July 28, 2025 • 25 mins
In this honest and heartfelt episode, DJ shares a powerful story about the moments we often miss as dads—and the quiet regret that sneaks in when we’re not present. From birthday reflections to a final silly game of Twister, this conversation is a wake-up call for every father.Fatherhood isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present. This episode will challenge you, encourage you, and remind you why your time with your kids is sacred.🎧 Whether you’re a new dad or raising teens, this one will hit home.🔔 Subscribe for weekly content that helps men become the dads they’re called to be.——👥 Join our community of faith-filled dads: https://www.facebook.com/groups/282732511309028/📱 Follow us on IG & TikTok: @fatherhoodunscripted
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
What's going on, everybody? It is fatherhood unscripted,
without a guest. You just get us today and we
have something to talk about that I feel like a lot of dads
go through occasionally, especially as our kids birthdays
roll around. We start looking at old photos
(00:25):
and that's ugly thing that comesup is regret.
Did I spend enough time with my kids?
Did I, did I do right by them? Have I set them up for success?
Have. And we just get into this spiral
and I'm not talking about relishing moments.
(00:47):
I'm talking about full on shoot,I should have done better.
And it's just something that's atrap that I find myself in.
And just before we got on here, Alec was kind of sharing how
that's been something that's, you know, been the case for him,
too. It's normal.
But but yeah, that's what we're going to talk about today.
(01:11):
But before we do that, Alec, howhas your week been?
It was. A busy week this week.
Yeah, I mean, I had my birthday and then we had your son's
birthday and then else we this week we do a lot like just from
last last Saturday when we recorded with Endauda, which if
(01:35):
you guys haven't heard that episode you listen to, it's
really, I was really happy with that episode.
It was really good episode. We went and what we do, we went
to the Warner Brothers backlog tour, me and Micah, which was
really cool. For anybody's listening, I'm a
huge like movie nerd and like I like the background stuff of it
and I've wanted that for a long time.
(01:56):
So it was cool to go get to dealwith him and kind of have that
experience because they have allthe Batmobiles, all the suit,
the suits from like Batman, Aquaman, the new Superman.
So it was really cool to see that stuff.
And then on the back end, I got to see like where Friends was
filmed and I got to see where Big Bang Theory was filmed and
we actually got to go on the sets and take pictures with me
and him on the set. So it was really cool.
(02:18):
And then my wife and me, I went and had a a Knott's Berry Farm
day. So they were cool there.
But yeah, just a busy week around.
I got a lot to do today. It's going to be a pretty packed
day today. But yeah, if you guys are kind
of just catching up on things orif you're new, we've done a
while. If you guys are new, welcome
First off, because we have had new a lot of up tick and things
(02:40):
and a lot of new people coming through.
So if you are new, welcome. Father unscripted.
This is a place for dads men to talk about their journeys and
talk about things that we are thinking, but we don't say hello
because we're all pretty much thinking the same thing.
I'm Alec. That's DJ.
Yeah, DJ, how's your how's your week been, bud?
Good, good. Speaking of that, if you are new
(03:02):
too, we do have a Facebook groupcalled Rooted in Brotherhood.
We give daily inspiration there,except for I think one of the
days I did miss, so that's on me.
How dare you? I know no.
One's going to be on anymore, noone's going to comment.
No one. 'S going to comment to anywhere.
Actually we had 24 members and they all quit just because of
(03:23):
that one day missed. Yep.
Shame on you DJ, shame on you. No, but yeah, go check that out.
Just letting you know too, We, we are dads of faith and so it
is rooted brotherhood is a lot more faith-based.
We do bring a lot of scripture and what we feel like God is
(03:45):
saying for you guys and over youguys and how to get through
things. So yeah, go check that out.
But my week it's been it's been great.
We did celebrate Nate's birthdaywas yesterday.
And so I, I got up and he, he was, he came in our own about, I
(04:08):
don't know, 550 six O clock in the morning.
And so then we, we went to his, his room and we cuddled for a
bit. And one thing that he, we're, we
got talking and he's like, so yesterday was the last day that
we're going to take showers together.
(04:29):
He's gotten to the point where it's, he's more aware of things.
So it's a little more inappropriate to take showers
together. And so we're kind of moving away
from that phase. And we told him by age 5, no
more showers with mom and dad. And so him and I, we would do
(04:49):
like, we would act out scenes inthe shower like he'd be Venom
and I'd be Spider man. And it's just something that we,
we would do. It's and he is actually funny.
He, he was like, OK, dad, you'regoing to be Snow White.
And I want to be the person thatgives you the apple.
All right. So he gives the apple.
(05:12):
I pretend to fall asleep and then he's like, here's Venom.
I said, what? Where did Venom come from?
He's like, oh, yeah, we're not, we're not.
He said wrong story. He forgot the story that we were
in. Anyways, it was cool.
Why I bring that up is yesterdaywe had a a moment where he
(05:36):
asked, OK, it's the last time that we're going to do this was
yesterday. And I said yeah.
And he's like, oh. And all of a sudden and it all
hit him that we're not going to do it anymore.
And he started breaking down crying.
