, if you will.
So I would kind of get somebody,look at them on Facebook, and be
like, oh dear God, I hope that'sit, or like, I hope that's not
it.
Like, you know, you would justhave so many questions at that
(08:48):
time.
So finally, it was in March thatwe got a real breakthrough.
There was a second cousin thatcame through on my dad's side on
Ancestry, built his tree back,found a very unique last name,
and then that last name took usto three options.
The three options were an oldergentleman who would have been
(09:10):
probably 30 years older than mymother at the time, and then two
identical twins, Steven andStuart.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
So after, well, I didn't ruleout the father, but I did reach
out to their sister, and theirsister was like, You're crazy.
I don't know what you're talkingabout, but I'll ask them.
(09:33):
So she asks her brothers.
Both of them are like, No, wehave no recollection of this.
Like, I don't know what you'retalking about.
Who is this person, right?
Like, is she just coming for ourmoney?
Yeah.
So eventually I convinced theirsister to also take a DNA test
with me.
And she, I purchased one forher.
It sat on her counter for likesix months and she never took
(09:56):
it.
And the conversation with me andSteven kept on going, kind of
like, would you consider takingone as well?
You know, I really like thinkthere might be something to
this.
So he's like, it must be my mybrother, because it's not me.
The the problem with identicaltwins is their DNA is also
identical, but I knew at leastif I could get him to take a
(10:18):
test, then I would be able tosay, Well, it's at least one of
the two of them.
Or it's their father.
So I got him to take a test, andlo and behold, it said 50%
match.
The, you know, that is thepaternal father.
So again, the problem is thatlike we weren't still sure if it
was him or his brother, but wemet in December of 2018.
(10:41):
That was a year later.
I was the most nervous I haveever been in my life.
He's an airline pilot.
So he did an overnight in thetown near me, and we met at a
hotel bar.
It was amazing.
I remember the day after it waslike the first time that my feet
ever felt like they have hit theground, connected to my head.
(11:01):
Everything always had been verydisconnected for me.
And I would look in the mirrorand be like, I don't see myself.
Like it was just all very weird.
And that was the first day Ireally started to like see all
these pieces of me like kind ofcome together.
So we still didn't a hundredpercent know, but he was best
friends with somebody my motherwas friends with, also.
(11:24):
And I said, Why don't you justlike think, you know, get your
memory juices going or whatever,think back to this neighborhood
because this is where she lived,and I know she would be going to
like parties and stuff in thatarea, and it all kind of came
flooding back to him.
SPEAKER_02 (11:38):
So wow.
SPEAKER_01 (11:39):
Yeah, so I'll pause there.
SPEAKER_02 (11:41):
That's a lot to unpack.
But let's go back.
I have a couple of questions.
Uh so the gentleman that youfirst thought might be your
father, does that mean that hedoes have a child out there
somewhere?
SPEAKER_01 (11:55):
No, but he did have an affair with my mother.
SPEAKER_02 (11:58):
Gotcha.
SPEAKER_01 (11:59):
And actually, I do believe that I think he had a
vasectomy, so I think thechances would have been really,
really low anyway.
So the odds would have been lowanyway, but he still didn't put
it past him.
SPEAKER_02 (12:13):
Gotcha.
All right.
I wasn't expecting the identicaltwin thing to pop up.
So that's interesting.
Okay, I I think we're ready justto hear more of her.
SPEAKER_01 (12:22):
Okay, so I'll share this because it gets a little
weirder in synchronicities.
So him, okay, so I told my nana,because she's like been my avid
supporter in finding this out.
I did bring it up to my mother,and she's like, you know, I
don't know them.
I knew them in high school.
I went to high school with them,is what she said, but I don't
(12:42):
know them.
So my nana, when I said theirname, she's like, Oh my gosh.
Okay, so his birthday isNovember 19th, 1963.
My mother's birthday is November20th, 1963.
They were born in yeah, theywere born in the same town in
the same hospital, and my nanawas having my mother next to,
(13:07):
like, you know how it thehospital rooms are separated by
like a curtain.
