September 16, 2025 • 29 mins
What happens when a DNA test flips your world upside down and you decide to make a comedy about it? Actor, writer, and producer Lisa Brenner joins Corey and Kendall to talk about her new film One Big Happy Family, opening in AMC Theatres on October 3, 2025.
Inspired by her own discovery at age 40 that the dad who raised her wasn’t her biological father, Lisa transformed a life-altering revelation into a heartfelt comedy. In this episode, she shares how she worked through shock and grief, why she wanted to honor her mother instead of vilifying her, and how humor became her way of finding perspective.
The conversation also celebrates the late Linda Lavin, star of Alice, who delivers her final screen performance in One Big Happy Family. As lifelong fans, Corey and Kendall reflect on Linda’s impact, her strength as a trailblazing actor, and the legacy she leaves behind.
This episode is a reminder that family is complicated, comedy can heal, and DNA discoveries don’t always have to end in tragedy, sometimes they spark laughter, connection, and a brand-new story.
When Your DNA Test Turns Into a Movie Script
Topics We Cover
- How a “just for fun” DNA test led to Lisa’s shocking discovery at 40
- Why she chose comedy instead of melodrama to tell her story
- The secrecy and shame around early IVF and donor conception in the 1960s
- Honoring her mom’s role in her life and avoiding the blame game
- The wild experience of finding multiple donor-conceived siblings
- Working with the legendary Linda Lavin in her final film role
- Why community and connection are so vital after a DNA surprise
Resources & Links
- 🎬 One Big Happy Family — Official Website
- ❤️ More Family Twist episodes at familytwistpodcast.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kendall (00:00):
Welcome back to Family Twist.
I'm Kendall, and today'sepisode is one I've been really
looking forward to.
We're joined by actor, writer,and producer Lisa Brenner, who
has a brand new film called OneBig Happy Family hitting AMC
Theaters on Friday, October 3rd.
The movie springs from Lisa'sown DNA surprise.
(00:20):
Learning at 40 that her dadwasn't her biological father,
and instead of shying away fromthe shock, she did something
bold.
She turned it into a comedy.
And for those of you who grewup watching Alice, like Corey
and I did, this film also has avery special legacy.
It's the final performance ofthe legendary Linda Labbin.
We are huge fans of hers, andwhat an honor it must have been
(00:42):
for Lisa to collaborate withher.
Lisa, thank you for being herewith us.
We can't wait to talk aboutyour story, your film, and the
beautiful way you've woven humorinto the most difficult parts
of family discovery.
Corey (00:54):
Hey Lisa, welcome to the Family Twist Podcast.
Lisa (00:57):
Thanks so much for having me.
Corey (00:59):
Absolutely.
So excited to talk to you aboutthis movie.
But before we do, can we sortof get into the backstory, like
the inspiration behind themovie?
And if you could sort of justshare your story.
Lisa (01:11):
Yes.
I had always believed that forsome reason, since I was a
little girl, that for somereason when you turned 40, your
life was gonna change.
It was just a weird thing thatI just always had in my head,
like when I saw the timeline ofmy life.
Some of your listeners may knowthat when you turn 40, really
nothing happens, except it'sanother day in the calendar.
(01:33):
However, around the time Iturned 40, I did this DNA test
for the fun of it.
It was about a month after Iturned 40 that I found out that
my father wasn't my father.
And my life completely changed.
I had this crazy story.
And as most of us who have beenthrough this know, your life
(01:58):
really does completely change.
Who you are completely changes,your identity completely
changes, your family changes.
So I just felt the need towrite about it.
And here we are.
Corey (02:10):
Wow.
It's just wild that with theseemingly fun thing to do, you
know, like let's learn aboutwhere we're from and how it just
turns your world upside down.
Yeah.
Is your raising father stillwith us?
Lisa (02:22):
He's not.
Unfortunately, my father passedaway when in 1996.
So he died before I found out,because I think it would have
been really, really crushing forhim to have to go through this.
I don't want to give too muchaway about the movie, but yeah,
I my father is not geneticallymy father.
(02:46):
I'm not sure of the terms.
My raising father is not.
I'm starting to learn all ofthese terms like NPE.
I've never heard before.
Corey (02:55):
It's all been new for us too, you know.
And Kendall and I are gay menin our 50s, and so that language
has changed since we came out.
I've been trying to keep upwith all the different pronouns
and everything.
And then we get into thisworld, and it's like, yeah, I'd
never heard of NPE or MPE,hadn't really thought about
donor conception or anythinglike that, and just the shock
(03:16):
and awe of this type ofdiscovery.
Lisa (03:19):
Yeah.
Corey (03:20):
I think what you're hinting at is that your raising
father did not know that youwere not his.
Lisa (03:25):
Well, you see, that is what is up for debate.
So back in the late 60s whenshe did this medical procedure
she did in vitro, apparently itwas there was so much secrecy
around it and so much shamesurrounding it that the doctors
(03:45):
really didn't explain what theywere doing to my mom.
What they had told my motherwas that we're gonna do this
little medical procedure on you.
Go home, have relations withyour husband, and the baby will
be your husband's baby.
So she just kind of believedthat.
(04:06):
And when I was born, I lookedjust like my dad, my raising
father, talk like him, I thinklike him.
It was never a question in hermind to say, wait, but the
genetics and the DNA, and theyjust didn't think that way at
that time.
So I mean, it's reallyinteresting.
(04:28):
My mom did this procedure, shetrusted her doctor, and I was
born.
And I have a brother and sisterin my real life, and we were
all conceived that way, and itwas just kind of a ways, a means
to an end, not the way likedonor using in vitro is now,
where it's you go through a youknow, you go through a book and
(04:50):
you know, a catalog of donorsand choose who you feel is the
best match.
It was just so different then.
So I don't know how much myfather was involved in it, how
much he really knew about it.
It's hard to put our modernbrains on how they thought back
(05:11):
then.
Corey (05:12):
Right.
Lisa (05:12):
So it was a long time ago.
