November 4, 2025 • 23 mins
What happens when a single email from a stranger confirms the secret you have been living with your whole life?
In this episode, Rich Boerner returns to Family Twist to share the second half of his extraordinary story. In Part One, Rich discovered the truth about his father after finding a Polaroid tucked inside his mother’s old address book. That discovery shattered the story he had grown up believing and opened the door to an entirely new family.
In Part Two, Rich picks up the story a decade later, when an unexpected email from a woman claiming to be his half-sister pulls him into the next chapter of his life. What follows is an emotional mix of disbelief, connection, and forgiveness.
Rich talks about how he went from shock to understanding, how he built a new relationship with his sister, and why finally learning the truth changed the way he viewed both of his parents. He also shares how the process of telling his story became a healing experience, first for him and then for his children.
The Not-So Only Child
In this episode
- How one photo uncovered a lifetime of secrets
- The decade between discovery and connection
- What it feels like to finally meet a sibling who already knew the truth
- The complicated emotions of forgiveness after decades of silence
- How Rich turned his discovery into his memoir and audiobook The Not-So Only Child
- Why storytelling can be one of the most powerful forms of healing
About Rich Boerner
Rich Boerner is a veteran radio producer, audio storyteller, and the author of The Not-So Only Child: My True Story. His book began as an experiment in the recording booth, speaking his story aloud rather than writing it, and evolved into an audiobook and memoir that explores identity, loss, and reconnection.
You can find The Not-So Only Child on Amazon in print, ebook, and audiobook formats.
Why this episode matters
Rich’s journey is about more than DNA surprises. It is about what happens after the truth surfaces, when you have to decide whether to open the door to the people and the pain that come with it. His story reminds us that healing often begins with honesty, and that our voices, even shaky ones, can help others feel less alone.
Listen now
Subscribe to Family Twist wherever you get your podcasts and hear more stories that prove family secrets are the ultimate plot twist.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Hey everyone, welcome back to Family Twist.
(00:02):
Last week we met Rich Burner,who grew up thinking he was an
only child until the Polaroidfell out of his mother's address
book and changed everything hethought he knew about his
family.
If you missed part one, I urgeyou to go back and listen
because that moment set off oneof the most powerful stories
we've ever shared on the show.
This week, Rich picks up a storya while later, when one expected
(00:23):
email opens a door to a wholenew tree.
We'll talk about what it's liketo connect with a sibling you
never knew you had, howforgiveness can reshape the
story you grew up with, and howRich turned his discovery into
his memoir, an audiobook, TheNot So Only Child.
Because as we like to say aroundhere, family secrets are the
ultimate plot twist.
(00:44):
Let's get back into it withRich.
SPEAKER_01 (00:50):
Email comes back.
The first words in the email areholy, it's like three lines.
Holy shit, you end the you canend the word.
And and she goes, I can'tbelieve it.
Tears are streaming down myface.
I go.
It's this long, long email ofjust, you know, oh my, I'm I I
have a I have a brother.
(01:10):
I can't believe it.
So I said I email her back.
I said, can you talk right now?
Because I'm gonna, I'm gonnasend my, you know, let's let's
connect online because thisemail is I'm over it.
So we started to we talked forprobably two hours and
connected, and we did so.
We promised to do so likeweekly, and we did so weekly for
(01:32):
uh probably a couple of monthsbecause there was so much to
catch up on and to find out.
And for me to try to detectivework, find out how, why, who
knew, how and and how did thishappen?
And it it was great, it washealing on many levels because
it enabled me to give me detailsso I could we uh theoretically
(01:57):
wear his shoes and go, oh okay,so it could take a lot of the
anger, resentment, or anythingelse I had towards this man and
turn it into something that'slike, what would you do in that
situation?
It's like I I you know what I Idon't know the answer because
(02:18):
I'm not I could never be in it,but I can see where it's like,
oh damn, he's trapped.
Now, as far as the relationship,I whatever.
It's it's all it's all good.
But apparently this, this, youknow, the they yeah, this man
and my mother worked togetherfor almost 40 years in a couple
of different jobs.
(02:38):
Wow, and but he was married, andin those times, you know, for
him, divorce would have beennope, not an option.
And and also his ex, my sisterfound out from her mom, because
he he died, he died nine monthsafter my mom died.
And at the last minute, changedwhere he wanted to be buried to
(03:00):
the same cemetery where my momis, but my sister didn't know
she was in there.
The sister's family didn't knowthat my mom was in that cemetery
until I told her in ourconversations.
She was like, What?
He changed it.
The last minute he changedbecause he was going down.
He knew his heart was failing,and he changed where he wanted
to be.
He said, I have to be in thiscemetery.
So he said, I took him there andwe bought a plot.
(03:24):
So there were just so manylayers to this story.
The reason why I wrote it wasI'm so happy it's out as a book
and an audiobook and everythingelse.
I tried for 10 years to createthis story.
Because everybody, every time Itold it to somebody, like, oh my
God, you have to tell thisstory, you should write a book.
But I'm an audio guy, I'vealways been since I got my first
little handheld tape recorder.
(03:44):
I can write.
Sure, I had to write in highschool, in college, I had to
write papers, but those aretorture.
They're torture, right?
So there's no artistry to them,you know?
So I tried and tried and tried.
I the initially, after tryingand not succeeding, I hired a
ghostwriter.
And the ghostwriter startedwriting a story about me.
And I was like, no, you don'tget it.
I'm sorry.
So I said, here's your money.
(04:05):
Thank you.
I appreciate you.
You're an excellent writer, butthis is not what I would need.
And it just sat for a while.
And then I had a friend who Ihad helped develop his podcast.
He's an ex NBA player named PaulShirley.
And he was a writer too.
And he had actually Fox bought abook from him, and they messed
up Ireland for it, messed up hisbook.
And I helped him create apodcast called Stories I Tell on
(04:27):
Dates out of the book that hewrote.
I'm like, dude, no, we cancreate this deep podcast, almost
like a narrative story.
