February 24, 2025 • 51 mins
Tim & Elaine Russo lead this breakout session at DNow 2025: Changed called "Minding Your Mind."
This bonus podcast episode dives into the fear and anxiety that often plague our minds, but we have the tools to manage them effectively. We discuss the importance of minding our thoughts, using scriptures as guides, sharing personal experiences, and providing practical strategies for transforming negative thinking into positive action.
• Tim and Elaine's personal stories of growth
• The enduring struggle with fear and anxiety
• Scriptural insights for guiding thoughts and actions
• The impact of "what if" thinking on mental health
• Strategies for confronting uncertainties and fears
• The significance of self-talk in shaping beliefs
• Practical ways to foster gratitude and positive thinking
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Minding your Mind.
I'm Tim.
This is my wife, elaine.
Elaine and I met.
I was 15, she was 13.
So we have been knowing eachother and friends for a very
long time.
We have next month, in factjust in about a week, we're
going to celebrate 45 years ofmarriage.
(00:22):
So we've been together 48 yearsDo the math.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
How old is Darcy?
Celebrate 45 years of marriage,so we've been together 48 years
.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Yeah.
So anyway, what happens?
See, you just keep sleeping andeating.
You get older, and so we met at15, 13,.
We got married at 20 and 19because in the community we were
brought up in, that's just whatyou did.
You got out of high school, yougot married.
We then had four daughters backto back.
(00:56):
They were all within afive-year period.
We had four teenagers in ourhouse at one time.
Teenage girls tend to talk alot.
I don't know if you guys talk alot, but they're always talking
.
In fact, at the dinner table.
A lot of times I had to raisemy hands to say something and by
(01:17):
the time I said something orasked a question, they had
already passed.
That subject had already passed.
They said Dad, listen, wealready talked about that, and
so it was just hard to keep upone man in the house with five
girls.
But we did, sorry for it, wedid get.
We raised those girls.
(01:37):
We were in youth ministry for along time as youth pastors, and
so we understand what it's liketo be a young Christian.
So that's kind of what we wantto talk to you about.
But here's the thing about theChristian life it doesn't matter
how old you get.
We still tend to deal with thesame problems.
We still deal with the samemental processes, attacks,
(02:01):
temptations All of that iscommon, regardless of really how
old you are.
You might think well, we've beenwalking with the Lord for
almost 50 years.
Think about that.
I remember sitting in a chair,like you, and thinking.
Somebody said I've been aChristian for 20 years.
I'm thinking, wow, this guymust be perfect Walking with the
Lord for 20 years.
No, that's not how it works,but I was.
(02:25):
We were both raised in theCatholic Church, so we didn't
really know Jesus at all, and Istarted playing rock and roll
music at 13, and I was not avery good teenager.
I didn't obey all the rules,had a lot of darkness in my life
.
And then, when I met Jesus onenight, we were on high school
(02:46):
break for Christmas break and Iwas about to turn 17 and I met
Jesus that one night and hetotally changed my life.
I actually came back to schoolwith a pocket Bible in my shirt
and my friends thought it was aprank which it probably would
have been a prank, but it wasreal and it took them a while to
(03:08):
realize, wow, jesus has reallymade a difference in his life.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
So and Tim and I were like dating.
We never really went on datesbecause I was so young I
couldn't date, but we were likeboyfriend and girlfriend at that
time and I thought I was raisedvery differently than Tim.
I was raised in a very moralhome.
My dad was military.
(03:32):
I had to keep the rules and soI was very religious and I went
to church and I kept the rules.
And then Tim tells me you needto become a Christian.
And I said I am a Christian, Iknow God.
(03:52):
And he just told me no, youdon't.
And I had to stop and thinkabout that.
And what was happening with mewas I was putting my faith in my
good works and when I heard thegospel I realized there was
nothing good I could do to earnfavor with God, that his gift to
(04:13):
me was by grace, that it washis work on the cross that
brought me salvation and therewas no rule I could keep, no
good work I could do that wouldmake me acceptable to him.
It was all by grace.
So that's how our story began.
So we grew up together and wehave been continuing to grow
(04:36):
together, and so today, that'swhat we want to talk to you
about.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
So we thought you get , you become a Christian, all
your problems kind of go awayright, because I mean, god is
big, he can do anything.
But that's not how it works.
In fact, what we didn't know isthat by being a Christian, we
were in for a lot of change.
We had to learn a lot of things, and the biggest thing for me
(05:03):
is I have always been plaguedwith fear, like constant fear,
fear, fear, fear.
And I remember watching theWizard of Oz one time.
How many of you know what movieI'm from?
I watched it only once and thatwitch scared me to death.
Like I closed my eyes at nightto go to sleep and I see that
(05:24):
green witch.
I'm like no.
So I have never liked horrormovies or anything like that.
Fear, fear, anxiety was a bigpart of my life as a teenager
Depression, so it was a bigthing.
So what we're talking abouttoday is near and dear to our
heart, because we're talkingabout what you do with your
(05:44):
thoughts and managing or mindingyour mind.
So I'm going to tell you astory.
So this guy's driving down acountry road in his pickup truck
probably a Ford and he's got agas can in the back of his
pickup he runs out of gas and sohe's glad he has that gas.
Can he gets it out of the back.
He sees a little farmhouse wayin the distance, starts walking
(06:07):
in that direction, thinking, wow, you know, farmers are friendly
people, I'll just get overthere, get some gas from this
farmer and get back and I'll beon my way.
And then he begins to think I'msure they'd be happy to help me
out here, because I'm strandedand I have no other way of
getting any gas.
So he began to think but whatif, like what if they won't help
(06:30):
me?
What if they don't want to helpme?
What if they're rude and theysay go get your own gas?
And so that bothered him for awhile.
But he just kept walking.
And the closer he got to thishouse, the more he began to
think wow, that's bad, they'renot going to help me, like I'm
out here stranded and they don'twant to help me.
(06:50):
And so by the time he gets tothe house he knocks on the door
and this little old lady opensthe door and he says hey, if
that's the way you feel you cankeep your gas, and he turned
around and left.
You can keep your gas and heturned around and left.
So that little story is anexample of how we can get in our
(07:10):
heads and we can start comingup with scenarios and outcomes
and we start thinking of whatpeople are thinking and we start
trying to write a story.
And we might trying to write astory and we might be wrong,
because the little old ladyprobably would have been happy
to help this man with his gas,but because he had this story
(07:32):
going on in his head and histhoughts were just running out
of control, he made a really baddecision.
And so that's usually how itworks when we are not managing
our mind, our thoughts can getout of control.
We'll talk a little bit moreabout that.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
And the Bible actually has a lot to say about
minding your mind and all thethoughts that we have.
The book of Proverbs is a bookthat teaches a lot of concepts.
It teaches about discernment,it teaches about wisdom.
It gives us instruction forlife.
Also, the book of Colossians,chapter three and verses one
(08:14):
through two, and you guys areprobably familiar with this.
If, then, you are raised withChrist, seek things that are
above where Christ is seated atthe right hand of God.
Set your minds on things thatare above where Christ is seated
at the right hand of God.
Set your minds on things thatare above, not on things that
are on earth.
Can you think of something thatwould be a thought that is an
(08:38):
earthly thought?
Who can think of a thought thatwould be qualified as an
earthly thought?
Anybody awake today?
So an earthly thought would besomething like worried about
what people think instead ofwhat God thinks.
So when we're setting our mindon the Lord, we're worried about
(09:00):
what he thinks, because thefear of man brings a snare to us
.
And then there's the passage inPhilippians 4, verses 6 through
8.
And I'm guessing that you guyshave probably heard this a lot
Do not be anxious about anything.
But in every situation,everybody say every situation,
(09:23):
everybody say every situationthey are awake, they're not
zombies.
I knew they were out there.
So, by prayer and petition,with Thanksgiving, present your
requests to God, and the peaceof God, which transcends all
understanding, will guard yourhearts and minds in Christ Jesus
(09:45):
.
Finally, brothers and sisters,whatever is true, whatever is
noble, whatever is right,whatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is admirable,if anything is excellent and
praiseworthy, think about suchthings.
So there's a lot of instructionfor us to be able to know how we
(10:09):
need to position our mindswhere our minds need to go, and
later we'll give you a card withthose passages on the back of
it so you can carry it in yourbackpacks and have it handy when
you forget.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
And have it handy when you forget.
So nobody really tells us stopthinking about that.
Like I mean, do you haveanybody in your life that comes
up to you and says stop thinkingabout what you're thinking
about, because that's nothealthy?
You're thinking negatively,you're thinking about the worst
thing that could possibly happen.
But the Holy Spirit is reallythe only person who can say hey,
(10:51):
tim, think about what you'rethinking about.
It's not taking you to a goodplace.
And so the beauty of Scriptureis that what Elaine just read,
and then a passage I'm about torefer to, is where the Bible
actually tells us what to thinkabout, and there's good reasons
for that.
So the Apostle Paul.
How many of you know who thatis?
Apostle Paul writes to Titus.
(11:13):
How many of you know who?
