Right to Know: Healing in Real Time

This episode feels like the heart of Family Twist. It’s about what happens when we stop hiding, start talking, and realize we’re all part of a much bigger family than we thought.

Right to Know: Healing in Real Time

Corey shares the mic with other board members from Right to Know, the organization making sure everyone has access to their own origin story. These conversations aren’t polished or easy, but they’re full of heart, honesty, and hope.

Debbie Olson talks about the strange beauty of finding family while also finding your purpose. She turned her DNA discovery into a mission to make sure no one goes through it alone.

Kara Rubinstein Deyerin and Brad Ewell share the story behind the name Right to Know and how they built a space for people who are still reeling from the shock of new truths. Their message is simple: healing doesn’t come from pretending it didn’t happen. It comes from community.

And Steven Osborne reminds us what real courage sounds like when he tells the story of confronting his mother after decades of secrets. It’s raw, it’s human, and it’s a reminder that honesty doesn’t always heal overnight, but it’s always the first step.

This episode also celebrates the Untangling Our Roots Summit, where adoptees, donor-conceived folks, NPEs, and their families come together to laugh, cry, and find connection in the chaos. It’s proof that healing can be loud, messy, and even joyful.

Family secrets might be the hardest stories to tell, but when we tell them together, they turn into something bigger, understanding, compassion, and sometimes even a little karaoke.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Okay, real quick, before we dive in, let's talk

(00:02):
about something prettyincredible happening in our
communities.
The Untangling Our Roots Summit.
If you've never been, picturethis: Adoptees, Donor Could See
folks, NPEs, and the people wholove them.
All in one place, swappingstories, laughing, crying, and
realizing none of us are asalone as we once thought.

(00:23):
It's part conference, partfamily reunion, part group
therapy session, and yeah, partwell, whatever happens after
midnight.
The summit is presented by threepowerhouse organizations leading
the charge for truth andtransparency.
Right to know, the NationalAssociation of Adoptees and
Parents, and DNA Jules.

(00:45):
These groups don't just talkabout change, they're making it
happen.
Right to Know fights forlegislative reform and mental
health support.
NAAP keeps pushing for openrecords and adoptee rights.
And DNAs?
They're the miracle-minded slewswho help people untangle their
DNA puzzles and find long-lostfamily members every single day.

(01:07):
It's a weekend packed withworkshops, advocacy, and
laughter.
Because healing doesn't alwayshave to be heavy.
It's proof that truth and joycan coexist.
And that when we share ourstories, we change lives.
Details for untangling our rootsare in the show notes of this
episode.
Hello and welcome back to FamilyTwist.

(01:27):
It's Cory here.
You know how sometimes a projectcomes along that feels like it
was tailor-made for what'shappening in your life?
Well, that's how I feel aboutRight to Know.
They believe everyone deservesaccess to their own origin
story, whether you're adopted,donor-conceived, or learned
through a DNA test that yourfamily tree has a few surprise

(01:48):
branches.
In the supportive spouse role, Ijoined their board this year,
and today we're hearing from afew other board members who are
out there turning truth intoaction.
First up is someone whose storywill hit home for a lot of you,
Debbie Olsen.
Debbie's journey starts the wayso many of ours do, with
confusion, curiosity, and about14 desperate Google searches at

(02:11):
2 a.m.
She talks about finding herbirth family, what went right,
what didn't, and how that ledher to help others find support
in this very weird, veryemotional corner of the world.
Let's listen.

SPEAKER_05 (02:30):
So they have had quite a relationship for a long
time.
He has three sisters.
He's actually kind of working onbuilding a relationship with his
dad at this point.
But he very much understoodwhere I was coming from, where
you're sort of thrown off kilterand you don't really know where
to go.
And much like everybody else,you go on social media, you
search Google my dad.
I just saw my dad, things likethat, crazy searches you do,

(02:50):
because you don't know what elseto say.
You know, this is what happened.
Yeah.
So from there, I had beentraining as a life coach, and I
just decided that our communityreally does need mental health
support and people who they cantalk to and all those things.
And so it blossomed from there.
And I just have continued towork on it.
It's where my heart is.
I love it.
I've been involved with Right toKnow now with Cara.

