Glee on the Rocks: 5x14 - "Blaine’s Gelmet & Other Crimes Against New York”

This week, we hit Glee’s big reset button as the show abandons Lima for New York — and immediately forgets how the big city works. In 5x14, "New New York," Rachel Berry gets chauffeured through Manhattan like she’s allergic to the subway, Kurt and Blaine enters their domestic sitcom era (complete with cursed pajamas and a SodaStream), and Artie learns that accessibility in NYC is a myth.

This episode we break down:

• 🛋️ Blaine’s fatal mistake: bringing home a couch from the street (never pick up fabric furniture)
• 💅 Rachel’s ongoing campaign to be truly insufferable
• 🎸 Elliot “Starchild” Gilbert, gone too soon sweet prince
• 🚇 Artie vs. the subway, round two (and somehow he wins with pepper spray??)

We also talk the Klaine divorce era, Darren and Adam Lambert’s glitter-rock detour, and why every Glee character should be sentenced to “straight to jail” for crimes against New York.

So join us for bedbugs, bad geography, and Blaine’s unholy Gelmet—because if Glee can survive this New York transition, so can we (do we survive? so they? we find out).

xoxo,

Fandom on the Rocks

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Speaking of something that should have been cringier than
it was. You're listening to Glee on the
Rocks. Hello.
Welcome back to Glee on the Rocks, a fandom on the rocks

(00:22):
podcast. I am Emily.
I'm Mandy. And I'm Allison.
And this is season 5 episode 14 new New York or New New York.
New New New York. New new new new new new world
order. New New York, where there is no
comma, but put a comma wherever you would like it.

(00:43):
The New Directions alumni are adjusting to their new lives in
the Big Apple. This premiered April first.
Not a joke, 2014. Not a joke.
The joke was that we didn't get to see the six months prior to
that. Yeah, we've time jumped a little
bit, a little bit. I said six months.

(01:05):
I don't even know how long it's actually been, but like too many
months. Does the.
Show know. No.
I don't think so. It took however long it took for
Sam to grow his hair that long. That's true.
So and for what? And for and for what purpose?
For what reason? Just to get the Justin Bieber
haircut again, like. Yes, poor K.

(01:26):
This is our first episode without the newbies.
RIP. We we have said goodbye to them.
This entire episode takes place in New York.
We are out of Lima. OH, into the Big Apple that
looks like New York 'cause I'm pretty sure they filmed a lot of
it there. Yeah.
Which is nice because, like, it's hard to film on the back

(01:47):
lot to make it look like New York.
It just doesn't. It doesn't work.
But we open with our favorite Rachel.
And our favorite Rachel favorite?
Our favorite comma, Rachel 'cause this is not our favorite
version of Rachel. Absolutely not.

(02:09):
Can I though? Can I, can I jump back just just
smidgen because the recap guy that that's what you missed on
Glee guy that's. What you missed on Glee?
Made me holler in my house in the recap, they're talking about
Will and Emma, like, Will's gotta get a new job.
And I'm like, why are we talkingabout Will Schuster?

(02:29):
And it says, yeah, 'cause he's got a baby on the way.
And that immediately cuts to Will saying, God, that's awful.
And the the snark I snorked was incredible.
So thank you, Glee recap guy. Yeah, he's, he's doing his best.
Incredible. He's trying.

(02:50):
He's trying so hard. So Rachel is talking to Sydney,
who is a character either I had already wiped from my memory or
is new. But he's one of the, well, they
call him like the producer. He's not the only producer, but
he's a producer of Funny Girl and allegedly they've taken

(03:13):
Funny Girl on the road. I was confused by that.
And restaged the entire play between the last episode and
this one. Both of those things, no.
Would they have? Why don't they be doing that?
Would they have gone to Chicago for previews?
I don't think that's what they, well, no, I mean they you would

(03:35):
have done an out of town tryout,but that's not taking it on the
road. That's, I mean, that's a tour.
That's a that would. Be the That would be the first
national tour of the Broadway production that.
Happened. Yeah, it's.
After the run. It's a different, it's a
different contract. That's a different contract for
one that's sometimes a differentcast.
You don't. You don't take it on tour before

(03:56):
you finish staging. Like especially if they had to
restage the play. You have to do that first before
you take it on tour. Why would like sure, they can do
an out of town tryout, but that's not that you'd be like in
Atlanta. Not I don't understand.
I mean, like, again, if you don't know what you're talking

(04:17):
about, ask someone Ryan Murphy who's done a Broadway show like
they. They they were just like, let's
do theater mad libs. Yes.
Literally. These words sound like they fit.
And in three months? It really, really made it seem
just the way that it was written, like Santana quit and

(04:39):
we had to restage the whole show.
And I'm like, Santana was so important that you had to
restage your entire show becauseshe wasn't there.
Wow, incredible. It's like it's so unimportant to
the plot, right? Like this is like a literally a
throwaway line for most people, but it irritates the shit out of
me one as it should, because jobYeah, and like it.

(05:03):
It's so easy to get right. Like could you just put a little
fucking work into it? Like just you just don't have to
say it. You don't have to put this line
in here if you don't know what you're talking about.
You've built this entire storyline about Rachel going to
Broadway like 5 minutes of research.
Ask a producer. I don't know.
You must know 1 Murphy. Like allegedly you are one.

(05:26):
Like just do the work. It doesn't take how much time.
That's his least favorite part of the job, though, doing the
work. You're right, he's the ideas
man. Well.
Speaking of other people who don't like to do the work,
Rachel. Rachel Berry.
God, Rachel's. Not too cool for school to take
the subway. The episode opened and I was

(05:47):
like, oh God, Rachel Berry. Insufferable.
Absolutely inapperable. Yes, so she's been given a town
card, not a limo, as a thank youfor her being the big star.
And this is going to help her get around town, I guess, which
is the slowest way to get aroundtown.

(06:07):
Absolutely. But OK, Which cues her singing
downtown. Cute song.
That's fine, and it bleeds into a montage of Kurt coming out of
the subway at W 4th and Washington Square, meeting up
with Lane. With his with his regional blue
cart. Yes, he got blue cart.
Not the Astoria Blue cart, but the Washington 4th Blue Card.

(06:29):
Yes, getting coffees. They meet up, Artie meets up
with Sam in the park, and then they're all getting together
while Rachel pulls up in the limo.
And they're getting together at Washington Square Park, Yeah.
Yeah, I love that there's a shotof Rachel like dog hanging out
of the window. Oh.
My God, I wrote that down. It's sticking her head out of
the window like a dog. I also really I appreciate that

(06:52):
she wears a lot of like slouchy beanies in this episode, which
would have all fallen off. Flown right off.
Yeah, the entire episode. But there is a shot where you
can see the traffic cop holding back traffic so that they can
get the shot of her in the limo flowing around the corner 'cause
otherwise it would just be back-to-back traffic.

(07:13):
My notes are actually yelling congestion pricing.
Fuck you, Rachel Berry. Not in 2014.
Yeah, but it's just like the city does not need another car.
I promise. No, get out.
Just take a fucking cab. What do you if you want the city
experience, which is part of anyway, Yeah, but yeah.
So she's gonna take the her her besties out for lunch as a thank

(07:37):
you for putting up with her shit.
I bet. I guess and she's now moved back
into the loft, which you don't see because time jump.
Well, 'cause she moved out of the loft to go out to do the
like out of town funny girl thing and now she's back.
And now she's back. I will say in this episode I got

(07:57):
so pissed about how Willy nilly everyone moves in and out in an
apartment in New York City. Oh my God, yeah, there was.
A lot of that. And I was just like, no.
No, no. Stop it.
Sam Sam does not have the down payment on hand to move in and
out of all these apartments. What are you?
Talking about is your 10 times the amount of the monthly rent?