And we did.
And so he also created, he had abrick and mortar business called
the Writer's Block in LA, wherepeople would just come and pay
for sessions and everythingelse.
And he said, you can comewhatever you want for free.
(04:48):
And I, you know, once a once amonth I'd come down and spend an
hour and a half and go, I got somuch done.
I got so much, I'm good.
But I couldn't figure out the Icouldn't figure out the story
arc.
I was like, Where what's thewhat's the payoff?
What's the arc and what's thepayoff?
So I just kind of shelved it.
I'm talking to him two yearsago, and he says to me, dude,
(05:12):
why don't you stop banging yourhead against the wall and just
get in the booth and say it?
I was like, what?
He goes, I've seen you in thebooth.
I know what you do.
Just get in the booth and sayit.
Take the pages in there, don'tread them, just go.
So this book was created in thisbooth right here.
I had notes.
I had sometimes I had writtenstuff, but not to read.
(05:34):
I had notes, I had everythingelse, and just sat and created.
I was like, okay, let me createthe first two chapters.
And I created them and I startedsharing them with friends who
are in the podcast industry.
And they were like, wow, this isa dynamic and you know, this is
a good story.
And I was like, okay.
And then I let it sit again.
It's like, okay, dude.
And I really wanted this toexist for my kids, most of all.
(05:54):
I love sharing the story withyou and for the rest of the
world because people say, that'sa fascinating story.
It's great.
You know, it's funny, it'sheartwarming, all that.
But I needed my kids to knowbecause my eldest was three when
my mom died.
The other two were not evenborn.
So I needed them to know notjust about me, but about the
history of the who my parentswere and what happened and all
(06:16):
the rest.
And I reconnected with a friendfrom Radio Days and said, Hey,
what's been going on?
So I'm filling her in on she'sin a new venture.
She's doing this to Tracy, she'sdoing this, and I'm doing that.
And she's, I told her about thebook.
She goes, I would love to hearit.
Do you would just share thatwith me?
I'm like, Yeah, sure.
So I share the first twochapters.
She comes back, you know, oh myGod, would you mind if I gave
(06:40):
you notes?
This is an amazing story, and Iwant to hear so much more.
I'm like, sure, send notes.
So she sends notes.
And again, it's not notes whereI would look and go, oh man,
this is the worst error.
It was, they were legit.
I don't understand this.
This is it.
And it's like, so I I'm like,oh, I gotta fix these.
Now I had an assignment.
I fixed these.
And she said, I can't wait tohear more.
Now I have to do chapter three.
So I did chapter three and sendit.
(07:01):
And she's like, I need more.
Literally, like my muse.
Um, and I would do, I'd gottaget two more chapters for her.
Okay, and while I'm doing this,like one of those nights at 1:30
in the morning, I'm sittingthere and I'm going, All right,
I need to know what the rest ofthe chapters are.
I kind of have a few mapped out,but I'm like, and I'm like, all
of a sudden it just click hereit is.
(07:22):
Chapter, chapter, chapter,chapter, chapter, eight.
This is where I am.
I was like, thank you, universe.
Which is a which is a themethroughout the book.
The universe wanted somethingelse.
So, you know, it was amazing tocreate it in that way.
And I say that in the front ofthe book, intro to the book, the
prologue to the book, I talkabout this is how I created
(07:43):
this.
I apologize for any grammaticalerrors you might see in there.
I did my best to clean them upand make them readable.
I did this by speaking.
It's not just me reading, it'sme reading.
I'm the only voice in the book.
I didn't create other voices andmake it cartoony, but it's me
and music and sound effects.
Um, people said people connectedwith it.
(08:05):
I listened to it.
I'm you're always your own worstcritic, and I'm like, should I
redo that chapter?
I could really do, I could be, Icould get more into that.
People, but other people likeit, so I'm like, no, no, no,
stop, stop messing with it.
SPEAKER_00 (08:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:20):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, I mean, it changes.
I'm sorry, the discoveries, andI know you you've addressed this
in other your other shows too,but it changes your DNA.
It changes everything because itjust not it doesn't just change
your life story that you had inyour head, it changes the the
world around you, how youperceive things, it changes your
(08:40):
DNA.
SPEAKER_00 (08:43):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (08:46):
And I love that that's the way that you did it
because we're we're working onKendall's story right now.
And the way that I'm thinking ofapproaching it as like sort of a
ghostwriter helper, whatever, isjust turn on the recorder and I
interview him and let him starttelling his stories and stuff
because you know it's his voiceis the important one.
(09:07):
I think the way you did it ismore authentic.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
SPEAKER_01 (09:11):
Yeah, no, no, no.
See, and that's the beauty, islike, you know, Kendall, like
you know the story.
So you'll tell the story, butyou might need to be prompted in
certain ways with certainquestions or certain things.
Or you might, because you knowthe details so well, you might
leave some details out.
And that's not like you'retrying to hide anything.
It's just like when we tellstories, we try to stay as
focused as possible.
So it's like, oh, there arelittle things that fall off the
(09:31):
cart as we're going because Idon't have time to go there.
But like Corey interviewing youcould be like, well, wait a
minute.
When you said that and thathappened, what did that mean?
You're like, well, that's astory within itself.
But when you're telling it,you're not going to share that.
SPEAKER_00 (09:44):
No, it's Corey find those passageways.
SPEAKER_01 (09:51):
So yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
People have said to me afterdoing this, and these are
industry folks that I know,other people may want to do
this.
I just can't figure out thelogistics of how to create
something to make it easyenough.
Because you guys do this for aliving or regularly, and it'll
be easier for you to do it.
Most folks, you as you know,when they get a microphone or a
(10:14):
camera like anxiety.
Uh I don't want to suck.
I don't want to suck.
I don't want to suck and I can'tremember anything, and I can't,
and then you know, so it's amatter of, you know, how can you
help?