Corey (05:14):
Well, I think it's fantastic that a lot of people
have having these discoveriesare are writing books or doing
podcasts, blog posts and stuff,but to decide to turn your story
or a fictionalized version ofyour story into a comedy, I
think is genius because so manyof our stories are tragic.
And so to be able to look at itthrough a different lens, a
(05:36):
comedic lens, I think is goingto be really helpful and healing
for the community.
Now I've not seen the movieyet, but a friend has, and she's
like, oh my gosh, it was sogood.
Loved it.
Lisa (05:47):
Thank you.
I think you will like it.
But yeah, when I first wentthrough the discovery, it did
feel tragic.
It took me many years to workthrough this with therapists and
many discussions with my momand just leaving no stone
unturned.
When I started to write it, itdid feel very melodramatic.
(06:09):
It felt very sad.
And then I decided I love mymother so much.
My mom is my best friend in theworld.
Isn't that the most importantthing about life?
The love of your parents, theperson who raised you.
I didn't want this movie togive that legacy.
I didn't want to bash for.
(06:30):
She did what she had to do.
And I really, really hope thatwhen people in the community see
it, they do feel a littleuplifted.
That it's maybe not such atragic, bad thing after all.
You know, all the NPs, we'reall conceived in very different
(06:50):
circumstances.
So I guess some are pretty sadand tragic as I've been talking
to so many people across thecountry about this.
But in my situation, I've wasable to find the humor in it,
just because that's just kind ofme.
Like I look at life in everysituation.
(07:14):
Like I'm kind of like eitherLarry David or Seinfeld in the
way I go through my life.
Like looking how the insanityof just daily life.
And that's what I was trying tobring to this.
Corey (07:28):
Yeah, same.
I mean, I think, especiallythese days, like, how can we get
through things, get through theday without some kind of outlet
of you know, comedy humor, youknow?
Lisa (07:37):
Yeah, and also there is so much heaviness and sadness and
division in the world right now.
Right.
A major theme of this moviereally is about unity and saying
we are all one.
It's like you can't be racist,you can't be homophobic, you
can't be anti-Semitic, you can'tlike anti-anything, because you
might actually be that.
Corey (08:00):
Right.
Lisa (08:00):
That might be your brother.
Corey (08:02):
Right.
Absolutely.
Lisa (08:04):
Is actually what happened to me.
You'll have to see it.
It's wild.
Corey (08:10):
Oh, I'm very much looking forward to it.
So, how did you decide how muchof your real story was going to
be in the movie?
Lisa (08:18):
Well, it's pretty much my real story.
I definitely do take somepoetic license, but my story
goes in so many differentdirections, and it did in real
life.
It spanned about six years.
I consolidated in the movie fortwo weeks, but it released like
(08:39):
six years.
My real story is so much morethan the movie, and it is so
crazy who the donor was.
His whole life is a wholestory, and his many marriages is
one story, and then hisdonating is a story, and all of
(09:00):
my biological brothers andsisters that he created, and
that's a story, and it's justtrying to hone in.
Okay, what am I trying to saywith this?
I think I was able to kind ofconsolidate it.
I might need a part two.
How many siblings do you have?
I lost count, and I think aboutI mean about six
(09:22):
donor-conceived ones that I knowof.
And then he the the donor had Ithink nine children just from
marriages.
Nine a lot of siblings, but itgot so out of control and out of
like, I don't even careanymore.
I just I actually deleted allmy data from the first test that
(09:44):
I took, and that test also wentbankrupt.
So that was kind of easy, butlike, yeah, I just it got to a
point where it's like, okay, Iknow this is my story.
What is the most importantthing?
It was just every day I wasgetting more alerts.
Now I have a fourth cousin, nowI have a fifth cousin, and I I
lost track.
Corey (10:03):
Yeah.
It can be overwhelming.
Absolutely.
Lisa (10:06):
It is.
Wow.
Corey (10:08):
So getting back to the movie and your mom, how much is
she like Linda Lavin?
Lisa (10:13):
It's funny.
When I when I watch it, I feellike it's very different.
Linda's portrayal of my mom.
But when people in my family,they're like, oh my god, Linda
is your mom.
Linda is such an incredibleactress.
She was an incredible actress.
This was her last movie.
She took my material that Iwrote and just elevated it to a
(10:37):
whole other level.
She never played thestereotype.
She it she is the Jewishmother.
And if you meet my mom in reallife, you'd be like, okay, I
get, I get the stereotype.
But Linda never played that.
She found such depth.
Such, yeah, she just she justelevated the, she chose what she
(10:59):
wanted to wear, her necklaces,like everything was so carefully
thought out that she createdher own thing.
And and I do want to stressthis movie is not an
autobiography.
This is it's fiction.
So there is a lot in this moviethat's not true, but then the
(11:19):
part of it is true.
Corey (11:22):
Right, right.
Yeah.
Certainly inspired by yourstory.
Yes.
It had to be a very challengingdecision, I think, to put
because, as you said, you know,your mother is so important to
you.
What was it like the first timeyou locked eyes with Linda?
Lisa (11:35):
Well, when I was writing it, it's just so funny.
The man who cuts my hair, hejust happened to work on the
show that Linda was a star on.
It's called Be Positive.
It was a CBS sitcom.
And he would always tell methese stories about her.
And I don't know if my phonepicked up our conversation.
You know, phones do that.
(11:56):
Instagram started recommendingme to follow Linda Lavin.
So I'm like, oh, you know,sounds like a great person.
And I knew she was Jewish, andI definitely wanted to cast a
real Jewish person to play myJewish mother, because that's
always been a thing.
That's always bothered megrowing up when non-Jews play
(12:17):
Jewish roles.
But so I started following her,and I could not believe her
personality, her talent.
He is a jazz musician touringthe world in her 80s.
She was in Paris one weekend,London one weekend, she's in
Mexico, she's in New Mexico,she's in Costa Rica.
(12:38):
I'm like, oh my God, thiswoman's incredible.
So I just fell in love with herjust by her posts.
And when it came down tocasting, I wrote her a letter
and I sent it to her agent withthe script.
And I just told her there is noone that could play this role,
I believe, like she would.