(03:13):
She's, you know, I've beeninvited and accepted a position
on the board with her.
So it's really been moving alongnicely.
I want to be a resource forpeople to turn to when they have
some kind of crazy life alteredexperience.

unknown (03:27):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (03:30):
Exactly.
You know, it's funny.
I overwhelmingly, yes, thedifference between my birth
father's family always wantingto find me and my birth mother
lying about, you know what Imean?
There's a big dichotomy there,but overwhelmingly, it's been a
positive experience, right?
So I wouldn't change it for theworld.

(03:50):
But it was still, I when I cameinto this situation again, I
came at it from this level ofdelusion where I'm gonna make
everything great and wonderful.
And it just took me a while toaccept that it wasn't gonna go
the way that I wanted it to go.
And I'm not used to that.

SPEAKER_00 (04:12):
I think you see what I mean.
He didn't just stop when shefound her people.
She looked around and said,Okay, who's helping everyone
else survive this emotionalblunder?
Then she went and became thatperson.
And that's the spirit of Rightto Know.
Education, empathy, and actionall rolled up in one big heart.
Up next, we've got a tag teammoment from Kara Rubinstein

(04:34):
Diren and Brad Ewell.
These two can make you laughwhile they're rearranging your
worldview.
Kara's gonna share where thename Right to Know actually came
from, and Brad's gonna remind uswhat it's like when you realize
you're not the only one on thiswild ride.
Let's hear what they have tosay.

SPEAKER_04 (04:51):
But that's where the name Right to Know comes from.
After I told him I wasn't hisdaughter, which I have to say is
probably one of the mostdifficult conversations I've
ever had with a person.
He's like, Oh, baby, it doesn'tmatter, you're still my
daughter.
And I would go care for himdying of COPD, and he would say,

(05:12):
Have you figured out who yourfamily is yet?
Baby, you have a right to knowwho they are.
And he said that almost everyday to me.
And so that's where the nameright to know came from.
And he was very supportive.
My mom and I had been superclose, we're still close, but
because this was so close forher, she had a hard time

(05:33):
processing.
And so my dad actually steppedup to the plate to be the
supportive parent for the firsttime in his life through the
process.

SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
Wow.

SPEAKER_04 (05:44):
That's a lot to unpack.

SPEAKER_01 (05:46):
My wife was one that came with the idea to look for
Facebook support groups.
I was like, there can't be thismany people that this has
happened, but you feel veryisolated and alone when it
happens because you're like,there's no way a lot of people
are taking DNA tests and findingout their parents weren't their
parents.
Well, the first support group Ifound online had 6,000 members,
and I'm like, this has happenedto 6,000 other people.

(06:08):
So that was great.
And at the same time, in thatgroup, there was a lot of drama
and consternation and things Ididn't really enjoy.
Like, you know, just between themembers, people would it's a
trauma-filled room, and if youput enough trauma-filled people
together, there's explosions allthe time, of course.
And it got to the point where Iwas like, it's almost as

(06:28):
stressful to be in the supportgroup as it is just navigating
it on my own.
And about that time, I metsomebody else who was in right
to know that said, Hey, youknow, you should come check out
our group.
And I checked their group out,and it was just a lot more
level-headed conversation.
It people are still upsetbecause they're having their
worlds turned upside down, butthere seemed to be more of a

(06:51):
focus on growth and not reallygetting past it because I don't
think you get past these, butlearning to cope with it
effectively rather than justranting for the rest of your
life.
I like that better, and I'vestuck with them ever since.
Eventually got asked to be aboard member, and here I am
today.
Very cool.
You could talk just a little bitabout what the organization is
doing right now.

SPEAKER_04 (07:12):
We want to make sure we're involving all of the
communities, the assistedreproduction community, the
adoption community, and the NPEcommunity.
I always say the ripple effectsof a discovery just impact so
many people and families.
Everybody needs help.
And that's what we want toprovide support for anybody who
needs it.
Some people have a DNA surpriseand they're like, okay,

(07:35):
whatever, and they move on.
And that's great.
And then there are people whoare very traumatized by it.
I always like to remindeverybody there's no monolithic
group.
We span the level of our trauma,and that's okay.
There's no right or wrong answerfor processing these things.
We have to encourage growth,encourage working through,

(07:57):
encourage coping mechanisms andhealing as we can.
Right to know has three mainareas that we focus on:
education, legislation, oradvocacy, and mental health.