They're in the recovery roomsafter having their babies next
to each other on those days.
What I was doing.
So, yeah, so it's a littlecrazy.
They did go to high schooltogether, it turns out.
All of them were in the exactsame class.
They all know my aunts, theirdad had a grocery store, my
(13:28):
grandfather had a little generalstore, so they were like the
dueling family store, which isso funny.
Theirs was like a health foodstore, ours was like the
opposite of a health food store.
And yeah, so the birthday thing,and then I'm trying to think of
what other kind of oh, his wifewas really uncomfortable with
this whole situation.
Like, I think she was the oneinitially being like, don't get
(13:52):
together with this girl, youknow, what is happening here?
Like, I don't want to bethinking about your past and who
you've been with and who youdon't even remember that you've
been with, you know.
So I think it was really, reallyhard on her.
And I do understand.
I try to put myself in her shoesa lot, actually.
Like, if that were to happen tome, how I would receive it.
Her name is also Emily, whichwas a little funny.
(14:15):
So I made a promise to my motherthat I would never bring it up
with her again because she's sohighly uncomfortable talking
about it and is such an area ofshame for her, which I think has
been that's been really hard forme.
Steven is fantastic.
I get along really, really wellwith him.
I have a lot of similaritieswith him.
(14:36):
I've met one of his children, hehas two, and him and I are like
both really neurotically thesame in lots of different ways.
Like when we got together, I waslike, oh my gosh, me too.
We do the same gestures.
Like that, that's a littleweird.
That's where you really get tosee the nature nurture come
through.
And I enjoyed that experience.
(14:57):
I felt like the the nature pieceof me was like really, really
satisfied.
Like, okay, this explains somuch of why I've never really
exactly felt like the perfectfit anywhere that I was.
And he's not like the best atbeing like responsive.
So like sometimes I'll likereach out and it'll be like
weeks before he gets back to me.
He doesn't remember my birthday.
So there are still things whereit's just it's sad.
(15:19):
Like you lost a lot of time withsomebody that you could have had
a great relationship with.
And I'm not really great friendswith my dad that my mom married.
And I'm also not like bestfriends with my mom.
I mean, we're good friends, butnot like best friends.
So I just feel like that part ofme always kind of got lost.
And I feel one thing I want tosay is I had a very fairy tale,
(15:43):
happy ending in my head of likehow this was all gonna go,
especially when I met him.
I was like, this is amazing.
Like we just hit it off.
Everybody in the family I love,you know.
But it's just not that.
Like, it's really hard to merge,you know.
I've spent 40 years of my lifealmost like building it a
certain way, and it's hard to belike, well, now we do Christmas
(16:05):
with this random family thatnobody else has any access to.
So my relationship with him isreally private and secret, and
there's not a lot of people inmy family that know about it.
SPEAKER_02 (16:18):
Well, I mean, we can definitely relate to that
because you know, we know of asituation close to us that very
similar, and I just can'timagine like how it feels for
you, how it feels for yourmother.
Does it drive you crazy that youcan't talk about it with her?
SPEAKER_01 (16:37):
Yes, but I'm an extremely understanding person.
I what I don't understand as awoman is how you kind of don't
remember something like that.
Although I do understand thatall kinds of substances and
situations can be involved.
So I do understand.
I think it's sort of unfair whenit's somebody else's life that
(16:59):
is also impacted and it is sodefinitive of like who they are
and who they're becoming.
In my heart, I'm always soprotective of my mother that I'm
just like, I, you know, I can'tbe mad at her at the end of the
day because I don't believe thatshe really has a choice to be
any other way.
SPEAKER_02 (17:14):
So sure, sure.
But at the same time, I mean, itthis is your right to know the
truth.
Do you think that she is upsetwith you for going as far as you
did and actually making thediscovery?
SPEAKER_01 (17:29):
I think that they always really wanted me to bel
to go along with that my adopteddad was my dad.
And like, you, you know, youshould be grateful.
He chose you, he chose both ofus.
Like, this is such a gift.