And she responded the next day,and we did a Zoom and she was
(13:02):
in.
Corey (13:03):
That's that kind of thing doesn't happen.
Lisa (13:05):
Usually it takes years, and you're begging and pleading,
but this was so meant to be.
She and we became really likereal mother and daughter.
Like we had such a such a deepconnection.
And then she just tragicallypassed away.
Corey (13:22):
Yeah, I mean, it would that was a shocker for us.
And I think I mentioned to youin an email that Kendall and I
have started re-watching Alice.
We watched an episode lastnight, we'll watch it like one a
week or something like that.
And it's just like, wow.
I mean, just the whole cast wasamazing, but she's just like
you feel like you know hercoming through the screen, you
(13:43):
know, and such a great rolemodel for that time.
Lisa (13:48):
The single mother working on her own, that's just who she
is.
She's such a strong woman thatyou're just in awe of her.
She was a feminist way beforefeminism, very political, very
strong, just an awesome human.
I remember being a little girlwatching Alice and just seeing a
(14:11):
strong woman being portrayedwas so inspiring.
Corey (14:15):
Absolutely.
Yeah, she was a gift for sure.
Lisa (14:18):
Yeah.
Corey (14:19):
So were you there with your mother the first time your
mother watched the movie?
Lisa (14:25):
Yes.
Oh my god.
Yes.
Well, the first time we saw ittogether, it was on like a small
laptop computer together.
It was when it was finally,finally just cut together.
And I'm like, you have to watchit.
And oddly, there is a storylinein the movie about tattoos.
(14:46):
So my mom had asked me, this isreal life.
She said for her birthday, shewanted to get matching tattoos
with me.
Let me remind you, my mom wasturning 83.
So when your 83-year-oldmother, who is your best friend
in the world, asks you for atattoo, you do it.
So we fed a point to gettattoos.
(15:06):
And first we watched the movie,so it was like we're like
crying together and hugging.
And then we got tattoostogether.
Corey (15:15):
That's a day with your mom.
Lisa (15:17):
Exactly.
Not difficult, but she lovesthe movie and she's so proud of
it.
And she's so proud that Linda'sportraying her.
And that meant so much to me tohave my mother's blessing to
tell her story, basically.
It's not only my story, it'sher story too.
And I'm really grateful thatshe allowed me to use her story
(15:38):
for this piece of fiction.
Which is also why I wanted itto be uplifting and uh happy.
Because if it's going to beabout her legacy as well, we
want my mom's very much like me.
She just wants to make peoplehappy.
So yeah.
And I think it does.
I hope.
Corey (15:58):
That's great.
The movie's about to come out.
Where will people be able tosee it?
Lisa (16:03):
Well, right now we're still it'll be in AMC theaters,
and we're still getting thetheaters.
So to find where there's atheater near you, if you go to
onebighappyfamily.com, ourwebsite, and just type in your
email address, we will send youwhere the theaters will be.
Everything will be listed onour website.
(16:24):
Instagram, Facebook, you know,the usual.
Corey (16:27):
We'll definitely share all the links in the show notes
for this episode.
Yeah.
So are there a couple of thingsthat come to mind that crazy
things that happened in reallife that didn't end up in the
movie that you can share?
Lisa (16:40):
Gosh.
Well, oh my gosh.
Well, one of the coolest thingsI find.
So my one of the first ways Ifound out that something was off
with my DNA test was that itsaid I was only half Jewish.
When in real life, I thought Iwas 100% Jewish.
(17:00):
So that was the tip-op thatokay, something is not right or
something is wrong or different.
Anyway, so a big story both inthe movie and in real life was
that the donor was not Jewish.
He was a northern European.
So I went on this journey basedon that.
(17:21):
And then I had found out yearslater through his birth family
that he converted to Judaism forhis third wife.
So he actually died Jewish, andthat he was buried in the
cemetery next to my dad'scemetery in Long Island, in a
(17:42):
Jewish cemetery.
There's a place in Long Islandwhere there's a ton of Jewish
cemeteries, and so it they'rekind of next to each other.
I mean, he didn't even die inLong Island, which is also
weird.
It's just that I think is sucha cool weird thing.
But so many things havehappened since then.
(18:05):
I can't even tell you, butthat's why I feel like I need a
heart too, just because thestory continues.
Sure.
Corey (18:13):
I mean have you had mentioned before, like it was
getting to be overwhelming andtoo much.
Have you thought about likewhat are the next five years
going to bring?
Like, might you change yourmind about certain things?
Might you want to do some moreexploring on the donor's side of
the family?
Lisa (18:30):
At this moment, I feel like the donor is just part of
my story.
It's not something I'm seeking.
I didn't go seeking forsomething to fill something
within me, which I know a lot ofpeople do take these tests,
feeling like something's notright.
They don't connect to a parent.
This completely came as asurprise.
(18:52):
So I feel at this point, thedonor really just was a means to
an end for me to be broughtinto this world.
And the more I learn about himas a person, I don't really like
him very much.
I've learned that he wasn't thebest father to his families.
(19:16):
And so if something comes up,it would be interesting to
really know my medical history,the genetics of the medical
side.
Because as of right now, I onlyknow half of my medical
history.
Right.
When I've had my children, youhave to do genetic counseling.
It was just part of pregnancy.
(19:37):
So I had like half myinformation for both my girls
were was not correct.
So they don't really know.
But then it's like, do I wantto know if there were medical
things happening?
Because knowing me, because I'mso neurotic, it'll put it in my
(19:58):
head, and then like suddenlyI'll have.
Whatever.
Right.
Right now, I'm not interestedin really exploring.
I think since I've joined a lotof these NPE Facebook groups, I
do see that there is a lot ofheaviness and sadness.
And at this moment, I do wantto tell my story to uplift.
(20:23):
So yeah, I think that's kind ofthat's my mission right now, is
to just see that it could beseen differently.
I was at a screening recentlyin Saratoga Springs, New York,
and a woman had come to themovie not knowing what it was
about.
And it turns out she just foundout that she's an NPE and she's
(20:49):
probably in her 60s and wasdestroyed.