SPEAKER_00 (08:10):
Every time Cara tells that story about her dad
saying, You have a right toknow, I get the chills.
It's simple, it's profound, andit's the entire mission in just
four words.
And Brad, well, he's dead onabout community.
When thousands of traumatizedpeople find each other online,
it's a little bit beautiful, alittle bit bonkers.

(08:31):
But what matters is what comesnext: the growth, the healing,
and the connection.
Those three pillars that Karamentions: education, advocacy,
and mental health support, thosearen't buzzwords.
They are the roadmap for how wemove from chaos to clarity.
Okay.
Time to pass the mic to someonewho brings the unfiltered truth

(08:54):
every single time.
Steven Osborne doesn't sugarcoata damn thing, and thank goodness
for that.
Steven's story starts with oneof the toughest conversations
imaginable.
It's raw, it's uncomfortable,and it's exactly the kind of
moment that so many of us wishwe could handle better, but
don't always.

(09:14):
Let's listen to Steven's visitwith his estranged mother.

SPEAKER_02 (09:21):
Then I called her and said, I'm coming over to the
house.
I have found some stuff that Ibelieve belonged to her.
I thought I would go over andsurprise her, you know, kinda
catch her off guard.
So I walked in.
And by the way, I recorded theentire conversation on my phone.
I walked in, I sat down.

(09:42):
I took the pictures of Peter, mybiological father, I slid them
across the table, and I gotanything you want to tell me?
She looked at the picture,looked at me, her eyes went back
and forth several times.
And she threw the picture downand says, I don't know who that
is.
Who's that supposed to be?
Your father?

(10:03):
I said You know, we haven'ttalked in twenty years.
That's a pretty damn strangequestion for you to ask.
I show you a picture of acomplete stranger, and do you
want to know if it's my dad?
Of course it's not my dad.
Jock Osborne's my dad, isn't he?
Barb?
Because when you really want topiss your mom off, you call her
by her first name.

(10:29):
Corey, the meeting did not gowell.
I mean I didn't start it off ina good way.
And it took me time to realizethis later, a couple months.
But I didn't go over therelooking for answers because
first of all, my mom has a verycasual relationship with the
truth.

(10:51):
That's putting it lightly.
And I already had the answers Ineeded.
I went over there with reallyone intent.
And that was to let her knowthat I knew, and if I could, to
hurt her.
And I feel bad about that.
I was not the best version ofmyself, and it's not the thing I

(11:11):
would recommend people do.
But unfortunately it is whathappened.
I went over there with intent.
And if if I'm trying to hurtsomebody with words, I'm pretty
good at it.
Unfortunately.
I got her in a defensiveposition, and she would just

(11:32):
mutter a deny and say somepretty stupid things like, I
don't know what you're so upsetabout.
Look at your life.
Everything turned out prettywell for you.
I was like, so that's yourposition?
I've had a decent life,fifty-seven years of lying and
all this other bullshit that'sgoing on, and I thought you're

(11:54):
absolved of all of that, becauseyou know, I drive a decent older
car.
I mean, come on.
What the hell?
She said, you know, I'm notadmitting to anything.
The entire conversation lasts 13minutes from the time I walked
in the door until I walked out.

SPEAKER_00 (12:12):
Wow.
That's Steven in full force, nofilter, and all the truth.
He's not romanticizing whathappened.
He's telling you what it lookslike when anger and hurt take
the wheel before healing evereven gets in the car.
And the best part about it, heowns it.
He says, here's what I did,here's what I learned, and

(12:34):
here's why compassion stillmatters, even when you're ready
to throw every family photo intoa bonfire.
That's why I love ourcommunities.
They're messy, they're real, andthey're full of people brave
enough to face the ugly parts oftruth and still choose growth.
Listening to Debbie, Kara, Brad,and Steven, you can really feel

(12:55):
how big this movement hasbecome.
Right to know NAAP and D Angels,these groups aren't just making
noise, they're making change.
They're creating a space wheretruth isn't something to fear,
it's something to celebrate.
And if you ever want to see hopein action, come to the
Untangling Our Roots summit.
Picture hundreds of peopleconnecting, learning, healing,

(13:17):
and yeah, maybe singing karaokeafter a few too many margaritas.
Cause at the end of the day,Family Secrets might be the
ultimate plot twist, buthonestly, that's the happily
ever after.
The Family Twist podcast ispresented by Sabwafair Marketing
Communications and produced byHow the Cow Ate the Cabbage LLC.