But in your case, you know,Kendall, it's not like you'll be
nervous, but you'll have afocused version of every one of
your stories, you know, becauseyou've told it repeatedly, and
(10:37):
you may very left, very right,meander and weave a little bit,
but you have a focused version.
Now, Corey, you're gonna besitting there listening, going,
okay, there's three substoriesin here that we're gonna talk
about, but I'm gonna bring themup one at a time for him and let
him roll.
SPEAKER_00 (10:52):
And after 20 years, he knows those stories really
well, so he can help me.
Right.
Yeah.
Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:59):
Cause and being the person who didn't live it, he
has a totally differentperspective of how juicy the
story is, how much depth thereis to the story, and how
important it is for other peopleto know it.
Yeah.
unknown (11:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (11:12):
And this, I mean, and we won't get into any kind
of detail here, but you know,we've practiced this a couple of
times or done a couple of testswhere I'm just like, I just get
out the recorder, forget it'sthere, we're standing in the
kitchen, you know, and just I'masking him questions and he's
telling the story.
And there was a, you know, awild incident that will be a
crazy chapter in the book thathappened post-Discovery.
(11:36):
I felt completely helplessbecause I'm hundreds of miles
away when Kendall's calling meand telling me what's happening,
and it's just like, oh my gosh.
So I think we we recorded it forlike two hours or something just
telling that that one story.
And it's like, okay.
Well, and then that's the levelof detail that you're gonna
want, you know, for him talkingabout his adoptive parents.
(11:57):
You know, he's got very vividmemories of them, you know, as a
little as a little sassy Kindle.
SPEAKER_01 (12:04):
Right, right.
Well, see, there's also there'sreal there again, there's a real
warmth and good and connectionin your voice together, your
voices together, which will makesomething like that really
enjoyable to listen to.
You can turn anything you dohere into print, it can be an
ebook, whatever.
(12:25):
It's not that difficult.
I did it.
It's a matter of when you get toprint, trying to keep it as
close to the actual written wordas possible, without removing
too many ums, hems, and haws andthings like that.
Because when you tell a story,you can say it four times in in
30 seconds, but when you read,it's like that uh you just keep
(12:49):
throwing me off.
Um so it's a matter of justminor cleanup.
But yeah, that would be cool.
I'd be excited to hear what youguys do.
So, Rich, what was the reactionfrom your kids when they read
the book?
My eldest had a really, eventhough they were three when
their grandmother died, theywere three going on four.
They had a really tightconnection from the time they
(13:11):
were able to communicate toother humans.
And in fact, it caused someissues with my ex's mom because
like why, why, why?
There was no answer.
It's not like we paid the baby.
It just there was just a reallytight connection.
In fact, there was a time at agelike two something, uh, we were
visiting my mom in that littleapartment I grew up in.
(13:34):
And I think one time before theyhad been upstairs with my mom,
and I sat there, and somethingwas we needed something from the
livery from the kitchen, and itwas something that was in the
kitchen under the sink orwhatever, and said my mom said,
I'll get it.
And Shannon said, I know whereit is, I know it, and ran and
got it.
(13:55):
I'm like, how do you know?
And even my mom was like, Howdid how did she how did they
know where this was?
And it was just like, it wasjust like this really deep
connection.
I'm like, oh wow, you know, Ihave always been a believer in
the possibility of reincarnationpast lives and stuff.
(14:15):
I'm like, you there you guysmust have been buds in a past
life, buds, whatever, together.
You must have been together atsome point, some way, shape, or
form.
Because it was just an instantconnection.
And like, you know, put put themin in my mother's arms when
crying, and they stopped.
You know, and so anyway, thatwhen when they read it, it was
(14:39):
it took uh when they listened, II didn't read they didn't read
it, but they listened.
I shared the you know, beforeeven publishing.
I said, look, I'm thinking ofpublishing this and I need you
to hear it.
You're in this, I want to makesure you're okay with you know
all that stuff.
And I sent it, and it was justlike I I positive words, but I'm
(15:00):
hysterical crying because I'm sosad that I lost that connection
and have never had it, and etcetera, et cetera, et cetera.
So my son, who's second in line,is also he's skilled like me at
trying to hide his emotions.
He didn't share, he just saidit, hey, dad, it was really
(15:23):
good, and he was one of thefirst ones to buy a book when it
came out.
I was like, I can get you a freeone.
He's like, No, I wanted to buyone.
Then my youngest, who's 13 andnot from my ex, who's with my
wife, and read it.
And I was like, Well, this willbe interesting because he only
appears as a mention in the veryend because it's not really
integral to the story, to behonest.
(15:45):
I said, but uh, and he read itand he came out and he's he's a
voracious reader.
So I was like, You'll read thisin like 30 seconds.
It's less than it's slightlyless than 200 pages.
He came out one night and goes,I stayed up.
It was like 1230, and I'm like,What are you doing up?
He goes, I stayed up, I read it.
This is such a good story.
You're such a oh it was you'resuch a good writer.
I appreciate that.
I really do, especially comingfrom somebody who reads as much
(16:07):
as you do.
I said, I know you had aspecial, special connection, so
maybe I get a you know, a grainof salt with with that review,
but people they seem to like it.
So I mean everybody I've sharedit with has had positive
response to it because I thinkit's it's not just my story.
There's so many elements of whatother people have gone through.
(16:28):
You know, kind of like you know,Kendall, with you, you how you
understand your story and thenall the people you guys talk to,
and every time you run intosomebody, you're like, Yeah, I
know.
And and there were so many, Idon't know if 40 years from now,
there'll be the same kind of uhstories of magical discoveries,
DNA discoveries, and everythingelse, because everything is so
(16:50):
out there and and open rightnow, but everything, you know,
until we got to the 90s,everything was kind of behind a
closed door, you know.
Keep it there, keep the secrets,don't talk about it and all the
rest.
So, but you know, like I said,the main purpose of writing this
book, besides being a catharsisfor me and helping me get
(17:10):
through the process of figuringout uh finishing the process of
forgiveness for both my parents.