(08:19):
For real who? Is cosigning well?
I wondered, like, would Mercedeseven have that like, And we're
supposed to believe she had like, has already had like some
kind of music career, right? I guess.
Literally the apartment that Mercedes moves into is about an
apartment that you buy. She moves.
Into like a brownstone. The girls in a brownstone like

(08:40):
that's a, that's a, that's $1,000,000 apartment.
She put down 100 G's as a down payment on it.
Like, like what girl? And then she's like, OK, well,
it's the end of the episode, butshe's talking about the like
Harlem flavor. I'm like, girl, you live on the
Upper East Side. Like what are you doing?
Yeah, according to those steps, she's either like Upper West,

(09:01):
Upper East or the village. She's living in fucking Carrie
Bradshaw's apartment. Like what are you talking about?
Yeah. I love doing this with two
former New Yorkers. Like we're just no, no,
everything about this is wrong. Everything about this episode is
wrong. Wrong.

(09:22):
I love New York City. I have such a warm place in my
heart for New York City. It was my home for three years
like this. No, stop it.
Yeah, Rachel's like, Oh my God. We're all gonna go to lunch or
brunch or whatever the hell. And it's like, we're all gonna
fit in this car. And I'm sitting here counting
like, OK, so this is a this is atown car.
There's three seats in the back,two in the front.

(09:43):
There's like 6 of you and a wheelchair.
Hard pass. None of you were.
Not all of you were fitting. Well, and also the the driver's
like, oh, there's no room in thefront and there's no room in the
trunk. Like what are you hauling?
How real? So they just elect that Artie
and Sam are going to walk, whichdoes there is a a storyline in

(10:06):
this episode that could have been expanded on.
And of course, they don't about the absolute lack of
accessibility in New York City. Oh my God.
Yes, I. Didn't remember a lot about this
episode. I OK I remembered key moments
about this episode but. Not a lot know what it is.
For a second I thought they weregoing into an accessibility
plot. And I was like, oh, I don't
remember this. I thought he was going to like

(10:27):
run into like subway stations with like no like working
elevator or something. He should have.
Most of them. Most of them, it's not what
happens. He's like up and he just appears
down in the subway and you're like, how did you get like no
offense, well, hard offense to the MTA, but like how did how
did you get there considering most of the stations are not

(10:50):
accessible? I really appreciate also how he
just like rolls straight from the platform onto the train.
Yeah. No ramp, no jump, no nothing.
I'm like, wow, that's a well aligned gap there Sir.
He really minded that gap. He did really mind that gap.
Like, no, New York City is not an accessible place at all.

(11:12):
The thought that he's actually getting up to their, like,
Brooklyn loft, like, no friggin way, right?
Yeah, shit's a walk up. Like what are you doing?
It's absolutely. I don't, yeah, 'cause his
storyline is really about someone and and it's kind of
like it's a Ryan Murphy storyline because it's a guy on
crutches. Who steals his?
Backpack and he can only get away because he can get up the

(11:34):
stairs. And I was like, really?
It's a guy on crutches. Cool and.
It's like, oh, my copy of the script is in there.
So his whole thing is about like, feeling afraid in the
subway, which, OK, people come to New York and suddenly feel
afraid of a big city, and it's like he should actually feel
more put upon that. There's no easy way for him to

(11:55):
get around in the city. Yeah, he should actually feel
afraid to be in the subway because, like, the elevators
don't work. They're they're broken, they're
dirty. They are like, they'll, they'll
like just drop you out in like the middle of like not the place
you need to be. You have to like go down back
alleys and you have to like go like way blocks away.

(12:17):
And you kind of have to like navigate this whole like
secondary system. And so like, that is a thing
that none of your other friends are having to deal with.
And like that can be scary and overwhelming, especially for a
new kid in the city. Like that would have absolutely
been a thing to be scared of. Not someone taking your
backpack. Not so attacking your ragpack

(12:38):
that's very politely like lightly hung on the back of your
wheelchair. No, you carry that shit on your
front. What are you?
What are you doing? Yeah.
Yeah. What are you doing?
So like but. But yeah, all this to say is
that Artie's, Artie's like wholewheelchair is not gonna fit at

(13:00):
that town car. At all?
No, of course not. Absolutely not.
And we don't ever see him attempt to use the bus.
It's only about the subway. It's.
Only about the subway. And there's a pretty robust bus
system, which, OK, you get stuffin traffic stuck in traffic, and
it's not great, but it's more accessible than the subway.

(13:23):
It's much more accessible than the subway.
So like, no, but we're not talking about the buses at all
or just so we can talk about. He just like throws it away.
Like I could take the bus. Like, yeah, bub, you could.
You could. You could.
Yeah, that you're. It'll be as fast as being in the
town car. For real.
So actually probably faster 'cause they can run red lights.

(13:45):
Yeah, 'cause they can run the red lights easier.
So like, what are we? And comfier too.
Whatever. Ryan Murphy's never been in the
city. Never, ever once been on the
subway train. It's scary and dirty.
Not these ones. These subway stations were
pristine. Yeah, they gave them a a
washdown before the cast showed up.
For real. We're not getting our costumes

(14:07):
dirty. Well, I guess we can give
ourselves. We can go in order or not, but
we can give ourselves a palate cleanser of of a clean scene
that hit Tumblr hard and and andlingered in the fandom because
it had been so long since we'd seen them.

(14:31):
Yeah, no, this, this was definitely after a drought.
Yes, it it was. This is the the moment is maybe
I I think the first and only time you see Curt and Blaine
like waking up in bed together. It is.
It is marred by the fact that Blaine's hair is still shellack

(14:54):
to his fucking head as he sleepsin this.
Episode overall. I've had.
A hate crime? I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get
peer reviewed so hard. This is Blaine in my nightmares.
A ski review. This is factual.
Because the Gelman, he's wearinga a very unflattering white tank

(15:16):
top. He is wearing the classic Eddie
Diaz Gray sweatshirts with what I'm pretty sure are like season
1 Rachel shoes. They're like he has like morning
loafers. Like what?
Like any loafers in the morning.What is?
Happening, played Anderson. Like, Can you imagine what a
pillow smells like that has gel all over it?

(15:40):
Blade Warbler would never. And I just remembered that this
was all like this was after there had been tweets to Ryan
Murphy of being like, can you fix his fucking hair?
And he was like, no, I will see.You just hate you just hate the
fandom. Like, I see what is what has
happened here. I'm also just.
Like assuming that Kurt probablyis 1 to go for like higher

(16:01):
quality bedding, yeah. How does he feel about washing
his bedding? Like coated in.
I I don't what I don't understand is like the hair and
makeup department or or the producers or Ryan or whoever the
fuck makes these decisions like is this, do you think this is

(16:21):
funny? Why like that that his hair
literally looks like plastic? Is that funny?
Do you do you see the phantom going, Hey, this is actually
like ugly. Could you stop?
And you're like, it's funny, like you just don't want your

(16:42):
characters to look human. I don't I physically do not
understand why. And it's been what is this,
2014? It's been 11 years and I'm still
mad about it. Like we all have hair.
Well, Ryan Murphy doesn't, but like the rest of us have hair.
So yes, we can make fun of him for being stupid because he

(17:02):
sucks. I just, I don't get it.
Like these character choices of his fucking loafers and his
Gelmet and. I I don't understand Blaine
Warbler. Blaine Warbler would never, is
all I'm saying. Blaine Warbler would never.
You know, in comparison to the wig they put on Darren for maybe
happy ending, which is a very similar Blaine cut.

(17:24):
Yeah, it has volume. Yeah.
Like, do you see how they did this?
Do you see how they gave him a shiny slick swoop?
But he doesn't look scary. He doesn't look sad.
And and like pained. This looks painful.
Does. I bet it was painful like.
There's. No way.
It wasn't like. Oh yeah.

(17:46):
Actually painful and it probably, I have to believe it
wrecked his hair because with that amount of Jelly you have to
wash it constantly and so he's just.
Stripping your hair. He's just.
Stripping it constantly, poor thing.
I know and like these are the same arguments we were making at
the time, but of course still you look at it in retrospect,
you're still just like and I don't why?