She was actually crying to me,and she took my hand and she
said, But I see you're okay withit.
Tell me I'm gonna be okay.
Corey (21:03):
Wow.
Lisa (21:04):
You know, and I'm like, You're gonna be okay.
And it was very heavy, and Iwas trying to give her advice of
what to do next, and I remindedher that what you're seeing on
screen, it is a dramatization,and it has taken me many, many
years to get to the place whereI'm okay with it.
(21:24):
And it is just part of mystory, and it does help you
redefine what family means toyou.
Family's not always who youwere born with.
And it's a lot of times thepeople you choose to call your
family and people who embraceyou and that you embrace.
Corey (21:48):
Absolutely, yeah.
And so I think as youmentioned, you got onto the
Facebook groups and stuff.
Was it surprising to you?
Because it certainly was for melike how open and embracing
these communities are.
Lisa (22:00):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I haven't yet to postanything, but I'm just I'm I'm
reading a lot of the posts, andI see how it's really so great.
I didn't know about any ofthese groups when I first found
out, and I felt so alone.
So alone.
(22:21):
The only person I could reallyconnect with in this situation
was my half-brother, who we kindof found out together.
A lot of the movie is about meand him.
And yeah, so I thankfully I hadhim going.
My mom, she couldn't understandreally why this was so
(22:44):
important to me.
Whereas other people are like,how could it not be the most
important thing?
Right.
So it was so confusing.
I went through the range ofemotions, but I think it's so
great that there are so manygroups and websites that offer
counseling that they're I thinkI would have really benefited
(23:05):
from that when I found out.
Corey (23:08):
Absolutely.
It's the main reason why we'rewe still do this podcast and we
get involved with theorganizations and stuff.
The community is so important,you know.
It just they're just there tolean on and and you know listen
to you when you cry and holdyour hand.
So I I'm a board member ofRight to Know.
They help put on this uhsemi-annual summit, which um,
spoiler alert, Lisa has agreedto be a keynote speaker at I the
(23:34):
attended feeling a little bitlike an outsider because it's
Kendall who has the story.
But we were put on a panelabout social media and podcasts.
Well, I do all of our socialmedia.
So I waited in Kendall's placeand I was immediately embraced
by people.
I mean, I could feel it as Iwalked through the lobby.
It was just like, wow, I thinkit's gonna be life-changing for
(23:56):
you too, Lisa.
Lisa (23:58):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
I I'm not quite sure what beinga keynote speaker entails, but
I told my husband I have bigkeynote speaker energy now.
So, like, watching I I want toum just tell my story and and
connect.
Really, I feel like theconnection that I have
(24:18):
experienced, not only as someonewho's gone through this, but to
hear other people's stories asI've been traveling and doing
these screenings is incredible.
So it wasn't until thescreening I did last week up in
Saratoga that someone said tome, it's really my age that
(24:41):
we're the first generation thathave been through these IVF
situations and that we weren'ttold.
And to have all of these DNAtests suddenly explode at this
time, it's like all of us arefinding out at the same time.
(25:02):
I didn't realize it.
I'm like, why is it suddenlyhappening?
Why, you know, I'm like, oh,it's it's a conglomeration of
two huge things.
Corey (25:13):
Yes, the community is definitely growing, which means
we need more projects likeyours, and you know, more
education and more support forpeople and more therapists
trained in this type of trauma.
Because it's you know, it'svery, very real.
But uh but you definitely aredoing your part and thank you
for that.
Lisa (25:33):
Well, thank you.
Corey (25:34):
I will just so important.
Lisa (25:36):
It's a journey.
Corey (25:38):
So the last question that we like to ask on this podcast
is when you're deep in thefields and going through this,
and maybe even as you'reexploring through writing, is
there a musical artist or a songthat you um lean on?
Lisa (25:53):
Oh my gosh, wow.
Gosh, I've been through somany.
Well, just because you ask meright now, I'm obsessed with
Hamilton.
It really has nothing to dowith the movie.
Yeah.
When I was writing, thank youfor asking this.
(26:14):
Okay.
I had just happened to see, itwas during the pandemic, and my
little one had to watch with herart class this piece on an
artist, Wayne Tybalt, his namewas, and his art was all cakes
and desserts, and they werewhimsical and fun, and they're
(26:35):
in the Museum of Modern Art, andyou're like, why are there
cakes?
And basically, his whole thingwas about looking at life with
humor.
And he said, When you lack asense of humor, you lack a sense
of perspective.
And when I was I got chillswhen I was I was sitting on my
couch writing the script, and Iheard him say that.
(27:00):
At that moment, I'm like, yes,that's how I look at the world.
That's how I want to look atthis situation.
Because to look at it with asense of humor, it takes all of
the pressure off of it.
It's like you're on the outsidelooking in.
And that's what really helpedme to deal with it the insanity,
(27:22):
the craziness.
Let's all just laugh about thisbecause how wild can life be?
And you be careful when you askthat because life will throw
you curveballs.
But that was that was really myinspiration.
Thank you for asking that.
Corey (27:42):
Thank you for the story.
That's wonderful.
The arts are so important, youknow, especially for young
people, even if they don't endup going into the arts, yeah.
It will affect your lifeforever in such positive ways.
Lisa (27:54):
Yeah.
And ways you never even thoughtof.
Just gets into your brain.
Corey (27:59):
Yep.
Lisa (28:00):
Hamilton's in my brain.
Corey (28:02):
See, now I'm gonna have to go and listen to Hamilton.
I can't.
Lisa (28:05):
Well, I'm sorry.
That's okay.
Corey (28:08):
No, it's your it's been a while since I've listened to
it.
So yeah, that'll be a nicechange of pace.
Lisa (28:13):
Yeah.
Corey (28:14):
Well, Lisa, just sending out all the good vibes for the
release of the film, we're gonnashare it multiple times with
our folks.
And looking forward to seeingit and looking forward to
meeting you in person next year.
Lisa (28:25):
Yes, thank you so much.
Corey (28:28):
Absolutely.
Kendall (28:33):
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your journey with
us.
Your story and this film areproof that even when life throws
us the biggest curveballs, wecan find healing, connection,
and yes, even laughter.