And I told him like, buddy, I, Isaid, are you sad that we're not
going to be able to do it anymore?
(05:56):
He said, yeah, I said, me too. And we, we share this moment.
We're both crying. And it was a beautiful moment.
And I just, I realized in that moment too, that I had to take
the time to tell them like we, we don't like the stuff that we
did in the shower. Those brief moments, those funny
moments, those can happen anywhere.
(06:17):
And just not sitting there, allowing us to have the emotions
that man, we're moving away froma a time in our life that was
great memories, but now they're just going to be memories.
But the cool thing is now I get to create even more memories.
And if I sit there and I stay inthat place and I stay where I
(06:43):
regret not taking advantage of more times with him, then it'll
just ruin the moments that are coming up.
And so yeah, I was. That was one of the highlights
this week. We also took the kids to go see
Elio, which I highly recommend. It was a great film.
(07:05):
You didn't even feel like we didn't feel like it was as long
as it was. And it just moves really quickly
and it'll keep kids attention. I again, if you're new to this
or if you forget how old my kidsare, I got my oldest, he's 5 and
my twins are three. And so they.
(07:27):
Yeah, they all sat through it. So if you're ever worried about
your kids being too young for movie theater, well, this is a
perfect movie to go see because they sat through the entire
thing. Also, I distinctly remember
front row seats in a movie theater being where you have to
break your neck to watch the film.
(07:49):
If you got the front row and they've changed that, you don't
sit that closely. I think they've moved them back
a little bit. Yeah, yeah.
I was like, because Johnson's like, oh man, they only have the
front row available and the front row was like sitting
pretty far back. And it was the recliner chairs
too. So wasn't not horrible.
(08:10):
It would have been bad anyways. Superman and we went to the
what's it called, DX or something like that.
It's where they they project themovie on the walls too.
And it was cool. Like I would, I don't know if
I'd recommend it. Maybe you'll go once to kind of
see what it is. But like the wall projectors
(08:31):
aren't like high definition projectors.
It's like they're definitely just projecting on a white wall
and it like was not every scene.So it's like, all right, what do
we pay for this thing if it's not going to be every scene?
Like it was a lot like most tickets are what now like 1520
bucks a ticket. So it's like we paid like
$120.00 for this movie because Iguess for my birthday.
(08:54):
So like one time cool, it'll be cool.
It wasn't worth it. But those seats, I'll tell you
that I had that had the different theater where usually
you walk up the sides of the theater.
This one, the split where you walk up is in the middle.
And those seats were, I swear, if you were in that one, that
would have sucked because First off, you're missing the whole
point of the wall. And then second off, like,
you're like, I felt like your nose was touching the screen.
(09:16):
So yeah. But some of them are just pushed
back now. But yeah.
But back to what you were saying.
No, definitely because it goes by fast with the kids growing up
and stuff like Mike is going to be 10 next year and Mia is going
up on being 8 now. And it just, it does go by
really fast, especially when we have technology where like our
(09:36):
parents had pictures, but they had to go open that book, you
know, and like go through the old pictures they wanted to like
we've all got our phones in our hands most of the times.
And with me, I have Google Photos and I have Google Photos
from back when I was, you know, 18.
So it's like I have all my kids stuff on there.
So every once in a while me and my wife will get a little
notification saying, Hey, here'ssome memories from 6-7 years
(09:58):
ago. And so you get baby pics and
it's like, man, I miss that. Like Micah is getting to a
preteen age. And as you're a parent, you
know, it sucks because they don't want to do anything with
you. They just talk back and it's
just anyways. And so you see all these little
(10:19):
like, oh, daddy and the little cute voice and you miss it.
So I'd like to say it can come with that regret to like, man,
what did I do wrong? What could I have done
differently to make it better? I don't think here's my my hot
take on this. I guess I feel like yes, we're
(10:39):
all going to have that regret, but what you let me see how I
want to word this. We all make mistakes as parents.
And unless you're like completely screwed up to where
your kids don't want to be around you at all, which I'm not
saying that's with my son. Like there's times he just wants
to play with his friends and he just wants to hang out and do
his thing, which is fine. But most of the time he does
(10:59):
want to hang out with dad. He does want to, you know, we're
gamers in this house. He wants to play Minecraft.
He wants to do stuff with me. But I feel like even then,
you're going to look at picturesin 10 years, you're going to
look at pictures in five years. And then you're going to think
about the times right now. And you're like, man, why didn't
I play Minecraft with him? Man, why didn't I do this or X
(11:21):
with him? And so you can think about the
regret and stuff like DJs kids are really young.
So everyone listening, Nate's 5 is the twins are three.
So they're still young. Like my kids aren't that old,
but they're getting there. Think about that.
Like, OK, in 10 years, you're probably going to feel the same
way. And you wish you would have
spent more time with the kids when you had time now, like
(11:46):
you're living in the now, like spend that time.
Most of us will. The kids will be like, hey, hey,
hey, you know, Dad, Mom, give mea minute.
Hey, dad, can I do this? And we all do the finger, we all
say, hey, give me a second. And we kind of brush it off.
And those fingers and those giveme a seconds are more impactful
(12:06):
on our children than we think. Because to them, that's mom and
dad not wanting to do something with them.