(18:06):
Why? Yeah, why?
Also, not to not to cross the streams here, but Blaine making
pancakes so that Evan Buckley could run.
Yes, his technique could do somework, but he.
That's OK, He's making blueberrypancakes for the love of his
life. And you know what?
Anybody who makes blueberry pancakes with love of their life

(18:26):
is a thumbs up Gold Star in my book.
So. And he looks so cute doing it.
He looks. So happy minus the minus the
shoes. Minus the shoes.
I put my notes here about them singing You make me feel so
young together is I? It's so cute that I'm angry.
You make me, you make me feel. There are songs to be sung, lots

(18:48):
of bells to be wrong, and a wonderful way to be wrong.
And even when I'm old and Gray, I'm going to feel the way I do
today because you make me feel so, man.
I just feel so. You make me feel so, yeah.

(19:17):
Pretty much. I will say that, and I felt like
this at the time, that Blaine slash Darren is giving 10 and
Kurt slash Chris is giving 5. I agree.
I, you know, whatever was going on in their personal lives or

(19:39):
whatever Chris was feeling like in relation to the show and
whatever it is apparent in the face, well.
I also I I think it works for the character art as much as I
hate the storyline. Like I felt like Kurt was
supposed to be. Like I mean clearly he's talking
about how he thinks the relationship is doomed a few

(19:59):
minutes later or so. Like yes, it kind of made sense
that Kurt was not as committed to the bits with musical number
as Blaine was. Also, like talking about that
and kind of the arc that Kurt and Blaine go through this
episode, I find it a little odd that Kurt is wearing a ring but
Blaine's not. I, I don't know, call me a

(20:20):
weirdo, but like, if you're bothwear rings, what are you doing?
Like, yeah. Just the whole thing is that
they like swapped rings or am I?Am I having a stroke like does?
Does Blaine not have a ring? I think Blaine puts a ring on
Kurt and that's it. I think dual rings is fandom.

(20:42):
Blaine Warbler would never. I.
Season Season 2 Blaine would want a ring.
Yes. I mean, maybe it's a little
lower and out of sight, I don't know.
Maybe it's a little lower and out of sight.
Kurt's like, yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna make sure you don't

(21:03):
meet any more lighthouses. Yeah.
I mean, there's a, there's like a lighthouse conversation later,
yeah. Get that, Get that ring cutter
in the kitchen like let's go. But yeah, it's I, I agree that
they should both be wearing rings because it's like, it's
sometimes it's so obvious because there's like a ring
flashing in the light and you'relike.

(21:23):
Yeah, it's. So bright, but like, it's cute
they're dancing through the loft.
This kind of room sequence was adorable for me.
It was adorable. It's ironic to have a song.
Maybe not ironic. I don't know.
Like you make me feel so young. Like you are 19.
You are. You are young.
It's fine. You are.
Children, actually. Children and then they get a
cock block by Sam, which get getthe fuck out of here, Sam.

(21:48):
Yeah, which gets called out because we already talked about
already Sam has been crashing atthe loft.
He is playing video games all day and Blaine comes home to
like tell Sam, hey, you need to like get out of here.
We're kind of worried about you and Sam's doing his I want to be
a male model shtick. And I I really liked his line

(22:13):
about Mr. Shuster told us we shouldn't care about what other
people think that we should justbe ourselves and what a load of
crap. I was like, yeah, I know.
I also really appreciate Sam just wanting to stay inside in
New York City. He's like, it's loud and smells.
I'm like, aha, it does. You're right, your home is
better. Yeah, inside is good.
We like inside. He hasn't part I sounds like he

(22:36):
hasn't been getting modeling contracts or whatever, partly
because his hair is long. I don't know that that's what
would stop it if you just style.It if he has an agent, his agent
would either like market him forhis hair or just immediately
hack it off if he's not getting jobs.
Yeah, well, they do. But not before Blaine and Sam go

(22:58):
sing Best Day of My Life like besties in Times Square.
Why are they going to Times Square if they live in Brooklyn?
Because they love a long train ride.
I guess. They Blaine's being a good
friend and taking him to the worst place on earth.
It's. The exact.
Center of Times Square, Yeah. I mean, it's cute.

(23:22):
Blaine gets a little. Piggyback ride I do.
I do love their bestieism. I'm glad that they're still
together because now that Blaineisn't like mindlessly pining
over Kurt and he's not like kindof got that misplaced crush on
Sam, they can actually be besties in besties.

(23:43):
And they both actually really need a friend and I love this
for them. Yeah, I thought this was, it was
a cute scene. You know, I always appreciate 1
character clocking that something's wrong with somebody
else and being like I am gonna do something about it.
Yes, if only someone would take care of Blaine.

(24:03):
Oh well, Blaine's about to make a lot of poor choices in a row,
so. He's trying so hard.
Yeah. Blaine always tries too hard
because we finally take some classes at Niata.
For the first time in a season. At least a season they Curtis in
like a modern dance mime class where they're like pulling

(24:29):
invisible rope, and Blaine suddenly appears because he's
been given special dispensation from Madame Thibodeau to be in
the same master class even though he's a freshman.
Because everyone loves Blaine. Blaine Warbler Anderson stands
rise, and that means that Blaineis in six of eight of Kurt's

(24:52):
classes. But I got so mad at Blaine in
this entire scene. Like he's he's he's getting a
little stalker Y and I I get it.And also leave him alone.
Yeah. Yeah, you're, you're officially
like one to two years behind himnow.

(25:15):
Stop it. Did you think it was like a
little? Well, OK, two things.
One, Darren is way too good at being a mime.
Yes. Yes, he is.
That was slightly disconcerting.Yeah, it was a little off
putting I. Lor lor lor speculation he.
Went to clown. He went to clown college.

(25:36):
Because they had clown. Because they had clown class at
Michigan. Yeah, he did like a semester
abroad thing to do. Clown College.
This man has This man has actually had clown training.
He has it's, you know, I love this for him.
He has a Tony, you know, from clown to the Tony.
Yeah. Follow your dreams, kids, follow

(25:57):
your dreams. If you think you look silly in
clown class, just wait. You could have a Tony one day.
But yeah, did you think this like jump from we've moved into,
well, I guess there's been threemonths we haven't seen.
But like, Blaine becoming a lap dog and fully attaching himself

(26:19):
to Kurt so much that it like breaks them up is too fast
because it just, it feels like they're waking up in bed
together and singing a cute songand then all of a sudden Kurt is
like, get away from me. I.

(26:40):
Or did we need like one more episode of Kurt?
Like like his temperature risingI would have liked.
Another episode of his temperature rising.
I I don't know. I also think that comes from me
craving like I I would have liked to have seen more of the
moments Kurt was happy to come up just like as it was.
It was like, oh, Kurt wants to dump him.
Like, apparently, no, Kurt didn't want to dump him.

(27:03):
He just wanted space. But I'm like it.
The The bitterness was too much,too fast.
Yeah, there was a lot of bitterness, but it didn't for
me. It didn't feel out of place.
It feels like Kurt's been kind of harboring this bitterness for
a while. I I think it's partly because we
never see them happy happy. See them happy.
Well, no, that's kind of it. Like for me to feel like Kurt

(27:26):
was in a place where he needed space, but to be together, I
would have liked the mix of like, OK, this can be a little
too much, but also I still love you and like, I still want to be
with you. And we got it.
Like told to us, not shown to usin the way.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they it's like the
eternal Clane problem where theygot together and then you, you

(27:51):
never saw them. Like flirty, happy, fun dating.
Right. They, just like they like, sat
next to each other, sometimes inthe choir room.
And then, you know, had sex thatone episode.
That one time. Where was wearing much nicer
pajamas. He was.