That is Okay.
Titus is a pastor, and Paul istelling Titus what he should be
teaching different segments ofhis congregation.
So first thing he says is Iwant you to teach the older men.
How many of you know any oldmen?
What age is old, by the way?
(11:34):
50?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
50?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
80?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
What do you think is that?
Wow, that person is old 65.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
50 and up.
He said Titus, I need you toteach the older men.
And he lists six things Besober, reverent, sound in faith,
etc.
Six things.
Then he says teach the olderwomen.
Now see, we don't ever askabout the women's age.
So just so you know, we don'twant to know what you think an
(12:05):
old woman is.
Teach the older women now.
See, we don't ever ask aboutthe women's age.
So just so you know, we don'twant to know what you think an
old woman is.
Teach the old women five things,four things I'm sorry to be
reverent to their husbands, notgiving the wine, not gossips,
things like that.
That they teach the youngerwomen, now that would be you
guys, that they should theyounger women.
(12:26):
That would be you guys thatthey should love their children,
love their husband.
That's a little premature foryou.
However, it's alwaysinteresting to me that women
have to be taught to love theirchildren.
That seems strange to me, right?
But anyway, paul says teachthem six or seven things to the
younger women.
Then he gets to the young menRaise your hand, dear young man.
(12:46):
And he only says one thing hetells the old men six things.
Old ladies four things, theyoung women seven things.
The young men one thing.
This is what he says Teach theyoung men to be sober-minded.
(13:08):
Sober-minded what's the oppositeof sober?
Anybody know?
If you're not sober, what areyou Drunk, yeah.
So what do you think he meanswhen he says sober minded versus
any other kind of minded?
Back in the back, what do youthink?
Alcohol and sleep Do not likeany dirty thoughts.
(13:34):
Keep it out of your system.
Okay, that's a good example.
So if you're sober, you canthink correctly.
You can drive, probably makegood decisions.
If you're drunk, probably can'tdo those things.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
well, you had your hand up.
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, good, so being sound.
Another translation of thatterm, sober-ness, is sound
mindedness or mentallydisciplined, to be mentally
disciplined in your thought life.
So Paul is saying of all theproblems young men could have
(14:20):
and I was a young man so I knowthere's a whole long list of
problems we could have the mainthing you need to teach young
men is to be sober minded.
Now, that doesn't mean womendon't need it or young girls
don't need to learn that as well.
But that same concept of sobermindedness is found when Paul
writes to Timothy another pastor, younger pastor, in 2 Timothy
(14:44):
1.7, and he says God has notgiven us a spirit of fear.
How many of you know what thisverse says?
Anybody All right, he said, forGod has not given us a spirit
of fear.
We're going to put fear on thisside.
But he's given us the spirit oflove, power and a sound mind.
(15:05):
All right, so we havecontrasting ideas.
We have fear on this side.
God hasn't given us, god hasnot given us that.
But on this side God has givenus spirit of love, power and a
sound mind, and a sound mind.
So if I am in my sound mind, inmy right mind, thinking
(15:28):
correctly, I'm probably in agood place, I'm probably more
accessible to what God iswanting to do in my life and I
can think the way he thinks.
Have the mind of Christ.
If I'm over here on the side offear, I'm not likely to have a
sound mind, not likely to beable to love anybody, and
probably won't have much power,because fear kind of dominates
(15:49):
you, makes you feel weak, canparalyze you, and so we're
talking about these generalconcepts that God wants us to be
loving, have some power andcontrol and have a sound mind, a
good mind.
So when you think about mindingyour mind or managing your mind
, someone said you cannot stop abird from flying over your head
(16:14):
, but you can stop a bird frommaking a nest in your hair.
Of course I would have a problemwith that, but think about it,
you cannot stop thoughts fromcoming across your mind, you
can't not have a negativethought, you can't not be
tempted.
All those things are likely tohappen, but what we're told in
(16:35):
the New Testament is that wehave a choice about what we do
with those thoughts when theycome.
Because either when thesethoughts come, they come as
suggestions.
We either say, yeah, I want toknow more about that, let me
think about that, let me focuson that, let me give my
attention to that.
Or we could say, yeah, that'snot probably what I need to be
(16:56):
thinking about right now.
I'm gonna choose not to thinkabout that, but to think about
this, something else.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
There's some common mistakes that we make when we're
trying to have a sound mind ormanage our mind and keep it
thinking on the things we'vetalked about lovely, pure, right
, good.
So one of those common mistakesis we give in to anxiety.
Anybody familiar with that word?
(17:23):
It's kind of a hot word rightnow, right, lots of anxiety
going around.
We just read Philippians 4.
That said very clearly don't beanxious.
And so it gave us a formula.
Instead of being anxious, whatcan we do?
Let's go back and think aboutthat for just a minute.
(17:45):
We can pray and petition God,thanksgiving with thanksgiving,
present our request to him andthen the God of peace, which
transcends our understanding,will give us, guard, our, help
us to guard our hearts and ourminds in Christ Jesus.
(18:07):
I recently read a scientificstudy that says the part of your
brain that is anxious is thesame part of your brain that is
thankful, and that when you'reanxious in that area of your
brain, you can't be thankful.
(18:28):
And if you're thankful in thatarea of your brain, you can't be
anxious.
That's a layman's, simple wayof stating a scientific study.
So, in other words, science hasfigured out that what God's
Word said was true.
So when you're anxious.
We need to give thanks.
(18:49):
That's how we combat anxietyand that's in Philippians 4.
And we'll have that passage onyour card that we're going to
give you here in a minute.
But we need to allow the peaceof God to guard us.
So there are thoughts that fuelanxiety.
We call these thoughts what-ifthoughts.
What-if fill in the blank.
(19:11):
So I'm going to ask you toparticipate a little bit.
I want to hear some thoughts,some what-ifs.
I'll give you an example.
When I was a young mom and Ihad four little girls, I was so
afraid.
I felt so responsible.
I was afraid something wouldhappen to them, and so I would
have all these what if thoughts.
What if I'm in the grocerystore with my four little girls
(19:35):
and I pass out?
Who's going to take care of mylittle girls?
What if someone?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
breaks into our house .
Speaker 2 (19:42):
How are we going to protect our little girls so?
those are examples of what ifthoughts.
Can some of you guysparticipate and tell me some
what-if thoughts you might have?
Good, good, good.
(20:04):
He says the thoughts of what ifthere's a new kid and I go talk
to them and they reject me?
What if, by the way, some of Igo talk to them and they reject
me?
What if, by doing something, myfriends won't like me?
Good one, what if, by doingsomething, my friends won't like
me?
I think we've probably all feltthat, even at my age.
What if I say something to thatnew person and they're like,
(20:29):
wow, she's pretty forward.
Lots of what ifs.
So one way that I've learned todeal with what if questions in
my mind is I have this littleformula.
I say even though, fill in theblank, god, fill in the blank.
This means fill in the blank.
(20:50):
So I will fill in the blank.
So I will fill in the blank.
So I'm going to give you anexample.
So, even though someone rejectsme, god accepts me.
Therefore, this means I'm neverfully rejected.
He's always with me.
So I will do whatever.
(21:11):
I'll go talk to that person andeven if they reject me, I'm
okay because God doesn't rejectme.
So we have to begin to use theLord's word to help us to
process those things.
So the wrong what if thoughts,the what if thoughts fuel
anxiety.
(21:31):
So anxiety is increased byuncertainty and not knowing what
will happen.
Like you said, what will theythink?
What if I fail?
What if I make a fool of myselfand embarrass myself?
And all of those what ifs arerooted in not trusting the Lord.
(21:54):
And he says don't be anxious,but in everything give thanks.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
So, as Elaine said, uncertainty fuels fear or
anxiety, Because you don't knowthe answer.
I mean, you have no way ofknowing what's going to happen,
so you're having to guess.
It's like the guy with the gascan.
You're approaching a situationand you're thinking I wonder
what's going to happen.
Will this new person like me,or will they reject me?
(22:25):
I don't know.
It's a risk, and so anxiety maycause you to shrink back and
not take that risk and say, well, I'm just not going to go talk
to that person because I don'twant to take the risk of being
rejected.
What if I am rejected?
So one of the ways we can dealwith uncertainty is we face off
(22:45):
with it.
So here's, here's the thingabout fear.
Fear is, let's say that this isfear and this is me.
If fear is chasing me, I'mrunning away Like nothing in me
is saying hang on, turn aroundand chase it Like no fear causes
us to run right.
It is counterintuitive for usto turn around and ask what is
(23:08):
that Like?
What am I running from?
Exactly?
All right?
So this is, this is a tool.
Getting back to what Elaine wassaying, this is what we're
encouraging you to do is faceoff when you're in uncertainties
and begin to just look at themfor what they are, Because a lot
of times fear functions like abig bully lots of noise, lots of
(23:31):
ooh.
What if this happens?
Then once you call its bluff,so to speak, and say, well, like
, bring your worst.
And so one of the things werecommend in dealing with
uncertainty is just to ask thatvery question what is the worst
thing that could happen?