That's mom and dad having more important things when most of
the time it's our phone or something stupid that could be
done in 1/2 hour. Like, yeah, I love I miss
Micah's little cute voice. And I miss like when he was this
(12:29):
big and I could throw him aroundand now he's, you know, almost
the size of my wife and I can barely lift him.
But I'm going to miss this when he's 20 and I'm not going to be
able to lift him and he's going to be bigger than I am because
we have a family of giants. So think about that in
perspective to what it is now tomore of a call to action is
spend the time with him now because you're going to help us
(12:50):
keep living in that regret when they're older and when they get
older and move out, then you're like, I wish I had more time
with my kids. That's because you wasted it
when you had it. And a lot of us do that with
those seconds and those figures.So yeah, something that's you've
kind of shared, it's kind of like the theme, right?
(13:11):
Regret is a thief. It robs you of what you still
have. It keeps you glued to the
rearview mirror when you shouldn't pay attention to
what's in front of you. Now I want to say this, it's OK
to take the time and mourn what was.
(13:31):
It's OK. It's it's OK to feel sad that
you won't get those moments back.
It's OK to have these these moments.
It's just allow yourself to feelthis, some of that I'm feeling.
Allow yourself to feel those emotions and stop self
(13:52):
medicating error. Whatever you do to get away from
feeling those, allow yourself tofeel those and then be present.
And like Alex said, there comes a time when your kids, if you
continue to give them one second, you continue to say I'll
be there in a minute. Never do it.
(14:14):
They will stop coming to you. They will stop asking to play
with you. They will stop because they're
like, well, dad just brushed me off anyways.
So live, live in the live in thenow.
What can I do? Ask yourself, what can I do
today with them? What can you know?
How can I connect with my kids this week?
(14:36):
Start to list out things so to make out plans, start to put
them in your calendar so that nobody else can book anything
with you. Say, hey, look, you know what,
I'm looking. Sorry I got time with my kids.
Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm just like can't do that day.
I got time with my kids. Never apologize for time with
your kids. Never apologize for the things
(14:57):
that you want to do. That's not a thing.
I've I've got I've this is something I have come to realize
in life. I people pleasing is a huge
thing, especially for people with ADHD.
Saying no is hard and but in order to choose time with your
kids, you've got to say no. And it's going to be hard to say
no to some other things. Well, I think the thing about
(15:20):
that too, is with saying no, it's something we said, Pastor
Johanna, a couple weeks ago. And something he says is no is a
sentence that's a complete answer.
So you're going to get those people like, well, why can't you
do it? Like, no, I can't do it.
And that's all they need to knowbecause you need to honor that,
too. Your family's time is sacred.
And some other guy even like me and DJ, we're best friends, but
(15:43):
there's times like last night hewas watching a movie with his
family. I did mess with him a little
bit, but like, I know he's trying to have time.
So I'm not going to blow up his phone for forever and take up a
bunch of his time because he's spending time with his family.
Like what we're trying to get through in this episode and
we're not. I mean, it's not super deep.
It's nothing like parents don't know.
But when you give up time for other things besides your kids,
(16:05):
like DJ said, your kids aren't going to want to spend time with
you. And then that is going to be an
even bigger regret when they getolder because they're not going
to want to come home. They're not going to want to
hang out with you. They're just going to be with
their friends. They're just going to do their
own thing and you're not going to see them.
Like I will say this, my parentsare not bad parents.
(16:25):
My parents weren't the ones thatlike would shun me off and
stuff. But like when I turn into a
teenager, I had DJI had his wifeJasmine, I had my wife and all I
want to do is hang out my friends, which they will get to
that age. But like, I didn't want to hang
out with my parents. You should you should strive to
create a place to where your kids always want to come back,
(16:47):
even when they're old, you know,like and they want to bring
their kids to you because that could be a thing too.
Where like, man, my parents suck.
I don't want to have my kids go over there and experience what I
experienced. No, like if you set up a safe
space where your kids know that you if they love, they're loved.
I can't talk. They're loved, they are welcome,
they are like it's open door policy essentially.
(17:08):
Your kids should know that that's always a place and it
starts with just taking that extra 5 minutes to smell because
that's usually it's all it is. You know, the other night Mia
wanted to play Twister. Listen, I'll be completely fled
flat out and dead honest with you.
So I'm I'm still heavy. I've been on my way last journey
(17:30):
for a while now and homie, I cannot.
Twister is essentially doing yoga.
Let's just put it out, say what it is that's made by yoga
people. It's just a secret, right?
I cannot do that crap. But anyway, she's sitting there
and Dad, I want to play yoga with her and yoga with you.
Gosh, I want to play Twister with you.
I play Twister. I think, babe, I don't want to
do it right now until 5 minutes away.
(17:52):
Dad, can we play Twister now? So give me a second, Dad, can we
do? And then she goes, Dad, we're
never going to play this, are we?
I was like, OK, I'll play one game of Twister with you.
Obviously she destroyed me because like we got one where
it's like, I think Green's on this side and red's on the far
side. And so my legs on this side and
I have to like twist to get to this side and it just doesn't
(18:14):
happen. My body don't work like that
anyways. But then she's happy and the
game took all of less than 10 minutes.