(28:12):
He was. He got those from anthropology.
I'm sure. And then like Kurt left and
you're like, OK, great. Great, I'm.
So glad I got to watch 7 secondsof this relationship that we
adored. And then he comes, Blaine comes
here and you're like, oh, it's already bitter cool.
Great. Because Kurt was already a

(28:34):
little bitter, like, oh, you're coming to Niata, Not like, holy
shit, you get to be with me in New York.
It was like, oh, you're following me.
Like yes. I mean it definitely continues
to give the impression that likethat Blaine is more invested in
the relationship than Kurt. Also, which not to go as tangent

(28:55):
but I also think is why when Blaine fucks up it's on so much
of a bigger scale. It's just like our dramatic
little Princess who has really big feelings.
When his feelings are hurt he's like so upset he goes and cheats
on Kurt. Mm hmm.
Whereas Kurt is just like slow simmering resentments.

(29:16):
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, and all the feelingscome out of those big ass eyes.
Yeah, they. Do you just see it more?
But yeah, so they have this little conversation about like,
oh, am, am I crowding you? And Kurt doesn't say yes.
He needs to say yes, but he doesnot.
He does not, and there his little mime box gets smaller and

(29:39):
smaller. Poor guy.
I don't know man, talk to your partner, says someone who would
never tell anyone anything. Yeah, Emily, talk to your
partner. I don't have one, so they're
they're the only single person Iknow.
Talk to your group chats, OK? Oh well, yeah, I could do that,
but I won't. All right.

(30:01):
Well, do you know who else I would like to talk to or talk
about? Sam.
Well, I've been talking about Sam, but I would like to talk
about Elliott Star Child. What a underutilized character.
I'm glad he's still around at least.
Yeah, I I like this kid. Yeah, I think he's adorable.
This is the Curt and Elliot in his little guitar shop.

(30:23):
Yes. Which is also product placement
for a great big world. Better be, I love that whole
album. Because they're they're just
like staying there talking about, hey, there's this really
cool song from a great big world.
Like like the lead into the song.
Was this pretty product placement?
Yeah. It was just product placement.
Like, OK, we'll just pimp Darren's friends, but that's

(30:45):
cool. They're, it's it.
They're a great little band. That was a great album.
Like they're a great. Album.
Yeah, it's. Great.
Yeah. Love it.
But yeah. Also, Speaking of like, people
who don't know how to be New Yorkers, cough cough Artie cough
cough Rachel Berry cough cough all of them.
Blaine makes a pivotal New York City mistake.
He does, he does he. He brings in a couch off the

(31:06):
back of a truck. Don't bring in soft fabrics from
the street. Listen, this is the whole thing.
So people put out furniture on the streets, in the street
corners because you don't want to move it.
It's too much effort to throw itaway.
And that's fine to haul it off. It's fine.
It's. Expensive to fall.
If it's a hard surface, something you can clean, a wood,
a plastic, take it. Rich people put out expensive

(31:30):
furniture and you just take thatshit.
That's your furniture. Now metal, yeah, all kinds of
good hard non porous surfaces, yard furniture, kitchen tables,
shelving, chairs, yeah, all of it.
Take it. Pots and pans, those are yours
now. If it's on the street, those are
yours now. You can clean them.

(31:51):
That's yours. A soft fabric.
Leave it. Leave it.
Don't take it. Don't touch it.
Because, as Blaine found out, bed bugs.
It gets rained on, it gets like garbage juiced on.
It gets peed on like it's no. Don't ever touch a soft fabric.

(32:11):
If it's on the street, if it's acouch or a pillow or blankets or
clothes, Don't, no, don't, don'tdo it.
Don't do it. Straight to jail.
Straight, straight to jail. Straight to jail.
Blaine brought well it's not cute to me because I don't like
mid century modern, but he brought a mid century modern
couch in and it had bed. Bugs.
I thought the couch was adorable.

(32:32):
It did not look comfortable. No, it looked.
Not about all, no. It was cute though.
Just like yellow. I like yellow.
I don't mind yellow but like I don't like mid century modern.
It all looks like it's meant to be looked at and not sat on.
Yeah, which I have a problem with.
Yeah. I like furniture that I can use.
Yes, they're not going to fuck on this couch.

(32:55):
No, they won't fit on this couch.
The two of them together will not fit on this couch.
Exactly. But Kurt sees this couch as an
omen of their relationship, seemingly fine on the outside
but headed for disaster. And he tells Elliot that he's
like, feeling suffocated and he's losing his identity, Which
like, I kind of feel like he should be feeling standing up

(33:16):
next to Rachel all these years as well.
Like he's always chasing her. You would think.
But and Elliot's like, yeah, bro, you're like a little young
for this whole marriage thing anyway, which point to Elliot.
But like, I think what you've got is awesome and worth
fighting for and you just need to set some boundaries and

(33:39):
somehow that cues into singing Rockstar.
So they definitely just had a song they wanted to sing is.
There anybody out there? There's a meeting?
Can you show me a sign? The more I look.
It just gets harder to find the.World is spinning and I wanna

(34:06):
know why and a scene they wantedto do and they just put them
together. You know what?
This is not the first time this has happened with Elliott Star
Child, so it's. Not, and it's a shame because he
has a great voice and he's so cute on screen and he seems like
he's so game for what's going onin this show.
And I'm just like stop, stop making his scene so silly

(34:29):
because I love his later scene with Blaine.
Oh yeah. But we do have to roll back a
second to the roll to the loft because Artie has been reporting
the theft of his backpack, whichis silly.
Like what? The NYPD is going to give a shit
about your backpack, but Blaine is trying to use the Soda

(34:49):
stream, which I guess is kind ofloud, and Kurt snaps at him for
it and then tells the other people I'm sorry about him.
He just needs his bubbles. He.
Just needs his bubbles. He just needs his bubbles.
What? Am I his bubbles?
Like which is so condescending but also so funny.

(35:10):
It's so funny because. Blaine is over there looking
about 5 foot 2. Yeah, like.
And. It's one of those, like, Kurt is
so mad and so, like, frustrated with his boundaries with Blaine,
like he's just, you know, feeling smothered and
overwhelmed, and yet he still feels the need to defend him.
Yes, yeah, he's pulled like I hate this fucking sound.

(35:30):
Every noise in this apartment iskilling me and also.
He needs his. Bubbles.
He needs his bubbles. I love I love only Kurt in this
scene. Everyone else, straight to jail.
Straight. Yeah, straight to jail.
Rachel blows in, having had no idea what's going on, and Blaine
offers her what sounds like a really delicious drink.

(35:52):
Yeah. And she's like, no, my local
corns, but I will take some, like, hot water and lemon, like,
No, go make yourself some tea onyour own.
You. Weirdo.
And then he makes her. Then.
He makes her tea and lemon and she's like Meyer lemons.
I. Meyer lemon Friend Rachel Berry

(36:13):
Rachel Elizabeth Berry Rachel Middle Rachel Middle Name Barry.
If you can identify a Meyer lemon, I will pay you 100
American dollars. Well, maybe it had the sticker
still on it. Maybe.
That was his his protest. So I want to leave the sticker
on it. I, I just I, I, I, I want to

(36:35):
talk to a Rachel Berry defender.Like, explain this.
She's so awful. She's so annoying.
Explain yourself, but arty's outthere feeling super vulnerable
and alone, which, you know, if they talked more about trying to
navigate in a wheelchair, like, great.
But he's feeling alone because he lost his backpack and and was

(36:55):
the victim of a mugging, which sucks.
Yeah. And and Rachel, her, she's like,
I'm going to empathize by telling a story where I
accidentally gave an unhoused person too much money.
I was like I. Want to throw you off the
Brooklyn Bridge? Yeah.
Get out. I hate everything about.

(37:17):
You. She's the worst.
And they just, they redeem her all the time.
But yeah. And then she gets accused
straight to jail. She gets accused of not being a
real person anymore. And like was she ever was?
She ever a real person, truly. She's a caricature of Lea
Michele. OK.

(37:37):
The yes, which I think we've said in the past, but the more
the show goes on, and especiallynow that they've given her Fanny
Bryce, it's just like I'm all we're doing is watching Lea
Michele. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, and that is like Season 1 Rachel.
Yeah, that's a fictional character.
But by now Glee is not a documentary.

