When Open Adoption Isn’t So Open

In this episode of Family Twist, Corey and Kendall sit down with Connor, who is in the process of writing a memoir about his experience with open adoption. Connor pulls back the curtain on the often-glossed-over complexities of open adoption, sharing how the promises made to birth parents, adoptive families, and adoptees themselves are often more marketing than reality.

When Open Adoption Isn’t So Open

Connor shares his journey of navigating two families—his adoptive family and his biological family—yet still feeling like he doesn’t fully belong in either. He delves into how open adoption is often sold as a healing mechanism for all parties, but without enforceable mechanisms, it can leave lasting scars.

A standout moment in the episode is Connor’s story about being just around the corner from his birth father while on a trip to Ireland. He had the opportunity to meet him but hesitated, a decision he now deeply reflects on. This moment underscores the internal conflict many adoptees face—the fear of rejection, the hesitation to disrupt someone else’s life, and the ever-present quest for answers.

The episode also dives into how society often misunderstands adoption, with Connor addressing the harsh feedback he sometimes receives when he shares his truth on social media. He discusses the idea of "adoption as addition, not replacement," emphasizing that the goal shouldn’t be to erase a child’s history but to enrich their sense of identity.

The conversation wraps with a discussion of how music has helped Connor process his emotions, particularly through the song "Father of Mine" by Everclear. Corey and Kendall add their own experiences, including how music helped Kendall bond with his birth father.

Key Themes:

• The Misleading Marketing of Open Adoption: Connor explains how open adoption is often marketed with promises of continued contact and healing, but the reality is rarely so clear-cut.
• Identity and Belonging: The episode explores the struggle of adoptees who have connections with both adoptive and biological families yet still feel out of place.
• Family Secrets and Guilt: Connor and Kendall both share experiences of feeling guilty for wanting to connect with their biological families and how family secrets can perpetuate this feeling.
• Missed Opportunities and Self-Preservation: Connor's story of nearly meeting his birth father in Ireland but holding back out of fear is a powerful example of how difficult these decisions can be.
• The Need for a New Adoption Narrative: The episode calls for a shift in how adoption is discussed, focusing on honesty and the real challenges faced by adoptees.

If this episode resonated with you or if you have your own adoption story to share, connect with us on social media or visit our website. And if you know someone who might benefit from this conversation, please share this episode.

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