So it's like, what really? Are you giving up scrolling on
Instagram? Like seeing what other people
are doing that makes them happy?Like make those moments with
your kids, you know, because it's it, it'll add up and it'll
(18:37):
be way worth it on the other endwhen they're older and then they
want to come back and like they'll how are your parents
growing up? Man, my parents were great.
They always wanted to stuff. We always did X, we always did
this, we always did this, we always did this.
Like, that's what you want versus I don't know, my parents
never spent time with me. Like, Can you imagine how
heartbreaking that would be whenyou're older and like find out
your kids just had a crappy childhood and thought you never
(19:00):
wanted to spend time with them? Like that's not what we're
growing here. Like we're growing kids that
want to return and kids that want to have that time with us.
So. Or at least that's the goal.
Yeah. And that is something that is
great. It's like, what are we doing now
that's going to be a lasting memory for them in their
adulthood? What are we doing now?
(19:21):
They're going to think back and say, you know what's really cool
that my dad did with me that I want to do with my kids.
And they're like, let's do this.This is what I used to do with
your grandpa. This is it's just it, it becomes
a full circle moment. And don't let regrets rob you of
(19:44):
the things you can create now and the past.
You know, although that may shape us, it doesn't define us,
right? So what?
We may have been not so great, Dad.
Get this, So we've talked about this.
I wasn't the best dad, didn't know how to ADHD when Nate was
(20:06):
born, went into a very deep depressive state, and wasn't as
present as I should have been. Now I could let that define me
and could have let that become how I parented the twins when
they were first born and settledthe memories.
And just believe the lie that you're going to screwed up with
(20:27):
them as much as you screwed it up with Nate.
I didn't and I can tell you justthose first few months that are
crucial that you and your sniffing other are a team.
I feel like we were a team. I feel like I showed up when I
needed to. You know, Jasmine for the first
little bits. If you've ever had a if there's
(20:49):
any woman listening to this you ever had AC section, you know
that the recovery for some women.
I've heard some women recover right away.
I heard some women. It takes a little bit of time
and for Jasmine, like she couldn't get out of the bed or
anything for the first day and ahalf, two days, and our twins
were in the NICU. So I went and I visited the
(21:11):
twins. I went and I fed the twins.
I went and I stepped up to the plate and I became the dad that
was always inside of me. But I could have let that.
I could have let that moment, that blip, the thing that I did
with Nate to define who I was. Nothing that I I've seen common
in my life is when I make a a mistake and I have an
(21:35):
opportunity to do better. I'm like, well, I've already
made this mistake, so what's thepoint of changing it now?
And I don't, I don't know where that comes from, but change it
now when you have that thought, just do it.
Become the better version of yourself.
Just improve every single day. If you didn't do so good
(21:56):
yesterday, guess what? That's in the past.
Learn from it, Move on. Become a better person today.
Because I feel like that's just.If you dwell in shame, then
you'll never rise up to the purpose that you really have
that's in place inside of you. I think adding to it to like
we're, we're the whole point of this podcast and the whole point
(22:19):
of what we do is to help dads change from the dads they had or
from past and breaking those generational curses.
And this is doing what we're talking about is going to help
your kids, your sons, your daughters when they get older
and they become parents because then they're going to want to be
that parent. Like for me, there's very, very
(22:41):
few memories I have with my dad,like very few.
And like DJ said, one of the things that you take as your
kids, like, oh, I did this with my dad.
This is something I want to put on with my kids.
Something I did with my dad thatI like.
Most of my memories with my dad is camping.
On Father's Day when I was with him, if I was with him, we went
camping. Like if I was with him in the
summer, we went camping. Other than that, like I'll be
(23:05):
completely honest, that's about it.
That's the memories I have with my dad.
And so I like to go camping withmy kids.
Do we do as much as I want? No.
But my kids love camping, so when they get older, they're
probably going to do the same thing with their kids.
So it's like taking what you can.
But like with my dad, I don't have any other memories besides
that. What my goal is for my kids is
(23:27):
to them. Like my dad did this with me, my
dad did this with me, my dad didthis with me.
And then they want to take all of the stuff that I have done
with them and they want to take it and go with their kids too.
And then they'll make it better as well.
That's the whole goal for me, atleast for this podcast and
helping and talking to all you guys out there is to make you
see that and make you see that we don't have to continue the
(23:49):
traditions and the crap that hasbeen sent down in our families
and we can break those generations.
Generational curses like what itsays on the Bible, where like
generational curses are on like 4 generations of families.
Like be the generation or be that stopping point in those
generational curses in your family.
(24:10):
Yeah. So I think that should be a goal
for all y'all. All y'all, and we've talked
about this too, you know, our kids don't need perfect dads,
they need present ones. So just stay in the present, be
here now, do all you can to be the best version of yourself
today and always strive to improve tomorrow.
(24:32):
Well, we're about to wrap up here.
If any of this, I mean any of ithas resonated with you, some
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(24:54):
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And so that's that's our whole goal is to help dads become
(25:17):
better version of themselves, become present ones and to break
those generational curses. So like subscribe comments,
leave a review and guys, we willsee you on the next one.