(37:58):
Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever.
And that's why Season 1 Rachel is like, kind of fun.
Yeah. I don't like her, but like
she's, I get her, I get her. Yeah, I think she's interesting.
She's got, she's got, you know, motivations and back story and
there's a reason for her being the way she is.

(38:21):
And she was just, there was something that you didn't hate
about her in Season 1, even though she's got all the same
behaviors now in Season 4 or Season 5.
Like I hate her now. Yeah, there's no growth.
None. Every time she's like.

(38:42):
Like every. Time.
She's like, I'm gonna stop beingan asshole.
She doesn't. No, she gets rewarded and
therefore. Worse.
Yeah, and then you're supposed to feel bad for her somehow.
Somehow. Of like the so the see the next
scene of her like in her little town car suddenly feeling like
she's sealed off from the masses.

(39:03):
Like even just her phrasing. It's I think it's supposed to be
funny, but I think there's a lotof people who just feel that
way. Yeah.
And I don't feel like the, the, I don't feel like there's enough
of a separation between actor and character to be like, I
don't know. Do you, do you get it?

(39:24):
Do you get the I? She's feeling isolated because
she's not on the subway and she's losing her authenticity.
Like what authenticity? Yeah.
You don't have any real life experiences to draw from.
You're 19, lived in a small townin Ohio, and you've been
slushied. And you've been slushy.

(39:47):
I guess her real life experienceat this point is that her
ex-boyfriend died. Yeah, but.
But the show doesn't talk about that as something for her to
draw from, because they don't I.Mean they.
Go there. And like, obviously I get why
they don't go there, but also like that would have been the

(40:07):
the like one life defining like shitty thing that happened to
her that kind of gave her some like perspective.
Yeah, she seems to have well off.
Parents love her. She did well in school.
She got maybe a little teased throughout high school, like she

(40:31):
would call it bullied, but. She she was bullied a little and
bullied other people a little. And then?
And bullied other people in return.
That's the one. She is conventionally
attractive, talented and flirtedwith her teacher.

(40:51):
Yeah, yeah. Had boyfriends.
Dated a sex worker. Dated a sex worker who was hot.
Oh yeah. Got into the school of her
dreams. Even though she didn't really
deserve it. And one of the teachers was mean
to her for like a semester before becoming her mentor.
I guess I. And hitting a Broadway show in a

(41:13):
day. Yeah, immediately.
I I'm not sure Rachel Stann could argue other points in her
favor. I could.
I agree with you, Emily. I would love to talk to a Rachel
Stann. Like you tell you tell me her
trials and tribulations. All four of them.
So anyway. Good times.

(41:35):
And then she gets like, she talks about having and I, I
don't know if this was on purpose, but she's like, I don't
have any real experiences to draw from.
And then she gets out of the carin Chinatown, and I was like, of
all the places to get out of hercar?
Like, are we supposed to be drawing something from this?
Like are we going to get like a?Why is she driving through

(41:55):
Chinatown? I don't know, like, are you
supposed to be like, this is thereal New York?
Like what are what are you doinghere?
Once again, I beg, I beg, I plead with the Glee riders to
remember that their apartment isin Brooklyn, yeah, and not in
Manhattan. Are.
You going to, I mean, you can take the train, but like, where

(42:16):
does she know how to get from Chinatown to I don't care, I
don't care anymore. Like it would be so much of this
would be so much. I, I would give it so much more
grace if they actually lived in Manhattan, if they were able or
even like, you know, northern Manhattan or Harlem, if they
like lived not in Brooklyn or Queens, if they were on the

(42:38):
island of Manhattan that like. Just on the A line.
Yeah, just on the A line, wherever on the A line, like
187, like that's fine. But like, like, later in the
episode, they'll talk like Curt and Blaine will talk about like
where they go to be alone and they're like, motherfuckers, you
live in Brooklyn. Yeah.
What there's places in Brooklyn like, what are you doing?

(43:01):
I don't understand. Yeah, I don't.
I don't Mandy, just to kind of like fill you in the the jaunt
from their apartment in Bushwickto Times Square is what do you
think, M 4050 minutes on the train?
Yeah. At best, yeah, like with no

(43:21):
delays and no switching tracks. Oh that, that makes perfect
sense. Yeah.
So like, yeah, they're, they're Rachel's commute.
If she takes the train, it's probably just under an hour.
Yeah. Each way and.
For no discernible reason. I mean, they're gonna they're

(43:42):
she's gonna have, I mean, they're probably taking the L
well or like the well, dependingon so I don't know, like where
in Bushwick they're. Yeah, it's the L or the the F,
the orange lines. Yeah.
Or, well, depends on like where in Bushwick they are.
But like yeah, the orange or theL and then I mean maybe AJ train

(44:08):
depending on where the fuck theyare.
Maybe, but like the L trains constantly close, like the L
train, the poor L train. Yeah.
And then depending on where her theatre is, like, right, I mean,
if she's in the Broadway district, like, then she's going
to have to take the red line or the blue, like the A, the A, the
E, the C or the NQR, whatever. But yeah, it's not.

(44:32):
It's not a straight shot. It's not a straight shot.
It could be depending on traffic, like, you know, train
traffic 4550. So really, it sounds like he was
applying the same logic as to the theater and just doing New
York Mad Libs. Like.
Name some places people know as New York that they're gonna go
there. Doesn't need to make any sense.
Yeah, I mean like, you know. Bushwick is like hip or and and

(44:56):
at the time in 2014 probably affordable for them.
Probably. Not anymore.
Not. Anymore in comparison to
Manhattan. So they probably, you know,
someone on the team is probably like, oh, they could probably
live in Bushwick. And he was like, great, we'll
put them in Bushwick. But do you still have to get out

(45:20):
of Brooklyn if you're working inManhattan?
And I mean, you can't. It's not, it's not a straight
shot. It just feels like again, like
very well paid TV writers failing to do the minimal amount
of research your normal AO3 writer would do.
Correct. Absolutely nobody pulled up the
Google Maps. Nobody pulled.
Up is pull up a Google map just be like oh shit that's like 2

(45:43):
trains and a walk. Yeah, that's like 2 trains and a
walk. Like, come on, guys.
Yeah. Like I'm also thinking about
like, Washington Square Park. Washington Square Park is a big
hit among the NYU students. Yes, because.
That's where they are. But like, is Niata just like
standing in for NYU? Is that why they're all down

(46:03):
there? I think it's supposed to be like
like an NYUI. Don't know that they've ever
given it a location. Yeah, but I always kind of
assumed it was South of 14th. Yeah, probably.
Just just given like it's vibe. Yeah.
I don't know that it's South of Houston, but like because

(46:26):
Washington Square Park, like I kind of put it in the NYU.
And put it in the NYU district. Vibe.
Yeah, sorry, Mandy. I hope you're enjoying this tour
of New York City. Yes, this is educational.
But yeah, I don't. They've never, as far as I
remember, they've never said like, oh, it's on Lafayette or

(46:46):
asked, you know, like we have toget off at Astor Place.
Like I don't, then why would they bother?
I don't know, but in any case. Yeah, we we take, we get
Starbucks at the yeah, yeah. In any case, Rachel Berry got
off in Chinatown for absolutely no discernible reason other than
she wanted to get off in Chinatown.
Unless she was trying to pull some, like, authentic New York

(47:10):
experience. Yeah, and, and they cut a scene.
I don't know. But like, I was, I kind of
girded my loins for like an awkward Rachel Berry in
Chinatown moment. And then it didn't happen.
I was like, thank you. Yeah.
Well. The moment she said that, she
wanted to stop by an herbalist to get something that's the Ohio

(47:30):
kids had never had before. And I was like, oh, are we about
to go there? That's that's the moment I was
like, oh, don't, oh. No.
'Cause I couldn't remember, 'cause these these episodes are
fuzzy as fuck. I've never seen them.
I've never seen this. Yeah, when she said that, I was
like, we're not, we're not gonnado this, are we?
Are we really gonna have like a no?