One Big Happy Family opens inAMC Theaters on Friday, October
3rd.
If you're listening, go see it,and not just because it's funny
(28:54):
and moving, but because it'salso the final screen
performance of the incomparableLinda Labin.
For Corey and me, she's alwaysbeen a favorite, and it feels
really special to celebrate herlegacy through this film.
We'll have links in the shownotes so that you can find a
screening near you.
And as always, thanks forspending time with us here on
Family Twist.
Until next time, I'm Kendall.
(29:16):
Take care of yourselves andyour families however they're
made.
Corey (29:20):
And remember, Family Secrets are the ultimate plot
twist.
The Family Twist podcast ispresented by Savoie Fair
Marketing Communications andproduced by Habakkawe Cambridge
LLC.
Welcome back to Family Twist.
I'm Kendall, and today'sepisode is one I've been really
looking forward to.
We're joined by actor, writer,and producer Lisa Brenner, who
has a brand new film called OneBig Happy Family hitting AMC
Theaters on Friday, October 3rd.
The movie springs from Lisa'sown DNA surprise.
(00:20):
Learning at 40 that her dadwasn't her biological father,
and instead of shying away fromthe shock, she did something
bold.
She turned it into a comedy.
And for those of you who grewup watching Alice, like Corey
and I did, this film also has avery special legacy.
It's the final performance ofthe legendary Linda Labbin.
We are huge fans of hers, andwhat an honor it must have been
(00:42):
for Lisa to collaborate withher.
Lisa, thank you for being herewith us.
We can't wait to talk aboutyour story, your film, and the
beautiful way you've woven humorinto the most difficult parts
of family discovery.
Corey (00:54):
Hey Lisa, welcome to the Family Twist Podcast.
Lisa (00:57):
Thanks so much for having me.
Corey (00:59):
Absolutely.
So excited to talk to you aboutthis movie.
But before we do, can we sortof get into the backstory, like
the inspiration behind themovie?
And if you could sort of justshare your story.
Lisa (01:11):
Yes.
I had always believed that forsome reason, since I was a
little girl, that for somereason when you turned 40, your
life was gonna change.
It was just a weird thing thatI just always had in my head,
like when I saw the timeline ofmy life.
Some of your listeners may knowthat when you turn 40, really
nothing happens, except it'sanother day in the calendar.
(01:33):
However, around the time Iturned 40, I did this DNA test
for the fun of it.
It was about a month after Iturned 40 that I found out that
my father wasn't my father.
And my life completely changed.
I had this crazy story.
And as most of us who have beenthrough this know, your life
(01:58):
really does completely change.
Who you are completely changes,your identity completely
changes, your family changes.
So I just felt the need towrite about it.
And here we are.
Corey (02:10):
Wow.
It's just wild that with theseemingly fun thing to do, you
know, like let's learn aboutwhere we're from and how it just
turns your world upside down.
Yeah.
Is your raising father stillwith us?
Lisa (02:22):
He's not.
Unfortunately, my father passedaway when in 1996.
So he died before I found out,because I think it would have
been really, really crushing forhim to have to go through this.
I don't want to give too muchaway about the movie, but yeah,
I my father is not geneticallymy father.
(02:46):
I'm not sure of the terms.
My raising father is not.
I'm starting to learn all ofthese terms like NPE.
I've never heard before.
Corey (02:55):
It's all been new for us too, you know.
And Kendall and I are gay menin our 50s, and so that language
has changed since we came out.
I've been trying to keep upwith all the different pronouns
and everything.
And then we get into thisworld, and it's like, yeah, I'd
never heard of NPE or MPE,hadn't really thought about
donor conception or anythinglike that, and just the shock
(03:16):
and awe of this type ofdiscovery.
Lisa (03:19):
Yeah.
Corey (03:20):
I think what you're hinting at is that your raising
father did not know that youwere not his.
Lisa (03:25):
Well, you see, that is what is up for debate.
So back in the late 60s whenshe did this medical procedure
she did in vitro, apparently itwas there was so much secrecy
around it and so much shamesurrounding it that the doctors
(03:45):
really didn't explain what theywere doing to my mom.
What they had told my motherwas that we're gonna do this
little medical procedure on you.
Go home, have relations withyour husband, and the baby will
be your husband's baby.
So she just kind of believedthat.
(04:06):
And when I was born, I lookedjust like my dad, my raising
father, talk like him, I thinklike him.
It was never a question in hermind to say, wait, but the
genetics and the DNA, and theyjust didn't think that way at
that time.
So I mean, it's reallyinteresting.
(04:28):
My mom did this procedure, shetrusted her doctor, and I was
born.
And I have a brother and sisterin my real life, and we were
all conceived that way, and itwas just kind of a ways, a means
to an end, not the way likedonor using in vitro is now,
where it's you go through a youknow, you go through a book and
(04:50):
you know, a catalog of donorsand choose who you feel is the
best match.
It was just so different then.
So I don't know how much myfather was involved in it, how
much he really knew about it.
It's hard to put our modernbrains on how they thought back
(05:11):
then.
Corey (05:12):
Right.
Lisa (05:12):
So it was a long time ago.
Corey (05:14):
Well, I think it's fantastic that a lot of people
have having these discoveriesare are writing books or doing
podcasts, blog posts and stuff,but to decide to turn your story
or a fictionalized version ofyour story into a comedy, I
think is genius because so manyof our stories are tragic.
And so to be able to look at itthrough a different lens, a
(05:36):
comedic lens, I think is goingto be really helpful and healing
for the community.
Now I've not seen the movieyet, but a friend has, and she's
like, oh my gosh, it was sogood.
Loved it.
Lisa (05:47):
Thank you.
I think you will like it.
But yeah, when I first wentthrough the discovery, it did
feel tragic.
It took me many years to workthrough this with therapists and
many discussions with my momand just leaving no stone
unturned.
When I started to write it, itdid feel very melodramatic.
(06:09):
It felt very sad.
And then I decided I love mymother so much.
My mom is my best friend in theworld.
Isn't that the most importantthing about life?