What's up, peace?
What's going on, everybody? It is fatherhood unscripted,
without a guest. You just get us today and we
have something to talk about that I feel like a lot of dads
go through occasionally, especially as our kids birthdays
roll around. We start looking at old photos
(00:25):
and that's ugly thing that comesup is regret.
Did I spend enough time with my kids?
Did I, did I do right by them? Have I set them up for success?
Have. And we just get into this spiral
and I'm not talking about relishing moments.
(00:47):
I'm talking about full on shoot,I should have done better.
And it's just something that's atrap that I find myself in.
And just before we got on here, Alec was kind of sharing how
that's been something that's, you know, been the case for him,
too. It's normal.
But but yeah, that's what we're going to talk about today.
(01:11):
But before we do that, Alec, howhas your week been?
It was. A busy week this week.
Yeah, I mean, I had my birthday and then we had your son's
birthday and then else we this week we do a lot like just from
last last Saturday when we recorded with Endauda, which if
(01:35):
you guys haven't heard that episode you listen to, it's
really, I was really happy with that episode.
It was really good episode. We went and what we do, we went
to the Warner Brothers backlog tour, me and Micah, which was
really cool. For anybody's listening, I'm a
huge like movie nerd and like I like the background stuff of it
and I've wanted that for a long time.
(01:56):
So it was cool to go get to dealwith him and kind of have that
experience because they have allthe Batmobiles, all the suit,
the suits from like Batman, Aquaman, the new Superman.
So it was really cool to see that stuff.
And then on the back end, I got to see like where Friends was
filmed and I got to see where Big Bang Theory was filmed and
we actually got to go on the sets and take pictures with me
and him on the set. So it was really cool.
(02:18):
And then my wife and me, I went and had a a Knott's Berry Farm
day. So they were cool there.
But yeah, just a busy week around.
I got a lot to do today. It's going to be a pretty packed
day today. But yeah, if you guys are kind
of just catching up on things orif you're new, we've done a
while. If you guys are new, welcome
First off, because we have had new a lot of up tick and things
(02:40):
and a lot of new people coming through.
So if you are new, welcome. Father unscripted.
This is a place for dads men to talk about their journeys and
talk about things that we are thinking, but we don't say hello
because we're all pretty much thinking the same thing.
I'm Alec. That's DJ.
Yeah, DJ, how's your how's your week been, bud?
Good, good. Speaking of that, if you are new
(03:02):
too, we do have a Facebook groupcalled Rooted in Brotherhood.
We give daily inspiration there,except for I think one of the
days I did miss, so that's on me.
How dare you? I know no.
One's going to be on anymore, noone's going to comment.
No one. 'S going to comment to anywhere.
Actually we had 24 members and they all quit just because of
(03:23):
that one day missed. Yep.
Shame on you DJ, shame on you. No, but yeah, go check that out.
Just letting you know too, We, we are dads of faith and so it
is rooted brotherhood is a lot more faith-based.
We do bring a lot of scripture and what we feel like God is
(03:45):
saying for you guys and over youguys and how to get through
things. So yeah, go check that out.
But my week it's been it's been great.
We did celebrate Nate's birthdaywas yesterday.
And so I, I got up and he, he was, he came in our own about, I
(04:08):
don't know, 550 six O clock in the morning.
And so then we, we went to his, his room and we cuddled for a
bit. And one thing that he, we're, we
got talking and he's like, so yesterday was the last day that
we're going to take showers together.
(04:29):
He's gotten to the point where it's, he's more aware of things.
So it's a little more inappropriate to take showers
together. And so we're kind of moving away
from that phase. And we told him by age 5, no
more showers with mom and dad. And so him and I, we would do
(04:49):
like, we would act out scenes inthe shower like he'd be Venom
and I'd be Spider man. And it's just something that we,
we would do. It's and he is actually funny.
He, he was like, OK, dad, you'regoing to be Snow White.
And I want to be the person thatgives you the apple.
All right. So he gives the apple.
(05:12):
I pretend to fall asleep and then he's like, here's Venom.
I said, what? Where did Venom come from?
He's like, oh, yeah, we're not, we're not.
He said wrong story. He forgot the story that we were
in. Anyways, it was cool.
Why I bring that up is yesterdaywe had a a moment where he
(05:36):
asked, OK, it's the last time that we're going to do this was
yesterday. And I said yeah.
And he's like, oh. And all of a sudden and it all
hit him that we're not going to do it anymore.
And he started breaking down crying.
And I told him like, buddy, I, Isaid, are you sad that we're not
going to be able to do it anymore?
(05:56):
He said, yeah, I said, me too. And we, we share this moment.
We're both crying. And it was a beautiful moment.
And I just, I realized in that moment too, that I had to take
the time to tell them like we, we don't like the stuff that we
did in the shower. Those brief moments, those funny
moments, those can happen anywhere.
(06:17):
And just not sitting there, allowing us to have the emotions
that man, we're moving away froma a time in our life that was
great memories, but now they're just going to be memories.