I really struggle to identifywith him and his family.
(17:49):
Like, I am as far from the polaropposite as you can get.
And so I think that this justadded to that barrier.
Like, and I think thatfrustrated her.
My mom is very close to him,like super, super close to him.
And so I think that's alwaysjust been like a thing between
us, you know.
So I think she is, I think it'smore like something like she's
(18:12):
like, I it's too painful for herto talk about, or just too
something for her to talk about.
I don't even know what'sblocking it, but she can't even
really access it.
SPEAKER_02 (18:22):
Well, I know all the adoptees listening cringed a
couple of moments ago when yousaid that she should be grateful
because that's one of like thetriggering things that really
gets people going.
It's like you know, I mean, uhwe understand there's a lot of
education to happen, and it'shard for people to like put
themselves into somebody else'shead.
Yeah you know, but those kindsof insensitivities, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
I don't think she realizes because she hasn't had
to go through this, and I Iwould I don't think you really
can understand what it's like tonot be able to put together your
identity until you can't.
And it is the most frustratingthing, and I don't even it's not
like that defines me, but itwhen I would especially when
(19:05):
you're young, it does.
And you're just trying to figureout those pieces and like who am
I and why am I like this andanswer all of those big life
questions.
And so when no one's like kindof being responsive to that, it
can be really, really hard andfrustrating.
SPEAKER_03 (19:22):
So yeah, I knew before my parents died, my
adoptive parents both diedreally young.
And I knew though that they wereboth supportive of my search,
yeah.
Being an angsty teenager when mymother had passed, and then my
father passed, my mother'sadopted mother's sister.
(19:44):
I told her, I'm gonna continueto try to find biological
family.
She was the one that wasoffended.
She was like, How dare you?
And I said, Wait, wait, wait.
I know that you know that momand dad were cool with it, so
you need to dial it back.
A notch.
And till the day she died beforeI found my family, she said, you
(20:07):
know, don't disrespect them.
And I was like, Aunt Pat, youdon't get to make that judgment
for me.
SPEAKER_00 (20:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (20:14):
You know your family.
You know which both sides.
And it's not fair when I knowthat I had my parents' support
to go on this journey.
I'm going on it.
You know, and I granted I wasbeating my head against a wall
back then.
You know what I mean?
I was probably just saying thatto spite her at that point.
But it was hard for me to showpeople grace when I was really
(20:36):
going through it.
I wish I hadn't been asdemonstrative with her as I was,
but that was just kind of herand my dynamic.
And she did she did settle downa bit, but I know in her heart
she felt like I wasdisrespecting my adoptive
family.
And I wasn't.
SPEAKER_01 (20:55):
Yeah.
That's how I think my mom tookit too.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (20:59):
You can have positive memories, but still
want to find the other side ofthe equation.
SPEAKER_01 (21:04):
Yeah.
And knowing that, you know, Imight not actually get a good
answer on the other side of thisequation.
And I had that recognition many,many times as I was looking on
Ancestry.
And like I'd look somebody up onFacebook and be like, okay, this
might not be the situation Ithought it was going to be.
And I still think it's as greatas it could have turned out for
(21:25):
me.
I still don't think it's what Idreamed of.
You know, I think a lot ofpeople are really wanting that
relationship with one of theirparents.
And it can look all differentways for all of us.
And I just think I really socraved that that like when it
didn't happen the way I thoughtit was going to happen, I was
like, oh, another parent I don'treally have a perfect
(21:47):
relationship with.
Right now I have three, and noneof them are exactly what I would
want them to be.
SPEAKER_03 (21:53):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (21:54):
Yeah.
It's a tough position to be infor sure.
Kendall and I were having aconversation over the weekend.
We're working on fleshing outhis story for a possible book or
something along those lines.
And I was asking him about, youknow, when I got him the DNA
test that we made the discoveryfrom, because it had at that
point it had been, you know, along time where he would been
(22:16):
looking, and I think at thatpoint, had pretty much given up.
So I'm curious after that first,you know, I'm not actually your
dad situation, Emily.