I love my mom dearly, but thenthere was that uh uh thing on
like, how did you not tell me?
How I'm angry at you, but I loveit for my father getting through
that, learning his story andwhat he dealt with, and learning
(17:31):
to go, oh okay, I see there'ssome nobility to some of the
things he did and situations hehandled them, as opposed to
going, you suck.
Why did you do this?
Why didn't you?
If you were unhappy in that one,I totally understand based on
the way my sister described herlife growing up, even though
(17:55):
they had a lot much more.
She still joked, Next time I'mpushing you off the cloud first.
We were born the same year.
We're Irish twins, we're sixmonths apart.
SPEAKER_02 (18:05):
Yeah.
Wow.
So, Rich, there's a questionthat we've been asking uh as of
late to all of our guests, andthis would be interesting.
Was there is there a song, analbum, or an artist that you
kind of leaned on as you werewriting the book that helped the
process?
SPEAKER_01 (18:22):
Do you know?
I have such diverse musicaltaste because I feel music.
I I I literally feel music.
So you know, I went through aperiod, my angry periods, I was
heavily into nine-inch nails andrage against the machine, you
know, because I feel it.
So when that comes up, I stillfeel the connection.
(18:44):
And I'm not saying that was whatI use for the book.
No, absolutely not.
But I still feel thatconnection.
So there's a few songs I'm like,yes, I feel the energy, I feel
the connection.
But for this book here, the songthat comes to mind immediately,
and I I listened to it a bunch,I don't listen to it every day,
but it was from Peter Gabriel'scell album.
It's called Red Rain.
(19:05):
Oh yeah, yeah.
Red Rain.
And there is so much Red Raincould be perceived emotion, so
much emotion in there to feelit, but it's almost like I feel
it's like a sadness raining onme.
And then once it washes over me,I feel like, oh, I'm I'm I feel
better.
And that's how I've always heardthat song.
(19:27):
It's kind of like, oh, itstarts, and it could even be
just you know the chords, thekeyboard chords and everything
else that start in that song,but you've it's washing down all
over me, all over me, and thenand then it's done, and now I
feel clean, I feel better.
So, I mean, others haveperceived it differently.
You know, you can do what youwant, you can turn it into uh
you know whatever you want, butthat's how I heard that.
(19:48):
So if I were gonna take one ofmy favorite songs and relate it
to this, it would be PeterGabriel's Red Rain, because that
was the process of going throughthis whole thing.
That's awesome.
SPEAKER_02 (20:00):
And what a it's a great album.
SPEAKER_01 (20:02):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:03):
Like when people answer this question, I often
get to feel the chills like inmy brain, you know, a little bit
just because Kendall and I arethe same way.
Like we feel music, you know,and there's music almost
constantly playing in our lives.
So that's good.
Oh yeah.
A new Nine Inch Chenels albumcame out today, dropped today,
Rich.
SPEAKER_01 (20:19):
I heard the track the other day when I was driving
my 13-year-old to school becausewe listened to the alternative
station, of course.
And again, but now I listen, I'mlike, up to about 2015, I can
name the artist, but beyondthere, I'm like, who's that?
Who's that?
Who's that?
I've reached that point.
I'm like, ding ding.
I thought that would happen tous, but we're the same.
So, but that's exciting.
I heard that and I was like, oh,I have to check that out.
(20:40):
I definitely have to check thatout.
You know, it's quite alright.
Because the reason, yeah, like Isaid, they were dark, uh, you
know, that helped me explore mydarkness, you know, explore the
shadow and dive into the shadow.
The problem is don't get caughtin the shadow.
Right with the shadow of thesteering wheel.
You can even have the shadow onthe front seat with you if you
(21:02):
need it, you know, which butdon't give the shadow the
steering wheel.
But it it's okay because likejust to say, it's not gonna for
me, I know it's not gonna goaway, and the more I try to to
chain it and box it, thestronger it will get.
So if I just say, Yeah, I'mgonna be with you for a while,
and uh, you know, I'm I'mfeeling intense angst and maybe
(21:23):
sadness, and I'm gonna let'slet's live this for a little
bit, and now it's done.
SPEAKER_02 (21:29):
Well, Rich, we really appreciate you sharing
your process.
I think it's gonna be helpfulfor us as we approach Kendall's
book.
And of course, we appreciateyour bravery of just putting the
story out there.
I mean, it's not something thatobviously everybody could do.
So it's uh kudos to you forthat.
SPEAKER_01 (21:45):
Yeah, thank both of you.
You have my email.
Let's stay in touch.
Let me know if you havequestions or anything else.
I'm the king of free advice.
Some of it's good, some of it'snot.
As you're diving into doingthis, I've created a bunch of
these myself.
If I can help guide you in anyway, shape, or form, or give you
some tips, let me know.
SPEAKER_02 (22:05):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (22:06):
Definitely appreciate that.
Well, thank you guys.
I appreciate you.
Like I said before, don't forgetif you are interested in the
story, it's the not so onlychild, my true story, and you
can get it on Amazon as anaudiobook, an ebook, or print.
The print cover looks prettycool, by the way.
A friend of mine designed theart, and I when I first saw it,
I was like, oh, that's a lot.
(22:27):
I showed it to my family andeverything else.
They're like, so cool.
I'm like, okay, I'm cool.
Yeah, I'm good.
SPEAKER_02 (22:34):
Awesome.
Well, yeah, we'll definitely uhshare the links and all that.
We'll be in the show notes.
Yeah, we're definitely stayingin touch.
That's been one of the bestthings about doing this podcast
is meeting wonderful people andgetting to hear their amazing
stories.
I appreciate you guys.
Thanks so much.
That was Rich Berner, author ofthe Not So-only Child.
His story still gives us chills.
(22:56):
Not just for what he discovered,but for how he chose to tell it.
Rich didn't sit down to write atraditional memoir.
He walked into the recordingbooth, turned on the mic, and
spoke right from the heart.
And that became his audiobook,Honest Raw, and right from his
lived experience.