But the cool thing is now I get to create even more memories.
And if I sit there and I stay inthat place and I stay where I
(06:43):
regret not taking advantage of more times with him, then it'll
just ruin the moments that are coming up.
And so yeah, I was. That was one of the highlights
this week. We also took the kids to go see
Elio, which I highly recommend. It was a great film.
(07:05):
You didn't even feel like we didn't feel like it was as long
as it was. And it just moves really quickly
and it'll keep kids attention. I again, if you're new to this
or if you forget how old my kidsare, I got my oldest, he's 5 and
my twins are three. And so they.
(07:27):
Yeah, they all sat through it. So if you're ever worried about
your kids being too young for movie theater, well, this is a
perfect movie to go see because they sat through the entire
thing. Also, I distinctly remember
front row seats in a movie theater being where you have to
break your neck to watch the film.
(07:49):
If you got the front row and they've changed that, you don't
sit that closely. I think they've moved them back
a little bit. Yeah, yeah.
I was like, because Johnson's like, oh man, they only have the
front row available and the front row was like sitting
pretty far back. And it was the recliner chairs
too. So wasn't not horrible.
(08:10):
It would have been bad anyways. Superman and we went to the
what's it called, DX or something like that.
It's where they they project themovie on the walls too.
And it was cool. Like I would, I don't know if
I'd recommend it. Maybe you'll go once to kind of
see what it is. But like the wall projectors
(08:31):
aren't like high definition projectors.
It's like they're definitely just projecting on a white wall
and it like was not every scene.So it's like, all right, what do
we pay for this thing if it's not going to be every scene?
Like it was a lot like most tickets are what now like 1520
bucks a ticket. So it's like we paid like
$120.00 for this movie because Iguess for my birthday.
(08:54):
So like one time cool, it'll be cool.
It wasn't worth it. But those seats, I'll tell you
that I had that had the different theater where usually
you walk up the sides of the theater.
This one, the split where you walk up is in the middle.
And those seats were, I swear, if you were in that one, that
would have sucked because First off, you're missing the whole
point of the wall. And then second off, like,
you're like, I felt like your nose was touching the screen.
(09:16):
So yeah. But some of them are just pushed
back now. But yeah.
But back to what you were saying.
No, definitely because it goes by fast with the kids growing up
and stuff like Mike is going to be 10 next year and Mia is going
up on being 8 now. And it just, it does go by
really fast, especially when we have technology where like our
(09:36):
parents had pictures, but they had to go open that book, you
know, and like go through the old pictures they wanted to like
we've all got our phones in our hands most of the times.
And with me, I have Google Photos and I have Google Photos
from back when I was, you know, 18.
So it's like I have all my kids stuff on there.
So every once in a while me and my wife will get a little
notification saying, Hey, here'ssome memories from 6-7 years
(09:58):
ago. And so you get baby pics and
it's like, man, I miss that. Like Micah is getting to a
preteen age. And as you're a parent, you
know, it sucks because they don't want to do anything with
you. They just talk back and it's
just anyways. And so you see all these little
(10:19):
like, oh, daddy and the little cute voice and you miss it.
So I'd like to say it can come with that regret to like, man,
what did I do wrong? What could I have done
differently to make it better? I don't think here's my my hot
take on this. I guess I feel like yes, we're
(10:39):
all going to have that regret, but what you let me see how I
want to word this. We all make mistakes as parents.
And unless you're like completely screwed up to where
your kids don't want to be around you at all, which I'm not
saying that's with my son. Like there's times he just wants
to play with his friends and he just wants to hang out and do
his thing, which is fine. But most of the time he does
(10:59):
want to hang out with dad. He does want to, you know, we're
gamers in this house. He wants to play Minecraft.
He wants to do stuff with me. But I feel like even then,
you're going to look at picturesin 10 years, you're going to
look at pictures in five years. And then you're going to think
about the times right now. And you're like, man, why didn't
I play Minecraft with him? Man, why didn't I do this or X
(11:21):
with him? And so you can think about the
regret and stuff like DJs kids are really young.
So everyone listening, Nate's 5 is the twins are three.
So they're still young. Like my kids aren't that old,
but they're getting there. Think about that.
Like, OK, in 10 years, you're probably going to feel the same
way. And you wish you would have
spent more time with the kids when you had time now, like
(11:46):
you're living in the now, like spend that time.
Most of us will. The kids will be like, hey, hey,
hey, you know, Dad, Mom, give mea minute.
Hey, dad, can I do this? And we all do the finger, we all
say, hey, give me a second. And we kind of brush it off.
And those fingers and those giveme a seconds are more impactful
(12:06):
on our children than we think. Because to them, that's mom and
dad not wanting to do something with them.
That's mom and dad having more important things when most of
the time it's our phone or something stupid that could be
done in 1/2 hour. Like, yeah, I love I miss
Micah's little cute voice. And I miss like when he was this
(12:29):
big and I could throw him aroundand now he's, you know, almost
the size of my wife and I can barely lift him.