Like, why did you wait so longafter that to continue the
journey?
SPEAKER_01 (22:30):
You know, probably because I couldn't afford to go
on to 23 and me, like 20.
I was not very good with money.
So that's probably my answer.
And I can't remember how muchthat first kit cost when my
husband got it for me.
I think it was like$200.
But that was kind of when, youknow, and also I had the support
of my spouse at that time,saying, like, I want to help you
(22:52):
now find this person.
And like, this is reallyimportant and meaningful to you.
So, like, let me give you thatgift so that you can take that
next step.
Because without that, I don'tknow if I ever would have
invested in it for myself, youknow, or I would have waited a
much longer time and I wouldhave kept looking at people's
faces and being like, Oh, maybethat's it, maybe, which it gets
(23:13):
you nowhere.
Because especially when you havebrown hair and brown eyes, you
look like everyone up in inMaine.
SPEAKER_02 (23:21):
Has your husband been able to start forming a
relationship with your father?
SPEAKER_01 (23:25):
Yeah, actually, Steven really loves my husband.
He thinks he's fantastic.
We don't my husband and I have aa hard time like traveling
together just with our workschedules.
So every time, for example, hewould invite me to Florida, like
I would want to go with myhusband, but I would be like,
Well, I'm too scared to go bymyself.
So we just wouldn't go.
But we did go up and visit themin Maine, and everybody was a
(23:49):
big fan, and we're like kind oflike the novelty when we go see
everybody, you know.
So, yes, they all very much lovehim, and he really likes their
whole side a lot.
Again, it's hard because now I'mlike, okay, I want you to form a
bond with this family and thisfamily, and we have your family.
Like, let's form all the bondswith all the people.
(24:09):
And he's very introverted, so Ithink that's kind of like he
wants to go deep with people,right?
And not like as wide.
So I prefer to have deeperrelationships as well.
SPEAKER_02 (24:18):
Gotcha.
Yeah, I pretty much just likebulldoze my ways of me.
SPEAKER_03 (24:24):
You know, it's like that has worked in our
situation.
In fact, I feel like when Ifirst met my biological dad, I
feel like Corey helpedfacilitate some of those
conversations because I'm one ofthose people, and I love my dad,
don't get me wrong, but he isnot inquisitive at all about
(24:45):
anything.
And I'm the kind of person likeit needs to be back and forth,
right?
Like, I want to ask you aboutyour life, and I need you to ask
me about mine.
And he wouldn't.
It would piss me off.
And I'd be like, forget it,Corey.
I'm not gonna talk.
And Corey would help.
Yeah, he's a journalist.
You know, he would, he'd almostlike, hey, you both are sitting
(25:05):
down.
Why don't we talk about that?
Or he'd facilitate theconversation.
And we needed that because toyour point, I didn't realize how
delusional I am about how allthese things would go.
I had just built this scenariowhere I'm the best thing since
sliced bread, and you just foundme, and you should realize how
(25:26):
fantastic I am.
And that's not the way ithappened.
I mean, people were receptive,but not at the level that I
thought they should be.
I was 47 when I made thisdiscovery.
I had developed this wholebackstory, you know, in my mind
about everything, and nothingthat I thought came true.
(25:49):
So be kind of fantasies.
SPEAKER_01 (25:51):
I really want to highlight that lack of
inquisitiveness, and that isreally frustrating.
I mean, that is actually a hugeletdown in any parental
relationship, but especiallythis one, because you do think
to yourself, like, oh my gosh,they're gonna want to know
everything.
Like they're gonna want to knowwhy I do this gesture and why I
make this noise.
And it's it's it's alsoimportant to realize it's not
(26:14):
the same because for us, it wasa piece of who we are, and for
them, it's sort of like anaddition to who they are, right?
Like for us, it's a missingpiece, for them, it's an
addition.
And so my biological father isthe same way, he's not
inquisitive, and uh so I bringlike lists of questions because
I'm like, I have 20 topics, hedoesn't reciprocate, and that is
(26:36):
something I've just learned.