You can find the Nut's OnlyChild on Amazon in print ebook
(23:16):
or audio, and we'll have a linkin our show notes.
What I really love most is thatRich made this story for his
kids, so they understand who heis and where he came from.
That's personal, brave, and it'swhat our show is all about.
Finding connection throughtruth.
Big thanks to Rich Burner forsharing his story, and for you
being part of the Family Twistcommunity.
(23:39):
We'll be back next week withanother story that proves family
secrets really are the ultimateplot twist.
The Family Twist Podcast ispresented by Savoie Fair
Marketing Communications andproduced by Hot the Cow Ate the
Cabbage LLC.
Hey everyone, welcome back to Family Twist.
(00:02):
Last week we met Rich Burner,who grew up thinking he was an
only child until the Polaroidfell out of his mother's address
book and changed everything hethought he knew about his
family.
If you missed part one, I urgeyou to go back and listen
because that moment set off oneof the most powerful stories
we've ever shared on the show.
This week, Rich picks up a storya while later, when one expected
(00:23):
email opens a door to a wholenew tree.
We'll talk about what it's liketo connect with a sibling you
never knew you had, howforgiveness can reshape the
story you grew up with, and howRich turned his discovery into
his memoir, an audiobook, TheNot So Only Child.
Because as we like to say aroundhere, family secrets are the
ultimate plot twist.
(00:44):
Let's get back into it withRich.
SPEAKER_01 (00:50):
Email comes back.
The first words in the email areholy, it's like three lines.
Holy shit, you end the you canend the word.
And and she goes, I can'tbelieve it.
Tears are streaming down myface.
I go.
It's this long, long email ofjust, you know, oh my, I'm I I
have a I have a brother.
(01:10):
I can't believe it.
So I said I email her back.
I said, can you talk right now?
Because I'm gonna, I'm gonnasend my, you know, let's let's
connect online because thisemail is I'm over it.
So we started to we talked forprobably two hours and
connected, and we did so.
We promised to do so likeweekly, and we did so weekly for
(01:32):
uh probably a couple of monthsbecause there was so much to
catch up on and to find out.
And for me to try to detectivework, find out how, why, who
knew, how and and how did thishappen?
And it it was great, it washealing on many levels because
it enabled me to give me detailsso I could we uh theoretically
(01:57):
wear his shoes and go, oh okay,so it could take a lot of the
anger, resentment, or anythingelse I had towards this man and
turn it into something that'slike, what would you do in that
situation?
It's like I I you know what I Idon't know the answer because
(02:18):
I'm not I could never be in it,but I can see where it's like,
oh damn, he's trapped.
Now, as far as the relationship,I whatever.
It's it's all it's all good.
But apparently this, this, youknow, the they yeah, this man
and my mother worked togetherfor almost 40 years in a couple
of different jobs.
(02:38):
Wow, and but he was married, andin those times, you know, for
him, divorce would have beennope, not an option.
And and also his ex, my sisterfound out from her mom, because
he he died, he died nine monthsafter my mom died.
And at the last minute, changedwhere he wanted to be buried to
(03:00):
the same cemetery where my momis, but my sister didn't know
she was in there.
The sister's family didn't knowthat my mom was in that cemetery
until I told her in ourconversations.
She was like, What?
He changed it.
The last minute he changedbecause he was going down.
He knew his heart was failing,and he changed where he wanted
to be.
He said, I have to be in thiscemetery.
So he said, I took him there andwe bought a plot.
(03:24):
So there were just so manylayers to this story.
The reason why I wrote it wasI'm so happy it's out as a book
and an audiobook and everythingelse.
I tried for 10 years to createthis story.
Because everybody, every time Itold it to somebody, like, oh my
God, you have to tell thisstory, you should write a book.
But I'm an audio guy, I'vealways been since I got my first
little handheld tape recorder.
(03:44):
I can write.
Sure, I had to write in highschool, in college, I had to
write papers, but those aretorture.
They're torture, right?
So there's no artistry to them,you know?
So I tried and tried and tried.
I the initially, after tryingand not succeeding, I hired a
ghostwriter.
And the ghostwriter startedwriting a story about me.
And I was like, no, you don'tget it.
I'm sorry.
So I said, here's your money.
(04:05):
Thank you.
I appreciate you.
You're an excellent writer, butthis is not what I would need.
And it just sat for a while.
And then I had a friend who Ihad helped develop his podcast.
He's an ex NBA player named PaulShirley.
And he was a writer too.
And he had actually Fox bought abook from him, and they messed
up Ireland for it, messed up hisbook.
And I helped him create apodcast called Stories I Tell on
(04:27):
Dates out of the book that hewrote.
I'm like, dude, no, we cancreate this deep podcast, almost
like a narrative story.
And we did.
And so he also created, he had abrick and mortar business called
the Writer's Block in LA, wherepeople would just come and pay
for sessions and everythingelse.
And he said, you can comewhatever you want for free.
(04:48):
And I, you know, once a once amonth I'd come down and spend an
hour and a half and go, I got somuch done.
I got so much, I'm good.
But I couldn't figure out the Icouldn't figure out the story
arc.
I was like, Where what's thewhat's the payoff?
What's the arc and what's thepayoff?
So I just kind of shelved it.
I'm talking to him two yearsago, and he says to me, dude,
(05:12):
why don't you stop banging yourhead against the wall and just
get in the booth and say it?
I was like, what?
He goes, I've seen you in thebooth.
I know what you do.
Just get in the booth and sayit.
Take the pages in there, don'tread them, just go.
So this book was created in thisbooth right here.
I had notes.
I had sometimes I had writtenstuff, but not to read.
(05:34):
I had notes, I had everythingelse, and just sat and created.
I was like, okay, let me createthe first two chapters.
And I created them and I startedsharing them with friends who
are in the podcast industry.
And they were like, wow, this isa dynamic and you know, this is
a good story.
And I was like, okay.
And then I let it sit again.