Now, something in your minddoesn't want to focus on that
(23:53):
question because it can increaseyour fear, Because you don't
want to think about it, you wantto run away from it.
But if you'll turn anddiscipline your mind long enough
to say no, no, what is theworst thing that could happen?
If I walk up to this new guy,new student, and I say, hey, my
name's Tim, how are you Gladyou're here?
(24:14):
What's the worst thing thatcould happen?
Well, they could think I'mweird, I could get rejected.
My other friends might say,well, that was dumb, Why'd you
do that?
I mean, there's so many whatifs attached to that, risk, risk
.
But then think it through whatif the worst possible thing
(24:37):
actually happened?
What if the worst thing thatwould happen?
So somebody answer thisquestion what is really bad
about being rejected by a friend.
What's the worst about that?
You feel embarrassed.
Okay, what else?
Discarded, like you're notimportant, Somebody else Back
(25:02):
row Just scratching your headover there.
Okay, the worst thing thatcould happen, what would it be?
Now we're talking about talkingto a friend, but let's talk
about going to a birthday party,Maybe a classmate's birthday
party.
You're not best of friends, butthe whole class is invited and
(25:25):
your mom or dad said well,you're going because you're part
of the class and you're like Idon't really want to go because
I don't think I know anybody andI don't think anybody really
wants me there.
So if that's your belief,nobody really wants me there.
You're taking a risk by goingbecause you're thinking what if
I go and expose myself and thenthey're playing a game I don't
(25:45):
want to play or I'm put in aposition where I'm embarrassed?
I mean so many what ifsattached to something like that.
So we're encouraging you to askthese questions what if the
worst thing that could happenactually happens?
Where would God be in thatmoment?
Would he be present?
Would I be alone?
And if God allows me to berejected or embarrassed, there
(26:14):
must be a good reason for that,because he's my shepherd.
Like if I'm put in a positionthat I don't want to be in, I
have to trust number one.
I'm not alone in this situation.
God is with me and he must bewanting to do something in me to
grow me.
So you want to pass throughthat, wanting to do something in
(26:35):
me to grow me.
So Elaine's going to pass outthese cards.
And here's the thing about fearbeing on this side and love,
power and sound mind being onthis side.
As Elaine said, you can't be onboth sides at one time.
You're going to have to chooseone or the other, and most of
(26:57):
the time we choose the path ofleast resistance.
So if you do a trade-off, well,yeah, I might not meet that new
friend, or I might not go tothat party and I might miss out
on something, but at least I'mnot go to that party and I might
miss out on something, but atleast I'm not going to get
rejected.
So you choose to be safe ratherthan to have a sense of power,
(27:20):
love and a sound mind.
So Elaine quoted, or read thesepassages that are on the back
this card is for you to takewith you, but I want to walk
through these circles with you.
Briefly, it's just a simpletool.
Hopefully it will be a mentalimage that you can remember, so
(27:42):
I want to walk with me as youlook at this card, I think this
is the way this works, the wayGod wired us, the way we
interact with other people.
There is number one somethinghappens.
We call that a triggered event.
There's something happens orsomething is said, All right,
and then the next thing thathappens is we interpret that
(28:02):
whatever happened through ourbeliefs, and then we draw a
conclusion which leads to thebottom circle, which is our
feelings, our emotions, and thenwe usually tend to react out of
our emotions.
So I'm going to give you acouple of examples.
Let's say that you're homealone, you're reading, it's
(28:26):
quiet outside, it's dark and sosilent and you hear a very loud
rattle at the window.
Okay, so that's your trigger.
Something has happened, Forwhatever reason you believe,
someone is breaking into yourhouse, All right so that's what
you believe is happening.
You're in the middle of this.
(28:46):
The next thing that happens isyou have these feelings of fear,
maybe panic, and then you'regoing to react out of that
emotion.
Now, we don't know what yourreaction might be.
It might be different from oursor yours, mine, right.
So somebody may call 911.
(29:09):
That might be your reaction.
You might scream, you mightfreeze.
You know, we don't know whatyou're going to do, but you will
react out of that emotion,because it's a powerful emotion.
All right.
So that's the first example.
Second example, same scenario.
You're at home alone, it'squiet, it's dark.
Outside, you hear this veryloud rattle at your window.
(29:32):
Right, that's your trigger.
But in this second example, youinterpret that noise as your
neighbor's cat.
That's what you believe it is.
Because you believe it's a cat,you don't panic, believe it's a
cat, you don't panic, you don'tcall 911.
(29:53):
You don't scream or freeze,because there's nothing to be
threatened by.
It's a cat.
But here's the thing you don'tknow what it is.
And in both of these scenarios,these examples, what I was
experiencing emotionally wasdirectly connected to what I
(30:14):
believed was happening rightthen.
In that moment.
I believed it was a burglar, soI responded with fear and panic
In the second example.
I believed it was a cat.
I was fine, I didn't have anykind of fear or anything like
that, all right.
So the point of this littleillustration is that what you
(30:37):
believe is happening right nowis going to impact you
emotionally and chances areyou're going to respond or react
out of those emotions.
So let me give you an example.
Let's go back to the birthdayparty.
Let's say the birthday party isin somebody's house and you
have to go to the front door toget in.
(30:58):
You can't, just it's not in thebackyard.
So you don't want to go to thisparty.
You told your parents youdidn't want to go, but you're in
the class, you're going.
Here's your gift, have fun,okay.
And you're just wondering man,this is just so hard, I don't
want to go, but I know I have togo.
So you get to the front door,you knock on the door and nobody
(31:20):
opens the door.
So you just open it and youwalk in and there's like 20
people in the room and nobodynotices you.
You're just standing there.
This is your trigger and you'reinterpreting what you're seeing
right now.
You're interpreting thisexperience and you're believing
(31:42):
what you were believing, beforeyou ever got to that house, that
nobody really wants you there,and the fact that they haven't
recognized you or acknowledgedyou is proof that what you
believed was true.
So you get ashamed andembarrassed and you turn around,
close the door, get back in thecar and go home, or get on your
(32:02):
bike or whatever your vehicleis.
So, that's an example of how wewalked into a moment.
There was a trigger, Iinterpreted my circumstances, I
had emotions of shame and Ireacted by getting away from the
situation.
Does that make sense?
So we make choices like thathundreds of times every day.
(32:26):
You've been doing this sinceyou've been in this room.
Things are happening.
Things are happening, you'rebeing triggered, you're
interpreting something, you'rehaving an emotion and you're
reacting.
Maybe your reaction is just tosit and be still, but we're
doing this constantly and thisis part of minding our mind.
(32:48):
This is part of the managementof our thoughts To be able to
slow it down, because whathappens, this happens so fast
you can't track it.
I mean, it's just rapid firing.
So what we recommend is thatyou slow this down and you ask a
couple questions.
(33:08):
Okay.
So here's the thing Wheneversomeone says something, what's
your name?
Green crop with the cross,michael.
So if I said to you Michael,would you come up here and sing
the Star Spangled Banner for us?
Right, quick, okay, what?
How do you interpret what Ijust asked you to do?
(33:29):
I would not want to do that,okay, and then, why wouldn't you
want to do it?
Do you know the song?
Yeah, but you can start itright, jose, can you see?
Okay, so you don't want tostand up here.
Why wouldn't you want to singthat?
(33:51):
You'd be embarrassed, but youdon't think you would do a good
job.
You think somebody would smirkat it and say what's he doing up
there?
Why did he ask him to sing thatsong, stuff like that.
So these are just examples ofhow we're doing this constantly.
We're constantly navigatingcomments, what people are doing,
(34:15):
and we're interpreting throughour belief about what's
happening.
So if I believe somethingthat's not true, does that make
it true?
let me say it again, ifsomething is false and I believe
it's true does that make ittrue?
Okay, so we have, as Christians, we have to believe that what
(34:39):
makes a thing true is that Godsays it's true, it's real.
And so when?
It comes to Elaine's talkingabout our identity in Christ,
who God says we are, then wehave to be able to acknowledge
okay, no matter what I feel,because what I feel, because
what I'm feeling is attached tosomething I'm believing what I'm
(35:01):
feeling may not be telling methe truth.
I have to find out what thetruth is Right.
And so, in good relationships,we sometimes have to ask our
friends hey, would you laugh atme if I went up there and sang
the Star Spangled Banner?
How many of you would laugh atMichael if he came up here and
(35:23):
sang, okay, we've got two.
How many of you would not laugh?
Okay, so more people would notlaugh.
So if you had to choose whichto take the risk on, would you
take the risk on the people whowould not laugh at you, or act
on the people who would laugh atyou, the people who would?
(35:43):
So thank you for being honest,because that's what we all tend
to do.
You could have a hundred peoplewho say, yeah, you can do it if
you've got two people sayingthat's stupid.
I wouldn't do that if my lifedepended on it.
You might listen to the twopeople and not the other 98.
(36:04):
Because we are susceptible tofear, and this is the whole
point.
We have to become aware that weare vulnerable to fear, and
this is the whole point.