(47:52):
So I, I don't know if there was like a cut scene of her going to
like an herbalist, then they just didn't.
I was like, I can't, I can't watch this.
I have to I have to go now. Yeah.
Well, but it didn't happen. Speaking of something that
should have been cringeier than it was.
Blaine taping out the loft. Blaine taping out the loft and
Sam's new job. Yes, so so Blaine is he is pre

(48:18):
planning a workspace in the loft.
His he has a voice over. He's talking about how he feels
like he is living in someone else's home, which is legit.
There's been I don't know how many people have lived in this
loft now. Santana, Rachel, Kurt, Blaine,
Sam. Who else?

(48:38):
Elliot never lived there. Did.
What's his face? The the Oh my God.
ABS McGee. Brody.
Brody, did he live there for a little bit?
Probably. So like, it makes sense he wants
to like Nest. Yeah, he's a nester.
He's talked about, you know, Kurt's made this home.

(49:00):
Beautiful but not functional with, you know, that's fine.
And then Sam walks in with his short little Bieber.
Well, it's not quite the Bieber because it doesn't go over, but
it's much. It's a much shorter, cooler
haircut and Sam has booked his first modeling job for bubble

(49:24):
booty contouring underwear for men.
I love this for them because notall men are blessed with round
booties. This is true.
This is true. I'm a little bummed that we
didn't see them wearing it. A little bit, you would think
that they would have done this, but.
And I just think that's a tragedy.
True story, do. You remember if anyone do do

(49:46):
fandom like fan art about this because I oh.
I'm I'm sure there was fan art about this.
There's probably BLAM fan art about it too.
Might have to go back and try tofind some because yeah.
Yeah. Bootylicious.
For the, for the research, yeah.For the science, yeah.

(50:09):
So Sam announces that he is moving out into the model
apartment with what he assumes are modelling dudes, and Blaine
actually looks super sad. He does.
That's his bestie. And it is sad because that's,
you know, their buds. So when Kurt comes home he like

(50:30):
immediately attacks Blaine for having moved stuff around.
And the tape and. He's like back away from the
lamp and he goes off on Blaine and is like, he doesn't want
someone to walk into their sanctuary and have their eyes

(50:51):
drawn to a hideous workspace, which is, I mean, and he's like,
you can't barge in here and do whatever you want.
And he's like, he's really like my home.
This is my home. And Blaine's like, but I thought
it was our home, which is correct?

(51:12):
I think they're both Dicks here.They're everybody's wrong
because Blaine's like your design choices aren't always
100% brilliant. Which is not the way he could
have phrased it. Yeah, little mean.
I mean. And then Kurt brings up that he
was talking to Elliot about thisand Blaine in one of my favorite

(51:35):
teams just because it's tasty, was like, I bet you were talking
to Elliot. Like like Blaine isn't the
serial cheater in this relationship.
He's never done anything wrong in his life and he's like, I bet
he's your friend. And the way Darren delivers
these lines is tasty. It's so good so.

(51:56):
Tasty and Kurt's like calm down psycho.
I'm not saying that these were like personal between them, but
the line delivery was delightful.
It was it, it, it felt like, youknow, Chris gave some good Kurt
energy. The Blaine energy wasn't super

(52:17):
there, felt maybe a little more like Darren Pasty.
Perhaps it's a little tasty little snack.
Little snack. Snack I I mean, I hate it for
the characters, but for me I waslike, yeah.
Yeah, my notes just read Divorceera.
That's what mine say. Yeah.

(52:39):
The brain rot is strong. It says divorce era.
Divorce era. And he's calling Kurt's calling
Blaine pouty and weird, which isa weird way to phrase something.
Ouch, but OK. But OK.
And tells him to put everything back where it's supposed to be.
This is all very territorial. Well, OK, so Speaking of people

(53:01):
who need to just communicate better with themselves and not
necessarily other people, Artie has to fight the subway again.
He does. He does.
He's really fighting for airtimein this episode 'cause it's like
that your main couple like divorcing on screen and then
you've got like Artie getting splashed by gutter slush and
you're like, I OK. And like OK, on the one hand I

(53:25):
do feel horribly for Mr. Rd. Abrams because the subway is
like so inaccessible and everything sucks.
On the other hand, he is a full ass pedestrian stopped in the
middle of the sidewalk. He.
Really is. He's parked out directly in
front of the subway entrance. And some guy's like, move it.
And you're like, yeah, move it, man.
Move it. Get out of my fucking way.

(53:46):
Stop standing in the middle of the fucking sidewalk.
New Yorkers are so mean. Like, they're not.
They're busy move. They're not.
Yeah, they're they're not mean. They're just they're, they're in
motion. They're in motion all the time,
moving. Damn.
Yeah, Artie versus the subway. Poor guy getting hit with city
juice. Very unfortunate for.

(54:07):
Him it is, and then they have a scene.
He has a scene with Rachel whereshe's had some sort of epiphany
about being a twat monster and she doesn't want to be
sheltered, so they're gonna takethe subway together.
Now. I don't know how they get down
there together because they'd have to take two different
entrances. Or they could both fit in the
elevator if the elevator's working.

(54:28):
She's gonna protect him. Trust me.
I took Krav Maga as a child withthe JCC, and I can protect you.
Never seen it. Yeah, but OK.
And you know, the city is less scary with a friend.
I took Krav Maga as a child at the JCC.
Cool. Would have been funny to see but
OK. And they sing Don't Sleep in the

(54:49):
subway, which I did not pay attention to.
I only paid attention because part of me is like, first of
all, that subway station is the cleanest I've ever seen.
It is also the like most awkwardly lit, but all these
like dancers dancing on the subway car.

(55:12):
Part of me is like, Oh my God, they did that for Hollywood.
And the other part of me is like, oh, it's a dance card.
Yeah. Showtime it's.
Like, oh, OK, cool. Yeah, that was unscripted.
It was just Showtime. It's just Showtime.
I'm like, oh, OK, whatever. Their their actual filming just
gets interrupted by Showtime. OK.

(55:35):
Do we wanna go back up to to Blaine and Elliot or we wanna go
down to Sam in the model apartment?
Like, OK, well Sam in the wild apartment is quick because he
has moved in. The rooms are small and he's
like, that's OK, I've been homeless, which is like kind of
funny. And also like, remember how Sam
has real life experiences that we don't talk about?

(55:56):
Yeah. So there's a guy there whose
life story I would like to get into because he says I got to go
do this paid webcam thing real quick.
Is he doing porn in the model house A. 100 percent 100,000%.
Cool. I want to go talk about him
because that's now two sex workers we've had on the show

(56:16):
that are like Played for Laughs and what are we doing, Murphy?
Glee is not a documentary. Maybe.
So it turns out one of Sam's roommate is another Sam.
A girl, Sam. A girl.
Who he likes for about 5 minutesuntil she turns out to be like a

(56:39):
font of drugs. Yeah and then he pieces out and
I was like, could we not have stuck with the storyline for
like 3 episodes while the the model house like turns out to be
a bad situation of like eating disorders and speed and all this
kind of like bad influence and then he has to leave I.

(57:01):
Mean like how many episodes of Rachel's sex worker boyfriend
did we get like? Sam.
That. Yeah, like.
A fraction of that. He was in and out of there in
minutes. Like that could have and it was
the IT was a great, it was a beautiful apartment too.
It wasn't it look like a scary sketchy model apartment.

(57:24):
Like this was a thing that Sam could have been like, Oh my
gosh, this is such a great opportunity.
And then to watch it slowly unravel.
And, you know, like a better show could have been, you could
have had some like cool lightingand design work where it starts
out looking really cool and pretty and then the lighting
changes. So it starts to look dingier and
dingier as he realizes that it'slike like a drug done.
Yes. But no, he's he's in and out.