It's like, okay, dude.
And I really wanted this toexist for my kids, most of all.
(05:54):
I love sharing the story withyou and for the rest of the
world because people say, that'sa fascinating story.
It's great.
You know, it's funny, it'sheartwarming, all that.
But I needed my kids to knowbecause my eldest was three when
my mom died.
The other two were not evenborn.
So I needed them to know notjust about me, but about the
history of the who my parentswere and what happened and all
(06:16):
the rest.
And I reconnected with a friendfrom Radio Days and said, Hey,
what's been going on?
So I'm filling her in on she'sin a new venture.
She's doing this to Tracy, she'sdoing this, and I'm doing that.
And she's, I told her about thebook.
She goes, I would love to hearit.
Do you would just share thatwith me?
I'm like, Yeah, sure.
So I share the first twochapters.
She comes back, you know, oh myGod, would you mind if I gave
(06:40):
you notes?
This is an amazing story, and Iwant to hear so much more.
I'm like, sure, send notes.
So she sends notes.
And again, it's not notes whereI would look and go, oh man,
this is the worst error.
It was, they were legit.
I don't understand this.
This is it.
And it's like, so I I'm like,oh, I gotta fix these.
Now I had an assignment.
I fixed these.
And she said, I can't wait tohear more.
Now I have to do chapter three.
So I did chapter three and sendit.
(07:01):
And she's like, I need more.
Literally, like my muse.
Um, and I would do, I'd gottaget two more chapters for her.
Okay, and while I'm doing this,like one of those nights at 1:30
in the morning, I'm sittingthere and I'm going, All right,
I need to know what the rest ofthe chapters are.
I kind of have a few mapped out,but I'm like, and I'm like, all
of a sudden it just click hereit is.
(07:22):
Chapter, chapter, chapter,chapter, chapter, eight.
This is where I am.
I was like, thank you, universe.
Which is a which is a themethroughout the book.
The universe wanted somethingelse.
So, you know, it was amazing tocreate it in that way.
And I say that in the front ofthe book, intro to the book, the
prologue to the book, I talkabout this is how I created
(07:43):
this.
I apologize for any grammaticalerrors you might see in there.
I did my best to clean them upand make them readable.
I did this by speaking.
It's not just me reading, it'sme reading.
I'm the only voice in the book.
I didn't create other voices andmake it cartoony, but it's me
and music and sound effects.
Um, people said people connectedwith it.
(08:05):
I listened to it.
I'm you're always your own worstcritic, and I'm like, should I
redo that chapter?
I could really do, I could be, Icould get more into that.
People, but other people likeit, so I'm like, no, no, no,
stop, stop messing with it.
SPEAKER_00 (08:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:20):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, I mean, it changes.
I'm sorry, the discoveries, andI know you you've addressed this
in other your other shows too,but it changes your DNA.
It changes everything because itjust not it doesn't just change
your life story that you had inyour head, it changes the the
world around you, how youperceive things, it changes your
(08:40):
DNA.
SPEAKER_00 (08:43):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (08:46):
And I love that that's the way that you did it
because we're we're working onKendall's story right now.
And the way that I'm thinking ofapproaching it as like sort of a
ghostwriter helper, whatever, isjust turn on the recorder and I
interview him and let him starttelling his stories and stuff
because you know it's his voiceis the important one.
(09:07):
I think the way you did it ismore authentic.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
SPEAKER_01 (09:11):
Yeah, no, no, no.
See, and that's the beauty, islike, you know, Kendall, like
you know the story.
So you'll tell the story, butyou might need to be prompted in
certain ways with certainquestions or certain things.
Or you might, because you knowthe details so well, you might
leave some details out.
And that's not like you'retrying to hide anything.
It's just like when we tellstories, we try to stay as
focused as possible.
So it's like, oh, there arelittle things that fall off the
(09:31):
cart as we're going because Idon't have time to go there.
But like Corey interviewing youcould be like, well, wait a
minute.
When you said that and thathappened, what did that mean?
You're like, well, that's astory within itself.
But when you're telling it,you're not going to share that.
SPEAKER_00 (09:44):
No, it's Corey find those passageways.
SPEAKER_01 (09:51):
So yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
People have said to me afterdoing this, and these are
industry folks that I know,other people may want to do
this.
I just can't figure out thelogistics of how to create
something to make it easyenough.
Because you guys do this for aliving or regularly, and it'll
be easier for you to do it.
Most folks, you as you know,when they get a microphone or a
(10:14):
camera like anxiety.
Uh I don't want to suck.
I don't want to suck.
I don't want to suck and I can'tremember anything, and I can't,
and then you know, so it's amatter of, you know, how can you
help?
But in your case, you know,Kendall, it's not like you'll be
nervous, but you'll have afocused version of every one of
your stories, you know, becauseyou've told it repeatedly, and
(10:37):
you may very left, very right,meander and weave a little bit,
but you have a focused version.
Now, Corey, you're gonna besitting there listening, going,
okay, there's three substoriesin here that we're gonna talk
about, but I'm gonna bring themup one at a time for him and let
him roll.
SPEAKER_00 (10:52):
And after 20 years, he knows those stories really
well, so he can help me.
Right.
Yeah.
Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:59):
Cause and being the person who didn't live it, he
has a totally differentperspective of how juicy the
story is, how much depth thereis to the story, and how
important it is for other peopleto know it.
Yeah.
unknown (11:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (11:12):
And this, I mean, and we won't get into any kind
of detail here, but you know,we've practiced this a couple of
times or done a couple of testswhere I'm just like, I just get
out the recorder, forget it'sthere, we're standing in the
kitchen, you know, and just I'masking him questions and he's
telling the story.
And there was a, you know, awild incident that will be a
crazy chapter in the book thathappened post-Discovery.
(11:36):
I felt completely helplessbecause I'm hundreds of miles
away when Kendall's calling meand telling me what's happening,
and it's just like, oh my gosh.
So I think we we recorded it forlike two hours or something just
telling that that one story.