We have to become aware that weare vulnerable to fear but that
God has given us the equipment,the tools, the truth, the
resources to combat that fear.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Through minding our minds, and one of the ways we do
that is to pay attention to ourself-talk.
You guys know what self-talk is.
It's that talk that goes oninside your head when you're
talking to yourself.
No one talks to you as much asyou do.
No one gives input to you asmuch as you do.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
So what Tim?
Speaker 2 (36:48):
is talking about is our belief system, and we all
have one.
We all have things we believethat we've chosen to believe.
And so we have to ask ourselveswhy do I believe this?
Do I believe it because it'strue, or do I believe it because
it's popular?
Or do I believe it for whatreason?
And when we begin to do thatand pay attention to our
(37:10):
self-talk, we realize that we'retelling ourselves some things
that may not be true.
So we have to ask the Lord tohelp us recognize when our minds
are running out of control andwe're believing things that
aren't true, what things arenon-productive.
So in the beginning of thisstory I told we told you about
(37:33):
our story.
We told you about meeting whenwe were young and getting
married young and having afamily coming to the Lord.
Well, we just thought life wasgoing to be wonderful after that
.
But we realized pretty quicklythat we had a lot of work to do.
We had to untrain our minds, wehad to retrain our minds to
(37:58):
believe things that were true,that we had been believing our
life, our entire life.
So we had to work together onthat because we started
believing things about oneanother.
That wasn't true.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
And we had to learn how to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Be vulnerable with your friends and ask questions
and try to get clarification.
The more we saturate ourselveswith truth, with God's word, the
more equipped we are to combatlies.
So we become what we behold.
(38:36):
So if we're beholding criticism, lies, negative talk, we begin
to act on those things.
But if we're beholding, ifwe're saturating ourselves with
truth, god's word, we begin tothink more positively.
We go back to the passage onthe back of your car in
(39:02):
Philippians Think on thesethings what is true, what is
noble, what is right, what ispure, what is lovely and
admirable.
Think about just those fewwords and what it would be like
to live a life that's thinkingthat way all the time.
So I want to ask you to be alittle vulnerable right now.
(39:26):
And how many of you would say Ithink I think more negatively
than positively?
Most of us, most of us do.
So what do you think would helpyou to begin to think more
positively rather thannegatively?
(39:47):
Do you think any?
Speaker 1 (39:49):
of the tools we gave you today.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
It's just a personal thing, a lot of times with
sports or school, allowingmyself to feel.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Because that's just kind of like a fear in life, but
I always have to be able tohave that expectation of myself.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Yeah, just relaxing and letting yourself, giving
yourself grace.
Giving yourself, grace, notbeing so driven so the tools
that we've given you.
You know this cycle that Timshared.
Can you see how that would workin any area of your life?
(40:28):
Can anybody share?
Would anybody be willing toshare of an area that you're
thinking about that it mightwork in?
I liked what you shared,because if you're thinking I
have to be the best at sportsand you fail, then you could get
right here to the feelings part.
(40:49):
You go to the game and you failand you interpret it it that I
failed, so that makes me afailure, and then you start
feeling like a loser, like I'llnever, succeed.
And then you react.
And what's usually the reactionto that?
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Fail more Fail more.
That is a really goodobservation that is insightful.
Because what happens?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
you start feeling depressed and sad and guess what
that does?
It spirals you downward intomore sadness, more depression.
So we have to guard our mindsto not go to those places,
(41:36):
because that is not where Godasks us to go.
See, because he knew.
He knew that you would be inthis position, that you would
have to exercise these mentalmuscles to be able to withstand
what this world does to people.
Think about him and when he wasgoing to the cross, think about
the persecution that he endured.
I know you all know the story.
(41:57):
You've been around church longenough.
You know that Jesus endured alot for us to be free.
And when you think about whathe endured it kind of gives you
a little oomph to be willing toendure a little bit just to be
able to shine his light to thosearound you.
So I think this is a good toolthat we can use and I think I
(42:21):
hope you guys will take it anduse it.
And I want to share thispassage with you in james,
chapter one, verses 2 through 4.
James said we need to count itall joy when we face various
trials, knowing that the tryingof our faith produces patience.
(42:44):
Let patience have its perfectwork so that you may be complete
or mature, lacking nothing, andI think let it have its yeah
lacking nothing.
So these trials that you'regoing through, they're there for
(43:08):
a reason they're there tostrengthen you and help you to
be more patient and more maturenow, one thing you may not guess
about Elaine, because she'skind of short is she was a
basketball coach.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
And how many of you have played sports?
Are you playing sports now?
Does your coach ever say shakeit off?
What does that mean?
Don't forget that.
Yeah, like, who plays basketball, let me see your hand.
Who plays football, let me seeyour hand.
(43:47):
Baseball, okay.
So it doesn't matter what youplay.
Your coach is probably going totell you the same thing.
If you make a mistake in thefirst quarter of the game, let's
say if you don't shake it off,then you're going to do poorly
in the second quarter and thenthe rest of the game right,
(44:07):
because that's on your brain,it's on your mind.
It takes mental discipline toshake it off, to say, okay, it
happened, but I'm going to moveon and I'm going to focus on
what I need to do next.
I'm going to stop focusing onwhat I did, the mistake I made.
However, I failed.
I'm going to start focusing onwhat to do next.
(44:29):
So it's very important.
So I want to give you twoquestions and then we'll call it
a day when you get to thisfeelings area, especially if
you're dealing with fear,because you could be dealing
with anger or shame or somethingelse, but if you're dealing
with anxiety or fear, I want youto ask this two questions.
(44:50):
Number one what do I feelthreatened by right now?
What do I feel threatened byright now?
What do I feel threatened by,because when you heard the noise
at the window and you thoughtsomeone was breaking in the
house, that is a threat.
It's a threat to your safety, athreat to your life.
Rejection and being made fun ofis a threat to your reputation,
(45:11):
to your ego, sense of person.
So think about, okay, what do Ifeel threatened by?
Or another question which isvery similar is what am I afraid
of right now?
Because usually what'shappening is that fear is
causing you to be paralyzed, tostop moving and then ask what do
(45:31):
I need to do next?
What do I need to do next?
Speaker 2 (45:36):
What do I need to do next?
All right, we want to give youan opportunity if you have any
questions that you'd like to ask, if anybody has something on
their mind that they're likethis is really hard.
This is something I've beengoing through.
What would you guys say wouldbe a good way to deal with it?
So it's kind of aquestion-answer thing.
(45:58):
I think it would be a good wayto try to block negative
thoughts.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
I think God's Word like the passages we gave you
when you meditate on them.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
One of the things I recommend, it's called
saturation.
So if you want to learn a newsong, if you want to learn the
lyrics of a new song, what doyou do?
Over and over and over?
Just listen to it, andsometimes you'll even get the
lyrics out on your phone andyou'll read along while the song
(46:30):
is going on.
Well, that's what we need to dowith God's Word.
We can listen to it with theBible app, or we can read it
while we're listening, and sowe're using all of our senses
and we need to take thesepassages these would be good
ones to just commit to yourmemory, because when those
(46:51):
situations come up, you knowwhen I go through a hard time,
because I've memorized James 1,I just say count it all joy I
tell myself that becausewho's talking to me more than
anybody else.
So I start saying to myselfcount it all, joy when you face
various trials.
This is a trial.
(47:11):
Knowing that the trying of yourfaith is for God to work out
patience in you, you startinternalizing those truths to
where, when you get in thepickle, you just immediately
have a response.
In 2016, I trained for a fullmarathon marathon.
(47:35):
It was a lifelong bucket listgoal and one of the things I had
to do is what you guys probablyare aware of.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
It's called a mantra you know I had to get things in
my head.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
So on marathon day, when my body was saying one
thing head so on marathon day,when my body was saying one
thing, my mind had to saysomething else.
The reality was my body waswanting to quit, I was hitting
the wall.
But that's when my mind wouldsay you are strong, you are
going to finish this.
(48:09):
You don't quit One foot infront of the other.
Because I wanted to lay down.
I was like well, not for themarathon, but then later I did a
50K and that's the one that'slike 31 miles, and so I looked
at the ground and there wereclovers on the ground and I was
like just one minute, one minute, just let me lay down.
(48:32):
And my coach said do not stop.
If you stop, you'll never crossthe finish line.
And that's what we want to tellyou, guys, today Don't quit,
don't stop.
There's something good on theother side of the line.
Persevere, because God's goingto use you and do great things
through you and your friendsthat are sitting next to you.
(48:55):
They need you to persevere,they need you to grow, because
we're all in this battletogether.
So let us pray for you.
Did anybody else have aquestion?
Speaker 1 (49:12):
All right, after we pray, you'll go to your small,
small group leader or you can goto the student building.
All right, let's pray.
Well, thank you for yourpresence in this place.
Thank you that you know eachone of us by name.
You have a purpose for our lifeand even the hard things we go
through you use to teach us andto develop us.
Lord, lord, your love for us isunexplainable.
(49:35):
It is beyond what we canimagine.