(57:47):
Just doesn't even unpack. And again like.
That's what you missed. Like, that's not how moving out
of apartments works, no. OK, OK, so now we get Blaine and
Elliot. Blaine busts up into Elliot's
apartment, which I guess he knows where he lives, and
absolutely nobody calls anyone or texts anyone.

(58:09):
They just show up at people's places.
And I love the way he bitch slaps Elliot's door open.
Yeah, just, like, put chunk. And he's like, we need to talk.
He's also glad that Elliot neverfriended him on Facebook.
Let's also I just this entire scene, my whole body was just
like huh? So let's talk about a mid game,
huh? I'd be into it.

(58:31):
I'm not mad about it. The mid game we could have had.
So let's talk about a mid game. Let's talk about it now.
Of course, in in the regular Googie world, the mid game would
have been Kurt and Elliott, because it would have been it
should have been Blaine and Sebastian in the fandom.

(58:56):
I there's absolutely no reason why Elliott shouldn't skadoodle
right on into the middle there. Oh, sure.
Yeah. Like there's absolutely no
reason why we can't do like, a enemies to rivals to friends to
lovers like scenario. That would have been beautiful.
I have absolute faith that the fan fiction writers of 2014 got

(59:17):
us I. I think we'll probably.
Do Oh well. Yeah, also this I think this
entire scene was a little bit ofactor bleed.
Yeah. Because you know, Blaine keeps
Blaine starts talking about how how he's just really jealous and
how much he loves Kurt and is just so mad at this like glitter

(59:41):
rock vampire. Because Blaine is so clearly
jealous of Elliot and like the life he has in New York and the
the relationship he's built withKurt and then start child just
like hands him a guitar like this will calm you down.
Literally he's. And my immediate action, my
immediate reaction was like, does Blaine play the?

(01:00:04):
Guitar. I know, I know.
There's a couple lines in here that we're like, is this about
Darren or is this about Blaine 'cause he says this thing like
your hair is so full and thick you don't need to rely on hair
gel. I was like, what are we doing?
Here, you you don't know that about Blaine.
He's always had hair gel. Like Blaine plays the piano.
Yeah, I don't know if Blaine plays the guitar, but Darren

(01:00:26):
does. Blaine does now.
Blaine does now. This.
This entire scene was just aboutAdam Lambert and Darren Criss
just jamming. Absolutely.
It was, yeah. What are we doing?
Like OK. OK.
Yeah, do you see? I mean, I, I, I liked the scene

(01:00:48):
other than I feel bad for Blaine.
Yeah. Like, feeling like he has that.
He feels like this. Also, the lighting on him was
real pretty. Yes.
And he, he's like, they've been apart for so long, and he just
wants to catch up with Kurt. And it's pushing Kurt away.
And Elliot's trying to be like, listen, man, there's like 9
million people in the city. We need room to breathe.

(01:01:12):
And Blaine has been thinking of boundaries as walls.
And Elliot's like, you just needto jam, man.
Just just relax. Chill, here's some weed you're.
So you're so uptight, you. Massaged a chill.
Oh my God, yeah, this whole thing is just.
And then they sing Glitter Rock Vampire, which is absolutely

(01:01:34):
just Darren and and yeah, Adam Lamp is.
Jamming, jamming. I'm not mad about it, it's just
not their characters. It's not.
Right. Yeah.
So when Blaine comes home, having been soothed like a
toddler with a guitar, Kurt is waiting on the couch.

(01:01:57):
And Kurt already knows that he went to see Elliot because it's
been 6 hours and Blaine took a water taxi to the Statue of
Liberty while Kurt went to the Highline to.
I'd like to state once again forthe record, they both live in
Brooklyn. Brooklyn.
I don't know where Adam where star child lives.

(01:02:19):
I think also in Brooklyn. So Kurt went all the.
Way based on based on that adorable like stained glass
window he has. Yeah, he lives in.
Brooklyn. So Kurt went all the way to the
Highline. Blaine went to Lower Manhattan.
I don't. Whatever.
Yeah, he went all the way South to lower Manhattan and then off
the off the southern tip. OK, but Blaine Blaine's like,

(01:02:43):
we, I should move out. We need to like take a step
back, which, you know, I've beensaying that they shouldn't have
gotten engaged in the first place.
But it was real. Fast.
They need to like take a look attheir situation that it's not
working out. They didn't really have a
conversation about living together.
Blaine just showed up, which is true.

(01:03:07):
They are like 19. But it is also like, if you're
going to be engaged, shouldn't you live together?
Like, shouldn't the two of you move out together and live
without nine other people? Oh, I was just gonna say, yeah,
I feel like the conversation should have been like, maybe
let's take a step back and not, like, be engaged yet.

(01:03:31):
Let's like, take a step back andlearn how to date as adults
instead of like, we're staying engaged.
You're moving out. Something, I don't know, I I
would feel like instead of blamemoving out so we see each other
less, let's move in the two of us so that we're not surrounded

(01:03:56):
by other people and feeling, yeah, like we have no space.
Although I don't think either ofthem have incomes.
Neither of them have income so they could not make the 10 times
their monthly rent and like. I don't know how they're who's
affording any of this anyway, soI don't know.

(01:04:19):
But yeah, yeah. So the the conclusion they come
to is that Blaine is going to going to move out to protect
this precious thing that they have.
I do really appreciate that bothfor the characters and for the
audience, they were like, we arenot breaking up, we are not
breaking up. But like the underlying tone is,
we're breaking up. Yeah.

(01:04:39):
But the underlying tone is 100%.We're breaking up.
We're going. To have make up sex first, but
we are going to break up becauselike what else are they going to
do in these characters? They can't just be fucking
happy. God forbid claim, be happy God.
God forbid, like I this is becoming an increasing problem.
Like there's, there are there are television shows who are

(01:05:02):
able to do we have a happy, loving relationship and there is
drama within it. And yet I don't ever, I'm not
ever actually afraid that one ofthem is going to, you know,
disappear forever. It's possible.
I've seen it happen. It is just.
Not with hurt and blame. Nope.

(01:05:23):
Somehow. Not these two.
Yeah, I hate it. It sucks.
So everyone is is at the loft. We have to hear about this like
crazy thing that happens with Artie and Rachel on the L train.
They specifically say it's the Ltrain so that at least they know
they're in Brooklyn and they seethe guy who mugged Artie.
He goes up to him, pepper sprayshim because that's now like

(01:05:47):
assault. Although he was trying to rob
somebody else. They managed to get the laptop
back from the guy's apartment because he's just been like
stealing from people and suddenly the cops care.
And that's the end of that storyline.
He like found his strength and gumption and his lack.
He no longer fears the subway orsomething.

(01:06:08):
And then Blaine also tells everyone that they're going to
he's going to move out and and he and Sam are going to get a
place together because Sam has also moved out of the the model
apartment. So I feel like we as a country
have moved on from this far too quickly.
RT Abrams releasing pepper sprayin a crammed, closed, crowded

(01:06:30):
subway car. That that is assault.
That is a terrible idea. Thank you for ruining
everybody's day. Artemis Abrams.
Artemis Abrams? Is that his real name?
No, I'm sure it's Arthur. No, I think it's, I think it's I
like Artemis. Yeah, Artemis Abrams, straight

(01:06:52):
to jail crime. Crime they they tried to get the
laptop back from the cops and then said the cops arrest him
like. Yeah, Sir.
And then, surprise, Mercedes shows up.
So they wrote Santana out of theshow, right?
I don't remember the next time she shows up honestly.

(01:07:15):
Like Mercedes has absolutely no reason to be here unless it's to
fill the Santana void, Yeah. That is true.
Like, I love Mercedes, thrilled that she's here, but I have 1000
questions. I I couldn't begin to tell you
why she's here other than her album wants to have a Harlem

(01:07:35):
vibe. And then she moves into the
Upper West Side. In East Coast, yeah, I into her,
yeah, it's clearly a brown zone.Yeah, but it's clearly like
$1,000,000 apartment. And she forces Kurt and Blaine
to to move the couch for her. While Sam is inside putting.