But I'm going to miss this when he's 20 and I'm not going to be
able to lift him and he's going to be bigger than I am because
we have a family of giants. So think about that in
perspective to what it is now tomore of a call to action is
spend the time with him now because you're going to help us
(12:50):
keep living in that regret when they're older and when they get
older and move out, then you're like, I wish I had more time
with my kids. That's because you wasted it
when you had it. And a lot of us do that with
those seconds and those figures.So yeah, something that's you've
kind of shared, it's kind of like the theme, right?
(13:11):
Regret is a thief. It robs you of what you still
have. It keeps you glued to the
rearview mirror when you shouldn't pay attention to
what's in front of you. Now I want to say this, it's OK
to take the time and mourn what was.
(13:31):
It's OK. It's it's OK to feel sad that
you won't get those moments back.
It's OK to have these these moments.
It's just allow yourself to feelthis, some of that I'm feeling.
Allow yourself to feel those emotions and stop self
(13:52):
medicating error. Whatever you do to get away from
feeling those, allow yourself tofeel those and then be present.
And like Alex said, there comes a time when your kids, if you
continue to give them one second, you continue to say I'll
be there in a minute. Never do it.
(14:14):
They will stop coming to you. They will stop asking to play
with you. They will stop because they're
like, well, dad just brushed me off anyways.
So live, live in the live in thenow.
What can I do? Ask yourself, what can I do
today with them? What can you know?
How can I connect with my kids this week?
(14:36):
Start to list out things so to make out plans, start to put
them in your calendar so that nobody else can book anything
with you. Say, hey, look, you know what,
I'm looking. Sorry I got time with my kids.
Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm just like can't do that day.
I got time with my kids. Never apologize for time with
your kids. Never apologize for the things
(14:57):
that you want to do. That's not a thing.
I've I've got I've this is something I have come to realize
in life. I people pleasing is a huge
thing, especially for people with ADHD.
Saying no is hard and but in order to choose time with your
kids, you've got to say no. And it's going to be hard to say
no to some other things. Well, I think the thing about
(15:20):
that too, is with saying no, it's something we said, Pastor
Johanna, a couple weeks ago. And something he says is no is a
sentence that's a complete answer.
So you're going to get those people like, well, why can't you
do it? Like, no, I can't do it.
And that's all they need to knowbecause you need to honor that,
too. Your family's time is sacred.
And some other guy even like me and DJ, we're best friends, but
(15:43):
there's times like last night hewas watching a movie with his
family. I did mess with him a little
bit, but like, I know he's trying to have time.
So I'm not going to blow up his phone for forever and take up a
bunch of his time because he's spending time with his family.
Like what we're trying to get through in this episode and
we're not. I mean, it's not super deep.
It's nothing like parents don't know.
But when you give up time for other things besides your kids,
(16:05):
like DJ said, your kids aren't going to want to spend time with
you. And then that is going to be an
even bigger regret when they getolder because they're not going
to want to come home. They're not going to want to
hang out with you. They're just going to be with
their friends. They're just going to do their
own thing and you're not going to see them.
Like I will say this, my parentsare not bad parents.
(16:25):
My parents weren't the ones thatlike would shun me off and
stuff. But like when I turn into a
teenager, I had DJI had his wifeJasmine, I had my wife and all I
want to do is hang out my friends, which they will get to
that age. But like, I didn't want to hang
out with my parents. You should you should strive to
create a place to where your kids always want to come back,
(16:47):
even when they're old, you know,like and they want to bring
their kids to you because that could be a thing too.
Where like, man, my parents suck.
I don't want to have my kids go over there and experience what I
experienced. No, like if you set up a safe
space where your kids know that you if they love, they're loved.
I can't talk. They're loved, they are welcome,
they are like it's open door policy essentially.
(17:08):
Your kids should know that that's always a place and it
starts with just taking that extra 5 minutes to smell because
that's usually it's all it is. You know, the other night Mia
wanted to play Twister. Listen, I'll be completely fled
flat out and dead honest with you.
So I'm I'm still heavy. I've been on my way last journey
(17:30):
for a while now and homie, I cannot.
Twister is essentially doing yoga.
Let's just put it out, say what it is that's made by yoga
people. It's just a secret, right?
I cannot do that crap. But anyway, she's sitting there
and Dad, I want to play yoga with her and yoga with you.
Gosh, I want to play Twister with you.
I play Twister. I think, babe, I don't want to
do it right now until 5 minutes away.
(17:52):
Dad, can we play Twister now? So give me a second, Dad, can we
do? And then she goes, Dad, we're
never going to play this, are we?
I was like, OK, I'll play one game of Twister with you.
Obviously she destroyed me because like we got one where
it's like, I think Green's on this side and red's on the far
side. And so my legs on this side and
I have to like twist to get to this side and it just doesn't
(18:14):
happen. My body don't work like that
anyways. But then she's happy and the
game took all of less than 10 minutes.
So it's like, what really? Are you giving up scrolling on
Instagram? Like seeing what other people
are doing that makes them happy?Like make those moments with
your kids, you know, because it's it, it'll add up and it'll
(18:37):
be way worth it on the other endwhen they're older and then they
want to come back and like they'll how are your parents
growing up? Man, my parents were great.
They always wanted to stuff. We always did X, we always did
this, we always did this, we always did this.