SPEAKER_03 (26:37):
Yeah, we do.
It's funny that you say thatbecause when I met my dad, what
I found him doing sometimes waslike trying to compare me to my
local brother and sister, likehis other two kids.
And I was like, Yeah, not likeeither of them, you know what I
mean?
That's kind of as far as hisinquisitiveness went.
And I was like, Well, I couldtell you more, but I'm just not
(27:00):
going to.
In the den.
All three of fun.
(27:21):
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02 (27:23):
Yeah.
Well, and it's it's you know,Kendall's dad reminds me a lot
of my dad too, a lot of thesimilar personality, you know.
So that was nice for me too,because you know, my dad died
when I was 17.
So just having that that sort ofshared moment is kind of like,
you know, a flashback, you know,to to that.
SPEAKER_01 (27:43):
Yeah, I love that.
And now you are all stillfriends with their family where
near where you live, yes?
It's complicated.
SPEAKER_02 (27:53):
In some instances, it's complicated, but yeah.
I mean, we're uh we're still inrelation with that whole side of
the family, and then not as muchon Kendall's birth mother's
side.
But you know, we have his sisterwho is working in Connecticut
right now, and so you know,that's it's great.
We got to spend a long weekendwith Stephanie and two of our
(28:16):
friends that have become reallygood friends of ours last month,
and it was just those momentsare so magical and so memorable.
It's like they remind you likewhy we did this in the first
place and why it's worth thefrustration and the ongoing
drama and all of that.
SPEAKER_00 (28:33):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (28:36):
So speaking of mute, Emily, I don't know if you've
been listening to the mostrecent episodes because we just
started this not too long ago,but the question that we've been
asking all guests on FamilyTwist is that when you were kind
of going through the process,either searching for family or
finding dead ends, or finallydiscovering your dad, is there a
(28:59):
musical artist that you lean onin times of frustration or
trauma?
SPEAKER_01 (29:04):
That's funny.
Probably more in my my angstytwenties when it was that's
probably when I used music forleaning on, but I I will share a
musical story.
When I was going to meet him atthat hotel bar restaurant, I had
Kat Stevens the first cut is thedeepest playing, and I remember
(29:26):
it like yesterday.
Like I even remember like myhands on the steering wheel,
like trying to calm myself down,you know, doing like the back
and forth and doing it to thebeat of Kat Stevens.
And it I just I've always lovedthat song.
So there we go.
That's kind of relative to anyany trauma.
SPEAKER_02 (29:42):
Yeah, I'm sure that's a song that a lot of
people relate to for a lot ofreasons, you know.
That's definitely a good one.
Awesome.
Well, Emily, thank you so muchfor being open to share your
story.
I think kind of I feel like weknow you a little bit better
now, which is great because welove the growing community of
the New England Podcastersgroup.
And so it's always wonderful tomake a new friend.
(30:03):
We can't wait to meet you inperson.
SPEAKER_01 (30:05):
Thank you so much for having me and letting me
share.
And you will remain in my earsuntil the next time we meet in
person.
SPEAKER_02 (30:13):
Sounds good.
Thank you.
Emily's story, alongsideKendall's, reminds us why Family
Twist exists.
DNA surprises aren't just abouttest results, they're about
identity, belonging, andnavigating silence.
Emily faced the uniquecomplication of identical twins
and the heartbreak of a motherwho shut down the conversation.
(30:34):
Kendall shared his own versionof that gap when reunion didn't
match the fantasy he'd builtover 47 years, and how even
small moments, like soon CarolKing's tapestry with his dad,
created the connection he longedfor.
If these stories resonate withyou, please share this episode
with a friend who might need it.
You'll find links to resourcesand support groups in the show
(30:54):
notes.
And please subscribe, rate, andreview Family Twist wherever you
listen, because family secretsare the ultimate pop twist, and
telling them helps us all feelless alone.
The Family Twist podcast ispresented by Sabwa Fair
Marketing Communications andproduced by Habakkaui Cabbage
LLC.
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