The love of your parents, theperson who raised you.
I didn't want this movie togive that legacy.
I didn't want to bash for.
(06:30):
She did what she had to do.
And I really, really hope thatwhen people in the community see
it, they do feel a littleuplifted.
That it's maybe not such atragic, bad thing after all.
You know, all the NPs, we'reall conceived in very different
(06:50):
circumstances.
So I guess some are pretty sadand tragic as I've been talking
to so many people across thecountry about this.
But in my situation, I've wasable to find the humor in it,
just because that's just kind ofme.
Like I look at life in everysituation.
(07:14):
Like I'm kind of like eitherLarry David or Seinfeld in the
way I go through my life.
Like looking how the insanityof just daily life.
And that's what I was trying tobring to this.
Corey (07:28):
Yeah, same.
I mean, I think, especiallythese days, like, how can we get
through things, get through theday without some kind of outlet
of you know, comedy humor, youknow?
Lisa (07:37):
Yeah, and also there is so much heaviness and sadness and
division in the world right now.
Right.
A major theme of this moviereally is about unity and saying
we are all one.
It's like you can't be racist,you can't be homophobic, you
can't be anti-Semitic, you can'tlike anti-anything, because you
might actually be that.
Corey (08:00):
Right.
Lisa (08:00):
That might be your brother.
Corey (08:02):
Right.
Absolutely.
Lisa (08:04):
Is actually what happened to me.
You'll have to see it.
It's wild.
Corey (08:10):
Oh, I'm very much looking forward to it.
So, how did you decide how muchof your real story was going to
be in the movie?
Lisa (08:18):
Well, it's pretty much my real story.
I definitely do take somepoetic license, but my story
goes in so many differentdirections, and it did in real
life.
It spanned about six years.
I consolidated in the movie fortwo weeks, but it released like
(08:39):
six years.
My real story is so much morethan the movie, and it is so
crazy who the donor was.
His whole life is a wholestory, and his many marriages is
one story, and then hisdonating is a story, and all of
(09:00):
my biological brothers andsisters that he created, and
that's a story, and it's justtrying to hone in.
Okay, what am I trying to saywith this?
I think I was able to kind ofconsolidate it.
I might need a part two.
How many siblings do you have?
I lost count, and I think aboutI mean about six
(09:22):
donor-conceived ones that I knowof.
And then he the the donor had Ithink nine children just from
marriages.
Nine a lot of siblings, but itgot so out of control and out of
like, I don't even careanymore.
I just I actually deleted allmy data from the first test that
(09:44):
I took, and that test also wentbankrupt.
So that was kind of easy, butlike, yeah, I just it got to a
point where it's like, okay, Iknow this is my story.
What is the most importantthing?
It was just every day I wasgetting more alerts.
Now I have a fourth cousin, nowI have a fifth cousin, and I I
lost track.
Corey (10:03):
Yeah.
It can be overwhelming.
Absolutely.
Lisa (10:06):
It is.
Wow.
Corey (10:08):
So getting back to the movie and your mom, how much is
she like Linda Lavin?
Lisa (10:13):
It's funny.
When I when I watch it, I feellike it's very different.
Linda's portrayal of my mom.
But when people in my family,they're like, oh my god, Linda
is your mom.
Linda is such an incredibleactress.
She was an incredible actress.
This was her last movie.
She took my material that Iwrote and just elevated it to a
(10:37):
whole other level.
She never played thestereotype.
She it she is the Jewishmother.
And if you meet my mom in reallife, you'd be like, okay, I
get, I get the stereotype.
But Linda never played that.
She found such depth.
Such, yeah, she just she justelevated the, she chose what she
(10:59):
wanted to wear, her necklaces,like everything was so carefully
thought out that she createdher own thing.
And and I do want to stressthis movie is not an
autobiography.
This is it's fiction.
So there is a lot in this moviethat's not true, but then the
(11:19):
part of it is true.
Corey (11:22):
Right, right.
Yeah.
Certainly inspired by yourstory.
Yes.
It had to be a very challengingdecision, I think, to put
because, as you said, you know,your mother is so important to
you.
What was it like the first timeyou locked eyes with Linda?
Lisa (11:35):
Well, when I was writing it, it's just so funny.
The man who cuts my hair, hejust happened to work on the
show that Linda was a star on.
It's called Be Positive.
It was a CBS sitcom.
And he would always tell methese stories about her.
And I don't know if my phonepicked up our conversation.
You know, phones do that.
(11:56):
Instagram started recommendingme to follow Linda Lavin.
So I'm like, oh, you know,sounds like a great person.
And I knew she was Jewish, andI definitely wanted to cast a
real Jewish person to play myJewish mother, because that's
always been a thing.
That's always bothered megrowing up when non-Jews play
(12:17):
Jewish roles.
But so I started following her,and I could not believe her
personality, her talent.
He is a jazz musician touringthe world in her 80s.
She was in Paris one weekend,London one weekend, she's in
Mexico, she's in New Mexico,she's in Costa Rica.
(12:38):
I'm like, oh my God, thiswoman's incredible.
So I just fell in love with herjust by her posts.
And when it came down tocasting, I wrote her a letter
and I sent it to her agent withthe script.
And I just told her there is noone that could play this role,
I believe, like she would.
And she responded the next day,and we did a Zoom and she was
(13:02):
in.
Corey (13:03):
That's that kind of thing doesn't happen.
Lisa (13:05):
Usually it takes years, and you're begging and pleading,
but this was so meant to be.
She and we became really likereal mother and daughter.
Like we had such a such a deepconnection.
And then she just tragicallypassed away.
Corey (13:22):
Yeah, I mean, it would that was a shocker for us.
And I think I mentioned to youin an email that Kendall and I
have started re-watching Alice.
We watched an episode lastnight, we'll watch it like one a
week or something like that.
And it's just like, wow.
I mean, just the whole cast wasamazing, but she's just like
you feel like you know hercoming through the screen, you
(13:43):
know, and such a great rolemodel for that time.
Lisa (13:48):
The single mother working on her own, that's just who she
is.