(01:07:57):
Desperately trying to. Flirt shelves together and
desperately trying to flirt and to get to get laid.
I will bet 50 Whole American cents that the two of them end
up hooking up before the season's out.
I mean, I hope so. I was like them.
Me too, like you. Know poor guy, he's trying so
hard. But they come to the conclusion

(01:08:19):
that Blaine and Sam will then rent out the second bedroom in
Mercedes's apartment. Yes, I'm picturing bunk beds.
I'm also picturing bunk beds. She said.
I have a spare bedroom and they're like, we'll take it like
together. Together.
Are we cheating on Elliot already?

(01:08:40):
We're cheating on Elliott already.
The casual threesome has moved from Elliott to Sam.
Look, Elliott gave them a good experience and then they can
move on. I'm saying that if everyone in
that apartment, Sam is going to be the most down for a casual
threesome. I think so, yeah.
Probably. Sam would be 100% down.
He'd be like hot hot boom because he's.

(01:09:04):
Like, what are we going to do about our sexual chemistry?
And then gets like a hand to theface.
So obviously he's got to move onto his next best bud.
He does. And then I was so pissed at
Rachel being like, I can't help.I have to go to the theater.
Like could you just leave? I'm always so mad at Rachel.
I'm so mad at Rachel. Get out.
Go away. Like don't even be in this scene

(01:09:25):
just go away. I'm sorry I can't help my voice.
Go away. Hate you so much it's not even
an interesting character thing. Like I can't help, I have to go
to the theater. Like I don't care.
And she gets the final song of people from Funny Girl over.

(01:09:46):
But I do love her outfit here inthe little black dress and the
heels and the tights. I always love this outfit.
It's. The same outfit that we see
here. All the time, I know, and I love
it every time. People who love people or need
people, whatever it is. Curtain Blaine walking around
hand in hand. A little potluck dinner with
everyone. But they're so cute.

(01:10:07):
This is, this is. They're trying to remake
Friends. Yes, they are.
And that that is, that is the episode.
We, we are, we've set up that weare back in, well, not back in
New York, but we are fully in New York.
The newbies are gone. We did not have Tina.

(01:10:28):
I think this is also the last Ellie, the last episode with
Elliot, because God forbid we keep a fun guest star.
I like him, too. Everyone got a voice over except
for Kurt in this episode. Yeah.

(01:10:49):
Yeah. Will doesn't sing at all.
That's nice. Thank God he was not even in the
episode. I think that's the trivia of the
episode. I I did, I did read on the IMDb
because I like looking at the like bloopers and goofs and

(01:11:11):
stuff, that Blaine isn't wearinga jacket or scarf when he goes
to Elliot's apartment, but he iswhen he comes home.
I mean, honestly, that's, that'spretty common.
I would say if you like, you know, especially because it's in
the winter time, if if like you go over to a friend's house and
it's just like regular cold and then you leave their house and

(01:11:31):
it's like fucking cold. You know, if this is a friend
that you see like on more than one occasion, it's like, Hey,
can I borrow like a hat or some gloves or a scarf?
Yeah. Like that's not out of the
realm. It's the missing scene.
Favorite songs? No.
No. You make me feel so young.

(01:11:52):
I I just like that song, even ifI don't love the undertones it
has with Kurt. I'm going to have to go with
Best day of my life 2. 3-4 this.Is going to be the best day of

(01:12:20):
my life. Even though I love a great big
world, I just I love best day ofmy life.

(01:12:42):
I think I like best day of my life.
I think this the IT was the mostfun.
I want it to be You make me feelso young.
I just, I just don't like the song that much.
Like I would say. That I'm Frank Sinatra song like
I'm not I. Like the song?

(01:13:02):
Like if I think if it had been adifferent song than the scene, I
would have been like I would have vibed more with because
it's Curtain Blaine. Yeah.
But like, you guys are 19, you can't feel any younger.
Right. You make me feel so young.
God, what are we in like 7th grade?

(01:13:23):
You make me. Feel like a middle school kid
like. I don't want any love of my life
to make me feel like a middle schooler do.
You have any favorite lines thatyou can remember?
I mean all of all of the the blare and delivery lines.

(01:13:44):
Blairin. I've forgotten about Blairin.
Oh. Yeah.
Blairin Yeah, mine is. I bet you were talking I.
Bet he's your. Friend like delicious.
My favorite is still from the from the That's what you missed
on Glee. The way it was edited.
Just oh, God, hold on. Yeah, he's got a baby on the

(01:14:08):
way. God, that's awful.
What's our one nice thing? That one, that one good thing?
I love when I ask this and then there's just dead silence like.
I I love the glitter rock vampire.
I love Elliot. Star child, actually.

(01:14:28):
Yeah, that's, I'll cosign that one.
Elliot is the good thing. He's he's the best thing every
time. I really missed Aaron's voice.
I miss like him just getting a chance to just saying it's
always nice to hear it. I for as cursed as his bedtime

(01:14:51):
outfit is 'cause it is truly cursed.
I do really appreciate him making pancakes and not burning
them. Yes, I thought that was
precious. That is precious so.
Yes, I, I guess mine is that we did get to see a little happy

(01:15:13):
clean a little bit a little bit because you know, I, I miss them
and it, you know, we didn't say it here, but we did watch this
episode and we did just get a clean reunification.
Yeah, we did the. Timing, I mean when this episode
actually airs, God knows. But like, as of the recording of

(01:15:36):
this episode, Chris Colfer did just go to Darren, Chris's Tony
after party and they took a photo together and the caption
there was like cleaning on Instagram and and Chris called
Darren his like husband reclaim like it's been 84 years and

(01:15:57):
cleaning happened online and that was really nice.
I had a, a, a clean post organically come across my
dashboard the other day talking about shipping portmanteaus.
Oh, wow. Talking about, you know, like,
well, yeah, they went with claimbecause blurt wasn't gonna be

(01:16:19):
any good. I was like Oh yes, blurt.
Blurt We could have. We could have done it.
Yeah, we could have. I'm glad we went the other
direction. But yeah, it was, you know,
given given the timing here of like seeing them together and
like cleaning on online publiclyand then have.

(01:16:41):
Planning on Maine? Planning on Maine and then
having like this episode with their little dancy dance and you
know, it was nice. It was like a little like, oh,
the memories. Which is why we do this podcast
anyway. Yes.
And then, you know, the next episode happens and you're like,

(01:17:02):
well, because you know, Glee likes to bring down everyone's
everyone's fun time rap because it's the bash episode.
We. But for now, we can enjoy clean
getting to dance together in their apartment.

(01:17:24):
You can find oh. Do you have any, any last words?
Any last thoughts, feelings. I mean, it was nice to hear
Artie sing a little. He did, yes.
This. Would have ranked on the old
Kevin Mcscale. Or whatever it would have.
Yeah. The Kevin Mcscale, Yeah.
I love the Kevin Mcscale had some he.

(01:17:46):
Would have made it versus. Yeah.
He had a whole, he had a whole lot, a whole plot.
He had a whole. He had like the whole C plot he
would. Have made it all.
Of STD's. No, that's coming yet.
Yeah, Yeah. That's in the pipeline, not.
Yet. Yeah, we get a Blaine feels fat
and already gets STD's. It's going to be awesome.

(01:18:10):
Wait. I can can we just be What do
you? Think I said we should skip to
613? That's why I said it.
I was like oh I hate these episodes.
Next this. Is terrible.
I know, but it's Glee, but it's Glee, but it's Glee.
And I guess on that, thank you for listening.

(01:18:32):
You can find us at Phantom on the rocks.
We've got some bonus epies and awhole 911 miniseries where
Allison and I dissect 911 in so far as we talked about Buddy and
the weird things that happened on the show that we love to hate
and hate to love and really justlove a lot.
Really just love a lot. And we'll catch you on the next

(01:18:54):
episode of Glee on the rocks. And that's what you missed on
the subway. Isn't that scary?
You've been listening to Glee onthe Rocks, a Fandom on the Rocks
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