And it's like, okay.
Well, and then that's the levelof detail that you're gonna
want, you know, for him talkingabout his adoptive parents.
(11:57):
You know, he's got very vividmemories of them, you know, as a
little as a little sassy Kindle.
SPEAKER_01 (12:04):
Right, right.
Well, see, there's also there'sreal there again, there's a real
warmth and good and connectionin your voice together, your
voices together, which will makesomething like that really
enjoyable to listen to.
You can turn anything you dohere into print, it can be an
ebook, whatever.
(12:25):
It's not that difficult.
I did it.
It's a matter of when you get toprint, trying to keep it as
close to the actual written wordas possible, without removing
too many ums, hems, and haws andthings like that.
Because when you tell a story,you can say it four times in in
30 seconds, but when you read,it's like that uh you just keep
(12:49):
throwing me off.
Um so it's a matter of justminor cleanup.
But yeah, that would be cool.
I'd be excited to hear what youguys do.
So, Rich, what was the reactionfrom your kids when they read
the book?
My eldest had a really, eventhough they were three when
their grandmother died, theywere three going on four.
They had a really tightconnection from the time they
(13:11):
were able to communicate toother humans.
And in fact, it caused someissues with my ex's mom because
like why, why, why?
There was no answer.
It's not like we paid the baby.
It just there was just a reallytight connection.
In fact, there was a time at agelike two something, uh, we were
visiting my mom in that littleapartment I grew up in.
(13:34):
And I think one time before theyhad been upstairs with my mom,
and I sat there, and somethingwas we needed something from the
livery from the kitchen, and itwas something that was in the
kitchen under the sink orwhatever, and said my mom said,
I'll get it.
And Shannon said, I know whereit is, I know it, and ran and
got it.
(13:55):
I'm like, how do you know?
And even my mom was like, Howdid how did she how did they
know where this was?
And it was just like, it wasjust like this really deep
connection.
I'm like, oh wow, you know, Ihave always been a believer in
the possibility of reincarnationpast lives and stuff.
(14:15):
I'm like, you there you guysmust have been buds in a past
life, buds, whatever, together.
You must have been together atsome point, some way, shape, or
form.
Because it was just an instantconnection.
And like, you know, put put themin in my mother's arms when
crying, and they stopped.
You know, and so anyway, thatwhen when they read it, it was
(14:39):
it took uh when they listened, II didn't read they didn't read
it, but they listened.
I shared the you know, beforeeven publishing.
I said, look, I'm thinking ofpublishing this and I need you
to hear it.
You're in this, I want to makesure you're okay with you know
all that stuff.
And I sent it, and it was justlike I I positive words, but I'm
(15:00):
hysterical crying because I'm sosad that I lost that connection
and have never had it, and etcetera, et cetera, et cetera.
So my son, who's second in line,is also he's skilled like me at
trying to hide his emotions.
He didn't share, he just saidit, hey, dad, it was really
(15:23):
good, and he was one of thefirst ones to buy a book when it
came out.
I was like, I can get you a freeone.
He's like, No, I wanted to buyone.
Then my youngest, who's 13 andnot from my ex, who's with my
wife, and read it.
And I was like, Well, this willbe interesting because he only
appears as a mention in the veryend because it's not really
integral to the story, to behonest.
(15:45):
I said, but uh, and he read itand he came out and he's he's a
voracious reader.
So I was like, You'll read thisin like 30 seconds.
It's less than it's slightlyless than 200 pages.
He came out one night and goes,I stayed up.
It was like 1230, and I'm like,What are you doing up?
He goes, I stayed up, I read it.
This is such a good story.
You're such a oh it was you'resuch a good writer.
I appreciate that.
I really do, especially comingfrom somebody who reads as much
(16:07):
as you do.
I said, I know you had aspecial, special connection, so
maybe I get a you know, a grainof salt with with that review,
but people they seem to like it.
So I mean everybody I've sharedit with has had positive
response to it because I thinkit's it's not just my story.
There's so many elements of whatother people have gone through.
(16:28):
You know, kind of like you know,Kendall, with you, you how you
understand your story and thenall the people you guys talk to,
and every time you run intosomebody, you're like, Yeah, I
know.
And and there were so many, Idon't know if 40 years from now,
there'll be the same kind of uhstories of magical discoveries,
DNA discoveries, and everythingelse, because everything is so
(16:50):
out there and and open rightnow, but everything, you know,
until we got to the 90s,everything was kind of behind a
closed door, you know.
Keep it there, keep the secrets,don't talk about it and all the
rest.
So, but you know, like I said,the main purpose of writing this
book, besides being a catharsisfor me and helping me get
(17:10):
through the process of figuringout uh finishing the process of
forgiveness for both my parents.
I love my mom dearly, but thenthere was that uh uh thing on
like, how did you not tell me?
How I'm angry at you, but I loveit for my father getting through
that, learning his story andwhat he dealt with, and learning
(17:31):
to go, oh okay, I see there'ssome nobility to some of the
things he did and situations hehandled them, as opposed to
going, you suck.
Why did you do this?
Why didn't you?
If you were unhappy in that one,I totally understand based on
the way my sister described herlife growing up, even though
(17:55):
they had a lot much more.
She still joked, Next time I'mpushing you off the cloud first.
We were born the same year.
We're Irish twins, we're sixmonths apart.
SPEAKER_02 (18:05):
Yeah.
Wow.
So, Rich, there's a questionthat we've been asking uh as of
late to all of our guests, andthis would be interesting.
Was there is there a song, analbum, or an artist that you
kind of leaned on as you werewriting the book that helped the
process?
SPEAKER_01 (18:22):
Do you know?
I have such diverse musicaltaste because I feel music.
I I I literally feel music.
So you know, I went through aperiod, my angry periods, I was
heavily into nine-inch nails andrage against the machine, you
know, because I feel it.
So when that comes up, I stillfeel the connection.
(18:44):
And I'm not saying that was whatI use for the book.