She's such a strong woman thatyou're just in awe of her.
She was a feminist way beforefeminism, very political, very
strong, just an awesome human.
I remember being a little girlwatching Alice and just seeing a
(14:11):
strong woman being portrayedwas so inspiring.
Corey (14:15):
Absolutely.
Yeah, she was a gift for sure.
Lisa (14:18):
Yeah.
Corey (14:19):
So were you there with your mother the first time your
mother watched the movie?
Lisa (14:25):
Yes.
Oh my god.
Yes.
Well, the first time we saw ittogether, it was on like a small
laptop computer together.
It was when it was finally,finally just cut together.
And I'm like, you have to watchit.
And oddly, there is a storylinein the movie about tattoos.
(14:46):
So my mom had asked me, this isreal life.
She said for her birthday, shewanted to get matching tattoos
with me.
Let me remind you, my mom wasturning 83.
So when your 83-year-oldmother, who is your best friend
in the world, asks you for atattoo, you do it.
So we fed a point to gettattoos.
(15:06):
And first we watched the movie,so it was like we're like
crying together and hugging.
And then we got tattoostogether.
Corey (15:15):
That's a day with your mom.
Lisa (15:17):
Exactly.
Not difficult, but she lovesthe movie and she's so proud of
it.
And she's so proud that Linda'sportraying her.
And that meant so much to me tohave my mother's blessing to
tell her story, basically.
It's not only my story, it'sher story too.
And I'm really grateful thatshe allowed me to use her story
(15:38):
for this piece of fiction.
Which is also why I wanted itto be uplifting and uh happy.
Because if it's going to beabout her legacy as well, we
want my mom's very much like me.
She just wants to make peoplehappy.
So yeah.
And I think it does.
I hope.
Corey (15:58):
That's great.
The movie's about to come out.
Where will people be able tosee it?
Lisa (16:03):
Well, right now we're still it'll be in AMC theaters,
and we're still getting thetheaters.
So to find where there's atheater near you, if you go to
onebighappyfamily.com, ourwebsite, and just type in your
email address, we will send youwhere the theaters will be.
Everything will be listed onour website.
(16:24):
Instagram, Facebook, you know,the usual.
Corey (16:27):
We'll definitely share all the links in the show notes
for this episode.
Yeah.
So are there a couple of thingsthat come to mind that crazy
things that happened in reallife that didn't end up in the
movie that you can share?
Lisa (16:40):
Gosh.
Well, oh my gosh.
Well, one of the coolest thingsI find.
So my one of the first ways Ifound out that something was off
with my DNA test was that itsaid I was only half Jewish.
When in real life, I thought Iwas 100% Jewish.
(17:00):
So that was the tip-op thatokay, something is not right or
something is wrong or different.
Anyway, so a big story both inthe movie and in real life was
that the donor was not Jewish.
He was a northern European.
So I went on this journey basedon that.
(17:21):
And then I had found out yearslater through his birth family
that he converted to Judaism forhis third wife.
So he actually died Jewish, andthat he was buried in the
cemetery next to my dad'scemetery in Long Island, in a
(17:42):
Jewish cemetery.
There's a place in Long Islandwhere there's a ton of Jewish
cemeteries, and so it they'rekind of next to each other.
I mean, he didn't even die inLong Island, which is also
weird.
It's just that I think is sucha cool weird thing.
But so many things havehappened since then.
(18:05):
I can't even tell you, butthat's why I feel like I need a
heart too, just because thestory continues.
Sure.
Corey (18:13):
I mean have you had mentioned before, like it was
getting to be overwhelming andtoo much.
Have you thought about likewhat are the next five years
going to bring?
Like, might you change yourmind about certain things?
Might you want to do some moreexploring on the donor's side of
the family?
Lisa (18:30):
At this moment, I feel like the donor is just part of
my story.
It's not something I'm seeking.
I didn't go seeking forsomething to fill something
within me, which I know a lot ofpeople do take these tests,
feeling like something's notright.
They don't connect to a parent.
This completely came as asurprise.
(18:52):
So I feel at this point, thedonor really just was a means to
an end for me to be broughtinto this world.
And the more I learn about himas a person, I don't really like
him very much.
I've learned that he wasn't thebest father to his families.
(19:16):
And so if something comes up,it would be interesting to
really know my medical history,the genetics of the medical
side.
Because as of right now, I onlyknow half of my medical
history.
Right.
When I've had my children, youhave to do genetic counseling.
It was just part of pregnancy.
(19:37):
So I had like half myinformation for both my girls
were was not correct.
So they don't really know.
But then it's like, do I wantto know if there were medical
things happening?
Because knowing me, because I'mso neurotic, it'll put it in my
(19:58):
head, and then like suddenlyI'll have.
Whatever.
Right.
Right now, I'm not interestedin really exploring.
I think since I've joined a lotof these NPE Facebook groups, I
do see that there is a lot ofheaviness and sadness.
And at this moment, I do wantto tell my story to uplift.
(20:23):
So yeah, I think that's kind ofthat's my mission right now, is
to just see that it could beseen differently.
I was at a screening recentlyin Saratoga Springs, New York,
and a woman had come to themovie not knowing what it was
about.
And it turns out she just foundout that she's an NPE and she's
(20:49):
probably in her 60s and wasdestroyed.
She was actually crying to me,and she took my hand and she
said, But I see you're okay withit.
Tell me I'm gonna be okay.
Corey (21:03):
Wow.
Lisa (21:04):
You know, and I'm like, You're gonna be okay.
And it was very heavy, and Iwas trying to give her advice of
what to do next, and I remindedher that what you're seeing on
screen, it is a dramatization,and it has taken me many, many
years to get to the place whereI'm okay with it.
(21:24):
And it is just part of mystory, and it does help you
redefine what family means toyou.
Family's not always who youwere born with.
And it's a lot of times thepeople you choose to call your
family and people who embraceyou and that you embrace.
Corey (21:48):
Absolutely, yeah.
And so I think as youmentioned, you got onto the
Facebook groups and stuff.
Was it surprising to you?
Because it certainly was for melike how open and embracing
these communities are.