I pray that each person in thisroom, lord, would be able to
face their fears and trust youin the hard things and rejoice
and, as Elaine said, to bethankful instead of anxious.
And Lord, may these words andthe passages that we cover today
(49:57):
Rejoice and, as Elaine said, tobe thankful instead of anxious.
And Lord, may these words andthe passages that we covered
today.
May they stick with us and maythey give us life.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Welcome to Minding your Mind.
I'm Tim.
This is my wife, elaine.
Elaine and I met.
I was 15, she was 13.
So we have been knowing eachother and friends for a very
long time.
We have next month, in factjust in about a week, we're
going to celebrate 45 years ofmarriage.
(00:22):
So we've been together 48 yearsDo the math.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
How old is Darcy?
Celebrate 45 years of marriage,so we've been together 48 years
.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Yeah.
So anyway, what happens?
See, you just keep sleeping andeating.
You get older, and so we met at15, 13,.
We got married at 20 and 19because in the community we were
brought up in, that's just whatyou did.
You got out of high school, yougot married.
We then had four daughters backto back.
(00:56):
They were all within afive-year period.
We had four teenagers in ourhouse at one time.
Teenage girls tend to talk alot.
I don't know if you guys talk alot, but they're always talking
.
In fact, at the dinner table.
A lot of times I had to raisemy hands to say something and by
(01:17):
the time I said something orasked a question, they had
already passed.
That subject had already passed.
They said Dad, listen, wealready talked about that, and
so it was just hard to keep upone man in the house with five
girls.
But we did, sorry for it, wedid get.
We raised those girls.
(01:37):
We were in youth ministry for along time as youth pastors, and
so we understand what it's liketo be a young Christian.
So that's kind of what we wantto talk to you about.
But here's the thing about theChristian life it doesn't matter
how old you get.
We still tend to deal with thesame problems.
We still deal with the samemental processes, attacks,
(02:01):
temptations All of that iscommon, regardless of really how
old you are.
You might think well, we've beenwalking with the Lord for
almost 50 years.
Think about that.
I remember sitting in a chair,like you, and thinking.
Somebody said I've been aChristian for 20 years.
I'm thinking, wow, this guymust be perfect Walking with the
Lord for 20 years.
No, that's not how it works,but I was.
(02:25):
We were both raised in theCatholic Church, so we didn't
really know Jesus at all, and Istarted playing rock and roll
music at 13, and I was not avery good teenager.
I didn't obey all the rules,had a lot of darkness in my life
.
And then, when I met Jesus onenight, we were on high school
(02:46):
break for Christmas break and Iwas about to turn 17 and I met
Jesus that one night and hetotally changed my life.
I actually came back to schoolwith a pocket Bible in my shirt
and my friends thought it was aprank which it probably would
have been a prank, but it wasreal and it took them a while to
(03:08):
realize, wow, jesus has reallymade a difference in his life.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
So and Tim and I were like dating.
We never really went on datesbecause I was so young I
couldn't date, but we were likeboyfriend and girlfriend at that
time and I thought I was raisedvery differently than Tim.
I was raised in a very moralhome.
My dad was military.
(03:32):
I had to keep the rules and soI was very religious and I went
to church and I kept the rules.
And then Tim tells me you needto become a Christian.
And I said I am a Christian, Iknow God.
(03:52):
And he just told me no, youdon't.
And I had to stop and thinkabout that.
And what was happening with mewas I was putting my faith in my
good works and when I heard thegospel I realized there was
nothing good I could do to earnfavor with God, that his gift to
(04:13):
me was by grace, that it washis work on the cross that
brought me salvation and therewas no rule I could keep, no
good work I could do that wouldmake me acceptable to him.
It was all by grace.
So that's how our story began.
So we grew up together and wehave been continuing to grow
(04:36):
together, and so today, that'swhat we want to talk to you
about.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
So we thought you get , you become a Christian, all
your problems kind of go awayright, because I mean, god is
big, he can do anything.
But that's not how it works.
In fact, what we didn't know isthat by being a Christian, we
were in for a lot of change.
We had to learn a lot of things, and the biggest thing for me
(05:03):
is I have always been plaguedwith fear, like constant fear,
fear, fear, fear.
And I remember watching theWizard of Oz one time.
How many of you know what movieI'm from?
I watched it only once and thatwitch scared me to death.
Like I closed my eyes at nightto go to sleep and I see that
(05:24):
green witch.
I'm like no.
So I have never liked horrormovies or anything like that.
Fear, fear, anxiety was a bigpart of my life as a teenager
Depression, so it was a bigthing.
So what we're talking abouttoday is near and dear to our
heart, because we're talkingabout what you do with your
(05:44):
thoughts and managing or mindingyour mind.
So I'm going to tell you astory.
So this guy's driving down acountry road in his pickup truck
probably a Ford and he's got agas can in the back of his
pickup he runs out of gas and sohe's glad he has that gas.
Can he gets it out of the back.
He sees a little farmhouse wayin the distance, starts walking
(06:07):
in that direction, thinking, wow, you know, farmers are friendly
people, I'll just get overthere, get some gas from this
farmer and get back and I'll beon my way.
And then he begins to think I'msure they'd be happy to help me
out here, because I'm strandedand I have no other way of
getting any gas.
So he began to think but whatif, like what if they won't help
(06:30):
me?
What if they don't want to helpme?
What if they're rude and theysay go get your own gas?
And so that bothered him for awhile.
But he just kept walking.
And the closer he got to thishouse, the more he began to
think wow, that's bad, they'renot going to help me, like I'm
out here stranded and they don'twant to help me.
(06:50):
And so by the time he gets tothe house he knocks on the door
and this little old lady opensthe door and he says hey, if
that's the way you feel you cankeep your gas, and he turned
around and left.
You can keep your gas and heturned around and left.
So that little story is anexample of how we can get in our
(07:10):
heads and we can start comingup with scenarios and outcomes
and we start thinking of whatpeople are thinking and we start
trying to write a story.
And we might trying to write astory and we might be wrong,
because the little old ladyprobably would have been happy
to help this man with his gas,but because he had this story
(07:32):
going on in his head and histhoughts were just running out
of control, he made a really baddecision.
And so that's usually how itworks when we are not managing
our mind, our thoughts can getout of control.
We'll talk a little bit moreabout that.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
And the Bible actually has a lot to say about
minding your mind and all thethoughts that we have.
The book of Proverbs is a bookthat teaches a lot of concepts.
It teaches about discernment,it teaches about wisdom.
It gives us instruction forlife.
Also, the book of Colossians,chapter three and verses one
(08:14):
through two, and you guys areprobably familiar with this.
If, then, you are raised withChrist, seek things that are
above where Christ is seated atthe right hand of God.
Set your minds on things thatare above where Christ is seated
at the right hand of God.
Set your minds on things thatare above, not on things that
are on earth.
Can you think of something thatwould be a thought that is an
(08:38):
earthly thought?
Who can think of a thought thatwould be qualified as an
earthly thought?
Anybody awake today?
So an earthly thought would besomething like worried about
what people think instead ofwhat God thinks.
So when we're setting our mindon the Lord, we're worried about
(09:00):
what he thinks, because thefear of man brings a snare to us
.
And then there's the passage inPhilippians 4, verses 6 through
8.
And I'm guessing that you guyshave probably heard this a lot
Do not be anxious about anything.
But in every situation,everybody say every situation,
(09:23):
everybody say every situationthey are awake, they're not
zombies.
I knew they were out there.
So, by prayer and petition,with Thanksgiving, present your
requests to God, and the peaceof God, which transcends all
understanding, will guard yourhearts and minds in Christ Jesus
(09:45):
.
Finally, brothers and sisters,whatever is true, whatever is
noble, whatever is right,whatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is admirable,if anything is excellent and
praiseworthy, think about suchthings.
So there's a lot of instructionfor us to be able to know how we
(10:09):
need to position our mindswhere our minds need to go, and
later we'll give you a card withthose passages on the back of
it so you can carry it in yourbackpacks and have it handy when
you forget.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
And have it handy when you forget.
So nobody really tells us stopthinking about that.
Like I mean, do you haveanybody in your life that comes
up to you and says stop thinkingabout what you're thinking
about, because that's nothealthy?
You're thinking negatively,you're thinking about the worst
thing that could possibly happen.
But the Holy Spirit is reallythe only person who can say hey,
(10:51):
tim, think about what you'rethinking about.
It's not taking you to a goodplace.
And so the beauty of Scriptureis that what Elaine just read,
and then a passage I'm about torefer to, is where the Bible
actually tells us what to thinkabout, and there's good reasons
for that.
So the Apostle Paul.
How many of you know who thatis?
Apostle Paul writes to Titus.
(11:13):
How many of you know who?
That is Okay.
Titus is a pastor, and Paul istelling Titus what he should be
teaching different segments ofhis congregation.
So first thing he says is Iwant you to teach the older men.
How many of you know any oldmen?
What age is old, by the way?
(11:34):
50?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
50?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
80?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
What do you think is that?
Wow, that person is old 65.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
50 and up.
He said Titus, I need you toteach the older men.