No, absolutely not.
But I still feel thatconnection.
So there's a few songs I'm like,yes, I feel the energy, I feel
the connection.
But for this book here, the songthat comes to mind immediately,
and I I listened to it a bunch,I don't listen to it every day,
but it was from Peter Gabriel'scell album.
It's called Red Rain.
(19:05):
Oh yeah, yeah.
Red Rain.
And there is so much Red Raincould be perceived emotion, so
much emotion in there to feelit, but it's almost like I feel
it's like a sadness raining onme.
And then once it washes over me,I feel like, oh, I'm I'm I feel
better.
And that's how I've always heardthat song.
(19:27):
It's kind of like, oh, itstarts, and it could even be
just you know the chords, thekeyboard chords and everything
else that start in that song,but you've it's washing down all
over me, all over me, and thenand then it's done, and now I
feel clean, I feel better.
So, I mean, others haveperceived it differently.
You know, you can do what youwant, you can turn it into uh
you know whatever you want, butthat's how I heard that.
(19:48):
So if I were gonna take one ofmy favorite songs and relate it
to this, it would be PeterGabriel's Red Rain, because that
was the process of going throughthis whole thing.
That's awesome.
SPEAKER_02 (20:00):
And what a it's a great album.
SPEAKER_01 (20:02):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:03):
Like when people answer this question, I often
get to feel the chills like inmy brain, you know, a little bit
just because Kendall and I arethe same way.
Like we feel music, you know,and there's music almost
constantly playing in our lives.
So that's good.
Oh yeah.
A new Nine Inch Chenels albumcame out today, dropped today,
Rich.
SPEAKER_01 (20:19):
I heard the track the other day when I was driving
my 13-year-old to school becausewe listened to the alternative
station, of course.
And again, but now I listen, I'mlike, up to about 2015, I can
name the artist, but beyondthere, I'm like, who's that?
Who's that?
Who's that?
I've reached that point.
I'm like, ding ding.
I thought that would happen tous, but we're the same.
So, but that's exciting.
I heard that and I was like, oh,I have to check that out.
(20:40):
I definitely have to check thatout.
You know, it's quite alright.
Because the reason, yeah, like Isaid, they were dark, uh, you
know, that helped me explore mydarkness, you know, explore the
shadow and dive into the shadow.
The problem is don't get caughtin the shadow.
Right with the shadow of thesteering wheel.
You can even have the shadow onthe front seat with you if you
(21:02):
need it, you know, which butdon't give the shadow the
steering wheel.
But it it's okay because likejust to say, it's not gonna for
me, I know it's not gonna goaway, and the more I try to to
chain it and box it, thestronger it will get.
So if I just say, Yeah, I'mgonna be with you for a while,
and uh, you know, I'm I'mfeeling intense angst and maybe
(21:23):
sadness, and I'm gonna let'slet's live this for a little
bit, and now it's done.
SPEAKER_02 (21:29):
Well, Rich, we really appreciate you sharing
your process.
I think it's gonna be helpfulfor us as we approach Kendall's
book.
And of course, we appreciateyour bravery of just putting the
story out there.
I mean, it's not something thatobviously everybody could do.
So it's uh kudos to you forthat.
SPEAKER_01 (21:45):
Yeah, thank both of you.
You have my email.
Let's stay in touch.
Let me know if you havequestions or anything else.
I'm the king of free advice.
Some of it's good, some of it'snot.
As you're diving into doingthis, I've created a bunch of
these myself.
If I can help guide you in anyway, shape, or form, or give you
some tips, let me know.
SPEAKER_02 (22:05):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (22:06):
Definitely appreciate that.
Well, thank you guys.
I appreciate you.
Like I said before, don't forgetif you are interested in the
story, it's the not so onlychild, my true story, and you
can get it on Amazon as anaudiobook, an ebook, or print.
The print cover looks prettycool, by the way.
A friend of mine designed theart, and I when I first saw it,
I was like, oh, that's a lot.
(22:27):
I showed it to my family andeverything else.
They're like, so cool.
I'm like, okay, I'm cool.
Yeah, I'm good.
SPEAKER_02 (22:34):
Awesome.
Well, yeah, we'll definitely uhshare the links and all that.
We'll be in the show notes.
Yeah, we're definitely stayingin touch.
That's been one of the bestthings about doing this podcast
is meeting wonderful people andgetting to hear their amazing
stories.
I appreciate you guys.
Thanks so much.
That was Rich Berner, author ofthe Not So-only Child.
His story still gives us chills.
(22:56):
Not just for what he discovered,but for how he chose to tell it.
Rich didn't sit down to write atraditional memoir.
He walked into the recordingbooth, turned on the mic, and
spoke right from the heart.
And that became his audiobook,Honest Raw, and right from his
lived experience.
You can find the Nut's OnlyChild on Amazon in print ebook
(23:16):
or audio, and we'll have a linkin our show notes.
What I really love most is thatRich made this story for his
kids, so they understand who heis and where he came from.
That's personal, brave, and it'swhat our show is all about.
Finding connection throughtruth.
Big thanks to Rich Burner forsharing his story, and for you
being part of the Family Twistcommunity.
(23:39):
We'll be back next week withanother story that proves family
secrets really are the ultimateplot twist.
The Family Twist Podcast ispresented by Savoie Fair
Marketing Communications andproduced by Hot the Cow Ate the
Cabbage LLC.
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Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Brothers Ortiz
The Brothers Ortiz is the story of two brothers–both successful, but in very different ways. Gabe Ortiz becomes a third-highest ranking officer in all of Texas while his younger brother Larry climbs the ranks in Puro Tango Blast, a notorious Texas Prison gang. Gabe doesn’t know all the details of his brother’s nefarious dealings, and he’s made a point not to ask, to protect their relationship. But when Larry is murdered during a home invasion in a rented beach house, Gabe has no choice but to look into what happened that night. To solve Larry’s murder, Gabe, and the whole Ortiz family, must ask each other tough questions.