Lisa (22:00):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I haven't yet to postanything, but I'm just I'm I'm
reading a lot of the posts, andI see how it's really so great.
I didn't know about any ofthese groups when I first found
out, and I felt so alone.
So alone.
(22:21):
The only person I could reallyconnect with in this situation
was my half-brother, who we kindof found out together.
A lot of the movie is about meand him.
And yeah, so I thankfully I hadhim going.
My mom, she couldn't understandreally why this was so
(22:44):
important to me.
Whereas other people are like,how could it not be the most
important thing?
Right.
So it was so confusing.
I went through the range ofemotions, but I think it's so
great that there are so manygroups and websites that offer
counseling that they're I thinkI would have really benefited
(23:05):
from that when I found out.
Corey (23:08):
Absolutely.
It's the main reason why we'rewe still do this podcast and we
get involved with theorganizations and stuff.
The community is so important,you know.
It just they're just there tolean on and and you know listen
to you when you cry and holdyour hand.
So I I'm a board member ofRight to Know.
They help put on this uhsemi-annual summit, which um,
spoiler alert, Lisa has agreedto be a keynote speaker at I the
(23:34):
attended feeling a little bitlike an outsider because it's
Kendall who has the story.
But we were put on a panelabout social media and podcasts.
Well, I do all of our socialmedia.
So I waited in Kendall's placeand I was immediately embraced
by people.
I mean, I could feel it as Iwalked through the lobby.
It was just like, wow, I thinkit's gonna be life-changing for
(23:56):
you too, Lisa.
Lisa (23:58):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
I I'm not quite sure what beinga keynote speaker entails, but
I told my husband I have bigkeynote speaker energy now.
So, like, watching I I want toum just tell my story and and
connect.
Really, I feel like theconnection that I have
(24:18):
experienced, not only as someonewho's gone through this, but to
hear other people's stories asI've been traveling and doing
these screenings is incredible.
So it wasn't until thescreening I did last week up in
Saratoga that someone said tome, it's really my age that
(24:41):
we're the first generation thathave been through these IVF
situations and that we weren'ttold.
And to have all of these DNAtests suddenly explode at this
time, it's like all of us arefinding out at the same time.
(25:02):
I didn't realize it.
I'm like, why is it suddenlyhappening?
Why, you know, I'm like, oh,it's it's a conglomeration of
two huge things.
Corey (25:13):
Yes, the community is definitely growing, which means
we need more projects likeyours, and you know, more
education and more support forpeople and more therapists
trained in this type of trauma.
Because it's you know, it'svery, very real.
But uh but you definitely aredoing your part and thank you
for that.
Lisa (25:33):
Well, thank you.
Corey (25:34):
I will just so important.
Lisa (25:36):
It's a journey.
Corey (25:38):
So the last question that we like to ask on this podcast
is when you're deep in thefields and going through this,
and maybe even as you'reexploring through writing, is
there a musical artist or a songthat you um lean on?
Lisa (25:53):
Oh my gosh, wow.
Gosh, I've been through somany.
Well, just because you ask meright now, I'm obsessed with
Hamilton.
It really has nothing to dowith the movie.
Yeah.
When I was writing, thank youfor asking this.
(26:14):
Okay.
I had just happened to see, itwas during the pandemic, and my
little one had to watch with herart class this piece on an
artist, Wayne Tybalt, his namewas, and his art was all cakes
and desserts, and they werewhimsical and fun, and they're
(26:35):
in the Museum of Modern Art, andyou're like, why are there
cakes?
And basically, his whole thingwas about looking at life with
humor.
And he said, When you lack asense of humor, you lack a sense
of perspective.
And when I was I got chillswhen I was I was sitting on my
couch writing the script, and Iheard him say that.
(27:00):
At that moment, I'm like, yes,that's how I look at the world.
That's how I want to look atthis situation.
Because to look at it with asense of humor, it takes all of
the pressure off of it.
It's like you're on the outsidelooking in.
And that's what really helpedme to deal with it the insanity,
(27:22):
the craziness.
Let's all just laugh about thisbecause how wild can life be?
And you be careful when you askthat because life will throw
you curveballs.
But that was that was really myinspiration.
Thank you for asking that.
Corey (27:42):
Thank you for the story.
That's wonderful.
The arts are so important, youknow, especially for young
people, even if they don't endup going into the arts, yeah.
It will affect your lifeforever in such positive ways.
Lisa (27:54):
Yeah.
And ways you never even thoughtof.
Just gets into your brain.
Corey (27:59):
Yep.
Lisa (28:00):
Hamilton's in my brain.
Corey (28:02):
See, now I'm gonna have to go and listen to Hamilton.
I can't.
Lisa (28:05):
Well, I'm sorry.
That's okay.
Corey (28:08):
No, it's your it's been a while since I've listened to
it.
So yeah, that'll be a nicechange of pace.
Lisa (28:13):
Yeah.
Corey (28:14):
Well, Lisa, just sending out all the good vibes for the
release of the film, we're gonnashare it multiple times with
our folks.
And looking forward to seeingit and looking forward to
meeting you in person next year.
Lisa (28:25):
Yes, thank you so much.
Corey (28:28):
Absolutely.
Kendall (28:33):
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your journey with
us.
Your story and this film areproof that even when life throws
us the biggest curveballs, wecan find healing, connection,
and yes, even laughter.
One Big Happy Family opens inAMC Theaters on Friday, October
3rd.
If you're listening, go see it,and not just because it's funny
(28:54):
and moving, but because it'salso the final screen
performance of the incomparableLinda Labin.
For Corey and me, she's alwaysbeen a favorite, and it feels
really special to celebrate herlegacy through this film.
We'll have links in the shownotes so that you can find a
screening near you.
And as always, thanks forspending time with us here on
Family Twist.
Until next time, I'm Kendall.
(29:16):
Take care of yourselves andyour families however they're
made.
Corey (29:20):
And remember, Family Secrets are the ultimate plot
twist.
The Family Twist podcast ispresented by Savoie Fair
Marketing Communications andproduced by Habakkawe Cambridge
LLC.
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