And he lists six things Besober, reverent, sound in faith,
etc.
Six things.
Then he says teach the olderwomen.
Now see, we don't ever askabout the women's age.
So just so you know, we don'twant to know what you think an
(12:05):
old woman is.
Teach the older women now.
See, we don't ever ask aboutthe women's age.
So just so you know, we don'twant to know what you think an
old woman is.
Teach the old women five things,four things I'm sorry to be
reverent to their husbands, notgiving the wine, not gossips,
things like that.
That they teach the youngerwomen, now that would be you
guys, that they should theyounger women.
(12:26):
That would be you guys thatthey should love their children,
love their husband.
That's a little premature foryou.
However, it's alwaysinteresting to me that women
have to be taught to love theirchildren.
That seems strange to me, right?
But anyway, paul says teachthem six or seven things to the
younger women.
Then he gets to the young menRaise your hand, dear young man.
(12:46):
And he only says one thing hetells the old men six things.
Old ladies four things, theyoung women seven things.
The young men one thing.
This is what he says Teach theyoung men to be sober-minded.
(13:08):
Sober-minded what's the oppositeof sober?
Anybody know?
If you're not sober, what areyou Drunk, yeah.
So what do you think he meanswhen he says sober minded versus
any other kind of minded?
Back in the back, what do youthink?
Alcohol and sleep Do not likeany dirty thoughts.
(13:34):
Keep it out of your system.
Okay, that's a good example.
So if you're sober, you canthink correctly.
You can drive, probably makegood decisions.
If you're drunk, probably can'tdo those things.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
well, you had your hand up.
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, good, so being sound.
Another translation of thatterm, sober-ness, is sound
mindedness or mentallydisciplined, to be mentally
disciplined in your thought life.
So Paul is saying of all theproblems young men could have
(14:20):
and I was a young man so I knowthere's a whole long list of
problems we could have the mainthing you need to teach young
men is to be sober minded.
Now, that doesn't mean womendon't need it or young girls
don't need to learn that as well.
But that same concept of sobermindedness is found when Paul
writes to Timothy another pastor, younger pastor, in 2 Timothy
(14:44):
1.7, and he says God has notgiven us a spirit of fear.
How many of you know what thisverse says?
Anybody All right, he said, forGod has not given us a spirit
of fear.
We're going to put fear on thisside.
But he's given us the spirit oflove, power and a sound mind.
(15:05):
All right, so we havecontrasting ideas.
We have fear on this side.
God hasn't given us, god hasnot given us that.
But on this side God has givenus spirit of love, power and a
sound mind, and a sound mind.
So if I am in my sound mind, inmy right mind, thinking
(15:28):
correctly, I'm probably in agood place, I'm probably more
accessible to what God iswanting to do in my life and I
can think the way he thinks.
Have the mind of Christ.
If I'm over here on the side offear, I'm not likely to have a
sound mind, not likely to beable to love anybody, and
probably won't have much power,because fear kind of dominates
(15:49):
you, makes you feel weak, canparalyze you, and so we're
talking about these generalconcepts that God wants us to be
loving, have some power andcontrol and have a sound mind, a
good mind.
So when you think about mindingyour mind or managing your mind
, someone said you cannot stop abird from flying over your head
(16:14):
, but you can stop a bird frommaking a nest in your hair.
Of course I would have a problemwith that, but think about it,
you cannot stop thoughts fromcoming across your mind, you
can't not have a negativethought, you can't not be
tempted.
All those things are likely tohappen, but what we're told in
(16:35):
the New Testament is that wehave a choice about what we do
with those thoughts when theycome.
Because either when thesethoughts come, they come as
suggestions.
We either say, yeah, I want toknow more about that, let me
think about that, let me focuson that, let me give my
attention to that.
Or we could say, yeah, that'snot probably what I need to be
(16:56):
thinking about right now.
I'm gonna choose not to thinkabout that, but to think about
this, something else.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
There's some common mistakes that we make when we're
trying to have a sound mind ormanage our mind and keep it
thinking on the things we'vetalked about lovely, pure, right
, good.
So one of those common mistakesis we give in to anxiety.
Anybody familiar with that word?
(17:23):
It's kind of a hot word rightnow, right, lots of anxiety
going around.
We just read Philippians 4.
That said very clearly don't beanxious.
And so it gave us a formula.
Instead of being anxious, whatcan we do?
Let's go back and think aboutthat for just a minute.
(17:45):
We can pray and petition God,thanksgiving with thanksgiving,
present our request to him andthen the God of peace, which
transcends our understanding,will give us, guard, our, help
us to guard our hearts and ourminds in Christ Jesus.
(18:07):
I recently read a scientificstudy that says the part of your
brain that is anxious is thesame part of your brain that is
thankful, and that when you'reanxious in that area of your
brain, you can't be thankful.
(18:28):
And if you're thankful in thatarea of your brain, you can't be
anxious.
That's a layman's, simple wayof stating a scientific study.
So, in other words, science hasfigured out that what God's
Word said was true.
So when you're anxious.
We need to give thanks.
(18:49):
That's how we combat anxietyand that's in Philippians 4.
And we'll have that passage onyour card that we're going to
give you here in a minute.
But we need to allow the peaceof God to guard us.
So there are thoughts that fuelanxiety.
We call these thoughts what-ifthoughts.
What-if fill in the blank.
(19:11):
So I'm going to ask you toparticipate a little bit.
I want to hear some thoughts,some what-ifs.
I'll give you an example.
When I was a young mom and Ihad four little girls, I was so
afraid.
I felt so responsible.
I was afraid something wouldhappen to them, and so I would
have all these what if thoughts.
What if I'm in the grocerystore with my four little girls
(19:35):
and I pass out?
Who's going to take care of mylittle girls?
What if someone?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
breaks into our house .
Speaker 2 (19:42):
How are we going to protect our little girls so?
those are examples of what ifthoughts.
Can some of you guysparticipate and tell me some
what-if thoughts you might have?
Good, good, good.
(20:04):
He says the thoughts of what ifthere's a new kid and I go talk
to them and they reject me?
What if, by the way, some of Igo talk to them and they reject
me?
What if, by doing something, myfriends won't like me?
Good one, what if, by doingsomething, my friends won't like
me?
I think we've probably all feltthat, even at my age.
What if I say something to thatnew person and they're like,
(20:29):
wow, she's pretty forward.
Lots of what ifs.
So one way that I've learned todeal with what if questions in
my mind is I have this littleformula.
I say even though, fill in theblank, god, fill in the blank.
This means fill in the blank.
(20:50):
So I will fill in the blank.
So I will fill in the blank.
So I'm going to give you anexample.
So, even though someone rejectsme, god accepts me.
Therefore, this means I'm neverfully rejected.
He's always with me.
So I will do whatever.
(21:11):
I'll go talk to that person andeven if they reject me, I'm
okay because God doesn't rejectme.
So we have to begin to use theLord's word to help us to
process those things.
So the wrong what if thoughts,the what if thoughts fuel
anxiety.
(21:31):
So anxiety is increased byuncertainty and not knowing what
will happen.
Like you said, what will theythink?
What if I fail?
What if I make a fool of myselfand embarrass myself?
And all of those what ifs arerooted in not trusting the Lord.
(21:54):
And he says don't be anxious,but in everything give thanks.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
So, as Elaine said, uncertainty fuels fear or
anxiety, Because you don't knowthe answer.
I mean, you have no way ofknowing what's going to happen,
so you're having to guess.
It's like the guy with the gascan.
You're approaching a situationand you're thinking I wonder
what's going to happen.
Will this new person like me,or will they reject me?
(22:25):
I don't know.
It's a risk, and so anxiety maycause you to shrink back and
not take that risk and say, well, I'm just not going to go talk
to that person because I don'twant to take the risk of being
rejected.
What if I am rejected?
So one of the ways we can dealwith uncertainty is we face off
(22:45):
with it.
So here's, here's the thingabout fear.
Fear is, let's say that this isfear and this is me.
If fear is chasing me, I'mrunning away Like nothing in me
is saying hang on, turn aroundand chase it Like no fear causes
us to run right.
It is counterintuitive for usto turn around and ask what is
(23:08):
that Like?
What am I running from?
Exactly?
All right?
So this is, this is a tool.
Getting back to what Elaine wassaying, this is what we're
encouraging you to do is faceoff when you're in uncertainties
and begin to just look at themfor what they are, Because a lot
of times fear functions like abig bully lots of noise, lots of
(23:31):
ooh.
What if this happens?
Then once you call its bluff,so to speak, and say, well, like
, bring your worst.
And so one of the things werecommend in dealing with
uncertainty is just to ask thatvery question what is the worst
thing that could happen?
Now, something in your minddoesn't want to focus on that
(23:53):
question because it can increaseyour fear, Because you don't
want to think about it, you wantto run away from it.
But if you'll turn anddiscipline your mind long enough
to say no, no, what is theworst thing that could happen?
If I walk up to this new guy,new student, and I say, hey, my
name's Tim, how are you Gladyou're here?