Like, that's what you want versus I don't know, my parents
never spent time with me. Like, Can you imagine how
heartbreaking that would be whenyou're older and like find out
your kids just had a crappy childhood and thought you never
(19:00):
wanted to spend time with them? Like that's not what we're
growing here. Like we're growing kids that
want to return and kids that want to have that time with us.
So. Or at least that's the goal.
Yeah. And that is something that is
great. It's like, what are we doing now
that's going to be a lasting memory for them in their
adulthood? What are we doing now?
(19:21):
They're going to think back and say, you know what's really cool
that my dad did with me that I want to do with my kids.
And they're like, let's do this.This is what I used to do with
your grandpa. This is it's just it, it becomes
a full circle moment. And don't let regrets rob you of
(19:44):
the things you can create now and the past.
You know, although that may shape us, it doesn't define us,
right? So what?
We may have been not so great, Dad.
Get this, So we've talked about this.
I wasn't the best dad, didn't know how to ADHD when Nate was
(20:06):
born, went into a very deep depressive state, and wasn't as
present as I should have been. Now I could let that define me
and could have let that become how I parented the twins when
they were first born and settledthe memories.
And just believe the lie that you're going to screwed up with
(20:27):
them as much as you screwed it up with Nate.
I didn't and I can tell you justthose first few months that are
crucial that you and your sniffing other are a team.
I feel like we were a team. I feel like I showed up when I
needed to. You know, Jasmine for the first
little bits. If you've ever had a if there's
(20:49):
any woman listening to this you ever had AC section, you know
that the recovery for some women.
I've heard some women recover right away.
I heard some women. It takes a little bit of time
and for Jasmine, like she couldn't get out of the bed or
anything for the first day and ahalf, two days, and our twins
were in the NICU. So I went and I visited the
(21:11):
twins. I went and I fed the twins.
I went and I stepped up to the plate and I became the dad that
was always inside of me. But I could have let that.
I could have let that moment, that blip, the thing that I did
with Nate to define who I was. Nothing that I I've seen common
in my life is when I make a a mistake and I have an
(21:35):
opportunity to do better. I'm like, well, I've already
made this mistake, so what's thepoint of changing it now?
And I don't, I don't know where that comes from, but change it
now when you have that thought, just do it.
Become the better version of yourself.
Just improve every single day. If you didn't do so good
(21:56):
yesterday, guess what? That's in the past.
Learn from it, Move on. Become a better person today.
Because I feel like that's just.If you dwell in shame, then
you'll never rise up to the purpose that you really have
that's in place inside of you. I think adding to it to like
we're, we're the whole point of this podcast and the whole point
(22:19):
of what we do is to help dads change from the dads they had or
from past and breaking those generational curses.
And this is doing what we're talking about is going to help
your kids, your sons, your daughters when they get older
and they become parents because then they're going to want to be
that parent. Like for me, there's very, very
(22:41):
few memories I have with my dad,like very few.
And like DJ said, one of the things that you take as your
kids, like, oh, I did this with my dad.
This is something I want to put on with my kids.
Something I did with my dad thatI like.
Most of my memories with my dad is camping.
On Father's Day when I was with him, if I was with him, we went
camping. Like if I was with him in the
summer, we went camping. Other than that, like I'll be
(23:05):
completely honest, that's about it.
That's the memories I have with my dad.
And so I like to go camping withmy kids.
Do we do as much as I want? No.
But my kids love camping, so when they get older, they're
probably going to do the same thing with their kids.
So it's like taking what you can.
But like with my dad, I don't have any other memories besides
that. What my goal is for my kids is
(23:27):
to them. Like my dad did this with me, my
dad did this with me, my dad didthis with me.
And then they want to take all of the stuff that I have done
with them and they want to take it and go with their kids too.
And then they'll make it better as well.
That's the whole goal for me, atleast for this podcast and
helping and talking to all you guys out there is to make you
see that and make you see that we don't have to continue the
(23:49):
traditions and the crap that hasbeen sent down in our families
and we can break those generations.
Generational curses like what itsays on the Bible, where like
generational curses are on like 4 generations of families.
Like be the generation or be that stopping point in those
generational curses in your family.
(24:10):
Yeah. So I think that should be a goal
for all y'all. All y'all, and we've talked
about this too, you know, our kids don't need perfect dads,
they need present ones. So just stay in the present, be
here now, do all you can to be the best version of yourself
today and always strive to improve tomorrow.
(24:32):
Well, we're about to wrap up here.
If any of this, I mean any of ithas resonated with you, some
things that help us out like subscribe comments.
If you're watching us on YouTube, something that goes a
long way like and subscribe to us if you're listening to
Spotify and Apple. But another step that you can do
(24:54):
to really help us out is to leave a review.
If it's resonated with you, thenit probably is going to resonate
with people that are around you.So when you leave a review, give
us five stars, please. When you leave a review, it it
helps to get it out to other people that can help them.
And so that's that's our whole goal is to help dads become
(25:17):
better version of themselves, become present ones and to break
those generational curses. So like subscribe comments,
leave a review and guys, we willsee you on the next one.
What's up, peace?
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