(24:14):
What's the worst thing thatcould happen?
Well, they could think I'mweird, I could get rejected.
My other friends might say,well, that was dumb, Why'd you
do that?
I mean, there's so many whatifs attached to that, risk, risk
.
But then think it through whatif the worst possible thing
(24:37):
actually happened?
What if the worst thing thatwould happen?
So somebody answer thisquestion what is really bad
about being rejected by a friend.
What's the worst about that?
You feel embarrassed.
Okay, what else?
Discarded, like you're notimportant, Somebody else Back
(25:02):
row Just scratching your headover there.
Okay, the worst thing thatcould happen, what would it be?
Now we're talking about talkingto a friend, but let's talk
about going to a birthday party,Maybe a classmate's birthday
party.
You're not best of friends, butthe whole class is invited and
(25:25):
your mom or dad said well,you're going because you're part
of the class and you're like Idon't really want to go because
I don't think I know anybody andI don't think anybody really
wants me there.
So if that's your belief,nobody really wants me there.
You're taking a risk by goingbecause you're thinking what if
I go and expose myself and thenthey're playing a game I don't
(25:45):
want to play or I'm put in aposition where I'm embarrassed?
I mean so many what ifsattached to something like that.
So we're encouraging you to askthese questions what if the
worst thing that could happenactually happens?
Where would God be in thatmoment?
Would he be present?
Would I be alone?
And if God allows me to berejected or embarrassed, there
(26:14):
must be a good reason for that,because he's my shepherd.
Like if I'm put in a positionthat I don't want to be in, I
have to trust number one.
I'm not alone in this situation.
God is with me and he must bewanting to do something in me to
grow me.
So you want to pass throughthat, wanting to do something in
(26:35):
me to grow me.
So Elaine's going to pass outthese cards.
And here's the thing about fearbeing on this side and love,
power and sound mind being onthis side.
As Elaine said, you can't be onboth sides at one time.
You're going to have to chooseone or the other, and most of
(26:57):
the time we choose the path ofleast resistance.
So if you do a trade-off, well,yeah, I might not meet that new
friend, or I might not go tothat party and I might miss out
on something, but at least I'mnot go to that party and I might
miss out on something, but atleast I'm not going to get
rejected.
So you choose to be safe ratherthan to have a sense of power,
(27:20):
love and a sound mind.
So Elaine quoted, or read thesepassages that are on the back
this card is for you to takewith you, but I want to walk
through these circles with you.
Briefly, it's just a simpletool.
Hopefully it will be a mentalimage that you can remember, so
(27:42):
I want to walk with me as youlook at this card, I think this
is the way this works, the wayGod wired us, the way we
interact with other people.
There is number one somethinghappens.
We call that a triggered event.
There's something happens orsomething is said, All right,
and then the next thing thathappens is we interpret that
(28:02):
whatever happened through ourbeliefs, and then we draw a
conclusion which leads to thebottom circle, which is our
feelings, our emotions, and thenwe usually tend to react out of
our emotions.
So I'm going to give you acouple of examples.
Let's say that you're homealone, you're reading, it's
(28:26):
quiet outside, it's dark and sosilent and you hear a very loud
rattle at the window.
Okay, so that's your trigger.
Something has happened, Forwhatever reason you believe,
someone is breaking into yourhouse, All right so that's what
you believe is happening.
You're in the middle of this.
(28:46):
The next thing that happens isyou have these feelings of fear,
maybe panic, and then you'regoing to react out of that
emotion.
Now, we don't know what yourreaction might be.
It might be different from oursor yours, mine, right.
So somebody may call 911.
(29:09):
That might be your reaction.
You might scream, you mightfreeze.
You know, we don't know whatyou're going to do, but you will
react out of that emotion,because it's a powerful emotion.
All right.
So that's the first example.
Second example, same scenario.
You're at home alone, it'squiet, it's dark.
Outside, you hear this veryloud rattle at your window.
(29:32):
Right, that's your trigger.
But in this second example, youinterpret that noise as your
neighbor's cat.
That's what you believe it is.
Because you believe it's a cat,you don't panic, believe it's a
cat, you don't panic, you don'tcall 911.
(29:53):
You don't scream or freeze,because there's nothing to be
threatened by.
It's a cat.
But here's the thing you don'tknow what it is.
And in both of these scenarios,these examples, what I was
experiencing emotionally wasdirectly connected to what I
(30:14):
believed was happening rightthen.
In that moment.
I believed it was a burglar, soI responded with fear and panic
In the second example.
I believed it was a cat.
I was fine, I didn't have anykind of fear or anything like
that, all right.
So the point of this littleillustration is that what you
(30:37):
believe is happening right nowis going to impact you
emotionally and chances areyou're going to respond or react
out of those emotions.
So let me give you an example.
Let's go back to the birthdayparty.
Let's say the birthday party isin somebody's house and you
have to go to the front door toget in.
(30:58):
You can't, just it's not in thebackyard.
So you don't want to go to thisparty.
You told your parents youdidn't want to go, but you're in
the class, you're going.
Here's your gift, have fun,okay.
And you're just wondering man,this is just so hard, I don't
want to go, but I know I have togo.
So you get to the front door,you knock on the door and nobody
(31:20):
opens the door.
So you just open it and youwalk in and there's like 20
people in the room and nobodynotices you.
You're just standing there.
This is your trigger and you'reinterpreting what you're seeing
right now.
You're interpreting thisexperience and you're believing
(31:42):
what you were believing, beforeyou ever got to that house, that
nobody really wants you there,and the fact that they haven't
recognized you or acknowledgedyou is proof that what you
believed was true.
So you get ashamed andembarrassed and you turn around,
close the door, get back in thecar and go home, or get on your
(32:02):
bike or whatever your vehicleis.
So, that's an example of how wewalked into a moment.
There was a trigger, Iinterpreted my circumstances, I
had emotions of shame and Ireacted by getting away from the
situation.
Does that make sense?
So we make choices like thathundreds of times every day.
(32:26):
You've been doing this sinceyou've been in this room.
Things are happening.
Things are happening, you'rebeing triggered, you're
interpreting something, you'rehaving an emotion and you're
reacting.
Maybe your reaction is just tosit and be still, but we're
doing this constantly and thisis part of minding our mind.
(32:48):
This is part of the managementof our thoughts To be able to
slow it down, because whathappens, this happens so fast
you can't track it.
I mean, it's just rapid firing.
So what we recommend is thatyou slow this down and you ask a
couple questions.
(33:08):
Okay.
So here's the thing Wheneversomeone says something, what's
your name?
Green crop with the cross,michael.
So if I said to you Michael,would you come up here and sing
the Star Spangled Banner for us?
Right, quick, okay, what?
How do you interpret what Ijust asked you to do?
(33:29):
I would not want to do that,okay, and then, why wouldn't you
want to do it?
Do you know the song?
Yeah, but you can start itright, jose, can you see?
Okay, so you don't want tostand up here.
Why wouldn't you want to singthat?
(33:51):
You'd be embarrassed, but youdon't think you would do a good
job.
You think somebody would smirkat it and say what's he doing up
there?
Why did he ask him to sing thatsong, stuff like that.
So these are just examples ofhow we're doing this constantly.
We're constantly navigatingcomments, what people are doing,
(34:15):
and we're interpreting throughour belief about what's
happening.
So if I believe somethingthat's not true, does that make
it true?
let me say it again, ifsomething is false and I believe
it's true does that make ittrue?
Okay, so we have, as Christians, we have to believe that what
(34:39):
makes a thing true is that Godsays it's true, it's real.
And so when?
It comes to Elaine's talkingabout our identity in Christ,
who God says we are, then wehave to be able to acknowledge
okay, no matter what I feel,because what I feel, because
what I'm feeling is attached tosomething I'm believing what I'm
(35:01):
feeling may not be telling methe truth.
I have to find out what thetruth is Right.
And so, in good relationships,we sometimes have to ask our
friends hey, would you laugh atme if I went up there and sang
the Star Spangled Banner?
How many of you would laugh atMichael if he came up here and
(35:23):
sang, okay, we've got two.
How many of you would not laugh?
Okay, so more people would notlaugh.
So if you had to choose whichto take the risk on, would you
take the risk on the people whowould not laugh at you, or act
on the people who would laugh atyou, the people who would?
(35:43):
So thank you for being honest,because that's what we all tend
to do.
You could have a hundred peoplewho say, yeah, you can do it if
you've got two people sayingthat's stupid.
I wouldn't do that if my lifedepended on it.
You might listen to the twopeople and not the other 98.
(36:04):
Because we are susceptible tofear, and this is the whole
point.
We have to become aware that weare vulnerable to fear, and
this is the whole point.
We have to become aware that weare vulnerable to fear but that
God has given us the equipment,the tools, the truth, the
resources to combat that fear.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Through minding our minds, and one of the ways we do
that is to pay attention to ourself-talk.
You guys know what self-talk is.
It's that talk that goes oninside your head when you're
talking to yourself.
No one talks to you as much asyou do.
No one gives input to you asmuch as you do.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
So what Tim?
Speaker 2 (36:48):
is talking about is our belief system, and we all
have one.
We all have things we believethat we've chosen to believe.
And so we have to ask ourselveswhy do I believe this?
Do I believe it because it'strue, or do I believe it because
it's popular?
Or do I believe it for whatreason?
And when we begin to do thatand pay attention to our
(37:10):
self-talk, we realize that we'retelling ourselves some things
that may not be true.
So we have to ask the Lord tohelp us recognize when our minds
are running out of control andwe're believing things that
aren't true, what things arenon-productive.
So in the beginning of thisstory I told we told you about
(37:33):
our story.
We told you about meeting whenwe were young and getting
married young and having afamily coming to the Lord.
Well, we just thought life wasgoing to be wonderful after that
.
But we realized pretty quicklythat we had a lot of work to do.
We had to untrain our minds, wehad to retrain our minds to
(37:58):
believe things that were true,that we had been believing our
life, our entire life.
So we had to work together onthat because we started
believing things about oneanother.
That wasn't true.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
And we had to learn how to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Be vulnerable with your friends and ask questions
and try to get clarification.
The more we saturate ourselveswith truth, with God's word, the
more equipped we are to combatlies.
So we become what we behold.
(38:36):
So if we're beholding criticism, lies, negative talk, we begin
to act on those things.
But if we're beholding, ifwe're saturating ourselves with
truth, god's word, we begin tothink more positively.
We go back to the passage onthe back of your car in
(39:02):
Philippians Think on thesethings what is true, what is
noble, what is right, what ispure, what is lovely and
admirable.
Think about just those fewwords and what it would be like
to live a life that's thinkingthat way all the time.
So I want to ask you to be alittle vulnerable right now.
(39:26):
And how many of you would say Ithink I think more negatively
than positively?
Most of us, most of us do.
So what do you think would helpyou to begin to think more
positively rather thannegatively?
(39:47):
Do you think any?
Speaker 1 (39:49):
of the tools we gave you today.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
It's just a personal thing, a lot of times with
sports or school, allowingmyself to feel.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Because that's just kind of like a fear in life, but
I always have to be able tohave that expectation of myself.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Yeah, just relaxing and letting yourself, giving
yourself grace.
Giving yourself, grace, notbeing so driven so the tools
that we've given you.
You know this cycle that Timshared.
Can you see how that would workin any area of your life?
(40:28):
Can anybody share?
Would anybody be willing toshare of an area that you're
thinking about that it mightwork in?
I liked what you shared,because if you're thinking I
have to be the best at sportsand you fail, then you could get
right here to the feelings part.
(40:49):
You go to the game and you failand you interpret it it that I
failed, so that makes me afailure, and then you start
feeling like a loser, like I'llnever, succeed.
And then you react.
And what's usually the reactionto that?
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Fail more Fail more.
That is a really goodobservation that is insightful.
Because what happens?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
you start feeling depressed and sad and guess what
that does?
It spirals you downward intomore sadness, more depression.
So we have to guard our mindsto not go to those places,
(41:36):
because that is not where Godasks us to go.
See, because he knew.
He knew that you would be inthis position, that you would
have to exercise these mentalmuscles to be able to withstand
what this world does to people.
Think about him and when he wasgoing to the cross, think about
the persecution that he endured.
I know you all know the story.
(41:57):
You've been around church longenough.
You know that Jesus endured alot for us to be free.
And when you think about whathe endured it kind of gives you
a little oomph to be willing toendure a little bit just to be
able to shine his light to thosearound you.
So I think this is a good toolthat we can use and I think I
(42:21):
hope you guys will take it anduse it.
And I want to share thispassage with you in james,
chapter one, verses 2 through 4.
James said we need to count itall joy when we face various
trials, knowing that the tryingof our faith produces patience.
(42:44):
Let patience have its perfectwork so that you may be complete
or mature, lacking nothing, andI think let it have its yeah
lacking nothing.
So these trials that you'regoing through, they're there for
(43:08):
a reason they're there tostrengthen you and help you to
be more patient and more maturenow, one thing you may not guess
about Elaine, because she'skind of short is she was a
basketball coach.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
And how many of you have played sports?
Are you playing sports now?
Does your coach ever say shakeit off?
What does that mean?
Don't forget that.
Yeah, like, who plays basketball, let me see your hand.
Who plays football, let me seeyour hand.
(43:47):
Baseball, okay.
So it doesn't matter what youplay.
Your coach is probably going totell you the same thing.
If you make a mistake in thefirst quarter of the game, let's
say if you don't shake it off,then you're going to do poorly
in the second quarter and thenthe rest of the game right,
(44:07):
because that's on your brain,it's on your mind.
It takes mental discipline toshake it off, to say, okay, it
happened, but I'm going to moveon and I'm going to focus on
what I need to do next.
I'm going to stop focusing onwhat I did, the mistake I made.
However, I failed.
I'm going to start focusing onwhat to do next.
(44:29):
So it's very important.
So I want to give you twoquestions and then we'll call it
a day when you get to thisfeelings area, especially if
you're dealing with fear,because you could be dealing
with anger or shame or somethingelse, but if you're dealing
with anxiety or fear, I want youto ask this two questions.
(44:50):
Number one what do I feelthreatened by right now?
What do I feel threatened byright now?
What do I feel threatened by,because when you heard the noise
at the window and you thoughtsomeone was breaking in the
house, that is a threat.
It's a threat to your safety, athreat to your life.
Rejection and being made fun ofis a threat to your reputation,
(45:11):
to your ego, sense of person.
So think about, okay, what do Ifeel threatened by?
Or another question which isvery similar is what am I afraid
of right now?
Because usually what'shappening is that fear is
causing you to be paralyzed, tostop moving and then ask what do
(45:31):
I need to do next?
What do I need to do next?
Speaker 2 (45:36):
What do I need to do next?
All right, we want to give youan opportunity if you have any
questions that you'd like to ask, if anybody has something on
their mind that they're likethis is really hard.
This is something I've beengoing through.
What would you guys say wouldbe a good way to deal with it?
So it's kind of aquestion-answer thing.
(45:58):
I think it would be a good wayto try to block negative
thoughts.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
I think God's Word like the passages we gave you
when you meditate on them.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
One of the things I recommend, it's called
saturation.
So if you want to learn a newsong, if you want to learn the
lyrics of a new song, what doyou do?
Over and over and over?
Just listen to it, andsometimes you'll even get the
lyrics out on your phone andyou'll read along while the song
(46:30):
is going on.
Well, that's what we need to dowith God's Word.
We can listen to it with theBible app, or we can read it
while we're listening, and sowe're using all of our senses
and we need to take thesepassages these would be good
ones to just commit to yourmemory, because when those
(46:51):
situations come up, you knowwhen I go through a hard time,
because I've memorized James 1,I just say count it all joy I
tell myself that becausewho's talking to me more than
anybody else.
So I start saying to myselfcount it all, joy when you face
various trials.
This is a trial.
(47:11):
Knowing that the trying of yourfaith is for God to work out
patience in you, you startinternalizing those truths to
where, when you get in thepickle, you just immediately
have a response.
In 2016, I trained for a fullmarathon marathon.
(47:35):
It was a lifelong bucket listgoal and one of the things I had
to do is what you guys probablyare aware of.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
It's called a mantra you know I had to get things in
my head.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
So on marathon day, when my body was saying one
thing head so on marathon day,when my body was saying one
thing, my mind had to saysomething else.
The reality was my body waswanting to quit, I was hitting
the wall.
But that's when my mind wouldsay you are strong, you are
going to finish this.
(48:09):
You don't quit One foot infront of the other.
Because I wanted to lay down.
I was like well, not for themarathon, but then later I did a
50K and that's the one that'slike 31 miles, and so I looked
at the ground and there wereclovers on the ground and I was
like just one minute, one minute, just let me lay down.
(48:32):
And my coach said do not stop.
If you stop, you'll never crossthe finish line.
And that's what we want to tellyou, guys, today Don't quit,
don't stop.
There's something good on theother side of the line.
Persevere, because God's goingto use you and do great things
through you and your friendsthat are sitting next to you.
(48:55):
They need you to persevere,they need you to grow, because
we're all in this battletogether.
So let us pray for you.
Did anybody else have aquestion?
Speaker 1 (49:12):
All right, after we pray, you'll go to your small,
small group leader or you can goto the student building.
All right, let's pray.
Well, thank you for yourpresence in this place.
Thank you that you know eachone of us by name.
You have a purpose for our lifeand even the hard things we go
through you use to teach us andto develop us.
Lord, lord, your love for us isunexplainable.
(49:35):
It is beyond what we canimagine.
I pray that each person in thisroom, lord, would be able to
face their fears and trust youin the hard things and rejoice
and, as Elaine said, to bethankful instead of anxious.
And Lord, may these words andthe passages that we cover today
(49:57):
Rejoice and, as Elaine said, tobe thankful instead of anxious.
And Lord, may these words andthe passages that we covered
today.
May they stick with us and maythey give us life.
In Jesus' name, amen.
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